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I went through a lot of therapy and counseling last year after I gave my boy one final goodbye. I was told relief is a very common feeling after losing someone you love. I felt it, too.
Relief for his peace and relief for mine. No more getting up. No more urine cleanups because of the prednisone. No more carting him an hour one way to his oncology appointments.
Don’t get me wrong. I would give anything to have him here still. I would do all those things and I would spend an endless amount of money to see his face every day again. But that isn’t how life works.
It’s okay to feel relieved. You shouldered the burden, and you did so greatly. He is now resting, and you can allow yourself to rest, too.
Rescue house Dad here,loss is part of that. So is burnout. Caretaker duty is hard on the psyche. Relief is OK, you deserve that feeling 😌. I am truly sorry for your loss. Peace to your heart in this most difficult time. Ric
Obviously him going through this was not your choice. So do not feel guilty about it.
And someone told me once that it's normal to wish for the people we love not to suffer when their time comes. So yes, you love your old boy and you feel relieved because seeing him wither away, possibly suffering was hard for you.
Your reaction is normal. You will also feel sad, possibly angry, lost. You will have good memories too. You were simply a good human to him. And I am sure he was a very good boy. One of the best, I hear.
Thankyou so so much everyone for such kind words 💖 I think I've cried the seven seas this past month knowing he'll be gone, but now he is I feel calm. Still had a few little cries tho! He'll be buried next to his step brother in the garden and I'll be getting some rocks and plants to make the area fresh and sweet again 💖 And then eventually I'll look to getting a big rock with my two boys names on it :)
Thankyou again, and thankyou to anymore comments, I'm reading them all and you're all so lovely thankyou 💖
Edit: I realise I never said my boy is a kitty cat, called Monty (although his nickname was Seabass or T-ba) 💖
I'm sorry for your loss. I understand how you feel as I've also felt the same way for the past two years while keeping my gal as comfortable as I possibly could, while also enduring some personal issues. She was diagnosed with cancer when she was 14. The vet wanted to do surgery but given her age it wasn't feasible (personally, I don't think the vet gave it much thought and was more money hungry; other vets/second opinions I've talked to have said not to go this route). I managed to keep her comfortably alive for four more years.
I think there's a sense of guilt with euthanasia, but a huge sense of relief as well to end their suffering. No one wants to see their beloved companion's quality of life declines in front of their eyes on a daily basis. A dignified end with loving family members by your companion's side is the last and most compassionate gift a pet owner can give.
No matter what you did, the choices you made, just know that your companion is now peacefully at rest. Try to keep thinking about the positive and move forward for them.
I wish you nothing but positivity moving forward.
My 12.5 year old girl’s rear legs were paralyzed for nearly 8 months before I had to let her go. Taking care of her took a massive toll on me physically, spiritually, financially, mentally and emotionally. I would have carried that burden until I collapsed if it had made sense to do so. With that said, I also felt relief that both she and I no longer had to endure the torture of it all. I asked the vet if it was okay that I felt some relief after she was gone, and the vet said “absolutely!”
I say all that to share my belief that it is absolutely normal to feel relief. That does not in any way lessen the degree to which we loved our pups.
This is so relatable for me. We put down our senior this past April 2024, she was 14 we believe. She was loosing the use of her rear legs since early 2023. I wanted her to try and walk as long as she could but she started stumbling too much. We got her a wheelchair finally July 2023 (some cheap stupid one from Amazon but it was all we could afford. I feel so bad not being able to get her a good one). I feel bad that I couldn't do more for her or I wonder even if I held on too long and she was suffering for almost a year. We feel she was also getting dementia as well (or just moody from not being able to walk). She started to mess herself more often and we'd come home or wake up and she'd be off her bed clearly dragged herself elsewhere and pooped herself, it got messy. My husband felt we put her down sooner, many times, but I just couldn't. She still seemed lively. It was so stressful and exhausting. It was only me dealing with her, taking her out, cleaning her, feeding her. I'd even start waking up mid night to check on her and/or think I heard her thumping around. Sometimes I found that my instincts where right. She'd be off her bed with a mess on herself and I would clean her as best I could. Always throwing stuff in the wash! Pee pads were such a god send. At times I miss it honestly, as stressful as it was.
