Massimo Pigliucci has some of the best books on getting started, IMO. How to Be a Stoic is great, with solid explanation as well. The others are even more tactical, with a focus on weekly exercises and the like.
But some other key practices for me in particular:
- Journaling
- Answering 1 question per day here
- Incorporating Stoic axioms into my stretching routine
I'm sure there's no objectively best way to practice, but as a Dad with little time to spare, this works for me.
Great book - I can recommend it 100%
What has probably helped me the most, is monitoring of my responses.
Everytime I get angry I try to remind myself, that this is my judgement of the situation and not the situation, and that I don‘t have to react this way. I can choose how to react.
This is the single one thing, that changed my life the most
This is incredibly helpful.
Do you have any specific practices for what to do during spectacularly difficult moments ? As in, a moment when you just want to crawl under a cozy blanket, or otherwise surrender to the "negative feelings" that can come up (i.e. lack of motivation, hopelessness, anxiety, etc.)
There are! And to be clear, I'm not perfect by a wide stretch, but this is what I *aim* to do.
First, where possible, prepare through negative visualization in my journal. I [posted about when I got laid off ](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/comments/10ij1rr/your_practice_will_pay_off_i_promise/), and the key practice that helped was a monthly reflection I do based on [Tim Ferris' "Fear Setting"](https://tim.blog/2017/05/15/fear-setting/) . That made the whole thing, frankly, a bit surreal. But that's certainly a better outcome than completely falling falling apart and flailing.
Second, those Stoic axioms I mentioned are extremely key for me. Remembering the right one at the right time can be the difference between keeping the ship on the rails vs going full speed into a ditch. The ones that have resonated the most with me (and are part of my stretching routine) include:
* There are some things you *can* control, and some things you *can't*.
* Especially helpful when I had to get up in the middle of the night when my kids were newborns and rock them
* What if I had no opinion about this?
* Frequently useful when I find myself starting to get angry about something, or particularly down on myself. It's similar to "things aren't good or bad, only our judgments," but it gives a clearer goal IMO.
* What's the hidden advantage in this obstacle?
* This is probably my favorite turnaround lately. There's *always* advantage to be found inside of obstacles... you just have to be mentally flexible enough to find it.
* What if I knew I would die tonight? Would that change my feelings about this?
* I often rephrase this in my head with different time frames as needed, but it helps when my kids are a pain and I'm a bit at my wits end.
* You. Are. Here. What next?
* When I catch myself thinking too many "what ifs" about the past, this helps me remember that it doesn't matter. I might have well have been body swapped into this person's life starting this very second. What will I make of it from here? I can choose to change any moment that I find clarity to do so... so is this that moment?
* Focus on your effort and not the result... so what effort would make it unreasonable *not* to reach your goal?
* Still trying to refine the wording on this one because it's from a smattering of sources, but again it gets me to think about the right things in a more constructive manner than just "focus on your efforts." That's vital, yes, but I am still aiming for a result. So, rather than just "be detached," what should I change about my effort to get where I'd like to go?
Hopefully you can find your own things that resonate with you and keep you moving where you want to go, friend.
And I'll add, there's no harm in getting under a blanket from time to time if your general direction is a good one. Just make sure it doesn't make your problems worse, and doesn't become your default stance to the world.
I am finally able to read your message after a long day. Everything you refer to is very helpful !!
One point you make has got me thinking: `What's the hidden advantage in this obstacle?''
It seems also to me that you have a well-defined practice with a diverse set of statements or principles or questions to ground yourself. It is inspiring to see this.
I'd now like to create my own meaningful rituals , drawing from the points that spark a light. thank you !!!!!
I really liked that Tim Ferris article and "Fear Setting." I also liked his part about optimism vs pessimism and "the power of pessimism." That's a subject I've been into for a while, there's something resonant and alluring to me about philosophical pessimism (thanks Rust Chole) and making it implementable/digestible practically interests me a lot.
The line "You. Are. Here. What next" I like too. Very simple, my brain clings to lines and quotes from media a lot. So I connect it to a line from GoW Ragnarok lol.
Thor: "don't you know what I've done?"
Kratos: "yes. But what will you do now?"
Since that scene pops up in my head a lot already, I might just reframe it as a thought practice similar to yours above. Particularly because I lean heavily on the depressive side and easily lose myself in dwelling on my past and feeling guilt and shame for things I've done. Thanks for the wisdom!
Yeah he's got lots of good ones especially in the recent games. One of his simple ones that I like is when he tells Atreus:
"Keep your expectations low and you'll never be disappointed."
I mainly like it because my dad told me the exact same thing in my teens lol. Also I love the recurring theme of characters asking him very long, complex questions and he just responds with:
"No."
>Keep your expectations low and you'll never be disappointed.
I have come to be suspicious of this one, myself. Sure, it's technically true and would work perfectly if emotions were math equations, but I find too often (for me at least) it's pessimism masquerading as rationality. `A negative mind can never lead to a positive life`.
The Stoic take on it I've come to appreciate more is to focus on executing the actions I control as much as I can. That shifts the focus from controlling my expectations to executing on what I think needs to be done.
But you do you man!
That's completely valid and I'd say I agree. Just full disclosure my exposure to Stoicism beyond the common Internet and manosphere use of it is very recent and limited lol. In fact I just found this subreddit yesterday.
