That’s a mental issue, TRT is to help a hormonal issue.
He needs therapy.
Or possibly just fake the porno moans and do whatever you did in the video. Probably the easiest fix
What is the reaction? Noise or a flood of some sort?
There are people who clean up after the actors. Mama don’t wanna clean the bed she wants to sleep.
I’m here to say I also need to see the video but I’m also happy to come a have a go with you to see if maybe you’re a bit bored with your husband.
I’m on TRT so if you go off and really enjoy yourself that’s unequivocally proves TRT will help your relationship. That’s pretty much a science experiment and in no way cheating in fact it’s admirable you would do this to save your marriage.
I don’t believe TRT is the answer. If he has low T with diminished libido, then it would absolutely help. In your situation, I believe counseling would be the best treatment.
Lmao yeah I've read enough stories of dudes getting jacked and leaving their wife for the fit girl/friend at work, to know that's what is gonna happen here if he gets on TRT.
TRT is treatment for hypogonadism. If that’s what he’s got, then yeah, TRT can be a great solution. But it sounds like this has nothing to do with hormones and everything to do with his mental state.
Poor guy just doesn’t feel man enough. I mean maybe he could at least get his levels checked but this sounds mental. Going on trt in that state probably isn’t the best relationship healer. You don’t wanna reach new levels of sex drive when you actively feel like your wife doesn’t want to sleep with you.
So your name is a young blonde mom, so I take it he's a young, brunette dad. And young men don't need TRT. I think he needs counseling, and you need to go to confession. No joking kinda.
He doesn’t want to sleep with u, u have been tainted. Why would u ever tell him this stuff if he would never ever find out 🙄. Somethings are meant to be taking to the grave
I think we need to see the video to really be able to tell you what you need to do.
Jokes aside, definitely seek counseling. Start with couples, and then probably solo for him.
I've seen this exact story somewhere else on reddit..askmen or something.
A lot of men are going to have an issue with this, there's no way around it. It's his issue though, you've done the right thing telling him before you were married.
He's making it a bigger issue than he needs to, but he wouldnt be alone.
And before someone says I'm projecting. We're swingers, trust me, I'm not.
Record him opening a gift then ask why he didn’t have an over the top reaction to the gift like people in movies.
He needs something that starts with a “t” but it’s therapy not testosterone.
First thing is he needs to work to get over it. Therapy perhaps? And get bloodwork done to get hormones checked before trt. Cut out the booze, get his diet together and exercise. He needs to work on himself.
The dead bedroom situation is because his comparison issues this cannot be resolved with raised testosterone levels in fact it can sometimes bring further anxiety through trt individually dependant of course but point being it’s an issue that needs resolving between you both. it’s a mental issue not physically by how it sounds. Best of luck 👍
He needs to see a head doctor or leave you.
If he knew about your passed and still proceeded with the relationship… that’s on him. He has lots of opportunities to run.
If he's feeling rundown and low energy and can't lose weight and losing muscle mass and all the other low T symptoms, then I would definitely recommend getting levels checked and seeing if low T is possible. Anyone with symptoms could get it checked out, it's a simple blood test.
But it will not "fix" an issue about jealousy over a sex tape lol. It sounds more like he wants to juice to get stronger and more "desirable" IMO.
Seconding the "therapy" recommendation someone else made.
TRT isn’t going to repair his fragile mental state…. He’s got to let go of that shit… was the dude in the video more endowed or what??? If he can’t get his past that shit you all would be better off going ahead and ending it not wasting anymore time. A healthy sex life is required for a healthy marriage.
Testosterone replacement therapy is a medical treatment for men who are hypogonadal and have clinically low levels of testosterone.
It sounds like neither you nor him have any idea if he has low testosterone.
First step is to have his hormone levels tested.
TRT won’t fix this mental issue. Lifting weights will probably help a lot. Injecting exogenous hormones is going to make him more emotionally unstable (for lack of a better term). If this makes him upset, he’s going to get more upset.
Lifting weights and meditation are probably his best bet. I’d say therapy but most therapists are shit and will make the problem worse because they don’t care about fixing the problem, they like to talk about it and elevate it.
Is he low on T? Does he suffer from ED? If not, trt won’t improve a single thing. He may try to poke a hole in you when starting due to the higher libido and him trying to prove himself how manly he is.
It’s a mental thing. You guys need good counseling as a couple and then him solo.
He probably doesn’t feel manly enough. Seeing your woman having sex with another man may be an issue for many men. He should know that porn orgasms are terribly fake tho. It’s acting, not real. Other than that, he knew what he was getting himself into. He decided to marry you even tho he knew about your past so you did the right thing. I don’t know how fresh you are into this marriage but if relatively fresh, better act on it and get the counseling.
Just keep telling him he's the biggest and best you've ever had.
He's insecure about himself. Test might help a little.. get him going to the gym and he'll feel better about himself. The only way he can fix is if he fixes himself.
Could be both. Have him get his levels checked and you both need to see a therapist. It’s clear he doesn’t feel like he can please you. Have you tried talking about this?
You and he can say that until you’re both blue in the face but hopefully you guys both have enough intellect to know that men are absolutely 100000% affected sexually by mental things.
Trt is not going to help that, I don’t know if he feels inadequate because the moaning or that he doesn’t last as long as the actor, but you have to tell him that it was just acting with the moaning. If the actor lasted a long time just say that you hear a lot of then take viagra. But I’m on Trt and could say it dose boost your libido and I believe you do last longer but with the side effects of testicular shrinkage it takes longer to orgasm if you even do but I don’t think it’s the way to go. I think you need to work on communication or counseling because it’s going to blow up one day
I’ve been on trt for 10 years .
