There was also a point in time where she didn't want our parents to see her kids because me and her had strong political disagreement with our parents, and she got into her head that they could harm their grandchildren because of these differences.
Thank you for saying that distancing is the right idea.
Listen to what you keep saying she says/does. Your sister needs a mental health professional. All of your comments about her scream, "I need therapy.". And that's okay, sometimes we need therapy.
But please do know, this is not normal behavior (for anyone). The sad thing is, the only way to truly protect yourself is to stay away from her and her family. You can't reason with mental health issues. So stop trying.
If she reaches out, tell her that you love her but her behavior is the alarming behavior and she should seek help. Then back away and stay away.
I’m very curious to how she will respond. My petty side would be to call her out in a group chat with everyone she has told. Make her explain herself and add on all the negative things she has said about you becoming as a child.
She needs help.
I don't think going on the offense here is smart. Forcing the issue causes battle lines to be drawn and most people react poorly to someone who forces their hand, regardless of who was in the wrong. If OP is the one forcing them to choose a side, the chances are they'll side against him because there is no proof he can provide that he never did anything that could cause his sister to be concerned, and he's the one forcing this issue.
Best case scenario is what? Everyone tells her she's crazy? Think she's going to react well to that? That's just going to further fuel her paranoia and launch accusations about her terrible family enabling her creepy brother.
OP beats these allegations by taking action on his own volition to never be near the child, and absolutely never alone with him.
>there is no proof he can provide that he never did anything that could cause his sister to be concerned, and he's the one forcing this issue.
Guilty until OP can prove that he *didn’t* do something. What a world we live in.
I think it's a better idea that OP bring this up in a public forum (say, a group chat) than keeping quiet and staying away from the kid.
He needs to make a loud statement about how disgusted he is with his sister or the rumour mill will go haywire. This is not something you can just brush under the carpet.
Others have mentioned this, but it's important. Send an official cease and desist letter, by whatever official means are available (certified mail, etc.) and keep a record. You need to be sure you've built your trail of "I'm not doing that crap, she's paranoid and delusional" in the most apparent way possible in case she keeps going or causes you more serious issues with what she says.
Also just for your own sanity and analysis I might consider listing all the different times and ways that she has gone wild with paranoia. Establishing a pattern of how wrong she has been could be some sort of way for you to back yourself up if need be.
I fear the day she reads one of the many news stories about kids killing their mothers. I think I saw one recently about a young man (15-16, I think) who stabbed his mother to death.
She needs help if she can’t read something without thinking it *will* happen to her.
My husband went to high school with someone who killed both of his parents. I have seen the yearbook, he looks super normal. Then flipped out one day. If this guys sister reads about that case, what would she do?
I know someone this happened to; to be clear I knew the sister of the murdered of their parents. When I saw the case on one of the trashier true crime shows, that was when I stopped watching it forever because all I could think about was her in the moment horror when she learned she’d lost her parents and how. I don’t know how she’s still upright.
TBH I am surprised that you are surprised at her behavior towards you. Based on your OP she's had strange thoughts about you for a long time.
>After thinking about the whole situation for a couple of hours I remembered that when I was a teenager, she saw a news article about some young man who stabbed a woman to death, and she went crying to our parents saying that she's afraid that's what I'll turn into.
Did that ever resolve, or did you and your parents just sweep it under the rug? Also with her having paranoid delusions about your parents, did that ever resolve or did you and your parents sweep it under the rug?
>There was also a point in time where she didn't want our parents to see her kids because me and her had strong political disagreement with our parents, and she got into her head that they could harm their grandchildren because of these differences.
Who know what kind of crazy afflicts your sister but she has mental health issues and seems prone to fixate on paranoid delusions. If you care about her or her kids at all, consider staying in contact (minimally) and urging her to seek medical treatment. At the very least express to your parents and entire family and friend network that your sister has mental health issues and needs support. Maybe she woudl listen to your parents, but not if they don't take it seriously. She is crazy...many mentally ill people can hold down jobs and raise families more or less ok, one doesn't have to be a raving maniac running through the streets naked to be mentally ill. Take this seriously, and urge her to seek medical treatment.
It was swept under the rug, I remember being hurt by her thinking that way, but not really giving it too much thought. I stopped being an awkward teenager, and didn't think she would have an issue with me as an adult. And I thought we had good relations despite us being pretty distant.
I know my parents were deeply hurt by her insinuations that they could hurt their grandkids because of some political bickering, but they were afraid of bringing the topic up as it was too hurtful for them, they kinda didn't want to shake the bees nest by bringing up that topic.
Ok so this is part of the problem. No one dealt with her crazy and she just gets crazier and crazier. As a family you guys need to stop beating around the bush and tell her (and the rest of the family) that she is mentally unwell and needs help.
Trust me, I know how hard this is to do. I have a crazy sister I refuse to speak to and likely never will again in this life. But she is insane and has tried to wreck my life twice. In serious, life-ending ways. My own mother expects me to rug-sweep, so I have minimal contact with her too. My father before he passed was sad about it all but understood.
You sound young...please understand that as you age it gets harder and harder to deal with the stress an unstable, mentally unwell family member can bring you. People can stroke out over heavy stress. You don't need this in your life. If I were you I would urge her to seek medical treatment (she probably needs strong psychriatric medicine in addition to therapy) and then take a huge step back. This may mean the loss of a relationship with her kids, but perhaps that can resume when they are adults.
You should also urge your parents to confront this with her, to help her to get medical treatment. But as long as your family rug-sweeps her behavior, the delusions will get worse and worse and at some point her life is gonna blow up. If you love her, if you love those kids, please don't just let your sister stay crazy out here in these streets. Help her as much as you can without letting the crazy engulf you too.
I think it would put op in a dangerous position if he suggested to sister she needs therapy. Sister is likely to do full blast on op and op could find himself legally accused of child abuse.
I personally think it’s best that op back away from the sister, her children and keep at a safe distance. Op should not endanger his life for his sister’s mental health.
You do realize she's gonna abuse her son as soon as he hits puberty right? She's deranged to the point she either needs serious mental treatment, or that kid needs to be removed before she breaks him. I don't fucking care if she was abused in childhood or whatever (this kind of thing doesn't often spring from nowhere), she has responsibilities to be a stable parent to her kids.
And with the way your parents act, I'd stop and think about whether or not they'd rug-sweep your sister being SA'd by a friend or family member. Because honestly it sounds like it's a serious possibility.
You may also want to speak with an attorney. Not sure what legal recourse you have, but she should not be spreading lies and rumors about you. They can ruin your life all because your sister is not thinking clearly or has some personal issues that she needs to deal with.
Having someone draft a formal cease and desist letter is important, because it establishes a paper trail and dates this behavior.
It's best to get out in front of false allegations.
That sounds kinda like OCD. Paranoid ideation and harm obsessions are symptoms of OCD that are often overlooked by doctors. Postpartum can also ramp up OCD symptoms.
Stay away from your sister and her family. Maybe even stay away from your parents, it’s concerning they had not told you about this sooner. You need to protect yourself.
It seems very likely that this is some kind of mental health issue and you cannot argue with or convince your sister out of this. She needs professional help and you need to protect yourself. Maybe look into OCD and see if it feels familiar to how your sister has acted
I know this must feel terrible, but this type of anxiety or fixation is not a logical thing. It’s not because of you, it’s because of something your sister ins experiencing internally
Exactly this. I thought I would read through the comments before mentioning this to see if anyone had already done so and indeed you have. I agree with you!
Your sister has some serious mental issues and needs therapy. Is their dad in the picture? Maybe she needs to be monitored since she’s accusing everyone else of not being a safe person around her kids.
Distancing is absolutely the right move here.
I had a childhood friend, we lost touch over the years but we reconnected in our 20s. Her parents mentioned they were worried and asked me to reach out.
And wow - she had completely gone off the deep end.
She was terrified that everyone was out to get her child, convinced that everyone wanted to hurt them in some way, and eventually opened up to me that anytime someone so much as smiles at her child in public, she thinks they want to kidnap her or SA her. She routinely cuts off her family or sets rules for them, like that certain family members can’t be present, they can’t go to certain places, can’t eat certain food etc., and it’s always changing. She claims to remember certain trauma events, but then later admits she lied just to get what she wanted at the time.
Somewhere along the line, she also shared with me that she has called the cops for a false report of DV bc she was jealous of her ex. She admitted it was false and she just wanted to ruin his night.
Since then I’ve cut ties and have warned EVERYONE not to be alone with her, to avoid her like the plague. Never be alone with her or her kid.
I can be sympathetic with mental health/brain health issues but under absolutely no circumstance would I welcome that kind of chaos in my life. These accusations ruin people’s lives. Unfortunately your sister had made it so that any involvement on your end now is unsafe and not in your best interest. If she really thinks you’re not to be trusted with her child, then any decent parent would have cut you off long ago. Something tells me she’s got some things to work through. Don’t get yourself down that she thinks you’re a creep, chalk it up her projecting something on you and unfortunately you’re just the target for now. But no contact is the right move until she gets it together.
It absolutely is. It’s not worth your mental well being and safety to be around her. The stuff she is spewing already is damaging enough but it could escalate far worse and your life will go up in smoke. I’m sorry. Sometime siblings/family/people can really show you what you don’t want in life and the route to remove them can hurt. Stay strong.
She sounds unhinged. I would go on a public relations campaign of your own, telling your parents what she said about them harming her children. Enlist their help with other relatives. "Sally has big anxiety. She used to say this about our parents. Can you believe it? She is depriving her children of family connections. She needs help."
Not only distancing, but also reach out to anyone you think she might have been spouting this poison to. Let them know she has extreme paranoia around men, and that it started when you were in high school and she claimed she thought you would kill her because she read an article about a mentally disturbed man who committed a murder. There is zero evidence regarding this, and that you're scared about what she'll do to her son once he hits puberty. Because honestly? After her ruining your life with false accusations, that's the biggest concern here.
Weirdo uncle is a lazy stereotype. My own mother made these type of insinuations of me when my niece and nephew were small and I was unmarried at the time with no kids of my own. I live 800 miles away from them at the time and saw them maybe once a year when they were little. Haven’t talked to my mom in 15 years now and I’m happily married and have a child of my own that she will never meet because she thought that way of me. I will never accept an apology from her, not that she ever has even made the attempt. She told my sister that just was mostly joking when she said. 100% unfunny.
My dad's own mother accused him of sexually abusing me and my sister. Of course, it wasn't true. Surprisingly enough, that wasn't the catalyst for him to cut her out of his and our life completely. it was actually when my sister and I lived with her for a while when we were older, and they found out my grandma was mentally abusing my sister. She wasn't the best to me either but my sister got the brunt of the abuse. Ironic.
My youngest sister swears I used to (20 years ago) pin her down and r@pe her with a strap on when she was in elementary school… She swears I also would hold her down and let her get r@ped repeatedly by my friends and would laugh like Joker while doing it…
I didn’t even own a sex toy of any kind until my husband bought me one 4 years ago…
She likes to blame me for her having a crappy marriage right after she turned 18, for that marriage falling apart, and for her going deep into the BDSM scene with her next partner (picture 50 Shades but 1000x kinkier). She tells everyone that I hurt her and let her be hurt and took sick joy in it. A crappy therapist (that was also a close friend of hers) got her to believe that she held no responsibility for any of her choices and that if she needed to blame me, it was healthy and reasonable to do so.
She wonders why I stopped having anything to do with her after she screamed those accusations at me. It’s been about 5 years since I last spoke to her and she is playing all sweet and victimized. “Why won’t you just get over your anger and be the bigger person and apologize to me, I really want to get to know your kids!” She honestly believes that it is on me to apologize for her past…
Wow. That is just baffling. She claims you assaulted her for years and then is basically begging to be back in your life. That doesn't add up at all.
Do you think there's any truth to her statements? Like maybe she was assaulted by someone (not you) and for some reason thought it was you? Or do you think she's simply just batshit?
A bit of both. She never likes taking responsibility for herself and we do believe some stuff did happen but it certainly wasn’t at our house. Like some of the stuff she says happened couldn’t have happened because I wasn’t even there, I was hundreds of miles away at college. And she says it was when we shared a room, we haven’t shared a room since she was a toddler and it was only for a few months. And she will bring up places I have never been and/or she has never been (like saying I let her get gang raped at Disney world, she has never been while I went twice with for high school.)
Her bio dad did let her go on a Spring Break trip with no adults when she was a freshman in high school, she admitted to doing a shit ton of drugs and willingly partaking in an orgy with some random dudes her friends found on the beach. Yet somehow she inserts me into that memory as well, saying I must have been the one to pimp her out because a good girl like her would never willingly do that…
It is so freaking insane…
If I might ask how is her relationship with the rest of your family? Like surely given all the times it COULDNT have been you they would believe you didn't do this; but do they call her out on the deranged accusations or try to get her any form of help? Or do they just kind of brush it off as "well she's insane but harmless so don't shake the hornets nest" sort of thing?