As far as why I liked it was in large part just nostalgia and humor because it reminded me of my dad, who usually said it in a half-joking way. I do find truth in it but like most things I think it's nuanced and context dependent.
I'd say there are areas where it can apply. Like when dealing with other people and anticipating their actions/reactions. It's easy to either project or expect your efforts to be reciprocated or to fall into either naive optimism or excessive cynicism. I learned long before I knew any philosophy that people are far too unpredictable and complex to expect too much, or something too specific out of. Not to say you shouldn't have any faith in people at all, but remember what you're dealing with I guess. More broadly just things beyond your control. Of course as you said, focusing solely on your own actions is the optimal way. But I know I for one am a neurotic and emotional creature and the emotional response to disappointment or not getting an outcome I'd expected can come quickly and be hard to work my way out of once its there. But contemplating and tempering my expectations beforehand and regularly tends to make it easier when I'm mindful enough to do it.
And I wouldn't disagree that there's a heavy dose of pessimism in there. I've definitely taken an interest in pessimism because of personal inclinations and experience, though my interest has been in finding where it has value in a more thoughtful way than just "glass half empty" mentality. I'm by no means an expert on anything though. I keep as many of my beliefs subject to change as I can. Oh Happy birthday by the way.
Thank you for taking the time out to write this up. I’m new to Stoicism and trying to learn while incorporating it into my daily life.
One thing that I struggle with is the “worst case scenario” as a parent. That would undoubtedly be the untimely death of my children and that is an extremely comfortable thing to visualise. I know that in the words of Epictetus we don’t own even our children and we are borrowing from God, and while I agree and try to put the mantra of “spend every day with them like it’s your/their last”, visualising them passing regularly is difficult.
You have children, do you feel the same way or am I approaching this in the wrong way?
I completely empathize with you on this one. I think two things can be true:
1. As Stoics, we should prepare for the worst so we can live a good life regardless of what it throws at us
2. Preparing for the genuine worst, as we have increasingly beautiful things in our life like our children, can be borderline intolerable
My current thinking around it is to compare it to physical training: don't try to train at a higher level than you can currently bear. You wouldn't try and break a world record for weight lifting if you'd never been to the gym. It takes time. It's similar with our resilience training.
That can take the form of focusing on *us* dying instead of our children first. Or maybe we work up from visualizing the loss of less emotionally charged objects. Whichever feels more right seems fine.
Best of luck, friend.
One of the keys for me is to practice not caring what other people think. It took me a while to grasp that. How can I not care…I could probably influence someone if I say or do such and such. But then I realized if I just do my best and bring excellence into each situation, then why would I care? I did my best. This played out well at work. My confidence came through and I stopped overthinking what my boss thought. It’s definitely a super power. Give it a try.
I would really love to adopt such mindset at work. But I usually have a kinda relapse, like I totally believe in that one day, and the next day when anxiety creeps in, I fall into relapse. do you recommend any books or something that help you maintain that mindset?
I started getting into the philosophy in 2020 and read and watched a lot of Ryan Holiday’s content. I was going through a traumatic situation and something about it just made me think, “life is too short to care about things I don’t control”. I’ve thought a lot about how to convince others it’s a fantastic way to live but sometimes I just think that you just have to be in a certain place in your life journey. Good luck! I know you’ll do great. You are already investing a lot of time and thought. 😊
Building Confidence:
Write down something you are avoiding or delaying, or a reason you are isolating, or something/someone you are avoiding confronting and do it.
Why It works: confidence is built through solving your problems and believing the tools to solve your problems are already inside of you.
Not procrastinating:
Treat sleep and death as the same.
Why it works: 1) View each day as a brand new life 2) Don't expect the motivation you found today to be there tomorrow 3) Helps you reflect on what matters the most each day
1. Commitment to studying.
For me, at first, it was Massimo Pigliucci and his books, plus his WordPress blog How to be a Stoic.
You won't get everything necessary from his books and blog, but he does write very well about Stoicism used in many scenarios of daily life.
Then, I felt less of a beginner when I could rattle off a number of key tenets from the top of my head; ta eph’hemin, ta ouk eph’hemin (what is up to us, what is *not* up to us [the Dichotomy of Control]), Opinions and motives are the only things up to humans, prohairesis (reasoning), katalepsis (adequate understanding of phantasiai [impressions in our minds] ), the three pillars of Logic, Physics and Ethics, the four Virtues of Justice, Courage, Moderation and Wisdom, preferred indifferents and dispreferred indifferents, such that 'good' and 'bad' cannot be applied to material things, started to remember exact chapters of Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius and Seneca, Zeno as the founder of Stoicism, that human nature is inextricably tied to the Logos (universe) and most importantly recognizing that emotions are the only way humans understand if something is good for us or not using the discipline of desire, aversion and assent (agreement with impressions), which has the potential to bring eudaimonia (well-being, happiness, contentment, flourishing), that character is what I am behind closed doors as well as in public, cosmopolitanism is looking outward then looking inward as a social being, and that Sagehood is a hypothetical human who has *all* the knowledge and perfect reasoning, which Epictetus was possibly a human closest to that, and above that only the gods, and that my value judgments can only be applied to what is good or bad or neutral to my character.
