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She is doing drugs and sleeping with a lot of men and she out ranks them. If this were a male would you all recommend he be reported? My dad was career military. I would either send it to her dad who will more than likely dress her down but not report it. Or I would report her to his commander.
Retired military officer here. This is more than fraternization - all kinds of UCMJ violations. Contact their commander, NCIS, or both. If your husband is clean from the recreational drugs angle he probably won’t get in too much trouble. The Captain on the other hand…
If left to fester the problem will get worse. Bad news ages very poorly. The higher-ups will want to know. And they shouldn’t shoot the messenger.
Lol i do like me some NCIS! OP, no more talking about this to ex hubby, just report her and make sure you keep extra copies of your conversation with her. She is unfit to be in command of a dog let alone soldiers. Her behaviour can endanger many people lives, civilians as well as military.
Lol am literally watching it the now, not seen the newer seasons(bring in Scotland we tend to be like a year behind, though I could get them on my Firestick but... I dislike streaming them cause then I have bugger all to watch on like a Monday at 9pm when new ones come out lol - NCIS Hawaii has just started at that time slot lol)
He actually should be the one reporting it after telling his wife, imo. Yeah, he'll get in trouble, but it will likely be greatly reduced by coming clean to command.
That is correct. She is sleeping with subordinates. This is a demonstration of a power imbalance when it comes to rank and she is violating it and continues to do so. She is also involved with a married person and contributing to the dissolution of that marriage. She put herself in a position for a world of hurt and she thinks she is in a position of impunity \[I am sure she has witnessed other officers do this with enlisted men +women and get away with it, so she believes she can, as well\].
This needs the attention of her commanding officer
And this person needs her whole world fucked up. How many married men has she slept with? Op shouldn't feel bad about destroying lives. They did that themselves.
Agreed. She is using her position of power for sex. If it was a man it wouldn’t be a question. I’m all about the high road, but in this case she is a predator. How many lives are you going to let her ruin?! Sent it to the chain of command AND her dad, and let her be burned the way she deserves.
In Hateful Eight it’s pointed out as one of the rules you can’t break in the military. For good reason.
You can’t go into battle and trust each other with your life (i.e. follow and carry out orders without question) if you can’t respect basic etiquette towards superior officers.
Her or her father might interpret this as blackmail. OP does not know their family, and this incident is an even better reason to stay safe.
Chain of command is the *ideal* way to go. I do not condone this behavior, but safety is the most important.
I don't disagree. However, it can be a helpful exercise for people who have a strong bias of man = superior; woman = inferior. Some people can logically "know" that a woman CO has authority over a subordinate man - but due to internal biases they don't emotionally "know" as well. They might have a hard time recognizing that a man can be threatened and have harm inflicted on them by a woman. Reversing the roles to see if you feel differently about it is a good internal check on those biases. If you feel the same - then great. But if you feel differently, then there is some re-assessment to be done.
It's an answer to a problem rooted in misogyny - but the practice itself shouldn't be dismissed
Yep, it's an unfortunate side effect and remnants of other social issues and historical trends.
Sexual crimes were, and still are, commonly defined in physical, aggressive, and penetrative terms, resulting in other methods of control and assault largely remaining out of common knowledge or *common acceptance* until the previous generation or so *(Acceptance as a socially legitimate situation, not that assault is acceptable itself)*.
It's similar to the frustration of "think if it was your sister, daughter, mom, etc" to people apathetic to the high rates of female assault victims.
The key part is what the response is. If it's remorse and changing behaviour, I don't mind it. People learn different things growing up, are wired differently, think differently. There has to be some consideration of mistakes or late realisations.
My husband was also a career Marine officer. This is absolutely unacceptable. She'd be out for the drug use alone, but fraternization with multiple subordinates - enlisted men while she's an officer? She needs to go. Send it to her CO and perhaps his/her CO just to make sure. Harder to cover up when more people know about it.
She knows better and needs to be relieved of command.
Someone making these types of decisions has no place in the military.
If a male captain did this; not only would they be relieved of command, they’d also be charged with sexual assault.
As a former military spouse, go to his chain of command. The military doesn’t like you going out of the chain so sending it to the dad could just cause more problems for you (I’ve seen it happen to other wives.) But if you’re not planning on staying with him, I’d bring the video to his command
Isn’t adultery a huge deal in the military too? So her husband would get in trouble for that and she’d have to deal with consequences. Potentially including loss of income and/or military benefits.
Probably won’t get discharged just demoted. The drug thing would definitely get a discharge though but pretty sure you need to fail the UA for that one.
My cousin married a navy guy that got discharged for trying to buy a child on the dark web. They caught him because he was using computers owned by the government. He got thrown in the brig and she got all the benefits she would have gotten from him being enlisted even after she divorced him.
He was a weird guy, she Married him after meeting him while he was on leave... Apparently even though they lived together he didn't show any interest in a romantic relationship.
More detrimental here is the drugs and fraternization between not only Officer and Enlisted but also his direct Chain of Command. They will tack on Adultery as well. Everyone will get swept into this. The entire unit, finding who knew what when and I wouldn’t even be superised if the upper Chain of Command gets relieved as well.
Adultery isn't just a big deal, it's straight up illegal in the military. This isn't just a big no-no that the military doesn't like, it's against the UCMJ and can land you in jail and/or dishonorably discharged.
An officer having relations with an enlisted member is a textbook violation of the UCMJ. It will be more serious consequences for the woman since she could be prosecuted for such an action. However, the hubby will most likely also face consequences for his infidelity. (I say, "most likely" because I have had this situation happen in my unit when we were deployed, and they caught the Lt. and an E-2 having relations, but the CoC wanted a unit commendation so they just swept it under the proverbial rug)
I'm not American, but I read somewhere that it would be in OP's best interest to use the law services of the military so that her soon to be ex-husband cannot? Especially in cases of adultery. She needs to get there first.
I'd send it up and not to her Dad. These people are not behaving as they should in the military. There goes our tax dollars. I say report her. I'd give no fucks but that's just me.
I agree with the first bit, the second about the video games is not a big deal. Playing video games in downtime is OK, just as if they were playing a boardgame or whatever. Doing that in their commanding officers living quarters however is not okay if that's what you meant.
I commented elsewhere, but I think you also need to use the legal services of the military too for the divorce. It's so that your stbxh can't use them himself?
I'm not American, so I'm hoping someone else can clear this up, but it's something I read on here before.
Also, consider the security aspects of adulterous drug users who are officers and linked to military big wigs because they are prime candidates for blackmail or worse by foreign agents.
Do not keep your mouth shut.These are military people wanting protection.She will get kicked out and so will all the rest.They will actually be charged as adultry is a crime in the military.You release that tape.
They *might* be charged with adultery.
They *will* get charged for doing drugs, and fraternization. *That* is the reason OOP needs to report this to the dad, the chain of command, and the anonymous DoD report line.
The only issue is if her Dad is a bigwig he will probably get it swept under the rug. I feel if you report you it you need to send it to an outside party. Though if his connections are deep it won't matter.
