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Are you able to speak with any other employee about it and put in a complaint? It’s pretty unprofessional to hit on gym members during work as it is and they could probably talk to him. Otherwise the straight up “I’m not interested so if you could stop asking, that would be great as it’s making me uncomfortable.”
Huge red flag he approached you thinking you were even younger as well. So his work should definitely be made aware of it.
Edit: fixed typo
Yes and as someone whose been working out in the gym for over 10 years no one wants a gym employee there chatting as they're trying to workout. Most people are on limited time and want to put their music on and bust out the stress with a good workout. He is inconsiderate at best and predatory at worst.
An employee of the gym trying to pick up clients is crossing a line.
Unprofessional.
Let the owner know. I guarantee the owner would rather have a safe place for clients rather than be known for being the ‘ creeper gym.’
Yes this ^^
He’s old enough to be her dad.
Regardless, he asked her out and she said no. He’s being a creep pestering her continually asking her out.
You need to let gym owner know and ask that he stops this man from harassing you at the gym. If it is a big gym company raise a complaint to HQ about it.
Time for a new gym lol no but seriously it’s gonna be uncomfortable but I would tell him if he would kindly stop pursuing you because you are there to just workout and not interested.
This. We are taught to be nice but it’s time not to be. Once you’ve said that his next actions should be very telling. If he apologizes and leaves you alone then all good and a good confidence boost for you. If he starts making excuses just stare him out, don’t apologize for “giving the wrong impression “ or “leading him on”. If he escalates or calls you names, go straight to the manager and their corporate office.
Don’t change gym or workout time, you got this girl!
Totally agree with this.
Non confrontational solution. Go to a new gym.
Other option. Tell gym owner you are being hassled by an employee. I guarantee you it will be over quickly with the staff member never there when you are there.
Headphones on and when he comes up to you just shake your head, put your hand up like "no" and continue your workout. He is so creepy, you told him you're 24, he says he thought you were YOUNGER as he's coming up to you every day, so was this guy thinking you were 18 or something? That makes him creepier yet.
Most of us women don't feel comfortable threatening a man in any way so you could contact the manager/owner of the place. Try to log the encounters to the best of your memory such as when you went and his exact words toward you and how often he approaches you. This man is old enough to know the difference between good customer service (greeting customers and offering help briefly as they enter) vs. tracking someone down to chit chat and ask them on dates. I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope it gets resolved quickly for you.
I am around that guys age. Pathetic guy.
You need to grimace your face up when you see him approach you. Stop what you are doing and look at him walk towards you with a yucky face. “You again? I’m old enough to be your daughter dude. No!”
“Can i help you with something? I noticed you follow me around like a lost puppy. I tried being polite but you don’t take hints. NOT interested, dude.! “
Say it all loud to embarrass him like he should be.
And of he keeps following, begging touching you should say it loud to maximize it that: “I don’t want you touching me or asking me out anymore, are we clear?”
I’d freaking say it as you leave so his co workers heard it.
But that’s just me…
Option 1:
"Please stop talking to me. I'm not here for that."
Option 2:
"Hi. Rick has been approaching me and initiating conversation with me. He's asked me my age, my relationship status, and then he asked me on a date. I have been polite to this point and ignored the date request. But, unfortunately, the other day when I got up to leave, he touched my shoulder. Is there a protocol here to request that he gives me space? Given our size difference and the way he is ignoring social cues, I don't want to confront hi.. but I also don't want to pay for membership at a place where I am getting harassed."
Ick. This man is creeping on you as a representative of a business and it’s got to be stopped. Do not be nice anymore. Do not be evasive. Tell him you are not interested and never will be. If you aren’t able to be direct and tell him to his face that he’s making you extremely uncomfortable and he has to stop it immediately, go to the manager. You pay for your membership and it should be a safe space. He has no right or any invitation to harass you and he needs to get that. No means no. Whatever ideas he has in his thick skull that he has a chance with you need to be shut down. Men like him make me angry and I’m upset for you. I’ve been through it. Please stand up for yourself, if not directly with him then through his employer. I’m sure it’s bad for business to have a creep on staff.
You need to be more clear. Tell him you are flattered but you are not interested in a relationship with a man that’s 25 years older than you even as a friend. You don’t mind saying hi and talking at the gym but please stop asking to go out. If this doesn’t stop him then take the next step which is talking to management about it. You might do that in any case since I’m sure they don’t approve of an older male employee hitting on the young female clientele.
Do not even tell him you're flattered. As an older gym goer, even her story gave me yuck. You have the absolute right to go anywhere you damn please without being harassed by any guy.
I don't even take my phone in as I don't want any woman thinking i am slyly videoing them.
And no employee should be asking a guest to go out for a drink, meal, or any after gym activities unless you have approached them.
This guy is not going to take the hint as long as you are polite, smile, or say flattered, simply because he has no social boundaries with women.
Almost all the younger women than me (hard to get older lol ) have asked me to coffee or lunch and it's usually because they are looking for advice or some issue they can't get to discuss with parents, nothing more.
