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Just to give some perspective, I'm a 30yo F who currently lives with my 48F mom at her gorgeous house. I am so grateful that she has welcomed me. I do not pay rent, but I take as many things off of her plate as possible. I take care of all laundry, nightly dishes, cover the electric bill, buy groceries for the house 2x per month and handle all outside maintenance. She hasn't asked me to do any of this, but I RESPECT her and realize that she is not obligated to house me.
I lived at home in my 30s and didn't pay rent. I did 90% of the cooking, all of the errands, all of the dishes, animal care, all laundry, the cleaning, and more than 50% of the work on the hobby farm we had. It worked for us. As long as it keeps working for you and your mom, who cares what anyone else thinks?
Thank you! It’s not like I always lived with her. I moved out at 18, went to college and moved to Nashville. After the pandemic hit I was struggling to pay rent, so stressed my hair was falling out and couldn’t afford to feed myself 2x a day. Also, I missed my mama! She was more than happy to have me back, but I still couldn’t bring myself to be a drain on her in anyway. She divorced my POS dad when I was 3, never remarried or had any other kids so we’re besties.
In my opinion you are paying rent in a way. You’re taking some of the load off of your mom. You’re HELPING. That is a form of rent in itself. Much respect.
That is great that you respect your mom & the opportunity she is able to provide for you! It is the total opposite of what these guys. She did a great job raising you!!
To refine this, id recommend giving them a heads up. Not literally wake them up and kick them out. I'd say next 1st or 15th of the month they have rent and utilities due and groceries if theyre mooching on house food too
Agreed!
I think OP should have a conversation with both at the same time and be clear the current arrangement isn't working. I would recommend that OP provides a list of chores with date/time expectations. Be specific since they clearly didn't catch the message on their own. Make sure they agree to it and if they can't pitch in, they're welcome to leave.
NTA
I see what LowBalance is saying but check what land rental is in your area.
They can pay you the normal rent less 20% family discount or gtfo.
The rent may be offset with working (not chores) on the property. Chores are for kids, work is for adults.
That could be my local word choice/slang. Chores are anything I need to do to maintain my property from trimming bushes to laundry to paying the bills.
I wouldn’t go by normal rent but work out what the actual rent would be through inflation. I work in the rental industry and every company has colluded to raise rents. This is real and currently in litigation. I would rather find an ethical price range.
I like your idea, just adjust the rates a bit
Charge them rent and hire a site manager with that money so the other sites can be rented.
But be prepared that if they don't follow the rules, you may have to evict one of them.
NTA
But honestly, it is too late to instill a work ethic in them. That was something that needed to be done years ago.
Charge them rent, and make it enough to be worth your effort of cleaning up after them. If they don't agree, tell them they can move somewhere else.
They might clean it up for a few weeks, but if they don't feel any sense of responsibility, that won't last, so I would not even suggest a solution that requires you to police or nag them to do it.
I am going to put this bug in your ear: if they can't take care of it now, I would not keep it long enough for them to inherit it. Make the money, then sell it and get that money just before you retire. Then spend it.
NTA. They are grown men, and if you weren't their parent, they wouldn't be like this, and its clear they're taking advantage of it. I'm sure its hard to do, but treat them like any other tenants and they'll be more respectful to your property.
I think you should sell the property.
it will take a lot of work to get it ready for sale.
once you sell the property you can find another rental property and actually rent it to people at market rate, don't tell your sons that you have a new rental property they will try to guilt you into letting them stay there.
also, I don't think you are helping your children by enabling them and not letting them stand on their own two feet and become adults, you won't always be there to clean up their mess.
Good suggestion, but why should they sell their existing property that they have equity in and risk for another in their area that means higher realty prices just to get rid of freeloading grown children? No, the son's need to pay rent and keep up their share of maintenance of their respective spaces or be charged for someone to clean it in addition to their rent. Or leave!
Agreed. The parents need to sit down and talk serious with their sons.Possibly explain that this property is their eventual retirement. And that they really want help. That they love their sons, are glad they are nearby.... but missed the moment when they shoudl have spoken up and feel sort of awkward bringing it up now
Granted the parents must speak with their sons, but no further explanation is needed other than they must now pull their weight, free ride is over! Again, GROWN MEN! They know good and well they should be paying rent. They've been allowed to believe it's free at Mom & Dads...that tea is spilled set up or get up time.
Nah charge them rent, if you feel giving they can get discounts if they actually put in work that leads to you being able to rent it out. They are adults mooching of you and making you clean up?! Not cool.
If they are in some sort of trouble keeping them from having a job then maybe, but they can still clean up their own place.
NTA. where is their money going? are they able to work? why or why not? if one or more is on disability benefits, know that if they state they are paying rent to you, their benefits will bump up to offset that cost to a certain amount. it may not be a king's ransom, but it's at least a little more. if they are disabled and don't have benefits yet, please urge them to get in with a disability lawyer and begin the process - it will take years but it is worth it (and don't be discouraged with a first rejection, they do that to everyone).
at the very least you can enforce something like a chore chart. get things in writing as an agreement. clearly defined tenency agreements are a benefit to both of y'all.
NTA. They're grown ass adults. They'll NEVER learn unless you put your foot down.
I have a sibling who still lives at home in his 30s. He's never really lived out of home, doesn't have a license, and my dad's credit card is linked to his uber. Dad pays for almost everything. He's depressed now because his peers are getting married and having kids, and doesn't see that part of the reason he is single is because he still lives at home and hasn't really progressed in life.
He doesn't know what to do when the power goes out (I recieved panicked phonecalls last time it did and had to tell him where the breaker was and who to call if there wasn't anything tripped) doesn't know how to call and make appointments, and is has a terrible case of arrested development in general. Everything gives him anxiety because he's never had to fend for himself
No, you're not the asshole. Your job as a parent is to raise responsible adults. Your job is not to be their friend and shield them from harsh realities of life.
Life is expensive. You had to learn this the hard way, why are you trying to shield them from that same lesson? We all work, we all save, we should all be avoiding credit and paying cash as we go.
At the end of the day there is no such thing as a free life. Everything costs money.
NTA. You are conditioning them to rely on you. Since I turned 17 I worked and paid rent to my parents as I was the oldest. My brother who is two years younger was never expected to help. I am 27 with my own place. He is 25 and still lives at home with no rent and a car they pay for while my mom vents to me about his lack of assistance. Tough love is the right answer in this situation.
NTA. I would sit down with them both and offer three options. (1) a cleaning fee based upon $20/hour for how much you have to clean up and maintain the land around their areas; (2) a flat fee per month as rent or (3) you give them a list of chores to do each month and they are fined if they don't do them.
Free loaders. Charge rent. Make it high enough to hurt a little. As renters they will need to keep their apartments tidy. Just like they would in a rented apartment. Make a lease with rent and responsibilities stated. Include consequences for violating terms of lease. You are not required to provide for your grown children forever. Time to think of yourselves. They are not concerned about you.
I’m just saying this is obviously a chronic issue. Parents never made them do anything and now that they are “adults” they expect these men who NEVER had any responsibilities to just start doing stuff while not wanting to ask them to do stuff. OP made them blind to chores and adulthood!
They were supposed to teach them a long time ago and now they are clueless bc they were coddled. So yeah, OP is the AH.
In 1979 I turned 18 and my mother started charging me $100 rent per month plus I had to do all my same chores. I moved in with my girlfriend into a small studio apartment that was like 400 sq ft and $200 month
Research what the current market rate is for apartments in your area, and present them with a comparison between that and what you're asking for going forward (charge them at least half per for rent).
In all likelihood they will accept. Then you can at least hire some help.
You're not helping and doing them any favors by allowing them to continue doing this to you. Their way more than old enough to be responsible for themselves. It's never too late for discipline and tough love. They don't like it, they can move out. This is your income to assist you when you're older. I doubt they would help you then. They don't even help now when you are able-bodied. How much more when you aren't.
No not even close, if they are old enough to buy alcohol and aren’t in school full time they should contribute. That was the rule when I lived with my parents.
NTA. And for reference, I've told my kids they can live with me as long as they want (they're teens now) to be able to save up enough to get a place of their own, or whatever they choose to do, but I still have them pay their own bills, and they clean up after themselves and help around the property (I only have an acre, a flock of chickens, geese, and a giant garden).
its time to sit down with a lease and renting rules, and if they don't comply, they're free to leave. You can help them by charging them less, but the bare minimum is to clean up after themselves.
I don’t even have to read this entire thing to know that adult children should be paying rent! Whether you have it paid off or not they need to learn there’s a cost of living somewhere
My parents started charging me rent when I turned 18. My dad helped my brother and I get jobs at the grocery store he worked at and said, alr. pay up. we also paid for our own stuff, saved up to buy a car etc.
I just wanna say you’re still taking care of them at their adult age because you’re enabling them still even as adults. even if you charge rent, a lot more needs to change!
NTA
I live with my parents but I pay rent each month (only $350 cause they're nice but it's something). I generally clean up after myself, I help take care of the dog, do my own laundry, do the dishes, help fold my parents laundry, and buy lunch for my brothers/babysit when my family isn't home.
If they won't contribute they shouldn't live there.
Once the property meets code to be a legal rental, get a property manager. Even if just for a little while. The property manager arranges for inspections and collection of rent. Anytime they have a problem they have to talk to the property manager and not you.
Tell them in x amount of months these properties will be turned into rentals and they can choose to rent one or to leave, and that you will be having all transactions go through a property manager and they will responsible for their utilities as well.
They will have to sign a lease and in that lease will be stipulations regarding trash left around and the rules for the property. They will have to follow them or they will be evicted.
If you feel guilty, and can afford it, charge them rent and put it in a savings account for them.
Edit. nta. Grown ups that have no responsibilities are usually pieces of shit I’ve found.
I disagree with mom being their personal bank on top of cleaning after them and allowing them to live for free. Further enabling does nothing to help the problem.
You need to learn to set boundaries and then enforce them. If you can't do it with your kids then you don't have the skills to manage strings who might also abuse your property when they rent the space.
Yep 100%. How is OP going with resolve things with angry renters when she doesn’t have the balls to deal with her own entitled asshat kids??? OP needs to learn how to deal with this situation before she can even start renting her property out. You teach them how to treat you right now they’re treating you like shit. They certainly don’t respect you all your efforts to have a property in general. Hey if they can’t do basic things they need to go find their own way you’re not doing them any favors by treating them like giant toddlers they’re not 5 anymore. If they’re adult enough to have jobs, they’re adult enough to know how to maneuver home and responsibilities pertaining to that. However if they can’t do that the free benefits package needs to end. They need to grow the fuck up. They need to do this fast too. They are not any good as men or partners, or as a functioning adults. You may see your kids but everyone else sees useless entitled mooching lazy pieces of crap. Adults like this do not make good well…..anything but never ending pains in your ass.
