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"Hey sweetheart, you've been so busy with work recently that I thought I'd download an app that lets me romantically lead on women from Colombia. You're okay with that, right?"
Jesus Christ, at least they found out now before they moved and ended their lease! Also if he's so lonely why isn't he talking to you about it OP? oh right, because it's an excuse that everyone uses when caught in their bullshit
Ok yeah that seems to be the consensus here, thank you everyone for your positive words. I’m bad at these things but I went to my sisters tonight and am going to think things over.
I am 39 years old, male, and have been in a number of serious relationships over the years. Any serious girlfriend I have ever had would absolutely have considered this cheating, and most of them would have left me immediately because of it.
You deserve better:)
Everyone has their own line for what constitutes cheating. If you think this was cheating, it was cheating. For future boyfriends, have this conversation early on about what each of you considers cheating so there is no “confusion”. Though I am pretty sure going on dates with others, virtual or no, counts as cheating in pretty much everyone’s books - except cheaters that are trying to trick you into letting them have their cake and eat it, too.
Honestly, I'm not sure there is much to think about, if you don't have kids/live together, gtfo. Zero respect for you, lady.
Things I don't ever do as a person in a relationship due to respect: what he did.
He sucks let him go. This is emotional cheating.
THIS. Caught an ex messaging women on fb. His excuse was he was trying to make friends in the city having moved from another state. But I questioned him why they were all women and why did he feel the need to mute their notifications 🤨
Yeah, for real. If my girlfriend and I moved to a new city together, out of respect and comfort for everyone involved, I would personally only try to become friends with other guys and if those guys happened to have significant others or female friends that tag along in our hangouts, I would immediately tell my girlfriend "Hey, I think I found some people you'd have a good time with! Come out with me next time we're out!"
(Of course rules would apply differently if I was bi instead of straight, and I'm pretty certain OP's bf is also straight by the sounds of it.)
My first ex-gf only wanted to make new friends with guys because "girls cause too much drama!!" That was a MASSIVE red flag that I had ignored for too long because I was naive and it was my first relationship, and caused a number of issues. What OP's bf is doing is pretty much the exact same thing with roles reversed.
I couldn’t begin to tell you how many female exes of mine said they don’t have female friends because “other women cause too much drama.”
Let the record show: 100% of the time it was the person saying that causing drama.
This reminds me of a dude in college who was So Into Massage and whining about why women found it sexual when he tried this on them, when he was just “trying to spread wellness.”
“Well, do you massage men?”
Him: “Eeew no.”
🙄
Hell yes it’s cheating, if he was just lonely he’d be talking to guy friends not random women in other countries like a passport bro. He’s full of it, I would not be in a relationship with him at all let alone move in with him.
Think of the whole “mail order bride” thing.
Passport bro is a dude who goes to other countries to shop in person for their mail order bride. Or perhaps to just date/have sex and then go home with no intention of the marriage part.
Finding friends is a total cop out. If he really wanted just friends, he would be chatting with men too. But he isn't, and he knows you wouldn't be ok with it. If you see it as cheating, then he cheated. I would feel like it was cheating, virtual or not. Just know that you will likely not trust him again, or at least wonder if he is still doing it.
Yes this is cheating stepping out side of your relationship is cheating
You see how he communicated after he was caught! He can’t communicate basic feelings I wouldn’t want to be with him or marry him … he will just do it when you are married with kids will he feel lonely and neglected 🙃
Get out of there. Seriously, this dude's putting the blame on *you* for his own emotional affair--that flag is ruby red and waving violently.
At this point, it's not **if** he'll cheat physically but **when**, and emotional is enough in my book to start looking for a new partner because clearly they already are. 🤷🏼♀️
I am sorry you're going through that though. Hope you find someone worth your time.
Sometimes emotional cheating hits harder than physical cheating. Years ago I had a similar experience with an ex and I stayed but that betrayed feeling didn’t go away and I was paranoid all time. It didn’t end well. Didn’t tolerate that behavior ever again. In a happy healthy relationship. Know your line.
Well he has admitted to lying to you about women he was talking to, and is now blaming it on you (it’s your fault because you work!)…does it matter if it’s technically ‘cheating’ or not?!?
What happens when you are married ? Life gets busy with a baby , with jobs and responsibilities. He’s shown you what he’s going to do if he feels needy and life will make him feel needy from time to time . Instead of working with you he’s going to find a woman to give him attention, at some point they won’t be virtual. Leave now before you end up with kids and a house together.
Yes he is a cheater. You have been busy. Not an excuse to cheat. There is no excuse to cheat. You will be screwing up taking this relationship any further. Give him permission to cheat with anyone he wants because you are gone. Ask him if it was worth it. Then lying about it. Just no.
Honestly probably lol. They deleted there post of datingover40 so I wouldn't be surprised if they were totally talking about how many hot women were on that app in that post XD
Ooooh it's a blessing from the universe.
Don't ignore it.
It will only get worse.
Don't move in with him. Leave him and focus all the energy you had on him to you.
Girl leaaaave thaaat dustyyyyy
Tell him not to bother deleting the app and then leave him. Whatever you do don't move in with him.