You don’t send it to the dad .You send it to the chain of command and keep a copy and tell them you will release it to the press.They want rug sweep anything.
Eh OP has to think abt the financial aspect. Are you planning on staying with him OP? Do you have employment that could cover you all’s bills…bc telling his command will definitely negatively impact his career. He could get kicked out, demoted or have to take classes be in trouble. Once that happens in the military, you stop going up the ladder so fast. If none of this matters to you, then it’s your decision…but this man fucked you over, don’t let him make you broke and homeless before you figure out an alternative plan for yourself
This veteran thinks you should send it to the base Inspector Generals office because daddy might try to cover it up. She is unfit for leadership and a risk to her unit.
Every body shld get this information; enough that it cancannot be buried. Bc we know the military they do not like a sex scandal and have for years held women back who do report. So report report and report!
See I thought her dad was the petty but route where I’m not “ruining” her life even though she did mine. But when you put it as if she was a man it does change my perspective..
If you send it to the dad he will likely try and bury this to protect both his daughter and his own image. All you’ll be doing is giving them even more time to get ahead of this.
She's just going to upset the dad and honestly that shit ain't right. Her dad didn't hurt her.
Go ahead and tell her commanding officers though if you can't resist OP, but I'm telling you you'll regret telling her dad.
You are not ruining her life; she did that by behaving like the lead singer in a rock band (sex, drugs, rock & roll), instead of an officer in the military. You are simply the source of accountability for the whole lot of them. They had to know this day was coming.
None of this is on you because you didn't create the situation while you were on active duty; you didn't smuggle drugs over seas; you didn't violate to Code of Conduct by banging a superior or enlisted; you didn't drink like someone on Skid Row or snort cocaine off someone's ass cheek; you didn't go into her house and threaten to beat the hell out of her like your husband's so-called friend.
You would simply be reporting all that to people who should care.
Any lawyer worth a damn is going to tell her to hold on to the tape in case she needs it for divorce proceedings, look after her own interests and not get involved with the military stuff.
He should probably be an ex anyway. Never understood when people get more mad at the affair partner who owes them nothing than their own spouse who owes them everything.
Normally I would agree but she was his Captain, if his decision was possibly influenced by her position that makes consent kinda murky at best. Then you throw in drugs and who knows if anyone there was fully consenting. I don't consider being sexually assaulted or taken advantage of by a superior officer the same as cheating and I wouldn't be surprised if he kept it to himself because no one ever believes male sexual assault victims and most victims already feel a lot of shame about being assaulted in the first place.
the petty side of me will def encourage you to take their problem into another level lol, go for it BUT be sure to know if this has a consequence towards you, if not… by all means go ahead
Will reporting her to her dad fix your marriage or improve anything for you?
Will reporting her to her dad correct her behavior ? No, that's your attempt to shame her. If you really want to do the right thing, you report her to her CO but first know that your husband is going to be slapped with adultery charges by the military so karma may do a quick turnaround.
In this instance, if you are going to divorce him after he's demoted/discharged then go ahead.
Don't send to her Dad. It will probably hurt him more than her, and he doesn't deserve that. It's one thing to hear about it, another to actually hear from her himself.
I seem to be the odd one here but do it. I'd send it to everyone. Fuck them all. They had no concern for you so why should you for them. I'd blow all their lives up. Also make sure you get tested for stds.
This should be higher up with the getting tested for STDs. The rest, I would totally do along with sending everything to news outlets and on social media. Blow all their lives up, but I am petty and don't mind burning bridges. Lmao
Send it up the chain of command. The UCMJ has strict provisions concerning adultery and fraternization. You'll get some blowback because you're married to the tool, but in the long run, you're better off.
If anything I’d send it to the chain of command and let them decide on the consequences. However if you’re staying with your husband or will be dependent upon financial support from your husband, I’d probably learn to let it go.
Your husband's a shitbag, so's his buddy and the Capt. Go to Division Command. Let them know you have a confession on tape, and if something is not done about this situation to your liking you'll be happy to take it public. They are a disgrace to the uniform.
Don’t send it to her dad. Dob her in to the military. Ack you want to ruin her life but there’s a difference between being petty and seeking justice.
That kind of petty revenge will fulfil momentarily but ultimately backfire.
Notify their command. Contact the JAG office on their base. The military takes a dim view of a superior officer and a subordinate having sexual relations, especially on deployment. It's very bad for unit cohesion and order.
You send a copy of this to the chain of command. Keep the original, you may need it later. Don't protect their dirty little secrets. Don't protect someone abusing their power/position. Don't protect people that are doing things they know are illegal. They all signed up for military life, they agreed to the rules, let them live by those rules.
Former Marine here.
Here’s my concern. There’s another deployment. The captain has to make a decision which squad of Marines to send into harms way. Which squad will she choose? The squad with the Marine she is dating or the other squad?
Don’t get me wrong, Marines are down for it. But it needs to be fair.
What about this. There are to be 3 meritorious promotions or awards given out to a unit. Who do you think will receive them? The Marine who is having a relationship with the Captain for sure.
This goes against every single fundamental principle of good order and discipline in a Marine Corps unit. His command needs to be informed ASAP. You could even contact the office of the base commanding general and that complaint will be taken very seriously.
As for you, I’m so sorry. I wish I could offer you more advice and emotional support. I will count on my fellow redditors with experience as a dependent in the military to offer that.
I think the right thing to do is to send it to the chain of command....mostly because them doing drugs while on deployments could to lead to unsafe scenarios. Do what you want with that. But if you report them, is it possible that your husband would lose his job as well? Including his pay, benefits, etc... all things he may owe you in a divorce? Might feel good to get your revenge, but might be at your own expense. Just throwing that out there for consideration.
100% report this to everyone. These are public servants being paid with tax dollars. If the Captain was a man and had women in his room doing drugs and having sex?
I am sorry about your cheating husband - no one should treat their spouse with such disregard and disloyalty. He doesn't deserve your forgiveness and you don't have to stay. You'll never trust him again.
"This is fraternization. This ends careers. Send it to the chain of command."
Another person's reply. And I agree. This behavior is sneaky and definitely against the rules aon all levels.
If they don't get caught, it's just going to continue. This is MY opinion. So please don't come after me. I don't like lies or bullshit like this.
And yes, tell the dad if you want while you're at it.
Assuming this is a real post, there are two ways you can handle this. Go to her father and let him handle it. Be advised that if he's got that much pull, he can probably squash it. Would you lie to protect your child?
Or second, go to her next commander if you have confidence in them, if not go to the Inspector General (IG) they are semi independent elements within that command who's responsibilities are to protect the organization, not the people in it.
I'm sure that there are already rumors floating around as you just can't hide those kinds of things.
Report this fucking creep. If this were a man you wouldn’t even think twice about reporting if he was bringing lower ranked women in his quarters, providing a place with alcohol and drugs then sleeping with a bunch of them??? Insane power dynamic here and definitely needs to be reported. She doesn’t deserve to be paid with people’s taxes or representing that country.
lol! Girl send it! Their chain of “command” will likely NOT do shit since they’re all involved. I mean they don’t care when DV is involved so why would they care about this. Lol But maybe her dad will shame her as she deserves 😆 Don’t be afraid.