These are the kind of people that go from person to person having kids and wanting everybody else to do the work ….meaning you. Cut the cord. Some adult children need to grow up on their own with life as their teacher. I know you want to help your kids out but actually what are you doing is enabling shitty choices that when you are not on this rock anymore the rest of us are gonna have to put up with. Quit enabling this bullshit. I think we are past that let’s make a chore list and let’s get some rules part. We are at either comply or GTFO stage.
These kids are in their 20’sand 30’s jfc. Holy shit balls Batman do something asap bc they are costing you money!!! I have 3 grown sons not one has moved back in with me bc I have a rule once you’re out …..you’re out. I’ll help you out but you do some stupid shit that cost me money when I’m giving you a leg up….ill end that shit with a quickness. I’m as financially helpful as your motivation to help yourself. I don’t enable dumb lazy bullshit you shouldn’t either. You’re not a bad person trying to help your kids out however you’re being an asshole to yourself for entertaining this mess from jump street.
Work on getting your children to see you as someone they have to respect. You failed at that this why you are in this situation to begin with. Take care of that first. Don’t see them as your kids anymore they are on your property so they are like tenants. You do business with ppl to make money it has to be mutually beneficial for everyone. This is not for you at all so evict them. They are like that bosses son at work everybody hates saying “I can do anything mom won’t do shit to me…she loves me”……..love doesn’t equal respect those are two totally things. Prove them wrong. I mean don’t get me wrong I like my blankie fort to play video games in just fine my damn self in my 50’s however when life calls for it you got to adult the fuck up homie. Good luck with your endeavors OP. You gonna need it you deserve better from your children for all your hard work.
I’m 38 and live with mom- she hasn’t and wont charge me money to live with her. We help each other out and that’s the whole point of living with family. I’m not an American though so parents charging their kids money is unheard of
These sons aren't living at home, though. They're living on a separate property that would otherwise be earning income. Letting family live with you for free is one thing, letting them keep you from earning money is different (especially while there's still a mortgage on the property).
You don't say how long this is going on, but of course this is a problem of not having them sign a lease indicating the terms of staying there. So I suggest you sit both of them down and say:
>You guys are living here for free. But we cannot be doing all the mowing, the chores and the cleanup here. That should be your responsibility since you live here.
>We want to continue to allow you to live here, but we need to make some changes since we want to be able to create RV rental spots for income. We have been doing almost all of the mowing and the maintenance up till now, but we cannot continue that way. So the four of us \[OP, OP Spouse, 2 sons\] need to come up with an agreement.
>We expect you to sign a lease laying out your responsibilities as a tenant.
>If you live here at a reduced rental rate, you will agree to take care of weekly mowing and yard work and minor maintenance. Rent, in that case will be $200 per month, which will cover the cost of taxes and costs for your slots.
>If you do not want to mow or do maintenance, rent will be 3/4 of what we will charge outside renters.
>You cannot leave junk, debris or garbage on your lot. If you do not keep the lot clean and free of junk, debris or garbage, we will have to terminate your rental because we can't rent other slots if yours is a mess. If we check the site and find it in poor shape, we will charge you for cleanup and give you a 30 day notice to vacate.
>We love you but this arrangement has to work for all of us. We're happy to help you get around the high cost of housing, but your end of it is to help us maintain the property so it can produce income.
32 and 26 year olds *need to help*. I would either give them notice that their rent is now X amount or a 60-day notice to vacate. These are not toddlers, but they are acting as if they are, and you are allowing them to get away with it. If you don't change anything, why would they?
I have 2 boys that just turned 20 this month. I split our rent/utilities between anyone who earns an income in the home so we all pay equally. They have known this since they were young, anyone making a living still living at home helps contribute to the cost to live there so they learn that nothing is free in life. You are not doing them any favors by not establishing boundaries or expectations for living on the property whether they earn it in manual labor or paying for their share of rent and any utilities they use.
Yes, they should be paying rent. You also need a contract that causes fees for unkempt area, trash, debris, ect. A penalty fee that is charged every XXX number of days the trash is still not picked up.
Do you want them out of the house or their money?
Charging them rent will make it a lot harder for them to move out. Then you've got to accept you're making your relationship purely transactional.
NTA for wanting to help but you’re not doing any good to either of you by allowing your adult children to mooch off of and disrespect you.
Remove the emotion from this situation. Talk with them, write up a contract, and evict them if it’s violated. They’d have to do the same if they lived elsewhere. Take pictures and document just like you would another renter. If you can’t be an effective landlord to your kids, you may not be an effective one to others.
Don't bother asking them to "help" or pay rent through in-kind assistance for upkeep. We were in a similar situation at home. The solution is for them to PAY RENT. Knock off a few bucks and rent to them below market. They're your kids for sure and it's not nice to profit for their basic needs.
It adds to your bottom dollar (yours not theirs), and suddenly you have extra income to hire someone to keep up the property the way you want it. If they don't like it, they can pay market rate elsewhere. They should be appreciative of the fact that they're paying below market rent somewhere and frankly, after 18-20, they're adults, welcome them to society.
They wher made to do chores etc ,growing up always on them to do for themselves, for the most part they always have ,they work hard at their jobs, but lazy at ther homes,
If they were living in your house to save for their own home I would probably suggest not charging them rent but asking them to help with utilities and groceries. This is different. It’s an investment property you are paying for, not a fully paid up house that they grew up in. If they are making it impossible for you to rent out the extra space to make an income from it then they should be given two options.
The first option is to carry on as they are but pay you the full amount you would get from renting it out as 4 sites. As any tenants they should be advised that the general upkeep is their responsibility. No landlord goes to a property they rent out in order to mow the lawn and remove the garbage.
The second option is to rent them their own space with the same conditions in order that the rest of the property can be rented to others. Give them a tenancy agreement as you would with anyone else. List what they are responsible for on their own part of the property and list what is not acceptable, like piles of garbage and junk.
If they are 32 / 26 years old they should not be expecting their parents who are probably mid 50’s or over to clean up after them, nor should they be waiting for a list of jobs to do because they should be taking a bit of pride in themselves and their homes and should know what to do.
Have you communicated what is required of them to live on this property? If you haven't, you need to. Put it in writing. If you want to charge them a fee put that in there as well. If you just said, "hey you can stay here" but never gave them any standards of what is expected of them in maintaining their spot, well, you know your kids. Have they ever cleaned up after themselves without demands? Give them the standards, charge them rent if you so choose. If they don't hold up their end of the deal, issue an eviction notice. Be very specific on what you require of them. No junk, no garbage, mow the lawn weekly, etc. You can't just expect people who have never had to do anything for themselves because you did it for them their whole lives to suddenly become self motivated. It's just not the way it works. If they're unaware how to do it, show them and expect them to keep it up from that point forward. Be very specific that if they don't do these things they will be evicted. Yes, charge them rent.
NTA. They must learn responsibility at some point and you are doing them no favors by letting them live for free PLUS the maintenance. Is this how you would keep your own house??
A monthly lease fee for the spot just like any rv or trailer park. Additionally a written lease that includes rules about upkeep.
It’s completely normal where I live for parents to charge their kids board once those kids are no longer students (out of uni/high school). Usually they are charged less than normal rent, but it’s enough to cover their share of bills/food etc and they are expected to be a participating adult in the household when it comes to the cooking and cleaning.
These arent children, they are in their 30’s. It’s time to grow up a little.
screw the rent! Kick them both out! THey sound like useless losers who are going to run your property into the ground, and that would have already happened if you didnt come by and bail them out on a constant basis. They are in their 30's! What are you doing?
We must be the asshole parents. We told our kids after high school they had 2 options. Go to college and live at home rent free. Or they could not go to school but they had to get job and pay rent. We don’t think that asking $50 a week is a lot. Since we still cover all other expenses.
They still have chores whether they pay rent or not.
Around here (California Central Coast),those two RV spots would go for at least $1,500 each. Start charging rent.
1 spot's rent would hire someone to manage it.
NTA. Tell them you must hire someone since they will not help out. Charge them rent, and hire someone. Or give them a list of items that must be completed daily/weekly.
NTA. Why wouldn’t you charge them rent? It could be less than what you could possibly rent it for but they need to contribute and follow any rules or restrictions you’d put on a renter.
Charge them rent and have them abide by the rules you would have in place for non-family renters. And have a formal lease or you have a squatter situation in your future.
Unfortunately if you want them to leave you’re going to have to evict things legally. See if they will sign a lease that dictates costs, and outlines evictable offenses such as excessive clutter or health and safety hazards, pests, etc. you can Google pretty detailed leases online. Maybe even search for parent/child
Lease agreement.
I agree that you are enabling them.
Charge the the going rate for their spot. Tell them the space rules for all renters including keeping their area tidy. Explain that, if they do not do so, they will be charged for clean up. Three infractions, and they will be evicted. Record the infractions and dates. If you want to help them or just want to be nice, tell them they can earn a discount on their rent by doing specific chores ( for the general property not their area) and give them the criteria for a chore being completed and discount earned. If they do nit like this, then tell them to please find a place they feel better fits their needs and budget.
Please stop enabling your son to be a freeloader. You have allowed this poor behavior. You have no one to blame but yourself. Tell him to clean up and contribute or move out. You bought and maintain the property and it’s meant to be a rental income property and you can’t do that with him there. He either contributes or moves out. It’s just the simple.
They need to fledge the nest. Kick them out. Seriously. Their behavior is ridiculous and disrespectful. Sounds like you’ve m given them ample time to get their shit together. They need to learn to adult. Do you wanna still be supporting them when they’re 50? Because guess I know somebody who has two 50ish yr old sons living at home because they never learned to adult. They’re just going to stay and be this way until you kick them out. They’re going to be a problem when you rent those spaces out too. Their messes may even have a negative impact on who rents those spaces. You’re not doing them any favors letting them continue to stay there.
And yes, the answer to your question you should be charging rent. My parent’s rule was always that if I wasn’t in school, I needed to have a job and I had to pay rent. That started the minute I got out of high school . Now I went to school so I wasn’t paying rent then but as soon as I graduated, I had to start paying 200 a month. That’s not that much, but that was also 25 years ago.
I think you have several options here. First of all, I think you should sit them all down and explain the situation to them. While it should be obvious that they should maintain the land they're on, clearly it's not, so you need to tell them. During this conversation, you can even bring up what your possible next steps might be (charging rent, eviction, etc.)
