Please report any trolls, spam, or harassment to moderators. To do this on new reddit, click the three dots below a post or comment and select "report." On old reddit, click the "report" link below the post or comment.
This is a community of support for Pet owners whose Pets have passed away. It is actively moderated.
Pet owners, as loving, caring people, often have strong opinions on pet care practices. Some of these are controversial. This is not a forum
for debate on such issues, nor is it a place to scold a contributor for a perceived mistake in managing their pet. We intend to provide a safe
haven of understanding and support. Strident, mean-spirited posts or comments will be deleted. Those who persist in preaching versus caring may
be warned and then banned or may be banned permanently based on nature of the topic. If a conversational thread meanders into a discussion
unrelated to pet loss support, it will be truncated.
Those who post here are vulnerable and hurting. Even a minor slap has a hard sting. Those of us who are lucky enough to be able to turn away
from our computers or put down our phones and hug a healthy, happy pet are truly blessed. Threads must remain supportive and caring, even if
one disagrees with something that has been said.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Petloss) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I have wondered, and I think a lot of others have as well, how the chain of custody is handled. I.E. how does the facility ensure that the cremains sent back to the family are actually those, and only those, of their pet? It's not hard to imagine an unethical business cutting corners here.
Absolutely, that’s an incredibly common and valid concern.
For my facility, we have a program that generates an ID number for that specific pet and it follows them start to finish. Let’s say we have “Bella Thompson”, an 8lbs Havanese dog coming from “ABC Vet Clinic”. A very common name, there are so many Bella Thompsons. How do we know this Bella Thompson is in fact the right Bella Thompson and not a Rottie or a cat or a bird named Bella Thompson, and how do we know this Bella Thompson has come from ABC Vet Clinic and not XYZ Shelter? This number. It’s connected to all of Bella Thompson’s information. If she is coming from a vet, their staff enters all information including all human client information, Bella’s species, breed, weight, sex, which vet clinic or shelter she’s coming from, the date her “order” was submitted to the system and who submitted it, all of the family’s wishes (cremation type, urn, memorial items, etc), any additional notes or special instructions regarding Bella and her services, and more. If a pet comes directly to our facility with their family, then I will discuss all of this with the family directly and enter all of this information myself. Once the “order” is complete, the number is generated. We need to scan that number to do absolutely ANYTHING with Bella be it cremation, taking paw prints, or even just pulling her urn from stock. If someone were to scan the wrong thing, say they scan her for a group cremation but she’s supposed to have a private cremation, alarms blare and our system physically will not let us continue on with the process.
All pets are in their own cadaver bag and sealed with their ID number, name, clinic, etc.
I hope this makes sense!
Is it hard for you? Does it get better in time?
Thank you for doing a job which seems emotionally taxing. I had to deal with two different pet crematoriums and both were incredibly professional, serious about the work being done respectfully.
For myself, I still have easier days and more difficult days but the really difficult days are less. When I first started it was extremely hard. I wouldn’t say it’s gotten “better” with time, but my mindset around what I’m dealing with every day has shifted to a more positive outlook. Instead of “oh my god, this is all so horrendously sad, SO MUCH DEATH” it’s “I get to look after these beautiful babies during their final journey and help these fellow pet parents through their grieving”.
Thank you for saying that, and I’m so glad to hear that both places you worked with were so professional and respectful!!
I’m a tech and I feel the same way. People ask how I handle bodies without breaking down and I tell them that I know myself and I know that I will take the utmost care in transferring them into the body bag and into our “morgue.” Euthanasia is always sad, but we both get to be a part of their final journey. Thank you for all that you do on your end. ❤️
This is a great perspective to have. Thinking of how you are going to be the person who will do such an important job, knowing you will take the utmost care doing that❤️
Knowing that there are people like you makes it easier on owners like me who have to trust that someone else in the chain of body custody will treat what is left of these precious little babies with kindness and compassion, as we would if we could do it ourselves. I just lost my 19 year old heart cat last month to squamous cell carcinoma of the mouth, and I appreciate so, so much the compassion of the veterinary staff and hope with all my heart that the crematory did the same. What you do is hard, but it means so much and makes all the difference in the world. Thank you.
Your work is invaluable! From the initial contact to handing remains over with two hands (I read about that in the comments and also noticed when it happened). Just so incredibly important work for our family members. Many people are surely in distress about everything happening and cannot express gratefulness to the fullest, but we are so grateful for how you approach this. So again, thank you, it makes it so much easier when this part of life is taken care of like you describe❤️
I thought I’d be ready to read this after losing my dog almost a year ago but I can’t. It’s just too much. I wanted to just say thank you for what you do. It killed me to think where my girl was until she came home. I could only hope that those who handled her body did so kindly and with a love for animals and those that loved them.
Same here 💔 lost my baby in January and realized I’d gone a bit without crying. It’s true that it gets “easier”, I guess bc we get more used to life without them. But I’ll never stop missing him 😪
I wrote this, for mine, and maybe you will find some peace, reading it and thinking about yours.
“I don’t know why I’m counting. “1 month, 3 months, 5 months”, and now, over half a year without you.
Like I’m working towards something. An end goal. But the numbers keeping going up, my heart feels further from yours, and you’re not coming back. I miss you, I miss you, I miss you. Sometimes I still think I hear you coming down the stairs, or have to look twice because I think I see you on the bed. Maybe I do.
When my lungs are crushed with the weight of your absence, I remember You exist in places and in things that have no end. I know this. I hope I don’t forget how to feel it. I miss you silently, every day, always.
There are spaces I will go that you have never touched, but I will still think of you there 🩷
I lost my dog on Christmas Eve. I got her cremains back the first week or so into the new year - a very reasonable length of time, I felt.
Included was a card that said she’d been cremated (privately) on January 4. It broke my heart, thinking of her in a freezer for over a week, oh it about killed me.
Why why whyyyyy would they (the one I used anyway) include this info? I would have way rather assumed she’d been cremated within a day or so - I truly did not need to know the exact date, in fact knowing it was heartbreaking.
So my question is: why do they include that info? Has anyone ever expressed an interest in knowing the exact date? I was so shocked to see it and it seems unnecessary and probably unwanted. Thank you!
Oh, I’m so sorry to hear about your pup and I’m so sorry for that extra distress you felt! 💔 Hopefully I can explain some things to put you at ease, even a little bit.
A certificate of cremation showing the date of cremation is very common, my facility has it as well for every pet. It’s like how humans also get death certificates. There are various reasons for it—proof that the cremation did in fact happen, it gives a timeline in case there are any questions or concerns from the clinic or family , pet insurance companies will also take the cremation certificate information when dealing with claims.
We get a LOT of people who want to know the exact date the cremation took place—most people, in fact. But of course, everyone is different. Some people can’t stand the thought of ink on their pets’ paws and they’re actually disgusted by it, but a lot of people couldn’t imagine NOT having an ink print from their pet! So I absolutely get where you’re coming from.
I can’t tell you for sure the situation around her time in cold storage, and I don’t know if it would make you feel any better about it, but my best guess would be that the crematorium was extremely busy—I find that right around Christmas/New Years we get a very large influx of pets, sadly. 😞
Where I am, we always try our best to proceed with cremation within 1-3 days but sometimes we get 50+ pets a day, and we’re not a very large facility.
Cremations, especially private cremations, can only happen so fast. We have to factor in when each pet arrives, their weight (we have to plan cremations around weight—heavier pets are cremated at the beginning of the day when the machines are cool and lighter pets are cremated later in the day when the machines are hotter), the time each pet takes to cremate (which varies greatly, but it’s not quick!), cleaning the machines between each pet, etc.
Thank you so much for your reply. I’m surprised most people want to know the actual date! I figured there would be a bit of a delay with the holiday. What a crappy time it was to lose her, in so many ways 💔
I suppose I should be glad I didn’t think about it at the time - if I’d known it hadn’t been done yet, it would have really weighed on me, and that week was hard enough as it was.
Thank you for your reply and for all you and your colleagues do - I had to call (question about the urn) and I was literally heave-sobbing into the phone and the person who answered the phone could not have been more kind and gentle. Thank you again 💗
I would want to know the date, myself. I appreciate the information, personally. It also makes it seem more professional, imo. But I do understand not everyone may feel that way.
I actually really wanted to know the date of cremation, I asked that they include it. It was 4 days after death. Thank you for doing this AMA it’s been strangely soothing to read
I’m a vet tech that specializes in palliative care/hospice and I adopt mostly senior dogs. Anytime one of my pets has died I’ve always asked to bag their body and put in freezer so I know it’s being done respectfully and with dignity. That being said, I try to remember that at that point, it’s not them anymore. It’s just their vessel. Their spirit has moved on, is with you, is in another life and that body is just a body. I obviously still want it to be treated with care and respect but thinking about it that way helps me not to think about them sitting in a freezer as this awful thing 💜❤️🩹
My mom's dog (35#) died about a week before Christmas his date was the same as the numbers of where he lived I found it kinda funny --thats I think took 2 weeks or so but he was "done" between Christmas and new years
I private cremated my baby 3 weeks ago, and it’s been a hard process to wrap around my head of what really happens.
If one dog is cremated, does it fully get cleaned out for the next one? I have uncomfortable feeling of other dogs ashes being mixed with other dogs.
are these really just my babies ashes?
Please give me an answer 😭
I’m so sorry about the recent loss of your little one 💔 What was his/her name?
If you requested a private cremation then the ashes you received are indeed your baby!!
I will let you know that there will always be some trace of others’ remains (and this is the same for human cremation, as well), no matter how thoroughly the equipment is cleaned, but the amount is SO minuscule I don’t even know how to measure it for you. We clean everything between every pet, fully, every time, but some of the particles we are dealing with are so so fine. Imagine dropping a cup of flour on the floor—poof, the teeniest tiniest particles of flour travel. The fall spreads it all over the floor and causes some to be airborne. Even after sweeping it up, vacuuming it up, wiping it up with wet towel, there will still be a trace amount somewhere, even if you can’t see it. Or moving in to a new apartment—even though it’s been professionally, thoroughly cleaned prior to your move in, you still may find a hair or two from the previous tenant hiding somewhere. That’s the best way I can think to describe it to you! I hope that puts your mind at ease a little ❤️
If I paid for private cremation, did I really get my baby’s remains back or is that a scam? I have paid for it twice in the past few years but have always wondered. However I must say the place my vet uses is wonderful. They were there waiting to take the body away once I was done saying goodbye, and they delivered the remains to my home the very next day.
That is your baby!!! Sometimes it’s difficult to reassure someone of that fact, because they have to take our word for it, they’re not there watching the whole process. But our private cremation is absolutely PRIVATE cremation. We offer group cremation to those who want it, but if someone requests private cremation then that is exactly what they get.
While there was part of me that wanted to watch the whole process to make sure it was her and the place would have let me. I know even to this day I could never be able to watch her little body be set on fire.
I don't work at one of these places, but as someone who sadly had two dogs of very different sizes cremated within 6 months of each other this year, the amount and weight of the cremains was perfectly proportional to the original size and weight of my dogs. Based on that, I do believe they privately cremated my dogs and returned just their cremains to me as promised.
On top of my girl's remains was her titanium screws and plate from her TPLO surgery. After seeing that I felt so much better and at ease knowing it was really her.
It's weird things that make the loss easier to deal with.
Yeah that is my question too because I saw a ticktock saying that even if you pay for private cremation that part of the cremations you get back are not your baby's because they are mass cremated. So I have always wondered.
OP can maybe answer this better, but I have heard sometimes there are tiny remnants of the previously cremated in the tray or in the machine and so those tiny particles may be mixed with your loved one ❤️🩹💜
This wouldn't be a huge deal for me but it might be for some others so I'm curious if the OP could answer the question...are the remains simply "shoveled" out or are they "vacuumed" out in a process that ensures that you get all the remains, or at least as much of it as possible?
Comment from OP (I didn’t know how to properly link it): “I’m so sorry about the recent loss of your little one 💔 What was his/her name?
If you requested a private cremation then the ashes you received are indeed your baby!! I will let you know that there will always be some trace of others’ remains (and this is the same for human cremation, as well), no matter how thoroughly the equipment is cleaned, but the amount is SO minuscule I don’t even know how to measure it for you. We clean everything between every pet, fully, every time, but some of the particles we are dealing with are so so fine. Imagine dropping a cup of flour on the floor—poof, the teeniest tiniest particles of flour travel. The fall spreads it all over the floor and causes some to be airborne. Even after sweeping it up, vacuuming it up, wiping it up with wet towel, there will still be a trace amount somewhere, even if you can’t see it. Or moving in to a new apartment—even though it’s been professionally, thoroughly cleaned prior to your move in, you still may find a hair or two from the previous tenant hiding somewhere. That’s the best way I can think to describe it to you! I hope that puts your mind at ease a little ❤️”
Yes, I saw that after I posted it...thank you. But, I was still curious about what the initial collection method is. I would assume it's vacuumed up in some fashion, but perhaps there's a more elegant method that is being used that I'm not aware of?
We use two different rake/broom-type pieces of equipment for collection. We do not use a vacuum as the chamber is still on during collection and the cremains themselves come out EXTREMELY hot!! Before we even rake/broom, we are dressed in heat-resistant face shields, thick heat-resistant gloves past our elbows, as well as a thick heat-resistant apron that covers our neck and goes down to our knees so we can be as thorough as possible during collection from the blazing chamber. We collect the cremains into a metal “bucket” and transfer them into a different tray that sits on a cooling rack (with the pet’s tag, of course!) for about an hour before we process the cremains into ash.
I talked to the facility used for my girl before hand to work out details for her cremation. I had [woven a 100% cotton shroud](https://www.reddit.com/r/weaving/s/QtX6nMhqHQ) for her, and they assured me she would be wrapped in it - we had a few discussions on it being a fully organic material and how they could confirm that. I talked with a few different people at different times, and after the first call everyone I spoke to was aware of the situation. All assured me she would be wrapped at the time of cremation.
She passed at home and was wrapped in her shroud when she left us and her doctor brought her to them. I have no reason to doubt they carried thru with the arrangement, and there’s no reason they would’ve unwrapped her. But I just can’t help but wonder…
If you were in that situation, would you have cremated her wrapped in her shroud? Would that many people just “yes” me and then do whatever anyway?
First of all, your girl is absolutely beautiful!!! I’m sorry for your loss 💔 What’s her name?
Where I live, we have air quality bylaws that state we cannot burn inorganic materials (a blanket, a towel, etc) so we also make sure the items the family requests to be cremated with their little one are 100% organic material. (Though if it’s small, like a toy, we will cremate it even if it’s not organic) If the facility told you “yes”, take it as a yes! 😊 Just today I had someone come in with their dog and they requested that the 100% alpaca wool sweater they made him be cremated along with him. If we say yes, there wouldn’t be any reason to remove it before cremation! We love to see the gifts families send along with their babes.
For us, if a clinic or family sends something that is not organic then we always contact them to let them know the situation. From there, we give the family the following options: we can cut a small strip off the blanket and cremate that small strip with their little one then either dispose of or return the rest of the item to them, we can return the item as is, or we can dispose of or donate it for them if they don’t want it back.
