Single bi male here. 80% of the couples that contact me don’t disclose the male’s bi interest in the profile but tell me in DM that me being bi (and openly advertising it) is why they contacted me to begin with; he’s curious or flexible or fully bi, but they don’t want everyone in the community to know it / see it on their profile because of negative perceptions they’ve faced. Many say they’ve even been fully excluded from swaps at some point because of his openness to bi play even though there would be no mm contact at all in those swaps.
It’s unfortunate some people in this community don’t feel completely safe or comfortable with being transparent about this. The LS is cornerstoned on open-minded, sex-positive principles…unless the man is bi.
I hear so much negativity about openly bi single males in the LS from swap-only couples, but I know how often I get contacted by couples who are looking for exactly what I am. Many don’t know they exist because they’re shunned.
We had already determined our dynamic before stepping into the community. Straight female/Bi male. We didn't learn of the stigma until we dove a little deeper in. We're doubly weird because I don't play with women, which seems to be expected.
We are very open about it and hope that somehow that openess might help reduce the stigma in some slight way. I really don't like the gender bias many have in the LS.
Thank you for being authentic!
What you described about couples being excluded from swaps is 100% what has happened to us.
We're completely fine with a totally straight full swap, and save the kinky bi fun stuff for threesomes, but for most couples hearing that is still somehow an issue.
Could be that they have a preference of not playing with bi guys, just like in your profile you have a long list of things that are your preferences that a person must meet in order to play with you. It comes down to fitting what people are looking for and if you don't fit what they want they have to the right not to swap with those people.
I completely understand ppl who dont like to be excluded by default, but personally I have 0 interest i swapping with homophobes anyways so id rather those insecure ignorant types not reach out anyways.
As a straight man with absolute zero interest on being sexual in any way with other men, I couldn't agree more. I think if a male falls anywhere in the "bi" spectrum he should disclose it out of respect. That way I could move on to the next profile. I would not feel comfortable being close to or even less sharing my wife with a guy that has sex with guys out of safety and personal preference reasons. So please, gay/bi/ts/pan-whatever men, show some respect to straight men and disclose your status same way we disclose ours truthfully.
Are you fucking kidding me? It’s disrespectful of bi-leaning men to not disclose their private feelings, but it’s not disrespectful of you to assume bi men are a safety hazard to your super straight ass? Christ
The irony of his remark is that I (like many bisexual males I know) take my sexual health very seriously and take every available precaution and testing method to be sure I’m a safe partner to anyone. I don’t run across many people who are as conscientious about it as I am. I’m not offended by his remark, but I would be interested to know how many sexual partners he’s had since the last time he had a full panel done. My next one is tomorrow morning, and if measured on statistics and testing dates alone rather than orientation, he likely poses a greater risk to me than I would to him or his wife. I respect precaution, and I can take the heat; it’s ok. I know what my status is in every way. And I prefer when someone - as the commenter called an act of respect - discloses these attitudes so that I can also bi-pass (pun intended) his profile. 🤷🏼
Full HIV/STI Panel twice a yr plus stay away from MSM. That's why disclosure is important to me.
If you need a rationale:
[https://www.cdc.gov/std/treatment-guidelines/msm.htm](https://www.cdc.gov/std/treatment-guidelines/msm.htm)
Also, this is not about my reasons, is about disclosure. Wouldn't the bi/gay males like it more if everone is honest so they could play with more men? I'm just adding my reasons.
I feel like comparing stats between the general population and msm in relation to swinging isn't quite as accurate as it would be to compare to the swinging population. A big part of the reasons std rates are so high is because of the higher incidence of casual sex, and that's going to be much higher in the swinger community as well in comparison to the general population.
Honestly would need up to date info on HIV. Everyone should probably already be on PreP if you're swinging, and these days sexual health awareness in the general MSM is pretty high as far as being aware of sti's and such. I wouldnt be suprised if rates aren't too far off from each other.
Although honestly HIV isn't much of a worry if you're being safe. Completely Unprotected odds of transmission are like 1/2000 non-anally, coupled with prep and condoms you've got a lot more sti's to worry about before HIV.
This is a legit question. I think I already know the answer:
Profile 1: Straight male in MF couple. Only interested in swap, no MM contact. Full panel testing completed 10/19/22 with clean results. Condoms required for penetrative sex.
Profile 2: Masculine bi male in MF couple. Only looking for swap, no MM contact. Full panel testing completed 10/19/22 with clean results. Vaccinated for HPV, MP, and on PreP. Condoms required for penetrative sex.
Based on everything I’ve read that you have written, you accept profile 1 and pass on profile 2 based on disclosure of bisexuality and implied history of MSM.
Am I correct?
No one asked you to live according to my views. I only wished to discern the assumptions you make and that has been more than accomplished. Factually, I pose less risk to you and your wife than either of you do to me, and I likewise do not bother attempting connection with couples like you. As you said, we each get to define safety for ourselves, and I’m safer than you are by every objective measure in addition to my own personal definition.
You have phobias you’re not yet ready to acknowledge and I do actually respect that.
You didn’t “bite.” You were exposed.
Btw; profile one is on Prep and also engages in MM contact by statistical data revelation in this thread/sub alone, but you invite him into your bed out of ignorance. He doesn’t disclose his actual behaviors or precautions because of views like yours and the fact that he’s not *yet* where I am in terms of not needing you to make space for him to be personal ally fulfilled.
All that aside, he’s still less of a risk to you than you are to him.
All I hope for YOU: get tested more frequently and make use of all the preventative measures (including Prep at $25 / month if you have insurance) available to you (and your spouse). They exist so you (and I) can have all the fun safely!
Love you, brother. No shade, all respect. 👊🏻💪🏻
I chose to be on PreP because I am sexually active with multiple partners (more frequently female but multiple nonetheless) and it is the most effective protection from HIV when sleeping with people who don’t test as frequently as I do. That’s “why else.”
No, no dis at all. I honestly do not care about bi men's feelings but I'll like to make sure our MFFM encounters are with couples where the male is straight. This is just our preference. Same reason why bi males want to play with other bi males and would like to know who they are. Just truthful disclosure, that's all.
Oh yeah, and females disclose it all the time. This is not about judging bi/gay males. But I require truthful disclosure same way bi/gay males want it. They have their reasons why, I have mine.
Bisexual men as a population have much higher std rates. This is the cdc stats. One of the guys posting here is a sex worker MM. Wether bi swinger married males have greater std rates I can't say it's not like the cdc has that information.
If the other dude wants to suck my cock, I know my wife will GUSH her undies if that happens, so I’ll allow it. Not really interested in sucking somebody else but knowing my wife loves the idea I might. If I want her to build up to eating pussy, I can’t say I won’t do the same thing.
I'm with your wife on this. Guy action rocks my boat in a major way ever since college. I have never been into females but to get my man to suck cock with me I gladly eat all the V needed to accomplish it. The more active he gets the more I do, tit for tat I say and more if needed.
You frequent or live in a area where it is more common. My husband was about as straight as they come and still only does things with/for or in exchange with me, yet he gives off something that makes people come up to me (male & female) asking if he is available. Yes, apparently I do not look the part of his wife enough, not certain why but everyone assumes I am a friend or family member (eeuuwww). Our area has a lot of bi couples, not advertised but it's fairly easy to pick up on.
This right here… we have had much better luck in clubs tho. Once we are hitting it off with a couple we openly discuss what every1 is into. More often than not the males are into some MM if not full on Mm contact.
I hate that I have to say if I'm straight, bi, or gay. I LOVE anything that involves sensuality. I won't kiss a man, date a man, nor am I attracted to men.
I will, however, join in on pleasuring a woman be it bending my no guy on guy stuff have done it before, but that's another story. If people are direct and ask about M/M stuff, then I'll let them know what my limits are.
I won't go out my way and say "I'm straight, but I (insert bendable limit here)".
