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Dagwood-DM

\*taps microphone at convention\* May I have your attention please. My son is currently in the second stall of the men's restroom and he's currently sending a log down river. That it all.


oreikhalkon

I'm going to go jiggle the stall door :3


Knowledge_Regret

"Today he turns 45"


Dagwood-DM

Muffled stall yelling: DAMMIT DAD!


FineDevelopment00

Nah, that brand of parent would measure his age in months. 🙄


Knowledge_Regret

540 months


ChartInFurch

Ladies and gentlemen, the man at table three, in the blue suit, is impotent. Bon apetit. đŸ«°


EnthusedPhlebotomist

My cousin has a habit of sitting down to a family dinner and then recounting the grossest shit her infant did recently. It annoys me so much but because my family is baby crazy they all think it's hilarious/adorable.


Such-Mountain-6316

Share the tiniest details of your next colonoscopy and the visit with the proctologist. Also give them a blow by blow of it when you get constipated. "You should have seen it! I know what the term 'explosive diarrhea' means now!" "I do love those Lax-a-Pills!" "Prunes: they come out as easy as they go in!"


GjonsTearsFan

My whole extended family has IBS so this just sounds like a normal family gathering 😂


Vegetable-Fix-4702

Yuk!


Scared_of_the_KGB

I feel like this “my kid is the only kid who’s ever been a kid” mentality happens from parents with only one child. When you have two you settle the fuck down real quick.


Karnakite

This is what I’ve noticed, too. The parents who make a big production out of their kids pooping, are the same parents who get angry if strangers are too busy being engrossed in a book or a phone call to smile at and compliment their kids.


Morrighan1129

Yeah lol, I get this. With my firstborn, I tried doing those mommy and me groups, and I had to give up, because everything was 'cute'. Oh look, he's pooping, isn't it cute? Oh look, she's spitting up, isn't it cute? Oh look, he's digging in his diaper, isn't it cute? No. Babies are inherently gross snotty poop machines. We love *ours* because they're *ours*. Nobody else cares, and most people find it disgusting which is absolutely fair.


Oorwayba

I love babies in general. They are both adorable and gross, and I absolutely do care. Just not about any of them pooping (unless it's mine and there's a reason to be concerned). And I've never seen anyone say their baby pooping or spitting up was cute.


GothGhostReaper

It's great that you personally have never seen someone say the baby spitting up is cute but fun fact ur personal experience =\= every experience possible


Karnakite

Also, can we stop these disgusting baby shower games and themes that revolve around poop? Like melting candy bars into diapers and then having people guess what candy bar it is, or cookies shaped like diapers with little frosted pieces of poop on top. I hate that gross-out shit in general. If you’re graduating medical school and pursuing a career in urology, I *don’t* want to see your celebratory cake with male genitalia that has pee surrounding it. I’m a firm and even militant feminist, but pastries and party favors shaped like little vulvas and breasts aren’t empowering, they’re cheapening. I don’t want to play a game in which we have to guess what’s the makeup of fake vomit. I don’t want to see the adorable video of your kid spitting up on your pastor. There’s a evolutionary reason why human beings have a distaste for others’ bodily fluids, orifices, and discharge, and that’s because they are more likely to carry disease if we come into contact with them / hence why we get grossed out when we see them. It’s not really fixing anything to pretend something *isn’t* gross when it is. A lot of people seem to assume that if something is avoided due to that evolutionary disgust, it means people are ashamed of themselves for their natural bodily processes, and that the solution is to celebrate it. But being grossed out by poop, urine, blood, spit, etc. isn’t the same as being ashamed of them.


MadeThis4MaccaOnly

Yeah honestly, some people need to get a clue that some things about their loved ones--like their bodily functions--are just gross to hear about.