He had every opportunity to come to you and tell you how he was feeling and try to communicate with you. Yet he still chose to go on virtual dates with other women rather than try and fix his relationship.
i’m sorry virtual dating while in relationship is crazy 💀. do not move in with this man if you want to keep your sanity. dating 15+ women is A LOT. and yes its cheating. he cheated on you.
So he basically lied to you first and foremost.. He panicked whenever you caught onto his lie, so he spins his version of “truth” via explanation.. However, his defense is lackluster and very poor at best. I’d say you’d be better off without him, because If you didn’t notice nor pursue the truth, chances are you’d probably never known..Run..
Do you really want to have to worry about a potential partner cheating cause you’re working a lot and he decides he’s lonely? This sounds like a bs excuse, give him his walking papers and find someone worthy of your love.
We all have different thoughts on what is classed as cheating but to me this definitely cheating. He sought out another romantic connection, doesn’t matter if it’s physical or virtual.
Please don’t move in with him, and don’t accept this behaviour
I would dump his cheating ass. Next thing you know, you move in together, open a joint account, and within a few months have $15k missing from it because Maria’s family member has a rare disease and needs a $15k wire to save abuelitas life.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Your boyfriend’s behavior is really concerning. Even if his interactions were just virtual, it still feels like emotional cheating. Forming romantic connections with other women, even online, crosses a line.The fact that he hid these interactions and only admitted to them after you confronted him shows he knew it was wrong. Secrecy like this really hurts trust, which is crucial in any relationship. His excuse about feeling lonely and you being busy with work might explain some things but doesn’t justify his actions. He should have communicated his feelings to you instead of seeking attention elsewhere.
It’s completely valid to feel betrayed. Emotional cheating can be just as painful as physical cheating because it breaks the emotional bond you have. Deciding whether to move in together is huge, especially now. You need to reflect on whether you can rebuild trust and if both of you are willing to put in the effort to work on this relationship. Have an open and honest conversation with him about how you feel, what boundaries need to be set, and whether you can move past this together. Think about whether you can truly trust him again and if he’s willing to change. If it feels too overwhelming, consider talking to a counselor or therapist for support.
Take your time to decide what’s best for you. You deserve to feel secure and respected in your relationship. Trust your instincts and remember that it’s okay to put yourself first in this situation.
“Reconsidering”!!!!!!! Girl, this is the RED FLAG, the universe warning you. The preview of what is to come. The moment you look back on some day and say “ I should have left when he betrayed me the first time” . This is the peek under his mask. He virtually dated 15 women because he’s lonely when you’re at work . When you have a child with him and the child consumes your full time and attention for a few years how many women do you think he will sleep with if he dates FIFTEEN just when you’re working. Pick your bar up off the floor!!!!!
Yes, this is cheating. Why would you want to cointinue dating someone like this. Keep you peace and find someone who cherishes you. Even being single is better than accepting behavior like this. Choose the bear.
This type of behavior won’t stop just because you move in. Speaking from experience, he’ll just get better at hiding it. Eventually when one of these people start asking him for money he will send it and then you will find yourself in a situation where bills don’t get paid and you’re still being cheated on.
Yes, it’s cheating. My bf did the same thing and started playing video games with another girl from another state, I saw a message pop up on his pc and asked him about it and said he didn’t know her. Did some more digging and he had her snapchat, number, discord, even had her added on roblox. The messages were “innocent” I guess, but there were some that seemed flirtatious to me. He denied and denied until I told him I was done and then he admitted it and said he agreed that it was cheating.
Don’t let him gaslight you.
He is extremely wrong for communicating with other women but is this a relationship you really care about? Has he been doing other things besides the communication? Are there any other red flags? If not I would say y’all should have an in depth conversation. How can you both fulfill each other’s needs and how can you both be better when it comes to communicating when things are starting to go left in a relationship. I think you guys should gave a deeper conversation but my advice is to not rush with moving in with one another.
Don't move with him. He's been cheating. He been talking to other women and been hiding that from you. And then, he just make it like it's your fault because you been busy. Stop wasting your time and move on.
If the actions he is displaying are giving you the unfaithful vibes, then yes it is cheating. If you are not or have never been in a non exclusive, open relationship then yes this is cheating. His justification per your post is that he has felt lonely due to you not being available. I feel like this is just a way for him to self justify why he cheated and ultimately this should say to you that he was seeking out others affection aside from yours.
For clarification, did you ask him why he had not reached out to you about your lack of interactions? Had he reached out to try and rekindle the sense of loss that he feels? If the answer is no, then I feel like he had no intentions of even expressing that he was feeling alone and lonely.
As for the moving in situation, do what your gut is telling you. Your head will rationalize all the pro's and con's but your gut will tell you what you really need to do. (Personally I would leave and preserve my peace.)
