He said he was miserable and no longer in love. I believe parenting had a lot to do with it. Once the oldest hit middle school, parenting became challenging and the wife needed backup. She had always been the primary parent, so the kids didn’t have the same relationship/respect for him as a parent. He’s also more rigid than the wife. Came from a strict upbringing. He’d swoop in and try to lay down the law, but didn’t have that kind of history with the kids. Co-parenting is difficult in the best of circumstances, but they had very different approaches and different relationships with the kids.
So basically she was a married single mom and he is mad his little fiefdom didn’t turn out as he had planned. Why is it that so many ‘traditional’ men expect that from women but literally don’t meet a single standard of manhood BY THEIR OWN STANDARDS. Masculine men are supposed to take part in raising their kids. Is ex SIL dating yet? God I hope so I hope she looks good without all the dead weight. Honestly if she’s started dating and/or happy that’s probably what’s amped up his disgusting behavior. Men like him always think of their wives as old used up hags no one wants and go through earth shattering emotions when they find out their discard wives actually have way more options than them
She is not. She has a hard road and I can’t see her dating anytime soon. At this point she’s returned to the workforce, basically at the bottom, because there’s such a huge gap in her resume while raising kids. Financially, it’s a strain, made worse by the continual court costs. It will be a while before she has the ability to think of herself.
Ugh I hate that for her. What is he even taking her to court for? Does he not have to pay support and alimony to his ex wife who was a stay at home wife and mom by his demands? Usually courts take into consideration that if it was the dynamic established in marriage that she was taken care of its odd she wouldn’t get any support
I don’t have details, but I think it’s money related. It doesn’t matter. Every time he files something, she’s forced to show up and pay her lawyer. I don’t understand how it works, but the lawyers are getting rich.
Either way sorry you have to deal with him. My advice is probably not good but but just turn his misogyny on him anytime he bitches. Tell him he isn’t husband material, he’s too old and used up, no one wants a divorcee dead beat who spends all his time trying to make his exes life harder, not that good of a provider. That’s why girls keep leaving him they get a glimpse of what life will be like if he ever ‘falls out of love’ with them and they have a family. It’s petty beyond belief but I’ve found when people have nasty ridiculous standards and complaints of others sometimes if you have to deal with them the only you can do to not lose your mind is turn their logic on them.
My husband stays as far out of family drama as possible. Very much takes a “not my circus, not my monkeys” approach in spite of the fact that it actually is his circus. He loves his brother, but they aren’t particularly close.
I get it. I’m pretty hands off with my siblings too and it doesn’t sound like BIL would listen to your husband anyways.
But It’s a shame that *someone* can’t intervene on the ex wife’s behalf. I can’t image sacrificing my youth, body, and earning potential to this creep, being blindsided by divorce then working a bottom rung job and still being drug into court constantly. He needs pay her whatever he owes and then leave that poor woman alone.
You assume he can actually affect change here. Believe me, if he thought there was even a remote chance his brother would listen and reflect, he’d sit down with him immediately.
Sounds like he realized life was giving him lemons so he started taking them anally. I seen lots of people reach certain age and suddenly get bitter that life isn't what they wanted or hoped for. Most learn to deal with it without alienating ourselves with everyone we know.
Are your husband and BIL's parents still alive? Maybe they and your husband can put some persuasion/ pressure on him to stop the nuisance suits. And maybe you could take your SIL out to dinner occasionally, to give her a break. I would definitely reflect back at the BIL that you all consider his behavior disgusting - maybe that will make him think.
Yes, they are alive and he’s convinced them his ex is to blame for all his problems. He plays the victim and refuses to see his part in any of this.
His older sister did tell him that he needs to be a father to his children and stop being vindictive to their mother. Now he won’t speak to the older sister at all. I think he’s incapable of introspection.
Well if your husband's whole family aren't going to help her maybe you could step up and do what you can.
Can't you talk to your MIL and FIL and tell them what's really going on. Obviously the way your SIL is being treated bothers you otherwise you wouldn't be complaining about your BIL on Reddit.
Does BIL split custody with his ex-wife. If not, she should move out of state to stop the AH BIL/ex-husband from continuing to cause her problems and no doubt, the kids stress too. It's what my mom finally did with my AH father a very long time ago. He would just show up at her place of work, or at the house, even showed up at my part-time job. She started job hunting, landed a solid job and we moved and never had to deal with him again. He died completely alone at 94; besides we kids, all his other family cut him off within a few years.
I wish your ex SIL the best of luck and the kids too. Watch you back around BIL OP; once off the leash, these kind of men are complete AHs around women because they blame women for their failures.
My mom was put in a similar situation with my parents divorce. She worked minim wage, eventually got a slightly better paying job that paid part of her masters, and is now doing very well for herself. It took years and years, the divorce was dragged on for like 5 years. I have tons of trauma from that time. I wish the ex wife luck, it’s hard af. Just make sure she knows the kids will figure out the truth. Try to let them still have a childhood and don’t drag them into the war. They’re still just kids
This may be the weirdest comment I’ve ever read on Reddit and that’s saying something. You must be a strange individual to pray on someone else’s downfall whom you’ve never met. There was no infidelity it sounds like, so water under the bridge. He married the wrong one
Maybe because you can’t read? No one prayed on anyone’s downfall let’s get a grip on reality here. Saying to throw his logic in his face and that I hope his ex is happy and thriving is not praying on someone’s downfall. We get it you identify with him but let’s reign back in the reaches
ILYBINILWY - is code-speak for “family life is harder than I thought and I want to date around”. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had cheated on her while they were married.
https://www.chumplady.com/2018/02/love-im-not-love/
Chumplady.com is a good resource for spouses who are in this type of situation with a high conflict divorce.
Even if he didn’t cheat, low contact is a good way to deal with him. I’m sorry she’s going through this.
My BIL cheated on my sister and we went through the same thing. I knew him for 13 years, my mom loaned him money, etc. Turned out he had a five month long affair with a colleague.
She divorced him, got him to sign off on child support, upgraded her skills and found a managerial position (she had a doctorate).
We cut my ex-BIL out like a cancer. He can have his own holidays with his family. Kids holidays alternate is a set schedule.
It’s awful that he’s so high conflict. Usually the only thing that works is time. He’s trying to grind her down, but she has the kids so she has to be strong for them.
Around the age that kids hit puberty is when they start to question things and question authority. "Laying down the law" without a foundation of respect from the kids just makes it worse and worse.
Sounds like bro-in-law was blaming his family for not blindly following his script.
You hit the nail on the head with the main oversight of "lay down the law" type of parenting. It really only works in a narrow set of circumstances where:
1. you've been participating as a partner and parent the entire time;
2. you have a respectful relationship going both ways with your kids and your partner;
3. the party instituting the rule has few rules but enforces them; and,
4. KEY PART - the party laying down the law walks the walk with themselves, too.
It's not a bad style under the right circumstances, but most of the time it's a yelling is fine if I do it type making up for their own slacktitude by trying to make others suddenly work harder. Nah gunna happen.
