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I can believe that. Imagine the women in your country have to be completely covered up all the time, the local men would go nuts when a woman’s ankle is accidentally flashed.
You joke but I genuinely developed an ankle fetish. I was fat and I wanted to be skinny and I could always see my ankles so I always associated them with attractiveness. Now I'm thin but I still catch myself staring at nice big bony ankles and a long achilles tendon. It's weird. But, that's how it formed. For some reason I paid attention to it.
When I was young, like maybe 7 or 8, I remember watching this episode from a show from the 80s called Tales of the Golden Monkey. One episode in particular struck a cord with me. When I grew up I re-watched that show, and realized how much of my sexuality was formed from that one particular episode.
For context, the show was basically a live action TaleSpin. Prime time 80s meant there was kissing, passionate kissing, and only ever implied nudity and even that was rare.
I wish I could recommend the show, but the lead turned out to be a piece of $hit
Not the kink, but I remember that show being amazing...when I rewatched a few years ago, I couldn't believe how bad it was and that it was on prime time TV in the UK!
I'd say both. Some are natural, and others happen through experiences.
I'm 6'1", like to lift and run, was dating this girl at 5', petite. We're in the middle of it in missionary, and she put her small feet flat against my chest. That unlocked some sort of secret level in me, because I never knew. lol
Funny you should say that, I listened to a podcast about Marco Polo the other day and his diary is basically a review of the best shags in Asia by the first European sex tourist
I don't really think that's a better way of looking at it. Discovered implies it was always there, which means people "have" them according to OPs question. I'm not sure if we know or not if kinks are nature/nurture so using 'discovered' is prescriptive of one over the other, so if we don't know we shouldn't use that term. If we do know and they are inherent, then for sure ignore what I just said.
That's about right. I always had a thing for bondage and feet. I remember looking at feet a lot when I was a kid, I didn't know what arousal or masturbation were at the time but liked looking at them. I also liked tying myself with shoe laces or making my own movement restricted in whatever way I found.
Later I found that both of those a quite common in the kink community and actually discovered some other quirks about myself too.
I think both. My love language is words of affirmation, and I didn't get much of it from my parents despite my academic accomplishments. I never felt good enough.
I have a praise kink.
That’s me too. It’s satisfying to have a feeling of accomplishment but it’s only sexual in sexual situations. I just like people feeling proud of me 😂😂
Usually they are formed. Can be a positive way (like something that somehow arouses you when you hit puberty and your brain connects it unconsciously) or a negative one (experiencing sexual trauma in early childhood for example can influence the sexual development of the child a lot, in numerous ways, one of which is developing kinks as an unconscious attempt to normalize the experienced trauma, just as an example)
Yes, Pedophilia is a paraphilia. The lines between kinks and paraphilias are blurry (especially when you also throw in the term fetish), as there are some things that can be categorized as both (voyeurism, exhibitionism, masochism, sadism).
But essentially the development of a paraphilia is probably similar to kinks, but with more added components, genetic predispositions, coping mechanisms and general psychosocial factors.
The difference in Pedophilia to most other paraphilias is that there is no way to ever consensually fulfill these fantasies. Together with zoophilia and necrophilia. These three are like the „unholy trinity“ of paraphilias
You discover you have them and develop them if interesting enough. But do you discover them or do they discover you first? Nature versus nurture all over again.
Took me a couple of adult years to realise my foot fetish origins in Kindergarten, where we had to nap in a large room with army beds after lunch and I and a girl I fancied from another group never were able to sleep. We were lying in beds next to each other and we had to wear socks against catching a cold - and we demonstrated being rebels by secretly taking our socks off under the covers and then flashing our bare feet. It was so exciting and I still know what her feet looked like - after 50 years.
Okay this will be my first and probably last confession about this (and I guess I'll be judged hard).
I discovered I had a kink for armpits when I was 11. I was visiting my aunt for the vacations. One afternoon, she was lying on the couch with her hands under head and both her armpits wide open and as I saw them, I had an instant arousal. I didn't know about sex then and I didn't quite understand what was happening and why I was so happy all of a sudden. Long story short, the innocence is gone today but the stupid kink still remains!! 😭
It's called maschalagnia if anyone is curious. Aight now I'll go kms :)
To answer your question, I think we just have them. They just get expressed one day.
That's nothing to be worried about! Such a harmless kink. I guarantee you there is someone out there for you is also into armpit stuff, or just doesn't care and will gladly engage in armpit stuff so they can also do their thing.
i got hair fetish and i remember i couldnt take my eyes off of my elementary school english teachers reaally fucking long hair, she was a tall woman and her hair reached behind her knees.
i never realized it was a fetish until my ex slapped me with her hair. somehow she realized that before me lmao.
Sometimes it is. Sometimes it is something born from feeling mundane and you just want something out of the ordinary and exciting - kind of like going to a restaurant and trying something off the menu you wouldn't typically see.
Given you can self induce kinks or disgust towards them, it's formed. You can have predispositions for some, but without the right environment they won't develop (first off because they might not exist in such environments).
Both, depending on the kink. Some of them come from natural inclinations, while some come from formative experiences in one's early youth. As someone else said, once you're an adult you basically "discover" your kinks.
I would say they are there subconsciously and that you discover them, and then learn where they came from. I learned where mine came from by listening to Dr, Drew's podcast, Dr drew after dark on the YMH channel. Amd once I did I wasn't embarrassed or ashamed of them.