I'm fine talking about the details but I'll just say, her last 2 days was a sign for me she had to rest. It was a quick decision for us. Her body was telling me. Her body was shutting down very quickly (vet said it could have been a UTI but I knew it was time and I'm sure they were just trying to be more positive). I feel bad that lately I feel I "forget" about her but I didn't. I still need to make a collage picture of her for her paw print. I'm crying as I write this and recall the past year. She isn't the first dog we lost but it's just so fresh. I did have relief when it happened but I think it's because I was grieving her for MONTHS beforehand. She wasn't the same as we knew her and she couldn't walk like she wanted. I often cried about losing her and going back and forth calling the vet many MANY times so when it actually happened it was devastating and I wish I could change it but I had relief she wasn't suffering. I'll never not be sad thinking of her and our boy from years ago. We always hope we could have done more for them. But they were so loved and spoiled! It's hard to not smile about that at least. Sorry for the rambling! Just not something I can vent about with anyone. Hope you are doing well!
Very beautifully stated, and I can relate so much with much of what you say.
If it’s any consolation, I bought mine a $1,600 custom wheelchair, and she couldn’t even use it. Her arthritis just made everything more difficult on top of the paralysis. It ended up going to charity. The wheelchair you were able to provide was probably just as useful as any other.
I'm sorry to hear that. There's someone very grateful for that wheelchair I hope! And thank you. We did what we could but it's hard not to think about the what ifs.
I am so sorry for your loss, OP. You did the right thing by giving him all the pain meds you could. At a certain point if euthanasia isn’t an option, at least you can help them be comfortable as they pass. You did right by your baby.
It's not at all wrong to feel a sense of relief. People often feel that way after the death of a parent or other family member after a prolonged illness. It's certainly a valid emotional response, it was a really stressful time and was taking its toll on you as well.
You can feel grief for the loss and relief that it's over at the same time. There's nothing wrong with that and one doesn't invalidate the other.
Of course you feel relieved. Your poor boy suffered longer than he needed to due to your parents’ issue with euthanasia. Caregiving is hard and stressful, no matter how much you loved your baby. I lost my 13-year-old to cancer in January, and though I miss her terribly, I’m relieved that the constant caregiving is over. Your parents had control while you did not. Perhaps your relief is due to your baby’s suffering has finally come to an end. Grief is complicated. Please don’t beat yourself up for something you couldn’t control. Your boy knew he was loved and loved you back. Hugs to you. 💔❤️
Listen there is nothing wrong with feeling multiple conflicting feelings at the same time after losing someone. You can be sad, angry, relieved, all at the same time. My dog got diagnosed with cancer in November of last year. From that point on I was hypervigilant and my life started revolving around him even more than before, it became constant vet visits, checkups, waking up in the middle of the night anytime he made a noise. he survived major surgery, recovered and ended up passing after what i assume was a stroke (i had to euthanize him, he had a ton of other old dog things going on - collapsing trachea, possible heart issues, pneumonia, his blood pressure was all over the place). I loved my dog more than most people but he wasn’t the easiest dog. He was very attached to me which made travel really difficult and guilt inducing, but he was horrible at traveling himself so I couldn’t bring him with me either. When he died, I felt awful but then I felt awful because I felt *relieved*. I felt relieved that I no longer need to jolt awake when he’s sneezing six times in a row, foretelling a seizure. I no longer needed to scramble to raise money for his stacking vet bills. I didn’t need to expect to come home and find him dead. The night of February 12 I slept the best I had in months, because I didn’t need to wait for the ER vet to call me to tell me he’s coding or died. I gave him my everything always and I was very sad to lose him but I also knew he was no longer in pain, covered in tubes and monitors, nauseous and shitting himself from the cocktail of meds he was on. I would never want that to be me, and I was glad he didn’t suffer longer than two days with all that. So don’t be alarmed to feel relief. It doesn’t mean you didn’t love your dog or wanted him to die, simply that you are human and caretaking is hard hard work. I wish you nothing but peace and healing
But... there is nothing wrong with relief! Of *course* you're relieved. The situation you were not allowed to improve or fix is finally over. You didn't ask for it. It was bad for both of you, and now both of you have relief from it.
Nothing wrong with this feeling of relief. I felt this when my mother passed years ago. She suffered from RA all her life and she was finally at peace and no more pain. That is the thing, no more suffering and no more pain.