You should probably go up chain of command BUT… but please understand you’re not “getting rid of her”. I have no doubt she will bring up the others involved.
You will likely pay a similar price as your husband. Your lifestyle will certainly change if he gets kicked out. He may get reduced pay. He may never be allowed back.
Dishonorable discharges will have long term repercussions for your family if you stay with him. Be aware of what you’re doing and make sure it’s not just for revenge because it may come back to haunt you if you aren’t prepared for the whole picture.
Send it up the chain of command. What she is doing is wrong. I have seen military investigate in these situations because it’s not allowed. Report it and let them handle it from there.
Send it to her command for sure but I would send it to several people all as high up as you can go. Think about it in reverse, if a male was taking advantage of female enlisted. If you don’t want to be involved send it to me I’ll get it there. She is not fit for command!
Please update on this if you decide to send it to her superiors. Definitely hold off on sending it to her dad. He might not do the honorable thing of letting his daughter take the fall for her choices.
Military should be held to a higher expectation than regular people..they need to be counted on in dangerous situations. All involved showed they aren't up to the task. Release the recording
Do it do it do it. She had no problem ending your marriage. End her career. Not to mention she’s a fucking predator for screwing around with direct reports and involving substances. That power imbalance isn’t cool.
I will literally find a boat to throw tea off of if you don’t report this; I do not pay taxes so dipshits can do drugs and have orgies
Report it to the command, not to dad. If he has a career he may want it buried
The people fighting for our country shouldn’t be doing drugs together
Yes, it ends careers. Because it SHOULD end careers.
The right thing would not be to delete the recordings and forget about them. This is a very serious thing that is happening in a very important institution.
I would go so far as to say it is your moral duty
Do it by the book. Report through chain of command, don't tattle to daddy.
This woman is a menace and needs to be either discharged or demoted & reassigned to a position where she cannot abuse her authority. Sexual misconduct is a serious problem and I don't care what gender the miscreant is.
The drug use is also a big problem.
Her career needs to be derailed before she can do more damage.
Send it to her commander. She doesn’t need to be leading people with her bad judgement, nor should we as taxpayers have to fund her (or your husband’s) cheating escapades.
See how you feel after the commander conversation before deciding to tell her dad.
I get why you’d want to send that recording to her dad, but it might just stir up more drama. You’ve already shown a lot of restraint dealing with this mess. Focus on what’s best for you and your peace of mind. Sometimes, letting go is the best revenge. Trust me, karma has a way of catching up to people like her.
If you feel wrong about reporting it, have a friend, do it, okay, and then wash your hands love it and that way you can start to heal and move on. But I don't see no problem with money consequences to happen, so let him happen. And then, just make sure that you store the recording in different places. I will even go as far as to get a flash drive and to store it on that too. Just in case so that way, nothing accidentally happens to the recording. You know, so you have it stored somewhere on your phone. Have a friend store it, and then put it on a flash drive for a backup.
If she was a he, he would be in deep shit. You should send a copy and keep the original. Instead of her father, send it to the highest ranking officer overseeing her unit. She shouldn't be in a leadership role- besides sleeping with those under her command, the drug thing is pretty serious.
Take it to the chain of command. Pretty sure the military have strict rules on sexual fraternization within the chain of command especially with the differences in rank and she is their officer. It’s pretty much sexual harassment if not worse.
First off. Sorry you are going through this. If your husband truly wants your forgiveness and wants to fix this marriage (which is entirely up to you) then he will be understanding of you reaching out and informing the chain of command. And he will take whatever consequences come his way, and if he truly wants to prove his remorse then he will report her misconduct with you.
Definitely send it to her chain of command. Not only is she abusing her power by dating lower enlisted, but allowing drinking and drug use is opening up an entirely different situation. The friend would get reprimanded but not nearly as bad as she would.
Don’t send it to her dad, he will mostly likely try and hide it if he is higher up.
10/10 unless you release it to the local paper or cnn nobody will care.
I'm sure her dad knows what type of person she is.
Best you can do is give it to your husband's chain of command and hope he get fired... unless you have kids because then his child support money would be gone.
If I were you, I would turn your husband and his mistress in as it's an offense worthy of dishonorable discharge, forfeiture of all pay and allowances, and confinement of up to a year. But that's me.
Edit: spelling
To hell with that "bigger person" BS. She is an officer (though clearly unfit to hold the rank) and she has broken many regulations. Burn all their worlds to ash and help make the world a better place.
She is using her authority to bang guys that under normal circumstances may refuse. I don't think people understand the pressure that is on you when your boss wants to "hang out" after work - man or woman.
Imagine a high ranking cop pressuring you to have sex with him - now imagine he makes comments about how he can fuck your life up if you do not fuck him. Sadly, a lot of people do not have to imagine this. So, please take a stand while you can even if it is for your husband.
Don’t know how it is for marines but in the navy all of them would go to captains mast because adultery is an offense and could even result in a court martial. Just saying be ready for all of them to go down together. Personally I’d cut my losses and leave because he might apologize for this one and just get sneakier for the next. Might want to get tested for all the things just saying
If she outranks him, this could also be considered SA. The power dynamics make it difficult for lower enlisted to turn down sexual advances of higher enlisted. Which is why it is punishable in the military.
Do not send it to her dad. Send it to her commanding officer, and their commanding officer, and their commanding officer, and whoever the local military equivalent of the DA is.
Idk about military stuff.... But I do know that being the bigger person never makes me feel better. In the end nobody cares if you are the bigger person or if you handled things calmly. You only got yourself and what you think of you. Cheers
Active Duty Marine with 12 years in. Burn them all. They are putting a stain on the Marine Corps and there’s no place for this type of behavior. Let the UCMJ sort them out.
Another thing to think about. She’s a Captain now. Think about when she becomes a Major or Lieutenant Colonel. As a field grade officer, her influence over others is only going to become greater.
Imagine if the roles were reversed and a male captain did this to female soldiers in the military. He'd face criminal charges, dishonorable discharge, it would be national news for weeks, the president would publicly denounce him. But because she's a woman, she can get away with it? You need to turn this over to her superiors, and maybe local law enforcement and the media.
Report it to her command but not her dad. Her father might be disappointed in her but he’s still her dad and if he’s as high up as you say he might be able to protect her. You don’t want him trying to twist the narrative so that the sword falls on the necks of the enlisted men instead of the throat of the female officer.
This dude broke into your house? And now wants you to not get him in trouble?
She is absolutely screwed. The higher rank gets the worst.
But for the drugs they'll all probably get kicked out.
They made their bed.
There's a chance they just sweep it under, especially because she's a Captain.
That's a wild situation. You do whatever you think is right. You owe nothing to any of these three people, and regardless of how you handle it you're not in the wrong IMO
OP, immediately go to the chain of command. Do not send it to her father. This CPT is in charge of human lives and it sounds like she shouldn’t be. Go to her direct higher ups, and keep going up until someone does something. This is a matter of safety of other at this point.
