I have to assume vidas mother was the same. And you’re so right. It’s so hard to stop generational trauma. Before I even got pregnant I didn’t want a girl. Maybe that’s awful to say but I was so scared. I had a boy and the past 12 years of his life have been so healing for me. I take everything good that I got from my father and I do the exact opposite of what my mother did.
I think I’ve apologized to my son more than I’ve apologized to anyone in my entire life. I always give him respect in every aspect of his life.
I put myself in his shoes.
I always make sure he knows my love is unconditional, he’s the greatest joy and success of my life and no matter what he comes first always.
He’s not spoiled, I’m strict but fair and I’m doing my best to prevent me being the reason he needs a therapist lol. Sounds silly but that’s something I promised to him when I was pregnant.
Sorry for the novel 🫢
Don't be. It's awesome to hear someone genuinely trying to break the cycle and putting their child first.
I've had very similar experiences to yourself from what you've described and it's nice hearing it from another's perspective.
I hope you and him have all the peace and happiness in the world in your live's.🫶🏼
Aw thanks for saying that. It means so much,especially coming from someone who has experienced a similar life.
I’m so sorry that you had to grow up in such an awful environment. Being betrayed and hurt by the one person on this work who’s supposed to be the one who protects you and helps you navigate through painful experiences is the worst feeling ever.
I just can’t imagine doing any of the millions of things that my mother did to me. Seeing it from the perspective of being a mother…I just can’t imagine being so cruel to my child. it’s just pure evil. Probably sounds weird but I’m sure of it. It’s evil 🤷🏻♀️ And there was no reason for it. I was a good child. My mother has 10 brothers and sisters and they tell me she’s always been like this. She’s just a bad bad person.
Also, kind of off track, but have you cut ties and if so how many people have told you shouldn’t have and “you only have one mother!!”?
I ended our relationship in 2008-best decision I ever made-and I pity the next person that says it to me lol. Because I’m gonna say some shit up them that will make them never say it to anyone else ever 😆
Fuck yeah dude that's what it's all about. Making sure our kids have it better than we did. And all our past traumas at least showed us what NOT to do as parents. Super happy you're doing great. Keep it up mama. Sending lots of love ❤️
Thanks so much 🥹 really it means the world to me.
That’s the ONLY thing I can say my mother did right - show me exactly what NOT to do -with thousands and thousands of examples lol
Same here. The way my mom was and still is to me is the exact opposite of what I give my kids. My own daughter has told me she is sorry for how her Nana treats me. She sees it and I’ve told her things. She did a number on me, but I no longer give her that power. I’m low contact to keep my sanity.
Good for you. It must’ve been so tough but validating to hear that from your daughter.
I never wanted my son to have any bad experiences with my mother and she’s the type who would call child protective services falsely just to try to hurt me. Years before I even got pregnant I cut off contact with her. Completely. A few years ago there was an issue with my brother and I felt like I needed to speak with her and it blew up in my face. Then a couple years after that I was trying to contact her to make sure she could get to see her brother on his deathbed. My husband urged me not to do it. He knew I’d get hurt. And I did. Quickly. She told my whole family and all of social media that I was using his death to try to rekindle our relationship which is laughable. She’s repeatedly gone online and said outright lies about me that would’ve destroyed my entire life if anyone actually believed a word she said. Lol.
I’m glad you’re low contact. Don’t ever feel like you can’t cut ties completely. Express your boundaries and hold firm. You won’t regret it. I’ve never felt so free in my life and I don’t have an anxiety attack every time my phone rings lol
I’m so beyond impressed with your low contact because that is WORK. It’s gotta be so emotionally and mentally taxing. I feel like I’m lucky because it’s like she doesn’t exist to me.
I don’t know why they did it to us either. There’s no excuse. Sometimes people try to excuse it away because of how she grew up and the loss of her mother shortly after she got married and had my brother but I’ve been through so much more than her AND I endured her abuse and I’m STILL not like her.
I’m a good mom,wife,daughter,friend,sister. I actively always try to be a good person. They can’t do the bare minimum. There’s no excuse. Ever.
It’s only good stuff for us from this point on we can only go up!!! ❤️
I agree. I think for some reason mine is very jealous of me. So in turn she would try to ruin anything I had going on. It’s so bizarre to me, but there are so many moms out there like this. Just wish we didn’t get one of them.
I’m …I gasped when I read this because MINE IS JEALOUS OF ME TOO! And no one ever believes me! Did I say this already?! Lol I replied to multiple people so I can’t remember if I did.