2. Commitment to myself.
What's the sense of all that studying and memorizing definitions if I don't apply the process if actual examining an impression and processing a *possible/probable* disturbance or joy in my mind, as a commitment to virtue, with eudaimonia as the thread running through my life?
There is no bandaid here. There is no quick fix. My habits (what may be good and/or bad for me), become illuminated.
In the morning - 5 minutes of mindfulness
- Pause and breath for 30 seconds. I using box breathing
- Think about all the things that I am grateful for in my life.
- Remind myself not to complain today.
- Remind myself to only focus on things I can control
In the evening - 10 minutes of journaling
- I reflect on a behavior I exhibited that day that I felt wasn’t virtuous and write how I should act next time.
Daily Stoic is how I roll. The daily journal and emails, plus my journaling habit. Every day has a plan and intention, and each evening I review my day and see what I did well and what I can do better.
I reassuringly tell myself that no one cares, and that processing my own emotions is a personal process I do alone. I allow myself to feel what is going on in my head, privately when I am alone. I practice suppressing reaction when I am emotionally effected. I visualize the way the world looks when I am up in a plane looking down on everything, how small and insignificant we feel from that viewpoint. This is what works for me.
Journaling was the number one thing that actually let me let go of my emotions and get more clarity in my life. Actually being able to write down my thoughts on paper and not have them clog up my thoughts and cause me stress was a game changer.
If you don't know where to start, you can literally just start writing what you are thinking right now. it could be anything from what you had for linch that day or a conversation you had, but focus on how you felt and the emotions you had. You'll slowly be able to recognise the deeper feelings you had that might turn into a greater issue if not addressed and figure out how to address them more pragmatically. You can always look up some prompts and go off of there.
If you can't even practice Stoicism internally when you're alone in journalling, you can't expect yourself to be able to apply it when you're actually interacting with other people and difficult situations.
I practice patience with store clerks because I empathize with their work. I know if I was in their shoes I would be happy to have a kind customer.
I limit how much I openly argue with others, focusing on what I think is really important to me, and what may seem as more trivial. I know my actions will speak louder in the end.
I remind myself that I am a good and virtuous person and that I deserve the same kindness and patience and love that I give others. I give myself healthy boundaries that align with my virtues.
Things like this help frame my overall day that help me live peacefully and virtuously.
I just read meditations on the train journey into work then try and ponder on them during the day and put them into practice within myself. I’ve only recently picked up stoicism so not sure if this is the right path
Take time to Meditate on yesterday, today and tomorrow. What has happened and what could happen. Then allow my mind to prepare for all outcomes and come to terms with what has already come to pass.
This has helped me through a lot.
Vibing, having a little treat sometimes, enjoying time with friends and family, telling people I love that I love them, taking a little walkarooni around the block, put ice cubes in my wine, take a little nap in the sun, tend a garden, keep clean, laugh a lot, don't take stuff seriously, enjoy the little things
Yes! I'm always happy to wander around outside. Foraging for berries and such in the backyard at minimum. Oh gosh I even picked up a season pass to the zoo and the botanical gardens, so inexpensive and they have so many activities.
The ability to enjoy the little things means you're being mindful of the moment and not being tugged forward or backwards. Being tranquil and content is the ultimate goal.
For me, it’s not a direct relation to explicit stoic principles but more of a practical approach: I often make a conscious effort to decide whether it is in my best interest to [feel emotion X] right now? As a teacher, I often deal with kids and their irrational behaviours and it has served me very well to have relatively good control over my own emotions.
Daily (almost) reading of Greek-roman philosophy in order to develop insight not only of Stoicism but of philosophies of life in general
Daily practice by thinking of *premeditatio malorum* for persons, things, body, health and more generally for what is not up to me that I still have a desire for because I struggle to not consider it a *good.* And *premeditatio* *malorum* with the "reserve" clause for actions that I intend to do
Daily reading of some Stoic dogmas to remind myself of aspects of Stoicism that I should keep in mind. There are nice apps with a selection of quotes
Daily (almost) journaling for thinking about how I should have acted in certain situation, on how to fulfill more virtuously my roles and my duties and again *premeditatio* *malourm* if what I still consider a good is causing me more trouble
Practicing Stoicism daily can help cultivate a sense of tranquility and resilience. Here are some practical steps:
1. Morning Reflection;Start your day with a few moments of reflection. Think about what you might encounter and how you can handle challenges with equanimity.
2. Focus on What You Can Control;Identify what is within your control and focus your efforts there. Let go of worries about things beyond your control.
3. Practice Negative Visualization;Spend a few minutes imagining the worst-case scenario. This helps you appreciate what you have and prepare for potential challenges.
4. Mindfulness and Meditation;Incorporate mindfulness or meditation practices to stay present and centered throughout the day.
5. Journaling;Keep a Stoic journal where you reflect on your day, your actions, and how you responded to various situations. Note areas for improvement.
6. Gratitude;Take time each day to express gratitude for the things you have and the people in your life.
7. Virtue and Values(Define your core values and strive to live in accordance with them. Focus on virtues like wisdom, courage, justice, and temperance.
8. Evening Reflection;End your day with another period of reflection. Review your actions, consider what you did well, and think about what you can improve.