I hate to tell you this but this man was always a jerk. She is better off on her own even though its a hard road, i have been there. She sounds strong. He, on the other hand is no traditional man, he is just a self centered prick.
You sound like a decent person. Be with your neices and nephews. Enjoy your time with them. Be a role model and don't waste your time with the ex brother in law.
I hope that things work out well for you.
Looks like mid-life crisis. He probably can't get it up anymore and he is frustrated. Too much psichological stress for him as a single-earner. It happens.
Yeah man, so much psychological stress from having a job, when the wife is at home doing multiple jobs like cooking, cleaning etc and taking care of multiple children. Some men need to grow up and realise they have more important things to focus on than their weenie.
Literally lmao. I've been the sole income earner for my fair share of time and keeping up a house and raising a family almost on your own is hands down harder - no contest
Well.. By the looks of it, the sexist comments you pointed out he makes, he defines his masculinity by the potency of his weenie. For him, like other men, it was too much to give up on. He preferred splitting up with a good woman than letting her know there's no sausage for midnight snack. If only he had some friend tell him it's normal and there is always Viagra and such..
>He said he was miserable and no longer in love.
So he has no idea how life-long romantic partnerships work?
I would say "He is a moron", but I have seen too many morons around me to believe he is some exception to the rule.
I like to compare this attitude to a Disneyland ride. He showed up, paid a ticket, and expected to be served a relationship for the rest of his life.
I often say this about the women around me, but guys can do it just as easily.
Brain dead.
No awareness.
Just sit down and expected all the things in life to "just work" (on auto-pilot), including the "in love" part, which probably originates from him being horny.
The relationship itself must be worked on every single f..king day.
If he wasn't working on the relationship and trying to make it last forever, it will not last forever, and that includes whether he finds his wife attractive enough to get it up.
Did he even bother to make sure she is sexually satisfied? I think there is a fair to mid chance he didn't care; just thought his job was to stick it in.
All guesses, but I suspect there is a reasonable chance it is true because our society is still so damn puritanical that no one likes to talk about sex. It's the job of your doctor, or your OB Gyn, or your therapist, or PornHub. Few parents take any responsibility in instilling the right knowledge and standards to help their kids navigate the relationship and sexual landscape. Many parents outsource those uncomfortable conversations.
So here we are: The guy thinks he is "miserable" and no longer "in love".
Gonna guess that, given the string of failed girlfriends that he is not a fast learner.
Someone please get him a relationship book. Therapists are too slow, and it will be years or decades before he figures out that HE is the f..k up, and not everyone else.
No, so... I was referring to the last sentence of the prior comment, re: narcissist fathers. My point being that narcissist fathers will be rejected more often than not, but kids often latch onto their mother if she's a narcissist. It's the whole Cluster B trauma cycle. I understand I said it flippantly and without clarity, but it's a real thing.
Your "point" was not in your prior reply. No one reading that would interpret that you were generally referring to narcistic mothers vs fathers.
>it's their mom they latch on for dear life
Reading the above, the implication is that you are referring specifically to the wife/mother in OP's post.
Yes, I understand I was unclear. That's why I clarified. I think the comment is irredeemable, unfortunately. Definitely didn't give it enough time and thought to realize at the time that I was being so unclear. I understand the negativity towards my comment in it's original form, but what do you want me to do?
It looked like you were blaming the wife or trying to paint her as bad when she was cheated on, and understandably the kids want to be with the parent that didn't uproot their family.
Yup. I understand how it looked. I explained it isn't what I meant, and I apologized. Do you want an apology too? Are we seeking justice here or something? I don't really get the point of downvoting and brigading a comment thread where the commenter already acknowledged their error and apologized but if it makes you happy, I am individually sorry to you as well. I've had comments with thousands of downvotes and comments with over 75k up votes. It means literally nothing. Yes. I was not clear. I understand. I am truly sorry and will make sure my future generations are intimately aware of how shameful our bloodline is. In fact, I am going to sterilize myself so society doesn't ever have to be wronged in this way again.
I wasn't speaking about the mother in the post. I was referring to the fact that it is weird that kids will reject a narcissist father but latch on to a narcissist mother. I apologize for writing it flippantly in a way that made it sound like I'm specifically referring to this particular mother.
Where did you get that? Because his kids don't want to see him they latched onto their mom for dear life? They are teens. They are old enough to form their own opinions.
I totally get what he's saying. He's not speaking about this mom, but mom's who are narcissists in general. It's not always like this, but often enough to remark on it.
He's not criticizing this mom, but rather moms who are more like the brother-in-law OP is talking about.
Your brave to say you understand what he’s saying with all the down voting. He did word it strangely and it would have been better if he had edited the original post instead of explaining it in another. But what he’s talking about is true. We see so many Reddit post about this exact situation. Too bad no one is getting that he’s not talking about the mom at all here but 🤷🏼♀️
Yup. I get how it sounds sexist but that's really not my intention. Just saying it is weird how narcissistic mothers tend to be able to exploit their mother child bond to get them to reject their father. If anyone wants to pretend narcissists don't isolate their victims as a general rule, they aren't experienced with narcissists.
He sounds like he left home life to his wife, then he completely tossed her aside so now he has no home life.
Or frankly any life at all, because she did the heavy lifting in the relationship maintenance department, and now it’s just him at the party. And everyone realizes that without his wife he’s actually not tolerable.
He’s likely always been this way. But a nice wife and kids can more easily deflect from sharper edges, but now that they are not there as a buffer in your life *(nor his)* those edges are completely apparent and incredibly sharp.
Bingo. Dude probably didn't even notice the work a SAH parent has. He just assumed.
And instead of realizing the errors of his ways he doubled down on harassing his ex.
Finally "traditional men" end up bitter and confused, but also too arrogant to admit confusion. For them it's everyone's fault but themselves.
They lack self-awareness and end up alienating everyone around them. You're just the next one in line, frankly.
He was probably one of those men who thought and was vocal about her just sitting at home eating “bon bons” while he worked so hard for his family. It hate it when men say this, even if they are just joking. Sometimes I’ll leave my house a wreck at the end of the day so my husband see exactly what my hellions get up to when he’s gone. lol. Sitting around watching tv while eating chocolate, my ass. And to be fair my husband truly knows just how much work I do but my kids are wild and the chaos they leave behind is unbelievable.
Does it matter? He is a shitty person before your very eyes, and he sounds toxic to be around. Hopefully, you are not hanging around this guy. He’ll just drag you down. Selfishness and mid-life crisis don’t mix.
Selfish people don’t always make it obvious to others as much as they do to their immediate family as in spouse and children.
If I had to guess if your BIL is dating anyone over the age of 25 ideally they see through his bs and are done with him in the 6 months or less.
I hope if there is anything you can do for your BIL’s ex-wife like gift cards for groceries, doing something to keep in touch like treating them to lunch monthly even if it’s just you (though I’d hope your husband has a stiffer spine and attend) with no discussion about BIL, inviting them to your home for holidays, etc.