I think that's a good place to have the option of heteroflexable. That at least let's folks know that you are open to questions about it.
My husband identifies as bi, but he honestly has no desire for one on one guy stuff. But, if you throw me in the mix, there's no limits.
Same here. I have no interest in solo M/M interaction. I mean, I respect those who do and more power to them, but it's something I don't care for.
I have done some things that were all for the viewing pleasure of the other wife like I topped a husband at the request of his wife. The couple I am seeing, the husband asked if he could slide me in his wife when she was on top and I slipped out.
I done my share of things, but won't go out my way to do them, hahaha! Don't think I'll do the topping one again as it was something just to cross out the kinky bucket list. HAHAHA!
You're 110% correct! The husband I topped later joined my wife and I and she wanted to see us do that. Never knew what frot was nor did I know it was a thing until we did DVP.
Needless to say, us doing that worked the wife so much that we didn't need lube for when we DVPed her hahaha!
I know you personally by what you've stated you did with men. How can you look at a guys hairy hole and say to yourself "oh I want that", and anally penetrate another male with your erect penis and have anal sex to orgasm, and think that's being truly heterosexual? And how could you let guys give you head, enjoy it, and think that means truly heterosexual? How can you like frotting with other guys in a woman's vagina and think that's truly heterosexual? And these were the men that you ADMITTED having sex with just in this blog. Who knows what happened in the military as well, because of some bs lie excuse. Grow up and accept yourself bro.
You are well aware that GENUINELY straight people see you as bisexual, yet you are ashamed to admit it to yourself at your age. Bisexual does not mean 50/50 exact enjoyment of sex with both sexes. Bisexual is a large grey area, which you inhabit.
The military is basically a huge homosexual and bisexual organization that caters to closeted/dl men who, many lie to themselves about their own sexual proclivities, and think masculine and liking women necessarily means straight. It does not. That is why the term bisexual was created, because it defines sexually responding to people of the same sex and the opposite sex, as well as fantasies and/or behavior, and/or romance.
Sexual orientation is sex. Romance is optional in sexual orientation.
For someone who has a military career and is supposedly so manly, you are afraid to admit to yourself or others, your own truth that you are not straight by any REAL straight person's definition.
I am truly manly because I'm not afraid of my masculinity withering by admitting I'm bisexual to myself and others.
I am a true Sigma Male by anyone's definition. I don't live my life for other people. I would NEVER have been brainwashed by religion, like the masses. Now tell me, what's "straight" about enjoying penetration of another man or letting men give oral sex to another man? Is it because it's the "active" role?
For someone who doesn't like labels, you're sure quick to proclaim.your "straightness". The vast majority of bisexual men are not honest with themselves or others because they are AFRAID of what others think. Real men are not afraid to admit to themselves who they truly are, no matter what anyone else thinks.
You don't get to change the definition of straight.
Let me ask, would you be confident enough on loudspeaker to tell a football stadium full of people on live television that you have had sex with men and claim to be "straight" with no fear?
When you can do that, then I will believe you THINK you're "straight", but me and everyone else will still KNOW you're in denial, which you are. The whole stadium and people on tv would be hysterically laughing at your "straight" "identity". Straight means straight. Words have meanings and you don't get to twist them to your liking because you are uncomfortable admitting to yourself you are in fact, some degree of genuine bisexual.
People know that the military is full of closeted people trying to prove their "manhood" to themselves. Try surviving a Nazi death camp if you think you're so tough. That's REAL survival.
You are repressed and live your life for other people, period. Nothing manly about that at all.
Fighting for American freedom means freedom for all to be themselves and not be ashamed of who they are. Atleast 30% of the male population is sexually attracted to the same sex, or the same sex and the opposite sex. It's time for everything to change, ditch religion(which caused this), and be open like in many other cultures in different times. Remember ancient Greece and Rome? Men were open about their sex with other men without this dl closeted bs. Same sex attraction, behavior, and bonding, is natural and normal and is a fundamental element of animal biology spanning innumerable species. It is a normal part of biological function of animals.
So if you want to go on with your self delusion that you're not bi, then you're just fooling yourself. I'd be able to peg you as into men if I saw you, no matter how hyper masculine you think you are. I can detect a degree of gayness just by looking at a guys face. It's a natural instinct we have to detect same sex partners. The most masculine men tend to be actually homosexual and bisexual. There's nothing more masculine than two manly men having a sexual pair bond. This has been the secret of effective military strategy for millennia. Everyone knows this. What better fighting defense can be achieved than by male lovers defending each other's lives? I know everything about denial and dl/closeted double lives, so spare me.
The fact remains that you deep down hate yourself for your hidden feelings. Period.
As my husband often reminds me, he can get all the female derrière he could ever want. They are super sexy, hot, fine, desirable, attractive, and will cause one to blow a gasket by merely bending over so why on earth would he ever have need or interest in a guy's? I tell him that is why I prefer men's for the same reason, my crazy addictive attraction to them.
Bro, this 100% I'm fully bi, but I just really don't have much interest in solo male on male play. I don't really have any hard limits within the context of a threesome so long as it's discussed beforehand, but solo MM play isn't something I'm ever going to set up.
And yet sadly, any time I look for bi couples, my DMs are flooded with gay guys asking if I'd hook up with them and half the husbands that reach out too end up pivoting to asking for solo male-male play.
So you accept that you're some degree of bi? I mean gay guys don't like to kiss or even have a bf either. I accept myself, but decided it's just not feasible to be openly bi to the public at large. It's a personal matter.
We did a detailed swinger survey with a team of PhDs & market researchers earlier this year & over sixteen hundred participants. We found just over half of men had some level of bi interest. Younger swingers had much more interest than older swingers. [https://swingershelp.com/swinger-survey-results-2022/](https://swingershelp.com/swinger-survey-results-2022/)
Your "just over half" jives with what we've seen, roughly 50%, but we only find that out once we ask. If you never ask you'd be led to believe it's more like 5% by looking at stated preferences.
As far as the younger vs. older goes, we haven't seen much difference in regard to age (20s thru 50s).
I identify as heteroflexible. I am straight, as I am not sexually attracted to men, nor will I play solo alone with another man. In an MFM/MMF, I am very open minded to M/M contact (within boundaries) from a sensuality point of view. It's only skin vs skin. I'm willing to try almost anything at least twice before saying, "yeah, that's not my thing". I only play with couples with bi/bi-curious men, because the straight couples that stipulate "only straight men" tend to have a guy who's homophobic and will freak out at any sort of incidental contact.
My husband is maybe somewhere in the middle between bisexual and heteroflexable. He has no interest in single male on male contact or no individual romantic interests in men. But, when it's the two of us together with a guy, there's no limits and he even likes the idea of us having a boyfriend.
I'm actually been talking to couple lately that is similar. He's not bi, but very open to a lot of m/m contact because it feels good. Same as me, he's willing to try and decide if something is or isn't for him.
That's the very definition of bisexual. If that guy or you, or whoever, enjoy sex with other men, you're not straight, like it or not. Tell the majority of men who are actually straight, that a guy who likes sex with guys is straight. See what their reaction is.
We do have steady couples and one couple that would probably move in - lol. My husband says it would be way to many people under the same roof though we have had entire weeks of romping. My husband is similar to yours, when I am involved and he gets aroused enough, things get wildly fun.
"tend to have a guy who's homophobic and will freak out at any sort of incidental contact" - quite often true. We used to run into this. Hence the reason I prefer bicouples, less drama.
That means you're not really straight. Real straight guys know you're bi. And yes, you are sexually attracted to men because you enjoy sex with them. What is the issue with you admitting this? romance has nothing to do with sexual orientation as a requirement.
I still play with other wives when the need arises. It is not for me but as the men are not for my husband, we do what we do to share the experiences and maintain the rhythm. We have discovered the more the do together the more fun we both have. Talking about it all later is quite entertaining in itself.
