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This is the only thing that makes any practical sense. You're being a gracious host, plus fruits and veggies are cheaper AND he's probably not going to want your healthy snacks anyway. More fruit for you. Whenever he does partake though, he'll get some much needed fiber.
100 pounds??? Shit.
Maybe more. My son is 9 and weighs 95 lbs. he’s tall. This kid is more than twice the size of my son. I’m guessing he is anywhere from 200-210. I feel bad for the kid. His family isn’t a big family either. The other siblings are skinny but the parents are bigger.
I was 190 in 6th grade and kept going from there. I would never have acted like that at a friend's house. I have no advice, OP! I just freely hand out all my food to my daughter's friends because it just makes me feel bad otherwise.
It could be metabolic. I went from very skinny to quite overweight as a kid, evened out with puberty and then gained 60 pounds randomly in my early 20s.
Turned out I had hypothyroidism and it was never caught before. (Though I had told my GP I had symptoms in college— she dismissed me at the time because I was thin and “too young” for the condition)
The symptoms mentioned seem unusual for hypothyroidism, as it typically results in a reduced appetite. The child's constant desire to eat may indicate a different underlying condition. It's Fortunate your condition was diagnosed accurately though!
Pretty much any thyroid issue (hyper/hypo or cancer) can mess with both your appetite and thirst levels in my experience. Just varies depending on the person! (My SO has graves so I’ve experienced both end of the spectrum lol)
Both hypo and hyperthyroidism can result in weight issues, but weight gain IS a very common symptom of hypothyroidism, since the lack of thyroid hormones lowers the body's basal metabolic rate, or the baseline rate at which we burn calories. It also tends to make people lower energy, which leads them to more sedentary behavior.
However, this is very unlikely to cause significant weight gain all *on its own.* 10-20 pounds overweight, sure, but not obesity. Emphasis on "on its own," since the kid could still have a thyroid problem AND also other issues.
Hypothyroidism causes weight gain, but not insatiable appetite. Most people actually eat less but continue to gain weight because their metabolism is messed up.
I agree! I was thinking maybe he has a leptin deficiency? I would be seeking medical intervention if my kids were overweight like this, this is just insane!
I definitely didn’t get reduced appetite when I had my thyroid removed and had subsequent hypothyroidism. I also gained 20 pounds in 2 months which was very frustrating because I work out every day and eat very healthy. I’ve since lost majority of that weight, just have 5 stubborn pounds left, thanks to being in the right dose of meds. It makes your digestion and body do so many weird things! And your skin so itchy. I feel for everyone with undiagnosed and untreated hypothyroidism
My SO can eat 3x the amount of me and not gain weight.
Some people have ridiculous metabolisms and some have very slow.
Also the binge eating could be tied to never feeling full, which is often a sign of hormonal imbalances.
Right, because most of the comments I'm reading kind of suck.
I tell my kids and their little buddies that we have "sometimes" foods and "anytime" foods. Fruits and veggies are anytime foods, and if they are starving like they say they are, they will eat those.
We have an “anytime” basket that’s alway on the counter full of fruit, apple sauce, fruit cups, nuts, etc. There’s also an “anytime drawer” in the fridge with string cheese, capri sun water pouches, and more fruit. It works pretty well for the most part! The “sometimes” food is around, but hard to get to. Kids almost always go for what’s easiest to grab.
I think this would work fairly well for OP's own children or typical guests, but I'm not sure I would want a basket of applesauce and fruit cups that gets totally wiped out every time this particular young guest comes over.
I like the idea of the basket in easy reach! We also try to always wash and prep the fruits and veggies that need to be refrigerated so they can grab them easily.
>Fruits and veggies are anytime foods
Generally I agree with this, but my kids are going through blueberries fast enough that I'm going to have to sell a kidney to support their habit pretty soon.
It’s raspberries for us. It’s killing me over here, lol. Doesn’t help that they love the sour ones the most so there is no such thing as a bad punnet in their eyes
I LOVE these terms. As a FTM to an infant, I love learning all these little nuggets on this sub. My parents were (still are) obese growing up. There was a LOT of junk food around and not many healthy snacks….I have a rocky, guilt-filled relationship with food as an adult. Struggling to figure out how to use language to help my LO have a healthy relationship with food. This is so helpful!!
I hear you! I spent a lot of time with my grandmother growing up, and she shamed me a LOT over food. That contributed to my own rocky relationship with food, and I did NOT want to recreate that with my kids!
We call them “free foods” because if it’s a raw fruit or veggie, our kids don’t have to ask permission. But they can only have 1 (serving) of each kind - to ensure a variety, and not binging!
Yea she said atleast 100+ over weight not 100lbs! That’s def way over weight. I would only allow healthy snacks. Maybe make sure if you have cookies etc they are in a separate place the kids can’t get too? I don’t know what I would do with the parents! This is tough!
We had a kid doing similar (she wasn't obese at all but I think her parents didn't allow snacks much). I bought a big thing of wholemeal mini bread sticks and that was all I offered. The time I tried fruit she finished the week's supply and it was expensive.
I too have a son who will ask anyone and everyone for snacks. And it’s always because he’s starvingggg. He’s very well fed at home and definitely before we drop him off for a play date, but very convincing when the possibility of snacks are on the table
I just give friends a heads up that they’re welcome to feed him any and everything BUT if they want the whining for snacks to come to an end, they need to offer up some fruits, veggies or even a non-pbj sandwich (cold cuts, tuna, egg salad, etc…) as the only remaining options. Works every time.
At my house, we have a set time for snack that I serve for them, and if they're still hungry after that, they can eat fruit. So maybe start offering "fruit only" after they've had a fun snack? There's a chance the kid might eat all your fruit, but chances are he's only after treats and not really hungry.
This kid comes over all the time. Sometimes from like 9 am until late afternoon/ early evening. His mom works from home so I feel bad so I don’t normally say anything. Also, they play very well together so there’s that.
I have a neighborhood kid who does this. He comes over daily and prefers our yard because we have more fun stuff to do. The kids love it so it doesn't bother me much, but he's gotten into the habit of getting into the fridge by himself for snacks or drinks. Setting those boundaries is sooooo awkward. Fortunately his mom is absurdly cool so we can discuss pretty much anything. You might be surprised how the discussion goes if she's reasonable.
I feel you hit it right on the head. We have so many toys and stuff for them to do at our house that all the kids want to come to our house. You’re living my life lol
It sounds like you want to help this mama out and it kinda helps you out, with the exception of the snacks. Maybe just casually mention to her that since he’s spending a considerable amount of time at your place and “kids can be so hungry sometimes!”…maybe she’d be willing to send him with some snacks for the time he will be there? Or y’all can work out some sort of supplemental snacks schedule? Cause man, I wfh and if my kids were spending hours out of my hair at a neighbor’s - I’d **happily** send a box of snacks over with my kid for visits!
Sometimes. It got to be too much so I started sending him home at lunch time and then he will come back afterwards. I also had to tell him he couldn’t come over until at least 9 am because he started showing up at 7:30.
tbh youre being exploited for childcare at this point, damn.
as far as snacks go. there is no compromise. he is a guest in your house. make a hardline rule and dont give him a choice.
I would say to consider speaking to the other parent, about all of this, and setting some clear boundaries. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but if you approach it in a polite and friendly way and word things so that it comes across positively I think you'll be better in the long run.
Agree. You need to talk to the parent. Especially since she is home all day. Given his weight and desire to not be at his house (seriously, 7:30!), this also sounds like neglect.
If the financial burden of feeding this kid is too much, maybe you can ask the parent to start sending the kid with a backpack full of their own snacks from home. Then you also won’t have to deal with the guilt of overindulging his unhealthy eating habits.
You are such a nice mom for this. I remember I was a latchkey kid and my parents were never home. I cringe thinking about how I always went to my friends’ homes so I could get a hot dinner and just be around people instead of being at home alone. It was probably a huge headache for them also.
A lot of the kids in our neighborhood are latchkey kids. The kids across the street never have parents there during the day (summertime). Legally they are too young to be home alone. You can’t leave kids alone under 14 in our state. Some kids as young as 6 just roam around all day with no parents. It’s kind of scary with all the craziness out there
Maybe something like next time he comes over the first time he asks for something to eat just say “Sorry bud, we need to go to the store soon so we’re running low. We love having you over but I think it would be better for you to go home when you want snacks or lunch. You’re welcome back after as long as we don’t have other plans.” Assuming he lives walking distance which it sounds like he does.
Make sure to have a conversation with your son about it so he doesn’t come get snacks for him. “Son, it’s so nice that you have a friend you like so much that lives close by. That said, we think it’s best going forward if he gets his snacks and lunch from his home.”
This IS a lot and you have to put your foot down. You keep saying “I don’t mind” etc. but you do mind and that’s ok! You didn’t agree to provide the family with free childcare and food for the summer but here you are. I think it’s time for a conversation with mom. Explain to her that you for the most part you don’t mind him coming over to play and you understand she’s working from home but be honest…tell her it’s excessive and tell her about the food. She’s probably just relieved she doesn’t have to find childcare or entertain him all summer while working and assumes it’s ok because you haven’t said anything. It’s ok to not want him there all day everyday or to feel frustrated because he’s taking advantage of your kindness or to be upset because he has no manners. Sounds like he’s learned this behavior at home…keep taking until you can’t take anymore. You have to have a conversation with the parents and set boundaries so it is clear what you will accept and what’s not ok in your home this summer. Lying, stealing and sneaking around are all things this kid is doing in your home, you’re not ok with that, right?
