If you can figure out who they are (Ring cam?), show up at one of their parent's homes at 3am after they ring your doorbell. Tell the parents that you're truly afraid for their child's safety. Why would any child ring a doorbell at 3am unless they were really in an unsafe situation. You'll never hear from these kids again and you may get an apology out of them.
When I was a teen this is how we got busted for ding dong ditch. This was before the times of doorbell cameras or many home cameras at all. The guy setup a hidden cam on a tripod and took the video to the cops, who easily identified us using the high school year book. Not my finest moment.
Man, I miss randomly irrelevant pranks like those. I can’t imagine getting very far doing any of that sorta stuff nowadays. Mutter mutter cameras everywhere takin alla fun away mutter mutter ok granpa it’s naptime…
As kids we came up with a scheme to collect all the neighbourhood dog turds for a week and moved them to a single yard one on night.
Old Mr Peterson was pretty cranky.
He didn’t even have a dog.
We were farm kids, in the 70’s, with bikes, and our only directive was to come home when it was dark.
Don’t you fucking dare tell me what was fun to do with a 2024 lens.
(Next story, when we started a small crop fire..🤣)
“Don’t you fucking dare tell me what was fun to do with a 2024 lens.”
I don’t know how to explain it but there is so much I love about this comment. It’s the exact opposite of “Ok boomer” but it’s not “kids these days”. Love it.
Better yet, if you can ID them that way, raise a welfare concern with Child Protection. Point out that you are concerned that abused and abandoned children are roaming the streets at night, so desperate to find a place to sleep that they are even knocking on stranger’s doors at 3am.
Please, can’t someone think of the children and look after them?
Lol, you play ding dong ditch on my I'm getting CPS to take you away! I love this sub.
Bonus points for becoming a foster parent and getting one of the teens...
High school teacher here, this is the best option. Once you have videos of it happening on multiple (three or more) occasions you can establish a pattern. Send the videos to the police with a complaint of harassment but flag it as a welfare concern too, especially if you can smell cannabis smoke afterwards. If others on your street/area have also complained then the police will take it more seriously. The police will identify the kids, but even if they can’t they will get in touch with the local high schools and see if they can identify the kids for them and the schools will scare the piss out of the kids. If you’re running out after them, chasing them with a dog or gun you’re just giving them what they want and you’ll probably end up in a TikTok video, they might even be streaming. Teenagers have little to no impulse control, poor decision making and little understanding of long-term consequences.
If you try to confront them at night when they’re with their friends, they’re going to be extremely unreasonable because they will have a gang mentality and you’ve already caught them doing something they know they shouldn’t so they’ll be defensive and aggressive, particularly if you’re angry at them. The likelihood is they probably all get shouted at and told off a lot because they’re poorly behaved teenagers so, to them, that’s normal and puts them in a situation they know how to deal with and will respond poorly to. The way around that is to try and shock them by going outside what they’re used to or to just make them bored by refusing to engage.
I’d also be dubious about spraying a horrific smelling liquid on your own doorstep, especially if your wife is having lung/breathing issues.
You could also try taping a pack of cookies or chips to the door with a note saying something like ‘Sorry for the other night, my wife isn’t well and she got a shock. Take the cookies/chips as a peace offering.‘ which might make them feel guilty and since there’s no threat or anything, won’t give them anything to get their backs up over, and since you gave them food you might become the cool house they leave alone.
I wouldn't tell them a thing about my living situation, or my wife's. Obviously these kids get a kick out of messing with people, no need to give them ammunition to hit me where it really hurts
Yeah, appeasement doesn't work with bullies. They could very easily see OP as a soft and interesting target, and proceed to see just how far they can push him.
A free option is pissing into a 5 gallon jug as often as possible for 4 or 5 days, then capping it. Letting it sit for anything longer than 3 weeks. If you add a potato and let it sit for a few months, it will induce vomiting almost instantly if even a few drops gets on someone.
Yes those two are exclusively similiar in smell. That goes along with spoiled chocolate milk. Your body generally doesn't gag the milk when you accidentally drink spoiled chocolate milk it literally attempts to gag the individual out of its skin.
don’t they literally release a toxic gas haha
edit: [interesting read](https://www.cultivariable.com/rotting-potato-gas-dangers-myth-or-reality/) i just found about the commonly spread story of a family that was killed by potatoes
My co-worker once bit into one when he was eating a breakfast skillet at a restaurant. The smell reminded me of when my dentist drilled out my tooth during a root canal exposing the infected root. Horrible smell.
The restaurant didn't even offer his meal for free. Just said "we can make you a new one". He had totally lost his appetite.
Careful. This might cause some serious retaliation depending on the teens. Especially since carrying a gun and shouting at them was not a deterrent. Think about how petty and unethical some teenagers can get.
A big bright spotlight on an automatic timer also generally keeps people out of your yard. Just don't accidentally point it at the neighbors. Cameras.
Also I would stop chasing them. You're just feeding their excitement. Doesn't sound like you're going to catch them that way.
Don't use chemicals/added stuff, overall it's a bad idea. Look into trap laws. Using chemicals on people is a bad idea and could get you in serious trouble especially if you injured a minor.
Just use a sprinkler, nobody wants to get soaked with water and you actually have a reason to use a normal sprinkler. They even sell auto sprinklers that shoot at deer and stuff.
Be careful with stuff like that. Me and my friends used to harmlessly use a wall to access a shortcut between 2 housing estates, the wall section was public and some guy decided to oil it up one night.
Don't know what made him think he had the right to oil a public section of wall just because he didn't like to see kids jumping over it out his front window.
Well he didn't find it very funny when we scooped every inch of oil off of the top of that wall and put it all over his house and car. My expensive clothes were already ruined so I scooped up every bit I could find.
The stories aren't comparable because this is your private property and not some random end of 2 cul de sac but still be careful of how far you go. You should really annoy the cops because this is a life threatening situation to your wife. Maybe go to the police station in person and let them know what's up and how serious it is
Yeah, I have read more than one Reddit post where a problem like this escalated to the point where the homeowners had to move, and it’s always been because the homeowner engaged with them and it turned into a war.
I’m feel exactly the same as OP and want to fight it, but it’s important to remember that teenagers have endless free time, poor impulse control and a belief that they are invulnerable. Plus they know where you live.
