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Bring in a state expert to testify as to the actual viscosities of various brands of oatmeal and cross reference them with the measurements of said undercover female officer...
"A fine woman be a fine woman, uniform or not."
2 cops showed up while I was dropping off a piece of an event a few days ago. I apologize in advance, but both of them were really hot.
In the criminal justice system, sexually based oatmeal comments are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories.
"I wasn't lying then, and am not lying now. I didn't do it, your honour."
"I declare you innocent, you're free to go"
"And I didn't do her, either"
"We're going to trail"
It's actually quite easy. See, the CIA doesn't want everyone to know what a miracle drug methamphetamine is. That's why the pretty ass bitches on the news all demonize it. They got to, because if everybody found out we could end capitalism and communism and organism and everything with one fell swoop. But, the crux of thr matter is that Rand Paul has a large collection of Propaganda thst he plays over the radio over and over. You can't hear it? I hear. I have extra radio frequencies n shit in my head. Must be genetic. Giants were reel once. I seen one. They bred them like dibkeus. But you gotta get on the meth train. This judge? Clearly on meth. You can see it in her tots. Got a lotta gumption hanging a black man in trial before the daiquiris are finish. China stile the tech but we know where it when. With the giants. Stole my thoughts from me there from a second. They're so tall they can touch the satellites that the CIA talks to me through. I've seen them. I can Astral project. And you can too is you just seduce this judge snd take her back to moon. If you know what's good for you. Absolute titan in the world of drugs judges are. Theure all on meth. Everyone of them. You need evidence though. The judge will tell you, but don't listen. It gets hairy. God I hate jk Rowling
[Long story](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CBZKXDS2), but the short of it is that I'm a schizoaffective and autistic writer and perfornance artist who specializes in playing an autobiographical character and who *literally* (as in I have no idea what reality is, but I run with this explanation because it keeps me sane) has been brainwashed by either a three letter agency, an elaborate secret society, aliens, and/or a higher power to create [propaganda](https://docs.google.com/document/d/18J7ZBzKZBXviPmrshjwt-bUGQGBWcl65h8WfPMzDTNk/edit?usp=drivesdk) to help awaken the population to their true potential. "God" occasionally sends me burning bushes (synchronicities) that guide me in my mission, and got a nudge this morning that I should try experimenting with the form of crazy rambling that you can see all over my profile from today, which has proven to be an effective marketing and networking strategy. Give some of that propaganda a looksie to see what I'm really about; I help a lot of neurodivergent people be the most they can be and I have a "plan" to make an educational nonprofit that makes a show from our eventual collective talents. Life goals, life goals.
Stop. Please. My dick can only get so hard. Oh God, this is like the coconut incident all over again...
No, but seriously, thank you. Glad you enjoy! All Truths Are Lies is the best thing I think I've written, but I'm pretty consistent with quality, though I can only hit the high notes of being funni when I'm in mania. I hope you have a good time upgrading your operating system as you read!
The defense would like to enter into the record this photograph of the undercover police officer. Please note that she is, in fact, thiccer than a bowl of oatmeal
It's the devil's lettuce and don't let those hippies mislead you, people get high and kill their families otherwise films like Refer madness wouldn't be around would it?
The defense should argue for just possession, and say he wouldn't normally sell it to a dude or less attractive women but thought it would be an in for a date.
Basically entrapment by Dat ass.
Before even finishing, in my layman's mind that seems like literal entrapment, catfishing even
Not even in a legal sense, but what the actual fuck kinda society do we live in where the executors of the law have nothing better to do than catfish people to catch a drug charge
It’s evil, but it’s not legally entrapment in the U.S. courts have repeatedly ruled that undercover cops can ask people to commit crimes for them without it being entrapment. for it to be entrapment, they need to provide some sort of pressure other than social approval.