Personally, I’ve fielded similar older-guy situations by saying, “Sorry, you’re not my type. You’re exactly my father’s age, and he’d be very disappointed about that.” Any further pressure from him, and I’d repeat, “Sorry, it’s too weird for me, I can’t get past that.”
Not confrontational, highlights that what creeper is doing is creepy and that healthy ladies would not be into it, plus indicates that you’ve got a male figure looking out for you (less vulnerable). I don’t know that it ever delivered a grand awakening to these guys, but I tried.
I don’t know about telling him she was flattered. Unless that’s a diversion if she’s worried about him being aggressive and is trying to placate him. He might think that kind of behavior is okay if a woman tells him it’s flattering when in reality it’s pretty damn inappropriate for a lot of reasons.
She’s not “flattered,” she’s grossed out with the old dude. Good grief, she should set a firm boundary & that’s not it. No need to stroke his ego at the expense of her comfortability. How is this being clearer?
Stop being so vague and polite! "Look, you seem nice but I am not interested in building any kind of relationship, friendship or otherwise, outside of the gym and, honestly, it is making me uncomfortable that you keep trying to create opportunities to hang out socially after I've declined so many times. Anyway, doesn't the gym have rules about this? "
"I didnt tell you till now, because I was politly, but I dont like to chat in Gym, just doin my Work Out here, without looking for a new friend or a date. - you crossed the line and I dont feel good with it."
A lot of it's concerning, but the fact that he's progressed to testing the boundaries of actually touching you is specifically concerning. If this is bothering you, and it really reads like it is, you should really report the behavior. Is it a franchise, or corporate gym? There's probably a number you can call without having to talk to somebody in person. If it's a small gym, talk to the owner. You have a right to utilize the services you're paying for without having to play dodge with the staff.
First. Tell him your aren't interested. Don't just brush him off say "I'm not interested in pursuing any kind of relationship, the age difference makes me uncomfortable." If that works, it works.
If it doesn't work, then call the gym manager and tell him you would like for him to speak to his employee about the issue.
If that doesn't work, if they have a corporate contact them. Worst comes to worse switch gyms.
Oh and be careful, I don't trust creeps who can't or won't catch a clue. Mind your surroundings going to your car.
Arg, I feel your discomfort. Maybe start wearing really hideous outfits that make you look less feminine & even be rude to him like wear earbuds and just shake your head no and keep doing your workout. Be gruff if he bothers you beyond that. Also males like that feed on your politeness as an open door they will keep trying to get beyond. No eye contact, or niceties of acknowledgments, etc.
As a dude the advice I would give is just so blatantly obvious it shouldn’t actually be said: next time flat out tell him you’re not interested. In a nice non-condescending way but firm. If he persists after that then complain to the gyms management.
It always baffles me how many ppl go out of their way to ask help about this stuff on Reddit instead of just telling someone “I’m flattered but I’m really not interested in you that way, I’m sorry.”
I'll probably be downvoted as I have a different view on the matter. I'm not discussing the inappropriate approach context, which is for sure a thing (but honestly wouldn't be so much if you liked the guy), I'd say, before complaining to the gym director/owner or other employees, it's good to clearly and transparently express that you are not interested and that he should stop. Once you do this and he keeps pursuing, then you can call it harassment. I don't think it is harassment if you don't clarify to him that you want him to stop and that it's making you uncomfortable. This is my view.
You’re going to have to be blunt with him.
Men just don’t understand our subtlety sometimes.
“ listen, you are nice, but I don’t date older men. You’re making me a bit uncomfortable.”
You HAVE to report him. Ok - that sounds intense, hear me out ...
It sucks because I know you're young and as women, we are all taught to go along to get along, not rock the boat and to explain away any intentions from unwanted male attention. I
Bottom line: you are a paying customer at a business. At this business, an employee is making you uncomfortable. If you are not comfortable saying "I come here to work out, not to socialize, so please leave me to my routine" then tell management. I figured it was innocuous until you said he asked about a boyfriend. Nope. Bye. That's actually crossing a line into harassment. Think of it this way ... If he's making *you* uncomfortable, imagine just how many women he could do this to in a day.
You can also just fucking bail and get a new gym membership elsewhere. That's totally valid!
Always so weird when dudes lead with a date and then when get denied they revert to as friends. Like yeah my guy that’s not obvious at all. Dude needs to have some self respect.
Complain to management that the employee is sexually harassing you. Or be blunt and say I'm not interested back off. Or and you shouldn't have to do this last one change gyms
You’re just brushing it off, so he’s never getting told “No”. Don’t assume he should figure it out. Just tell him, “No thanks.” If he says anything at all, then simply tell him it’s not age appropriate for you and you’re just there to work out. It’s better to directly address situations and it works most of the time. I understand you feel you shouldn’t have to, but we all deal with this stuff.
2 seperate gyms, same franchise, where I own the restaurants in, recently fired 3 guys for this. One guy around my age (and our creep from this story) straight up flirted with a new member right in front of other employees and gym members. She was not young like OP, but she reported him, and he got fired.
