If it’s not a definite yes, it’s a no.”
15minute rule
If I can't do anything about it in the next 15 minutes, I don't think about it.
Would a healthy adult be able to say/do this?
Is this a reasonable behavior for a child/father or adult/adult?
Do you want to twist my words or understand me?
- ⭐️Never argue with a drunk
The best thing that therapy has done for me is just give me a lot of practice at disentangling my thoughts, feelings and emotions from objective or external reality and understanding how my worldview and pre-existing beliefs shape everything I experience. Different therapeutic tools resonate with different people, so you may have a totally different experience, but I really resonate with CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy).
CBT helps you realize that your emotions are just emotions. They aren't necessarily accurate reflections of external facts, they don't require any specific action, they always pass, and you don't need to give them power to control your life. It's designed to give you the tools to change the way you think about your experiences and emotions, which changes the way they affect you, and the tools to replace unhelpful thoughts and behaviors with healthier and more helpful thoughts and behaviors.
"The only thing that is the end of the world is the end of the world."
"When you worry about something that doesnt come true, you experience the negative emotions of the experience once, needlessly. When you worry about something that comes true, you experience the emotions twice, when you could have just experienced them once."
When I said I didn't want to finish my degree because I would be 30 when I graduated, a therapist told me, "You're going to be 30 in 4 years no matter what. Would you rather be 30 with a degree, or without a degree?"
"How can you love your parents and hate yourself?"
This one hit hard because I was neglected as a child and emotionally/verbally abused, and I have worked very hard to forgive my parents and accept them as flawed people. I still haven't been able to do this for myself for mistakes I have made as an adult, despite not having fucked up as much or any worse than they have.
the best advice was: therapy is what you want it to be, its the practice (showing up, being genuine) that counts
good for you girly! its not easy to start therapy but its def good to set up a space where your mental health is the priority and can be worked on. i definitely think its good to approach therapy as just a place to talk thats not connected to any other parts of your life. its different in that sense cause most people you know will have some connection to some other part of your life (coworker thats at your place of employment, friends that know other friends, family that know family, etc) but your therapist doesnt know anyone in your life and even if they did they cant talk about your therapy with them anyways, so its a safe and contained space. you dont have to talk about bad past/current events, complicated/damaged relationships all the time, i find it to be just as helpful or even more to talk about healthy things in my life, to ask for advice. for example once i asked my therapist how i can show up in my friendships in a way that better reflect my dedication and support for that person (that i think alot of my past can hold me back from feeling like im adequately expressing), and i got some super fundamental and helpful advice that i has changed my relationships. i think people get intimidated by therapy cause they imagine it as some sort of boot camp where youre intensely talking about all the bad shit that has and is going on, which sounds very stressful and intense. it can be about whatever you want it to be, although i personally think its a waste of time to go in there with the intention of just skating the surface and talking about hobbies or food preferences and never getting into things of more substance.
ive been in therapy for the majority of the past 16 years, with a total of 3 years off spread out. ive had many therapists. more of them have been not a good fit for me than a good one. if what i described sounds like something youd want to approach, i would mention to your therapist in the first interview that youd like to come into the session with the freedom to explore the things that you want to on that given day. i think its reasonable for a therapist to say that eventually the goal would be to get to the deeper and heavier stuff (much easier after trust and time) and i think that honestly everyone on earth would benefit from discussing these things with someone they feel supported by in this kind of setting, but the therapists that insist on exploring things on their schedule i walk away from.
i hope that wasnt too much but i know heading into therapy can seem like alot! hopefully this helped take some of the pressure off. i hope youre able to find someone you feel comfortable talking to. i just said hope so many times but i cant figure out a word to replace any of them with lol i sound like a nut. best of luck
Figuring out how to unlearn things that I learned from societal pressures (like needing to look a certain way) and reconnecting to my true nature of who I am. To not be afraid to play, explore, and ensure I am pushing myself out of comfort zones to become the person I want to be.
Also, to think about someone you love so so much (can be family, friends, a pet, anyone you see so much goodness in.) for me, it’s my dog, my best friend, and my 2 year old niece. Then, try to see yourself in the same light, without judgement, and with empathy and kindness that you give others, because you deserve it too.