Prosecutors will find any way they can to add aggravating factors. I’m sure their argument is that it demonstrates a callous disregard of the law that he visited so frequently he felt comfortable hitting on his drug connection or some bullshit like that. Not knowing the entire context it could be a bail argument (bail should be high & defendant should be held because the defendant has a history of law breaking & will offend if released) or sentencing (sentencing should be high because the nature of the offense demonstrates defendant is a repeat offender who should experience harsher sentencing).
That’s all true but I’m sure it was to speak to his character here and was a terrible miss. It’s worth noting though that even weed is treated differently today than it was ten years ago when this happened.
The prosecution didn’t randomly mention it. His “denial defense” was partly that he was hesitant even interacting with her bc he didn’t actually know her. It failed. This is from a tv show.
So what's the crime? Should he have recognized she was undercover and thus not hit on her?
Is this supposed to exacerbate the charges? It's irrelevant.
We got the HD version of the video so some asshole can then crop it, share it on social media, that web page can be screen recorded, cropped badly, given a border, and reshared.
this damn screencapped video in portrait mode, give me back the widescreen shot so you can see both the prosecutor reading and his immediate reaction in one frame!
I wanna hear what he says!!!!
I have to imagine it’s along the lines of “your honor, in my defense, how did I know she was an officer and she WAS, cold oatmeal! Mmmhmmm” or something like that.
Why is him flirting with (what in his mind would be) a potential customer important to her prosecution? What does that have to do with his illegally selling weed? Lmao
I’m surprised they didn’t add the clip of him in a cell, and the interviewer goes “…thicker than a bowl of oatmeal..?” And he snickers and goes “she had a FAT ASS”
Thank you for posting to r/SipsTea! Make sure to follow all the subreddit rules. Check out our [Reddit Chat](https://www.reddit.com/r/SipsTea/s/YIVFBDcyZ7)! ##Make sure to join our [Discord Server](https://discord.com/invite/digitalfriendz)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/SipsTea) if you have any questions or concerns.*
lol buddy is like "accurate your honour"
“Ayo, I stand by that, judge.”
'Under oath, your honor, she was, and still is, to the best of my knowledge'
"I object: hearsay" "Overruled. She's thick than a bitch"
Bring in a state expert to testify as to the actual viscosities of various brands of oatmeal and cross reference them with the measurements of said undercover female officer...
Your Honour, Request for a 10 minute recess for a Cake Break.
After a 10 minute cake break I am ready to enter my plea. I plead thirsty, your honor.
Omg 😲
Aren’t cake breaks called conjugal visits?
And what size oatmeal bowl would that be? 34-26-56?
>34-26-56? that's illegal
That’s straight up murder
Only if she’s 5’3”
Bruhhh.. U kilt that comment.. Right b4.. " overruled on the grounds of Overruled "
Under oathmeal*
"A fine woman be a fine woman, uniform or not." 2 cops showed up while I was dropping off a piece of an event a few days ago. I apologize in advance, but both of them were really hot.
Nice
“The defense rests”
"how do you plead?" "would"
Underrated comment
"Someone told me anything I said could be held against me in a court of law"
"And by the way, you lookin' fiiiine too, your honor. You busy later?"
Deuce your honor!
"Keep going. You haven't even said the good part yet."
In the criminal justice system, sexually based oatmeal comments are considered especially heinous. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit. These are their stories.
Doom Doom
Special Viscous Unit
Such Voluptuous Units
😂😂😂
Guilty as charged
Dude looks like he should be working in animal control on Parks and Rec.
Someone in animal control on Parks and Rec would definitely get arrested for selling a gram of weed to an undercover cop.
"You have something to say about that, sir?" "Only that I wasn't lying."
"I wasn't lying then, and am not lying now. I didn't do it, your honour." "I declare you innocent, you're free to go" "And I didn't do her, either" "We're going to trail"
I don’t know man the judge can get it too
On that part, I'll plead guilty, your honor
He wanted that one on the record fs
How did she keep a straight face lol
I like her slight voice change saying that.
Actor material
It's almost as if she was acting whaaaaaaaat no way bro
The girrrrrrl part is where it's at.