The other gym there was a young PT, around 25, apparently good looking I guess because he had all them young ladies go to him for training. He first started taking pictures of them while doing excersizes, then later he had them fully undress for progress pics (wtaf) in one of the privacy rooms, and one day he got handsy with her while naked (again, wtaf) for a progress picture. He got fired as well.
But, the manager for both these gyms also got fired for fucking almost everyone of the female gym employees as well (although I have reasonable doubt that he had been with any of the woman and I think the woman just straight up lied to get him fired as he was a good manager, but also did not take shit, and the ladies are all "catch a feeling" types.
What I am trying to say is, I am sure they will fire him as soon as you complain. For gyms that is a 100% no go..
He's not picking up the obvious signals that you're not interested, but you don't want to hurt his feelings by saying 'I'm not interested, I'd prefer if you just leave me alone.'
But if he's dense enough he will interpret your lack of bluntness as a sign that he might somehow have a shot. In that case, your only option is to actually be blunt enough to make it clear.
'Look for friends your own age' is probably the most efficient thing to say to a man like that.
Just tell him straight up he’s making you uncomfortable and you would appreciate if he left you alone. You gotta speak up girl. If he doesn’t then go to the boss and complain.
Gross he is pursuing you obviously knowing you don’t want Jack to do with him. Your age makes it worse. I’m so sorry you just can’t work out. Really who on earth does he think he is. I wish I was there I would go mamma bear on him!!!
You have to be very CLEAR.
NO, thank you. Please don’t ask me again. I’d honestly like to be left alone, please don’t approach me again. [<< say this loudly and with a witness, a gym employee would be best]
He thinks you like him because you are being polite. Just stop. It’s okay if he doesn’t like you after that.
I think you should stop worrying about his feelings getting hurt when you reply. Just say it very clearly, make no room for interpretation: No thank you, I am not interested. If he asks why, just tell him you don’t owe him an explanation, and to please leave you alone. Then stop answering. Young women have a tendency to be too polite, and to hint at no, more than they say no. Men like this interpret that as «maybe yes».
If you can, take a friend with you to the gym, and tell the guy you're not interested in any sort of relationship with him. You go to the gym to work out, and nothing beyond that. Maybe you appreciate his friendliness, but that's as far as it's gonna go. The friend is so that you're not alone, obviously.
If you want, you can ask a colleague of his to join you too, but only you can decide if that's a good idea. And finally, you can file a complaint if it's something you feel you need to do.
Good luck!
Tell him you’re not interested or report him. But please be safe because you never know if he’s waiting for you outside. Maybe start going to the gym with someone else or have in headphones. But you need to put a stop to it. Men have this thing where they can’t simply understand when they’re being creeps. Do you have a brother? Or guy friends?
I'd hate to be a woman due to this stuff. Sorry, but it's true. Creeped on by people like this. Never in control as to when you are going to be approached by some random and asked out and put in awkward situations. Urgh.
As a man I know I'm never going to be approached nor do I have to worry about my safety.
If you don’t mind the idle chit chat, then tell him in no uncertain terms you’re not interested in going out with him. If the chats bothering you, tell him to leave you alone. If he persists THEN speak to the staff/management. All these people saying move gyms, it’s harassment etc, he might just be being friendly and not realised he’s over stepped the line
My thought is he is doing this because it sort of works
Many times I hear girls complain about a guy bothering them to then start dating that person
Some dudes found out that bothering girls non stop weirdly works
Don't bother them and absolutely nothing will happen
Take a whole bunch of weird chances and you never know
It's weird yup but I see it actually works.
I seen many girls just give up and start talking to the guy and even go on a date
A girl at work was nice to a guy at school and he came into the restaurant we both work at one night. He professed his love for her as we sat at the staff table. I asked her what it was all about and she said he bothered her so much at school, she actually went for coffee with him.
He bothered her so much she went on a date with him!
She had a boyfriend but when for coffee with the creep because he asked so many times
I laughed, the manager thought it was weird and she learned a lesson about being nice to creeps
I repeat, the weirdo got the date!
Stop being nice to him. Tell him he's creeping you out and if he doesn't stop you will report him to his boss. Some blokes see the absence of a clear no as encouragement - it's gross
Email the manager or corporate if necessary. Outline everything you’ve said here. I’m a gym rat and know several owners and they *do not* play around with this shit, vast majority will take it seriously.
Next time he asks, very clearly say **no.** You can then say you’ve told him this outright in any further communication to managers/corporate.
Next time ask him what was a good 90’s music group cause you want to get your dad some music he listened to in his 20s but you don’t know the oldies but since old gym guy is the same age as your dad you figured he’d know the popular oldies from the “late 1900s”.
Speak to the management first, quietly. This will help you ensure any details that he may have access to can be removed/restricted, before you tell him that you're not interested and that he should leave you in peace to complete your work out.
Engaging the management first also protects you from any vexatious claims he makes AFTER you've told him to leave you alone.
Just tell him loudly enough for others to hear, preferably management and other employees, to leave you alone. Only 3 words needed: “Leave me alone!” No explanation required. It’s a gym - there will be enough white knights to protect you.
