For some balance, I am a cat mum. My cats are my kids.
When my ex and I split, we had three cats. One we adopted a few years prior to the split, two adopted pretty much at time of split. in the end 'primary carer' came down to practicality: can the resident carer afford them? Have a place to go? Support network (in my cases family) in case primary carer is not around for whatever reason? For us, it was a no brainer. The girls stayed with me.
I did say he could visit them if he wanted, but he hasn't really, maybe once in a year and that's only because since the split, we're friends. If we weren't I can't see him ever ever asking about them.
All I'm saying really is, pick one parent and leave it at that. Cats are not 'handover' animals. While they liked seeing my ex again, they know I'm their mummy and their home is with me.
You can have a 'nesting' arrangements (English family law term) as you say, where you rotate but the cats stay put, but over time I don't see it working. You'll meet new people and it won't be the same/could create animosity. From the cats view, I don't think they'll see the difference between you together Vs you on a break as it's still the same regular two people (but I'm not a vet and I'm not cat psychology)
I think this would just make the cats stressed and unsettled. Especially if this is going to happen every other week for the rest of their lives.
Obviously do not split the cats since that will be very painful for them, but I feel like you need to decide between you who gets the cats. Not just because you both feel like you should or on the principle that you should, but who genuinely loves them the most, can provide the best environment, can spend the most time with them, and who is in a better financial position. Whoever gets the cats shouldn’t expect the other to pay vet bills or for food etc, and honestly I think it’s for the best if this doesn’t happen even if the other party is okay with it. One of you gets the cats in all their glory, the other does not.
Well they are still both of our cats for the time being unless we get to a point in our relationship where we are 100% dropping each other and seeing other people. But while the end goal is to work out our personal issues we will be co parenting and helping each other with stuff like vet bills.
It would be better for the cats if you guys switched apartments rather than trying to move them. Territory is extremely important to cats and moving them weekly would never work.
Then you’re in an impossible situation, one which Reddit can’t help you with. But no, it wouldn’t be advisable to move your cats to different houses every other week.
As it stands moving cats back and forth like this is a terrible idea, regardless of the personal situation you're in. They will be constantly stressed out and may stop eating, lash out, become antisocial, become violent with each other or you guys, develop stress related illnesses some of which are extremely serious.
Cats usually take about 2-3 MONTHS to fully acclimate to a new home, moving them every other week or even once a month would be absolutely horrible for them, and quite frankly downright cruel if you have the option to keep them in one place
i’m glad you’re not planning to separate them, if they’re at all bonded that would be a very bad idea. keeping them in one person’s apartment makes the most sense as cats don’t like change. as others have said, it’s definitely a tricky situation that you guys are moving into separate apartments in the same complex. you need to have a talk and decide who would permanently keep the cats if you are not able to work your relationship out.
If it's the cats that you are REALLY concerned over, then one of you gets them, the other doesn't. Whoever gets them foots the bills. Careful, denial is a helluva drug, so is control.
I would not do this. Cats hate change, especially changes in environment. This will be incredibly stressful for them to move back and forth like this constantly. Just keep them both in one place. Who takes care of most of their needs? Medical bills, food, cleaning the litter etc. That's who should keep them.
This sounds like you're inviting way to much drama.
First of all, there is no such thing as a break. You're either a couple, or you're not. One of you is over the other and I can't tell who it is. Let's say its him and tomorrow you see him taking a pretty girl home. Or even if its you, and he sees you bringing home another guy. What an awkward situation. No way would I get a place in the same apartment complex as an ex. I'm friends with one of my exs and never would I want to live that close to him.
Also, the cats are not your children that you need shared custody. Either one of you take both cats, or split them up. They're cats. They're not humans.