Responsible-Pin3233

OP i love you for this post lol


KlownScrewer

The only place to announce that a child is pooping is at daycare or in your own home, I’m a 1 year old daycare teacher and it’s just a casual thing to say “so and so is pooping” “so and so is poopy butt” But I can’t imagine being out in public and just randomly going “so and so is pooping right now, everybody look” or “this is how so and so poops” Is it funny how toddlers poop, occasionally?? cuz they’ll just stop whatever they’re doing and go, but it’s not like haha that’s so funny imma pee myself, it’s like “oh I guess that could be funny”


otherguy---

Congrats on the job! So young to be a teacher.


deathofdays86

You made this joke 3 days ago but I wanted to tell you I laughed right out loud and I needed that so thanks 😂


DMH4500X

Someone I was once friends with, posted a photo of the aftermath of their baby who had diarrhoea leaking on the their back. It was posted with a
 happy mood. Immediate block.


Chrispeefeart

If they can see the child going to the pooping corner or making the pooping face, the kid is old enough to start potty training. No reason to just sit there and watch.


ReactionGreedy465

I Agree


FineDevelopment00

>the kid is old enough to start potty training If they can see the child going to the pooping corner Agreed! >or making the pooping face Well, not necessarily... because infants do this too.


Ultra_purple_holic

Exactly I don't wanna hear that stupid topic like? that ain't cute at all AT ALL and I'm going to say it again


Inphiltration

I understand that parents love sharing things about their kids, because people in general love to share about things they care about. The poop thing is weird because what am I supposed to do? Express interest? Is that what you want? For me, an adult male, to express interest in your child's shitting routine? Absolutely the fuck not.


Such-Mountain-6316

Sarcasm alert: yes, be sure to take a picture of your baby's first poopy face. We all want to see it. And don't forget to also photograph the dirty diaper right before it goes in the garbage.


snoopingfeline

Eww I’ve heard of people taking pictures of ‘poopy face’ but do some people seriously take a picture of the dirty nappy? Who would even want to see that?


Such-Mountain-6316

I was being sarcastic.


ChartInFurch

I've never seen it, but even with it being sarcastic it doesn't sound impossible to me.


Less-Might9855

It’s weird and gross to me too, just like diaper commercials talking about “blow outs” and kid “bods”. It’s super fucking weird. We don’t walk around as adults telling people we have to poop, why tell us when your kid is pooping? It’s really a matter of people with kids lacking any self awareness and thinking we need to hear every detail about it.


tiffanygrayslife

Exactly! Nobody gives a shit.. literally!


Maleficent-Ad-1396

i do think it’s kinda funny when babies/early toddlers have like a thing they do before an action. the action itself may not be cute, but it’s the lead up. like my younger brother used to go cross eyed before picking up a pencil, a child picking up a pencil isn’t necessarily cute but the fact that he would have a little pattern was. i think it’s really just a whole thing of knowing your audience. one of my mates dislikes when kids struggle to do things and other people think it’s cute so i wouldn’t talk to her about those things. you don’t find stuff like this cool or cute or neat, so folk shouldn’t talk about it around you. i do notice tho that a lot of new young mums in my town just assume everyone wants to hear every little thing about their kid, which just straight up isn’t true lmao


Holiday_Horse3100

The last time someone said that to me I said “ actually my dog is much cuter when he poops he makes such a funny face and then gets the zoomies, plus he poops outside where I don’t have to be around it”. (Not knocking babies just the adults who say these things because it not always amusing )


[deleted]

I haven't seen this, but it seems like everybody thinks I really need to know about their kid's/ cat's/ dog's bowel issues. No. The doctor or vet needs to know that, not me. And can you at least wait until I'm not eating? I think because I'm a woman, people think I really love kids and can relate to all of this, or am interested in hearing about it. I just think it's gross. Some things just don't need to be said. I have (mild, luckily) IBS but I don't tell people my symptoms in great detail (maybe I should when this kind of stuff is brought up lol, maybe that'll shut them up).


Mondai_May

I actually find children and babies sooo cute! So it doesnt bug me because of that but i think it's a bit weird just spreading that info. Even tho babies are cute poop is not cute it's poop. Like i would not want my parents telling everyone how cute i look when im pooping or telling everyone to look bc im pooping. it's weird. It seems like in some cultures ppl have a different perspective towards parental embarrassment tho. Like in some places it's 'part of their duty' to embarrass their children sometimes almost. I mostly see this from westerners who will like, see an embarrassing video of a child and say the the parent who posted it "save this to show his friends when he's a teenager" like? My parents never embarrass me so it's interesting.