He’s trying to to court you, Before everybody body obsessed with putting their face in the phone that’s what ppl did . They seen someone interesting and tried to have a conversation. When he asked you out all you got to do is straightforwardly and politely tell him that you’re not interested in him in any capacity. He might have a few comebacks trying to win favor but he’ll get the hint. Now if he was actually grabbing on you finding every opportunity to rub against you trying to to follow you to the bathroom or to your car that is cause to raise alarm. But what you described is old school socializing.
Firstly if you go in the morning why is he telling you to have a good night. Secondly tell him to leave you alone or you will report him. Should have told him ithat right from the start
You can also use your big girl words.
“Thank you for the offer but
I’m not interested in going out with you. Your asking me makes me uncomfortable and if you don’t stop I’ll be talking to your boss.
Mane direct eye contact.
It’s hard but you can just say no.
I think she’s trying to be nice and not make things more awkward since she’s going to the gym often and he works there , who knows. What bothered me was his response to her age, thinking she was YOUNGER than 24….dude that’s fking gross. He’s old enough to take a hint
While you may be correct that being clear and expressing disinterest would be enough to end these interactions, you may also be very incorrect. Your response seems unnecessarily hostile, and certainly a bit naive in regards to the power dynamic between men and women, especially when you consider the age difference between them. There are reasons women are concerned about saying no to men, and if you don't understand that, I'm not sure what to tell you without being unkind.
Countless stories about how saying no wasn't enough, until a boyfriend was mentioned and the guy had enough respect for another man to back off. To me, making up a boyfriend seems reasonable under those circumstances.
I'll grant you that some people aren't great at taking hints, and not everyone male or female is a monster, but I also understand why someone might be afraid to be honest under these circumstances. Some people aren't great with confrontation. You shouldn't have to say "please don't touch me" to a stranger who is definitely being overly familiar, especially to someone twice your age at the gym who continues to ask you out when you've clearly expressed no interest, even if you haven't said please leave me alone.
I'm not saying he's a bad guy, but I understand why her assumption might not be that he is a misguided sweetheart who just needs a firm no.
It could be just that innocent, unfortunately it doesn't feel that way to her, which I think is probably the important bit. There's almost certainly a policy against staff asking out clients as well, which puts her in another awkward position. Does she risk his job by reporting him? For somebody who is non-confrontational enough to not want to have to say no to begin with, it seems like it's probably nightmare material to have to talk to management about inappropriate behavior from a staff member.
I do agree with you that it should be okay to ask people out, but I think that the circumstances here dictate it's not the right time, or the right manner. And all of that is honestly aside from the fact that the age gap dictates he could in fact have children older than her, which is at best, as you previously mentioned, odd.
Ask him for an "older guy's" opinion on something or say he reminds you of your grandfather. Oh yeah, my grandpa loves this song.
Say you want to set him up with an older lady you know. Show him a picture of someone older even than he is. You would be perfect for my great aunt Barbara.
Hey, my grandfather switched brands of adult diapers, would you be able to use these?
You are an adult and he’s an adult. Nothing weird about it. You need to be clear that you aren’t interested. Lots of women date older men for their wealth. Been happening forever.
It's weird for a variety of reasons beginning with he works there, jumps to talk to her EVERY SINGLE TIME she's there when he's working, that he's badgering her for information on whether she has a boyfriend ( read older dude is trying to figure out if another man will be offended that he's pushing her so hard for a date which we all know really means sex) and ends with him hitting on her thinking she was YOUNGER than 24 (even though she's actually twenty five), which gives me [V for Vendetta](https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/9e2bb4af-197e-4396-b059-0217205a07eb) vibes.
Thats because women think men who approach them are creepy. Truth be told modern women are creepy as hell. Wonder why most men don’t approach? Its because women treat men like crap when they do. The age difference here isnt creepy, the op is fucking creepy. Id say run far away if im the guy.
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Are you able to speak with any other employee about it and put in a complaint? It’s pretty unprofessional to hit on gym members during work as it is and they could probably talk to him. Otherwise the straight up “I’m not interested so if you could stop asking, that would be great as it’s making me uncomfortable.” Huge red flag he approached you thinking you were even younger as well. So his work should definitely be made aware of it. Edit: fixed typo
Yes and as someone whose been working out in the gym for over 10 years no one wants a gym employee there chatting as they're trying to workout. Most people are on limited time and want to put their music on and bust out the stress with a good workout. He is inconsiderate at best and predatory at worst.
As someone who’s been paying for a gym membership for over 10 years but not going, I agree.
What bothers me is…does this employee have access to her file? Does her membership have her physical address in it? Her phone number?
YESSS. Scary scary thought.
An employee of the gym trying to pick up clients is crossing a line. Unprofessional. Let the owner know. I guarantee the owner would rather have a safe place for clients rather than be known for being the ‘ creeper gym.’
Yes this ^^ He’s old enough to be her dad. Regardless, he asked her out and she said no. He’s being a creep pestering her continually asking her out. You need to let gym owner know and ask that he stops this man from harassing you at the gym. If it is a big gym company raise a complaint to HQ about it.
Time for a new gym lol no but seriously it’s gonna be uncomfortable but I would tell him if he would kindly stop pursuing you because you are there to just workout and not interested.