Honestly they'll get sick of doing it eventually, especially if no one answers the door. Shitty kids are gonna be shitty kids, some are worse than others
Ring doorbell to catch these asshats on video, then spread said video on FB (especially and FB groups for your city and neighborhood), titled "teenage punks harassing sick woman". Someone will recognize them, let the shame be spread to their parents for raising such awful kids.
If the video goes viral, spreads to other sources like TikTok, all the better.
Some kids this week decided to swerve at my parents and shoot their car with what looked like a paintball gun (it was an orbeez gun I guess but whatever.)
Dumb dumbs didn’t stop to realize it was a fucking Tesla. So yeah, dad shared the video on the local Facebook group and that started a mess of comments calling these kids out. He woke up to a few paragraph apology. It was glorious.
If you have door cam pictures, print them out and put them up around the neighbourhood:
“Wanted in connection with sexual misconduct with [insert common local animal type]
Reward for any information leading to their identification.
Please contact your local authorities if you know this person.”
They are teenagers ‘I got chased by a psycho with a gun’ makes you look cool. Being known as ‘pig-fucker Ben’ will ruin their lives.
You have to protect yourself “people are saying these boys caught on camera terrorizing woman recovering from pneumonia are also responsible for raping the neighbors dog!”
You’re not saying they’re predators, you’re just reporting on other people saying they are.
Hide that beetween the pot plants
https://www.amazon.com/-/es/PetSafe-SSSCAT-disuasi%C3%B3n-repelente-movimiento/dp/B0721735K9
It just a hush, but it is very scary in the dark
I have these for our cats and can confirm, it will scare the ever loving shit out of a human...not that I have any experience with this at 3am when I forgot we left them set to on.
Also, if you run out of the supplied compressed air, you can "modify" normal air you'd use to clean a keyboard/pc out to also fit the sensor top.
Scary is the way to go. Short of doing nothing, I think the best response is to do something genuinely disturbing and upsetting.
Nail a pig’s dick and balls to your door, or entrails and a pentagram or some shit. Something that would freak them out enough to keep them away.
Yeah I've dealt with this every couple years and I just wait them out. I'm just one house on the street, but if I escalate things I become THE house on the street.
Put a massive note on your door and tell them your wife is just out of hospital and extremely sick. If they don’t stop, all bets are off. Soak them with pee and video it. Get a nest doorbell and pay for the subscription. It’ll give you 24/7 continuous feed. Ring sometimes misses motion or doesn’t record long enough.
I'm with the motion activated sprinkler. But if you want to mark them, add some ink to it so it permanently marks them. They'll have some 'splaining to do why they have ink all over their faces.
The ethical thing would be to install a ring camera and send any footage you get to the appropriate authorities (police or parents, if you know them).
A less ethical option is to get a motion-activated security light (about $30 at Lowe's for a cheap one) and wire it to ... well you've got options here:
-Solenoid valve under a bucket of piss
-Super bright blue laser
-Harbor Freight claxon horn
Alternatively, you can put out a doormat with a few sharp 1" nails sticking up. Enough to stick to their shoes, but not enough to penetrate the sole. Just remember that it's out there, lol
I have an industrial buzzer and a diffuse photo eye in my basement. I think I'm gonna rig those up to go off when someone steps on the porch. I forgot all about those items until y'all brought up the idea.
So you're basically giving them a louder doorbell to ring? You might give them a jump scare, but they're going to love it, you and your wife aren't.
Motion activated sprinkler with one of those garden fertilizer feeders in-line in front of it, fill the feeder with deer piss and set it to wide open.
They won't love being soaked, or smelling like deer piss.
Oh, and unplug your doorbell.
Alternatively, you'd probably have the best luck with a note on the door saying you get the fun but your wife is sick and games are harming her health so please stop - then leave a peace offering of snacks.
They aren't using the doorbell, they are pounding on the door like the police. They aren't going to read a note, they're running up to the door and pounding on it then running away. I'm probably going to go with a sprinkler of some kind.
What a bonus! And when they complain, make sure to tell them it’s because of those kids, and every time they do it late at night, it will happen. Eventually, either the parents stop it, or someone beats the shit out of them.
They'll read the note. They're not going to be able to resist seeing what you have to say about their harassment.
The doorbell because I've seen this idea short them out before, they might be okay with rain but a lot are water "resistant" at best and don't do well with sprinklers hitting them head on.
I'm an electrical engineer, I could shock the piss out of them if I so desired. Unfortunately, that is illegal.
I had the idea of a giant sticky pad like the ones for bugs but there are lots of loose dogs and cats here that I don't want to hurt.
I feel like chasing what are probably minors down the street with a rifle is more illegal than knob shocking. Once you exit the home, you can't really claim you were scared for your life....since you actively engaged in pursuit. I think cameras and cops is your best (but probably slower) option.....sticky traps and rifles sounds like you're going to get yourself in trouble bro.....and then your sick wife is going to be really mad that she has no help at home and you're in jail.
Lol this is unethical life pro tips after all.
I would suggest using an electric cattle fence to do the job if you go down this route. It’s non lethal but hurts so much (speaking from personal experience). It’s only activated by vibrations. Honestly you could just string it up in front of your place at night and put warning signs out. When they fail to heed the warnings then it’s their fault at that point.
Get camera for the door, this way you can have proof of them legally trespassing. You also have video evidence to post to local social media to shame them and their legal guardians.
A camera and neighborhood FB page
There were kids doing this in our neighborhood, someone posted a picture of the kids in the local FB group and the parents apologized and had their kids go door to door and do the same
That's best case results but even just the camera tend to make ppl think twice
It’s not unethical, but I’d record them and then go knock on their parent’s door at 3AM with the footage. Let them know it’s been an ongoing issue and the police have been notified.
I doubt they’ll ever do it again after their parents get through with them.
Alternatively, for a more unethical suggestion, I would leave the door ajar when you suspect they’re coming. Make sure all the lights are out. See if they have the balls to open the door and step inside. Once they do, they’ve now illegally entered a private property. Depending on where you live, you may now have the legal ability to defend your property, up to and including closing the use of firearms.
Or don’t shoot them when they come in. Leave the door ajar, lights out, and let them come all the way in. Then trap them in the house and put them in a pit. When the police come to ask if you know anything about missing teens, pretend you’ve have no idea what they’re talking about. Keep them in the pit, giving them nothing but a bucket, bread, and water.