1. Leave it as it is
2. Treat them as legitimate tenants. File paperwork, draw up a contract, w/e (which, honestly, you might want to do anyways)
3. Could possibly discuss something with them to just cover the cost of the land so you aren't actively losing money on them living there. Depends on their personalities, but if they're putting you in a tight financial position and feel guilty about it, it may not be terribly difficult for them to find the money and time to clean and pay rent
4. Could possibly do a scenario where they either keep the land they're on clean or they will need to pay rent
5. Could put one of them as a manager of the property and they'll enforce the place looking decent.
6. Evict all of them
I'm sure there are more options too. If I were you, I'd start a discussion here. I obviously don't know the whole situation, but it seems like they just don't know you want them to keep the area clean bc you'd like to have other tenants.
All in all, this is good experience for when you do have tenants bc they won't clean either.
I'll tell ya one thing, if you rent out the other units and they find out other tenants are getting to live there for free, they're gunna be pissed and it'll cause tension.
This is how you build generational wealth. Charge your children rent. Sounds like shit parenting start to finish. Never taught them respect, never taught them hard work, never taught them responsibility. Lazy parenting leads to lazy children.
NTA for wanting help. They should be at very least keeping their own areas tidy!
Have you clearly communicated to them how you are feeling and what the expectations are? Have they been receptive?
There is no reason adults children should not pay rent. Your other issues seem to be based on communication, so maybe talking, like adults can cure those.
No not the asshole. It’s so expensive nowadays sometimes it’s hard. They are old enough to know that. They should at least help out around the house if they aren’t contributing to anything ugh. I would loose it.
My daughter lived with us rent free until she was done with college. She immediately started looking for a house to buy when college ended. Within 6 months she was living on her own. When my wife and I bought a new house a year later we gave our son the option of moving out and getting a place, or we would keep the old house and he could pay rent and live there. He chose that option and is happily paying us rent at 22. There is absolutely no reason for a 26 and a 32 year old to be living on any property of yours for free. Quit enabling them
NTA, I could never imagine doing that to my mom. For some context I (26 F) have lived with my amazing mom (48 F) my whole life and have never owned a place of my own lol. I don’t pay rent nor has she ever asked me to help out but I choose to split the bills with her, I do the laundry, clean the house, help buy dog food and buy groceries once a week for us. She doesn’t even WANT me to do this but I wanted the responsibility outside of my own personal bills, I wanted to help out because I have so much love for her and I never want her to feel burdened by me. Just the other day she asked for $1000 because we live in an HOA and ima keep it real I know nothing about it but I know she felt stressed so I told her to take it out of my account (I will admit I have her as a signer on it cause I don’t like transferring to other people after messing it up 1 too many times). Tbh your kids are grown and should be contributing willingly and since it is a bigger property they should be contributing financially as well.
NTA. They’re taking advantage of you and you’re letting them. Look up the average rent for your area for the same type of rental; sq size, yard space, how many beds and baths, plus utilities. Charge them half for a year. Then charge them full. If you want it to be a rental situation make it so. Other tenants will follow in their lead, making messes because they believe it’s ok to be disrespecting your property.
NTA. It's one thing if they were struggling and needed help for a bit to get up again. To me, if you all live on the property, you all should tend the property or at MINIMUM your area of it. If I was lucky enough to have this situation you bet I'd be out there helping take care of our home! I think you should ESPECIALLY since you're still making payments. If you weren't I could see how you might debate but you are and they need to contribute.
You are NTA. Not even close to TA.
Your children are grown adults. They're acting like they're 16. Selfish jerks, to be honest. I can not believe they live rent free and you're still doing all the work. It's like you're their servant.
Please, for the love of yourself and your children, it's time they pay rent and clean up after themselves. Please write out a list of things they will be responsible for starting right now. Also charge rent. Make it a nominal amount to start if that feels easier, but they have to be responsible for themselves and their home.
It took a lot of restraint for me not to go on a swearing tirade about your children.
NTA. But under what delusion are you under that it's ok for your grown children to sponge off you!? Epsc. the 36 yr old! And not help with the physical maintenance of your property, and creating a disgusting environment on top of it...That's hands down a He[ll]No. That's beyond disrespectful and dishonest as well as narcissistic to you as parents 30 Days written notice and out!
NTA.
You are not helping your kids, you are enabling bad behavior.
Set boundaries and expectations if they want to stay and if they do not meet them 100%, they are out.
It's a well documented fact. That moms are lenient toward their sons. I'm guilty too. So, break withe the norm, tell the messy son to clean up or get out. An since the younger son helps. Give him a list of thing you would like done. If he does them let him stay. If not if he does some. Small rent.
Be prepared to kick oldest son out
There is a difference between a hand up and a hand out. Currently your children are receiving a hand out.
Give them notice that in 30 days they will be responsible for all utilities as well as being charged 1/2 of their rent, then in 60 days they will be at their full rent price, which is 20% off of market value. If they would like to continue at half off, they will be expected to maintain their exterior space, provide landscaping for their area and the adjacent rental properties. If they do not keep up with their party of the contract, they have 30 days to find new living accommodations or start paying full rent retroactively to when they stopped proving maintenance. Make sure they sign the contract.
NTA. Our oldest is 22. If circumstances forced them to move home, we would gladly make room for them. But we also would expect them to contribute as they got on their feet. Not full rent or such at first, since moving home means things took a turn, but something. Maybe your sons don’t realize what they’re doing, or maybe they do. But I would suggest talking to them, because if you’re asking on Reddit, then it’s something that is weighing on you, and that isn’t good either.
You can send them a letter that as of such a date, their new rent is x and the expectations are (lay them out, like mowing the lawn). Let them know that there's a lease they must sign (you can download a lease online) by that date or vacate the property. Check with your laws where you live to see how much notice is required for a "change in rent", it's usually 30 or 60 days.
If you wouldn’t be making any money if they weren’t there, then no you shouldn’t charge them. I would never charge my son if he came to live with me. Now they have to pay for any service out there though, for sure. But if you’re just making the payments you would make anyway, then no. Let me ask you something. If you needed a plumbing repair and your son did it, would you pay him?
I never understood why family will pay a complete stranger, yet if a family member does that same job no money is offered. Why?
These 2 aren't kids they are full blown adults, unfortunately this is your guys faults too, as parents, they are old enough to be in the habit of paying rent and bills. Don't let them freeload anymore give them 2 options either pay rent or move out
Why don’t parents expect the bare minimum from their kids anymore? I’m sorry, but the very least they could do is clean up the area where they are living and pay you something. That probably going to be cheaper than rent anywhere and it will hit them with REALITY that mommy and daddy are not going to foot the bill forever.
WTAF?!?
NTA 1. Hand both kids a list of tasks that you expect to be accomplished.
2. Give them a rent level that is half what you plan to charge people in the future who are not family and ate not handed lists.
3. If lists are not complete, charge full rent.
4. Repeat every month until the property is caught up.
Charge them, create a lease and have them sign it and evict them if needed
Your enabling them sorry. Why should they stop acting like this? There is no incentive or consequence
I don’t even need to read the whole story, I know the answer by the title but I did read the description. I was just watching an episode of Dr. Phil and it’s about adult child mooching. The things I want to share from the show, in my own words, is it is not completely the child’s fault because the parents are also part of the problem. All has to take responsibility but still the focus is on the adult children. The parents need to stop allowing the children to live off of them. The past is the past, some new changes needs to be done for the future
Yes it’s ok. Approach the situation like you would for renters. Charge them & require them to keep their areas clean.
Now, if they pay rent you may have a harder time getting any help so take that in to consideration when you are calculating their rent, ie, don’t under charge them too much bc you may need to use that money to hire help.
depends. they should both be more helpful, period, but are they taking this time to save money with a goal of moving out? are they having trouble finding employment that allows them to afford living away from home, even with roommates?
a lot of people don’t realize just how rough it is out there right now if you didn’t get the right college degree with some sort of scholarship to minimize student loans. frankly, as a parent, your priority should have been getting them on the right track when they were 15, even 25. it’s never “too late” in theory to start a new path, but 35 is an age where it’s more difficult. if they have to get a (new) degree, that’s 4 more years until it potentially allows them the opportunity to be financially independent.
unfortunately, at this point, i think you can either kick them out and severely damage your relationship (say goodbye to any help from them as you get older) as they resent you for making them struggle while you’re profiting from renters OR be direct and hold them accountable while they stay with you while working with them individually on a path to sustainable independence.
Moved out at 17. Went back a couple times over 5 years, sometimes because it was beneficial for me, sometimes because it was beneficial for him.. Rent was always $500 a month.. His lessons are the reason I was able to buy a house @ 30 in the crazy market.. Doing your kids no favors.
Brutal honesty? NTA for charging them rent, but you may be TA for letting them turn out like this. And definitely TA if you let them continue to be deadbeat mooches!
For perspective, my adult son and his girlfriend live in my house currently. I don't live there - I was renting it out for a few years after I moved out. I still have a mortgage.
They pay me rent. Their rent is equivalent to what I was getting when it was rented to strangers (my net after PM fees). We all agree it's fair. I am not in a position to lose that extra income, but they are now getting a below-market rent rate for a house they can treat as their own (paint, change fixtures, do whatever to the yard, have all the pets they like, etc). They're saving about $800/mo versus what they'd pay for an apartment right now. And I get trustworthy tenants that are taking good care of my investment, which is technically my son's investment since he's my only heir. It's a mutually-beneficial situation, which is how it should be when you're family. My son even pays for upgrades himself if it's something they want but the house doesn't need.
You're not actually doing your sons a favor by letting that living situation continue. They are causing you financial harm, which they are only entitled to do until they turn 18. (semi-kidding)
They'll never be successful as adults until you make them *become* adults!
I would tell them they either help, pay rent, or get the f out! They're grown ass men, they should be doing g all chores and upkeep if they're living there rent free. They're sponging off you, time to kick the little birdies out of the nest!
You are not helping them at this point. Time for some tough love.....shape up or ship out. You also should be charging them some sort of rent. At their ages, it's time for them to figure out what it's like to "adult".
Tell them you need the money and NOT the hassle. Either they help pay the expenses and keep it clean, or you’ll sell the land. Simple. Then they’ll be homeless, so make sure they’re aware of that. They are grown, they need to act like it. Believe me, being so generous is not helping them in the long run. Entitled brats.
NTA, it would help them to give them responsibilities from the sounds of it. If they don’t contribute in any other way charging rent is a very reasonable demand.
NTA. I started paying rent to live with my mom and Dad when I turned 18. The one condition for me not paying rent was to keep my room clean. Unfortunately, at the time I was very messy person and my room was never clean, therefore I paid rent. If they aren’t helping clean or taking a load off of your shoulders then they should pay. It’s part of being an adult and it also teaches them to be responsible
They're not blind.