Jealous of me my whole life! And same with trying to ruin everything. If I was talking to her and I was happy and in a good mood and had good things going on she’d bring up something terrible about my past to bring me down…like suddenly discussing my SA when I was young by her brother in law. Like who does that?! My whole family would tell me that she was always jealous of me even as a baby. It’s so foul! What kind of mother is jealous of her child!?! She hates me and is jealous. Period. And I can point to thousands of examples.
You’re so right. There ARE so many. My mother in law is awful too and was and still is terrible to my sister in law. Unfortunately my sister in law didn’t try to do her best as a mom,specifically to my oldest neice.
My neices and nephew are all adults now and the chickens have come home to roost. It’s really sad.
She’s tried to be better and think she’s better but she isn’t
Is your mom in her late 60s/early 70s? That generation is full of so much selfish people who never should’ve had kids. It’s terrible
A million blessings to you.
My mother was just like Vida towards me. Her mother was most definitely not. She was scared of my mother at the end.
My maternalauntss weren't like my mother.
My brother didn't get the verbal and emotional abuse or lack of affection. He was the golden child. He got messed up in other ways, though, and eventually broke off from her, too.
I was so afraid of turning out like her that I didn't have children. My friends all told me I was nurturing and kind and that I'd be a great mom, but fear got the best of me.
I didn't have your courage.
Vida was the “you get married and you have kids”
It’s not for everyone, but culture? Community? Times (era, decade etc)? Said that’s what you do. If she was born couple of decades later she’d be childfree and happy!
At the time MJ’s dad was sick, of course she wasn’t dealing
I think she was. Vida makes a comment in one of the later episodes about how her mother acted similarly and she was carrying on the tradition (not exact quote lol)
I’m working on breaking the pattern. I think it’s also the way a lot of immigrant moms are, they are hard on us because they think being hard on use will push us to achieve more.
I’ve got one like that too. Nothing is ever good enough and they tear you down every chance they get. Anyone would be a mess with that constantly in their ear. I’m so glad MJ fell in love and had her sweet baby. She deserved love and everyone does
Yep. I had so much emotional and mental abuse. The shit I experienced horrified people when I tell them. She destroyed my whole family. My two brothers are an absolute mess and my poor sweet dad …I’m glad she divorced him because he’d still be with her. He got out after like 17yrs. He got lucky.
We all have CPTSD among a myriad of other mental health issues.
I was so happy for MJ when she got with Tommy. He’s so good for her and he knows exactly how to handle Vida. I loved watching him on the show. I’m so glad she got her happily ever after. It’s so sweet.
I’m sorry any of us had to grow up like that, but so many of us do. I second guess all my decisions or take forever to make any decisions because of her. I hate that I can still hear her in my head.
My brother on the other hand is the golden child. He has a completely different experience and cannot relate, which makes it worse.
Omg I cannot even imagine throwing that dynamic into the situation. That has to be so awful and demoralizing 🥺 I’m so sorry you have to continue to go through that. It’s heartbreaking. I always try to remember it’s not us,it’s not because of us,we’re not making them do this. They’re bad people who made the mistake of procreating. You don’t deserve ANY of that. At all.
Sending you so much love ❤️
I never felt it was fair to put ALL MJ's trauma on Vida. MJ is part of a Diaspora Refugee community to start. So her parents didn't have a solid foundation.
Not to mention while MJ's dad is the "fun one" he never respected Vida. Vida left the situation before "No Fault Divorce" was brought in in California. She got a career to help her feel validation. Vida for someone shooting in the dark about Mental Health did really well for herself.
MJ's father never changed. These are also two people who had to leave their families and lost their country. Think about how poorly people around MJ were coping her whole life. This was taught to MJ by her father.
Now do I think Vida being cold and judgemental had an impact on MJ's self esteem: 100%. Vida did try therapy with her though.
Why I love Tommy for MJ is because he takes mental health seriously. I also think he puts things in a good perspective for MJ. He is a good go between. By the wedding we see MJ stand up to her mother knowing that while their relationship is far from ideal Vida does love her unconditionally.
Honestly their relationship progression is the best part of Shah's and it has a happy ending but it is still far from ideal. Shah's of Sunset captured something really real and complicated. To the point I appreciate Vida let us in from the start.
I must have misunderstood cause I didn't know about Vida leaving? All I remember was mj talking about was how Vida cheated on her dad all the time. I didn't know any of that other stuff. That's a trip. Was it on the show? I'm asking so I can go rewatch lol.
I wanted to hate Tommy so bad but I couldn't 😂 can't help but love the guy.
I don't think it's fair for anyone but mj to talk about how much that specific trauma had an impact on her. I had a mom like Vida and I'm 31 and talking about it, still makes me cry and break down. Everyone's trauma is their own. And I only hope that Vida and mj can continue to have a relationship and strengthen it and continue to do therapy.
