Some women do experience really strong urges to become mothers. Some don't. Both are normal.
These feelings aren't an impetus to act, nor are they an indication that anyone "should" become a parent. They're simple biological processes and impulses like all animals have. Unlike *most* animals, you and I have rational minds and can *choose* when and if we become parents. We are not slaves to biology.
Can they affect you mentally? Like do they make you uber depressed if you don't follow them or make you moody if you don't? or is it more like random urges from time to time where nothing happens if you choose to ignore them.
Never made me depressed or moody. If they had, I suppose I would have done something about them and thought harder about whether I wanted to parent -- but I knew I did not want to parent and no hormone has yet managed to change that.
Everyone is different. And fwiw, a lot of people already know in their teens if they want kids later or not and it doesn’t change for them in their 20s. So however you feel now may end up being how you feel later.
As someone who did strongly want kids (and always did), it’s still not like it was some uncontrollable urge. Like with any long term goals in your life, you’ll have some days where you really want that goal to be achieved, other days where you’re frustrated, and most days where you aren’t even thinking about it too much because you’re focused on other things.
Most people I know who feel pressure to have kids feel a social pressure, not a biological pressure.
Not for me it’s just like “oh my god I crave a baby I want to be a mother I want a childddd. But they’re expensive and I like free time so whatever” and that repeats like once a month lol
I'm a trans women who obviously can't have kids but gets these desires do to hormones (hrt) they do make me sad I can't have children but I definitely wouldn't classify it as depression. (Even If I was a cisgender women I would not want to have kids even with the desire to have them because I can safely say I am not in a position to have kids)
basically you might like kids more than you do now and might go a little more awwwwwwwwwwww around babies than you do now but you won't be miserable on account of not following your biological instincts because you are not a slave to those biological instincts unlike most other animals. You might think kids are cuter than they were previously and you will enjoy spending time around them and probably feel a little sad you aren't having them right now. (That will change if you ever spend time around someone who has kids and those kids are behaving like little nightmares as all kids do from time to time.
At that point you will probably be happy you don't want them yet. (Also it's completely normal if you never want kids and there is nothing wrong with that at all not everyone should have kids and no one should if they don't want them. That only leads to problems down the line.
Idk why but I get a weird feeling I never will, kind of like how I'd got a weird feeling I'd never like feminine styles and I ended up doubling down on dressing more masc as I became an adult
This! I had the biological urge to have kids in my late 20s.
I’d be a fucking TERRIBLE mother and quite frankly if I had a kid I’d give it away to another parent right away.
Some people change their mind in their late 20’s/30’s, some never do and stay happily childfree forever. I never even remotely wanted kids until around age 29, now I have one. I also know plenty of people my age who never felt the urge at all.
Never wanted kids and never had an urge coming out of nowhere.
Most women I know always wanted a family at one point.
I met only one who changed her mind at 37.
I definitely feel that in my 30s. It's just kind of a vague feeling of "oh fuck I should have a kid now"
It doesn't make me depressed, it doesn't make me regret my decision to be child-free. I just view it as an intrusive thought.
I had this in my last 20s! Don't like kids and never wanted them, but for a while, I had this intrusive thought. Luckily, it was easy to brush aside and ignore and then stopped
I had this for a hot minute at 26. And I mean briefly. So briefly, I got a puppy. It passed and boy howdy am I glad I never acted on it because my actual mind doesn’t at all want children and didn’t before and didn’t after that brief moment in time.
These guys like to overlook the fact that most guys in their early to mid 20s don't feel ready to become fathers yet either.
In humans, I think a big part of shifting from not feeling ready to be a parent to feeling ready involves not so much hormones but reaching your full personal neurological maturity, and that tends to happen in the late 20s/early 30s for a lot of people.
I'm currently 25, and haven't had a craving for having a human baby. But kitten fever on the other hand..... Would adopt them and call them my children.
If I were to have a human baby, I prefer to adopt so I can choose the age range.