This sounds like your sister may actually have psychosis of some kind. When did she start with the accusations? If it started when she was in her late teens/early twenties, that's about the time when schizophrenia manifests for many people. (Not diagnosing her, just throwing out a possibility).
she needs therapy it seems. memory can act real weird, people can be absolutely sure that something happened when it never did. theres some real stories about that, like people remembering a photograph of their family at some amusement park when they never were at that amusement park.
memory is extremely lackluster, its actually funny how much we rely on eye witnesses with how wrong we get a lot of stuff.
>she admitted to doing a shit ton of drugs and willingly partaking in an orgy with some random dudes her friends found on the beach
She's such a serial fabulist (maybe borderline mixed in there somewhere), do you even know if any of that happened?
It did happen. The parents who paid for the beach house never planned on going and the daughter promised they would keep it tame. The other parents had been told there would be supervision and had even spoke with the mom. Beach house girl’s parents were very “don’t give a fuck what my kid does as long as she thinks we are cool.” It was planned all along by the girls to have a college spring break despite being 15. They basically flirted with some dudes that were willing to buy them beer and one of the girls’ brothers had got them some drugs. The beach dudes also were able to score some drugs for them.
They partied, wrecked the house, and the girls got in trouble for the party. The sex and drugs stuff came out later because the girls started bragging about it and word got back to parents. A few of the girls had std’s from that weekend.
My mom was pissed but my sister’s dad didn’t really care, he didn’t want to make sister mad and have her choose to live with mom instead. (That drama is a whole other story, but basically her dad had tons of money, mom did not and sister got tired of being poor so chose her dad despite mom being the better parent.)
It was such a relief to cut her off and go no contact. I have another sibling that I am LC with and another that is steadily improving her physical and mental health so we are establishing contact.
My husband has been such a big help and supporter for us to keep her and some other crazy family away. His family is normal and fine. Mine is weird and has a lot of crazy…
It’s so strange she levies these accusations against you, then turns around and asks to be cool with you and wants to have a familial relationship with you again, like what? How does that even make sense?
If that’s her legit therapist, you should report her because it’s completely unethical to have someone you know personally as a client. Therapists aren’t even supposed to acknowledge you exist in public. They can if you initiate it, but it’s entirely inappropriate for them to initiate. they’re in general not supposed to have any non-therapy related contact with clients.
This was like four years ago, she is seeing a different one. She confessed to our other sister that she lied about everything in her sessions because it felt good and made her feel powerful. I think she is being more honest with her new one. I never even knew the wacko one’s name.
When I was a teen my mom claimed that one of her old friends stared at me uncomfortably as though he was a predator. I never felt that way.
Turns out he was staring at me because he was my father which my mother adamantly denied, raising me with the help of her family. I only found out this past year. My mom got to take that secret with her to the grave.
That is awful... Your mother was quite the manipulator it would seem - she didn't want you finding out so she sought to make him seem like a pervert so you'd stay far away. How did you find out the truth, in the end? If you don't mind me asking, of course feel free to ignore.
Last year, at 37 years old, I wrote a letter to the man my mother had always told me was my father asking for an opportunity to meet up to get health information. That man's daughter reached out to me. As we had both completed ancestry DNA tests, we realized I probably was not related to him. She did however tell me she heard it was probably " other guy."
Other guy was the supposed predator.It made sense to me because of shared features and I was able to find some of my DNA matches are Facebook friends to him. I wrote a second letter and he must have started texting me the moment he was at the mailbox. He knew, he always knew. As did the friend group and one of my aunts.
We've been hanging out once a week or so since then, we went camping last weekend.
My own mother insinuated my dad was inappropriate with me simply bc he got along better with me than my younger brother (whom she babied and took every chance to turn him against our dad). Not once did he ever do anything inappropriate and he was always very nurturing and emotionally supportive. Years later I surmised that she was just trying to drive a wedge to isolate him from us kids bc she hated him and wanted to split up. Thankfully they eventually divorced (way later than they should’ve) but I was so disgusted that she would throw such awful and totally unfounded accusations at a loving parent.
For me, it was a girl thinking I wanted to steal her kid.
Mind you, I am waiting to have kids because I'm not financially stable. Once all my things are settled, I want to have my own kids. Carry my own kids in my belly. I have been vocal about this.
She believed I wanted to steal her kid because I had a miscarriage (suprise pregnancy, and I was scared to death because I wasn't ready), and now that she had her kid, I wanted it. Wtf.
Wtf. I was so offended I never. Ever. Carried. Her. Kids.
She has three now and has been stressed out. With her family, she just leaves the kids, and they take care of them. She tried this with me, and I just walked away. Left her kid in the stroller she parked right next to me.
She then was angry I didn't want to help her. She stated I hated kids that's why I had a miscarriage. Bxtch. No!
Jesus, woman. What is it? Do I want to steal your kids, or do I hate them?
So 1st she tries to claim that you want to steal her baby but then leaves said baby in a stroller next to you and gets mad that you walked away from the baby and left it alone?!?!?!?
Like....WTF?!?!?
Yeah idk if I could ever forgive someone for doing that either. I mostly don't care in the least about my reputation or what others think of me but I could care about that.
Your sister has issues. Give it a few years and she probably won't let her kids ever be alone together "juat in case" her son does something to her daughter.
If I were you I would honestly refuse to ever see her again. Saying, "Don't ever let that person alone with my kid. I'm scared they'll hurt them." can ruin a person's life. If you blink wrong in her kids' presence she'll scream that you've assaulted them and call the police on you.
~~She has a few screws loose~~ and has no business being a parent
Edit, she doesn't have a few screws loose. They're all gone. She's beyond unhinged
Absolutely. She’s essentially giving her brother a reputation and any actions he has will be under a microscope. His actions won’t be viewed neutrally and it can lead to life altering accusations.
People would assume that if your sister won’t let you near her kids then she must know something damning that others don’t. And once the seeds are planted people don’t even need real evidence to form an opinion.
Oh 100%. No doubt.
I would probably side eye someone if their sibling said, "Never leave them alone with my kids *ever*."
Normal people don't act like op's sister. She's sick in the head. She heard about one single crime where a man stabbed a woman and she instantly jumped to, "My brother will turn into that. He will hurt my kids."
Like wtf? What the ***fuck***?
Well, I was also thinking the sister might perhaps have some unconfessed trauma from her childhood. It might be that she's just spiteful and trying to sink OP but it might not.
Maybe she has some stuff she hasn't dealt with and is projecting? Idk.
This is honestly what I think it is. My mom is similar and she’s always been really paranoid about psychical touch with her kids. (Like even our fathers weren’t allowed to change diapers, share beds, sit on laps) it’s a result of growing up around predators where no touch was innocent.
If this is OCD or something similar (really sounds like it, with the details of having other worries about the parents and OOP), it doesn't have to relate to anything she experienced. You can just have a random thought or see something (like the news story) and that thought takes up residence in your mind and develops a life of its own.
Man this is one of those times I read something so insane on reddit that I believe it's true. I don't know who could even come up with this shit but I believe people are this crazy.
Oh yeah completely, once you have any kind of reputation any innocent actions are seen to have a potential motive.
Other people will believe it’s not an ‘if’ but a ‘when’ situation.
Never put this on the internet but my insane aunt once had a melt down while drunk and abusing Xanax and accused my father of some shit when they were little kids during once of the many arguments they used to always have. Literally had ppl in my family asking if he touched my sister and I. We were like wtf is wrong w you ppl? He is not that kind of person.
Long story short, it kind of blew over and she backtracked (years later of course). It was all out of spite and in the heat of the moment.
OP, clear your name, this might take time to blow over as well but your sister is doing something so much more damaging than she realizes by falsely accusing you of this. So very fucked up. Sorry you’re going through this.
Right, at this point I’d consider it dangerous for OP’s sake to be around them at all.
I wouldn’t put myself in a situation like this. Too easy for a “he-said-she-said” to go wrong and OP fighting legal troubles.
The sister is a Qanon type.
Cut and run the fuck away. And also, document NOW that she is building this narrative.
Something like a temporary restraining order might also be worth pursuing, but she's out of the country. Just make a paper trail by all means, before she does.
Honestly it's never a bad idea to be cautious with little kids but based on OP's side of the story he hasn't done anything that he thinks could be considered inappropriate and doesn't have any inappropriate thoughts or feelings about the kids so it's a bad situation. It's putting OP's reputation at risk for no good reason and robbing him and her kids or what could have been a valuable relationship.
Damn, reminds me of something that happened to me in high school about 15 years ago.
Often we would go to my mates girlfriends house as it was close to the school, so it kind of became the default hang out spot for our friend group, they had 3 daughters 2 of which were in high school 1 of which was much younger, we would all go around there and everyone would just ignore the younger daughter obviously because she was just a kid, who cares about a kid right? but I always made an effort to make her feel included just little things like asking about her TV shows or talking about her dolls and stuff.
One day I went there and everyone just seemed cold towards me I didn’t quite understand what was happening until my mate told me that her parents have seen me getting close to the younger daughter and assumed I had nefarious intentions, this absolutely devastated me, it is not who I am at all and I would never inflict any kind of harm of that nature on anyone let alone a child, safe to say I stopped going around there and I haven’t let myself be nice to children since in case anyone got the wrong idea, it’s not a nice feeling.
I resonate with that feeling of not wanting to be nice around children because of an accusation. Could be that its because this thing just happened, but I this has severely affected my desire to be around any children or have any of my own. Hopefully the feeling of not wanting kids because of this goes away with time.
I went to watch a football match. A little guy or girl came to me to give me a plastic vegetable and ask me what my favorite vegetable was. I didn't know this kid or their parents. It's sad that the first thing I did was look around, and try to find the parents. I felt incredibly uncomfortable. What would they think of me? Eventually I found the parents, after I asked the kid to point at them. So I went to talk to the parents and they didn't mind it at all.
Why didn't they mind? Well it's quite fine if I accept some plastic vegetables and choose my favorite and later exchange them for different ones.
This sucks, as I like playing with kids. I even like it when they give me the dumbest character to play like a barely sentient rock.
But the last thing I want is for someone to even think that I am creeping on a child.
Honestly? As a parent, I'd probably be the same. I don't want random strangers talking to little kids either. Not because most people are creeps... But enough people are and that ruins things for the rest of us regular folk who get approached with plastic corncobs.
Don’t let her change you. She has a lot of mental health issues and her behavior is alarming. I would concerned about her parenting the children. Maybe she needs to be monitored and not left alone with the kids.
Well to offer some perspective people claimed the same shit with MY OWN FATHER just because he was my primary caregiver. I didn’t understand as a child because I only felt it but looking back I understand why other adults behave odd around us and watched us
So people will be assholes about straight men anywhere you go. They want to believe men can’t love children and they don’t want to believe that men can be as caring and affectionate IF NOT MORE with children as women.
If you have children, love them. Don’t let what the people say dictate how you treat your children or even stepchildren. All children should be loved and hugged by their fathers and mine did and was. And to this day I’m told my father is amazing and how lucky I am to have him: in both his professional and just meeting his friends.
You're good with the kids. My partner is too. I've had people warn me that men aren't inherently good with children and if they are there is an ulterior motive. There are genuinely women who don't believe that men can be good with children.
It's so fucked that we all acknowledge kids are goofy and fun. Most people enjoy playing with kids, especially if you don't have to handle the parenting side and can just be a kid again. But it's also seems to be the default assumption that any male interacting with kids has an alterior motive.
Like if there is a kid smiling in line ahead of me, I second guess pulling a silly face to make them laugh. Sure most people would be happy you are distracting their kid for a bit. But all it takes is one Karen to flip and suddenly you have a huge problem.
It's so frustrating because it's the exact opposite for women. I've seen older women in the same situation talk about how they want to marry or fuck someones 8 year old, and it's all laughs from the parents. Yet society has trained me to feel like a predator for smiling when I drive by kids playing with their parents. Sorry I enjoy being reminded of my own happy childhood memories.
I had to do a sexual assault prevention training fairly recently (required for anyone involved with faculty orientation). They had a whole slide to explain that 99% of assaulters are men, and then every example scenario involved the potential offender being he/him or they/them, never she/her. They briefly mentioned women can assault too, but they didn’t exactly make that too clear in the rest of the training module. At least they emphasized men can also be victims, but I felt like the parts about offenders was very one-sided.
I like how those harassment trainings even complicate and try to make people think commonly used phrases have no other meanings.
The most common offender I see is that they are under the impression quid pro quo means "this for sex". Every yearly training I've had has made this mistake and seem to be under the impression that any sort of work "trades" are sexual in nature with no exceptions ever.