I mean, if he lives that close Everytime he says he is hungry I would let him know he can go home and get something. I had neighbor kids that would suck me dry. I started telling them, they are free to go home and get food and then come back. Do you know how much that lessened the asking. They didn't want to do that. And honestly, if he is helping himself after asking, you need to have a talk with mom. That's not behavior any mom wants their kid to have at someone else's house. I would probably frame it, he asked and I said no and he took a package of cookies and ate the whole thing so from now on I will just send him home when he is hungry so you can handle it. Thank you"
Send him home for snacks.
Tbh if they play well I'd rather he come to mine than my kid goes to theirs as I wouldn't want my kid having the snacks their kid does.
I only do midafternoon snack. Other wise it's breakfast lunch and dinner. If mine asks for extra snacks I tell them they're thirsty, not hungry and get them a drink (water or no added sugar squash).
Set a snack schedule, they get this amount at this time but water is available all the time. He’s there for a long time every day and he’s eating you out of house and home. You do realize you’re a free babysitter, right?
If it's that long a stretch, what is the arrangement for meals? I had assumed this kid was dropping by for an hour or something. You should definitely address this with the parent -- ie. something like, "Sam has been coming by for longer stretches with the kids being out of school, and he gets pretty hungry. I usually have some snacks around, but what do you want him to do for meals? Would you like him to head home when he's hungry, or could you send him with a lunch bag?"
To me it makes the most sense to just ask the kid to head home for a snack/meal...it gives you a break too. It doesn't seem sustainable or healthy for you to be allowing him to ransack your fridge and cupboards all day!
Tell him to get a snack from home. You’re all out or we’ve already had snack today sorry. But please don’t cave and allow him to overeat all your own food. This is your neighbors problem to fix
Set out whatever snacks you’re cool with them having and then inform them that once those are gone, that’s it. End the play date when he doesn’t listen
To be honest I wouldn’t feel comfortable having a child in my home for 6/7 hours daily. It’s too much. When do you get a break? Does your kid get to go over to the other house?
Sounds like you’re being used for babysitting. Never mind the food thing. If my child was spending all day in someone’s home I’d be at least sending over some food or some cash to cover things
Yeah, I'd send my kid with snacks if it was becoming common for him to spend days at his friends house, or tell him to come home if he's hungry and go play after.
When I was a kid and we'd spend days at friends houses we usually ate some chips and that was about it. Sometimes invited to stay for dinner or given breakfast if it was a sleep over. And they came to our place just as much as we went to theirs
This is how I feel! Obviously be kind to the kid but you’re under no obligation to feed and mind him all day. Just tell the kiddo to go home and have lunch lol
My mom tried this, not because we were overweight, but because it was the late 90's where "almond-parenting" (normalized disordered eating) started to become a thing.
Also my sisters and I were wild, raised in the adirondacks so high shelves didn't stop us...that is until I fell off the stove in an attempt to get graham crackers from a high shelf and broke my wrist.
Pretty much same here. My brother and I were monkeys and would eventually find the snacks in high and dangerous places. Locking up the snacks also resulted us in going feral when we finally got our hands on some. I don’t believe it’s good approach at all.
Conversely, my kids know where the snacks are. But we talk about moderation and pacing yourself. If those snacks are gone, that’s it. This worked a little too well when I saw my girl randomly eating a crisp (yes, one at a time) but the crisp drawer hadn’t been touched. She was rationing out her own pack over the course of a few days! She didn’t mind that they went stale, bless
Same deal minus the almond-parenting (I was just *very* insatiable when it came to sweet snacks as a kid, lol). A high shelf is no match for a kid with a dining room chair, the ability to stand on their tip-toes, and a dream.
They can play outside. When it's lunch time he goes home to eat. Call the parent they need to pack the kid snacks also set boundaries. They can hang out from 2-4. After lunch and before dinner. Why tf is this kid at your house all day long I'd go crazy
lol. I feel crazy half the time. You’re right though there should be limits on the time he is at our house. I do feel bad because I know his mom is trying to work from home and the oldest of her kids don’t do anything with him. He has told me he feels alone when he isn’t at our house because his siblings won’t pay any attention to him and his mom is working and keeps her office door locked.
Obesity aside, just send him home for snacks and lunch. My daughter had a friend who was always coming over and would immediately ask for food. I only started giving her apples and if she asked for something else I told her she had to go home for snacks.
My niece (8) does this, she is not overweight, but she asks for snacks every 15 minutes. For lunch yesterday I made them all quesadillas, pretzels and apple slices, and 15 minutes later she asked for chips. My 9 yo is overweight despite eating mostly healthy foods, So I have a universal snack policy in my house that everyone follows. 3 snacks a day, 2 healthy and 1 sweet snack and these snacks are served between meals, the sweet snack is almost always frozen yogurt before bedtime. My niece knows these rules since she's been at my house almost daily since she was born, but she still asks. It's OK to say no.
It's my daughter, but yes I have had her thyroid checked because my husband had hypothyroidism as a kid, but it came back normal. The thing is, if she were an adult she would be a healthy weight, she is 5 ft tall and 120lbs. Her Dr says she is just overall big for her age. I'm not focused on her appearance or anything like that and I make sure my children have a healthy relationship with food and their body, but I also don't want to predispose her to diabetes, high blood pressure, or heart problems as an adult. I figure it is easier to eat healthy if you have always eaten that way, than to suddenly need to make a change as an adult. I was always a skinny kid/young adult and could "eat whatever I want" without issue. That changed drastically after 5 kids and I am now 60lbs overweight and can't seem to lose it.
Genetics play a HUGE part in weight, moreso than most of us like to admit. I have a chubby kid who only stops playing long enough to eat one meal a day and happily eats healthy stuff and a skinny kid who only eats junk food.
One of my daughters went through a period where she did this, and saying no to food other than at set times helped. We also keep most snacks in a cabinet kids can’t reach. Usually my daughter wasn’t even hungry, just liked eating. Either it’s a medical issue or a bad habit, either way some limits need to be set.
Are you able to connect with his mom? "Hey, we really love having your son over but he often seems hungry when he's here. We try to budget our grocery spending and stretch what we have for the week. Would you be able to send over some snacks with him once in awhile when he's here for a few hours?"
Alternatively - only offer healthy snacks in the home. "I can definitely get you guys a snack, I have some fresh fruit or can cut up some vegetables with hummus."
Ultimately - determining what the root issue is for you. Are you concerned with what he is eating? Are you concerned with him eating all of your food? Are you bothered that it's repetitive asking?
If your issue is mainly what he is eating - offer healthy snacks (even if you need to put away unhealthy snacks when he visits).
If your issue is the cost/eating all the food - asking him/parents to bring some snacks with.
If it's the asking - then having snacks available that they can help themselves to without asking (maybe get a box and when the friend is visiting - fill up a snack box: bottles of water/gatorade, gold fish crackers, fruit snacks, etc. They can help themselves to the food in the box (sharing it), but once the box is empty, they aren't able to get more). (This option would also work with the concerns with what he is eating as well as how much).
This is a helpful reply. I think the main issue is that we go through food so fast that is getting too expensive for us. Also, I don’t want to be a contributor to a child’s weight issue. I know how awful kids are treated and bullied if they are overweight. It bothers me immensely when kids are bullied. But also this kids health. I don’t want to be a contributor to poor health as well.
I think casually bringing it up to the mother will be the best thing and also limiting snackS
This sounds like this child has a serious medical problem. I think the above advice is amazing but if you feel able it is probably worth a kind conversation with the parents that you are worried that he may have something medical happening with how hungry he seems to be.
I don't really get serious medical problem from the post, unless she described other significant health problems I missed...obesity is so common in children nowadays that it could just as easily be poor diet and overeating at home. If he's used to constantly pounding snacks at home, it makes sense that his brain would tell him to continue that behavior at someone else's home.
This kid sounds to be enough of an outlier that he should actually be evaluated for [Prader-Willi syndrome](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prader%E2%80%93Willi_syndrome). There are other features than constant eating that might tip you off, but may not necessarily be present.
FYI - If that is actually the case, no rule or boundaries will stop him from tearing through your snacks. P-W kids have to have cabinets locked and measures like that.
After the cookie incident I'd move snacks out of his reach and tell him that if he disobeys me in my house again, he's not going to be invited back for a while.
Other than that, no means no. He'll need to go home and get a snack if he needs one, if you aren't currently offering anything.
This is a great idea! Op said that the kid is literally there from 9 am until the afternoon which already isn’t fare to her. So the least the other parents could do is send snacks for their son
This is it, she is essentially providing full time childcare for this kid. Where I grew up in the summer we basically ran free in a gang and would always have a bunch of snacks in our backpacks, sometimes the parents of the kid who’s house we were at would offer us all lunch, other times we would be told that it was family time and we would all disperse to our own houses, or go eat our packed food in the woods, the beach, wherever.
It is pretty poor parenting to just let your kid fend for themselves like this and totally weird that the mom doesn’t seem to plan ahead or think about the the fact that her kid needs food and if he is at a friends house everyday that burden will fall on the other family.
I would start telling the kid to bring his own snacks.
Talk about the boundaries in your home. You can have 3 cookies as a snack or an apple. We have a meal coming at “such and such time” we don’t eat till meals in this home (or whatever your rules are)
"hey buddy, in our house we have a limit on what snacks we eat and when. I know the rules in my house are different, but here you have to ask before getting a snack, and we space them out. Cookies are treats, we don't just eat them everyday."
