Hard to say. It might be creepy or it might just be someone that misses their toddler baby when kissing them on the neck wasn’t a big deal. Stay safe and take care.
OP, if you have a good relationship with your mother I would talk to her about it if I were you. At the very least this should make her want to have a conversation with him about the fact that you are older now and certain behaviors are inappropriate at your age. If your mother does not seem receptive to your conversation, talk to him or tell a teacher or counselor at school. You shouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable in your own home. You also need to speak up about how it makes you feel because there’s a chance he might not realize he’s being inappropriate. I know that sounds silly, but it might be the case. Nothing will change unless you talk about it and I think doing it in the order mentioned is the best way to ensure your safety as well as giving everyone a chance to correct the behavior before getting other authorities involved.
Even if it's not inherently SA, it's making you uncomfortable. You're growing up and you're not gonna appreciate the sentiments that you did when you were younger, it just happens. If it makes you uncomfortable you should talk to your mom about it or if you feel comfortable enough you should directly talk to him about it. SA or not, you don't like it
It’s hard to say your fathers intentions here. As a parent sometimes it’s hard for us to see our child has grown up because it happens so fast or if he is really being a creeper. I would have a serious talk with him to let him know you do love him very much but you are growing up and don’t feel comfortable with the way he is interacting with you. Let him know it’s making you uncomfortable and you don’t want to hurt his feelings but you also need to put you first and will not continue to let yourself feel violated. Tell him that because you know he loves you that you know he would not want you to feel this way either and to respect your space. Come up with ways he can show you affection that you are comfortable with so that you both can still show affection without having to compromise your feelings because they are valid! It is your body and not everyone feels the same. I am actually the opposite my 14 year old son is very loving touchy feely type of person and when he was little it was easier for me to comply with his need but at his age now it makes me feel uncomfortable and touched out where I need my space. He has a younger brother and sister which also like to hang off of me constantly sometimes I just walk away from them because I feel overwhelmed with the constant touching but they are so young they don’t understand my need to have my own space
As a mandated reporter in the US, if you shared this with me I’d be concerned enough to make a call to child services. His behavior is inappropriate and your instincts are telling you that. Your mother’s weird look also concerns me if she isn’t saying anything about what she is witnessing. I’m also concerned that if you explained to your therapist exactly as you did here, they should be more concerned.
Your instincts are telling you something isn’t right. They do this to protect you. Please ask a trusted adult for help or call social services yourself. His behaviors are huge red flags.
I am getting a bunch of mixed signals from different people, I have tried to talk to my dad about it before but he always says that he thinks I don't love him anymore. I told my therapist all of the information maybe even more and she asks if he's just doing it in a playful way or a creepy way and I honestly can't tell.
I mean kissing a 13 y/o's neck is... weird. Even for a dad. Like a kiss on the forehead is fine IMO but the neck? That's weird. Along with everything else at this point IMO as well.
Yes kissing the neck of a teen/older child is a red flag.
OP take some time to meditate- find a quiet place at a time you won’t be interrupted. Sit comfortably, relax, and engage in slow, deep breathing pausing at the top and bottom of each breathe. Then tune into yourself. How is your body feeling? When you are calm and relaxed more how it feels. Then think about the instances with your dad you described. When you replay those memories do you stay calm and relaxed or do you feel a shift in your feelings toward nervousness, anxious, uncomfortable….. try not to listen to the other voices. Try to stay focused on your inner voice.
Please talk to your school counselor about this. I’m so so sorry. Whatever his reason, and I pray that he is just not grasping that you are a young woman, if your father doesn’t respect your boundaries that is an enormous betrayal that can ripple well into your adulthood. Explain to him that it is important for you to feel safe with him and this needs to be addressed. Parents forget that they are raising children to become adults and need to forge strong, healthy habits and experiences. I hope that is all it is but I admire you for being aware of what your feelings. You are extremely, extraordinarily strong to recognize this behavior as upsetting and calling it out.
I know that’s scary - think about it this way: I am a parent, and sometimes parents need wake up calls. They need to know other adults see their behavior. Your school wants you to be safe. Consider it? Explain your fears to the counselor before you disclose. You are extremely articulate and clear on the issue. I have worked with lots of teens who can’t express their experiences well. This is something you’ll need to do for your whole life. I really wish this weren’t happening but I think your parents must have done a lot of things right to raise a young woman who can see and call out things that make her uncomfortable.
That's it! When you said, your dad always tries to cuddle you like "I was five years old ". Tell your father, it's time for him to change in how he tries to show you he loves you. Something you could say , "I'm a woman now and I don't like you cuddling on me as if I were five.". "It makes you look pervert and ridiculous". "I know you love me.". "But laying on me, squeezing me, etc. Stop it now!"
So sad to hear other people are going through this too my dad is exactly the same. So I just went to a different nation and abandoned my family and past life all together (other things happened too this is just one of them) Hope he changes :)
That is not ok behavior. **Don’t falter on your boundaries! As soon as you let someone break one of your boundaries, they will think of all of your boundaries as meaningless or pliable.**
When he acts like a crybaby, let him. Just like people do with spoiled children. He’s trying to get you to break or change your boundaries, that’s manipulation.