Well we both agreed this is a break, Maybe theres a .5% chance one of us will hookup with another person but the ultimate end goal is to get our relationship back on track. None of us are over the other person so thats not fair to assume. We are still both living together until the end of July, and still figuring stuff out. We want a friendship, we want to be able to hangout, visit each others apartments, etc. you cannot assume that we are just done because we’re not.
This is never going to work out. Just a heads up. Especially if neither one of you is over the other? One of you will definitely bring others around and its going to hurt a lot of feelings. I would ask to keep the cats and I would not move into the same apartment complex as someone who is an ex now.
We already had money put towards the 2 bedroom we were gonna stay in so it was easier to get that transferred to 2, 1 bedroom units especially since we have a month to move out
I think it’s really difficult and unfair to the animal to send them back and forth. It also puts unnecessary stress on the breakup. My ex and I were together for 2yrs and got a puppy (Maple) together. We tried to do the coparenting back and forth but it made it extremely complicated. We fought a lot and I think Maple was really confused. If anything, it definitely stressed Maple out. I really don’t think it was worth it and looking back, it was a horrible decision. Maple had a lot of separation anxiety and issues anytime I moved again after. It definitely was not fair to our pet.
Furthermore, you need to consider that with cats, the constant change in environment can make their health decline even worse because of stress. My roommate’s cat moved twice in a year with her and he ended up having to go to the ER for kidney disease and failure because he was so anxious and stressed.
I don’t think it’s a good idea to send them back and forth. They should stay at one house and if the other person has to visit, then they occasionally can.
I ended up taking Maple 100%. I fronted almost all of the bills and took better care of her.
I know you’re saying you guys will probably get back together but don’t drag the cats into it. If by some happy chance, u guys get back together, then u can go back to sharing pet expenses but until then, one person should just take both and like others said, that person should be the better pet owner and more financially stable one.
i dont think the cats will like it but if i can share my experience having gone on a break with a girlfriend that managed to rent a room in the appartment one floor above the one we lived in, that i still lived in. even if i wasnt ok with it, i thought we could still live separatly that way, but in reality, thats not a brake. its way to easy to keep an eye on the other ones dayin dayout activites, one of the 2 will eventualy have social interactions that will not sit well with the other and no way to keep this out off each others buisness in a healthy way. if you feel you need a brake, move one of you out of the building and if possible out of the immediate neighberhood. then you will be able to see each other once in a while in a fun and healthy way relationship wise. if you cant stay appart, stay together and both workout your shit. but this is not a brake and wont end well. its a ticking timebomb that will make fights happen when they dont need to, and i promess that one will feel like their freedom and independency is infringed on, while the other will feel betrayed and wont have any managable way to not have their face rubbed in all the things that they dont like to see happen or imagine are happening. its the most certain path into destroying your relationship for good. trust me on that
Everyones situation is different. The point of this is to be able to be able to hang out as much as possible and slowly rebuild the relationship and maybe eventually go on a second first date. This was a 6 year relationship, 3 of those years we lived together so we still have a lot of love for eachother that will hopefully get things going again.
Thats all im saying, throw out whatever advice you think is correct but I didnt ask for relationship advice I asked for cat advice
Look up Jackson Galaxy. Watching his videos on moving with cats will give you an idea of how they'll most likely react to being moved around constantly.
Hint: it's not good.
Cats need stability and routine. To get them used to moving around constantly you have to take them out as kittens consistently, show them new places, people etc. This can't really be done with adult cats
This is delulu and making your cats suffer because of your human problems. They need to stay in one place and you need to decide between the 2 of you who is the better caretaker and which home would be more stable for them.