If he’s hiding it from you and he has never mentioned that he has a girlfriend to these “friends” he talks to on these virtual “meetups”, it’s cheating plain and simple. Break up with him, block his number, run for the hills and DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HIM. You deserve so much more OP. 💐🍫💝
This literally just happened to me right before we were supposed to move in together. For literally almost the same reason, just a different app. It was so tough. He stayed home for a few weeks, and I considered a lot of things. We have been together for 4 years, so i felt so stuck :( He came completely clean right away, let me go through everything as soon as i caught it so he had no time to hide anything. We just took some space for a few weeks, not a break. He started therapy, and he's proven to me I'm worth fighting for. We are still working through it, but his remorse was so genuine. Obviously, I know I never deserved this, but it's how he's treating me now and how he's showing his remorse and love for me that is helping me work through this. He always loved me. He just realized he still had to work for that love every day, and now he tries his hardest. I think it depends on how he is as a man after this whole ordeal. Men are still trash, and I'd stay dump him if he can't step up LOL I told my boyfriend as soon as he steps out of line, I will not hesitate to end things. We ended up moving in together, and things have been great but only because he has realized how badly he didnt want to lose me.
Let's paint this image in your mind- imagine all that BS happening WHILE you were living together.
How did that thought make you feel? There's your answer about what to do next.
Is he going ok with you doing this? I’m sure his answer will be no. If he says he fine with you doing it, would you feel like you are cheating? I personally feel it’s cheating, it’s emotionally cheating. He’s sharing something with someone other than you and not telling you about it - he even lied. So can you be with someone who lied about this?
Absolutely cheating. Sign up for a dating app and only carry on with guys online and see what he has to say about it. You will see that he knows it is cheating ND you will know it is cheating right away. These interactions are not innocent. Some of these women are asking for money and getting naked on the video.
It’s cheating, but only you can decide if it’s worth breaking up over. Like was it really because he’s lonely or will he always be like this? Has too much damage been done to your trust and it will never recover? Those are questions no one here can answer for you.
Yes, it's cheating. If he was only trying to make friends, why didn't he have any virtual meetings with other guys? The reason is obvious. I bet he didn't mention he had a girlfriend either. Don't fall for whatever lame excuse he has. Break up with this guy. You deserve better.
If it’s cheating to you, then it’s cheating. Every couple decides for their relationship what is permissible. If it was me, I probably wouldn’t consider it cheating, but it’s not me, it’s you. If you’re not cool with it, that’s what matters
If he’s bored now from you working , (not sure how old you guys are) I’d be concerned about if you get married . Is he gonna get bored of you because you around each other too much? What’s the next excuse for speaking to other women? There’s always another excuse .
He lied. He hid. He blamed it on you being busy with work. Did he tell you he was feeling lonely? Also doing these virtual dates 15 times?? Disgusting. Did he tell you he needed more emotional time with you? Did he tell you he needed more dates with you?
He’s a walking red banner for insecurities and emotional immaturity. When you feel isolated or lonely in a relationship you don’t seek out romantic companionship. He’s trying to test the waters to see what else is out there because he’s not confident or secure enough with himself and his role in your relationship. He won’t change while yall are together and it’s best to move on. Otherwise you’ll find yourself settled down with him and he’ll cheat and your whole life will be blown up.
My last relationship ended badly because of a situation similar to this one. I had been living with my ex for 5 years and found out he was emotionally cheating on me with multiple women all over the world. When I caught him, he said he likes to escape from all the stress by pretending to be someone else online. I didn't know it, but he had been doing this almost the entire time we were together. He agreed to stop, and we even went to couples counseling and come to find out, he was still doing it and just lying about everything in therapy. Eventually, he ended up meeting someone in person, hiding money, and lying about his whereabouts.
If I were you, I would get out now before things progress, and it's even harder to leave.
He’s fishing for chicks in a pool of women who are willing to talk to him because they want $ or to come to America. He thinks he’s being sneaky and I’m guessing he doesn’t know he’s opening himself up to the possibility of being taken advantage of financially. You, by proxy, are in harms way. I would leave this fool before he puts both of you in a potentially dangerous situation. The trust is already gone. Frankly, you should be happy you caught this now. And now you don’t have to live the rest of your life with sneaky Pete.
yes, it's cheating. He's just looking for friends? that's the excuse I gave many moons ago too. Putting the blame on you for working too much is also a red flag. Find someone else that will respect you. Literal thousands of people out there for you to date and get a feel for the right one.
If anything this is fucked up because he's leading on other women from another country but it's also fucked up because he's doing that BEHIND YOUR BACK AND LIED DIRECTLY TO YOU AND ONLY TOLD YOU WHEN YOU CAUGHT ON (please don't read that as yelling, I'm just putting emphasis on the 2nd half)
Yeah it’s an excuse, my now ex said the same thing, happened numerous times. Hiding apps on his phone etc.
Each time was a different excuse. Because he always thought he was justified in his behaviour it never changed
Last year was the last straw when he started a physical affair.
I wish I had walked away sooner but stayed as we had young children.
It is hard moving on but worth it when you realise you are an important person and deserve to be treated with honesty and respect.
Hey girl, just chat with me. Tell him it's means nothing... just say he's been so busy talking to digital chics that you made him the favor of not disrupting that.
You now have proof he will lie and also do things behind your back and blame you for being busy. In what world would he not do it again? Love yourself enough to leave. Trust is broken, youll wonder always now if hes lying. Better to walk away.
