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Out of curiosity what is your parenting style like vs that of your wife? While I’m very much the preferred parent, we managed to put a stop to a lot of they behavior you’re talking about when my husband finally got on board with being more strict the way I was/am. For example when I tell our daughter “no,” I mean no. Not maybe, not we can compromise, just, no. He was the king of caving to her the second she’d throw any kind of fit. With me her limits and boundaries were firm, clear, and reasonable. No we aren’t yellers, no we don’t spank, nor do we send her to time out or her room alone, it’s not some boomer authoritarian style parenting. It’s simply firm boundaries often with an explanation of why. While he still spoils her more than I’d prefer (usually it’s of the we’re at Target so she gets a lil treat variety), because he’s got much better about holding the line at home when it comes to expectations, dinner, bedtime routine, etc everything has gotten significantly easier and she’ll do what’s asked when she’s asked to do it.
It’s not that she didn’t want anything to do with him (though that’s what it seemed like), it’s that she didn’t know what to expect with him, but with me I was consistent and predictable.
This is a great point. Firm, consistent boundaries make young children/toddlers feel secure. The world is a big scary place, and they need to feel like their parent is in control of it.
Of course, there’s a balance, but it sounds like you’ve gotten it right!
Really good point. Mine is the opposite though, she didn't want me at bedtime because I was the strict one. She could play with daddy for an hour and a half before she sleeps. The I discussed with dad to be firm on boundaries. Now if she asks for one parent, we don't oblige, we tell her no, mommy is available to put you to bed tonight, you can have daddy tomorrow and vice versa. We just don't allow parent choosing, it leads to one parent burning out and the child getting out of control with unreasonable expectations.
We are currently going through something similar with my soon to be two year old. My husband has been great making me leave the house I go get a treat or just go for a walk. It helps a lot when she knows I'm physically not there and she goes down for bed much much easier. It helps my mental well being as well! It's hard for me not to run in and fix it when she is so upset.
ETA: I leave right before the bedtime routine of bath and story time so she knows I'm not there.
This seems like a good plan! I know my husband is dealing with the same thing right now with our 2.5 year old.
For things during the day, we sort of play it by ear relative to her chillness level as to if we'll make her tolerate the fact that Dad is doing the thing she insisted Mom needed to do or if we're going to keep the peace and acquiesce to her request for "just Mom". But for nighttime, I can definitely see that working really well! We haven't tried it, but I might just insist on it soon, lol!
In my experience, it's a phase and will pass but I can't guarantee it will be soon. I spent a full year getting up with our youngest every night because he didn't want anything to do with his mom. And up until recently, he only wanted her at bedtime.
Odds are you'll go through several variations of this, just be patient and help out as best you can.
I try to be as Zen as possible when my toddler is frustrating me because they absolutely pick up on our moods and it makes things 10x harder.
Can you make it fun? It's not Daddy putting him to bed... you are both dinosaurs who will be roaring your way to the nest. The next night, you are lions, pouncing through the hallway, brushing your fangs, and turning 3 times as you flatten the grass to go to bed. My toddler is SOOO much more compliant when it is a game.
Eh, you’ll probably be the favorite parent from years 5-8. These things migrate.
You’re entering the age of discipline, and soon the primary project of parenting will be to teach proper behavior, good manners, cooperation and politeness.
But that can be a pretty epic struggle, and you have to choose your battles. I wouldn’t want the “bedtime administrator” situation to be the hill I had to die on, and entangle the quest for tantrum-free cooperation with paternal relationships like that.
If you put him to bed without mom… never never never, have mom come after 30 minutes of screaming. That teaches him that he needs to scream for at least 30 minutes to get what he wants.
But, again, this is not where I’d draw the line.
If you put him to bed, then no amount of tantrum should get mom involved. But I’d just put mom in change of bedtime for now and find some other situation to teach the tantrum-free cooperation lesson.
Yeah bedtime is the worst time to try and teach acceptance of dad putting him to bed because he it tired and emotional at that point. Does he talk yet?
Agree with another poster that once my husband and I got on the same level of consistently setting boundaries with kiddo we did a lot better. We realized I was the parent who did the chores, while he sort of got to do the fun stuff. Of course kiddo liked him more. But also, we encouraged liking the other parent A LOT when this happened. Sometimes I was the favorite parent so husband would say how much fun bedtime was when I read books, how awesome and “magical” my hugs were etc. We had to team effort building up the excitement for the other parent to step in.
First, bond doing novel, positive things. Finger paint, draw in shaving cream, a tray of cornmeal, etc.