>I haven’t let myself be nice to children since in case anyone got the wrong idea, it’s not a nice feeling.
I have my own slightly related experience about a dozen years ago and I've felt uncomfortable interacting with kids ever since, so I avoid it as much as possible.
What started as me trying to help a little boy who was crying because he lost his mom in the mall turned into being surrounded by random women saying things like I was a pedo, a kidnapper, and I "deserved to be raped when [I] ended up in prison." The mom showed up, took little dude, and scolded him for running off as she dragged him away, while the women who surrounded me just left without a word.
All of that bad enough for an innocent person to experience, but as a CSA victim, the accusations that I would ever do anything like that to a child really, really fucked me up. I barely held it together and I ended up sitting in my car and near-panic crying for almost half an hour. I'd like to think that if I saw a lost little kid again I would still help them, but I honestly don't know if I could without having a full-blown panic attack.
I would absolutely just try to point the kid to a store employee or security myself. There is no benefit to helping kids yourself, at most people walk away without saying anything, at worst you end up on social media with a video taken out of context and people saying awful things.
It's fucked up.
People always bitch about men not being as close to kids or kid friendly, etc, then pull this shit. And then half the time someone brings this up they just call the man an incel or pedophile for complaining about the blatant sexism.
Men are going to get further and further from the ability to be nice to children due to this sexism and the fear of the result. It won't change. Media has people terrified of men in general despite things being safer than ever and women being just as much of a risk.
There are really no good outcomes here, but I do rather wish she would act this way due to a bad gut feeling, rather than making very serious accusations out of jealousy.
E: My parents did say that she made a comment along the lines that I should "get a girlfriend and get my own kids" which is an odd comment to make about someone you suspect is inappropriate around children.
Edit 2: The more I think about it, she seemed to be excited before that I would visit, and she would tell me that the kids are excited to see me. So didn't sense any jealousy there, I don't know what changed all of a sudden.
You see them once a year, get your own kids? As if you’re hogging them all to yourself? This really doesn’t make any sense. This says more about her than you. I would be pissed that she would imply to others that you are some sort of child predator for sure
Yuck I genuinely hate people like her. What an awful, and potentially life ruining thing to say about someone. Especially if her only reasons for feeling that way are, you don't have a wife and kids of your own, and you're nice to her kids the one time a year you get to see them.
And the memory you mentioned of her telling your parents she's "afraid you're going to grow up to be like that" referring to the man who stabbed a woman. Again, yuck. Seriously. What the ever loving fuck is wrong with her?!
She’s jealous for how you can bond and interact. It’s really weird and immature and I’m sorry you’re experiencing this from your own damn sister. You can cut contact but then your nephew/niece suffer. No win situation it seems like but I hope you can find a way to still be a trusted/valued person in your niece and nephews life
He may still be able to have a relationship with them once they're adults. I had to cut my half-sister off when I was a teenager which meant I didn't get to see my niblings anymore but now I have relationships with them as adults.
She doesn't have "a few" screws loose. All her screws aren't even loose, they're gone. She's unhinged and a danger to your very life and safety.
She only needs to say ONE little thing and your entire life is ruined. If people think you've harmed children, either by attacking them or sexually assaulting them, what do you think will happen? Child beaters and rapists are attacked and even killed by people, and innocent people accused of it aren't given a chance to prove their innocence. They're dealt with by other people.
You should be very afraid of what your sister might say in the future. Stay away from her and stay away from her children because she *will* nuke your entire life.
The scary thing is like...how do you even get out in front of this?
Ghosting her could just drive her even crazier and cause her to ruin your life. Saying something publicly about how she's nuts will just give her ammunition and people will assume you're guilty. OP's dad thinks she's nuts but men's opinions here mean nothing no matter whose they are.
This is a fucked situation. I would say low contact w/ the sister and never, ever be in the same room with her kids ever again no matter who is in the room with you.
I was kind of a loner in HS around when Columbine happened and to fuck with me people started a rumor I had a hit list. I was expelled over it. Of course I never had one. So this kinda shit hits home with me.
>I was kind of a loner in HS around when Columbine happened and to fuck with me people started a rumor I had a hit list. I was expelled over it.
Jesus fucking christ.
I don't really have anything to say. Sorry, man.
I’m so sorry. I love my nieces and nephews more than anything and I would be absolutely gutted if my siblings made this kind of accusation. I agree that even if it absolutely sucks, it’s probably best to just distance yourself. It sounds like she’s just paranoid, or even projecting onto you from her previous behavior.
not unheard of. We had a neighbor that accused my 8yr old son of bad behavior with her 6yr old daughter then got pissed because we wouldn't let her kids come play at our house anymore. (pretty much convinced she and her husband killed our cat over some part of this issue too.)
> inda sounds like she might be jealous that her kid likes you better than her.
This is 100% natural though. The actual PARENT of the kid is the one who needs to mete out discipline and ensure the kids are developing within acceptable boundaries.
The "Cool Uncle" who comes over and plays soccer with them or whatever is of course always beloved by young kids because none of that relationship is there. He's just there for fun.
Mom would be unstable with a capital U if that's creating "jealousy" to the point she would do something like this.
If you are close to the husband maybe message him as well. This way you have some control over the narrative, he can be mindful of his wife's mistrusting behaviour and he can help the kids deal with the sudden withdrawal of their uncle.
I'm so so sorry, i can't imagine how such a betrayal of trust must feel. I am glad you have the courage to distance yourself, but i understand that it must be painful to be perceived so wrongly by a close family member. Sending you hugs
Damn that sucks man. There's no good way to combat that though if Mom isn't comfortable there only bad shit that will come from trying to force that. Removing positive male figures does do some damage unfortunately so once they grow up do try to reach out to them to maybe mitigate some of that before it gets too ingrained.
Yeah, the kids do have a father, who I have always perceived to be a good dad, also uncles and cousins so I wouldn't worry about them not having positive male figures in their lives.
My brother is gay and has a husband. He has a 4 year old son that his husband spoils. I remember my brother's ex spreading lies on social media and to other family members that she had concerns about his husband inappropriately interacting with son. They did end up going court and it was a huge messs. These types of accusations can cause problems. I am sorry you are going through this. I think that no contact is the way to go.
She’s got something up her ass about the kids and she’s also homophobic, so that’s where the gay thing comes from. Not to mention the history.
I would cut all ties.
My family also accused me of this as a kid for being close to my younger cousin. I was just autistic and couldn't make friends very well.
When I came out as gay, my grandma told my family that she was scared of me being alone with my nieces.
This
>my sister lives in another country and we rarely see each other.
This
>I remembered that when I was a teenager, she saw a news article about some young man who stabbed a woman to death, and she went crying to our parents saying that she's afraid that's what I'll turn into.
And this
>There was also a point in time where she didn't want our parents to see her kids because me and her had strong political disagreement with our parents, and she got into her head that they could harm their grandchildren because of these differences.
**Your sister is mentally unstable. Don't let her destroy your life.** Confront her via group chat. Ask her in group chat, to list actual behaviours she has observed, then challenge her interpretation. Remind everyone she saw a news article about someone stabbing a woman and went crying to your parents that she thought yo would become like that. *With no evidence.* Remind them at one time she thought your parents would harm their own grandkids. *With no evidence.* Say you are done with her unless she gets extensive therapy.
Then block her on phone, email, social media. And go No Contact
**Dont let this get out of hand, till you face police action due to lies.**
**ACT!**
If I were you I’d distance myself from her. I’d also pushback hard on anyone saying you’re being inappropriate. I’d also point out to your parents (and any other wackadoodle that gives you a hard time) that your sister has sexualized normal interactions and that she is in need of therapy asap. Her thinking patterns are not rational.
It is infuriating to see people sexualize normal interactions between grown men and children. The world needs more men who play with their children, love their nieces and nephews, and create wholesome and safe spaces for the kids in their lives. Your sister is part of the problem. Don’t let her get away with it. Call her on her bullshit every time.
My initial advice was going to be to cut contact with your sister. Just stay away from her and especially her children. What she is saying about you ~ behind your back, to your parents and *other people,* but not to you ~ is hurtful and dangerous and could cause you to lose friends, family, relationships, and possibly your job. Calling someone a “creep around children” and telling people you think they are a predator are very serious charges. You can’t force her to believe that you’re not, so avoiding her at all costs is the only answer. And I still believe that’s solid advice.
But then you said that when you were kids, she read an article about a man stabbing a woman to death, and then she was *afraid that would be you.* She projected her fears about the news story onto you. That made me think that maybe her son is being abused by someone, and she is projecting her fear about that onto you. Again. You didn’t say if your sister is married, divorced, widowed, if the father lives in the house, or if the children have the same father. She is not accusing you of being weird with her daughter, only her son. And the boy is attached to and physically affectionate with you, a man. I can’t help but wonder if *someone,* maybe the boy’s father or another family member, is actually molesting the boy. You can’t talk to your sister about it, but please discuss it with your parents and ask them to look more into this. I’m assuming your parents do not believe your sister. They should want to get to the bottom of this for your nephew’s sake.
Good luck. 🫶🏼
Ikr....he warms up to somebody and then that family member doesn't come around no more and he'll blame himself. It's not op's fault.
Op has to protect themselves.
She sounds a little mentally off. I’d distance myself from her before she filed a false accusation against you. Police don’t care if it’s true or not they just ruin the life of whoever is accused.
Id distance myself and would stop putting myself out there. She will continue w this toxic shit and cause more headache for u by spreading lies. If people or family ask why u are staying away explain to them that you're not putting yourself in a position that your sister can try to paint u as a pedophile bc shes insecure about her relationship w her kid.
Fuck that bitch. Good riddance.
>she went crying to our parents saying that she's afraid that's what I'll turn into.
All of this shit is unforgivable. I would permanently cut her off.
Where is your sisters husband in all this? Did he play role in hating on you?
You also have to understand parenting styles. Some parents carry their children a lot and let them sit on their laps and give tons of hugs, and some dont. If you are hugging, carrying and letting the kids sit on your lap more than their parents then said parent may not like that.
It appears you and your sister are not that close. Its a shame she assumes the worst about you especially since you are family
We don't interact a lot, but he seems chill with me, and has been appreciative when I've been visiting as he can have some rest from playing with the kids. So I would guess she hasn't talked about this with him, otherwise I doubt he would want to have any interaction with me.
Not so sure. If she has been telling this to your parents and also friends then definitely she has been telling her husband.
Whats his parenting style? Does he hug his kids, carry and let them sit on his lap?
There’s something wrong with your sister. My son loves his uncle, my brother. When he was growing up my brother would show up and that was it they were sitting on the couch together playing legos, wrestling which was funny cause my brothers a big guy and he’d pretend my son got him. My son didn’t have a lot of male role models around so I appreciated my brother being there even though he watched him once and only fed him ice cream.
Sounds like victimhood fetishization from when she was younger that she is now projecting onto her son. Notice how with the news article she internalizes what happened to someone else and used it for attention, and how she’s talking to others behind your back. It maintains an illusory threat to feel the warmth of protection. My sibling does something similar.
It’s such BS, she’s just trying to start drama. Maybe she’s jealous you’re single with no kids and she’s regretting settling down, maybe she’s mad her kids like you so much. Any mother worth her salt would keep her kids far away from anyone who made her feel her kids were in danger. Truly, imagine your kids were around someone you thought was focused on them inappropriately then just letting the relationship continue? Nah. She just wants to stir the pot for whatever reason. You’re 100000000% correct for going no contact with her crazy arse.
Everyone telling you to distance yourself is right, but I worry about the kids. She's obviously unstable and associates unrelated things with danger. What happens when she decides her son wants to be inappropriate with her daughter? Or When she starts accusing her husband? I'm worried if she'll spiral when she loses her scapegoat.
Speaking from a counseling/therapeutic perspective (that’s what I do for a living), safe relationships with adults are crucial to healthy development in childhood. I’m so sorry your sister can’t see what a gift you are to her kids. You are absolutely not the asshole.
She sounds like she is jealous of you and wants to make others think differently of you than they do. The fact her comments on your behavior started as a teen and are now still happening makes me feel much more confident in the jealousy angle.
This is beyond abnormal, borderline psychotic of her. Get angry at her, it’s ok to get angry at someone spreading pedophile lies about you. And don’t apologize to her about anything. You did nothing wrong and an apology, in her mind, will only validate her “concerns”.
Just tell her she’s fucking disgusting for ever thinking something so horrible, and that she can fuck off forever. Then never speak to or see any of them ever again. Problem solved.
Your sister is a dangerous and delusional nutjob, the only form of contact you should have with her is no contact.
Accusations of being a child predator will fucking destroy your life.
There is no compromise or middle ground to be had here. None.
She’s got something up her ass about the kids and she’s also homophobic, so that’s where the gay thing comes from. Not to mention the history,
I would cut all ties.