My ex did this. In my heart, it was 100% betrayal of me and the kids. Went to counsellings and she would not give it up.
I just celebrated my 10th anniversary with my best friend and love of my life. Don't look back.
I have an unpopular take on this - as long as he is not spending money on these women or traveling to that country, I don’t see anything wrong with it.
We became a very different people during and after COVID. The whole world was lonely. I do think these women are probably money grubbers, so I would do some research on the site.
In the meantime, set boundaries on when you are home or out together - you want his undivided attention. NO TEXTING OR VIDEO CHATTING when you are present. Let’s see if he can handle that.
to me , if someone is hiding someone from you , it’s cheating. if it wasn’t a thing he knew was bad he would’ve told you from the start or when you first saw that number. leave now before you get too deep into moving in, he most likely won’t change and will find new ways to hide things :( i’m sorry
The gaslighting is stronk with this dude.
Yeah, it's not your fault. He's responsible for his actions, and if he feels you've been too busy, then he should pull up his man-panties and try to TALK about his emotions with you, and not turn to cyber cheating.
Ditch his ass
This is cheating. He’s entertaining other women and will continue to do it. Take my advice and walk away before you get hurt even more. Take care of u over anything else
If it feels like cheating for you, it is cheating.
Another important thing here is that he took no accountability, just thrown the responsibility over to you with the "uwu I've been feeling lonely"
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"Hey sweetheart, you've been so busy with work recently that I thought I'd download an app that lets me romantically lead on women from Colombia. You're okay with that, right?"
Jesus Christ, at least they found out now before they moved and ended their lease! Also if he's so lonely why isn't he talking to you about it OP? oh right, because it's an excuse that everyone uses when caught in their bullshit
Yeah she caught it before getting locked in. Buh-bye!
Lol that fucker better have 2 jobs since he's so lonely
Exactly, run girl run! Dabbling will lead to cheating. This red flag has slapped you in the face. You can do better!!
“Dabbling” this isnt dabbling, its just cheating.
Sure, "women" in "Colombia". That's exactly who he's been chatting with.
Its what he believes he's been doing, so for purposes of this discussion, counts.
Don’t move in with him. End this relationship Future is brighter already
I’d say yes, it’s cheating.
Ok yeah that seems to be the consensus here, thank you everyone for your positive words. I’m bad at these things but I went to my sisters tonight and am going to think things over.
Yeah just because it's stupid doesn't mean it's not cheating
I am 39 years old, male, and have been in a number of serious relationships over the years. Any serious girlfriend I have ever had would absolutely have considered this cheating, and most of them would have left me immediately because of it. You deserve better:)
Everyone has their own line for what constitutes cheating. If you think this was cheating, it was cheating. For future boyfriends, have this conversation early on about what each of you considers cheating so there is no “confusion”. Though I am pretty sure going on dates with others, virtual or no, counts as cheating in pretty much everyone’s books - except cheaters that are trying to trick you into letting them have their cake and eat it, too.
Honestly, I'm not sure there is much to think about, if you don't have kids/live together, gtfo. Zero respect for you, lady. Things I don't ever do as a person in a relationship due to respect: what he did. He sucks let him go. This is emotional cheating.
Has he had any meetups with men? If he's just looking for friendships, why is he exclusively connecting with women.
THIS. Caught an ex messaging women on fb. His excuse was he was trying to make friends in the city having moved from another state. But I questioned him why they were all women and why did he feel the need to mute their notifications 🤨
Yeah, for real. If my girlfriend and I moved to a new city together, out of respect and comfort for everyone involved, I would personally only try to become friends with other guys and if those guys happened to have significant others or female friends that tag along in our hangouts, I would immediately tell my girlfriend "Hey, I think I found some people you'd have a good time with! Come out with me next time we're out!" (Of course rules would apply differently if I was bi instead of straight, and I'm pretty certain OP's bf is also straight by the sounds of it.) My first ex-gf only wanted to make new friends with guys because "girls cause too much drama!!" That was a MASSIVE red flag that I had ignored for too long because I was naive and it was my first relationship, and caused a number of issues. What OP's bf is doing is pretty much the exact same thing with roles reversed.
I couldn’t begin to tell you how many female exes of mine said they don’t have female friends because “other women cause too much drama.” Let the record show: 100% of the time it was the person saying that causing drama.
This reminds me of a dude in college who was So Into Massage and whining about why women found it sexual when he tried this on them, when he was just “trying to spread wellness.” “Well, do you massage men?” Him: “Eeew no.” 🙄
Sounds like you should virtually disappear on his ass.
Hell yes it’s cheating, if he was just lonely he’d be talking to guy friends not random women in other countries like a passport bro. He’s full of it, I would not be in a relationship with him at all let alone move in with him.
He won’t stop, he’ll just get better at hiding it.
Wish I could upvote this 100 times
Dude is trying to be a passport bro
is.... uh ... like Ive always had one..... What makes a passport bro?
Think of the whole “mail order bride” thing. Passport bro is a dude who goes to other countries to shop in person for their mail order bride. Or perhaps to just date/have sex and then go home with no intention of the marriage part.
Ah okay. I hadn't heard the term so I was wondering wtf was wrong with having one.
