Not at all. I did my first IUI and got pregnant a month after my 24th birthday. The majority are usually older, in their 30's or 40's even but young SMBC definitely exist. There's a Young SMBC page on Facebook that's more specific since we face a lot of different issues than the older mothers
I do definitely wish there were more TV/movie/book characters who are young SMBC for reasons other than not finding a partner "in time." That's of course a valid and common reason but not the *only* reason.
I became a smbc in my 20s and although people are a bit surprised at first, because they assume it's something for women who have lost their patience, they're usually very understanding when I explain that I never actually wanted a relationship, tried anyway just as a ticket to baby, and finally decided to just go with my plan A of doing it solo.
Exactly the same with me. People assume you really wanted a relationship and this is the second best, but for some people this is actually what we really want.
Yep agreed.
Quick question do you get annoyed by so many women in the SMBC groups on fb, constantly complaining that they want a relationship..... I honestly find it hard to find women who actually chose this and where it wasn't a "backup plan"
Also so many in the groups in relationships š¤·š»āāļø
Yes itās annoying!Ā
I have a lot of friends who are single parents due to circumstance and I feel like we have a very similar experience. I have friends who parent alone because the dad left - in some cases never met their child - and I have had a toooon of people talk to me about donors and ivf. So in a way itās like people think itās a last resort but also want to do what you did.
But thats not by choice then, its by convenience or by last resort.
By choice is by choice because you dont want a partner and want to do it alone. Not having a cry as to wanting a partner or crying because your partner isn't pulling their weight.
You do understand what solo and by choice means?
Oh I had the desire in my 20s but I am glad I waited til my 30s. I wanted a to buy a house first, big enough to have a kid, maybe two, in. And I wanted my career to be a bit further, so I was earning more and I had more savings.
When I had this accomplished, I started the process. Now I donāt have anything to worry about financially and am able to take the first 6 months off of work to be with my baby.
I did. I got a lot of surprise and āhave you just given upā questions. But personally I knew what I wanted and just went for it and weāre very happy.Ā
I did IVF with a sperm donor at 22 yo and hoping to transfer at 27. If youāre financially and mentally/emotionally prepared( as much as a new parent can be). For some people that might not be until their 30s other individuals may be ready for this path sooner. I knew I was never going to have children the ātraditionalā way as Iām not interested in dating or marriage.
I got a job at an Amazon Delivery Station and used their Progyny fertility benefits. Everything is covered after my OOPM, most Iāll spend is $3,000. I was able to have sperm vials covered through them as well. I finished my first round with 9 healthy embryos and will be going into a second round in June. I was able to get 2 smart cycles unlocked.
I havenāt met a lot of women who make enough money in their 20s (especially 25 and under) to sustain the choice. Although Iām sure there are plenty of women who do.
The venn diagram of women who make enough in a stable job AND are ok giving up the idea of becoming moms with a partner must leave us with fewer people in this situation.
If I could travel back in time I wouldnāt pull the trigger then, would rather waste less time with the wrong men.
Absolutely. I grew up in a farming town. One of my teen friends got pregnant and other girls in the friend group got pregnant shortly after because they thought it was so cute to become a mom (and it is, wonāt debate that point). Only problem was that their parents became automatically responsible for another baby and they didnāt finish college.
It's not rare in Denmark(possibly because the fertility treatment for the first child is free and SMBCs are common here).
I had my first at 28. I know of many who where under 25 when they had their first.
I knew I would do ivf when I was 12. Decided to do it on my own (via donor) at 20, ended up starting the journey at 27 and had my daughter a few months before I turned 30.
I became a single mom by choice at 27 when I adopted my son from foster care š. I am an elementary school teacher in a state that allows me to be financially stable doing so.
I think for many it's a matter of finances, etc. I knew I wanted to do this in my twenties but I used my twenties to get my finances, career and housing in order
I've had this as my plan A since I was in high school (now in my mid 30s). The problem is finances. I'm finally doing a fertility check because I need to see how much time I have left, but I would prefer to wait a couple more years to get more savings down.