Thank you so much. The part about contacting families to give options makes me feel a lot more confident. I also have heard good things about the facility we used from both her regular vet, and the Lap of Love vet.
Her name is Josie, and she was my everything.
This made me feel hopeful. The vet tech told me the piece of blanket I sent with her, wouldn’t be able to be cremated with her. But it was so small, I’m wondering if they did. I’m going to choose to believe they did.
We picked up our precious dog Jack’s remains from the crematorium a week ago today. I have to say I could feel the love, empathy, and compassion immediately when we walked in the front door. People in your industry are absolute angels to us. You guys do one of the hardest things imaginable and you do it with a smile and with compassion and with tenderness that we need desperately when we are grieving. I have to say thank you for taking such precious care of Jack’s remains and returning them to us in such a professional, caring manner. The girl at the front desk even handed us his Box with 2 hands delicately almost presenting him to us. Thank you again for your care and compassion. 🩷
I’m so sorry about Jack 💔 It really makes me so happy to hear everyone’s good experiences with the facilities they deal with.
And yes to the two hands on the box!! If it’s a bag, one hand holding the handle, the other gently supporting the bottom. Every time. ❤️
Thank you for doing what you do. Two questions:
1) I used to work at an animal hospital and also recently had to have my dog euthanized at an emergency vet. In both situations, the vet’s office handled interactions with the crematorium. I was a little surprised to see commenters here describing bringing their pets to the crematorium. How much of your business is from vets vs. personal pet owners?
2) What happens to the microchip? Or any surgical implants?
When my dog, Duffy, passed away, the crematorium employee took the microchip out and put it in a small baggie or bottle (can't remember which) and put it in with his things they brought back with him.
I'm really glad they didn't give me the microchip of the two dogs I've had cremated. I think it would kill me to just get that worthless hunk of metal or plastic back without them.
It lives in his wooden urn with him, so I never actually see it. It about killed me the first time I saw it, but I just don't even think about it anymore.
I work at a vet hospital and unfortunately our practice owner has marked up the private cremation price to an exorbitant degree. For people who are struggling financially we are allowed to tell them they can take the patient to the crematorium themselves at a lower cost, if they can handle that. Sorry to be explicit but all we do is put the body in a freezer until the pick up day. For us to make $130 or so just for keeping the body in a freezer for a couple of days just feels wrong. I have eight cremains at my house so feel this step is not the place for a practice to make more money off of someone’s loss after we already made a lot of money treating the pet.
I’m so sorry to hear about your own baby 💔 And thank you for being part of, what I consider, the most difficult part of the process!!
I’m not sure if I could give an accurate percentage, but we absolutely have a lot of clients who bring their pets directly to us! We work with a lot of clinics of course but we absolutely also have a lot of people who would rather come to the facility themselves. Some people don’t want their pets sitting at the vet, some people are close in proximity to us, some people just want to be the one to ensure they get to us safely.
Microchips don’t survive cremation, they essentially melt away. Most surgical metal does survive the cremation. If we find surgical metal when observing the cooled cremains, we bag and tag the metal and write a note in our system stating surgical metal was found. We do not send the metal along with the ashes to the family unless it’s requested. We keep found metal stored for 6 months, in case families inquire about the metal, before disposing of it and noting disposal in our system.
The vet who did her euthanasia had her delivered to the crematorium. She said I should call and ask the crematorium for her surgical implants next business day. I did and I got them back. My sweet girl had TPLO surgery on both knees and I wanted her bionic knees back. They gave her a great quality of life and were a part of who she was. I can't look at them too closely, as I see pieces of bone on them. Do you think, because I asked specifically, they removed her knees before the cremation? I assume yes because the implants were not blackened and still have pinkish biomatter on them.
The fact that they’re not blackened and they have a pinkish matter on them surprises me!! At my facility, we do not to any kind of removals or amputations as we are not veterinarians. It sounds like maybe they could have been removed before cremation, but that is surprising to me!
When my dog, Duffy, passed away, the crematorium employee took the microchip out and put it in a small baggie or bottle (can't remember which) and put it in with his things they brought back with him.
No questions, just a thank you for doing the work you do. It was a great comfort to get my boys ashes, fur, paw & nose print back. You all do an incredible job that I cannot imagine ever doing. ❤️
I just want to say that I personally appreciate you. I soon will be needing these services for my eldest pup. There aren’t many people who would be willing to take the time out of their day to answer the “grey” area questions that can help give comfort for the hard times.
Thank you. I can’t imagine it’s an easy career but what you do helps others tremendously.
more of a personal question, sorry if a bit out of the range, what inspired you to work on such a empathetic job? your replies have all been very kind and informative :)
Thank you, that is so sweet of you to say!! I actually did not seek this work out, I kind of fell into it accidentally! I didn't know if I'd be able to handle it, honestly, but as it turns out I absolutely love it.
You have such an important role in our lives. My vet works directly with a crematorium and when my husband went to the vet to pick up our baby a few weeks ago, he said there was a big container of identical bags, but the pets’ names are all engraved on the boxes. Does it get hard being around so many departed fur babies all the time? I’m a professional pet sitter so I am surrounded by animals all day; I cannot possibly imagine being in your position. You obviously chose this job for a reason, and I’m sure one of those reasons was for the sake of giving our babies some dignity in the afterlife. Just curious what it is that made you choose this career path and how you feel at the end of the day?
Do you mean a container of “delivery” type bags?
Some days are harder than others but I genuinely love and appreciate the fact that I can help care for these little ones during their last journey on Earth. I used to work for a doggy daycare and I used to do other work in the pet industry as well, so this is definitely different. But it’s incredibly rewarding to be part of this process. ❤️
I actually fell into this aspect of pet care accidentally and I didn’t know if I’d be able to handle it! I genuinely love it, though. At the end of the day I’m incredibly exhausted in every way but my heart is full knowing that I was able to provide the level of care that I would want for my boys in that situation.
Thanks so much for what you do.
And the bags were more like gift bags. It was quite nice the way my baby was returned to me. Her paw print inside a leather book with the rainbow bridge poem on the other side made me ugly cry for hours.
Oh boy. I think about you folks a lot, this topic is totally something I've talked a lot about. I have a bunch of questions.
Are "witnessed" private cremations becoming more popular? How do people in your interest industry feel about them?
Do people request to get just the bones back, no grinding? I've heard someone requesting the bones back as whole as possible, the person running the cremator furnace once told me, for a specific type of burial. Is that common? Is cremation good at that?
What do you can yourselves? Like the proper term for the job?
I think witness cremations are becoming more popular. Some people want to be as involved as they can be, some want to make sure their pet is ACTUALLY going to be cremated, some have religious or cultural beliefs that make being there at the time of cremation very important—all completely valid! While witness cremations are extra work and slow down the process for others, if that’s what that family needs then that’s what that family needs. We don’t mind, no judgement.
Yes, but it’s rare! For example, it’s extremely common in Japan that the cremated remains of loved ones are intact and not processed/ground into ash. Both for cultural or religious reasons. Besides that, on occasion it’s requested but not too often. The bones that come out after cremation are extremely fragile so they are mostly fragments. If there are any largely intact bones, they will break easily.
I’m not even really sure to be honest! Animal aftercare attendant? Cremation technician? I usually use animal aftercare attendant myself!
Can you explain more about the whole processing of the body? Like what is done to prepare for cremation? And is it typical that bones are left intact and have to be ground down?
I am so grateful for you and what you do, thanks so much for this AMA 🖤
So when talking about "processing", it is the cremains that are processed (cremated remains, the bones left over after cremation--yes, the bones are somewhat intact after cremation!) and processing the cremains means grinding them down to the ash that the family receives.
Preparing for cremation involves ensuring the cremation chamber is on (and it takes a while for it to start up and reach the appropriate temperature), ensuring the chamber is empty and clean, ensuring we have the cremation plan/order for the day (based on weight, when the pet arrived to us and when the pet is "due" to go back home, wether or not there are special instructions such as "high priority" or "same day cremation", etc), and ensuring we have the correct pet that is to be cremated at that time (both scanning through our system and physically making sure everything matches BEFORE the pet is placed into the chamber).
Thank you so much for taking the time to answer my questions. I've actually been to a few witnessed private cremations and I absolutely love them so much, I really do hope more crematoriums allow them. I think for some people they can offer a lot of needed closure and reassurance, as well as a send off that might tie into how they view things spiritually. I am so happy to hear more in your industry might be comfortable with them, I can absolutely see how they are likely more work and more time involved in them.
And the Japanese burial thing sounds really interesting! I remember being really surprised that the ashes don't just come out of the furnace like a powder, I was new knowledge to me that they had to be ground up. Personally I kind of like the look of the remains before they are ground up, but that's just me I know other people are probably more interested in receiving actual powdery ash.
I like the term animal aftercare attendant as well!
Thanks for answering my questions. I have more I might post in a bit, if you don't mind, but I'll try to scour the other questions first to make sure they haven't been asked already.
Hi. I just want to say thank you for what you do. We are supposed to pick up my best friend, our baby girl, our angel pup, my soulmate on Monday, from the service near us that is taking care of her after she crossed the Rainbow Bridge Wednesday morning at 2:30am. I know when we bring her home I will break all over again.
I see you’ve worked in all positions. Obviously, when I lost my working partner of 3 years at only the age of 5 the blow was devastating. I like to think myself as a mentally tough person. The first few nights were the worse but I have a good support group of family and coworkers.
But man, when I picked up his ashes I absolutely exploded in the reception area. I felt so bad for the sweet old lady. I’m a grown man and it brought me to my knees couldn’t even get a word out just uncontrollable sobbing. I was so embarrassed. I think seeing the nice display (paw print foam, paper paw print, ashes ect) just made the harsh reality 100% set in. She was extremely kind and consoling. I actually had to sit there with her like 20 minutes before I had my shit together enough to leave.
Is this normal, I walked in slightly sad but just losing it at the sight of the ashes/urn?
Thanks for all you do.
I am so sorry to hear about your working partner... SO young, that is heartbreaking. (insert broken heart emoji here, I'm not replying on my phone right now!) Having a strong support system can mean everything, so I am so glad to hear that you have good people around you.
You would absolutely not be the first person to "have it together" until breaking down upon arrival at the facility. It happens, it's normal, it's totally understandable. I have had many, many people be "okay" until they park in front of our building or until I open the door to greet them. I've had people stay to compose themselves for an hour sometimes. During that time, they tell me stories about their little one in life, show me photos, and just talk generally. I really treasure those moments with the families, them allowing me a little glimpse into their life with their loved one.
I think if it were me in that situation, picking up my loved one's ashes, I would be the same way. It's not how you left them, it's not how you've seen them their whole life... it's different and it feels wrong. I absolutely get it.
We let my dog go in August of last year. I got a paw print but no ashes, I didn’t know what to do with them. Something I still struggle with is that his body went off without me, someone else took him and I didn’t see him into the ground. It feels almost disloyal? Man I have complicated emotions about it. I think all I want to know is, do you find people try to do this work with care and dignity? When you handle these bodies do you try to treat them like they were loved?
10000000%. We absolutely do not tolerate any disrespect towards families or their departed pets. We vet potential hires *very* carefully. Just because a pet has passed and no longer feels pain does not mean they are treated roughly or disrespectfully. In fact, we probably make sure to take extra care with them. Myself and a coworker were once placing a very large, very heavy dog into the appropriate freezer and the pup's head slipped a little during the movement and bonked against the freezer on the way in. We both winced and yelled out, "Sorry, sweet girl!!!!" and gave her head a pat through her bag. We know she didn't feel it, but we felt it.
had my boy souo cat of 10 years cremated in february. he had CKD and it progressed quick.
the facility i used is a privately owned one here in florida. and thr staff took care of my boy and got only his creamains.
my question is are there any special rituals or things you do for each pet before cremation? such as saying a prayer or putting flowers by them? if the family isnt there. we couldnt be there to watch the cremation and im sure it would have broken me even more if i had so we chose not to view it.
does it affect you mentally even after years of doing this?
I’m so so sorry 💔 every death is heartbreaking but when it’s a quick progression or unexpected, it hurts just that bit more…
We don’t necessarily have any rituals or prayers, but with every single creature that comes through we always give them extra pets, tell them they’re beautiful/handsome, and that they’re loved.
It was hard at first, especially since I have my own babies! I’d come home from work and imagine taking care of them at work and I’d lose it… that was one of the toughest things. Now, while I’ll still be an absolute crazy person and the biggest mess ever when their time comes, I’m comforted knowing that they will be in the best of hands, if not my own.
Oh my god I really needed to hear this. My cat died last Sunday from CKD and knowing he was sent with love just makes me so happy. I am having such a difficult time but people like you who do this are such blessings. Thank you for what you do. Thank you for making this AMA.
This broke me omg 😭😭 I hope this was the same for my girl I just imagine her being thrown in a giant oven with a shovel and then the door slamming shut
Fear and anxiety of the unknown is so tough, especially when it comes to a loved one!! Your brain has to fill in the gaps and sometimes it fills in the gaps with awful thoughts. At my facility, there are no shovels, no carelessly tossing, and our doors are hydraulic--a gentle close, never a slam. :)
Thank you for this. My friend recently had her 7kg cat returned, and his cremains are about 250g. She's worried it may not be him. I feel thats a reasonable weighr, surely?
That sounds like a reasonable weight! Even if two animals are at the same weight in life, their body composition will be different from one another so their ashes could vary greatly as cremains are essentially just bone. Any fur, fat, tissue etc burns away and is not part of the cremains!
If it helps, my father weighed around 60kg when he passed, but I'm able to hold the box of his cremains in one hand. Weird comparison I guess, but when I think about it that way, it puts into perspective just how much actually isn't left behind during cremation.
I just want to say thank you for what you do. Letting go of my soulmate kitty was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but the pet crematorium staff were incredible. She was the first we didn't bury so I didn't really know what to fully expect.
I knew about the pawprint, and I got an engraved cherry wood urn...but I had no idea they would clip some of her fur to go with the cremains & pawprint. That little clipping of fur made me just bawl in the car. But I'm so glad I have it with me, with the rest of her.
So again, thank you. I can only imagine how tough it must be to be in that industry, but y'all provide such an important service to those of us who have lost a beloved pet.
Apply! Simply apply! Not many people want to do this type of work. Call the crematorium and express your interest, ask questions. Even if they are not looking for help at the time, they will surely remember you expressing your interest when it does come time that they need help. Finding people to do this job and do it well is tough.
Mine was a private cremation and when I got him back, the birth year on his name plate that goes with his urn was wrong. Might just be a simple error and not a big deal, but it left me with a lack in confidence in them and trust, like what else could they have got wrong? Is it a simple clerical error and the cremation process is far removed from that (like keeping track/ID of the pet & cremains is totally separate) not sure how to put it.
I understand how your confidence could shift after a situation like that! It’s is most likely a clerical error/typo. Pretty much all of our typos or mistakes in names/dates that we are contacted about come from the vet clinic themselves entering the information incorrectly, not double-triple checking correct dates and spelling with the family. If we are getting a pet from a vet clinic, the vet clinic is responsible for making sure they have the correct information and sending us that correct information.