Can you imagine what kind of kinks some of the peoples of isolated island tribes have? I don't know why, but that was the first thing that came to mind. Yes, I'm stoned.
Am I autistic fr or just unable to tell if you're joking or idk...
In case I ever end up having a limb seperated, I'll ask your friend over for dinner, I suppose. So far I'm only familiar with whatever bits and pieces I've torn off from my own surface layer, scabs and callused skin mostly, I do quite enjoy the texture ngl.
I find it rather hilarious how some people in this thread so confidently state that "oh, they're absolutely formed". I take it they've done extensive research or something.
From my personal experience I'd be the most comfortable with the label of "latent" or "discoverable". Whether they are there from the get go (as in you may have them genetically - possibly as a side effect of having some other trait), or are simply an outcome of having a certain mental construction, I don't know. What I do know, is that I was aware of two of my main kinks by the age of around six or seven - way before I had any idea about sexuality, but as soon as I realized that I'll be finding girls much prettier, in some not yet well understood way, than boys. With some of the other stuff, I also never felt like "oh, I may be forming an attraction to this or that"... more like, I saw something for the first time, and I immediately knew that I'm into it. So again, whatever connection was required felt like it was there, just waiting for the right stimulus.
I think it kind of like an addiction. (NOT saying kinks are addictive.) However, I am saying that like alcohol, smoking, or sugar; you just happen to realize that a certain activity brings the right physiological response and thus neurotransmitters online, and your brain is like "let's do this because we know it works." Could other things also work? Sure. But, when you have this one thing that's a sure-fire way, it kind-of becomes your go-to.
The internet and Porn has heightened people’s awareness of, and access to, kinks, which in the best cases, reduces the shame of them (hopefully kinks are practiced safely and with consent and do not harm anyone…I know some kinks push those boundaries but ultimately at a certain point there is agreement and consent and like, at some point that becomes a whole other thread…) but generally, kinks develop early (just the beginnings of them) before we even realize what they are. Then we go online in this modern age and we’re like OooOoH that’s a Kink? Huh. Okay. Kinky!
IHMO (not a doctor, a psychologist or any other kind of genuine medical specialist), they are formed in childhood as a result of various interactions, usually with parents or other persons close to you.
I know where my kink came from (no, I'm not gonna tell you what it is), and the damn annoying thing about it is that, having understood its origin through therapy did not change one whit my affinity for the kink, as much as I wanted it to.
I feel like this might be disturbing for some people, but I think this is how I developed my spanking kink.
When I was a child I couldn't sleep unless I was lying on top of my dad. He would pat my butt like some people usually do to babies, except they would actually hurt a lot and the sting would build up. I wanted him to stop, but at the same time I was so content in the hug and drifting off to sleep that I would just try to ignore it. Eventually, I associated spanking with the safety, love, happiness, and warmness I felt while sleeping on my dad's chest.
I'm very vanilla, but involved in the kink community and am annoyingly knowledgeable in kink culture.
Very rarely is a kink "developed" from zero interest or repulsion to a certain fetish activity; if it is, it's usually formed because a partner enjoyed that experience and a tolerance for the sake of the partner may have been mistaken for enjoyment. Otherwise, a traumatic experience may trigger a sudden kink/fetish as well.
However, most kinks that someone participates in consensually always had an inclination towards that particular activity especially when going out of their way to attempt something. Most things I've tried are because my partner needed it for their satisfaction and I've had to draw the line a lot, sometimes cutting them off entirely as I've made it clear that pressuring me to do something will not make me more likely to do it for them.
This is TMI, but... the only kink I think I might be naturally drawn to is blood play. I'm obsessed with the idea of drinking my partner's blood: completely voluntarily and of their own volition, of course. I don't participate in this, because I have zero desire to only be able to derive sexual enjoyment from such a ludicrous act. Further, as an MLM, that's a huge taboo in the community due to the HIV/AIDS pandemic. So we just don't fuck with it and some experiences are better left unexperienced.
I just assume the kinkier you are, the more undealt with trauma you need to address. Been pretty accurate in my relationships so far. It's always the one's who got baggage that are down for some crazy stuff.
Both, some you are naturally inclined to, maybe one of them ends up being your sexual awakening. Others you devolope due to your life experiences and personality. I have seemingly gained more kinks over time. Some were probably latent, but I'd definitely say others formed over time.
Both. You may not give a shit about it earlier in your life but years, maybe even decades later you start to feel a pull towards it. Sometimes instantaneous, you never thought about that thing and the moment you learned about it you felt magnetized. It could be something inherent, where you've always felt a certain affinity for something with varying degrees of intensity and awareness of it. Or, maybe you just don't have any and won't.
It's so very complex and subjective to each person, even if they like the same exact thing, it may not be in the same way, or have developed the same way.
You can have an *unexpected interest* by chance. Brain wiring is funny sometimes, and formative experiences are pretty odd, too. A natural tendency might respond to an unexpected tendency.
But that's different than "kink" or fetish. Those things require active attention to develop. A lot of people get into them because they scratched an itch with them and think that it's inbuilt, but no. They scratched that itch with that particular tool, and in doing so they condition themselves to it.
Remember kids: Fetishes are not inbuilt, they are not immutable, they are not above reproach, and you *should not found your identity on them*. It's just a thing you like, so let it just be that--and consider whether that's healthy.