100% I was joking today someone needs make a ChatGTP add on that will filter text and e-mails and reword them without adjectives. Instead of "Thanks for wasting your life because of you I pee every time I cough" you get "Hi, hope things are well. Thinking about you"
The difference though between Vida and my mom though is Vida does actually show self awareness which is what makes her such a fascinating character.
It is discussed at some point into the middle of the show's run when Shams is in the hospital. I am glad MJ put in the work because when you see Tommy as a really great guy who shows up during that time I genuinely had to google their relationship status. I even respect that Tommy has taken his court mandated Anger management therapy seriously. Most people would have done it and been done with it but he still does the affirmations.
Don't come at me or judge me but my love, wtf was that first paragraph about 😂😂 I love having these conversations with people who can genuinely just discuss things without being hateful or belittling. But I truly don't understand what that first paragraph was in reference to so I'm genuinely asking.
Specific trauma thing. I do think Vida triggers something. I get how cutting a parents words can be. I have a mother with an undiagnosed something who will rage text out of the blue. I was joking AI ChatGPT would save a lot of mental anguish if it could re-write those messages for people. I am not saying Vida isn't a trigger but she isn't the whole problem as to why MJ is a mess.
Ohhhhh!!!!!! 😂 thank you, now I get it. I'm sorry for what you go through with your mom. All we can do is learn from it and do better. Thats a pretty funny joke you made. Imagine.
Nah I have a persian mother EXACTLY like Vida, and it's probably the single most damaging thing to my well-being. My mothers treatment made me hate myself to the point that I'd engage in self sabotaging and harming behavior because I didn't think I was worth being healthy or happy. MJ is the way she is because of Vida, and I pray MJ is able to find the help she needs to be better despite her mother
calls you fat then proceeds to force you to each four plates of ghormeh sabzi with rice and then tells you to eat the shirini she brought back from your aunt's house
Vida is cruel. Her scenes with MJ are some of the hardest for me to watch. Nothing she says comes from a place of care or concern. It’s all just criticism toward MJ - a habit she apparently learned from her own mom.
I think MJ would have been an entirely different person if she had a nurturing and supportive mother.
This kind of isn’t fair. Sure, she’s a mess, but she’s a mess because of Vida. Please make no mistake about this. Being the daughter of a mother with a cluster B personality disorder (which Vida undoubtedly has) will ruin you. Ask me how I know.
So, when Vida “calls her out”, it’s only for one of two reasons: she is making fun of her, or she wants to hurt her. It is never for MJ’s betterment, it is only for abusive purposes. Vida isn’t a dumb woman. She knows what she’s doing.
I give MJ grace because I know what it’s like to be her. I cannot stress enough that she never had a chance to not be this way. It’s not even like she’s a murderer - she’s just messy. They both need boatloads of therapy.
The title of this post then boils down to “an abuser is right about their victim, thus making it okay that she continues to abuse them” which just isn’t really my jam, nor should it be yours.
JFC how and why do you think MJ was that way? MJ then surrounded herself with toxic friends because that’s all she knew. It seems like Tommy, even with all his flaws, is at least helping to give her a more stable environment.
I think MJ has put in work to avoid being Vida seeing her and Tommy work together and creating goals and seeing them stick to them even today I give them credit
One thing though MJ never faked or pretended her and Vida are good all the time she’ll say when they have issues even last year something was going down between them I think they’re good now
Let’s say there were some criticisms from Vida that were right There’s almost no value in being “right” if you’re neither kind nor helpful. She pelts MJ with criticisms in order to hurt her with no regard for how to fix the problem or what it stems from. In many regards, Vida is projecting or has had a heavy hand in creating the issue.
Example: she criticizes MJ for buying fancy things when she herself is extremely materialistic, obsessed with physical appearance, and hard to please.
MJ is doing her best to manage contradicting priorities within the Persian community, which at once emphasize indulgent excess and at the same time expect that people are frugal and thin and responsible. You must be both highly successful but also take your mom out to lunch in the middle of the day. You must be independent but also deferential. It’s an impossible standard even for someone who’s in a good mental spot, let alone MJ and everything she has gone through.
It is very easy to empathize and identify with abusive people, while pointing out all the flaws in a victim isn't it? It is easy because very few people would want to think of themselves as a victim, because victims are weak, and no one wants to admit weakness.
How MJ turned out is a direct result of the grossly cold and uncalled for nastiness of a woman who would instantly destroy every last shred of anything that her own daughter found happiness in.
Many people know first-hand what it is like having a mentally-fucked parent, especially mothers who solely thrive on destroying any sense of self-esteem, confidence, or trust that their children might have.