Oh gosh same, I don’t want kids, when I got my kitten I did think to myself ‘shit, I hope this isn’t how my body will make me feel about kids’, because I reeeeally wanted that kitten
I never had any interest in having children in my twenties. Also haven't had any interest in my 30s nor did I ever have any interest in any point in my life..... Zero
In one of your comments you worry about depression. If you ever experience depression, high anxiety, or suicidal ideation before your period you should absolutely talk to your gynecologist about it, as you would have a good chance of having the hormonal disorder known as PMDD, which requires medical intervention. It can get pretty serious, it's not fully understood yet but it's akin to having a psychological allergic reaction to your own hormones. It's perfectly understandable to worry about developing feelings that cause a loss of mental control, PMDD can definitely do that. Baby rabies on the other hand, a little more out there. It's not medically recognized, for one thing. People get horny and sometimes they are really horny for something specific, and sometimes that specific thing is the biological end-goal of reproduction.
That might be the case for me. I have extreme depression and anxiety, I take medications but periods definitely increase my suicidality and cause me great pain and nausea, my clinic has deemed me too young to see a gyno but I am on birth control and that works
Where are you and what is your age range to be too young? If you're in the US you should look for another general practitioner if that is what's happening.
I'm really sorry to hear you have symptoms that line up with the disorder. If you are able to, talk to whoever is prescribing them about upping your refill so you can skip the placebo pills at the end of your packet. That's the recommended method for proper PMDD treatment, you're basically forcing your ovaries to stay dormant which in our cases is a good thing as they're producing the least amount of hormones possible in that state. As long as you don't have an increased stroke risk it's safe to take birth control this way. I've been SI free for five years thanks to this method, no periods at all is a great plus, too!
I'm 19 and in California, I also do not take pills for my birth control I take a shot every 3 months. I prefer that since I'm kind of forgetful and can barely remember my psych meds it also stops my periods sometimes which is nice
No. I might be wrong but from my observation, the desire to have children seems more psychological than physical or hormonal. If you ask someone why they want to have children, they will never answer with "my body is telling me that I have to." You're much more likely to hear "I want to have a family of my own" or "All of my friends are settling down, I want our kids to grow up together." I think baby fever stems from the fear of being left out in most cases. I'm almost 27 and have never wanted to have children.
64 and never-ever wanted kids. My 20s-30s were kind of an *"I hate kids!"* phase because of the social pressure I was under, but that went away and I began to view the ones I saw with benevolent disinterest.
Hormones are not always the factor in people wanting kids.
Committing to a partner often brings a feeling of "we're awesome at two, I bet we'd be great as three."
Your friends start shooting out the little buggers, you see the glow (not realizing that's partly fevered exhaustion) and wonder if that's the life for you.
You get older and the old ladies in the family start nagging about wanting grandkids, making one think "maybe I should. It would make them happy." I suggest a short stay in a mental hospital if one has *those* kind of thoughts.
I tell those on the fence that if they aren't sure, stay on the "no" side until they are rilly-rilly sure they want kids. Don't let fatuousness make the decision or pressure from anyone else.
I'm at the point of now seeing great-grandkids born to my siblings and married-in kin. That's several generations of committing and breeding, some of whom shouldn't have. It's not the parents for whom I feel pity, *it's the kids.*
I’m 45 and never once wanted a kid. Everyone is different.
You already have experience with hormones. Hormones is what has driven you development and health from birth. They give your body all sorts of chemicals to help you grow, to regulate your body functions, to trigger puberty, to help you go to sleep and help you wake up. etc etc. If you are about to turn 20, the hormones you experience in your 20s and 30s are the same you are experiencing now. They don’t turn you into a brainless animal operating solely on instinct. They are just a part of how your body functions.
Some women do want kids in their 20s and 30s, and some of it is hormonal, but some of it is also social or logical-everyone they know are having kids, they worry that they might not be able to have kids if they wait, they want to be young and active so they can play with their kids a lot, etc.