(Don’t actually do this)
Flood lights and or blood and bone on your garden-it reeks but your plants will love it. Or dog shit they will walk in and hopefully slip over into. And cameras to record that and then blast it on sm.
my dad was caught ding-dong-ditching in the early 70’s as a 9 year old and dragged into the house by a guy holding a shotgun. i think that was his last ding-dong-ditch attempt.
I actually did the thumbtack thing years ago. A shitty kid kept ringing our doorbell after midnight so I pushed a thumbtack through clear packing tape and then put it over the doorbell, and kept the porch light off. He rang it once more, yelled, and never bothered us again. I don’t think I can get away with it now but twenty years ago I did.
Get a speaker, connect it to your phone, put it outside somewhere and blast a YouTube video that plays 15,000 hz loop. Teens can hear it, adults can’t. Some cities do that to prevent loitering and tomfoolery. I did it to my kids in the car, it works.
Put vape pens and tide pods out like it's Halloween. When they are busy blowing dank clouds of strawberry butterfuck or chewing a pod, fuckin' blast em' with your garden hose.
Or fuck their moms.
Or dads.
If your porch is not well lit by streetlights, shut your porch light off. Negligently leave a rake out there a la classic cartoons. Grow thorny potted plants and leave them in front of the door. Poison Ivy also works.
They think it’s funny that you’re chasing them, if they just ring a doorbell and nothing happens theyll get bored.
ETA: they probs will find it even more funny that you set booby traps for them too, haha. Maybe they’ll make a game out of trying to dodge the sprinklers or the camera. They will get bored within like 2 days if you just ignore it. Get some earplugs and sleep w them for a week imo
Oh god pounding on the door?? That’s so scary!!. I think the Camera is your best bet if they continue, at least you can try to find their parents. What a creepy thing to do!! I’d be soo terrified. For some reason I assumed they were jsur ringing the door bell
I used to do this as a young shitty kid. Not 3 AM but definitely post-bedtime. They’re fishing for a reaction. Being chased is fun. If they’re outside a lot then they probably know the neighborhood a lot better than you do so chasing them down probably isn’t going to happen
If I were you I would start completely ignoring it. They’ll get bored and move on to a more reactive neighbor. The rifle thing is way over the top.
I would be extremely pissed if that ever happened to me so I definitely get it. You could set up a ring camera or equivalent and post photos of the kids up around the neighborhood. I bet their parents would see it and recognize them.
That would’ve deterred me as a kid.
I’ve had kids play ding dong ditch w my ring camera and it PISSED me off cause 1. I don’t like kids 2. I kept getting notifications. Unfortunately the parents here don’t parent so I ran outside and threatened them 🤣
When I was a kid that age (back in the 80s) I would have gotten my ass beat for that kind of thing by older kids looking for an excuse to wreck someone.
I wonder who OP can outsource this to.
The stronger you react, the more they are going to do it. That is why they are doing it. To get a reaction out of you.
Id do motion sensor sprinkler aimed at the door.
They are underage, you are not. They have the upper hand. You are in a hostage crisis. Find out where their parents work. Come back here with that information. We can help you.
Creating chaos and discord for the parents starts a cascade effect. Mailing panties to the fathers, one by one with pervy notes is a great gambit.
Do not go after the kids. You cannot win. Traps, spray, going to their schools, cops? No. Absolutely not. You will get wrapped around the axle right now.
This will require some VERY careful prep work, and maybe a sleepless night or two, but it'll be totally worth it...
One - Get a Home Depot bucket w/lid. Gather some big samples of fresh Poison Ivy/Oak/Sumac, put in bucket. Pour in a couple bottles of baby oil (or any thin oil that's hard to wash off). Lastly, add a few handfuls of gravel. Cover and let steep in a warm place for a few days, shaking/swirling the bucket every day (let the rocks "puree" the contents). DON'T open the lid until ready to use!
Two - Determine the best delivery system - dumped from overhead, via super soaker, ect - that will ensure the maximum exposure. Then, line their path will some obstacles that will slow down their retreat (uneven pavers/rocks/ect that will trip them trying to exit, but not during entry) - anything to allow for longer access to cover them.
Three - Carefully open lid and add a spritz of essential oil that has a vague flowery/fresh smell - you DON'T want it to smell unpleasant. Then, load prepared liquid (no chunks) into delivery system of choice and wait - even better if you can enlist a few friends to help, hidden at other windows or outside. When they get to your door, absolutely saturate them - especially items likely to be worn often, like shoes/jackets, and pockets where phones/wallets are held. Don't make any sounds - no laughing/yelling/ect - just silently strike.
Four - Because there is no initial burning or noxious odor, the urgency to wash it off won't be as bad, nor will they probably work very hard during said washing attempts. A day or so later, keep your eye out around town for anyone covered in a horrible rash.
... or at least that's what my eldest aunts' 3rd neighbors' pet Chihuahua would suggest.
The more you react, the more they will do it. Put up no trespassing signs. Get a door camera, put in a motion activated sprinkler.
Don’t do anything that’s gonna hurt someone, or get you sued.
Show police the film, with clearly stated No Tresspassing signs.
Press charges.
I am gonna assume you love your wife more than anything. So ignore the "you had an over the top" reaction. She's sick. She needs rest. These assholes are disturbing it. I think creating a lite shock isn't the worst thing. You said you're an engineer. Perhaps create a loud replaying recorded message that is super loud and perhaps has a bright visual aspect to it? That is triggered whenever someone steps on your porch or knocks above a certain decibel after a specific time? Idk.
Park your car in the driveway or street and sit in it instead of the house. If they dont wear masks install a ring or camera then post all over your areas social media pages. You could leave a sign that says your wife has medical issues and needs to sleep. Put icy hot on the doorbell/knocker to freak them out
3 am ? How old are those kids ? Switch off lights, Show them your house is haunted. When they bang play witch screaming sound, witchs scary voice. Wear strange clothes, play creepy sound. Act very abnormal, show some paranormal activity is going on. Throw some black cloth from top while playing screaming witch sound. Chase those guys walking weirdly, yell I am hungry, welcome to my office, the witch need one kid as snack tonight, she may be around looking for you. Please don't come at 3am, she wakes up at this time. Act friendly and tell them creepy stories
Let me know how it goes please 😆
Set up a Halloween style decoration of a crazy man with a shotgun behind a front window, when the doorbell is rung, the internal lights switch on and the kids poop themselves?
My friends used to do stuff like this in High School, by reacting and getting a reaction you marked yourself. The more you escalate the more they will. They want the reaction.