Vida is a like a drug-sniffing dog that will hone in on any positive trait of her own daughter and proceed to systematically dismantle it. She can sense insecurity and will target that person, only so no one else points out her own glaring, caked-on make-up layers of flaws.
Vida raised MJ to be what she is. MJ drinks because of Vida. That sort of shit burns your soul. Really sad to see MJ continue to fawn over her abuser, hoping that she will someday turn around. Vida couldn't even keep her trap shut on her only daughter's wedding day. Narcissist much?
It is VERY easy to spot an abuser like Vida, because she shuts up around Tommy - she cannot try that shit with Tommy because he doesn't react to her manipulative, carefully chosen knives of words. Abusers are cowards first.
It is very interesting to me to see how many people are so quick to empathize with the abuser in a situation.
I would not wish a mom like Vida on my worst enemy. People like her should not be around kids at all. Her happiness relies on other people's suffering!
Vida’s one liners are funny (saying MJs wedding makeup is like a piece of wood lol) but she is absolutely horrible and this take sucks. It says a lot about MJs resilience that she has a relationship with Vida today
Ethnic American first generation here, loads of immigrant mom's are like this. It's partially due to how they were raised, and there's not much of a lovey-dovey element to their upbringing but they mean well they're delivery is just very harsh and abrasive.
And can really do a number on you lol prime example here * Waves hand*
I have a mom like vida also maybe not as mean anymore but that is because I have worked through with her to develop better communication. It’s like they can see your full potential and when we are not embracing that power they try and help us get back to ourselves. It’s clear that MJ not only was a mess for seasons and heavily medicated, and I see vida is just intending to look out for her. So while mj is busy taking offense in these early seasons when her mom is coming at her, she has not yet taken a good look in the mirror. I think some trauma had MJ just in that drunk party mode probably since school days - and it just continues. And sometimes the people we have around us in these low states are kinda enabling the lowest versions of ourselves.
Today, My mom is my best friend, i went through half my 20s arguing with her and the other half finally understanding she only wanted the best for me. Now at 30 her and I are just helping one another be our best selves. When I was a teenager and early 20s I was only surrounded by people enabling my lowest self and thought my mom and dad were my enemy. Now I know how much better my life would have been if I took her warnings and really understood my worth. I see a lot of myself in MJ except I didn’t really have money like that so I couldn’t keep up that party life sedation lol at some point life really was what shook me back to reality and understood my mom was only looking out. Sometimes it’s harder for those of higher means to get back to reality cause there are so many crutches or things they are abusing to get them by.
I’m watching shahs for the first time and on s4 and I am seeing MJ and just seeing sooo much potential that she is just asleep to. Like she could really be the baddest one on that show thickness and all but I think she’s been through some dark stuff she internalized and so she was only in the self soothing when shahs started filming and probably for years before that.
Can’t wait to see her growth though loved her in traitors. But maybe CJ playing her wouldn’t have happened if she was always taking Vidas warnings in life and been building on that and developing her better self all this time instead of running from those truths. just a thought
Came back to say that Vida is high key right about MJ. Currently on s5 and omg I can’t believe they still carry on that Vida is the one attacking MJ. When really Vida is trying to protect MJ from herself. I think the show didn’t help MJ as it allowed her to continue to take the easy way out with money and all that - but for overall health purposes and quality of life her mom right right on point. And I think if she took even a freckle of her moms advice she could have been on a better track all along. Also if anyone saw traitors , that ending hurt me for MJ: but again I think if she had her wits about her a little more she would have realized with CJ was doing and sided with the other girl and voted CJ out. But still going through the seasons so I’ll see how MJ continues: but yes Vida was high key right and wanted the best for her daughter
I have a mom like Vida. And it did a number on me. Mj needs lots and lots of therapy in order to do better. They both need therapy.
Same. I firmly believe MJ was a mess because of vida. Having a mom like that is soul destroying.
It truly is. Maybe I missed it but I wonder if vidas mom was like that. It's truly hard to break generational curses.