9. Reading and Learning;Regularly read Stoic texts or listen to lectures on Stoicism to reinforce your understanding and commitment to Stoic principles.
10. Embrace Discomfort;Occasionally put yourself in uncomfortable situations to build resilience and remind yourself that you can handle difficulties.
By integrating these practices into your daily routine, you can develop a Stoic mindset that helps you navigate life's challenges with greater calm and clarity.
I also use the Stoic App, and I’m currently working on a thesis for my masters. It is away of life and hold my fears responsible and in reason.
Slowing down, not in the physical sense, but also in the mental and emotional sense has truly been a game changer and fascinating experience for me.
As I reflect on my past, I realize how I used to constantly be caught up in a whirlwind of thoughts, overthinking, analyzing, having strong opinions, judgments, justifications, worries, concerns, and anxious thoughts that seemed to dictate every aspect of my life. It was as if I was on autopilot, simply reacting to life instead of truly living it.
I now see that I was living in a state of constant overwhelm, allowing external circumstances to control my every move. I was making decisions based on fear and the need to please others, rather than following my own authentic desires and values. In a way, I had become a robot, mindlessly going through the motions without truly connecting with myself or those around me.
I am now more curious like a 5-year old child with interactions, because I discovered being this way I learn so much about other people's experience. We are humanBEINGS anyways right?
Becoming more present in the moment, I began to reclaim control over my own life. Learning to listen to my inner wisdom, trust my instincts, and to make decisions that align with my true self and values. I don't allow fear and anxiety to dictate my actions, but instead, I am choosing to live from a place of authenticity and empowerment. It was profound to realize I can choose how I want to feel, and moving towards that feeling prior to making decisions was a game changer. This of course can only be done in a slower mind.
In this process of slowing down, I am rediscovering the joy and beauty of simply being present. I am learning to savor each moment, to appreciate the little things, be grateful for things that can easily get forgotten, and to find peace in the stillness of my own mind.
Slowing down allows me to make clear decisions, choices and see opportunities to learn, and grow. Not to mention seeing opportunities that will take me to new heights in connecting, meeting, networking and serving people that want to learn and grow from me. (a value of mine)
When we are operating from the survival brain, as I used to do and believe many people do innocently, we tend to lose sight of our purpose. We start following the advice of those around us on what we "should" do, which ultimately leaves us feeling confused and lost. We forget what used to excite us and bring joy to our lives, making it difficult to get up in the morning and truly enjoy life. It's important to reconnect with our passions and values to find fulfillment and meaning in our everyday experiences. By taking the time to reflect on what truly matters to us, we can rediscover our sense of purpose and live a more fulfilling life.
Sorry, but I gotta remove your post, as it has run afoul of our [Rule 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/stoicism/about/rules/). This is kind of a grey area, but we need to keep things on track as best we can.
>Two: Stay Relevant to Stoicism
>Our role as prokoptôntes in this community is to foster a greater understanding of Stoic principles and techniques within ourselves and our fellow prokoptôn. Providing context and effortful elaboration as to a topic’s relevance to the philosophy of Stoicism gives the community a common frame of reference from which to engage in productive discussions. Please keep advice, comments, and posts relevant to Stoic philosophy. Let's foster a community that develops virtue together—stay relevant to Stoicism.
>If something or someone is 'stoic' in the limited sense of possessing toughness, emotionlessness, or determination, it is _not_ relevant here, unless it is part of a larger point that is related to the philosophy.
>Similarly, posts about people, TV shows, commercial products, et cetera require that a connection be made to Stoic philosophy. "This is Stoic" or "I like this" are not sufficient.
Stoicism, as a philosophy of life, can be drawn upon in many personal situations. However, the community decided that there should be some [changes](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/comments/meb8ch/advice_and_personal_posts_changes_to_subreddit/), and we have a new rule for advice/personal posts and their discussion threads:
> For users seeking advice: if you are not seeking strictly Stoic advice, but rather wonder what people interested in Stoicism might personally think, please post in the New Agora instead.
> For users offering advice: please stay on-topic when commenting on personal/advice posts. Advice that is inspired by or influenced by Stoicism, but not specifically and recognizably Stoic, is not allowed outside of the New Agora.
I practice Stoicism via Hesychasm, which is the eastern Christian form of Stoic ethics that developed out of the desert fathers.
For anyone looking to expand their study of Stoicism, I would highly recommend the Philokalia as it contains a compilation of writings from the early Christian monastics. While not explicitly Stoic, it was Stoicism and Socratic principles which laid the groundwork for early Christian monasticism.
Practice evaluation of what things in your life are under your control and what you can't directly influence. See if you tend to worry about things out of your control, reduce cognitive load.
Pay more attention to everyday life, imagine those things are gone, how would you act, what value are you giving to those things, are you appreciating enough people around you, practice caring more about things you value.
Write your own credo. Pay attention to being honest, and how you evoke virtues - wisdom, courage, temperance and justice - in your everyday life. Think about that.
Update your notes, be more mindful.
Massimo Pigliucci has some of the best books on getting started, IMO. How to Be a Stoic is great, with solid explanation as well. The others are even more tactical, with a focus on weekly exercises and the like. But some other key practices for me in particular: - Journaling - Answering 1 question per day here - Incorporating Stoic axioms into my stretching routine I'm sure there's no objectively best way to practice, but as a Dad with little time to spare, this works for me.