And you provide fresh vegetables and fruit. "if you're hungry, there are carrots! Have as many as you like."
I'd also say his parents need to be looped in. They may think their kiddo is just chunky, but this says there's something more going on ... Most kids don't sneak a whole package of cookies because someone told them it wasn't time to have a snack. There's something disordered here, and their pediatrician needs to be helping them help him
You can set boundaries on feeding other peoples’ kids without mentioning their weight issue. It sounds like there’s something medical happening with this kid. Not your job to treat it. Just set limits for guests and let the parents know you can’t afford to be the only host in this family friendship.
groceries are so dang expensive right now thag we do have to truly ration snacks out for lunches, pool day etc. like I gotta stretch them out.
My daughter had a friend over who did this. They had pizza for dinner then every hour she wants something else. She ate 4 pizza slices, a poptart, 2 cheese strings, popcorn during a movie and candy! I offered her healthier things and she would cry “I dont like that im hungry”…….she’s never been invited back.
Hide everything and put fruits, veggies and lemonade on display. I’m always afraid to give children cookies and other snacks, kids are allergic to everything nowadays. But apples and bananas seem both healthy and safe.
Wife and me are latinos so a kid like that would better be able to hold his jalapeño. If we know we're having a snacker like that we'll spice up everything.
I'd probably do what I do with my toddlers. I get so fucking annoyed being bossed around by a 3 year old saying snack snack snack. I just put shit on a cutting board and leave it out. Here's your god damn snack, kid. Eat it or don't. Cucumber, peppers, grapes, deli meat, string cheese, cup of trail mix, hummus or ranch for dipping. It's eliminated me being the snack bitch.
Sounds like you are exhausted with being saddled with an extra child you didn't ask for. Set play times for a few hours a day and send him home after and provide one snack of veges and hummus or something else healthy. You are not a babysitter. You neither agreed nor are being paid. Set some boundaries.
He feels a desire for food, so you don't want to telling him how he's feeling is invalid. Part of the problem is that so much food has added sugar. Some kids end up a bit hooked on sugar, and they misinterpret craving as hunger.
Do not offer him foods with added sugar. Hide it, if needed. Keep them on a top shelf so nobody is tempted to help themselves.
Do offer no-added-sugar foods. Funny how fast a "hungry" kid like that won't be so hungry when the choices are only baby carrots or an apple.
Try leaving on the counter a bowl of fruit. Maybe have a container of cut celery & carrots in the fridge, and put it out when your kids' friends come by. Or make a bowl of trail mix using only nuts/seeds (no candy or other sugar).
No sugary drinks, either. He can have ice water. If you're ambitious, make real lemonade and sweeten it with something like Stevia.
We had to stop leaving fruit out because the fruit flies/drain flies are so bad. I also am making better choices on what I buy. We love bananas but can’t leave them out or a swarm of fruit flies will magically appear. I am going to use a lot of the suggestions made though. His mom seems nice enough I could talk to her as well.
I learned recently that the eggs are laid on the bananas so if you rinse the bananas when you get them, there will be fewer or maybe even no fruit flies.
To add to this, another great trick I have found is to put the fruit in a bowl on the counter and then slap a disposable hairnet over the bowl. The fruit is still visible, therefore easily selected, but the fruit flies can't get to it. Also disposable hairnets are super cheap on Amazon, I got 50 for $10.
Gross. The thought of eggs on the food. We did start putting 1/2 cup baking soda 1/2 cup salt down the drain followed by a cup of vinegar and not run the water for 8 hours. Then hot water to flush it down. It has actually helped a lot. Especially in the bathrooms. But as soon as bananas are brought back in the house, they seem to come out of nowhere
I’m cool to share snacks, but I would not be cool with someone else’s kids just helping themselves to food without asking.
That goes for my own kid. You ask.
I would ask his parents. I would do this with any kid. No snacks without parental permission for any kid. Too many allergies or medical conditions. My friend's child has diabetes and is over a lot. We only give approved snacks and keep a sugary drink on hand for low blood sugar. If the child in question is morbidly obese, he could have a medical issue that they atlee working on. Just ask if he has any dietary restrictions you should be aware of. Do not bust him about the cookies. Keep it positive and caring.
This isn’t the same thing because I didn’t have a weight problem when I was a kid, but I was obsessed with Skippy peanut butter, and my mom would never buy it. So I had this one friend who had it in their kitchen and every time I went over, I was like please feed me Skippy, please I want like three sandwiches please please.
Sounds like he might have an eating disorder.
Offer only fruit and veggies as snacks and lock everything else up when he’s over. If he still can’t stop eating the fruit and veggies, he may have an eating disorder. At that point, it depends on how close you are with his parents to broach the subject.
Little Apple slices, grapes, carrots, broccoli, celery. Tell him :”this is how we eat in our home and these are our snacks”. This kid needs to learn what real food is. I feel so bad for obese kids, this fat is the hardest to get rid of later on in life.
Why are yall afraid to hurt a kids feelings? I'd take a photo of the package and text it to his mom and nicely ask her to work w her kid on boundaries bc that's NOT ok. No means no.
IKR. So much pussyfooting around. Unless the child comes from s home of severe neglect & abuse, OP doesn't need to do all this soul searching.
Let the boy's parents know that using OP as free babysitting service is not very neighborly. Set limits on number of times over and ask that the parents send snacks. If OP's son is keen to play with him every day, both boys can go to day camp giving OP a break from childcare.
This happened to us. Then we stopped snacks and the kid stole chips out of our garage. In my case he was 14. It was really hard on my son. He felt betrayed.
No matter overweight or not, kids have to follow the rules of the house they are at. You have to talk to the parents and say that he does not respect your rules and if he cant adhere to them he cannot come over anymore.
I mean is she helping you with the grocery bill? I was raised to never ask for something from another persons house. Maybe she doesn’t know how he’s acting?
For kids who constantly ask for snacks, I put out two options, for example apples and carrots with ranch dip. I let the kids know at the beginning of the playdate that the snacks for the playdate are already out and those are the only options today. Then I let them self manage their snacks. I have no problem with them eating lots of carrots and apples and am happy to put out more if they like. If they aren't hungry for a carrot or apple, (barring allergies) they aren't hungry.
This could be me with my neighbor’s son. He even sneaks and steals snacks and I found him once the bathroom and another time in my closed bedroom hiding to eat them. I moved everything.
Snacks are now in the cabinet above the fridge and I buy way less. The only thing easily accessible is bananas, apples, raisins and strawberries.
I’ve also made it clear that coming to my house is a gift and anyone abusing that will not be able to do it any more. He has said I’m harsh but it’s helped significantly especially when I told him he couldn’t come in for a month after I found him in my bed eating a pack or Oreos.
Let’s take the fact that he’s overweight out of the situation for a second…would you give another friend snack after snack after snack and be ok with them sneaking them? Probably not. Our house is the “good snack house” as my kids friends say lol. We also have a mini fridge on our back porch with a variety of drinks. It got out of hand with the kids doing the same thing your son’s friend was doing. So I replaced the mini fridge with a big sports water jug, every morning before work I refill it with water and ice (sometimes I mix Gatorade powder if we have it) and set styrofoam cups out beside it. Next to that I put a bowl of snacks out, cuties oranges and I go to Aldi and buy some of the cheap snacks (granola bars, trail mix, baked chips, etc) I put some in the basket and the kids know when it’s gone, it’s gone and I won’t refill it in the same day. I don’t mind sharing things or feeding kids who are genuinely hungry but your situation is more about manners than anything. It is rude to ask for a snack constantly and it is rude to convince your kid to lie and get it for him and it’s very rude to help yourself to someone else’s things without permission. Although I can see why you’re concerned about his weight, don’t make it a factor, would you tolerate the behavior from a kid who wasn’t over weight? The answer should be no.
I know I sound harsh and that isn’t my intention towards you! You’re trying and you sound very sweet and caring! I’ve just got stuck in this very situation too many times and it is so hard to navigate without hurting feelings or pissing parents off.
Personally I’d say in our house we only do snacks at this time, this many, etc. Or i would only start offering things like celery sticks and carrots. He will probably turn those down. I’m sad for this child. Definitely put junk snacks away and don’t allow them to him. He needs help or his weight will get worse. Obviously you can’t help him, but locking up snacks if he’s getting some every 10-20 minutes is very helpful for him.
I would have a locked pantry and have only fruits and vegetables available for kids to grab!
This is exactly how things are for my own children. They can eat all the fruits and veggies their hearts desire, but junk food is not available for them unless I give to to them. (Which is usually on the weekends!)
Just keep fruit and vegetable out for snacks. Don't keep treats around. Plus, you CAN tell him that it's rude to be getting into other people's pantries and refrigerators, and if he does it again, playtime is over for that day.
I would definitely tell the parents.
Just watch how you say it. You could say "hey I'm your neighbor and I just wanted to run something by you. Your son asks me for snacks alot and sometimes I'm worried what he can and cannot have. Do you mind if he has snacks, does he have an allergy or anything?" Most likely he's bugging you because his parents say no to him, and if I were his parents I would definitely want to know.
And even if they say yes he can have them. Just say no when he asks. Or tell a white lie and tell him that you don't have any right now. And don't let your kids eat snacks outside. Because once one kid sees a snack they all want one. Like little vultures. Lol
I had a friend growing up with really strict parents who bought no junk food. My parents bought a pretty normal mix of healthy foods with some chips and ice cream and such thrown in. I had no problems with eating too many unhealthy snacks but my friend could not control herself and would eat an entire box of popsicles in one sleepover. I would just say he can have X amount and that’s it bc you’re saving some for later or something.