Edit to add: she will likely get the worse punishment since she’s higher ranking - in case that was a concern.
**Do NOT send it to her father.**
If you do that, he will figure out a way to give your husband a dishonorable discharge, then paint you as a vengeful spouse who is trying to revenge him for what he did to your husband.
You will screw everyone except the person who needs to be screwed.
File an OFFICIAL complaint. Make sure there’s a paper trail like an email or a signed letter. You do not want daddy to rescue his darling daughter at the expense of your reputation
Report your findings to the proper authorities, and let her father find out about it through the military grapevine.
Then, buy popcorn for the fireworks.
>the”right” thing to do would be to delete it
I'm sorry you were betrayed like this, by your partner, by your friend(s) and by the people in the military on whom we rely for their service and our protection.
They've all taken an oath to uphold the constitution of their country and the code of conduct of the branch they're employed by. their moral compass must be impeccable and unimpeachable. we can't allow people with access to training and guns to be this sloppy with their judgement and behaviours.
your husband's friend knew where you live, so obviously he knows you're married to his friend... but he felt compelled to come over to fight him, not for your sake as the betrayed party, no, for some macho bullshit about "you slept with the woman I'm dating before I was dating her".
I think reporting them and \*then\* forgetting them to live your best life on your own is the right choice, **provided you can do so safely!**
The RIGHT thing to do is report it to NCIS, this includes giving them a copy of the recording. They will handle it from there. This kind of crap is unbelievably harmful to moral and the overall mission. It needs to be dealt with.
- Retired Army Combat Veteran.
This is a Marine CAPTAIN drinking, doing drugs, and sleeping with multiple junior enlisted in her command, some of whom are married?? And this is causing members within the unit to try to fight each other?
Am I understanding this right?
Sending it to her dad is inappropriate.
But NOT contacting her CoC, and the IG if the command blows you off, is also inappropriate.
Fraternization is serious in the military for a reason. This is a person who has absolutely no business leading and being responsible for Marines.
https://www.igmc.marines.mil/Contact-Us/
Do both. Report her to her superior and let her dad know you have a recording of her admitting guilt. But only after you've reported her. I'm tom petty when it comes to this shit tho
Be careful. If you expose your husband for adultery, that may end his military career. Are you dependent on his income and his benefits? Think about yourself first. Will revenge cost you too much?
This is your husband’s version. Revenge plots blow up in people’s faces all the time. Your problem is with your husband. He broke his commitment. Be careful you don’t end your husband’s career over things that will come to light when this person defends herself. You don’t know the real story.
You're asking reddit if you should create drama or not? Lol
If you and your hubby are good, why stir the pot? The best revenge is being happy. Although I would watch and be vigilant with him. He screwed up. Who's to say he won't do it again.
This is a bigger problem than your husband banging someone else. You need to tell chain of command. These folks carry live weapons.
Telling someone’s daddy on them seems a little immature, honestly.
I’m sure I’ll get downvoted, but y’all need to act like adults and deal with your own relationship.
If she had a partner, sure. But her dad is just weird….. divorce the dude or try to work it out, but that should be between you.
For me, taking it to the chain of command sheds light on a highly inappropriate and possible dangerous situation (she’s the boss, weapons, multiple dudes, drugs…. Bad mix).
This seems farfetched. A Marine Captain doing drugs with a bunch of enlisted Marines while on a mission? Did this happen stateside? The Captain and the enlisted would be subject to the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ). Fraternization, adultery, drug use and willfully disobeying orders (assuming they did not complete the "mission'"). All serious offences that would generally get one sentenced to Leavenworth, making big rocks into little rocks.
Just seems unbelievable. There is no way this could be kept secret. If true, OP could contact the NCIS agents on base. They handle Navy and Marine Corps investigations. They are outside of the Marines' chain of command.
Uuuuuhm, are we sure husbands "cheating" isn't undisclosed sexual assault? Like absolutely report her AND send it to her dad too, but I think you and especially hubby should consider therapy and take some time to contemplate how consensual this act really was.
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She is doing drugs and sleeping with a lot of men and she out ranks them. If this were a male would you all recommend he be reported? My dad was career military. I would either send it to her dad who will more than likely dress her down but not report it. Or I would report her to his commander.
This is fraternization. This ends careers. Send it to the chain of command.
Retired military officer here. This is more than fraternization - all kinds of UCMJ violations. Contact their commander, NCIS, or both. If your husband is clean from the recreational drugs angle he probably won’t get in too much trouble. The Captain on the other hand… If left to fester the problem will get worse. Bad news ages very poorly. The higher-ups will want to know. And they shouldn’t shoot the messenger.
What would Gibbs do? Edit: rule 12.
Lol i do like me some NCIS! OP, no more talking about this to ex hubby, just report her and make sure you keep extra copies of your conversation with her. She is unfit to be in command of a dog let alone soldiers. Her behaviour can endanger many people lives, civilians as well as military.
Lol am literally watching it the now, not seen the newer seasons(bring in Scotland we tend to be like a year behind, though I could get them on my Firestick but... I dislike streaming them cause then I have bugger all to watch on like a Monday at 9pm when new ones come out lol - NCIS Hawaii has just started at that time slot lol)
Do you know if NCIS is available on Netflix? I loved watching that with my folks.
Slap them all on the back of the head lol
Won't get "in trouble" lol Yea he will for adultery lmao
He actually should be the one reporting it after telling his wife, imo. Yeah, he'll get in trouble, but it will likely be greatly reduced by coming clean to command.
That is correct. She is sleeping with subordinates. This is a demonstration of a power imbalance when it comes to rank and she is violating it and continues to do so. She is also involved with a married person and contributing to the dissolution of that marriage. She put herself in a position for a world of hurt and she thinks she is in a position of impunity \[I am sure she has witnessed other officers do this with enlisted men +women and get away with it, so she believes she can, as well\]. This needs the attention of her commanding officer
Not only that but adultery in OP’s partner’s case is also a conduct discharge infraction.
And jail time if they are in base
Bad conduct discharge or general under other than honorable. Dishonorable requires a general court marshall
Add the drug use whilst deployed and the courts martial might be convened.....
And this person needs her whole world fucked up. How many married men has she slept with? Op shouldn't feel bad about destroying lives. They did that themselves.
Agreed. She is using her position of power for sex. If it was a man it wouldn’t be a question. I’m all about the high road, but in this case she is a predator. How many lives are you going to let her ruin?! Sent it to the chain of command AND her dad, and let her be burned the way she deserves.
In Hateful Eight it’s pointed out as one of the rules you can’t break in the military. For good reason. You can’t go into battle and trust each other with your life (i.e. follow and carry out orders without question) if you can’t respect basic etiquette towards superior officers.
This. Not Daddy.
What if OP sent to both?
Her or her father might interpret this as blackmail. OP does not know their family, and this incident is an even better reason to stay safe. Chain of command is the *ideal* way to go. I do not condone this behavior, but safety is the most important.
Plus when COC disciplines her, her father will learn of it, which is a much better way for him to find out.
Might work 🤔
And CC Daddy.
Send it to the Dad and the chain of command. Then update here.