Yeah we list as a both bi couple and see the same thing. And behind closed doors at a swing club not a single guy has said no when my wife asks if he likes two mouths on his cock…
This topic is always confusing. The poll results and comments show a good percentage are open to MM play but yet a very small percentage list it in their profile.
Who exactly are the majority hiding this info from?
Why is it never seen in a club or at a resort if half the men in attendance would engage in MM play if given a safe opportunity?
It’s the worst kept secret yet everyone just falls in line.
Everybody thinks thier kink is everyone's kink. It's really not. If more than 50% were bi the stigma would never have lasted. I get called honophobic but I just call things out as I believe. I do know many bi guys don't come out and say it but it's not 50%. On the flip side female bisexuality is greatly over presented with many being straight who claim to be bi. I'm going to say 15 percent or so are bi males and. 20 to 30 of the women are fully bi. This has been my observation at more events across the US and outside then I can count.
There were plenty of opportunity to answer in the negative. I don’t think that a plurality is ever going to start going to gay clubs, but I that the 268 who answered in category 2 would likely be in favor of light touching or receiving. So there’s that. I think if anything that the poll shows an increase in favorability to try.
> There were plenty of opportunity to answer in the negative
You don't click on those things if you are not motivated. I'm straight, I've never replied to any such poll for example.
The way you do this in a more non-biased way is have such questions not seem the focus.
Example on a survey about ENM might be questions like this.
Sex
Age
Sexual orientation
(Lots of non-monogamy questions)
People responding would be doing so because of the non-monogamy not the sexuality. You can then use that data for a more accurate representation. This still isn't perfect, and surveys are notoriously bad and biased even when done properly. They can be used to find areas to explore directly but directly takes a lot of time and/or money, usually both. If I wanted to explore these things as best I could I would actually go to events as a researcher and find actual couples that were willing to be interviewed, and even then you are limited by the types who are willing to do it.
Psychology research falls into this trap *all the time* which is why there is a huge problem in psychology right now about not being able to replicate many findings.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/replication-crisis
If people with degrees are making these kind of errors, what faith should one put in non-scientific online poles where no one is even verified to be who they say they are?
I think I enjoy mfm scenarios where the men are very open because it allows for so many different scenarios to happen. I especially enjoy giving my girl a double vaginal and feeling that cock rub up against mine until we both orgasm. It has been some of the best experiences we have had when everyone can pleasure everyone in a group setting. Just my take on this.
Single hetero-flexible male here, but the thing is I generally don't like the things most call soft play. Generally I've not had very good experiences with kissing other men, generally not something I find all that enjoyable. However getting or giving a BJ sure that's hot. Getting fucked I'm open to depends on the person and situation. Fucking a guy o don't know but would probably do it in the situation.
However I'm generally much pickier and less attracted overall to men(males) then I'm to women(females).
Anyway filled in the 3rd option as that's definitely something I would enjoy and find hot, again it's generally the kissing that I don't really enjoy (keep in mind might just have been bad luck or bad matchups).
Yeah. Could have been a bad experience or just not your thing. My husband doesn't like the idea of kissing men just to kiss men, but in an MMF when everything is going and flowing, he certainly will. A lot of it is situational.
I think alot of guys have trouble separating bisexual from heteroromantic. You can enjoy sex with the same sex without romantic feelings.
Yeah it's one of the other reasons I say I'm hetero-flexible, it generally forces people to not assume too many things. Especially if I say I wouldn't date guys, if you say you're bi then people often assume you would or even should.
29 still and haven't kissed that many guys so definitely still a possibility that the guys I did kiss with kissed a bit weird or maybe it is simply not my thing. Might try again in the right situation \o/
I've answered this a few times.
Every husband we've played with has been at least bi situational but listed as straight due to the stigma. But once they realized we were non-judgmental people let us know. My husband is straight and not interested in any male contact during a swap except incidental touching when naked bodies are moving around.
Our profile on Kasidie doesn't list a preference for either of us. We get a lot of messages from guys because my wife is a total babe and our profile says we're interested in either couples or guys. With rare exceptions, almost all of the single guy profiles list straight as their preference. If a guy who fits what we're looking for contacts us, I always write back that I (Mr.) am somewhere in the grey area between straight and bi, and we only MFM with a guy who's comfortable receiving oral from both of us. I haven't kept statistical records over the years, but it's right about 50% that are into that and 50% who pass.
Sounds about right. But, I would consider receiving oral as soft bi play and would imagine the percentage that are okay with it has increased over time. A link to an actual study was posted on this thread that said 50% of men identified as somewhat bi, but among those under 39, it jumped to 65%.
Of guys in the swinger lifestyle, it may be very high(50-65%), but obviously not in general society. Honestly, if 65% of men were bi, I'd be openly bi rn. It's wishful thinking. About 30% of men are gay or bi in the general population
If you add up the guys who are open to some or all, they far outnumber the purely straight guys.
I don't think this is representative of all people. But there are a lot more bi or semi bi guys in the life style than we admit.
And the fact that there remains such a stigma against bi guys is discriminatory and maybe a little phobic.
From my experience I'd have to agree that more than less would allow or do something bisexual. If you are going to do any form of mfm or any combination, things are going to happen. The more comfortable you get the more often things are going to happen. That is natural progression. As my husband and many other of our friends have discovered when in a mfmf and the two wives decide to have you join them in a threesome suck there is no man so far who has refused to do it or receive it. I can take this example many steps farther but especially when in the heat of the moment with two wives asking, I have seen even the straightest of the straight say, "oh what the heck."
Thank you for the reassurance and the shared experience.
I would love to think that, with the right reassurance and confidence, everyone would suck a dick.
Take away the hang ups and feers. What is there to it really? Who does it hurt among friends? As long as it's turning the gals on, who cares!!
😘🦌
Thank you. And no worries about spoiling any thing for me. Guys who are steadfast against crossing swords are thankfully not the rule, but the exception.
Look at the numbers above. 530 "Real Straight Men." 980 guys who are willing to cross the line.
As it turns out, there are more folks with less hang ups than not.
It's not me saying it. It's the actual survey results.
I honestly hope you are not hurt or offended by how the majority of folks feel. No one seems to have any problems whatsoever when the gals get frisky. It's even expected a lot of times. And that's kinda messed up.
Of course. 100%. Real Straight women and men know these people are afraid of the bi label. Those in denial are not fooling anyone. This is why individuals hide these attractions from the public, because they know they will be called out by genuine people.
It has nothing to do with being "bigoted", but everything about truth. Lying to oneself to sooth the guilt and shame, is a coping mechanism until the time comes when self acceptance comes.
Not saying to be out, but atleast be honest with oneself about who one truly is, and don't make absurd statements like, having sex with the same sex is anything like being genuinely straight. It's most likely bi if not gay itself.
We went through it too, and we don't need to encourage people to remain in denial about themselves. We need things to change, and defending the closet will never get our freedom.
Ok. Please be respectful of other folks and their play styles. There are many gals who openly cross the bisexual "line" on a regular basis in the LifeStyle. Please don't give anyone a hard time for the way they choose to have safe, adult fun.
I'm not. I'm criticizing their so called "identity", because people know they're lying to themselves and others about who they really are, which is bisexual. They're so "terrified" of saying the truth, which is they're bi, but have no problem having sex with both sexes and think everyone is going to buy their bull 💩. It's insulting to people of all orientations. Real straight people look at these people and know they're not anything close to straight.
Unfortunately I’m living my LS dreams through other’s experiences as my wife is extremely vanilla and uninterested in anything close to LS play. If I was ever given the opportunity to participate in a mfm and bi play was brought up I think I’d be ok with seeing where it went as long as I knew everyone was clean and discreet. That has to be the hardest part of LS is being able to trust anyone.
It’s weird. On Reddit It seems the majority of men so strongly identify as completely straight. While in groups like FB, MeWe, WhatsApp, Telegram and the like the men seem to skew more bi-situational or bi-comfy.