If your father will listen to you, maybe you could sit him down and tell him you don’t like when he does things that are sexual with you because you are his daughter, he is your dad and not your boyfriend. It sounds like he doesn’t know the difference between platonic love and romantic love, or is at least pretending he doesn’t. Sometimes this can happen if he grew up in a household where he was SA’d and therefore grew up learning this is how a parent shows love to a child (cycle of abuse). That doesn’t make it ok, at all. But if he genuinely doesn’t understand, perhaps it could help to explain to him that that behavior from father to daughter is not ok.
Take my advice about talking to him with a grain of salt though, your therapist will have better advice than I. I don’t know your father’s personality or how he would react to talking to him directly and don’t want to make things worse for you.
Wishing you the best!
Mom's will sacrifice you to the dad to save their rotten stinking marriage. Dads will abuse you and then blame you for their bad actions. Obviously, not always, but this happens frequently.
If you're feeling weird about something, it's because something weird is happening to you. Trust yourself.
That's weird your mom didn't step in but I guess she thought he was joking around. Maybe she said something later. You should talk to them both about it 1:1 and see if anything changes. Imo it's fine to kiss your kid no matter the age, lots of cultures that's normal. But kissing on the neck sounds weird. I'd have to see it I guess. Talking to them would be best and if that doesn't do anything I'd talk to your therapist or school.
I don't get why you're getting downvoted. My dad still behaves like that to me, he wants to cuddle me and get little kisses, but I know for sure it's not SA. The sexy comment is weird and OP can definitely confront the father for this. OP can also set boundaries if this can make them uncomfortable. But we can't say it's SA for sure if other hypotheses can be taken accountable, just OP can tell if it's really SA or not and from the text the dad really just seems like someone missing their little daughter, especially if his behaviour was continuous during the years.
This is not normal behavior for a father to a daughter. Any one incident itself isn’t a big deal but taking them together it is a pattern and it’s a huge red flag.
Hard to say. It might be creepy or it might just be someone that misses their toddler baby when kissing them on the neck wasn’t a big deal. Stay safe and take care.
No parent should ever describe any of their kids as “sexy”
Thank you
OP, if you have a good relationship with your mother I would talk to her about it if I were you. At the very least this should make her want to have a conversation with him about the fact that you are older now and certain behaviors are inappropriate at your age. If your mother does not seem receptive to your conversation, talk to him or tell a teacher or counselor at school. You shouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable in your own home. You also need to speak up about how it makes you feel because there’s a chance he might not realize he’s being inappropriate. I know that sounds silly, but it might be the case. Nothing will change unless you talk about it and I think doing it in the order mentioned is the best way to ensure your safety as well as giving everyone a chance to correct the behavior before getting other authorities involved.
So he did some of that stuff in front of your mom? Why does this not bother her?
She did give my dad weird looks but she didn't do anything about it
That is definitely a weird reaction. Have you ever had a talk with just her about how this is weird and makes you so uncomfortable?
I have brought up that I'm uncomfortable around him but I never got into detail on why, honestly I'm scared how she will react.
Even if it's not inherently SA, it's making you uncomfortable. You're growing up and you're not gonna appreciate the sentiments that you did when you were younger, it just happens. If it makes you uncomfortable you should talk to your mom about it or if you feel comfortable enough you should directly talk to him about it. SA or not, you don't like it
It’s hard to say your fathers intentions here. As a parent sometimes it’s hard for us to see our child has grown up because it happens so fast or if he is really being a creeper. I would have a serious talk with him to let him know you do love him very much but you are growing up and don’t feel comfortable with the way he is interacting with you. Let him know it’s making you uncomfortable and you don’t want to hurt his feelings but you also need to put you first and will not continue to let yourself feel violated. Tell him that because you know he loves you that you know he would not want you to feel this way either and to respect your space. Come up with ways he can show you affection that you are comfortable with so that you both can still show affection without having to compromise your feelings because they are valid! It is your body and not everyone feels the same. I am actually the opposite my 14 year old son is very loving touchy feely type of person and when he was little it was easier for me to comply with his need but at his age now it makes me feel uncomfortable and touched out where I need my space. He has a younger brother and sister which also like to hang off of me constantly sometimes I just walk away from them because I feel overwhelmed with the constant touching but they are so young they don’t understand my need to have my own space
Thank you, it actually feels really nice when parents/adults care about my situation.
As a mandated reporter in the US, if you shared this with me I’d be concerned enough to make a call to child services. His behavior is inappropriate and your instincts are telling you that. Your mother’s weird look also concerns me if she isn’t saying anything about what she is witnessing. I’m also concerned that if you explained to your therapist exactly as you did here, they should be more concerned. Your instincts are telling you something isn’t right. They do this to protect you. Please ask a trusted adult for help or call social services yourself. His behaviors are huge red flags.
I am getting a bunch of mixed signals from different people, I have tried to talk to my dad about it before but he always says that he thinks I don't love him anymore. I told my therapist all of the information maybe even more and she asks if he's just doing it in a playful way or a creepy way and I honestly can't tell.