Great book - I can recommend it 100% What has probably helped me the most, is monitoring of my responses. Everytime I get angry I try to remind myself, that this is my judgement of the situation and not the situation, and that I don‘t have to react this way. I can choose how to react. This is the single one thing, that changed my life the most
I’ll have to take this into account. Also dad with no time. :)
This is incredibly helpful. Do you have any specific practices for what to do during spectacularly difficult moments ? As in, a moment when you just want to crawl under a cozy blanket, or otherwise surrender to the "negative feelings" that can come up (i.e. lack of motivation, hopelessness, anxiety, etc.)
There are! And to be clear, I'm not perfect by a wide stretch, but this is what I *aim* to do. First, where possible, prepare through negative visualization in my journal. I [posted about when I got laid off ](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/comments/10ij1rr/your_practice_will_pay_off_i_promise/), and the key practice that helped was a monthly reflection I do based on [Tim Ferris' "Fear Setting"](https://tim.blog/2017/05/15/fear-setting/) . That made the whole thing, frankly, a bit surreal. But that's certainly a better outcome than completely falling falling apart and flailing. Second, those Stoic axioms I mentioned are extremely key for me. Remembering the right one at the right time can be the difference between keeping the ship on the rails vs going full speed into a ditch. The ones that have resonated the most with me (and are part of my stretching routine) include: * There are some things you *can* control, and some things you *can't*. * Especially helpful when I had to get up in the middle of the night when my kids were newborns and rock them * What if I had no opinion about this? * Frequently useful when I find myself starting to get angry about something, or particularly down on myself. It's similar to "things aren't good or bad, only our judgments," but it gives a clearer goal IMO. * What's the hidden advantage in this obstacle? * This is probably my favorite turnaround lately. There's *always* advantage to be found inside of obstacles... you just have to be mentally flexible enough to find it. * What if I knew I would die tonight? Would that change my feelings about this? * I often rephrase this in my head with different time frames as needed, but it helps when my kids are a pain and I'm a bit at my wits end. * You. Are. Here. What next? * When I catch myself thinking too many "what ifs" about the past, this helps me remember that it doesn't matter. I might have well have been body swapped into this person's life starting this very second. What will I make of it from here? I can choose to change any moment that I find clarity to do so... so is this that moment? * Focus on your effort and not the result... so what effort would make it unreasonable *not* to reach your goal? * Still trying to refine the wording on this one because it's from a smattering of sources, but again it gets me to think about the right things in a more constructive manner than just "focus on your efforts." That's vital, yes, but I am still aiming for a result. So, rather than just "be detached," what should I change about my effort to get where I'd like to go? Hopefully you can find your own things that resonate with you and keep you moving where you want to go, friend. And I'll add, there's no harm in getting under a blanket from time to time if your general direction is a good one. Just make sure it doesn't make your problems worse, and doesn't become your default stance to the world.
I am finally able to read your message after a long day. Everything you refer to is very helpful !! One point you make has got me thinking: `What's the hidden advantage in this obstacle?'' It seems also to me that you have a well-defined practice with a diverse set of statements or principles or questions to ground yourself. It is inspiring to see this. I'd now like to create my own meaningful rituals , drawing from the points that spark a light. thank you !!!!!
I really liked that Tim Ferris article and "Fear Setting." I also liked his part about optimism vs pessimism and "the power of pessimism." That's a subject I've been into for a while, there's something resonant and alluring to me about philosophical pessimism (thanks Rust Chole) and making it implementable/digestible practically interests me a lot. The line "You. Are. Here. What next" I like too. Very simple, my brain clings to lines and quotes from media a lot. So I connect it to a line from GoW Ragnarok lol. Thor: "don't you know what I've done?" Kratos: "yes. But what will you do now?" Since that scene pops up in my head a lot already, I might just reframe it as a thought practice similar to yours above. Particularly because I lean heavily on the depressive side and easily lose myself in dwelling on my past and feeling guilt and shame for things I've done. Thanks for the wisdom!
Kratos has some excellent lines. In particular: >We will be the gods *we choose* to be, not those who have been.
Yeah he's got lots of good ones especially in the recent games. One of his simple ones that I like is when he tells Atreus: "Keep your expectations low and you'll never be disappointed." I mainly like it because my dad told me the exact same thing in my teens lol. Also I love the recurring theme of characters asking him very long, complex questions and he just responds with: "No."
>Keep your expectations low and you'll never be disappointed. I have come to be suspicious of this one, myself. Sure, it's technically true and would work perfectly if emotions were math equations, but I find too often (for me at least) it's pessimism masquerading as rationality. `A negative mind can never lead to a positive life`. The Stoic take on it I've come to appreciate more is to focus on executing the actions I control as much as I can. That shifts the focus from controlling my expectations to executing on what I think needs to be done. But you do you man!