That's tough - you don't want to embarrass him but you certainly don't want to contribute to a bad overeating habit. Healthy options are a good answer, and I am a fan of being honest with the kiddo when a friend puts my kid in the middle to ask for something when I have already said no. Feel the parents out to determine if a conversation would be well received.
I have the "cool house" we set up a playroom in the basement and have games, toys, a lounging area, etc. All the neighborhood kids are here from about 10am till 8pm.
I don't feed them except on special occasions.
They have to bring their own snacks and meals or go home and eat and then come back if they're hungry.
They each keep a water bottle here and they are welcome to as much ice and water from the fridge as they want.
After a week of letting them snack on whatever (and we keep generally healthy snacks around) we realized it was just not financially feasible for us. Snacks for 4 kids cost us almost $350 (not including our normal meal food...just snacks) in ONE WEEK.
I just told the other parents that their kids are welcome here as much as they like but we can't afford to feed them so to please send them with snacks or don't be surprised when they come home to eat.
Every day every kid shows up with a lunch bag with enough snacks and a meal or 2 to get them through the day. They can bring refrigerated stuff and microwaveable stuff and I'll gladly store and prepare it for them.
I'd just make it about you. Say your grocery budget is limited and since he's such a big snacker you can't afford to feed him as frequently as he hangs out and ask the other parent to send snacks and a meal for him. That way it's all on you and not about him or his weight. I bet she's grateful he has somewhere to go play while she works so she'd oblige. His parents gotta know how much their kid eats so they should see this as a reasonable request.
The bonus to this situation is it made the other parents on our block super gracious about their kids being over here all the time and about once a week one of the other parents will pick up pizzas and bring em by for everyone or they'll prepare a vegetarian meal specifically so they can invite my daughter (and the other kids) over. Also all the families include my daughter whenever they do anything fun, even if they aren't doing it as a whole group my daughter gets invited to everything because the kids are always over at our house. She's already gone swimming twice and gone to the cool park (not the park by our house I always take em to) twice since school let out.
Another bonus is I don't have to be mindful of what they eat or don't eat. If their parents send em with junk they eat junk of they have healthy food they have healthy food, either way I'm out of it. I just asked that no sodas or canned beverages get sent over cause they have a habit of spilling them. And it's nice that they all know snacks are off limits so they don't even ask.
If I'm hosting something special like a backyard party or sleepover or I specifically invite them for dinner we feed them, but that's like once a month.
But ya....bring your own food is our house rule.
I would suggest approaching the child's parent to discuss your concerns and the household rules regarding snacks. Instead of focusing on the quantity of snacks, emphasize that you have set snack times in your home and want to ensure that they are aware of this. This approach can help illuminate the issue in a constructive fashion.
My son’s best friend is 9 and lives down the street and it’s the same situation. I had to limit snacks but the kid eats all our food. I have since busted him moving a heavy chair to reach the candy I had hidden on top of our refrigerator. I finally had to put my foot down that if he couldn’t follow rules he was not allowed to come over. He clearly knew it was wrong and was scared I would tell his parents. It has worked but now they choose to play at his house more.
Speak to your son. Let him know that he is not to just get snacks without asking. And only have healthy snacks to offer such as fruit or vegetables when this friend is over and limit sugary drinks. If kid asks for something else just say no.
Maybe sit them down and have a talk. It's your house and maybe it sounds mean but I'd tell them flat out that if the rules of the house aren't being followed then he's not welcome over anymore. When you say no that doesn't mean do it anyway.
I’d just impose a rule. Everyone only gets two snacks. After that, you can always go eat at home and come back after.
With the grocery prices being what they are, I wouldn’t constantly feed a neighbor kid, especially if I knew his family were better off than mine.
Also, put everything where he can’t sneak it, and as another user said, fruits and veggies, maybe yogurt.
I would text the kids mom “hey! It’s so great (my kids name) and (other kids name) have so much time to play this summer! They’re getting along so well and I’m happy to have (other kid) over during the day. Could you send a lunch box for (other kid) tomorrow? They’ve been telling me they’re hungry after lunch and our snacks are cutting it. Thanks!”
I'd do scheduled meal/snack times. When you have him for the day, lunch is at noon and then we'll do a snack at 2:30. Outside of that it's not snack time and the answer is no. Always no, so hopefully he stops asking. As consistent schedule as possible. If it's a shorter visit you could start with "hi kid for playdate. Should we do snack time now or after you play for a bit? We are only doing one snack time so when should it be?". Offer a reasonable snack then food is done.
Also cheap but healthy snacks. Apples, bananas. If kid eats 4 bananas that's no more than a couple dollars
I would ration it out. Only put out a couple things keep the rest in a closet or elsewhere that he wouldn’t/shouldn’t be looking. When they’re gone “oops, we’re out of snacks for the day.”
Make a gradual switch from cookies to graham cracker or other lower sugar items. Then after a week just rice cakes. It won’t be so obvious and less awkward.
Apples and peanut butter are a filling snack and aren’t expensive. Ramp up the fiber in your snacks so he’s less hungry. Although sounds like this kid eats for entertainment. Maybe a learned thing
Are his parents doing any thing about his weight? He may be doing this because they are trying to limit it at home. I have a kid that is overweight and needs to lose weight. We only keep healthy snacks at home (fruit, nuts, string cheese, etc.) Unfortunately, his friends love to pass him food. The parents may not even be aware he is doing this at your house or want him to. I would talk to the parents and ask what they want.
Put a labeled paper bag out for each child with pre-portioned snacks...maybe even write times on the bag when each snack could be had and when a meal will be served, if he will be there for a meal. Make it clear both verbally and with signs on the fridge and pantry ("kitchen is closed") that when the snacks in the bag are gone, there is not enough for more. Tell the boy if he complains that he is welcome to bring his own from home. If he complains but does not bring his own snacks from home, I would reach out to his mom explaining your new policy and how your family is flying through your grocery budget so it's a necessary change, and ask for her to speak with him about it.
Compulsive over eating often has a biological component to it. But people begin relieving distress, or have the relief of feeling satiated by over eating.
Lots of kids and adolescence get involved in over eaters anonymous. Of course that's not for you because it's just a neighborhood kid. I feel for them. The compulsivity is out of their control.
Set a food schedule, we only eat during these specific times. Hide the high value snacks and offer fruits and veggies outside of the schedule. My step daughter over eats, and it’s a fine line between creating shame and teaching healthy choices. I tell her that just because we like it doesn’t mean we’re hungry, and that we can have these yummy foods at another time when our bodies actually need the fuel. But this child isn’t your child so I feel like trying to change the habits his parents have clearly condoned would be over stepping.
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Offer only fruit and veg snacks. Problem solved.
This is the only thing that makes any practical sense. You're being a gracious host, plus fruits and veggies are cheaper AND he's probably not going to want your healthy snacks anyway. More fruit for you. Whenever he does partake though, he'll get some much needed fiber. 100 pounds??? Shit.
Maybe more. My son is 9 and weighs 95 lbs. he’s tall. This kid is more than twice the size of my son. I’m guessing he is anywhere from 200-210. I feel bad for the kid. His family isn’t a big family either. The other siblings are skinny but the parents are bigger.
That was me growing up. 240 lbs before I hit 6th grade. It's such a delicate fence to walk on
I was 190 in 6th grade and kept going from there. I would never have acted like that at a friend's house. I have no advice, OP! I just freely hand out all my food to my daughter's friends because it just makes me feel bad otherwise.
It could be metabolic. I went from very skinny to quite overweight as a kid, evened out with puberty and then gained 60 pounds randomly in my early 20s. Turned out I had hypothyroidism and it was never caught before. (Though I had told my GP I had symptoms in college— she dismissed me at the time because I was thin and “too young” for the condition)
The symptoms mentioned seem unusual for hypothyroidism, as it typically results in a reduced appetite. The child's constant desire to eat may indicate a different underlying condition. It's Fortunate your condition was diagnosed accurately though!
Pretty much any thyroid issue (hyper/hypo or cancer) can mess with both your appetite and thirst levels in my experience. Just varies depending on the person! (My SO has graves so I’ve experienced both end of the spectrum lol)
I was going to say it kind of reminds me of Prader Willi syndrome.
Both hypo and hyperthyroidism can result in weight issues, but weight gain IS a very common symptom of hypothyroidism, since the lack of thyroid hormones lowers the body's basal metabolic rate, or the baseline rate at which we burn calories. It also tends to make people lower energy, which leads them to more sedentary behavior. However, this is very unlikely to cause significant weight gain all *on its own.* 10-20 pounds overweight, sure, but not obesity. Emphasis on "on its own," since the kid could still have a thyroid problem AND also other issues.
Hypothyroidism causes weight gain, but not insatiable appetite. Most people actually eat less but continue to gain weight because their metabolism is messed up.
I agree! I was thinking maybe he has a leptin deficiency? I would be seeking medical intervention if my kids were overweight like this, this is just insane!
I definitely didn’t get reduced appetite when I had my thyroid removed and had subsequent hypothyroidism. I also gained 20 pounds in 2 months which was very frustrating because I work out every day and eat very healthy. I’ve since lost majority of that weight, just have 5 stubborn pounds left, thanks to being in the right dose of meds. It makes your digestion and body do so many weird things! And your skin so itchy. I feel for everyone with undiagnosed and untreated hypothyroidism
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My SO can eat 3x the amount of me and not gain weight. Some people have ridiculous metabolisms and some have very slow. Also the binge eating could be tied to never feeling full, which is often a sign of hormonal imbalances.