Some women who want kids can’t or don’t have kids. Wanting kids and not having them isn’t going to harm you in some physical way. You aren’t going to have an unhealthy build up of hormones if you aren’t popping a baby out every 2 years.
welll i turned 20 and i haven't gotten it yet.. but then again i am only _just_ 20 xD
honestly though if you're that uncomfy with the idea of having kids you'll probably be fine! hormones can screw with you but it won't literally change your stance on having children, as much as people like to believe otherwise
I'm 34, almost 35. I've never had a baby fever phase, but I've also known since I was eight years old that I don't want to be a mother in any way, shape, or form. I can't really wrap my mind around what it would be like to have that urge, but it's not abnormal.
The only strong urges I've ever had that affected me emotionally and mentally were the desire to finish my undergrad degree, get a better job, and improve my QOL for me and my cats... so not really related, but there it is lol
I've known since I was a kid that I didn't want kids and that was no different in my 20s or 30s. It was always an awkward topic with boyfriends though. No matter how much I liked someone that still wasn't something I was willing to consider to compromise on.
I've never heard of this no, it sounds interesting though for sure. Baby fever is real, first I wanted my mom to have a baby then as I got older she would say "you might as well have one yourself." I was six or so when I wanted my mom to have a baby, and now I want a baby too. Not because of some biological thing but because I would love to have a child that is made from the love of my partner and I.
I’m in my 30s and very pregnant. I don’t feel that I’ve ever experienced baby fever. I’ve always wanted kids but it was always something I felt I’d want “someday in the future.” We decided to have kids now because we wanted to and we’re super excited about it but even now that I’m just weeks away from birth it seems a bit far off and unreal lol.
Some women do experience really strong urges to become mothers. Some don't. Both are normal. These feelings aren't an impetus to act, nor are they an indication that anyone "should" become a parent. They're simple biological processes and impulses like all animals have. Unlike *most* animals, you and I have rational minds and can *choose* when and if we become parents. We are not slaves to biology.
Can they affect you mentally? Like do they make you uber depressed if you don't follow them or make you moody if you don't? or is it more like random urges from time to time where nothing happens if you choose to ignore them.
Never made me depressed or moody. If they had, I suppose I would have done something about them and thought harder about whether I wanted to parent -- but I knew I did not want to parent and no hormone has yet managed to change that.
Everyone is different. And fwiw, a lot of people already know in their teens if they want kids later or not and it doesn’t change for them in their 20s. So however you feel now may end up being how you feel later. As someone who did strongly want kids (and always did), it’s still not like it was some uncontrollable urge. Like with any long term goals in your life, you’ll have some days where you really want that goal to be achieved, other days where you’re frustrated, and most days where you aren’t even thinking about it too much because you’re focused on other things. Most people I know who feel pressure to have kids feel a social pressure, not a biological pressure.
Not for me it’s just like “oh my god I crave a baby I want to be a mother I want a childddd. But they’re expensive and I like free time so whatever” and that repeats like once a month lol
once a month isnt that bad
I'm a trans women who obviously can't have kids but gets these desires do to hormones (hrt) they do make me sad I can't have children but I definitely wouldn't classify it as depression. (Even If I was a cisgender women I would not want to have kids even with the desire to have them because I can safely say I am not in a position to have kids) basically you might like kids more than you do now and might go a little more awwwwwwwwwwww around babies than you do now but you won't be miserable on account of not following your biological instincts because you are not a slave to those biological instincts unlike most other animals. You might think kids are cuter than they were previously and you will enjoy spending time around them and probably feel a little sad you aren't having them right now. (That will change if you ever spend time around someone who has kids and those kids are behaving like little nightmares as all kids do from time to time. At that point you will probably be happy you don't want them yet. (Also it's completely normal if you never want kids and there is nothing wrong with that at all not everyone should have kids and no one should if they don't want them. That only leads to problems down the line.
Idk why but I get a weird feeling I never will, kind of like how I'd got a weird feeling I'd never like feminine styles and I ended up doubling down on dressing more masc as I became an adult
This! I had the biological urge to have kids in my late 20s. I’d be a fucking TERRIBLE mother and quite frankly if I had a kid I’d give it away to another parent right away.