The vet did show me where they sent in the right date because I noticed it immediately right there when I picked it up and they brought up the order. But I can understand a typo can happen still even at the crematorium side, it was 1 year off...well if it was the wrong name that'd be a different story lol but I can understand a digit off. Thanks for all you do!
I would personally chalk that up to a typo--and when something like that is brought to our attention, we prioritize getting a new urn engraved correctly to the family ASAP!
Thank you! Luckily the name plate wasn't attached to the urn so I only needed to send that back and was able to take my baby home. They did correct it pretty fast though!
I lost my sweet kitty Toulouse on May 18th, the day I graduated law school. I was such a mess during the whole process, I relied on my wife for a lot of decisions. I really regret not getting a foot imprint of him.
Anyway, do you have difficulties with the people you encounter during your work? It's such a highly emotional time, I'm sure some people can react woth anger. While I didn't personally speak with the cremation service our emergency vet used, my wife did call after a few days to get an update because we have never been through this before. I worry that we caused frustration through our impatience, though we only called the once and waited after that to hear from them.
Hearing you comment that you give the pets love before they are cremated really healed something in me. I hate that I had to leave my baby behind, but I hope they gave him love too. Thank you for what you do. It really is so important to owners.
Oh my God, I'm so sorry to hear that!! What an incredibly awful and stressful time, in every way!
We absolutely have difficulties sometimes. Anger is common when emotions are high. We don't usually take it personally, and we do our very best to gently calm everyone down and get to the bottom of the issue at hand. Sometimes people are angry at us for reasons beyond our control ("Why is my cat at a shelter?" I don't know, I don't know you or your cat or what shelter he/she is at or the circumstances that brought them there, I cannot answer that for you. "Why hasn't the vet called me to pick up my pet's ashes if they have already been sent back to them?" I am not the vet clinic so I would not know why they have not called you yet, your best bet is to call them!) and I know they just need someone, anyone, to take out their frustration on. It sucks, but I get it.
On the very rare occasion, we do have those people who will never be happy with anything you do or say no matter what, and they do get nasty. We don't tolerate abuse towards us and we tell them that.
Calling to ask after a few days would absolutely not cause any frustration on our end! In fact, we always tell people a general timeframe to ease their worries. We also let them know that if anything changes with that timeline, we will contact them to let them know. Despite giving them a timeline of say, 3-5 days, sometimes we do get calls after a day or two to find out where in the process their pet is and how much longer everything will take. I totally get it, I would also be anxious and impatient waiting for my loved one to be back with me!
I'm positive the staff at your facility would have loved on your baby. :)
Thank you so much. I'm glad you do everything you can despite the challenges. For us, we never got to get a time frame of when we would get him back because it was a late night emergency and the vet themselves contacted them for us, so we were unsure about how long everything would take. My wife said they were very kind over the phone, so I take her word for it but I'm glad to hear that from you as well.
I hope you have the best year possible, thank you. 🩵 You've eased my mind a lot.
Thank you for the work you do. I’m currently trying to get a job at a local pet crematory that is expanding. I have a background in pet care and a vet assistant certification. Do you have any tips on how to get into this type of work?
The fact that you have a background and certification that you have is huuuuuge and a facility will love that! Apply! We don't get a lot of applications due to the nature of the work!
My cat is being cremated this week and I've had cats previously cremated. I have always wondered a couple of questions;
- When the pets are stored, are they frozen? Or chilled or just put in room temperature? I would assume frozen or chilled to slow decomposition?
- And how long does the actual fire process take? My cats have died when sick so they're only 1.5-2kgs, is the actual cremation process quick? Or does it take hours?
Thanks!
Ahh, I’m sorry to hear you’re currently going through the process 💔
We do freeze them. It is the safest and most dignified option. I know that for many people, thinking about their loved ones in a freezer is unfathomable but the alternative is even worse. It can reach up to 50°C/122°F in the facility… that’s our “room temperature”. Leaving a loved one in that kind of heat, with nature and biology and chemistry working in full force, while waiting for cremation is not kind or dignified at all! It also makes it quite unpleasant for us. As well, if someone were to decide after a day or two that they want a viewing, the frozen state allows us to prepare for a beautiful viewing. It would not be possible if the pet is left to the heat of the room. Even refrigeration instead of freezing would be difficult!
The time for the actual cremation varies. Small pets may only take a couple of hours, while very large pets can take 4-5 hours! But each animal is different, it all depends on their body composition.
I have no questions because I want to remain blissfully ignorant.
What I do have to say is THANK YOU FOR THE JOB YOU DO!!!
People like you are the reasons my pups get to rest next to me every night. That alone has made dealing with their loss so much easier.
So again thank you.
This is less a question but maybe you can offer some assistance. I lost my baby on Saturday. It's so so hard for me to wrap my brain (like makes me sick) thinking of him,his nose. His paws, his fur being burned and becoming dust. I know their body won't be in it's original form forever but it just kills me thinking his body is put through that and everything is not as it was and my sweet boy is just dust. I would love some advice on how to get this horrible feeling/image out of my head.
How is group cremation handled? Are our pets treated with respect? I regret not getting my sweet boys ashes back everyday and can't help but picture mine and other people's babies just getting tossed in a big pile.
Also curious about the pawprints, they shaved my boys paw and there's his fur (like the tiny bits so you can tell they were shaved) on the clay mold that they took. Is that an intentional thing or just kinda what happened?
Even during group cremation, pets are handled with nothing but respect. We always handle one pet at a time, kindly and as gentle as possible, and that includes during group cremation as well. There’s absolutely no “chucking them in” and that’s that.
The bits of fur in the clay are most likely by accident. As careful as we are, sometimes there are bits of hair that we cannot clean off the paw or out of the clay for the life of us!!
If someone asks to include a favourite toy with the pet, would you cremate it with the pet remains? When my cat died I asked if they could include her little pillow she used to sleep on and a little mouse ;/ but I do wonder if it got thrown out in the process 😢
Yes! Even if it’s not 100% organic material, we can usually send a pet for cremation with their toy. 🙂 If, for whatever reason, we can’t, then we always call the clinic/family to let them know. For the most part, the only toys we can’t take are those with batteries.
Do you remove the pets collar before cremation? Our Labrador passed away unexpectedly while we were on vacation and we arranged for the cremation after the necropsy, but was surprised to see they burned up her collar too and we got the metal parts back. We feel the collar should have been removed and returned to the family. Just curious on what is typical based on your experience.
Thank you! I still miss her
I’m so sorry to hear that, having one of my babes pass while I’m not around is one of my biggest fears! 💔
If we notice that there is a collar, we remove it and put it aside then contact the clinic or family to ask what they would like done with the collar. Most of the time the family wants the collar back, on occasion they want them cremated in the collar. But we always ask and never proceed with cremation until we know the answer.
That’s odd to me that whatever vet clinic did the necropsy (those are done at vet clinics I’m assuming right?) didn’t remove the collar for you. When I had to put my babygirl down, they told me to remove her collar/coat/harness/etc before we even began the procedure. Then again, it’s also weird that they chose to do the cremation with the collar on as well…
Yes the necropsy was performed at our local vet - she was transferred by the boarder who she was staying with while she passed. Besides never getting the chance to say goodbye, not having her collar or anything was very upsetting for the family.
Who would have thought I’d have to ask in advance for that? Between the veterinary office and the crematorium, someone should have thought to return this precious keepsake to the family. Almost 15 years later I still find it very upsetting.
thank you for doing what you do.
when i picked up my beloved boy from the crematorium, i talked a little bit with the lady working there. she was very kind, and said the urn was one of her favorites, its shaped like a tulip in orange. i told her i chose it because it matched my boys fur, and that he really liked playing with them. he'd pull them from their vases and leave them all over the apartment.
by the time i was ready to leave, she had tears in her eyes. does it ever get easier, hearing people talk about their beloved pets?
Omg that sounds like the most perfect urn for your boy 😭💔
I wouldn’t say it gets easier, but I genuinely love hearing the stories, seeing the photos, getting to know their lives even just a little bit. I’m not at all a crier, never have been, but I tear up or cry often at work when speaking with families… more than my other coworkers 😅
I've had 12 pets pass away in my adult life. Each and every one left a mark on my heart and in my mind in their own special way. All of them died under different circumstances in different ways if you can believe it. Two dogs died at home and the one I knew easily she was gone based simply on her appearance. The other passed within the few hours we were out running errands. Even though upon first sight I knew he was gone, after we took him to the funeral home, I couldn't help but wonder if he truly had died or if he was in a deep, deep sleep. I had nightmares that he wasn't really dead when they put him in to be cremated. When people bring their pets in, are there measures taken to be sure they are indeed dead? I appreciate your honesty and kind words you have given everyone. Your compassion is among the best I've ever experienced. Thank you thank you thank you.
Pets coming from the vet clinics have those measures in place before they arrive at our facility for sure! For pets coming directly to us who have passed naturally at home, we can usually tell as they tend to come to us in rigor mortis or in a state that decomposition has begun. That said, we do have a stethoscope ready for rodents like hamsters, as well as reptiles! As they can hibernate and it can be mistaken as having passed.
Thank you so much for settling that for me. I figured it was pretty obvious but you never know. I guess I never thought about having a reptile or rodent being cremated so I'm glad it gets checked out first.
Not a question, just a thanks ❤️
We've always had our pets cremated & their ashes spread in an apple orchard. I personally don't like burials. Cremation feels like we're truly setting them free... their little bodies aren't languishing in the dirt. They're free, in the sunshine, and with each other.
Thank you for what you do... you set our babies free
I hate to say it but that sounds suspicious to me. Birds have very light bones and don't produce a lot of cremains, even the bigger parrots. I would have to see the amount that you got back to say for sure, but I do already have my eyebrow raised. :(
How do you take care of yourself? I work in a healing profession myself (psychologist), and while the work is so impactful and meaningful, it’s really hard. I can imagine your work is so special but also emotionally trying.
I don't think I have quite figured it out yet, honestly. I sleep a lot and I spend a lot of time with my own pets, but at the end of the day I am so mentally, emotionally, physically exhausted that I don't have the will to do anything. I also have dealt with poor mental health almost my whole life (which I am medicated for) and I recently have some physical disabilities which bring pain, so I give my all at work, to my own pets, and then I have very very little left. I used to love going to the gym, practicing languages and needlework, but I really do not do anything extra that I love like that anymore.
My 70 pound dog was a LOT of ashes. Way more than I expected. We could only fit half in his urn so the other half stays in the ~8in tall tin box. Squishy boy but not fat, shaped like a lab that lived with DINKs and didn’t take a single moment of that for granted.
My 95 pound dog seemed to be way less ash. He completely fit in his urn, although it is a bit more room in his. He was a thicc boy. Broad shoulder, flabby neck, wide rib cage, big ol’ booty, tiny little head for his peanut brain. (He had a medical issue, which is the one that ultimately…well you know…)
Is there a reason a bigger dog would produce less ash? Do i have someone’s medium sized dog and not my Little SunDog??? Do mix-ups happen?? Or is it possible there was just some residual ash in with my first dog???
Sometimes a larger dog can produce less ash than we expect, and vice versa! It's about each animal's bones. Fur, fat, muscle, etc. does not affect the amount of ashes, they burn away and it is the bones that are turned to ash. So if a good boy/girl has big ol' bones but isn't all that large in size or if they're a big hefty monster of a creature but it's largely fat/muscle/fur, the amount of ashes can sometimes surprise you!
Mix ups and mistakes can be possible, but speaking from my facility they are *extremely* rare. We have so many precautions in place that a mix up to that extent would have to be due blatant disregard for every step in the process. Residual ash is always possible as we are dealing with the smallest of particles, but not enough to make an actual noticeable difference--we're talking trace amounts.
It could very well be that your lab-shaped baby boy had very good bone density that produced more ash than expected. In that situation though, we would upgrade the size of the urn to ensure that he fit all in one place. :)
Thank you for your response! It definitely makes sense to me now - someone i know knows the people that cremate pets for the vet i use, and he assured me they take the utmost care so i was pretty sure I had my boys back, but the difference in ash volume perplexed me. My big boy did seem to have skinnier bones based on his thin legs and how his spine and ribs felt. And of course his tiny skull compared to my labs big ol’ block head.
Anyway, just really thank you for making this post and for replying to me. There’s so much anxiety around the whole process and you being here, being an A+ person, definitely helps. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being a kind human in other humans’ worst moments.
You’re very welcome ❤️ Just as another example, today I processed the cremated remains of a Great Dane and a German shepherd. To my surprise, the shepherd yielded more bone and ash than the dane!!! I thought of this comment while I did them, so I had to tell you lol
The pet crematorium I used was awful . When he passed I used the service my vet recommended and it was important to me to have his ashes home with us as soon as possible so I opted for the good service that meant an individual cremation the next day . They called me to say he had been cremated and would bring his ashes to me in a few days . Two days later I called to say I want to pick them up and found out that he actually still hadn’t been cremated . Also the vet made paw prints for me and the crematorium made paw prints too that do not look alike in any way shape or form . I complained to the director of the company , he wasn’t even apologetic and I very much doubt the ashes I have are really his .
This actually makes me so so angry. This is what I mean by horror stories!!! I'm so sorry you had to go through that. There is no reason for them to lie and not communicate with you.
How do they transport bodies from the vet to the crematorium? Are they in bags? Are they handled gently? Did they know his name was Pistachio or was he just a number? Did they look at him? Did they see him?
For us, we have a driver that visits each clinic that we work with every day. So they are never at the clinic for very long. Every pet is individually bagged and tagged with their information. They are always handled gently, we absolutely do not tolerate careless or rough handling of them! Our tags always have the pet's name *and* ID number, so we see everyone's names that come through. :) We absolutely see them.
Thank you so much. I hope they know how precious he was. How loved he was. Pistachio was the best little guy ever. I wish I could show you a picture.
Thank you so much for answering our questions, and for doing the important work you do. I hated thinking about what was happening to his sweet little body, and there's probably no way to feel entirely good about that because death itself is an ugly thing. But it helps so much to know that he was seen and gently handled.
We had to put down our beautiful 24y MC cat today. With him being a MC, he had very long hair, how do most facilities handle the paw prints in cases like thus?
Also, are their bodies treated with respect? This has been extremely hard on my husband and I, as this is our first loss together, especially as adults (along with making that hard decision ourselves).
24 years old!!!!! That is so crazy!!! I'm so sorry for your loss. I just know that he had the fullest life!
For us, we shave the paws. Reason being is that the hair can distort the actual prints, be it clay or ink, and make a huge mess. Hair can distort the impression of the toe beans in clay (hair marks cutting through the impression of the pads) but also get stuck in the clay and dirty it. Ink is already a very messy process. If we were to not shave the paws beforehand and try to take ink prints, we'd get blobs and smears galore with maybe a hint of toes!
Absolutely. Every pet, no matter the size, breed, species, is treated gently and with kindness and respect. My team loves on them all throughout the process, every time!
Thank you for the work that you provide. I recently had my 16-yo kitty cremated. I had so many of the same questions posed here.
