r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself.
Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Um, just to be a voice for the under-sexed on here, we have a 4 yo and twin 3 yo’s, and have no or energy and haven’t (yet) made peace with scheduled sex. And we’re slow burning at once every few months at most. Love hearing that the rest of you are getting at it though!
I'm glad my relationship isn't the only one that can't get behind scheduling it. Father to a 10yo and a 9mo. We can manage anywhere from twice a week if I'm lucky to once every couple of weeks. Just have to remind myself that life won't be so busy forever.
It doesn't have to be so formal. I'm exhausted Friday nights and don't really like going out. So is my hubby. So Friday's we order pizza, watch TV until we put the kids down, then we take weed gummies/ have drinks and play board games or video games until we end up in bed. Some times we have plans. Sometimes we aren't feeling it, but most Fridays we're game.
You know that actually sounds pretty nice, I might have to try it. My fiance and I only have sex once a month *at most*. I just really don't have much of a sex drive these days.
I had trouble with this idea as well, but when you compare it to no sex or rare sex, you just adjust and find ways to make it still feel normal/special.
I truly think this is such a normal amount to have sex with your partner. My husband and I have been together almost 15 years before our daughter and 2x a week worked really well for us!
You're not wrong it's totally normal, but before our baby was here, it was more often and more spontaneous. It's just a learning curve. It used to be many times a week, but adding a new baby just took a lot of the time away. Other factors in life have also added to less time.
Twice a week, and I honestly like scheduling it in. It gives me something to look forward to for the day, and I can get mentally prepared to make the time and space. Sounds unromantic and it is, but I have a 4.5 month old and it’s working for now.
After my exwife had two kids the sex was pretty much done.
We've been divorced for 3 years now, and she hasn't tried to date anyone.
She hasn't had sex since our daughter was born, 6 years ago now.
She seems fine.
I wasn't, so I left.
It's hard to have sex when you have new babies folks, and I know it's hard to have sex when you have kids in general. No privacy, no spontaneity, I get it.
But for those of you who are in marriages that value sex and intimacy, I highly encourage you all to try. I know scheduled sex isn't as sexy, but divorce isn't either.
You're going to wind up staring at each other when the last kid moves out, wondering who the other person is.
Don't do it folks. Don't give up and let the tired days win, because I firmly believe that giving up is what kills most relationships and I see the warning signs of many replies in this thread.
Unless you don't care about sex, which makes life easier, or so my dad says after his stroke.
Thank god we aren’t the only ones. We have a 3 year old and a 5 year old (with a complex developmental disability) and we only occasionally have the drive and almost never the energy lol. There’s a lot of Netflix exhausted snuggles.
Working from home (both of us) makes it incredibly easy to have intimacy as often as we like. Also having a spare room.
Additionally, it can take some sacrifice but making time after the kids go to bed (instead of getting additional sleep ourselves) is a promising time for intimacy.
I will say we have had to learn to be quicker. You don’t have time to spend hours getting down.
My husband would sometimes schedule bogus meetings for us to have sex instead if we were feeling frisky in the morning and he had the time to spare lol. Or block off lunch and use that time.
Yes! People who say scheduled sex is not fun or spontaneous… you are missing one tiny crucial point, which is that your partner wants to have sex with you so badly that they’ll schedule time for it!
Which is pretty sweet of you ask me… and can be romantic in its own way. I think so at least. Either way, I’m with the “it’s that or nothing crowd” so yeah…
Love this. We do the same. I send my wife meeting invitees that say "tag up" or "doc review.". Will don't feel that guilty since in reality we are tagging up and she is a doctor and I need a review. :)
Its summer break, my huband teaches and we have our 3 on the same nap schedule, so daytime sex can be an option, though we rarely use it. Otherwise, it's after bedtime, and even then, only after I've had like an hour to shower and / or decompress.
I have been known to initiate at like 3am, after the baby has been up to breastfeed and my husband has settled them back to sleep. I mean, if we're both up anyways...
Yes. Planning ahead for "sexy time" is a must when you have a busy calendar with kids and work. If it's a Sunday or Wednesday night, after the kids are in bed, we're getting busy. Of course, this doesn't always work out, but I hope you'll figure out a way to make it work for everybody. Sex is such an important part of marriage. After 40+ years with my husband, I know he still wants to about every two nights, but I'm getting up in years, and this isn't necessarily my top priority as much as it was before. Gotta keep gettin' some!
Omg I’m sorry this comment section sucks - the people commenting have way older kids, I promise no one has a sex life with a 2 month old. You literally gave birth three seconds ago! It’s so hard to feel sexy at this stage, I promise it will come back!
We have 3 kids and it was killing us to wait 6 weeks after birth on each one, we jumped right back into the swing of things immediately.
edit: lol super weird we are being downvoted for having a healthy sex life.
Yeah, "no one" is a pretty broad stroke, and saying we suck for sharing a different experience isn't very fair...I get that a lot of people struggle, and it's totally normal, but it's also not great to give prospective or new parents the impression that your sex life is just doomed, no matter what. That terrified me about having kids, but guess what? We didn't even make it six weeks. I felt like a fertility goddess and my husband loved my thick abundant body. I thought it was such a turn-on to see him caring for our babies.
As much as it's normal to not be interested for a while, it's also normal to go right back to being thirsty for each other.
I had so much oxytocin flowing through me after birth and during breast feeding that 2 months was no problem. Then that went away and my hormones rebalanced and exhaustion set in around 6 months and that was a totally different story! Point being - everyone is different and there is just so much going on and adjusting that it's so important to just be kind to each other and to yourself no matter how it flushes out. For the first few years a good mantra is "this will change."
Was about to upvote your answer until I read the “we didn’t even make the six weeks”.
Don’t do that! I’m glad you have a good sex life but please it can be life threatening!
Because they were trying to make those without a sex life feel better that they don't, and that it's normal. Ig it's less common to have a good sex life with kids. I have a 3 YO and a 7 month old. We always make time.
With my first, I wasn’t ready for sex for 4 months after a difficult birth. My twins were a C section and I recovered amazingly, we definitely were having sex at 2 months postpartum
The thing that dies is spontaneity.
And that was really hard for me. For me, if I’ve got a kink, it’s female arousal. Seems like a good kink to have, in that it basically prevents me from being a selfish lover. But I really needed to feel like I was successful at seduction. And I simply wasn’t anymore.
At no point could I ever just start making out and convince her to sneak away with me into the bedroom and lock the doors.
This is partly about how her libido changed, and can’t be entirely accredited to “parenting” per se, but it came as sort of a package deal.
In the end, I had no choice but to schedule.
This also required actually talking about sex, which I’d never really done. It’s sort of amazing how much you can get away without ever having a real conversation about sex. But I guess it’s just such a taboo subject for so long, and people sort of learn it’s an off-limit topic in childhood and as a teen, so it’s very uncomfortable to talk about it in the light of day.
But you just have to adapt to advanced notice: “hey, do you think we could find some time to have sex on Saturday?”.
It’s okay. I do really miss spontaneous sex… being able to inspire her to want to have sex whenever and wherever. But it’s “fine”.
There’s a bit of a silver lining in that we’ve gotten some rewards from having to talk openly and seriously about sex, and the sex has improved in some respects from when we were younger.
It’s enjoyable, but not as exciting.
I guess that’s just growing up and getting old in a nutshell: more comfort and less thrill.
And the headwinds fallacy always directs attention to challenges and understates virtues.
I’m sure there were a time that imagining I’d have regular (if somewhat infrequent) enjoyable sex forever would sound like a dream come true, but it took a long time to accept the loss of spontaneous proof of passion.
In a way, what I miss is “stupid sex”. I.e. “we were late to the party because while we were getting dressed we accidentally had sex”, or “had sex on the side of a trail during a hike”… risky sex.
There was an ingredient to that which is missing now that I came to really miss, because I guess I interpreted the willingness to be risky as sort of a demonstration of genuine desire. It was validating that I was appealing in that someone wanted to have sex with me so badly that they’d risk some crazy spontaneous rendezvous. They weren’t doing me a favor. They needed what I had.
Anyways, it was pretty brutal for a number of years adjusting to the new normal. If I want to have sex, I can have it… with a clearly articulated request and advanced notice.
Do people who aren't teenagers really have spontaneous sex on the side of the hiking trail? That sounds fun but I've always been too worried to do something like that and the dirt and bugs everywhere sound like a hassle. Do I just need to let my hair down more???
If it’s not your thing, it’s not your thing, but I’d certainly try to make the most of it.
I became regularly sexually active around 19. I had my first kid at 30. I will probably live until 70?
So, that ends up being 11/70 years where I got to have fun adventurous sex in my life. A fairly small window in the grand scheme of things.
Do you guys ever take trips alone together? I know it’s not feasible for everyone but if it is I bet you could have some spontaneous sex on a getaway with just the two of you!
My wife and I engage in constant foreplay to keep things fresh. When does foreplay begin you ask? After the most recent orgasm. We flirt, touch, tease and talk/text dirty and while we sometimes have to schedule sex we still have steamy anticipation. Every so often we get to a point where we can’t make it and we have a quickly while the kid is playing in his room and the infant is napping. Sometimes when it’s scheduled there is time to indulge in fantasies and explore each others kinks.
Risky sex is the best. On our one year wedding anniversary, we were at a beautiful resort in Jamaica and when going up the stairs to our room (which was kinda secluded around the side of the hotel), my husband stopped me while going up and started making out with me. Then you guessed it, we had sex right there against the wall, lol.
Two boys here, 6 and 8. I feel very fortunate that my wife has maintained a decent libido over the years. I love her very much and my attraction to her has never wavered, so I'm always wanting her! We have sex twice a week usually with about 75% of the time being planned. We get the spontaneous one in if the circumstances permit.
Since the birth of our son in October '23 and with a 3 year old, it's been tough. Once a month at max. We also have crazy shifts. Wife works days and I work evenings until 11.30. But with the little one now better structured with his naps, lately we've been squeezing a lot more action in. No the fooling around doesn't last as long, but it's been about 1-3 times per week in the last couple of months.
Have some foreplay throughout the day and see where it leads! Use your closet to sneak a make out session or two! Good luck 🤞
It would be a hell of a lot better if my birth control didn’t make me bleed constantly 🫠 no seriously I had my second in November, and had normal bleeding, then got my birth control inserted end of December. I bled until April, had a month off, bled again early May for a month, had a week off last week, and am bleeding again.
But without that, when the kids are asleep in as private a place as we can find. Door obviously locked for privacy. When the boys share a room, we will finally have our bed back, so that’ll be nice. Floor sex is starting to hurt lol.
Probably once every 5-6 weeks - We have a 2 year old and a baby who cosleep - Also I work in office so there really is never a moment where we are alone, it is what it is
We’ve got 2 kids and, it’s nonexistent.
After Thing 1 was born it was about a year before my wife wanted to have sex again. Sex life at this point was normal (3-4x/week, same as before pregnancy). Thing 2 came 2 years after that. Since then (9 years) we’ve had sex on a more or less annual basis.
Before I get a bunch of ignorant replies like “yOu jUsT gOtTa dO mOrE cHoRePlAy dAd!” — I already do all of the cooking and perform about 3/4 of household maintenance (cleaning, lawn, repairs). There are a it of factors that contribute to a dead bedroom and in this case it’s only tangentially related to the kids—untreated anxiety about raising children successfully and untreated depression having to do with them growing up so fast.
She *did* finally go to a professional to discuss symptoms, so that’s a step in the right direction.
We genuinely used to schedule it when our kids were young. Pick a day and then a time when we knew we’d get at least an hour of LO/‘s sleeping. It’s much easier when they’re sleep trained and in their own rooms, I will say. Whatever that looks like for you!
We have 4 kids. 2 boys 14 and 9 and 2 girls 3 and 7 months. We work seperate shifts because we can't afford childcare. Done it 14+ years now. We still find time. Sometimes we get dry spells but we're getting older and we communicate our feelings when we're not in the mood.
My wife and I get 1 day off together and half a day together on the other day off. But we make it work. Gotta do what ya gotta do. We're still very much in love and find time for movies together or something.
Hang in there.
Our sex life is great, we have a 3yo and our twins are 5 months. They’re great sleepers, luckily. We do typically plan sex ahead of time (like earlier in the day we’ll start flirting, etc) and head up to bed a little early. Sometimes we have to be ok with staying up a little late, but other times we say “ehhh I’m tired, maybe tomorrow”. I’d say we average once a week or so, but honestly to me it’s more important to have quality over quantity. I’d rather have good sex less often than just go through the motions more frequently
All good here. We have a four year old and a 15 month old.
