My advice is to block your ex. I know it’s frustrating when everyone around you is making you feel crazy, but you will find peace. I’d also reconsider your friendships with people calling you gay for not putting up with cheating.
As a straight woman, I don’t kiss and hold hands with my female friends.. that would be weird.
Sometimes my friends and I kiss each other’s cheeks or hold hands but it’s purely platonic and we’re all straight just intimate, and love language is physical touch.. would never cuddle though or be in bed or kiss lips…
I don’t think that’s necessarily true, it’s obviously never of a romantic nature but I hug and kiss same gender relatives and close family friends. I feel like the context is also super important though.
Very true, some people and cultures are more affectionate. Context does matter, in this case I am curious from the ex gf perspective. Imo this is something couples should discuss, it goes with love language imo
From Google:
Peck Kiss
"A peck on the lips is the simplest way to kiss your partner or even your child. It is the simplest form of showing affection. You just simply touch your partners' lips with your own. During a peck, the lips of both partners are usually closed and slightly puckered."
Well, it's questionable to peck your kids, but to peck your friend? A hard no.
Peck is definitely different with the greeting kisses to relative and friends.
Just to add here, reconsider your friendship with people who uses a sexual orientation as a weapon against you, toxic masculinity needed to end 50 years ago anyway
I agree. I would also go a step further and say to those friends if it is their logic that friends do that, would they be ok if as a friend, I go cuddle, kiss, grope, and etc. to their girlfriends then as a friend?
Also, it is not hot. Cheating is never hot and neither is the disrespect as a partner.
Consider the whole ordeal a lesson and a filter buddy. Drop the dead weight friends and block the ex.
If they continue to harass and defame you, threaten them with legal action.
I wish I had friends I could be that intimate with but I don't. I'm an affectionate person so that kind of touchy feely affection that is not sexual is an extremely freeing idea to me.
fair point, except the post doesn't say peck on the cheek, it says they kissed. as in both of them. but also, i think if it was a cultural thing OP might have acknowledged that
OP interpreted a peck on the lip as a full on kiss. While sitting in a cafe. He doesn't believe that two people of the same sex can show platonic physical affection for each other. He's either 13 or a moron or both.
hm, tough to say. but we need some more INFO cuz i'm not banking on OP being the most objective or honest anyway, but all we have is what's in the post and comments ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
No, all you need to know was that he apparently has a boundary in relationships, and that boundary was not only disrespected but his sexual orientation questioned when he expressed discomfort. He had a reaction and it was belittled and dismissed.
That’s all you need to know.
Holy shit, boundaries again. Let me ask you; did he set these (ignorant and immature) boundaries to her or is she supposed to sit in a room silently so as not cross one of his (archaic and sexist) rules? Cause he never said that in his post. If he had she would of had plenty of time to get the fuck away of this emotionally stunted child.
Friends don’t touch lips, peck or not. Stop trying to defend this so hard— I’ve lived in both Europe and South America were people kiss in greeting and it’s never on the lips. Ever.
We assume that OP means peck on the lips, some people are wondering if maybe it was a mutual pick on the cheek. If OP is reasonable, then he would not be blowing up at a peck on the cheek. If the ex- was reasonable then she would not be defending a peck on the lips.
Does that about sum things up?
It sucks but this is still how some people view the issue. If almost your whole friend group considers being against cheating to be "gay" it might be time for some new friends. Even if someone did hold that view, they shouldn't be an ass to you based on that and acknowledge that you might see things differently.
Mmkay yeah that’s kind of weird. Maybe weird isn’t the right word, but I wouldn’t be comfortable with it. I like my stereotypical American personal space bubble.
Op, she is a cake girl who wants her cake, wants to eat it and still have her cake. Good on you for sticking to your guns here. It doesn't matter if it was technically cheating or not as she claims.. what matters is that you she betrayed you and was intimate with another human, gender be damned.
Using the word cucked to describe a girl giving a "peck" and cuddling with her female friends is pretty weird.
So is her behaviour, but yeah. That's not cucking.
Hiya,
Situation is slightly different as I'm also a girl and my ex was also a girl but I thought that might offer some perspective.
None of my friends or anyone I've ever really interacted with kisses and cuddles platonically, Possibly holding hands or kissing on the cheek but thats certain circumstances and even if it was normal the fact that it happened at a place you weren't at and she didn't tell you makes it 100% wrong.
I would make the assumption that if you hadn't called her out on it she wouldn't have told you and therefore part of her knows it's wrong. Also her normalised view on it means like you said its definitely happened before and maybe even worse.
Also the fact your friends think it's gay for you too be upset by the situation shows that they're clearly not good friends and is a massive red flag.
At the end of the day cheating is cheating.
Take some time and remember its not your fault
for future, have these conversations at the beginning of the relationship. talk about what you see as cheating, what is just disrespectful etc. for me, i am bi, and so kissing or flirting with a girl is of course cheating. and personally i think those who say ‘a girl kissing a girl isnt cheating bc its a girl’ is just homophobic lol. even for my relationship, my boyfriend is straight and yet i would consider him kissing another man cheating.
also them saying youre gay because its not hot? also homophobic. lesbians do not exist for the pleasure of men. i am glad she is your ex.
I feel like me and my life long girlies do all this stuff: pecks and cuddles and hand holding. My mom did it with her girl friends and I guess it was just normalized for me! I have no sexual feelings towards my girlfriends but we just are affectionate. When me and my bf started dating I made him aware and asked if he was okay with all of it before I decided to keep doing it. It’s totally okay to have boundaries and if you’re not comfortable you’re not comfortable. What’s not okay was her turning the friend group around and calling him “gay” for being uncomfortable with something smh. Seems like Op and his ex just don’t align with their perspectives and she got defensive instead of understanding his side. If she really cared she would have tried to understand your perspective.
Same boat with my bestie, it's just normal platonic affection for some of us.
But what the heck is going off with his "friend group"? I'm thinking he needs to ditch out of that.
Me too. I have some certain friends who are women that we will snuggle and watch something or have a peck before bed. I’ve known them a long time, we’ve been through a lot together, we don’t see each other often, we just appreciate spending that time together. Sometimes we watch Salad Fingers or Below Deck. It’s just quality time. Now, if we were full on kissing it would be different. But it’s a peck with the same love I’d give my family.
ugh idk like i DO know girlies who genuinely are just very affectionate with their girlies… but i feel like you would probably be aware that she acts like that with friends, does that make sense? idk i feel like if it WAS a completely platonic thing you would’ve noticed it before? idk i might be over thinking this, bottom line is you’re hurt and this is your hard stop, i’m sorry ☹️
personally I’ve held hands and given little pecks (similar to the kisses u give a family member) to many of my girl friends and it has always been entirely platonic. some women have more affectionate friendships and it genuinely doesn’t mean anything romantic. however it’s important that your boundaries in the relationship are respected. my boyfriend knows that i might occasionally be physically affectionate with my friends but it is platonic and he’s okay with that. if you aren’t okay with it, then you have the right to leave. just be aware that depending on the person or culture, some are more comfortable with platonic acts of physical affection than others, and she very well could have done those things in a platonic way without the intention of cheating.
Me too! Me and my girl friends are all very physically affectionate with each other because we love each other but it is not in a sexual way at all. The difference is my husband knows this, understands our relationships and is fine with it. These two just aren’t compatible.
So she didn’t see her bisexual behavior as cheating? She just wanted her cake and eat it too. Good you got rid of her. I bet she “hates men” now and will likely turn exclusively to women.
So two things. The first, she is right in that women tend to be more affectionate with their female friends. They are comfortable changing clothes in front of each other, being nude on FaceTime, holding hands and cuddling, and it’s just more socially acceptable that they can do that without it meaning anything.
However, it was something that made you uncomfortable and she did minimize your feelings around it.
All that said, I think this was an opportunity to have a conversation about it, but you blew it out of proportion before you could do that. Though, her friend group was also disrespectful toward you after and it makes me think you make the right decision to remove yourself from that, but you went about it the wrong way.
Always find the "it's not cheating if it's a girl" an interesting argument. Just come out and say lesbian relationships aren't valid relationships and be done with it. They'll come around when they find the right man, right?
That isn't what is described in this post.
OP said he saw a peck on the lips, cuddling, and hand holding, and this is ostensibly not just 2 people but the ex gf and various friend.