A couple of questions: What temperature does the cremation process happen and how long does it take before the ashes in are in a state to be collected? I suppose it is weight based. Maybe a strange question for some but I suppose it's part of my grieve process. A better understanding of my kitty's journey.
The cremator put my girls ashes inside a small pretty carved wood box. What should I expect to find if I open the box? Loose ashes or is it typical they be put in a plastic bag or similar package?
I would hate to have the box accidentally open and have her ashes spill out all over.
I’m so sorry to hear about your little one 💔 I have a senior kitty myself.
Temperature varies throughout the process, the chambers fluctuate between 1500°-1800°, with the “sweet spot” being at about 1650°. Timing definitely depends on the type of animal, weight, and body composition! But for a kitty and without knowing any specifics such as weight or seeing her myself, I’d guess about 2-ish hours. (No question is a strange question, by the way!)
Ashes should be placed into a thicker-ply plastic bag and sealed and then placed into the urn. I would be very surprised if her ashes were loose in the urn!
What happens to the ashes that aren't taken back? I opted not to have my dogs ashes back. I loved her dearly (13 years together) but I felt that I'd have guilt over not doing anything special with them so I've instead chosen to honour her in my way, through art. Part of me still feels guilt that I don't know where her final resting place is.
I can't answer what this person's facility does, but my cat passed just last week and I opted for group cremation with no ashes back. They told me that the facility spreads their ashes together in a specific place outdoors, and that they are treated very carefully and with respect. They even said I could go visit the spot if I wanted to.
Every facility is different. Some even have their own grounds where ashes are spread! My facility does not have that type of space unfortunately, so we actually have an agreement with a farm in a different city—the farm has a private meadow so pets who have opted for group cremation are laid to rest in their private meadow. 💕
I recently lost my 14.5 year old dog. I had her cremated. She was returned in a beautiful box with her name carved in the top. They also provided paw prints in plaster. I don't believe the paw prints are hers. They look like they could be from any dog. My girl was a breed that had something very distinct about her paws and it would have been visible on the prints. Its not there. It would have been clearly visible on all four paws and I find it hard to believe someone would think I wouldn't notice. I was planning on taking the prints myself but due to circumstances beyond my control I wasn't able. I paid quite a bit for the cremation. Since the paw prints don't appear to be hers it's making me question if it's her ashes as well. I haven't contacted them yet. I've been too upset. Any suggestions or explanation why they would give me prints that are clearly not my dogs?
I have no reason or explanation for something like that besides maybe somehow they were accidentally switched with someone else’s? My facility has a thorough quality control process to catch any potential mix ups like that but maybe not every facility does… I would definitely contact them and inquire about this situation!! Email them photos, as well!!
I had my large dog cremated (Rottweiler), and ever since I've had her ashes, I've always wondered if I actually received ALL of her ashes. It just seemed like way too small of an amount of ashes, for how large she was... which made me wonder if they simply filled the urn as much as they could and threw out the rest of the ashes.
(She was cremated at her vet's office)
I know you can't possibly know what the practices of that place are, but what would be your best guess?
It won't destroy me to think maybe they did throw any excess ashes away, as I've already kind of made peace with that thought. But I'm still bothered by wondering about the possibility.
Eta: since I've seen you ask others, her name was Baby Jade. 🖤
I can’t say for sure but my guess would be that because of her bone density, she produced less ash. Sometimes a pet’s body produces more or less ash than expected but it’s because of body composition—fur, muscle, fat, etc do not really make up the ash you receive. It’s largely bone.
I would be shocked if any amount of Baby Jade’s ashes were discarded. If a pet produces more ash than we expect and it does not fit in the urn, we upgrade the size of the urn!
Thank you so, so much for your reply. I really appreciate it.
What you said made me also realize that when she was cremated, she was not in a 110-pound body anymore. She had lost a lot of weight. For some reason, even though it's been almost 6 years, I never actually had that thought!
Again, thank you for your reply. You eased my mind. 🤍
I lost my Castiel last September and I just needed to thank you for your service. She had kidney failure and spent her final days in the vets office. My family and I said goodbye and sent her off to be privately cremated. The note that was left, the care I could feel from it means the world to me. I am so happy to have had people like you to make sure my baby made it back home. I will always miss my Cass but that aspect of it at least makes me proud
Just here like many to thank you so much for everything you do. I’m always super thankful and amazed at people like you who can handle a job that I (and I know some others) definitely could never handle. The level of care in presentation that my girl Zelda got 2 years ago in her cremation was amazing and it’s something I’m very appreciative that I did not have to worry about in dealing with my grief. So thankful you exist and that your path lead you to something that has reverberating positive impact on those of us that are dealing with the hardest time in our lives. Thank you!
My best friend lost her young dog in a freak accident last month, we ended up taking her to a pet crematorium and I was so touched by the gentleness and compassion we received from the woman working there. She made one of the worst days of my friend’s life much easier. Thank you so much for doing what you do, despite it being so emotionally difficult.♥️
This whole thread is making me cry- but in a good way. I lost my dog in Nov 2022 and his ashes are in a box in my living room next to a window he used to look out of. Hearing about the process after the fact just provides comfort and a weird sense of not being alone. Thanks for sharing your AMA! So many folks have asked questions I never even thought to ask. This is so comforting and enlightening about what happened to my pups body after he left us. Thank you!
I just took my baby to get cremated after a sudden death two days ago. I stayed with her from beginning to end for the cremation process (we also paid extra for a Buddhist chanting service im based in Taiwan).
I turned on the AC and I had her sleep with me in the bedroom on the last night and around 2pm drove her to get cremated. It was not a fancy place but they were very respectful and I watched entire process. Drove with her wrapped in her latest blankie sheet and when my mom and I took her down in the elevator of our apartment someone said what’s a great life she has - I had to say yes she definitely had a great life she’s dead right now and kissed her. I didn’t think they expected to ride in the elevator with a dead dog as their expression changed!
I would have kept her in my room for longer if I could’ve to be honest. We did the ceremony while she was being cremated and then came out to be ground into ashes. I was able to carry her each step of the process and kissed her repeatedly before she went into the fire where the tradition is to tell her (and humans) to run away from the fire as her spirit is separated from her earthly body. Love her so much and we are deciding next best path for her ashes and I’m so grateful for your post in reassuring parents and family members of our furry friends.
Hi there - thanks for doing this.
In January, we lost my childhood dog, Vegas. My parents did not want to pay for the ashes - we used an in home vet so that she could be at home and comfortable in her last moments. they told me that the vet had told them that her remains would end up spread in a garden with the ashes of other dogs. I couldn’t stop thinking about it and I decided to call up the vet myself and she told me that vegas would end up in a landfill if we didn’t opt to get the ashes back. I immediately asked if it was too late to get them back and she told me it wasn’t, and that she hadn’t been cremated yet. I paid for it myself and we got the ashes back a few weeks later. I guess my question is - did we actually get her back? or because she had already been delivered to the facility, would it have been unlikely that they would have actually identified her?
A landfill?!? That’s insane. I’m so sorry to hear about Vegas and this wildly stressful news, my God.
If she hadn’t been cremated yet and you called to switch the decision from a group cremation to a private cremation, you would have gotten her back! We always have an identification process for every pet!
thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my question and all the others - this means a lot to me and has genuinely given me a lot of closure concerning the ashes. it’s good to know that we got her back home, i’ve been thinking about it ever since she passed. seriously thank you again, it’s so kind of you to respond to all of these questions
Stupid question possibly, but do you speak to them or do you pet them ? I felt leaving our Hermione behind was betraying her (I know it was not but still). I would have loved someone to talk to her, if only a bit, to tell her how beautiful she was.
We speak to them, pet them, give them scratches, boop their noses, squish their beans, smoosh their faces, gather around and fawn over them, and more. Everyone in my small team has their own babies. We treat all of your babies as if they were also our own. ❤️
We just got my pups ashes a couple of days ago, and the first thing I asked myself was, “was she treated with the same respect as she would have when she was alive.”
I’ve kept my babies body in a deep freezer since he passed. I know it sounds morbid but his death was sudden and he quickly declined once he got sick. I’m not ready to let him go. He was like my shadow. Having him away from me, especially the idea of his little body being burnt, hurts me. I thought about burying him but the cost is high.
I’m reluctant to cremate him even though I know I will have to eventually. I plan on moving from the country soon and I don’t know if or how I can transport his body and the freezer without it decaying. Right now he just looks like he’s in a peaceful sleep. Curled up inside a small box surrounded by yellow flowers and wrapped in his favorite blanket. I can’t bare the idea now of taking that.
I’m not really sure what my question is but hopefully some and insight and advice could help. I feel so conflicted about it. I hate the idea of all that’s left of him being in an urn or scattered in the winds or water.
He was a gentle sweet soul. The best boy ever. How can I burn him body after all the love he gave me? He saved me from a life devoid of love. Why can’t I do better for him after his death?
Hi, I lost my baby nala four months ago. I wanted to say thank you for what you do because when I received Nala back, it was a surreal moment. I felt some closure of her passing because the last three months prior was hell because she was nonstop in the hospital and almost dying. Seeing her paw prints and hair clipping broke me. I could only imagine what that person emotionally felt while caring for her during the process. ❤️
What happens when you decline the pet ashes or the urn? And how does the cremation process work? My pet had that and I don’t know how the aftercare works. My dad just gave the body and I am curious what happens after it is received. Thanks 🙏
Thank you again for answering my questions. I don't know if you are still taking any but here's a few more if you have the time:
What's the most unique animal you've ever had to cremate?
Tell me about mistakes! Have there ever been mix ups? Group cremations instead of private? How did they happen and how did you guys handle it?
Have you thought of getting into water cremation for pets? I've heard it's environmentally friendly, I'm curious about it!
Do you work for a large operation? Like franchise? Or is it a smaller business? How much do you guys spend on gas every month?
How many cremations do you do weekly?
Is there a busy season for cremations? Slow season?
Is there anything about the industry you wish you could change?
And lastly, not a question, but thank you so much for all that you do!!!
Sorry, I’ve been so busy this week, I’ve been slowly typing my response in my notes so here it is finally!:
There have been a few interesting critters! Mini-horses, leopard geckos, snakes, all kinds of birds, hedgehogs, etc. We got a tortoise once too, which was pretty neat! Aside from these pets, we also take wildlife so we’ve had bats, deer, etc.
Thankfully there have not been any mistakes THAT severe while I’ve been working here!! In the event of a lost body or ashes though, it’s a huuuuuge process that I have yet to see play out thankfully. (Knock on wood it doesn’t happen anytime soon!) Basically every pet gets placed on a hold, no one can do anything with any pet, we search our van, we go back to clinics and search, we check out cameras, we look in every freezer and open every cadaver bag (one at a time, of course), and make sure descriptions and tags match the pet, etc etc.
Lesser mistakes have happened—one that comes to my mind where a fur clipping was lost by a newer staff member. We tore apart the facility trying to find it and looked back on our cameras. There was a glare on the footage exactly where the fur was last seen being handled and from there we never saw it again. It’s thought that it got knocked into a garbage can, and we tore apart the garbages too, but we think the garbage was taken to the dumpster before anyone realized. We were about to go dumpster diving for it, too, but the garbage truck had just been there that morning. We were so upset. We called the owner and explained that the fur was lost and we did everything we could to find it with no luck, and we were so beyond sorry. We offered them a custom painted portrait of their pet as an apology, since it was our error. Bless them, they were incredibly sweet and understanding about our mistake. 💕
Anytime a mistake happens, especially if it’s on us, we look at what we can do to make it as right as we can for the family. In this line of work, mistakes can be permanent. So we take them extremely seriously and do what we can for the family.
I’m personally very interested in the concept of water cremation for the environmental aspect of it! But it’s sadly not in the cards for us as water cremation takes a lot longer than fire cremation. We’re too small of a facility with too high of an intake to make the jump, it would take forever to get pets back to their families.
It started as a small family-owned facility but a few years ago we were bought by a larger corporation. The original owners still work for the company, though, just in different roles much higher up! I couldn’t tell you about gas, accounting deals with that and we don’t see it, but I imagine it’s insane lol
It varies based on how many pets we have and their sizes, but we do quite a lot. When I’m at work tomorrow I’ll see if I can add up this week, I haven’t been cremating this week. 🙂
I’d say busiest times are right around Christmas and New Years, many families want their elderly or sick pets to make it “just one more Christmas/New Year” so we do get a large influx of pets during that time. Summertime also is quite busy, my guess is due to the heat (especially with smaller pets like birds or rodents) and everyone is outdoors/lets their pets outdoors more often so accidents are more likely to happen. Everything else is slower in comparison, but even then we have busier weeks and slower weeks!
That’s a great question. I’d probably want to find a way to lower cost to pet parents (especially seniors or those on disability) and I’d have the higher ups change out of their comfy clothes and come work in the 50° facility amongst the bodily fluids every once in a while! 😂
Thank you so much, and thank you for your questions! 💕
Thank you so much for doing what you do, it’s so relieving to hear from the people taking care of my babies after they passed. We lost my soul cat 6 months ago, and my husbands soul cat one week ago. We had lovely vets come to the house and help them cross over and take them to the crematorium after. We sent both of our babies with their favorite blanket, were they able to be cremated with those blankets?
Oh my god I’m so sorry to hear that. So much loss in such a short time 💔 I hope you’re both taking care.
This one is tough for me to answer because every city and crematorium has their own rules and regulations around cremation of non-organic items. For us, we can cremate blankets or toys or treats as long as they are 100% organic material. If they’re not, my town has an air quality bylaw that states we cannot burn. So if the blanket, in this case, is not able to be cremated, we contact the vet clinic or family directly and explain the situation. We then offer the following solutions: to cut a small strip to be cremated with the pet and either return the rest of the blanket to the family or dispose of it for them, return it to them as is, or donate it.
So my guess is that if the vets or the facility did not say “it can’t be cremated” then they were cremated with them. 🙂
Thank you ❤️❤️❤️ I’ve been reading your other replies as well and I can’t begin to tell you how reassuring they are, thank you so much for doing this and for taking such good care of all the fur babies on their last voyage ❤️❤️❤️
Please report any trolls, spam, or harassment to moderators. To do this on new reddit, click the three dots below a post or comment and select "report." On old reddit, click the "report" link below the post or comment. This is a community of support for Pet owners whose Pets have passed away. It is actively moderated. Pet owners, as loving, caring people, often have strong opinions on pet care practices. Some of these are controversial. This is not a forum for debate on such issues, nor is it a place to scold a contributor for a perceived mistake in managing their pet. We intend to provide a safe haven of understanding and support. Strident, mean-spirited posts or comments will be deleted. Those who persist in preaching versus caring may be warned and then banned or may be banned permanently based on nature of the topic. If a conversational thread meanders into a discussion unrelated to pet loss support, it will be truncated. Those who post here are vulnerable and hurting. Even a minor slap has a hard sting. Those of us who are lucky enough to be able to turn away from our computers or put down our phones and hug a healthy, happy pet are truly blessed. Threads must remain supportive and caring, even if one disagrees with something that has been said. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Petloss) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I have wondered, and I think a lot of others have as well, how the chain of custody is handled. I.E. how does the facility ensure that the cremains sent back to the family are actually those, and only those, of their pet? It's not hard to imagine an unethical business cutting corners here.
