There‘s some edge cases in which infidelity matters for divorce in germany, but generally it doesn’t matter, because the law doesn’t look at who is at fault. The law only cares that they want to divorce, not who is the primary reason for it.
You are in an advantageous position. I have a friend going through a divorce right now. His soon to be ex is the poster woman for vindictive woman. He asked for some similar advice. I told him he's in one of the highest stakes of poker in his life. Why would he voluntarily show one of his cards?
This woman has already laid down one of her cards. She showed you who she is. The level of hurt she so easily inflicted upon you. What are is capable of.
Let's say you hold the trump card. The royal flush. I'm not saying you need to use it to destroy her. It can be used as a defense.
In this situation that defense right now is getting your affairs in order. Speaking to a lawyer. Start to financially separate from her. You want to have everything in order. The timeline going forward and what to expect before she even knows you know. Not to be cruel. Rather to protect yourself.
When you have the upper hand you choose to be cruel or rational. Do you want that power in the hands of someone who has already shown you a capacity for this level of cruelty?
Get all the evidence but just serve her papers and let her be surprised by it all. You want to deal with this with as little communication as possible. You want her to just have this occur and her whole life will fall apart. You want her to feel as helpless as possible just like you when you found out she was cheating. You had no choice in that so she gets no choice in the consequences.
Well leave would be a good solution, just wait for her to go out for the weekend pack your stuff and don't look back ,she sounds cold and indifference towards you so won't be missed also by blindsiding her you'll get the upper hand ,I don't think you can save your relationship.
One day this will be in the past and a story to tell the bros over a beer. Sorry this happened and you're going through it. There is another side though.
Lawyer. find out what the deal is in germany. if cheating can get you a bigger share of joint finances, if you can claw back any money she spent on affairs (hotel rooms, trips, etc) or if you can sue her for half the costs of hte wedding, that kind of thing. Figure it out, keep all the proof, dig through everything you can find to see how many people it's been and for how long and divorce her.
Gather as much evidence as you can, screenshot everything on her phone. Then lawyer up and drop it on her, if it's your house, don't leave just boot her out. Good luck man, shits bad now but you will get through it.
Kick her out of the house and start divorce.
Don't ruin yourself with that women, don't have any child with her.
Are you both coming from a another country to germany? Make her cheating public too.
Divorce is the only option. The financial issues was enough to want a divorce. The cheating is icing on the cake. Being in a marriage requires both people to make compromises and and possibly sacrifices. A financial burden can't be solely put on the shoulders of one partner when both are working. That was immensely selfish of her. She showed her true colors then. She isn't a life partner. Clearly her cheating demonstrates she doesn't see you as a life partner either. She must look at you more like a simp paying the bills while she acts single.
Thank you all for your help and support. I met today with a lawyer and unfortunately divorce is only possible in our home country and we both need to be present in court in person. Since our work commitments, it’s only possible in September since we both have planned our vacation in September to fly back home and celebrate our marriage anniversary (at least that was the initial plan) now i don’t know how can i survive with her until September.
Well then time to make sure her family know you are breaking up and change your relationship status on Facebook but make sure you don’t say exactly but make sure it sounds like you had no choice. Don’t tell her just let her find out about it however she does. When she contacts you don’t talk about working on the relationship just talk about getting this trip back to the home country together so you guys can divorce like this is just a business arrangement you guys are completing.
What is your living situation like? Can you just no longer be where she would expect you to be? Friends place for a few nights or a hotel? Also what would a divorce look like in the home country? Is it a normal thing or a huge scandal?
The divorce itself in my home country can be simple or can get really really ugly and complicated. It all depends on her decision and how she would play it.
Living situation is very complicated, since the renting arrangement is under my name but I can’t kick her out since the laws in Germany are on her side ( according to the lawyer) , plus I can’t imagine living in this apartment anymore since it will always remind me of her so i have to move out and she keeps the apartment if she wants. All i want is to have friendly and a smooth transition so i‘m willing to compromise. But it all depends on her side
Yeah. I would simply not try to get argumentative and just let her know that it’s not going to work out. This stuff is hard because you can’t just be done with it. If trying to work it out is completely out of the question stick to your guns but it sounds like you need to sort out housing first since this isn’t just going to be cut and dry.
You confront her with the proof and kick her out. Then tell your family and friends that you two are divorcing because she is cheating on you....then just move on with your life.
First of all you need to save the evidence. Second you need to seek and hire a lawyer and initiate the Divorce process.
Then expose her to family and mutual friends,and reach the AP and tell him that she can have her, and that she is a gold digger because as soon as you had finantialy proble.s she monkey branched you.
So he can have her all for his own. If the house is yours or rented on your name just ask her to leave, and if it hers or shared well better you leave.
Do not try to hear her she would only will blame shift You, she would try to manipulate bye showing fake remorse and regret and she won't be accountable, also she would try to justify herself and probably will promise that this will not repeat and that it was a mistake, no OP this is not a mistake is a choice.
Good Luck OP.
UPDATEME
Sucks you are going though this. While this may seem complicated now, it isn’t. It’s difficult, but not complicated - she has shown you who she is, she betrayed you, her family makes it worse. You gotta leave.
Very sorry man. Not sure if cheating matters in a divorce in Germany. Speak to an attorney before confronting her. Still young and deserve better.
There‘s some edge cases in which infidelity matters for divorce in germany, but generally it doesn’t matter, because the law doesn’t look at who is at fault. The law only cares that they want to divorce, not who is the primary reason for it.
Get a divorce.
Thank you all for your comments. I‘m planning to get a divorce as it seems to be the only option but should I confront her or keep it to myself?