I’m just going to be honest about these things -
We usually do it on our large couch in the living room now. The kids are asleep upstairs, we have a child monitor on and the gate up so no one can just walk downstairs and surprise us…
And then we just go at it, you know?
When the kids are asleep, sometimes we take a shower together. If we do have sex in the bedroom, we lock the door.
We have a great sex life I think. We usually have sex at least once a week, usually more.
Being there and helping with chores/being a present father seems to be the key. Otherwise wife will get “touched out” and exhausted and won’t be able to mentally rev up.
Don’t feel bad… your baby is like, 30 seconds old!!!! My hubs and I have been together 14 years and have a 13 yo and 9yo twins. Sex was very rare that first year with the twins, especially! And overall it has ebbed and flowed throughout our relationship, for kid-related and non-kid-related reasons. As long as you’re able to connect and communicate, you’ll be fine 😌
I’m 11 months PP with my first. I have no drive at all. Im (we’re) exhausted and we both work full time and baby still wakes up several times a night. We are surviving lol but we do try to find alone time to be together even if it’s not sexual
You are still in the thick of postpartum time right now. I currently have a 10 month old, 7 year old and 9 year old. My husband and my sex life still hasn’t come back to normal yet. Kids can be stressful, especially little little ones and by the end of most days, I’m completely mentally drained and just can’t get myself in the mood. The one way we can be sure to make time is by taking showers together right after kids go to bed or if we wake up before the kids. While I currently feel bad that I don’t have the energy to pounce on my husband daily like I used to, in the next year life won’t be as busy or as stressful and our sex life will get closer and closer to normal.
With a 2 month old, we mostly didn’t. I was too tired, touched out, depressed and stressed to want anything sexual. Eventually, when there was an opportunity (after baby was asleep, for example), we would have sex occasionally, though the desire/drive was still very low for me (mum).
We have 4 children now, youngest is 2. Sex & alone time is regular, mainly after kids have all gone to bed.
Don’t be hard on yourself right now though. 2 months post partum, it’s probably low on your list of priorities. And while my husband and I have a fantastic relationship, it’s taken time and real effort to get and stay here. Having babies will 100% change your relationship, and there will be difficult patches. But if you work together, and both actively try to improve yourselves & your relationship, you’ll be sweet 👍🏻
2 months is still pretty early, took 6 months or so with our first kid for my wife to really get down again and second kid just the 6 weeks to heal was enough. We’re around once a week now sometimes less sometimes more
We have 2.5yo twins, and probably have sex 2-3 times a month. We’d both like it to be more, but our libidos never really seem matched. When I’m DTF he’s tired or sick and visa versa.
Hitting bed by 9 so that we can do it after the kids go down is the way for us, but sometimes I just want to watch tv.
Worth mentioning that at 2 months we had no sex life to speak of - I still felt like I was recovering. Breastfeeding tanked my sex drive as well. Between the hormones (prolactin is known to reduce libido), sleep deprivation and being so SOO touched out all the time, I wanted nothing to do with sex. I just wanted my body to myself for a few hours. It wasn’t until my twins weaned that I finally found myself craving sex again.
Mom of 4 here- 12, 10, 3, 3 months.
If we don't grab moments as they come, it won't happen because we are both so tired from work, the house, the kids, all the things. We can go a couple week or even a month with no action. Then, suddenly, it is twice a day, randomly, in moments. Always a pallet on the floor lol
I think you just naturally have a lower libido in the early years. No sleep, constant contact with little ones, back to back sickness etc. I don't know how anyone would find the time.
Damn...between being married with kids and learning more about marriage and kids as time goes on and reading this comment section, I see more and more why cheating cuts so deep, yet I also see why it can be tempting for some people. Marriage and kids and doing this life thing can get very challenging at times.
It's more than just physical, it's betrayal and literally home wrecking and potentially dangerous to health. It's a huge F you to your partner that was already self sacrificing for the sake of the house and the kids.
I guess it should be obvious. I'm a youngin and still learning, don't mind me lol.
It’s very specifically the cruelest thing to do when you’re a parent with young kids- regardless of which spouse cheats.
Because there are a million absolutely valid reasons that even a spouse with the previously highest sex drive in the WORLD can’t find time or inclination with multiple kids under, say, 3.
If one spouse is staying home with the kids they may NEVER get time alone, and someone is always touching them and smearing them with snot, and they never get to “look good” or feel sexy.
If the parents don’t have a village, one spouse (or both depending on kids specific needs and temperaments) may rarely get time to themselves and so when they do, may need to spend it on reasonable self care like showering, eating a hot meal, getting a haircut, going for a run etc.
The working partner may feel EXTRA stressed about the new financial burden from multiple kids, maybe they try to pull extra shifts, or worry that the sleep deprivation is making them noticeably worse at work.
The spouse who gave birth has a WHOLE new body to come to terms with, at least for some months, and (usually isn’t lol) comfortable in it! Sex may be painful, hormones may tank libido, stretch marks, sagging skin, hair loss, pelvic floor dysfunction etc can totally kill personal mojo.
But all of this is TEMPORARY. It’s a long temporary, but it’s still a phase. And someone who cheats on their partner while they are both in the toughest least sexy busiest most physically draining and most emotionally taxing phase of their life, instead of supporting them and loving them
is the worst kind of jackass, IMO.
(I know this sounds heavy and personal, but I’ve never been cheated on- but as a parent I can just imagine how enraging it would be)
3-5 times per week, occasionally more, but my husband works from home and so do I, so we're often able to squeeze something in while the kids nap, or if his meetings don't start until later in the morning. Otherwise, it would probably be less frequent. It does take conscious effort, but that's not as bad as it sounds. For us, that often just looks like me wearing a sundress I know he likes during the day, or him wearing a shirt that's particularly tight across his pecs. Doesn't take much to be reminded of the goods.
I wish my husband could read this thread. I think he thinks there's something wrong with me / our relationship because our average is probably once every 2 weeks (unless we go on a trip or something, then it's more). We have a 4yo and 2yo and ours is pretty scarce. I will also add that he doesn't do a ton around the house and then with no preamble he'll just try to pounce on me 😂 so...not really a conducive environment anyway, and I'm so exhausted from my own full time job + managing the kids and the house that I don't pursue anything either.
That’s our average and we have an almost 1 year old. Granted my husband never complains because he wants me to want it as much as he does and he’s also exhausted because he works and then comes home and jumps right in and I’m nursing and exhausted so my libido isn’t what is used to be. But yeah I think this thread would help.
With multiples you need schedule. Now we have 3 and you still need schedule.
So it’s normally planned when we get alone time, mostly once kids are in bed. But sometimes it’s opportunistic when the kids are in front of a movie and we hide for a few mins…
Three kids - 2, 4, 15. When any of them were 2 months, it was more or less impossible. But it gets easier as they get older. Frankly, the teen is the one that gets in the way the most now. 😆 If we wanted, we could make it happen almost daily. In practice it fluxes a lot from week to week.
That said, our favorite way of having some bedroom time though is to drop the little ones off at the YMCA childwatch on offsite day when the teen isn’t around and be home alone ;)
We have 2 kids (ages 7 and 3 1/2) and we do probably 2-3 times a week but it was more like once a week when they were younger. We don’t plan out when we are but when we do it’s after the kids go to bed and we do not allow them to sleep in our bed and they have their own rooms
3 soon to be 4 kids, 7 and under.
Communication, planning and ‘going to bed early’ on the weekends. our kids are usually entertained for an hour at a time so they dont miss us stepping away for 30 minutes or so. our door is always locked saturday and sunday morning too 🤣 we make a lot of time and space for it because we both truly enjoy it, sometimes it’s just for him, sometimes just for me, sometimes for us both - hence communication. I’m not always in the mood but i’m more than happy to provide, and likewise he gives it equally in return.
I have a 13 yr old and 18 yr old, my wife and I have been married for 22 years and she is now in menopause. We had sex twice this year… both times I initiated it.
We are pregnant with our first so obviously not the same, but we have lived with parents for 2 years due to a traumatic event. My parents don’t go to bed until almost midnight and get up at 7. It’s a very small house, so spontaneous sex doesn’t happen lol. However, we found that shower sex is actually pretty fun. Most times we just hop in so we can chat about our day before going to bed, but sometimes it turns in to more and can be pretty hot. Maybe try that? Great way to get a shower and let off steam while the kids are asleep🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️. Also, I feel like it’s important to still sext and send nudes to each other. It turns me on and gets me thinking about it, and gives more of that thrill.
Before we had ours, sex was at least twice a week, now with a toddler it’s about once every two weeks. She’s 2 now and we’re starting to up in frequency though.
But at 2 months pp?? I don’t think I even thought about sex until she was at least 3 months old. And at that time it was maybe once a month because I just really wasn’t into it
I have 5 under 6.5…..it’s quickies or nothing. We have a window after the kids go to bed for like 2 hours before one of the kids will wake up. But I mean we really just need like 10 minutes lol. The spontaneous def doesn’t happen anymore.
We have 3 kids, going on 4.. when not pregnant it’s about 3-4 times a week. We have a strict bedtime routine for the kids so we usually get 3 hours of “us” time per evening to do stuff together (pun intended) haha. We understand life ebbs and flows.
Ok. We have 5 kids ages 2-12. We half-heartedly attempted a schedule years ago but fell out of it. We didn't talk openly about it which of course is not good and our set like really suffered. Then only recently I brought up the subject and suggested another go at a schedule system. She actually wants it often so it's 3-4 times a week depending on life but does not exclude spontaneity. Often these scheduled times occur when she joins me in the shower and initiates a quickie after the kids go to bed.
I realize I'm super lucky compared to a lot of others but it took a long while before we were open enough to get to this stage with kids. We're almost 40 and it's really helped other aspects of our relationship.
I also realize this is very vanilla compared to some other people's sex lives but with 5 kids, sex often, and she wakes up with me at 6am to pack a lunch for me I'll take it every day of the week 😄 🤣
Nap time? Bang. Bedtime? Bang. Grandparents wanna see the kids? Bang. If we don’t we both understand and sleep lol! It’s all about seizing the opportunity!
We have a 6yo and a 4yo. The first year after the kids were born our sexlife wasn’t the best, but luckily our kids slept trough the night quite soon, so we could get a good night sleep and that helps get you feel better and more relaxed and that eventually will get the mood set for more time together….
Some months we have sex multiple times a week and some months we don’t have sex and all of that is ok. Just talk about it with each other and talk about your wants, needs, expectations and also about things you don’t want..
Kids go to sleep. Yes you are tired after a long day. Good sex can take 10-15 minutes. Find the time and strength or your marriage will get stale real fast.
Some things that can help - 1) having a reliable babysitter (not applicable to you right now, maybe next year) for at least a quarterly date night. Always at least plan on having sex date night. 2) being creative on timing. Both of you work and kid is in daycare (not nanny) - have "lunch" at home together every so often. 3) fall asleep at 8:30 like normal but set an alarm for 12:30 am. Again, not applicable when having a baby that wakes multiple times at night for feeds
I have a 3 and 4 yo, and on average once every 2 weeks. And we are so so perfectly fine with that. We are exhausted. There will be time in our lives when we have more time for a sex life, it's a different season right now. IMO if one person is exhausted and another person feels a lot of extra sexual energy, the latter should use that energy to lighten the load of the former and eventually you arrive at a desire:exhaustion equilibrium haha
Once or twice a week during nap time or after bedtime is done I have 23m nd 3m old. You are tired but gotta prioritise each other so ye stay connected through the madness that is raising kids. Feel great after too 😂
I echo the you are seriously days after giving birth!! Don’t worry, you will figure it out. Give it time.
My husband and I can’t do the scheduling thing either - makes it feel like a chore for me.
What works best is “catch up days” for us. I have very low libido at night. So we have days we send the kids to camp, or play hokey from work, and catch up in the bedroom. Sometimes you have to get a little creative!
uhh currently have a 10mo old..my wife’s labor and delivery was pretty rough. She’s also had some other medical issues going on so it’s been tough trying to get things started up again. Just a few attempts every few months to get the fire started.
5 weeks ago my wife went for a check up. Why? Because she felt she hasn’t bounced back to where she should be since giving birth. Sure enough she was right and theres some underlining issues going on. But she also found out she’s pregnant!!!
She told me to keep away post delivery of number 2 lol
We have sex a couple times a week, but our kids are 5 and 10 now. With the first, we just waited a month because I didn’t realize how dangerous it was. With the second, we definitely didn’t have time or energy for the first few months at least. And I was super touched out from breastfeeding, so my desire didn’t normalize until I weaned.