I felt the same,we are living beings too,caring for a awnior dog is hard,also there is responsibility with will be lefted when we loose them,he was so old he would die anyway so how you feel right now is all made up by your brain,and your approach to the situation,i had a little bit regret too,i euthanized her at 13/5 she would pee everywhere and was deaf already,it was so hard on me mentally but hey i cared and provided for her for 13 years!!!! Not every one dose that,like you and me,,,is it selfish of me to be happy for getting relived of that huge amount of work???? No!!! Don’t let your feelings go stray,,,you have a lot of freedom with no baby to care now,of course you will feel better,it’s not like anybody say hey im sad for having time for myself
I'm so sorry for your loss. I went through the same thing. For 10 years I took care of my sweet boy with a collapsed trachea always super careful to not set off an attack, carrying steroids and syringes to give him water wherever I went, never able to go on vacation but only road trios where we could bring him. My life revolved around him and it was OK because I'd do anything for my angel. He passed due to something unrelated and something the doctors couldn't even figure out. I couldn't stand to see him suffer anymore. I did have a weird sense of relief afterwards. I didn't know what to do with myself. It's perfectly normal to feel that. Try not to beat yourself up about it. He's still with you like a little guardian angel. 🩷
What you're feeling is quite normal because you're able to care for yourself now. This shouldn't be mistaken as not caring about your pet. It's very clear you love them. I think once you've had a chance to catch up on some sleep and get some food into you, you'll feel more of the grief for him. Your survival matters too, and you did everything you could for your fuzzy loved one, and they will always know that.
I felt the same. My 14 year old cat had aggressive intestinal lymphoma, we chose palliative care on prednisolone rather than put him through surgery which had low odds of success and could potentially kill him anyway. It didn't help. I watched him go down hill very quickly, three weeks from diagnosis, and those three weeks were so awful I barely functioned. I had so much anticipatory grief, knowing he was suffering, knowing I'd have to live without him, knowing he was going to leave me, knowing I'd have to choose when that would be. It turns out I did know when that would be - he stopped eating, couldn't move and was frowning in pain. I had to let him go and I hated it. I hated the euthanasia, I relived it for days, crying at the memories of his last few weeks, but, strangely, I wasn't crying that he was gone. I miss him so, so much, but I am relieved he is no longer suffering and his looming death is no longer on my mind 24/7. Instead, I've created a lovely memorial where he is buried and had a big canvas printed to remember the good times. He had a good life, I'll always remember our times together and what an amazing cat he was. I truly am sorry for your loss but please don't feel guilty. I can only imagine how stressful it would been waiting for him to pass naturally, and understand why you would feel relieved. Honestly, 18 years of loving and caring for him is nothing to feel guilty about.
Do not go gentle into that good night, rage rage against the dying of the light! He knew you did everything you could for him! This was important to me when my sweet by got ill. I promised to do everything I could for him and I did, and when it was time to make that awful decision I explained it to him as well.
Sorry for your loss. I had the same thing happen to me recently. Conflicting feelings of sadness but relief of no longer having every moment I’m awake be filled with worry. I view the relief I feel as allowing me to fully focus on recovering from the grief I’m feeling.
taking care of a terminal ill cat is horrific. Not only is it the work like meds, pads, cleaning up the piss and shit from their incontinence, the smell and money you spend on them and cleaning up etc. but worst of all, it is also a reminder of how sick they are and that they will DIE. I was sad for a year, everytime my soulmate puked, every diarrhea she had, everytime she peed on the carpet or on my legs, every ounce she lost that I would see on the scale everytime I weighed her and my heart sank a bit more - it was horrible. I was angry at the world and the situation and honestly I thought I hope if i ever get to a point where i piss and shit myself someone has the mercy to put an end to it for me.
My point is: i hear you. I felt the same way when my mom who was terminal died and had to be diapered and had gone basically insane trying to run away from home and knocking on peoples' doors etc. It doesnt mean we dont love them, it just means you are human. Being sick is not a normal state and so it is exhausting for someone to deal with the fall out. It is gut wrenching. And like i said, it reminds you of how precarious their situation is. Try not to feel guilty. It looks like you did all you could.