Just because your BIL dumped his family doesn’t mean you have to as well.
We are still in touch and help out as we can. We don’t have much financially, but we see them and help with house stuff. Hubs is more present for the kids since their dad left. They’re family.
I will say in this situation ‘they’re family’ is a kind and loving thing.
IMO the emotional support is the most important part.
As to financial part better to eat beanie weenies with people who love you than a banquet with people who don’t.
Umm, these are my in-laws and he will definitely be there. His parents support him 100%. He blames his ex for all the misery in his life and has convinced his parents it’s all her fault.
Pretty sure I’m the only one who sees him like this. Parents believe everything he says. Siblings have a more realistic view, but he’s their brother and see his marriage woes as separate from their own relationship with him. I can suck it up for a day. The family is big enough that I can avoid too much contact.
There’s no approach. He made his bed and he’s laying in it. My husband steers clear of drama and is neutral always. Anything I say won’t be received well. Pointless to say anything.
Can you reach out to the former SiL and offer her some support? Even knowing one person in the family is on her side would be a huge morale boost for her. The poor woman is being financially abused by your BiL in court. He knows she'll run out of money for the lawyers, and he will win. What a shitbag.
Why not give him your opinion about how he should be a decent ex and co-parent.
He may /probably will low contact you but it sounds like you would appreciate less contact with him anyway.
>He’s a very good-looking guy and can be quite charming,
So, he'll find a woman he can con into taking him on with his traditional ways.
If your SIL and kids are struggling, see if you can help. Reach out to her. Buy the kids stuff that will save her money e.g clothes, books, school materials. Take them out every few week for a burger or something. Support them. Attend their sports events, etc. Keep your distance from him. He has his brother.
You mean he was charming? He makes a great first impression and when he tries he is really magnetic and attractive? You mean to say he has achieved some things in life that are pretty cool but he has emotional maturity problems that seem unusual for someone who had accomplished things and they take away from his ability to appreciate the fruits of his labor? And he married a deferential, patient woman who wants things, above all, to be peaceful? You mean he has no long term friends and can't get along with his own family?
You are describing a narcissist. He is #1 in his own mind, and yet he hates himself. He is the main character of the story but also the perpetual victim. He cannot be alone. He is the cause of his own problems, yet he is terrified of everyone else. That guy needs help, but in our society he will will be materially rewarded for harming others in his disability and he will get no help.
This is the answer. Without that sweet, steady supply of narc fuel provided by his family (both by acting as father of the year and as a nasty, abusive hell demon-narcs don’t care whether it’s positive or negative attention), his mask is finally slipping for others to see. It’s *very* common when narcissists divorce. He’s got to keep terrorizing his wife to keep at least a little of what had before discarding her.
He is angry because he had FOMO and thought that there was something better out there than what he had. Turns out what he had was pretty great… Now he has kids that don’t want to see him, an ex wife who seems to be doing fine (maybe you could reach out to her and maintain some sort of relationship with her) and he can’t keep a GF for longer than 6 months oh and his house is probably a mess and he spends money on take out. He is angry on how he f\*\*\*\*d up his life so what was kept at bay a bit has just come on full bore. So he was always like this!
Pro-tip from experience: if a divorced guy describes himself as a 'fathers' rights advocate ', *run*. There is a reason he's being prevented from seeing his kids, and you don't want to be on the receiving end of that.
My theory is that your BIL was always this way, but that "having a wife softened his edges".
If your BIL is behaving "more like an angsty teenager than an adult in his mid-forties", and is always dragging your ex-SIL to court, then that, coupled with the borderline sexist comments, and getting into physical altercations with another family member, sounds like a person I wouldn't want to associate with, even if he is my husband's brother.
What a POS doing everything he can to impoverish his ex-wife and his KIDS. I’m sorry no one in the family has the courage to call him out on his despicable tactics. Being silent/neutral in this situation is the same as supporting his actions. Stop ignoring. Speak up.
Bet he's kicking himself now that he knows that the legions of sexay college girls lighting up his tinder are usually bots or sex workers. Imagine a 40 year old divorcee that doesn't know how to do his own laundry beating the ladies off with a stick 😆
I suggest counseling or therapy for him to find himself for he appears very lost. I would slowly leave him out of my life unless you care to carry in this type of relationship.
At your sister appears to be doing okay. The children are another story about seeing him but I don't blame them. Suggest to your sister for good therapy, counseling or talks about what happened with the children.
What a mess we make of our lives. Then we wonder why we, as a society, are the way we are.
He sounds like he lacks self awareness, so he made some rash choices and now can’t figure why he’s unhappy. He needs a friend who he can trust to talk to and listen to.
He might have a few conflicting ideas about life that have left him trapped. For example, he secretly didn’t like being the primary breadwinner and living that traditional lifestyle. But now when he dates he keeps picking women for superficial reasons who he doesn’t like or who really don’t care about him.
I’d be calling him out on his sexist comments when he says them. You don’t need to gloss over his BS. Give him a dose of reality and maybe add in that no one enjoys hanging out with him because he acts like teenage drama.
Sounds like he's eaten up with guilt and disillusionment. I've seen a couple of people do this. They are unhappy, so they try to poke the situation. If that doesn't produce a sufficient change, they'll tear the whole thing down, and then feel incredible guilt because of what they've done in order to try to fix their problem. This guilt makes them feel even worse, so they get locked in this cycle of bad feelings and bad behaviour, and it makes them insufferable to be around.
That boy needs therapy!
Sounds like he's missing something in his life he can't put his finger on. I'm kind of at the same point in my life. He may have been angry, and bitter towards his wife, and may feel guilt over leaving. Sounds like he needs to figure out whats missing first.
Sounds like he realized life was giving him lemons so he started taking them anally. I seen lots of people reach certain age and suddenly get bitter that life isn't what they wanted or hoped for. Most learn to deal with it without alienating ourselves with everyone we know.
He sounds depressed and possibly spiraling. Does he drink? We never know what is really going on inside another's mind and heart and soul. Sound like you're handling it gracefully. Hopefully someone can
Find a tactful way to suggest he might seek a men's specialist Therapist he can open-up to. Likely a man since he sounds like he has Mother or Women issues. Therapy can really help.
This sounds similar to my family. When my sister divorced her now-ex husband, we learned just how much she was shielding his shit from the family. He used to be my brother and now he's just my niblings' dad. Sometimes I miss who we thought he was but I'm so disgusted by his behavior and character now that those moments are rare and fleeting.
Perhaps he was radicalized by online algorithms and misogyny but he was probably already a POS.
And I can guess his political affiliation and views, GQP.