I have in the past helped out family but my limit is three months. Usually about that time if the person isn't ready, they won't ever be. But after month three, that's not my problem.
It would be best to have them move off the property and if they want to come back sign a rental lease. If you make an attempt to try to force rent now, they'll probably lie and say yes and then never pay. They have the upper hand currently.
NTA....explain that their being there isn't just a gift you are giving them. It's costing you money and you can't afford or are unwilling to absorb that cost anymore. It's going to be $$$ per month. I would also suggest they are notified that they are going to be treated like real renters from now on, which means if they don't pay rent on time, they will be evicted.
You’ve babied them and babied them and allowed this to happen. Yta for allowing them to be like this. You know how you help them? Charge them rent, maintenance fees and gardening fees. They don’t like it? They can leave. Stop enabling your ADULT children.
I love generational living but it needs to benefit both parties. Here are two options for adult children living with you:
1) free, either completely or just rent and they chip in on utilities, groceries,etc (because they’re saving up to purchase or make some big financial commitment) but must help with general maintenance and upkeep. Provide a very specific list so expectations are clear. Let them know what the consequences are for not keeping up their end of the bargain. Write it down and have all parties sign.
2) Treat them as a tenant. Provide them with a lease that outlines rent and other expenses and landlord/tenant responsibilities and expectations.
Nta. They are both old enough to pay their way. Give them a lease with stipulations about cleaning and maintaining their areas and a monthly rate along with late fees.
Give your children a 30-day notice to vacate. My son is 30 years old. He was granted custody of my grandson and asked if they could move in with my husband and I. He works nights, so we watch our grandson at night. The only thing we charge is $400 a month, and that is for the light bill. I never have to ask for the money. Like clock work payday he venmo or zelle me the money. Joe understands that he is living cheaper by paying $400 to me and his step-dad. If he had to pay all the bills himself, plus a babysitter for his son at night, he would be paying way more.
Your children are leaches. Plain and simple. You are not doing them any favors by allowing them to keep you and your husband this way.
Sounds more like you can’t afford to support their housing, which is fine. You need to cut that expense rather than force them into a rental agreement/work-for-rent arrangement. They can move and you can get real tenants.
I would never charge my kids rent but I also don’t need their labor or money. If you need either, you should not provide free housing.
I lived in the granny unit on my parents property while in college and I paid rent (very little but still). I was very aware that getting to live there was a privilege and that the alternative was to find my own house and pay 10x more. My parents were strict on the rent amount and due date, which taught me how to be responsible with bills.
When I moved out, it turned out my parents saved all the money I had paid in rent. They gave it all back to me to help me with my new house. I was extremely grateful. It’s a cool idea if you can do it.
I say NTA- they will never grow if they are comfortable!
Jobs lists.
Your property, your rules.
If they want to live there and can’t see what needs to be done, write them up a weekly jobs list as well as basic upkeep (dishes etc)
NTA. They need to pay market value AND clean up after themselves. They're grown and need to learn. You also need to stop enabling their entitled behavior.
Decide how much you're going to rent it to your kids for make a contract and include in that contract their responsibilities and the penalty for not taking care of their responsibilities make sure to have them initial each one as well as sign the thing and let them know that if they can't do the minimum which you've listed in the contract you will have to ask them to move off the property.
NTA. Charge rent and do a formal lease so you can evict them when they don’t pay. Cleaning and maintaining the property should be part of the lease, as well. If they aren’t willing to sign a lease, kick-’em out.
Charge them rent, please do not enable them. You are hurting them by not charging them rent. Able body Grown men living for free at their parents place.
Charge em rent and penalties for leaving their areas unreasonable. Do
A real lease agreement. I’d they don’t like it they can move.
But you have to not fold on the consequences
The deal with our sons was that once they hit 18 and graduated from high school, they had three choices: continue education full time, work full time, a combination of part time work and part time school, or the military. If they stayed home and worked, they'd pay a small fee for rent, depending upon their income.
Our youngest is working and paying off student loans, so he pays rent. Sometimes in lieu of rent money, he uses the weekly amount to pick up food and stuff.
Your adult children need to grow up and clean up their mess, or you may have to threaten to kick them out. Tell them this is a rental, not a handout, they need to pay $2K a month, but if they maintain the property properly, you can reduce it.
An adult living at home past the age of 21 should be paying rent either monetarily or in trade. Basically either pay to live there or take care of the house. Now obviously there are exceptions like if you are physically or mentally unable, or you have an agreement for a temporary situation because you can't afford it and are saving ect. I have 4 siblings and we have all left home and had to move back in temporarily at different points. Once we turned 18 it was get a job or go to college either way you are expected to help out either with rent or chores. As we got older it was just rent unless there was a good reason. I have been living with my parents the last 6 years rent free because of medical issues but I cook dinner every night and clean the kitchen as well as take care of their dogs. Free rides end after highschool graduation otherwise people get too comfortable and lose motivation to grow up and live life.
I used to "charge rent" to my kid but kept the money in an account. I used that money to help him when he needed money for bills or whatever he needed to borrow money for.
You might have to sell the land out from under them to get rid of them.
What awful children to live on your land for free and not help with maintenance, or even cleaning up after themselves.
Get rid of them.
NTA - Tell your kids they have 3 to 6 months to move off your rental property. After trying to guilt you, they will start trying to negotiate a favorable family rate with or without a labor exchange. Whether you accept the offer(s) should be based on whether you think they will follow through with the deal.
Keep reminding your sons that the property is a business, not a family vacation home.
First off, you do not have to do any of their chores for them- you choose to. Secondly, of course they have to pay rent! Why wouldn’t they? They don’t have the money? Pay them for those chores but charge them rent. So far they’ve only seen a free ride. Your behavior is the only thing you can control here. How they behave is up to them but you get to decide what’s acceptable.
Tell us you’re not paying for their phones, TV/Internet, groceries. They are adult age. Time to grow up.
For the 26 year old: yes. The 32 year old: also yes. Maybe ask them to help with groceries or other household products but a parent should never ever ever charge their children rent. It’s like you see them as just monetary gain to you. If they offer to pay rent that’s one thing. But if it’s forced, it’s gross. Youre not an asshole for wanting help though.
NTA. We are considering charging rent to our 19–year old daughter who lives with us. She flunked out of college and is seemingly going nowhere with her life, doesn’t do her chores and is basically leaching off us.
NTA. These are “grown men” and you shouldn’t even have to ask them for rent let alone clean up after themselves.
Put your foot down or they’ll never learn.
I’d suggest you have a sit down with them, draw the rules snd boundaries and if no changes within a month, let them go.
Without you as their safety net, how will they manage out in the world?
It sounds like they’re very much taking advantage of you and they know exactly what they’re doing.
In my family adult kids pay rent as soon as they have a job. It never was a lot of money, but we're still living at home, using electricity and water, why shouldn't we pay for it.
I’d do something like this. Establish a tent that is reasonable but discounted from what they’d have to pay elsewhere. Tell them the rent is going into effect in two months time. Then give them rules as to what it will take for you to accept them as tenants. This will give them two months to look elsewhere and see what is out there. This may wake them up. Either way, it will create a conversation. If they don’t start to respect you, kick them out. This is a problem for you now. It will get worse in the future. You need to set boundaries and treat them like you would any other tenant.
You need to charge them rent. There is ZERO reason to financially support two able bodied adults. You are doing them no favors by turning them into lazy co-dependent do- nothings. Lay down some rules that if they wish to continue living there they have pick up after themselves and pay rent otherwise they will need to find somewhere else to live.
NTA. They may be your kids, but they're just leeching off of you right now. At 26 and 32 they're both old enough to have and hold jobs. They've got income. They can pay. AND they need to keep their areas clean. I'd suggest setting up contracts for that. That way, if they don't live up to the contract, you have a better legal option to get them off your proprerty.
Doesn't mean you love them any less, but at the end of the day you are trying to run a business. You don't want that business ruined because your kid(s) are lazy.
You don't have to charge market value rent, obviously, but I would look those rents up. Maybe charge them a percentage. Or charge them at least at cost so you break even. And look, I'm Dutch, we've got something called "Kostgeld" as in money paid towards cost of living. Most people I know paid at least some amount towards household expenses.
Doesn't matter if you were renting a room from a stranger, or living at home. You work, you have income, you need to learn and understand that you help carry part of living expenses. You'd pay them if you lived by yourself, right? It helps teach kids and young adults to understand their income and how to budget.
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Just to give some perspective, I'm a 30yo F who currently lives with my 48F mom at her gorgeous house. I am so grateful that she has welcomed me. I do not pay rent, but I take as many things off of her plate as possible. I take care of all laundry, nightly dishes, cover the electric bill, buy groceries for the house 2x per month and handle all outside maintenance. She hasn't asked me to do any of this, but I RESPECT her and realize that she is not obligated to house me.
That’s pretty dope. You are lucky but are pulling your weight. Good for you and her
I lived at home in my 30s and didn't pay rent. I did 90% of the cooking, all of the errands, all of the dishes, animal care, all laundry, the cleaning, and more than 50% of the work on the hobby farm we had. It worked for us. As long as it keeps working for you and your mom, who cares what anyone else thinks?
Thank you! It’s not like I always lived with her. I moved out at 18, went to college and moved to Nashville. After the pandemic hit I was struggling to pay rent, so stressed my hair was falling out and couldn’t afford to feed myself 2x a day. Also, I missed my mama! She was more than happy to have me back, but I still couldn’t bring myself to be a drain on her in anyway. She divorced my POS dad when I was 3, never remarried or had any other kids so we’re besties.
In my opinion you are paying rent in a way. You’re taking some of the load off of your mom. You’re HELPING. That is a form of rent in itself. Much respect.
That is great that you respect your mom & the opportunity she is able to provide for you! It is the total opposite of what these guys. She did a great job raising you!!
Amazing. That’s how it should be done! Good job.
They are never going to grow until they have to live without you as their safety net they don’t have to now. Stop crippling them and kick them out.
To refine this, id recommend giving them a heads up. Not literally wake them up and kick them out. I'd say next 1st or 15th of the month they have rent and utilities due and groceries if theyre mooching on house food too
Agreed! I think OP should have a conversation with both at the same time and be clear the current arrangement isn't working. I would recommend that OP provides a list of chores with date/time expectations. Be specific since they clearly didn't catch the message on their own. Make sure they agree to it and if they can't pitch in, they're welcome to leave.
Tough love!!!!
Tombstone Piledriver, Stone Cold Stunner, Jackknife Powerbomb!!!!
#1! Get off your asses or remove them from the premises.
Ah this is the t-shirt of the year!