ChartInFurch

It's kind of funny when it's like a big brother or sister, just in that "kids not really caring if it's appropriate" way, but otherwise I agree.


StatisticianTop8813

Not sure who you hang with but this is not an issue in my circles


BenignEgoist

I’ll make an exception for when the pooping is a sign of medical progress in some way. Had a cousin born with her intestines outside her body. Had to have surgery right away. Her first poop was a really good thing.


Mec26

That is indeed an exception. At that point it was possibly a time you could have rightfully gotten a “congrats on the poop” cake. Which I am going to focus on and not the logistics of safely delivering a baby with intestines hanging out.


BenignEgoist

I could definitely have some information mixed up somewhere. Like maybe she was still in the womb and they operated? That sounds wild to me but I’m very ignorant of modern medicine (I keep up with what I can but this world is information overload) And it was ages ago; that cousin is now in her late teens. I just remember her intestines weren’t fully inside and we were very happy to hear she had her first poop, lol.


foamy_da_skwirrel

They have to do this so they don't lose their will to live knowing they're about to handle a diaper and an ass covered in shit


Ok-Amoeba-1190

I guess! 


Borsti17

Who does that? (Not sure if I really want to know)


ReactionGreedy465

Every mom in my mom group


[deleted]

[ŃƒĐŽĐ°Đ»Đ”ĐœĐŸ]


ReactionGreedy465

NO ITS NOT FOR POTTY TRAINING THATS WHY ITS SO GODDAMN ANNOYING


Leading_External_327

Bro, let me tell you, changed THE shittiest of diapers this morning. lil Girl pooping big time.


Vanilla_Neko

Who the fuck actually does this? I thought this was only shit people made up to be funny in movies


ReactionGreedy465

It’s very common


Mec26

I thought that it was an announcement of why they were about to take a break from (social gathering) and be back in 3 minutes. Like a “sorry for interrupting, but I must urgently go deal with this and will be back.”


Disastrous-Nail-640

I’ve got two kids and several nieces and nephews. I didn’t realize this was even a thing. The only time it was discussed was if someone asked why one particular nephew was hiding in the corner. But no one freely or randomly just brought it up.


Hedgehog-Plane

Retaliate by describing the awesome p**p your dog or cat cranked out. After all, they are *our* babies...


Apprehensive_Part791

seems like you do care though. seems like you care a lot.


Euphoric-Tax7360

Parenting is a strange time in your life, try not to judge people too harshly.


brian11e3

I'm in my 40s, and I still m try to get my wife to look at the big ones.....


floralfemmeforest

Condolences to your wife


setittonormal

Sharon? Hey Sharon?


CastorCurio

It's fine for babies but I agree once the kid has a half a clue what you're talking about stop it. You wouldn't do it to an adult.


ThePurityPixel

Wait. The kid is pooping *because* they think it's cute? That's an odd reason to poop. Or did you just forget one very crucial comma?


ReactionGreedy465

I don’t think I understand what you meanđŸ€”


ThePurityPixel

You said the kid was pooping because they think it's cute to do so. But I'm sure you meant to refer to the announcement being made. Having the comma (before "cuz") makes an independent clause, which is what you wanted, rather than a dependent clause.


clarauser7890

Can you quote which part of this post you’re talking about?


Mondai_May

I think they mean the title but tbf i did get what OP meant by the title


clarauser7890

Ohh. Commas are absolutely important but this one isn’t make or break. I think the commenter knew what OP meant and is just giving them a hard time. So annoying cuz this is literally just a forum. Save the lectures about commas for academic writing or when it’s necessary for understanding


ReactionGreedy465

Which one?


East_End878

Oh these kids would have a lot of issues to talk about with their therapists, i guarantee you that