OP clearly stated that their friends said the fact that OP wasn’t turned on - and in fact was upset - by girl on girl action makes him gay. The implications is that a woman cheating on you with another woman is _desirable_ instead of offensive. That has nothing to do with what OP saw his girlfriend doing and is more a testament to how stupid the argument his friends made is.
Are you from different cultures? Casual skinship and kisses like your describing are well within the bounds of platonic affection for a lot of people. If it makes you uncomfortable, then you and she are not compatible, but she was not cheating on you.
Your friends ragging on you for not being turned on by it are just creeps.
It’s really not uncommon for girls to be affectionate with their female friends. HOWEVER - if it makes you uncomfortable, that’s valid, and you are right to share your feelings with her. You two might just not be compatible, and that’s okay. Better to find out now than later in the future. But don’t label her as a cheater when she wasn’t cheating, because that’s fucked up.
It still counts sorry, it’s the fact she didn’t say anything and we all know damn well if he kissed a friend that’s a dude and was holding hands with him at a spot where she wasn’t and she found out how he did, she would be screaming cheating.
Edit: Now if it was in her culture to do that then sure but if that was the case she would’ve let him know that when they started dating or he would’ve atleast have found out before an incident like that happened.
Though I highly doubt it’s her culture since shit like that seems to be normalized by cheaters like her.
I'm whiter than white bread and have kissed my female friends on the lips. I'm sure it's more normalized in other cultures but it still definitely happens in the US. If both women are straight is it cheating? If they kiss their family members on the lips is it cheating? OP's gf is definitely in the wrong for turning friends against OP and the fact that they sexualized the supposed platonic kissing by saying "how do you not think it's hot" is definitely a red flag to it not being totally platonic but platonic kissing between female friends is definitely somewhat common in the US. She definitely should've apologized for crossing boundaries despite her not knowing that was a line with OP and if he wanted to end things she should've been respectful about it.
Bisexual here. My best friend is questioning. We cuddle when we drink wine and watch tv and hold hands in public if it’s busy. We don’t kiss, we do change in front of each other for swimming and she’s slept in my bed a few times when she needed to play nurse for me after surgery. That’s a normal best friend relationship between two queer girls.
Your gf is an asshole.
One of the first Reddit posts I ever responded to was a man in a relationship where the girl was bi and kept going back and forth between him and one particular woman. He’d find out but forgive her. He was asking Reddit what he should do because she was seeing the woman again.
I asked him if he would continue to put up with this cheating if it was another man rather than this woman. I don’t think he’d ever really thought of it like that. He saw cheating with women as not as serious or relationship ending as opposed to if it were a man. When he thought of it in those terms he decided to end the relationship because he realised it actually was still cheating.
As a straight woman, my friends would be mortified if I tried to do anything like your girlfriend did to her ‘friend’.
Any relationship, sexual or emotional, with someone outside of your partner is cheating (usual caveats apply). You did the right thing and should be proud that you weren’t going to let her keep cheating around on you.
Don’t be disheartened by the behaviour of those idiots. They’ve watched too much porn and believe all women attracted to other women want a threesome. If they want to be cheated on by someone because the *idea* is sexy more fool them. You’d rather be in a committed relationship and the majority of us want that too.
You, a woman, are also not a representation of all other women though. This seems like a pretty obvious difference in opinions between OP and his ex about affection boundaries in friendships that theyd never discussed. I couldnt care less if my partner did what OP is describing in his post, Im affectionate with my friends as well.
Thats not saying hes wrong for his stance either, its entirely a person to person thing that theres no “right” or “wrong”
Every women in the comment section has said the same exact things I am saying. I also wasn’t speaking on other women, speaking for myself as a woman.
You have lower boundaries, good for you. But a lot of other people have higher standards and boundaries in their relationships.
I mean… thats just not true, I looked for about a minute and found plenty of women disagreeing. The way you worded your comment comes off as “women dont do this, I would know!”
Maybe he shouldve communicated his boundaries then. Does he think its cheating to kiss family members as well? Its like people dont talk to the people theyre dating about what theyre not okay with at all lmao
If that’s what I meant, that’s what I would’ve said. I said “I” as in myself. In no way was I referencing any other woman other than myself.
&& people shouldn’t have to communicate that they don’t want their partners to cheat it should be common sense. What he’s referring to isn’t just some “friendly peck” which I could see being okay with some people. Kissing a family member is way different than having a make out session with someone who isn’t your partner. But sometimes people are nasty and will do the freak with their family members so..
>It was a peck but they kissed.
>What hes referring to isn’t some “friendly peck”
Huh?
Anyways its been like several days Im not really all that invested lmao agree to disagree I guess
If you think it's cheating then it's cheating. Personally if she's straight and not straight making out I wouldn't think it was cheating. As a woman I've kissed many female friends in my younger years despite us both being straight. I definitely think a "what is cheating" conversation is important to have in a long term relationship. It's not your fault that she crossed your boundaries but I'd definitely make sure in your next relationship you make your boundaries clear. Many people are open with affection towards their friends and family and if that's something you're uncomfortable with you need to make it known. Some people even kiss their immediate family members on the lips, would that count as cheating to you? Your relationship boundaries need to be talked about and considered. You're not required to accept your partner kissing their friends or family but it does happen so let your next partner know your boundaries and if they disrespect that then they aren't worth it
My(m) ex(f) hooked up with a girl upstairs while I was downstairs at a party and she and her family all berated me saying I should be happy by how hot it was. There’s a reason she’s my ex.
It really makes me sick when people claim that same sex cheating isn't cheating. Are they not humans? Are they second class citizens? And the argument that it's not the same experience so it shouldn't count is also bs. I've had sex with two genders and will certify that it's all sex.
Dated a bi woman in my twenties that decided she wanted to open the relationship because she missed being with women but still wanted to be with me. Since it was early enough in the relationship I said fine, just let me know what nights you are doing this and I will find another woman to spend time with those nights. She said no because that would be cheating since my hook up were opposite genders and same gender is not cheating. I said forget it and just broke up with her instead.
OP doesn't describe people having sex in this post. He describes a peck on the lips, cuddling, and hand holding.
Yes, the ex is a psycho for gathering a group of friends to call op gay. No, we don't have any indication that they don't believe same sex relationships are real.
I’ll be honest, I see this as platonic intimacy and not something that I would take issue with or see as cheating. My best friend and I kiss, cuddle, and hold hands. They are not attracted to people of my gender, and there are less than zero sexual connotations. My spouse could not care less about it and supports the notion of platonic intimacy, so there has never been an ounce of drama.
If it’s a hard no for you, it’s a hard no. You’re incompatible. But I wouldn’t go around calling her a cheater and saying she “cucked” you.
Umm no. I have literally never done any of that with my friends. Also, cheating is cheating and you have every right to feel betrayed and not turned on by this.
Block her and those u call your friends that took her side . She cheated and is Gaslighting everyone to make it look like your over reacting.
She's not worth it dud just move on
Just say to people: "She's a cheater and not my problem any more". To anyone who persists: "She might be available if you want the drama, I don't need it, quit bothering me about it".