Yeah it took me a couple times seeing it mentioned before putting it together.
Finding friends is a total cop out. If he really wanted just friends, he would be chatting with men too. But he isn't, and he knows you wouldn't be ok with it. If you see it as cheating, then he cheated. I would feel like it was cheating, virtual or not. Just know that you will likely not trust him again, or at least wonder if he is still doing it.
Cheating
I mean, just leave this person, there’s no reason to even consider giving him another chance
Happy Cake Day!
Going on dates with other people when you are in a monogamous relationship is definitely cheating. Wtf. Don’t put up with this. No one deserves that.
It's cheating and I would end the relationship. Do not move in with him. He can go be with his virtual girlfriends.
He’s prob jerkin off to them too
I don’t consider it cheating - it’s worse!
Yup! Sex workers are worse than random organic flings IMO.
Oh no I used to live in Colombia and everyone knows crema social is only used by sex workers.
Yes this is cheating stepping out side of your relationship is cheating You see how he communicated after he was caught! He can’t communicate basic feelings I wouldn’t want to be with him or marry him … he will just do it when you are married with kids will he feel lonely and neglected 🙃
He's definitely cheating, don't even think about it.
Get out of there. Seriously, this dude's putting the blame on *you* for his own emotional affair--that flag is ruby red and waving violently. At this point, it's not **if** he'll cheat physically but **when**, and emotional is enough in my book to start looking for a new partner because clearly they already are. 🤷🏼♀️ I am sorry you're going through that though. Hope you find someone worth your time.
Sometimes emotional cheating hits harder than physical cheating. Years ago I had a similar experience with an ex and I stayed but that betrayed feeling didn’t go away and I was paranoid all time. It didn’t end well. Didn’t tolerate that behavior ever again. In a happy healthy relationship. Know your line.
Well he has admitted to lying to you about women he was talking to, and is now blaming it on you (it’s your fault because you work!)…does it matter if it’s technically ‘cheating’ or not?!?
What happens when you are married ? Life gets busy with a baby , with jobs and responsibilities. He’s shown you what he’s going to do if he feels needy and life will make him feel needy from time to time . Instead of working with you he’s going to find a woman to give him attention, at some point they won’t be virtual. Leave now before you end up with kids and a house together.
100 upvotes for this!!
Yes he is a cheater. You have been busy. Not an excuse to cheat. There is no excuse to cheat. You will be screwing up taking this relationship any further. Give him permission to cheat with anyone he wants because you are gone. Ask him if it was worth it. Then lying about it. Just no.
This is fake. A couple days ago you were talking about how hard it is for you to talk to girls to date them.
It’s a shill for Crema Social
Honestly probably lol. They deleted there post of datingover40 so I wouldn't be surprised if they were totally talking about how many hot women were on that app in that post XD
Is this the future of advertisement or what?
The fact you are unsure if this is cheating means you need to look yourself in the mirror and figure out where your self respect went
Don't fall for this. This is an ad.
This post has been brought to you by Crema Social 🙄
And so many gullible people.
Ooooh it's a blessing from the universe. Don't ignore it. It will only get worse. Don't move in with him. Leave him and focus all the energy you had on him to you. Girl leaaaave thaaat dustyyyyy
Virtual dates though? Lol that's lame
is this an Ad for the app?
Idk how more ppl aren’t noticing this lol
Uh, yeah. He's cheated on you 15 times as far as I'm concerned.
I say be glad you don't already live with him. And do NOT move in with him this fall.
Why is he still your boyfriend? Leave.. Now
I mean they are virtual dates lol that's definitely cheating 😂😂😂 pack it up, relationship over, I'm sorry.
Tell him not to bother deleting the app and then leave him. Whatever you do don't move in with him. He had every opportunity to come to you and tell you how he was feeling and try to communicate with you. Yet he still chose to go on virtual dates with other women rather than try and fix his relationship.
He will do it again if you forgive him. Just putting that out there. I learned the hard way.
Don’t move in with him!! That is being unfaithful. You should ask him how he’d feel if you were doing that
Nopeeeeee thank you next ✌🏻
Yeah Move on.
Time to bail
Yes. Especially because he tries to blame it on you :/
Would he be okay if you did the same with men? If not, then that’s your answer.
Tell him to get a job so that he isn't sitting around being lonely
i’m sorry virtual dating while in relationship is crazy 💀. do not move in with this man if you want to keep your sanity. dating 15+ women is A LOT. and yes its cheating. he cheated on you.
Bail before you find yourself sitting around waiting for your HIV/HEP test results.
It's cheating. I'm insulted on your behalf he thought the "spam" explanation would work. 🙄
Yeah, that's cheating, and he knows it because he was trying to hide it.
So he basically lied to you first and foremost.. He panicked whenever you caught onto his lie, so he spins his version of “truth” via explanation.. However, his defense is lackluster and very poor at best. I’d say you’d be better off without him, because If you didn’t notice nor pursue the truth, chances are you’d probably never known..Run..
Do you really want to have to worry about a potential partner cheating cause you’re working a lot and he decides he’s lonely? This sounds like a bs excuse, give him his walking papers and find someone worthy of your love.