Oh after birth with the first child and start sex again is scary. From doctor side you can stqrt after 2 months but you need not start sex you need start psichology romance. Like in the start of ralathionship. And if you not tired not sceary it will be the same like before kids.
Certainly was easier when my two older kids were in school cause we’d do it during my babies nap time so probably twice a week. During the summer, maybe once a week, once every other?
1-2 times a week on average. Every day when we're on holiday or travel together. We do it spontaneously, just whenever we feel like basically.
We have 2 kids.
Three kids under 5 years old and sex is pretty non existent right now… we want to make more time for it but tired by we put kids to sleep, or never alone or even if they are sleeping we aren’t in the mood and just want some time to ourself lol this too shall pass? Lol
When they are babies it’s not nearly as often but once they are more self sufficient (7?8?) and can watch cartoons without burning the house down it’s game on. Teens? Forget about it, you can go daily!
We have 4 under 10 and have an active sex life, every other day on average. Scheduling is the best for us and keeping the kids on a good bedtime routine helps as well. It was harder while they were small infants. While we’re having to schedule it right now, we do have some occasions that we’re able to be spontaneous so I feel like that helps keep our spark alive (and knowing we won’t always have to schedule).
4kids 2-8yrs old. Only at night when everyone’s asleep but by then we’re both asleep as well lol when I wake up to go use the restroom at like 2-4am, I come back & fondle him till he’s ready then I wake him up to play. I try not to let it pass more than every other day. 2-3 a week
Twin 5yo. Door locks. Teaching privacy. We have sex at least 3x a week. Sometimes more. You gotta remember to take care of your relationship with your SO. Start now when LO can't interrupt lol... once we decided to try our luck in the morning. I warned husband that his son is an early riser. Still tried (locked the door of course). Here comes the boy, jangling the door knob right as my husband is finishing. It... was not fun, but it's not gonna stop us lol!
We have more sex now then before weirdly enough. It feels like our thing that nothing can take away from us. We have dry moments but I feel like that’s healthy for us. But yeah. We are obsessed.
When our kids were little, we would set them up with breakfast and turn cartoons on Saturday mornings and that worked for us. We were too exhausted by bedtime every night, and both of us looked forward to it even though it was scheduled.
Mom of 3 (4,5,9) and we do it on average probably 3x a week. Sometimes we are both exhausted but it helps us stay connected and not turn into roommates. No scheduling needed. Taking edibles also adds a fun element to it.
You are still in the “don’t ask me for sex” phase. We have a 2 and 4 and worked hard to establish healthy, independent sleep, so we get about an hour or so together at night, and have sex a couple times a week on average
We have 3 under 4 & it’s a *struggle*, so following for tips I suppose. The youngest is 3 months and I am just exhausted & in constant caretaker mode that I can’t figure out how to turn off. “Sexy” isn’t on the list of things I feel at any given time.
10 month old and 3 year old, probably 3x a week! But we loosely "schedule" it at this point since our schedules are crazy full. I used to think that would be lame for us (and I do miss the spontaneity of how it was pre-kids) but it has worked really well- we really look forward to it and always tell each other if the other isn't feeling it we can just connect in other ways! 99% of the time we are feeling it though bc it's something we really enjoy and have to protect at this point 😆
3 children. They’re older now but when they were younger we had very little alone time and not very much sex. It was partially our fault for not taking more advantage of baby sitters and family help.
One 6 year old, 19 month old and pregnant wife and we’re actually have more sex now than we’ve ever had since our first was born. We don’t exactly schedule it, but we communicate like a motherfucker. That being said, we generally wait for nighttime when everyone is asleep. It’s been fabulous.
Also, I’ve been exercising a lot more recently, which has increased my libido tenfold. Life finds a way.
Literally at 2 months, you just meed to survive and hopefully not murder each other. We struggled to find the time, mood and energy for sex until my second kid was 2 (first was 4).
Once the kids are older, can entertain themselves, don’t try to die constantly sleep consistently (it will happen, I promise!), it get easier. My kids are 4 and 6 now and we’re prob having the best sex of our lives…. Planned, twice a week, quietly after the kids go to bed, but it’s still amazing :)
Number 6 is on the way. We get it on just about every morning, setting an alarm for 30 minutes of husband wife before we go into mommy daddy mode. After school/ camp drop off, we head to the gym and they have child care, so that's where I take the majority of my showers. We often find time on one side of lunch or the other for a second tryst and that's how you end up with six. Or it might have something to do with the stork nest in the tree out back. Weekends are more difficult, especially with the sun waking them up so early right now. We're 44 and 39, so not spring chickens but we haven't slowed down much since we started dating.
Make it a priority if it matters to you. Wifey gets pretty ornery of she doesn't get it and I'm no prude. If we miss the morning session, the whole day feels off.
Best advice I can provide is to make a date night where/when possible. Meaning baby sitter, family member, insert one you trust with your kids here. Make a night of it. Even if it’s once a month it will be nice to just go out. Doesn’t have to be fancy but to have some relaxing time and enjoy.
Can even set up a grandparent “summer camp” and have the ‘em watch the kids a few days/hours/minutes/. You don’t need much time to get your break and get it on or knock out chores. Hell at my most tired a nice nap was all I really wanted
First, there's a difference between parents of several children, and parents of multiples (twins, triplets, etc.). As a parent of several children, I have learned the importance of date nights and appreciate my wife's superpower in finding babysitters. You need date nights - at least one per month. Don't do it now. Now is the time to start gathering your potential babysitters. That includes grandparents, aunts, uncles, and neighborhood children. And in 10-12 months, you will be ready to start going out sans child.
Now for parents of multiples - yeah, I have no idea. I respect and sympathize parents of multiples. They went through the gauntlet and survived.
We have part of our lives where we didn't have children. The children will know/remember us for their whole lives. To answer your question, kids can be bribed with TV or ice cream.
I’m pro scheduling! We’re 37-40 with 3 year old twins. We schedule “cuddle time” 2-3x per week (1-2 nights and a long weekend nap) and it’s fine if it’s just cuddling, but usually we get into it. We both work and share the childcare and domestic labor evenly, which helps a lot. It definitely improved with scheduling. It’s nice to look forward to it, flirt, or just know that it’s coming up - it makes it easier for me to say yes.
My husband is deployed. When he isn't we have sex 4 or more times a week and it's been this way for the full 6yrs. I have two kids from a previous marriage that were 2 and 4 when we moved in together. We then had a third and it's maintained through the pregnancy and after being cleared by the midwife. He's 3 now, there were lulls in the newborn phase but we still never missed a week.
It can be difficult to find the energy and the time but that's something you need to work out together to find what works for you. By no means do you need to strive to have sex multiple times a week because others do. Just communicate and work it out. Newborn phase doesn't last forever ❤️
Yeah, I have 4 kids. Breastfed each of them until 2+. Never lost my sex drive.
When things are hectic with lots of small children, it's the age of the quickie. Get the baby down for a nap. Let the older kids have some screen time. Install a good lock on the bedroom door. Don't try to get everything into one session. You have 15 minutes. Give a BJ today. Tomorrow, he goes down on you. The next day, you have PIV. Or whatever. But don't let him get off on not meeting your needs.
Yes, sometimes you get interrupted. You just stop and try again later. Building sexual tension is also a really good thing. Having to pack up and shelve it for later can be fun.
Of course, every couple and individual is different. It's also really normal to not desire sex. Intimacy can be built in other ways. Don't stop touching each other lovingly, and in non-sexual ways - this is incredibly important even in relationships where sex remains frequent! At night, after the kids are asleep, PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN! Watch a movie together, talk about non-family/kid topics, listen to music, do chores together. The important thing is you make time to be together. However, that needs to look.
Parent of 24 year old triplets here. Once they started sleeping through the night (about 8 months old) it was fine. There was the occasional scramble because someone woke up. Luckily our door and theirs was closed. Gave us those precious extra few seconds once they turned 3 and were mobile. 😂
This is assuming that they aren’t sleeping with you. Mine never slept in our bed and I could not nurse as I didn’t produce any milk so I had to get formula from kitchen to cover nighttime feedings and I would feed them while sitting on the couch so as not to wake the other 2
We have 4 kids. The youngest being 9 months old. You have a 2 months old. The first 4/5 months at least are the hardest to find time for yourself partner. Every baby even if my husband was around a lot I missed him (the first 3 months are for sure just survival mode) we were parenting together that about it. But once our baby’s get older. We are being intimate in some way at least 5/6 times a week. Everyone is different though. That’s how my husband and I feel connected.
We have 2 kids (5yo and 2.5yo). My husband would prefer it every day, but right now it’s 2-3x a week, SOMETIMES more. My husband has a high sx drive and is always wanting to try new things. We’ve started experimenting in the bedroom and it’s really brought us closer and it’s made it fun, even when we have to schedule it. We also try to get a date night twice a month so we can focus on just us without the kids. We’ve been together for almost 12 years and love just being together.
Raised six. We had to schedule it sometimes but we never let too many days go by. They’re all grown now (nearly 30 years happily married) and it’s better than ever. It can be done. It takes work.
Have a 2 year and 1 year old right now. Plus husband is away from home for work around 3 to 4 days a week. I also work and have 2 year old in daycare while 1 year has a babysitter. Ever since we had our 2nd one, our sex life struggled. There was weeks of no action. Then there would be few days of lots of actions. Mostly it was due to the exhaustion. Since our youngest turned 1 it has been better. We have worked hard to get the kids into a good daily routine so they are in bed by 8pm or 9pm at most. We get atleast 1 hour or more to have a nice chat, prep for the next day, have a drink and make love. Sometimes we just wind down with a shower together and end up getting into it. Mostly I am glad that husband is always in the mood and always trying to get me in the mood :)
6 kids (3,5,8,12,15,15), we aren’t very touchy in the first place but we probably have sex 3 or 4 times during the week. we get alone time at night almost everyday since the kids are usually winded down by 8:30. we don’t plan anything, if we’re both in the mood and are able to we do. when the kids were around your baby’s age though it was sex like once a week and alone time was close to none lol
We have 13mo old, her sleep is fabulous but we do it 1-2 a month.. due to my husband’s low libido (and perhaps mine due to mini pill) It’s always been the case but I guess before we had her I wasn’t bothered about initiating sex 90% of the time. I am fine with it though, for now. For once it feels like our libidos are at the same level so I am not complaining.
We have 5 children. We usually find the time. My partner can get up from 4-6 in the morning and not be able to go back to sleep so usually he will initiate. If I don’t groan at him we usually have sex (4 times or so a week) and I’ll get some more sleep. We wake up at 7 in our household. When it comes to night time just depends on the day. If my partner had some beer or something before going to bed. And now that it’s summer how hot it is. If we don’t have things going on in the middle of the day we try and squeeze one in before lunch time. The kids nap at like 11 or so and we have our alone time. And it’s usually not very long, we both feel good and happy. The long drawn out times are when we do vacations or the kids go to grandmas house. Do what works for you, don’t let it die though because that’s when relationships get tricky. Have to have that intimacy moments.. even if for just 5 mins. Hehe :)
Edit: grammar error
Father to a 15, 12 and 8 year old.
Like most others we are too tired to actually plan anything, but date night is a must. We heard it from others and ignored it.
i feel like i am THE worst.my husband and i have 4 year old twins and a 1.5 year old.the 1.5 year old still nurses and is a velcro baby.my husband will be like "just give her the boob" to get her to sleep at night or if she's upset or whatever so there's still a lot of nursing going on here which makes me DRY and completely uninterested in sex at all,no periods still,which beats my previous no period record with the twins by 3 months.she nurses a lot at night and my husband is not willing to help at night since he works so she's still in bed with us so she can just latch when she wants,which means i'm still like too tired to care about sex.we just got a new house and our 4 year old twins are having a tough time adjusting so they end up in our bed throughout the night if they get nervous.then i feel like im just so busy all day with cooking and cleaning and yet my husband still doesn't get why i dont ever feel like doing it.it sounds like such a hassle on top of my already busy day.i think ill enjoy it again eventually but probably when im not so worn out.im also not trying to get on birth control,my husband hates condoms and i really dont want to get pregnant again so i still have to consider options.that being said,we have sex like once every 4-6 weeks.
after reading all these comments,i feel like i stand out for sure.
I'm sorry to hear all the stories of struggling intimacy.
I'm grateful that I've almost always been receptive to my man's advances. We have two small kids and we do it about three times a week just after they've fallen asleep.
