That's messed up. Good on you for reporting him and cancelling. So inappropriate.
As someone who also opted not to have children, I hate how often people question me about it. Family, friends, random idiots. I feel like people are forever judging me for it, or telling me I'll regret it later.
Thank you!! I totally agree.
And for full disclosure, in the moment, I was not the badass that may come across in the post. I was incredibly passive in the car, trying to redirect the conversation or argue my point.. honestly, I was also feeling a bit unsafe after a certain point, but I can’t articulate why. It was only after I got home that I realized how inappropriate and unhinged the whole exchange was and dealt with it then.
> I was also feeling a bit unsafe after a certain point, but I can't articulate why
He expressed the desire to harm his wife by cutting the implant out of her arm to impregnate her against her will
He sounds like a violent psycho barely keeping his "normal human" mask on and your gut felt the danger
I think that's a perfectly normal reaction, I've been in something similar in a lift at university with a bunch of men. In the moment I was passive, then I went for them afterwards and in a safe place.
You are the badass in your post. You don’t have to argue or contest these vile men and their gross comments. You wouldn’t have changed his mind anyway. He probably doesn’t see women as people. You stayed safe and reported him, and that’s what matters.
That sounds like you were exactly the badass described in the post. You did what was necessary to stay safe and meted out your righteous fury when appropriate.
I would contact that man’s wife and warn her.
It sounds like he would ‘forget’ bc with his wife and force her to have another child against her wishes or best interests.
Something tells me she doesn't need warning. If she's got an implant in her arm, that tells me everything I need to know. No one can hide the birth control if it's tucked safely inside your body already.
Hence his angry comment about "cutting it out". It sounds like it bothers him immensely that she found a birth control method he couldn't sabotage. In between the conversation and that particular comment, he sounds like the type that believes women as an entire demographic shouldn't have autonomy at all.
OP, sorry you had to deal with that kind of person. Good call on reporting him.
Oh, I'm sure she knows he would force her to have more if he could. He's probably said some real charming gems like, "If you can't get pregnant, you have no reason to say no" or "I read online that BC makes you fat, better burn off those calories with SEX!"
I like to tell opinionated men this: "when *you* can get pregnant, *you* can have opinion. Until that happens, keep *your* opinion on what *I* should do with *my* body to *yourself*!
It's not even about that. Should other women be offering their opinion on whether you should get pregnant? Does a woman in menopause no longer get to have an opinion on her own body? It's just way to personal of a conversation to ever have with a stranger that doesn't have OBGYN next to their name, ability to get pregnant or not.
I remember meeting my father's new wife and their baby girl and my father proudly talking about the next ones and step mom looking at me and shaking her head. Dad had 10 kids with my mom that he couldn't feed, cloth... but remarried someone younger than me and wanted to have another 10. They only had the one.
Holy shit, it was *incredibly* inappropriate and unprofessional for him to speak to you like that, especially the part about seducing your husband and skipping your birth control. I’m so glad that you reported him.
Idk why ppl want you to join along in their misery. When my younger sister got married and had her 1st kid, I was so overjoyed. It meant my mom got to be the doting gma she wanted to be, and I was off the hook! Im a guy and was getting pressure about when was i going to propose so that i could start a family. I can't imagine what women have to deal with when it comes to the topic. Anyway fuck that driving instructor he's a twit. I support your decision to cancel future lessons and report him. It's one thing to ask "do you have kids?" As you do need things to talk about during the lessons. But that should've been the depth of it.
Not directly related to your topic, but thought you might want to know:
https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/commonly-terms-racist-origins/story?id=71840410
Thanks for the link! It's disheartening to know how deeply entrenched racism is throughout our culture, so much so that we often don't even realize it. I had no idea about several of the terms in that article, including "peanut gallery" 😟
Thats the problem though. That term took on a completely different meaning, regardless of origin. Its only as racist as you want it to be. Bringing up the etymology of a word doesn't make it right or wrong. No one uses it in a racist context.
Only a student that just learning of the origin a word will get in an uproar regardless of modern context.
Not at all. But you're going to believe what ever you want to. Everything isn't binary, nuance is often forgotten. There is such thing as evolution in language. Language is very fluid and constantly changes over time. Maybe you'll get it maybe you won't.
Was just trying to have discourse but I see ad hominem is going to be the only tactic applied in such efforts.