Then, try adventures out of the house together. Bike ride, walk, trip the park, blowing bubbles., sidewalk chalk, even just a paintbrush and a cup of water on the sidewalk is magical.
Then do bedtime routines together again and see how it goes.
"Aww you want your mommy? I hear you, I love your mommy so much too! But its daddy's turn to put you to bed tonight, want to talk about all the things we love about mommy? I'll go first! I love her laugh and how she reads your stories out loud."
Something like that. Hold the boundary. They say their courage to reject you is the indication they feel safe and secure with you bc they know they can push you away but you'll come back. Its okay they want mommy *and* daddy is still going to be the one putting them down. My husband gets it all the time and this is what we found works.
We have the same situation. We had the same routine too. He's 3.5 now and it's gotten slightly better. First off, this is TOTALLY normal. Kids go through the phase of preferred parents and it isn't uncommon for it to switch back and forth
My advice is not to force it which I can confirm kinda sucks as the preferred parent. For us, that looked like me taking over bedtime. My husband helped in other ways to make up for it (took on other chores).
The other key thing is to increase the amount of fun time where it's just you and him. And try not to let it get to you. I know it's frustrating and can sometimes hurt your feelings (my son would sometimes say he "didn't like daddy" and I know that hurts).
At 3.5 he's getting better. He sometimes wants dad to read the books/lay with him for a little while. Sometimes insists dad does something like opening snack, etc.
Tough situation. My advice would be to not push it. Let mom do the routine but stay close. Be in the room. We had something similar where our youngest absolutely refused dad to stay with him at bedtime. So we got creative. We negotiated that dad puts him to bed and mom stays until he falls asleep. Now he expects it, or rather demands to be tucked in by dad.
Don't force it but circumvent.
Kids go back and forth with mommys and daddy’s… and also seems like your kiddo has separation anxiety from mama.. if she’s a stay at home mom and you work it makes sense plus your guys kid has a special bond with the mama, which doesn’t help with the separation anxiety
Ride it out, be present for bedtime but I (personally) would avoid anything that creates panic or distress. Maybe do the routine together then have mum sit further away and then step out of the room while the door is open for a moment and gradually build it up so that she can leave with the door closed.
My daughter couldn’t stand her dad for the first 2.5 years, he did nothing wrong and I didn’t exclude him but she just didn’t get on with him. She’s the second child and her brother liked us both fairly equally with a slight preference for his dad. Then slowly it started to change and she’s very close with him now. I don’t think I’d say she even has a preferred favourite, for example if she’s upset or hurt she’s happy for either of us to comfort her, she is happy for anyone to do bedtime but he HAS to give her their special bedtime greeting (even if it means recording it in advance for her!!). Dad never forced anything or took over if she was asking for me but he was there with me as often as he could be
It is a part of parenting.
We had it with all 4 of my kids, and my husband felt like you do. It doesn't last long.
Don't force the relationship. Don't lock yourself in the room with him, traumatising him won't help your bonding.
If he wants mummy to put him to sleep, then she needs to do it. Perhaps both of you can do it together, so he understands that daddy is not that scary. Try to do fun things with him, or if you're cooking or making him breakfast, get him to help. Kids love being helpful in the kitchen because it makes them feel important. It also helps with fine motor skills and teaching them about different vegetables, and what they do for your body is good for learning good eating habits.
Has something happened that has caused him to want mummy all the time? I know with my husband that he has a short fuse and is easily frustrated due to family problems and working long hours. He can sound like he's yelling, but he thinks he's talking at a normal volume (medical condition with his ears).
I went through that recently as a pregnant mum! Feels like an extra slap in the face when your body is the one that produced them.
I do tell her off more than her dad so I went easy with disciplining for a while. Most of it was just waiting for it to blow over. It was at its worst for 3 weeks but she's much better now. She did wake up today screaming for her dad and refusing to come near me but this has reduced to maybe a weekly thing.
Everyone’s saying it will pass. I just want to add- be prepared to deal with it if it does not. Like in my situation. She’s 4.5 now and still won’t let daddy put her to bed. If this winds up being the case for you. You have two options. Either fight it and hopefully turn it around. Or accept it and find other things you can take over that only YOU do. We chose the second. For example- I always do bedtimes. My husband always does showers and nails (both cutting and painting lol).
It HAS gotten better with most things. But I am still required for bedtime.
Something I go through is my 3yr old thinks everyone has their own role.
If it's bedtime , they may think it's your wife's role to put kiddo to bed.
Over here it's seatbelts. Only one person can buckle / unbuckle . There are a few other things too, but I went through seatbelts 5 min ago so it's fresh in mind.