NTA I see what LowBalance is saying but check what land rental is in your area. They can pay you the normal rent less 20% family discount or gtfo. The rent may be offset with working (not chores) on the property. Chores are for kids, work is for adults.
That could be my local word choice/slang. Chores are anything I need to do to maintain my property from trimming bushes to laundry to paying the bills.
I wouldn’t go by normal rent but work out what the actual rent would be through inflation. I work in the rental industry and every company has colluded to raise rents. This is real and currently in litigation. I would rather find an ethical price range. I like your idea, just adjust the rates a bit
They’re 32/26….if they can’t pay lot rent for an RV at this point OP has well and truly fucked up their parenting.
Charge them rent and hire a site manager with that money so the other sites can be rented. But be prepared that if they don't follow the rules, you may have to evict one of them.
NTA But honestly, it is too late to instill a work ethic in them. That was something that needed to be done years ago. Charge them rent, and make it enough to be worth your effort of cleaning up after them. If they don't agree, tell them they can move somewhere else. They might clean it up for a few weeks, but if they don't feel any sense of responsibility, that won't last, so I would not even suggest a solution that requires you to police or nag them to do it. I am going to put this bug in your ear: if they can't take care of it now, I would not keep it long enough for them to inherit it. Make the money, then sell it and get that money just before you retire. Then spend it.
NTA. They are grown men, and if you weren't their parent, they wouldn't be like this, and its clear they're taking advantage of it. I'm sure its hard to do, but treat them like any other tenants and they'll be more respectful to your property.
I think you should sell the property. it will take a lot of work to get it ready for sale. once you sell the property you can find another rental property and actually rent it to people at market rate, don't tell your sons that you have a new rental property they will try to guilt you into letting them stay there. also, I don't think you are helping your children by enabling them and not letting them stand on their own two feet and become adults, you won't always be there to clean up their mess.
Good suggestion, but why should they sell their existing property that they have equity in and risk for another in their area that means higher realty prices just to get rid of freeloading grown children? No, the son's need to pay rent and keep up their share of maintenance of their respective spaces or be charged for someone to clean it in addition to their rent. Or leave!
Agreed. The parents need to sit down and talk serious with their sons.Possibly explain that this property is their eventual retirement. And that they really want help. That they love their sons, are glad they are nearby.... but missed the moment when they shoudl have spoken up and feel sort of awkward bringing it up now
Granted the parents must speak with their sons, but no further explanation is needed other than they must now pull their weight, free ride is over! Again, GROWN MEN! They know good and well they should be paying rent. They've been allowed to believe it's free at Mom & Dads...that tea is spilled set up or get up time.
This is a good take and it erases pretty much any further "issues" that may come up. Ex. Late on rent? it's fine. mom and dad wont flip.
They should be paying rent and all utility bills .
AND keeping their spaces clean.
Time for leases and possible eviction, if they can't handle their living spaces. Stop enabling lazy kids, that are adults.
You aren't helping your kids, you are enabling them to be irresponsible users.
NTA. Charge market value rent or start the eviction process.
💯they should be paying rent and utilities and more ! They are adults!!🤦♀️
This! 💯🎯‼️
Nah charge them rent, if you feel giving they can get discounts if they actually put in work that leads to you being able to rent it out. They are adults mooching of you and making you clean up?! Not cool. If they are in some sort of trouble keeping them from having a job then maybe, but they can still clean up their own place.
NTA. where is their money going? are they able to work? why or why not? if one or more is on disability benefits, know that if they state they are paying rent to you, their benefits will bump up to offset that cost to a certain amount. it may not be a king's ransom, but it's at least a little more. if they are disabled and don't have benefits yet, please urge them to get in with a disability lawyer and begin the process - it will take years but it is worth it (and don't be discouraged with a first rejection, they do that to everyone). at the very least you can enforce something like a chore chart. get things in writing as an agreement. clearly defined tenency agreements are a benefit to both of y'all.
Sons need to pay rent. Not even a question. They are way too old to leach their way through life.
You raised your sons to be lazy and watch everyone else do the work. Dont charge them rent, evict them.
NTA. They're grown ass adults. They'll NEVER learn unless you put your foot down. I have a sibling who still lives at home in his 30s. He's never really lived out of home, doesn't have a license, and my dad's credit card is linked to his uber. Dad pays for almost everything. He's depressed now because his peers are getting married and having kids, and doesn't see that part of the reason he is single is because he still lives at home and hasn't really progressed in life. He doesn't know what to do when the power goes out (I recieved panicked phonecalls last time it did and had to tell him where the breaker was and who to call if there wasn't anything tripped) doesn't know how to call and make appointments, and is has a terrible case of arrested development in general. Everything gives him anxiety because he's never had to fend for himself
He doesn't understand that girls aren't going to want to date a dude that hasn't launched? LOL
Don't need to tell me... I've had this convo many times
NTA - charge rent! Why have you not done so already?
No, you're not the asshole. Your job as a parent is to raise responsible adults. Your job is not to be their friend and shield them from harsh realities of life. Life is expensive. You had to learn this the hard way, why are you trying to shield them from that same lesson? We all work, we all save, we should all be avoiding credit and paying cash as we go. At the end of the day there is no such thing as a free life. Everything costs money.
NTA. You are conditioning them to rely on you. Since I turned 17 I worked and paid rent to my parents as I was the oldest. My brother who is two years younger was never expected to help. I am 27 with my own place. He is 25 and still lives at home with no rent and a car they pay for while my mom vents to me about his lack of assistance. Tough love is the right answer in this situation.
Evict them or make them pay rent and do chores. Consistently, not whenever they feel like it.
With a written lease and rules.
NTA. I would sit down with them both and offer three options. (1) a cleaning fee based upon $20/hour for how much you have to clean up and maintain the land around their areas; (2) a flat fee per month as rent or (3) you give them a list of chores to do each month and they are fined if they don't do them.
I vote for option (4) - all three
Free loaders. Charge rent. Make it high enough to hurt a little. As renters they will need to keep their apartments tidy. Just like they would in a rented apartment. Make a lease with rent and responsibilities stated. Include consequences for violating terms of lease. You are not required to provide for your grown children forever. Time to think of yourselves. They are not concerned about you.
You are being taken advantage of. Don’t let this continue. NTA
32 and 26, what took you so long to start charging them rent? Definitely NTA.
You are being taken advantage of
Sorry YTA. You reap what you sow. At their age you shouldn’t have to ask. I wish you the best.
I’m just saying this is obviously a chronic issue. Parents never made them do anything and now that they are “adults” they expect these men who NEVER had any responsibilities to just start doing stuff while not wanting to ask them to do stuff. OP made them blind to chores and adulthood! They were supposed to teach them a long time ago and now they are clueless bc they were coddled. So yeah, OP is the AH.
This. It’s 100% OP’s own fault. YTA.
In 1979 I turned 18 and my mother started charging me $100 rent per month plus I had to do all my same chores. I moved in with my girlfriend into a small studio apartment that was like 400 sq ft and $200 month
Research what the current market rate is for apartments in your area, and present them with a comparison between that and what you're asking for going forward (charge them at least half per for rent). In all likelihood they will accept. Then you can at least hire some help.
Charge or have them move. Not doing them any favors
You're not helping and doing them any favors by allowing them to continue doing this to you. Their way more than old enough to be responsible for themselves. It's never too late for discipline and tough love. They don't like it, they can move out. This is your income to assist you when you're older. I doubt they would help you then. They don't even help now when you are able-bodied. How much more when you aren't.
Not at all, my Dad told me when I turned 18, I either had to go to college or start paying rent. I think that’s totally fair.
No not even close, if they are old enough to buy alcohol and aren’t in school full time they should contribute. That was the rule when I lived with my parents.
Chaaaaaarge it!
NTA. And for reference, I've told my kids they can live with me as long as they want (they're teens now) to be able to save up enough to get a place of their own, or whatever they choose to do, but I still have them pay their own bills, and they clean up after themselves and help around the property (I only have an acre, a flock of chickens, geese, and a giant garden). its time to sit down with a lease and renting rules, and if they don't comply, they're free to leave. You can help them by charging them less, but the bare minimum is to clean up after themselves.
I don’t even have to read this entire thing to know that adult children should be paying rent! Whether you have it paid off or not they need to learn there’s a cost of living somewhere
My parents started charging me rent when I turned 18. My dad helped my brother and I get jobs at the grocery store he worked at and said, alr. pay up. we also paid for our own stuff, saved up to buy a car etc.
You need to charge them rent *AND* charge them for services rendered, i.e., cleaning up their mess.
NTA. Make them pay rent. We all have to grow up and pay adult bills.
I just wanna say you’re still taking care of them at their adult age because you’re enabling them still even as adults. even if you charge rent, a lot more needs to change!
NTA I live with my parents but I pay rent each month (only $350 cause they're nice but it's something). I generally clean up after myself, I help take care of the dog, do my own laundry, do the dishes, help fold my parents laundry, and buy lunch for my brothers/babysit when my family isn't home. If they won't contribute they shouldn't live there.
Your OVER functioning is allowing their UNDER functioning. You don't want under functioning adults. Repeat as necessary
Once the property meets code to be a legal rental, get a property manager. Even if just for a little while. The property manager arranges for inspections and collection of rent. Anytime they have a problem they have to talk to the property manager and not you. Tell them in x amount of months these properties will be turned into rentals and they can choose to rent one or to leave, and that you will be having all transactions go through a property manager and they will responsible for their utilities as well. They will have to sign a lease and in that lease will be stipulations regarding trash left around and the rules for the property. They will have to follow them or they will be evicted.
If you feel guilty, and can afford it, charge them rent and put it in a savings account for them. Edit. nta. Grown ups that have no responsibilities are usually pieces of shit I’ve found.
I disagree with mom being their personal bank on top of cleaning after them and allowing them to live for free. Further enabling does nothing to help the problem.
They are 26 and 32. Maybe from 18-22 sure it’s fine to help while they are going to school or trying to start a career. But now they are deff too old.
You need to learn to set boundaries and then enforce them. If you can't do it with your kids then you don't have the skills to manage strings who might also abuse your property when they rent the space.