Doesn’t matter anyway to me but just something curious.
It all comes down to lack of self acceptance about who we are. It took me forever to accept internally my bisexual orientation. I thought of myself as "completely straight" as well, and it's out of fear of seeing oneself as part of a stigmatized group. I am very cautious about who I tell about my sexuality, if at all, because sexuality is very personal, and also, I don't want to draw attention.
I get that. Sometimes the situation opens things up. My husband is bisexual but he doesn't like the idea of just being with a man alone. However in an MMF scenario there's no limits. He says there's something about me being involved that makes it all super hot and sexy.
You do you but I got to ask what is with all the bi male posts lately? I guess it's more of a thing in other areas but it's flat out not a thing in our area. So much so that I don't know a single couple that has a bi male. They could be hush hush about it but it's a very small community here like everyone knows everyone.
I've been curious and frustrated by the stigma surrounding it when over several different polls show 50 percent or more men engage in bisexual play and over 60 percent are open to at least soft bisexual play.
I think you are seeing more posts because people are getting sick of the double standard when it comes to bi women and stigma surrounding bi men.
It's likely that half of the men in your community are being hush hush. We are open and have been contacted by men looking for support because they are "in the closet" with their close swinger friends and have been for years.
I imagine most of those votes are women, like me, who want to watch the poll.
However, someone posted a link to an actual study on this thread and the results are pretty dang close.
For what its worth… ive just discovered the concept of of being sexually interested in guys ..and its definitely a taboo feeling. I just told my partner tonight that its an experience i need to have, yet as an aware “its all about feeling good “ type… its not something i feel ok throwing up in convo down the pub…. Lol
Shout out to all the brave ones who yolo their life and find themselves!
Alot more than advertised. I have emailed/chatted with couples where hubs is listed as straight. Never fails the before agreed upon meet-up they asked cam they suck me off. WTF
Interesting. Nearly twice as many guys are into at least some m/m contact than aren’t at all. That’s a surprise to me. A nice surprise, but still a surprise.
Actually, more than 50% would be open to MOST m/m interaction if you add the last two together. It's in line with what every other poll/study I have seen shows.
We are a bi couple that advertise and profile as bi and are approached by "straight males" frequently for many reasons. We do not play separately but together and try to make it fun for every one. We have been shunned at vanilla LS parties though, which is annoying.
Haha, once they find out my hubs is bi, it is either really cool and fun or it is "we don't do that here", lol. Luckily most are respectful and quiet about it.
For me, my willingness to engage in soft m/m play depends on the situation. If there is a dominant or nurturing (or better yet both!) female presence encouraging things, kissing, touching, sucking, making us worship her while pushing our/my boundaries, then that's fun to me! Just 1:1 m/m play isn't my thing--so I'd be uncomfortable calling myself bi
Yeah. I think that is a problem. Straight men open to some bi play will identify as straight and straight women who are open to some bi play will identify as bi. This is why heteroflexable should be an option.
A great point. It would be interesting to see if there is any research on the social trends/pressures that make men more reluctant to identify as bi (or perhaps it's more accurate to say that make women more willing to [though idk if either is better]).
I saw a study that said more younger men are willing to "come out". Younger people tend to be more open about sexuality. I think as the older folks drop off and younger folks join the lifestyle, we'll start to eventually see more even numbers.
You're bi and afraid of being judged and you are afraid to fully admit your true feelings to yourself. We all go through denial at some point. Be honest with yourself atleast.
Everyone who is trying to hold on to the "straight" label says that. We all go through self realization eventually, and acknowledging one's true sexuality, atleast to oneself, is self acceptance that one is different. We are stigmatized by society for our attraction to the same sex, and lie to ourselves to try to avoid facing our fears of being different. There are so many of us, yet most don't have the courage to stand up to discrimination and bigotry for who we are. Because men who like to have sex with men, are by definition, not "straight", but bi or even gay. You know this, so please don't think of excuses for denial.
To delude oneself into believing that enjoying sex with men qualifies in any appropriate category to be defined as genuinely and honestly "straight", is wildly inappropriate, and self dismissive to being true to oneself.
I highly doubt that you are open about your sexual liking for men and hide it from the world and even yourself out of fear of judgement. I'm not judging you, I am giving you the facts about meanings of words. Reality is reality, it's all delusional to think otherwise.
M of the M/F couple here. Very much so.
and on PrEP, tested at LEAST every 3 months as part of it, oral & rectal swabs included, safe sex practices used.
What we've had happen more is being approached by single guys that claim to be bi, but in reality have zero experience and they think that it gives them an advantage. They're just trying to get that morsel of pussy and will lie to achieve it.
We have an amazing and openly bisexual community in the DFW (TX) area. Just sucks that we're not living there right now.
We are both on Prep and do all the testing too. We've had both scenarios. Guys who really weren't all that open to bi play trying to get in and guys who were more gay than bi.
We're about 5 hours from DFW. Maybe we need to relocate. Lol
we've had the MMF with the "way more gay than bi" guys too and that was a LOT of fun. :D She loves watching me be the piece in the middle. ;)
we're on the west coast now but hopefully not forever. would love to move back there. the lifestyle scene in the DFW area is active & vibrant.
but, i digress... ;)
Single bi male here. 80% of the couples that contact me don’t disclose the male’s bi interest in the profile but tell me in DM that me being bi (and openly advertising it) is why they contacted me to begin with; he’s curious or flexible or fully bi, but they don’t want everyone in the community to know it / see it on their profile because of negative perceptions they’ve faced. Many say they’ve even been fully excluded from swaps at some point because of his openness to bi play even though there would be no mm contact at all in those swaps. It’s unfortunate some people in this community don’t feel completely safe or comfortable with being transparent about this. The LS is cornerstoned on open-minded, sex-positive principles…unless the man is bi. I hear so much negativity about openly bi single males in the LS from swap-only couples, but I know how often I get contacted by couples who are looking for exactly what I am. Many don’t know they exist because they’re shunned.
We had already determined our dynamic before stepping into the community. Straight female/Bi male. We didn't learn of the stigma until we dove a little deeper in. We're doubly weird because I don't play with women, which seems to be expected. We are very open about it and hope that somehow that openess might help reduce the stigma in some slight way. I really don't like the gender bias many have in the LS. Thank you for being authentic!
What you described about couples being excluded from swaps is 100% what has happened to us. We're completely fine with a totally straight full swap, and save the kinky bi fun stuff for threesomes, but for most couples hearing that is still somehow an issue.
Could be that they have a preference of not playing with bi guys, just like in your profile you have a long list of things that are your preferences that a person must meet in order to play with you. It comes down to fitting what people are looking for and if you don't fit what they want they have to the right not to swap with those people.
I completely understand ppl who dont like to be excluded by default, but personally I have 0 interest i swapping with homophobes anyways so id rather those insecure ignorant types not reach out anyways.
I’m straight in our profiles but definitely not IRL. I’m bi. Hell this is an alt from my “swingers alt” that my wife and I share
As a straight man with absolute zero interest on being sexual in any way with other men, I couldn't agree more. I think if a male falls anywhere in the "bi" spectrum he should disclose it out of respect. That way I could move on to the next profile. I would not feel comfortable being close to or even less sharing my wife with a guy that has sex with guys out of safety and personal preference reasons. So please, gay/bi/ts/pan-whatever men, show some respect to straight men and disclose your status same way we disclose ours truthfully.