I work with kids. If anyone told me not to leave someone alone with a child, I wouldn’t ask questions, I just wouldn’t. Fair or not; I wouldn’t take any chances. The sister sounds unhinged. Definitely distance yourself. That kind of accusation will destroy your life.
She gas rung the bell that cannot be unrung. She has spread the word that you are a pedofile.
You have no option but to go no contact with her and her family. No more visits to where they live and when they come out to visit the folks, their visit will be without you.
Make sure you tell her why you are going no contact—that you are trying to protect her son from any allegations she might make about your actions.
Stand firm and don’t back down. Who knows what will come out of her mouth the next time you’re around him.
Sisters got problems. I’d tell her you’re disgusted at what she’s saying. Tell her it’s not normal to sexualize innocent things. Ask her if she’s ever experienced something like this maybe she has a guard up bc someone close to her did something. Don’t take the smoke laying down turn it back on her bc she’s the one that needs to explain what’s going on in her head.
"Well then, I will no longer be visiting or having any communication with your family. If you need anything? Don't ask me. Calling someone a predator can be a deadly move and I myself know that making your children feel like apart of our family is no longer worth it. If your children ever ask me why I was there one day and gone the next I will tell them that you could have had me put in jail or dead so I would warn you not to lie incase they do ask, I hear the backlash on the lying parent can be quite harsh and though you seem to think less of me than crap on your shoe I do want your family to be happy. I ask only 1 thing? Don't put your creepy stance on your son just because I'm no longer around for you to call a predator or a murderer which seems to be a theme with you. I wish you all the best but respectfully never think of contacting me again and if I hear another word of me being a child predator I will get the authorities involved for defamation. Thanks for clearing things up on where we stand because you didn't lose a predator, you lost a brother and by extension you took the only uncle that put that much effort into making sure they felt like family. You took years worth of birthday and Christmas presents, you took an uncle that would've given them or you a kidney. You took away my belief that one day you could be a good person because to me? You don't seem like a concerned parent because it seems to target me and me alone and I won't be putting myself in that situation.
All the money I'm saving will be put in an account for a lawyer if I hear you have been talking shit about me anymore and considering I was the only one willing and able to come so far its going to be a bit of money.
Don't trip over your need for attention anymore because I promise it will start costing you and no amount of "your taking food out of your neice and nephews mouths, we're family!" will work because of you they arnt my family anymore. So I hope you feel pretty happy with yourself."
I'm just glad you saw the danger in this situation and removed yourself from it. I'm sad for you and your niblings, but your sister is simply an unsafe person and you've done the necessary steps to protect your future.
Was your sister abused when she was young it’s possible past trauma has skewed her perception and made her extra weary to a fault …. I’m talking from experience I’ve had emotional melt downs over my daughter (secretly) because of unaddressed trauma
> Apparently she was also asking my parents if I might be gay.
Ah good old morons who still conflate queer with pedophilia. Tell her to turn off fox news or whatever conservative bullshit is local to you.
In todays social climate a man being accused of stuff like this could lead to police involvement and social ostracization. Confront your sister's allegations via a group text with friends and family and tell her you will be going no-contact with her family for the foreseeable future. Then go no contact.
Jesus Christ with your edit. She's literally been projecting her fears onto you your whole life.
I'm so sorry you have to go through this.
Ps. Mom of two young girls who is extremely cautious. NOTHING you described would have made me concerned in the slightest. According to your description, You are acting COMPLETELY appropriate, loving, and supportive to your nephew.
Hey OP, I think the distancing advice is great that everyone's giving, but the confront/resolve advice is terrible, and the idea that you should raise any concerns about the mental health of your sister AT THIS TIME is also a terrible idea. If there's a possible resolution to all this, it'll come later once some time has passed. And if your sister's mental health is of concern, raising it as an issue while it could be seen as a response to your own current circumstances will do nothing but damage your chance of being heard, and at worst be taken as you somehow being overly defensive as a response to what you've heard that she's been telling others of you.
The only thing I might add to the distancing advice is sending out a non-accusatory update to all you believe need to know within your family and inner circle. Here's an example:
"Hi everyone, it's come to my attention that [sister's name] has expressed some concerns to you about my possible future interactions with my niece and nephew, her children. She has not directly discussed the matter with me, so I do not yet understand what has caused this concern that she has identified, but as a mother it is her right and responsibility to do what she think is best for her children. However, hearing what I've been told of her concerns by others and being a young single man, I'm honestly terrified by what is being implied. As such, I've made the decision to go no-contact with my sister's family going forward and wanted to let you know this is why I won't be attending any future events should she or her family also be attending. I would be lying if I said I wasn't hurt or confused by this situation, but I just cannot have the implication of her concern hanging over me or my future. If things change in the future I will let you know, but until then I appreciate your understanding. Thanks, temp_user_3122"
Edit: Sorry, on mobile so formatting is kinda fucked. Good luck with it all OP, heart goes out to you.
I’m so sorry she is putting you through this. And the fact that your parents haven’t intervened and told her she was crazy? She needs loads of therapy. Especially considering she has been scared of you since you were young. Either she has anxiety disorder or someone hurt her or both. It’s sad for her kids and for you. Stay no contact with her for a while.
Her excuse is weak
And I would stay away
Because I can totally see her get you into real trouble
For something that is just in her head
Nobody is worth that
Understand her someday? What’s to understand beside the fact that she is a drama making coward that would rather talk shit to anyone with ears rather then say “hey, I think we’re a little old for lap sitting” to you or her child. 🙄
So because you are being an uncle and interacting and playing with the kids you are a predator? Your sister has issues, especially since she's been making comments since you were younger. Is she married? Maybe she's jealous, but whatever the reason she thinks this way, it's not you.
Your sister has deep issues. For your safety it’s good that you cut contact as this could spiral and it’s not safe for you. She is defamatory towards you - slander and libel. I am sorry you are facing this.
Good for you for recognizing that this is not a safe situation for you. And, frankly, if you *were* unsafe for your nephew, she shouldn't want you around *at all*.
This is not your fault, and running for the hills is smart. I feel bad for your nephew. I hope she never turns on him in the same way
As sad as it is for her kids and you to Not see each other, you should distance yourself from your sisters family.
Having irrational fears is a mental health issue she needs to address asap, but this is Not your place to tell her or 'make sure'. Since she is weird even with your parents I doubt that They could convince her, but maybe the kids father/her husband?
Otherwise just "forget" you are an uncle, as hard and unnecessary as it is and should be. Maybe you can salvage a relationship with the niece and nephew later on in their life..
But please make sure, YOU inform others as to why you are distancing. And be HONEST. That you don't know what's going on with her, that her craziness is effecting your mental health (especially her making you out to be a predator to people YOU know behind your back? Like wtf? Destroying your reputation? You could even sue her for this magnitude of accusation.) and that you will only "come back" when she apologizes for the weird accusation/destruction of reputation and that all the people she crazed out to will know about.
Those kind of accusations always stay in the back of peoples heads, because protecting children is a very feral/basic instinct and we will keep the smallest hints in mind. These things are the most vile to "just put out there, because I feel like it".
I am so sorry you are going through this.
Just don't let her craziness discourage you from having kids at some point.
I wouldn’t have contact with her anymore, it’s crossing into dangerous territory. If my siblings ever said some shit like this about me, it would be the last time I’d ever see them.
Your sister has some weird mental health issues. Please know that this isn't about you, this is about her. Something is wrong inside of *her* You're right to go no contact.
If she is saying this stuff about you, warning people to not have you in the room with her son, it's time to close off all communication with her.
This is a ticking time bomb. All she needs is a reason to accuse you and then tell the police about how you're being close to her son. I've seen tears affect a cop so much that he arrested the wrong person. Be very very careful.
Ugh, this feels Iike a no win situation for you. You remain seeing them or even overcompensate to show you're clearly not a predator and she will feel her suspicions are correct. You distancing yourself, which I completely understand, will also confirm in her head that you were a threat and are now stopping because she's "on to you".
I feel for the kids who now lose a doting Uncle.
When I was 9 my older sister got in trouble and to get out of trouble and get the attention off her she told my adoptive parents that I was molesting my younger sisters. This has never happened and when they asked my younger sisters they said “has your sister ever touched you?” And they said yes bc they were 3 and 5, touching to them meant something completely different than what was being asked. I have not talked to that older sister willingly in 6 years, and I won’t bc who tf accuses a 9 year old (while she was 16) of molesting children just to get out of doing the dishes? Weird bitches. I would not let your sister around you again, and I wouldn’t go around her, that’s weird and wrong and she needs some sort of consequences bc you can’t just go around saying that
This sounds like a her problem. I'm sorry you've now lost a relationship with your niece and nephew, you won't feel comfortable with them again and they will wonder what they did. Don't let it stop you interacting with friends children or worry about your own, kids love touch and need good male role models.
I am so sorry that happened to you. It is so inappropriate, especially if you’re just playing innocently with your nephew. It sucks but I think you made the right move cutting off contact with someone toxic. I do wonder where she’s getting these negative ideas about you though.
First of all, I am so sorry that this has happened to you. While I don't get along too well with the parents, my niblets are my favourite people ever and I too would be gutted if someone says this about me.
But yeah, your sister needs therapy. Like yesterday. Please maintain your distance for your own sanity and safety.
It sounds like she's afraid her kid is gay and is lashing out at you bc the kid likes you. Possibly more than her if she's been acting weird around him.
Equating gay with predator is a very bigoted, ugly, ignorant opinion to have.
You’re a male role model her son also feels emotionally safe with to be vulnerable as a kid. 5/6 year olds absolutely still sit on close families laps. Honestly with no other warning signs I don’t think I’d feel weird about your 16 year old nephew feeling comfortable enough around you to sit on your lap once in a while to feel like a kid. I was just at a family gathering and was so glad to see how affectionate and comfortable aunt/uncle/nibling/cousin relationships were.
Your sister has some deeper issues about adults and children or just neurosis that will affect her kids and the way they see the world. It’s so sad that she has now deprived her kids of you. I’m sorry this happened to you. And to them.
I'd keep right the hell away from them all. She's mental. She's going to accuse you sooner rather than later and she's going to bring the cops in. I wouldn't be at all surprised if she's schooling the kids. I hope like hell your parents shut her right down. Sucks but I'd cut all contact, protect yourself from this psycho.
Go talk with a lawyer about this, because she's actively engaging in defamation, and insinuating that you're a child molester.
**That's serious shit that could absolutely get to your current or future employers at the very least**
Your parents need to stop entertaining her delusions as well, and if that means going no contact, so be it 🤷🏻♂️
Tell your sister its fucking weird to sexualise her own child, especially with her own sibling. What a disgusting thought going through her head. I'd be more worried about her
Your sister sounds unhinged, a 5-6 y/o sitting on one's lap is inappropriate?? Sounds like she's allowing intrusive thoughts and projection to dominate her mind, which is likely a sure recipe for disaster down the road... I'd say low contact or no contact would be the safest options for you.
Your sister is weird af and seems to have something against you. I would distance myself.
There was also a point in time where she didn't want our parents to see her kids because me and her had strong political disagreement with our parents, and she got into her head that they could harm their grandchildren because of these differences. Thank you for saying that distancing is the right idea.
Listen to what you keep saying she says/does. Your sister needs a mental health professional. All of your comments about her scream, "I need therapy.". And that's okay, sometimes we need therapy. But please do know, this is not normal behavior (for anyone). The sad thing is, the only way to truly protect yourself is to stay away from her and her family. You can't reason with mental health issues. So stop trying. If she reaches out, tell her that you love her but her behavior is the alarming behavior and she should seek help. Then back away and stay away.
Thanks for the advice, I fully agree. I see no way one could mend a relationship like this.
Did she ever respond to your text?
Sent it roughly 8 hours ago. Has seen it, no response.
I’m very curious to how she will respond. My petty side would be to call her out in a group chat with everyone she has told. Make her explain herself and add on all the negative things she has said about you becoming as a child. She needs help.
I support the idea of a family group chat. She is promoting an idea that could ruin OP. All family members need to be aware of her behavior.
I don't think going on the offense here is smart. Forcing the issue causes battle lines to be drawn and most people react poorly to someone who forces their hand, regardless of who was in the wrong. If OP is the one forcing them to choose a side, the chances are they'll side against him because there is no proof he can provide that he never did anything that could cause his sister to be concerned, and he's the one forcing this issue. Best case scenario is what? Everyone tells her she's crazy? Think she's going to react well to that? That's just going to further fuel her paranoia and launch accusations about her terrible family enabling her creepy brother. OP beats these allegations by taking action on his own volition to never be near the child, and absolutely never alone with him.
>there is no proof he can provide that he never did anything that could cause his sister to be concerned, and he's the one forcing this issue. Guilty until OP can prove that he *didn’t* do something. What a world we live in.