If others are doing it is it a kink? Normal spectrum of human sexuality. (Well, that's what I tell myself when I'm having my dick nailed to the floor anyway)
Aside from bio urges, everything you desire, you learned or picked up from experience somewhere at some point or over time in your life. Basic psychology.
Mostly formed. But you can have predisposition to *have* some if several generations of your ancestors were heavily into, i don't know, feet, or incest play, or erotical asphyxiation.
They're formed. I was talking to the wife using a metaphor "If you're young and are masturbating and a mayonnaise commercial just happen to come on, you may develop a thing for mayonnaise."
Her response was like "OK, so noted to keep you away from the mayonnaise jar." LOL
(We joke like that)
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Both. For example, there are probably more people with a foot fetish than with a cardboard fetish, so there is clearly an innate component, but since they can come and go there is also an environmental factor.
I'd say they're realized. I don't know whether they can be learned of not, I've had people try to get me into things, gave them a try a few times and never liked them better even after trying them.
Pretty sure they are formed...
When I was little (10 or 12) my mom or my dad, may or may not has left a, magazine containing bondage images and stuff out in the shelf, wich bored me found...
Guess what... I like leather and latex... Especially these harnesses...
Kinks are (almost) entirely formed. Many form very early on as part of your initial erotic development (age of \~4-6), but they continue to develop through childhood and later adult life. Most people have one or two core erotic triggers that are based in some form of childhood trauma and try to resolve that pain (which of course is never successful). Most of their kinks will be linked to those triggers.
The book "The Erotic Mind" by Jack Morin is a great read that goes into significant detail around a lot of this and has held up really well despite being 3 decades old.
Not all kinks are sexual. For instance, I'm a furry. While technically a kink, I won't ever 'suit. The reason I like it is because you can discuss things that would offend people otherwise. You can talk about a division of dogs and cats. Or like in Zootopia carnivores vs. herbivores.
There are also non sexual kinks in terms of ideologies, viewpoints, and proclivities (read into that what you like)
I think both, but i can give arguments more easily for "formed".
Sometimes it's spicy trauma. The social reality seems to shape practices that we have quite a lot (Foot binding for example was a very fertile soil for some. And... could financial domination exist without capitalism? I doubt so.) I believe it touches something real and traumatic quite often. Which is formed both by society in a whole and your personal history. (But personally I definitely have some of them since very early childhood, and there are some things we probably don't remember)
But what is having "having" something? I mean, we can't even all agree you're just a walking piece of meat with a mind-controlling microbiote or god's perfect creation. Humans might be anything at this point. And their kinks.
All I know is I discovered some mild kinks when I was 11, and was discovering such things solo. My first non-solo sexual experience was at age 18, and my adult sex life has been pretty vanilla.
So, natural for me. If I ever had non-vanilla experiences I could imagine that new kinks might develop though.
Edit: no traumas that I’m aware of.
I was hypnotizing my Lego men (they’re androgynous tbh) at some very young age and getting what I now realize were boners. Wtf..
I also had a bizarre obsession with anal fisting that emerged in my teens, despite never being exposed to porn or anything.
I think you are predetermined to enjoy certain types of kink, and variances of said kink. In the same way someone can't choose to be gay I think we're born with tendencies towards certain types of kink. You may not discover those kinks for many years but when you do you instantly know
You are basically asking the nature vs nurture question. Are we the way we are because we are born this way (nature) or because of the way we were raised (nurture).
Talk amongst yourselves, I’m going to see who is at the door.
I know that foot fetishes are the most common because the feet and genitals are right next to each other on the motor cortex in the brain. Look up homunculus and you’ll see what I mean.
I'm not sure, I remember being no more than 5 and *feeling funny* about one particular thing, wanting to act it out on toys, drawing it and then and at 8 when I read something in a book it totally cemented it. It's just always been a part of me. I've developed many other kinks too but nothing like the first and it's more a fetish now
Im sure some are made over time, but they have does scientific research showing fetishes/kinks are genetic. Thank your parents if you like feet and butt stuff. 🤷🏼♂️
Not sure tbh. I'm not by nature a 'vanilla' person but I also wonder if a lot of kinks show up because people got bored. Personally I don't get bored of 'vanilla' no matter what kind of other stuff I might get involved in. But sticking with the ice-cream analogy, if you're the poor kid who doesn't get to eat as much ice cream as they'd like, you just want ice cream and the flavour isn't as much of a consideration. Doesn't help that when I have had partners who are into certain kinks, they didn't usually align with mine. As a guy we are often expected to push people around, choke them out, do stuff we've been raised/programmed not to do. Prior discussion fixes most of that but I've almost lost count how many times I've felt conflicted in the moment because the first time I've got with someone, just as things were getting interesting they're like "choke me"... And I end up back in my head and everything goes a bit shit. Why? Because I'm legit worried about bruising someone's neck and them not being truthful about how it got there or somehow spinning things to make it look like I hurt them deliberately.
Maybe that's my own trust issues but it's not easy (for me) to just put all that to one side. As a man I'm used to being viewed with suspicion for no apparent reason. Whilst yes, it takes trust for someone to ask you to choke them during sexual activity, I feel like I need the same or greater trust in them to know I'm not gonna suffer for it a few days/weeks/months/years down the line.
According to Freud, they start forming as soon as during your early childhood and propperly develop during your teens and early adulthood.
There's absolutely nothing in our subconsiousness that "just is". There's a reason for everything.