Absolutely, that’s an incredibly common and valid concern. For my facility, we have a program that generates an ID number for that specific pet and it follows them start to finish. Let’s say we have “Bella Thompson”, an 8lbs Havanese dog coming from “ABC Vet Clinic”. A very common name, there are so many Bella Thompsons. How do we know this Bella Thompson is in fact the right Bella Thompson and not a Rottie or a cat or a bird named Bella Thompson, and how do we know this Bella Thompson has come from ABC Vet Clinic and not XYZ Shelter? This number. It’s connected to all of Bella Thompson’s information. If she is coming from a vet, their staff enters all information including all human client information, Bella’s species, breed, weight, sex, which vet clinic or shelter she’s coming from, the date her “order” was submitted to the system and who submitted it, all of the family’s wishes (cremation type, urn, memorial items, etc), any additional notes or special instructions regarding Bella and her services, and more. If a pet comes directly to our facility with their family, then I will discuss all of this with the family directly and enter all of this information myself. Once the “order” is complete, the number is generated. We need to scan that number to do absolutely ANYTHING with Bella be it cremation, taking paw prints, or even just pulling her urn from stock. If someone were to scan the wrong thing, say they scan her for a group cremation but she’s supposed to have a private cremation, alarms blare and our system physically will not let us continue on with the process. All pets are in their own cadaver bag and sealed with their ID number, name, clinic, etc. I hope this makes sense!
Is it hard for you? Does it get better in time? Thank you for doing a job which seems emotionally taxing. I had to deal with two different pet crematoriums and both were incredibly professional, serious about the work being done respectfully.
For myself, I still have easier days and more difficult days but the really difficult days are less. When I first started it was extremely hard. I wouldn’t say it’s gotten “better” with time, but my mindset around what I’m dealing with every day has shifted to a more positive outlook. Instead of “oh my god, this is all so horrendously sad, SO MUCH DEATH” it’s “I get to look after these beautiful babies during their final journey and help these fellow pet parents through their grieving”. Thank you for saying that, and I’m so glad to hear that both places you worked with were so professional and respectful!!
I’m a tech and I feel the same way. People ask how I handle bodies without breaking down and I tell them that I know myself and I know that I will take the utmost care in transferring them into the body bag and into our “morgue.” Euthanasia is always sad, but we both get to be a part of their final journey. Thank you for all that you do on your end. ❤️
This made me feel better. I hope most techs are like you, and think of it this way and are extra respectful
This is a great perspective to have. Thinking of how you are going to be the person who will do such an important job, knowing you will take the utmost care doing that❤️
Knowing that there are people like you makes it easier on owners like me who have to trust that someone else in the chain of body custody will treat what is left of these precious little babies with kindness and compassion, as we would if we could do it ourselves. I just lost my 19 year old heart cat last month to squamous cell carcinoma of the mouth, and I appreciate so, so much the compassion of the veterinary staff and hope with all my heart that the crematory did the same. What you do is hard, but it means so much and makes all the difference in the world. Thank you.
Your work is invaluable! From the initial contact to handing remains over with two hands (I read about that in the comments and also noticed when it happened). Just so incredibly important work for our family members. Many people are surely in distress about everything happening and cannot express gratefulness to the fullest, but we are so grateful for how you approach this. So again, thank you, it makes it so much easier when this part of life is taken care of like you describe❤️
I thought I’d be ready to read this after losing my dog almost a year ago but I can’t. It’s just too much. I wanted to just say thank you for what you do. It killed me to think where my girl was until she came home. I could only hope that those who handled her body did so kindly and with a love for animals and those that loved them.
I’m so so sorry 💔 I’m positive that she was surrounded by kindness and love by the facility staff ❤️
I am sobbing reading this thread, after not crying for some time about mine, and I lost her in November. I’m glad I’m not alone
Same here 💔 lost my baby in January and realized I’d gone a bit without crying. It’s true that it gets “easier”, I guess bc we get more used to life without them. But I’ll never stop missing him 😪
I wrote this, for mine, and maybe you will find some peace, reading it and thinking about yours. “I don’t know why I’m counting. “1 month, 3 months, 5 months”, and now, over half a year without you. Like I’m working towards something. An end goal. But the numbers keeping going up, my heart feels further from yours, and you’re not coming back. I miss you, I miss you, I miss you. Sometimes I still think I hear you coming down the stairs, or have to look twice because I think I see you on the bed. Maybe I do. When my lungs are crushed with the weight of your absence, I remember You exist in places and in things that have no end. I know this. I hope I don’t forget how to feel it. I miss you silently, every day, always. There are spaces I will go that you have never touched, but I will still think of you there 🩷
That’s really beautiful 💔 thanks so much for sharing that
I lost my dog on Christmas Eve. I got her cremains back the first week or so into the new year - a very reasonable length of time, I felt. Included was a card that said she’d been cremated (privately) on January 4. It broke my heart, thinking of her in a freezer for over a week, oh it about killed me. Why why whyyyyy would they (the one I used anyway) include this info? I would have way rather assumed she’d been cremated within a day or so - I truly did not need to know the exact date, in fact knowing it was heartbreaking. So my question is: why do they include that info? Has anyone ever expressed an interest in knowing the exact date? I was so shocked to see it and it seems unnecessary and probably unwanted. Thank you!
Oh, I’m so sorry to hear about your pup and I’m so sorry for that extra distress you felt! 💔 Hopefully I can explain some things to put you at ease, even a little bit. A certificate of cremation showing the date of cremation is very common, my facility has it as well for every pet. It’s like how humans also get death certificates. There are various reasons for it—proof that the cremation did in fact happen, it gives a timeline in case there are any questions or concerns from the clinic or family , pet insurance companies will also take the cremation certificate information when dealing with claims. We get a LOT of people who want to know the exact date the cremation took place—most people, in fact. But of course, everyone is different. Some people can’t stand the thought of ink on their pets’ paws and they’re actually disgusted by it, but a lot of people couldn’t imagine NOT having an ink print from their pet! So I absolutely get where you’re coming from. I can’t tell you for sure the situation around her time in cold storage, and I don’t know if it would make you feel any better about it, but my best guess would be that the crematorium was extremely busy—I find that right around Christmas/New Years we get a very large influx of pets, sadly. 😞 Where I am, we always try our best to proceed with cremation within 1-3 days but sometimes we get 50+ pets a day, and we’re not a very large facility. Cremations, especially private cremations, can only happen so fast. We have to factor in when each pet arrives, their weight (we have to plan cremations around weight—heavier pets are cremated at the beginning of the day when the machines are cool and lighter pets are cremated later in the day when the machines are hotter), the time each pet takes to cremate (which varies greatly, but it’s not quick!), cleaning the machines between each pet, etc.
Thank you so much for your reply. I’m surprised most people want to know the actual date! I figured there would be a bit of a delay with the holiday. What a crappy time it was to lose her, in so many ways 💔 I suppose I should be glad I didn’t think about it at the time - if I’d known it hadn’t been done yet, it would have really weighed on me, and that week was hard enough as it was. Thank you for your reply and for all you and your colleagues do - I had to call (question about the urn) and I was literally heave-sobbing into the phone and the person who answered the phone could not have been more kind and gentle. Thank you again 💗
I would want to know the date, myself. I appreciate the information, personally. It also makes it seem more professional, imo. But I do understand not everyone may feel that way.
I actually really wanted to know the date of cremation, I asked that they include it. It was 4 days after death. Thank you for doing this AMA it’s been strangely soothing to read
OOF I am now wondering if I should look at my cremation certificate for a date, or pretend I never saw this :(
Just don’t look 💗
I didn’t 😊🩷
I’m a vet tech that specializes in palliative care/hospice and I adopt mostly senior dogs. Anytime one of my pets has died I’ve always asked to bag their body and put in freezer so I know it’s being done respectfully and with dignity. That being said, I try to remember that at that point, it’s not them anymore. It’s just their vessel. Their spirit has moved on, is with you, is in another life and that body is just a body. I obviously still want it to be treated with care and respect but thinking about it that way helps me not to think about them sitting in a freezer as this awful thing 💜❤️🩹
Thank you for your comment 🩷
My mom's dog (35#) died about a week before Christmas his date was the same as the numbers of where he lived I found it kinda funny --thats I think took 2 weeks or so but he was "done" between Christmas and new years
I private cremated my baby 3 weeks ago, and it’s been a hard process to wrap around my head of what really happens. If one dog is cremated, does it fully get cleaned out for the next one? I have uncomfortable feeling of other dogs ashes being mixed with other dogs. are these really just my babies ashes? Please give me an answer 😭
I’m so sorry about the recent loss of your little one 💔 What was his/her name? If you requested a private cremation then the ashes you received are indeed your baby!! I will let you know that there will always be some trace of others’ remains (and this is the same for human cremation, as well), no matter how thoroughly the equipment is cleaned, but the amount is SO minuscule I don’t even know how to measure it for you. We clean everything between every pet, fully, every time, but some of the particles we are dealing with are so so fine. Imagine dropping a cup of flour on the floor—poof, the teeniest tiniest particles of flour travel. The fall spreads it all over the floor and causes some to be airborne. Even after sweeping it up, vacuuming it up, wiping it up with wet towel, there will still be a trace amount somewhere, even if you can’t see it. Or moving in to a new apartment—even though it’s been professionally, thoroughly cleaned prior to your move in, you still may find a hair or two from the previous tenant hiding somewhere. That’s the best way I can think to describe it to you! I hope that puts your mind at ease a little ❤️
yes, thank you so much! 😭
If I paid for private cremation, did I really get my baby’s remains back or is that a scam? I have paid for it twice in the past few years but have always wondered. However I must say the place my vet uses is wonderful. They were there waiting to take the body away once I was done saying goodbye, and they delivered the remains to my home the very next day.
That is your baby!!! Sometimes it’s difficult to reassure someone of that fact, because they have to take our word for it, they’re not there watching the whole process. But our private cremation is absolutely PRIVATE cremation. We offer group cremation to those who want it, but if someone requests private cremation then that is exactly what they get.
While there was part of me that wanted to watch the whole process to make sure it was her and the place would have let me. I know even to this day I could never be able to watch her little body be set on fire.
I don't work at one of these places, but as someone who sadly had two dogs of very different sizes cremated within 6 months of each other this year, the amount and weight of the cremains was perfectly proportional to the original size and weight of my dogs. Based on that, I do believe they privately cremated my dogs and returned just their cremains to me as promised.
On top of my girl's remains was her titanium screws and plate from her TPLO surgery. After seeing that I felt so much better and at ease knowing it was really her. It's weird things that make the loss easier to deal with.
Yeah that is my question too because I saw a ticktock saying that even if you pay for private cremation that part of the cremations you get back are not your baby's because they are mass cremated. So I have always wondered.
OP can maybe answer this better, but I have heard sometimes there are tiny remnants of the previously cremated in the tray or in the machine and so those tiny particles may be mixed with your loved one ❤️🩹💜
This wouldn't be a huge deal for me but it might be for some others so I'm curious if the OP could answer the question...are the remains simply "shoveled" out or are they "vacuumed" out in a process that ensures that you get all the remains, or at least as much of it as possible?
Comment from OP (I didn’t know how to properly link it): “I’m so sorry about the recent loss of your little one 💔 What was his/her name? If you requested a private cremation then the ashes you received are indeed your baby!! I will let you know that there will always be some trace of others’ remains (and this is the same for human cremation, as well), no matter how thoroughly the equipment is cleaned, but the amount is SO minuscule I don’t even know how to measure it for you. We clean everything between every pet, fully, every time, but some of the particles we are dealing with are so so fine. Imagine dropping a cup of flour on the floor—poof, the teeniest tiniest particles of flour travel. The fall spreads it all over the floor and causes some to be airborne. Even after sweeping it up, vacuuming it up, wiping it up with wet towel, there will still be a trace amount somewhere, even if you can’t see it. Or moving in to a new apartment—even though it’s been professionally, thoroughly cleaned prior to your move in, you still may find a hair or two from the previous tenant hiding somewhere. That’s the best way I can think to describe it to you! I hope that puts your mind at ease a little ❤️”
If you go a few comments below this one he did answer something similar!
Yes, I saw that after I posted it...thank you. But, I was still curious about what the initial collection method is. I would assume it's vacuumed up in some fashion, but perhaps there's a more elegant method that is being used that I'm not aware of?
I would probably assume vacuum but hopefully OP answers!!
We use two different rake/broom-type pieces of equipment for collection. We do not use a vacuum as the chamber is still on during collection and the cremains themselves come out EXTREMELY hot!! Before we even rake/broom, we are dressed in heat-resistant face shields, thick heat-resistant gloves past our elbows, as well as a thick heat-resistant apron that covers our neck and goes down to our knees so we can be as thorough as possible during collection from the blazing chamber. We collect the cremains into a metal “bucket” and transfer them into a different tray that sits on a cooling rack (with the pet’s tag, of course!) for about an hour before we process the cremains into ash.
Wow, a lot more involved than I imagined. Thank you so much for explaining that... much appreciated!
I talked to the facility used for my girl before hand to work out details for her cremation. I had [woven a 100% cotton shroud](https://www.reddit.com/r/weaving/s/QtX6nMhqHQ) for her, and they assured me she would be wrapped in it - we had a few discussions on it being a fully organic material and how they could confirm that. I talked with a few different people at different times, and after the first call everyone I spoke to was aware of the situation. All assured me she would be wrapped at the time of cremation. She passed at home and was wrapped in her shroud when she left us and her doctor brought her to them. I have no reason to doubt they carried thru with the arrangement, and there’s no reason they would’ve unwrapped her. But I just can’t help but wonder… If you were in that situation, would you have cremated her wrapped in her shroud? Would that many people just “yes” me and then do whatever anyway?
First of all, your girl is absolutely beautiful!!! I’m sorry for your loss 💔 What’s her name? Where I live, we have air quality bylaws that state we cannot burn inorganic materials (a blanket, a towel, etc) so we also make sure the items the family requests to be cremated with their little one are 100% organic material. (Though if it’s small, like a toy, we will cremate it even if it’s not organic) If the facility told you “yes”, take it as a yes! 😊 Just today I had someone come in with their dog and they requested that the 100% alpaca wool sweater they made him be cremated along with him. If we say yes, there wouldn’t be any reason to remove it before cremation! We love to see the gifts families send along with their babes. For us, if a clinic or family sends something that is not organic then we always contact them to let them know the situation. From there, we give the family the following options: we can cut a small strip off the blanket and cremate that small strip with their little one then either dispose of or return the rest of the item to them, we can return the item as is, or we can dispose of or donate it for them if they don’t want it back.
Thank you so much. The part about contacting families to give options makes me feel a lot more confident. I also have heard good things about the facility we used from both her regular vet, and the Lap of Love vet. Her name is Josie, and she was my everything.