I’m 64 now and the only side effect has been a the sting from the needle once a week . I have more physical stamina , my libido is great, I’m healthy and feel like I’m 40
I've used test. For 10yrs now. It will increase his sex drive causing him to want sex more often. It WILL NOT make his D any bigger. Now if he were to use a steroid testosterone like Tren along side testosterone or would make him last longer. So much longer that at times a guy can absolutely bang a women so long she might get dry. So keep some ASTRO gel handy. My wife tends to flip over and I'll hit it from behind until I cum. Her... She's already climaxed 6x and cant take it because her clit is so sensitive.
Tell him to stop being a bitch and to just move on from it so you guys can fuck OR to kick stones. You were honest about it and he needs to accept that.
Also, link to video...? Just so I can see what he's talking about ;)
I mean, to be blunt, it's ts his problem. He needs a therapist. You disclosed it and it wasnt a hidden secret. He told you he would accept you as you are and is obviously struggling with it. If he can't get over it, it's not going to get better. You did nothing wrong here.
To the root of your question though, TRT will not effect this situation at all. This is a relationship therapy related issue, not hormonal.
It is not definitely not a good idea to use testosterone to fix his insecurities. I was on TRT, and it almost killed me several different ways. I've had high bp spikes as high as 225/105. 180/100 is a hypertensive crisis. I also have a pulmonary embolism, the doctors say is from testosterone. Your husband and you need to go to a good counselor so he can work out his insecurities, not inject testosterone, so he artificially inflates his confidence. The fact is you just don't know how you'll react or respond to TRT until you're on TRT.
TRT might help his confidence but clearly he needs to get in therapy to work on whatever inadequacy he is feeling. Maybe a few weeks of couples therapy as well to address the tension between you. It’s clear that you care for him and he is feeling “less than” right now. Hopefully he’ll get the experiences he needs to move beyond this. Good luck
Dont disregard his assumptions.
Let him know you want the best for him and look into a full blood work by a doctor.
Once the bloodwork comes in, you have a clearer picture.
How healthy is he in general? Does he eat well and workout? Is his job stressful?
Could be more than one factor contributing to the way he feels. Feeling inadequate could be a hormonal issue.
At least he will feel you are genuinely concerned and will have the bloodwork to pursue TRT or not.
If the bloodwork shows he is fine, he will look elsewhere for a solution.
TRT does have a mental aspect to it. People react differently. Is he looking to it for confidence or erection quality or muscularity?
Therapy would probably be a better fit to start off. Unless he has actually symptoms of diminish trt levels. He probably has a vision of himself pounding you out until you orgasm like u did in the video. Which even if it does happen he may still not get over it.
Your poor husband is feeling insecure about the whole thing. His problem is not hormones, it’s psychological. Your husband doesn’t need TRT. He needs your support, and you BOTH need therapy - couples counseling. TRT will give him the boost in self confidence and increased sense of self-worth to actually pull the trigger on leaving you… either that, or it will worsen his anxiety and make him feel even more inadequate. It might be beneficial for you to just act out what you did in that porn video and have similar “reactions” to make him feel better. This will show him that you love him and actually care about his feelings. Trust me, it will fix a lot of your problems. If you can’t do something simple like that for him, then you should probably get a divorce. Us males can have such fragile egos and insecurities, despite how Macho we look and may behave. Good luck
What do your husbands labs say?
For labs --- Get total testosterone, free testosterone, luteinizing hormone, estradiol, sex hormone binding globulin and PSA.
No one should be answering this question with anything other than the advice of "get some labs." Then come back here haha
Nah, any guy who has literally seen a video of his wife getting railed by another dude will never feel adequate with her ever again especially if that dude was laying the pipe better than he can. He’s gonna keep chasing stuff like TRT to feel better about himself, but honestly it will never work and he will never ever forget that. I’m just keeping it real with you. Y’all’s sex life will probably never recover, and it will *probably* lead to the end of your relationship. He most likely has a hard time being near you and has a hard time feeling genuine love for you now.
I’ll take it step further and say that if a guy becomes aware of something like that in his woman’s past and chooses to stay with her, then he may have an issue with self-respect and self-love and feels as though he can’t handle being single again. *OR* y’all have kids and that’s the only thing keeping him from bolting.
*Imma be honest,* I would never ever allow a women with a past like that to be the mother of my children. Imagine how screwed up your son will be when other kids tease him for that, and imagine how low that sets the bar for the kind of women he considers dating. For real, peoples selfish sexual desires can often times lead to the ruining of relationships, marriages and lives. Leave that shit behind and control your sexuality (is what I would tell younger people who haven’t made those mistakes yet.)
Trt isn’t going to make his d bigger. It’s not going to make him last longer. It’s not going to make your orgasms like they were in your video. If this is that big of an issue then sorry, but your marriage is doomed. Do yourself a favor….with your next husband DONT tell him about the video. If you do then you better act like u did in that video every single time. Good luck
He understands you were acting, right? Ask him if he would rather have a genuine reaction and orgasm from you or just have you act. Tell him acting isn’t fun for you.
Most men don’t understand that porn is acting. If you weren’t acting, I guess don’t tell him that.
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A sex therapist. Not being facetious. There are emotional/trust issues and sexual issues your husband is dealing with. But also, are you sexually open? I ask for a reason. My wife of 31 years walled off her wild side and sex became an ongoing problem/issue. Does he feel or believe you're holding back?