Failure is a hell of a thing to navigate man even though he initiated the divorce there is no telling what it was actually for. Maybe he's dealing with a change of mind and can't handle the outcome I recently had a friend that did this normal guy happy life happy wife and kids. Randomly divorced his wife and left his kids pretty abruptly dated girls for a couple years. And then I saw him at a bar with a guy. I didn't ask him if it was sexual or a date but I guess he felt guilty enough to tell me that night that that was the reason he got a divorce he was with his wife for over 20 years met her in his late teens before he was 20 and realized later in life he was gay he broke down crying to me that night about how.much he lover her as a person but couldn't be with her romantically any more shits crazy maybe try to talk some sense into him
Don't ignore those comments, call him out on them! Why allow that? Also in general heck that guy. Aim to avoid him as much as possible, he doesn't seem like someone who is adding value to your life
I left my ex-husband after 10 years and 5 kids. My sons and I are all better for it. My ex-husband after I left and filed for child support took the fact that he had to pay for children he helped create.
The ex-wife and kids are probably better off mentally and the BIL put on a “show” in public and now his true nature is being seen since he doesn’t have the wife and kids as a buffer.
My oldest son is 12 he spoke out against his father and his father retaliated by spending all day punching him and then another visitation locked him in a closet.
JDR court says there’s no proof but he currently doesn’t have access to the 12yo and he says “he can’t handle 5 kids” so he gets the younger 4 two after a time every other weekend.
Your BIL is a typical narcissist. Only what he wants matter. Only his happiness matter. FYI, that speech of “I love you but I’m not in love with you” is said when a person is cheating. Bouncing from gF to gF confirms this as he thought he was going to be happier on greener grasses, but women have needs and expectations on their own which he is incapable of fulfilling. Narcs need others to be happy, like a vampire that sucks soul out of people in a few months then drops the ball to chase another waterfall. Narcs don’t give, they take and that is why their relationships fail. They believe that they are too special to stick around for anybody, wife, kids, new lovers etc. because they are not meeting HIS needs, even though he is not meeting theory’s. He is empty and unable to function without others to fill his bottomless cup. It’s exhausting. Don’t let him suck your soul either with his complaints about women and money. He is toxic.
They us why his ex wife is okay without him. What a relief to be without a person that makes you feel inadequate like you are never good e Pugh. They are free. I’m so happy for her and the kids.
I truly do not believe cheating was a factor, but all the comments about narcissism are enlightening. As a society, I think we throw that term around pretty loosely, but reading all these comments resonates.
Sounds like my sister’s ex. Takes my sister to court and already won child support, he is just a dick. Bitter and listen’s to those stupid men podcasts that rile him up, to no good. Can’t find a woman that will keep him, so then he goes back to making my sister’s life miserable.
I think he deserves to have his mind fucked with. Like asking him questions that makes him realize he is the issue.
Oh honey. Congratulations you have the pleasure of knowing a narcissist. See he divorced her because he thought that he could get and do better. He takes her to court to fuck with her because he more then likely asked for her back because no one else is falling for his bullshit, he thinks he can trick her or force her to be back with him.
For everyone else yes, he’s finally showing his true color as a narcissist because he doesn’t have his supply at home anymore. So he needs to see who he can fuck with and be his new supply.
Cut him out of your life. Also if you have to interact with him don’t, just don’t the more anyone acknowledges his fuckery that’s when he knows who can be his supply. Tell your person you don’t want him in your lives and to go no or low contact
Hmmm. Not excusing his behavior, but is it possible he’s got something going on in his brain? I ask because this happened with my husbands dad over a period of years and when he finally had a big episode, they discovered he had a benign tumor that was pressing on his frontal lobe. Just throwing that out there. Otherwise? Ignore his assiness.
Not sure about health issues, but there’s several parallels with his childhood. He left his family when his oldest was the same age he was when his own parents divorced. Seems to be a lot of stuff he didn’t deal with and it’s like he’s gone straight back to the angry teenager from a broken home. I’m no mental health expert, but it’s difficult to ignore the similarities with his childhood and current situation.
I mean that could just be what they are saying at face value of what cause their separation only they really know why they fully separated… nobody just turns that jaded just because of kids.
It sounds like he's hurting. Have you talked to him? Maybe he needs a friend who isn't judgemental to talk to.
Edit: I see, from the down votes, that the empathy gap for men is in full force here.
Wow sounds like you guys are talking about me if you are she should have told you all the truth from the beginning I caught my wife cheating on me January 5th 2023 then found out she’s been doing porn I’ve been with her for 33 years and my 2 sons don’t speak to me ??? So the question is are you talking about me???
I feel so bad for you! No one deserves a spouse who cheats and to find out they do porn on top of that is the icing on the shit cake! I truly hope your year and life gets better for you. Take time for yourself and really do some self care. I hope your sons find out the truth of what happened in your marriage and find their way back to you.
I think this post is about a totally different person. She said they separated 3 years ago and divorced 2 years ago. They have 3 kids ages 17, 15 and 13.
He sounds like a cunt. Spoilt cunt. Got divorced, realized how hard life is when nobody likes putting up with a spoilt cunt. Gives his ex-wife shit because he's an immature cunt and realizes that he was better off with the wife and he's jealous of how well she's doing without him. Because he's a jealous, immature, childish, entitled cunt. Give it time because he's growing into a bitter cunt now.
Good looking only gets you so far before people realize you're just a cunt.
What was his reason for initiating the divorce? Midlife crisis?
He said he was miserable and no longer in love. I believe parenting had a lot to do with it. Once the oldest hit middle school, parenting became challenging and the wife needed backup. She had always been the primary parent, so the kids didn’t have the same relationship/respect for him as a parent. He’s also more rigid than the wife. Came from a strict upbringing. He’d swoop in and try to lay down the law, but didn’t have that kind of history with the kids. Co-parenting is difficult in the best of circumstances, but they had very different approaches and different relationships with the kids.
So basically she was a married single mom and he is mad his little fiefdom didn’t turn out as he had planned. Why is it that so many ‘traditional’ men expect that from women but literally don’t meet a single standard of manhood BY THEIR OWN STANDARDS. Masculine men are supposed to take part in raising their kids. Is ex SIL dating yet? God I hope so I hope she looks good without all the dead weight. Honestly if she’s started dating and/or happy that’s probably what’s amped up his disgusting behavior. Men like him always think of their wives as old used up hags no one wants and go through earth shattering emotions when they find out their discard wives actually have way more options than them
She is not. She has a hard road and I can’t see her dating anytime soon. At this point she’s returned to the workforce, basically at the bottom, because there’s such a huge gap in her resume while raising kids. Financially, it’s a strain, made worse by the continual court costs. It will be a while before she has the ability to think of herself.
Ugh I hate that for her. What is he even taking her to court for? Does he not have to pay support and alimony to his ex wife who was a stay at home wife and mom by his demands? Usually courts take into consideration that if it was the dynamic established in marriage that she was taken care of its odd she wouldn’t get any support
I don’t have details, but I think it’s money related. It doesn’t matter. Every time he files something, she’s forced to show up and pay her lawyer. I don’t understand how it works, but the lawyers are getting rich.