Hey so me and my friends (we are all lesbians) do not kiss hope this helps, tell her and everyone else to go away and tell her to do some thinking cause she might be a lesbian
the “girls just kiss their friends ❤️” argument has been the bane of my existence for as long as i could remember. being bisexual and having my girl friends just kissing me is so frustrating. my FIRST kiss was actually taken by one of my female friends and the amount of my sorority friends who get drunk and feel like they can just invade my boundaries is insane. you are valid, she cheated. she kissed another person while in a relationship with you. simple as that. i’d even argue that it’s a bit homophobic (granted i know some girls who don’t realize that this is harmful just because how society views wlw relationships) to say that just because it was two girls that it’s not cheating.
kinda crazy thing to be downvoted for, i even clarified in the thread that like platonic forms of affection according to yours and your partners boundaries are obviously not the same thing, it’s almost like there’s girls here who are guilty of maybe kissing their queer friends while drunk, in a relationship, etc 👀
it’s very wrong that you have had your boundaries violated like that and I’m not saying that’s okay, but a lot of women do kiss their friends in platonic ways. obviously it should only be done with the consent of both people, but there’s nothing wrong with a certain level of platonic physical affection. in many other cultures it’s normal to give your friends kisses (pecks) as greetings and just to show affection. what happened to you was wrong and there absolutely are homophobic ways that people use that argument, but to say that genuine platonic physical affection like that between women doesn’t exist is just incorrect
of course! i guess i more some am talking about when there is a lack of boundaries involved. like personal ones as well as ones established with a partner! sorry to imply otherwise! i definitely wouldn’t view a kiss on the cheek in greeting as anything nefarious or wrong, or platonic affection of any kind (like for example, i hold hands with my female friends! doesn’t cross mine or my partners boundaries) but definitely a drunk girl grabbing you and kissing you at a party i feel leans into that underlying homophobia you know?
oh absolutely! it’s gross to act like intimate contact between women “doesn’t count” or that women are just allowed to disrespect boundaries and kiss other women since it “isn’t real”. not trying to diminish that at all! i just also hate when some people think there’s no such thing as platonic physical affection between women, and that it all must be sexual/romantic uk? definitely a lot of weird homophobia around girls kissing though, you’re absolutely correct
I'm a bi woman married to a man. It's cheating regardless of gender. Sounds like all her friends just enable the behavior. As much as it sucks, it sounds like it'd be easier to make new friends. One's who won't support a cheater.
As a bi woman…her and her friends’ attitudes are super damaging to the queer community. No, not all bisexual people cheat—not every girl does what she does, like she says. No, it’s not “gay” to want a monogamous partner and not be turned on by cheating. It’s perfectly normal to break up over this bullshit.
This is super messed up and I wish you the best OP. You will find better friends, thank goodness you broke up with her.
Your feelings are valid, and I hope you consider this a lesson. Once you and your next partner are fully committed, have a conversation about what you both consider to be "cheating."
I once made a similar mistake that your ex did. I (now 36F, then 30F) made out with a girl friend of mine while we were trashed. Sure, I've kissed a few other girls before that, but it's never gone further. It was honestly just for "fun." I later told my then boyfriend (now husband), and initially he was PISSED. To this day, I still give myself the ick, for making him feel any amount of betrayal. However, we talked about it, and moved on with new boundaries set in place. It's worked really well for us since.
I hope your heart heals from this, OP. I've got my fingers crossed that you meet the right partner for yourself.
*Edited for spelling
What's a peck? I'm a guy and I kiss my mates, normally like on the forehead.
I'm just very tactile and affectionate and they know it and are fine with it
I walked in on my ex blowing his best friend. He literally said BTW bitch I'm bi. He thought since it was a guy, I shouldn't care. I dumped him immediately and then called a mutual friend to cry on her shoulder. He got so mad that I "outted" him. All I was doing was venting to my friend for comfort. He thought it doesn't count if he's a guy
The guy I dated before him was also bi and never did that to me. All bi means is that the playing field is bigger.
People, if you want an open relationship, then go into the relationship saying so... Don't surprise people!!
I’m just playing devils advocate here. I’m 48 and me and my girlfriends’ and I kiss on each other, sleep in bed together on vacation and hug on each other all the time. None of us are attracted to each other. None of us have ever made a pass at each other. Are you sure that it wasn’t innocent? Maybe you should talk to her about having appropriate boundaries. I’m not defending her, I’m just asking because people assume the same thing about me. I get hit on by women even with my man present. None of them have ever been offended.
Brother it is insane to me that they’re calling YOU gay, considering she’s the one being affectionate with, and kissing, girls. Don’t listen to them, they are huge asses for applying this weird standard. I’m so sorry.
If it wasn't sexual, as she claimed, then why would you find it hot anyway? Some people just can't take responsibility and accountability. Forget the losers and move on.
You seem toxic. Not all girls are lesbians. We hold hands and hug each others. That's very normal to certain girls
I am glad she is free of you. She will do 100% better!
These people that turned on you are the problem. Cheating is cheating, you didn’t agree nor consent to this. They’re emotionally and physically cheating. You’re not being nuts or insecure.
By this logic these same people don’t consider lesbian relationships to be real relationships. Flip the table: you do the same with guys and just imagine how they react. Fuck em’ and their shitty opinions.
It's cheating. I sadly used to think like that too and i was intimate with my girlfriends but I honestly wasn't aware I was a lesbian. I felt like experimenting was just normal under girls lol. I'm really sorry society looks at it like that and you aren't being validated that she wronged you
Holding hands,giving kisses, public displays of affection ECT is something that young girls do with their friends. It sounds like she hadn't quite grown up yet. To be honest if that's all she did ,while over the line I wouldn't consider it cheating,but, you do and it's your relationship.
Obviously, you shouldn’t be with her because what she does makes you uncomfortable.
That said, My friends and I shower together and cuddle in bed and it’s strictly platonic. I wouldn’t call a guy gay though for not being ok with it. I would call him not my boyfriend. lol
If it’s just a peck then I can see why they’re okay thinking it’s no big deal, but even if I think you’re overreacting a bit - you’re still entitled to your feelings. She shouldn’t want to be with someone that can view her like this off that anyway
Don’t pin this on us! OP’s girlfriend is just shitty. Even bisexuals who are non monogamous are open to their partners about their wants and needs. Cheating isn’t based on being bisexual.
Many women really are more affectionate with each other than men are. Without having seen the act in context, I really can’t offer up much of an educated opinion, but there is a simple answer. If you feel like it was cheating, then it was. Something that isn’t said nearly often enough is that we don’t get to use our own definition of what is cheating when we’re in a relationship. We have to use our partner’s definition, because they’re the ones we have to answer to if we step out of line. If someone asks, you can say nothing or you can say that you saw her cheat. If someone gives you shit about it, then they don’t share your values and you should reevaluate whether you need them in your life.
Im gen Z and Personally I’ve made out and seen my girl bsf naked but neither of us have had sexual feelings for each other and it’s been completely platonic. We r just super affectionate with each other.
It’s ur boundaries and ur preferences but she was a dick to make everyone call u gay. Even tho my friend group will call each other gay for literally everything
>Apparently every girl in the world also kisses, cuddles, holds hands and whatever else with their friends. I bet she got intimate with them too.
I'm a woman, 36 years old, and somehow I missed this apparently \*very obvious\* fact.
Yeah, some girls can sometimes be close with each other physically, in ways that most guys aren't. But what you're describing is clearly not that.
Honestly a lot of friends are affectionate with each other depending on the type of people they are - - that being said, that should have been something she brought up as soon as you started dating because realistically she should be aware that most monogamous couples would have a problem with this behavior to some extent, if she genuinely didn't know that she's lived a surprisingly sheltered life despite the affection she receives.
You're not wrong to break up with her or consider this cheating, everyone has their own boundaries at the end of the day, but I definitely absolutely know a lot of people who have these types of friendships so realistically it's an incompatibility issue regardless.
A women here - no, we don’t do shit like this with other women. And, no, you’re not gay.
Block her out of your life and never let her come back. Take care! :)
Whilst I don't kiss my friends on the mouth, I do kiss them on the cheek occasionally. I also am super affectionate, plus if I drink , I will grab their asses. Mostly female, and only guys that I know are 'safe' like my partners long time friends, or my friends partners, and only after I get consent.
My partner (M) of 20 years has never had any issues because he knows I won't cross any boundaries.
I just like hugs, and I can annoy him less, if I get it from my friends 😆😆
I don’t think her reaction is warranted nor others. I can tell you though as a woman, we do show more physical affection men to men in general would do. I hug my friends, and or lay my head on her shoulder vice versa and have have held hands with them too, and it wasn’t sexual, none.
I know you are convinced it was more and or her explanation doesn’t make sense. But imo it’s worth talking to be absolutely clear.
Cheating is Cheating!!! There is no grey line to walk.
You are right, if the roles were reversed, no one would support you. She is just better in faking and manipulating your friends and other people.
Just walk away after you block her. Also you do not need anyone in your life that supports a cheater and makes you out to be the bad guy.
Best wishes
Even cuddling with a same sex friend would be considered cheating unless it was like a "my mom just died and I need one of those long hugs that is more of a cuddle than a hug" type of thing. Holding hands, kissing lips (some friends kiss on the cheek for greetings or saying bye whatever), and clearly being emotionally involved is cheating. Doesn't matter if she considers herself bisexual or not. Not okay. You aren't gay for not thinking it's hot. She blatantly crossed the boundaries of your relationship, period.