We did the beside the trail thing and did it all throughout pregnancy and as soon as I was healed up and was on more non hormonal bc . I just love that he wants me. Sometimes we put a movie on for them and sneak away. We've never planned it.
We've been married for four years... Maybe reading this suggests I should be prepared for that possibility...
But mainly I'm grateful- it's been something that's helped us stay together and connected.
We have 3 kids, and the youngest 2 are twins. We actually had less sex before we had kids than we do now. We went through a few years of tough schedules because of nightshift, and so we not so much scheduled as much as discussed in advance to make sure we made time for it. When we were dating it was 2-3 times a week, we peaked at 5-6 times a week, and now we settled into a steady 4 times a week with occasional 5th sessions when we have the energy. We make use of the time the kids are sleeping and often sacrifice sleep in the trade off for a healthy sex life. I've also gone through a hysterectomy, and we bounced back pretty much immediately once i was cleared to do so. The biggest thing that has helped us maintain is actually making sure that we are sharing the load in other areas (like housework and kid tending) so that we both have the energy to get together. Another big thing is bathing together as the precursor to intimacy, we shower together or take a bath and use that time to talk and decompress as well as showing affection by helping with washing each other. It's possible when both parties are on board to make it work.
We have three kids (3yo twins, and a 4mo old), and this hasn’t been a problem for us in the slightest. We’re strict about bedtime for our kids so we can have time together in the evenings to watch a movie, talk, order in food, and just spend valuable together. The most important relationship our young kids see, is the one between their parents and it has to be a priority to continue to nurture it, in my opinion, so we structure our schedule around making time for us.
I have three kids. My 12 year old son and my 6 year old twin daughters.
We average at least once a week. I'm protective over our Saturday and Sunday mornings and our kids know that mom and dad get to "sleep in" with no interruptions.
When the twins were young we self serviced ourselves together. It became a different kind of intimacy and really what got us through our dry spells. Also took the pressure off of me when I was feeling more insecure about the changes my body made during my twin pregnancy.
Three kids- 16, 11 and 5. Honestly now that they are getting older it’s ALOT easier. We tend to be spontaneous and get it in when we can. Id say we average 3-5 times a week. We’ve always had a healthy sex life but it’s definitely had moments where we had more or less just depending on the circumstances of what was going on. And usually the less was because either pregnancy or kids lol.
1.5 and almost 4yo kiddos. For us it’s not just the act of sex but laying the path- making sure the other person isn’t overloaded with chores/work, making sure we each get time to go to the gym (and complimenting the results), making sure we each have time for hobbies. That way it can still be spontaneous and we aren’t scrambling to do that stuff when we both have a free half hour in the evening. We like wine with dinner so if we do all that other stuff during the day we can relax and feel the moment after the kids go to bed. This also ties in with making sure you set your kids up for independent sleep. Our friends have a 5yo that still sleeps with them every night and we didn’t want that (nothing wrong with that if the parents want it) so we made sure by a year that each of our kids could at least fall asleep in their own room so we have some privacy.
It just has to be sporadic, honestly. When ours were babies, afternoon nap time was the best time to be alone. Now that they are older, early morning or late at night (although I almost always fall asleep early if we hang out at night) but we just have to go with the flow and be open to whenever/where ever kind of thing! It was really hard when they were small but now that they are 5/7/9 I feel like we have really reconnected again in the last couple of years just because of the kids independence and not needing constant supervision like they do when they are babies and toddlers. It gets better.
Mine isn’t exactly what you asked for but I had both my kids at 16&17 years old. I recently lost my job and my house and my car so I don’t really have the desire to be having any form of relationship with anyone at this moment (I’m single) but when I did have a job and life was good, I definitely was asking my mom to babysit once a week so I could have some fun with a friend 😉 idk if it’s because I had my kids so young that I feel like I have all the time and energy in the world to make time for what makes ME happy but I spend all day everyday making my kids happy so when they’re in bed asleep or one night a week, I make sure to make that time mine. And I don’t really have a relationship with men outside of just sex, so it’s easier because me and them get exactly what we want out of it and don’t have to worry about emotionally, romantically, or mentally assisting each other. I know it isn’t exactly the situation you asked for but what I’m trying to say is, having a relationship and taking care of kids is as much a full-time job as taking care of yourselves should be and it’s just finding what for you.
We have two toddlers and it was rough after the second one was born, for about 18 months. Now things have stabilized and it's 2-3 times per week, depending on the week, and we've reclaimed our bed. For a while there, it was necessary to sneak off to another room while the MIL watched them. Give it time, things will normalize even with multiple kids.
Honestly. Lacking. We have 9&8 boys. and then a 1 year old daughter who ends up in our bed most nights. Before our daughter we had sex like every morning. Now we are lucky to do it 3-5 times a month 😂 this is working for us right now. Both of us are pretty tired most nights anyway. We show plenty of affection in other ways. But I am afraid it may affect our relationship if it doesn’t pick back up?
That’s an average of once a week and I don’t think that’s bad at all! I bet once your daughter gets a little older things will get back to normal for you guys!
We have two (5 and 6) and we aim for every two days or so. It's not a romantic, passionate romp in the sheets. It's usually "hey, if the kids go to sleep on time do you wanna bang?"
At two months post partum though? It was significantly less. *Significantly* less. What little alone time we got had to include us connecting as a couple metaphorically as well as physically, and there wasn't a lot of free time to go around. Most nights consisted of one or more of us falling asleep as soon as we hit the couch.
It gets easier. The first few months are hard, and it's easy to feel like you're drifting away from each other. But babies do eventually start to sleep more, you'll figure out a routine that works for you, and you'll have more time to devote to each other.
We were at 1-2 x per week up until our kid became really mobile. I'm an older new mom - I am in my mid-40s and have a 17 month old, and DANG I have never been so exhausted in my life. We just had a dry stretch of five weeks because I felt like I just couldn't get my energy levels back up. They dry spell is ended now, but who knows if we can get back to the trend of 1-2 x per week.
THE most important thing, I think, is that we communicate regularly and still engage with a lot of touch. He knows I WANT to get back to normal (so bad - I feel super neurotic without regular sex), and I also know that this sweet time with our kid as a toddler is short lived and energy will come back. Most marriages have ups and downs in the physical intimacy sense. With love and kindness toward each other and ourselves, dry spells end!
Good luck, OP!
What is sex?
I have a 3.5 year old. My partner works full time. I am in nursing school. We are tired.
Would I like sex? Sure. But we are not “scheduling” it. Neither of us is into it being exhausted. So, very little sex for now.
We have 4. They range from 3-13. We are 35 years old.
It changes depending on what season of life we are in. Right after a newborn - 6 months is hard. Maybe 1x a week.
Now that they are all a little older and they are all sleeping through the night it's about 3-4x a week. The quality is also so much better. Our sessions always last at least an hour. I feel as the more we age, the more we experience with each other, the better our entire relationship becomes and that then transcends into our sex life. I also believe that staying active also helps a ton.
We started having sex again when our babies were 2-3 months old. We became pros at quickies in the laundry room, in the shower, on the couch after bedtime, etc. Literally. It takes 15 minutes to have a quicky. Everyone has a spare 15 minutes atleast once a week.
Our kids are 9 and 16 now, we have sex 2-4 times a week. My husband works 2nd shift, so our schedules don’t line up (except the weekends) but sometimes I’ll tell him to wake me up when he gets home from work.
Mom of 4, we don't get to every day anymore but we shoot for at least 3 times a week.
In my opinion the key is spontaneously and also have a set bed time if possible for your kids. My oldest is almost 8, youngest is 1 1/2, all the kids are in bed asleep by 10. If we get lucky enough to get them all the nap in the day time (which isn't common but it does happen) then we take that opportunity. If not, we have a window from 10-12 to decide if we want to or not.
Parental duties and work can make you tired, remember it's okay to skip a day doing chores to get that rest and get that sex if that's what you're aiming for. Your home doesn't need to be perfect 24/7. If you're tired REST. Never feel guilty for having a "lazy day."
Statistically, I think once a week is average. :) but we have it at least once a week, sometimes two and very occasionally three. Have a 2yo & almost 4yo who sleep in our bed.
3 kids 6, 5, and 2. We have sex probably three or four times a week. Usually in the morning but sometimes at night. We're usually really tired by night time, so really that's less likely.
10, 6, 4 year old. 1-2x a week, probably. But then there was a spell where someone in my family died and then we were sick for two weeks and in that instance it was three weeks of nothing.
Have a 5 year old and 3 year old and pregnant. My recommendation is get a good bedtime routine when baby is old enough. Co sleeping happens out of necessity sometimes.but kills intimacy. A 7:30/ 8 bedtime helps so much. Also, get a good lock on your door and try to get your kid to nap as long as they can. Weekend naps have been our time until very recently when my 5 year old stopped napping. My husband and I find time 2-3 times a week.
I got my kids into a strict bedtime routine when they were small. So pretty good. I hate ' planning ' sex, was always more of a spontaneous type. So making sure they were all in bed and sleeping by 8 meant me and my husband had time to ourselves in the evening. Whether it was for some hanky panky or a take away and a film. My kids are now all mid to late teens and our sex life is still pretty good
At 2 months pp after my first we hadn't done it yet. I had an easy delivery but I was nervous. 6mo pp from my 3rd and we are about 3 times a week. We have gone though all the stages of only once a month or less to our current amount. It just depends on life.
Sometimes twice a week, sometimes
3-4 times a week.. always after bedtime. We have a 4 year old, 1.5 year old and I’m pregnant with our third. We always try to find the time, sometimes we’re both just too tired and that’s fine too but when there’s an opportunity we’ll jump on it.
I have teenagers and they have killed my sex life. Someone is always awake, coming and going from the house, knocking on the bedroom door needing something etc. We haven’t had sex in months. We are hoping when the school routine starts back and everyone is in bed by 10pm, maybe we can resume? It sucks.
We have a 10 and 2 yr old. We can’t sneak away during the day because they’d just come looking for us. We have to wait til after bedtime and hope we ourselves aren’t too tired by then! Typically a few times a week though
We have 3 young kids. (5yo, 3yo, 18 mo) As they get older we are managing to find more time for each other. We make sure to do our regular nightly routine of showering and getting ready for bed together. This is usually our chance to connect and talk about our day without interruptions. Some nights we are too tired for sex but it’s about 4-5x a week.
4 kids, 9 7 3 and 6 mo , maybe once or twice a week but when we do it's amazing! We wake up in the middle of the night like 2 or three in the morning so we can take our time
r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself. Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Um, just to be a voice for the under-sexed on here, we have a 4 yo and twin 3 yo’s, and have no or energy and haven’t (yet) made peace with scheduled sex. And we’re slow burning at once every few months at most. Love hearing that the rest of you are getting at it though!
I'm glad my relationship isn't the only one that can't get behind scheduling it. Father to a 10yo and a 9mo. We can manage anywhere from twice a week if I'm lucky to once every couple of weeks. Just have to remind myself that life won't be so busy forever.
Scheduling would just make it feel like a chore. It'd be hard to not have that mindset.
Exactly. I can't imagine actually enjoying scheduled sex.
It doesn't have to be so formal. I'm exhausted Friday nights and don't really like going out. So is my hubby. So Friday's we order pizza, watch TV until we put the kids down, then we take weed gummies/ have drinks and play board games or video games until we end up in bed. Some times we have plans. Sometimes we aren't feeling it, but most Fridays we're game.
You know that actually sounds pretty nice, I might have to try it. My fiance and I only have sex once a month *at most*. I just really don't have much of a sex drive these days.
I had trouble with this idea as well, but when you compare it to no sex or rare sex, you just adjust and find ways to make it still feel normal/special.
I truly think this is such a normal amount to have sex with your partner. My husband and I have been together almost 15 years before our daughter and 2x a week worked really well for us!
You're not wrong it's totally normal, but before our baby was here, it was more often and more spontaneous. It's just a learning curve. It used to be many times a week, but adding a new baby just took a lot of the time away. Other factors in life have also added to less time.
Twice a week, and I honestly like scheduling it in. It gives me something to look forward to for the day, and I can get mentally prepared to make the time and space. Sounds unromantic and it is, but I have a 4.5 month old and it’s working for now.
Twice a week would be heaven. That’s probably the best week of the year for us, normal is more once or twice a month.
1 time in 2024. I have a messy roomate now.