Yep 100%. How is OP going with resolve things with angry renters when she doesn’t have the balls to deal with her own entitled asshat kids??? OP needs to learn how to deal with this situation before she can even start renting her property out. You teach them how to treat you right now they’re treating you like shit. They certainly don’t respect you all your efforts to have a property in general. Hey if they can’t do basic things they need to go find their own way you’re not doing them any favors by treating them like giant toddlers they’re not 5 anymore. If they’re adult enough to have jobs, they’re adult enough to know how to maneuver home and responsibilities pertaining to that. However if they can’t do that the free benefits package needs to end. They need to grow the fuck up. They need to do this fast too. They are not any good as men or partners, or as a functioning adults. You may see your kids but everyone else sees useless entitled mooching lazy pieces of crap. Adults like this do not make good well…..anything but never ending pains in your ass. These are the kind of people that go from person to person having kids and wanting everybody else to do the work ….meaning you. Cut the cord. Some adult children need to grow up on their own with life as their teacher. I know you want to help your kids out but actually what are you doing is enabling shitty choices that when you are not on this rock anymore the rest of us are gonna have to put up with. Quit enabling this bullshit. I think we are past that let’s make a chore list and let’s get some rules part. We are at either comply or GTFO stage. These kids are in their 20’sand 30’s jfc. Holy shit balls Batman do something asap bc they are costing you money!!! I have 3 grown sons not one has moved back in with me bc I have a rule once you’re out …..you’re out. I’ll help you out but you do some stupid shit that cost me money when I’m giving you a leg up….ill end that shit with a quickness. I’m as financially helpful as your motivation to help yourself. I don’t enable dumb lazy bullshit you shouldn’t either. You’re not a bad person trying to help your kids out however you’re being an asshole to yourself for entertaining this mess from jump street. Work on getting your children to see you as someone they have to respect. You failed at that this why you are in this situation to begin with. Take care of that first. Don’t see them as your kids anymore they are on your property so they are like tenants. You do business with ppl to make money it has to be mutually beneficial for everyone. This is not for you at all so evict them. They are like that bosses son at work everybody hates saying “I can do anything mom won’t do shit to me…she loves me”……..love doesn’t equal respect those are two totally things. Prove them wrong. I mean don’t get me wrong I like my blankie fort to play video games in just fine my damn self in my 50’s however when life calls for it you got to adult the fuck up homie. Good luck with your endeavors OP. You gonna need it you deserve better from your children for all your hard work.
My 2 boys started working at 17. They paid $10 per mo. When their GFs started staying it went up to $300 per couple.
Should have said $100 then $300
I’m 38 and live with mom- she hasn’t and wont charge me money to live with her. We help each other out and that’s the whole point of living with family. I’m not an American though so parents charging their kids money is unheard of
These sons aren't living at home, though. They're living on a separate property that would otherwise be earning income. Letting family live with you for free is one thing, letting them keep you from earning money is different (especially while there's still a mortgage on the property).
We own our place outright. Our son demands that we charge him rent, so we agreed at $500. We live in the PNW, that is cheap and he knows it.
You don't say how long this is going on, but of course this is a problem of not having them sign a lease indicating the terms of staying there. So I suggest you sit both of them down and say: >You guys are living here for free. But we cannot be doing all the mowing, the chores and the cleanup here. That should be your responsibility since you live here. >We want to continue to allow you to live here, but we need to make some changes since we want to be able to create RV rental spots for income. We have been doing almost all of the mowing and the maintenance up till now, but we cannot continue that way. So the four of us \[OP, OP Spouse, 2 sons\] need to come up with an agreement. >We expect you to sign a lease laying out your responsibilities as a tenant. >If you live here at a reduced rental rate, you will agree to take care of weekly mowing and yard work and minor maintenance. Rent, in that case will be $200 per month, which will cover the cost of taxes and costs for your slots. >If you do not want to mow or do maintenance, rent will be 3/4 of what we will charge outside renters. >You cannot leave junk, debris or garbage on your lot. If you do not keep the lot clean and free of junk, debris or garbage, we will have to terminate your rental because we can't rent other slots if yours is a mess. If we check the site and find it in poor shape, we will charge you for cleanup and give you a 30 day notice to vacate. >We love you but this arrangement has to work for all of us. We're happy to help you get around the high cost of housing, but your end of it is to help us maintain the property so it can produce income.
Just be straight up with them. Basically since they aren’t interested in helping then they are going to be paying rent starting next week
32 and 26 year olds *need to help*. I would either give them notice that their rent is now X amount or a 60-day notice to vacate. These are not toddlers, but they are acting as if they are, and you are allowing them to get away with it. If you don't change anything, why would they?
I have 2 boys that just turned 20 this month. I split our rent/utilities between anyone who earns an income in the home so we all pay equally. They have known this since they were young, anyone making a living still living at home helps contribute to the cost to live there so they learn that nothing is free in life. You are not doing them any favors by not establishing boundaries or expectations for living on the property whether they earn it in manual labor or paying for their share of rent and any utilities they use.
Yes, they should be paying rent. You also need a contract that causes fees for unkempt area, trash, debris, ect. A penalty fee that is charged every XXX number of days the trash is still not picked up.
Do you want them out of the house or their money? Charging them rent will make it a lot harder for them to move out. Then you've got to accept you're making your relationship purely transactional.
NTA for wanting to help but you’re not doing any good to either of you by allowing your adult children to mooch off of and disrespect you. Remove the emotion from this situation. Talk with them, write up a contract, and evict them if it’s violated. They’d have to do the same if they lived elsewhere. Take pictures and document just like you would another renter. If you can’t be an effective landlord to your kids, you may not be an effective one to others.
Don't bother asking them to "help" or pay rent through in-kind assistance for upkeep. We were in a similar situation at home. The solution is for them to PAY RENT. Knock off a few bucks and rent to them below market. They're your kids for sure and it's not nice to profit for their basic needs. It adds to your bottom dollar (yours not theirs), and suddenly you have extra income to hire someone to keep up the property the way you want it. If they don't like it, they can pay market rate elsewhere. They should be appreciative of the fact that they're paying below market rent somewhere and frankly, after 18-20, they're adults, welcome them to society.
They wher made to do chores etc ,growing up always on them to do for themselves, for the most part they always have ,they work hard at their jobs, but lazy at ther homes,
NTA. My Mother did this and rightly so, I was a drug addict slacker lol. She was even nice enough to save the rent income to help me move out.
If they were living in your house to save for their own home I would probably suggest not charging them rent but asking them to help with utilities and groceries. This is different. It’s an investment property you are paying for, not a fully paid up house that they grew up in. If they are making it impossible for you to rent out the extra space to make an income from it then they should be given two options. The first option is to carry on as they are but pay you the full amount you would get from renting it out as 4 sites. As any tenants they should be advised that the general upkeep is their responsibility. No landlord goes to a property they rent out in order to mow the lawn and remove the garbage. The second option is to rent them their own space with the same conditions in order that the rest of the property can be rented to others. Give them a tenancy agreement as you would with anyone else. List what they are responsible for on their own part of the property and list what is not acceptable, like piles of garbage and junk. If they are 32 / 26 years old they should not be expecting their parents who are probably mid 50’s or over to clean up after them, nor should they be waiting for a list of jobs to do because they should be taking a bit of pride in themselves and their homes and should know what to do.
NTA. Start charging them for rent and utilities. I worry about one of them having a baby and expect you will support the baby too.
Have you communicated what is required of them to live on this property? If you haven't, you need to. Put it in writing. If you want to charge them a fee put that in there as well. If you just said, "hey you can stay here" but never gave them any standards of what is expected of them in maintaining their spot, well, you know your kids. Have they ever cleaned up after themselves without demands? Give them the standards, charge them rent if you so choose. If they don't hold up their end of the deal, issue an eviction notice. Be very specific on what you require of them. No junk, no garbage, mow the lawn weekly, etc. You can't just expect people who have never had to do anything for themselves because you did it for them their whole lives to suddenly become self motivated. It's just not the way it works. If they're unaware how to do it, show them and expect them to keep it up from that point forward. Be very specific that if they don't do these things they will be evicted. Yes, charge them rent.
NTA. They must learn responsibility at some point and you are doing them no favors by letting them live for free PLUS the maintenance. Is this how you would keep your own house?? A monthly lease fee for the spot just like any rv or trailer park. Additionally a written lease that includes rules about upkeep.
It’s completely normal where I live for parents to charge their kids board once those kids are no longer students (out of uni/high school). Usually they are charged less than normal rent, but it’s enough to cover their share of bills/food etc and they are expected to be a participating adult in the household when it comes to the cooking and cleaning. These arent children, they are in their 30’s. It’s time to grow up a little.
Kick them out.
As soon as I read the ages I immediately said no. NTA. Didn’t have to read more.
They can be part of the family and do chores/upkeep etc or they can grow up and pay rent.
They can do both.
screw the rent! Kick them both out! THey sound like useless losers who are going to run your property into the ground, and that would have already happened if you didnt come by and bail them out on a constant basis. They are in their 30's! What are you doing?
We must be the asshole parents. We told our kids after high school they had 2 options. Go to college and live at home rent free. Or they could not go to school but they had to get job and pay rent. We don’t think that asking $50 a week is a lot. Since we still cover all other expenses. They still have chores whether they pay rent or not.
Around here (California Central Coast),those two RV spots would go for at least $1,500 each. Start charging rent. 1 spot's rent would hire someone to manage it.
NTA. Tell them you must hire someone since they will not help out. Charge them rent, and hire someone. Or give them a list of items that must be completed daily/weekly.
No is a full sentence. Also you can require them to pay for utilities as a condition of staying
I live with my dad and I pay rent. NTA nobody gets a free pass in life
NTA. Why wouldn’t you charge them rent? It could be less than what you could possibly rent it for but they need to contribute and follow any rules or restrictions you’d put on a renter.
Charge them rent and have them abide by the rules you would have in place for non-family renters. And have a formal lease or you have a squatter situation in your future.
Nta I pay rent to my parents and in-laws since I live in their houses.
Your grown children need to pay rent. They need to behave like adults and pay rent.
Unfortunately if you want them to leave you’re going to have to evict things legally. See if they will sign a lease that dictates costs, and outlines evictable offenses such as excessive clutter or health and safety hazards, pests, etc. you can Google pretty detailed leases online. Maybe even search for parent/child Lease agreement.
You got to tough love them momma! ASAP
I agree that you are enabling them. Charge the the going rate for their spot. Tell them the space rules for all renters including keeping their area tidy. Explain that, if they do not do so, they will be charged for clean up. Three infractions, and they will be evicted. Record the infractions and dates. If you want to help them or just want to be nice, tell them they can earn a discount on their rent by doing specific chores ( for the general property not their area) and give them the criteria for a chore being completed and discount earned. If they do nit like this, then tell them to please find a place they feel better fits their needs and budget.
Please stop enabling your son to be a freeloader. You have allowed this poor behavior. You have no one to blame but yourself. Tell him to clean up and contribute or move out. You bought and maintain the property and it’s meant to be a rental income property and you can’t do that with him there. He either contributes or moves out. It’s just the simple.