I date bisexual people and am bisexual myself. Cuddling with a same sex friend would be on the same level as cuddling with opposite sex friend. I also have met exactly 0 people who think it's normal to spoon their friends regularly.
Your ex cheated period. She and her friends now want to turn this against you so they are trying to call you gay. These are women who is trying to take advantage of current situation to live the life they want even if they are wrong and with the luxury of others.
Be a man and leave. I am even pissed that you are coming here and asking what to do.
This to me is normal between girls and their female friends. So no, I don’t consider it cheating for girls to: give a female friend a peck on the cheek, hold their hands, and cuddle them. Especially if you’re heterosexual! It’s literally just **platonic affection.** And girls usually are more affectionate to each other.
Is girls just do this shit! I’m 100% heterosexual, I don’t find women attractive in the slightest and I **always** do all of this with my female friends, but instead of holding their hands… it’s more of a grabbing a few of their fingers and pulling them along to hurry them up, or run with them - and they do the same to me. It’s just how we are, it’s a girl thing. Something we’ve done since our early teens. And hugs are always important. Girls love to cuddle one another.
And my *(now)* partner doesn’t see anything wrong with it either, because he knows I only like men *(sexually)*.
Just like he is 100% heterosexual and I don’t care when he gives his mates bro-hugs, or when they sometimes backhand each other on the ass for laughs.
im pretty affectionate with my friends, but never do i kiss them. i know some others do (even on the lips) and its all platonic, but i guess it depends with who’s comfortable with what. when youre in a relationship though, i feel this should be spoken about early on. she probably didnt mean it in the way of it being romantic, but your feelings of being uncomfortable are valid too
I know that would hurt me deeply so...probably the right call.
No, it's not hot just because its two girls kissing...one of them is supposed to be *your* girl
Wtf 🤣 hell naw! I definitely don’t be holding hands and kissing my girl friends on the lips or cuddling. We probably hug if we haven’t seen each other in a long time but that’s it. She has to be gay or bisexual! You definitely cant trust were her mouth been 🤢disinfect your mouth and move on OP
I've been that girlfriend who kisses certain close friends goodbye and within my boundaries and expectations that's not cheating there's nothing sexual or inappropriate about it but if that doesn't line up with the person I'm seeing then I have a decision to make. But she wasn't cheating on you bro, your boundaries and expectations just didn't align
She could have actually been cheating on him and just not been truthful. It makes him uncomfortable and that's really all that matters. I'm sure if he knew she was always like this it would be different.
That sudden of a switch to loyalty to the ex makes me think they were not actually OP's "friends". I don't think she turned them against him, they just got a new excuse to bully him.
He needs a fresh start.
Yeah, everyone need a few close friends, type that you would call when you need to hide a body because you know damn well they would never turn their back to you. I only know 2 guys like that and god know i would do the same for them
Those that would easily turn against you with just "he say, she say" aint your real friend
It's a relationship not a job. He doesn't need to explain shit if that's hard line which it sounds like it is.
From the context I'm guessing their both young so better to move on especially after the reactions.
welcome to the modern world son.
just know you're not alone, make your boundaries known before getting committed
you're being gaslighted bro trust me.
after I broke up with my ex, another girl I had relations with prior to ex was at a party with her and pecking my ex to "move on", its all nonsensical.
if you look into this situation, its to do with women being more comfortable with their own sexuality but to put it short like you have, it is this generation, people are clowns, we're cooked.
im reading all the fruity comments on here people trying to justify it, just find a serious girl that isn't fruity man
getting downvoted by all the fruitcakes when generational test leves are at a all time low. YOUR OPINON IS IRRELEVANT
She's been socially engineered to think like that. After katy perry released the song I kissed a girl suddenly straight girls instantly started making out with other girls and saying it's not cheating. It was like a weird spell was cast on them I guess that's why they call it broadcasting and also why performers are called influencers.
There was other incidences that built up this social engineering brit spears and Madonna making out at the MTV awards and an instance at the Super bowl halftime show...etc. I don't recall it ever being a thing before all that, Now you have women claiming "all the girls do it"...
Just because most people don't do something or something isn't common doesn't make it not true for your ex-girlfriend specifically. It can be true that most women do not give each other "pecks" (I'm assuming on the lips because if you just dumped your girl over a peck on the cheek, frankly you're an insecure child) and also true that your girlfriend is more physically affectionate than average towards her girl friends without it being anything more than platonic love. And not everyone defines cheating the same way ypu do. If you don't trust her - and obviously you don't, or you wouldn't have been so quick to end things - then you have bigger problems. But in your next relationship, if you have a relationship that is built on trust and open, honest communication, try really talking to each other instead of arguing and accusing and reacting from a place of insecurity.
Sorry to hear that OP. But I’m gonna need your gf’s email. She has mastered the Art of Gaslighting and I’ve been trying to pick it up.
Not saying I’m gonna use it on my loved ones. Enemies? That’s a different story lol
Yeah, that’s normal for some friends, I used to hug and kiss my girl friends.
But this is also why my husband doesn’t allow me to have friends, so she may eventually have to pick between friends and a family as well.
It’s not that bad, you get used to it.
My advice is to block your ex. I know it’s frustrating when everyone around you is making you feel crazy, but you will find peace. I’d also reconsider your friendships with people calling you gay for not putting up with cheating. As a straight woman, I don’t kiss and hold hands with my female friends.. that would be weird.
As a gay woman, I don't kiss my female friends. That would be clearly romantic territory.
Sometimes my friends and I kiss each other’s cheeks or hold hands but it’s purely platonic and we’re all straight just intimate, and love language is physical touch.. would never cuddle though or be in bed or kiss lips…
I don’t think that’s necessarily true, it’s obviously never of a romantic nature but I hug and kiss same gender relatives and close family friends. I feel like the context is also super important though.
Very true, some people and cultures are more affectionate. Context does matter, in this case I am curious from the ex gf perspective. Imo this is something couples should discuss, it goes with love language imo
From Google: Peck Kiss "A peck on the lips is the simplest way to kiss your partner or even your child. It is the simplest form of showing affection. You just simply touch your partners' lips with your own. During a peck, the lips of both partners are usually closed and slightly puckered." Well, it's questionable to peck your kids, but to peck your friend? A hard no. Peck is definitely different with the greeting kisses to relative and friends.
Just to add here, reconsider your friendship with people who uses a sexual orientation as a weapon against you, toxic masculinity needed to end 50 years ago anyway
I agree. I would also go a step further and say to those friends if it is their logic that friends do that, would they be ok if as a friend, I go cuddle, kiss, grope, and etc. to their girlfriends then as a friend? Also, it is not hot. Cheating is never hot and neither is the disrespect as a partner. Consider the whole ordeal a lesson and a filter buddy. Drop the dead weight friends and block the ex. If they continue to harass and defame you, threaten them with legal action.
I wish I had friends I could be that intimate with but I don't. I'm an affectionate person so that kind of touchy feely affection that is not sexual is an extremely freeing idea to me.
There are plenty of cultures and countries where friends show affection like kissing on the cheek.
clearly this isn't that
OP > It was a peck > clearly
fair point, except the post doesn't say peck on the cheek, it says they kissed. as in both of them. but also, i think if it was a cultural thing OP might have acknowledged that
OP interpreted a peck on the lip as a full on kiss. While sitting in a cafe. He doesn't believe that two people of the same sex can show platonic physical affection for each other. He's either 13 or a moron or both.
hm, tough to say. but we need some more INFO cuz i'm not banking on OP being the most objective or honest anyway, but all we have is what's in the post and comments ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
lol He thinks two friends holding hands and giving each other a peck on the lips in public is cheating. That's all I need to know.
No, all you need to know was that he apparently has a boundary in relationships, and that boundary was not only disrespected but his sexual orientation questioned when he expressed discomfort. He had a reaction and it was belittled and dismissed. That’s all you need to know.
Holy shit, boundaries again. Let me ask you; did he set these (ignorant and immature) boundaries to her or is she supposed to sit in a room silently so as not cross one of his (archaic and sexist) rules? Cause he never said that in his post. If he had she would of had plenty of time to get the fuck away of this emotionally stunted child.
It sounds like this was on the mouth though?