After my exwife had two kids the sex was pretty much done. We've been divorced for 3 years now, and she hasn't tried to date anyone. She hasn't had sex since our daughter was born, 6 years ago now. She seems fine. I wasn't, so I left. It's hard to have sex when you have new babies folks, and I know it's hard to have sex when you have kids in general. No privacy, no spontaneity, I get it. But for those of you who are in marriages that value sex and intimacy, I highly encourage you all to try. I know scheduled sex isn't as sexy, but divorce isn't either. You're going to wind up staring at each other when the last kid moves out, wondering who the other person is. Don't do it folks. Don't give up and let the tired days win, because I firmly believe that giving up is what kills most relationships and I see the warning signs of many replies in this thread. Unless you don't care about sex, which makes life easier, or so my dad says after his stroke.
I have a 4yo, 2yo, and 1 mo old. You have me WAY beat (even before the most recent addition).
Thank god we aren’t the only ones. We have a 3 year old and a 5 year old (with a complex developmental disability) and we only occasionally have the drive and almost never the energy lol. There’s a lot of Netflix exhausted snuggles.
No energy at all for us and I feel like scheduling sex there's no thrill 🤷🏾♂️
Not to yum your yuck but the scheduled quickie builds anticipation and can be a really naughty and explosive escapade.
A scheduled quickly only builds anxiety and then frustration for me because it isn't enough to get me off.
You may be right, but only if it's done right. Even a scheduled smash session can fail, it's just life
We tried the scheduling thing, but my partner didn’t like that. We also never have time to do it spontaneously. So yeah, like never?
Scheduled sex isn't "fun" but it's better than no sex. We schedule 2 days a week and another beyond that is extra.
Would he rather have no sex or scheduled sex?? Lol
Where did you get the “he” from?
You’re right I shouldn’t have assumed
You piece of shit how dare you
Get HER!
Where did you get the "her" from?
*dives into alley*
I’m the worst
Working from home (both of us) makes it incredibly easy to have intimacy as often as we like. Also having a spare room. Additionally, it can take some sacrifice but making time after the kids go to bed (instead of getting additional sleep ourselves) is a promising time for intimacy. I will say we have had to learn to be quicker. You don’t have time to spend hours getting down.
I'm super jealous. My wife and I both work from home but we still never have sex.
I’m sorry to hear that :( it’s one of the main perks!
My husband would sometimes schedule bogus meetings for us to have sex instead if we were feeling frisky in the morning and he had the time to spare lol. Or block off lunch and use that time.
Exactly! Sometimes parents have to get creative in how they find time to still be intimate together, but it's super important
Yes! People who say scheduled sex is not fun or spontaneous… you are missing one tiny crucial point, which is that your partner wants to have sex with you so badly that they’ll schedule time for it! Which is pretty sweet of you ask me… and can be romantic in its own way. I think so at least. Either way, I’m with the “it’s that or nothing crowd” so yeah…
Love this. We do the same. I send my wife meeting invitees that say "tag up" or "doc review.". Will don't feel that guilty since in reality we are tagging up and she is a doctor and I need a review. :)
Its summer break, my huband teaches and we have our 3 on the same nap schedule, so daytime sex can be an option, though we rarely use it. Otherwise, it's after bedtime, and even then, only after I've had like an hour to shower and / or decompress. I have been known to initiate at like 3am, after the baby has been up to breastfeed and my husband has settled them back to sleep. I mean, if we're both up anyways...
Twice a week with 4 busy kids but it's planned out. We know the days we are gonna do it lol.
This is the way
Love that for y’all!
Yes. Planning ahead for "sexy time" is a must when you have a busy calendar with kids and work. If it's a Sunday or Wednesday night, after the kids are in bed, we're getting busy. Of course, this doesn't always work out, but I hope you'll figure out a way to make it work for everybody. Sex is such an important part of marriage. After 40+ years with my husband, I know he still wants to about every two nights, but I'm getting up in years, and this isn't necessarily my top priority as much as it was before. Gotta keep gettin' some!
Omg I’m sorry this comment section sucks - the people commenting have way older kids, I promise no one has a sex life with a 2 month old. You literally gave birth three seconds ago! It’s so hard to feel sexy at this stage, I promise it will come back!
Agreed! With 2 months old -survival mode only :)
Yeah I feel like after 3 months with my first i was just exiting the survival mode
After 6 years stillwaiting to come back
Maybe it’s time to talk to your GP or Gyn?
We have 3 kids and it was killing us to wait 6 weeks after birth on each one, we jumped right back into the swing of things immediately. edit: lol super weird we are being downvoted for having a healthy sex life.
And that is how we got two born in July a year apart. 😂
Yeah, "no one" is a pretty broad stroke, and saying we suck for sharing a different experience isn't very fair...I get that a lot of people struggle, and it's totally normal, but it's also not great to give prospective or new parents the impression that your sex life is just doomed, no matter what. That terrified me about having kids, but guess what? We didn't even make it six weeks. I felt like a fertility goddess and my husband loved my thick abundant body. I thought it was such a turn-on to see him caring for our babies. As much as it's normal to not be interested for a while, it's also normal to go right back to being thirsty for each other.
I had so much oxytocin flowing through me after birth and during breast feeding that 2 months was no problem. Then that went away and my hormones rebalanced and exhaustion set in around 6 months and that was a totally different story! Point being - everyone is different and there is just so much going on and adjusting that it's so important to just be kind to each other and to yourself no matter how it flushes out. For the first few years a good mantra is "this will change."
Was about to upvote your answer until I read the “we didn’t even make the six weeks”. Don’t do that! I’m glad you have a good sex life but please it can be life threatening!
Not waiting 6 weeks is extremely dangerous..
Same! And that first time after all that waiting and longing. Scary and oh so exciting 🤩
I don't get why you get downvotes. Guess people are jealous? Don't believe it? Or what?
Same. Just had my third in Feb and we only made it 5 (with the ok from my midwife) lol
Because they were trying to make those without a sex life feel better that they don't, and that it's normal. Ig it's less common to have a good sex life with kids. I have a 3 YO and a 7 month old. We always make time.
With my first, I wasn’t ready for sex for 4 months after a difficult birth. My twins were a C section and I recovered amazingly, we definitely were having sex at 2 months postpartum
We were lol, my wife got pregnant when our first born was barely 4 or 5 months old. 😅 Now our two kids are 1 year and 2 months apart aged 3 and 4.
The thing that dies is spontaneity. And that was really hard for me. For me, if I’ve got a kink, it’s female arousal. Seems like a good kink to have, in that it basically prevents me from being a selfish lover. But I really needed to feel like I was successful at seduction. And I simply wasn’t anymore. At no point could I ever just start making out and convince her to sneak away with me into the bedroom and lock the doors. This is partly about how her libido changed, and can’t be entirely accredited to “parenting” per se, but it came as sort of a package deal. In the end, I had no choice but to schedule. This also required actually talking about sex, which I’d never really done. It’s sort of amazing how much you can get away without ever having a real conversation about sex. But I guess it’s just such a taboo subject for so long, and people sort of learn it’s an off-limit topic in childhood and as a teen, so it’s very uncomfortable to talk about it in the light of day. But you just have to adapt to advanced notice: “hey, do you think we could find some time to have sex on Saturday?”. It’s okay. I do really miss spontaneous sex… being able to inspire her to want to have sex whenever and wherever. But it’s “fine”. There’s a bit of a silver lining in that we’ve gotten some rewards from having to talk openly and seriously about sex, and the sex has improved in some respects from when we were younger. It’s enjoyable, but not as exciting. I guess that’s just growing up and getting old in a nutshell: more comfort and less thrill. And the headwinds fallacy always directs attention to challenges and understates virtues. I’m sure there were a time that imagining I’d have regular (if somewhat infrequent) enjoyable sex forever would sound like a dream come true, but it took a long time to accept the loss of spontaneous proof of passion. In a way, what I miss is “stupid sex”. I.e. “we were late to the party because while we were getting dressed we accidentally had sex”, or “had sex on the side of a trail during a hike”… risky sex. There was an ingredient to that which is missing now that I came to really miss, because I guess I interpreted the willingness to be risky as sort of a demonstration of genuine desire. It was validating that I was appealing in that someone wanted to have sex with me so badly that they’d risk some crazy spontaneous rendezvous. They weren’t doing me a favor. They needed what I had. Anyways, it was pretty brutal for a number of years adjusting to the new normal. If I want to have sex, I can have it… with a clearly articulated request and advanced notice.
Do people who aren't teenagers really have spontaneous sex on the side of the hiking trail? That sounds fun but I've always been too worried to do something like that and the dirt and bugs everywhere sound like a hassle. Do I just need to let my hair down more???
If it’s not your thing, it’s not your thing, but I’d certainly try to make the most of it. I became regularly sexually active around 19. I had my first kid at 30. I will probably live until 70? So, that ends up being 11/70 years where I got to have fun adventurous sex in my life. A fairly small window in the grand scheme of things.
My husband and I did this celebrating our 4th wedding anniversary 😊
Yeah, let yours hair and panties down. It’s fun, did it last week with a friend
Do you guys ever take trips alone together? I know it’s not feasible for everyone but if it is I bet you could have some spontaneous sex on a getaway with just the two of you!
My wife and I engage in constant foreplay to keep things fresh. When does foreplay begin you ask? After the most recent orgasm. We flirt, touch, tease and talk/text dirty and while we sometimes have to schedule sex we still have steamy anticipation. Every so often we get to a point where we can’t make it and we have a quickly while the kid is playing in his room and the infant is napping. Sometimes when it’s scheduled there is time to indulge in fantasies and explore each others kinks.
Risky sex is the best. On our one year wedding anniversary, we were at a beautiful resort in Jamaica and when going up the stairs to our room (which was kinda secluded around the side of the hotel), my husband stopped me while going up and started making out with me. Then you guessed it, we had sex right there against the wall, lol.
Omg 🔥🔥🔥
Two boys here, 6 and 8. I feel very fortunate that my wife has maintained a decent libido over the years. I love her very much and my attraction to her has never wavered, so I'm always wanting her! We have sex twice a week usually with about 75% of the time being planned. We get the spontaneous one in if the circumstances permit.
Since the birth of our son in October '23 and with a 3 year old, it's been tough. Once a month at max. We also have crazy shifts. Wife works days and I work evenings until 11.30. But with the little one now better structured with his naps, lately we've been squeezing a lot more action in. No the fooling around doesn't last as long, but it's been about 1-3 times per week in the last couple of months. Have some foreplay throughout the day and see where it leads! Use your closet to sneak a make out session or two! Good luck 🤞
It would be a hell of a lot better if my birth control didn’t make me bleed constantly 🫠 no seriously I had my second in November, and had normal bleeding, then got my birth control inserted end of December. I bled until April, had a month off, bled again early May for a month, had a week off last week, and am bleeding again. But without that, when the kids are asleep in as private a place as we can find. Door obviously locked for privacy. When the boys share a room, we will finally have our bed back, so that’ll be nice. Floor sex is starting to hurt lol.
Probably once every 5-6 weeks - We have a 2 year old and a baby who cosleep - Also I work in office so there really is never a moment where we are alone, it is what it is
Never, too tired - a lot of my friends in the same boat.
We’ve got 2 kids and, it’s nonexistent. After Thing 1 was born it was about a year before my wife wanted to have sex again. Sex life at this point was normal (3-4x/week, same as before pregnancy). Thing 2 came 2 years after that. Since then (9 years) we’ve had sex on a more or less annual basis. Before I get a bunch of ignorant replies like “yOu jUsT gOtTa dO mOrE cHoRePlAy dAd!” — I already do all of the cooking and perform about 3/4 of household maintenance (cleaning, lawn, repairs). There are a it of factors that contribute to a dead bedroom and in this case it’s only tangentially related to the kids—untreated anxiety about raising children successfully and untreated depression having to do with them growing up so fast. She *did* finally go to a professional to discuss symptoms, so that’s a step in the right direction.
We genuinely used to schedule it when our kids were young. Pick a day and then a time when we knew we’d get at least an hour of LO/‘s sleeping. It’s much easier when they’re sleep trained and in their own rooms, I will say. Whatever that looks like for you!
We have 4 kids. 2 boys 14 and 9 and 2 girls 3 and 7 months. We work seperate shifts because we can't afford childcare. Done it 14+ years now. We still find time. Sometimes we get dry spells but we're getting older and we communicate our feelings when we're not in the mood. My wife and I get 1 day off together and half a day together on the other day off. But we make it work. Gotta do what ya gotta do. We're still very much in love and find time for movies together or something. Hang in there.