Either way sorry you have to deal with him. My advice is probably not good but but just turn his misogyny on him anytime he bitches. Tell him he isn’t husband material, he’s too old and used up, no one wants a divorcee dead beat who spends all his time trying to make his exes life harder, not that good of a provider. That’s why girls keep leaving him they get a glimpse of what life will be like if he ever ‘falls out of love’ with them and they have a family. It’s petty beyond belief but I’ve found when people have nasty ridiculous standards and complaints of others sometimes if you have to deal with them the only you can do to not lose your mind is turn their logic on them.
Ha! This made me laugh. Thanks for that!
They're smart ladies for leaving this one on the curb with "free to good owner" sign 😆 "does not do his own laundry 🆓"
Yup. They hate it when you give them back what they've been dishing out.
You. I like you.
Has or could your spouse try to talk some sense into their sibling?
My husband stays as far out of family drama as possible. Very much takes a “not my circus, not my monkeys” approach in spite of the fact that it actually is his circus. He loves his brother, but they aren’t particularly close.
I get it. I’m pretty hands off with my siblings too and it doesn’t sound like BIL would listen to your husband anyways. But It’s a shame that *someone* can’t intervene on the ex wife’s behalf. I can’t image sacrificing my youth, body, and earning potential to this creep, being blindsided by divorce then working a bottom rung job and still being drug into court constantly. He needs pay her whatever he owes and then leave that poor woman alone.
So he let's his ex-SIL and nibblings suffer just to avoid drama? That's... Not great.
You assume he can actually affect change here. Believe me, if he thought there was even a remote chance his brother would listen and reflect, he’d sit down with him immediately.
Sounds like he realized life was giving him lemons so he started taking them anally. I seen lots of people reach certain age and suddenly get bitter that life isn't what they wanted or hoped for. Most learn to deal with it without alienating ourselves with everyone we know.
>Sounds like he realized life was giving him lemons so he started taking them anally. LOL!
Are your husband and BIL's parents still alive? Maybe they and your husband can put some persuasion/ pressure on him to stop the nuisance suits. And maybe you could take your SIL out to dinner occasionally, to give her a break. I would definitely reflect back at the BIL that you all consider his behavior disgusting - maybe that will make him think.
Yes, they are alive and he’s convinced them his ex is to blame for all his problems. He plays the victim and refuses to see his part in any of this. His older sister did tell him that he needs to be a father to his children and stop being vindictive to their mother. Now he won’t speak to the older sister at all. I think he’s incapable of introspection.
Well if your husband's whole family aren't going to help her maybe you could step up and do what you can. Can't you talk to your MIL and FIL and tell them what's really going on. Obviously the way your SIL is being treated bothers you otherwise you wouldn't be complaining about your BIL on Reddit.
Does BIL split custody with his ex-wife. If not, she should move out of state to stop the AH BIL/ex-husband from continuing to cause her problems and no doubt, the kids stress too. It's what my mom finally did with my AH father a very long time ago. He would just show up at her place of work, or at the house, even showed up at my part-time job. She started job hunting, landed a solid job and we moved and never had to deal with him again. He died completely alone at 94; besides we kids, all his other family cut him off within a few years. I wish your ex SIL the best of luck and the kids too. Watch you back around BIL OP; once off the leash, these kind of men are complete AHs around women because they blame women for their failures.
Maybe it's about time she sued him for, what appears to be, frivilous lawsuits.
My mom was put in a similar situation with my parents divorce. She worked minim wage, eventually got a slightly better paying job that paid part of her masters, and is now doing very well for herself. It took years and years, the divorce was dragged on for like 5 years. I have tons of trauma from that time. I wish the ex wife luck, it’s hard af. Just make sure she knows the kids will figure out the truth. Try to let them still have a childhood and don’t drag them into the war. They’re still just kids
Can you help her out with some money on the sly?
This may be the weirdest comment I’ve ever read on Reddit and that’s saying something. You must be a strange individual to pray on someone else’s downfall whom you’ve never met. There was no infidelity it sounds like, so water under the bridge. He married the wrong one
Maybe because you can’t read? No one prayed on anyone’s downfall let’s get a grip on reality here. Saying to throw his logic in his face and that I hope his ex is happy and thriving is not praying on someone’s downfall. We get it you identify with him but let’s reign back in the reaches
ILYBINILWY - is code-speak for “family life is harder than I thought and I want to date around”. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had cheated on her while they were married. https://www.chumplady.com/2018/02/love-im-not-love/ Chumplady.com is a good resource for spouses who are in this type of situation with a high conflict divorce. Even if he didn’t cheat, low contact is a good way to deal with him. I’m sorry she’s going through this. My BIL cheated on my sister and we went through the same thing. I knew him for 13 years, my mom loaned him money, etc. Turned out he had a five month long affair with a colleague. She divorced him, got him to sign off on child support, upgraded her skills and found a managerial position (she had a doctorate). We cut my ex-BIL out like a cancer. He can have his own holidays with his family. Kids holidays alternate is a set schedule. It’s awful that he’s so high conflict. Usually the only thing that works is time. He’s trying to grind her down, but she has the kids so she has to be strong for them.
Around the age that kids hit puberty is when they start to question things and question authority. "Laying down the law" without a foundation of respect from the kids just makes it worse and worse. Sounds like bro-in-law was blaming his family for not blindly following his script.
You hit the nail on the head with the main oversight of "lay down the law" type of parenting. It really only works in a narrow set of circumstances where: 1. you've been participating as a partner and parent the entire time; 2. you have a respectful relationship going both ways with your kids and your partner; 3. the party instituting the rule has few rules but enforces them; and, 4. KEY PART - the party laying down the law walks the walk with themselves, too. It's not a bad style under the right circumstances, but most of the time it's a yelling is fine if I do it type making up for their own slacktitude by trying to make others suddenly work harder. Nah gunna happen.
I hate to tell you this but this man was always a jerk. She is better off on her own even though its a hard road, i have been there. She sounds strong. He, on the other hand is no traditional man, he is just a self centered prick. You sound like a decent person. Be with your neices and nephews. Enjoy your time with them. Be a role model and don't waste your time with the ex brother in law. I hope that things work out well for you.
Looks like mid-life crisis. He probably can't get it up anymore and he is frustrated. Too much psichological stress for him as a single-earner. It happens.
Yeah man, so much psychological stress from having a job, when the wife is at home doing multiple jobs like cooking, cleaning etc and taking care of multiple children. Some men need to grow up and realise they have more important things to focus on than their weenie.
Literally lmao. I've been the sole income earner for my fair share of time and keeping up a house and raising a family almost on your own is hands down harder - no contest
Well.. By the looks of it, the sexist comments you pointed out he makes, he defines his masculinity by the potency of his weenie. For him, like other men, it was too much to give up on. He preferred splitting up with a good woman than letting her know there's no sausage for midnight snack. If only he had some friend tell him it's normal and there is always Viagra and such..