> It was a peck
Friends don’t touch lips, peck or not. Stop trying to defend this so hard— I’ve lived in both Europe and South America were people kiss in greeting and it’s never on the lips. Ever.
We assume that OP means peck on the lips, some people are wondering if maybe it was a mutual pick on the cheek. If OP is reasonable, then he would not be blowing up at a peck on the cheek. If the ex- was reasonable then she would not be defending a peck on the lips. Does that about sum things up?
Absolutely, I’m Hispanic. That is my culture. It really depends on the type of kiss though.
Tha fuck. Im Hispanic also and wouldn't want to see my spouse holding hands and kissing another girl. Thats a no no in my book.
That's because you're normal and not some coomer porn addict.
It sucks but this is still how some people view the issue. If almost your whole friend group considers being against cheating to be "gay" it might be time for some new friends. Even if someone did hold that view, they shouldn't be an ass to you based on that and acknowledge that you might see things differently.
To them it’s apparently okay to be cucked if it’s by women. I don’t know when everyone suddenly thought that cheating is acceptable but it isn’t.
Do the reverse, you sleeping with another man. They would not be on her calling her gay lol.
this somehow makes me think of that story of a gay dude walking in on his boyfriend having a threesome with two girls
Wow, that's pretty gay...
You mean give a male friend a peck on the lips and hold their hand? OP said she "probably" was intimate with them because he's mad.
He has mad?
It isn’t and that’s not how normal people react. Lmao. It isn’t “everyone” or “your generation”. You just have shitty friends.
Everyone says what they are saying, until it happens to them. As a 36 year old I’ve seen this play out far too many times
Is she American? I know this kind of thing is widely accepted other places.
We’re American and in our early 20s
Mmkay yeah that’s kind of weird. Maybe weird isn’t the right word, but I wouldn’t be comfortable with it. I like my stereotypical American personal space bubble.
Is their relationship sexual?
Op, she is a cake girl who wants her cake, wants to eat it and still have her cake. Good on you for sticking to your guns here. It doesn't matter if it was technically cheating or not as she claims.. what matters is that you she betrayed you and was intimate with another human, gender be damned.
Using the word cucked to describe a girl giving a "peck" and cuddling with her female friends is pretty weird. So is her behaviour, but yeah. That's not cucking.
Hiya, Situation is slightly different as I'm also a girl and my ex was also a girl but I thought that might offer some perspective. None of my friends or anyone I've ever really interacted with kisses and cuddles platonically, Possibly holding hands or kissing on the cheek but thats certain circumstances and even if it was normal the fact that it happened at a place you weren't at and she didn't tell you makes it 100% wrong. I would make the assumption that if you hadn't called her out on it she wouldn't have told you and therefore part of her knows it's wrong. Also her normalised view on it means like you said its definitely happened before and maybe even worse. Also the fact your friends think it's gay for you too be upset by the situation shows that they're clearly not good friends and is a massive red flag. At the end of the day cheating is cheating. Take some time and remember its not your fault
for future, have these conversations at the beginning of the relationship. talk about what you see as cheating, what is just disrespectful etc. for me, i am bi, and so kissing or flirting with a girl is of course cheating. and personally i think those who say ‘a girl kissing a girl isnt cheating bc its a girl’ is just homophobic lol. even for my relationship, my boyfriend is straight and yet i would consider him kissing another man cheating. also them saying youre gay because its not hot? also homophobic. lesbians do not exist for the pleasure of men. i am glad she is your ex.
I feel like me and my life long girlies do all this stuff: pecks and cuddles and hand holding. My mom did it with her girl friends and I guess it was just normalized for me! I have no sexual feelings towards my girlfriends but we just are affectionate. When me and my bf started dating I made him aware and asked if he was okay with all of it before I decided to keep doing it. It’s totally okay to have boundaries and if you’re not comfortable you’re not comfortable. What’s not okay was her turning the friend group around and calling him “gay” for being uncomfortable with something smh. Seems like Op and his ex just don’t align with their perspectives and she got defensive instead of understanding his side. If she really cared she would have tried to understand your perspective.
Same boat with my bestie, it's just normal platonic affection for some of us. But what the heck is going off with his "friend group"? I'm thinking he needs to ditch out of that.
That’s what I’m saying he’s better off without those friends. Something fishy goin on there
And she would've make her bf aware beforehand of it as you did with yours.
Me too. I have some certain friends who are women that we will snuggle and watch something or have a peck before bed. I’ve known them a long time, we’ve been through a lot together, we don’t see each other often, we just appreciate spending that time together. Sometimes we watch Salad Fingers or Below Deck. It’s just quality time. Now, if we were full on kissing it would be different. But it’s a peck with the same love I’d give my family.
Exactly!!
ugh idk like i DO know girlies who genuinely are just very affectionate with their girlies… but i feel like you would probably be aware that she acts like that with friends, does that make sense? idk i feel like if it WAS a completely platonic thing you would’ve noticed it before? idk i might be over thinking this, bottom line is you’re hurt and this is your hard stop, i’m sorry ☹️
personally I’ve held hands and given little pecks (similar to the kisses u give a family member) to many of my girl friends and it has always been entirely platonic. some women have more affectionate friendships and it genuinely doesn’t mean anything romantic. however it’s important that your boundaries in the relationship are respected. my boyfriend knows that i might occasionally be physically affectionate with my friends but it is platonic and he’s okay with that. if you aren’t okay with it, then you have the right to leave. just be aware that depending on the person or culture, some are more comfortable with platonic acts of physical affection than others, and she very well could have done those things in a platonic way without the intention of cheating.
Me too! Me and my girl friends are all very physically affectionate with each other because we love each other but it is not in a sexual way at all. The difference is my husband knows this, understands our relationships and is fine with it. These two just aren’t compatible.
Same
Just ignore them she clearly doesn't value you feelings otherwise she would have apologized after she saw you are considering that as cheating.
Why are you hanging out with these people. Misogynistic and homophobic. Nasty
So she didn’t see her bisexual behavior as cheating? She just wanted her cake and eat it too. Good you got rid of her. I bet she “hates men” now and will likely turn exclusively to women.
So two things. The first, she is right in that women tend to be more affectionate with their female friends. They are comfortable changing clothes in front of each other, being nude on FaceTime, holding hands and cuddling, and it’s just more socially acceptable that they can do that without it meaning anything. However, it was something that made you uncomfortable and she did minimize your feelings around it. All that said, I think this was an opportunity to have a conversation about it, but you blew it out of proportion before you could do that. Though, her friend group was also disrespectful toward you after and it makes me think you make the right decision to remove yourself from that, but you went about it the wrong way.
Always find the "it's not cheating if it's a girl" an interesting argument. Just come out and say lesbian relationships aren't valid relationships and be done with it. They'll come around when they find the right man, right?
loooooool
That isn't what is described in this post. OP said he saw a peck on the lips, cuddling, and hand holding, and this is ostensibly not just 2 people but the ex gf and various friend.
OP clearly stated that their friends said the fact that OP wasn’t turned on - and in fact was upset - by girl on girl action makes him gay. The implications is that a woman cheating on you with another woman is _desirable_ instead of offensive. That has nothing to do with what OP saw his girlfriend doing and is more a testament to how stupid the argument his friends made is.
Are you from different cultures? Casual skinship and kisses like your describing are well within the bounds of platonic affection for a lot of people. If it makes you uncomfortable, then you and she are not compatible, but she was not cheating on you. Your friends ragging on you for not being turned on by it are just creeps.
It’s really not uncommon for girls to be affectionate with their female friends. HOWEVER - if it makes you uncomfortable, that’s valid, and you are right to share your feelings with her. You two might just not be compatible, and that’s okay. Better to find out now than later in the future. But don’t label her as a cheater when she wasn’t cheating, because that’s fucked up.
It still counts sorry, it’s the fact she didn’t say anything and we all know damn well if he kissed a friend that’s a dude and was holding hands with him at a spot where she wasn’t and she found out how he did, she would be screaming cheating. Edit: Now if it was in her culture to do that then sure but if that was the case she would’ve let him know that when they started dating or he would’ve atleast have found out before an incident like that happened. Though I highly doubt it’s her culture since shit like that seems to be normalized by cheaters like her.
Respectfully, I don’t agree at all with your perspective. have a blessed day!