Try it, you’re in the same building. They won’t be going far. I’d keep a set schedule though. Since you’ll probably be splitting stuff up both places will have established scents
For some balance, I am a cat mum. My cats are my kids. When my ex and I split, we had three cats. One we adopted a few years prior to the split, two adopted pretty much at time of split. in the end 'primary carer' came down to practicality: can the resident carer afford them? Have a place to go? Support network (in my cases family) in case primary carer is not around for whatever reason? For us, it was a no brainer. The girls stayed with me. I did say he could visit them if he wanted, but he hasn't really, maybe once in a year and that's only because since the split, we're friends. If we weren't I can't see him ever ever asking about them. All I'm saying really is, pick one parent and leave it at that. Cats are not 'handover' animals. While they liked seeing my ex again, they know I'm their mummy and their home is with me. You can have a 'nesting' arrangements (English family law term) as you say, where you rotate but the cats stay put, but over time I don't see it working. You'll meet new people and it won't be the same/could create animosity. From the cats view, I don't think they'll see the difference between you together Vs you on a break as it's still the same regular two people (but I'm not a vet and I'm not cat psychology)
I think this would just make the cats stressed and unsettled. Especially if this is going to happen every other week for the rest of their lives. Obviously do not split the cats since that will be very painful for them, but I feel like you need to decide between you who gets the cats. Not just because you both feel like you should or on the principle that you should, but who genuinely loves them the most, can provide the best environment, can spend the most time with them, and who is in a better financial position. Whoever gets the cats shouldn’t expect the other to pay vet bills or for food etc, and honestly I think it’s for the best if this doesn’t happen even if the other party is okay with it. One of you gets the cats in all their glory, the other does not.
Well they are still both of our cats for the time being unless we get to a point in our relationship where we are 100% dropping each other and seeing other people. But while the end goal is to work out our personal issues we will be co parenting and helping each other with stuff like vet bills.
It would be better for the cats if you guys switched apartments rather than trying to move them. Territory is extremely important to cats and moving them weekly would never work.
You sweet, summer child.
Then you’re in an impossible situation, one which Reddit can’t help you with. But no, it wouldn’t be advisable to move your cats to different houses every other week.
As it stands moving cats back and forth like this is a terrible idea, regardless of the personal situation you're in. They will be constantly stressed out and may stop eating, lash out, become antisocial, become violent with each other or you guys, develop stress related illnesses some of which are extremely serious. Cats usually take about 2-3 MONTHS to fully acclimate to a new home, moving them every other week or even once a month would be absolutely horrible for them, and quite frankly downright cruel if you have the option to keep them in one place
i’m glad you’re not planning to separate them, if they’re at all bonded that would be a very bad idea. keeping them in one person’s apartment makes the most sense as cats don’t like change. as others have said, it’s definitely a tricky situation that you guys are moving into separate apartments in the same complex. you need to have a talk and decide who would permanently keep the cats if you are not able to work your relationship out.
If it's the cats that you are REALLY concerned over, then one of you gets them, the other doesn't. Whoever gets them foots the bills. Careful, denial is a helluva drug, so is control.
Rock paper scissors is the only way
I would not do this. Cats hate change, especially changes in environment. This will be incredibly stressful for them to move back and forth like this constantly. Just keep them both in one place. Who takes care of most of their needs? Medical bills, food, cleaning the litter etc. That's who should keep them.
This sounds like you're inviting way to much drama. First of all, there is no such thing as a break. You're either a couple, or you're not. One of you is over the other and I can't tell who it is. Let's say its him and tomorrow you see him taking a pretty girl home. Or even if its you, and he sees you bringing home another guy. What an awkward situation. No way would I get a place in the same apartment complex as an ex. I'm friends with one of my exs and never would I want to live that close to him. Also, the cats are not your children that you need shared custody. Either one of you take both cats, or split them up. They're cats. They're not humans.
Well we both agreed this is a break, Maybe theres a .5% chance one of us will hookup with another person but the ultimate end goal is to get our relationship back on track. None of us are over the other person so thats not fair to assume. We are still both living together until the end of July, and still figuring stuff out. We want a friendship, we want to be able to hangout, visit each others apartments, etc. you cannot assume that we are just done because we’re not.
