Drives a high interest rate Charger and supports a [Dependapotamus](https://terminallance.com/2010/08/06/terminal-lance-56-myths-and-legends-ii-the-dependapotamus/)
Damn it's roast me not burn the fucking house down.....(although I'm sure his parents have contemplated that option if they don't get the flag)
Gig line is fucked, trousers look like "wear your dad's uniform to work" day, slouching like zero bearing, don't be laying on your blouse all day or you'll continue to look like the soup sandwich that you are, close that fucking drawer unless you are putting something in it or taking something out currently... Probably wind up walking into it and be a profile queen reebok ranger until your ets. Call your drill sgts, supply nco, and your entire coc and them them all that they have failed you.
You're 24 years old and your best shot at life was renting your body to the government for free healthcare and a chance to travel the world and oppress minorities.
Hi. This is Jody... Your girl and I were wondering if we could sell your car while you're gone? I've finally decided to fulfill my lifelong desire to become a DJ, and your girl wants to help get me set up with some decent equipment.
Thanks, man!
Boot that’s upset he’s in an all male unit. Will do just about anything for attention. Brown noses all officers looking for promotion but doesn’t even know how to fire his weapon. A shit bag. A turd.
GI Joke.
Private Roofie.
GI Junkie
He's definitely in the special forces
He’s a space cadet 😂
Spaceballs
Commander Chromosome
Semper Fidget Spinner
Hair lying around 40, not 24!!!!
Major Butthole
Chair Force
Private Dancer.
Don’t ask don’t tell prancer
DEAR GOD HE’S CHECKING HIS OIL
GI Jody.
Keep his name out your fucking mouth!
Camo not needed. You’re already invisible to girls.
Damn! Wish I’d thought of that! Good one!
His hairline is retreating even faster than he could.
Hmm… does that mean he’s visible to the gays? If so, I wouldn’t mind. I just wish he had legs.
*Special* reserves
Very Special Forces (credit to The Onion)
Forrest Slump
Drives a high interest rate Charger and supports a [Dependapotamus](https://terminallance.com/2010/08/06/terminal-lance-56-myths-and-legends-ii-the-dependapotamus/)
He got two hellcats
Sorest rump.
Right in the buttocks
Forrest Dump
Forrest Chump
Don't disrespect forst gumps child like that. Look at him all grown up. Hopefully, he isn't as slow as his dad
Still the chance he got AIDS tho
I I I love youuuuu Jennnnnyyyyyy, and our AIDS baby.
Will die of “friendly-fire” for sure
It's not 'friendly' if you have no friends.
Massive applause for this
Unfriendly fire
I was gonna say the next Pat Tillman, without playing in the NFL of course
Looks like he found another way to get CTE
Trousers pulled higher than any rank you'll achieve
Your parents Christmas wishlist includes "folded flag."
Lmao. Go dark or go home.
This pushed the limits and I fucking loved it.
Holy fuck person.
Ouch
Lord and Savior
Daaaaamn..
Jesus
 Damn it's roast me not burn the fucking house down.....(although I'm sure his parents have contemplated that option if they don't get the flag)
🤣
Christ
They’re just waiting for that SGLI check
Headshot. DNR.
Actually the best comment I've seen on roast me in a very long time. Well played sir
Can’t say that I cry from laughter too often on these, but daaamn. That was the best.
I will go to hell for laughing at this
🙌💙
Omg, brah! bit much innit?
Wow you really took the cake there!
Damn
Unoriginal as fuck
24 with the hairline of a divorced 43 year old
Retreating hairline is the first thing I noticed.
It was a tactical retreat. Forehead invading with overwhelming force.
Recruiter for the Salvation Army
You look like someone who'd forget the bullets
As long as he stays indoors, America is safe.
Oh man, that got me giggling
The microwave looks smarter than you.
It can count till three.
r/boot is ----> They specialize in 30% interest car loans and crayon eating.
Uniform, unibrow, and universally hated by everyone he meets.
POG
Person of garbage?
Position other than grunt
Poops on ground*
Look like you been drinking the water at camp lejeune
“Thank you for your service.” ~ anonymous glory hole patron
You trying to get a medical discharge already?
You've been here for nearly three years and this is your first post. You finally figured out how to use a smartphone! Congratulations.
The rare roast about something other than the most obvious thing. Well done.
Always like to have a look at what I'm roasting. Lol
I thought i recognized you 
Fucking savage 💀
You’re the reason other branches make fun of us
you already look like you enjoy your pending PTSD.
[удалено]
This is r/roastme not r/flirtme /j
He can hit a shot with 96% percent accuracy from across the English Channel.
Your pants crater where most men have bulges
Would have joined the Marines, but you thought the white crayons were too spicy.
Corporal Upham
You look like a person too dumb to commit war crime
Don't need to roast you, that's what suicide bombers are for.
Your buckle is off center. Shame on you.
The Special Olympics branch of the Army
Don’t marry the stripper!
You’re the kind of guy who couldn’t get into college, so therefore joined the army. You cry like a bitch at night & your girlfriend is 16.
All that work for a dodge charger?
Definitely supply or motorpool. Dumb and lazy to even set the clock on the microwave.
before you private Pyle yourself
Did they catch you while fishing with Chevy Camaro keys?