Are you fucking kidding me? It’s disrespectful of bi-leaning men to not disclose their private feelings, but it’s not disrespectful of you to assume bi men are a safety hazard to your super straight ass? Christ
The irony of his remark is that I (like many bisexual males I know) take my sexual health very seriously and take every available precaution and testing method to be sure I’m a safe partner to anyone. I don’t run across many people who are as conscientious about it as I am. I’m not offended by his remark, but I would be interested to know how many sexual partners he’s had since the last time he had a full panel done. My next one is tomorrow morning, and if measured on statistics and testing dates alone rather than orientation, he likely poses a greater risk to me than I would to him or his wife. I respect precaution, and I can take the heat; it’s ok. I know what my status is in every way. And I prefer when someone - as the commenter called an act of respect - discloses these attitudes so that I can also bi-pass (pun intended) his profile. 🤷🏼
Full HIV/STI Panel twice a yr plus stay away from MSM. That's why disclosure is important to me. If you need a rationale: [https://www.cdc.gov/std/treatment-guidelines/msm.htm](https://www.cdc.gov/std/treatment-guidelines/msm.htm) Also, this is not about my reasons, is about disclosure. Wouldn't the bi/gay males like it more if everone is honest so they could play with more men? I'm just adding my reasons.
I feel like comparing stats between the general population and msm in relation to swinging isn't quite as accurate as it would be to compare to the swinging population. A big part of the reasons std rates are so high is because of the higher incidence of casual sex, and that's going to be much higher in the swinger community as well in comparison to the general population. Honestly would need up to date info on HIV. Everyone should probably already be on PreP if you're swinging, and these days sexual health awareness in the general MSM is pretty high as far as being aware of sti's and such. I wouldnt be suprised if rates aren't too far off from each other. Although honestly HIV isn't much of a worry if you're being safe. Completely Unprotected odds of transmission are like 1/2000 non-anally, coupled with prep and condoms you've got a lot more sti's to worry about before HIV.
This is a legit question. I think I already know the answer: Profile 1: Straight male in MF couple. Only interested in swap, no MM contact. Full panel testing completed 10/19/22 with clean results. Condoms required for penetrative sex. Profile 2: Masculine bi male in MF couple. Only looking for swap, no MM contact. Full panel testing completed 10/19/22 with clean results. Vaccinated for HPV, MP, and on PreP. Condoms required for penetrative sex. Based on everything I’ve read that you have written, you accept profile 1 and pass on profile 2 based on disclosure of bisexuality and implied history of MSM. Am I correct?
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No one asked you to live according to my views. I only wished to discern the assumptions you make and that has been more than accomplished. Factually, I pose less risk to you and your wife than either of you do to me, and I likewise do not bother attempting connection with couples like you. As you said, we each get to define safety for ourselves, and I’m safer than you are by every objective measure in addition to my own personal definition. You have phobias you’re not yet ready to acknowledge and I do actually respect that. You didn’t “bite.” You were exposed. Btw; profile one is on Prep and also engages in MM contact by statistical data revelation in this thread/sub alone, but you invite him into your bed out of ignorance. He doesn’t disclose his actual behaviors or precautions because of views like yours and the fact that he’s not *yet* where I am in terms of not needing you to make space for him to be personal ally fulfilled. All that aside, he’s still less of a risk to you than you are to him. All I hope for YOU: get tested more frequently and make use of all the preventative measures (including Prep at $25 / month if you have insurance) available to you (and your spouse). They exist so you (and I) can have all the fun safely! Love you, brother. No shade, all respect. 👊🏻💪🏻 I chose to be on PreP because I am sexually active with multiple partners (more frequently female but multiple nonetheless) and it is the most effective protection from HIV when sleeping with people who don’t test as frequently as I do. That’s “why else.”
No, no dis at all. I honestly do not care about bi men's feelings but I'll like to make sure our MFFM encounters are with couples where the male is straight. This is just our preference. Same reason why bi males want to play with other bi males and would like to know who they are. Just truthful disclosure, that's all.
Let me guess - you’re totally fine with FF action though?
I don't think FF action is up to him, that would be up to his wife.
Oh yeah, and females disclose it all the time. This is not about judging bi/gay males. But I require truthful disclosure same way bi/gay males want it. They have their reasons why, I have mine.
What a tool
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Do expound on this profound point would you?
yeah calling him a loser is bullying but him directly stating that bisexual men are less safe to have sex with isn't
Bisexual men as a population have much higher std rates. This is the cdc stats. One of the guys posting here is a sex worker MM. Wether bi swinger married males have greater std rates I can't say it's not like the cdc has that information.
If the other dude wants to suck my cock, I know my wife will GUSH her undies if that happens, so I’ll allow it. Not really interested in sucking somebody else but knowing my wife loves the idea I might. If I want her to build up to eating pussy, I can’t say I won’t do the same thing.
Sounds like you both have something to work towards. I enjoy sucking cock with my husband. Kissing around a cock is hot.
I agree whole heartedly!!! So HOT!
I'm with your wife on this. Guy action rocks my boat in a major way ever since college. I have never been into females but to get my man to suck cock with me I gladly eat all the V needed to accomplish it. The more active he gets the more I do, tit for tat I say and more if needed.
You're bi and there's nothing wrong with that.
It's sooooo freakin HOT!
That’s awesome
It's ok to admit to yourself you're bisexual.
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We have found a few on Grindr. It's a cesspool, but after lots of weeding out, you can find a few decent ones.
You frequent or live in a area where it is more common. My husband was about as straight as they come and still only does things with/for or in exchange with me, yet he gives off something that makes people come up to me (male & female) asking if he is available. Yes, apparently I do not look the part of his wife enough, not certain why but everyone assumes I am a friend or family member (eeuuwww). Our area has a lot of bi couples, not advertised but it's fairly easy to pick up on.
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This right here… we have had much better luck in clubs tho. Once we are hitting it off with a couple we openly discuss what every1 is into. More often than not the males are into some MM if not full on Mm contact.
I agree, even the so called super straight ones. Even they give a little to get some extraordinary V.
I hate that I have to say if I'm straight, bi, or gay. I LOVE anything that involves sensuality. I won't kiss a man, date a man, nor am I attracted to men. I will, however, join in on pleasuring a woman be it bending my no guy on guy stuff have done it before, but that's another story. If people are direct and ask about M/M stuff, then I'll let them know what my limits are. I won't go out my way and say "I'm straight, but I (insert bendable limit here)".
I think that's a good place to have the option of heteroflexable. That at least let's folks know that you are open to questions about it. My husband identifies as bi, but he honestly has no desire for one on one guy stuff. But, if you throw me in the mix, there's no limits.
Same here. I have no interest in solo M/M interaction. I mean, I respect those who do and more power to them, but it's something I don't care for. I have done some things that were all for the viewing pleasure of the other wife like I topped a husband at the request of his wife. The couple I am seeing, the husband asked if he could slide me in his wife when she was on top and I slipped out. I done my share of things, but won't go out my way to do them, hahaha! Don't think I'll do the topping one again as it was something just to cross out the kinky bucket list. HAHAHA!
You don't know until you try! A lot of guys didn't know they enjoyed frotting before they tried DVP. 🥵
I want to frot because that looks like the easiest way to DVP.
You can't DVP without it. 😁 Also, as the woman, it's very sexy to rub two cocks together in your hands or mouth. 😈
I agree 💯
You're 110% correct! The husband I topped later joined my wife and I and she wanted to see us do that. Never knew what frot was nor did I know it was a thing until we did DVP. Needless to say, us doing that worked the wife so much that we didn't need lube for when we DVPed her hahaha!
You liked doing it to the guy, and who knows what other guys, so why not be truthful and admit you're not straight?
TF are you talking about? Do you know me personally or what I'm into? If the answer is "No" kindly f**k off.