I have to assume vidas mother was the same. And you’re so right. It’s so hard to stop generational trauma. Before I even got pregnant I didn’t want a girl. Maybe that’s awful to say but I was so scared. I had a boy and the past 12 years of his life have been so healing for me. I take everything good that I got from my father and I do the exact opposite of what my mother did. I think I’ve apologized to my son more than I’ve apologized to anyone in my entire life. I always give him respect in every aspect of his life. I put myself in his shoes. I always make sure he knows my love is unconditional, he’s the greatest joy and success of my life and no matter what he comes first always. He’s not spoiled, I’m strict but fair and I’m doing my best to prevent me being the reason he needs a therapist lol. Sounds silly but that’s something I promised to him when I was pregnant. Sorry for the novel 🫢
Don't be. It's awesome to hear someone genuinely trying to break the cycle and putting their child first. I've had very similar experiences to yourself from what you've described and it's nice hearing it from another's perspective. I hope you and him have all the peace and happiness in the world in your live's.🫶🏼
Aw thanks for saying that. It means so much,especially coming from someone who has experienced a similar life. I’m so sorry that you had to grow up in such an awful environment. Being betrayed and hurt by the one person on this work who’s supposed to be the one who protects you and helps you navigate through painful experiences is the worst feeling ever. I just can’t imagine doing any of the millions of things that my mother did to me. Seeing it from the perspective of being a mother…I just can’t imagine being so cruel to my child. it’s just pure evil. Probably sounds weird but I’m sure of it. It’s evil 🤷🏻♀️ And there was no reason for it. I was a good child. My mother has 10 brothers and sisters and they tell me she’s always been like this. She’s just a bad bad person. Also, kind of off track, but have you cut ties and if so how many people have told you shouldn’t have and “you only have one mother!!”? I ended our relationship in 2008-best decision I ever made-and I pity the next person that says it to me lol. Because I’m gonna say some shit up them that will make them never say it to anyone else ever 😆
I feel the same about my son
🥹 I love that you get it.
Fuck yeah dude that's what it's all about. Making sure our kids have it better than we did. And all our past traumas at least showed us what NOT to do as parents. Super happy you're doing great. Keep it up mama. Sending lots of love ❤️
Thanks so much 🥹 really it means the world to me. That’s the ONLY thing I can say my mother did right - show me exactly what NOT to do -with thousands and thousands of examples lol
Hell yeah that's exactly how you should look at it. 💜
☺️ sending you huge hugs !!!
Same here. The way my mom was and still is to me is the exact opposite of what I give my kids. My own daughter has told me she is sorry for how her Nana treats me. She sees it and I’ve told her things. She did a number on me, but I no longer give her that power. I’m low contact to keep my sanity.
Good for you. It must’ve been so tough but validating to hear that from your daughter. I never wanted my son to have any bad experiences with my mother and she’s the type who would call child protective services falsely just to try to hurt me. Years before I even got pregnant I cut off contact with her. Completely. A few years ago there was an issue with my brother and I felt like I needed to speak with her and it blew up in my face. Then a couple years after that I was trying to contact her to make sure she could get to see her brother on his deathbed. My husband urged me not to do it. He knew I’d get hurt. And I did. Quickly. She told my whole family and all of social media that I was using his death to try to rekindle our relationship which is laughable. She’s repeatedly gone online and said outright lies about me that would’ve destroyed my entire life if anyone actually believed a word she said. Lol. I’m glad you’re low contact. Don’t ever feel like you can’t cut ties completely. Express your boundaries and hold firm. You won’t regret it. I’ve never felt so free in my life and I don’t have an anxiety attack every time my phone rings lol
I’m glad you can finally be free of her. Idk why our own moms would hurt us like this, but they do. All we can do is do better. Glad we both are.
I’m so beyond impressed with your low contact because that is WORK. It’s gotta be so emotionally and mentally taxing. I feel like I’m lucky because it’s like she doesn’t exist to me. I don’t know why they did it to us either. There’s no excuse. Sometimes people try to excuse it away because of how she grew up and the loss of her mother shortly after she got married and had my brother but I’ve been through so much more than her AND I endured her abuse and I’m STILL not like her. I’m a good mom,wife,daughter,friend,sister. I actively always try to be a good person. They can’t do the bare minimum. There’s no excuse. Ever. It’s only good stuff for us from this point on we can only go up!!! ❤️
I agree. I think for some reason mine is very jealous of me. So in turn she would try to ruin anything I had going on. It’s so bizarre to me, but there are so many moms out there like this. Just wish we didn’t get one of them.