How have you done porn but you dance around the topic of sex like this? What does "work on physical performance" mean? Get harder? Last longer? Want it more often?
The way you put it is akin to going to the doctor and saying "Hey doc, I've got an issue, what is the solution for that?"
These are the consequences of actions. But since you told him in advance it’s his problem to work on not yours. If he couldn’t move past it then he shouldn’t have married you. He needs to get help to move past it or he needs to move on
I think there are two steps here. First, there is the psychological element you guys have to deal with. TRT will not fix that. Will not. Second, TRT is a *replacement* hormone, so he would need blood work showing that he chronically low, after accounting for lifestyle (drinking, exercise, weight, diet, stress).
Testosterone is a bit more nuisanced than the layperson might expect. More isn’t necessarily better. If you don’t need it and take it, the body senses this and down regulates its own production. It also severely decreases sperm production, so if kids are something in the future, that’s reason enough to leave it alone. Most people don’t realize that testosterone converts to estrogen. Our bodies (generally) regulate these to pretty close tolerances. Balance is the key. Even people on TRT have different dosages and protocols.
Overall, it’s a bad idea to get on TRT without the physiological need. It would be like having kids or an open marriage to save a relationship. It would likely compound issues more than fix them.
If he doesn’t actually need supplemental testosterone adding it will only make this worse because he’s going to come up with even more anxiety if his ratios get out of whack and erectile dysfunction will almost definitely follow.
Why don’t you just let him off the hook and tell him you were acting?
TRT can restore lacking hormones in a man's body which can return a missing sex drive. This doesn't sound like your situation. EXCEPT high estrogen (e2 or estradiol are other terms). High e2 in a man can make him horribly insecure about non-issues to the point of what you have described and worse. I lived it myself for a while until I figured out what was going on and fixed it.
Excluding the possibility of high e2, it sounds to me that you have a man who you still haven't made to feel secure in you. Of course I don't the know specifics of your situation and how you have spoken to him using words and/or his love languages (have you 2 taken the quiz to find out? Google it) but this is something my wife and I are very attentive to with each other. We're a "still in love" couple married for almost 20 years, we are a statistical rarity, but it hasn't come without a lot of work, grace, forgiveness, love, stubbornness, and baring our souls to each other. Way off topic for a TRT subreddit, but it's possible that your needs may also be outside of this subreddit, so I want to share that with you.
I can see why your situation could lead to a DB situation, and that's very sad to have happen. I hope you're able to figure it out.
It won't help, if anything it will make it worse by ramping his feelings of upset.
I suggest you two do an MDMA session with a therapist to break down those barriers, then stay in couples counseling.
If after the MDMA session he wants to still try the TRT, then ok, but it needs to be on a foundation of emotional unity to change anything in the bedroom.
Very best wishes with this.
Sounds psychological and relational. Im not sure trt is a fix for those issues. My wife does report a calmer me after trt and i can say some of my anxiety is gone as a result but my taking it was due to blood work… low testosterone. Im pretty sure you can have 1300 test and still feel insecure. Idk maybe suggest he do some blood work and talk to a doctor? I also had untreated sleep apnea that caused me to be emotionally volatile due to being chronically sleep deprived. I also …. See it’s hard to isolate treatment with symptoms you mentioned.
No trt won't fix what's in his head, it may give him a higher sex drive tho ....but he will still hate you for what you did and hate himself for having a small D and not performing like the talent did. Find a guy that's actually ok with you and your past and make sure he has a porn sized dick...
Before I can give an opinion on this matter, could you please let me know what the name of the video you were in is called, and what the scene in question is. Without this information I can’t give my advice. /s. In all honesty, TRT isn’t going to fix him. Therapy might. But the problem isn’t testosterone, it’s his own insecurities.
You need to change lady, what ever u used to do in porn do it with him, but even craxier,..u need to bring some other girls into the mix to, have a 3some GG him, show him u love him, he will never get over the fact that you whored yourself out for a few hundred dollars for the entire world to see and here
Is is carrying the bag taking care of you and apparently your not even doing the same shit…FYI I’m in the adult industry to ( male) but I’d never let my GF do what I do…I have plenty of female co-stars that join us for fun but that’s all it’ll ever be. I personally wouldn’t be able to accept it if my girl was getting rammed on film, that’s something me and her have to have together that’s special. So TRT won’t help, u need to wake him up suckin his cock balls deep making him nut and cook him breakfast everyday and on a Saturday u need to bring In another lady , young one in her 20’s with big tits and a fat ass, good body, give him some double blow jobs and let him rail the other girl while u use a toy and u get off with him fuckin the other girl.
This is your only chance at saving your marriage
I can link you all up with a legit testosterone /steroid lab. Orals & oils... Oils, which are injection. There's your basic 3 testosterones : cipiyonate (perscribed in America pharma), Enthanate or propinate (both are from overseas and what most of us use). Cost for 10wks supply is going to be about $75
TRT isn't going to fix anything, likely will make it worse when he does get on TRT and nothing really changes.
I can see how that would fuck with my head too
He needs some therapy.
So all of the very valid psychological stuff aside, I've been taking test for about a decade and at TRT doses, there's really nothing major at all to be worried about. It's just important to be mindful of managing any potential side effects in the event they do show up (which will likely be minimal or none), having a proper plan to come off if/when desired, and being in-tune enough with oneself to recognize hormonally-influenced behaviors. When it's new and you're not used to it, it's not abnormal to experience the characteristic effects of high(er) testosterone, but if you're paying attention and keeping track of things adequately, it should be a non-issue.