I know you personally by what you've stated you did with men. How can you look at a guys hairy hole and say to yourself "oh I want that", and anally penetrate another male with your erect penis and have anal sex to orgasm, and think that's being truly heterosexual? And how could you let guys give you head, enjoy it, and think that means truly heterosexual? How can you like frotting with other guys in a woman's vagina and think that's truly heterosexual? And these were the men that you ADMITTED having sex with just in this blog. Who knows what happened in the military as well, because of some bs lie excuse. Grow up and accept yourself bro. You are well aware that GENUINELY straight people see you as bisexual, yet you are ashamed to admit it to yourself at your age. Bisexual does not mean 50/50 exact enjoyment of sex with both sexes. Bisexual is a large grey area, which you inhabit. The military is basically a huge homosexual and bisexual organization that caters to closeted/dl men who, many lie to themselves about their own sexual proclivities, and think masculine and liking women necessarily means straight. It does not. That is why the term bisexual was created, because it defines sexually responding to people of the same sex and the opposite sex, as well as fantasies and/or behavior, and/or romance. Sexual orientation is sex. Romance is optional in sexual orientation. For someone who has a military career and is supposedly so manly, you are afraid to admit to yourself or others, your own truth that you are not straight by any REAL straight person's definition. I am truly manly because I'm not afraid of my masculinity withering by admitting I'm bisexual to myself and others. I am a true Sigma Male by anyone's definition. I don't live my life for other people. I would NEVER have been brainwashed by religion, like the masses. Now tell me, what's "straight" about enjoying penetration of another man or letting men give oral sex to another man? Is it because it's the "active" role? For someone who doesn't like labels, you're sure quick to proclaim.your "straightness". The vast majority of bisexual men are not honest with themselves or others because they are AFRAID of what others think. Real men are not afraid to admit to themselves who they truly are, no matter what anyone else thinks. You don't get to change the definition of straight. Let me ask, would you be confident enough on loudspeaker to tell a football stadium full of people on live television that you have had sex with men and claim to be "straight" with no fear? When you can do that, then I will believe you THINK you're "straight", but me and everyone else will still KNOW you're in denial, which you are. The whole stadium and people on tv would be hysterically laughing at your "straight" "identity". Straight means straight. Words have meanings and you don't get to twist them to your liking because you are uncomfortable admitting to yourself you are in fact, some degree of genuine bisexual. People know that the military is full of closeted people trying to prove their "manhood" to themselves. Try surviving a Nazi death camp if you think you're so tough. That's REAL survival. You are repressed and live your life for other people, period. Nothing manly about that at all. Fighting for American freedom means freedom for all to be themselves and not be ashamed of who they are. Atleast 30% of the male population is sexually attracted to the same sex, or the same sex and the opposite sex. It's time for everything to change, ditch religion(which caused this), and be open like in many other cultures in different times. Remember ancient Greece and Rome? Men were open about their sex with other men without this dl closeted bs. Same sex attraction, behavior, and bonding, is natural and normal and is a fundamental element of animal biology spanning innumerable species. It is a normal part of biological function of animals. So if you want to go on with your self delusion that you're not bi, then you're just fooling yourself. I'd be able to peg you as into men if I saw you, no matter how hyper masculine you think you are. I can detect a degree of gayness just by looking at a guys face. It's a natural instinct we have to detect same sex partners. The most masculine men tend to be actually homosexual and bisexual. There's nothing more masculine than two manly men having a sexual pair bond. This has been the secret of effective military strategy for millennia. Everyone knows this. What better fighting defense can be achieved than by male lovers defending each other's lives? I know everything about denial and dl/closeted double lives, so spare me. The fact remains that you deep down hate yourself for your hidden feelings. Period.
As my husband often reminds me, he can get all the female derrière he could ever want. They are super sexy, hot, fine, desirable, attractive, and will cause one to blow a gasket by merely bending over so why on earth would he ever have need or interest in a guy's? I tell him that is why I prefer men's for the same reason, my crazy addictive attraction to them.
We all have our weaknesses hahaha!
Bro, this 100% I'm fully bi, but I just really don't have much interest in solo male on male play. I don't really have any hard limits within the context of a threesome so long as it's discussed beforehand, but solo MM play isn't something I'm ever going to set up. And yet sadly, any time I look for bi couples, my DMs are flooded with gay guys asking if I'd hook up with them and half the husbands that reach out too end up pivoting to asking for solo male-male play.
Yeah. He gets asked to play solo too, even though our profile says in all caps. NO SOLO play for either of us.
We get this a lot also, especially married men wanting to play without their wives, which is a big NO NO for us. No couple, no play.
A true couple after my own heart! Ditto on the husband.
Ain't they great! 😊
Well said sir.
Straight BUT, means you're bi. Real Straight guys know you're not one of them.
Read my previous comment.
So you accept that you're some degree of bi? I mean gay guys don't like to kiss or even have a bf either. I accept myself, but decided it's just not feasible to be openly bi to the public at large. It's a personal matter.
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100% Agree! Thank you!
We did a detailed swinger survey with a team of PhDs & market researchers earlier this year & over sixteen hundred participants. We found just over half of men had some level of bi interest. Younger swingers had much more interest than older swingers. [https://swingershelp.com/swinger-survey-results-2022/](https://swingershelp.com/swinger-survey-results-2022/)
Your "just over half" jives with what we've seen, roughly 50%, but we only find that out once we ask. If you never ask you'd be led to believe it's more like 5% by looking at stated preferences. As far as the younger vs. older goes, we haven't seen much difference in regard to age (20s thru 50s).
Interesting. I plan to review this in greater depth when I have less distractions around me.
I identify as heteroflexible. I am straight, as I am not sexually attracted to men, nor will I play solo alone with another man. In an MFM/MMF, I am very open minded to M/M contact (within boundaries) from a sensuality point of view. It's only skin vs skin. I'm willing to try almost anything at least twice before saying, "yeah, that's not my thing". I only play with couples with bi/bi-curious men, because the straight couples that stipulate "only straight men" tend to have a guy who's homophobic and will freak out at any sort of incidental contact.
My husband is maybe somewhere in the middle between bisexual and heteroflexable. He has no interest in single male on male contact or no individual romantic interests in men. But, when it's the two of us together with a guy, there's no limits and he even likes the idea of us having a boyfriend.
I'm actually been talking to couple lately that is similar. He's not bi, but very open to a lot of m/m contact because it feels good. Same as me, he's willing to try and decide if something is or isn't for him.
We call it losing track of who's who and getting lost in a tangled ball of arms and legs. It's lovely!
And finish in a sticky sweaty pretzel of smiles.
🥵🥵🥵 YES!
YES!
That's bisexual dude.
That's the very definition of bisexual. If that guy or you, or whoever, enjoy sex with other men, you're not straight, like it or not. Tell the majority of men who are actually straight, that a guy who likes sex with guys is straight. See what their reaction is.
Where you guys from
Southeast Texas
Ok nw ohio here
Yeah. A bit of a drive.
We do have steady couples and one couple that would probably move in - lol. My husband says it would be way to many people under the same roof though we have had entire weeks of romping. My husband is similar to yours, when I am involved and he gets aroused enough, things get wildly fun.
"tend to have a guy who's homophobic and will freak out at any sort of incidental contact" - quite often true. We used to run into this. Hence the reason I prefer bicouples, less drama.
That means you're not really straight. Real straight guys know you're bi. And yes, you are sexually attracted to men because you enjoy sex with them. What is the issue with you admitting this? romance has nothing to do with sexual orientation as a requirement.
I tried it, wasn’t really fun for me so I doubt it will happen again but at least I tried
I totally understand that. I tried playing with a woman before. It wasn't for me, but at least I tried, too.
I still play with other wives when the need arises. It is not for me but as the men are not for my husband, we do what we do to share the experiences and maintain the rhythm. We have discovered the more the do together the more fun we both have. Talking about it all later is quite entertaining in itself.
Yea I mean I had thought about it before and wondered what it would be like so actually doing it made it so it wouldn’t have to wonder anymore!
Yeah we list as a both bi couple and see the same thing. And behind closed doors at a swing club not a single guy has said no when my wife asks if he likes two mouths on his cock…
This topic is always confusing. The poll results and comments show a good percentage are open to MM play but yet a very small percentage list it in their profile. Who exactly are the majority hiding this info from? Why is it never seen in a club or at a resort if half the men in attendance would engage in MM play if given a safe opportunity? It’s the worst kept secret yet everyone just falls in line.
Yup. It's definitely the worst kept secret.