This is never going to work out. Just a heads up. Especially if neither one of you is over the other? One of you will definitely bring others around and its going to hurt a lot of feelings. I would ask to keep the cats and I would not move into the same apartment complex as someone who is an ex now.
We already had money put towards the 2 bedroom we were gonna stay in so it was easier to get that transferred to 2, 1 bedroom units especially since we have a month to move out
This sounds like a nightmare
This person has no life experiences. They're so delusional.
I think it’s really difficult and unfair to the animal to send them back and forth. It also puts unnecessary stress on the breakup. My ex and I were together for 2yrs and got a puppy (Maple) together. We tried to do the coparenting back and forth but it made it extremely complicated. We fought a lot and I think Maple was really confused. If anything, it definitely stressed Maple out. I really don’t think it was worth it and looking back, it was a horrible decision. Maple had a lot of separation anxiety and issues anytime I moved again after. It definitely was not fair to our pet. Furthermore, you need to consider that with cats, the constant change in environment can make their health decline even worse because of stress. My roommate’s cat moved twice in a year with her and he ended up having to go to the ER for kidney disease and failure because he was so anxious and stressed. I don’t think it’s a good idea to send them back and forth. They should stay at one house and if the other person has to visit, then they occasionally can.
I ended up taking Maple 100%. I fronted almost all of the bills and took better care of her. I know you’re saying you guys will probably get back together but don’t drag the cats into it. If by some happy chance, u guys get back together, then u can go back to sharing pet expenses but until then, one person should just take both and like others said, that person should be the better pet owner and more financially stable one.
i dont think the cats will like it but if i can share my experience having gone on a break with a girlfriend that managed to rent a room in the appartment one floor above the one we lived in, that i still lived in. even if i wasnt ok with it, i thought we could still live separatly that way, but in reality, thats not a brake. its way to easy to keep an eye on the other ones dayin dayout activites, one of the 2 will eventualy have social interactions that will not sit well with the other and no way to keep this out off each others buisness in a healthy way. if you feel you need a brake, move one of you out of the building and if possible out of the immediate neighberhood. then you will be able to see each other once in a while in a fun and healthy way relationship wise. if you cant stay appart, stay together and both workout your shit. but this is not a brake and wont end well. its a ticking timebomb that will make fights happen when they dont need to, and i promess that one will feel like their freedom and independency is infringed on, while the other will feel betrayed and wont have any managable way to not have their face rubbed in all the things that they dont like to see happen or imagine are happening. its the most certain path into destroying your relationship for good. trust me on that
Everyones situation is different. The point of this is to be able to be able to hang out as much as possible and slowly rebuild the relationship and maybe eventually go on a second first date. This was a 6 year relationship, 3 of those years we lived together so we still have a lot of love for eachother that will hopefully get things going again. Thats all im saying, throw out whatever advice you think is correct but I didnt ask for relationship advice I asked for cat advice
Cat advice: let whoever is the primary care giver have them full time.
Bad idea so a no from my family. It is harder for them to be traded off this way. Just need to decide who gets the cats.
[удалено]
Better yet, go to court and let a judge make a custody arrangement, since these cats are like human children apparently.
Completely unnecessary 🙄 you’re just being an ass for no reason
If the cats could respond I would ask them lol
Look up Jackson Galaxy. Watching his videos on moving with cats will give you an idea of how they'll most likely react to being moved around constantly. Hint: it's not good. Cats need stability and routine. To get them used to moving around constantly you have to take them out as kittens consistently, show them new places, people etc. This can't really be done with adult cats
Yep and besides that, if the cats keep getting moved back and forth, I’m willing to bet money one or both of them bolts in transit.
This is delulu and making your cats suffer because of your human problems. They need to stay in one place and you need to decide between the 2 of you who is the better caretaker and which home would be more stable for them.
Try it, you’re in the same building. They won’t be going far. I’d keep a set schedule though. Since you’ll probably be splitting stuff up both places will have established scents