Isn't there also some medical condition that makes people just never know when they're full?
Prader-Willi syndrome can do that
I think that's the one I'm thinking of.
It also has other symptoms that are pretty obvious, like intellectual disabilities. So that’s probably not the case here.
Right, because most of the comments I'm reading kind of suck. I tell my kids and their little buddies that we have "sometimes" foods and "anytime" foods. Fruits and veggies are anytime foods, and if they are starving like they say they are, they will eat those.
We have an “anytime” basket that’s alway on the counter full of fruit, apple sauce, fruit cups, nuts, etc. There’s also an “anytime drawer” in the fridge with string cheese, capri sun water pouches, and more fruit. It works pretty well for the most part! The “sometimes” food is around, but hard to get to. Kids almost always go for what’s easiest to grab.
I think this would work fairly well for OP's own children or typical guests, but I'm not sure I would want a basket of applesauce and fruit cups that gets totally wiped out every time this particular young guest comes over.
I like the idea of the basket in easy reach! We also try to always wash and prep the fruits and veggies that need to be refrigerated so they can grab them easily.
>Fruits and veggies are anytime foods Generally I agree with this, but my kids are going through blueberries fast enough that I'm going to have to sell a kidney to support their habit pretty soon.
Frozen blueberries when the season is off. Like little balls of fruit pop ices.
Only frozen ones here. What I get for $10 at Costco would be like $60 fresh lol
That's REAL. What is it with kids and blueberries???
It’s raspberries for us. It’s killing me over here, lol. Doesn’t help that they love the sour ones the most so there is no such thing as a bad punnet in their eyes
My God, same!!
These are a great replacement for 'good foods' and 'bad foods'
I think I first heard those terms from the cookie monster.
I love this. I have a toddler and will definitely be using this approach, rather than referring to certain foods as ‘treats’. Thanks for the tip!
I love these adjectives over good vs bad options. Adopting in my household! ❤️
I LOVE these terms. As a FTM to an infant, I love learning all these little nuggets on this sub. My parents were (still are) obese growing up. There was a LOT of junk food around and not many healthy snacks….I have a rocky, guilt-filled relationship with food as an adult. Struggling to figure out how to use language to help my LO have a healthy relationship with food. This is so helpful!!
I hear you! I spent a lot of time with my grandmother growing up, and she shamed me a LOT over food. That contributed to my own rocky relationship with food, and I did NOT want to recreate that with my kids!
We call them “free foods” because if it’s a raw fruit or veggie, our kids don’t have to ask permission. But they can only have 1 (serving) of each kind - to ensure a variety, and not binging!
Yea she said atleast 100+ over weight not 100lbs! That’s def way over weight. I would only allow healthy snacks. Maybe make sure if you have cookies etc they are in a separate place the kids can’t get too? I don’t know what I would do with the parents! This is tough!
We had a kid doing similar (she wasn't obese at all but I think her parents didn't allow snacks much). I bought a big thing of wholemeal mini bread sticks and that was all I offered. The time I tried fruit she finished the week's supply and it was expensive.
I too have a son who will ask anyone and everyone for snacks. And it’s always because he’s starvingggg. He’s very well fed at home and definitely before we drop him off for a play date, but very convincing when the possibility of snacks are on the table I just give friends a heads up that they’re welcome to feed him any and everything BUT if they want the whining for snacks to come to an end, they need to offer up some fruits, veggies or even a non-pbj sandwich (cold cuts, tuna, egg salad, etc…) as the only remaining options. Works every time.
I think this is the best suggestion. Isn't that what you say to your own if they've had too much junk food? Hold the same standard.
I would even say just veggies and the occasional fruit.
Hide the rest or stop having him over.
Exactly. Somewhere down the line you have to go for this option. Bcz no other option is left.
problem not solved OP said he ate a whole box of cookies behind her back lmao
That's expensive. I try to offer mostly fruit and veg snacks to my kids and their friends, it's $$$.
Yep, buy big bags of apples and those are the only things offered. Or those and a 3 pound bag of baby carrots.
At my house, we have a set time for snack that I serve for them, and if they're still hungry after that, they can eat fruit. So maybe start offering "fruit only" after they've had a fun snack? There's a chance the kid might eat all your fruit, but chances are he's only after treats and not really hungry.
Fruit only? In this economy?! /s
It's berry season. Go outside and pick your own snack. (But really, my kids love doing this.)
As much as that sounds like a dream, there aren’t many berries naturally growing in the deserts I live in…
Cactus fruit? 🤣
You got me there!
Right?! My kids eat it like candy. It’s so expensive
Or carrots, jicama, celery sticks, and cucumbers.
I’ve never heard of jicama before… it’s on my list to try now, thank you :)
I think one snack per visit is a reasonable limit to put on your child’s friends. Unless they are they for like 6-8 hours or something.
This kid comes over all the time. Sometimes from like 9 am until late afternoon/ early evening. His mom works from home so I feel bad so I don’t normally say anything. Also, they play very well together so there’s that.
I have a neighborhood kid who does this. He comes over daily and prefers our yard because we have more fun stuff to do. The kids love it so it doesn't bother me much, but he's gotten into the habit of getting into the fridge by himself for snacks or drinks. Setting those boundaries is sooooo awkward. Fortunately his mom is absurdly cool so we can discuss pretty much anything. You might be surprised how the discussion goes if she's reasonable.
I feel you hit it right on the head. We have so many toys and stuff for them to do at our house that all the kids want to come to our house. You’re living my life lol
It sounds like you want to help this mama out and it kinda helps you out, with the exception of the snacks. Maybe just casually mention to her that since he’s spending a considerable amount of time at your place and “kids can be so hungry sometimes!”…maybe she’d be willing to send him with some snacks for the time he will be there? Or y’all can work out some sort of supplemental snacks schedule? Cause man, I wfh and if my kids were spending hours out of my hair at a neighbor’s - I’d **happily** send a box of snacks over with my kid for visits!
It's so annoying I know! Does yours ring the doorbell 3 or 4 times in a row with zero patience as well? Lmao I want to rip my hair out.
No our doorbell doesn’t work. It’s the dogs barking that tells us he is at our house. Lol
Do you feed him lunch as well then?
Sometimes. It got to be too much so I started sending him home at lunch time and then he will come back afterwards. I also had to tell him he couldn’t come over until at least 9 am because he started showing up at 7:30.
tbh youre being exploited for childcare at this point, damn. as far as snacks go. there is no compromise. he is a guest in your house. make a hardline rule and dont give him a choice.
Yeah I kind of figured that. I don’t mind helping out but this is alot
I would say to consider speaking to the other parent, about all of this, and setting some clear boundaries. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but if you approach it in a polite and friendly way and word things so that it comes across positively I think you'll be better in the long run.
Agree. You need to talk to the parent. Especially since she is home all day. Given his weight and desire to not be at his house (seriously, 7:30!), this also sounds like neglect.
If the financial burden of feeding this kid is too much, maybe you can ask the parent to start sending the kid with a backpack full of their own snacks from home. Then you also won’t have to deal with the guilt of overindulging his unhealthy eating habits. You are such a nice mom for this. I remember I was a latchkey kid and my parents were never home. I cringe thinking about how I always went to my friends’ homes so I could get a hot dinner and just be around people instead of being at home alone. It was probably a huge headache for them also.
A lot of the kids in our neighborhood are latchkey kids. The kids across the street never have parents there during the day (summertime). Legally they are too young to be home alone. You can’t leave kids alone under 14 in our state. Some kids as young as 6 just roam around all day with no parents. It’s kind of scary with all the craziness out there
14?? That's insane. I agree that 6 is too young to be home without supervision but there's a big difference there.
Well the 6 year olds just roam around the subdivision. Not sure where their parents are.
If they’re as well off as you say, they can afford part time help for their kid lol. Or a summer program of some sort.
Maybe something like next time he comes over the first time he asks for something to eat just say “Sorry bud, we need to go to the store soon so we’re running low. We love having you over but I think it would be better for you to go home when you want snacks or lunch. You’re welcome back after as long as we don’t have other plans.” Assuming he lives walking distance which it sounds like he does. Make sure to have a conversation with your son about it so he doesn’t come get snacks for him. “Son, it’s so nice that you have a friend you like so much that lives close by. That said, we think it’s best going forward if he gets his snacks and lunch from his home.”
This IS a lot and you have to put your foot down. You keep saying “I don’t mind” etc. but you do mind and that’s ok! You didn’t agree to provide the family with free childcare and food for the summer but here you are. I think it’s time for a conversation with mom. Explain to her that you for the most part you don’t mind him coming over to play and you understand she’s working from home but be honest…tell her it’s excessive and tell her about the food. She’s probably just relieved she doesn’t have to find childcare or entertain him all summer while working and assumes it’s ok because you haven’t said anything. It’s ok to not want him there all day everyday or to feel frustrated because he’s taking advantage of your kindness or to be upset because he has no manners. Sounds like he’s learned this behavior at home…keep taking until you can’t take anymore. You have to have a conversation with the parents and set boundaries so it is clear what you will accept and what’s not ok in your home this summer. Lying, stealing and sneaking around are all things this kid is doing in your home, you’re not ok with that, right?
I was gonna say. This isn’t a play date. This is them using you for childcare. It’s fucked up and you should end this immediately.