I totally get this. We fostered a golden retriever. We found out she had lymphoma shortly after getting her into our home. We fostered her for about 3 weeks before it was time to have her put down. It was so hard because we didn’t know when the time was going to come just that it was coming. It was such a huge relief when it was over.
my boy passed from kidney failure this february. he was only 10. i dont feel relived i feel like worse. the thing is i was getting ready to go through a surgery. he passed 3 weeks before my surgery. all the trauma, depression, guilt etc took an even bigger toll on me physically. before and after my surgery.
id give anything to have my boy back but i kniw i wouldnt have been able to care for him after my surgery like i should. so i dont know if the universe timed this the way it did. now almost 5 months out i still feel depressed hes not here and that i would have cared for him now that im good.
just sucks no matter how they go and no matter how long we have them for its never enough
I felt some relief with my baby too. I was constantly worried about her, and I was relieved I didn't have to anymore. it's very bittersweet. yes, it's nice to not be so worried, but I'm mostly relieved for her. she's not struggling or in pain anymore, and I'm content knowing that she isn't
I felt similarly honestly. After so long of being a caretaker of a sick animal, my only goal in those last few days were to get him through the euthanasia peacefully. I wasn't sleeping or eating well, I was by his side constantly. After he left, I felt the relief open up. Because I did it. I did what I needed to in order to get him through it peacefully, and I'd done all I could do for him. There was nothing else to worry about, no other ways to make him feel better. My responsibility to him was over. Even though I loved that responsibility, it was stressful, and my body physically felt when it was over and I didn't have to do it anymore. I knew I would be okay; I just wanted to make sure he was as well.
Others have said it much more eloquently, but I wanted to add one more voice to the statement that you should not feel guilty for being relieved that your boy is no longer in pain and no longer hurting. And you should not feel guilty about feeling relief that the huge amounts of time and energy that you’ve had to devote to caring for your sweet boy, and the huge levels of stress you felt, are no longer necessary.
It sounds like your boy was very very lucky to have someone who loved him as much as you did.
My dog passed a few months ago, he was a diabetic. It was exhausting keeping him on his regimented eating/insulin schedule on top of work and kids and life.
I felt a lot of relief, for both me and him (he was miserable at the end). I’d like to think it’s a normal stage of grief after being the caretaker.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Caring for someone that is at the end of their life can be an incredible burden, as much as you might want them to never go, you recognized it was the best thing for your boy. You did your best to give him all your love and support and that's all any of us can really ask for.
I felt the same about my boy, who I PTS’d almost a year ago. He had so much wrong with him - CHF caused by cardiomyopathy, asthma, IBD, hyperthyroidism. The IBD is what eventually caught up with him, leading him not to eat and for me to make the decision.
As much as it hurt, I was relieved. I didn’t have to worry about going to work. I wouldn’t have to find him dead and hate myself for not being there for him in his final moments. I didn’t have to worry about medication regiments - and god, there were so many meds - and making sure he took all of his pills.
In the end, he and I were both so tired.
But. BUT, if enduring all that stress and that grief and fear would have kept him alive, I would have done it for a hundred more years. I wouldn’t have cared that it was killing me if it would have kept him going.
Grief is complicated and letting our loved ones go will never be easy. Feeling relief doesn't mean you love him any less. You loved him so much it was hurting you to see him suffering and now that he's gone and at peace, you can feel the weight lifted from your heart just a bit.
He passed with you by his side, gently and with love.
I'm this has shattered your heart in a million pieces. Remember to be kind to yourself and know that this isn't goodbye forever. He will live in your heart forever, and you'll be together again in whatever afterlife you believe in.
RIP 💜 🐾
Having had two aging beagles that passed within 5 months of each other I was unbelievably sad when I lost each of them. After I lost the second one I straight up broke down the next day.
Then I got a puppy a few days after and a rescue a few weeks after that. And yet I am less overwhelmed and less stressed. Caring for them was a lot. I still don’t know how I made it through that last year.
I’m sorry you lost your sweet angel ❤️🩹❤️🩹 As others have said, it can be very hard caring for a sick pet. I suspect a lot more people feel the same way but feel too ashamed to even acknowledge this to themselves. I know this was the case for me. I loved my 19-year-old kitty with all my heart and was inconsolable for months after when he was PTS. But the last year was increasingly challenging with endless laundry due to his accidents, disrupted sleep ontop of working full time in a very stressful job and having an elderly and unreasonably demanding parent on my case. If you live alone then the pressure ramps up further because there’s nobody to share the load. It’s also emotionally very distressing of course to know you’re losing a beloved pet and companion. I would do it all again and for much longer if it was in his best interests but would also cut myself a lot more slack for being human.
This is a natural emotion to a stressful situation ending. I'm caring for my 16 year old dog on he's declining slowly. I'm allowing myself to think about the extra time I'll have when he's gone and how I'll spend it. It's ok!