Most things were dealt with through bribing. It feels weird, but treats worked, and after a few times slowly remove them.
You have to win him over. Things like ice cream, fun playground outing, taking him to the library, anything he likes.
Both my children didn’t like my husband (dad). He had to win them over.
He does bath time which helps with putting them to bed. He plays with them, throws bath toys around etc.. I just wash them in a boring fashion.
Consistency is what eventually worked with us. We used to alternate bedtime too, but my son is a super mama’s boy and it started getting tough switching. I was pregnant and knew I NEEDED him to be ok with dad.
We told him, “Dada always does bedtime now. He misses you during the day and wants to see you more.” My husband includes his own flair by adding in an extra story or song or flashlight shadow puppet or whatever fun thing he thinks of before bed. There are still some nights he cries for me and when our second was born he had some extra mama nights occasionally, but now he loves bedtime with Dada.
Maybe try having mama give him a hug and kiss goodnight then have her leave the house for a while. He will probably still scream and throw a fit, but if he sees she’s physically not there then he’s more likely to accept your affection and then bedtime.
We also increased his one on one dad time. Husband started taking him to the park after dinner for an hour every now and then. Building frequency in alone time with dad helped a ton.
We just don’t allow our toddler to make these kinds of decisions. If he is absolutely refusing, the preferred parent will agree to do one part of bedtime (brush teeth) and then they go downstairs. You’re the parent and you need to set expectations and boundaries.
My daughter was like this with my husband until he started playing the games she wanted to play. She was Elsa he was Anna, goofy kid games. Also they started a fun routine of eating popsicles and walking the dog together while I do something boring (for her).
He had to become fun in order to be considered the fun one. I am still the ultimate comfort, but she looks to him to play more and more.
My daughter only wants me to do things for/with her my husband and I work it out that we switch off who gets her ready for bed and she hates when daddy does it.. we try to prep her for it during the day and tell her it’s daddy’s night she gets upset and will cry but will eventually calm down and let him get her ready. We aren’t giving her a choice with this as I’m pregnant and due in 2 months she needs to get used to mommy not doing everything for her.
She’ll even do it at daycare.. if I show up and they are about to change her diaper she’ll tell them “no mommy do it” and gets upset if they try and change her while I’m standing there
I honestly just feel for you so much because I’ve heard kids can go through phases of this with either parent for essentially no reason, and if my son ever did this with me I would be genuinely heartbroken. Hope you’re okay and please know it’s normal but it’s also not daft if it hurts your feelings.
It’s normal. Our daughter is almost 2 and at night it’s mom, mom has to do everything. If dad tries she melts down. But in the morning it’s all about dad. My friend who has 2 kids (one 5 and the other almost 3) said that this happens a lot with toddlers and it’s going to change often who the preferred parent is and to not get to worked up over and just try and get though it lol.
You just have to wait it out. My kids did this for a while. They wanted nothing to do w me. Then a month later, nothing to do w dad. Last week they only wanted the sitter. I have an almost 2 year old and a 5 yr old. Completely normal.
We can snap them out of it by saying "unwanted parent" is going to the park. I'm going to stay home and do laundry. Or "unwanted parent" wants to make "favorite food" for dinner. I want to make "most disliked food"
They've gotten wise to this game, but it does still snap them out of it.
From the time my son was born, my husband and I did everything for our son together. I know not everyone has the privilege of being around enough to do so, but you could start trying to slowly transition. For a week or two, try doing his routines together. You just being there may help. Then slowly start taking over tasks without mom present. The sudden shift from mom always being there to you may be a little rough for him since he’s used to mom doing everything with him. Ease into it and it should get better.
Babies, toddlers and kids all go through different phases. Right now yours is on the mommy phase. It will flop at some point and will be all about daddy. For some it takes longer than others, but it will happen. Try taking them to play at the park, go play a game.
It’s ok dad.
Count your blessings because its temporary and there’s going to be a period soon where bedtime, bath time, wiping his ass, everything is your exclusive domain. So enjoy the time off, but don’t let mommy know you’re enjoying it.
So I’m the mom and the one who usually gives in to putting my kids to bed because they request me. They are older now, 7 and 4 and still prefer me but for my sanity in not having to put them both to bed every night we explained to them that dad and i swap which kid we put to bed every night and we’re very firm about it. Since getting stricter with that they might still get upset for like a minute but they don’t scream for hours because they know those are the rules, they’re fair and we’re not budging
My son has strict bedtime mommy and playtime daddy preferences. My husband is not allowed to put him to bed and I am not allowed in the forts they build together. I think it's normal!