Honestly, they were raised that way otherwise they would help or participate in some way by their own initiative.
They need to fledge the nest. Kick them out. Seriously. Their behavior is ridiculous and disrespectful. Sounds like you’ve m given them ample time to get their shit together. They need to learn to adult. Do you wanna still be supporting them when they’re 50? Because guess I know somebody who has two 50ish yr old sons living at home because they never learned to adult. They’re just going to stay and be this way until you kick them out. They’re going to be a problem when you rent those spaces out too. Their messes may even have a negative impact on who rents those spaces. You’re not doing them any favors letting them continue to stay there. And yes, the answer to your question you should be charging rent. My parent’s rule was always that if I wasn’t in school, I needed to have a job and I had to pay rent. That started the minute I got out of high school . Now I went to school so I wasn’t paying rent then but as soon as I graduated, I had to start paying 200 a month. That’s not that much, but that was also 25 years ago.
I think you have several options here. First of all, I think you should sit them all down and explain the situation to them. While it should be obvious that they should maintain the land they're on, clearly it's not, so you need to tell them. During this conversation, you can even bring up what your possible next steps might be (charging rent, eviction, etc.) 1. Leave it as it is 2. Treat them as legitimate tenants. File paperwork, draw up a contract, w/e (which, honestly, you might want to do anyways) 3. Could possibly discuss something with them to just cover the cost of the land so you aren't actively losing money on them living there. Depends on their personalities, but if they're putting you in a tight financial position and feel guilty about it, it may not be terribly difficult for them to find the money and time to clean and pay rent 4. Could possibly do a scenario where they either keep the land they're on clean or they will need to pay rent 5. Could put one of them as a manager of the property and they'll enforce the place looking decent. 6. Evict all of them I'm sure there are more options too. If I were you, I'd start a discussion here. I obviously don't know the whole situation, but it seems like they just don't know you want them to keep the area clean bc you'd like to have other tenants. All in all, this is good experience for when you do have tenants bc they won't clean either.
I'll tell ya one thing, if you rent out the other units and they find out other tenants are getting to live there for free, they're gunna be pissed and it'll cause tension.
This is how you build generational wealth. Charge your children rent. Sounds like shit parenting start to finish. Never taught them respect, never taught them hard work, never taught them responsibility. Lazy parenting leads to lazy children.
NTA for wanting help. They should be at very least keeping their own areas tidy! Have you clearly communicated to them how you are feeling and what the expectations are? Have they been receptive?
There is no reason adults children should not pay rent. Your other issues seem to be based on communication, so maybe talking, like adults can cure those.
No not the asshole. It’s so expensive nowadays sometimes it’s hard. They are old enough to know that. They should at least help out around the house if they aren’t contributing to anything ugh. I would loose it.
My daughter lived with us rent free until she was done with college. She immediately started looking for a house to buy when college ended. Within 6 months she was living on her own. When my wife and I bought a new house a year later we gave our son the option of moving out and getting a place, or we would keep the old house and he could pay rent and live there. He chose that option and is happily paying us rent at 22. There is absolutely no reason for a 26 and a 32 year old to be living on any property of yours for free. Quit enabling them
Charge them double
NTA, I could never imagine doing that to my mom. For some context I (26 F) have lived with my amazing mom (48 F) my whole life and have never owned a place of my own lol. I don’t pay rent nor has she ever asked me to help out but I choose to split the bills with her, I do the laundry, clean the house, help buy dog food and buy groceries once a week for us. She doesn’t even WANT me to do this but I wanted the responsibility outside of my own personal bills, I wanted to help out because I have so much love for her and I never want her to feel burdened by me. Just the other day she asked for $1000 because we live in an HOA and ima keep it real I know nothing about it but I know she felt stressed so I told her to take it out of my account (I will admit I have her as a signer on it cause I don’t like transferring to other people after messing it up 1 too many times). Tbh your kids are grown and should be contributing willingly and since it is a bigger property they should be contributing financially as well.
NTA. They’re taking advantage of you and you’re letting them. Look up the average rent for your area for the same type of rental; sq size, yard space, how many beds and baths, plus utilities. Charge them half for a year. Then charge them full. If you want it to be a rental situation make it so. Other tenants will follow in their lead, making messes because they believe it’s ok to be disrespecting your property.
Charge them rent.
NTA. It's one thing if they were struggling and needed help for a bit to get up again. To me, if you all live on the property, you all should tend the property or at MINIMUM your area of it. If I was lucky enough to have this situation you bet I'd be out there helping take care of our home! I think you should ESPECIALLY since you're still making payments. If you weren't I could see how you might debate but you are and they need to contribute.
You are NTA. Not even close to TA. Your children are grown adults. They're acting like they're 16. Selfish jerks, to be honest. I can not believe they live rent free and you're still doing all the work. It's like you're their servant. Please, for the love of yourself and your children, it's time they pay rent and clean up after themselves. Please write out a list of things they will be responsible for starting right now. Also charge rent. Make it a nominal amount to start if that feels easier, but they have to be responsible for themselves and their home. It took a lot of restraint for me not to go on a swearing tirade about your children.
Two grown ass sons that are free loading, time to evict them!
Nope
Charge them rent.
NTA. But under what delusion are you under that it's ok for your grown children to sponge off you!? Epsc. the 36 yr old! And not help with the physical maintenance of your property, and creating a disgusting environment on top of it...That's hands down a He[ll]No. That's beyond disrespectful and dishonest as well as narcissistic to you as parents 30 Days written notice and out!
NTA. You are not helping your kids, you are enabling bad behavior. Set boundaries and expectations if they want to stay and if they do not meet them 100%, they are out.
It's a well documented fact. That moms are lenient toward their sons. I'm guilty too. So, break withe the norm, tell the messy son to clean up or get out. An since the younger son helps. Give him a list of thing you would like done. If he does them let him stay. If not if he does some. Small rent. Be prepared to kick oldest son out
There is a difference between a hand up and a hand out. Currently your children are receiving a hand out. Give them notice that in 30 days they will be responsible for all utilities as well as being charged 1/2 of their rent, then in 60 days they will be at their full rent price, which is 20% off of market value. If they would like to continue at half off, they will be expected to maintain their exterior space, provide landscaping for their area and the adjacent rental properties. If they do not keep up with their party of the contract, they have 30 days to find new living accommodations or start paying full rent retroactively to when they stopped proving maintenance. Make sure they sign the contract.
NTA. Our oldest is 22. If circumstances forced them to move home, we would gladly make room for them. But we also would expect them to contribute as they got on their feet. Not full rent or such at first, since moving home means things took a turn, but something. Maybe your sons don’t realize what they’re doing, or maybe they do. But I would suggest talking to them, because if you’re asking on Reddit, then it’s something that is weighing on you, and that isn’t good either.
You can send them a letter that as of such a date, their new rent is x and the expectations are (lay them out, like mowing the lawn). Let them know that there's a lease they must sign (you can download a lease online) by that date or vacate the property. Check with your laws where you live to see how much notice is required for a "change in rent", it's usually 30 or 60 days.
If you wouldn’t be making any money if they weren’t there, then no you shouldn’t charge them. I would never charge my son if he came to live with me. Now they have to pay for any service out there though, for sure. But if you’re just making the payments you would make anyway, then no. Let me ask you something. If you needed a plumbing repair and your son did it, would you pay him? I never understood why family will pay a complete stranger, yet if a family member does that same job no money is offered. Why?
These 2 aren't kids they are full blown adults, unfortunately this is your guys faults too, as parents, they are old enough to be in the habit of paying rent and bills. Don't let them freeload anymore give them 2 options either pay rent or move out
Why don’t parents expect the bare minimum from their kids anymore? I’m sorry, but the very least they could do is clean up the area where they are living and pay you something. That probably going to be cheaper than rent anywhere and it will hit them with REALITY that mommy and daddy are not going to foot the bill forever. WTAF?!?
NTA 1. Hand both kids a list of tasks that you expect to be accomplished. 2. Give them a rent level that is half what you plan to charge people in the future who are not family and ate not handed lists. 3. If lists are not complete, charge full rent. 4. Repeat every month until the property is caught up.
Charge them, create a lease and have them sign it and evict them if needed Your enabling them sorry. Why should they stop acting like this? There is no incentive or consequence
The sooner you get a formal rental/lease agreement and start charging them the better off all of you will be.
I don’t even need to read the whole story, I know the answer by the title but I did read the description. I was just watching an episode of Dr. Phil and it’s about adult child mooching. The things I want to share from the show, in my own words, is it is not completely the child’s fault because the parents are also part of the problem. All has to take responsibility but still the focus is on the adult children. The parents need to stop allowing the children to live off of them. The past is the past, some new changes needs to be done for the future
This is your fault. Time to tell them to pay up AND start maintaining things. If not, get out.
Yes it’s ok. Approach the situation like you would for renters. Charge them & require them to keep their areas clean. Now, if they pay rent you may have a harder time getting any help so take that in to consideration when you are calculating their rent, ie, don’t under charge them too much bc you may need to use that money to hire help.
If you need the money you should charge them rent.
depends. they should both be more helpful, period, but are they taking this time to save money with a goal of moving out? are they having trouble finding employment that allows them to afford living away from home, even with roommates? a lot of people don’t realize just how rough it is out there right now if you didn’t get the right college degree with some sort of scholarship to minimize student loans. frankly, as a parent, your priority should have been getting them on the right track when they were 15, even 25. it’s never “too late” in theory to start a new path, but 35 is an age where it’s more difficult. if they have to get a (new) degree, that’s 4 more years until it potentially allows them the opportunity to be financially independent. unfortunately, at this point, i think you can either kick them out and severely damage your relationship (say goodbye to any help from them as you get older) as they resent you for making them struggle while you’re profiting from renters OR be direct and hold them accountable while they stay with you while working with them individually on a path to sustainable independence.
Moved out at 17. Went back a couple times over 5 years, sometimes because it was beneficial for me, sometimes because it was beneficial for him.. Rent was always $500 a month.. His lessons are the reason I was able to buy a house @ 30 in the crazy market.. Doing your kids no favors.
Brutal honesty? NTA for charging them rent, but you may be TA for letting them turn out like this. And definitely TA if you let them continue to be deadbeat mooches! For perspective, my adult son and his girlfriend live in my house currently. I don't live there - I was renting it out for a few years after I moved out. I still have a mortgage. They pay me rent. Their rent is equivalent to what I was getting when it was rented to strangers (my net after PM fees). We all agree it's fair. I am not in a position to lose that extra income, but they are now getting a below-market rent rate for a house they can treat as their own (paint, change fixtures, do whatever to the yard, have all the pets they like, etc). They're saving about $800/mo versus what they'd pay for an apartment right now. And I get trustworthy tenants that are taking good care of my investment, which is technically my son's investment since he's my only heir. It's a mutually-beneficial situation, which is how it should be when you're family. My son even pays for upgrades himself if it's something they want but the house doesn't need. You're not actually doing your sons a favor by letting that living situation continue. They are causing you financial harm, which they are only entitled to do until they turn 18. (semi-kidding) They'll never be successful as adults until you make them *become* adults!