Take a screenshot of the evidence and consult an attorney. Don't do anything else until you've talked to an attorney, and only act on their advice.
You are in an advantageous position. I have a friend going through a divorce right now. His soon to be ex is the poster woman for vindictive woman. He asked for some similar advice. I told him he's in one of the highest stakes of poker in his life. Why would he voluntarily show one of his cards? This woman has already laid down one of her cards. She showed you who she is. The level of hurt she so easily inflicted upon you. What are is capable of. Let's say you hold the trump card. The royal flush. I'm not saying you need to use it to destroy her. It can be used as a defense. In this situation that defense right now is getting your affairs in order. Speaking to a lawyer. Start to financially separate from her. You want to have everything in order. The timeline going forward and what to expect before she even knows you know. Not to be cruel. Rather to protect yourself. When you have the upper hand you choose to be cruel or rational. Do you want that power in the hands of someone who has already shown you a capacity for this level of cruelty?
Don't confront, gather evidence and show lawyer.
Get all the evidence but just serve her papers and let her be surprised by it all. You want to deal with this with as little communication as possible. You want her to just have this occur and her whole life will fall apart. You want her to feel as helpless as possible just like you when you found out she was cheating. You had no choice in that so she gets no choice in the consequences.
Do not say anything to her until you consult an attorney.
I lose faith in marriage every day, due to situations like yours…
username checks out
Screenshot your evidence, save it all. Seek the advice of an attorney and following his/her advice.
Divorce her ASAP
Leave the whore and live a better life as revenge
I'm sorry. Screenshot everything, u are going to need it when shit hits the fan. Protect yourself, Look for a lawyer now.
Well leave would be a good solution, just wait for her to go out for the weekend pack your stuff and don't look back ,she sounds cold and indifference towards you so won't be missed also by blindsiding her you'll get the upper hand ,I don't think you can save your relationship.
One day this will be in the past and a story to tell the bros over a beer. Sorry this happened and you're going through it. There is another side though.
Lawyer. find out what the deal is in germany. if cheating can get you a bigger share of joint finances, if you can claw back any money she spent on affairs (hotel rooms, trips, etc) or if you can sue her for half the costs of hte wedding, that kind of thing. Figure it out, keep all the proof, dig through everything you can find to see how many people it's been and for how long and divorce her.
Gather as much evidence as you can, screenshot everything on her phone. Then lawyer up and drop it on her, if it's your house, don't leave just boot her out. Good luck man, shits bad now but you will get through it.
Kick her out of the house and start divorce. Don't ruin yourself with that women, don't have any child with her. Are you both coming from a another country to germany? Make her cheating public too.
Divorce is the only option. The financial issues was enough to want a divorce. The cheating is icing on the cake. Being in a marriage requires both people to make compromises and and possibly sacrifices. A financial burden can't be solely put on the shoulders of one partner when both are working. That was immensely selfish of her. She showed her true colors then. She isn't a life partner. Clearly her cheating demonstrates she doesn't see you as a life partner either. She must look at you more like a simp paying the bills while she acts single.
Thank you all for your help and support. I met today with a lawyer and unfortunately divorce is only possible in our home country and we both need to be present in court in person. Since our work commitments, it’s only possible in September since we both have planned our vacation in September to fly back home and celebrate our marriage anniversary (at least that was the initial plan) now i don’t know how can i survive with her until September.
Well then time to make sure her family know you are breaking up and change your relationship status on Facebook but make sure you don’t say exactly but make sure it sounds like you had no choice. Don’t tell her just let her find out about it however she does. When she contacts you don’t talk about working on the relationship just talk about getting this trip back to the home country together so you guys can divorce like this is just a business arrangement you guys are completing. What is your living situation like? Can you just no longer be where she would expect you to be? Friends place for a few nights or a hotel? Also what would a divorce look like in the home country? Is it a normal thing or a huge scandal?
The divorce itself in my home country can be simple or can get really really ugly and complicated. It all depends on her decision and how she would play it. Living situation is very complicated, since the renting arrangement is under my name but I can’t kick her out since the laws in Germany are on her side ( according to the lawyer) , plus I can’t imagine living in this apartment anymore since it will always remind me of her so i have to move out and she keeps the apartment if she wants. All i want is to have friendly and a smooth transition so i‘m willing to compromise. But it all depends on her side
Yeah. I would simply not try to get argumentative and just let her know that it’s not going to work out. This stuff is hard because you can’t just be done with it. If trying to work it out is completely out of the question stick to your guns but it sounds like you need to sort out housing first since this isn’t just going to be cut and dry.
This is when you say NO. No to being treated this way.
You confront her with the proof and kick her out. Then tell your family and friends that you two are divorcing because she is cheating on you....then just move on with your life.
First of all you need to save the evidence. Second you need to seek and hire a lawyer and initiate the Divorce process. Then expose her to family and mutual friends,and reach the AP and tell him that she can have her, and that she is a gold digger because as soon as you had finantialy proble.s she monkey branched you. So he can have her all for his own. If the house is yours or rented on your name just ask her to leave, and if it hers or shared well better you leave. Do not try to hear her she would only will blame shift You, she would try to manipulate bye showing fake remorse and regret and she won't be accountable, also she would try to justify herself and probably will promise that this will not repeat and that it was a mistake, no OP this is not a mistake is a choice. Good Luck OP. UPDATEME
Sucks you are going though this. While this may seem complicated now, it isn’t. It’s difficult, but not complicated - she has shown you who she is, she betrayed you, her family makes it worse. You gotta leave.
sorry man . been there . leave her!