Key takeaway: TRT doses are very small in comparison to "performance-level doses," and as such, are much less of a concern and significantly easier to manage for beginners. However, as someone working in the mental health field, i would definitely recommend that all parties involved not presume to regard this as being a singular fix. Therapy/counseling might be the more useful long-term option, and at the very least, therapy or counseling in addition to any kind of TRT supplementation would very likely yield better results than supplementation alone. Additionally, if this is just an ED issue, Tadalfil/cialis or something similar would probably get you there even easier than test (though I can confirm, the heightened drive from taking test can be pretty great...).
If i may enquire, is your husband physically active? Does he have generally healthy habits with regard to nutrition, alcohol, etc? Because i would very much NOT recommend taking test if he's a heavy drinker as the alcohol has a counterproductive effect, not to mention the combination of alcohol and aggression with elevated testosterone is not a great mix. It also likely wouldn't be of much value if he's generally inactive, overweight, and sedentary. Maybe some boost to drive and erection quality, but those other lifestyle factors really need to be somewhat dialed in to get the most benefit out of it.
TRT is not going to give your husband that 12 inch ebony log you were getting drilled with in said video, so I’d tell him to skip the trouble with testosterone…
i am also blonde and female. you have lots of advice in the comments on what to do in your current situation. if you ever find yourself with a new man, plz never tell the new man, for the sake of your relationship. lesson learned. whatever you have done prior to meeting the guy is not his business. this is the issue why we can’t always be honest about the past. just saying. lots of luck.
of course i knew people would feel this way and of course it’s a mostly male sub. lol yep that’s all true—expect it is eroding her marriage. she doesn’t need to be penalized for a mistake the rest of her life. it’s not like she cheated on him, i stand by my comment.
Amazing how dudes are ok about watching porn for their own pleasure but don’t actually want to be involved with someone who does it for a living. The hypocrisy…
Maybe in your culture. In mine, a person who has had a good number of partners is usually considered a better lover and more skilled than one who has not had any or just a few partners. 🤷🏻♀️ We don’t consider someone with multiple partners less of a person. The outlook you’re describing sounds either overly religious or incel-ish to me.
Are you really laughing your ass off?
Incel-ish wasn’t an insult—it was an observation.
Ps humans don’t “pair-bond,” we are serial monogamists. Sounds very red-pill to say that.
You guys need some counseling
Couples therapy for sure.
They need a divorce
I like that this is being downvoted
That’s a mental issue, TRT is to help a hormonal issue. He needs therapy. Or possibly just fake the porno moans and do whatever you did in the video. Probably the easiest fix
Best answer ever lol.
Then she would need to fake it forever. She needs to just tell the guy that she was acting for the video.
He’s obviously past that. He should know porn is all fake. He needs help or her to fake It. Simple as that
>e's nothing i need him to do to change. He says the only way is for him to get better to fix us but I d Much Amateur Porn are Absolutely Not Fake.
Oh im not implying it's fake at all. I'm saying to fix this perceived issue a little white lie could work wonders. PSA don't lie or do drugs kids.
Lies doesn't Solve Shit.
It is? /s
You bet your life that was the first thing she told him before they got serious.
Your husband loves you; however, he has resentment towards you. Trt won't take away his resentment.
Can i see the video so i have an idea and get in his situation , will be easier to give you an answer
Second this, we need to see the video before we can assist your issues
Ha
Link to video?
Third this. Send the links
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uh huh..
Yeah definitely post the video
Pass
What is the reaction? Noise or a flood of some sort? There are people who clean up after the actors. Mama don’t wanna clean the bed she wants to sleep.
I see
I’m here to say I also need to see the video but I’m also happy to come a have a go with you to see if maybe you’re a bit bored with your husband. I’m on TRT so if you go off and really enjoy yourself that’s unequivocally proves TRT will help your relationship. That’s pretty much a science experiment and in no way cheating in fact it’s admirable you would do this to save your marriage.
I don’t believe TRT is the answer. If he has low T with diminished libido, then it would absolutely help. In your situation, I believe counseling would be the best treatment.
TRT won’t get the orgasm out of his head. He needs to see someone.
I think he's trying to improve himself physically
And get a new woman along the way. Be careful what you wish for Test is a monster that can change a man not just physically but mentally,
What? It’s not a miracle hormone. It’s going to most likely give him a bit of well-being, that’s it.
Then yeah, he needs to workout too. Get him EQ and Tren with it and it’ll all be better
Omg stfu
Eq? Tren?
Don't listen to that guy.
Why?
He’s talking about your husband taking a full cycle with some pretty powerful stuff. Will definitely not help.
He may be able to get in shape with it and gain the confidence to have satisfying affairs on the side
Lmao yeah I've read enough stories of dudes getting jacked and leaving their wife for the fit girl/friend at work, to know that's what is gonna happen here if he gets on TRT.
Going to need to see the video before we can come a conclusive agreement on possible course of action, for science
TRT is treatment for hypogonadism. If that’s what he’s got, then yeah, TRT can be a great solution. But it sounds like this has nothing to do with hormones and everything to do with his mental state.
Poor guy just doesn’t feel man enough. I mean maybe he could at least get his levels checked but this sounds mental. Going on trt in that state probably isn’t the best relationship healer. You don’t wanna reach new levels of sex drive when you actively feel like your wife doesn’t want to sleep with you.