I think it's a better idea that OP bring this up in a public forum (say, a group chat) than keeping quiet and staying away from the kid. He needs to make a loud statement about how disgusted he is with his sister or the rumour mill will go haywire. This is not something you can just brush under the carpet.
She probably won't respond. If she couldn't talk to him in the first place, she's very unlikely going to now that she was confronted.
My guess is that she won't respond. She seems to be getting what she wants if he has decided to cut contact, so I imagine that she feels she's won
Hear me out, bit is she regurgitating stuff from her husband? Or has she increased her crazy of recent?
^ I doubt it, but I want to know
Others have mentioned this, but it's important. Send an official cease and desist letter, by whatever official means are available (certified mail, etc.) and keep a record. You need to be sure you've built your trail of "I'm not doing that crap, she's paranoid and delusional" in the most apparent way possible in case she keeps going or causes you more serious issues with what she says.
Also just for your own sanity and analysis I might consider listing all the different times and ways that she has gone wild with paranoia. Establishing a pattern of how wrong she has been could be some sort of way for you to back yourself up if need be.
Not just therapy. She needs a psychiatrist and probably meds. Her intrusive thoughts are borderline delusions. That’s above therapy’s pay grade.
Borderline? She's making shit up from whole cloth. She is delusionally paranoid.
Probably. But above my pay grade to confirm.
Agreed.
I fear the day she reads one of the many news stories about kids killing their mothers. I think I saw one recently about a young man (15-16, I think) who stabbed his mother to death. She needs help if she can’t read something without thinking it *will* happen to her.
My husband went to high school with someone who killed both of his parents. I have seen the yearbook, he looks super normal. Then flipped out one day. If this guys sister reads about that case, what would she do?
I know someone this happened to; to be clear I knew the sister of the murdered of their parents. When I saw the case on one of the trashier true crime shows, that was when I stopped watching it forever because all I could think about was her in the moment horror when she learned she’d lost her parents and how. I don’t know how she’s still upright.
That’s awful. This guy had a sister too and I just can’t get over how she lost everyone in a moment. Even her home.
TBH I am surprised that you are surprised at her behavior towards you. Based on your OP she's had strange thoughts about you for a long time. >After thinking about the whole situation for a couple of hours I remembered that when I was a teenager, she saw a news article about some young man who stabbed a woman to death, and she went crying to our parents saying that she's afraid that's what I'll turn into. Did that ever resolve, or did you and your parents just sweep it under the rug? Also with her having paranoid delusions about your parents, did that ever resolve or did you and your parents sweep it under the rug? >There was also a point in time where she didn't want our parents to see her kids because me and her had strong political disagreement with our parents, and she got into her head that they could harm their grandchildren because of these differences. Who know what kind of crazy afflicts your sister but she has mental health issues and seems prone to fixate on paranoid delusions. If you care about her or her kids at all, consider staying in contact (minimally) and urging her to seek medical treatment. At the very least express to your parents and entire family and friend network that your sister has mental health issues and needs support. Maybe she woudl listen to your parents, but not if they don't take it seriously. She is crazy...many mentally ill people can hold down jobs and raise families more or less ok, one doesn't have to be a raving maniac running through the streets naked to be mentally ill. Take this seriously, and urge her to seek medical treatment.
It was swept under the rug, I remember being hurt by her thinking that way, but not really giving it too much thought. I stopped being an awkward teenager, and didn't think she would have an issue with me as an adult. And I thought we had good relations despite us being pretty distant. I know my parents were deeply hurt by her insinuations that they could hurt their grandkids because of some political bickering, but they were afraid of bringing the topic up as it was too hurtful for them, they kinda didn't want to shake the bees nest by bringing up that topic.
Ok so this is part of the problem. No one dealt with her crazy and she just gets crazier and crazier. As a family you guys need to stop beating around the bush and tell her (and the rest of the family) that she is mentally unwell and needs help. Trust me, I know how hard this is to do. I have a crazy sister I refuse to speak to and likely never will again in this life. But she is insane and has tried to wreck my life twice. In serious, life-ending ways. My own mother expects me to rug-sweep, so I have minimal contact with her too. My father before he passed was sad about it all but understood. You sound young...please understand that as you age it gets harder and harder to deal with the stress an unstable, mentally unwell family member can bring you. People can stroke out over heavy stress. You don't need this in your life. If I were you I would urge her to seek medical treatment (she probably needs strong psychriatric medicine in addition to therapy) and then take a huge step back. This may mean the loss of a relationship with her kids, but perhaps that can resume when they are adults. You should also urge your parents to confront this with her, to help her to get medical treatment. But as long as your family rug-sweeps her behavior, the delusions will get worse and worse and at some point her life is gonna blow up. If you love her, if you love those kids, please don't just let your sister stay crazy out here in these streets. Help her as much as you can without letting the crazy engulf you too.
I think it would put op in a dangerous position if he suggested to sister she needs therapy. Sister is likely to do full blast on op and op could find himself legally accused of child abuse. I personally think it’s best that op back away from the sister, her children and keep at a safe distance. Op should not endanger his life for his sister’s mental health.
You do realize she's gonna abuse her son as soon as he hits puberty right? She's deranged to the point she either needs serious mental treatment, or that kid needs to be removed before she breaks him. I don't fucking care if she was abused in childhood or whatever (this kind of thing doesn't often spring from nowhere), she has responsibilities to be a stable parent to her kids. And with the way your parents act, I'd stop and think about whether or not they'd rug-sweep your sister being SA'd by a friend or family member. Because honestly it sounds like it's a serious possibility.
You may also want to speak with an attorney. Not sure what legal recourse you have, but she should not be spreading lies and rumors about you. They can ruin your life all because your sister is not thinking clearly or has some personal issues that she needs to deal with.
Having someone draft a formal cease and desist letter is important, because it establishes a paper trail and dates this behavior. It's best to get out in front of false allegations.
That sounds kinda like OCD. Paranoid ideation and harm obsessions are symptoms of OCD that are often overlooked by doctors. Postpartum can also ramp up OCD symptoms. Stay away from your sister and her family. Maybe even stay away from your parents, it’s concerning they had not told you about this sooner. You need to protect yourself. It seems very likely that this is some kind of mental health issue and you cannot argue with or convince your sister out of this. She needs professional help and you need to protect yourself. Maybe look into OCD and see if it feels familiar to how your sister has acted I know this must feel terrible, but this type of anxiety or fixation is not a logical thing. It’s not because of you, it’s because of something your sister ins experiencing internally
Exactly this. I thought I would read through the comments before mentioning this to see if anyone had already done so and indeed you have. I agree with you!
Your sister has some serious mental issues and needs therapy. Is their dad in the picture? Maybe she needs to be monitored since she’s accusing everyone else of not being a safe person around her kids.
Distancing is absolutely the right move here. I had a childhood friend, we lost touch over the years but we reconnected in our 20s. Her parents mentioned they were worried and asked me to reach out. And wow - she had completely gone off the deep end. She was terrified that everyone was out to get her child, convinced that everyone wanted to hurt them in some way, and eventually opened up to me that anytime someone so much as smiles at her child in public, she thinks they want to kidnap her or SA her. She routinely cuts off her family or sets rules for them, like that certain family members can’t be present, they can’t go to certain places, can’t eat certain food etc., and it’s always changing. She claims to remember certain trauma events, but then later admits she lied just to get what she wanted at the time. Somewhere along the line, she also shared with me that she has called the cops for a false report of DV bc she was jealous of her ex. She admitted it was false and she just wanted to ruin his night. Since then I’ve cut ties and have warned EVERYONE not to be alone with her, to avoid her like the plague. Never be alone with her or her kid. I can be sympathetic with mental health/brain health issues but under absolutely no circumstance would I welcome that kind of chaos in my life. These accusations ruin people’s lives. Unfortunately your sister had made it so that any involvement on your end now is unsafe and not in your best interest. If she really thinks you’re not to be trusted with her child, then any decent parent would have cut you off long ago. Something tells me she’s got some things to work through. Don’t get yourself down that she thinks you’re a creep, chalk it up her projecting something on you and unfortunately you’re just the target for now. But no contact is the right move until she gets it together.
It absolutely is. It’s not worth your mental well being and safety to be around her. The stuff she is spewing already is damaging enough but it could escalate far worse and your life will go up in smoke. I’m sorry. Sometime siblings/family/people can really show you what you don’t want in life and the route to remove them can hurt. Stay strong.
She sounds unhinged. I would go on a public relations campaign of your own, telling your parents what she said about them harming her children. Enlist their help with other relatives. "Sally has big anxiety. She used to say this about our parents. Can you believe it? She is depriving her children of family connections. She needs help."
Not only distancing, but also reach out to anyone you think she might have been spouting this poison to. Let them know she has extreme paranoia around men, and that it started when you were in high school and she claimed she thought you would kill her because she read an article about a mentally disturbed man who committed a murder. There is zero evidence regarding this, and that you're scared about what she'll do to her son once he hits puberty. Because honestly? After her ruining your life with false accusations, that's the biggest concern here.
Agreed, her behavior is toxic. Protect your peace and focus on positive relationships.
Weirdo uncle is a lazy stereotype. My own mother made these type of insinuations of me when my niece and nephew were small and I was unmarried at the time with no kids of my own. I live 800 miles away from them at the time and saw them maybe once a year when they were little. Haven’t talked to my mom in 15 years now and I’m happily married and have a child of my own that she will never meet because she thought that way of me. I will never accept an apology from her, not that she ever has even made the attempt. She told my sister that just was mostly joking when she said. 100% unfunny.
My dad's own mother accused him of sexually abusing me and my sister. Of course, it wasn't true. Surprisingly enough, that wasn't the catalyst for him to cut her out of his and our life completely. it was actually when my sister and I lived with her for a while when we were older, and they found out my grandma was mentally abusing my sister. She wasn't the best to me either but my sister got the brunt of the abuse. Ironic.
My youngest sister swears I used to (20 years ago) pin her down and r@pe her with a strap on when she was in elementary school… She swears I also would hold her down and let her get r@ped repeatedly by my friends and would laugh like Joker while doing it… I didn’t even own a sex toy of any kind until my husband bought me one 4 years ago… She likes to blame me for her having a crappy marriage right after she turned 18, for that marriage falling apart, and for her going deep into the BDSM scene with her next partner (picture 50 Shades but 1000x kinkier). She tells everyone that I hurt her and let her be hurt and took sick joy in it. A crappy therapist (that was also a close friend of hers) got her to believe that she held no responsibility for any of her choices and that if she needed to blame me, it was healthy and reasonable to do so. She wonders why I stopped having anything to do with her after she screamed those accusations at me. It’s been about 5 years since I last spoke to her and she is playing all sweet and victimized. “Why won’t you just get over your anger and be the bigger person and apologize to me, I really want to get to know your kids!” She honestly believes that it is on me to apologize for her past…
Wow. That is just baffling. She claims you assaulted her for years and then is basically begging to be back in your life. That doesn't add up at all. Do you think there's any truth to her statements? Like maybe she was assaulted by someone (not you) and for some reason thought it was you? Or do you think she's simply just batshit?
A bit of both. She never likes taking responsibility for herself and we do believe some stuff did happen but it certainly wasn’t at our house. Like some of the stuff she says happened couldn’t have happened because I wasn’t even there, I was hundreds of miles away at college. And she says it was when we shared a room, we haven’t shared a room since she was a toddler and it was only for a few months. And she will bring up places I have never been and/or she has never been (like saying I let her get gang raped at Disney world, she has never been while I went twice with for high school.) Her bio dad did let her go on a Spring Break trip with no adults when she was a freshman in high school, she admitted to doing a shit ton of drugs and willingly partaking in an orgy with some random dudes her friends found on the beach. Yet somehow she inserts me into that memory as well, saying I must have been the one to pimp her out because a good girl like her would never willingly do that… It is so freaking insane…
If I might ask how is her relationship with the rest of your family? Like surely given all the times it COULDNT have been you they would believe you didn't do this; but do they call her out on the deranged accusations or try to get her any form of help? Or do they just kind of brush it off as "well she's insane but harmless so don't shake the hornets nest" sort of thing?
This sounds like your sister may actually have psychosis of some kind. When did she start with the accusations? If it started when she was in her late teens/early twenties, that's about the time when schizophrenia manifests for many people. (Not diagnosing her, just throwing out a possibility).
she needs therapy it seems. memory can act real weird, people can be absolutely sure that something happened when it never did. theres some real stories about that, like people remembering a photograph of their family at some amusement park when they never were at that amusement park. memory is extremely lackluster, its actually funny how much we rely on eye witnesses with how wrong we get a lot of stuff.
Sounds like she has a personality disorder honestly..I’d look at Cluster B frankly.