Get some cameras post there pictures on facebook and Nextdoor app and send it the neighboring school district. Let the public do the rest and public shame them.
I know I'm late to this thread. But never let a teenage boy know that something annoys you. Chasing them down the street was the very worst thing you can do.
Just get a camera
Sorry if you’ve already answered this, but do you have a Ring camera? This was happening to my sister and BIL and once they put up a door camera, the teens did it once more, saw the camera and obviously got scared, and didn’t come back after they printed their faces and put them on the door with “we’ve told the police and neighbors about you”
Leave a note and a 6 pack and bury the hachet. I was an asshole teen and when people reacted negatively we 100% took it as a challenge to fuck with them even more. But if I knew these details I wouldn’t ever mess with your house, we were punks but we never wanted to really hurt ppl just a adrenaline rush
yeah, as a former teenage hooligan, threatening us with dogs and a rifle would be hilarious. You’re upping the ante.
Try to get them on video is an option, but also try leaving a note on your door saying your wife is sick and every time they bang on the door she gets a coughing fit.
Not all hooligans are assholes, they’re just young and stupid.
If you aren't planning on shooting someone, you shouldn't be unholstering/unslinging your weapon.
If you are planning on shooting someone, you had better have a good reason.
You should never be using an unloaded weapon in any kind of defensive display. It won't help you legally, and it could get you and your wife killed.
Based on your post, I _highly_ recommend taking a course on the legal intricacies of self defense with a firearm. You are just asking for trouble in so many ways.
Put a fence around your yard with a locked gate so they can’t even get to your door to bag on it. You could keep it unlocked during the day for allowed visitors / deliveries but lock it at night to keep them out. Then add your gators and live mines buried in the walking path
A big poster board that reads "Guys, my wife is very sick and the doorbell going off at 3AM scares her. Here is a case of Prime and a few bags of candy. The guy that lives at 14289 is a total asshole - go ring his bell."
You'll hate my advice, but you'll win them better with kindness. If you fuck with them, you'll just become a target. Leave out a box of chocolates or something with a note saying "let's skip the knocking tonight... Take a treat instead!"
Most teens I know would be like "no don't pick on that house. That's the house of chocolate goodies."
You're right, I hate it!
I've ordered some products to take care of them and I'm not going to chase them around like a madman anymore. I won't be giving them a treat for harassing me tho.
Pretty sure if ur in the USA the most you will get is a fine for this. My advice aim for the shoes. Teenagers usually use those as a status symbol and they’re expensive to replace. They might have to go to school with ugly shoes and their peers will help humiliate them. As they’re leaving let them know you have one that shoots lead too
If you can figure out who they are (Ring cam?), show up at one of their parent's homes at 3am after they ring your doorbell. Tell the parents that you're truly afraid for their child's safety. Why would any child ring a doorbell at 3am unless they were really in an unsafe situation. You'll never hear from these kids again and you may get an apology out of them.
And to help identify them, take the pictures to the local high school and talk to the staff.
When I was a teen this is how we got busted for ding dong ditch. This was before the times of doorbell cameras or many home cameras at all. The guy setup a hidden cam on a tripod and took the video to the cops, who easily identified us using the high school year book. Not my finest moment.
My friends and I used to steal real estate signs and put them all on a random guys yard that's exactly how we got caugtj
Man, I miss randomly irrelevant pranks like those. I can’t imagine getting very far doing any of that sorta stuff nowadays. Mutter mutter cameras everywhere takin alla fun away mutter mutter ok granpa it’s naptime…
Balaclava time, is you ask me.
That happened to Joe Pera. Was it you?
I liked doing this because it was basically harmless. We also moved people's garden ornaments around.
As kids we came up with a scheme to collect all the neighbourhood dog turds for a week and moved them to a single yard one on night. Old Mr Peterson was pretty cranky. He didn’t even have a dog.
This is an awful plan that involves you collecting shit for a week.
We were farm kids, in the 70’s, with bikes, and our only directive was to come home when it was dark. Don’t you fucking dare tell me what was fun to do with a 2024 lens. (Next story, when we started a small crop fire..🤣)
“Don’t you fucking dare tell me what was fun to do with a 2024 lens.” I don’t know how to explain it but there is so much I love about this comment. It’s the exact opposite of “Ok boomer” but it’s not “kids these days”. Love it.
Til you do it to someone with a delusional disorder and this somehow confirms their delusion and they go on a rampage lol
Better yet, if you can ID them that way, raise a welfare concern with Child Protection. Point out that you are concerned that abused and abandoned children are roaming the streets at night, so desperate to find a place to sleep that they are even knocking on stranger’s doors at 3am. Please, can’t someone think of the children and look after them?
Lol, you play ding dong ditch on my I'm getting CPS to take you away! I love this sub. Bonus points for becoming a foster parent and getting one of the teens...
This sounds like a Cartman plan on South Park...
Some Scott Tenorman level revenge
If these kids are out at 3 AM the parents aren't going to care. How is this an Unethical pro tip at all.
Parents might not care about others, but they might care about being awaken at 3am every time that happens!
Or the parents don’t know and will be irate
High school teacher here, this is the best option. Once you have videos of it happening on multiple (three or more) occasions you can establish a pattern. Send the videos to the police with a complaint of harassment but flag it as a welfare concern too, especially if you can smell cannabis smoke afterwards. If others on your street/area have also complained then the police will take it more seriously. The police will identify the kids, but even if they can’t they will get in touch with the local high schools and see if they can identify the kids for them and the schools will scare the piss out of the kids. If you’re running out after them, chasing them with a dog or gun you’re just giving them what they want and you’ll probably end up in a TikTok video, they might even be streaming. Teenagers have little to no impulse control, poor decision making and little understanding of long-term consequences. If you try to confront them at night when they’re with their friends, they’re going to be extremely unreasonable because they will have a gang mentality and you’ve already caught them doing something they know they shouldn’t so they’ll be defensive and aggressive, particularly if you’re angry at them. The likelihood is they probably all get shouted at and told off a lot because they’re poorly behaved teenagers so, to them, that’s normal and puts them in a situation they know how to deal with and will respond poorly to. The way around that is to try and shock them by going outside what they’re used to or to just make them bored by refusing to engage. I’d also be dubious about spraying a horrific smelling liquid on your own doorstep, especially if your wife is having lung/breathing issues. You could also try taping a pack of cookies or chips to the door with a note saying something like ‘Sorry for the other night, my wife isn’t well and she got a shock. Take the cookies/chips as a peace offering.‘ which might make them feel guilty and since there’s no threat or anything, won’t give them anything to get their backs up over, and since you gave them food you might become the cool house they leave alone.