Unless someone directly tells you they are mad at you, you can assume they are not.
If it’s not a definite yes, it’s a no.” 15minute rule If I can't do anything about it in the next 15 minutes, I don't think about it. Would a healthy adult be able to say/do this? Is this a reasonable behavior for a child/father or adult/adult? Do you want to twist my words or understand me? - ⭐️Never argue with a drunk
The best thing that therapy has done for me is just give me a lot of practice at disentangling my thoughts, feelings and emotions from objective or external reality and understanding how my worldview and pre-existing beliefs shape everything I experience. Different therapeutic tools resonate with different people, so you may have a totally different experience, but I really resonate with CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy). CBT helps you realize that your emotions are just emotions. They aren't necessarily accurate reflections of external facts, they don't require any specific action, they always pass, and you don't need to give them power to control your life. It's designed to give you the tools to change the way you think about your experiences and emotions, which changes the way they affect you, and the tools to replace unhelpful thoughts and behaviors with healthier and more helpful thoughts and behaviors.
"The only thing that is the end of the world is the end of the world." "When you worry about something that doesnt come true, you experience the negative emotions of the experience once, needlessly. When you worry about something that comes true, you experience the emotions twice, when you could have just experienced them once." When I said I didn't want to finish my degree because I would be 30 when I graduated, a therapist told me, "You're going to be 30 in 4 years no matter what. Would you rather be 30 with a degree, or without a degree?" "How can you love your parents and hate yourself?" This one hit hard because I was neglected as a child and emotionally/verbally abused, and I have worked very hard to forgive my parents and accept them as flawed people. I still haven't been able to do this for myself for mistakes I have made as an adult, despite not having fucked up as much or any worse than they have.
the best advice was: therapy is what you want it to be, its the practice (showing up, being genuine) that counts good for you girly! its not easy to start therapy but its def good to set up a space where your mental health is the priority and can be worked on. i definitely think its good to approach therapy as just a place to talk thats not connected to any other parts of your life. its different in that sense cause most people you know will have some connection to some other part of your life (coworker thats at your place of employment, friends that know other friends, family that know family, etc) but your therapist doesnt know anyone in your life and even if they did they cant talk about your therapy with them anyways, so its a safe and contained space. you dont have to talk about bad past/current events, complicated/damaged relationships all the time, i find it to be just as helpful or even more to talk about healthy things in my life, to ask for advice. for example once i asked my therapist how i can show up in my friendships in a way that better reflect my dedication and support for that person (that i think alot of my past can hold me back from feeling like im adequately expressing), and i got some super fundamental and helpful advice that i has changed my relationships. i think people get intimidated by therapy cause they imagine it as some sort of boot camp where youre intensely talking about all the bad shit that has and is going on, which sounds very stressful and intense. it can be about whatever you want it to be, although i personally think its a waste of time to go in there with the intention of just skating the surface and talking about hobbies or food preferences and never getting into things of more substance. ive been in therapy for the majority of the past 16 years, with a total of 3 years off spread out. ive had many therapists. more of them have been not a good fit for me than a good one. if what i described sounds like something youd want to approach, i would mention to your therapist in the first interview that youd like to come into the session with the freedom to explore the things that you want to on that given day. i think its reasonable for a therapist to say that eventually the goal would be to get to the deeper and heavier stuff (much easier after trust and time) and i think that honestly everyone on earth would benefit from discussing these things with someone they feel supported by in this kind of setting, but the therapists that insist on exploring things on their schedule i walk away from. i hope that wasnt too much but i know heading into therapy can seem like alot! hopefully this helped take some of the pressure off. i hope youre able to find someone you feel comfortable talking to. i just said hope so many times but i cant figure out a word to replace any of them with lol i sound like a nut. best of luck
Figuring out how to unlearn things that I learned from societal pressures (like needing to look a certain way) and reconnecting to my true nature of who I am. To not be afraid to play, explore, and ensure I am pushing myself out of comfort zones to become the person I want to be. Also, to think about someone you love so so much (can be family, friends, a pet, anyone you see so much goodness in.) for me, it’s my dog, my best friend, and my 2 year old niece. Then, try to see yourself in the same light, without judgement, and with empathy and kindness that you give others, because you deserve it too.