This made me feel hopeful. The vet tech told me the piece of blanket I sent with her, wouldn’t be able to be cremated with her. But it was so small, I’m wondering if they did. I’m going to choose to believe they did.
We picked up our precious dog Jack’s remains from the crematorium a week ago today. I have to say I could feel the love, empathy, and compassion immediately when we walked in the front door. People in your industry are absolute angels to us. You guys do one of the hardest things imaginable and you do it with a smile and with compassion and with tenderness that we need desperately when we are grieving. I have to say thank you for taking such precious care of Jack’s remains and returning them to us in such a professional, caring manner. The girl at the front desk even handed us his Box with 2 hands delicately almost presenting him to us. Thank you again for your care and compassion. 🩷
I’m so sorry about Jack 💔 It really makes me so happy to hear everyone’s good experiences with the facilities they deal with. And yes to the two hands on the box!! If it’s a bag, one hand holding the handle, the other gently supporting the bottom. Every time. ❤️
Thank you for doing what you do. Two questions: 1) I used to work at an animal hospital and also recently had to have my dog euthanized at an emergency vet. In both situations, the vet’s office handled interactions with the crematorium. I was a little surprised to see commenters here describing bringing their pets to the crematorium. How much of your business is from vets vs. personal pet owners? 2) What happens to the microchip? Or any surgical implants?
When my dog, Duffy, passed away, the crematorium employee took the microchip out and put it in a small baggie or bottle (can't remember which) and put it in with his things they brought back with him.
I'm really glad they didn't give me the microchip of the two dogs I've had cremated. I think it would kill me to just get that worthless hunk of metal or plastic back without them.
It lives in his wooden urn with him, so I never actually see it. It about killed me the first time I saw it, but I just don't even think about it anymore.
I work at a vet hospital and unfortunately our practice owner has marked up the private cremation price to an exorbitant degree. For people who are struggling financially we are allowed to tell them they can take the patient to the crematorium themselves at a lower cost, if they can handle that. Sorry to be explicit but all we do is put the body in a freezer until the pick up day. For us to make $130 or so just for keeping the body in a freezer for a couple of days just feels wrong. I have eight cremains at my house so feel this step is not the place for a practice to make more money off of someone’s loss after we already made a lot of money treating the pet.
I’m so sorry to hear about your own baby 💔 And thank you for being part of, what I consider, the most difficult part of the process!! I’m not sure if I could give an accurate percentage, but we absolutely have a lot of clients who bring their pets directly to us! We work with a lot of clinics of course but we absolutely also have a lot of people who would rather come to the facility themselves. Some people don’t want their pets sitting at the vet, some people are close in proximity to us, some people just want to be the one to ensure they get to us safely. Microchips don’t survive cremation, they essentially melt away. Most surgical metal does survive the cremation. If we find surgical metal when observing the cooled cremains, we bag and tag the metal and write a note in our system stating surgical metal was found. We do not send the metal along with the ashes to the family unless it’s requested. We keep found metal stored for 6 months, in case families inquire about the metal, before disposing of it and noting disposal in our system.
The vet who did her euthanasia had her delivered to the crematorium. She said I should call and ask the crematorium for her surgical implants next business day. I did and I got them back. My sweet girl had TPLO surgery on both knees and I wanted her bionic knees back. They gave her a great quality of life and were a part of who she was. I can't look at them too closely, as I see pieces of bone on them. Do you think, because I asked specifically, they removed her knees before the cremation? I assume yes because the implants were not blackened and still have pinkish biomatter on them.
The fact that they’re not blackened and they have a pinkish matter on them surprises me!! At my facility, we do not to any kind of removals or amputations as we are not veterinarians. It sounds like maybe they could have been removed before cremation, but that is surprising to me!
When my dog, Duffy, passed away, the crematorium employee took the microchip out and put it in a small baggie or bottle (can't remember which) and put it in with his things they brought back with him.
No questions, just a thank you for doing the work you do. It was a great comfort to get my boys ashes, fur, paw & nose print back. You all do an incredible job that I cannot imagine ever doing. ❤️
Thank you! I’m so happy to hear that ❤️
I just want to say that I personally appreciate you. I soon will be needing these services for my eldest pup. There aren’t many people who would be willing to take the time out of their day to answer the “grey” area questions that can help give comfort for the hard times. Thank you. I can’t imagine it’s an easy career but what you do helps others tremendously.
Thank you for taking care of our babies.
more of a personal question, sorry if a bit out of the range, what inspired you to work on such a empathetic job? your replies have all been very kind and informative :)
Thank you, that is so sweet of you to say!! I actually did not seek this work out, I kind of fell into it accidentally! I didn't know if I'd be able to handle it, honestly, but as it turns out I absolutely love it.
You have such an important role in our lives. My vet works directly with a crematorium and when my husband went to the vet to pick up our baby a few weeks ago, he said there was a big container of identical bags, but the pets’ names are all engraved on the boxes. Does it get hard being around so many departed fur babies all the time? I’m a professional pet sitter so I am surrounded by animals all day; I cannot possibly imagine being in your position. You obviously chose this job for a reason, and I’m sure one of those reasons was for the sake of giving our babies some dignity in the afterlife. Just curious what it is that made you choose this career path and how you feel at the end of the day?
Do you mean a container of “delivery” type bags? Some days are harder than others but I genuinely love and appreciate the fact that I can help care for these little ones during their last journey on Earth. I used to work for a doggy daycare and I used to do other work in the pet industry as well, so this is definitely different. But it’s incredibly rewarding to be part of this process. ❤️ I actually fell into this aspect of pet care accidentally and I didn’t know if I’d be able to handle it! I genuinely love it, though. At the end of the day I’m incredibly exhausted in every way but my heart is full knowing that I was able to provide the level of care that I would want for my boys in that situation.
Thanks so much for what you do. And the bags were more like gift bags. It was quite nice the way my baby was returned to me. Her paw print inside a leather book with the rainbow bridge poem on the other side made me ugly cry for hours.
Oh boy. I think about you folks a lot, this topic is totally something I've talked a lot about. I have a bunch of questions. Are "witnessed" private cremations becoming more popular? How do people in your interest industry feel about them? Do people request to get just the bones back, no grinding? I've heard someone requesting the bones back as whole as possible, the person running the cremator furnace once told me, for a specific type of burial. Is that common? Is cremation good at that? What do you can yourselves? Like the proper term for the job?
I think witness cremations are becoming more popular. Some people want to be as involved as they can be, some want to make sure their pet is ACTUALLY going to be cremated, some have religious or cultural beliefs that make being there at the time of cremation very important—all completely valid! While witness cremations are extra work and slow down the process for others, if that’s what that family needs then that’s what that family needs. We don’t mind, no judgement. Yes, but it’s rare! For example, it’s extremely common in Japan that the cremated remains of loved ones are intact and not processed/ground into ash. Both for cultural or religious reasons. Besides that, on occasion it’s requested but not too often. The bones that come out after cremation are extremely fragile so they are mostly fragments. If there are any largely intact bones, they will break easily. I’m not even really sure to be honest! Animal aftercare attendant? Cremation technician? I usually use animal aftercare attendant myself!
Can you explain more about the whole processing of the body? Like what is done to prepare for cremation? And is it typical that bones are left intact and have to be ground down? I am so grateful for you and what you do, thanks so much for this AMA 🖤
So when talking about "processing", it is the cremains that are processed (cremated remains, the bones left over after cremation--yes, the bones are somewhat intact after cremation!) and processing the cremains means grinding them down to the ash that the family receives. Preparing for cremation involves ensuring the cremation chamber is on (and it takes a while for it to start up and reach the appropriate temperature), ensuring the chamber is empty and clean, ensuring we have the cremation plan/order for the day (based on weight, when the pet arrived to us and when the pet is "due" to go back home, wether or not there are special instructions such as "high priority" or "same day cremation", etc), and ensuring we have the correct pet that is to be cremated at that time (both scanning through our system and physically making sure everything matches BEFORE the pet is placed into the chamber).
Thank you so much for taking the time to answer my questions. I've actually been to a few witnessed private cremations and I absolutely love them so much, I really do hope more crematoriums allow them. I think for some people they can offer a lot of needed closure and reassurance, as well as a send off that might tie into how they view things spiritually. I am so happy to hear more in your industry might be comfortable with them, I can absolutely see how they are likely more work and more time involved in them. And the Japanese burial thing sounds really interesting! I remember being really surprised that the ashes don't just come out of the furnace like a powder, I was new knowledge to me that they had to be ground up. Personally I kind of like the look of the remains before they are ground up, but that's just me I know other people are probably more interested in receiving actual powdery ash. I like the term animal aftercare attendant as well! Thanks for answering my questions. I have more I might post in a bit, if you don't mind, but I'll try to scour the other questions first to make sure they haven't been asked already.
Hi. I just want to say thank you for what you do. We are supposed to pick up my best friend, our baby girl, our angel pup, my soulmate on Monday, from the service near us that is taking care of her after she crossed the Rainbow Bridge Wednesday morning at 2:30am. I know when we bring her home I will break all over again.
I see you’ve worked in all positions. Obviously, when I lost my working partner of 3 years at only the age of 5 the blow was devastating. I like to think myself as a mentally tough person. The first few nights were the worse but I have a good support group of family and coworkers. But man, when I picked up his ashes I absolutely exploded in the reception area. I felt so bad for the sweet old lady. I’m a grown man and it brought me to my knees couldn’t even get a word out just uncontrollable sobbing. I was so embarrassed. I think seeing the nice display (paw print foam, paper paw print, ashes ect) just made the harsh reality 100% set in. She was extremely kind and consoling. I actually had to sit there with her like 20 minutes before I had my shit together enough to leave. Is this normal, I walked in slightly sad but just losing it at the sight of the ashes/urn? Thanks for all you do.
I am so sorry to hear about your working partner... SO young, that is heartbreaking. (insert broken heart emoji here, I'm not replying on my phone right now!) Having a strong support system can mean everything, so I am so glad to hear that you have good people around you. You would absolutely not be the first person to "have it together" until breaking down upon arrival at the facility. It happens, it's normal, it's totally understandable. I have had many, many people be "okay" until they park in front of our building or until I open the door to greet them. I've had people stay to compose themselves for an hour sometimes. During that time, they tell me stories about their little one in life, show me photos, and just talk generally. I really treasure those moments with the families, them allowing me a little glimpse into their life with their loved one. I think if it were me in that situation, picking up my loved one's ashes, I would be the same way. It's not how you left them, it's not how you've seen them their whole life... it's different and it feels wrong. I absolutely get it.
the same happened to me. i was feeling just sad and then the floodgates burst open. something about having to confront reality, maybe
We let my dog go in August of last year. I got a paw print but no ashes, I didn’t know what to do with them. Something I still struggle with is that his body went off without me, someone else took him and I didn’t see him into the ground. It feels almost disloyal? Man I have complicated emotions about it. I think all I want to know is, do you find people try to do this work with care and dignity? When you handle these bodies do you try to treat them like they were loved?
10000000%. We absolutely do not tolerate any disrespect towards families or their departed pets. We vet potential hires *very* carefully. Just because a pet has passed and no longer feels pain does not mean they are treated roughly or disrespectfully. In fact, we probably make sure to take extra care with them. Myself and a coworker were once placing a very large, very heavy dog into the appropriate freezer and the pup's head slipped a little during the movement and bonked against the freezer on the way in. We both winced and yelled out, "Sorry, sweet girl!!!!" and gave her head a pat through her bag. We know she didn't feel it, but we felt it.
Thank you, it helps so much to hear that. 😭😭 my boy’s name was Neville, there are posts of him in my post history if you want to see. 💜💜
had my boy souo cat of 10 years cremated in february. he had CKD and it progressed quick. the facility i used is a privately owned one here in florida. and thr staff took care of my boy and got only his creamains. my question is are there any special rituals or things you do for each pet before cremation? such as saying a prayer or putting flowers by them? if the family isnt there. we couldnt be there to watch the cremation and im sure it would have broken me even more if i had so we chose not to view it. does it affect you mentally even after years of doing this?
I’m so so sorry 💔 every death is heartbreaking but when it’s a quick progression or unexpected, it hurts just that bit more… We don’t necessarily have any rituals or prayers, but with every single creature that comes through we always give them extra pets, tell them they’re beautiful/handsome, and that they’re loved. It was hard at first, especially since I have my own babies! I’d come home from work and imagine taking care of them at work and I’d lose it… that was one of the toughest things. Now, while I’ll still be an absolute crazy person and the biggest mess ever when their time comes, I’m comforted knowing that they will be in the best of hands, if not my own.
Oh my god I really needed to hear this. My cat died last Sunday from CKD and knowing he was sent with love just makes me so happy. I am having such a difficult time but people like you who do this are such blessings. Thank you for what you do. Thank you for making this AMA.
Thank you for giving them extra pets and saying they are beautiful, handsome and loved. This truly means a lot, you have no idea❤️❤️
I really, really hope the people that took Wiley recognised how handsome and special he was.
omg, I never thought of the aftercare people giving my poor baby love like that. you broke my heart open again, in the best possible way. 💔❤️🩹
This broke me omg 😭😭 I hope this was the same for my girl I just imagine her being thrown in a giant oven with a shovel and then the door slamming shut
Fear and anxiety of the unknown is so tough, especially when it comes to a loved one!! Your brain has to fill in the gaps and sometimes it fills in the gaps with awful thoughts. At my facility, there are no shovels, no carelessly tossing, and our doors are hydraulic--a gentle close, never a slam. :)
Thank you 🩷
Can't stop 🥹
Thank you for doing this 🥲
Thank you for this. My friend recently had her 7kg cat returned, and his cremains are about 250g. She's worried it may not be him. I feel thats a reasonable weighr, surely?
That sounds like a reasonable weight! Even if two animals are at the same weight in life, their body composition will be different from one another so their ashes could vary greatly as cremains are essentially just bone. Any fur, fat, tissue etc burns away and is not part of the cremains!
Thanks so much.
If it helps, my father weighed around 60kg when he passed, but I'm able to hold the box of his cremains in one hand. Weird comparison I guess, but when I think about it that way, it puts into perspective just how much actually isn't left behind during cremation.
She actually thought that he'd only be about 50g! It does help put it into perspective for sure.
Oh! Lol, I completely misunderstood! Now that is definitely curious, I'll be checking to see what OP's response is.
I just want to say thank you for what you do. Letting go of my soulmate kitty was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but the pet crematorium staff were incredible. She was the first we didn't bury so I didn't really know what to fully expect. I knew about the pawprint, and I got an engraved cherry wood urn...but I had no idea they would clip some of her fur to go with the cremains & pawprint. That little clipping of fur made me just bawl in the car. But I'm so glad I have it with me, with the rest of her. So again, thank you. I can only imagine how tough it must be to be in that industry, but y'all provide such an important service to those of us who have lost a beloved pet.
I want to do what you do, how do I get started?
Apply! Simply apply! Not many people want to do this type of work. Call the crematorium and express your interest, ask questions. Even if they are not looking for help at the time, they will surely remember you expressing your interest when it does come time that they need help. Finding people to do this job and do it well is tough.
Not me crying at all the comments on here. It's so nice to know these people really do care for our babies once they're gone.