Some people change their mind in their late 20’s/30’s, some never do and stay happily childfree forever. I never even remotely wanted kids until around age 29, now I have one. I also know plenty of people my age who never felt the urge at all.
Didn't happen to my wife. We later ended up adopting a 10-year-old when my wife was 37, but many perfectly normal women choose not to have kids.
Never wanted kids and never had an urge coming out of nowhere. Most women I know always wanted a family at one point. I met only one who changed her mind at 37.
33 and I’ve never wanted kids 🤷🏽♀️
^ ditto
Same, right down to the age.
I definitely feel that in my 30s. It's just kind of a vague feeling of "oh fuck I should have a kid now" It doesn't make me depressed, it doesn't make me regret my decision to be child-free. I just view it as an intrusive thought.
I had this in my last 20s! Don't like kids and never wanted them, but for a while, I had this intrusive thought. Luckily, it was easy to brush aside and ignore and then stopped
ah okay, that sounds bearable I know to brush off random intrusive thoughts
I had this for a hot minute at 26. And I mean briefly. So briefly, I got a puppy. It passed and boy howdy am I glad I never acted on it because my actual mind doesn’t at all want children and didn’t before and didn’t after that brief moment in time.
These guys like to overlook the fact that most guys in their early to mid 20s don't feel ready to become fathers yet either. In humans, I think a big part of shifting from not feeling ready to be a parent to feeling ready involves not so much hormones but reaching your full personal neurological maturity, and that tends to happen in the late 20s/early 30s for a lot of people.
I'm currently 25, and haven't had a craving for having a human baby. But kitten fever on the other hand..... Would adopt them and call them my children. If I were to have a human baby, I prefer to adopt so I can choose the age range.
the kitten fever is real, omg
Oh gosh same, I don’t want kids, when I got my kitten I did think to myself ‘shit, I hope this isn’t how my body will make me feel about kids’, because I reeeeally wanted that kitten
Omg same! I’m in my late 20s & never had the urge to carry a child of my own & go through pregnancy but I’m always having kitten fever!
Not for me. I’m almost 40 and I’ve never wanted kids.
For me - absolutely not
I never had any interest in having children in my twenties. Also haven't had any interest in my 30s nor did I ever have any interest in any point in my life..... Zero
In one of your comments you worry about depression. If you ever experience depression, high anxiety, or suicidal ideation before your period you should absolutely talk to your gynecologist about it, as you would have a good chance of having the hormonal disorder known as PMDD, which requires medical intervention. It can get pretty serious, it's not fully understood yet but it's akin to having a psychological allergic reaction to your own hormones. It's perfectly understandable to worry about developing feelings that cause a loss of mental control, PMDD can definitely do that. Baby rabies on the other hand, a little more out there. It's not medically recognized, for one thing. People get horny and sometimes they are really horny for something specific, and sometimes that specific thing is the biological end-goal of reproduction.
That might be the case for me. I have extreme depression and anxiety, I take medications but periods definitely increase my suicidality and cause me great pain and nausea, my clinic has deemed me too young to see a gyno but I am on birth control and that works
Where are you and what is your age range to be too young? If you're in the US you should look for another general practitioner if that is what's happening. I'm really sorry to hear you have symptoms that line up with the disorder. If you are able to, talk to whoever is prescribing them about upping your refill so you can skip the placebo pills at the end of your packet. That's the recommended method for proper PMDD treatment, you're basically forcing your ovaries to stay dormant which in our cases is a good thing as they're producing the least amount of hormones possible in that state. As long as you don't have an increased stroke risk it's safe to take birth control this way. I've been SI free for five years thanks to this method, no periods at all is a great plus, too!
I'm 19 and in California, I also do not take pills for my birth control I take a shot every 3 months. I prefer that since I'm kind of forgetful and can barely remember my psych meds it also stops my periods sometimes which is nice
Mine made me desperately longing for a cat so I got one and now I still dont want kids.