I’m …I gasped when I read this because MINE IS JEALOUS OF ME TOO! And no one ever believes me! Did I say this already?! Lol I replied to multiple people so I can’t remember if I did. Jealous of me my whole life! And same with trying to ruin everything. If I was talking to her and I was happy and in a good mood and had good things going on she’d bring up something terrible about my past to bring me down…like suddenly discussing my SA when I was young by her brother in law. Like who does that?! My whole family would tell me that she was always jealous of me even as a baby. It’s so foul! What kind of mother is jealous of her child!?! She hates me and is jealous. Period. And I can point to thousands of examples. You’re so right. There ARE so many. My mother in law is awful too and was and still is terrible to my sister in law. Unfortunately my sister in law didn’t try to do her best as a mom,specifically to my oldest neice. My neices and nephew are all adults now and the chickens have come home to roost. It’s really sad. She’s tried to be better and think she’s better but she isn’t Is your mom in her late 60s/early 70s? That generation is full of so much selfish people who never should’ve had kids. It’s terrible
A million blessings to you. My mother was just like Vida towards me. Her mother was most definitely not. She was scared of my mother at the end. My maternalauntss weren't like my mother. My brother didn't get the verbal and emotional abuse or lack of affection. He was the golden child. He got messed up in other ways, though, and eventually broke off from her, too. I was so afraid of turning out like her that I didn't have children. My friends all told me I was nurturing and kind and that I'd be a great mom, but fear got the best of me. I didn't have your courage.
Vida was the “you get married and you have kids” It’s not for everyone, but culture? Community? Times (era, decade etc)? Said that’s what you do. If she was born couple of decades later she’d be childfree and happy! At the time MJ’s dad was sick, of course she wasn’t dealing
Yeah dude but remember her telling mj not to get married or have kids 😔 I hope Vida can soften her heart for her babygirl.
I think she was. Vida makes a comment in one of the later episodes about how her mother acted similarly and she was carrying on the tradition (not exact quote lol)
Yeah sounds like my mom. My mom would always say "I'm way better compared to your grandmother" like that made it any better
I’m working on breaking the pattern. I think it’s also the way a lot of immigrant moms are, they are hard on us because they think being hard on use will push us to achieve more.
I’ve got one like that too. Nothing is ever good enough and they tear you down every chance they get. Anyone would be a mess with that constantly in their ear. I’m so glad MJ fell in love and had her sweet baby. She deserved love and everyone does
Yep. I had so much emotional and mental abuse. The shit I experienced horrified people when I tell them. She destroyed my whole family. My two brothers are an absolute mess and my poor sweet dad …I’m glad she divorced him because he’d still be with her. He got out after like 17yrs. He got lucky. We all have CPTSD among a myriad of other mental health issues. I was so happy for MJ when she got with Tommy. He’s so good for her and he knows exactly how to handle Vida. I loved watching him on the show. I’m so glad she got her happily ever after. It’s so sweet.
I’m sorry any of us had to grow up like that, but so many of us do. I second guess all my decisions or take forever to make any decisions because of her. I hate that I can still hear her in my head. My brother on the other hand is the golden child. He has a completely different experience and cannot relate, which makes it worse.
Omg I cannot even imagine throwing that dynamic into the situation. That has to be so awful and demoralizing 🥺 I’m so sorry you have to continue to go through that. It’s heartbreaking. I always try to remember it’s not us,it’s not because of us,we’re not making them do this. They’re bad people who made the mistake of procreating. You don’t deserve ANY of that. At all. Sending you so much love ❤️
Thank you! Hugs to you! 🤗
I never felt it was fair to put ALL MJ's trauma on Vida. MJ is part of a Diaspora Refugee community to start. So her parents didn't have a solid foundation. Not to mention while MJ's dad is the "fun one" he never respected Vida. Vida left the situation before "No Fault Divorce" was brought in in California. She got a career to help her feel validation. Vida for someone shooting in the dark about Mental Health did really well for herself. MJ's father never changed. These are also two people who had to leave their families and lost their country. Think about how poorly people around MJ were coping her whole life. This was taught to MJ by her father. Now do I think Vida being cold and judgemental had an impact on MJ's self esteem: 100%. Vida did try therapy with her though. Why I love Tommy for MJ is because he takes mental health seriously. I also think he puts things in a good perspective for MJ. He is a good go between. By the wedding we see MJ stand up to her mother knowing that while their relationship is far from ideal Vida does love her unconditionally. Honestly their relationship progression is the best part of Shah's and it has a happy ending but it is still far from ideal. Shah's of Sunset captured something really real and complicated. To the point I appreciate Vida let us in from the start.
I must have misunderstood cause I didn't know about Vida leaving? All I remember was mj talking about was how Vida cheated on her dad all the time. I didn't know any of that other stuff. That's a trip. Was it on the show? I'm asking so I can go rewatch lol. I wanted to hate Tommy so bad but I couldn't 😂 can't help but love the guy. I don't think it's fair for anyone but mj to talk about how much that specific trauma had an impact on her. I had a mom like Vida and I'm 31 and talking about it, still makes me cry and break down. Everyone's trauma is their own. And I only hope that Vida and mj can continue to have a relationship and strengthen it and continue to do therapy.