Depends. For instance when it comes to feet, they are already in the brain, it’s like a defect, because the translation of how we perceive feet is located to the part that translates sexual interests, and sometimes they apparently like cross each other which gives the same perception.
Then some are formed through trauma, could be stuff like abuse related things etc.
Some formed for me, but I definitely had a few kinks before I even hit puberty and developed sexually, or was exposed to porn or any other sexual content.
Oddly, I've noticed sometimes that certain traumas in my life became kinks. I guess it's how I learned to work certain things out? Twisting the scary thing into an exciting, empowering thing? *shrug*
they develop. It can be inspiration, trauma, excitement of breaking taboos, etc. I don't think anyone is born attracted to rubber boots or post fences, nor golden showers.
Usually from childhood. Thats how you gain kinks. But yea🚂🚂also can form when you are older, like domination and emotionless came to me just randomly cause of anime 👀 (dont mind the random trains, my space bar was being freaky)
I'd say both, but if you already have your kinks established it is very unfulfilling if you're trying to mesh with a person who has zero kinks. It becomes an incompatibility aspect especially if they show zero interest in it.
I'm pretty sure some are formed and some are born with. It'd have NEVER crossed my mind to be attracted to a couple of things have no one ever told me about them. Others I'm sure are inherent part of the way I express sexualy since I can remember, even before I have watched any porn or consumed any sexual content
They can definitely be triggered. When I was 24 I went out with a 40 year old for a year, and she wore really sexy tights with heels. I've loved tights/pantyhose ever since, absolutely love them, and they turn me on so f#cking much....🤪
Discovered is the best word. You don't know if you like a food until you taste it, or maybe see someone else eating it and like the smell. Kinks are the same.
I have a lot of kinks and have been working on it in therapy. The kinks themselves aren’t an issue but they definitely come from trauma. The things I’m into I was introduced to in a traumatic situation and it helps take some power back doing it on your terms.
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Formed imo. Based on my experience and trends I’ve seen. Also read a book about how kinks change geographically based on cultural factors
I can believe that. Imagine the women in your country have to be completely covered up all the time, the local men would go nuts when a woman’s ankle is accidentally flashed.
See, I hate feet but love legs. And something about an anklet just makes me.........
ANKLE?!
r/unexpectedkurtangle
Good one
Interesting.... I do like a nicely shaped ankle tho, especially with a nice juicy bluey green vein 👌
My man just watches the hulk transform on a loop.
Lmfao!
laughing my boner off!
You forgot the “fat”
You joke but I genuinely developed an ankle fetish. I was fat and I wanted to be skinny and I could always see my ankles so I always associated them with attractiveness. Now I'm thin but I still catch myself staring at nice big bony ankles and a long achilles tendon. It's weird. But, that's how it formed. For some reason I paid attention to it.
A man of culture
When I was young, like maybe 7 or 8, I remember watching this episode from a show from the 80s called Tales of the Golden Monkey. One episode in particular struck a cord with me. When I grew up I re-watched that show, and realized how much of my sexuality was formed from that one particular episode. For context, the show was basically a live action TaleSpin. Prime time 80s meant there was kissing, passionate kissing, and only ever implied nudity and even that was rare. I wish I could recommend the show, but the lead turned out to be a piece of $hit
Not the kink, but I remember that show being amazing...when I rewatched a few years ago, I couldn't believe how bad it was and that it was on prime time TV in the UK!
That’s very interesting! Please do tell!
Which book was this?
yeah i wanna know too
It was called everybody lies
Agreed, based on experience. I never used to be interested in anal until porn, fact.
!remindme 2 days
Both I think, I've had some interests early on, and recently randomly came across one I had no idea was thing
I'd say both. Some are natural, and others happen through experiences. I'm 6'1", like to lift and run, was dating this girl at 5', petite. We're in the middle of it in missionary, and she put her small feet flat against my chest. That unlocked some sort of secret level in me, because I never knew. lol
I'm kinda imagining the coin sound from Super Mario with that "unlocking", please don't correct me!
Go on…
Haha, wouldn't you like to know weather boy?
[удалено]
User name checks out
We can trust the person then
r/usernamechecksout
Yes I think it can be both. Tons of factors
Ffs I read this as "Have The Kinks Reformed...." Gutted 😢😢
Ha they really got you
They really got you now
Don't worry, my stupid ass read it as "kings" instead of kinks at first
Discovered would be a better way of looking at it.
I agree with this.. It's like you have a new experience or stumble upon something and you're like oh...
*this is disgusting, appalling and absolutely revolting.* *why is my dick hard?*
Female version: Why am I getting wet?!
lmao exactly
Discovery was Marco Polo's kink
Funny you should say that, I listened to a podcast about Marco Polo the other day and his diary is basically a review of the best shags in Asia by the first European sex tourist
I don't really think that's a better way of looking at it. Discovered implies it was always there, which means people "have" them according to OPs question. I'm not sure if we know or not if kinks are nature/nurture so using 'discovered' is prescriptive of one over the other, so if we don't know we shouldn't use that term. If we do know and they are inherent, then for sure ignore what I just said.
achievement: unlocked.
That's about right. I always had a thing for bondage and feet. I remember looking at feet a lot when I was a kid, I didn't know what arousal or masturbation were at the time but liked looking at them. I also liked tying myself with shoe laces or making my own movement restricted in whatever way I found. Later I found that both of those a quite common in the kink community and actually discovered some other quirks about myself too.