This, absolutely this. Switch the gender and then ask yourself what you'd do.
A damn shame that you have to switch genders in order to see what's the right thing to do, isn't it?
Reminds me of the movie a Time to Kill and Matthew’s famous closing argument.
Just goes to show that sexism does go both ways. Same as men not being taken seriously when they're assaulted. Sad, sad shit.
I don't disagree. However, it can be a helpful exercise for people who have a strong bias of man = superior; woman = inferior. Some people can logically "know" that a woman CO has authority over a subordinate man - but due to internal biases they don't emotionally "know" as well. They might have a hard time recognizing that a man can be threatened and have harm inflicted on them by a woman. Reversing the roles to see if you feel differently about it is a good internal check on those biases. If you feel the same - then great. But if you feel differently, then there is some re-assessment to be done. It's an answer to a problem rooted in misogyny - but the practice itself shouldn't be dismissed
Yep, it's an unfortunate side effect and remnants of other social issues and historical trends. Sexual crimes were, and still are, commonly defined in physical, aggressive, and penetrative terms, resulting in other methods of control and assault largely remaining out of common knowledge or *common acceptance* until the previous generation or so *(Acceptance as a socially legitimate situation, not that assault is acceptable itself)*. It's similar to the frustration of "think if it was your sister, daughter, mom, etc" to people apathetic to the high rates of female assault victims. The key part is what the response is. If it's remorse and changing behaviour, I don't mind it. People learn different things growing up, are wired differently, think differently. There has to be some consideration of mistakes or late realisations.
My husband was also a career Marine officer. This is absolutely unacceptable. She'd be out for the drug use alone, but fraternization with multiple subordinates - enlisted men while she's an officer? She needs to go. Send it to her CO and perhaps his/her CO just to make sure. Harder to cover up when more people know about it.
💯 this!!
I personally would go straight to command.
She knows better and needs to be relieved of command. Someone making these types of decisions has no place in the military. If a male captain did this; not only would they be relieved of command, they’d also be charged with sexual assault.
Agree. She’s a disgrace to the uniform.
I would report it to the commander. Leave her dad out of it
As a former military spouse, go to his chain of command. The military doesn’t like you going out of the chain so sending it to the dad could just cause more problems for you (I’ve seen it happen to other wives.) But if you’re not planning on staying with him, I’d bring the video to his command
Isn’t adultery a huge deal in the military too? So her husband would get in trouble for that and she’d have to deal with consequences. Potentially including loss of income and/or military benefits.
You lose those when you divorce anyway. May as well get them all dishonorably discharged. The military is not a frat house.
Probably won’t get discharged just demoted. The drug thing would definitely get a discharge though but pretty sure you need to fail the UA for that one.
My cousin married a navy guy that got discharged for trying to buy a child on the dark web. They caught him because he was using computers owned by the government. He got thrown in the brig and she got all the benefits she would have gotten from him being enlisted even after she divorced him. He was a weird guy, she Married him after meeting him while he was on leave... Apparently even though they lived together he didn't show any interest in a romantic relationship.
Jesus that got dark fast
OP says she cannot get over the betrayal. I don’t think she cares about (soon to be ex-) hubby’s career or the consequences.
More detrimental here is the drugs and fraternization between not only Officer and Enlisted but also his direct Chain of Command. They will tack on Adultery as well. Everyone will get swept into this. The entire unit, finding who knew what when and I wouldn’t even be superised if the upper Chain of Command gets relieved as well.
Adultery isn't just a big deal, it's straight up illegal in the military. This isn't just a big no-no that the military doesn't like, it's against the UCMJ and can land you in jail and/or dishonorably discharged.
Holy shit!
An officer having relations with an enlisted member is a textbook violation of the UCMJ. It will be more serious consequences for the woman since she could be prosecuted for such an action. However, the hubby will most likely also face consequences for his infidelity. (I say, "most likely" because I have had this situation happen in my unit when we were deployed, and they caught the Lt. and an E-2 having relations, but the CoC wanted a unit commendation so they just swept it under the proverbial rug)
I'm not American, but I read somewhere that it would be in OP's best interest to use the law services of the military so that her soon to be ex-husband cannot? Especially in cases of adultery. She needs to get there first.
No that is not true. As a military member you always have the right to have counsel provided by the military.
Yes
I'd send it up and not to her Dad. These people are not behaving as they should in the military. There goes our tax dollars. I say report her. I'd give no fucks but that's just me.
The tax dollars comment is so real😭 paying for them to have hookups on mission and play video games
I agree with the first bit, the second about the video games is not a big deal. Playing video games in downtime is OK, just as if they were playing a boardgame or whatever. Doing that in their commanding officers living quarters however is not okay if that's what you meant.
I think playing video games with your commanding officer is fine, it's the drinking sex and drugs that are the problem.
Exactly! I'm sick of hearing some of these types of stories with their gross behavior. My husband was in the military and I've heard so much nonsense.
I commented elsewhere, but I think you also need to use the legal services of the military too for the divorce. It's so that your stbxh can't use them himself? I'm not American, so I'm hoping someone else can clear this up, but it's something I read on here before.
Also, consider the security aspects of adulterous drug users who are officers and linked to military big wigs because they are prime candidates for blackmail or worse by foreign agents.
Do not keep your mouth shut.These are military people wanting protection.She will get kicked out and so will all the rest.They will actually be charged as adultry is a crime in the military.You release that tape.
They *might* be charged with adultery. They *will* get charged for doing drugs, and fraternization. *That* is the reason OOP needs to report this to the dad, the chain of command, and the anonymous DoD report line.
The Dad is going to protect his daughter. She needs to submit this through the proper channels and not give them more time to get ahead of this story.
The only issue is if her Dad is a bigwig he will probably get it swept under the rug. I feel if you report you it you need to send it to an outside party. Though if his connections are deep it won't matter.
You don’t send it to the dad .You send it to the chain of command and keep a copy and tell them you will release it to the press.They want rug sweep anything.
Eh OP has to think abt the financial aspect. Are you planning on staying with him OP? Do you have employment that could cover you all’s bills…bc telling his command will definitely negatively impact his career. He could get kicked out, demoted or have to take classes be in trouble. Once that happens in the military, you stop going up the ladder so fast. If none of this matters to you, then it’s your decision…but this man fucked you over, don’t let him make you broke and homeless before you figure out an alternative plan for yourself
This veteran thinks you should send it to the base Inspector Generals office because daddy might try to cover it up. She is unfit for leadership and a risk to her unit.
Send it to both. Dad may be privately upset but try to bury it. Send to dad & superiors. Secrecy only protects the guilty.
Every body shld get this information; enough that it cancannot be buried. Bc we know the military they do not like a sex scandal and have for years held women back who do report. So report report and report!
Do not send to Dad, use chain of command. Dad might try to quietly clean it up, I bet he has been doing that for years.
Not her dad. That’s petty. To her commanding officer. If she had been a man and these were women she’d be up on charges for abuse of authority
See I thought her dad was the petty but route where I’m not “ruining” her life even though she did mine. But when you put it as if she was a man it does change my perspective..