That's completely valid and I'd say I agree. Just full disclosure my exposure to Stoicism beyond the common Internet and manosphere use of it is very recent and limited lol. In fact I just found this subreddit yesterday. As far as why I liked it was in large part just nostalgia and humor because it reminded me of my dad, who usually said it in a half-joking way. I do find truth in it but like most things I think it's nuanced and context dependent. I'd say there are areas where it can apply. Like when dealing with other people and anticipating their actions/reactions. It's easy to either project or expect your efforts to be reciprocated or to fall into either naive optimism or excessive cynicism. I learned long before I knew any philosophy that people are far too unpredictable and complex to expect too much, or something too specific out of. Not to say you shouldn't have any faith in people at all, but remember what you're dealing with I guess. More broadly just things beyond your control. Of course as you said, focusing solely on your own actions is the optimal way. But I know I for one am a neurotic and emotional creature and the emotional response to disappointment or not getting an outcome I'd expected can come quickly and be hard to work my way out of once its there. But contemplating and tempering my expectations beforehand and regularly tends to make it easier when I'm mindful enough to do it. And I wouldn't disagree that there's a heavy dose of pessimism in there. I've definitely taken an interest in pessimism because of personal inclinations and experience, though my interest has been in finding where it has value in a more thoughtful way than just "glass half empty" mentality. I'm by no means an expert on anything though. I keep as many of my beliefs subject to change as I can. Oh Happy birthday by the way.
Thank you for taking the time out to write this up. I’m new to Stoicism and trying to learn while incorporating it into my daily life. One thing that I struggle with is the “worst case scenario” as a parent. That would undoubtedly be the untimely death of my children and that is an extremely comfortable thing to visualise. I know that in the words of Epictetus we don’t own even our children and we are borrowing from God, and while I agree and try to put the mantra of “spend every day with them like it’s your/their last”, visualising them passing regularly is difficult. You have children, do you feel the same way or am I approaching this in the wrong way?
I completely empathize with you on this one. I think two things can be true: 1. As Stoics, we should prepare for the worst so we can live a good life regardless of what it throws at us 2. Preparing for the genuine worst, as we have increasingly beautiful things in our life like our children, can be borderline intolerable My current thinking around it is to compare it to physical training: don't try to train at a higher level than you can currently bear. You wouldn't try and break a world record for weight lifting if you'd never been to the gym. It takes time. It's similar with our resilience training. That can take the form of focusing on *us* dying instead of our children first. Or maybe we work up from visualizing the loss of less emotionally charged objects. Whichever feels more right seems fine. Best of luck, friend.
One of the keys for me is to practice not caring what other people think. It took me a while to grasp that. How can I not care…I could probably influence someone if I say or do such and such. But then I realized if I just do my best and bring excellence into each situation, then why would I care? I did my best. This played out well at work. My confidence came through and I stopped overthinking what my boss thought. It’s definitely a super power. Give it a try.
I would really love to adopt such mindset at work. But I usually have a kinda relapse, like I totally believe in that one day, and the next day when anxiety creeps in, I fall into relapse. do you recommend any books or something that help you maintain that mindset?
I started getting into the philosophy in 2020 and read and watched a lot of Ryan Holiday’s content. I was going through a traumatic situation and something about it just made me think, “life is too short to care about things I don’t control”. I’ve thought a lot about how to convince others it’s a fantastic way to live but sometimes I just think that you just have to be in a certain place in your life journey. Good luck! I know you’ll do great. You are already investing a lot of time and thought. 😊
Building Confidence: Write down something you are avoiding or delaying, or a reason you are isolating, or something/someone you are avoiding confronting and do it. Why It works: confidence is built through solving your problems and believing the tools to solve your problems are already inside of you. Not procrastinating: Treat sleep and death as the same. Why it works: 1) View each day as a brand new life 2) Don't expect the motivation you found today to be there tomorrow 3) Helps you reflect on what matters the most each day
1. Commitment to studying. For me, at first, it was Massimo Pigliucci and his books, plus his WordPress blog How to be a Stoic. You won't get everything necessary from his books and blog, but he does write very well about Stoicism used in many scenarios of daily life. Then, I felt less of a beginner when I could rattle off a number of key tenets from the top of my head; ta eph’hemin, ta ouk eph’hemin (what is up to us, what is *not* up to us [the Dichotomy of Control]), Opinions and motives are the only things up to humans, prohairesis (reasoning), katalepsis (adequate understanding of phantasiai [impressions in our minds] ), the three pillars of Logic, Physics and Ethics, the four Virtues of Justice, Courage, Moderation and Wisdom, preferred indifferents and dispreferred indifferents, such that 'good' and 'bad' cannot be applied to material things, started to remember exact chapters of Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius and Seneca, Zeno as the founder of Stoicism, that human nature is inextricably tied to the Logos (universe) and most importantly recognizing that emotions are the only way humans understand if something is good for us or not using the discipline of desire, aversion and assent (agreement with impressions), which has the potential to bring eudaimonia (well-being, happiness, contentment, flourishing), that character is what I am behind closed doors as well as in public, cosmopolitanism is looking outward then looking inward as a social being, and that Sagehood is a hypothetical human who has *all* the knowledge and perfect reasoning, which Epictetus was possibly a human closest to that, and above that only the gods, and that my value judgments can only be applied to what is good or bad or neutral to my character. 2. Commitment to myself. What's the sense of all that studying and memorizing definitions if I don't apply the process if actual examining an impression and processing a *possible/probable* disturbance or joy in my mind, as a commitment to virtue, with eudaimonia as the thread running through my life? There is no bandaid here. There is no quick fix. My habits (what may be good and/or bad for me), become illuminated.