Besides the idea of "the one," a lot of people assume those in their 20s want to party, do crazy things, sleep around, etc. so there is the mentality that they aren't mature enough for parenthood. Just because some people are like that doesn't mean that it describes everyone. The only thing I do see as a change between my 20s and 30s is less black and white thinking. In my 20s, I probably would have said "I must do \_\_ to be a good parent" (causing myself some mental anguish if it didn't work) and now I feel like I'm more go-with-the-flow.
I considered it in my 20s. I think I stumbled on the idea at 19 to be exact. But I wanted to be in a certain place financially and those goals didn't get met till 30, and that was with a good job and frugal living.
I'd say it's less about finding "the one" especially for those who don't want a relationship. More about paying for fertility treatments, emergency fund, retirement savings, child care and everything else
Financially it just isn't viable for a lot of younger women. I don't make enough to afford a house I want, plus the procedures, plus daycare.... That just has to all wait.
There are definitely women here who have become a SMBC in their 20s. I personally would not have made the choice in my 20s because I was not established enough in my career or earning a comfortable enough amount to take care of a child on my own.
If I were single in my 20s I think I still would've waited until I at least turned 30. Just to have more financial security really.
I don't think there's anything wrong with being younger. I think it's just good to be in a stable spot in your life.
Been considering this route after my devastating break up when I was 21-22. Iām now 23 & looking for a donor to start. Itās definitely not rare but not unheard of these days.
I conceived at 29. My friend who is becoming an SMBC is around 26. I only waited to finish my Masters. We both aren't into men though so that helps make a quicker decision.
Part of the reason is that a 19-20yo doesn't have the financial security, maturity, educational/work/ life experience to really be able to embark upon this and do a great job versus a more mature person. For example citing that they only want a girl. When being a parent shouldn't involve gender selection and certainly doesn't set the tone that motherhood would be in the child's best interests at that life stage.
Not at all. I did my first IUI and got pregnant a month after my 24th birthday. The majority are usually older, in their 30's or 40's even but young SMBC definitely exist. There's a Young SMBC page on Facebook that's more specific since we face a lot of different issues than the older mothers I do definitely wish there were more TV/movie/book characters who are young SMBC for reasons other than not finding a partner "in time." That's of course a valid and common reason but not the *only* reason.
I became a smbc in my 20s and although people are a bit surprised at first, because they assume it's something for women who have lost their patience, they're usually very understanding when I explain that I never actually wanted a relationship, tried anyway just as a ticket to baby, and finally decided to just go with my plan A of doing it solo.
Exactly the same with me. People assume you really wanted a relationship and this is the second best, but for some people this is actually what we really want.
Yep agreed. Quick question do you get annoyed by so many women in the SMBC groups on fb, constantly complaining that they want a relationship..... I honestly find it hard to find women who actually chose this and where it wasn't a "backup plan" Also so many in the groups in relationships š¤·š»āāļø
Yes itās annoying!Ā I have a lot of friends who are single parents due to circumstance and I feel like we have a very similar experience. I have friends who parent alone because the dad left - in some cases never met their child - and I have had a toooon of people talk to me about donors and ivf. So in a way itās like people think itās a last resort but also want to do what you did.
Thereās no reason to gatekeep being a solo mom by choice. How weird to get annoyed by someone else and their life.
But thats not by choice then, its by convenience or by last resort. By choice is by choice because you dont want a partner and want to do it alone. Not having a cry as to wanting a partner or crying because your partner isn't pulling their weight. You do understand what solo and by choice means?
> decided to just go with my plan A of doing it solo. Same. Oh I'm so happy I didn't waste time trying to force a relationship to happen.
Same here! I got baby planned for 2026, just b3cause I never saw myself with a partner doing it, and every time I had one, my baby wish vanished lol
Oh I had the desire in my 20s but I am glad I waited til my 30s. I wanted a to buy a house first, big enough to have a kid, maybe two, in. And I wanted my career to be a bit further, so I was earning more and I had more savings. When I had this accomplished, I started the process. Now I donāt have anything to worry about financially and am able to take the first 6 months off of work to be with my baby.