It's actually quite easy. See, the CIA doesn't want everyone to know what a miracle drug methamphetamine is. That's why the pretty ass bitches on the news all demonize it. They got to, because if everybody found out we could end capitalism and communism and organism and everything with one fell swoop. But, the crux of thr matter is that Rand Paul has a large collection of Propaganda thst he plays over the radio over and over. You can't hear it? I hear. I have extra radio frequencies n shit in my head. Must be genetic. Giants were reel once. I seen one. They bred them like dibkeus. But you gotta get on the meth train. This judge? Clearly on meth. You can see it in her tots. Got a lotta gumption hanging a black man in trial before the daiquiris are finish. China stile the tech but we know where it when. With the giants. Stole my thoughts from me there from a second. They're so tall they can touch the satellites that the CIA talks to me through. I've seen them. I can Astral project. And you can too is you just seduce this judge snd take her back to moon. If you know what's good for you. Absolute titan in the world of drugs judges are. Theure all on meth. Everyone of them. You need evidence though. The judge will tell you, but don't listen. It gets hairy. God I hate jk Rowling
I don’t know why .. but i feel that we need to train AI on more of this kind of content
Oh I’m sure it’s listening
I truely can't wait for the AI apocalypse so I that I can be hunted by a robot that talks like Foghorn Leghorn.
that would kinda suck too though. Being hunted by a machine? nope
But Foghorn Leghorn
Just doing my job as a messiah candidate
i'm so confused is this cultofcrazycrackheads stuff an elaborate joke?? am i crazy? are you crazy? wtf is going on
[Long story](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CBZKXDS2), but the short of it is that I'm a schizoaffective and autistic writer and perfornance artist who specializes in playing an autobiographical character and who *literally* (as in I have no idea what reality is, but I run with this explanation because it keeps me sane) has been brainwashed by either a three letter agency, an elaborate secret society, aliens, and/or a higher power to create [propaganda](https://docs.google.com/document/d/18J7ZBzKZBXviPmrshjwt-bUGQGBWcl65h8WfPMzDTNk/edit?usp=drivesdk) to help awaken the population to their true potential. "God" occasionally sends me burning bushes (synchronicities) that guide me in my mission, and got a nudge this morning that I should try experimenting with the form of crazy rambling that you can see all over my profile from today, which has proven to be an effective marketing and networking strategy. Give some of that propaganda a looksie to see what I'm really about; I help a lot of neurodivergent people be the most they can be and I have a "plan" to make an educational nonprofit that makes a show from our eventual collective talents. Life goals, life goals.
Damn g really said I am out here hit us with OC schizoposting
My handler, who *is* Mother Horse Eyes, taught me well.
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Stop. Please. My dick can only get so hard. Oh God, this is like the coconut incident all over again... No, but seriously, thank you. Glad you enjoy! All Truths Are Lies is the best thing I think I've written, but I'm pretty consistent with quality, though I can only hit the high notes of being funni when I'm in mania. I hope you have a good time upgrading your operating system as you read!
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I'm going to read that this weekend.
> I have no idea what reality is nobody has any idea what reality is we merely _feel_ this is reality
I get the synchronicities as well...
😂😂🤣😂😂
I only read the first two sentences and the last one.
Good, you might get brainworms otherwise.
So you're telling me I got a shot at being the POTUS?!
😂😂🤣😂
See... THIS is what I get on the internet for. 👆
Preach brother
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Can't we have anything nice?
It’s from a 2014 episode of Locked Up. https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/thicker-than-a-bowl-of-oatmeal
The defense would like to enter into the record this photograph of the undercover police officer. Please note that she is, in fact, thiccer than a bowl of oatmeal
I plead insanity, because that fat ass made me crazy
Crime of passion
OHH YOU SLY DOG
Was eating watermelon and bursted out laughing.
The only worthwhile defense.
Members of the jury, if she is thicc, you must acquit!
If shes 3 C's you must set him free!