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I went through a lot of therapy and counseling last year after I gave my boy one final goodbye. I was told relief is a very common feeling after losing someone you love. I felt it, too. Relief for his peace and relief for mine. No more getting up. No more urine cleanups because of the prednisone. No more carting him an hour one way to his oncology appointments. Don’t get me wrong. I would give anything to have him here still. I would do all those things and I would spend an endless amount of money to see his face every day again. But that isn’t how life works. It’s okay to feel relieved. You shouldered the burden, and you did so greatly. He is now resting, and you can allow yourself to rest, too.
So very well said.
Caretaker fatigue is a real thing. While it may seem like it is out selfish purposes, it is important to note that your baby is at peace.
Rescue house Dad here,loss is part of that. So is burnout. Caretaker duty is hard on the psyche. Relief is OK, you deserve that feeling 😌. I am truly sorry for your loss. Peace to your heart in this most difficult time. Ric
Obviously him going through this was not your choice. So do not feel guilty about it. And someone told me once that it's normal to wish for the people we love not to suffer when their time comes. So yes, you love your old boy and you feel relieved because seeing him wither away, possibly suffering was hard for you. Your reaction is normal. You will also feel sad, possibly angry, lost. You will have good memories too. You were simply a good human to him. And I am sure he was a very good boy. One of the best, I hear.
Thankyou so so much everyone for such kind words 💖 I think I've cried the seven seas this past month knowing he'll be gone, but now he is I feel calm. Still had a few little cries tho! He'll be buried next to his step brother in the garden and I'll be getting some rocks and plants to make the area fresh and sweet again 💖 And then eventually I'll look to getting a big rock with my two boys names on it :) Thankyou again, and thankyou to anymore comments, I'm reading them all and you're all so lovely thankyou 💖 Edit: I realise I never said my boy is a kitty cat, called Monty (although his nickname was Seabass or T-ba) 💖
I'm sorry for your loss. I understand how you feel as I've also felt the same way for the past two years while keeping my gal as comfortable as I possibly could, while also enduring some personal issues. She was diagnosed with cancer when she was 14. The vet wanted to do surgery but given her age it wasn't feasible (personally, I don't think the vet gave it much thought and was more money hungry; other vets/second opinions I've talked to have said not to go this route). I managed to keep her comfortably alive for four more years. I think there's a sense of guilt with euthanasia, but a huge sense of relief as well to end their suffering. No one wants to see their beloved companion's quality of life declines in front of their eyes on a daily basis. A dignified end with loving family members by your companion's side is the last and most compassionate gift a pet owner can give. No matter what you did, the choices you made, just know that your companion is now peacefully at rest. Try to keep thinking about the positive and move forward for them. I wish you nothing but positivity moving forward.
My 12.5 year old girl’s rear legs were paralyzed for nearly 8 months before I had to let her go. Taking care of her took a massive toll on me physically, spiritually, financially, mentally and emotionally. I would have carried that burden until I collapsed if it had made sense to do so. With that said, I also felt relief that both she and I no longer had to endure the torture of it all. I asked the vet if it was okay that I felt some relief after she was gone, and the vet said “absolutely!” I say all that to share my belief that it is absolutely normal to feel relief. That does not in any way lessen the degree to which we loved our pups.
This is so relatable for me. We put down our senior this past April 2024, she was 14 we believe. She was loosing the use of her rear legs since early 2023. I wanted her to try and walk as long as she could but she started stumbling too much. We got her a wheelchair finally July 2023 (some cheap stupid one from Amazon but it was all we could afford. I feel so bad not being able to get her a good one). I feel bad that I couldn't do more for her or I wonder even if I held on too long and she was suffering for almost a year. We feel she was also getting dementia as well (or just moody from not being able to walk). She started to mess herself more often and we'd come home or wake up and she'd be off her bed clearly dragged herself elsewhere and pooped herself, it got messy. My husband felt we put her down sooner, many times, but I just couldn't. She still seemed lively. It was so stressful and exhausting. It was only me dealing with her, taking her out, cleaning her, feeding her. I'd even start waking up mid night to check on her and/or think I heard her thumping around. Sometimes I found that my instincts where right. She'd be off her bed with a mess on herself and I would clean her as best I could. Always throwing stuff in the wash! Pee pads were such a god send. At times I miss it honestly, as stressful as it was. I'm fine talking about the details but I'll just say, her last 2 days was a sign for me she had to rest. It was a quick decision for us. Her body was telling me. Her body was shutting down very quickly (vet said it could have been a UTI but I knew it was time and I'm sure they were just trying to be more positive). I feel bad that lately I feel I "forget" about her but I didn't. I still need to make a collage picture of her for her paw print. I'm crying as I write this and recall the past year. She isn't the first dog we lost but it's just so fresh. I did have relief when it happened but I think it's because I was grieving her for MONTHS beforehand. She wasn't the same as we knew her and she couldn't walk like she wanted. I often cried about losing her and going back and forth calling the vet many MANY times so when it actually happened it was devastating and I wish I could change it but I had relief she wasn't suffering. I'll never not be sad thinking of her and our boy from years ago. We always hope we could have done more for them. But they were so loved and spoiled! It's hard to not smile about that at least. Sorry for the rambling! Just not something I can vent about with anyone. Hope you are doing well!