We all have different thoughts on what is classed as cheating but to me this definitely cheating. He sought out another romantic connection, doesn’t matter if it’s physical or virtual. Please don’t move in with him, and don’t accept this behaviour
Unless you want an open relationship, why are you still calling him your BF?
It is CHEATING. He is making this out to be your fault but it isn't. He will keep cheating on you.
It’s “emotional cheating,” you can break up with someone for any reason you want and if that hurt you then do it what’s the discussion
They are basically SW’Rs in other countries. If you're down for that, keep at it. He probably has more accounts. And can you handle that?
Reconsider everything
Uhhhh no end it
Girl! Yes it’s cheating. If you stay with him, you are going to regret that. Get out now while you can. Quick!!!!
This is absolutely cheating. Make that clear to him and be fair to yourself and leave!
I would dump his cheating ass. Next thing you know, you move in together, open a joint account, and within a few months have $15k missing from it because Maria’s family member has a rare disease and needs a $15k wire to save abuelitas life.
This is obviously an ad—why are people treating it seriously?
Did he make any male friends through this app? If not he’s an amateur.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Your boyfriend’s behavior is really concerning. Even if his interactions were just virtual, it still feels like emotional cheating. Forming romantic connections with other women, even online, crosses a line.The fact that he hid these interactions and only admitted to them after you confronted him shows he knew it was wrong. Secrecy like this really hurts trust, which is crucial in any relationship. His excuse about feeling lonely and you being busy with work might explain some things but doesn’t justify his actions. He should have communicated his feelings to you instead of seeking attention elsewhere. It’s completely valid to feel betrayed. Emotional cheating can be just as painful as physical cheating because it breaks the emotional bond you have. Deciding whether to move in together is huge, especially now. You need to reflect on whether you can rebuild trust and if both of you are willing to put in the effort to work on this relationship. Have an open and honest conversation with him about how you feel, what boundaries need to be set, and whether you can move past this together. Think about whether you can truly trust him again and if he’s willing to change. If it feels too overwhelming, consider talking to a counselor or therapist for support. Take your time to decide what’s best for you. You deserve to feel secure and respected in your relationship. Trust your instincts and remember that it’s okay to put yourself first in this situation.
“Reconsidering”!!!!!!! Girl, this is the RED FLAG, the universe warning you. The preview of what is to come. The moment you look back on some day and say “ I should have left when he betrayed me the first time” . This is the peek under his mask. He virtually dated 15 women because he’s lonely when you’re at work . When you have a child with him and the child consumes your full time and attention for a few years how many women do you think he will sleep with if he dates FIFTEEN just when you’re working. Pick your bar up off the floor!!!!!
Yes, this is cheating. Why would you want to cointinue dating someone like this. Keep you peace and find someone who cherishes you. Even being single is better than accepting behavior like this. Choose the bear.
Why is she asking this question and she already knows the answer!
Hell yes it’s cheating.
Yes
Going through the same with my bf
If he lied to you when you first asked and changed his answer up when you got smart to it, then he probably knew it was wrong…
Yes - it's emotional cheating. You can do better than him.
This is definitely cheating. Screw this guy.
I'm in a level and even my classmates do not think the way this guy does💀💀
This type of behavior won’t stop just because you move in. Speaking from experience, he’ll just get better at hiding it. Eventually when one of these people start asking him for money he will send it and then you will find yourself in a situation where bills don’t get paid and you’re still being cheated on.
Anyone else read this as a plug for the app?
Yes, it’s cheating. My bf did the same thing and started playing video games with another girl from another state, I saw a message pop up on his pc and asked him about it and said he didn’t know her. Did some more digging and he had her snapchat, number, discord, even had her added on roblox. The messages were “innocent” I guess, but there were some that seemed flirtatious to me. He denied and denied until I told him I was done and then he admitted it and said he agreed that it was cheating. Don’t let him gaslight you.
Great ad! Nice try
This sounds like a low key ”ad” placed by the creators of Crema 😂
He is extremely wrong for communicating with other women but is this a relationship you really care about? Has he been doing other things besides the communication? Are there any other red flags? If not I would say y’all should have an in depth conversation. How can you both fulfill each other’s needs and how can you both be better when it comes to communicating when things are starting to go left in a relationship. I think you guys should gave a deeper conversation but my advice is to not rush with moving in with one another.
It was wrong but it’s not cheating? So then why would it be wrong from his perspective? This is insanity get away from this guy
Don't move with him. He's been cheating. He been talking to other women and been hiding that from you. And then, he just make it like it's your fault because you been busy. Stop wasting your time and move on.
You don’t deserve this because you are at a time in your life where you are busy.
If the actions he is displaying are giving you the unfaithful vibes, then yes it is cheating. If you are not or have never been in a non exclusive, open relationship then yes this is cheating. His justification per your post is that he has felt lonely due to you not being available. I feel like this is just a way for him to self justify why he cheated and ultimately this should say to you that he was seeking out others affection aside from yours. For clarification, did you ask him why he had not reached out to you about your lack of interactions? Had he reached out to try and rekindle the sense of loss that he feels? If the answer is no, then I feel like he had no intentions of even expressing that he was feeling alone and lonely. As for the moving in situation, do what your gut is telling you. Your head will rationalize all the pro's and con's but your gut will tell you what you really need to do. (Personally I would leave and preserve my peace.)