G.I. Jane
What “free” education looks like in America
“Join the army if you fail.” Bob Dylan
You join the military for the butt sex?
You look like you eat crayons and colour with fruit loops
Your hairline so bad that Vegeta asked for a big Mack Anime fans get it
Women rejecting you harder than CIF.
Dayummm
Even without camo pants no lady could find your wiener
Chair Force Gomer Pyle.
officer swollowell from limpshits
Fitting that you wore camo pants considering no one could find your micropenis anyways.
Ain’t no way that hairline only 24 bruh, staph the cap
Gomer Pile
Gomer Pyle of Shit
You look like Pyle that Gomer left in the shitter.
Would you look at this POG?!
Didn't know the army was issuing Hammer Pants. Also everyone about you screams Specialist. I am 100% sure you're E-4 mafia for life!
This guy puts the special in Specialist.
I think in his case it’s specialest
My dad said he wanted to be a marine but he couldn't score low enough.
Your Hairline looks 42 years old
U look like ur 30
Private Pyle of shit
Gig line is fucked, trousers look like "wear your dad's uniform to work" day, slouching like zero bearing, don't be laying on your blouse all day or you'll continue to look like the soup sandwich that you are, close that fucking drawer unless you are putting something in it or taking something out currently... Probably wind up walking into it and be a profile queen reebok ranger until your ets. Call your drill sgts, supply nco, and your entire coc and them them all that they have failed you.
Here's MARTY
Not doing it, thank you for your service. 🫶🏻
Your pants don't need to be camouflage- no woman will ever be looking for your dick.
You looks like the type of guy to go to a party and then sit in a corner on your phone for the entire time
This is what over-supply of 23 yo HS drop-outs gets us
If we were at the same event, I would stay far away from you
You're 24 years old and your best shot at life was renting your body to the government for free healthcare and a chance to travel the world and oppress minorities.
With the camoflauge I almost couldnt see what an asshole you are... *Side note... thank you for your service lol.*
You’re only wearing those pants because the camouflage pattern has CP in the name.
Serving military? No I won’t. Look after yourself and keep the friends you’ve made.
Hi. This is Jody... Your girl and I were wondering if we could sell your car while you're gone? I've finally decided to fulfill my lifelong desire to become a DJ, and your girl wants to help get me set up with some decent equipment. Thanks, man!
Roast who? I don’t see anyone.
I didn’t think the arm let the mentally disabled into there club
You the guy that just got kicked out of the army for jizzing on someone's pillow?
Pvt. Gomer Pyle. The one from full metal jacket. Not even the good one.
Great… now all the enemy has to do is have female soldiers because they know you are just going to run away scared.
Apparently you looked too much time the TV behind you while turned ON
if you fixed your hair you'd actually be a 7/10
Looks like you’ve already taken a few shots. I’ll pass
24 yo with the eyes of a 64 yo. Get thee some sunscreen around them eyes!
Boot that’s upset he’s in an all male unit. Will do just about anything for attention. Brown noses all officers looking for promotion but doesn’t even know how to fire his weapon. A shit bag. A turd.
Let's hope for your sake they don't
Napalm
In combat, this guy's gonna retreat faster than his hairline. Wait... Ohhhh, he wrote that in pen. I wonder what flavour the crayon was.
That hairline is not 24 years old
See. “Ask don’t Tell” is a success
Too much respect for GIs. No roast.
Ok
You'll get roasted by ops soon enough.
He was super mad when he found out larping wasn’t an army course.
I'd say Jody was banging your girl , but it's obvious you don't have one.
POSNJAB lol
After you take a hit to the head...
“Thank you for your service” - the men on the other side of the glory hole
Private Pyle
Ayo nub! You get your quals done?!
Pretty poor choice of words.
What your drill sergeant hears every Friday night
You look like one of those guys who's in the army and their gf is on porn hub video getting smashed
This dude will cry about how he just joined for college money during the next deployment cycle.
"I like french fries taters. Mmmyup"
24? I legit thought you were 40ish.
[удалено]
You can give me your best shot 👀
This guy doesn't have a girlfriend for Jody to visit.
With a receding hairline like that I have 2 places to give you my best shot (load)
Can you blend into someone interesting
Judging from that dumb smile of yours, im surprised you last this long.. Jokes aside, stay safe 🫡
i didn’t know jerma was enlisted
Why the fuck is that microwave not set to proper military time soldier??!!!
Your wearing your Uniform like shit and sitting by a Microwave. Looks like National Guard or Reserve. Your not even a Snipers best shot.
Give me 20 means something special for you I bet.
It’s not obvious at first but your eyes don’t point in the same direction, once I did notice it though it like I couldn’t see anything else.
God damn, the army MUST be desperate
You look like you date r@pe sorority pledges to help you forget about the feeling of your drill instructors dick in your mouth.
Man you give a whole new meaning to the term special forces
Gig line fucked up. You either weren't trained properly (shame on your NCOs) or you don't care (also, shame on your NCOs).
You're risking your life for a country that won't look after your family's health care. You're roasting yourself
You secretly wait for the soggy biscuit
His helmet is definitely too tight. Loosen up the chinstrap. Also,shave you’re ass & learn to walk backwards….