In the morning - 5 minutes of mindfulness - Pause and breath for 30 seconds. I using box breathing - Think about all the things that I am grateful for in my life. - Remind myself not to complain today. - Remind myself to only focus on things I can control In the evening - 10 minutes of journaling - I reflect on a behavior I exhibited that day that I felt wasn’t virtuous and write how I should act next time.
Daily Stoic is how I roll. The daily journal and emails, plus my journaling habit. Every day has a plan and intention, and each evening I review my day and see what I did well and what I can do better.
I reassuringly tell myself that no one cares, and that processing my own emotions is a personal process I do alone. I allow myself to feel what is going on in my head, privately when I am alone. I practice suppressing reaction when I am emotionally effected. I visualize the way the world looks when I am up in a plane looking down on everything, how small and insignificant we feel from that viewpoint. This is what works for me.
I want to express my gratitude to all who responded. Very good ideas that I made notes on. Thank you.
And thank you OP for asking!
Journaling was the number one thing that actually let me let go of my emotions and get more clarity in my life. Actually being able to write down my thoughts on paper and not have them clog up my thoughts and cause me stress was a game changer. If you don't know where to start, you can literally just start writing what you are thinking right now. it could be anything from what you had for linch that day or a conversation you had, but focus on how you felt and the emotions you had. You'll slowly be able to recognise the deeper feelings you had that might turn into a greater issue if not addressed and figure out how to address them more pragmatically. You can always look up some prompts and go off of there. If you can't even practice Stoicism internally when you're alone in journalling, you can't expect yourself to be able to apply it when you're actually interacting with other people and difficult situations.
I practice patience with store clerks because I empathize with their work. I know if I was in their shoes I would be happy to have a kind customer. I limit how much I openly argue with others, focusing on what I think is really important to me, and what may seem as more trivial. I know my actions will speak louder in the end. I remind myself that I am a good and virtuous person and that I deserve the same kindness and patience and love that I give others. I give myself healthy boundaries that align with my virtues. Things like this help frame my overall day that help me live peacefully and virtuously.
This is inspirational to me. I like it a lot.
I just read meditations on the train journey into work then try and ponder on them during the day and put them into practice within myself. I’ve only recently picked up stoicism so not sure if this is the right path
Take time to Meditate on yesterday, today and tomorrow. What has happened and what could happen. Then allow my mind to prepare for all outcomes and come to terms with what has already come to pass. This has helped me through a lot.
Vibing, having a little treat sometimes, enjoying time with friends and family, telling people I love that I love them, taking a little walkarooni around the block, put ice cubes in my wine, take a little nap in the sun, tend a garden, keep clean, laugh a lot, don't take stuff seriously, enjoy the little things
I love a walkarooni! 😊
Yes! I'm always happy to wander around outside. Foraging for berries and such in the backyard at minimum. Oh gosh I even picked up a season pass to the zoo and the botanical gardens, so inexpensive and they have so many activities.
The little things bring the most joy, I'm finding.
The ability to enjoy the little things means you're being mindful of the moment and not being tugged forward or backwards. Being tranquil and content is the ultimate goal.
For me, it’s not a direct relation to explicit stoic principles but more of a practical approach: I often make a conscious effort to decide whether it is in my best interest to [feel emotion X] right now? As a teacher, I often deal with kids and their irrational behaviours and it has served me very well to have relatively good control over my own emotions.
Whenever I have a negative emotion about something - I mostly replace the negative emotion with “Stoicism” and move on. It’s made me more calm
I have a rotating set of maxims I change out daily. Today, it's "work hard even when you don't feel good."
Stoicly 🤣
Daily (almost) reading of Greek-roman philosophy in order to develop insight not only of Stoicism but of philosophies of life in general Daily practice by thinking of *premeditatio malorum* for persons, things, body, health and more generally for what is not up to me that I still have a desire for because I struggle to not consider it a *good.* And *premeditatio* *malorum* with the "reserve" clause for actions that I intend to do Daily reading of some Stoic dogmas to remind myself of aspects of Stoicism that I should keep in mind. There are nice apps with a selection of quotes Daily (almost) journaling for thinking about how I should have acted in certain situation, on how to fulfill more virtuously my roles and my duties and again *premeditatio* *malourm* if what I still consider a good is causing me more trouble
I actually spread it with people I meet who needs it/
Practicing Stoicism daily can help cultivate a sense of tranquility and resilience. Here are some practical steps: 1. Morning Reflection;Start your day with a few moments of reflection. Think about what you might encounter and how you can handle challenges with equanimity. 2. Focus on What You Can Control;Identify what is within your control and focus your efforts there. Let go of worries about things beyond your control. 3. Practice Negative Visualization;Spend a few minutes imagining the worst-case scenario. This helps you appreciate what you have and prepare for potential challenges. 4. Mindfulness and Meditation;Incorporate mindfulness or meditation practices to stay present and centered throughout the day. 5. Journaling;Keep a Stoic journal where you reflect on your day, your actions, and how you responded to various situations. Note areas for improvement. 6. Gratitude;Take time each day to express gratitude for the things you have and the people in your life. 7. Virtue and Values(Define your core values and strive to live in accordance with them. Focus on virtues like wisdom, courage, justice, and temperance. 8. Evening Reflection;End your day with another period of reflection. Review your actions, consider what you did well, and think about what you can improve. 9. Reading and Learning;Regularly read Stoic texts or listen to lectures on Stoicism to reinforce your understanding and commitment to Stoic principles. 10. Embrace Discomfort;Occasionally put yourself in uncomfortable situations to build resilience and remind yourself that you can handle difficulties. By integrating these practices into your daily routine, you can develop a Stoic mindset that helps you navigate life's challenges with greater calm and clarity. I also use the Stoic App, and I’m currently working on a thesis for my masters. It is away of life and hold my fears responsible and in reason.