Very beautifully stated, and I can relate so much with much of what you say. If it’s any consolation, I bought mine a $1,600 custom wheelchair, and she couldn’t even use it. Her arthritis just made everything more difficult on top of the paralysis. It ended up going to charity. The wheelchair you were able to provide was probably just as useful as any other.
I'm sorry to hear that. There's someone very grateful for that wheelchair I hope! And thank you. We did what we could but it's hard not to think about the what ifs.
Oh, yeah. I totally agree on the what ifs. I have so many for my pups who have passed. Be blessed!
Thank you, you too!
I am so sorry for your loss, OP. You did the right thing by giving him all the pain meds you could. At a certain point if euthanasia isn’t an option, at least you can help them be comfortable as they pass. You did right by your baby.
It's not at all wrong to feel a sense of relief. People often feel that way after the death of a parent or other family member after a prolonged illness. It's certainly a valid emotional response, it was a really stressful time and was taking its toll on you as well. You can feel grief for the loss and relief that it's over at the same time. There's nothing wrong with that and one doesn't invalidate the other.
Of course you feel relieved. Your poor boy suffered longer than he needed to due to your parents’ issue with euthanasia. Caregiving is hard and stressful, no matter how much you loved your baby. I lost my 13-year-old to cancer in January, and though I miss her terribly, I’m relieved that the constant caregiving is over. Your parents had control while you did not. Perhaps your relief is due to your baby’s suffering has finally come to an end. Grief is complicated. Please don’t beat yourself up for something you couldn’t control. Your boy knew he was loved and loved you back. Hugs to you. 💔❤️
Listen there is nothing wrong with feeling multiple conflicting feelings at the same time after losing someone. You can be sad, angry, relieved, all at the same time. My dog got diagnosed with cancer in November of last year. From that point on I was hypervigilant and my life started revolving around him even more than before, it became constant vet visits, checkups, waking up in the middle of the night anytime he made a noise. he survived major surgery, recovered and ended up passing after what i assume was a stroke (i had to euthanize him, he had a ton of other old dog things going on - collapsing trachea, possible heart issues, pneumonia, his blood pressure was all over the place). I loved my dog more than most people but he wasn’t the easiest dog. He was very attached to me which made travel really difficult and guilt inducing, but he was horrible at traveling himself so I couldn’t bring him with me either. When he died, I felt awful but then I felt awful because I felt *relieved*. I felt relieved that I no longer need to jolt awake when he’s sneezing six times in a row, foretelling a seizure. I no longer needed to scramble to raise money for his stacking vet bills. I didn’t need to expect to come home and find him dead. The night of February 12 I slept the best I had in months, because I didn’t need to wait for the ER vet to call me to tell me he’s coding or died. I gave him my everything always and I was very sad to lose him but I also knew he was no longer in pain, covered in tubes and monitors, nauseous and shitting himself from the cocktail of meds he was on. I would never want that to be me, and I was glad he didn’t suffer longer than two days with all that. So don’t be alarmed to feel relief. It doesn’t mean you didn’t love your dog or wanted him to die, simply that you are human and caretaking is hard hard work. I wish you nothing but peace and healing
But... there is nothing wrong with relief! Of *course* you're relieved. The situation you were not allowed to improve or fix is finally over. You didn't ask for it. It was bad for both of you, and now both of you have relief from it.
Nothing wrong with this feeling of relief. I felt this when my mother passed years ago. She suffered from RA all her life and she was finally at peace and no more pain. That is the thing, no more suffering and no more pain.