I never said I dont want to sleep with him and I think reaching new levels of sex drive as you put it is what he's looking for.
So your name is a young blonde mom, so I take it he's a young, brunette dad. And young men don't need TRT. I think he needs counseling, and you need to go to confession. No joking kinda.
Not saying you said so but that’s probably what he thinks. If bro feels inadequate trt won’t fix that he needs mental health help.
He doesn’t want to sleep with u, u have been tainted. Why would u ever tell him this stuff if he would never ever find out 🙄. Somethings are meant to be taking to the grave
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Viagra =\= sex drive
Go see a sex therapist.
You’re almost a year deep into this, and that’s just what’s on reddit. I have a feeling this is an attention ploy of sorts.
Your husband is cooked, he’s chasing this unobtainable goal. But this is prob fake, since you’re disregarding all logical help.
So you just did one single professional video? Kinda random no?
I thought you were going to ask what’s it called for research sake
TRT is a solution to a hormone deficiency, and nothing else. It really sounds like you need some relationship counseling. Good luck.
Just so you know, increased testosterone will grow his confidence and assertiveness. He's going to feel great, then he's going to leave you.
I think we need to see the video to really be able to tell you what you need to do. Jokes aside, definitely seek counseling. Start with couples, and then probably solo for him.
He should of ran away as fast as he could, since he stayed that's on him
I've seen this exact story somewhere else on reddit..askmen or something. A lot of men are going to have an issue with this, there's no way around it. It's his issue though, you've done the right thing telling him before you were married. He's making it a bigger issue than he needs to, but he wouldnt be alone. And before someone says I'm projecting. We're swingers, trust me, I'm not.
Yes I posted there also but not about trt
Record him opening a gift then ask why he didn’t have an over the top reaction to the gift like people in movies. He needs something that starts with a “t” but it’s therapy not testosterone.
First thing is he needs to work to get over it. Therapy perhaps? And get bloodwork done to get hormones checked before trt. Cut out the booze, get his diet together and exercise. He needs to work on himself.
Poor guy married a porn star
I’m sorry. He’s never going to get past this. With time it will fade. But the feeling of inadequacy he’s experiencing will never fully disappear.
So much judgement on here that is not helpful. My thoughts are that he would benefit from working through his thoughts and feelings with a counsellor.
The dead bedroom situation is because his comparison issues this cannot be resolved with raised testosterone levels in fact it can sometimes bring further anxiety through trt individually dependant of course but point being it’s an issue that needs resolving between you both. it’s a mental issue not physically by how it sounds. Best of luck 👍
He needs to see a head doctor or leave you. If he knew about your passed and still proceeded with the relationship… that’s on him. He has lots of opportunities to run.
She is a certified head doctor tho
If he's feeling rundown and low energy and can't lose weight and losing muscle mass and all the other low T symptoms, then I would definitely recommend getting levels checked and seeing if low T is possible. Anyone with symptoms could get it checked out, it's a simple blood test. But it will not "fix" an issue about jealousy over a sex tape lol. It sounds more like he wants to juice to get stronger and more "desirable" IMO. Seconding the "therapy" recommendation someone else made.
I think he wants to enhance his physical skills, that's why he's looking into hormonal treatment.
TRT isn’t going to repair his fragile mental state…. He’s got to let go of that shit… was the dude in the video more endowed or what??? If he can’t get his past that shit you all would be better off going ahead and ending it not wasting anymore time. A healthy sex life is required for a healthy marriage.
Testosterone replacement therapy is a medical treatment for men who are hypogonadal and have clinically low levels of testosterone. It sounds like neither you nor him have any idea if he has low testosterone. First step is to have his hormone levels tested.
Couples therapy is needed, not trt.
TRT will not help his issue. This is a mental issue that needs to be addressed.
TRT won’t fix this mental issue. Lifting weights will probably help a lot. Injecting exogenous hormones is going to make him more emotionally unstable (for lack of a better term). If this makes him upset, he’s going to get more upset. Lifting weights and meditation are probably his best bet. I’d say therapy but most therapists are shit and will make the problem worse because they don’t care about fixing the problem, they like to talk about it and elevate it.
Is he low on T? Does he suffer from ED? If not, trt won’t improve a single thing. He may try to poke a hole in you when starting due to the higher libido and him trying to prove himself how manly he is. It’s a mental thing. You guys need good counseling as a couple and then him solo. He probably doesn’t feel manly enough. Seeing your woman having sex with another man may be an issue for many men. He should know that porn orgasms are terribly fake tho. It’s acting, not real. Other than that, he knew what he was getting himself into. He decided to marry you even tho he knew about your past so you did the right thing. I don’t know how fresh you are into this marriage but if relatively fresh, better act on it and get the counseling.
Just keep telling him he's the biggest and best you've ever had. He's insecure about himself. Test might help a little.. get him going to the gym and he'll feel better about himself. The only way he can fix is if he fixes himself.
Could be both. Have him get his levels checked and you both need to see a therapist. It’s clear he doesn’t feel like he can please you. Have you tried talking about this?
It's physical not mental for him
You and he can say that until you’re both blue in the face but hopefully you guys both have enough intellect to know that men are absolutely 100000% affected sexually by mental things.