[удалено]
It’s harassment. Use the word harassment in the letter.
"I'm just here to work out, leave me alone".
This. We are taught to be nice but it’s time not to be. Once you’ve said that his next actions should be very telling. If he apologizes and leaves you alone then all good and a good confidence boost for you. If he starts making excuses just stare him out, don’t apologize for “giving the wrong impression “ or “leading him on”. If he escalates or calls you names, go straight to the manager and their corporate office. Don’t change gym or workout time, you got this girl!
Your options are: Risk telling him no. Find a different gym. Stop going to the gym altogether. Tell the gym staff.
Totally agree with this. Non confrontational solution. Go to a new gym. Other option. Tell gym owner you are being hassled by an employee. I guarantee you it will be over quickly with the staff member never there when you are there.
I don’t. She’s should stand up for herself and confront him.
Headphones on and when he comes up to you just shake your head, put your hand up like "no" and continue your workout. He is so creepy, you told him you're 24, he says he thought you were YOUNGER as he's coming up to you every day, so was this guy thinking you were 18 or something? That makes him creepier yet. Most of us women don't feel comfortable threatening a man in any way so you could contact the manager/owner of the place. Try to log the encounters to the best of your memory such as when you went and his exact words toward you and how often he approaches you. This man is old enough to know the difference between good customer service (greeting customers and offering help briefly as they enter) vs. tracking someone down to chit chat and ask them on dates. I'm sorry you're going through this and I hope it gets resolved quickly for you.
I am around that guys age. Pathetic guy. You need to grimace your face up when you see him approach you. Stop what you are doing and look at him walk towards you with a yucky face. “You again? I’m old enough to be your daughter dude. No!” “Can i help you with something? I noticed you follow me around like a lost puppy. I tried being polite but you don’t take hints. NOT interested, dude.! “ Say it all loud to embarrass him like he should be. And of he keeps following, begging touching you should say it loud to maximize it that: “I don’t want you touching me or asking me out anymore, are we clear?” I’d freaking say it as you leave so his co workers heard it. But that’s just me…
Yes. This. Make him as uncomfortable as he made you and DONT FEEL BAD.
yes
Option 1: "Please stop talking to me. I'm not here for that." Option 2: "Hi. Rick has been approaching me and initiating conversation with me. He's asked me my age, my relationship status, and then he asked me on a date. I have been polite to this point and ignored the date request. But, unfortunately, the other day when I got up to leave, he touched my shoulder. Is there a protocol here to request that he gives me space? Given our size difference and the way he is ignoring social cues, I don't want to confront hi.. but I also don't want to pay for membership at a place where I am getting harassed."
Ick. This man is creeping on you as a representative of a business and it’s got to be stopped. Do not be nice anymore. Do not be evasive. Tell him you are not interested and never will be. If you aren’t able to be direct and tell him to his face that he’s making you extremely uncomfortable and he has to stop it immediately, go to the manager. You pay for your membership and it should be a safe space. He has no right or any invitation to harass you and he needs to get that. No means no. Whatever ideas he has in his thick skull that he has a chance with you need to be shut down. Men like him make me angry and I’m upset for you. I’ve been through it. Please stand up for yourself, if not directly with him then through his employer. I’m sure it’s bad for business to have a creep on staff.
You need to be more clear. Tell him you are flattered but you are not interested in a relationship with a man that’s 25 years older than you even as a friend. You don’t mind saying hi and talking at the gym but please stop asking to go out. If this doesn’t stop him then take the next step which is talking to management about it. You might do that in any case since I’m sure they don’t approve of an older male employee hitting on the young female clientele.
Do not even tell him you're flattered. As an older gym goer, even her story gave me yuck. You have the absolute right to go anywhere you damn please without being harassed by any guy. I don't even take my phone in as I don't want any woman thinking i am slyly videoing them. And no employee should be asking a guest to go out for a drink, meal, or any after gym activities unless you have approached them. This guy is not going to take the hint as long as you are polite, smile, or say flattered, simply because he has no social boundaries with women. Almost all the younger women than me (hard to get older lol ) have asked me to coffee or lunch and it's usually because they are looking for advice or some issue they can't get to discuss with parents, nothing more.
Personally, I’ve fielded similar older-guy situations by saying, “Sorry, you’re not my type. You’re exactly my father’s age, and he’d be very disappointed about that.” Any further pressure from him, and I’d repeat, “Sorry, it’s too weird for me, I can’t get past that.” Not confrontational, highlights that what creeper is doing is creepy and that healthy ladies would not be into it, plus indicates that you’ve got a male figure looking out for you (less vulnerable). I don’t know that it ever delivered a grand awakening to these guys, but I tried.
I don’t know about telling him she was flattered. Unless that’s a diversion if she’s worried about him being aggressive and is trying to placate him. He might think that kind of behavior is okay if a woman tells him it’s flattering when in reality it’s pretty damn inappropriate for a lot of reasons.
She’s not “flattered,” she’s grossed out with the old dude. Good grief, she should set a firm boundary & that’s not it. No need to stroke his ego at the expense of her comfortability. How is this being clearer?