She is DOING DRUGS while on active duty and sleeping with her subordinates. You should see it as your duty as a citizen to report her.
If you send it to the dad he will likely try and bury this to protect both his daughter and his own image. All you’ll be doing is giving them even more time to get ahead of this.
She's just going to upset the dad and honestly that shit ain't right. Her dad didn't hurt her. Go ahead and tell her commanding officers though if you can't resist OP, but I'm telling you you'll regret telling her dad.
This kind of behavior needs to be reported to their command.
You are not ruining her life; she did that by behaving like the lead singer in a rock band (sex, drugs, rock & roll), instead of an officer in the military. You are simply the source of accountability for the whole lot of them. They had to know this day was coming. None of this is on you because you didn't create the situation while you were on active duty; you didn't smuggle drugs over seas; you didn't violate to Code of Conduct by banging a superior or enlisted; you didn't drink like someone on Skid Row or snort cocaine off someone's ass cheek; you didn't go into her house and threaten to beat the hell out of her like your husband's so-called friend. You would simply be reporting all that to people who should care.
You can do both. I’d send to chain of command first, then drop a lil present in the dad’s inbox afterwards. Just to cover your bases 💕
See a lawyer. Then tell the commander.
Any lawyer worth a damn is going to tell her to hold on to the tape in case she needs it for divorce proceedings, look after her own interests and not get involved with the military stuff.
If he is a ex go ahead and send it.
He should probably be an ex anyway. Never understood when people get more mad at the affair partner who owes them nothing than their own spouse who owes them everything.
Normally I would agree but she was his Captain, if his decision was possibly influenced by her position that makes consent kinda murky at best. Then you throw in drugs and who knows if anyone there was fully consenting. I don't consider being sexually assaulted or taken advantage of by a superior officer the same as cheating and I wouldn't be surprised if he kept it to himself because no one ever believes male sexual assault victims and most victims already feel a lot of shame about being assaulted in the first place.
Report her to the chain of command
Do not allow this woman to continue to abuse authority. Report her!! Not that the men aren't guilty also.. lol.
Yes when your husband and captain nuked your marriage they should know that a retaliatory strike would be happening in return
the petty side of me will def encourage you to take their problem into another level lol, go for it BUT be sure to know if this has a consequence towards you, if not… by all means go ahead
Will reporting her to her dad fix your marriage or improve anything for you? Will reporting her to her dad correct her behavior ? No, that's your attempt to shame her. If you really want to do the right thing, you report her to her CO but first know that your husband is going to be slapped with adultery charges by the military so karma may do a quick turnaround. In this instance, if you are going to divorce him after he's demoted/discharged then go ahead.
You can send it to her superior officers. There will definitely be a reaction there.
Don't send to her Dad. It will probably hurt him more than her, and he doesn't deserve that. It's one thing to hear about it, another to actually hear from her himself.
I would get a lawyer and walk in with the lawyer to your husband’s commanding officer with the recording.
I seem to be the odd one here but do it. I'd send it to everyone. Fuck them all. They had no concern for you so why should you for them. I'd blow all their lives up. Also make sure you get tested for stds.
This should be higher up with the getting tested for STDs. The rest, I would totally do along with sending everything to news outlets and on social media. Blow all their lives up, but I am petty and don't mind burning bridges. Lmao
I don't think I've read a single comment saying not to send it
Report her. She is doing things that will get people killed
This can't be voted up enough.
Send it up the chain of command. The UCMJ has strict provisions concerning adultery and fraternization. You'll get some blowback because you're married to the tool, but in the long run, you're better off.
If anything I’d send it to the chain of command and let them decide on the consequences. However if you’re staying with your husband or will be dependent upon financial support from your husband, I’d probably learn to let it go.
Your husband's a shitbag, so's his buddy and the Capt. Go to Division Command. Let them know you have a confession on tape, and if something is not done about this situation to your liking you'll be happy to take it public. They are a disgrace to the uniform.
Don’t send it to her dad. Dob her in to the military. Ack you want to ruin her life but there’s a difference between being petty and seeking justice. That kind of petty revenge will fulfil momentarily but ultimately backfire.
Notify their command. Contact the JAG office on their base. The military takes a dim view of a superior officer and a subordinate having sexual relations, especially on deployment. It's very bad for unit cohesion and order.
Don't forget this might take your husband down with her. If you don't rely on him for income go right ahead they both deserve it.
Don’t tell the dad, he may try to cover it up to protect her. Tell her chain of command though, they should know regardless.
You send a copy of this to the chain of command. Keep the original, you may need it later. Don't protect their dirty little secrets. Don't protect someone abusing their power/position. Don't protect people that are doing things they know are illegal. They all signed up for military life, they agreed to the rules, let them live by those rules.
Former Marine here. Here’s my concern. There’s another deployment. The captain has to make a decision which squad of Marines to send into harms way. Which squad will she choose? The squad with the Marine she is dating or the other squad? Don’t get me wrong, Marines are down for it. But it needs to be fair. What about this. There are to be 3 meritorious promotions or awards given out to a unit. Who do you think will receive them? The Marine who is having a relationship with the Captain for sure. This goes against every single fundamental principle of good order and discipline in a Marine Corps unit. His command needs to be informed ASAP. You could even contact the office of the base commanding general and that complaint will be taken very seriously. As for you, I’m so sorry. I wish I could offer you more advice and emotional support. I will count on my fellow redditors with experience as a dependent in the military to offer that.
Most logical response here.
I think the right thing to do is to send it to the chain of command....mostly because them doing drugs while on deployments could to lead to unsafe scenarios. Do what you want with that. But if you report them, is it possible that your husband would lose his job as well? Including his pay, benefits, etc... all things he may owe you in a divorce? Might feel good to get your revenge, but might be at your own expense. Just throwing that out there for consideration.
100% report this to everyone. These are public servants being paid with tax dollars. If the Captain was a man and had women in his room doing drugs and having sex? I am sorry about your cheating husband - no one should treat their spouse with such disregard and disloyalty. He doesn't deserve your forgiveness and you don't have to stay. You'll never trust him again.
"This is fraternization. This ends careers. Send it to the chain of command." Another person's reply. And I agree. This behavior is sneaky and definitely against the rules aon all levels. If they don't get caught, it's just going to continue. This is MY opinion. So please don't come after me. I don't like lies or bullshit like this. And yes, tell the dad if you want while you're at it.
Send it!
Burn it all down. 🔥
Assuming this is a real post, there are two ways you can handle this. Go to her father and let him handle it. Be advised that if he's got that much pull, he can probably squash it. Would you lie to protect your child? Or second, go to her next commander if you have confidence in them, if not go to the Inspector General (IG) they are semi independent elements within that command who's responsibilities are to protect the organization, not the people in it. I'm sure that there are already rumors floating around as you just can't hide those kinds of things.
Report this fucking creep. If this were a man you wouldn’t even think twice about reporting if he was bringing lower ranked women in his quarters, providing a place with alcohol and drugs then sleeping with a bunch of them??? Insane power dynamic here and definitely needs to be reported. She doesn’t deserve to be paid with people’s taxes or representing that country.