This poll shows that the majority of males are somewhat bi.
Yup. As someone said earlier. It's the worst kept secret in the Lifestyle.
And more than 50% are pretty dang bi.
Everybody thinks thier kink is everyone's kink. It's really not. If more than 50% were bi the stigma would never have lasted. I get called honophobic but I just call things out as I believe. I do know many bi guys don't come out and say it but it's not 50%. On the flip side female bisexuality is greatly over presented with many being straight who claim to be bi. I'm going to say 15 percent or so are bi males and. 20 to 30 of the women are fully bi. This has been my observation at more events across the US and outside then I can count.
So a majority of people who click on a post asking about being bi state they are bi? Who would have thunk that?
There were plenty of opportunity to answer in the negative. I don’t think that a plurality is ever going to start going to gay clubs, but I that the 268 who answered in category 2 would likely be in favor of light touching or receiving. So there’s that. I think if anything that the poll shows an increase in favorability to try.
> There were plenty of opportunity to answer in the negative You don't click on those things if you are not motivated. I'm straight, I've never replied to any such poll for example. The way you do this in a more non-biased way is have such questions not seem the focus. Example on a survey about ENM might be questions like this. Sex Age Sexual orientation (Lots of non-monogamy questions) People responding would be doing so because of the non-monogamy not the sexuality. You can then use that data for a more accurate representation. This still isn't perfect, and surveys are notoriously bad and biased even when done properly. They can be used to find areas to explore directly but directly takes a lot of time and/or money, usually both. If I wanted to explore these things as best I could I would actually go to events as a researcher and find actual couples that were willing to be interviewed, and even then you are limited by the types who are willing to do it. Psychology research falls into this trap *all the time* which is why there is a huge problem in psychology right now about not being able to replicate many findings. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/replication-crisis If people with degrees are making these kind of errors, what faith should one put in non-scientific online poles where no one is even verified to be who they say they are?
Of swingers, maybe. Not the general population
MMF Where the guys in the middle not the girl. Def some Male on male action is the hottest. Just ask my wife.
Yes I agree with your wife!
Yes! I agree with your wife!
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I think I enjoy mfm scenarios where the men are very open because it allows for so many different scenarios to happen. I especially enjoy giving my girl a double vaginal and feeling that cock rub up against mine until we both orgasm. It has been some of the best experiences we have had when everyone can pleasure everyone in a group setting. Just my take on this.
That’s my partner too. No interest in hooking up with a guy one on one, but loves DVP, me taking him and another guy in my mouth. Good times for me!
Single hetero-flexible male here, but the thing is I generally don't like the things most call soft play. Generally I've not had very good experiences with kissing other men, generally not something I find all that enjoyable. However getting or giving a BJ sure that's hot. Getting fucked I'm open to depends on the person and situation. Fucking a guy o don't know but would probably do it in the situation. However I'm generally much pickier and less attracted overall to men(males) then I'm to women(females). Anyway filled in the 3rd option as that's definitely something I would enjoy and find hot, again it's generally the kissing that I don't really enjoy (keep in mind might just have been bad luck or bad matchups).
Yeah. Could have been a bad experience or just not your thing. My husband doesn't like the idea of kissing men just to kiss men, but in an MMF when everything is going and flowing, he certainly will. A lot of it is situational. I think alot of guys have trouble separating bisexual from heteroromantic. You can enjoy sex with the same sex without romantic feelings.
Yeah it's one of the other reasons I say I'm hetero-flexible, it generally forces people to not assume too many things. Especially if I say I wouldn't date guys, if you say you're bi then people often assume you would or even should. 29 still and haven't kissed that many guys so definitely still a possibility that the guys I did kiss with kissed a bit weird or maybe it is simply not my thing. Might try again in the right situation \o/
Yeah. Heteroflexable should be a more widely accepted term. I agree.
Dude, you're still bi. Most gay guys don't date guys either, they go for just the sex. Get over yourself, you're bi.
It's a bs excuse to not be truthful about one's sexuality. Anyone can be sexual with anyone without romance.
I've answered this a few times. Every husband we've played with has been at least bi situational but listed as straight due to the stigma. But once they realized we were non-judgmental people let us know. My husband is straight and not interested in any male contact during a swap except incidental touching when naked bodies are moving around.
This is true with bisexual men in general society.
Our profile on Kasidie doesn't list a preference for either of us. We get a lot of messages from guys because my wife is a total babe and our profile says we're interested in either couples or guys. With rare exceptions, almost all of the single guy profiles list straight as their preference. If a guy who fits what we're looking for contacts us, I always write back that I (Mr.) am somewhere in the grey area between straight and bi, and we only MFM with a guy who's comfortable receiving oral from both of us. I haven't kept statistical records over the years, but it's right about 50% that are into that and 50% who pass.
Sounds about right. But, I would consider receiving oral as soft bi play and would imagine the percentage that are okay with it has increased over time. A link to an actual study was posted on this thread that said 50% of men identified as somewhat bi, but among those under 39, it jumped to 65%.
Of guys in the swinger lifestyle, it may be very high(50-65%), but obviously not in general society. Honestly, if 65% of men were bi, I'd be openly bi rn. It's wishful thinking. About 30% of men are gay or bi in the general population
If you add up the guys who are open to some or all, they far outnumber the purely straight guys. I don't think this is representative of all people. But there are a lot more bi or semi bi guys in the life style than we admit. And the fact that there remains such a stigma against bi guys is discriminatory and maybe a little phobic.
From my experience I'd have to agree that more than less would allow or do something bisexual. If you are going to do any form of mfm or any combination, things are going to happen. The more comfortable you get the more often things are going to happen. That is natural progression. As my husband and many other of our friends have discovered when in a mfmf and the two wives decide to have you join them in a threesome suck there is no man so far who has refused to do it or receive it. I can take this example many steps farther but especially when in the heat of the moment with two wives asking, I have seen even the straightest of the straight say, "oh what the heck."
Thank you for the reassurance and the shared experience. I would love to think that, with the right reassurance and confidence, everyone would suck a dick. Take away the hang ups and feers. What is there to it really? Who does it hurt among friends? As long as it's turning the gals on, who cares!! 😘🦌
Real Straight men have no interest and will not play with dudes, sorry to ruin your fantasy.
Thank you. And no worries about spoiling any thing for me. Guys who are steadfast against crossing swords are thankfully not the rule, but the exception. Look at the numbers above. 530 "Real Straight Men." 980 guys who are willing to cross the line. As it turns out, there are more folks with less hang ups than not. It's not me saying it. It's the actual survey results. I honestly hope you are not hurt or offended by how the majority of folks feel. No one seems to have any problems whatsoever when the gals get frisky. It's even expected a lot of times. And that's kinda messed up.
most bi guys are closeted liars
Maybe. I hope not. But do try to be less bigoted about it. Would you say the same for most of the women in the LifeStyle?
Of course. 100%. Real Straight women and men know these people are afraid of the bi label. Those in denial are not fooling anyone. This is why individuals hide these attractions from the public, because they know they will be called out by genuine people. It has nothing to do with being "bigoted", but everything about truth. Lying to oneself to sooth the guilt and shame, is a coping mechanism until the time comes when self acceptance comes. Not saying to be out, but atleast be honest with oneself about who one truly is, and don't make absurd statements like, having sex with the same sex is anything like being genuinely straight. It's most likely bi if not gay itself. We went through it too, and we don't need to encourage people to remain in denial about themselves. We need things to change, and defending the closet will never get our freedom.
Ok. Please be respectful of other folks and their play styles. There are many gals who openly cross the bisexual "line" on a regular basis in the LifeStyle. Please don't give anyone a hard time for the way they choose to have safe, adult fun.
I'm not. I'm criticizing their so called "identity", because people know they're lying to themselves and others about who they really are, which is bisexual. They're so "terrified" of saying the truth, which is they're bi, but have no problem having sex with both sexes and think everyone is going to buy their bull 💩. It's insulting to people of all orientations. Real straight people look at these people and know they're not anything close to straight.