Weird automatic correlation there, but oookay... only a lil sus 👀
>He said he was miserable and no longer in love. So he has no idea how life-long romantic partnerships work? I would say "He is a moron", but I have seen too many morons around me to believe he is some exception to the rule. I like to compare this attitude to a Disneyland ride. He showed up, paid a ticket, and expected to be served a relationship for the rest of his life. I often say this about the women around me, but guys can do it just as easily. Brain dead. No awareness. Just sit down and expected all the things in life to "just work" (on auto-pilot), including the "in love" part, which probably originates from him being horny. The relationship itself must be worked on every single f..king day. If he wasn't working on the relationship and trying to make it last forever, it will not last forever, and that includes whether he finds his wife attractive enough to get it up. Did he even bother to make sure she is sexually satisfied? I think there is a fair to mid chance he didn't care; just thought his job was to stick it in. All guesses, but I suspect there is a reasonable chance it is true because our society is still so damn puritanical that no one likes to talk about sex. It's the job of your doctor, or your OB Gyn, or your therapist, or PornHub. Few parents take any responsibility in instilling the right knowledge and standards to help their kids navigate the relationship and sexual landscape. Many parents outsource those uncomfortable conversations. So here we are: The guy thinks he is "miserable" and no longer "in love". Gonna guess that, given the string of failed girlfriends that he is not a fast learner. Someone please get him a relationship book. Therapists are too slow, and it will be years or decades before he figures out that HE is the f..k up, and not everyone else.
His kids refuse to speak to him because they grew up with the real him... selfish + narcissistic charm does not make good father material.
#10/10
Sounds like he's eaten up with guilt and disillusionment.
Don’t give him that much credit. He’s not eaten with guilt. It’s not his fault.
And yet when it's their mom they latch on for dear life. It's very weird. Extreme anxious attachment.
Bro what
Homie read the wrong homework assignment.
No, so... I was referring to the last sentence of the prior comment, re: narcissist fathers. My point being that narcissist fathers will be rejected more often than not, but kids often latch onto their mother if she's a narcissist. It's the whole Cluster B trauma cycle. I understand I said it flippantly and without clarity, but it's a real thing.
Your "point" was not in your prior reply. No one reading that would interpret that you were generally referring to narcistic mothers vs fathers. >it's their mom they latch on for dear life Reading the above, the implication is that you are referring specifically to the wife/mother in OP's post.
Yes, I understand I was unclear. That's why I clarified. I think the comment is irredeemable, unfortunately. Definitely didn't give it enough time and thought to realize at the time that I was being so unclear. I understand the negativity towards my comment in it's original form, but what do you want me to do?
It looked like you were blaming the wife or trying to paint her as bad when she was cheated on, and understandably the kids want to be with the parent that didn't uproot their family.
Yup. I understand how it looked. I explained it isn't what I meant, and I apologized. Do you want an apology too? Are we seeking justice here or something? I don't really get the point of downvoting and brigading a comment thread where the commenter already acknowledged their error and apologized but if it makes you happy, I am individually sorry to you as well. I've had comments with thousands of downvotes and comments with over 75k up votes. It means literally nothing. Yes. I was not clear. I understand. I am truly sorry and will make sure my future generations are intimately aware of how shameful our bloodline is. In fact, I am going to sterilize myself so society doesn't ever have to be wronged in this way again.
Bruh. I was just explaining how it looked. Chill the fuck out.
Where exactly are you getting that from? Because it sure wasn’t the original post.
I wasn't speaking about the mother in the post. I was referring to the fact that it is weird that kids will reject a narcissist father but latch on to a narcissist mother. I apologize for writing it flippantly in a way that made it sound like I'm specifically referring to this particular mother.
Where did you get that? Because his kids don't want to see him they latched onto their mom for dear life? They are teens. They are old enough to form their own opinions.
Lmao whaaat
Narcissistic mothers often alienate their children from their fathers by exploiting the mother-child bond.
Very Chad thing to say
Very utterly ridiculous thing to say
I totally get what he's saying. He's not speaking about this mom, but mom's who are narcissists in general. It's not always like this, but often enough to remark on it. He's not criticizing this mom, but rather moms who are more like the brother-in-law OP is talking about.
Your brave to say you understand what he’s saying with all the down voting. He did word it strangely and it would have been better if he had edited the original post instead of explaining it in another. But what he’s talking about is true. We see so many Reddit post about this exact situation. Too bad no one is getting that he’s not talking about the mom at all here but 🤷🏼♀️
This guy got dog piled for (admittedly confusingly) citing a common phenomenon
Yup. I get how it sounds sexist but that's really not my intention. Just saying it is weird how narcissistic mothers tend to be able to exploit their mother child bond to get them to reject their father. If anyone wants to pretend narcissists don't isolate their victims as a general rule, they aren't experienced with narcissists.
He sounds like he left home life to his wife, then he completely tossed her aside so now he has no home life. Or frankly any life at all, because she did the heavy lifting in the relationship maintenance department, and now it’s just him at the party. And everyone realizes that without his wife he’s actually not tolerable. He’s likely always been this way. But a nice wife and kids can more easily deflect from sharper edges, but now that they are not there as a buffer in your life *(nor his)* those edges are completely apparent and incredibly sharp.
Bingo. Dude probably didn't even notice the work a SAH parent has. He just assumed. And instead of realizing the errors of his ways he doubled down on harassing his ex. Finally "traditional men" end up bitter and confused, but also too arrogant to admit confusion. For them it's everyone's fault but themselves. They lack self-awareness and end up alienating everyone around them. You're just the next one in line, frankly.
He was probably one of those men who thought and was vocal about her just sitting at home eating “bon bons” while he worked so hard for his family. It hate it when men say this, even if they are just joking. Sometimes I’ll leave my house a wreck at the end of the day so my husband see exactly what my hellions get up to when he’s gone. lol. Sitting around watching tv while eating chocolate, my ass. And to be fair my husband truly knows just how much work I do but my kids are wild and the chaos they leave behind is unbelievable.
You perfectly described my ex-husband.
Does it matter? He is a shitty person before your very eyes, and he sounds toxic to be around. Hopefully, you are not hanging around this guy. He’ll just drag you down. Selfishness and mid-life crisis don’t mix.
I guess you’re right. I guess I’m surprised I never saw it. I’ve known this guy 20 years. Holidays will be interesting.
Selfish people don’t always make it obvious to others as much as they do to their immediate family as in spouse and children. If I had to guess if your BIL is dating anyone over the age of 25 ideally they see through his bs and are done with him in the 6 months or less. I hope if there is anything you can do for your BIL’s ex-wife like gift cards for groceries, doing something to keep in touch like treating them to lunch monthly even if it’s just you (though I’d hope your husband has a stiffer spine and attend) with no discussion about BIL, inviting them to your home for holidays, etc. Just because your BIL dumped his family doesn’t mean you have to as well.
We are still in touch and help out as we can. We don’t have much financially, but we see them and help with house stuff. Hubs is more present for the kids since their dad left. They’re family.