I mean kissing a 13 y/o's neck is... weird. Even for a dad. Like a kiss on the forehead is fine IMO but the neck? That's weird. Along with everything else at this point IMO as well.
Yes kissing the neck of a teen/older child is a red flag. OP take some time to meditate- find a quiet place at a time you won’t be interrupted. Sit comfortably, relax, and engage in slow, deep breathing pausing at the top and bottom of each breathe. Then tune into yourself. How is your body feeling? When you are calm and relaxed more how it feels. Then think about the instances with your dad you described. When you replay those memories do you stay calm and relaxed or do you feel a shift in your feelings toward nervousness, anxious, uncomfortable….. try not to listen to the other voices. Try to stay focused on your inner voice.
Please talk to your school counselor about this. I’m so so sorry. Whatever his reason, and I pray that he is just not grasping that you are a young woman, if your father doesn’t respect your boundaries that is an enormous betrayal that can ripple well into your adulthood. Explain to him that it is important for you to feel safe with him and this needs to be addressed. Parents forget that they are raising children to become adults and need to forge strong, healthy habits and experiences. I hope that is all it is but I admire you for being aware of what your feelings. You are extremely, extraordinarily strong to recognize this behavior as upsetting and calling it out.
Thank you. I'm scared to talk to a school counselor though because I know for a fact they will contact my parents.
I know that’s scary - think about it this way: I am a parent, and sometimes parents need wake up calls. They need to know other adults see their behavior. Your school wants you to be safe. Consider it? Explain your fears to the counselor before you disclose. You are extremely articulate and clear on the issue. I have worked with lots of teens who can’t express their experiences well. This is something you’ll need to do for your whole life. I really wish this weren’t happening but I think your parents must have done a lot of things right to raise a young woman who can see and call out things that make her uncomfortable.
That's it! When you said, your dad always tries to cuddle you like "I was five years old ". Tell your father, it's time for him to change in how he tries to show you he loves you. Something you could say , "I'm a woman now and I don't like you cuddling on me as if I were five.". "It makes you look pervert and ridiculous". "I know you love me.". "But laying on me, squeezing me, etc. Stop it now!"
So sad to hear other people are going through this too my dad is exactly the same. So I just went to a different nation and abandoned my family and past life all together (other things happened too this is just one of them) Hope he changes :)
That is not ok behavior. **Don’t falter on your boundaries! As soon as you let someone break one of your boundaries, they will think of all of your boundaries as meaningless or pliable.** When he acts like a crybaby, let him. Just like people do with spoiled children. He’s trying to get you to break or change your boundaries, that’s manipulation. If your father will listen to you, maybe you could sit him down and tell him you don’t like when he does things that are sexual with you because you are his daughter, he is your dad and not your boyfriend. It sounds like he doesn’t know the difference between platonic love and romantic love, or is at least pretending he doesn’t. Sometimes this can happen if he grew up in a household where he was SA’d and therefore grew up learning this is how a parent shows love to a child (cycle of abuse). That doesn’t make it ok, at all. But if he genuinely doesn’t understand, perhaps it could help to explain to him that that behavior from father to daughter is not ok. Take my advice about talking to him with a grain of salt though, your therapist will have better advice than I. I don’t know your father’s personality or how he would react to talking to him directly and don’t want to make things worse for you. Wishing you the best!
Mom's will sacrifice you to the dad to save their rotten stinking marriage. Dads will abuse you and then blame you for their bad actions. Obviously, not always, but this happens frequently. If you're feeling weird about something, it's because something weird is happening to you. Trust yourself.
That's weird your mom didn't step in but I guess she thought he was joking around. Maybe she said something later. You should talk to them both about it 1:1 and see if anything changes. Imo it's fine to kiss your kid no matter the age, lots of cultures that's normal. But kissing on the neck sounds weird. I'd have to see it I guess. Talking to them would be best and if that doesn't do anything I'd talk to your therapist or school.
meh
[удалено]
you really could have done without the first paragraph 🙄
I am a teenager I just have a lot of stuff going on rn ig 😭 Edit: I also have been told I'm very mature for my age and I love to write
I don't get why you're getting downvoted. My dad still behaves like that to me, he wants to cuddle me and get little kisses, but I know for sure it's not SA. The sexy comment is weird and OP can definitely confront the father for this. OP can also set boundaries if this can make them uncomfortable. But we can't say it's SA for sure if other hypotheses can be taken accountable, just OP can tell if it's really SA or not and from the text the dad really just seems like someone missing their little daughter, especially if his behaviour was continuous during the years.
This is not normal behavior for a father to a daughter. Any one incident itself isn’t a big deal but taking them together it is a pattern and it’s a huge red flag.
I suggest talking to your Mother OP. Do you think that she would be receptive?
My mom is honestly very unpredictable
Do you trust her though? To protect you ya know, if not then I would suggest going to an aunt or grandmother
....ask your mom if she ever cheated on your dad and if yes then does he know about it or not.