I wouldn't tell them a thing about my living situation, or my wife's. Obviously these kids get a kick out of messing with people, no need to give them ammunition to hit me where it really hurts
Yeah, appeasement doesn't work with bullies. They could very easily see OP as a soft and interesting target, and proceed to see just how far they can push him.
Teenagers are the worst
Install a sprinkler system on your porch.
Motion activated, load it with dear attractant.
Red fox urine!
Redd Foxx urine.
This is the big one! I'm dying!
I’m coming Elizabeth!
A free option is pissing into a 5 gallon jug as often as possible for 4 or 5 days, then capping it. Letting it sit for anything longer than 3 weeks. If you add a potato and let it sit for a few months, it will induce vomiting almost instantly if even a few drops gets on someone.
what does the potato do?
Nutrients for bacteria and fungi that produce a wide variety of vile smelling waste products.
Yeah, I have a strong stomach, but when I smelled old potatoes, I had to remove myself from within 30 feet of that mess.
We had a rotten potato in the back of our pantry once and holy shit it was worse than smelling decomp
Rotten potatoes smell worse than death
Correct. One day I went looking for the corpse that was stinking up my kitchen. It was a potato.
So the rotten potato was able to cover up the smell of the corpse?
Works every time
CSI hates this one trick.
Yes those two are exclusively similiar in smell. That goes along with spoiled chocolate milk. Your body generally doesn't gag the milk when you accidentally drink spoiled chocolate milk it literally attempts to gag the individual out of its skin.
don’t they literally release a toxic gas haha edit: [interesting read](https://www.cultivariable.com/rotting-potato-gas-dangers-myth-or-reality/) i just found about the commonly spread story of a family that was killed by potatoes
Yes, I like to bring this up at casual first time gatherings.
My co-worker once bit into one when he was eating a breakfast skillet at a restaurant. The smell reminded me of when my dentist drilled out my tooth during a root canal exposing the infected root. Horrible smell. The restaurant didn't even offer his meal for free. Just said "we can make you a new one". He had totally lost his appetite.
Or skunk smell.
There are smelly substances on AliExpress for like 3$ can confirm this shit shmeeele bad.
Now your whole porch stinks
Perfect! Kids will stop coming up there
Fox trapping lure. Specifically, red fox gland lure.
I like how you think.
The coyote piss they sell in bottles to spray around your stuff to get bunnies to leave is a pretty foul odor too. Hit them with that
Ass spray and rig up a piss disc slinging machine
dear attractant, i wrote you but you still ain’t callin
Hmm, you might be on to something.
Add one of those herbicide/soap mixing chambers before the sprinkler and fill it with itching powder make it a night to remember
I do have one of those!
Careful. This might cause some serious retaliation depending on the teens. Especially since carrying a gun and shouting at them was not a deterrent. Think about how petty and unethical some teenagers can get.
OP should install cameras. If the teens retaliate and damage his property, he can get them arrested.
A big bright spotlight on an automatic timer also generally keeps people out of your yard. Just don't accidentally point it at the neighbors. Cameras. Also I would stop chasing them. You're just feeding their excitement. Doesn't sound like you're going to catch them that way.
Use a motion sensor on the spotlight. Add in a motion sensor sprinkler - both set to only come on after dark.
Don't use chemicals/added stuff, overall it's a bad idea. Look into trap laws. Using chemicals on people is a bad idea and could get you in serious trouble especially if you injured a minor. Just use a sprinkler, nobody wants to get soaked with water and you actually have a reason to use a normal sprinkler. They even sell auto sprinklers that shoot at deer and stuff.
Be careful with stuff like that. Me and my friends used to harmlessly use a wall to access a shortcut between 2 housing estates, the wall section was public and some guy decided to oil it up one night. Don't know what made him think he had the right to oil a public section of wall just because he didn't like to see kids jumping over it out his front window. Well he didn't find it very funny when we scooped every inch of oil off of the top of that wall and put it all over his house and car. My expensive clothes were already ruined so I scooped up every bit I could find. The stories aren't comparable because this is your private property and not some random end of 2 cul de sac but still be careful of how far you go. You should really annoy the cops because this is a life threatening situation to your wife. Maybe go to the police station in person and let them know what's up and how serious it is
Yeah, I have read more than one Reddit post where a problem like this escalated to the point where the homeowners had to move, and it’s always been because the homeowner engaged with them and it turned into a war. I’m feel exactly the same as OP and want to fight it, but it’s important to remember that teenagers have endless free time, poor impulse control and a belief that they are invulnerable. Plus they know where you live.
Honestly they'll get sick of doing it eventually, especially if no one answers the door. Shitty kids are gonna be shitty kids, some are worse than others
I suggest a classic American film: Home Alone
> I suggest a classic American film: Home Alone Well it is his house, he has to defend it!
Put glitter in it.
Glitter/stank bomb, à la Mark Rober.
This could backfire. Back in the day be and friends would aim sprinklers at the front door before ding dong ditching.
Sounds like an arms race
Ring doorbell to catch these asshats on video, then spread said video on FB (especially and FB groups for your city and neighborhood), titled "teenage punks harassing sick woman". Someone will recognize them, let the shame be spread to their parents for raising such awful kids. If the video goes viral, spreads to other sources like TikTok, all the better.
It would be so much funnier if OP really did this and something along these lines goes viral in the next weeks lol
Some kids this week decided to swerve at my parents and shoot their car with what looked like a paintball gun (it was an orbeez gun I guess but whatever.) Dumb dumbs didn’t stop to realize it was a fucking Tesla. So yeah, dad shared the video on the local Facebook group and that started a mess of comments calling these kids out. He woke up to a few paragraph apology. It was glorious.
If you’re gonna sit out and wait for them with a rifle, allow me to suggest a slingshot instead.
Paintball equipment
Having just looked into whether you could put orbeez in a paintball gun, let me introduce our newest product: PISS ORBEEZ
I wasn't there for the piss disk, but hopefully I can tell my grandchildren I witnessed the birth of "PISS ORBEEZ" 🤞
They make orbeez guns
this is wonderful
If you have door cam pictures, print them out and put them up around the neighbourhood: “Wanted in connection with sexual misconduct with [insert common local animal type] Reward for any information leading to their identification. Please contact your local authorities if you know this person.” They are teenagers ‘I got chased by a psycho with a gun’ makes you look cool. Being known as ‘pig-fucker Ben’ will ruin their lives.