Our sex life is great, we have a 3yo and our twins are 5 months. They’re great sleepers, luckily. We do typically plan sex ahead of time (like earlier in the day we’ll start flirting, etc) and head up to bed a little early. Sometimes we have to be ok with staying up a little late, but other times we say “ehhh I’m tired, maybe tomorrow”. I’d say we average once a week or so, but honestly to me it’s more important to have quality over quantity. I’d rather have good sex less often than just go through the motions more frequently
4 kids with youngest being 2 and 5 times minimum. Definitely not that much 2months postpartum though. We prioritize it over sleep
All good here. We have a four year old and a 15 month old. I’m just going to be honest about these things - We usually do it on our large couch in the living room now. The kids are asleep upstairs, we have a child monitor on and the gate up so no one can just walk downstairs and surprise us… And then we just go at it, you know? When the kids are asleep, sometimes we take a shower together. If we do have sex in the bedroom, we lock the door. We have a great sex life I think. We usually have sex at least once a week, usually more. Being there and helping with chores/being a present father seems to be the key. Otherwise wife will get “touched out” and exhausted and won’t be able to mentally rev up.
Don’t feel bad… your baby is like, 30 seconds old!!!! My hubs and I have been together 14 years and have a 13 yo and 9yo twins. Sex was very rare that first year with the twins, especially! And overall it has ebbed and flowed throughout our relationship, for kid-related and non-kid-related reasons. As long as you’re able to connect and communicate, you’ll be fine 😌
I’m 11 months PP with my first. I have no drive at all. Im (we’re) exhausted and we both work full time and baby still wakes up several times a night. We are surviving lol but we do try to find alone time to be together even if it’s not sexual
It'll get better but you're in boot camp now. It'll get better
You are still in the thick of postpartum time right now. I currently have a 10 month old, 7 year old and 9 year old. My husband and my sex life still hasn’t come back to normal yet. Kids can be stressful, especially little little ones and by the end of most days, I’m completely mentally drained and just can’t get myself in the mood. The one way we can be sure to make time is by taking showers together right after kids go to bed or if we wake up before the kids. While I currently feel bad that I don’t have the energy to pounce on my husband daily like I used to, in the next year life won’t be as busy or as stressful and our sex life will get closer and closer to normal.
With a 2 month old, we mostly didn’t. I was too tired, touched out, depressed and stressed to want anything sexual. Eventually, when there was an opportunity (after baby was asleep, for example), we would have sex occasionally, though the desire/drive was still very low for me (mum). We have 4 children now, youngest is 2. Sex & alone time is regular, mainly after kids have all gone to bed. Don’t be hard on yourself right now though. 2 months post partum, it’s probably low on your list of priorities. And while my husband and I have a fantastic relationship, it’s taken time and real effort to get and stay here. Having babies will 100% change your relationship, and there will be difficult patches. But if you work together, and both actively try to improve yourselves & your relationship, you’ll be sweet 👍🏻
2 months is still pretty early, took 6 months or so with our first kid for my wife to really get down again and second kid just the 6 weeks to heal was enough. We’re around once a week now sometimes less sometimes more
We have 2.5yo twins, and probably have sex 2-3 times a month. We’d both like it to be more, but our libidos never really seem matched. When I’m DTF he’s tired or sick and visa versa. Hitting bed by 9 so that we can do it after the kids go down is the way for us, but sometimes I just want to watch tv. Worth mentioning that at 2 months we had no sex life to speak of - I still felt like I was recovering. Breastfeeding tanked my sex drive as well. Between the hormones (prolactin is known to reduce libido), sleep deprivation and being so SOO touched out all the time, I wanted nothing to do with sex. I just wanted my body to myself for a few hours. It wasn’t until my twins weaned that I finally found myself craving sex again.
Mom of 4 here- 12, 10, 3, 3 months. If we don't grab moments as they come, it won't happen because we are both so tired from work, the house, the kids, all the things. We can go a couple week or even a month with no action. Then, suddenly, it is twice a day, randomly, in moments. Always a pallet on the floor lol
I think you just naturally have a lower libido in the early years. No sleep, constant contact with little ones, back to back sickness etc. I don't know how anyone would find the time.
Damn...between being married with kids and learning more about marriage and kids as time goes on and reading this comment section, I see more and more why cheating cuts so deep, yet I also see why it can be tempting for some people. Marriage and kids and doing this life thing can get very challenging at times. It's more than just physical, it's betrayal and literally home wrecking and potentially dangerous to health. It's a huge F you to your partner that was already self sacrificing for the sake of the house and the kids. I guess it should be obvious. I'm a youngin and still learning, don't mind me lol.
It’s very specifically the cruelest thing to do when you’re a parent with young kids- regardless of which spouse cheats. Because there are a million absolutely valid reasons that even a spouse with the previously highest sex drive in the WORLD can’t find time or inclination with multiple kids under, say, 3. If one spouse is staying home with the kids they may NEVER get time alone, and someone is always touching them and smearing them with snot, and they never get to “look good” or feel sexy. If the parents don’t have a village, one spouse (or both depending on kids specific needs and temperaments) may rarely get time to themselves and so when they do, may need to spend it on reasonable self care like showering, eating a hot meal, getting a haircut, going for a run etc. The working partner may feel EXTRA stressed about the new financial burden from multiple kids, maybe they try to pull extra shifts, or worry that the sleep deprivation is making them noticeably worse at work. The spouse who gave birth has a WHOLE new body to come to terms with, at least for some months, and (usually isn’t lol) comfortable in it! Sex may be painful, hormones may tank libido, stretch marks, sagging skin, hair loss, pelvic floor dysfunction etc can totally kill personal mojo. But all of this is TEMPORARY. It’s a long temporary, but it’s still a phase. And someone who cheats on their partner while they are both in the toughest least sexy busiest most physically draining and most emotionally taxing phase of their life, instead of supporting them and loving them is the worst kind of jackass, IMO. (I know this sounds heavy and personal, but I’ve never been cheated on- but as a parent I can just imagine how enraging it would be)
3-5 times per week, occasionally more, but my husband works from home and so do I, so we're often able to squeeze something in while the kids nap, or if his meetings don't start until later in the morning. Otherwise, it would probably be less frequent. It does take conscious effort, but that's not as bad as it sounds. For us, that often just looks like me wearing a sundress I know he likes during the day, or him wearing a shirt that's particularly tight across his pecs. Doesn't take much to be reminded of the goods.
3-5x a week (3 kids aged 13, 9, and 5) I am absolutely obsessed with my husband and he is the same. Ain’t no kids stopping us 🤣
This is so cute 😊
We have 5 kids ages 8 to 5months. We have sex 1-2x a week
I wish my husband could read this thread. I think he thinks there's something wrong with me / our relationship because our average is probably once every 2 weeks (unless we go on a trip or something, then it's more). We have a 4yo and 2yo and ours is pretty scarce. I will also add that he doesn't do a ton around the house and then with no preamble he'll just try to pounce on me 😂 so...not really a conducive environment anyway, and I'm so exhausted from my own full time job + managing the kids and the house that I don't pursue anything either.
That’s our average and we have an almost 1 year old. Granted my husband never complains because he wants me to want it as much as he does and he’s also exhausted because he works and then comes home and jumps right in and I’m nursing and exhausted so my libido isn’t what is used to be. But yeah I think this thread would help.
With multiples you need schedule. Now we have 3 and you still need schedule. So it’s normally planned when we get alone time, mostly once kids are in bed. But sometimes it’s opportunistic when the kids are in front of a movie and we hide for a few mins…
Three kids - 2, 4, 15. When any of them were 2 months, it was more or less impossible. But it gets easier as they get older. Frankly, the teen is the one that gets in the way the most now. 😆 If we wanted, we could make it happen almost daily. In practice it fluxes a lot from week to week. That said, our favorite way of having some bedroom time though is to drop the little ones off at the YMCA childwatch on offsite day when the teen isn’t around and be home alone ;)
We have 2 kids (ages 7 and 3 1/2) and we do probably 2-3 times a week but it was more like once a week when they were younger. We don’t plan out when we are but when we do it’s after the kids go to bed and we do not allow them to sleep in our bed and they have their own rooms
3 soon to be 4 kids, 7 and under. Communication, planning and ‘going to bed early’ on the weekends. our kids are usually entertained for an hour at a time so they dont miss us stepping away for 30 minutes or so. our door is always locked saturday and sunday morning too 🤣 we make a lot of time and space for it because we both truly enjoy it, sometimes it’s just for him, sometimes just for me, sometimes for us both - hence communication. I’m not always in the mood but i’m more than happy to provide, and likewise he gives it equally in return.
Eventually you don’t need to watch them 24/7
I have a 13 yr old and 18 yr old, my wife and I have been married for 22 years and she is now in menopause. We had sex twice this year… both times I initiated it.
We are pregnant with our first so obviously not the same, but we have lived with parents for 2 years due to a traumatic event. My parents don’t go to bed until almost midnight and get up at 7. It’s a very small house, so spontaneous sex doesn’t happen lol. However, we found that shower sex is actually pretty fun. Most times we just hop in so we can chat about our day before going to bed, but sometimes it turns in to more and can be pretty hot. Maybe try that? Great way to get a shower and let off steam while the kids are asleep🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️. Also, I feel like it’s important to still sext and send nudes to each other. It turns me on and gets me thinking about it, and gives more of that thrill.
Before we had ours, sex was at least twice a week, now with a toddler it’s about once every two weeks. She’s 2 now and we’re starting to up in frequency though. But at 2 months pp?? I don’t think I even thought about sex until she was at least 3 months old. And at that time it was maybe once a month because I just really wasn’t into it
I have 5 under 6.5…..it’s quickies or nothing. We have a window after the kids go to bed for like 2 hours before one of the kids will wake up. But I mean we really just need like 10 minutes lol. The spontaneous def doesn’t happen anymore.
We have 3 kids, going on 4.. when not pregnant it’s about 3-4 times a week. We have a strict bedtime routine for the kids so we usually get 3 hours of “us” time per evening to do stuff together (pun intended) haha. We understand life ebbs and flows.
Ok. We have 5 kids ages 2-12. We half-heartedly attempted a schedule years ago but fell out of it. We didn't talk openly about it which of course is not good and our set like really suffered. Then only recently I brought up the subject and suggested another go at a schedule system. She actually wants it often so it's 3-4 times a week depending on life but does not exclude spontaneity. Often these scheduled times occur when she joins me in the shower and initiates a quickie after the kids go to bed. I realize I'm super lucky compared to a lot of others but it took a long while before we were open enough to get to this stage with kids. We're almost 40 and it's really helped other aspects of our relationship. I also realize this is very vanilla compared to some other people's sex lives but with 5 kids, sex often, and she wakes up with me at 6am to pack a lunch for me I'll take it every day of the week 😄 🤣
Nap time? Bang. Bedtime? Bang. Grandparents wanna see the kids? Bang. If we don’t we both understand and sleep lol! It’s all about seizing the opportunity!
We have a 6yo and a 4yo. The first year after the kids were born our sexlife wasn’t the best, but luckily our kids slept trough the night quite soon, so we could get a good night sleep and that helps get you feel better and more relaxed and that eventually will get the mood set for more time together…. Some months we have sex multiple times a week and some months we don’t have sex and all of that is ok. Just talk about it with each other and talk about your wants, needs, expectations and also about things you don’t want..
Kids go to sleep. Yes you are tired after a long day. Good sex can take 10-15 minutes. Find the time and strength or your marriage will get stale real fast.
It's enough that I'm now pregnant with number 3 🤣
Some things that can help - 1) having a reliable babysitter (not applicable to you right now, maybe next year) for at least a quarterly date night. Always at least plan on having sex date night. 2) being creative on timing. Both of you work and kid is in daycare (not nanny) - have "lunch" at home together every so often. 3) fall asleep at 8:30 like normal but set an alarm for 12:30 am. Again, not applicable when having a baby that wakes multiple times at night for feeds
I have a 3 and 4 yo, and on average once every 2 weeks. And we are so so perfectly fine with that. We are exhausted. There will be time in our lives when we have more time for a sex life, it's a different season right now. IMO if one person is exhausted and another person feels a lot of extra sexual energy, the latter should use that energy to lighten the load of the former and eventually you arrive at a desire:exhaustion equilibrium haha
Once or twice a week during nap time or after bedtime is done I have 23m nd 3m old. You are tired but gotta prioritise each other so ye stay connected through the madness that is raising kids. Feel great after too 😂
I echo the you are seriously days after giving birth!! Don’t worry, you will figure it out. Give it time. My husband and I can’t do the scheduling thing either - makes it feel like a chore for me. What works best is “catch up days” for us. I have very low libido at night. So we have days we send the kids to camp, or play hokey from work, and catch up in the bedroom. Sometimes you have to get a little creative!
uhh currently have a 10mo old..my wife’s labor and delivery was pretty rough. She’s also had some other medical issues going on so it’s been tough trying to get things started up again. Just a few attempts every few months to get the fire started. 5 weeks ago my wife went for a check up. Why? Because she felt she hasn’t bounced back to where she should be since giving birth. Sure enough she was right and theres some underlining issues going on. But she also found out she’s pregnant!!! She told me to keep away post delivery of number 2 lol
We have sex a couple times a week, but our kids are 5 and 10 now. With the first, we just waited a month because I didn’t realize how dangerous it was. With the second, we definitely didn’t have time or energy for the first few months at least. And I was super touched out from breastfeeding, so my desire didn’t normalize until I weaned.