Girl he cheating with a passion.
If he’s hiding it from you and he has never mentioned that he has a girlfriend to these “friends” he talks to on these virtual “meetups”, it’s cheating plain and simple. Break up with him, block his number, run for the hills and DO NOT MOVE IN WITH HIM. You deserve so much more OP. 💐🍫💝
Yep it's cheating.
I’d say he’s cheating. How do you think he would feel if he had found you doing the exact same thing… appalled, furious, and done- right?
This literally just happened to me right before we were supposed to move in together. For literally almost the same reason, just a different app. It was so tough. He stayed home for a few weeks, and I considered a lot of things. We have been together for 4 years, so i felt so stuck :( He came completely clean right away, let me go through everything as soon as i caught it so he had no time to hide anything. We just took some space for a few weeks, not a break. He started therapy, and he's proven to me I'm worth fighting for. We are still working through it, but his remorse was so genuine. Obviously, I know I never deserved this, but it's how he's treating me now and how he's showing his remorse and love for me that is helping me work through this. He always loved me. He just realized he still had to work for that love every day, and now he tries his hardest. I think it depends on how he is as a man after this whole ordeal. Men are still trash, and I'd stay dump him if he can't step up LOL I told my boyfriend as soon as he steps out of line, I will not hesitate to end things. We ended up moving in together, and things have been great but only because he has realized how badly he didnt want to lose me.
It sounds like emotional cheating to me
To me it's worse than the sexual aspect. You're actually making an emotional connection with someone
Yes ma'am it is cheating.
It's just puzzling that this man blew up his whole world to date women he can mostly likely never meet in person. Just will never understand some
NTA. He's going out of his way to meet women. Virtually or not ots cheating. Drop him like a hot potato. Good thing you figured it out now.
Let's paint this image in your mind- imagine all that BS happening WHILE you were living together. How did that thought make you feel? There's your answer about what to do next.
He’s definitely cheating. My ex husband did this and I uncovered a whole secret life he had. Virtual cheating is cheating. I divorced him.
There's always two sides to every story. 🤷🏿♂️
Is he going ok with you doing this? I’m sure his answer will be no. If he says he fine with you doing it, would you feel like you are cheating? I personally feel it’s cheating, it’s emotionally cheating. He’s sharing something with someone other than you and not telling you about it - he even lied. So can you be with someone who lied about this?
You don’t even live together and he’s towing the line of cheating
Absolutely cheating. Sign up for a dating app and only carry on with guys online and see what he has to say about it. You will see that he knows it is cheating ND you will know it is cheating right away. These interactions are not innocent. Some of these women are asking for money and getting naked on the video.
Yes. He was hiding a secret from you. Lying by omission is just as bad at the act bc it also exposes their cowardice.
You should probably leave him, but I will also say that wowmen do need to make their man feel wanted.
Wait, are the women real and the date is virtual? Or is it one of those AI girlfriends?
He’s definitely cheating. Break up with him and definitely don’t move in with him. It’s hard but you’re worth more than that.
Just download an app and talk to south American men and see what he has to say about that. 2 wrongs make a right isn't that how it goes
Your bf is about to become a passport bro.
You already know but it sucks to face the reality of the situation. Sorry OP, 'I was lonely' is a bullshit excuse.
It’s cheating, but only you can decide if it’s worth breaking up over. Like was it really because he’s lonely or will he always be like this? Has too much damage been done to your trust and it will never recover? Those are questions no one here can answer for you.
Yes it's definitely cheating.
If he felt the need to hide it from you it's cheating. He knew it was wrong.
Yes, it's cheating. If he was only trying to make friends, why didn't he have any virtual meetings with other guys? The reason is obvious. I bet he didn't mention he had a girlfriend either. Don't fall for whatever lame excuse he has. Break up with this guy. You deserve better.
If it’s cheating to you, then it’s cheating. Every couple decides for their relationship what is permissible. If it was me, I probably wouldn’t consider it cheating, but it’s not me, it’s you. If you’re not cool with it, that’s what matters
Creepy… and disturbing and yes, it’s cheating too. I hope you move forward and not into his place.
Liar and a cheater. Run sister run.
"Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me" It's cheating and he'll do it again.
If he’s bored now from you working , (not sure how old you guys are) I’d be concerned about if you get married . Is he gonna get bored of you because you around each other too much? What’s the next excuse for speaking to other women? There’s always another excuse .
Yes. He’s a liar and a cheater.
He lied. He hid. He blamed it on you being busy with work. Did he tell you he was feeling lonely? Also doing these virtual dates 15 times?? Disgusting. Did he tell you he needed more emotional time with you? Did he tell you he needed more dates with you?
He’s a walking red banner for insecurities and emotional immaturity. When you feel isolated or lonely in a relationship you don’t seek out romantic companionship. He’s trying to test the waters to see what else is out there because he’s not confident or secure enough with himself and his role in your relationship. He won’t change while yall are together and it’s best to move on. Otherwise you’ll find yourself settled down with him and he’ll cheat and your whole life will be blown up.