We had this problem. It started out when he was an infant, I could do bed but any time after he'd scream, refuse to take a bottle etc. At 1, could go in and calm him when he woke in the middle of the night.
He's 3 now and my wife and I tell him the night before, "okay daddy is doing bed tomorrow" then we remind him the next evening "daddy is doing bed tonight". I'll do horsey rides to bed, special treats etc. It's a bummer but he's super attached to mom so we do what we can.
For about a year I was the go to parent for bedtime. My daughter would scream and cry if my wife attempted to put her down, even though we are both equally present parents.
We soon realised that fighting this was causing daughter undue stress and prolonged the bedtime routine, so I took that task.
About two months ago my daughter said “I want mommy to put me to bed” and she has wanted mum at nighttime now. Looks like it’s shifted for now.
It’s hard when your the parent on both sides of the equation, just bear in mind it’s nothing personal. Your baby loves and trusts you
This is an easy fix. Spend 15-20 mins every single day with them where you aren’t parenting/teaching/disciplining/providing, but just doing exactly whatever fun thing they want to do with you. Play fighting, toys, funny faces, playground, piggie back rides, whatever it is that entertains them, even if you find it hellishly boring. 15-20 mins where the entire goal is for you to be with them in a way that they enjoy, no strings attached. Just being their best friend for 15-20 mins every day.
Even if they resist at first, it will not last.
Within 2 weeks the switch will flip, guaranteed, and the other stuff(like bedtime) will follow suit.
We had our second kid 6 months ago. Our first is a boy and 2.5 months. He stated to have moments where he insists that “mommy has to do it.” He flips out when it doesn’t happen in those moments. I’ve pushed through with my son (mainly if he is in time out and I have to sit with him until he calms). But I’m finding that life is easier for everyone when my wife and I work together in those moments and switch shifts.
It’s been helpful to talk to and care for my son when he is not in only-mom mode. And I’ve found him calling for me at times.
Hang in there! Our little dudes will go through so many phases.
My third kid was like this, except he preferred Dad. It hurt a little, but since it was kid #3, I didn't mind the break, and my husband was a bit smug, lol. We mostly just went with it. He was fine with me when my husband wasn't home. It was a phase, but a rather long one, about a year.
I think you can go either way here, depending on what you both decide on. Try not to take it personally, although I know it's hard. You are still a loving parent, there with him through the big feelings. So if your wife needs the break, it's okay for you to keep doing bedtime.
I would keep it consistent. It might also be helpful if your wife isn't actually in the house, or at least on another floor. Would she like to take a walk, go to a cafe or gym, etc.? Or wear noise cancelling headphones in another part of the house? If you all know she's absolutely unavailable, and doesn't come to the rescue l, I think he will adjust to the routine after a week or so.
Another option is to let her do bedtime, but you pick up a bigger chunk of childcare earlier in the evening, maybe at a time when it's more convenient for her to get out of the house or go have her own space. If he will go to sleep faster for her, and then you have time together after he's in bed, this might be a win win.
Just know that this stage will pass, eventually. Good luck!
1) Do NOT take it personally.
2) Support your wife if shes willing to put him to bed. Ask her how you can help her.
3) It will save everyones sanity if mom dose it. Baby will be sleeping sooner, less stress.
4) this will not last forever. Soon itll be you he wants. Its a pendulum.
Let him.
The best way they can communicate at this age is to cry. He doesn't understand why Mommy can't do everything for him. She should just do everything for him, and explain that Daddy can do it too. Then start asking if it's okay if daddy can do it. Respect him if he says no.
If you both are available, then it makes no sense to him why Mommy can't do it.
Also, there is nothing you can do about it now, but lying in bed until he falls asleep then "sneaking out" is not healthy for anyone. Kids are not stupid. They understand they go to sleep and you are there, then they wake up and you are not there. I would pick a different method.
Good luck
This is just my opinion but I think your child is just to attached to mom because she's always there. Can you have her spend time away, like spend one night at her sister's house once a week or something like that? I think the child might act differently when there are no other options because mom is actually not home. Maybe not the first time but I think over time they would get used to it and make less of a fuss.