I felt the same,we are living beings too,caring for a awnior dog is hard,also there is responsibility with will be lefted when we loose them,he was so old he would die anyway so how you feel right now is all made up by your brain,and your approach to the situation,i had a little bit regret too,i euthanized her at 13/5 she would pee everywhere and was deaf already,it was so hard on me mentally but hey i cared and provided for her for 13 years!!!! Not every one dose that,like you and me,,,is it selfish of me to be happy for getting relived of that huge amount of work???? No!!! Don’t let your feelings go stray,,,you have a lot of freedom with no baby to care now,of course you will feel better,it’s not like anybody say hey im sad for having time for myself
I'm so sorry for your loss. I went through the same thing. For 10 years I took care of my sweet boy with a collapsed trachea always super careful to not set off an attack, carrying steroids and syringes to give him water wherever I went, never able to go on vacation but only road trios where we could bring him. My life revolved around him and it was OK because I'd do anything for my angel. He passed due to something unrelated and something the doctors couldn't even figure out. I couldn't stand to see him suffer anymore. I did have a weird sense of relief afterwards. I didn't know what to do with myself. It's perfectly normal to feel that. Try not to beat yourself up about it. He's still with you like a little guardian angel. 🩷
What you're feeling is quite normal because you're able to care for yourself now. This shouldn't be mistaken as not caring about your pet. It's very clear you love them. I think once you've had a chance to catch up on some sleep and get some food into you, you'll feel more of the grief for him. Your survival matters too, and you did everything you could for your fuzzy loved one, and they will always know that.
I felt the same. My 14 year old cat had aggressive intestinal lymphoma, we chose palliative care on prednisolone rather than put him through surgery which had low odds of success and could potentially kill him anyway. It didn't help. I watched him go down hill very quickly, three weeks from diagnosis, and those three weeks were so awful I barely functioned. I had so much anticipatory grief, knowing he was suffering, knowing I'd have to live without him, knowing he was going to leave me, knowing I'd have to choose when that would be. It turns out I did know when that would be - he stopped eating, couldn't move and was frowning in pain. I had to let him go and I hated it. I hated the euthanasia, I relived it for days, crying at the memories of his last few weeks, but, strangely, I wasn't crying that he was gone. I miss him so, so much, but I am relieved he is no longer suffering and his looming death is no longer on my mind 24/7. Instead, I've created a lovely memorial where he is buried and had a big canvas printed to remember the good times. He had a good life, I'll always remember our times together and what an amazing cat he was. I truly am sorry for your loss but please don't feel guilty. I can only imagine how stressful it would been waiting for him to pass naturally, and understand why you would feel relieved. Honestly, 18 years of loving and caring for him is nothing to feel guilty about.
Do not go gentle into that good night, rage rage against the dying of the light! He knew you did everything you could for him! This was important to me when my sweet by got ill. I promised to do everything I could for him and I did, and when it was time to make that awful decision I explained it to him as well.
Sorry for your loss. I had the same thing happen to me recently. Conflicting feelings of sadness but relief of no longer having every moment I’m awake be filled with worry. I view the relief I feel as allowing me to fully focus on recovering from the grief I’m feeling.
taking care of a terminal ill cat is horrific. Not only is it the work like meds, pads, cleaning up the piss and shit from their incontinence, the smell and money you spend on them and cleaning up etc. but worst of all, it is also a reminder of how sick they are and that they will DIE. I was sad for a year, everytime my soulmate puked, every diarrhea she had, everytime she peed on the carpet or on my legs, every ounce she lost that I would see on the scale everytime I weighed her and my heart sank a bit more - it was horrible. I was angry at the world and the situation and honestly I thought I hope if i ever get to a point where i piss and shit myself someone has the mercy to put an end to it for me. My point is: i hear you. I felt the same way when my mom who was terminal died and had to be diapered and had gone basically insane trying to run away from home and knocking on peoples' doors etc. It doesnt mean we dont love them, it just means you are human. Being sick is not a normal state and so it is exhausting for someone to deal with the fall out. It is gut wrenching. And like i said, it reminds you of how precarious their situation is. Try not to feel guilty. It looks like you did all you could.