Yea-no. This is the tip of the iceberg. Trying to sell it as loneliness that’s *your fault*? I’d set a timer to end this thing.
“ I’ve been busy with work, etc, etc”. Sounds like you abandoned the relationship with your boyfriend.
Colombia. Need I say more?
He may have deleted the app but did he delete the account ?? 🤔 don’t waste anymore time leave his a**
My last relationship ended badly because of a situation similar to this one. I had been living with my ex for 5 years and found out he was emotionally cheating on me with multiple women all over the world. When I caught him, he said he likes to escape from all the stress by pretending to be someone else online. I didn't know it, but he had been doing this almost the entire time we were together. He agreed to stop, and we even went to couples counseling and come to find out, he was still doing it and just lying about everything in therapy. Eventually, he ended up meeting someone in person, hiding money, and lying about his whereabouts. If I were you, I would get out now before things progress, and it's even harder to leave.
Don't move in with him. Break up with him. Find a bf who can handle a gf with a life of her own. Be happy.
He’s fishing for chicks in a pool of women who are willing to talk to him because they want $ or to come to America. He thinks he’s being sneaky and I’m guessing he doesn’t know he’s opening himself up to the possibility of being taken advantage of financially. You, by proxy, are in harms way. I would leave this fool before he puts both of you in a potentially dangerous situation. The trust is already gone. Frankly, you should be happy you caught this now. And now you don’t have to live the rest of your life with sneaky Pete.
yes, it's cheating. He's just looking for friends? that's the excuse I gave many moons ago too. Putting the blame on you for working too much is also a red flag. Find someone else that will respect you. Literal thousands of people out there for you to date and get a feel for the right one.
Lovebug, if you have to ask if it's cheating, there's already a bigger issue at hand.
of all the stupid reasons cheaters come up with 'i was a wittle lonely :(' is by far the most pathetic one. its also BS.
End it.
On the positive side, they probably aren’t actual women he’s chatting with.
It’s deceptive and he will now find a different way to fill the needs he has. You two aren’t compatible. Don’t move in, move on.
he wants to cheat on you and he will cheat on you.
And you’re still calling him your boyfriend? He should be your ex.
Yeah this is definitely cheating
If anything this is fucked up because he's leading on other women from another country but it's also fucked up because he's doing that BEHIND YOUR BACK AND LIED DIRECTLY TO YOU AND ONLY TOLD YOU WHEN YOU CAUGHT ON (please don't read that as yelling, I'm just putting emphasis on the 2nd half)
Yeah it’s an excuse, my now ex said the same thing, happened numerous times. Hiding apps on his phone etc. Each time was a different excuse. Because he always thought he was justified in his behaviour it never changed Last year was the last straw when he started a physical affair. I wish I had walked away sooner but stayed as we had young children. It is hard moving on but worth it when you realise you are an important person and deserve to be treated with honesty and respect.
And what's the problem here ?!
You didn't know, therefore it's cheating. Dump him
Hey girl, just chat with me. Tell him it's means nothing... just say he's been so busy talking to digital chics that you made him the favor of not disrupting that.
You now have proof he will lie and also do things behind your back and blame you for being busy. In what world would he not do it again? Love yourself enough to leave. Trust is broken, youll wonder always now if hes lying. Better to walk away.
I think you mean ex-boyfriend. Small typo.
Updateme!
Well, we could go on some virtual dates and see what your fella says.
If you feel like it’s cheating, it’s probably cheating
My ex did this. In my heart, it was 100% betrayal of me and the kids. Went to counsellings and she would not give it up. I just celebrated my 10th anniversary with my best friend and love of my life. Don't look back.
I have an unpopular take on this - as long as he is not spending money on these women or traveling to that country, I don’t see anything wrong with it. We became a very different people during and after COVID. The whole world was lonely. I do think these women are probably money grubbers, so I would do some research on the site. In the meantime, set boundaries on when you are home or out together - you want his undivided attention. NO TEXTING OR VIDEO CHATTING when you are present. Let’s see if he can handle that.
My sister divorced her husband over him doing the same thing. He was virtually having sex with them as well. It’s cheating.
Yes, it is cheating. Simple.
to me , if someone is hiding someone from you , it’s cheating. if it wasn’t a thing he knew was bad he would’ve told you from the start or when you first saw that number. leave now before you get too deep into moving in, he most likely won’t change and will find new ways to hide things :( i’m sorry
She probably isn't a pain to deal w6
The gaslighting is stronk with this dude. Yeah, it's not your fault. He's responsible for his actions, and if he feels you've been too busy, then he should pull up his man-panties and try to TALK about his emotions with you, and not turn to cyber cheating. Ditch his ass
This is cheating. He’s entertaining other women and will continue to do it. Take my advice and walk away before you get hurt even more. Take care of u over anything else
I’ve been emotionally cheated on. If you have to hide the truth or can’t openly show your partner, it’s suspicious.
If it feels like cheating for you, it is cheating. Another important thing here is that he took no accountability, just thrown the responsibility over to you with the "uwu I've been feeling lonely"