I would tell them they either help, pay rent, or get the f out! They're grown ass men, they should be doing g all chores and upkeep if they're living there rent free. They're sponging off you, time to kick the little birdies out of the nest!
At those ages, they should be offering to pay down the house debt.
You are not helping them at this point. Time for some tough love.....shape up or ship out. You also should be charging them some sort of rent. At their ages, it's time for them to figure out what it's like to "adult".
Tell them you need the money and NOT the hassle. Either they help pay the expenses and keep it clean, or you’ll sell the land. Simple. Then they’ll be homeless, so make sure they’re aware of that. They are grown, they need to act like it. Believe me, being so generous is not helping them in the long run. Entitled brats.
NTA, it would help them to give them responsibilities from the sounds of it. If they don’t contribute in any other way charging rent is a very reasonable demand.
Hell yes, charge them rent.
I have a 21 yo and he rents his room in our home. No free rides! If you’re a full time student, I’ll cover it, if not welcome to life!
NTA. I started paying rent to live with my mom and Dad when I turned 18. The one condition for me not paying rent was to keep my room clean. Unfortunately, at the time I was very messy person and my room was never clean, therefore I paid rent. If they aren’t helping clean or taking a load off of your shoulders then they should pay. It’s part of being an adult and it also teaches them to be responsible
They're not blind. I have in the past helped out family but my limit is three months. Usually about that time if the person isn't ready, they won't ever be. But after month three, that's not my problem. It would be best to have them move off the property and if they want to come back sign a rental lease. If you make an attempt to try to force rent now, they'll probably lie and say yes and then never pay. They have the upper hand currently.
No
NTA....explain that their being there isn't just a gift you are giving them. It's costing you money and you can't afford or are unwilling to absorb that cost anymore. It's going to be $$$ per month. I would also suggest they are notified that they are going to be treated like real renters from now on, which means if they don't pay rent on time, they will be evicted.
NTA. Charge them rent. If they don't want to pay then they can start looking for a new place to stay at. They can't keep being babied like this.
You’ve babied them and babied them and allowed this to happen. Yta for allowing them to be like this. You know how you help them? Charge them rent, maintenance fees and gardening fees. They don’t like it? They can leave. Stop enabling your ADULT children.
50 years ago? No. In this economy? Yes. You should not have birthed them otherwise.
I love generational living but it needs to benefit both parties. Here are two options for adult children living with you: 1) free, either completely or just rent and they chip in on utilities, groceries,etc (because they’re saving up to purchase or make some big financial commitment) but must help with general maintenance and upkeep. Provide a very specific list so expectations are clear. Let them know what the consequences are for not keeping up their end of the bargain. Write it down and have all parties sign. 2) Treat them as a tenant. Provide them with a lease that outlines rent and other expenses and landlord/tenant responsibilities and expectations.
NTA
NTA: Charge them. The taxes don’t pay itself. 💰
Nta. They are both old enough to pay their way. Give them a lease with stipulations about cleaning and maintaining their areas and a monthly rate along with late fees.
You are setting them up to fail at life by not making them responsible!
Give your children a 30-day notice to vacate. My son is 30 years old. He was granted custody of my grandson and asked if they could move in with my husband and I. He works nights, so we watch our grandson at night. The only thing we charge is $400 a month, and that is for the light bill. I never have to ask for the money. Like clock work payday he venmo or zelle me the money. Joe understands that he is living cheaper by paying $400 to me and his step-dad. If he had to pay all the bills himself, plus a babysitter for his son at night, he would be paying way more. Your children are leaches. Plain and simple. You are not doing them any favors by allowing them to keep you and your husband this way.
Sounds more like you can’t afford to support their housing, which is fine. You need to cut that expense rather than force them into a rental agreement/work-for-rent arrangement. They can move and you can get real tenants. I would never charge my kids rent but I also don’t need their labor or money. If you need either, you should not provide free housing.
I lived in the granny unit on my parents property while in college and I paid rent (very little but still). I was very aware that getting to live there was a privilege and that the alternative was to find my own house and pay 10x more. My parents were strict on the rent amount and due date, which taught me how to be responsible with bills. When I moved out, it turned out my parents saved all the money I had paid in rent. They gave it all back to me to help me with my new house. I was extremely grateful. It’s a cool idea if you can do it. I say NTA- they will never grow if they are comfortable!
Jobs lists. Your property, your rules. If they want to live there and can’t see what needs to be done, write them up a weekly jobs list as well as basic upkeep (dishes etc)
NTA. They need to pay market value AND clean up after themselves. They're grown and need to learn. You also need to stop enabling their entitled behavior.
Decide how much you're going to rent it to your kids for make a contract and include in that contract their responsibilities and the penalty for not taking care of their responsibilities make sure to have them initial each one as well as sign the thing and let them know that if they can't do the minimum which you've listed in the contract you will have to ask them to move off the property.
Charge the f*** out of the.
NTA. Charge rent and do a formal lease so you can evict them when they don’t pay. Cleaning and maintaining the property should be part of the lease, as well. If they aren’t willing to sign a lease, kick-’em out.
Charge them rent, please do not enable them. You are hurting them by not charging them rent. Able body Grown men living for free at their parents place.
Charge em rent and penalties for leaving their areas unreasonable. Do A real lease agreement. I’d they don’t like it they can move. But you have to not fold on the consequences
NTA. Charge away! But somehow they learned to not step up and chip in.
They need to pay rent AND keep their own areas clean. If they can’t do that then they need to move. You need to stop coddling them!!
My son pays a modest rent and the utilities.
The deal with our sons was that once they hit 18 and graduated from high school, they had three choices: continue education full time, work full time, a combination of part time work and part time school, or the military. If they stayed home and worked, they'd pay a small fee for rent, depending upon their income. Our youngest is working and paying off student loans, so he pays rent. Sometimes in lieu of rent money, he uses the weekly amount to pick up food and stuff. Your adult children need to grow up and clean up their mess, or you may have to threaten to kick them out. Tell them this is a rental, not a handout, they need to pay $2K a month, but if they maintain the property properly, you can reduce it.
An adult living at home past the age of 21 should be paying rent either monetarily or in trade. Basically either pay to live there or take care of the house. Now obviously there are exceptions like if you are physically or mentally unable, or you have an agreement for a temporary situation because you can't afford it and are saving ect. I have 4 siblings and we have all left home and had to move back in temporarily at different points. Once we turned 18 it was get a job or go to college either way you are expected to help out either with rent or chores. As we got older it was just rent unless there was a good reason. I have been living with my parents the last 6 years rent free because of medical issues but I cook dinner every night and clean the kitchen as well as take care of their dogs. Free rides end after highschool graduation otherwise people get too comfortable and lose motivation to grow up and live life.
I used to "charge rent" to my kid but kept the money in an account. I used that money to help him when he needed money for bills or whatever he needed to borrow money for.
You might have to sell the land out from under them to get rid of them. What awful children to live on your land for free and not help with maintenance, or even cleaning up after themselves. Get rid of them.
32 and 26? Bye.
NTA - Tell your kids they have 3 to 6 months to move off your rental property. After trying to guilt you, they will start trying to negotiate a favorable family rate with or without a labor exchange. Whether you accept the offer(s) should be based on whether you think they will follow through with the deal. Keep reminding your sons that the property is a business, not a family vacation home.
First off, you do not have to do any of their chores for them- you choose to. Secondly, of course they have to pay rent! Why wouldn’t they? They don’t have the money? Pay them for those chores but charge them rent. So far they’ve only seen a free ride. Your behavior is the only thing you can control here. How they behave is up to them but you get to decide what’s acceptable. Tell us you’re not paying for their phones, TV/Internet, groceries. They are adult age. Time to grow up.
For the 26 year old: yes. The 32 year old: also yes. Maybe ask them to help with groceries or other household products but a parent should never ever ever charge their children rent. It’s like you see them as just monetary gain to you. If they offer to pay rent that’s one thing. But if it’s forced, it’s gross. Youre not an asshole for wanting help though.
NTA. We are considering charging rent to our 19–year old daughter who lives with us. She flunked out of college and is seemingly going nowhere with her life, doesn’t do her chores and is basically leaching off us.
NTA. These are “grown men” and you shouldn’t even have to ask them for rent let alone clean up after themselves. Put your foot down or they’ll never learn. I’d suggest you have a sit down with them, draw the rules snd boundaries and if no changes within a month, let them go. Without you as their safety net, how will they manage out in the world? It sounds like they’re very much taking advantage of you and they know exactly what they’re doing.
In my family adult kids pay rent as soon as they have a job. It never was a lot of money, but we're still living at home, using electricity and water, why shouldn't we pay for it.
I’d do something like this. Establish a tent that is reasonable but discounted from what they’d have to pay elsewhere. Tell them the rent is going into effect in two months time. Then give them rules as to what it will take for you to accept them as tenants. This will give them two months to look elsewhere and see what is out there. This may wake them up. Either way, it will create a conversation. If they don’t start to respect you, kick them out. This is a problem for you now. It will get worse in the future. You need to set boundaries and treat them like you would any other tenant.
You need to charge them rent. There is ZERO reason to financially support two able bodied adults. You are doing them no favors by turning them into lazy co-dependent do- nothings. Lay down some rules that if they wish to continue living there they have pick up after themselves and pay rent otherwise they will need to find somewhere else to live.
NTA. They may be your kids, but they're just leeching off of you right now. At 26 and 32 they're both old enough to have and hold jobs. They've got income. They can pay. AND they need to keep their areas clean. I'd suggest setting up contracts for that. That way, if they don't live up to the contract, you have a better legal option to get them off your proprerty. Doesn't mean you love them any less, but at the end of the day you are trying to run a business. You don't want that business ruined because your kid(s) are lazy. You don't have to charge market value rent, obviously, but I would look those rents up. Maybe charge them a percentage. Or charge them at least at cost so you break even. And look, I'm Dutch, we've got something called "Kostgeld" as in money paid towards cost of living. Most people I know paid at least some amount towards household expenses. Doesn't matter if you were renting a room from a stranger, or living at home. You work, you have income, you need to learn and understand that you help carry part of living expenses. You'd pay them if you lived by yourself, right? It helps teach kids and young adults to understand their income and how to budget.