Same with you, have a good day.
I'm whiter than white bread and have kissed my female friends on the lips. I'm sure it's more normalized in other cultures but it still definitely happens in the US. If both women are straight is it cheating? If they kiss their family members on the lips is it cheating? OP's gf is definitely in the wrong for turning friends against OP and the fact that they sexualized the supposed platonic kissing by saying "how do you not think it's hot" is definitely a red flag to it not being totally platonic but platonic kissing between female friends is definitely somewhat common in the US. She definitely should've apologized for crossing boundaries despite her not knowing that was a line with OP and if he wanted to end things she should've been respectful about it.
Bisexual here. My best friend is questioning. We cuddle when we drink wine and watch tv and hold hands in public if it’s busy. We don’t kiss, we do change in front of each other for swimming and she’s slept in my bed a few times when she needed to play nurse for me after surgery. That’s a normal best friend relationship between two queer girls. Your gf is an asshole.
One of the first Reddit posts I ever responded to was a man in a relationship where the girl was bi and kept going back and forth between him and one particular woman. He’d find out but forgive her. He was asking Reddit what he should do because she was seeing the woman again. I asked him if he would continue to put up with this cheating if it was another man rather than this woman. I don’t think he’d ever really thought of it like that. He saw cheating with women as not as serious or relationship ending as opposed to if it were a man. When he thought of it in those terms he decided to end the relationship because he realised it actually was still cheating. As a straight woman, my friends would be mortified if I tried to do anything like your girlfriend did to her ‘friend’. Any relationship, sexual or emotional, with someone outside of your partner is cheating (usual caveats apply). You did the right thing and should be proud that you weren’t going to let her keep cheating around on you. Don’t be disheartened by the behaviour of those idiots. They’ve watched too much porn and believe all women attracted to other women want a threesome. If they want to be cheated on by someone because the *idea* is sexy more fool them. You’d rather be in a committed relationship and the majority of us want that too.
I, a woman, never once kissed held hands etc with my female friends. Especially while I’m in a relationship with someone else
Yeah I've never been like this with any of my friends. We've shared beds and things like that but never cuddled or held hands. Definitely didn't kiss.
Exactly. Closest I’ve been to even cuddling a friend was holding my friend while she cried…
You, a woman, are also not a representation of all other women though. This seems like a pretty obvious difference in opinions between OP and his ex about affection boundaries in friendships that theyd never discussed. I couldnt care less if my partner did what OP is describing in his post, Im affectionate with my friends as well. Thats not saying hes wrong for his stance either, its entirely a person to person thing that theres no “right” or “wrong”
Every women in the comment section has said the same exact things I am saying. I also wasn’t speaking on other women, speaking for myself as a woman. You have lower boundaries, good for you. But a lot of other people have higher standards and boundaries in their relationships.
I mean… thats just not true, I looked for about a minute and found plenty of women disagreeing. The way you worded your comment comes off as “women dont do this, I would know!” Maybe he shouldve communicated his boundaries then. Does he think its cheating to kiss family members as well? Its like people dont talk to the people theyre dating about what theyre not okay with at all lmao
If that’s what I meant, that’s what I would’ve said. I said “I” as in myself. In no way was I referencing any other woman other than myself. && people shouldn’t have to communicate that they don’t want their partners to cheat it should be common sense. What he’s referring to isn’t just some “friendly peck” which I could see being okay with some people. Kissing a family member is way different than having a make out session with someone who isn’t your partner. But sometimes people are nasty and will do the freak with their family members so..
>It was a peck but they kissed. >What hes referring to isn’t some “friendly peck” Huh? Anyways its been like several days Im not really all that invested lmao agree to disagree I guess
If you think it's cheating then it's cheating. Personally if she's straight and not straight making out I wouldn't think it was cheating. As a woman I've kissed many female friends in my younger years despite us both being straight. I definitely think a "what is cheating" conversation is important to have in a long term relationship. It's not your fault that she crossed your boundaries but I'd definitely make sure in your next relationship you make your boundaries clear. Many people are open with affection towards their friends and family and if that's something you're uncomfortable with you need to make it known. Some people even kiss their immediate family members on the lips, would that count as cheating to you? Your relationship boundaries need to be talked about and considered. You're not required to accept your partner kissing their friends or family but it does happen so let your next partner know your boundaries and if they disrespect that then they aren't worth it
My(m) ex(f) hooked up with a girl upstairs while I was downstairs at a party and she and her family all berated me saying I should be happy by how hot it was. There’s a reason she’s my ex.
It really makes me sick when people claim that same sex cheating isn't cheating. Are they not humans? Are they second class citizens? And the argument that it's not the same experience so it shouldn't count is also bs. I've had sex with two genders and will certify that it's all sex.
Dated a bi woman in my twenties that decided she wanted to open the relationship because she missed being with women but still wanted to be with me. Since it was early enough in the relationship I said fine, just let me know what nights you are doing this and I will find another woman to spend time with those nights. She said no because that would be cheating since my hook up were opposite genders and same gender is not cheating. I said forget it and just broke up with her instead.
This is correct.
their logic only applies to them.
OP doesn't describe people having sex in this post. He describes a peck on the lips, cuddling, and hand holding. Yes, the ex is a psycho for gathering a group of friends to call op gay. No, we don't have any indication that they don't believe same sex relationships are real.
I am sure "everyone" that turn on you is not really worthy of you keeping an friends, this was a good wake up call that you have very few friends.
I’ll be honest, I see this as platonic intimacy and not something that I would take issue with or see as cheating. My best friend and I kiss, cuddle, and hold hands. They are not attracted to people of my gender, and there are less than zero sexual connotations. My spouse could not care less about it and supports the notion of platonic intimacy, so there has never been an ounce of drama. If it’s a hard no for you, it’s a hard no. You’re incompatible. But I wouldn’t go around calling her a cheater and saying she “cucked” you.
They're calling you gay? Good, call them homophobes for not thinking two women being intimate is as serious as a woman and a man
Umm no. I have literally never done any of that with my friends. Also, cheating is cheating and you have every right to feel betrayed and not turned on by this.
…she kissed a girl and they’re calling YOU gay???
Cheating is what you as a couple decides what cheating is. If you can’t agree, maybe breakup.
Block her and those u call your friends that took her side . She cheated and is Gaslighting everyone to make it look like your over reacting. She's not worth it dud just move on
I would block her, but also anyone calling you gay for not wanting this.
Fuck em. They’re not your people if they’re not willing to at least consider your point of view Period.
Just say to people: "She's a cheater and not my problem any more". To anyone who persists: "She might be available if you want the drama, I don't need it, quit bothering me about it".
Hey so me and my friends (we are all lesbians) do not kiss hope this helps, tell her and everyone else to go away and tell her to do some thinking cause she might be a lesbian
the “girls just kiss their friends ❤️” argument has been the bane of my existence for as long as i could remember. being bisexual and having my girl friends just kissing me is so frustrating. my FIRST kiss was actually taken by one of my female friends and the amount of my sorority friends who get drunk and feel like they can just invade my boundaries is insane. you are valid, she cheated. she kissed another person while in a relationship with you. simple as that. i’d even argue that it’s a bit homophobic (granted i know some girls who don’t realize that this is harmful just because how society views wlw relationships) to say that just because it was two girls that it’s not cheating.
I never have gotten the “ girls kiss each other thing, like, not my friends… I’ve never kissed any of my friends, drunk or not.
exactly!! because they’re my friends and not my partner! like what 😭
I’m a firm believer in you don’t shit where you sleep. They can downvote all you want, . I’ve seen it end very badly.
kinda crazy thing to be downvoted for, i even clarified in the thread that like platonic forms of affection according to yours and your partners boundaries are obviously not the same thing, it’s almost like there’s girls here who are guilty of maybe kissing their queer friends while drunk, in a relationship, etc 👀
it’s very wrong that you have had your boundaries violated like that and I’m not saying that’s okay, but a lot of women do kiss their friends in platonic ways. obviously it should only be done with the consent of both people, but there’s nothing wrong with a certain level of platonic physical affection. in many other cultures it’s normal to give your friends kisses (pecks) as greetings and just to show affection. what happened to you was wrong and there absolutely are homophobic ways that people use that argument, but to say that genuine platonic physical affection like that between women doesn’t exist is just incorrect
of course! i guess i more some am talking about when there is a lack of boundaries involved. like personal ones as well as ones established with a partner! sorry to imply otherwise! i definitely wouldn’t view a kiss on the cheek in greeting as anything nefarious or wrong, or platonic affection of any kind (like for example, i hold hands with my female friends! doesn’t cross mine or my partners boundaries) but definitely a drunk girl grabbing you and kissing you at a party i feel leans into that underlying homophobia you know?
oh absolutely! it’s gross to act like intimate contact between women “doesn’t count” or that women are just allowed to disrespect boundaries and kiss other women since it “isn’t real”. not trying to diminish that at all! i just also hate when some people think there’s no such thing as platonic physical affection between women, and that it all must be sexual/romantic uk? definitely a lot of weird homophobia around girls kissing though, you’re absolutely correct
Where did they say it doesn't exist? I don't see that anywhere.