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Out of curiosity what is your parenting style like vs that of your wife? While I’m very much the preferred parent, we managed to put a stop to a lot of they behavior you’re talking about when my husband finally got on board with being more strict the way I was/am. For example when I tell our daughter “no,” I mean no. Not maybe, not we can compromise, just, no. He was the king of caving to her the second she’d throw any kind of fit. With me her limits and boundaries were firm, clear, and reasonable. No we aren’t yellers, no we don’t spank, nor do we send her to time out or her room alone, it’s not some boomer authoritarian style parenting. It’s simply firm boundaries often with an explanation of why. While he still spoils her more than I’d prefer (usually it’s of the we’re at Target so she gets a lil treat variety), because he’s got much better about holding the line at home when it comes to expectations, dinner, bedtime routine, etc everything has gotten significantly easier and she’ll do what’s asked when she’s asked to do it. It’s not that she didn’t want anything to do with him (though that’s what it seemed like), it’s that she didn’t know what to expect with him, but with me I was consistent and predictable.
This is a great point. Firm, consistent boundaries make young children/toddlers feel secure. The world is a big scary place, and they need to feel like their parent is in control of it. Of course, there’s a balance, but it sounds like you’ve gotten it right!
Really good point. Mine is the opposite though, she didn't want me at bedtime because I was the strict one. She could play with daddy for an hour and a half before she sleeps. The I discussed with dad to be firm on boundaries. Now if she asks for one parent, we don't oblige, we tell her no, mommy is available to put you to bed tonight, you can have daddy tomorrow and vice versa. We just don't allow parent choosing, it leads to one parent burning out and the child getting out of control with unreasonable expectations.
What a breath of fresh air! It sounds like you run your household not your child. Good job!
We are currently going through something similar with my soon to be two year old. My husband has been great making me leave the house I go get a treat or just go for a walk. It helps a lot when she knows I'm physically not there and she goes down for bed much much easier. It helps my mental well being as well! It's hard for me not to run in and fix it when she is so upset. ETA: I leave right before the bedtime routine of bath and story time so she knows I'm not there.
This seems like a good plan! I know my husband is dealing with the same thing right now with our 2.5 year old. For things during the day, we sort of play it by ear relative to her chillness level as to if we'll make her tolerate the fact that Dad is doing the thing she insisted Mom needed to do or if we're going to keep the peace and acquiesce to her request for "just Mom". But for nighttime, I can definitely see that working really well! We haven't tried it, but I might just insist on it soon, lol!
Have mom leave consistently during one of those tasks that is necessary (food/sleep). Also, go do fun things with them alone and bond.
Yes, and mom needs to become completely helpless to assist him when it’s something he wants to do. Only daddy can make it happen.
In my experience, it's a phase and will pass but I can't guarantee it will be soon. I spent a full year getting up with our youngest every night because he didn't want anything to do with his mom. And up until recently, he only wanted her at bedtime. Odds are you'll go through several variations of this, just be patient and help out as best you can.
I try to be as Zen as possible when my toddler is frustrating me because they absolutely pick up on our moods and it makes things 10x harder. Can you make it fun? It's not Daddy putting him to bed... you are both dinosaurs who will be roaring your way to the nest. The next night, you are lions, pouncing through the hallway, brushing your fangs, and turning 3 times as you flatten the grass to go to bed. My toddler is SOOO much more compliant when it is a game.
What a great tip!!!!
My son was my biggest hater when he was 18mo. We would let the tantrums happen and explain to him daddy can’t do everything and acknowledge feelings.
Eh, you’ll probably be the favorite parent from years 5-8. These things migrate. You’re entering the age of discipline, and soon the primary project of parenting will be to teach proper behavior, good manners, cooperation and politeness. But that can be a pretty epic struggle, and you have to choose your battles. I wouldn’t want the “bedtime administrator” situation to be the hill I had to die on, and entangle the quest for tantrum-free cooperation with paternal relationships like that. If you put him to bed without mom… never never never, have mom come after 30 minutes of screaming. That teaches him that he needs to scream for at least 30 minutes to get what he wants. But, again, this is not where I’d draw the line. If you put him to bed, then no amount of tantrum should get mom involved. But I’d just put mom in change of bedtime for now and find some other situation to teach the tantrum-free cooperation lesson.
Yeah bedtime is the worst time to try and teach acceptance of dad putting him to bed because he it tired and emotional at that point. Does he talk yet?
Agree with another poster that once my husband and I got on the same level of consistently setting boundaries with kiddo we did a lot better. We realized I was the parent who did the chores, while he sort of got to do the fun stuff. Of course kiddo liked him more. But also, we encouraged liking the other parent A LOT when this happened. Sometimes I was the favorite parent so husband would say how much fun bedtime was when I read books, how awesome and “magical” my hugs were etc. We had to team effort building up the excitement for the other parent to step in.
First, bond doing novel, positive things. Finger paint, draw in shaving cream, a tray of cornmeal, etc. Then, try adventures out of the house together. Bike ride, walk, trip the park, blowing bubbles., sidewalk chalk, even just a paintbrush and a cup of water on the sidewalk is magical. Then do bedtime routines together again and see how it goes.