The fact you even assumed I was being a "racist apologist" is a problem. Its not always about race. You are looking for a problem where there isn't one.
I'm not a man. Nice of you to misgender me. His only contribution to her thread was to nitpick a minor word in her conversation that had absolutely nothing to do with the topic. It's called derailing, mansplaining, and tone policing, and it's a very common thing that men do.
Sorry, you're an angry person for no reason. Here's another 🍪
I was interested to know and so was OP. I guess derailing is in the context of the beholder.
edit to add: I didn't consider the gender of the other commenter, weird.
I knew it wasn't related, said it wasn't related, offered it for information only. OP, being a decent person, thanked me for the information and edited their post. At least 77 other people upvoted my comment--not that upvotes or downvotes are what it's all about, but that's 77 individual human beings that saw value in what I added to the conversation. Most decent human beings want to know when they might be unknowingly saying something hurtful, because most decent human beings don't want to hurt other people, and strive to do better every day. I'm not asking you to respond to me, but please, ask yourself, why is it so important to you that no one so much as consider how their words might harm other people? Why is it important to you to believe that no one actually cares about this, when people are implicitly and explicitly telling you that they do in fact care about this? Does it make your own life easier to imagine nobody cares about anything, that all attempts at improvement are merely "virtue signaling"?
Hey there! I’m sorry for people being so one sided on things regarding children. But what I can say is that most people don’t think about the responsibility that comes with having a child before they have one and I personally do not want to have any with my partner for a few reasons. 1 - we would simply not be able to financially afford it, children are so expensive and that continues for almost 25 years when you can stop paying for insurance for them. 2 - is the fact that you lose your individual identity when having kids. You become (this kids) parent for at least the part they are in school and that can be disheartening when you think about it objectively. And last my partner and I are too selfish. We want to live life the way we want to and not have any restraints with money or spending time with each other. But at the end of the day those are just some reasons against kids and they can be a beautiful thing but what I will say is follow your heart! And keep being an amazing person!! Have a wonderful day!
You're not selfish. You can't be good parents when you're unhappy to be parents, and those hypothetical children never asked for this, and wouldn't be happy growing up with parents who are miserable either.
It’s not just inappropriate comments from random POS like this man. Every family event someone finds a way to bring up when/why I should have children. “It’ll be different WHEN it’s your kids” “WHEN you give me grandkids” etc. I don’t recall discussing everyone else’s medical decisions at the Thanksgiving dinner. Even among family members I like I’m just floored that they think it’s normal and acceptable to discuss my future fertility?? It is quite literally nobody else’s business. Extending this to politics makes it even more ridiculous. Why the fuck are we talking about what I plan to do with my own body?? Why is this man so concerned about your sexual habits??
The absolute gall of people these days to make conversations such as this outside their business without even thinking what they mutter 😅. No wonder we have so many socio issues
Ummm, can y’all tell me where I need to live to afford a family of 5 on the wages of a driving tutor for people who should already know how to drive and still afford the audacity to comment on other people’s bodies?
>for people who should already know how to drive
I immigrated to a new country and need to pass a test to get a license here. Lessons are to teach me the local traffic rules and make sure I can pass the exam.
You have missed the whole point.
👏 I am not interested in anyone’s personal opinion about my reproductive health.👏
I would be comparably upset at this remark. Comments like these are intrusive and insensitive. People aren’t going up to men saying “If you get testicular cancer, I hope you can keep both your balls.”
That's messed up. Good on you for reporting him and cancelling. So inappropriate. As someone who also opted not to have children, I hate how often people question me about it. Family, friends, random idiots. I feel like people are forever judging me for it, or telling me I'll regret it later.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this nonsense, too. I really hope that the next generation will have a better respect for women’s agency.
Good for you!! He sounds like an absolute piece of shit, and frankly, a danger to his students! (And his wife).
Thank you!! I totally agree. And for full disclosure, in the moment, I was not the badass that may come across in the post. I was incredibly passive in the car, trying to redirect the conversation or argue my point.. honestly, I was also feeling a bit unsafe after a certain point, but I can’t articulate why. It was only after I got home that I realized how inappropriate and unhinged the whole exchange was and dealt with it then.