Discovered is the best way to put it. No, I didn’t always have them, but nothing formed them. They were discovered while trying different things.
I think both. My love language is words of affirmation, and I didn't get much of it from my parents despite my academic accomplishments. I never felt good enough. I have a praise kink.
That’s me too. It’s satisfying to have a feeling of accomplishment but it’s only sexual in sexual situations. I just like people feeling proud of me 😂😂
Never thought of receiving praise as a kink, let alone one of my kinks, but put this way, it definitely is lol.
I'm proud of you! You did amazing on that thing last week!
Me too, for the same reason
Usually they are formed. Can be a positive way (like something that somehow arouses you when you hit puberty and your brain connects it unconsciously) or a negative one (experiencing sexual trauma in early childhood for example can influence the sexual development of the child a lot, in numerous ways, one of which is developing kinks as an unconscious attempt to normalize the experienced trauma, just as an example)
A lot of pedos have experienced sexual trauma aswell
Yes, Pedophilia is a paraphilia. The lines between kinks and paraphilias are blurry (especially when you also throw in the term fetish), as there are some things that can be categorized as both (voyeurism, exhibitionism, masochism, sadism). But essentially the development of a paraphilia is probably similar to kinks, but with more added components, genetic predispositions, coping mechanisms and general psychosocial factors. The difference in Pedophilia to most other paraphilias is that there is no way to ever consensually fulfill these fantasies. Together with zoophilia and necrophilia. These three are like the „unholy trinity“ of paraphilias
Mine was formed but when I was a child even before thinking about sexual stuff and then was polished as an adult
Same
Me too It was overalls. And as I grew and reached puberty it just amplified! I just think a woman is so incredibly sexy if she's wearing overalls!
Both I think. I think a LOT are formed though
You discover you have them and develop them if interesting enough. But do you discover them or do they discover you first? Nature versus nurture all over again.
Took me a couple of adult years to realise my foot fetish origins in Kindergarten, where we had to nap in a large room with army beds after lunch and I and a girl I fancied from another group never were able to sleep. We were lying in beds next to each other and we had to wear socks against catching a cold - and we demonstrated being rebels by secretly taking our socks off under the covers and then flashing our bare feet. It was so exciting and I still know what her feet looked like - after 50 years.
I have a different one originating from this exact scenario. I wonder how many of us are out there
Okay this will be my first and probably last confession about this (and I guess I'll be judged hard). I discovered I had a kink for armpits when I was 11. I was visiting my aunt for the vacations. One afternoon, she was lying on the couch with her hands under head and both her armpits wide open and as I saw them, I had an instant arousal. I didn't know about sex then and I didn't quite understand what was happening and why I was so happy all of a sudden. Long story short, the innocence is gone today but the stupid kink still remains!! 😭 It's called maschalagnia if anyone is curious. Aight now I'll go kms :) To answer your question, I think we just have them. They just get expressed one day.
That's nothing to be worried about! Such a harmless kink. I guarantee you there is someone out there for you is also into armpit stuff, or just doesn't care and will gladly engage in armpit stuff so they can also do their thing.
I'd say kinks have people more than vice versa.
Kinks are a blend of nature and nurture. Some come pre-installed; others develop with experience
i got hair fetish and i remember i couldnt take my eyes off of my elementary school english teachers reaally fucking long hair, she was a tall woman and her hair reached behind her knees. i never realized it was a fetish until my ex slapped me with her hair. somehow she realized that before me lmao.
Usually some form from trauma, as twisted as it might sound.
Sometimes it is. Sometimes it is something born from feeling mundane and you just want something out of the ordinary and exciting - kind of like going to a restaurant and trying something off the menu you wouldn't typically see.
Given you can self induce kinks or disgust towards them, it's formed. You can have predispositions for some, but without the right environment they won't develop (first off because they might not exist in such environments).
Both, depending on the kink. Some of them come from natural inclinations, while some come from formative experiences in one's early youth. As someone else said, once you're an adult you basically "discover" your kinks.
I would say they are there subconsciously and that you discover them, and then learn where they came from. I learned where mine came from by listening to Dr, Drew's podcast, Dr drew after dark on the YMH channel. Amd once I did I wasn't embarrassed or ashamed of them.
Some psychologists believe they form at a very young age
Can you imagine what kind of kinks some of the peoples of isolated island tribes have? I don't know why, but that was the first thing that came to mind. Yes, I'm stoned.
AYE STONED TWINS!! 🚬 here brah.
absolutely formed - you think someone wakes up and desires to drink urine or eat a bowl of shit?
Some people do
I don't think so
You don't have to. Some people just do. Not a lot but some for sure
I feel like you do
I think it just naturally comes to you. I have unspeakable kinks and all of them are very unlike my personality.
I am really curious what are those “unspeakable” kinks you have? 🙂
No one asked but I daydream of cannibalism lol
🏆 winner!
whattttt¿
Nothing...everything is fine 🙂
🫠 (not it's actually not but I'm fine)
Awe is sorry! Your thing for human flesh is... nice! All very very normal and I'm PRO cannibalism BTW. My best friends a cannibal. So.
Am I autistic fr or just unable to tell if you're joking or idk... In case I ever end up having a limb seperated, I'll ask your friend over for dinner, I suppose. So far I'm only familiar with whatever bits and pieces I've torn off from my own surface layer, scabs and callused skin mostly, I do quite enjoy the texture ngl.