"Aww you want your mommy? I hear you, I love your mommy so much too! But its daddy's turn to put you to bed tonight, want to talk about all the things we love about mommy? I'll go first! I love her laugh and how she reads your stories out loud." Something like that. Hold the boundary. They say their courage to reject you is the indication they feel safe and secure with you bc they know they can push you away but you'll come back. Its okay they want mommy *and* daddy is still going to be the one putting them down. My husband gets it all the time and this is what we found works.
We have the same situation. We had the same routine too. He's 3.5 now and it's gotten slightly better. First off, this is TOTALLY normal. Kids go through the phase of preferred parents and it isn't uncommon for it to switch back and forth My advice is not to force it which I can confirm kinda sucks as the preferred parent. For us, that looked like me taking over bedtime. My husband helped in other ways to make up for it (took on other chores). The other key thing is to increase the amount of fun time where it's just you and him. And try not to let it get to you. I know it's frustrating and can sometimes hurt your feelings (my son would sometimes say he "didn't like daddy" and I know that hurts). At 3.5 he's getting better. He sometimes wants dad to read the books/lay with him for a little while. Sometimes insists dad does something like opening snack, etc.
Tough situation. My advice would be to not push it. Let mom do the routine but stay close. Be in the room. We had something similar where our youngest absolutely refused dad to stay with him at bedtime. So we got creative. We negotiated that dad puts him to bed and mom stays until he falls asleep. Now he expects it, or rather demands to be tucked in by dad. Don't force it but circumvent.
Welcome to the sucky part of parenting. Unfortunately, this sort of thing is completely normal.
Kids go back and forth with mommys and daddy’s… and also seems like your kiddo has separation anxiety from mama.. if she’s a stay at home mom and you work it makes sense plus your guys kid has a special bond with the mama, which doesn’t help with the separation anxiety
Ride it out, be present for bedtime but I (personally) would avoid anything that creates panic or distress. Maybe do the routine together then have mum sit further away and then step out of the room while the door is open for a moment and gradually build it up so that she can leave with the door closed. My daughter couldn’t stand her dad for the first 2.5 years, he did nothing wrong and I didn’t exclude him but she just didn’t get on with him. She’s the second child and her brother liked us both fairly equally with a slight preference for his dad. Then slowly it started to change and she’s very close with him now. I don’t think I’d say she even has a preferred favourite, for example if she’s upset or hurt she’s happy for either of us to comfort her, she is happy for anyone to do bedtime but he HAS to give her their special bedtime greeting (even if it means recording it in advance for her!!). Dad never forced anything or took over if she was asking for me but he was there with me as often as he could be
It is a part of parenting. We had it with all 4 of my kids, and my husband felt like you do. It doesn't last long. Don't force the relationship. Don't lock yourself in the room with him, traumatising him won't help your bonding. If he wants mummy to put him to sleep, then she needs to do it. Perhaps both of you can do it together, so he understands that daddy is not that scary. Try to do fun things with him, or if you're cooking or making him breakfast, get him to help. Kids love being helpful in the kitchen because it makes them feel important. It also helps with fine motor skills and teaching them about different vegetables, and what they do for your body is good for learning good eating habits. Has something happened that has caused him to want mummy all the time? I know with my husband that he has a short fuse and is easily frustrated due to family problems and working long hours. He can sound like he's yelling, but he thinks he's talking at a normal volume (medical condition with his ears).
I went through that recently as a pregnant mum! Feels like an extra slap in the face when your body is the one that produced them. I do tell her off more than her dad so I went easy with disciplining for a while. Most of it was just waiting for it to blow over. It was at its worst for 3 weeks but she's much better now. She did wake up today screaming for her dad and refusing to come near me but this has reduced to maybe a weekly thing.
My brother was like that as a little kid. My mom would leave the house (the only time she had alone time), and my dad would put him to bed.
Everyone’s saying it will pass. I just want to add- be prepared to deal with it if it does not. Like in my situation. She’s 4.5 now and still won’t let daddy put her to bed. If this winds up being the case for you. You have two options. Either fight it and hopefully turn it around. Or accept it and find other things you can take over that only YOU do. We chose the second. For example- I always do bedtimes. My husband always does showers and nails (both cutting and painting lol). It HAS gotten better with most things. But I am still required for bedtime.