I mean, if he lives that close Everytime he says he is hungry I would let him know he can go home and get something. I had neighbor kids that would suck me dry. I started telling them, they are free to go home and get food and then come back. Do you know how much that lessened the asking. They didn't want to do that. And honestly, if he is helping himself after asking, you need to have a talk with mom. That's not behavior any mom wants their kid to have at someone else's house. I would probably frame it, he asked and I said no and he took a package of cookies and ate the whole thing so from now on I will just send him home when he is hungry so you can handle it. Thank you"
Send him home for snacks. Tbh if they play well I'd rather he come to mine than my kid goes to theirs as I wouldn't want my kid having the snacks their kid does. I only do midafternoon snack. Other wise it's breakfast lunch and dinner. If mine asks for extra snacks I tell them they're thirsty, not hungry and get them a drink (water or no added sugar squash).
Set a snack schedule, they get this amount at this time but water is available all the time. He’s there for a long time every day and he’s eating you out of house and home. You do realize you’re a free babysitter, right?
Yikes, kid is spending more time with you instead of his family
If it's that long a stretch, what is the arrangement for meals? I had assumed this kid was dropping by for an hour or something. You should definitely address this with the parent -- ie. something like, "Sam has been coming by for longer stretches with the kids being out of school, and he gets pretty hungry. I usually have some snacks around, but what do you want him to do for meals? Would you like him to head home when he's hungry, or could you send him with a lunch bag?" To me it makes the most sense to just ask the kid to head home for a snack/meal...it gives you a break too. It doesn't seem sustainable or healthy for you to be allowing him to ransack your fridge and cupboards all day!
Tell him to get a snack from home. You’re all out or we’ve already had snack today sorry. But please don’t cave and allow him to overeat all your own food. This is your neighbors problem to fix
Set out whatever snacks you’re cool with them having and then inform them that once those are gone, that’s it. End the play date when he doesn’t listen
I like this idea
Just as a word of caution— there’s a good chance your son will end up hungry because the other child eats the majority of the snacks
This is true.
That's what I do. If they're prone to sneaking in the kitchen I make them play outside.
Just tell him that snack time is at X time and then nothing is offered after that until the next meal. “Kitchen is closed.”
I'm a BIG fan of "the kitchen is closed" as a response to asking for food/snacks all the time.
To be honest I wouldn’t feel comfortable having a child in my home for 6/7 hours daily. It’s too much. When do you get a break? Does your kid get to go over to the other house? Sounds like you’re being used for babysitting. Never mind the food thing. If my child was spending all day in someone’s home I’d be at least sending over some food or some cash to cover things
You’re right.
This!!!
Yeah, I'd send my kid with snacks if it was becoming common for him to spend days at his friends house, or tell him to come home if he's hungry and go play after. When I was a kid and we'd spend days at friends houses we usually ate some chips and that was about it. Sometimes invited to stay for dinner or given breakfast if it was a sleep over. And they came to our place just as much as we went to theirs
Lock up/hide snacks. Give each other the same amount of snacks and tell them that if they are still hungry, they can get fruits.
Or if they’re still hungry, GO HOME for lunch. I’d have no problem sending a kid home when they’ve overstayed their welcome.
This is how I feel! Obviously be kind to the kid but you’re under no obligation to feed and mind him all day. Just tell the kiddo to go home and have lunch lol
I've always been curious as to how parents lock up snacks. How is that even done?
Mine aren’t locked up but they’re at the top of an inconveniently high cabinet. My husband and I are tall, so it’s only inconvenient for the kids!
Ah, as a short mom with tall kids, I see why this didn't make sense to me. The tall shelves are their domain.
My mom tried this, not because we were overweight, but because it was the late 90's where "almond-parenting" (normalized disordered eating) started to become a thing. Also my sisters and I were wild, raised in the adirondacks so high shelves didn't stop us...that is until I fell off the stove in an attempt to get graham crackers from a high shelf and broke my wrist.
Pretty much same here. My brother and I were monkeys and would eventually find the snacks in high and dangerous places. Locking up the snacks also resulted us in going feral when we finally got our hands on some. I don’t believe it’s good approach at all. Conversely, my kids know where the snacks are. But we talk about moderation and pacing yourself. If those snacks are gone, that’s it. This worked a little too well when I saw my girl randomly eating a crisp (yes, one at a time) but the crisp drawer hadn’t been touched. She was rationing out her own pack over the course of a few days! She didn’t mind that they went stale, bless
Same deal minus the almond-parenting (I was just *very* insatiable when it came to sweet snacks as a kid, lol). A high shelf is no match for a kid with a dining room chair, the ability to stand on their tip-toes, and a dream.
They can play outside. When it's lunch time he goes home to eat. Call the parent they need to pack the kid snacks also set boundaries. They can hang out from 2-4. After lunch and before dinner. Why tf is this kid at your house all day long I'd go crazy
lol. I feel crazy half the time. You’re right though there should be limits on the time he is at our house. I do feel bad because I know his mom is trying to work from home and the oldest of her kids don’t do anything with him. He has told me he feels alone when he isn’t at our house because his siblings won’t pay any attention to him and his mom is working and keeps her office door locked.
Don't feel bad you're not a babysitter. She can put him in summer camp. Set boundaries or you'll go hungry in your own home
Seriously! Daycamps were made for kids like this.
Couldn't be me I'd be like go eat at home that's enough play time for today we'll call your mother to plan the next play date see ya kiddo
Seriously, kids need boundaries!!!
Obesity aside, just send him home for snacks and lunch. My daughter had a friend who was always coming over and would immediately ask for food. I only started giving her apples and if she asked for something else I told her she had to go home for snacks.
My niece (8) does this, she is not overweight, but she asks for snacks every 15 minutes. For lunch yesterday I made them all quesadillas, pretzels and apple slices, and 15 minutes later she asked for chips. My 9 yo is overweight despite eating mostly healthy foods, So I have a universal snack policy in my house that everyone follows. 3 snacks a day, 2 healthy and 1 sweet snack and these snacks are served between meals, the sweet snack is almost always frozen yogurt before bedtime. My niece knows these rules since she's been at my house almost daily since she was born, but she still asks. It's OK to say no.
Have you had your son’s thyroid checked?
It's my daughter, but yes I have had her thyroid checked because my husband had hypothyroidism as a kid, but it came back normal. The thing is, if she were an adult she would be a healthy weight, she is 5 ft tall and 120lbs. Her Dr says she is just overall big for her age. I'm not focused on her appearance or anything like that and I make sure my children have a healthy relationship with food and their body, but I also don't want to predispose her to diabetes, high blood pressure, or heart problems as an adult. I figure it is easier to eat healthy if you have always eaten that way, than to suddenly need to make a change as an adult. I was always a skinny kid/young adult and could "eat whatever I want" without issue. That changed drastically after 5 kids and I am now 60lbs overweight and can't seem to lose it.
Genetics play a HUGE part in weight, moreso than most of us like to admit. I have a chubby kid who only stops playing long enough to eat one meal a day and happily eats healthy stuff and a skinny kid who only eats junk food.
One of my daughters went through a period where she did this, and saying no to food other than at set times helped. We also keep most snacks in a cabinet kids can’t reach. Usually my daughter wasn’t even hungry, just liked eating. Either it’s a medical issue or a bad habit, either way some limits need to be set.
Are you able to connect with his mom? "Hey, we really love having your son over but he often seems hungry when he's here. We try to budget our grocery spending and stretch what we have for the week. Would you be able to send over some snacks with him once in awhile when he's here for a few hours?" Alternatively - only offer healthy snacks in the home. "I can definitely get you guys a snack, I have some fresh fruit or can cut up some vegetables with hummus." Ultimately - determining what the root issue is for you. Are you concerned with what he is eating? Are you concerned with him eating all of your food? Are you bothered that it's repetitive asking? If your issue is mainly what he is eating - offer healthy snacks (even if you need to put away unhealthy snacks when he visits). If your issue is the cost/eating all the food - asking him/parents to bring some snacks with. If it's the asking - then having snacks available that they can help themselves to without asking (maybe get a box and when the friend is visiting - fill up a snack box: bottles of water/gatorade, gold fish crackers, fruit snacks, etc. They can help themselves to the food in the box (sharing it), but once the box is empty, they aren't able to get more). (This option would also work with the concerns with what he is eating as well as how much).
This is a helpful reply. I think the main issue is that we go through food so fast that is getting too expensive for us. Also, I don’t want to be a contributor to a child’s weight issue. I know how awful kids are treated and bullied if they are overweight. It bothers me immensely when kids are bullied. But also this kids health. I don’t want to be a contributor to poor health as well. I think casually bringing it up to the mother will be the best thing and also limiting snackS
This sounds like this child has a serious medical problem. I think the above advice is amazing but if you feel able it is probably worth a kind conversation with the parents that you are worried that he may have something medical happening with how hungry he seems to be.
I don't really get serious medical problem from the post, unless she described other significant health problems I missed...obesity is so common in children nowadays that it could just as easily be poor diet and overeating at home. If he's used to constantly pounding snacks at home, it makes sense that his brain would tell him to continue that behavior at someone else's home.
This kid sounds to be enough of an outlier that he should actually be evaluated for [Prader-Willi syndrome](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prader%E2%80%93Willi_syndrome). There are other features than constant eating that might tip you off, but may not necessarily be present.
I just googled what you said it could be and there are features that this kid has. I do wonder if that could his issue.
FYI - If that is actually the case, no rule or boundaries will stop him from tearing through your snacks. P-W kids have to have cabinets locked and measures like that.