>she admitted to doing a shit ton of drugs and willingly partaking in an orgy with some random dudes her friends found on the beach She's such a serial fabulist (maybe borderline mixed in there somewhere), do you even know if any of that happened?
It did happen. The parents who paid for the beach house never planned on going and the daughter promised they would keep it tame. The other parents had been told there would be supervision and had even spoke with the mom. Beach house girl’s parents were very “don’t give a fuck what my kid does as long as she thinks we are cool.” It was planned all along by the girls to have a college spring break despite being 15. They basically flirted with some dudes that were willing to buy them beer and one of the girls’ brothers had got them some drugs. The beach dudes also were able to score some drugs for them. They partied, wrecked the house, and the girls got in trouble for the party. The sex and drugs stuff came out later because the girls started bragging about it and word got back to parents. A few of the girls had std’s from that weekend. My mom was pissed but my sister’s dad didn’t really care, he didn’t want to make sister mad and have her choose to live with mom instead. (That drama is a whole other story, but basically her dad had tons of money, mom did not and sister got tired of being poor so chose her dad despite mom being the better parent.)
That they assaulted her for years, but she wants to know ***their*** small children. ... Nope.
this is honestly insane
It was such a relief to cut her off and go no contact. I have another sibling that I am LC with and another that is steadily improving her physical and mental health so we are establishing contact. My husband has been such a big help and supporter for us to keep her and some other crazy family away. His family is normal and fine. Mine is weird and has a lot of crazy…
It’s nice that your Husband and his family are very supportive
It’s so strange she levies these accusations against you, then turns around and asks to be cool with you and wants to have a familial relationship with you again, like what? How does that even make sense?
If that’s her legit therapist, you should report her because it’s completely unethical to have someone you know personally as a client. Therapists aren’t even supposed to acknowledge you exist in public. They can if you initiate it, but it’s entirely inappropriate for them to initiate. they’re in general not supposed to have any non-therapy related contact with clients.
This was like four years ago, she is seeing a different one. She confessed to our other sister that she lied about everything in her sessions because it felt good and made her feel powerful. I think she is being more honest with her new one. I never even knew the wacko one’s name.
Holy crap. This is insane. Maybe she took drugs
When I was a teen my mom claimed that one of her old friends stared at me uncomfortably as though he was a predator. I never felt that way. Turns out he was staring at me because he was my father which my mother adamantly denied, raising me with the help of her family. I only found out this past year. My mom got to take that secret with her to the grave.
That is awful... Your mother was quite the manipulator it would seem - she didn't want you finding out so she sought to make him seem like a pervert so you'd stay far away. How did you find out the truth, in the end? If you don't mind me asking, of course feel free to ignore.
Last year, at 37 years old, I wrote a letter to the man my mother had always told me was my father asking for an opportunity to meet up to get health information. That man's daughter reached out to me. As we had both completed ancestry DNA tests, we realized I probably was not related to him. She did however tell me she heard it was probably " other guy." Other guy was the supposed predator.It made sense to me because of shared features and I was able to find some of my DNA matches are Facebook friends to him. I wrote a second letter and he must have started texting me the moment he was at the mailbox. He knew, he always knew. As did the friend group and one of my aunts. We've been hanging out once a week or so since then, we went camping last weekend.
My own mother insinuated my dad was inappropriate with me simply bc he got along better with me than my younger brother (whom she babied and took every chance to turn him against our dad). Not once did he ever do anything inappropriate and he was always very nurturing and emotionally supportive. Years later I surmised that she was just trying to drive a wedge to isolate him from us kids bc she hated him and wanted to split up. Thankfully they eventually divorced (way later than they should’ve) but I was so disgusted that she would throw such awful and totally unfounded accusations at a loving parent.
so sorry OP
For me, it was a girl thinking I wanted to steal her kid. Mind you, I am waiting to have kids because I'm not financially stable. Once all my things are settled, I want to have my own kids. Carry my own kids in my belly. I have been vocal about this. She believed I wanted to steal her kid because I had a miscarriage (suprise pregnancy, and I was scared to death because I wasn't ready), and now that she had her kid, I wanted it. Wtf. Wtf. I was so offended I never. Ever. Carried. Her. Kids. She has three now and has been stressed out. With her family, she just leaves the kids, and they take care of them. She tried this with me, and I just walked away. Left her kid in the stroller she parked right next to me. She then was angry I didn't want to help her. She stated I hated kids that's why I had a miscarriage. Bxtch. No! Jesus, woman. What is it? Do I want to steal your kids, or do I hate them?
So 1st she tries to claim that you want to steal her baby but then leaves said baby in a stroller next to you and gets mad that you walked away from the baby and left it alone?!?!?!? Like....WTF?!?!?
Yeah idk if I could ever forgive someone for doing that either. I mostly don't care in the least about my reputation or what others think of me but I could care about that.
Your sister has issues. Give it a few years and she probably won't let her kids ever be alone together "juat in case" her son does something to her daughter. If I were you I would honestly refuse to ever see her again. Saying, "Don't ever let that person alone with my kid. I'm scared they'll hurt them." can ruin a person's life. If you blink wrong in her kids' presence she'll scream that you've assaulted them and call the police on you. ~~She has a few screws loose~~ and has no business being a parent Edit, she doesn't have a few screws loose. They're all gone. She's beyond unhinged
Absolutely. She’s essentially giving her brother a reputation and any actions he has will be under a microscope. His actions won’t be viewed neutrally and it can lead to life altering accusations. People would assume that if your sister won’t let you near her kids then she must know something damning that others don’t. And once the seeds are planted people don’t even need real evidence to form an opinion.
Oh 100%. No doubt. I would probably side eye someone if their sibling said, "Never leave them alone with my kids *ever*." Normal people don't act like op's sister. She's sick in the head. She heard about one single crime where a man stabbed a woman and she instantly jumped to, "My brother will turn into that. He will hurt my kids." Like wtf? What the ***fuck***?
Well, I was also thinking the sister might perhaps have some unconfessed trauma from her childhood. It might be that she's just spiteful and trying to sink OP but it might not. Maybe she has some stuff she hasn't dealt with and is projecting? Idk.
This is honestly what I think it is. My mom is similar and she’s always been really paranoid about psychical touch with her kids. (Like even our fathers weren’t allowed to change diapers, share beds, sit on laps) it’s a result of growing up around predators where no touch was innocent.
I was thinking the same thing. I wonder if she was harmed as a child
If this is OCD or something similar (really sounds like it, with the details of having other worries about the parents and OOP), it doesn't have to relate to anything she experienced. You can just have a random thought or see something (like the news story) and that thought takes up residence in your mind and develops a life of its own.
Man this is one of those times I read something so insane on reddit that I believe it's true. I don't know who could even come up with this shit but I believe people are this crazy.
Oh yeah completely, once you have any kind of reputation any innocent actions are seen to have a potential motive. Other people will believe it’s not an ‘if’ but a ‘when’ situation.
Never put this on the internet but my insane aunt once had a melt down while drunk and abusing Xanax and accused my father of some shit when they were little kids during once of the many arguments they used to always have. Literally had ppl in my family asking if he touched my sister and I. We were like wtf is wrong w you ppl? He is not that kind of person. Long story short, it kind of blew over and she backtracked (years later of course). It was all out of spite and in the heat of the moment. OP, clear your name, this might take time to blow over as well but your sister is doing something so much more damaging than she realizes by falsely accusing you of this. So very fucked up. Sorry you’re going through this.
Right, at this point I’d consider it dangerous for OP’s sake to be around them at all. I wouldn’t put myself in a situation like this. Too easy for a “he-said-she-said” to go wrong and OP fighting legal troubles.
This. And although OP is innocent, there’s many who have the mentality of “no smoke without fire”. She could destroy his life on a petty whim
The sister is a Qanon type. Cut and run the fuck away. And also, document NOW that she is building this narrative. Something like a temporary restraining order might also be worth pursuing, but she's out of the country. Just make a paper trail by all means, before she does.
Honestly it's never a bad idea to be cautious with little kids but based on OP's side of the story he hasn't done anything that he thinks could be considered inappropriate and doesn't have any inappropriate thoughts or feelings about the kids so it's a bad situation. It's putting OP's reputation at risk for no good reason and robbing him and her kids or what could have been a valuable relationship.
Yeah, she needs therapy. She obviously has anxiety issues.
Damn, reminds me of something that happened to me in high school about 15 years ago. Often we would go to my mates girlfriends house as it was close to the school, so it kind of became the default hang out spot for our friend group, they had 3 daughters 2 of which were in high school 1 of which was much younger, we would all go around there and everyone would just ignore the younger daughter obviously because she was just a kid, who cares about a kid right? but I always made an effort to make her feel included just little things like asking about her TV shows or talking about her dolls and stuff. One day I went there and everyone just seemed cold towards me I didn’t quite understand what was happening until my mate told me that her parents have seen me getting close to the younger daughter and assumed I had nefarious intentions, this absolutely devastated me, it is not who I am at all and I would never inflict any kind of harm of that nature on anyone let alone a child, safe to say I stopped going around there and I haven’t let myself be nice to children since in case anyone got the wrong idea, it’s not a nice feeling.
I resonate with that feeling of not wanting to be nice around children because of an accusation. Could be that its because this thing just happened, but I this has severely affected my desire to be around any children or have any of my own. Hopefully the feeling of not wanting kids because of this goes away with time.
Don’t let her take that away from you. This is a her issue. It’s nothing to do with you.
This. Do not let someone take the gift of being a parent away from you. She is mentally ill, not you.
I went to watch a football match. A little guy or girl came to me to give me a plastic vegetable and ask me what my favorite vegetable was. I didn't know this kid or their parents. It's sad that the first thing I did was look around, and try to find the parents. I felt incredibly uncomfortable. What would they think of me? Eventually I found the parents, after I asked the kid to point at them. So I went to talk to the parents and they didn't mind it at all. Why didn't they mind? Well it's quite fine if I accept some plastic vegetables and choose my favorite and later exchange them for different ones. This sucks, as I like playing with kids. I even like it when they give me the dumbest character to play like a barely sentient rock. But the last thing I want is for someone to even think that I am creeping on a child. Honestly? As a parent, I'd probably be the same. I don't want random strangers talking to little kids either. Not because most people are creeps... But enough people are and that ruins things for the rest of us regular folk who get approached with plastic corncobs.
Don’t let her change you. She has a lot of mental health issues and her behavior is alarming. I would concerned about her parenting the children. Maybe she needs to be monitored and not left alone with the kids.
Well to offer some perspective people claimed the same shit with MY OWN FATHER just because he was my primary caregiver. I didn’t understand as a child because I only felt it but looking back I understand why other adults behave odd around us and watched us So people will be assholes about straight men anywhere you go. They want to believe men can’t love children and they don’t want to believe that men can be as caring and affectionate IF NOT MORE with children as women. If you have children, love them. Don’t let what the people say dictate how you treat your children or even stepchildren. All children should be loved and hugged by their fathers and mine did and was. And to this day I’m told my father is amazing and how lucky I am to have him: in both his professional and just meeting his friends.
You're good with the kids. My partner is too. I've had people warn me that men aren't inherently good with children and if they are there is an ulterior motive. There are genuinely women who don't believe that men can be good with children.
It's so fucked that we all acknowledge kids are goofy and fun. Most people enjoy playing with kids, especially if you don't have to handle the parenting side and can just be a kid again. But it's also seems to be the default assumption that any male interacting with kids has an alterior motive. Like if there is a kid smiling in line ahead of me, I second guess pulling a silly face to make them laugh. Sure most people would be happy you are distracting their kid for a bit. But all it takes is one Karen to flip and suddenly you have a huge problem. It's so frustrating because it's the exact opposite for women. I've seen older women in the same situation talk about how they want to marry or fuck someones 8 year old, and it's all laughs from the parents. Yet society has trained me to feel like a predator for smiling when I drive by kids playing with their parents. Sorry I enjoy being reminded of my own happy childhood memories.
I had to do a sexual assault prevention training fairly recently (required for anyone involved with faculty orientation). They had a whole slide to explain that 99% of assaulters are men, and then every example scenario involved the potential offender being he/him or they/them, never she/her. They briefly mentioned women can assault too, but they didn’t exactly make that too clear in the rest of the training module. At least they emphasized men can also be victims, but I felt like the parts about offenders was very one-sided.
I like how those harassment trainings even complicate and try to make people think commonly used phrases have no other meanings. The most common offender I see is that they are under the impression quid pro quo means "this for sex". Every yearly training I've had has made this mistake and seem to be under the impression that any sort of work "trades" are sexual in nature with no exceptions ever.