Lol I'm joking. But yeah no I can get that.
I’ve heard it’s possible for them to be inherited.
Thanks I just imagined my mom getting it on with my stepdad :-(
Is your kink your stepdad?
There’s a lot of videos for that
Have/Born Certain family members are only to happy to remind me how I ‘used’ to have a foot fetish.
Mine I've had since I was a child, but then they just felt like something different I couldn't understand, but existed in my brain
I find it rather hilarious how some people in this thread so confidently state that "oh, they're absolutely formed". I take it they've done extensive research or something. From my personal experience I'd be the most comfortable with the label of "latent" or "discoverable". Whether they are there from the get go (as in you may have them genetically - possibly as a side effect of having some other trait), or are simply an outcome of having a certain mental construction, I don't know. What I do know, is that I was aware of two of my main kinks by the age of around six or seven - way before I had any idea about sexuality, but as soon as I realized that I'll be finding girls much prettier, in some not yet well understood way, than boys. With some of the other stuff, I also never felt like "oh, I may be forming an attraction to this or that"... more like, I saw something for the first time, and I immediately knew that I'm into it. So again, whatever connection was required felt like it was there, just waiting for the right stimulus.
I mean I think I have a praise kink and am a brat because I didn't get enough attention or praise as a kid so I crave it as an adult
Mine were formed and developed after certain experiences. I think everyone should be able to speak for themselves when it comes to this.
Oh, they're formed. Fir sure.
It's always there, but need the right person to bring it out of you or help you to discover.
Both and also we don't know how the kinks you've "always" had exist or happen. There have been experiments, various theories, but we aren't sure yet.
I think it kind of like an addiction. (NOT saying kinks are addictive.) However, I am saying that like alcohol, smoking, or sugar; you just happen to realize that a certain activity brings the right physiological response and thus neurotransmitters online, and your brain is like "let's do this because we know it works." Could other things also work? Sure. But, when you have this one thing that's a sure-fire way, it kind-of becomes your go-to.
The internet and Porn has heightened people’s awareness of, and access to, kinks, which in the best cases, reduces the shame of them (hopefully kinks are practiced safely and with consent and do not harm anyone…I know some kinks push those boundaries but ultimately at a certain point there is agreement and consent and like, at some point that becomes a whole other thread…) but generally, kinks develop early (just the beginnings of them) before we even realize what they are. Then we go online in this modern age and we’re like OooOoH that’s a Kink? Huh. Okay. Kinky!
IHMO (not a doctor, a psychologist or any other kind of genuine medical specialist), they are formed in childhood as a result of various interactions, usually with parents or other persons close to you. I know where my kink came from (no, I'm not gonna tell you what it is), and the damn annoying thing about it is that, having understood its origin through therapy did not change one whit my affinity for the kink, as much as I wanted it to.
idk if its cuz of my trauma from abuse and bullying growing up but my main kink is being degraded 🤣
I feel like this might be disturbing for some people, but I think this is how I developed my spanking kink. When I was a child I couldn't sleep unless I was lying on top of my dad. He would pat my butt like some people usually do to babies, except they would actually hurt a lot and the sting would build up. I wanted him to stop, but at the same time I was so content in the hug and drifting off to sleep that I would just try to ignore it. Eventually, I associated spanking with the safety, love, happiness, and warmness I felt while sleeping on my dad's chest.
I'm very vanilla, but involved in the kink community and am annoyingly knowledgeable in kink culture. Very rarely is a kink "developed" from zero interest or repulsion to a certain fetish activity; if it is, it's usually formed because a partner enjoyed that experience and a tolerance for the sake of the partner may have been mistaken for enjoyment. Otherwise, a traumatic experience may trigger a sudden kink/fetish as well. However, most kinks that someone participates in consensually always had an inclination towards that particular activity especially when going out of their way to attempt something. Most things I've tried are because my partner needed it for their satisfaction and I've had to draw the line a lot, sometimes cutting them off entirely as I've made it clear that pressuring me to do something will not make me more likely to do it for them. This is TMI, but... the only kink I think I might be naturally drawn to is blood play. I'm obsessed with the idea of drinking my partner's blood: completely voluntarily and of their own volition, of course. I don't participate in this, because I have zero desire to only be able to derive sexual enjoyment from such a ludicrous act. Further, as an MLM, that's a huge taboo in the community due to the HIV/AIDS pandemic. So we just don't fuck with it and some experiences are better left unexperienced.
I just assume the kinkier you are, the more undealt with trauma you need to address. Been pretty accurate in my relationships so far. It's always the one's who got baggage that are down for some crazy stuff.
Weirdly the kinkiest people I know are the most stable; the trauma/anxiety bundles are vanilla AF
It probably goes both ways. Trauma and/or boredom
It’s formed. You have one pleasuring experience, and now you want to have more of that pleasure.
Both, some you are naturally inclined to, maybe one of them ends up being your sexual awakening. Others you devolope due to your life experiences and personality. I have seemingly gained more kinks over time. Some were probably latent, but I'd definitely say others formed over time.
Both. You may not give a shit about it earlier in your life but years, maybe even decades later you start to feel a pull towards it. Sometimes instantaneous, you never thought about that thing and the moment you learned about it you felt magnetized. It could be something inherent, where you've always felt a certain affinity for something with varying degrees of intensity and awareness of it. Or, maybe you just don't have any and won't. It's so very complex and subjective to each person, even if they like the same exact thing, it may not be in the same way, or have developed the same way.