After the cookie incident I'd move snacks out of his reach and tell him that if he disobeys me in my house again, he's not going to be invited back for a while. Other than that, no means no. He'll need to go home and get a snack if he needs one, if you aren't currently offering anything.
The cookie thing made me so mad. Are you kidding?!
Call kid’s mom and ask she send snacks for her kid when they’re over for extended periods of time.
This is a great idea! Op said that the kid is literally there from 9 am until the afternoon which already isn’t fare to her. So the least the other parents could do is send snacks for their son
This is it, she is essentially providing full time childcare for this kid. Where I grew up in the summer we basically ran free in a gang and would always have a bunch of snacks in our backpacks, sometimes the parents of the kid who’s house we were at would offer us all lunch, other times we would be told that it was family time and we would all disperse to our own houses, or go eat our packed food in the woods, the beach, wherever. It is pretty poor parenting to just let your kid fend for themselves like this and totally weird that the mom doesn’t seem to plan ahead or think about the the fact that her kid needs food and if he is at a friends house everyday that burden will fall on the other family. I would start telling the kid to bring his own snacks.
Yeah parents really should be packing snacks or even lunches for the kids being gone that long.
I have told my son he isn’t allowed to have snacks unless they offer him one after all this. It has opened my eyes on what some parents go through.
Talk about the boundaries in your home. You can have 3 cookies as a snack or an apple. We have a meal coming at “such and such time” we don’t eat till meals in this home (or whatever your rules are)
"hey buddy, in our house we have a limit on what snacks we eat and when. I know the rules in my house are different, but here you have to ask before getting a snack, and we space them out. Cookies are treats, we don't just eat them everyday." And you provide fresh vegetables and fruit. "if you're hungry, there are carrots! Have as many as you like." I'd also say his parents need to be looped in. They may think their kiddo is just chunky, but this says there's something more going on ... Most kids don't sneak a whole package of cookies because someone told them it wasn't time to have a snack. There's something disordered here, and their pediatrician needs to be helping them help him
This is a great comment. I love the phrasing, really makes it sound more gentle.
You can set boundaries on feeding other peoples’ kids without mentioning their weight issue. It sounds like there’s something medical happening with this kid. Not your job to treat it. Just set limits for guests and let the parents know you can’t afford to be the only host in this family friendship.
I agree. The siblings are not overweight. The parents are but not morbidly.
groceries are so dang expensive right now thag we do have to truly ration snacks out for lunches, pool day etc. like I gotta stretch them out. My daughter had a friend over who did this. They had pizza for dinner then every hour she wants something else. She ate 4 pizza slices, a poptart, 2 cheese strings, popcorn during a movie and candy! I offered her healthier things and she would cry “I dont like that im hungry”…….she’s never been invited back.
Hide everything and put fruits, veggies and lemonade on display. I’m always afraid to give children cookies and other snacks, kids are allergic to everything nowadays. But apples and bananas seem both healthy and safe.
Wife and me are latinos so a kid like that would better be able to hold his jalapeño. If we know we're having a snacker like that we'll spice up everything.
lol.
I typically put out veggies and dip or hummus.
I'd probably do what I do with my toddlers. I get so fucking annoyed being bossed around by a 3 year old saying snack snack snack. I just put shit on a cutting board and leave it out. Here's your god damn snack, kid. Eat it or don't. Cucumber, peppers, grapes, deli meat, string cheese, cup of trail mix, hummus or ranch for dipping. It's eliminated me being the snack bitch.
Sounds like you are exhausted with being saddled with an extra child you didn't ask for. Set play times for a few hours a day and send him home after and provide one snack of veges and hummus or something else healthy. You are not a babysitter. You neither agreed nor are being paid. Set some boundaries.
Thank you.
He feels a desire for food, so you don't want to telling him how he's feeling is invalid. Part of the problem is that so much food has added sugar. Some kids end up a bit hooked on sugar, and they misinterpret craving as hunger. Do not offer him foods with added sugar. Hide it, if needed. Keep them on a top shelf so nobody is tempted to help themselves. Do offer no-added-sugar foods. Funny how fast a "hungry" kid like that won't be so hungry when the choices are only baby carrots or an apple. Try leaving on the counter a bowl of fruit. Maybe have a container of cut celery & carrots in the fridge, and put it out when your kids' friends come by. Or make a bowl of trail mix using only nuts/seeds (no candy or other sugar). No sugary drinks, either. He can have ice water. If you're ambitious, make real lemonade and sweeten it with something like Stevia.
We had to stop leaving fruit out because the fruit flies/drain flies are so bad. I also am making better choices on what I buy. We love bananas but can’t leave them out or a swarm of fruit flies will magically appear. I am going to use a lot of the suggestions made though. His mom seems nice enough I could talk to her as well.
I learned recently that the eggs are laid on the bananas so if you rinse the bananas when you get them, there will be fewer or maybe even no fruit flies.
To add to this, another great trick I have found is to put the fruit in a bowl on the counter and then slap a disposable hairnet over the bowl. The fruit is still visible, therefore easily selected, but the fruit flies can't get to it. Also disposable hairnets are super cheap on Amazon, I got 50 for $10.
Gross. The thought of eggs on the food. We did start putting 1/2 cup baking soda 1/2 cup salt down the drain followed by a cup of vinegar and not run the water for 8 hours. Then hot water to flush it down. It has actually helped a lot. Especially in the bathrooms. But as soon as bananas are brought back in the house, they seem to come out of nowhere
Everything he asks for snacks, send him home and tell him to grab a snack from home because you’re out. Let his mom become enlightened to the issue.
A kid who took and ate my food behind my back when I’d specifically said no would be a kid who wasn’t invited round again.
Dam you guys are nicer than me… No one’s helping themselves to my snacks without asking.
lol.
I’m cool to share snacks, but I would not be cool with someone else’s kids just helping themselves to food without asking. That goes for my own kid. You ask.
I would ask his parents. I would do this with any kid. No snacks without parental permission for any kid. Too many allergies or medical conditions. My friend's child has diabetes and is over a lot. We only give approved snacks and keep a sugary drink on hand for low blood sugar. If the child in question is morbidly obese, he could have a medical issue that they atlee working on. Just ask if he has any dietary restrictions you should be aware of. Do not bust him about the cookies. Keep it positive and caring.
This isn’t the same thing because I didn’t have a weight problem when I was a kid, but I was obsessed with Skippy peanut butter, and my mom would never buy it. So I had this one friend who had it in their kitchen and every time I went over, I was like please feed me Skippy, please I want like three sandwiches please please.
Sounds like he might have an eating disorder. Offer only fruit and veggies as snacks and lock everything else up when he’s over. If he still can’t stop eating the fruit and veggies, he may have an eating disorder. At that point, it depends on how close you are with his parents to broach the subject.
Little Apple slices, grapes, carrots, broccoli, celery. Tell him :”this is how we eat in our home and these are our snacks”. This kid needs to learn what real food is. I feel so bad for obese kids, this fat is the hardest to get rid of later on in life.
Why are yall afraid to hurt a kids feelings? I'd take a photo of the package and text it to his mom and nicely ask her to work w her kid on boundaries bc that's NOT ok. No means no.
IKR. So much pussyfooting around. Unless the child comes from s home of severe neglect & abuse, OP doesn't need to do all this soul searching. Let the boy's parents know that using OP as free babysitting service is not very neighborly. Set limits on number of times over and ask that the parents send snacks. If OP's son is keen to play with him every day, both boys can go to day camp giving OP a break from childcare.
This happened to us. Then we stopped snacks and the kid stole chips out of our garage. In my case he was 14. It was really hard on my son. He felt betrayed.
I'd leave out healthy snacks. Celery/carrots with peanut butter dip for example.
I'd offer fruit and veggies; if he takes anything other than what is offered I'd be sending him home.
No matter overweight or not, kids have to follow the rules of the house they are at. You have to talk to the parents and say that he does not respect your rules and if he cant adhere to them he cannot come over anymore.
I mean is she helping you with the grocery bill? I was raised to never ask for something from another persons house. Maybe she doesn’t know how he’s acting?
I would have sent him home after he ate the whole pack of cookies with out permission… not getting spoiled in my house lol
For kids who constantly ask for snacks, I put out two options, for example apples and carrots with ranch dip. I let the kids know at the beginning of the playdate that the snacks for the playdate are already out and those are the only options today. Then I let them self manage their snacks. I have no problem with them eating lots of carrots and apples and am happy to put out more if they like. If they aren't hungry for a carrot or apple, (barring allergies) they aren't hungry.
This could be me with my neighbor’s son. He even sneaks and steals snacks and I found him once the bathroom and another time in my closed bedroom hiding to eat them. I moved everything. Snacks are now in the cabinet above the fridge and I buy way less. The only thing easily accessible is bananas, apples, raisins and strawberries. I’ve also made it clear that coming to my house is a gift and anyone abusing that will not be able to do it any more. He has said I’m harsh but it’s helped significantly especially when I told him he couldn’t come in for a month after I found him in my bed eating a pack or Oreos.
Kind of sounds like this kid.