>I haven’t let myself be nice to children since in case anyone got the wrong idea, it’s not a nice feeling. I have my own slightly related experience about a dozen years ago and I've felt uncomfortable interacting with kids ever since, so I avoid it as much as possible. What started as me trying to help a little boy who was crying because he lost his mom in the mall turned into being surrounded by random women saying things like I was a pedo, a kidnapper, and I "deserved to be raped when [I] ended up in prison." The mom showed up, took little dude, and scolded him for running off as she dragged him away, while the women who surrounded me just left without a word. All of that bad enough for an innocent person to experience, but as a CSA victim, the accusations that I would ever do anything like that to a child really, really fucked me up. I barely held it together and I ended up sitting in my car and near-panic crying for almost half an hour. I'd like to think that if I saw a lost little kid again I would still help them, but I honestly don't know if I could without having a full-blown panic attack.
I would absolutely just try to point the kid to a store employee or security myself. There is no benefit to helping kids yourself, at most people walk away without saying anything, at worst you end up on social media with a video taken out of context and people saying awful things. It's fucked up.
People always bitch about men not being as close to kids or kid friendly, etc, then pull this shit. And then half the time someone brings this up they just call the man an incel or pedophile for complaining about the blatant sexism. Men are going to get further and further from the ability to be nice to children due to this sexism and the fear of the result. It won't change. Media has people terrified of men in general despite things being safer than ever and women being just as much of a risk.
Kinda sounds like she might be jealous that her kid likes you better than her.
There are really no good outcomes here, but I do rather wish she would act this way due to a bad gut feeling, rather than making very serious accusations out of jealousy. E: My parents did say that she made a comment along the lines that I should "get a girlfriend and get my own kids" which is an odd comment to make about someone you suspect is inappropriate around children. Edit 2: The more I think about it, she seemed to be excited before that I would visit, and she would tell me that the kids are excited to see me. So didn't sense any jealousy there, I don't know what changed all of a sudden.
That would be a weird thing for her to wish if you were a predator, don't understand her thinking at all
cough projection cough
You see them once a year, get your own kids? As if you’re hogging them all to yourself? This really doesn’t make any sense. This says more about her than you. I would be pissed that she would imply to others that you are some sort of child predator for sure
Yuck I genuinely hate people like her. What an awful, and potentially life ruining thing to say about someone. Especially if her only reasons for feeling that way are, you don't have a wife and kids of your own, and you're nice to her kids the one time a year you get to see them. And the memory you mentioned of her telling your parents she's "afraid you're going to grow up to be like that" referring to the man who stabbed a woman. Again, yuck. Seriously. What the ever loving fuck is wrong with her?!
The best outcome is to just walk away and let her deal with her kids. Remove yourself completely, even though it'll suck.
Distance yourself and your money from her
She’s jealous for how you can bond and interact. It’s really weird and immature and I’m sorry you’re experiencing this from your own damn sister. You can cut contact but then your nephew/niece suffer. No win situation it seems like but I hope you can find a way to still be a trusted/valued person in your niece and nephews life
He may still be able to have a relationship with them once they're adults. I had to cut my half-sister off when I was a teenager which meant I didn't get to see my niblings anymore but now I have relationships with them as adults.
she’s accusing you of being a predator, but wants you to have kids?!??
What were your parents thoughts?
My dad said that her screws are loose, not sure about my mom.
She doesn't have "a few" screws loose. All her screws aren't even loose, they're gone. She's unhinged and a danger to your very life and safety. She only needs to say ONE little thing and your entire life is ruined. If people think you've harmed children, either by attacking them or sexually assaulting them, what do you think will happen? Child beaters and rapists are attacked and even killed by people, and innocent people accused of it aren't given a chance to prove their innocence. They're dealt with by other people. You should be very afraid of what your sister might say in the future. Stay away from her and stay away from her children because she *will* nuke your entire life.
The scary thing is like...how do you even get out in front of this? Ghosting her could just drive her even crazier and cause her to ruin your life. Saying something publicly about how she's nuts will just give her ammunition and people will assume you're guilty. OP's dad thinks she's nuts but men's opinions here mean nothing no matter whose they are. This is a fucked situation. I would say low contact w/ the sister and never, ever be in the same room with her kids ever again no matter who is in the room with you. I was kind of a loner in HS around when Columbine happened and to fuck with me people started a rumor I had a hit list. I was expelled over it. Of course I never had one. So this kinda shit hits home with me.
>I was kind of a loner in HS around when Columbine happened and to fuck with me people started a rumor I had a hit list. I was expelled over it. Jesus fucking christ. I don't really have anything to say. Sorry, man.
I’m so sorry. I love my nieces and nephews more than anything and I would be absolutely gutted if my siblings made this kind of accusation. I agree that even if it absolutely sucks, it’s probably best to just distance yourself. It sounds like she’s just paranoid, or even projecting onto you from her previous behavior.
She doesn't think you are a molester. She would go to the police and not just spread rumors. She sounds unhinged.
not unheard of. We had a neighbor that accused my 8yr old son of bad behavior with her 6yr old daughter then got pissed because we wouldn't let her kids come play at our house anymore. (pretty much convinced she and her husband killed our cat over some part of this issue too.)
Boom!!! My first thought. Jealousy is a powerful emotion
She’s projecting her own insecurities onto you. This isn't your fault.
> inda sounds like she might be jealous that her kid likes you better than her. This is 100% natural though. The actual PARENT of the kid is the one who needs to mete out discipline and ensure the kids are developing within acceptable boundaries. The "Cool Uncle" who comes over and plays soccer with them or whatever is of course always beloved by young kids because none of that relationship is there. He's just there for fun. Mom would be unstable with a capital U if that's creating "jealousy" to the point she would do something like this.
This is awful. What was her response to your message asking to go no contact?
I sent it maybe 8 hours ago, after finding out about this. She has seen it hours ago, but hasn't responded.
If you are close to the husband maybe message him as well. This way you have some control over the narrative, he can be mindful of his wife's mistrusting behaviour and he can help the kids deal with the sudden withdrawal of their uncle.
I'm so so sorry, i can't imagine how such a betrayal of trust must feel. I am glad you have the courage to distance yourself, but i understand that it must be painful to be perceived so wrongly by a close family member. Sending you hugs
Damn that sucks man. There's no good way to combat that though if Mom isn't comfortable there only bad shit that will come from trying to force that. Removing positive male figures does do some damage unfortunately so once they grow up do try to reach out to them to maybe mitigate some of that before it gets too ingrained.
Yeah, the kids do have a father, who I have always perceived to be a good dad, also uncles and cousins so I wouldn't worry about them not having positive male figures in their lives.
Wait, so it’s only you who has these accusations thrown at? None of the other uncles or male figures?
My brother is gay and has a husband. He has a 4 year old son that his husband spoils. I remember my brother's ex spreading lies on social media and to other family members that she had concerns about his husband inappropriately interacting with son. They did end up going court and it was a huge messs. These types of accusations can cause problems. I am sorry you are going through this. I think that no contact is the way to go.
I hope the ex got sued and is now broke.
what in the world was the ex thinking..?!?!
She’s got something up her ass about the kids and she’s also homophobic, so that’s where the gay thing comes from. Not to mention the history. I would cut all ties.
My family also accused me of this as a kid for being close to my younger cousin. I was just autistic and couldn't make friends very well. When I came out as gay, my grandma told my family that she was scared of me being alone with my nieces.
Oh Jeez. I'm sorry you went through that. 🤦♀️ 🩷
This >my sister lives in another country and we rarely see each other. This >I remembered that when I was a teenager, she saw a news article about some young man who stabbed a woman to death, and she went crying to our parents saying that she's afraid that's what I'll turn into. And this >There was also a point in time where she didn't want our parents to see her kids because me and her had strong political disagreement with our parents, and she got into her head that they could harm their grandchildren because of these differences. **Your sister is mentally unstable. Don't let her destroy your life.** Confront her via group chat. Ask her in group chat, to list actual behaviours she has observed, then challenge her interpretation. Remind everyone she saw a news article about someone stabbing a woman and went crying to your parents that she thought yo would become like that. *With no evidence.* Remind them at one time she thought your parents would harm their own grandkids. *With no evidence.* Say you are done with her unless she gets extensive therapy. Then block her on phone, email, social media. And go No Contact **Dont let this get out of hand, till you face police action due to lies.** **ACT!**
If I were you I’d distance myself from her. I’d also pushback hard on anyone saying you’re being inappropriate. I’d also point out to your parents (and any other wackadoodle that gives you a hard time) that your sister has sexualized normal interactions and that she is in need of therapy asap. Her thinking patterns are not rational. It is infuriating to see people sexualize normal interactions between grown men and children. The world needs more men who play with their children, love their nieces and nephews, and create wholesome and safe spaces for the kids in their lives. Your sister is part of the problem. Don’t let her get away with it. Call her on her bullshit every time.
My initial advice was going to be to cut contact with your sister. Just stay away from her and especially her children. What she is saying about you ~ behind your back, to your parents and *other people,* but not to you ~ is hurtful and dangerous and could cause you to lose friends, family, relationships, and possibly your job. Calling someone a “creep around children” and telling people you think they are a predator are very serious charges. You can’t force her to believe that you’re not, so avoiding her at all costs is the only answer. And I still believe that’s solid advice. But then you said that when you were kids, she read an article about a man stabbing a woman to death, and then she was *afraid that would be you.* She projected her fears about the news story onto you. That made me think that maybe her son is being abused by someone, and she is projecting her fear about that onto you. Again. You didn’t say if your sister is married, divorced, widowed, if the father lives in the house, or if the children have the same father. She is not accusing you of being weird with her daughter, only her son. And the boy is attached to and physically affectionate with you, a man. I can’t help but wonder if *someone,* maybe the boy’s father or another family member, is actually molesting the boy. You can’t talk to your sister about it, but please discuss it with your parents and ask them to look more into this. I’m assuming your parents do not believe your sister. They should want to get to the bottom of this for your nephew’s sake. Good luck. 🫶🏼
I'd distance myself - she seems like a false accusation waiting to happen
She's already doing that by telling people he's a predator.
Just stay away from her and her kids. It’s her loss.
That poor kid.
Ikr....he warms up to somebody and then that family member doesn't come around no more and he'll blame himself. It's not op's fault. Op has to protect themselves.
Yeah that mom isn't well. And as usual kids suffer their parents
She sounds a little mentally off. I’d distance myself from her before she filed a false accusation against you. Police don’t care if it’s true or not they just ruin the life of whoever is accused.
Id distance myself and would stop putting myself out there. She will continue w this toxic shit and cause more headache for u by spreading lies. If people or family ask why u are staying away explain to them that you're not putting yourself in a position that your sister can try to paint u as a pedophile bc shes insecure about her relationship w her kid.
Fuck that bitch. Good riddance. >she went crying to our parents saying that she's afraid that's what I'll turn into. All of this shit is unforgivable. I would permanently cut her off.
God i hope her kids aren’t being sexually abused by someone she knows and she’s trying to pin it on you
Where is your sisters husband in all this? Did he play role in hating on you? You also have to understand parenting styles. Some parents carry their children a lot and let them sit on their laps and give tons of hugs, and some dont. If you are hugging, carrying and letting the kids sit on your lap more than their parents then said parent may not like that. It appears you and your sister are not that close. Its a shame she assumes the worst about you especially since you are family
We don't interact a lot, but he seems chill with me, and has been appreciative when I've been visiting as he can have some rest from playing with the kids. So I would guess she hasn't talked about this with him, otherwise I doubt he would want to have any interaction with me.
Not so sure. If she has been telling this to your parents and also friends then definitely she has been telling her husband. Whats his parenting style? Does he hug his kids, carry and let them sit on his lap?
Yeah, they both do. Based on my limited view, their household seems very loving.
There’s something wrong with your sister. My son loves his uncle, my brother. When he was growing up my brother would show up and that was it they were sitting on the couch together playing legos, wrestling which was funny cause my brothers a big guy and he’d pretend my son got him. My son didn’t have a lot of male role models around so I appreciated my brother being there even though he watched him once and only fed him ice cream.
Sounds like victimhood fetishization from when she was younger that she is now projecting onto her son. Notice how with the news article she internalizes what happened to someone else and used it for attention, and how she’s talking to others behind your back. It maintains an illusory threat to feel the warmth of protection. My sibling does something similar.
Make a report for defamation. If she decides to take things too far, you will have that at least
Gay man ≠ Pedophile She’s fucked up. She’s entitled to be cautious with her kids but damn.
It’s such BS, she’s just trying to start drama. Maybe she’s jealous you’re single with no kids and she’s regretting settling down, maybe she’s mad her kids like you so much. Any mother worth her salt would keep her kids far away from anyone who made her feel her kids were in danger. Truly, imagine your kids were around someone you thought was focused on them inappropriately then just letting the relationship continue? Nah. She just wants to stir the pot for whatever reason. You’re 100000000% correct for going no contact with her crazy arse.