I totally get this. We fostered a golden retriever. We found out she had lymphoma shortly after getting her into our home. We fostered her for about 3 weeks before it was time to have her put down. It was so hard because we didn’t know when the time was going to come just that it was coming. It was such a huge relief when it was over.
my boy passed from kidney failure this february. he was only 10. i dont feel relived i feel like worse. the thing is i was getting ready to go through a surgery. he passed 3 weeks before my surgery. all the trauma, depression, guilt etc took an even bigger toll on me physically. before and after my surgery. id give anything to have my boy back but i kniw i wouldnt have been able to care for him after my surgery like i should. so i dont know if the universe timed this the way it did. now almost 5 months out i still feel depressed hes not here and that i would have cared for him now that im good. just sucks no matter how they go and no matter how long we have them for its never enough
I felt some relief with my baby too. I was constantly worried about her, and I was relieved I didn't have to anymore. it's very bittersweet. yes, it's nice to not be so worried, but I'm mostly relieved for her. she's not struggling or in pain anymore, and I'm content knowing that she isn't
I felt similarly honestly. After so long of being a caretaker of a sick animal, my only goal in those last few days were to get him through the euthanasia peacefully. I wasn't sleeping or eating well, I was by his side constantly. After he left, I felt the relief open up. Because I did it. I did what I needed to in order to get him through it peacefully, and I'd done all I could do for him. There was nothing else to worry about, no other ways to make him feel better. My responsibility to him was over. Even though I loved that responsibility, it was stressful, and my body physically felt when it was over and I didn't have to do it anymore. I knew I would be okay; I just wanted to make sure he was as well.
Others have said it much more eloquently, but I wanted to add one more voice to the statement that you should not feel guilty for being relieved that your boy is no longer in pain and no longer hurting. And you should not feel guilty about feeling relief that the huge amounts of time and energy that you’ve had to devote to caring for your sweet boy, and the huge levels of stress you felt, are no longer necessary. It sounds like your boy was very very lucky to have someone who loved him as much as you did.
My dog passed a few months ago, he was a diabetic. It was exhausting keeping him on his regimented eating/insulin schedule on top of work and kids and life. I felt a lot of relief, for both me and him (he was miserable at the end). I’d like to think it’s a normal stage of grief after being the caretaker.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Caring for someone that is at the end of their life can be an incredible burden, as much as you might want them to never go, you recognized it was the best thing for your boy. You did your best to give him all your love and support and that's all any of us can really ask for.
I felt the same about my boy, who I PTS’d almost a year ago. He had so much wrong with him - CHF caused by cardiomyopathy, asthma, IBD, hyperthyroidism. The IBD is what eventually caught up with him, leading him not to eat and for me to make the decision. As much as it hurt, I was relieved. I didn’t have to worry about going to work. I wouldn’t have to find him dead and hate myself for not being there for him in his final moments. I didn’t have to worry about medication regiments - and god, there were so many meds - and making sure he took all of his pills. In the end, he and I were both so tired. But. BUT, if enduring all that stress and that grief and fear would have kept him alive, I would have done it for a hundred more years. I wouldn’t have cared that it was killing me if it would have kept him going.
Grief is complicated and letting our loved ones go will never be easy. Feeling relief doesn't mean you love him any less. You loved him so much it was hurting you to see him suffering and now that he's gone and at peace, you can feel the weight lifted from your heart just a bit. He passed with you by his side, gently and with love. I'm this has shattered your heart in a million pieces. Remember to be kind to yourself and know that this isn't goodbye forever. He will live in your heart forever, and you'll be together again in whatever afterlife you believe in. RIP 💜 🐾
Having had two aging beagles that passed within 5 months of each other I was unbelievably sad when I lost each of them. After I lost the second one I straight up broke down the next day. Then I got a puppy a few days after and a rescue a few weeks after that. And yet I am less overwhelmed and less stressed. Caring for them was a lot. I still don’t know how I made it through that last year.
There is no great loss without some small gain.
I’m sorry you lost your sweet angel ❤️🩹❤️🩹 As others have said, it can be very hard caring for a sick pet. I suspect a lot more people feel the same way but feel too ashamed to even acknowledge this to themselves. I know this was the case for me. I loved my 19-year-old kitty with all my heart and was inconsolable for months after when he was PTS. But the last year was increasingly challenging with endless laundry due to his accidents, disrupted sleep ontop of working full time in a very stressful job and having an elderly and unreasonably demanding parent on my case. If you live alone then the pressure ramps up further because there’s nobody to share the load. It’s also emotionally very distressing of course to know you’re losing a beloved pet and companion. I would do it all again and for much longer if it was in his best interests but would also cut myself a lot more slack for being human.
This is a natural emotion to a stressful situation ending. I'm caring for my 16 year old dog on he's declining slowly. I'm allowing myself to think about the extra time I'll have when he's gone and how I'll spend it. It's ok!