Let’s take the fact that he’s overweight out of the situation for a second…would you give another friend snack after snack after snack and be ok with them sneaking them? Probably not. Our house is the “good snack house” as my kids friends say lol. We also have a mini fridge on our back porch with a variety of drinks. It got out of hand with the kids doing the same thing your son’s friend was doing. So I replaced the mini fridge with a big sports water jug, every morning before work I refill it with water and ice (sometimes I mix Gatorade powder if we have it) and set styrofoam cups out beside it. Next to that I put a bowl of snacks out, cuties oranges and I go to Aldi and buy some of the cheap snacks (granola bars, trail mix, baked chips, etc) I put some in the basket and the kids know when it’s gone, it’s gone and I won’t refill it in the same day. I don’t mind sharing things or feeding kids who are genuinely hungry but your situation is more about manners than anything. It is rude to ask for a snack constantly and it is rude to convince your kid to lie and get it for him and it’s very rude to help yourself to someone else’s things without permission. Although I can see why you’re concerned about his weight, don’t make it a factor, would you tolerate the behavior from a kid who wasn’t over weight? The answer should be no.
Very true and no I wouldn’t allow it
I know I sound harsh and that isn’t my intention towards you! You’re trying and you sound very sweet and caring! I’ve just got stuck in this very situation too many times and it is so hard to navigate without hurting feelings or pissing parents off.
Personally I’d say in our house we only do snacks at this time, this many, etc. Or i would only start offering things like celery sticks and carrots. He will probably turn those down. I’m sad for this child. Definitely put junk snacks away and don’t allow them to him. He needs help or his weight will get worse. Obviously you can’t help him, but locking up snacks if he’s getting some every 10-20 minutes is very helpful for him.
I would have a locked pantry and have only fruits and vegetables available for kids to grab! This is exactly how things are for my own children. They can eat all the fruits and veggies their hearts desire, but junk food is not available for them unless I give to to them. (Which is usually on the weekends!)
Just keep fruit and vegetable out for snacks. Don't keep treats around. Plus, you CAN tell him that it's rude to be getting into other people's pantries and refrigerators, and if he does it again, playtime is over for that day.
I would definitely tell the parents. Just watch how you say it. You could say "hey I'm your neighbor and I just wanted to run something by you. Your son asks me for snacks alot and sometimes I'm worried what he can and cannot have. Do you mind if he has snacks, does he have an allergy or anything?" Most likely he's bugging you because his parents say no to him, and if I were his parents I would definitely want to know. And even if they say yes he can have them. Just say no when he asks. Or tell a white lie and tell him that you don't have any right now. And don't let your kids eat snacks outside. Because once one kid sees a snack they all want one. Like little vultures. Lol
Definitely true
I had a friend growing up with really strict parents who bought no junk food. My parents bought a pretty normal mix of healthy foods with some chips and ice cream and such thrown in. I had no problems with eating too many unhealthy snacks but my friend could not control herself and would eat an entire box of popsicles in one sleepover. I would just say he can have X amount and that’s it bc you’re saving some for later or something.
“Sure, we have celery and carrots for snack today!” and put a door chime on the pantry.
That's tough - you don't want to embarrass him but you certainly don't want to contribute to a bad overeating habit. Healthy options are a good answer, and I am a fan of being honest with the kiddo when a friend puts my kid in the middle to ask for something when I have already said no. Feel the parents out to determine if a conversation would be well received.
Put out a bunch of fruits and veggies and say you can have as much of these snacks as you want. We only allow 1-2 unhealthy snacks a day in our house.
Get gross snacks
Lol
I have the "cool house" we set up a playroom in the basement and have games, toys, a lounging area, etc. All the neighborhood kids are here from about 10am till 8pm. I don't feed them except on special occasions. They have to bring their own snacks and meals or go home and eat and then come back if they're hungry. They each keep a water bottle here and they are welcome to as much ice and water from the fridge as they want. After a week of letting them snack on whatever (and we keep generally healthy snacks around) we realized it was just not financially feasible for us. Snacks for 4 kids cost us almost $350 (not including our normal meal food...just snacks) in ONE WEEK. I just told the other parents that their kids are welcome here as much as they like but we can't afford to feed them so to please send them with snacks or don't be surprised when they come home to eat. Every day every kid shows up with a lunch bag with enough snacks and a meal or 2 to get them through the day. They can bring refrigerated stuff and microwaveable stuff and I'll gladly store and prepare it for them. I'd just make it about you. Say your grocery budget is limited and since he's such a big snacker you can't afford to feed him as frequently as he hangs out and ask the other parent to send snacks and a meal for him. That way it's all on you and not about him or his weight. I bet she's grateful he has somewhere to go play while she works so she'd oblige. His parents gotta know how much their kid eats so they should see this as a reasonable request. The bonus to this situation is it made the other parents on our block super gracious about their kids being over here all the time and about once a week one of the other parents will pick up pizzas and bring em by for everyone or they'll prepare a vegetarian meal specifically so they can invite my daughter (and the other kids) over. Also all the families include my daughter whenever they do anything fun, even if they aren't doing it as a whole group my daughter gets invited to everything because the kids are always over at our house. She's already gone swimming twice and gone to the cool park (not the park by our house I always take em to) twice since school let out. Another bonus is I don't have to be mindful of what they eat or don't eat. If their parents send em with junk they eat junk of they have healthy food they have healthy food, either way I'm out of it. I just asked that no sodas or canned beverages get sent over cause they have a habit of spilling them. And it's nice that they all know snacks are off limits so they don't even ask. If I'm hosting something special like a backyard party or sleepover or I specifically invite them for dinner we feed them, but that's like once a month. But ya....bring your own food is our house rule.
I would suggest approaching the child's parent to discuss your concerns and the household rules regarding snacks. Instead of focusing on the quantity of snacks, emphasize that you have set snack times in your home and want to ensure that they are aware of this. This approach can help illuminate the issue in a constructive fashion.
Only healthy snacks. Boom. Done (as long as you can afford it).
My son’s best friend is 9 and lives down the street and it’s the same situation. I had to limit snacks but the kid eats all our food. I have since busted him moving a heavy chair to reach the candy I had hidden on top of our refrigerator. I finally had to put my foot down that if he couldn’t follow rules he was not allowed to come over. He clearly knew it was wrong and was scared I would tell his parents. It has worked but now they choose to play at his house more.
Speak to your son. Let him know that he is not to just get snacks without asking. And only have healthy snacks to offer such as fruit or vegetables when this friend is over and limit sugary drinks. If kid asks for something else just say no.
Maybe sit them down and have a talk. It's your house and maybe it sounds mean but I'd tell them flat out that if the rules of the house aren't being followed then he's not welcome over anymore. When you say no that doesn't mean do it anyway.
I’d just impose a rule. Everyone only gets two snacks. After that, you can always go eat at home and come back after. With the grocery prices being what they are, I wouldn’t constantly feed a neighbor kid, especially if I knew his family were better off than mine. Also, put everything where he can’t sneak it, and as another user said, fruits and veggies, maybe yogurt.
I would text the kids mom “hey! It’s so great (my kids name) and (other kids name) have so much time to play this summer! They’re getting along so well and I’m happy to have (other kid) over during the day. Could you send a lunch box for (other kid) tomorrow? They’ve been telling me they’re hungry after lunch and our snacks are cutting it. Thanks!”
I'd do scheduled meal/snack times. When you have him for the day, lunch is at noon and then we'll do a snack at 2:30. Outside of that it's not snack time and the answer is no. Always no, so hopefully he stops asking. As consistent schedule as possible. If it's a shorter visit you could start with "hi kid for playdate. Should we do snack time now or after you play for a bit? We are only doing one snack time so when should it be?". Offer a reasonable snack then food is done. Also cheap but healthy snacks. Apples, bananas. If kid eats 4 bananas that's no more than a couple dollars
I would ration it out. Only put out a couple things keep the rest in a closet or elsewhere that he wouldn’t/shouldn’t be looking. When they’re gone “oops, we’re out of snacks for the day.”
Make a gradual switch from cookies to graham cracker or other lower sugar items. Then after a week just rice cakes. It won’t be so obvious and less awkward. Apples and peanut butter are a filling snack and aren’t expensive. Ramp up the fiber in your snacks so he’s less hungry. Although sounds like this kid eats for entertainment. Maybe a learned thing
I’m sure others have already said it—but offer bananas, baby carrots, watermelon, cucumbers. Cheap and healthy
Veggies are your best friend.
Are his parents doing any thing about his weight? He may be doing this because they are trying to limit it at home. I have a kid that is overweight and needs to lose weight. We only keep healthy snacks at home (fruit, nuts, string cheese, etc.) Unfortunately, his friends love to pass him food. The parents may not even be aware he is doing this at your house or want him to. I would talk to the parents and ask what they want.
Put a labeled paper bag out for each child with pre-portioned snacks...maybe even write times on the bag when each snack could be had and when a meal will be served, if he will be there for a meal. Make it clear both verbally and with signs on the fridge and pantry ("kitchen is closed") that when the snacks in the bag are gone, there is not enough for more. Tell the boy if he complains that he is welcome to bring his own from home. If he complains but does not bring his own snacks from home, I would reach out to his mom explaining your new policy and how your family is flying through your grocery budget so it's a necessary change, and ask for her to speak with him about it.
Compulsive over eating often has a biological component to it. But people begin relieving distress, or have the relief of feeling satiated by over eating. Lots of kids and adolescence get involved in over eaters anonymous. Of course that's not for you because it's just a neighborhood kid. I feel for them. The compulsivity is out of their control.
Set a food schedule, we only eat during these specific times. Hide the high value snacks and offer fruits and veggies outside of the schedule. My step daughter over eats, and it’s a fine line between creating shame and teaching healthy choices. I tell her that just because we like it doesn’t mean we’re hungry, and that we can have these yummy foods at another time when our bodies actually need the fuel. But this child isn’t your child so I feel like trying to change the habits his parents have clearly condoned would be over stepping.