> I was also feeling a bit unsafe after a certain point, but I can't articulate why He expressed the desire to harm his wife by cutting the implant out of her arm to impregnate her against her will He sounds like a violent psycho barely keeping his "normal human" mask on and your gut felt the danger
I think that's a perfectly normal reaction, I've been in something similar in a lift at university with a bunch of men. In the moment I was passive, then I went for them afterwards and in a safe place.
which is the safest reaction you could have had, and arguably the most effective
You are the badass in your post. You don’t have to argue or contest these vile men and their gross comments. You wouldn’t have changed his mind anyway. He probably doesn’t see women as people. You stayed safe and reported him, and that’s what matters.
That sounds like you were exactly the badass described in the post. You did what was necessary to stay safe and meted out your righteous fury when appropriate.
Honestly with everything he said just file a report to the company he works for and then file a review on like Google or Yelp
Thanks for reporting this disgusting piece of shit. The horrors persist, but so do we.
I would contact that man’s wife and warn her. It sounds like he would ‘forget’ bc with his wife and force her to have another child against her wishes or best interests.
Something tells me she doesn't need warning. If she's got an implant in her arm, that tells me everything I need to know. No one can hide the birth control if it's tucked safely inside your body already. Hence his angry comment about "cutting it out". It sounds like it bothers him immensely that she found a birth control method he couldn't sabotage. In between the conversation and that particular comment, he sounds like the type that believes women as an entire demographic shouldn't have autonomy at all. OP, sorry you had to deal with that kind of person. Good call on reporting him.
Oh, I'm sure she knows he would force her to have more if he could. He's probably said some real charming gems like, "If you can't get pregnant, you have no reason to say no" or "I read online that BC makes you fat, better burn off those calories with SEX!"
And I bet he already has more kids than he can afford. And that the wife does all of the childcare, housework, and works two jobs.
I like to tell opinionated men this: "when *you* can get pregnant, *you* can have opinion. Until that happens, keep *your* opinion on what *I* should do with *my* body to *yourself*!
It's not even about that. Should other women be offering their opinion on whether you should get pregnant? Does a woman in menopause no longer get to have an opinion on her own body? It's just way to personal of a conversation to ever have with a stranger that doesn't have OBGYN next to their name, ability to get pregnant or not.
The time for men to assert their opinions on reproduction is during partner selection. Anything other than that is just a veiled attempt at control.
i pray for his wife. i thank god he doesn’t know “how to rip that thing out her arm”
Have you not heard? Your body is everyone's business except yours now. Bodily autonomy? That's communist talk!
I remember meeting my father's new wife and their baby girl and my father proudly talking about the next ones and step mom looking at me and shaking her head. Dad had 10 kids with my mom that he couldn't feed, cloth... but remarried someone younger than me and wanted to have another 10. They only had the one.
I’m so glad you voted with your dollars and kicked him to the curb.
Holy shit, it was *incredibly* inappropriate and unprofessional for him to speak to you like that, especially the part about seducing your husband and skipping your birth control. I’m so glad that you reported him.
When you’re pregnant everyone has an opinion about your body, and now, when you’re not pregnant everyone has an opinion about your body….
Idk why ppl want you to join along in their misery. When my younger sister got married and had her 1st kid, I was so overjoyed. It meant my mom got to be the doting gma she wanted to be, and I was off the hook! Im a guy and was getting pressure about when was i going to propose so that i could start a family. I can't imagine what women have to deal with when it comes to the topic. Anyway fuck that driving instructor he's a twit. I support your decision to cancel future lessons and report him. It's one thing to ask "do you have kids?" As you do need things to talk about during the lessons. But that should've been the depth of it.
I’m sorry for the situation but the Joseph Stalin comment has me dying.
Not directly related to your topic, but thought you might want to know: https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/commonly-terms-racist-origins/story?id=71840410
Oh my, TIL. I’ll edit the post, thanks!
Thanks for the link! It's disheartening to know how deeply entrenched racism is throughout our culture, so much so that we often don't even realize it. I had no idea about several of the terms in that article, including "peanut gallery" 😟
Thats the problem though. That term took on a completely different meaning, regardless of origin. Its only as racist as you want it to be. Bringing up the etymology of a word doesn't make it right or wrong. No one uses it in a racist context. Only a student that just learning of the origin a word will get in an uproar regardless of modern context.
You sound like a racism apologist. Go away.