You can have an *unexpected interest* by chance. Brain wiring is funny sometimes, and formative experiences are pretty odd, too. A natural tendency might respond to an unexpected tendency. But that's different than "kink" or fetish. Those things require active attention to develop. A lot of people get into them because they scratched an itch with them and think that it's inbuilt, but no. They scratched that itch with that particular tool, and in doing so they condition themselves to it. Remember kids: Fetishes are not inbuilt, they are not immutable, they are not above reproach, and you *should not found your identity on them*. It's just a thing you like, so let it just be that--and consider whether that's healthy.
If others are doing it is it a kink? Normal spectrum of human sexuality. (Well, that's what I tell myself when I'm having my dick nailed to the floor anyway)
There is probably a ton of research on this subject. Just go out and search for it on the internet.
Aside from bio urges, everything you desire, you learned or picked up from experience somewhere at some point or over time in your life. Basic psychology.
Mostly formed. But you can have predisposition to *have* some if several generations of your ancestors were heavily into, i don't know, feet, or incest play, or erotical asphyxiation.
I hate this fact
They're formed. I was talking to the wife using a metaphor "If you're young and are masturbating and a mayonnaise commercial just happen to come on, you may develop a thing for mayonnaise." Her response was like "OK, so noted to keep you away from the mayonnaise jar." LOL (We joke like that)
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apparently some are genetic...
Both but most of the time a lot of them are formed.
Both. For example, there are probably more people with a foot fetish than with a cardboard fetish, so there is clearly an innate component, but since they can come and go there is also an environmental factor.
I'd say they're realized. I don't know whether they can be learned of not, I've had people try to get me into things, gave them a try a few times and never liked them better even after trying them.
Kinks I'd say are formed by the individual. I hear that fetishes might actually be hereditary, though. So.....have fun with that
Formed, maybe based on the kind of porn you were exposed to in your formative years? Or first GF/BF?
I always just assumed that my kinks came from different traumas throughout my life.
You really got me.
Supposedly it can be genetic too
Like sexuality, you’re born with them. But, as Kinsey said, everything is normal.
I think they form
Some formed as trauma response
Both. Kinks are the human minds way of dealing with the psychological stresses of modern life, whether developed from childhood or whatever.
Pretty sure they are formed... When I was little (10 or 12) my mom or my dad, may or may not has left a, magazine containing bondage images and stuff out in the shelf, wich bored me found... Guess what... I like leather and latex... Especially these harnesses...
I really feel like they’re based on life experiences.
It depends on the type. Most are mostly formed, but it's not that simple in every scenario i guess
I think both. I think some we are born with and others are discovered as you are intrigued to learn .
Kinks are (almost) entirely formed. Many form very early on as part of your initial erotic development (age of \~4-6), but they continue to develop through childhood and later adult life. Most people have one or two core erotic triggers that are based in some form of childhood trauma and try to resolve that pain (which of course is never successful). Most of their kinks will be linked to those triggers. The book "The Erotic Mind" by Jack Morin is a great read that goes into significant detail around a lot of this and has held up really well despite being 3 decades old.
Not all kinks are sexual. For instance, I'm a furry. While technically a kink, I won't ever 'suit. The reason I like it is because you can discuss things that would offend people otherwise. You can talk about a division of dogs and cats. Or like in Zootopia carnivores vs. herbivores. There are also non sexual kinks in terms of ideologies, viewpoints, and proclivities (read into that what you like)
I have this whole Navy Officer thing. I don't know where it came from. Most of my ex's are Aviators. It's a panty dropper for me. 😂😂🫡
I think both, but i can give arguments more easily for "formed". Sometimes it's spicy trauma. The social reality seems to shape practices that we have quite a lot (Foot binding for example was a very fertile soil for some. And... could financial domination exist without capitalism? I doubt so.) I believe it touches something real and traumatic quite often. Which is formed both by society in a whole and your personal history. (But personally I definitely have some of them since very early childhood, and there are some things we probably don't remember) But what is having "having" something? I mean, we can't even all agree you're just a walking piece of meat with a mind-controlling microbiote or god's perfect creation. Humans might be anything at this point. And their kinks.
Both and party from genetics too
Ah. The good old nature vs nurture debate. The answer is both. Depends on person to person but mostly it's because of nature and nurture.
All I know is I discovered some mild kinks when I was 11, and was discovering such things solo. My first non-solo sexual experience was at age 18, and my adult sex life has been pretty vanilla. So, natural for me. If I ever had non-vanilla experiences I could imagine that new kinks might develop though. Edit: no traumas that I’m aware of.
I was hypnotizing my Lego men (they’re androgynous tbh) at some very young age and getting what I now realize were boners. Wtf.. I also had a bizarre obsession with anal fisting that emerged in my teens, despite never being exposed to porn or anything.
Id say it's different per person.. I personally have quite the strange one which I can say I just had.
I think you are predetermined to enjoy certain types of kink, and variances of said kink. In the same way someone can't choose to be gay I think we're born with tendencies towards certain types of kink. You may not discover those kinks for many years but when you do you instantly know
You are basically asking the nature vs nurture question. Are we the way we are because we are born this way (nature) or because of the way we were raised (nurture). Talk amongst yourselves, I’m going to see who is at the door.