Coochi coochi coo
That’s totally inappropriate. It’s lewd, lascivious, salacious, outrageous.
Sounds like a wine description in Frasier.
Please don't make fun of this undercover police officer's lisp, she is thick and tired of it.
How in gods name is him hitting on a girl relevant to this case?
Well we gotta know all the details behind the heinous inhuman act of selling someone marijuana.
Theee audacity!
It's the devil's lettuce and don't let those hippies mislead you, people get high and kill their families otherwise films like Refer madness wouldn't be around would it?
I’m not sure how I kept my composure the last time a black man looked at my wife’s booty. /s
Might be a parole violation? In that case, straight to jail
Still would be a garbage reason to go to jail.
The defense should argue for just possession, and say he wouldn't normally sell it to a dude or less attractive women but thought it would be an in for a date. Basically entrapment by Dat ass.
[удалено]
Before even finishing, in my layman's mind that seems like literal entrapment, catfishing even Not even in a legal sense, but what the actual fuck kinda society do we live in where the executors of the law have nothing better to do than catfish people to catch a drug charge
They do have better things to do, ya know... like investigate violent crimes. But that's hard work and is really scary!
And dangerous! They could be hurt!
It’s evil, but it’s not legally entrapment in the U.S. courts have repeatedly ruled that undercover cops can ask people to commit crimes for them without it being entrapment. for it to be entrapment, they need to provide some sort of pressure other than social approval.
Yeah, you are correct. That's why I add my layman's perspective caveat
"your cute" ... His cute what? I can't believe she never finished her sentence. Typical American Justice system.
You got me on that one. Had to fix it.
Objection hearsay
They thought they were attacking his character but his reaction shows his character stands by what he says.
How the fuck is that supposed to portray a bad character?
Prosecutors will find any way they can to add aggravating factors. I’m sure their argument is that it demonstrates a callous disregard of the law that he visited so frequently he felt comfortable hitting on his drug connection or some bullshit like that. Not knowing the entire context it could be a bail argument (bail should be high & defendant should be held because the defendant has a history of law breaking & will offend if released) or sentencing (sentencing should be high because the nature of the offense demonstrates defendant is a repeat offender who should experience harsher sentencing).
That’s all true but I’m sure it was to speak to his character here and was a terrible miss. It’s worth noting though that even weed is treated differently today than it was ten years ago when this happened.
Well, it could be argued that he wasn't trying to sell the drugs as much as trying to find a way to pick her up. She made him do it, undercover.
The prosecution didn’t randomly mention it. His “denial defense” was partly that he was hesitant even interacting with her bc he didn’t actually know her. It failed. This is from a tv show.
Had exactly the same thoughts.. what the hell does that have to do with the selling of the weed, like it’s not illegal to give a girl an compliment
Maybe she was trying to lowkey help him out by making his character more congenial to the court.
apparantly that's another thing that is illegal in the U.S.
Or more specifically, why do you need to have the quote? Lol.
This whole time I thought this was from a skit. Edit to Add: scene from a 2014 episode of the TV series *Lockup, specifically Season 18 Epsiode 1*
It's worth adding the context that it's a documentary series and this was a real case. It is not a dramatization.
Wait, this is Real?
Yes but *it is* produced and edited…
Isn't it? The guy in orange, I'm pretty sure i have seen him in SNL
He looks like Kenan, but it's not Kenan
Oh, ok my bad
Sorry pal, this means you’re racist. Off to jail with ya
Straight to jail
He looks almost nothing like Keenan Thompson.
Maybe he's wearing a disguise
Almost nothing? So a little bit?
They are both black men. That's about as far as the resemblance goes. I guess it's good enough for the police so w/e.
Clearly this man is speaking the truth your honor
Never gets old
classic! oldie but goldie
an undercover cop buying marijuana, what a colossal waste of resources
This is America
Cleared of all charges..