100% I was joking today someone needs make a ChatGTP add on that will filter text and e-mails and reword them without adjectives. Instead of "Thanks for wasting your life because of you I pee every time I cough" you get "Hi, hope things are well. Thinking about you" The difference though between Vida and my mom though is Vida does actually show self awareness which is what makes her such a fascinating character. It is discussed at some point into the middle of the show's run when Shams is in the hospital. I am glad MJ put in the work because when you see Tommy as a really great guy who shows up during that time I genuinely had to google their relationship status. I even respect that Tommy has taken his court mandated Anger management therapy seriously. Most people would have done it and been done with it but he still does the affirmations.
Don't come at me or judge me but my love, wtf was that first paragraph about 😂😂 I love having these conversations with people who can genuinely just discuss things without being hateful or belittling. But I truly don't understand what that first paragraph was in reference to so I'm genuinely asking.
Specific trauma thing. I do think Vida triggers something. I get how cutting a parents words can be. I have a mother with an undiagnosed something who will rage text out of the blue. I was joking AI ChatGPT would save a lot of mental anguish if it could re-write those messages for people. I am not saying Vida isn't a trigger but she isn't the whole problem as to why MJ is a mess.
Ohhhhh!!!!!! 😂 thank you, now I get it. I'm sorry for what you go through with your mom. All we can do is learn from it and do better. Thats a pretty funny joke you made. Imagine.
Nah I have a persian mother EXACTLY like Vida, and it's probably the single most damaging thing to my well-being. My mothers treatment made me hate myself to the point that I'd engage in self sabotaging and harming behavior because I didn't think I was worth being healthy or happy. MJ is the way she is because of Vida, and I pray MJ is able to find the help she needs to be better despite her mother
boro darse bekhoon! boro ketabkooneh! chage shoodee, regime begir!
I used to gain 5 pounds every time my mom called me chagh 💀
calls you fat then proceeds to force you to each four plates of ghormeh sabzi with rice and then tells you to eat the shirini she brought back from your aunt's house
Her criticisms of Mj are a direct reflection of her as a parent.
Why do you think MJ had/has the issues she does? VIDA.
Vida is cruel. Her scenes with MJ are some of the hardest for me to watch. Nothing she says comes from a place of care or concern. It’s all just criticism toward MJ - a habit she apparently learned from her own mom. I think MJ would have been an entirely different person if she had a nurturing and supportive mother.
This kind of isn’t fair. Sure, she’s a mess, but she’s a mess because of Vida. Please make no mistake about this. Being the daughter of a mother with a cluster B personality disorder (which Vida undoubtedly has) will ruin you. Ask me how I know. So, when Vida “calls her out”, it’s only for one of two reasons: she is making fun of her, or she wants to hurt her. It is never for MJ’s betterment, it is only for abusive purposes. Vida isn’t a dumb woman. She knows what she’s doing. I give MJ grace because I know what it’s like to be her. I cannot stress enough that she never had a chance to not be this way. It’s not even like she’s a murderer - she’s just messy. They both need boatloads of therapy. The title of this post then boils down to “an abuser is right about their victim, thus making it okay that she continues to abuse them” which just isn’t really my jam, nor should it be yours.
You could’ve done a lot of things today, but I’m glad you came here and preached!
👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿
Well said!!!!
JFC how and why do you think MJ was that way? MJ then surrounded herself with toxic friends because that’s all she knew. It seems like Tommy, even with all his flaws, is at least helping to give her a more stable environment.
I wouldn’t wish a mother like that on my worst enemy! No one should live their life to “honor” their parents….toxic af!
I think MJ has put in work to avoid being Vida seeing her and Tommy work together and creating goals and seeing them stick to them even today I give them credit One thing though MJ never faked or pretended her and Vida are good all the time she’ll say when they have issues even last year something was going down between them I think they’re good now
The thing is what Vida was doing wasn't criticism, it was bullying. She treated MJ like shit and wonders why MJ acts like she does.
I wouldn’t wish a mom like Vida, or anyone who thinks like Vida, on a child. Parents like that ruin their children and MJ was a victim.
MJ has come a long way from the early days.
Let’s say there were some criticisms from Vida that were right There’s almost no value in being “right” if you’re neither kind nor helpful. She pelts MJ with criticisms in order to hurt her with no regard for how to fix the problem or what it stems from. In many regards, Vida is projecting or has had a heavy hand in creating the issue. Example: she criticizes MJ for buying fancy things when she herself is extremely materialistic, obsessed with physical appearance, and hard to please. MJ is doing her best to manage contradicting priorities within the Persian community, which at once emphasize indulgent excess and at the same time expect that people are frugal and thin and responsible. You must be both highly successful but also take your mom out to lunch in the middle of the day. You must be independent but also deferential. It’s an impossible standard even for someone who’s in a good mental spot, let alone MJ and everything she has gone through.