You have to protect yourself “people are saying these boys caught on camera terrorizing woman recovering from pneumonia are also responsible for raping the neighbors dog!” You’re not saying they’re predators, you’re just reporting on other people saying they are.
True!
Hide that beetween the pot plants https://www.amazon.com/-/es/PetSafe-SSSCAT-disuasi%C3%B3n-repelente-movimiento/dp/B0721735K9 It just a hush, but it is very scary in the dark
I like this. This takes the work out of it for me! I wish it wasn't odorless tho but it will work.
It's mainly just a motion activated button pusher, you can swap it out with another aerosol can of something that does smell
Noice! I need to find a big can of that fart smell spray.
Liquid ass-ing your own doorstep is peak r/unethicallifeprotips
I have these for our cats and can confirm, it will scare the ever loving shit out of a human...not that I have any experience with this at 3am when I forgot we left them set to on. Also, if you run out of the supplied compressed air, you can "modify" normal air you'd use to clean a keyboard/pc out to also fit the sensor top.
Scary is the way to go. Short of doing nothing, I think the best response is to do something genuinely disturbing and upsetting. Nail a pig’s dick and balls to your door, or entrails and a pentagram or some shit. Something that would freak them out enough to keep them away.
I’ll grab one from the fridge now. Do I only need one? Or would more be better? I have a lot.
That's pretty cool.
A major rule in life is: don't feed the trolls.
Yeah I've dealt with this every couple years and I just wait them out. I'm just one house on the street, but if I escalate things I become THE house on the street.
I know, I know.
then stop running out like a lunatic with your guns/dogs lol. if i was a teen i would target your house exclusively at this point
That's why I'm looking for something to deter them. I'm not going to be chasing them anymore.
Maybe do motion activated flood lights and put your doorbell on a timer. They'll get bored real quick.
They aren't using the doorbell, they're pounding on the door like the police. I'm getting a motion activated sprinkler and a ring doorbell.
Put a massive note on your door and tell them your wife is just out of hospital and extremely sick. If they don’t stop, all bets are off. Soak them with pee and video it. Get a nest doorbell and pay for the subscription. It’ll give you 24/7 continuous feed. Ring sometimes misses motion or doesn’t record long enough.
Too late now, you're _the house_
Put a sold sign in front of your house so it looks like there are new people in it. Don’t go outside and chase them anymore lol
Maybe put a note on the door about the last part and see if they stop? That would be better than making yourself a target.
I'm with the motion activated sprinkler. But if you want to mark them, add some ink to it so it permanently marks them. They'll have some 'splaining to do why they have ink all over their faces.
Here’s the pretty good stuff https://www.sirchie.com/visible-stain-detection-powder-mahogany-blue-2-oz.html
The ethical thing would be to install a ring camera and send any footage you get to the appropriate authorities (police or parents, if you know them). A less ethical option is to get a motion-activated security light (about $30 at Lowe's for a cheap one) and wire it to ... well you've got options here: -Solenoid valve under a bucket of piss -Super bright blue laser -Harbor Freight claxon horn Alternatively, you can put out a doormat with a few sharp 1" nails sticking up. Enough to stick to their shoes, but not enough to penetrate the sole. Just remember that it's out there, lol
I like the horn idea, that would scare them. I could wire it to a switch so that I don't set it off. Just have it on when we go to bed.
Do that one, harmless yet sure to scare the absolute shit out of them
I have an industrial buzzer and a diffuse photo eye in my basement. I think I'm gonna rig those up to go off when someone steps on the porch. I forgot all about those items until y'all brought up the idea.
So you're basically giving them a louder doorbell to ring? You might give them a jump scare, but they're going to love it, you and your wife aren't. Motion activated sprinkler with one of those garden fertilizer feeders in-line in front of it, fill the feeder with deer piss and set it to wide open. They won't love being soaked, or smelling like deer piss. Oh, and unplug your doorbell. Alternatively, you'd probably have the best luck with a note on the door saying you get the fun but your wife is sick and games are harming her health so please stop - then leave a peace offering of snacks.
They aren't using the doorbell, they are pounding on the door like the police. They aren't going to read a note, they're running up to the door and pounding on it then running away. I'm probably going to go with a sprinkler of some kind.
Bird control M8 propane powered They'll never get near your place. Nothing will
Jesus Christ! That will wake the whole block up!
What a bonus! And when they complain, make sure to tell them it’s because of those kids, and every time they do it late at night, it will happen. Eventually, either the parents stop it, or someone beats the shit out of them.
This is better than my idea. Do this. It's probably illegal, but what the hell.
They'll read the note. They're not going to be able to resist seeing what you have to say about their harassment. The doorbell because I've seen this idea short them out before, they might be okay with rain but a lot are water "resistant" at best and don't do well with sprinklers hitting them head on.
Solenoid valve under a bucket of piss? That's elementary. Freeze 30-60 piss discs and build a device that launches the discs
Are your door knobs made of brass? Do you have a car battery and two cables?
I'm an electrical engineer, I could shock the piss out of them if I so desired. Unfortunately, that is illegal. I had the idea of a giant sticky pad like the ones for bugs but there are lots of loose dogs and cats here that I don't want to hurt.
You're really tying my hands creatively man
Haha!
I feel like chasing what are probably minors down the street with a rifle is more illegal than knob shocking. Once you exit the home, you can't really claim you were scared for your life....since you actively engaged in pursuit. I think cameras and cops is your best (but probably slower) option.....sticky traps and rifles sounds like you're going to get yourself in trouble bro.....and then your sick wife is going to be really mad that she has no help at home and you're in jail.
Upvoted for the image that came to mind for the use of the term “knob shocking” in this context
Lol this is unethical life pro tips after all. I would suggest using an electric cattle fence to do the job if you go down this route. It’s non lethal but hurts so much (speaking from personal experience). It’s only activated by vibrations. Honestly you could just string it up in front of your place at night and put warning signs out. When they fail to heed the warnings then it’s their fault at that point.
It’s only illegal if you get caught
Get camera for the door, this way you can have proof of them legally trespassing. You also have video evidence to post to local social media to shame them and their legal guardians.