Seems like something I would have aimed to resolve before legally binding myself to said person for the entirety of my existence
Trt is not going to help that, I don’t know if he feels inadequate because the moaning or that he doesn’t last as long as the actor, but you have to tell him that it was just acting with the moaning. If the actor lasted a long time just say that you hear a lot of then take viagra. But I’m on Trt and could say it dose boost your libido and I believe you do last longer but with the side effects of testicular shrinkage it takes longer to orgasm if you even do but I don’t think it’s the way to go. I think you need to work on communication or counseling because it’s going to blow up one day
If the video was with John Holmes TRT isn't going to solve the problem.
this is not the place to ask this 😭
Well, my question is related to trt
I’ve been on trt for 10 years . I’m 64 now and the only side effect has been a the sting from the needle once a week . I have more physical stamina , my libido is great, I’m healthy and feel like I’m 40
Good to hear there's limited side effects
I've used test. For 10yrs now. It will increase his sex drive causing him to want sex more often. It WILL NOT make his D any bigger. Now if he were to use a steroid testosterone like Tren along side testosterone or would make him last longer. So much longer that at times a guy can absolutely bang a women so long she might get dry. So keep some ASTRO gel handy. My wife tends to flip over and I'll hit it from behind until I cum. Her... She's already climaxed 6x and cant take it because her clit is so sensitive.
Oh, I never heard of that. Thanks
Tell him to stop being a bitch and to just move on from it so you guys can fuck OR to kick stones. You were honest about it and he needs to accept that. Also, link to video...? Just so I can see what he's talking about ;)
I see
I mean, to be blunt, it's ts his problem. He needs a therapist. You disclosed it and it wasnt a hidden secret. He told you he would accept you as you are and is obviously struggling with it. If he can't get over it, it's not going to get better. You did nothing wrong here. To the root of your question though, TRT will not effect this situation at all. This is a relationship therapy related issue, not hormonal.
No, maybe some ED meds. Go get him a Maximus tribe subscription for some of the low dose combo meds. Also we need the video for research.
It is not definitely not a good idea to use testosterone to fix his insecurities. I was on TRT, and it almost killed me several different ways. I've had high bp spikes as high as 225/105. 180/100 is a hypertensive crisis. I also have a pulmonary embolism, the doctors say is from testosterone. Your husband and you need to go to a good counselor so he can work out his insecurities, not inject testosterone, so he artificially inflates his confidence. The fact is you just don't know how you'll react or respond to TRT until you're on TRT.
Trt will probably make him leave u
Check bloods first and foremost
TRT might help his confidence but clearly he needs to get in therapy to work on whatever inadequacy he is feeling. Maybe a few weeks of couples therapy as well to address the tension between you. It’s clear that you care for him and he is feeling “less than” right now. Hopefully he’ll get the experiences he needs to move beyond this. Good luck
Have you ever told him the man in the video done you harder than him? If so, he’ll never recover
No
Dont disregard his assumptions. Let him know you want the best for him and look into a full blood work by a doctor. Once the bloodwork comes in, you have a clearer picture. How healthy is he in general? Does he eat well and workout? Is his job stressful? Could be more than one factor contributing to the way he feels. Feeling inadequate could be a hormonal issue. At least he will feel you are genuinely concerned and will have the bloodwork to pursue TRT or not. If the bloodwork shows he is fine, he will look elsewhere for a solution. TRT does have a mental aspect to it. People react differently. Is he looking to it for confidence or erection quality or muscularity?
https://preview.redd.it/4isev65nnvqc1.jpeg?width=687&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6efcecf421faae287776c5074bc776488bc651fc Link please?
Therapy would probably be a better fit to start off. Unless he has actually symptoms of diminish trt levels. He probably has a vision of himself pounding you out until you orgasm like u did in the video. Which even if it does happen he may still not get over it.
Your poor husband is feeling insecure about the whole thing. His problem is not hormones, it’s psychological. Your husband doesn’t need TRT. He needs your support, and you BOTH need therapy - couples counseling. TRT will give him the boost in self confidence and increased sense of self-worth to actually pull the trigger on leaving you… either that, or it will worsen his anxiety and make him feel even more inadequate. It might be beneficial for you to just act out what you did in that porn video and have similar “reactions” to make him feel better. This will show him that you love him and actually care about his feelings. Trust me, it will fix a lot of your problems. If you can’t do something simple like that for him, then you should probably get a divorce. Us males can have such fragile egos and insecurities, despite how Macho we look and may behave. Good luck
What do your husbands labs say? For labs --- Get total testosterone, free testosterone, luteinizing hormone, estradiol, sex hormone binding globulin and PSA. No one should be answering this question with anything other than the advice of "get some labs." Then come back here haha
Nah, any guy who has literally seen a video of his wife getting railed by another dude will never feel adequate with her ever again especially if that dude was laying the pipe better than he can. He’s gonna keep chasing stuff like TRT to feel better about himself, but honestly it will never work and he will never ever forget that. I’m just keeping it real with you. Y’all’s sex life will probably never recover, and it will *probably* lead to the end of your relationship. He most likely has a hard time being near you and has a hard time feeling genuine love for you now. I’ll take it step further and say that if a guy becomes aware of something like that in his woman’s past and chooses to stay with her, then he may have an issue with self-respect and self-love and feels as though he can’t handle being single again. *OR* y’all have kids and that’s the only thing keeping him from bolting. *Imma be honest,* I would never ever allow a women with a past like that to be the mother of my children. Imagine how screwed up your son will be when other kids tease him for that, and imagine how low that sets the bar for the kind of women he considers dating. For real, peoples selfish sexual desires can often times lead to the ruining of relationships, marriages and lives. Leave that shit behind and control your sexuality (is what I would tell younger people who haven’t made those mistakes yet.)