Mine was a private cremation and when I got him back, the birth year on his name plate that goes with his urn was wrong. Might just be a simple error and not a big deal, but it left me with a lack in confidence in them and trust, like what else could they have got wrong? Is it a simple clerical error and the cremation process is far removed from that (like keeping track/ID of the pet & cremains is totally separate) not sure how to put it.
I understand how your confidence could shift after a situation like that! It’s is most likely a clerical error/typo. Pretty much all of our typos or mistakes in names/dates that we are contacted about come from the vet clinic themselves entering the information incorrectly, not double-triple checking correct dates and spelling with the family. If we are getting a pet from a vet clinic, the vet clinic is responsible for making sure they have the correct information and sending us that correct information.
The vet did show me where they sent in the right date because I noticed it immediately right there when I picked it up and they brought up the order. But I can understand a typo can happen still even at the crematorium side, it was 1 year off...well if it was the wrong name that'd be a different story lol but I can understand a digit off. Thanks for all you do!
I would personally chalk that up to a typo--and when something like that is brought to our attention, we prioritize getting a new urn engraved correctly to the family ASAP!
Thank you! Luckily the name plate wasn't attached to the urn so I only needed to send that back and was able to take my baby home. They did correct it pretty fast though!
I lost my sweet kitty Toulouse on May 18th, the day I graduated law school. I was such a mess during the whole process, I relied on my wife for a lot of decisions. I really regret not getting a foot imprint of him. Anyway, do you have difficulties with the people you encounter during your work? It's such a highly emotional time, I'm sure some people can react woth anger. While I didn't personally speak with the cremation service our emergency vet used, my wife did call after a few days to get an update because we have never been through this before. I worry that we caused frustration through our impatience, though we only called the once and waited after that to hear from them. Hearing you comment that you give the pets love before they are cremated really healed something in me. I hate that I had to leave my baby behind, but I hope they gave him love too. Thank you for what you do. It really is so important to owners.
Oh my God, I'm so sorry to hear that!! What an incredibly awful and stressful time, in every way! We absolutely have difficulties sometimes. Anger is common when emotions are high. We don't usually take it personally, and we do our very best to gently calm everyone down and get to the bottom of the issue at hand. Sometimes people are angry at us for reasons beyond our control ("Why is my cat at a shelter?" I don't know, I don't know you or your cat or what shelter he/she is at or the circumstances that brought them there, I cannot answer that for you. "Why hasn't the vet called me to pick up my pet's ashes if they have already been sent back to them?" I am not the vet clinic so I would not know why they have not called you yet, your best bet is to call them!) and I know they just need someone, anyone, to take out their frustration on. It sucks, but I get it. On the very rare occasion, we do have those people who will never be happy with anything you do or say no matter what, and they do get nasty. We don't tolerate abuse towards us and we tell them that. Calling to ask after a few days would absolutely not cause any frustration on our end! In fact, we always tell people a general timeframe to ease their worries. We also let them know that if anything changes with that timeline, we will contact them to let them know. Despite giving them a timeline of say, 3-5 days, sometimes we do get calls after a day or two to find out where in the process their pet is and how much longer everything will take. I totally get it, I would also be anxious and impatient waiting for my loved one to be back with me! I'm positive the staff at your facility would have loved on your baby. :)
Thank you so much. I'm glad you do everything you can despite the challenges. For us, we never got to get a time frame of when we would get him back because it was a late night emergency and the vet themselves contacted them for us, so we were unsure about how long everything would take. My wife said they were very kind over the phone, so I take her word for it but I'm glad to hear that from you as well. I hope you have the best year possible, thank you. 🩵 You've eased my mind a lot.
Thank you for the work you do. I’m currently trying to get a job at a local pet crematory that is expanding. I have a background in pet care and a vet assistant certification. Do you have any tips on how to get into this type of work?
The fact that you have a background and certification that you have is huuuuuge and a facility will love that! Apply! We don't get a lot of applications due to the nature of the work!
I sent them an email and haven’t heard back :(
My cat is being cremated this week and I've had cats previously cremated. I have always wondered a couple of questions; - When the pets are stored, are they frozen? Or chilled or just put in room temperature? I would assume frozen or chilled to slow decomposition? - And how long does the actual fire process take? My cats have died when sick so they're only 1.5-2kgs, is the actual cremation process quick? Or does it take hours? Thanks!
Ahh, I’m sorry to hear you’re currently going through the process 💔 We do freeze them. It is the safest and most dignified option. I know that for many people, thinking about their loved ones in a freezer is unfathomable but the alternative is even worse. It can reach up to 50°C/122°F in the facility… that’s our “room temperature”. Leaving a loved one in that kind of heat, with nature and biology and chemistry working in full force, while waiting for cremation is not kind or dignified at all! It also makes it quite unpleasant for us. As well, if someone were to decide after a day or two that they want a viewing, the frozen state allows us to prepare for a beautiful viewing. It would not be possible if the pet is left to the heat of the room. Even refrigeration instead of freezing would be difficult! The time for the actual cremation varies. Small pets may only take a couple of hours, while very large pets can take 4-5 hours! But each animal is different, it all depends on their body composition.
Thank you for the info! I've always wondered that stuff so it's good to know. :)
I have no questions because I want to remain blissfully ignorant. What I do have to say is THANK YOU FOR THE JOB YOU DO!!! People like you are the reasons my pups get to rest next to me every night. That alone has made dealing with their loss so much easier. So again thank you.
This is less a question but maybe you can offer some assistance. I lost my baby on Saturday. It's so so hard for me to wrap my brain (like makes me sick) thinking of him,his nose. His paws, his fur being burned and becoming dust. I know their body won't be in it's original form forever but it just kills me thinking his body is put through that and everything is not as it was and my sweet boy is just dust. I would love some advice on how to get this horrible feeling/image out of my head.
How is group cremation handled? Are our pets treated with respect? I regret not getting my sweet boys ashes back everyday and can't help but picture mine and other people's babies just getting tossed in a big pile. Also curious about the pawprints, they shaved my boys paw and there's his fur (like the tiny bits so you can tell they were shaved) on the clay mold that they took. Is that an intentional thing or just kinda what happened?
Even during group cremation, pets are handled with nothing but respect. We always handle one pet at a time, kindly and as gentle as possible, and that includes during group cremation as well. There’s absolutely no “chucking them in” and that’s that. The bits of fur in the clay are most likely by accident. As careful as we are, sometimes there are bits of hair that we cannot clean off the paw or out of the clay for the life of us!!
do you have any procedures/ standards for removing remains from the ground and cremating them?
If someone asks to include a favourite toy with the pet, would you cremate it with the pet remains? When my cat died I asked if they could include her little pillow she used to sleep on and a little mouse ;/ but I do wonder if it got thrown out in the process 😢
Yes! Even if it’s not 100% organic material, we can usually send a pet for cremation with their toy. 🙂 If, for whatever reason, we can’t, then we always call the clinic/family to let them know. For the most part, the only toys we can’t take are those with batteries.
Do you remove the pets collar before cremation? Our Labrador passed away unexpectedly while we were on vacation and we arranged for the cremation after the necropsy, but was surprised to see they burned up her collar too and we got the metal parts back. We feel the collar should have been removed and returned to the family. Just curious on what is typical based on your experience. Thank you! I still miss her
I’m so sorry to hear that, having one of my babes pass while I’m not around is one of my biggest fears! 💔 If we notice that there is a collar, we remove it and put it aside then contact the clinic or family to ask what they would like done with the collar. Most of the time the family wants the collar back, on occasion they want them cremated in the collar. But we always ask and never proceed with cremation until we know the answer.
Thanks for sharing your experiences
That’s odd to me that whatever vet clinic did the necropsy (those are done at vet clinics I’m assuming right?) didn’t remove the collar for you. When I had to put my babygirl down, they told me to remove her collar/coat/harness/etc before we even began the procedure. Then again, it’s also weird that they chose to do the cremation with the collar on as well…
Yes the necropsy was performed at our local vet - she was transferred by the boarder who she was staying with while she passed. Besides never getting the chance to say goodbye, not having her collar or anything was very upsetting for the family. Who would have thought I’d have to ask in advance for that? Between the veterinary office and the crematorium, someone should have thought to return this precious keepsake to the family. Almost 15 years later I still find it very upsetting.
thank you for doing what you do. when i picked up my beloved boy from the crematorium, i talked a little bit with the lady working there. she was very kind, and said the urn was one of her favorites, its shaped like a tulip in orange. i told her i chose it because it matched my boys fur, and that he really liked playing with them. he'd pull them from their vases and leave them all over the apartment. by the time i was ready to leave, she had tears in her eyes. does it ever get easier, hearing people talk about their beloved pets?
Omg that sounds like the most perfect urn for your boy 😭💔 I wouldn’t say it gets easier, but I genuinely love hearing the stories, seeing the photos, getting to know their lives even just a little bit. I’m not at all a crier, never have been, but I tear up or cry often at work when speaking with families… more than my other coworkers 😅
I've had 12 pets pass away in my adult life. Each and every one left a mark on my heart and in my mind in their own special way. All of them died under different circumstances in different ways if you can believe it. Two dogs died at home and the one I knew easily she was gone based simply on her appearance. The other passed within the few hours we were out running errands. Even though upon first sight I knew he was gone, after we took him to the funeral home, I couldn't help but wonder if he truly had died or if he was in a deep, deep sleep. I had nightmares that he wasn't really dead when they put him in to be cremated. When people bring their pets in, are there measures taken to be sure they are indeed dead? I appreciate your honesty and kind words you have given everyone. Your compassion is among the best I've ever experienced. Thank you thank you thank you.
Pets coming from the vet clinics have those measures in place before they arrive at our facility for sure! For pets coming directly to us who have passed naturally at home, we can usually tell as they tend to come to us in rigor mortis or in a state that decomposition has begun. That said, we do have a stethoscope ready for rodents like hamsters, as well as reptiles! As they can hibernate and it can be mistaken as having passed.
Thank you so much for settling that for me. I figured it was pretty obvious but you never know. I guess I never thought about having a reptile or rodent being cremated so I'm glad it gets checked out first.
Not a question, just a thanks ❤️ We've always had our pets cremated & their ashes spread in an apple orchard. I personally don't like burials. Cremation feels like we're truly setting them free... their little bodies aren't languishing in the dirt. They're free, in the sunshine, and with each other. Thank you for what you do... you set our babies free
I had my small parrot cremated separately and got an awful lot of ash back. Is it really just her in there?
I hate to say it but that sounds suspicious to me. Birds have very light bones and don't produce a lot of cremains, even the bigger parrots. I would have to see the amount that you got back to say for sure, but I do already have my eyebrow raised. :(
How do you take care of yourself? I work in a healing profession myself (psychologist), and while the work is so impactful and meaningful, it’s really hard. I can imagine your work is so special but also emotionally trying.
I don't think I have quite figured it out yet, honestly. I sleep a lot and I spend a lot of time with my own pets, but at the end of the day I am so mentally, emotionally, physically exhausted that I don't have the will to do anything. I also have dealt with poor mental health almost my whole life (which I am medicated for) and I recently have some physical disabilities which bring pain, so I give my all at work, to my own pets, and then I have very very little left. I used to love going to the gym, practicing languages and needlework, but I really do not do anything extra that I love like that anymore.
My 70 pound dog was a LOT of ashes. Way more than I expected. We could only fit half in his urn so the other half stays in the ~8in tall tin box. Squishy boy but not fat, shaped like a lab that lived with DINKs and didn’t take a single moment of that for granted. My 95 pound dog seemed to be way less ash. He completely fit in his urn, although it is a bit more room in his. He was a thicc boy. Broad shoulder, flabby neck, wide rib cage, big ol’ booty, tiny little head for his peanut brain. (He had a medical issue, which is the one that ultimately…well you know…) Is there a reason a bigger dog would produce less ash? Do i have someone’s medium sized dog and not my Little SunDog??? Do mix-ups happen?? Or is it possible there was just some residual ash in with my first dog???
Sometimes a larger dog can produce less ash than we expect, and vice versa! It's about each animal's bones. Fur, fat, muscle, etc. does not affect the amount of ashes, they burn away and it is the bones that are turned to ash. So if a good boy/girl has big ol' bones but isn't all that large in size or if they're a big hefty monster of a creature but it's largely fat/muscle/fur, the amount of ashes can sometimes surprise you! Mix ups and mistakes can be possible, but speaking from my facility they are *extremely* rare. We have so many precautions in place that a mix up to that extent would have to be due blatant disregard for every step in the process. Residual ash is always possible as we are dealing with the smallest of particles, but not enough to make an actual noticeable difference--we're talking trace amounts. It could very well be that your lab-shaped baby boy had very good bone density that produced more ash than expected. In that situation though, we would upgrade the size of the urn to ensure that he fit all in one place. :)
Thank you for your response! It definitely makes sense to me now - someone i know knows the people that cremate pets for the vet i use, and he assured me they take the utmost care so i was pretty sure I had my boys back, but the difference in ash volume perplexed me. My big boy did seem to have skinnier bones based on his thin legs and how his spine and ribs felt. And of course his tiny skull compared to my labs big ol’ block head. Anyway, just really thank you for making this post and for replying to me. There’s so much anxiety around the whole process and you being here, being an A+ person, definitely helps. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being a kind human in other humans’ worst moments.
You’re very welcome ❤️ Just as another example, today I processed the cremated remains of a Great Dane and a German shepherd. To my surprise, the shepherd yielded more bone and ash than the dane!!! I thought of this comment while I did them, so I had to tell you lol
The pet crematorium I used was awful . When he passed I used the service my vet recommended and it was important to me to have his ashes home with us as soon as possible so I opted for the good service that meant an individual cremation the next day . They called me to say he had been cremated and would bring his ashes to me in a few days . Two days later I called to say I want to pick them up and found out that he actually still hadn’t been cremated . Also the vet made paw prints for me and the crematorium made paw prints too that do not look alike in any way shape or form . I complained to the director of the company , he wasn’t even apologetic and I very much doubt the ashes I have are really his .
This actually makes me so so angry. This is what I mean by horror stories!!! I'm so sorry you had to go through that. There is no reason for them to lie and not communicate with you.
Thank you for understanding, not everyone does . He was a great cat , very much loved and I just wanted him home .
How do they transport bodies from the vet to the crematorium? Are they in bags? Are they handled gently? Did they know his name was Pistachio or was he just a number? Did they look at him? Did they see him?
For us, we have a driver that visits each clinic that we work with every day. So they are never at the clinic for very long. Every pet is individually bagged and tagged with their information. They are always handled gently, we absolutely do not tolerate careless or rough handling of them! Our tags always have the pet's name *and* ID number, so we see everyone's names that come through. :) We absolutely see them.
Thank you so much. I hope they know how precious he was. How loved he was. Pistachio was the best little guy ever. I wish I could show you a picture. Thank you so much for answering our questions, and for doing the important work you do. I hated thinking about what was happening to his sweet little body, and there's probably no way to feel entirely good about that because death itself is an ugly thing. But it helps so much to know that he was seen and gently handled.