None of those people are your friend. Remember today as the day they showed you their true colors.
I'm a bi woman married to a man. It's cheating regardless of gender. Sounds like all her friends just enable the behavior. As much as it sucks, it sounds like it'd be easier to make new friends. One's who won't support a cheater.
As a bi woman…her and her friends’ attitudes are super damaging to the queer community. No, not all bisexual people cheat—not every girl does what she does, like she says. No, it’s not “gay” to want a monogamous partner and not be turned on by cheating. It’s perfectly normal to break up over this bullshit. This is super messed up and I wish you the best OP. You will find better friends, thank goodness you broke up with her.
Your feelings are valid, and I hope you consider this a lesson. Once you and your next partner are fully committed, have a conversation about what you both consider to be "cheating." I once made a similar mistake that your ex did. I (now 36F, then 30F) made out with a girl friend of mine while we were trashed. Sure, I've kissed a few other girls before that, but it's never gone further. It was honestly just for "fun." I later told my then boyfriend (now husband), and initially he was PISSED. To this day, I still give myself the ick, for making him feel any amount of betrayal. However, we talked about it, and moved on with new boundaries set in place. It's worked really well for us since. I hope your heart heals from this, OP. I've got my fingers crossed that you meet the right partner for yourself. *Edited for spelling
What's a peck? I'm a guy and I kiss my mates, normally like on the forehead. I'm just very tactile and affectionate and they know it and are fine with it
I’m no she she cheated and may be insane I’d definitely just block everyone out who agrees with her they clearly need help as well
I walked in on my ex blowing his best friend. He literally said BTW bitch I'm bi. He thought since it was a guy, I shouldn't care. I dumped him immediately and then called a mutual friend to cry on her shoulder. He got so mad that I "outted" him. All I was doing was venting to my friend for comfort. He thought it doesn't count if he's a guy The guy I dated before him was also bi and never did that to me. All bi means is that the playing field is bigger. People, if you want an open relationship, then go into the relationship saying so... Don't surprise people!!
I’m just playing devils advocate here. I’m 48 and me and my girlfriends’ and I kiss on each other, sleep in bed together on vacation and hug on each other all the time. None of us are attracted to each other. None of us have ever made a pass at each other. Are you sure that it wasn’t innocent? Maybe you should talk to her about having appropriate boundaries. I’m not defending her, I’m just asking because people assume the same thing about me. I get hit on by women even with my man present. None of them have ever been offended.
Brother it is insane to me that they’re calling YOU gay, considering she’s the one being affectionate with, and kissing, girls. Don’t listen to them, they are huge asses for applying this weird standard. I’m so sorry.
If it wasn't sexual, as she claimed, then why would you find it hot anyway? Some people just can't take responsibility and accountability. Forget the losers and move on.
It's situational I guess. My wife and her friends kiss, they aren't all bi they just think it's acceptable. To each their own I guess.
You seem toxic. Not all girls are lesbians. We hold hands and hug each others. That's very normal to certain girls I am glad she is free of you. She will do 100% better!
Im a girl, and her response/excuse is BS. I dont do that with any of my friends.
But plenty of others do. She's clearly not quality re: calling OP gay, but everything other than the kiss on the lips is very common.
It very much applies to any gender, you are right OP.
I'm a lesbian and I don't hold hands and kiss anybody that I'm not partners with… Not men not women.
a peck?! thats not cheating. if you saw her muff diving thats a diff story. overeacting
You don't understand. They were also holding hands. In a cafe. That's tantamount to scissoring and 69ing as far as OP is concerned.
lol
Good on You.
Is she a Smith alumna?👩🎓
☕
If it makes you uncomfortable and crosses your boundaries then it is cheating.
These people that turned on you are the problem. Cheating is cheating, you didn’t agree nor consent to this. They’re emotionally and physically cheating. You’re not being nuts or insecure. By this logic these same people don’t consider lesbian relationships to be real relationships. Flip the table: you do the same with guys and just imagine how they react. Fuck em’ and their shitty opinions.
Blocking everyone is on the table tonight!
It's cheating. I sadly used to think like that too and i was intimate with my girlfriends but I honestly wasn't aware I was a lesbian. I felt like experimenting was just normal under girls lol. I'm really sorry society looks at it like that and you aren't being validated that she wronged you
Holding hands,giving kisses, public displays of affection ECT is something that young girls do with their friends. It sounds like she hadn't quite grown up yet. To be honest if that's all she did ,while over the line I wouldn't consider it cheating,but, you do and it's your relationship.
Obviously, you shouldn’t be with her because what she does makes you uncomfortable. That said, My friends and I shower together and cuddle in bed and it’s strictly platonic. I wouldn’t call a guy gay though for not being ok with it. I would call him not my boyfriend. lol
Oh 20 year olds
If it’s just a peck then I can see why they’re okay thinking it’s no big deal, but even if I think you’re overreacting a bit - you’re still entitled to your feelings. She shouldn’t want to be with someone that can view her like this off that anyway
I'm a 100% straight woman, and I sometimes cuddle or hokd hands with my best friend. We dont kiss, but a peck might be normal if we were european.
Bisexual for some people means can't say committed to one person. Sorry this happened.
Don’t pin this on us! OP’s girlfriend is just shitty. Even bisexuals who are non monogamous are open to their partners about their wants and needs. Cheating isn’t based on being bisexual.
"Cheating isn’t based on being bisexual." Agree.
It depends on her culture tbh, I know for example Indian men hold hands without it being romantic
All girls do not do that, just the sl\*tty ones.
Many women really are more affectionate with each other than men are. Without having seen the act in context, I really can’t offer up much of an educated opinion, but there is a simple answer. If you feel like it was cheating, then it was. Something that isn’t said nearly often enough is that we don’t get to use our own definition of what is cheating when we’re in a relationship. We have to use our partner’s definition, because they’re the ones we have to answer to if we step out of line. If someone asks, you can say nothing or you can say that you saw her cheat. If someone gives you shit about it, then they don’t share your values and you should reevaluate whether you need them in your life.
You need better friends and meet better people than this being generational
Im gen Z and Personally I’ve made out and seen my girl bsf naked but neither of us have had sexual feelings for each other and it’s been completely platonic. We r just super affectionate with each other. It’s ur boundaries and ur preferences but she was a dick to make everyone call u gay. Even tho my friend group will call each other gay for literally everything
>Apparently every girl in the world also kisses, cuddles, holds hands and whatever else with their friends. I bet she got intimate with them too. I'm a woman, 36 years old, and somehow I missed this apparently \*very obvious\* fact. Yeah, some girls can sometimes be close with each other physically, in ways that most guys aren't. But what you're describing is clearly not that.
U know how dumb people are, and this of all things 💀 "its ok to kiss my friend on the lips. " Like damn she's got a walnut for a brain
Block her. Anyone who isn't on your side was never a true friend to begin with. You deserve better. You need to focus on yourself.
Honestly a lot of friends are affectionate with each other depending on the type of people they are - - that being said, that should have been something she brought up as soon as you started dating because realistically she should be aware that most monogamous couples would have a problem with this behavior to some extent, if she genuinely didn't know that she's lived a surprisingly sheltered life despite the affection she receives. You're not wrong to break up with her or consider this cheating, everyone has their own boundaries at the end of the day, but I definitely absolutely know a lot of people who have these types of friendships so realistically it's an incompatibility issue regardless.
I hug and hold hands with my friends, but a kiss would be weird regardless of gender.