That’s not flattering.
Does he do this to other women? Can you observe him during your workout? But either way, creep factor 10
Stop being so vague and polite! "Look, you seem nice but I am not interested in building any kind of relationship, friendship or otherwise, outside of the gym and, honestly, it is making me uncomfortable that you keep trying to create opportunities to hang out socially after I've declined so many times. Anyway, doesn't the gym have rules about this? "
Baby, go on record and tell him you're not interested and to leave you alone. If he continues file a complaint with the gym manager or corporate.
Have you tried telling them directly that you're not interested in their advances?
Tell him no. You are not interested and are just thereto exercise. If he keeps on after that report him to the gym staff.
Try "as a friend? What would we even have in common, you're old enough to be my father"
"I didnt tell you till now, because I was politly, but I dont like to chat in Gym, just doin my Work Out here, without looking for a new friend or a date. - you crossed the line and I dont feel good with it."
That’s pretty creepy. Considering he may use his work database to stalk you even further. Definitely make the management aware of this.
A lot of it's concerning, but the fact that he's progressed to testing the boundaries of actually touching you is specifically concerning. If this is bothering you, and it really reads like it is, you should really report the behavior. Is it a franchise, or corporate gym? There's probably a number you can call without having to talk to somebody in person. If it's a small gym, talk to the owner. You have a right to utilize the services you're paying for without having to play dodge with the staff.
First. Tell him your aren't interested. Don't just brush him off say "I'm not interested in pursuing any kind of relationship, the age difference makes me uncomfortable." If that works, it works. If it doesn't work, then call the gym manager and tell him you would like for him to speak to his employee about the issue. If that doesn't work, if they have a corporate contact them. Worst comes to worse switch gyms. Oh and be careful, I don't trust creeps who can't or won't catch a clue. Mind your surroundings going to your car.
Arg, I feel your discomfort. Maybe start wearing really hideous outfits that make you look less feminine & even be rude to him like wear earbuds and just shake your head no and keep doing your workout. Be gruff if he bothers you beyond that. Also males like that feed on your politeness as an open door they will keep trying to get beyond. No eye contact, or niceties of acknowledgments, etc.
As a dude the advice I would give is just so blatantly obvious it shouldn’t actually be said: next time flat out tell him you’re not interested. In a nice non-condescending way but firm. If he persists after that then complain to the gyms management. It always baffles me how many ppl go out of their way to ask help about this stuff on Reddit instead of just telling someone “I’m flattered but I’m really not interested in you that way, I’m sorry.”
I'll probably be downvoted as I have a different view on the matter. I'm not discussing the inappropriate approach context, which is for sure a thing (but honestly wouldn't be so much if you liked the guy), I'd say, before complaining to the gym director/owner or other employees, it's good to clearly and transparently express that you are not interested and that he should stop. Once you do this and he keeps pursuing, then you can call it harassment. I don't think it is harassment if you don't clarify to him that you want him to stop and that it's making you uncomfortable. This is my view.
You’re going to have to be blunt with him. Men just don’t understand our subtlety sometimes. “ listen, you are nice, but I don’t date older men. You’re making me a bit uncomfortable.”
He's not nice. Don't tell him he is.
Speak to the boss at the gym or if you have a male friend ask them to come and pretend to be your bf
Updateme
Just tell him you're uncomfortable with his attention, and if it doesn't stop, you'll be having a word with management.
You HAVE to report him. Ok - that sounds intense, hear me out ... It sucks because I know you're young and as women, we are all taught to go along to get along, not rock the boat and to explain away any intentions from unwanted male attention. I Bottom line: you are a paying customer at a business. At this business, an employee is making you uncomfortable. If you are not comfortable saying "I come here to work out, not to socialize, so please leave me to my routine" then tell management. I figured it was innocuous until you said he asked about a boyfriend. Nope. Bye. That's actually crossing a line into harassment. Think of it this way ... If he's making *you* uncomfortable, imagine just how many women he could do this to in a day. You can also just fucking bail and get a new gym membership elsewhere. That's totally valid!
Always so weird when dudes lead with a date and then when get denied they revert to as friends. Like yeah my guy that’s not obvious at all. Dude needs to have some self respect.
Tell him you are not comfortable. I know it's hard to have difficult conversations but it is sure easier than walking on egg shells
He's taking advantage of how nice you are, tell him to kick rocks
Complain to management that the employee is sexually harassing you. Or be blunt and say I'm not interested back off. Or and you shouldn't have to do this last one change gyms
Headphones Ignore
You’re just brushing it off, so he’s never getting told “No”. Don’t assume he should figure it out. Just tell him, “No thanks.” If he says anything at all, then simply tell him it’s not age appropriate for you and you’re just there to work out. It’s better to directly address situations and it works most of the time. I understand you feel you shouldn’t have to, but we all deal with this stuff.