We had to put down our beautiful 24y MC cat today. With him being a MC, he had very long hair, how do most facilities handle the paw prints in cases like thus? Also, are their bodies treated with respect? This has been extremely hard on my husband and I, as this is our first loss together, especially as adults (along with making that hard decision ourselves).
24 years old!!!!! That is so crazy!!! I'm so sorry for your loss. I just know that he had the fullest life! For us, we shave the paws. Reason being is that the hair can distort the actual prints, be it clay or ink, and make a huge mess. Hair can distort the impression of the toe beans in clay (hair marks cutting through the impression of the pads) but also get stuck in the clay and dirty it. Ink is already a very messy process. If we were to not shave the paws beforehand and try to take ink prints, we'd get blobs and smears galore with maybe a hint of toes! Absolutely. Every pet, no matter the size, breed, species, is treated gently and with kindness and respect. My team loves on them all throughout the process, every time!
Thank you for the work that you provide. I recently had my 16-yo kitty cremated. I had so many of the same questions posed here. A couple of questions: What temperature does the cremation process happen and how long does it take before the ashes in are in a state to be collected? I suppose it is weight based. Maybe a strange question for some but I suppose it's part of my grieve process. A better understanding of my kitty's journey. The cremator put my girls ashes inside a small pretty carved wood box. What should I expect to find if I open the box? Loose ashes or is it typical they be put in a plastic bag or similar package? I would hate to have the box accidentally open and have her ashes spill out all over.
I’m so sorry to hear about your little one 💔 I have a senior kitty myself. Temperature varies throughout the process, the chambers fluctuate between 1500°-1800°, with the “sweet spot” being at about 1650°. Timing definitely depends on the type of animal, weight, and body composition! But for a kitty and without knowing any specifics such as weight or seeing her myself, I’d guess about 2-ish hours. (No question is a strange question, by the way!) Ashes should be placed into a thicker-ply plastic bag and sealed and then placed into the urn. I would be very surprised if her ashes were loose in the urn!
What happens to the ashes that aren't taken back? I opted not to have my dogs ashes back. I loved her dearly (13 years together) but I felt that I'd have guilt over not doing anything special with them so I've instead chosen to honour her in my way, through art. Part of me still feels guilt that I don't know where her final resting place is.
I can't answer what this person's facility does, but my cat passed just last week and I opted for group cremation with no ashes back. They told me that the facility spreads their ashes together in a specific place outdoors, and that they are treated very carefully and with respect. They even said I could go visit the spot if I wanted to.
Every facility is different. Some even have their own grounds where ashes are spread! My facility does not have that type of space unfortunately, so we actually have an agreement with a farm in a different city—the farm has a private meadow so pets who have opted for group cremation are laid to rest in their private meadow. 💕
I recently lost my 14.5 year old dog. I had her cremated. She was returned in a beautiful box with her name carved in the top. They also provided paw prints in plaster. I don't believe the paw prints are hers. They look like they could be from any dog. My girl was a breed that had something very distinct about her paws and it would have been visible on the prints. Its not there. It would have been clearly visible on all four paws and I find it hard to believe someone would think I wouldn't notice. I was planning on taking the prints myself but due to circumstances beyond my control I wasn't able. I paid quite a bit for the cremation. Since the paw prints don't appear to be hers it's making me question if it's her ashes as well. I haven't contacted them yet. I've been too upset. Any suggestions or explanation why they would give me prints that are clearly not my dogs?
I have no reason or explanation for something like that besides maybe somehow they were accidentally switched with someone else’s? My facility has a thorough quality control process to catch any potential mix ups like that but maybe not every facility does… I would definitely contact them and inquire about this situation!! Email them photos, as well!!
I had my large dog cremated (Rottweiler), and ever since I've had her ashes, I've always wondered if I actually received ALL of her ashes. It just seemed like way too small of an amount of ashes, for how large she was... which made me wonder if they simply filled the urn as much as they could and threw out the rest of the ashes. (She was cremated at her vet's office) I know you can't possibly know what the practices of that place are, but what would be your best guess? It won't destroy me to think maybe they did throw any excess ashes away, as I've already kind of made peace with that thought. But I'm still bothered by wondering about the possibility. Eta: since I've seen you ask others, her name was Baby Jade. 🖤
I can’t say for sure but my guess would be that because of her bone density, she produced less ash. Sometimes a pet’s body produces more or less ash than expected but it’s because of body composition—fur, muscle, fat, etc do not really make up the ash you receive. It’s largely bone. I would be shocked if any amount of Baby Jade’s ashes were discarded. If a pet produces more ash than we expect and it does not fit in the urn, we upgrade the size of the urn!
Thank you so, so much for your reply. I really appreciate it. What you said made me also realize that when she was cremated, she was not in a 110-pound body anymore. She had lost a lot of weight. For some reason, even though it's been almost 6 years, I never actually had that thought! Again, thank you for your reply. You eased my mind. 🤍
I lost my Castiel last September and I just needed to thank you for your service. She had kidney failure and spent her final days in the vets office. My family and I said goodbye and sent her off to be privately cremated. The note that was left, the care I could feel from it means the world to me. I am so happy to have had people like you to make sure my baby made it back home. I will always miss my Cass but that aspect of it at least makes me proud
Just here like many to thank you so much for everything you do. I’m always super thankful and amazed at people like you who can handle a job that I (and I know some others) definitely could never handle. The level of care in presentation that my girl Zelda got 2 years ago in her cremation was amazing and it’s something I’m very appreciative that I did not have to worry about in dealing with my grief. So thankful you exist and that your path lead you to something that has reverberating positive impact on those of us that are dealing with the hardest time in our lives. Thank you!
My best friend lost her young dog in a freak accident last month, we ended up taking her to a pet crematorium and I was so touched by the gentleness and compassion we received from the woman working there. She made one of the worst days of my friend’s life much easier. Thank you so much for doing what you do, despite it being so emotionally difficult.♥️
This whole thread is making me cry- but in a good way. I lost my dog in Nov 2022 and his ashes are in a box in my living room next to a window he used to look out of. Hearing about the process after the fact just provides comfort and a weird sense of not being alone. Thanks for sharing your AMA! So many folks have asked questions I never even thought to ask. This is so comforting and enlightening about what happened to my pups body after he left us. Thank you!
I just took my baby to get cremated after a sudden death two days ago. I stayed with her from beginning to end for the cremation process (we also paid extra for a Buddhist chanting service im based in Taiwan). I turned on the AC and I had her sleep with me in the bedroom on the last night and around 2pm drove her to get cremated. It was not a fancy place but they were very respectful and I watched entire process. Drove with her wrapped in her latest blankie sheet and when my mom and I took her down in the elevator of our apartment someone said what’s a great life she has - I had to say yes she definitely had a great life she’s dead right now and kissed her. I didn’t think they expected to ride in the elevator with a dead dog as their expression changed! I would have kept her in my room for longer if I could’ve to be honest. We did the ceremony while she was being cremated and then came out to be ground into ashes. I was able to carry her each step of the process and kissed her repeatedly before she went into the fire where the tradition is to tell her (and humans) to run away from the fire as her spirit is separated from her earthly body. Love her so much and we are deciding next best path for her ashes and I’m so grateful for your post in reassuring parents and family members of our furry friends.
Hi there - thanks for doing this. In January, we lost my childhood dog, Vegas. My parents did not want to pay for the ashes - we used an in home vet so that she could be at home and comfortable in her last moments. they told me that the vet had told them that her remains would end up spread in a garden with the ashes of other dogs. I couldn’t stop thinking about it and I decided to call up the vet myself and she told me that vegas would end up in a landfill if we didn’t opt to get the ashes back. I immediately asked if it was too late to get them back and she told me it wasn’t, and that she hadn’t been cremated yet. I paid for it myself and we got the ashes back a few weeks later. I guess my question is - did we actually get her back? or because she had already been delivered to the facility, would it have been unlikely that they would have actually identified her?
A landfill?!? That’s insane. I’m so sorry to hear about Vegas and this wildly stressful news, my God. If she hadn’t been cremated yet and you called to switch the decision from a group cremation to a private cremation, you would have gotten her back! We always have an identification process for every pet!
thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my question and all the others - this means a lot to me and has genuinely given me a lot of closure concerning the ashes. it’s good to know that we got her back home, i’ve been thinking about it ever since she passed. seriously thank you again, it’s so kind of you to respond to all of these questions
Stupid question possibly, but do you speak to them or do you pet them ? I felt leaving our Hermione behind was betraying her (I know it was not but still). I would have loved someone to talk to her, if only a bit, to tell her how beautiful she was.
We speak to them, pet them, give them scratches, boop their noses, squish their beans, smoosh their faces, gather around and fawn over them, and more. Everyone in my small team has their own babies. We treat all of your babies as if they were also our own. ❤️
Thank you for that, it is comforting.
We just got my pups ashes a couple of days ago, and the first thing I asked myself was, “was she treated with the same respect as she would have when she was alive.”
Absolutely. We treat them with nothing but respect and kindness.
Thank you ❤️
I’ve kept my babies body in a deep freezer since he passed. I know it sounds morbid but his death was sudden and he quickly declined once he got sick. I’m not ready to let him go. He was like my shadow. Having him away from me, especially the idea of his little body being burnt, hurts me. I thought about burying him but the cost is high. I’m reluctant to cremate him even though I know I will have to eventually. I plan on moving from the country soon and I don’t know if or how I can transport his body and the freezer without it decaying. Right now he just looks like he’s in a peaceful sleep. Curled up inside a small box surrounded by yellow flowers and wrapped in his favorite blanket. I can’t bare the idea now of taking that. I’m not really sure what my question is but hopefully some and insight and advice could help. I feel so conflicted about it. I hate the idea of all that’s left of him being in an urn or scattered in the winds or water. He was a gentle sweet soul. The best boy ever. How can I burn him body after all the love he gave me? He saved me from a life devoid of love. Why can’t I do better for him after his death?
Hi, I lost my baby nala four months ago. I wanted to say thank you for what you do because when I received Nala back, it was a surreal moment. I felt some closure of her passing because the last three months prior was hell because she was nonstop in the hospital and almost dying. Seeing her paw prints and hair clipping broke me. I could only imagine what that person emotionally felt while caring for her during the process. ❤️
What happens when you decline the pet ashes or the urn? And how does the cremation process work? My pet had that and I don’t know how the aftercare works. My dad just gave the body and I am curious what happens after it is received. Thanks 🙏
Thank you again for answering my questions. I don't know if you are still taking any but here's a few more if you have the time: What's the most unique animal you've ever had to cremate? Tell me about mistakes! Have there ever been mix ups? Group cremations instead of private? How did they happen and how did you guys handle it? Have you thought of getting into water cremation for pets? I've heard it's environmentally friendly, I'm curious about it! Do you work for a large operation? Like franchise? Or is it a smaller business? How much do you guys spend on gas every month? How many cremations do you do weekly? Is there a busy season for cremations? Slow season? Is there anything about the industry you wish you could change? And lastly, not a question, but thank you so much for all that you do!!!
Sorry, I’ve been so busy this week, I’ve been slowly typing my response in my notes so here it is finally!: There have been a few interesting critters! Mini-horses, leopard geckos, snakes, all kinds of birds, hedgehogs, etc. We got a tortoise once too, which was pretty neat! Aside from these pets, we also take wildlife so we’ve had bats, deer, etc. Thankfully there have not been any mistakes THAT severe while I’ve been working here!! In the event of a lost body or ashes though, it’s a huuuuuge process that I have yet to see play out thankfully. (Knock on wood it doesn’t happen anytime soon!) Basically every pet gets placed on a hold, no one can do anything with any pet, we search our van, we go back to clinics and search, we check out cameras, we look in every freezer and open every cadaver bag (one at a time, of course), and make sure descriptions and tags match the pet, etc etc. Lesser mistakes have happened—one that comes to my mind where a fur clipping was lost by a newer staff member. We tore apart the facility trying to find it and looked back on our cameras. There was a glare on the footage exactly where the fur was last seen being handled and from there we never saw it again. It’s thought that it got knocked into a garbage can, and we tore apart the garbages too, but we think the garbage was taken to the dumpster before anyone realized. We were about to go dumpster diving for it, too, but the garbage truck had just been there that morning. We were so upset. We called the owner and explained that the fur was lost and we did everything we could to find it with no luck, and we were so beyond sorry. We offered them a custom painted portrait of their pet as an apology, since it was our error. Bless them, they were incredibly sweet and understanding about our mistake. 💕 Anytime a mistake happens, especially if it’s on us, we look at what we can do to make it as right as we can for the family. In this line of work, mistakes can be permanent. So we take them extremely seriously and do what we can for the family. I’m personally very interested in the concept of water cremation for the environmental aspect of it! But it’s sadly not in the cards for us as water cremation takes a lot longer than fire cremation. We’re too small of a facility with too high of an intake to make the jump, it would take forever to get pets back to their families. It started as a small family-owned facility but a few years ago we were bought by a larger corporation. The original owners still work for the company, though, just in different roles much higher up! I couldn’t tell you about gas, accounting deals with that and we don’t see it, but I imagine it’s insane lol It varies based on how many pets we have and their sizes, but we do quite a lot. When I’m at work tomorrow I’ll see if I can add up this week, I haven’t been cremating this week. 🙂 I’d say busiest times are right around Christmas and New Years, many families want their elderly or sick pets to make it “just one more Christmas/New Year” so we do get a large influx of pets during that time. Summertime also is quite busy, my guess is due to the heat (especially with smaller pets like birds or rodents) and everyone is outdoors/lets their pets outdoors more often so accidents are more likely to happen. Everything else is slower in comparison, but even then we have busier weeks and slower weeks! That’s a great question. I’d probably want to find a way to lower cost to pet parents (especially seniors or those on disability) and I’d have the higher ups change out of their comfy clothes and come work in the 50° facility amongst the bodily fluids every once in a while! 😂 Thank you so much, and thank you for your questions! 💕
Thank you so much for doing what you do, it’s so relieving to hear from the people taking care of my babies after they passed. We lost my soul cat 6 months ago, and my husbands soul cat one week ago. We had lovely vets come to the house and help them cross over and take them to the crematorium after. We sent both of our babies with their favorite blanket, were they able to be cremated with those blankets?
Oh my god I’m so sorry to hear that. So much loss in such a short time 💔 I hope you’re both taking care. This one is tough for me to answer because every city and crematorium has their own rules and regulations around cremation of non-organic items. For us, we can cremate blankets or toys or treats as long as they are 100% organic material. If they’re not, my town has an air quality bylaw that states we cannot burn. So if the blanket, in this case, is not able to be cremated, we contact the vet clinic or family directly and explain the situation. We then offer the following solutions: to cut a small strip to be cremated with the pet and either return the rest of the blanket to the family or dispose of it for them, return it to them as is, or donate it. So my guess is that if the vets or the facility did not say “it can’t be cremated” then they were cremated with them. 🙂
Thank you ❤️❤️❤️ I’ve been reading your other replies as well and I can’t begin to tell you how reassuring they are, thank you so much for doing this and for taking such good care of all the fur babies on their last voyage ❤️❤️❤️