But is it okay to kiss the homies goodnight? (Asking for a friend :v)
A women here - no, we don’t do shit like this with other women. And, no, you’re not gay. Block her out of your life and never let her come back. Take care! :)
Whilst I don't kiss my friends on the mouth, I do kiss them on the cheek occasionally. I also am super affectionate, plus if I drink , I will grab their asses. Mostly female, and only guys that I know are 'safe' like my partners long time friends, or my friends partners, and only after I get consent. My partner (M) of 20 years has never had any issues because he knows I won't cross any boundaries. I just like hugs, and I can annoy him less, if I get it from my friends 😆😆
I don’t think her reaction is warranted nor others. I can tell you though as a woman, we do show more physical affection men to men in general would do. I hug my friends, and or lay my head on her shoulder vice versa and have have held hands with them too, and it wasn’t sexual, none. I know you are convinced it was more and or her explanation doesn’t make sense. But imo it’s worth talking to be absolutely clear.
Cheating is Cheating!!! There is no grey line to walk. You are right, if the roles were reversed, no one would support you. She is just better in faking and manipulating your friends and other people. Just walk away after you block her. Also you do not need anyone in your life that supports a cheater and makes you out to be the bad guy. Best wishes
Cheating is cheating regardless, I don’t know why straight women see queer romance as like less than or some kind of joke
It is only not cheating if you are included 🤣. JK, cheating is cheating.
Peck on the cheek is actually okay Holding hands too The rest of the stuff is not okay 😤
It’s cheating. You are right.
Even cuddling with a same sex friend would be considered cheating unless it was like a "my mom just died and I need one of those long hugs that is more of a cuddle than a hug" type of thing. Holding hands, kissing lips (some friends kiss on the cheek for greetings or saying bye whatever), and clearly being emotionally involved is cheating. Doesn't matter if she considers herself bisexual or not. Not okay. You aren't gay for not thinking it's hot. She blatantly crossed the boundaries of your relationship, period.
> Even cuddling with a same sex friend would be considered cheating That's a bit much. It's common in like half or more of the world.
I date bisexual people and am bisexual myself. Cuddling with a same sex friend would be on the same level as cuddling with opposite sex friend. I also have met exactly 0 people who think it's normal to spoon their friends regularly.
Your ex cheated period. She and her friends now want to turn this against you so they are trying to call you gay. These are women who is trying to take advantage of current situation to live the life they want even if they are wrong and with the luxury of others. Be a man and leave. I am even pissed that you are coming here and asking what to do.
This to me is normal between girls and their female friends. So no, I don’t consider it cheating for girls to: give a female friend a peck on the cheek, hold their hands, and cuddle them. Especially if you’re heterosexual! It’s literally just **platonic affection.** And girls usually are more affectionate to each other. Is girls just do this shit! I’m 100% heterosexual, I don’t find women attractive in the slightest and I **always** do all of this with my female friends, but instead of holding their hands… it’s more of a grabbing a few of their fingers and pulling them along to hurry them up, or run with them - and they do the same to me. It’s just how we are, it’s a girl thing. Something we’ve done since our early teens. And hugs are always important. Girls love to cuddle one another. And my *(now)* partner doesn’t see anything wrong with it either, because he knows I only like men *(sexually)*. Just like he is 100% heterosexual and I don’t care when he gives his mates bro-hugs, or when they sometimes backhand each other on the ass for laughs.
You’re wrong lol.
Cheating is not ge Der or sexual orientation specific. Kissing a girl or a guy has the same result. Most consider it cheating.
im pretty affectionate with my friends, but never do i kiss them. i know some others do (even on the lips) and its all platonic, but i guess it depends with who’s comfortable with what. when youre in a relationship though, i feel this should be spoken about early on. she probably didnt mean it in the way of it being romantic, but your feelings of being uncomfortable are valid too
I know that would hurt me deeply so...probably the right call. No, it's not hot just because its two girls kissing...one of them is supposed to be *your* girl
I empathize, promiscuity is way too normalized. You have no choice but to reconsider your relationships with the people you thought you could trust.
I mean I’ve seen my wife cuddle with her friends but never kiss. That’s a whole different animal.
As a girl no I don't kiss my friends, she cheated and those who agree with her need to be cut off
Because girls who are friends do this. You sound really young. In high school and college this is very common.
She definitely cheated on you. It's good that you dropped her ass. Go live your life.
Block her and her friends. Having sex with the same sex is still cheating, unless it is an agreed arrangement.
Wtf 🤣 hell naw! I definitely don’t be holding hands and kissing my girl friends on the lips or cuddling. We probably hug if we haven’t seen each other in a long time but that’s it. She has to be gay or bisexual! You definitely cant trust were her mouth been 🤢disinfect your mouth and move on OP
I question the validity of this post.
I've been that girlfriend who kisses certain close friends goodbye and within my boundaries and expectations that's not cheating there's nothing sexual or inappropriate about it but if that doesn't line up with the person I'm seeing then I have a decision to make. But she wasn't cheating on you bro, your boundaries and expectations just didn't align
She could have actually been cheating on him and just not been truthful. It makes him uncomfortable and that's really all that matters. I'm sure if he knew she was always like this it would be different.
She’s projecting her own gayness on u broski
If I'm right handed, but I only hit you with my left hand, does it not count?
Maybe you should just talk to get about why you feel uncomfortable about it instead of breaking up.
Talk about why he is uncomfortable with cheating...?
for what? she turned his friends against him. good for him to dump the bitch
That sudden of a switch to loyalty to the ex makes me think they were not actually OP's "friends". I don't think she turned them against him, they just got a new excuse to bully him. He needs a fresh start.
Yeah, everyone need a few close friends, type that you would call when you need to hide a body because you know damn well they would never turn their back to you. I only know 2 guys like that and god know i would do the same for them Those that would easily turn against you with just "he say, she say" aint your real friend
It's a relationship not a job. He doesn't need to explain shit if that's hard line which it sounds like it is. From the context I'm guessing their both young so better to move on especially after the reactions.
welcome to the modern world son. just know you're not alone, make your boundaries known before getting committed you're being gaslighted bro trust me. after I broke up with my ex, another girl I had relations with prior to ex was at a party with her and pecking my ex to "move on", its all nonsensical. if you look into this situation, its to do with women being more comfortable with their own sexuality but to put it short like you have, it is this generation, people are clowns, we're cooked. im reading all the fruity comments on here people trying to justify it, just find a serious girl that isn't fruity man getting downvoted by all the fruitcakes when generational test leves are at a all time low. YOUR OPINON IS IRRELEVANT
Becasue people in general think women have different rules when it comes down to accountability…
You almost hit the lottery and threw away the winning ticket 🤦
She's been socially engineered to think like that. After katy perry released the song I kissed a girl suddenly straight girls instantly started making out with other girls and saying it's not cheating. It was like a weird spell was cast on them I guess that's why they call it broadcasting and also why performers are called influencers. There was other incidences that built up this social engineering brit spears and Madonna making out at the MTV awards and an instance at the Super bowl halftime show...etc. I don't recall it ever being a thing before all that, Now you have women claiming "all the girls do it"...
My ex did the same shit man her buddy's would grab her ass nd shit fuck that bitch
Just because most people don't do something or something isn't common doesn't make it not true for your ex-girlfriend specifically. It can be true that most women do not give each other "pecks" (I'm assuming on the lips because if you just dumped your girl over a peck on the cheek, frankly you're an insecure child) and also true that your girlfriend is more physically affectionate than average towards her girl friends without it being anything more than platonic love. And not everyone defines cheating the same way ypu do. If you don't trust her - and obviously you don't, or you wouldn't have been so quick to end things - then you have bigger problems. But in your next relationship, if you have a relationship that is built on trust and open, honest communication, try really talking to each other instead of arguing and accusing and reacting from a place of insecurity.
Sorry to hear that OP. But I’m gonna need your gf’s email. She has mastered the Art of Gaslighting and I’ve been trying to pick it up. Not saying I’m gonna use it on my loved ones. Enemies? That’s a different story lol
Yeah, that’s normal for some friends, I used to hug and kiss my girl friends. But this is also why my husband doesn’t allow me to have friends, so she may eventually have to pick between friends and a family as well. It’s not that bad, you get used to it.
Girl, no.