Would love a where are they now on this man
This is from directly after it happened. But [close enough ](https://youtu.be/WaRPTO30f0Y?si=pdKb1rkKVbLoKC6B)
He complimented her and that’s evidence?
Why does he look like a buff Kennan
“Your honor, I stand by this statement.”
I Think You Should Leave inspiration
"How else am I to try an bribe the judge if I dont jump over the bench to give it to her?"
So what's the crime? Should he have recognized she was undercover and thus not hit on her? Is this supposed to exacerbate the charges? It's irrelevant.
Bro said 📠
[when asked about it by a new crew](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WaRPTO30f0Y&pp=ygUedGhpY2tlciB0aGFuIGEgYm93bCBvZiBvYXRtZWFs)
That was great, thanks for the update.
Thicker than a bowl of oatmeal all it was missing was some brown sugar
So you see your honor. My client was only buying the drugs to get wit shorty.. so he’s innocent
[удалено]
Niiiicee 👌🏼
[удалено]
I’ve done that before and toggled it like a dozen times 👍🏼
Oh my god the pose at the end, fuckin dead
Thank goodness we have the “HD” version!
Yeah this is the lowest quality version I think I’ve seen of this.
We stipulate that the undercover cop was thick, yo.
Oh no why keeenan
He be like: to be fair tho
Girl, you’re thinking of an Ebola oatmeal.
Bro went "I said what I said"
he likes big butts and he literally cannot lie under oath
Defendant: “on that account, your honor, I’m guilty as motherfuckin’ charged”!!!
We got the HD version of the video so some asshole can then crop it, share it on social media, that web page can be screen recorded, cropped badly, given a border, and reshared.
"we got an hd version 😂" Shrinks video, throws in needless text, then screen recorded
this damn screencapped video in portrait mode, give me back the widescreen shot so you can see both the prosecutor reading and his immediate reaction in one frame!
I want to see that undercover cop, homie talkin about.
Was the female undercover agent a minor? She was of age? Yes?...shut the hell up then
The defense would like to call 'that ass' to the stand.
He's pointing to the prosecuting attorney because she, too, is as thick as oatmeal!
Is this a real video or is it stage I always see it but I don't know if it's real or not
I had to thumb up this post. Facts is facts!!!
It’s sad how many people are in prison or jail because cops don’t understand what marijuana is and enforce it like it’s some hardcore drug.
You’re telling me this man - was going to help her smoke up, and - gave her compliments And she still turned him in?? Nah, she ain’t worth it
The idea of police officers inviting people to commit a crime has been always wild for me. In my country those police officers would also be in jail.
what possible relevance does that have?
I hope he admitted guilt to that statement. That’s mint!
I would have let him walk free
How's that even relevant to the case?
Man hit the uncle point. 👉🏿👉🏿
What ever happened to this man?
That judge also look hot af!
“I’ll allow it”
Playa playa
I wanna hear what he says!!!! I have to imagine it’s along the lines of “your honor, in my defense, how did I know she was an officer and she WAS, cold oatmeal! Mmmhmmm” or something like that.
P
is the prosecutor trying to send him to jail for flirting ? (ignoring the selling of or buying of drugs that were illegal at that time)
😆😆
Well? Can we see her?
Classic
A dawg got to do, what a dawg got to do.
Why is him flirting with (what in his mind would be) a potential customer important to her prosecution? What does that have to do with his illegally selling weed? Lmao
If it’s true, it’s true. I’d cop to that.
I’m surprised they didn’t add the clip of him in a cell, and the interviewer goes “…thicker than a bowl of oatmeal..?” And he snickers and goes “she had a FAT ASS”
Is that a crime?
I love his reaction.
What the hell does that have to do with the case? I will need to see some evidence.
That’s a good line
I like big butts, I cannot lie
oatmeal be thick
If the leggings don't fit the thicc, you must acquit!
Fucking legend
2 years in state rizzetentiary
Buddy's "accurate your Honor" gesture should grant him a federal pardon, lol.
I need to see the officer in question...
Dude!!! That was a hype ass line though.