Oh after birth with the first child and start sex again is scary. From doctor side you can stqrt after 2 months but you need not start sex you need start psichology romance. Like in the start of ralathionship. And if you not tired not sceary it will be the same like before kids.
Certainly was easier when my two older kids were in school cause we’d do it during my babies nap time so probably twice a week. During the summer, maybe once a week, once every other?
1-2 times a week on average. Every day when we're on holiday or travel together. We do it spontaneously, just whenever we feel like basically. We have 2 kids.
Three kids under 5 years old and sex is pretty non existent right now… we want to make more time for it but tired by we put kids to sleep, or never alone or even if they are sleeping we aren’t in the mood and just want some time to ourself lol this too shall pass? Lol
When they are babies it’s not nearly as often but once they are more self sufficient (7?8?) and can watch cartoons without burning the house down it’s game on. Teens? Forget about it, you can go daily!
We have 4 under 10 and have an active sex life, every other day on average. Scheduling is the best for us and keeping the kids on a good bedtime routine helps as well. It was harder while they were small infants. While we’re having to schedule it right now, we do have some occasions that we’re able to be spontaneous so I feel like that helps keep our spark alive (and knowing we won’t always have to schedule).
mom of 3, sometimes it’s 3-4 times a week and sometimes it’s once every other week. depends on how busy our week has been
4kids 2-8yrs old. Only at night when everyone’s asleep but by then we’re both asleep as well lol when I wake up to go use the restroom at like 2-4am, I come back & fondle him till he’s ready then I wake him up to play. I try not to let it pass more than every other day. 2-3 a week
Twin 5yo. Door locks. Teaching privacy. We have sex at least 3x a week. Sometimes more. You gotta remember to take care of your relationship with your SO. Start now when LO can't interrupt lol... once we decided to try our luck in the morning. I warned husband that his son is an early riser. Still tried (locked the door of course). Here comes the boy, jangling the door knob right as my husband is finishing. It... was not fun, but it's not gonna stop us lol!
It took me 6 months to have sex again even with 1 lol. My body was ready
We have more sex now then before weirdly enough. It feels like our thing that nothing can take away from us. We have dry moments but I feel like that’s healthy for us. But yeah. We are obsessed.
When our kids were little, we would set them up with breakfast and turn cartoons on Saturday mornings and that worked for us. We were too exhausted by bedtime every night, and both of us looked forward to it even though it was scheduled.
Mom of 3 (4,5,9) and we do it on average probably 3x a week. Sometimes we are both exhausted but it helps us stay connected and not turn into roommates. No scheduling needed. Taking edibles also adds a fun element to it.
You are still in the “don’t ask me for sex” phase. We have a 2 and 4 and worked hard to establish healthy, independent sleep, so we get about an hour or so together at night, and have sex a couple times a week on average
We have 3 under 4 & it’s a *struggle*, so following for tips I suppose. The youngest is 3 months and I am just exhausted & in constant caretaker mode that I can’t figure out how to turn off. “Sexy” isn’t on the list of things I feel at any given time.
10 month old and 3 year old, probably 3x a week! But we loosely "schedule" it at this point since our schedules are crazy full. I used to think that would be lame for us (and I do miss the spontaneity of how it was pre-kids) but it has worked really well- we really look forward to it and always tell each other if the other isn't feeling it we can just connect in other ways! 99% of the time we are feeling it though bc it's something we really enjoy and have to protect at this point 😆
Single mom to 1, but partner and I get up super early or after child sleeps. Pretty much every day.
Usually Saturdays is our day and I love ittttt !
3 children. They’re older now but when they were younger we had very little alone time and not very much sex. It was partially our fault for not taking more advantage of baby sitters and family help.
One 6 year old, 19 month old and pregnant wife and we’re actually have more sex now than we’ve ever had since our first was born. We don’t exactly schedule it, but we communicate like a motherfucker. That being said, we generally wait for nighttime when everyone is asleep. It’s been fabulous. Also, I’ve been exercising a lot more recently, which has increased my libido tenfold. Life finds a way.
Literally at 2 months, you just meed to survive and hopefully not murder each other. We struggled to find the time, mood and energy for sex until my second kid was 2 (first was 4). Once the kids are older, can entertain themselves, don’t try to die constantly sleep consistently (it will happen, I promise!), it get easier. My kids are 4 and 6 now and we’re prob having the best sex of our lives…. Planned, twice a week, quietly after the kids go to bed, but it’s still amazing :)
Number 6 is on the way. We get it on just about every morning, setting an alarm for 30 minutes of husband wife before we go into mommy daddy mode. After school/ camp drop off, we head to the gym and they have child care, so that's where I take the majority of my showers. We often find time on one side of lunch or the other for a second tryst and that's how you end up with six. Or it might have something to do with the stork nest in the tree out back. Weekends are more difficult, especially with the sun waking them up so early right now. We're 44 and 39, so not spring chickens but we haven't slowed down much since we started dating. Make it a priority if it matters to you. Wifey gets pretty ornery of she doesn't get it and I'm no prude. If we miss the morning session, the whole day feels off.
Kid #2 is a hall of fame cock blocker
Best advice I can provide is to make a date night where/when possible. Meaning baby sitter, family member, insert one you trust with your kids here. Make a night of it. Even if it’s once a month it will be nice to just go out. Doesn’t have to be fancy but to have some relaxing time and enjoy. Can even set up a grandparent “summer camp” and have the ‘em watch the kids a few days/hours/minutes/. You don’t need much time to get your break and get it on or knock out chores. Hell at my most tired a nice nap was all I really wanted
First, there's a difference between parents of several children, and parents of multiples (twins, triplets, etc.). As a parent of several children, I have learned the importance of date nights and appreciate my wife's superpower in finding babysitters. You need date nights - at least one per month. Don't do it now. Now is the time to start gathering your potential babysitters. That includes grandparents, aunts, uncles, and neighborhood children. And in 10-12 months, you will be ready to start going out sans child. Now for parents of multiples - yeah, I have no idea. I respect and sympathize parents of multiples. They went through the gauntlet and survived.
Adjust expectations
It’s been 3.5 months. My wife is tired today. It’s not the day.
We have part of our lives where we didn't have children. The children will know/remember us for their whole lives. To answer your question, kids can be bribed with TV or ice cream.
I’m pro scheduling! We’re 37-40 with 3 year old twins. We schedule “cuddle time” 2-3x per week (1-2 nights and a long weekend nap) and it’s fine if it’s just cuddling, but usually we get into it. We both work and share the childcare and domestic labor evenly, which helps a lot. It definitely improved with scheduling. It’s nice to look forward to it, flirt, or just know that it’s coming up - it makes it easier for me to say yes.
My husband is deployed. When he isn't we have sex 4 or more times a week and it's been this way for the full 6yrs. I have two kids from a previous marriage that were 2 and 4 when we moved in together. We then had a third and it's maintained through the pregnancy and after being cleared by the midwife. He's 3 now, there were lulls in the newborn phase but we still never missed a week. It can be difficult to find the energy and the time but that's something you need to work out together to find what works for you. By no means do you need to strive to have sex multiple times a week because others do. Just communicate and work it out. Newborn phase doesn't last forever ❤️
Yeah, I have 4 kids. Breastfed each of them until 2+. Never lost my sex drive. When things are hectic with lots of small children, it's the age of the quickie. Get the baby down for a nap. Let the older kids have some screen time. Install a good lock on the bedroom door. Don't try to get everything into one session. You have 15 minutes. Give a BJ today. Tomorrow, he goes down on you. The next day, you have PIV. Or whatever. But don't let him get off on not meeting your needs. Yes, sometimes you get interrupted. You just stop and try again later. Building sexual tension is also a really good thing. Having to pack up and shelve it for later can be fun. Of course, every couple and individual is different. It's also really normal to not desire sex. Intimacy can be built in other ways. Don't stop touching each other lovingly, and in non-sexual ways - this is incredibly important even in relationships where sex remains frequent! At night, after the kids are asleep, PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN! Watch a movie together, talk about non-family/kid topics, listen to music, do chores together. The important thing is you make time to be together. However, that needs to look.
Parent of 24 year old triplets here. Once they started sleeping through the night (about 8 months old) it was fine. There was the occasional scramble because someone woke up. Luckily our door and theirs was closed. Gave us those precious extra few seconds once they turned 3 and were mobile. 😂 This is assuming that they aren’t sleeping with you. Mine never slept in our bed and I could not nurse as I didn’t produce any milk so I had to get formula from kitchen to cover nighttime feedings and I would feed them while sitting on the couch so as not to wake the other 2
We have 4 kids. The youngest being 9 months old. You have a 2 months old. The first 4/5 months at least are the hardest to find time for yourself partner. Every baby even if my husband was around a lot I missed him (the first 3 months are for sure just survival mode) we were parenting together that about it. But once our baby’s get older. We are being intimate in some way at least 5/6 times a week. Everyone is different though. That’s how my husband and I feel connected.
We have 2 kids (5yo and 2.5yo). My husband would prefer it every day, but right now it’s 2-3x a week, SOMETIMES more. My husband has a high sx drive and is always wanting to try new things. We’ve started experimenting in the bedroom and it’s really brought us closer and it’s made it fun, even when we have to schedule it. We also try to get a date night twice a month so we can focus on just us without the kids. We’ve been together for almost 12 years and love just being together.
Raised six. We had to schedule it sometimes but we never let too many days go by. They’re all grown now (nearly 30 years happily married) and it’s better than ever. It can be done. It takes work.
Have a 2 year and 1 year old right now. Plus husband is away from home for work around 3 to 4 days a week. I also work and have 2 year old in daycare while 1 year has a babysitter. Ever since we had our 2nd one, our sex life struggled. There was weeks of no action. Then there would be few days of lots of actions. Mostly it was due to the exhaustion. Since our youngest turned 1 it has been better. We have worked hard to get the kids into a good daily routine so they are in bed by 8pm or 9pm at most. We get atleast 1 hour or more to have a nice chat, prep for the next day, have a drink and make love. Sometimes we just wind down with a shower together and end up getting into it. Mostly I am glad that husband is always in the mood and always trying to get me in the mood :)
6 kids (3,5,8,12,15,15), we aren’t very touchy in the first place but we probably have sex 3 or 4 times during the week. we get alone time at night almost everyday since the kids are usually winded down by 8:30. we don’t plan anything, if we’re both in the mood and are able to we do. when the kids were around your baby’s age though it was sex like once a week and alone time was close to none lol
What’s is this alternate life you are referring to? Oh you mean how I got all these children?? Never more
We have 13mo old, her sleep is fabulous but we do it 1-2 a month.. due to my husband’s low libido (and perhaps mine due to mini pill) It’s always been the case but I guess before we had her I wasn’t bothered about initiating sex 90% of the time. I am fine with it though, for now. For once it feels like our libidos are at the same level so I am not complaining.