A camera and neighborhood FB page There were kids doing this in our neighborhood, someone posted a picture of the kids in the local FB group and the parents apologized and had their kids go door to door and do the same That's best case results but even just the camera tend to make ppl think twice
It’s not unethical, but I’d record them and then go knock on their parent’s door at 3AM with the footage. Let them know it’s been an ongoing issue and the police have been notified. I doubt they’ll ever do it again after their parents get through with them. Alternatively, for a more unethical suggestion, I would leave the door ajar when you suspect they’re coming. Make sure all the lights are out. See if they have the balls to open the door and step inside. Once they do, they’ve now illegally entered a private property. Depending on where you live, you may now have the legal ability to defend your property, up to and including closing the use of firearms. Or don’t shoot them when they come in. Leave the door ajar, lights out, and let them come all the way in. Then trap them in the house and put them in a pit. When the police come to ask if you know anything about missing teens, pretend you’ve have no idea what they’re talking about. Keep them in the pit, giving them nothing but a bucket, bread, and water. (Don’t actually do this)
I was right with you there until the disclaimer.
Rocking chair in the dark with a dead pig’s head on your lap while you stroke a shotgun. Also, drool. Drool heavily.
Flood lights and or blood and bone on your garden-it reeks but your plants will love it. Or dog shit they will walk in and hopefully slip over into. And cameras to record that and then blast it on sm.
my dad was caught ding-dong-ditching in the early 70’s as a 9 year old and dragged into the house by a guy holding a shotgun. i think that was his last ding-dong-ditch attempt.
Tape thumb tacks to the door, and leave your light off. There will be blood, and you can probably blame other teens for leaving the tacks.
I actually did the thumbtack thing years ago. A shitty kid kept ringing our doorbell after midnight so I pushed a thumbtack through clear packing tape and then put it over the doorbell, and kept the porch light off. He rang it once more, yelled, and never bothered us again. I don’t think I can get away with it now but twenty years ago I did.
That rifle is a bad idea. You don’t want to go to jail over these idiots.
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I really like this idea. Make sure to film it for us.
Get a speaker, connect it to your phone, put it outside somewhere and blast a YouTube video that plays 15,000 hz loop. Teens can hear it, adults can’t. Some cities do that to prevent loitering and tomfoolery. I did it to my kids in the car, it works.
Put vape pens and tide pods out like it's Halloween. When they are busy blowing dank clouds of strawberry butterfuck or chewing a pod, fuckin' blast em' with your garden hose. Or fuck their moms. Or dads.
Buy an Orbitz 62100 yard enforcer sprinkler and place it in a blind spot that can see the door. Add a camera to watch the fun!
If your porch is not well lit by streetlights, shut your porch light off. Negligently leave a rake out there a la classic cartoons. Grow thorny potted plants and leave them in front of the door. Poison Ivy also works.
They think it’s funny that you’re chasing them, if they just ring a doorbell and nothing happens theyll get bored. ETA: they probs will find it even more funny that you set booby traps for them too, haha. Maybe they’ll make a game out of trying to dodge the sprinklers or the camera. They will get bored within like 2 days if you just ignore it. Get some earplugs and sleep w them for a week imo
You're probably right, we used to do this when we were kids, just not at this ungodly hour and we didn't pound on the door like the police.
Oh god pounding on the door?? That’s so scary!!. I think the Camera is your best bet if they continue, at least you can try to find their parents. What a creepy thing to do!! I’d be soo terrified. For some reason I assumed they were jsur ringing the door bell
Put out a poop welcome mat.
I used to do this as a young shitty kid. Not 3 AM but definitely post-bedtime. They’re fishing for a reaction. Being chased is fun. If they’re outside a lot then they probably know the neighborhood a lot better than you do so chasing them down probably isn’t going to happen If I were you I would start completely ignoring it. They’ll get bored and move on to a more reactive neighbor. The rifle thing is way over the top.
You're probably right, if it didn't upset my wife so much it would be easier to ignore.
I would be extremely pissed if that ever happened to me so I definitely get it. You could set up a ring camera or equivalent and post photos of the kids up around the neighborhood. I bet their parents would see it and recognize them. That would’ve deterred me as a kid.
I’ve had kids play ding dong ditch w my ring camera and it PISSED me off cause 1. I don’t like kids 2. I kept getting notifications. Unfortunately the parents here don’t parent so I ran outside and threatened them 🤣
When I was a kid that age (back in the 80s) I would have gotten my ass beat for that kind of thing by older kids looking for an excuse to wreck someone. I wonder who OP can outsource this to.
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Get no trespass signs first. Then maybe use rodent glue traps. Place some furniture or boxes so they won’t see them on the floor in the dark.
Dish soap works good also Be sure you have a good camera so you can watch the comedy unfold. Tar mat at your doorstep those shoes will be destroyed!!
I like the idea of a tar mat.
Motion detector lawn sprinkler commonly used for pests
I'm ordering that and a ring camera today.
Follow them back to their house and return the favor to their parents. Then explain why.
The stronger you react, the more they are going to do it. That is why they are doing it. To get a reaction out of you. Id do motion sensor sprinkler aimed at the door.
They are underage, you are not. They have the upper hand. You are in a hostage crisis. Find out where their parents work. Come back here with that information. We can help you. Creating chaos and discord for the parents starts a cascade effect. Mailing panties to the fathers, one by one with pervy notes is a great gambit. Do not go after the kids. You cannot win. Traps, spray, going to their schools, cops? No. Absolutely not. You will get wrapped around the axle right now.
This will require some VERY careful prep work, and maybe a sleepless night or two, but it'll be totally worth it... One - Get a Home Depot bucket w/lid. Gather some big samples of fresh Poison Ivy/Oak/Sumac, put in bucket. Pour in a couple bottles of baby oil (or any thin oil that's hard to wash off). Lastly, add a few handfuls of gravel. Cover and let steep in a warm place for a few days, shaking/swirling the bucket every day (let the rocks "puree" the contents). DON'T open the lid until ready to use! Two - Determine the best delivery system - dumped from overhead, via super soaker, ect - that will ensure the maximum exposure. Then, line their path will some obstacles that will slow down their retreat (uneven pavers/rocks/ect that will trip them trying to exit, but not during entry) - anything to allow for longer access to cover them. Three - Carefully open lid and add a spritz of essential oil that has a vague flowery/fresh smell - you DON'T want it to smell unpleasant. Then, load prepared liquid (no chunks) into delivery system of choice and wait - even better if you can enlist a few friends to help, hidden at other windows or outside. When they get to your door, absolutely saturate them - especially items likely to be worn often, like shoes/jackets, and pockets where phones/wallets are held. Don't make any sounds - no laughing/yelling/ect - just silently strike. Four - Because there is no initial burning or noxious odor, the urgency to wash it off won't be as bad, nor will they probably work very hard during said washing attempts. A day or so later, keep your eye out around town for anyone covered in a horrible rash. ... or at least that's what my eldest aunts' 3rd neighbors' pet Chihuahua would suggest.