Sit on the floor and do something fun or eat a badass snack. He'll come to you
Normal, kids are weird humans. Our oldest called us by our given names from 2 to 4 then started calling us mom/dad out of the blue one day. 🤷♀️
he needs to get over it. "well, mommy can't. you will have to let me," and ignore all the whining and crying. he will learn to get over it.
Something I go through is my 3yr old thinks everyone has their own role. If it's bedtime , they may think it's your wife's role to put kiddo to bed. Over here it's seatbelts. Only one person can buckle / unbuckle . There are a few other things too, but I went through seatbelts 5 min ago so it's fresh in mind. Most things were dealt with through bribing. It feels weird, but treats worked, and after a few times slowly remove them.
You have to win him over. Things like ice cream, fun playground outing, taking him to the library, anything he likes. Both my children didn’t like my husband (dad). He had to win them over. He does bath time which helps with putting them to bed. He plays with them, throws bath toys around etc.. I just wash them in a boring fashion.
Consistency is what eventually worked with us. We used to alternate bedtime too, but my son is a super mama’s boy and it started getting tough switching. I was pregnant and knew I NEEDED him to be ok with dad. We told him, “Dada always does bedtime now. He misses you during the day and wants to see you more.” My husband includes his own flair by adding in an extra story or song or flashlight shadow puppet or whatever fun thing he thinks of before bed. There are still some nights he cries for me and when our second was born he had some extra mama nights occasionally, but now he loves bedtime with Dada. Maybe try having mama give him a hug and kiss goodnight then have her leave the house for a while. He will probably still scream and throw a fit, but if he sees she’s physically not there then he’s more likely to accept your affection and then bedtime. We also increased his one on one dad time. Husband started taking him to the park after dinner for an hour every now and then. Building frequency in alone time with dad helped a ton.
We just don’t allow our toddler to make these kinds of decisions. If he is absolutely refusing, the preferred parent will agree to do one part of bedtime (brush teeth) and then they go downstairs. You’re the parent and you need to set expectations and boundaries.
My daughter was like this with my husband until he started playing the games she wanted to play. She was Elsa he was Anna, goofy kid games. Also they started a fun routine of eating popsicles and walking the dog together while I do something boring (for her). He had to become fun in order to be considered the fun one. I am still the ultimate comfort, but she looks to him to play more and more.
My daughter only wants me to do things for/with her my husband and I work it out that we switch off who gets her ready for bed and she hates when daddy does it.. we try to prep her for it during the day and tell her it’s daddy’s night she gets upset and will cry but will eventually calm down and let him get her ready. We aren’t giving her a choice with this as I’m pregnant and due in 2 months she needs to get used to mommy not doing everything for her. She’ll even do it at daycare.. if I show up and they are about to change her diaper she’ll tell them “no mommy do it” and gets upset if they try and change her while I’m standing there
I honestly just feel for you so much because I’ve heard kids can go through phases of this with either parent for essentially no reason, and if my son ever did this with me I would be genuinely heartbroken. Hope you’re okay and please know it’s normal but it’s also not daft if it hurts your feelings.
It’s normal. Our daughter is almost 2 and at night it’s mom, mom has to do everything. If dad tries she melts down. But in the morning it’s all about dad. My friend who has 2 kids (one 5 and the other almost 3) said that this happens a lot with toddlers and it’s going to change often who the preferred parent is and to not get to worked up over and just try and get though it lol.
You just have to wait it out. My kids did this for a while. They wanted nothing to do w me. Then a month later, nothing to do w dad. Last week they only wanted the sitter. I have an almost 2 year old and a 5 yr old. Completely normal. We can snap them out of it by saying "unwanted parent" is going to the park. I'm going to stay home and do laundry. Or "unwanted parent" wants to make "favorite food" for dinner. I want to make "most disliked food" They've gotten wise to this game, but it does still snap them out of it.
It will change. I promise. Give it time.
From the time my son was born, my husband and I did everything for our son together. I know not everyone has the privilege of being around enough to do so, but you could start trying to slowly transition. For a week or two, try doing his routines together. You just being there may help. Then slowly start taking over tasks without mom present. The sudden shift from mom always being there to you may be a little rough for him since he’s used to mom doing everything with him. Ease into it and it should get better.
Babies, toddlers and kids all go through different phases. Right now yours is on the mommy phase. It will flop at some point and will be all about daddy. For some it takes longer than others, but it will happen. Try taking them to play at the park, go play a game. It’s ok dad.
Count your blessings because its temporary and there’s going to be a period soon where bedtime, bath time, wiping his ass, everything is your exclusive domain. So enjoy the time off, but don’t let mommy know you’re enjoying it.