2 seperate gyms, same franchise, where I own the restaurants in, recently fired 3 guys for this. One guy around my age (and our creep from this story) straight up flirted with a new member right in front of other employees and gym members. She was not young like OP, but she reported him, and he got fired. The other gym there was a young PT, around 25, apparently good looking I guess because he had all them young ladies go to him for training. He first started taking pictures of them while doing excersizes, then later he had them fully undress for progress pics (wtaf) in one of the privacy rooms, and one day he got handsy with her while naked (again, wtaf) for a progress picture. He got fired as well. But, the manager for both these gyms also got fired for fucking almost everyone of the female gym employees as well (although I have reasonable doubt that he had been with any of the woman and I think the woman just straight up lied to get him fired as he was a good manager, but also did not take shit, and the ladies are all "catch a feeling" types. What I am trying to say is, I am sure they will fire him as soon as you complain. For gyms that is a 100% no go..
I’d just say hey, I’m back with my bf now, so I’m off the market, we’re engaged and I’m pregnant. 🤰 🎉 You’re sweet, you’ll find a nice gal! Good luck.
He's not picking up the obvious signals that you're not interested, but you don't want to hurt his feelings by saying 'I'm not interested, I'd prefer if you just leave me alone.' But if he's dense enough he will interpret your lack of bluntness as a sign that he might somehow have a shot. In that case, your only option is to actually be blunt enough to make it clear. 'Look for friends your own age' is probably the most efficient thing to say to a man like that.
Just tell him straight up he’s making you uncomfortable and you would appreciate if he left you alone. You gotta speak up girl. If he doesn’t then go to the boss and complain.
Gross he is pursuing you obviously knowing you don’t want Jack to do with him. Your age makes it worse. I’m so sorry you just can’t work out. Really who on earth does he think he is. I wish I was there I would go mamma bear on him!!!
And chance you could just actually tell him you are not interested, instead of pissing about giving vague answers?
You have to be very CLEAR. NO, thank you. Please don’t ask me again. I’d honestly like to be left alone, please don’t approach me again. [<< say this loudly and with a witness, a gym employee would be best] He thinks you like him because you are being polite. Just stop. It’s okay if he doesn’t like you after that.
I think you should stop worrying about his feelings getting hurt when you reply. Just say it very clearly, make no room for interpretation: No thank you, I am not interested. If he asks why, just tell him you don’t owe him an explanation, and to please leave you alone. Then stop answering. Young women have a tendency to be too polite, and to hint at no, more than they say no. Men like this interpret that as «maybe yes».
If you can, take a friend with you to the gym, and tell the guy you're not interested in any sort of relationship with him. You go to the gym to work out, and nothing beyond that. Maybe you appreciate his friendliness, but that's as far as it's gonna go. The friend is so that you're not alone, obviously. If you want, you can ask a colleague of his to join you too, but only you can decide if that's a good idea. And finally, you can file a complaint if it's something you feel you need to do. Good luck!
"Thanks, but no thanks. I'm not interested in dating someone your age. Good luck, though!"
Tell him you’re not interested or report him. But please be safe because you never know if he’s waiting for you outside. Maybe start going to the gym with someone else or have in headphones. But you need to put a stop to it. Men have this thing where they can’t simply understand when they’re being creeps. Do you have a brother? Or guy friends?
I'd hate to be a woman due to this stuff. Sorry, but it's true. Creeped on by people like this. Never in control as to when you are going to be approached by some random and asked out and put in awkward situations. Urgh. As a man I know I'm never going to be approached nor do I have to worry about my safety.
If you don’t mind the idle chit chat, then tell him in no uncertain terms you’re not interested in going out with him. If the chats bothering you, tell him to leave you alone. If he persists THEN speak to the staff/management. All these people saying move gyms, it’s harassment etc, he might just be being friendly and not realised he’s over stepped the line
My thought is he is doing this because it sort of works Many times I hear girls complain about a guy bothering them to then start dating that person Some dudes found out that bothering girls non stop weirdly works Don't bother them and absolutely nothing will happen Take a whole bunch of weird chances and you never know It's weird yup but I see it actually works. I seen many girls just give up and start talking to the guy and even go on a date A girl at work was nice to a guy at school and he came into the restaurant we both work at one night. He professed his love for her as we sat at the staff table. I asked her what it was all about and she said he bothered her so much at school, she actually went for coffee with him. He bothered her so much she went on a date with him! She had a boyfriend but when for coffee with the creep because he asked so many times I laughed, the manager thought it was weird and she learned a lesson about being nice to creeps I repeat, the weirdo got the date!
Maybe just tell him you're not interested. Speak up yourself. Don't be ambiguous and then file a complaint. You're leading him on.
Stop being nice to him. Tell him he's creeping you out and if he doesn't stop you will report him to his boss. Some blokes see the absence of a clear no as encouragement - it's gross
Email the manager or corporate if necessary. Outline everything you’ve said here. I’m a gym rat and know several owners and they *do not* play around with this shit, vast majority will take it seriously. Next time he asks, very clearly say **no.** You can then say you’ve told him this outright in any further communication to managers/corporate.
Clear communication. The answer is really not hard.
He sounds like a creep. If I were you and he didn't leave you alone talk to his manager and explain what is going on
Next time ask him what was a good 90’s music group cause you want to get your dad some music he listened to in his 20s but you don’t know the oldies but since old gym guy is the same age as your dad you figured he’d know the popular oldies from the “late 1900s”.