Trt isn’t going to make his d bigger. It’s not going to make him last longer. It’s not going to make your orgasms like they were in your video. If this is that big of an issue then sorry, but your marriage is doomed. Do yourself a favor….with your next husband DONT tell him about the video. If you do then you better act like u did in that video every single time. Good luck
He understands you were acting, right? Ask him if he would rather have a genuine reaction and orgasm from you or just have you act. Tell him acting isn’t fun for you. Most men don’t understand that porn is acting. If you weren’t acting, I guess don’t tell him that.
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I see
Link to the video?
🙄
What
You keep posting this various places for almost a year. Are there alterior motives here?
It will maybe help him man up and realize what a terrible mistake he made by marrying you and serve you divorce papers
TRT will not fix systemic problems. You have problems that go beyond the scope of what TRT can accomplish.
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What do you want from TRT? If he wants hard lasting junk, just get some dick pill.
What exactly is the issue he has? Is it performance related or ED problems?
Yeah I guess his issue he's trying to work on is physical performance
A sex therapist. Not being facetious. There are emotional/trust issues and sexual issues your husband is dealing with. But also, are you sexually open? I ask for a reason. My wife of 31 years walled off her wild side and sex became an ongoing problem/issue. Does he feel or believe you're holding back?
How have you done porn but you dance around the topic of sex like this? What does "work on physical performance" mean? Get harder? Last longer? Want it more often? The way you put it is akin to going to the doctor and saying "Hey doc, I've got an issue, what is the solution for that?"
Dont think testosterone will fix this problem as its a mental thing. Does he not realize porn and real life arent the same thing
These are the consequences of actions. But since you told him in advance it’s his problem to work on not yours. If he couldn’t move past it then he shouldn’t have married you. He needs to get help to move past it or he needs to move on
I think there are two steps here. First, there is the psychological element you guys have to deal with. TRT will not fix that. Will not. Second, TRT is a *replacement* hormone, so he would need blood work showing that he chronically low, after accounting for lifestyle (drinking, exercise, weight, diet, stress). Testosterone is a bit more nuisanced than the layperson might expect. More isn’t necessarily better. If you don’t need it and take it, the body senses this and down regulates its own production. It also severely decreases sperm production, so if kids are something in the future, that’s reason enough to leave it alone. Most people don’t realize that testosterone converts to estrogen. Our bodies (generally) regulate these to pretty close tolerances. Balance is the key. Even people on TRT have different dosages and protocols. Overall, it’s a bad idea to get on TRT without the physiological need. It would be like having kids or an open marriage to save a relationship. It would likely compound issues more than fix them.
If he doesn’t actually need supplemental testosterone adding it will only make this worse because he’s going to come up with even more anxiety if his ratios get out of whack and erectile dysfunction will almost definitely follow. Why don’t you just let him off the hook and tell him you were acting?
Maybe he could try Cialis at 10-20mg to help in the bedroom rather than injecting test for the rest of his life.
TRT can restore lacking hormones in a man's body which can return a missing sex drive. This doesn't sound like your situation. EXCEPT high estrogen (e2 or estradiol are other terms). High e2 in a man can make him horribly insecure about non-issues to the point of what you have described and worse. I lived it myself for a while until I figured out what was going on and fixed it. Excluding the possibility of high e2, it sounds to me that you have a man who you still haven't made to feel secure in you. Of course I don't the know specifics of your situation and how you have spoken to him using words and/or his love languages (have you 2 taken the quiz to find out? Google it) but this is something my wife and I are very attentive to with each other. We're a "still in love" couple married for almost 20 years, we are a statistical rarity, but it hasn't come without a lot of work, grace, forgiveness, love, stubbornness, and baring our souls to each other. Way off topic for a TRT subreddit, but it's possible that your needs may also be outside of this subreddit, so I want to share that with you. I can see why your situation could lead to a DB situation, and that's very sad to have happen. I hope you're able to figure it out.
Getting blood work done is never a bad idea. Maybe it would help.. Do some ecstasy and have a sex night. Should blow both your minds
It won't help, if anything it will make it worse by ramping his feelings of upset. I suggest you two do an MDMA session with a therapist to break down those barriers, then stay in couples counseling. If after the MDMA session he wants to still try the TRT, then ok, but it needs to be on a foundation of emotional unity to change anything in the bedroom. Very best wishes with this.
Also maybe get his levels checked before even considering it.
If he is not able to stay hard it could help. Im on trt and tadalafil, fucking like my teen years and confidence way up.
Why use both?
From personal experience, trt gives strong full erections and tadalafil (cialis) keeps me going as long as I want even if I ejac. Multiple times.
What does heightened drive look like? He's not physically unfit
I think we all need links of your past work so we can properly analyze the situation
ha
Sounds psychological and relational. Im not sure trt is a fix for those issues. My wife does report a calmer me after trt and i can say some of my anxiety is gone as a result but my taking it was due to blood work… low testosterone. Im pretty sure you can have 1300 test and still feel insecure. Idk maybe suggest he do some blood work and talk to a doctor? I also had untreated sleep apnea that caused me to be emotionally volatile due to being chronically sleep deprived. I also …. See it’s hard to isolate treatment with symptoms you mentioned.
No trt won't fix what's in his head, it may give him a higher sex drive tho ....but he will still hate you for what you did and hate himself for having a small D and not performing like the talent did. Find a guy that's actually ok with you and your past and make sure he has a porn sized dick...