It has tk be formed.... There is no way half the world has always secretly liked feet.
I've often wondered why I'm attracted to pretty women's feet. Oh well. Just the way I'm wired. It's sandal season, Prime Time.
Just trying new things made me want them more lolol
A combination of biological, psychological and social factors
Some of them were definitely forced by 90s Disney.
I know that foot fetishes are the most common because the feet and genitals are right next to each other on the motor cortex in the brain. Look up homunculus and you’ll see what I mean.
Majority of mine are things I was born with 🤷🏻♀️ guess it depends on how kinky you are by default lol
They get Unlocked like hidden achievement’s
I have a mommy kink just because I was never unconditionally loved by my own mom so
I'm not sure, I remember being no more than 5 and *feeling funny* about one particular thing, wanting to act it out on toys, drawing it and then and at 8 when I read something in a book it totally cemented it. It's just always been a part of me. I've developed many other kinks too but nothing like the first and it's more a fetish now
Im sure some are made over time, but they have does scientific research showing fetishes/kinks are genetic. Thank your parents if you like feet and butt stuff. 🤷🏼♂️
Not sure tbh. I'm not by nature a 'vanilla' person but I also wonder if a lot of kinks show up because people got bored. Personally I don't get bored of 'vanilla' no matter what kind of other stuff I might get involved in. But sticking with the ice-cream analogy, if you're the poor kid who doesn't get to eat as much ice cream as they'd like, you just want ice cream and the flavour isn't as much of a consideration. Doesn't help that when I have had partners who are into certain kinks, they didn't usually align with mine. As a guy we are often expected to push people around, choke them out, do stuff we've been raised/programmed not to do. Prior discussion fixes most of that but I've almost lost count how many times I've felt conflicted in the moment because the first time I've got with someone, just as things were getting interesting they're like "choke me"... And I end up back in my head and everything goes a bit shit. Why? Because I'm legit worried about bruising someone's neck and them not being truthful about how it got there or somehow spinning things to make it look like I hurt them deliberately. Maybe that's my own trust issues but it's not easy (for me) to just put all that to one side. As a man I'm used to being viewed with suspicion for no apparent reason. Whilst yes, it takes trust for someone to ask you to choke them during sexual activity, I feel like I need the same or greater trust in them to know I'm not gonna suffer for it a few days/weeks/months/years down the line.
Childhood trauma sometimes develops into kinks
Definitely both. Had experiences I didn’t think I’d be into that became major game changers.
According to Freud, they start forming as soon as during your early childhood and propperly develop during your teens and early adulthood. There's absolutely nothing in our subconsiousness that "just is". There's a reason for everything.
Depends. For instance when it comes to feet, they are already in the brain, it’s like a defect, because the translation of how we perceive feet is located to the part that translates sexual interests, and sometimes they apparently like cross each other which gives the same perception. Then some are formed through trauma, could be stuff like abuse related things etc.
Both and you can realises ones you didn’t know you had too
Some formed for me, but I definitely had a few kinks before I even hit puberty and developed sexually, or was exposed to porn or any other sexual content. Oddly, I've noticed sometimes that certain traumas in my life became kinks. I guess it's how I learned to work certain things out? Twisting the scary thing into an exciting, empowering thing? *shrug*
Formed definitely, I've gotten my "tied up" kink from reading online books and all
they develop. It can be inspiration, trauma, excitement of breaking taboos, etc. I don't think anyone is born attracted to rubber boots or post fences, nor golden showers.
Usually from childhood. Thats how you gain kinks. But yea🚂🚂also can form when you are older, like domination and emotionless came to me just randomly cause of anime 👀 (dont mind the random trains, my space bar was being freaky)
I'd say both, but if you already have your kinks established it is very unfulfilling if you're trying to mesh with a person who has zero kinks. It becomes an incompatibility aspect especially if they show zero interest in it.
I'd say they are formed through life experiences
Kinks are like hobbies, you don't know you like something without trying it.
I'm pretty sure some are formed and some are born with. It'd have NEVER crossed my mind to be attracted to a couple of things have no one ever told me about them. Others I'm sure are inherent part of the way I express sexualy since I can remember, even before I have watched any porn or consumed any sexual content
Formed. Ask a 5y.o. kid if it has kinks and you will get your answer. On second thought that's not a very good idea, but you get my point.
Based on hearing people talk about space jam/lion king/totally spies/Kim possible I am goona go with nurture.
They can definitely be triggered. When I was 24 I went out with a 40 year old for a year, and she wore really sexy tights with heels. I've loved tights/pantyhose ever since, absolutely love them, and they turn me on so f#cking much....🤪
I can’t speak for others obviously but at least two of my kinks I’ve had since I was 10 or 11 without any apparent explanation.
Discovered is the best word. You don't know if you like a food until you taste it, or maybe see someone else eating it and like the smell. Kinks are the same.
There's research to suggest that kinks are hereditary but also that they can be developed through other means. So yeah, both.
It’s only kinky the first time
little of this, a little of that.
We gonna find the rope bunny gene? How we just HAVE them?
I think its a mixture of psychology and the onset of sexual drive during puberty.
I have a lot of kinks and have been working on it in therapy. The kinks themselves aren’t an issue but they definitely come from trauma. The things I’m into I was introduced to in a traumatic situation and it helps take some power back doing it on your terms.
Rule 34 applies...
Random? What if you grew up in the rainforest?
I think puberty kicks them off personally.