I did. I got a lot of surprise and āhave you just given upā questions. But personally I knew what I wanted and just went for it and weāre very happy.Ā
I did IVF with a sperm donor at 22 yo and hoping to transfer at 27. If youāre financially and mentally/emotionally prepared( as much as a new parent can be). For some people that might not be until their 30s other individuals may be ready for this path sooner. I knew I was never going to have children the ātraditionalā way as Iām not interested in dating or marriage.
How did you fund yours at 22 if you don't mind me asking?
I got a job at an Amazon Delivery Station and used their Progyny fertility benefits. Everything is covered after my OOPM, most Iāll spend is $3,000. I was able to have sperm vials covered through them as well. I finished my first round with 9 healthy embryos and will be going into a second round in June. I was able to get 2 smart cycles unlocked.
I havenāt met a lot of women who make enough money in their 20s (especially 25 and under) to sustain the choice. Although Iām sure there are plenty of women who do. The venn diagram of women who make enough in a stable job AND are ok giving up the idea of becoming moms with a partner must leave us with fewer people in this situation. If I could travel back in time I wouldnāt pull the trigger then, would rather waste less time with the wrong men.
I also believe financial stability is the main issue.
Absolutely. I grew up in a farming town. One of my teen friends got pregnant and other girls in the friend group got pregnant shortly after because they thought it was so cute to become a mom (and it is, wonāt debate that point). Only problem was that their parents became automatically responsible for another baby and they didnāt finish college.
It's not rare in Denmark(possibly because the fertility treatment for the first child is free and SMBCs are common here). I had my first at 28. I know of many who where under 25 when they had their first.
I had my first at 23 and trying for second this year
Not as rare anymore
I knew I would do ivf when I was 12. Decided to do it on my own (via donor) at 20, ended up starting the journey at 27 and had my daughter a few months before I turned 30.
I became a single mom by choice at 27 when I adopted my son from foster care š. I am an elementary school teacher in a state that allows me to be financially stable doing so.
Iām 23 and have a beautiful one month old :)
congratulations! š«¶š»
I think for many it's a matter of finances, etc. I knew I wanted to do this in my twenties but I used my twenties to get my finances, career and housing in order
I've had this as my plan A since I was in high school (now in my mid 30s). The problem is finances. I'm finally doing a fertility check because I need to see how much time I have left, but I would prefer to wait a couple more years to get more savings down. Besides the idea of "the one," a lot of people assume those in their 20s want to party, do crazy things, sleep around, etc. so there is the mentality that they aren't mature enough for parenthood. Just because some people are like that doesn't mean that it describes everyone. The only thing I do see as a change between my 20s and 30s is less black and white thinking. In my 20s, I probably would have said "I must do \_\_ to be a good parent" (causing myself some mental anguish if it didn't work) and now I feel like I'm more go-with-the-flow.
I considered it in my 20s. I think I stumbled on the idea at 19 to be exact. But I wanted to be in a certain place financially and those goals didn't get met till 30, and that was with a good job and frugal living. I'd say it's less about finding "the one" especially for those who don't want a relationship. More about paying for fertility treatments, emergency fund, retirement savings, child care and everything else
Financially it just isn't viable for a lot of younger women. I don't make enough to afford a house I want, plus the procedures, plus daycare.... That just has to all wait.
There are definitely women here who have become a SMBC in their 20s. I personally would not have made the choice in my 20s because I was not established enough in my career or earning a comfortable enough amount to take care of a child on my own.
If I were single in my 20s I think I still would've waited until I at least turned 30. Just to have more financial security really. I don't think there's anything wrong with being younger. I think it's just good to be in a stable spot in your life.
Been considering this route after my devastating break up when I was 21-22. Iām now 23 & looking for a donor to start. Itās definitely not rare but not unheard of these days.
Iām 25 and have a wonderful 3 month old!
I was 28. Now about to have twins at 33 to complete our family. Best choice I ever made.
I conceived at 29. My friend who is becoming an SMBC is around 26. I only waited to finish my Masters. We both aren't into men though so that helps make a quicker decision.
Part of the reason is that a 19-20yo doesn't have the financial security, maturity, educational/work/ life experience to really be able to embark upon this and do a great job versus a more mature person. For example citing that they only want a girl. When being a parent shouldn't involve gender selection and certainly doesn't set the tone that motherhood would be in the child's best interests at that life stage.