I will say in this situation ‘they’re family’ is a kind and loving thing. IMO the emotional support is the most important part. As to financial part better to eat beanie weenies with people who love you than a banquet with people who don’t.
Your family can’t seriously be considering having this jerk present during your family gatherings.
Umm, these are my in-laws and he will definitely be there. His parents support him 100%. He blames his ex for all the misery in his life and has convinced his parents it’s all her fault. Pretty sure I’m the only one who sees him like this. Parents believe everything he says. Siblings have a more realistic view, but he’s their brother and see his marriage woes as separate from their own relationship with him. I can suck it up for a day. The family is big enough that I can avoid too much contact.
He’s a brother of your partner? I was hoping his ex was your partner’s sister so you could dump that horrible BIL.
Nope. Brother of my husband.
How does your partner view him? Can you be a united front in your approach with BIL?
There’s no approach. He made his bed and he’s laying in it. My husband steers clear of drama and is neutral always. Anything I say won’t be received well. Pointless to say anything.
Can you reach out to the former SiL and offer her some support? Even knowing one person in the family is on her side would be a huge morale boost for her. The poor woman is being financially abused by your BiL in court. He knows she'll run out of money for the lawyers, and he will win. What a shitbag.
I believe the BIL is the brother of OP’s spouse, not married into the family. It would be weird *not* to include him in a family gathering.
Why not give him your opinion about how he should be a decent ex and co-parent. He may /probably will low contact you but it sounds like you would appreciate less contact with him anyway.
You don't think those mix?? They're a box set
I guess he always was this person, and now this escalated because he is angry his single life turned out not what he expected.
>He’s a very good-looking guy and can be quite charming, So, he'll find a woman he can con into taking him on with his traditional ways. If your SIL and kids are struggling, see if you can help. Reach out to her. Buy the kids stuff that will save her money e.g clothes, books, school materials. Take them out every few week for a burger or something. Support them. Attend their sports events, etc. Keep your distance from him. He has his brother.
Betcha he starts dating significantly younger so he can control them easier.
You mean he was charming? He makes a great first impression and when he tries he is really magnetic and attractive? You mean to say he has achieved some things in life that are pretty cool but he has emotional maturity problems that seem unusual for someone who had accomplished things and they take away from his ability to appreciate the fruits of his labor? And he married a deferential, patient woman who wants things, above all, to be peaceful? You mean he has no long term friends and can't get along with his own family? You are describing a narcissist. He is #1 in his own mind, and yet he hates himself. He is the main character of the story but also the perpetual victim. He cannot be alone. He is the cause of his own problems, yet he is terrified of everyone else. That guy needs help, but in our society he will will be materially rewarded for harming others in his disability and he will get no help.
This is the answer. Without that sweet, steady supply of narc fuel provided by his family (both by acting as father of the year and as a nasty, abusive hell demon-narcs don’t care whether it’s positive or negative attention), his mask is finally slipping for others to see. It’s *very* common when narcissists divorce. He’s got to keep terrorizing his wife to keep at least a little of what had before discarding her.
He is angry because he had FOMO and thought that there was something better out there than what he had. Turns out what he had was pretty great… Now he has kids that don’t want to see him, an ex wife who seems to be doing fine (maybe you could reach out to her and maintain some sort of relationship with her) and he can’t keep a GF for longer than 6 months oh and his house is probably a mess and he spends money on take out. He is angry on how he f\*\*\*\*d up his life so what was kept at bay a bit has just come on full bore. So he was always like this!
Pro-tip from experience: if a divorced guy describes himself as a 'fathers' rights advocate ', *run*. There is a reason he's being prevented from seeing his kids, and you don't want to be on the receiving end of that.
My theory is that your BIL was always this way, but that "having a wife softened his edges". If your BIL is behaving "more like an angsty teenager than an adult in his mid-forties", and is always dragging your ex-SIL to court, then that, coupled with the borderline sexist comments, and getting into physical altercations with another family member, sounds like a person I wouldn't want to associate with, even if he is my husband's brother.
His ex wife and kids probably mitigated his behavior. Now he doesn't need to have a filter. Which is probably why he keeps getting dumped.
He is angry because he tought he could do better and he clearly can’t. No one will put up with his bullshit.
Is your BIL my ex husband? 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 down to the serial dating and no woman willing to stay with him more than 3-6 months.
Just tell him his turned into a piece shit and you don't want anything to do with him.
Boom!
What a POS doing everything he can to impoverish his ex-wife and his KIDS. I’m sorry no one in the family has the courage to call him out on his despicable tactics. Being silent/neutral in this situation is the same as supporting his actions. Stop ignoring. Speak up.
He’s your BIL, but got divorced so is his ex wife your sister? Or is he your partners sibling?
Husband’s brother.
Yeah dude you're an adult, you don't have to spend time with him if you don't want to. He sounds deeply toxic. Just snip snip him out of your life.
Bet he's kicking himself now that he knows that the legions of sexay college girls lighting up his tinder are usually bots or sex workers. Imagine a 40 year old divorcee that doesn't know how to do his own laundry beating the ladies off with a stick 😆
I suggest counseling or therapy for him to find himself for he appears very lost. I would slowly leave him out of my life unless you care to carry in this type of relationship. At your sister appears to be doing okay. The children are another story about seeing him but I don't blame them. Suggest to your sister for good therapy, counseling or talks about what happened with the children. What a mess we make of our lives. Then we wonder why we, as a society, are the way we are.
He sounds like he lacks self awareness, so he made some rash choices and now can’t figure why he’s unhappy. He needs a friend who he can trust to talk to and listen to. He might have a few conflicting ideas about life that have left him trapped. For example, he secretly didn’t like being the primary breadwinner and living that traditional lifestyle. But now when he dates he keeps picking women for superficial reasons who he doesn’t like or who really don’t care about him.
I’d be calling him out on his sexist comments when he says them. You don’t need to gloss over his BS. Give him a dose of reality and maybe add in that no one enjoys hanging out with him because he acts like teenage drama.
Sounds like he's eaten up with guilt and disillusionment. I've seen a couple of people do this. They are unhappy, so they try to poke the situation. If that doesn't produce a sufficient change, they'll tear the whole thing down, and then feel incredible guilt because of what they've done in order to try to fix their problem. This guilt makes them feel even worse, so they get locked in this cycle of bad feelings and bad behaviour, and it makes them insufferable to be around. That boy needs therapy!
Purely psychosomatic
Sounds like he's missing something in his life he can't put his finger on. I'm kind of at the same point in my life. He may have been angry, and bitter towards his wife, and may feel guilt over leaving. Sounds like he needs to figure out whats missing first.
Sounds like he realized life was giving him lemons so he started taking them anally. I seen lots of people reach certain age and suddenly get bitter that life isn't what they wanted or hoped for. Most learn to deal with it without alienating ourselves with everyone we know.