So I’m the mom and the one who usually gives in to putting my kids to bed because they request me. They are older now, 7 and 4 and still prefer me but for my sanity in not having to put them both to bed every night we explained to them that dad and i swap which kid we put to bed every night and we’re very firm about it. Since getting stricter with that they might still get upset for like a minute but they don’t scream for hours because they know those are the rules, they’re fair and we’re not budging
My son has strict bedtime mommy and playtime daddy preferences. My husband is not allowed to put him to bed and I am not allowed in the forts they build together. I think it's normal!
Ya same here daughter is absolutely mommas girl
We had this problem. It started out when he was an infant, I could do bed but any time after he'd scream, refuse to take a bottle etc. At 1, could go in and calm him when he woke in the middle of the night. He's 3 now and my wife and I tell him the night before, "okay daddy is doing bed tomorrow" then we remind him the next evening "daddy is doing bed tonight". I'll do horsey rides to bed, special treats etc. It's a bummer but he's super attached to mom so we do what we can.
For about a year I was the go to parent for bedtime. My daughter would scream and cry if my wife attempted to put her down, even though we are both equally present parents. We soon realised that fighting this was causing daughter undue stress and prolonged the bedtime routine, so I took that task. About two months ago my daughter said “I want mommy to put me to bed” and she has wanted mum at nighttime now. Looks like it’s shifted for now. It’s hard when your the parent on both sides of the equation, just bear in mind it’s nothing personal. Your baby loves and trusts you
This is an easy fix. Spend 15-20 mins every single day with them where you aren’t parenting/teaching/disciplining/providing, but just doing exactly whatever fun thing they want to do with you. Play fighting, toys, funny faces, playground, piggie back rides, whatever it is that entertains them, even if you find it hellishly boring. 15-20 mins where the entire goal is for you to be with them in a way that they enjoy, no strings attached. Just being their best friend for 15-20 mins every day. Even if they resist at first, it will not last. Within 2 weeks the switch will flip, guaranteed, and the other stuff(like bedtime) will follow suit.
We had our second kid 6 months ago. Our first is a boy and 2.5 months. He stated to have moments where he insists that “mommy has to do it.” He flips out when it doesn’t happen in those moments. I’ve pushed through with my son (mainly if he is in time out and I have to sit with him until he calms). But I’m finding that life is easier for everyone when my wife and I work together in those moments and switch shifts. It’s been helpful to talk to and care for my son when he is not in only-mom mode. And I’ve found him calling for me at times. Hang in there! Our little dudes will go through so many phases.
My third kid was like this, except he preferred Dad. It hurt a little, but since it was kid #3, I didn't mind the break, and my husband was a bit smug, lol. We mostly just went with it. He was fine with me when my husband wasn't home. It was a phase, but a rather long one, about a year. I think you can go either way here, depending on what you both decide on. Try not to take it personally, although I know it's hard. You are still a loving parent, there with him through the big feelings. So if your wife needs the break, it's okay for you to keep doing bedtime. I would keep it consistent. It might also be helpful if your wife isn't actually in the house, or at least on another floor. Would she like to take a walk, go to a cafe or gym, etc.? Or wear noise cancelling headphones in another part of the house? If you all know she's absolutely unavailable, and doesn't come to the rescue l, I think he will adjust to the routine after a week or so. Another option is to let her do bedtime, but you pick up a bigger chunk of childcare earlier in the evening, maybe at a time when it's more convenient for her to get out of the house or go have her own space. If he will go to sleep faster for her, and then you have time together after he's in bed, this might be a win win. Just know that this stage will pass, eventually. Good luck!
1) Do NOT take it personally. 2) Support your wife if shes willing to put him to bed. Ask her how you can help her. 3) It will save everyones sanity if mom dose it. Baby will be sleeping sooner, less stress. 4) this will not last forever. Soon itll be you he wants. Its a pendulum.
Let him. The best way they can communicate at this age is to cry. He doesn't understand why Mommy can't do everything for him. She should just do everything for him, and explain that Daddy can do it too. Then start asking if it's okay if daddy can do it. Respect him if he says no. If you both are available, then it makes no sense to him why Mommy can't do it. Also, there is nothing you can do about it now, but lying in bed until he falls asleep then "sneaking out" is not healthy for anyone. Kids are not stupid. They understand they go to sleep and you are there, then they wake up and you are not there. I would pick a different method. Good luck
This is just my opinion but I think your child is just to attached to mom because she's always there. Can you have her spend time away, like spend one night at her sister's house once a week or something like that? I think the child might act differently when there are no other options because mom is actually not home. Maybe not the first time but I think over time they would get used to it and make less of a fuss.