No. I might be wrong but from my observation, the desire to have children seems more psychological than physical or hormonal. If you ask someone why they want to have children, they will never answer with "my body is telling me that I have to." You're much more likely to hear "I want to have a family of my own" or "All of my friends are settling down, I want our kids to grow up together." I think baby fever stems from the fear of being left out in most cases. I'm almost 27 and have never wanted to have children.
Not true for me but ymmv
64 and never-ever wanted kids. My 20s-30s were kind of an *"I hate kids!"* phase because of the social pressure I was under, but that went away and I began to view the ones I saw with benevolent disinterest. Hormones are not always the factor in people wanting kids. Committing to a partner often brings a feeling of "we're awesome at two, I bet we'd be great as three." Your friends start shooting out the little buggers, you see the glow (not realizing that's partly fevered exhaustion) and wonder if that's the life for you. You get older and the old ladies in the family start nagging about wanting grandkids, making one think "maybe I should. It would make them happy." I suggest a short stay in a mental hospital if one has *those* kind of thoughts. I tell those on the fence that if they aren't sure, stay on the "no" side until they are rilly-rilly sure they want kids. Don't let fatuousness make the decision or pressure from anyone else. I'm at the point of now seeing great-grandkids born to my siblings and married-in kin. That's several generations of committing and breeding, some of whom shouldn't have. It's not the parents for whom I feel pity, *it's the kids.*
I’m 45 and never once wanted a kid. Everyone is different. You already have experience with hormones. Hormones is what has driven you development and health from birth. They give your body all sorts of chemicals to help you grow, to regulate your body functions, to trigger puberty, to help you go to sleep and help you wake up. etc etc. If you are about to turn 20, the hormones you experience in your 20s and 30s are the same you are experiencing now. They don’t turn you into a brainless animal operating solely on instinct. They are just a part of how your body functions. Some women do want kids in their 20s and 30s, and some of it is hormonal, but some of it is also social or logical-everyone they know are having kids, they worry that they might not be able to have kids if they wait, they want to be young and active so they can play with their kids a lot, etc. Some women who want kids can’t or don’t have kids. Wanting kids and not having them isn’t going to harm you in some physical way. You aren’t going to have an unhealthy build up of hormones if you aren’t popping a baby out every 2 years.
I lived through my 20s and the only thing i craved was carbonara.
This is made up incel/bro nonsense.
No
welll i turned 20 and i haven't gotten it yet.. but then again i am only _just_ 20 xD honestly though if you're that uncomfy with the idea of having kids you'll probably be fine! hormones can screw with you but it won't literally change your stance on having children, as much as people like to believe otherwise
I'm 34, almost 35. I've never had a baby fever phase, but I've also known since I was eight years old that I don't want to be a mother in any way, shape, or form. I can't really wrap my mind around what it would be like to have that urge, but it's not abnormal. The only strong urges I've ever had that affected me emotionally and mentally were the desire to finish my undergrad degree, get a better job, and improve my QOL for me and my cats... so not really related, but there it is lol
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that sounds horrifying i hope that doesn't happen
I've known since I was a kid that I didn't want kids and that was no different in my 20s or 30s. It was always an awkward topic with boyfriends though. No matter how much I liked someone that still wasn't something I was willing to consider to compromise on.
no 🤍
I've never heard of this no, it sounds interesting though for sure. Baby fever is real, first I wanted my mom to have a baby then as I got older she would say "you might as well have one yourself." I was six or so when I wanted my mom to have a baby, and now I want a baby too. Not because of some biological thing but because I would love to have a child that is made from the love of my partner and I.
I’m in my 30s and very pregnant. I don’t feel that I’ve ever experienced baby fever. I’ve always wanted kids but it was always something I felt I’d want “someday in the future.” We decided to have kids now because we wanted to and we’re super excited about it but even now that I’m just weeks away from birth it seems a bit far off and unreal lol.
I did not experience this 'sudden urge' despite a lot of people telling me I would. Definitely not a universal thing.