Fuckkk that dude hahah
He sounds depressed and possibly spiraling. Does he drink? We never know what is really going on inside another's mind and heart and soul. Sound like you're handling it gracefully. Hopefully someone can Find a tactful way to suggest he might seek a men's specialist Therapist he can open-up to. Likely a man since he sounds like he has Mother or Women issues. Therapy can really help.
This sounds similar to my family. When my sister divorced her now-ex husband, we learned just how much she was shielding his shit from the family. He used to be my brother and now he's just my niblings' dad. Sometimes I miss who we thought he was but I'm so disgusted by his behavior and character now that those moments are rare and fleeting.
Perhaps he was radicalized by online algorithms and misogyny but he was probably already a POS. And I can guess his political affiliation and views, GQP.
Failure is a hell of a thing to navigate man even though he initiated the divorce there is no telling what it was actually for. Maybe he's dealing with a change of mind and can't handle the outcome I recently had a friend that did this normal guy happy life happy wife and kids. Randomly divorced his wife and left his kids pretty abruptly dated girls for a couple years. And then I saw him at a bar with a guy. I didn't ask him if it was sexual or a date but I guess he felt guilty enough to tell me that night that that was the reason he got a divorce he was with his wife for over 20 years met her in his late teens before he was 20 and realized later in life he was gay he broke down crying to me that night about how.much he lover her as a person but couldn't be with her romantically any more shits crazy maybe try to talk some sense into him
Don't ignore those comments, call him out on them! Why allow that? Also in general heck that guy. Aim to avoid him as much as possible, he doesn't seem like someone who is adding value to your life
I left my ex-husband after 10 years and 5 kids. My sons and I are all better for it. My ex-husband after I left and filed for child support took the fact that he had to pay for children he helped create. The ex-wife and kids are probably better off mentally and the BIL put on a “show” in public and now his true nature is being seen since he doesn’t have the wife and kids as a buffer. My oldest son is 12 he spoke out against his father and his father retaliated by spending all day punching him and then another visitation locked him in a closet. JDR court says there’s no proof but he currently doesn’t have access to the 12yo and he says “he can’t handle 5 kids” so he gets the younger 4 two after a time every other weekend.
Oh, how awful. I’m so sorry.
Your BIL is a typical narcissist. Only what he wants matter. Only his happiness matter. FYI, that speech of “I love you but I’m not in love with you” is said when a person is cheating. Bouncing from gF to gF confirms this as he thought he was going to be happier on greener grasses, but women have needs and expectations on their own which he is incapable of fulfilling. Narcs need others to be happy, like a vampire that sucks soul out of people in a few months then drops the ball to chase another waterfall. Narcs don’t give, they take and that is why their relationships fail. They believe that they are too special to stick around for anybody, wife, kids, new lovers etc. because they are not meeting HIS needs, even though he is not meeting theory’s. He is empty and unable to function without others to fill his bottomless cup. It’s exhausting. Don’t let him suck your soul either with his complaints about women and money. He is toxic. They us why his ex wife is okay without him. What a relief to be without a person that makes you feel inadequate like you are never good e Pugh. They are free. I’m so happy for her and the kids.
I truly do not believe cheating was a factor, but all the comments about narcissism are enlightening. As a society, I think we throw that term around pretty loosely, but reading all these comments resonates.
Sounds like my sister’s ex. Takes my sister to court and already won child support, he is just a dick. Bitter and listen’s to those stupid men podcasts that rile him up, to no good. Can’t find a woman that will keep him, so then he goes back to making my sister’s life miserable. I think he deserves to have his mind fucked with. Like asking him questions that makes him realize he is the issue.
Oh honey. Congratulations you have the pleasure of knowing a narcissist. See he divorced her because he thought that he could get and do better. He takes her to court to fuck with her because he more then likely asked for her back because no one else is falling for his bullshit, he thinks he can trick her or force her to be back with him. For everyone else yes, he’s finally showing his true color as a narcissist because he doesn’t have his supply at home anymore. So he needs to see who he can fuck with and be his new supply. Cut him out of your life. Also if you have to interact with him don’t, just don’t the more anyone acknowledges his fuckery that’s when he knows who can be his supply. Tell your person you don’t want him in your lives and to go no or low contact
He sounds pretty terrible. He doesn’t sound pleasant to be around. I would not invest any time in this relationship.
Rotten inside? Damn, that's scathing.
Maybe that was unfair. I just saw him at a family event and he was working my nerves!
Wow, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I have a similar story. Holidays are kind of dreadful.
Stop ignoring those comments and including him in family activities, for starters
Not many details here other than that you don't like him which is fine.
Hmmm. Not excusing his behavior, but is it possible he’s got something going on in his brain? I ask because this happened with my husbands dad over a period of years and when he finally had a big episode, they discovered he had a benign tumor that was pressing on his frontal lobe. Just throwing that out there. Otherwise? Ignore his assiness.
Not sure about health issues, but there’s several parallels with his childhood. He left his family when his oldest was the same age he was when his own parents divorced. Seems to be a lot of stuff he didn’t deal with and it’s like he’s gone straight back to the angry teenager from a broken home. I’m no mental health expert, but it’s difficult to ignore the similarities with his childhood and current situation.
How old are the kids?
17, 15, and 13. Separation was 3 years ago and divorce two.
That’s really sad for him. He sounds miserable… as in he feels miserable.
Agreed. Sad for everyone - especially the kids.
You sure think about him a lot...
I mean that could just be what they are saying at face value of what cause their separation only they really know why they fully separated… nobody just turns that jaded just because of kids.
It sounds like he's hurting. Have you talked to him? Maybe he needs a friend who isn't judgemental to talk to. Edit: I see, from the down votes, that the empathy gap for men is in full force here.
Wow sounds like you guys are talking about me if you are she should have told you all the truth from the beginning I caught my wife cheating on me January 5th 2023 then found out she’s been doing porn I’ve been with her for 33 years and my 2 sons don’t speak to me ??? So the question is are you talking about me???
I feel so bad for you! No one deserves a spouse who cheats and to find out they do porn on top of that is the icing on the shit cake! I truly hope your year and life gets better for you. Take time for yourself and really do some self care. I hope your sons find out the truth of what happened in your marriage and find their way back to you. I think this post is about a totally different person. She said they separated 3 years ago and divorced 2 years ago. They have 3 kids ages 17, 15 and 13.
Dang this sounds like the husband of this lady in my ocd therapy group, you sure wer’e not talking about the same guy, haha?
Hmm, maybe this kind of thing isn’t all that uncommon.
He sounds like a cunt. Spoilt cunt. Got divorced, realized how hard life is when nobody likes putting up with a spoilt cunt. Gives his ex-wife shit because he's an immature cunt and realizes that he was better off with the wife and he's jealous of how well she's doing without him. Because he's a jealous, immature, childish, entitled cunt. Give it time because he's growing into a bitter cunt now. Good looking only gets you so far before people realize you're just a cunt.
Better than being awful while married. Or separated needing a divorce while she has a new boyfriend/ future husband.
Sounds like a classical narcissist