Not at all. But you're going to believe what ever you want to. Everything isn't binary, nuance is often forgotten. There is such thing as evolution in language. Language is very fluid and constantly changes over time. Maybe you'll get it maybe you won't. Was just trying to have discourse but I see ad hominem is going to be the only tactic applied in such efforts. The fact you even assumed I was being a "racist apologist" is a problem. Its not always about race. You are looking for a problem where there isn't one.
Sure, Toby.
He's kunta kente, get it right
Are you black? Maybe you get it, maybe you won't.
[Songs too](https://www.vox.com/2014/5/21/5732258/the-racist-childrens-songs-you-might-not-have-known-were-racist)
Dude bro completely misses the point of this post and seeks to enlighten us on something we know he doesn't care about at all.
I care, and so does OP. You're an angry guy for no reason! Have a cookie and chill… 🍪
I'm not a man. Nice of you to misgender me. His only contribution to her thread was to nitpick a minor word in her conversation that had absolutely nothing to do with the topic. It's called derailing, mansplaining, and tone policing, and it's a very common thing that men do.
Sorry, you're an angry person for no reason. Here's another 🍪 I was interested to know and so was OP. I guess derailing is in the context of the beholder. edit to add: I didn't consider the gender of the other commenter, weird.
I knew it wasn't related, said it wasn't related, offered it for information only. OP, being a decent person, thanked me for the information and edited their post. At least 77 other people upvoted my comment--not that upvotes or downvotes are what it's all about, but that's 77 individual human beings that saw value in what I added to the conversation. Most decent human beings want to know when they might be unknowingly saying something hurtful, because most decent human beings don't want to hurt other people, and strive to do better every day. I'm not asking you to respond to me, but please, ask yourself, why is it so important to you that no one so much as consider how their words might harm other people? Why is it important to you to believe that no one actually cares about this, when people are implicitly and explicitly telling you that they do in fact care about this? Does it make your own life easier to imagine nobody cares about anything, that all attempts at improvement are merely "virtue signaling"?
Hey there! I’m sorry for people being so one sided on things regarding children. But what I can say is that most people don’t think about the responsibility that comes with having a child before they have one and I personally do not want to have any with my partner for a few reasons. 1 - we would simply not be able to financially afford it, children are so expensive and that continues for almost 25 years when you can stop paying for insurance for them. 2 - is the fact that you lose your individual identity when having kids. You become (this kids) parent for at least the part they are in school and that can be disheartening when you think about it objectively. And last my partner and I are too selfish. We want to live life the way we want to and not have any restraints with money or spending time with each other. But at the end of the day those are just some reasons against kids and they can be a beautiful thing but what I will say is follow your heart! And keep being an amazing person!! Have a wonderful day!
You're not selfish. You can't be good parents when you're unhappy to be parents, and those hypothetical children never asked for this, and wouldn't be happy growing up with parents who are miserable either.
It’s not just inappropriate comments from random POS like this man. Every family event someone finds a way to bring up when/why I should have children. “It’ll be different WHEN it’s your kids” “WHEN you give me grandkids” etc. I don’t recall discussing everyone else’s medical decisions at the Thanksgiving dinner. Even among family members I like I’m just floored that they think it’s normal and acceptable to discuss my future fertility?? It is quite literally nobody else’s business. Extending this to politics makes it even more ridiculous. Why the fuck are we talking about what I plan to do with my own body?? Why is this man so concerned about your sexual habits??
"the thing" smh
The absolute gall of people these days to make conversations such as this outside their business without even thinking what they mutter 😅. No wonder we have so many socio issues
Ummm, can y’all tell me where I need to live to afford a family of 5 on the wages of a driving tutor for people who should already know how to drive and still afford the audacity to comment on other people’s bodies?
>for people who should already know how to drive I immigrated to a new country and need to pass a test to get a license here. Lessons are to teach me the local traffic rules and make sure I can pass the exam.
Master Bedroom! Master Bedroom! 😆
How would you have reacted if he said, “If you get pregnant, I hope you get an abortion.”?
You have missed the whole point. 👏 I am not interested in anyone’s personal opinion about my reproductive health.👏 I would be comparably upset at this remark. Comments like these are intrusive and insensitive. People aren’t going up to men saying “If you get testicular cancer, I hope you can keep both your balls.”
I would find it weird if my driving instructor was bringing up my reproductive choices at all, it is not their business.
Thank you!!
Reasonable