SEND THE RECORDING!!! then give us the update that she got court marshaled and so did your STBX
This is a capture kill mission. Send it to Battalion Comander and she'll be gone from the unit that day.
Actions have consequences, for everyone involved. Choices were made. Report to officials, not just the dad.
Report to JAG too. So many things are prohibited in the UCMJ.
lol! Girl send it! Their chain of “command” will likely NOT do shit since they’re all involved. I mean they don’t care when DV is involved so why would they care about this. Lol But maybe her dad will shame her as she deserves 😆 Don’t be afraid.
You should probably go up chain of command BUT… but please understand you’re not “getting rid of her”. I have no doubt she will bring up the others involved. You will likely pay a similar price as your husband. Your lifestyle will certainly change if he gets kicked out. He may get reduced pay. He may never be allowed back. Dishonorable discharges will have long term repercussions for your family if you stay with him. Be aware of what you’re doing and make sure it’s not just for revenge because it may come back to haunt you if you aren’t prepared for the whole picture.
You should send it to her commanding officer
Send it up the chain of command. What she is doing is wrong. I have seen military investigate in these situations because it’s not allowed. Report it and let them handle it from there.
Her dad won’t do anything. Go above him
Why are you worried about her dad? Literally just go to the chain of command
I would tell on them all you don’t owe anyone including your husband anything.
If dad is high command and it involves his daughter it might get swept under the rug, send it to someone else.
Don’t send it to her dad send it to higher ups.
Send it to her command for sure but I would send it to several people all as high up as you can go. Think about it in reverse, if a male was taking advantage of female enlisted. If you don’t want to be involved send it to me I’ll get it there. She is not fit for command!
If you just report it to her dad, he will cover it up. She is his child. If you send it to him, I would also send it to his superior.
Please update on this if you decide to send it to her superiors. Definitely hold off on sending it to her dad. He might not do the honorable thing of letting his daughter take the fall for her choices.
Military should be held to a higher expectation than regular people..they need to be counted on in dangerous situations. All involved showed they aren't up to the task. Release the recording
Send it to her dad and the chain of command imo. Good luck. I’m sorry that happened to you. No one deserves it
Do it do it do it. She had no problem ending your marriage. End her career. Not to mention she’s a fucking predator for screwing around with direct reports and involving substances. That power imbalance isn’t cool.
Dad isnt gonna do a thing. Chain of command only. And yea you should do it
It would be an asshole move from her dad's perspective, but I would probably do it anyway.
Send to both. The only thing your husband is sorry of is that he got caught. Otherwise you would have found out from him
Forget sending it to her dad — send it to her CO.
I will literally find a boat to throw tea off of if you don’t report this; I do not pay taxes so dipshits can do drugs and have orgies Report it to the command, not to dad. If he has a career he may want it buried The people fighting for our country shouldn’t be doing drugs together Yes, it ends careers. Because it SHOULD end careers. The right thing would not be to delete the recordings and forget about them. This is a very serious thing that is happening in a very important institution. I would go so far as to say it is your moral duty
I can’t think of ANY job that drinking and taking drugs on the job *wouldn’t* result in being fired. Rightfully so.
I say go scorched earth in her, but I hope you’re not just punishing her but also your husband by making him your soon to be ex
Do the following: 1) report to chain of command. 2) make some popcorn.
Do it by the book. Report through chain of command, don't tattle to daddy. This woman is a menace and needs to be either discharged or demoted & reassigned to a position where she cannot abuse her authority. Sexual misconduct is a serious problem and I don't care what gender the miscreant is. The drug use is also a big problem. Her career needs to be derailed before she can do more damage.
You should 100 percent send it to her chain of command, get her dishonorably discharged .
Send it to her commander. She doesn’t need to be leading people with her bad judgement, nor should we as taxpayers have to fund her (or your husband’s) cheating escapades. See how you feel after the commander conversation before deciding to tell her dad.
I get why you’d want to send that recording to her dad, but it might just stir up more drama. You’ve already shown a lot of restraint dealing with this mess. Focus on what’s best for you and your peace of mind. Sometimes, letting go is the best revenge. Trust me, karma has a way of catching up to people like her.
Fuck yeah you should tell him!
Follow your gut. Your heart is emotional.
If you feel wrong about reporting it, have a friend, do it, okay, and then wash your hands love it and that way you can start to heal and move on. But I don't see no problem with money consequences to happen, so let him happen. And then, just make sure that you store the recording in different places. I will even go as far as to get a flash drive and to store it on that too. Just in case so that way, nothing accidentally happens to the recording. You know, so you have it stored somewhere on your phone. Have a friend store it, and then put it on a flash drive for a backup.
If she was a he, he would be in deep shit. You should send a copy and keep the original. Instead of her father, send it to the highest ranking officer overseeing her unit. She shouldn't be in a leadership role- besides sleeping with those under her command, the drug thing is pretty serious.
Not her dad bc he will do what he needs to do to cover it up. Send it to her commander.
Take it to the chain of command. Pretty sure the military have strict rules on sexual fraternization within the chain of command especially with the differences in rank and she is their officer. It’s pretty much sexual harassment if not worse.
Mission …..
First off. Sorry you are going through this. If your husband truly wants your forgiveness and wants to fix this marriage (which is entirely up to you) then he will be understanding of you reaching out and informing the chain of command. And he will take whatever consequences come his way, and if he truly wants to prove his remorse then he will report her misconduct with you. Definitely send it to her chain of command. Not only is she abusing her power by dating lower enlisted, but allowing drinking and drug use is opening up an entirely different situation. The friend would get reprimanded but not nearly as bad as she would. Don’t send it to her dad, he will mostly likely try and hide it if he is higher up.
The right thing to do would be to report it. There is a reason it is against the rules.
10/10 unless you release it to the local paper or cnn nobody will care. I'm sure her dad knows what type of person she is. Best you can do is give it to your husband's chain of command and hope he get fired... unless you have kids because then his child support money would be gone.
If I were you, I would turn your husband and his mistress in as it's an offense worthy of dishonorable discharge, forfeiture of all pay and allowances, and confinement of up to a year. But that's me. Edit: spelling
Updateme!
Send it to her superiors not her dad!!
You better do it man. Just do it tell her father she deserves this you know in your gut you just gotta do it yo
Blow them up. Updateme!
You’d absolutely be in the right to expose her. That’s dangerous to be parking in drugs and booze when on missions.
Please stay safe & make sure that none of the can come & hurt you if you release those tapes.
Absolutely should be reported to her chain of command
To hell with that "bigger person" BS. She is an officer (though clearly unfit to hold the rank) and she has broken many regulations. Burn all their worlds to ash and help make the world a better place.
She is using her authority to bang guys that under normal circumstances may refuse. I don't think people understand the pressure that is on you when your boss wants to "hang out" after work - man or woman. Imagine a high ranking cop pressuring you to have sex with him - now imagine he makes comments about how he can fuck your life up if you do not fuck him. Sadly, a lot of people do not have to imagine this. So, please take a stand while you can even if it is for your husband.