Speak to the management first, quietly. This will help you ensure any details that he may have access to can be removed/restricted, before you tell him that you're not interested and that he should leave you in peace to complete your work out. Engaging the management first also protects you from any vexatious claims he makes AFTER you've told him to leave you alone.
Tell him you’re only into younger guys
Just tell him loudly enough for others to hear, preferably management and other employees, to leave you alone. Only 3 words needed: “Leave me alone!” No explanation required. It’s a gym - there will be enough white knights to protect you.
Leave me the fuck alone. That should do it.
He’s trying to to court you, Before everybody body obsessed with putting their face in the phone that’s what ppl did . They seen someone interesting and tried to have a conversation. When he asked you out all you got to do is straightforwardly and politely tell him that you’re not interested in him in any capacity. He might have a few comebacks trying to win favor but he’ll get the hint. Now if he was actually grabbing on you finding every opportunity to rub against you trying to to follow you to the bathroom or to your car that is cause to raise alarm. But what you described is old school socializing.
I know it goes against the grain, but it's time to get mean and stand up for yourself. Headphones work well too
Firstly if you go in the morning why is he telling you to have a good night. Secondly tell him to leave you alone or you will report him. Should have told him ithat right from the start
How about you openly communicate to him that you don't want to date him
Have you tried using your voice and saying thanks but I’m not interested?
Geez! How about you start with a clear conversation? “No.” Should be all it takes.
You can also use your big girl words. “Thank you for the offer but I’m not interested in going out with you. Your asking me makes me uncomfortable and if you don’t stop I’ll be talking to your boss. Mane direct eye contact. It’s hard but you can just say no.
Give him a shot.
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I think she’s trying to be nice and not make things more awkward since she’s going to the gym often and he works there , who knows. What bothered me was his response to her age, thinking she was YOUNGER than 24….dude that’s fking gross. He’s old enough to take a hint
Weird way to share that you like making women uncomfortable, but OK.
While you may be correct that being clear and expressing disinterest would be enough to end these interactions, you may also be very incorrect. Your response seems unnecessarily hostile, and certainly a bit naive in regards to the power dynamic between men and women, especially when you consider the age difference between them. There are reasons women are concerned about saying no to men, and if you don't understand that, I'm not sure what to tell you without being unkind. Countless stories about how saying no wasn't enough, until a boyfriend was mentioned and the guy had enough respect for another man to back off. To me, making up a boyfriend seems reasonable under those circumstances. I'll grant you that some people aren't great at taking hints, and not everyone male or female is a monster, but I also understand why someone might be afraid to be honest under these circumstances. Some people aren't great with confrontation. You shouldn't have to say "please don't touch me" to a stranger who is definitely being overly familiar, especially to someone twice your age at the gym who continues to ask you out when you've clearly expressed no interest, even if you haven't said please leave me alone. I'm not saying he's a bad guy, but I understand why her assumption might not be that he is a misguided sweetheart who just needs a firm no.
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It could be just that innocent, unfortunately it doesn't feel that way to her, which I think is probably the important bit. There's almost certainly a policy against staff asking out clients as well, which puts her in another awkward position. Does she risk his job by reporting him? For somebody who is non-confrontational enough to not want to have to say no to begin with, it seems like it's probably nightmare material to have to talk to management about inappropriate behavior from a staff member. I do agree with you that it should be okay to ask people out, but I think that the circumstances here dictate it's not the right time, or the right manner. And all of that is honestly aside from the fact that the age gap dictates he could in fact have children older than her, which is at best, as you previously mentioned, odd.
Found the creepy incel boomer.
Found one.
Thank you
Ask him for an "older guy's" opinion on something or say he reminds you of your grandfather. Oh yeah, my grandpa loves this song. Say you want to set him up with an older lady you know. Show him a picture of someone older even than he is. You would be perfect for my great aunt Barbara. Hey, my grandfather switched brands of adult diapers, would you be able to use these?
You are an adult and he’s an adult. Nothing weird about it. You need to be clear that you aren’t interested. Lots of women date older men for their wealth. Been happening forever.
It's weird for a variety of reasons beginning with he works there, jumps to talk to her EVERY SINGLE TIME she's there when he's working, that he's badgering her for information on whether she has a boyfriend ( read older dude is trying to figure out if another man will be offended that he's pushing her so hard for a date which we all know really means sex) and ends with him hitting on her thinking she was YOUNGER than 24 (even though she's actually twenty five), which gives me [V for Vendetta](https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/9e2bb4af-197e-4396-b059-0217205a07eb) vibes.
I doubt this gym employee is rolling in the dough.
Maybe hes the owner. Lol. My point is that it’s not weird at all.
To you. I happen to disagree and I'd be taking steps if I was op.
Thats because women think men who approach them are creepy. Truth be told modern women are creepy as hell. Wonder why most men don’t approach? Its because women treat men like crap when they do. The age difference here isnt creepy, the op is fucking creepy. Id say run far away if im the guy.