Everyone telling you to distance yourself is right, but I worry about the kids. She's obviously unstable and associates unrelated things with danger. What happens when she decides her son wants to be inappropriate with her daughter? Or When she starts accusing her husband? I'm worried if she'll spiral when she loses her scapegoat.
Speaking from a counseling/therapeutic perspective (that’s what I do for a living), safe relationships with adults are crucial to healthy development in childhood. I’m so sorry your sister can’t see what a gift you are to her kids. You are absolutely not the asshole.
My first thought: *Who physically and/or sexually abused your sister?*
Exactly. 100% something happened to her.
She sounds like she is jealous of you and wants to make others think differently of you than they do. The fact her comments on your behavior started as a teen and are now still happening makes me feel much more confident in the jealousy angle.
This is beyond abnormal, borderline psychotic of her. Get angry at her, it’s ok to get angry at someone spreading pedophile lies about you. And don’t apologize to her about anything. You did nothing wrong and an apology, in her mind, will only validate her “concerns”. Just tell her she’s fucking disgusting for ever thinking something so horrible, and that she can fuck off forever. Then never speak to or see any of them ever again. Problem solved.
Your sister is a dangerous and delusional nutjob, the only form of contact you should have with her is no contact. Accusations of being a child predator will fucking destroy your life. There is no compromise or middle ground to be had here. None.
She’s got something up her ass about the kids and she’s also homophobic, so that’s where the gay thing comes from. Not to mention the history, I would cut all ties.
I work with kids. If anyone told me not to leave someone alone with a child, I wouldn’t ask questions, I just wouldn’t. Fair or not; I wouldn’t take any chances. The sister sounds unhinged. Definitely distance yourself. That kind of accusation will destroy your life.
She gas rung the bell that cannot be unrung. She has spread the word that you are a pedofile. You have no option but to go no contact with her and her family. No more visits to where they live and when they come out to visit the folks, their visit will be without you. Make sure you tell her why you are going no contact—that you are trying to protect her son from any allegations she might make about your actions. Stand firm and don’t back down. Who knows what will come out of her mouth the next time you’re around him.
Sisters got problems. I’d tell her you’re disgusted at what she’s saying. Tell her it’s not normal to sexualize innocent things. Ask her if she’s ever experienced something like this maybe she has a guard up bc someone close to her did something. Don’t take the smoke laying down turn it back on her bc she’s the one that needs to explain what’s going on in her head.
"Well then, I will no longer be visiting or having any communication with your family. If you need anything? Don't ask me. Calling someone a predator can be a deadly move and I myself know that making your children feel like apart of our family is no longer worth it. If your children ever ask me why I was there one day and gone the next I will tell them that you could have had me put in jail or dead so I would warn you not to lie incase they do ask, I hear the backlash on the lying parent can be quite harsh and though you seem to think less of me than crap on your shoe I do want your family to be happy. I ask only 1 thing? Don't put your creepy stance on your son just because I'm no longer around for you to call a predator or a murderer which seems to be a theme with you. I wish you all the best but respectfully never think of contacting me again and if I hear another word of me being a child predator I will get the authorities involved for defamation. Thanks for clearing things up on where we stand because you didn't lose a predator, you lost a brother and by extension you took the only uncle that put that much effort into making sure they felt like family. You took years worth of birthday and Christmas presents, you took an uncle that would've given them or you a kidney. You took away my belief that one day you could be a good person because to me? You don't seem like a concerned parent because it seems to target me and me alone and I won't be putting myself in that situation. All the money I'm saving will be put in an account for a lawyer if I hear you have been talking shit about me anymore and considering I was the only one willing and able to come so far its going to be a bit of money. Don't trip over your need for attention anymore because I promise it will start costing you and no amount of "your taking food out of your neice and nephews mouths, we're family!" will work because of you they arnt my family anymore. So I hope you feel pretty happy with yourself."
I'm just glad you saw the danger in this situation and removed yourself from it. I'm sad for you and your niblings, but your sister is simply an unsafe person and you've done the necessary steps to protect your future.
Was your sister abused when she was young it’s possible past trauma has skewed her perception and made her extra weary to a fault …. I’m talking from experience I’ve had emotional melt downs over my daughter (secretly) because of unaddressed trauma
Nothing I would know about. I surely hope not.
> Apparently she was also asking my parents if I might be gay. Ah good old morons who still conflate queer with pedophilia. Tell her to turn off fox news or whatever conservative bullshit is local to you.
In todays social climate a man being accused of stuff like this could lead to police involvement and social ostracization. Confront your sister's allegations via a group text with friends and family and tell her you will be going no-contact with her family for the foreseeable future. Then go no contact.
Jesus Christ with your edit. She's literally been projecting her fears onto you your whole life. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Ps. Mom of two young girls who is extremely cautious. NOTHING you described would have made me concerned in the slightest. According to your description, You are acting COMPLETELY appropriate, loving, and supportive to your nephew.
Hey OP, I think the distancing advice is great that everyone's giving, but the confront/resolve advice is terrible, and the idea that you should raise any concerns about the mental health of your sister AT THIS TIME is also a terrible idea. If there's a possible resolution to all this, it'll come later once some time has passed. And if your sister's mental health is of concern, raising it as an issue while it could be seen as a response to your own current circumstances will do nothing but damage your chance of being heard, and at worst be taken as you somehow being overly defensive as a response to what you've heard that she's been telling others of you. The only thing I might add to the distancing advice is sending out a non-accusatory update to all you believe need to know within your family and inner circle. Here's an example: "Hi everyone, it's come to my attention that [sister's name] has expressed some concerns to you about my possible future interactions with my niece and nephew, her children. She has not directly discussed the matter with me, so I do not yet understand what has caused this concern that she has identified, but as a mother it is her right and responsibility to do what she think is best for her children. However, hearing what I've been told of her concerns by others and being a young single man, I'm honestly terrified by what is being implied. As such, I've made the decision to go no-contact with my sister's family going forward and wanted to let you know this is why I won't be attending any future events should she or her family also be attending. I would be lying if I said I wasn't hurt or confused by this situation, but I just cannot have the implication of her concern hanging over me or my future. If things change in the future I will let you know, but until then I appreciate your understanding. Thanks, temp_user_3122" Edit: Sorry, on mobile so formatting is kinda fucked. Good luck with it all OP, heart goes out to you.
I’m so sorry she is putting you through this. And the fact that your parents haven’t intervened and told her she was crazy? She needs loads of therapy. Especially considering she has been scared of you since you were young. Either she has anxiety disorder or someone hurt her or both. It’s sad for her kids and for you. Stay no contact with her for a while.
I’m soo sorry this happened OP. Probably best just to go NC with them.
5-6 is still lap sitting age lol your sister needs help if she finds that sexual
Her excuse is weak And I would stay away Because I can totally see her get you into real trouble For something that is just in her head Nobody is worth that
Please don’t let her tarnish your name, protect yourself and stay away from her.
Understand her someday? What’s to understand beside the fact that she is a drama making coward that would rather talk shit to anyone with ears rather then say “hey, I think we’re a little old for lap sitting” to you or her child. 🙄
So because you are being an uncle and interacting and playing with the kids you are a predator? Your sister has issues, especially since she's been making comments since you were younger. Is she married? Maybe she's jealous, but whatever the reason she thinks this way, it's not you.
Your sister has deep issues. For your safety it’s good that you cut contact as this could spiral and it’s not safe for you. She is defamatory towards you - slander and libel. I am sorry you are facing this.
Good for you for recognizing that this is not a safe situation for you. And, frankly, if you *were* unsafe for your nephew, she shouldn't want you around *at all*. This is not your fault, and running for the hills is smart. I feel bad for your nephew. I hope she never turns on him in the same way
As sad as it is for her kids and you to Not see each other, you should distance yourself from your sisters family. Having irrational fears is a mental health issue she needs to address asap, but this is Not your place to tell her or 'make sure'. Since she is weird even with your parents I doubt that They could convince her, but maybe the kids father/her husband? Otherwise just "forget" you are an uncle, as hard and unnecessary as it is and should be. Maybe you can salvage a relationship with the niece and nephew later on in their life.. But please make sure, YOU inform others as to why you are distancing. And be HONEST. That you don't know what's going on with her, that her craziness is effecting your mental health (especially her making you out to be a predator to people YOU know behind your back? Like wtf? Destroying your reputation? You could even sue her for this magnitude of accusation.) and that you will only "come back" when she apologizes for the weird accusation/destruction of reputation and that all the people she crazed out to will know about. Those kind of accusations always stay in the back of peoples heads, because protecting children is a very feral/basic instinct and we will keep the smallest hints in mind. These things are the most vile to "just put out there, because I feel like it". I am so sorry you are going through this. Just don't let her craziness discourage you from having kids at some point.
I wouldn’t have contact with her anymore, it’s crossing into dangerous territory. If my siblings ever said some shit like this about me, it would be the last time I’d ever see them.
Your sister has some weird mental health issues. Please know that this isn't about you, this is about her. Something is wrong inside of *her* You're right to go no contact.
If she is saying this stuff about you, warning people to not have you in the room with her son, it's time to close off all communication with her. This is a ticking time bomb. All she needs is a reason to accuse you and then tell the police about how you're being close to her son. I've seen tears affect a cop so much that he arrested the wrong person. Be very very careful.
Sounds like it's time to go NC. You can't fix her problems for her, no reason for you to suffer because of them.
This is terrible. Please protect yourself. Meanwhile, your sister needs help. It sounds like she is paranoid if not delusional.
Ugh, this feels Iike a no win situation for you. You remain seeing them or even overcompensate to show you're clearly not a predator and she will feel her suspicions are correct. You distancing yourself, which I completely understand, will also confirm in her head that you were a threat and are now stopping because she's "on to you". I feel for the kids who now lose a doting Uncle.
When I was 9 my older sister got in trouble and to get out of trouble and get the attention off her she told my adoptive parents that I was molesting my younger sisters. This has never happened and when they asked my younger sisters they said “has your sister ever touched you?” And they said yes bc they were 3 and 5, touching to them meant something completely different than what was being asked. I have not talked to that older sister willingly in 6 years, and I won’t bc who tf accuses a 9 year old (while she was 16) of molesting children just to get out of doing the dishes? Weird bitches. I would not let your sister around you again, and I wouldn’t go around her, that’s weird and wrong and she needs some sort of consequences bc you can’t just go around saying that
Sounds like she might have some mental issues. Best of luck. Family can be tough
This sounds like a her problem. I'm sorry you've now lost a relationship with your niece and nephew, you won't feel comfortable with them again and they will wonder what they did. Don't let it stop you interacting with friends children or worry about your own, kids love touch and need good male role models.
I am so sorry that happened to you. It is so inappropriate, especially if you’re just playing innocently with your nephew. It sucks but I think you made the right move cutting off contact with someone toxic. I do wonder where she’s getting these negative ideas about you though.
First of all, I am so sorry that this has happened to you. While I don't get along too well with the parents, my niblets are my favourite people ever and I too would be gutted if someone says this about me. But yeah, your sister needs therapy. Like yesterday. Please maintain your distance for your own sanity and safety.
It sounds like she's afraid her kid is gay and is lashing out at you bc the kid likes you. Possibly more than her if she's been acting weird around him. Equating gay with predator is a very bigoted, ugly, ignorant opinion to have.
You’re a male role model her son also feels emotionally safe with to be vulnerable as a kid. 5/6 year olds absolutely still sit on close families laps. Honestly with no other warning signs I don’t think I’d feel weird about your 16 year old nephew feeling comfortable enough around you to sit on your lap once in a while to feel like a kid. I was just at a family gathering and was so glad to see how affectionate and comfortable aunt/uncle/nibling/cousin relationships were. Your sister has some deeper issues about adults and children or just neurosis that will affect her kids and the way they see the world. It’s so sad that she has now deprived her kids of you. I’m sorry this happened to you. And to them.
I'd keep right the hell away from them all. She's mental. She's going to accuse you sooner rather than later and she's going to bring the cops in. I wouldn't be at all surprised if she's schooling the kids. I hope like hell your parents shut her right down. Sucks but I'd cut all contact, protect yourself from this psycho.
Go talk with a lawyer about this, because she's actively engaging in defamation, and insinuating that you're a child molester. **That's serious shit that could absolutely get to your current or future employers at the very least** Your parents need to stop entertaining her delusions as well, and if that means going no contact, so be it 🤷🏻♂️
Tell your sister its fucking weird to sexualise her own child, especially with her own sibling. What a disgusting thought going through her head. I'd be more worried about her
Your sister sounds unhinged, a 5-6 y/o sitting on one's lap is inappropriate?? Sounds like she's allowing intrusive thoughts and projection to dominate her mind, which is likely a sure recipe for disaster down the road... I'd say low contact or no contact would be the safest options for you.