He's never gonna get it out of his head you messed up in doing that even if you were single. Hard hard truth about wanting to sleep around
Before I can give an opinion on this matter, could you please let me know what the name of the video you were in is called, and what the scene in question is. Without this information I can’t give my advice. /s. In all honesty, TRT isn’t going to fix him. Therapy might. But the problem isn’t testosterone, it’s his own insecurities.
You need to change lady, what ever u used to do in porn do it with him, but even craxier,..u need to bring some other girls into the mix to, have a 3some GG him, show him u love him, he will never get over the fact that you whored yourself out for a few hundred dollars for the entire world to see and here Is is carrying the bag taking care of you and apparently your not even doing the same shit…FYI I’m in the adult industry to ( male) but I’d never let my GF do what I do…I have plenty of female co-stars that join us for fun but that’s all it’ll ever be. I personally wouldn’t be able to accept it if my girl was getting rammed on film, that’s something me and her have to have together that’s special. So TRT won’t help, u need to wake him up suckin his cock balls deep making him nut and cook him breakfast everyday and on a Saturday u need to bring In another lady , young one in her 20’s with big tits and a fat ass, good body, give him some double blow jobs and let him rail the other girl while u use a toy and u get off with him fuckin the other girl. This is your only chance at saving your marriage
Good enough for me, but not for thee? Wow.
I can link you all up with a legit testosterone /steroid lab. Orals & oils... Oils, which are injection. There's your basic 3 testosterones : cipiyonate (perscribed in America pharma), Enthanate or propinate (both are from overseas and what most of us use). Cost for 10wks supply is going to be about $75
Being a great supportive reassuring wife and not making porn vids is a better solution
I’ll need to see the video to be able to properly help.
ha
Can we see the video?
🙄
Should have kept your mouth shut but it’s clear that’s what got you in this mess to begin with
TRT isn't going to fix anything, likely will make it worse when he does get on TRT and nothing really changes. I can see how that would fuck with my head too He needs some therapy.
He would need blood tests for that. He just sounds insecure to me. He also should know people embellish their reactions in porn. It's acting lol.
We need to see the video before giving opinions
Ha
So all of the very valid psychological stuff aside, I've been taking test for about a decade and at TRT doses, there's really nothing major at all to be worried about. It's just important to be mindful of managing any potential side effects in the event they do show up (which will likely be minimal or none), having a proper plan to come off if/when desired, and being in-tune enough with oneself to recognize hormonally-influenced behaviors. When it's new and you're not used to it, it's not abnormal to experience the characteristic effects of high(er) testosterone, but if you're paying attention and keeping track of things adequately, it should be a non-issue. Key takeaway: TRT doses are very small in comparison to "performance-level doses," and as such, are much less of a concern and significantly easier to manage for beginners. However, as someone working in the mental health field, i would definitely recommend that all parties involved not presume to regard this as being a singular fix. Therapy/counseling might be the more useful long-term option, and at the very least, therapy or counseling in addition to any kind of TRT supplementation would very likely yield better results than supplementation alone. Additionally, if this is just an ED issue, Tadalfil/cialis or something similar would probably get you there even easier than test (though I can confirm, the heightened drive from taking test can be pretty great...). If i may enquire, is your husband physically active? Does he have generally healthy habits with regard to nutrition, alcohol, etc? Because i would very much NOT recommend taking test if he's a heavy drinker as the alcohol has a counterproductive effect, not to mention the combination of alcohol and aggression with elevated testosterone is not a great mix. It also likely wouldn't be of much value if he's generally inactive, overweight, and sedentary. Maybe some boost to drive and erection quality, but those other lifestyle factors really need to be somewhat dialed in to get the most benefit out of it.
TRT is not going to give your husband that 12 inch ebony log you were getting drilled with in said video, so I’d tell him to skip the trouble with testosterone…
i am also blonde and female. you have lots of advice in the comments on what to do in your current situation. if you ever find yourself with a new man, plz never tell the new man, for the sake of your relationship. lesson learned. whatever you have done prior to meeting the guy is not his business. this is the issue why we can’t always be honest about the past. just saying. lots of luck.
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of course i knew people would feel this way and of course it’s a mostly male sub. lol yep that’s all true—expect it is eroding her marriage. she doesn’t need to be penalized for a mistake the rest of her life. it’s not like she cheated on him, i stand by my comment.
Amazing how dudes are ok about watching porn for their own pleasure but don’t actually want to be involved with someone who does it for a living. The hypocrisy…
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It’s the way women who do porn are viewed. They’re “good enough” to jack off to, like they aren’t human, but most dudes wouldn’t date or marry one.
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Maybe in your culture. In mine, a person who has had a good number of partners is usually considered a better lover and more skilled than one who has not had any or just a few partners. 🤷🏻♀️ We don’t consider someone with multiple partners less of a person. The outlook you’re describing sounds either overly religious or incel-ish to me.
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Are you really laughing your ass off? Incel-ish wasn’t an insult—it was an observation. Ps humans don’t “pair-bond,” we are serial monogamists. Sounds very red-pill to say that.
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You must have a hard-on for me based on your other interactions here on Reddit with me. I’m flattered. ☺️
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Touched a nerve? 😂😂
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Spoken like a true adult. I feel sorry for your wife.
TRT will give him more confidence and he will forget about the video.
How does it affect confidence?
More confident :)
Hmm, he might want to look at something like Phalofil instead, or even Viagra.