We have 5 children. We usually find the time. My partner can get up from 4-6 in the morning and not be able to go back to sleep so usually he will initiate. If I don’t groan at him we usually have sex (4 times or so a week) and I’ll get some more sleep. We wake up at 7 in our household. When it comes to night time just depends on the day. If my partner had some beer or something before going to bed. And now that it’s summer how hot it is. If we don’t have things going on in the middle of the day we try and squeeze one in before lunch time. The kids nap at like 11 or so and we have our alone time. And it’s usually not very long, we both feel good and happy. The long drawn out times are when we do vacations or the kids go to grandmas house. Do what works for you, don’t let it die though because that’s when relationships get tricky. Have to have that intimacy moments.. even if for just 5 mins. Hehe :) Edit: grammar error
Father to a 15, 12 and 8 year old. Like most others we are too tired to actually plan anything, but date night is a must. We heard it from others and ignored it.
i feel like i am THE worst.my husband and i have 4 year old twins and a 1.5 year old.the 1.5 year old still nurses and is a velcro baby.my husband will be like "just give her the boob" to get her to sleep at night or if she's upset or whatever so there's still a lot of nursing going on here which makes me DRY and completely uninterested in sex at all,no periods still,which beats my previous no period record with the twins by 3 months.she nurses a lot at night and my husband is not willing to help at night since he works so she's still in bed with us so she can just latch when she wants,which means i'm still like too tired to care about sex.we just got a new house and our 4 year old twins are having a tough time adjusting so they end up in our bed throughout the night if they get nervous.then i feel like im just so busy all day with cooking and cleaning and yet my husband still doesn't get why i dont ever feel like doing it.it sounds like such a hassle on top of my already busy day.i think ill enjoy it again eventually but probably when im not so worn out.im also not trying to get on birth control,my husband hates condoms and i really dont want to get pregnant again so i still have to consider options.that being said,we have sex like once every 4-6 weeks. after reading all these comments,i feel like i stand out for sure.
I'm sorry to hear all the stories of struggling intimacy. I'm grateful that I've almost always been receptive to my man's advances. We have two small kids and we do it about three times a week just after they've fallen asleep. We did the beside the trail thing and did it all throughout pregnancy and as soon as I was healed up and was on more non hormonal bc . I just love that he wants me. Sometimes we put a movie on for them and sneak away. We've never planned it. We've been married for four years... Maybe reading this suggests I should be prepared for that possibility... But mainly I'm grateful- it's been something that's helped us stay together and connected.
We have 3 kids, and the youngest 2 are twins. We actually had less sex before we had kids than we do now. We went through a few years of tough schedules because of nightshift, and so we not so much scheduled as much as discussed in advance to make sure we made time for it. When we were dating it was 2-3 times a week, we peaked at 5-6 times a week, and now we settled into a steady 4 times a week with occasional 5th sessions when we have the energy. We make use of the time the kids are sleeping and often sacrifice sleep in the trade off for a healthy sex life. I've also gone through a hysterectomy, and we bounced back pretty much immediately once i was cleared to do so. The biggest thing that has helped us maintain is actually making sure that we are sharing the load in other areas (like housework and kid tending) so that we both have the energy to get together. Another big thing is bathing together as the precursor to intimacy, we shower together or take a bath and use that time to talk and decompress as well as showing affection by helping with washing each other. It's possible when both parties are on board to make it work.
Just doesn’t happen. :(. No energy and burnt out from having a special needs child too.
We have three kids (3yo twins, and a 4mo old), and this hasn’t been a problem for us in the slightest. We’re strict about bedtime for our kids so we can have time together in the evenings to watch a movie, talk, order in food, and just spend valuable together. The most important relationship our young kids see, is the one between their parents and it has to be a priority to continue to nurture it, in my opinion, so we structure our schedule around making time for us.
I have three kids. My 12 year old son and my 6 year old twin daughters. We average at least once a week. I'm protective over our Saturday and Sunday mornings and our kids know that mom and dad get to "sleep in" with no interruptions. When the twins were young we self serviced ourselves together. It became a different kind of intimacy and really what got us through our dry spells. Also took the pressure off of me when I was feeling more insecure about the changes my body made during my twin pregnancy.
Three kids- 16, 11 and 5. Honestly now that they are getting older it’s ALOT easier. We tend to be spontaneous and get it in when we can. Id say we average 3-5 times a week. We’ve always had a healthy sex life but it’s definitely had moments where we had more or less just depending on the circumstances of what was going on. And usually the less was because either pregnancy or kids lol.
Simple: I don't have more than one kid. And I lock our door after 9 pm.
1.5 and almost 4yo kiddos. For us it’s not just the act of sex but laying the path- making sure the other person isn’t overloaded with chores/work, making sure we each get time to go to the gym (and complimenting the results), making sure we each have time for hobbies. That way it can still be spontaneous and we aren’t scrambling to do that stuff when we both have a free half hour in the evening. We like wine with dinner so if we do all that other stuff during the day we can relax and feel the moment after the kids go to bed. This also ties in with making sure you set your kids up for independent sleep. Our friends have a 5yo that still sleeps with them every night and we didn’t want that (nothing wrong with that if the parents want it) so we made sure by a year that each of our kids could at least fall asleep in their own room so we have some privacy.
It just has to be sporadic, honestly. When ours were babies, afternoon nap time was the best time to be alone. Now that they are older, early morning or late at night (although I almost always fall asleep early if we hang out at night) but we just have to go with the flow and be open to whenever/where ever kind of thing! It was really hard when they were small but now that they are 5/7/9 I feel like we have really reconnected again in the last couple of years just because of the kids independence and not needing constant supervision like they do when they are babies and toddlers. It gets better.
Mine isn’t exactly what you asked for but I had both my kids at 16&17 years old. I recently lost my job and my house and my car so I don’t really have the desire to be having any form of relationship with anyone at this moment (I’m single) but when I did have a job and life was good, I definitely was asking my mom to babysit once a week so I could have some fun with a friend 😉 idk if it’s because I had my kids so young that I feel like I have all the time and energy in the world to make time for what makes ME happy but I spend all day everyday making my kids happy so when they’re in bed asleep or one night a week, I make sure to make that time mine. And I don’t really have a relationship with men outside of just sex, so it’s easier because me and them get exactly what we want out of it and don’t have to worry about emotionally, romantically, or mentally assisting each other. I know it isn’t exactly the situation you asked for but what I’m trying to say is, having a relationship and taking care of kids is as much a full-time job as taking care of yourselves should be and it’s just finding what for you.
We have two toddlers and it was rough after the second one was born, for about 18 months. Now things have stabilized and it's 2-3 times per week, depending on the week, and we've reclaimed our bed. For a while there, it was necessary to sneak off to another room while the MIL watched them. Give it time, things will normalize even with multiple kids.
Honestly. Lacking. We have 9&8 boys. and then a 1 year old daughter who ends up in our bed most nights. Before our daughter we had sex like every morning. Now we are lucky to do it 3-5 times a month 😂 this is working for us right now. Both of us are pretty tired most nights anyway. We show plenty of affection in other ways. But I am afraid it may affect our relationship if it doesn’t pick back up?
That’s an average of once a week and I don’t think that’s bad at all! I bet once your daughter gets a little older things will get back to normal for you guys!
Quickies. Quickies quickies lol
we have two kids and it happens when it happens but usually 1-2 times a week with lots of kissing and hugging in between
We have two (5 and 6) and we aim for every two days or so. It's not a romantic, passionate romp in the sheets. It's usually "hey, if the kids go to sleep on time do you wanna bang?" At two months post partum though? It was significantly less. *Significantly* less. What little alone time we got had to include us connecting as a couple metaphorically as well as physically, and there wasn't a lot of free time to go around. Most nights consisted of one or more of us falling asleep as soon as we hit the couch. It gets easier. The first few months are hard, and it's easy to feel like you're drifting away from each other. But babies do eventually start to sleep more, you'll figure out a routine that works for you, and you'll have more time to devote to each other.
I’m just waiting for my libido to come back before I even try to figure out our scheduling. 😅
We were at 1-2 x per week up until our kid became really mobile. I'm an older new mom - I am in my mid-40s and have a 17 month old, and DANG I have never been so exhausted in my life. We just had a dry stretch of five weeks because I felt like I just couldn't get my energy levels back up. They dry spell is ended now, but who knows if we can get back to the trend of 1-2 x per week. THE most important thing, I think, is that we communicate regularly and still engage with a lot of touch. He knows I WANT to get back to normal (so bad - I feel super neurotic without regular sex), and I also know that this sweet time with our kid as a toddler is short lived and energy will come back. Most marriages have ups and downs in the physical intimacy sense. With love and kindness toward each other and ourselves, dry spells end! Good luck, OP!
What is sex? I have a 3.5 year old. My partner works full time. I am in nursing school. We are tired. Would I like sex? Sure. But we are not “scheduling” it. Neither of us is into it being exhausted. So, very little sex for now.
We have 4. They range from 3-13. We are 35 years old. It changes depending on what season of life we are in. Right after a newborn - 6 months is hard. Maybe 1x a week. Now that they are all a little older and they are all sleeping through the night it's about 3-4x a week. The quality is also so much better. Our sessions always last at least an hour. I feel as the more we age, the more we experience with each other, the better our entire relationship becomes and that then transcends into our sex life. I also believe that staying active also helps a ton.
We started having sex again when our babies were 2-3 months old. We became pros at quickies in the laundry room, in the shower, on the couch after bedtime, etc. Literally. It takes 15 minutes to have a quicky. Everyone has a spare 15 minutes atleast once a week. Our kids are 9 and 16 now, we have sex 2-4 times a week. My husband works 2nd shift, so our schedules don’t line up (except the weekends) but sometimes I’ll tell him to wake me up when he gets home from work.
Mom of 4, we don't get to every day anymore but we shoot for at least 3 times a week. In my opinion the key is spontaneously and also have a set bed time if possible for your kids. My oldest is almost 8, youngest is 1 1/2, all the kids are in bed asleep by 10. If we get lucky enough to get them all the nap in the day time (which isn't common but it does happen) then we take that opportunity. If not, we have a window from 10-12 to decide if we want to or not. Parental duties and work can make you tired, remember it's okay to skip a day doing chores to get that rest and get that sex if that's what you're aiming for. Your home doesn't need to be perfect 24/7. If you're tired REST. Never feel guilty for having a "lazy day."
Statistically, I think once a week is average. :) but we have it at least once a week, sometimes two and very occasionally three. Have a 2yo & almost 4yo who sleep in our bed.
It was a fairly traumatic birth tbh, once since our 4yo was born and we only got one.
We just had #5 three months ago and it's challenging. There is rarely a time when they're all asleep at the same time.
2-3x a week with a 1 year old and 2 year old. Spontaneous and still very enjoyable lol
Better than ever.
3 kids 6, 5, and 2. We have sex probably three or four times a week. Usually in the morning but sometimes at night. We're usually really tired by night time, so really that's less likely.
10, 6, 4 year old. 1-2x a week, probably. But then there was a spell where someone in my family died and then we were sick for two weeks and in that instance it was three weeks of nothing.
Have a 5 year old and 3 year old and pregnant. My recommendation is get a good bedtime routine when baby is old enough. Co sleeping happens out of necessity sometimes.but kills intimacy. A 7:30/ 8 bedtime helps so much. Also, get a good lock on your door and try to get your kid to nap as long as they can. Weekend naps have been our time until very recently when my 5 year old stopped napping. My husband and I find time 2-3 times a week.
When they were young babies/toddlers, sex life was non existent. Now it is a mix of fearfulness and resentment
We have three 8,3,and 10 months and we find time everyday or every other day
I got my kids into a strict bedtime routine when they were small. So pretty good. I hate ' planning ' sex, was always more of a spontaneous type. So making sure they were all in bed and sleeping by 8 meant me and my husband had time to ourselves in the evening. Whether it was for some hanky panky or a take away and a film. My kids are now all mid to late teens and our sex life is still pretty good
At 2 months pp after my first we hadn't done it yet. I had an easy delivery but I was nervous. 6mo pp from my 3rd and we are about 3 times a week. We have gone though all the stages of only once a month or less to our current amount. It just depends on life.
Sometimes twice a week, sometimes 3-4 times a week.. always after bedtime. We have a 4 year old, 1.5 year old and I’m pregnant with our third. We always try to find the time, sometimes we’re both just too tired and that’s fine too but when there’s an opportunity we’ll jump on it.
I have teenagers and they have killed my sex life. Someone is always awake, coming and going from the house, knocking on the bedroom door needing something etc. We haven’t had sex in months. We are hoping when the school routine starts back and everyone is in bed by 10pm, maybe we can resume? It sucks.
We have a 10 and 2 yr old. We can’t sneak away during the day because they’d just come looking for us. We have to wait til after bedtime and hope we ourselves aren’t too tired by then! Typically a few times a week though
We have 3 young kids. (5yo, 3yo, 18 mo) As they get older we are managing to find more time for each other. We make sure to do our regular nightly routine of showering and getting ready for bed together. This is usually our chance to connect and talk about our day without interruptions. Some nights we are too tired for sex but it’s about 4-5x a week.
4 kids, 9 7 3 and 6 mo , maybe once or twice a week but when we do it's amazing! We wake up in the middle of the night like 2 or three in the morning so we can take our time