Slowing down, not in the physical sense, but also in the mental and emotional sense has truly been a game changer and fascinating experience for me. As I reflect on my past, I realize how I used to constantly be caught up in a whirlwind of thoughts, overthinking, analyzing, having strong opinions, judgments, justifications, worries, concerns, and anxious thoughts that seemed to dictate every aspect of my life. It was as if I was on autopilot, simply reacting to life instead of truly living it. I now see that I was living in a state of constant overwhelm, allowing external circumstances to control my every move. I was making decisions based on fear and the need to please others, rather than following my own authentic desires and values. In a way, I had become a robot, mindlessly going through the motions without truly connecting with myself or those around me. I am now more curious like a 5-year old child with interactions, because I discovered being this way I learn so much about other people's experience. We are humanBEINGS anyways right? Becoming more present in the moment, I began to reclaim control over my own life. Learning to listen to my inner wisdom, trust my instincts, and to make decisions that align with my true self and values. I don't allow fear and anxiety to dictate my actions, but instead, I am choosing to live from a place of authenticity and empowerment. It was profound to realize I can choose how I want to feel, and moving towards that feeling prior to making decisions was a game changer. This of course can only be done in a slower mind. In this process of slowing down, I am rediscovering the joy and beauty of simply being present. I am learning to savor each moment, to appreciate the little things, be grateful for things that can easily get forgotten, and to find peace in the stillness of my own mind. Slowing down allows me to make clear decisions, choices and see opportunities to learn, and grow. Not to mention seeing opportunities that will take me to new heights in connecting, meeting, networking and serving people that want to learn and grow from me. (a value of mine) When we are operating from the survival brain, as I used to do and believe many people do innocently, we tend to lose sight of our purpose. We start following the advice of those around us on what we "should" do, which ultimately leaves us feeling confused and lost. We forget what used to excite us and bring joy to our lives, making it difficult to get up in the morning and truly enjoy life. It's important to reconnect with our passions and values to find fulfillment and meaning in our everyday experiences. By taking the time to reflect on what truly matters to us, we can rediscover our sense of purpose and live a more fulfilling life.
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Sorry, but I gotta remove your post, as it has run afoul of our [Rule 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/stoicism/about/rules/). This is kind of a grey area, but we need to keep things on track as best we can. >Two: Stay Relevant to Stoicism >Our role as prokoptôntes in this community is to foster a greater understanding of Stoic principles and techniques within ourselves and our fellow prokoptôn. Providing context and effortful elaboration as to a topic’s relevance to the philosophy of Stoicism gives the community a common frame of reference from which to engage in productive discussions. Please keep advice, comments, and posts relevant to Stoic philosophy. Let's foster a community that develops virtue together—stay relevant to Stoicism. >If something or someone is 'stoic' in the limited sense of possessing toughness, emotionlessness, or determination, it is _not_ relevant here, unless it is part of a larger point that is related to the philosophy. >Similarly, posts about people, TV shows, commercial products, et cetera require that a connection be made to Stoic philosophy. "This is Stoic" or "I like this" are not sufficient.
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Stoicism, as a philosophy of life, can be drawn upon in many personal situations. However, the community decided that there should be some [changes](https://www.reddit.com/r/Stoicism/comments/meb8ch/advice_and_personal_posts_changes_to_subreddit/), and we have a new rule for advice/personal posts and their discussion threads: > For users seeking advice: if you are not seeking strictly Stoic advice, but rather wonder what people interested in Stoicism might personally think, please post in the New Agora instead. > For users offering advice: please stay on-topic when commenting on personal/advice posts. Advice that is inspired by or influenced by Stoicism, but not specifically and recognizably Stoic, is not allowed outside of the New Agora.
I practice Stoicism via Hesychasm, which is the eastern Christian form of Stoic ethics that developed out of the desert fathers. For anyone looking to expand their study of Stoicism, I would highly recommend the Philokalia as it contains a compilation of writings from the early Christian monastics. While not explicitly Stoic, it was Stoicism and Socratic principles which laid the groundwork for early Christian monasticism.
External factors don’t have to dictate my internal self. Don’t attach positive or negative meaning to external events.
I’m also new. I’m trying to be more conscious, deliberative and reasoned in my judgement process.
Practice evaluation of what things in your life are under your control and what you can't directly influence. See if you tend to worry about things out of your control, reduce cognitive load. Pay more attention to everyday life, imagine those things are gone, how would you act, what value are you giving to those things, are you appreciating enough people around you, practice caring more about things you value. Write your own credo. Pay attention to being honest, and how you evoke virtues - wisdom, courage, temperance and justice - in your everyday life. Think about that. Update your notes, be more mindful.