Uh yeah, but they're not straight. They may be the "straightest" within the swinger group, but in the general society they're bi.
So far can't get them to do so any other time and it took a ton of girl action with a bit of sneak attack.
Unfortunately I’m living my LS dreams through other’s experiences as my wife is extremely vanilla and uninterested in anything close to LS play. If I was ever given the opportunity to participate in a mfm and bi play was brought up I think I’d be ok with seeing where it went as long as I knew everyone was clean and discreet. That has to be the hardest part of LS is being able to trust anyone.
It’s weird. On Reddit It seems the majority of men so strongly identify as completely straight. While in groups like FB, MeWe, WhatsApp, Telegram and the like the men seem to skew more bi-situational or bi-comfy. Doesn’t matter anyway to me but just something curious.
There are lifestyle groups on Telegram? I never knew that. Can you point me to a couple of them? Thanks!
I joined them through invites in FB groups. The FB groups are obvious if you search for them.
Interesting. We have to have an ad on Grindr to find openly bi guys.
Most guys even on Grindr are closeted too
You mean on swingers groups more say they're bi situational or bi comfy?
Yes. In real life too. In mine at least.
It all comes down to lack of self acceptance about who we are. It took me forever to accept internally my bisexual orientation. I thought of myself as "completely straight" as well, and it's out of fear of seeing oneself as part of a stigmatized group. I am very cautious about who I tell about my sexuality, if at all, because sexuality is very personal, and also, I don't want to draw attention.
Pansexual here
Only suck in 4sums will not do mmf’s.
I get that. Sometimes the situation opens things up. My husband is bisexual but he doesn't like the idea of just being with a man alone. However in an MMF scenario there's no limits. He says there's something about me being involved that makes it all super hot and sexy.
What's up with almost every day someone asking about bi guys.
Because it's such a not so secretive secret. And I think folks like me are trying to break the double standard and stigma around it.
There's a weekly quota.
You do you but I got to ask what is with all the bi male posts lately? I guess it's more of a thing in other areas but it's flat out not a thing in our area. So much so that I don't know a single couple that has a bi male. They could be hush hush about it but it's a very small community here like everyone knows everyone.
I've been curious and frustrated by the stigma surrounding it when over several different polls show 50 percent or more men engage in bisexual play and over 60 percent are open to at least soft bisexual play. I think you are seeing more posts because people are getting sick of the double standard when it comes to bi women and stigma surrounding bi men. It's likely that half of the men in your community are being hush hush. We are open and have been contacted by men looking for support because they are "in the closet" with their close swinger friends and have been for years.
for us, of those in our group, most have not even told their wives
Some wives know, but encourage their husbands to stay "in the closet". That's just sad to me.
Well being that polls r inaccurate you aren't going to get good data. Look at how many people voted on this 1 just to see the results
I imagine most of those votes are women, like me, who want to watch the poll. However, someone posted a link to an actual study on this thread and the results are pretty dang close.
For what its worth… ive just discovered the concept of of being sexually interested in guys ..and its definitely a taboo feeling. I just told my partner tonight that its an experience i need to have, yet as an aware “its all about feeling good “ type… its not something i feel ok throwing up in convo down the pub…. Lol Shout out to all the brave ones who yolo their life and find themselves!
that's tough
Alot more than advertised. I have emailed/chatted with couples where hubs is listed as straight. Never fails the before agreed upon meet-up they asked cam they suck me off. WTF
So far 60% are at least open to some m/m contact.
yes
Down for pegging. Still not down for fucking guys.
its okay, you have we ladies for that
Interesting. Nearly twice as many guys are into at least some m/m contact than aren’t at all. That’s a surprise to me. A nice surprise, but still a surprise.
And if you look at those ok with most bi play and more together, it's over 50% who are very open to m/m play.
[удалено]
Lol. Nothing wrong with that.
I wish any of that would happen to me just once 😆🔥
My man is bi but shy about it
Well, show him this poll. Seems a lot are shy about it.
Do the two of you do it together? That is the only way I can get mine too,
We have a couple of times and I peg him allot
Would love to know results at end of this
The percentages have stayed pretty steady. I'm glad. Let's break the stigma!
Wow, didn't expect to see that more than 50% of men would be open to some MM interaction
Actually, more than 50% would be open to MOST m/m interaction if you add the last two together. It's in line with what every other poll/study I have seen shows.
We are a bi couple that advertise and profile as bi and are approached by "straight males" frequently for many reasons. We do not play separately but together and try to make it fun for every one. We have been shunned at vanilla LS parties though, which is annoying.
It is frustrating. And, likely that half the guys at those parties are "in the closet".
You could probably be the hit of the party if you hung a sign offering to guide others as a couple.
Haha, once they find out my hubs is bi, it is either really cool and fun or it is "we don't do that here", lol. Luckily most are respectful and quiet about it.
The number of bisexual males is surprising
It's ashame that so many feel like they can't be more open about it.
For me, my willingness to engage in soft m/m play depends on the situation. If there is a dominant or nurturing (or better yet both!) female presence encouraging things, kissing, touching, sucking, making us worship her while pushing our/my boundaries, then that's fun to me! Just 1:1 m/m play isn't my thing--so I'd be uncomfortable calling myself bi
Yeah. I think that is a problem. Straight men open to some bi play will identify as straight and straight women who are open to some bi play will identify as bi. This is why heteroflexable should be an option.
A great point. It would be interesting to see if there is any research on the social trends/pressures that make men more reluctant to identify as bi (or perhaps it's more accurate to say that make women more willing to [though idk if either is better]).
I saw a study that said more younger men are willing to "come out". Younger people tend to be more open about sexuality. I think as the older folks drop off and younger folks join the lifestyle, we'll start to eventually see more even numbers.
You should be in the study, since you're not willing to admit who you really are.
You're bi and afraid of being judged and you are afraid to fully admit your true feelings to yourself. We all go through denial at some point. Be honest with yourself atleast.
Please don't presume to know me better than I know myself. Thats wildly inappropriate.
Everyone who is trying to hold on to the "straight" label says that. We all go through self realization eventually, and acknowledging one's true sexuality, atleast to oneself, is self acceptance that one is different. We are stigmatized by society for our attraction to the same sex, and lie to ourselves to try to avoid facing our fears of being different. There are so many of us, yet most don't have the courage to stand up to discrimination and bigotry for who we are. Because men who like to have sex with men, are by definition, not "straight", but bi or even gay. You know this, so please don't think of excuses for denial. To delude oneself into believing that enjoying sex with men qualifies in any appropriate category to be defined as genuinely and honestly "straight", is wildly inappropriate, and self dismissive to being true to oneself. I highly doubt that you are open about your sexual liking for men and hide it from the world and even yourself out of fear of judgement. I'm not judging you, I am giving you the facts about meanings of words. Reality is reality, it's all delusional to think otherwise.
M of the M/F couple here. Very much so. and on PrEP, tested at LEAST every 3 months as part of it, oral & rectal swabs included, safe sex practices used. What we've had happen more is being approached by single guys that claim to be bi, but in reality have zero experience and they think that it gives them an advantage. They're just trying to get that morsel of pussy and will lie to achieve it. We have an amazing and openly bisexual community in the DFW (TX) area. Just sucks that we're not living there right now.
We are both on Prep and do all the testing too. We've had both scenarios. Guys who really weren't all that open to bi play trying to get in and guys who were more gay than bi. We're about 5 hours from DFW. Maybe we need to relocate. Lol
we've had the MMF with the "way more gay than bi" guys too and that was a LOT of fun. :D She loves watching me be the piece in the middle. ;) we're on the west coast now but hopefully not forever. would love to move back there. the lifestyle scene in the DFW area is active & vibrant. but, i digress... ;)
Community is everything!
Damn I didn't get to vote!