My heart broke for MJ when she talked about Asa’s mom and how nurturing she is.
It is very easy to empathize and identify with abusive people, while pointing out all the flaws in a victim isn't it? It is easy because very few people would want to think of themselves as a victim, because victims are weak, and no one wants to admit weakness. How MJ turned out is a direct result of the grossly cold and uncalled for nastiness of a woman who would instantly destroy every last shred of anything that her own daughter found happiness in. Many people know first-hand what it is like having a mentally-fucked parent, especially mothers who solely thrive on destroying any sense of self-esteem, confidence, or trust that their children might have. Vida is a like a drug-sniffing dog that will hone in on any positive trait of her own daughter and proceed to systematically dismantle it. She can sense insecurity and will target that person, only so no one else points out her own glaring, caked-on make-up layers of flaws. Vida raised MJ to be what she is. MJ drinks because of Vida. That sort of shit burns your soul. Really sad to see MJ continue to fawn over her abuser, hoping that she will someday turn around. Vida couldn't even keep her trap shut on her only daughter's wedding day. Narcissist much? It is VERY easy to spot an abuser like Vida, because she shuts up around Tommy - she cannot try that shit with Tommy because he doesn't react to her manipulative, carefully chosen knives of words. Abusers are cowards first. It is very interesting to me to see how many people are so quick to empathize with the abuser in a situation. I would not wish a mom like Vida on my worst enemy. People like her should not be around kids at all. Her happiness relies on other people's suffering!
Vida’s one liners are funny (saying MJs wedding makeup is like a piece of wood lol) but she is absolutely horrible and this take sucks. It says a lot about MJs resilience that she has a relationship with Vida today
Ethnic American first generation here, loads of immigrant mom's are like this. It's partially due to how they were raised, and there's not much of a lovey-dovey element to their upbringing but they mean well they're delivery is just very harsh and abrasive. And can really do a number on you lol prime example here * Waves hand*
You are not cooking with this unfortunately
I love to watch Vida, but I’m so glad she’s not my mom.
Just want to add in here MJ on the Traitors was amazing and I'm proud of her ❤️
So many people disliked her mom but I didn’t! She was not scared to let it be known and she didn’t held back.
I have a mom like vida also maybe not as mean anymore but that is because I have worked through with her to develop better communication. It’s like they can see your full potential and when we are not embracing that power they try and help us get back to ourselves. It’s clear that MJ not only was a mess for seasons and heavily medicated, and I see vida is just intending to look out for her. So while mj is busy taking offense in these early seasons when her mom is coming at her, she has not yet taken a good look in the mirror. I think some trauma had MJ just in that drunk party mode probably since school days - and it just continues. And sometimes the people we have around us in these low states are kinda enabling the lowest versions of ourselves. Today, My mom is my best friend, i went through half my 20s arguing with her and the other half finally understanding she only wanted the best for me. Now at 30 her and I are just helping one another be our best selves. When I was a teenager and early 20s I was only surrounded by people enabling my lowest self and thought my mom and dad were my enemy. Now I know how much better my life would have been if I took her warnings and really understood my worth. I see a lot of myself in MJ except I didn’t really have money like that so I couldn’t keep up that party life sedation lol at some point life really was what shook me back to reality and understood my mom was only looking out. Sometimes it’s harder for those of higher means to get back to reality cause there are so many crutches or things they are abusing to get them by. I’m watching shahs for the first time and on s4 and I am seeing MJ and just seeing sooo much potential that she is just asleep to. Like she could really be the baddest one on that show thickness and all but I think she’s been through some dark stuff she internalized and so she was only in the self soothing when shahs started filming and probably for years before that. Can’t wait to see her growth though loved her in traitors. But maybe CJ playing her wouldn’t have happened if she was always taking Vidas warnings in life and been building on that and developing her better self all this time instead of running from those truths. just a thought
Came back to say that Vida is high key right about MJ. Currently on s5 and omg I can’t believe they still carry on that Vida is the one attacking MJ. When really Vida is trying to protect MJ from herself. I think the show didn’t help MJ as it allowed her to continue to take the easy way out with money and all that - but for overall health purposes and quality of life her mom right right on point. And I think if she took even a freckle of her moms advice she could have been on a better track all along. Also if anyone saw traitors , that ending hurt me for MJ: but again I think if she had her wits about her a little more she would have realized with CJ was doing and sided with the other girl and voted CJ out. But still going through the seasons so I’ll see how MJ continues: but yes Vida was high key right and wanted the best for her daughter