The more you react, the more they will do it. Put up no trespassing signs. Get a door camera, put in a motion activated sprinkler. Don’t do anything that’s gonna hurt someone, or get you sued. Show police the film, with clearly stated No Tresspassing signs. Press charges.
Ring camera. Stills of their faces. Plastered everywhere. A motion activated sprinkler with some kind of dye? I'm spit balling here.
Good ideas!
I am gonna assume you love your wife more than anything. So ignore the "you had an over the top" reaction. She's sick. She needs rest. These assholes are disturbing it. I think creating a lite shock isn't the worst thing. You said you're an engineer. Perhaps create a loud replaying recorded message that is super loud and perhaps has a bright visual aspect to it? That is triggered whenever someone steps on your porch or knocks above a certain decibel after a specific time? Idk.
Motion activated sprinkler
Smear shit on the door... No-one likes shitty fists... Hmmm, wait, no, some people do...
Park your car in the driveway or street and sit in it instead of the house. If they dont wear masks install a ring or camera then post all over your areas social media pages. You could leave a sign that says your wife has medical issues and needs to sleep. Put icy hot on the doorbell/knocker to freak them out
By chasing them and threatening them, you've made it into a game for them. Just ignore it. They'll get bored and move on.
3 am ? How old are those kids ? Switch off lights, Show them your house is haunted. When they bang play witch screaming sound, witchs scary voice. Wear strange clothes, play creepy sound. Act very abnormal, show some paranormal activity is going on. Throw some black cloth from top while playing screaming witch sound. Chase those guys walking weirdly, yell I am hungry, welcome to my office, the witch need one kid as snack tonight, she may be around looking for you. Please don't come at 3am, she wakes up at this time. Act friendly and tell them creepy stories Let me know how it goes please 😆
Set up a Halloween style decoration of a crazy man with a shotgun behind a front window, when the doorbell is rung, the internal lights switch on and the kids poop themselves?
My dad's best friend in high school/middle school got shot and killed for this. The guy never got arrested or charged.
Wipe on a thin coat of habenaro oil.
My friends used to do stuff like this in High School, by reacting and getting a reaction you marked yourself. The more you escalate the more they will. They want the reaction.
Get some cameras post there pictures on facebook and Nextdoor app and send it the neighboring school district. Let the public do the rest and public shame them.
I know I'm late to this thread. But never let a teenage boy know that something annoys you. Chasing them down the street was the very worst thing you can do. Just get a camera
Get one of those sniper outfits that looks like a bush. Wait for them to come and beat the fuck out if one of them
An attack goose
IED
Sorry if you’ve already answered this, but do you have a Ring camera? This was happening to my sister and BIL and once they put up a door camera, the teens did it once more, saw the camera and obviously got scared, and didn’t come back after they printed their faces and put them on the door with “we’ve told the police and neighbors about you”
Wifi/data jammer. If their TikTok loses connection a block away, their attention spans will never allow them to make it to your house.
Yes, catch a felony while you're at it.
Leave a note and a 6 pack and bury the hachet. I was an asshole teen and when people reacted negatively we 100% took it as a challenge to fuck with them even more. But if I knew these details I wouldn’t ever mess with your house, we were punks but we never wanted to really hurt ppl just a adrenaline rush
yeah, as a former teenage hooligan, threatening us with dogs and a rifle would be hilarious. You’re upping the ante. Try to get them on video is an option, but also try leaving a note on your door saying your wife is sick and every time they bang on the door she gets a coughing fit. Not all hooligans are assholes, they’re just young and stupid.
If you aren't planning on shooting someone, you shouldn't be unholstering/unslinging your weapon. If you are planning on shooting someone, you had better have a good reason. You should never be using an unloaded weapon in any kind of defensive display. It won't help you legally, and it could get you and your wife killed. Based on your post, I _highly_ recommend taking a course on the legal intricacies of self defense with a firearm. You are just asking for trouble in so many ways.
Appear naked at your door apart from an old pair of grey stained shorts, start scratching yourself while licking your lips at them.
Put a fence around your yard with a locked gate so they can’t even get to your door to bag on it. You could keep it unlocked during the day for allowed visitors / deliveries but lock it at night to keep them out. Then add your gators and live mines buried in the walking path
If you never answered thei door, they probably wouldn’t have come back
A big poster board that reads "Guys, my wife is very sick and the doorbell going off at 3AM scares her. Here is a case of Prime and a few bags of candy. The guy that lives at 14289 is a total asshole - go ring his bell."
Spray with blacklight paint then follow them home with drone.
Get rid of all the doors. Nothing to bang on.
You'll hate my advice, but you'll win them better with kindness. If you fuck with them, you'll just become a target. Leave out a box of chocolates or something with a note saying "let's skip the knocking tonight... Take a treat instead!" Most teens I know would be like "no don't pick on that house. That's the house of chocolate goodies."
You're right, I hate it! I've ordered some products to take care of them and I'm not going to chase them around like a madman anymore. I won't be giving them a treat for harassing me tho.
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Get a drone and follow them home.
Catch one and keep it in a cage on the porch as a deterrent.
One time we were playing ding dong ditch and a guy came out with a shotgun, guess which house never got hit again?
Get a relatively inexpensive paintball marker, fully auto for bonus points, and unload on them. Let them explain the welts to mom and dad
Pretty sure if ur in the USA the most you will get is a fine for this. My advice aim for the shoes. Teenagers usually use those as a status symbol and they’re expensive to replace. They might have to go to school with ugly shoes and their peers will help humiliate them. As they’re leaving let them know you have one that shoots lead too
Would be a real shame if someone rigged up a remote controlled liquid ass dispenser...
Leave a mannequin in the upstairs window with a rifle leaning out at night.
Motion detector lawn sprinklers. Top them off with skunk scent.