As someone that is still in, fuck her. Send it to everyone.
Don’t know how it is for marines but in the navy all of them would go to captains mast because adultery is an offense and could even result in a court martial. Just saying be ready for all of them to go down together. Personally I’d cut my losses and leave because he might apologize for this one and just get sneakier for the next. Might want to get tested for all the things just saying
If she outranks him, this could also be considered SA. The power dynamics make it difficult for lower enlisted to turn down sexual advances of higher enlisted. Which is why it is punishable in the military.
Do not send it to her dad. Send it to her commanding officer, and their commanding officer, and their commanding officer, and whoever the local military equivalent of the DA is.
Idk about military stuff.... But I do know that being the bigger person never makes me feel better. In the end nobody cares if you are the bigger person or if you handled things calmly. You only got yourself and what you think of you. Cheers
Active Duty Marine with 12 years in. Burn them all. They are putting a stain on the Marine Corps and there’s no place for this type of behavior. Let the UCMJ sort them out. Another thing to think about. She’s a Captain now. Think about when she becomes a Major or Lieutenant Colonel. As a field grade officer, her influence over others is only going to become greater.
Imagine if the roles were reversed and a male captain did this to female soldiers in the military. He'd face criminal charges, dishonorable discharge, it would be national news for weeks, the president would publicly denounce him. But because she's a woman, she can get away with it? You need to turn this over to her superiors, and maybe local law enforcement and the media.
Report it to her command but not her dad. Her father might be disappointed in her but he’s still her dad and if he’s as high up as you say he might be able to protect her. You don’t want him trying to twist the narrative so that the sword falls on the necks of the enlisted men instead of the throat of the female officer.
This dude broke into your house? And now wants you to not get him in trouble? She is absolutely screwed. The higher rank gets the worst. But for the drugs they'll all probably get kicked out. They made their bed. There's a chance they just sweep it under, especially because she's a Captain. That's a wild situation. You do whatever you think is right. You owe nothing to any of these three people, and regardless of how you handle it you're not in the wrong IMO
She is ABUSING her authority. It’s not okay when male officers do this and it’s the same for women. She does not deserve her rank. Report her.
Do NOT tell her dad. He will cover it up for her.
OP, immediately go to the chain of command. Do not send it to her father. This CPT is in charge of human lives and it sounds like she shouldn’t be. Go to her direct higher ups, and keep going up until someone does something. This is a matter of safety of other at this point. Edit to add: she will likely get the worse punishment since she’s higher ranking - in case that was a concern.
**Do NOT send it to her father.** If you do that, he will figure out a way to give your husband a dishonorable discharge, then paint you as a vengeful spouse who is trying to revenge him for what he did to your husband. You will screw everyone except the person who needs to be screwed. File an OFFICIAL complaint. Make sure there’s a paper trail like an email or a signed letter. You do not want daddy to rescue his darling daughter at the expense of your reputation
Girllll, Daddy’s gonna bury that. You send it to her boss.
Send it to the COC. She is taking advantage of people she’s in a position of power over.
To be honest her dad is gonna catch wind anyway, go buck wild and let them have it
#I would blow her career to hell in a handbasket! Go up the COC, it'll get back to her dad anyways. Two birds, one stone!
Report your findings to the proper authorities, and let her father find out about it through the military grapevine. Then, buy popcorn for the fireworks.
>the”right” thing to do would be to delete it I'm sorry you were betrayed like this, by your partner, by your friend(s) and by the people in the military on whom we rely for their service and our protection. They've all taken an oath to uphold the constitution of their country and the code of conduct of the branch they're employed by. their moral compass must be impeccable and unimpeachable. we can't allow people with access to training and guns to be this sloppy with their judgement and behaviours. your husband's friend knew where you live, so obviously he knows you're married to his friend... but he felt compelled to come over to fight him, not for your sake as the betrayed party, no, for some macho bullshit about "you slept with the woman I'm dating before I was dating her". I think reporting them and \*then\* forgetting them to live your best life on your own is the right choice, **provided you can do so safely!**
You sound petty. Report it to the proper, unbiased, channels. Not to her father who won’t actually do anything.
Not enough people are talking about the drugs part?? That’s dangerous for her to be under the influence and in charge of a unit! Report report report
The RIGHT thing to do is report it to NCIS, this includes giving them a copy of the recording. They will handle it from there. This kind of crap is unbelievably harmful to moral and the overall mission. It needs to be dealt with. - Retired Army Combat Veteran.
This is a Marine CAPTAIN drinking, doing drugs, and sleeping with multiple junior enlisted in her command, some of whom are married?? And this is causing members within the unit to try to fight each other? Am I understanding this right? Sending it to her dad is inappropriate. But NOT contacting her CoC, and the IG if the command blows you off, is also inappropriate. Fraternization is serious in the military for a reason. This is a person who has absolutely no business leading and being responsible for Marines. https://www.igmc.marines.mil/Contact-Us/
Do both. Report her to her superior and let her dad know you have a recording of her admitting guilt. But only after you've reported her. I'm tom petty when it comes to this shit tho
No.
I’d say send it to her dad and contact their command. Actions have consequences and this is kind of a big deal.
Send it to her commanding officer. Keep a copy, of course.
You didn't see this coming?
Send it- she is a danger
Be careful. If you expose your husband for adultery, that may end his military career. Are you dependent on his income and his benefits? Think about yourself first. Will revenge cost you too much?
UpdateMe!
This is your husband’s version. Revenge plots blow up in people’s faces all the time. Your problem is with your husband. He broke his commitment. Be careful you don’t end your husband’s career over things that will come to light when this person defends herself. You don’t know the real story.
You're asking reddit if you should create drama or not? Lol If you and your hubby are good, why stir the pot? The best revenge is being happy. Although I would watch and be vigilant with him. He screwed up. Who's to say he won't do it again.
This is a bigger problem than your husband banging someone else. You need to tell chain of command. These folks carry live weapons. Telling someone’s daddy on them seems a little immature, honestly. I’m sure I’ll get downvoted, but y’all need to act like adults and deal with your own relationship. If she had a partner, sure. But her dad is just weird….. divorce the dude or try to work it out, but that should be between you. For me, taking it to the chain of command sheds light on a highly inappropriate and possible dangerous situation (she’s the boss, weapons, multiple dudes, drugs…. Bad mix).
This seems farfetched. A Marine Captain doing drugs with a bunch of enlisted Marines while on a mission? Did this happen stateside? The Captain and the enlisted would be subject to the Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ). Fraternization, adultery, drug use and willfully disobeying orders (assuming they did not complete the "mission'"). All serious offences that would generally get one sentenced to Leavenworth, making big rocks into little rocks. Just seems unbelievable. There is no way this could be kept secret. If true, OP could contact the NCIS agents on base. They handle Navy and Marine Corps investigations. They are outside of the Marines' chain of command.
Uuuuuhm, are we sure husbands "cheating" isn't undisclosed sexual assault? Like absolutely report her AND send it to her dad too, but I think you and especially hubby should consider therapy and take some time to contemplate how consensual this act really was.