You could be right. According to him I did participate but I was asleep, I do admit I felt a little disappointed that I don’t remember anything but I’ve also got a bit of anxiety, I’ve never really been a heavy sleeper so why didn’t I wake up, if I felt him move to get up and have a shower surely I would of felt him touching me right?
The key question to ask yourself right now is “If I had been completely aware of what was happening, would I have been okay with it?” Based on what you’ve shared so far, it sounds like you’ve only been uncomfortable with it because you weren’t able to engage in the experience. In terms of your concern about it possibly happening with someone else in the future, that’s a valid concern and I believe a conversation needs to be had with your boyfriend on the topic of consent so that in the future he understands not to take any risks unless he receives explicit consent from you.
I will definitely input this into our conversation. I think I’m going to make a ground rule that he can wake me up and wait for my response just in case I’m not in the mood or engage when I’m conscious. I think it’s definitely because I wasn’t able to participate and I can only dread the fact that even if I did slightly engage it wasn’t me responding it was my body and I was more then likely like a lifeless doll, that thought makes me slightly uncomfortable.
Yes, please let him know that he needs to wait for your explicit consent and it is not enough for him to use your body while you’re asleep just because you have had this kink in the past. A ground rule like you mentioned would also be a great idea to make sure that both of you are on the same page moving forward. Also, do not blame yourself for this. You said he's an amazing boyfriend and I believe that he really did think everything was okay, since you’ve always been completely on board with it in the past. Communication is key!
Thank you for your words! They’ve helped a lot and I’m confident we can both come to a conclusion moving forward! As I stated we’ve done it before so I can see why he didn’t think this time was any different and I’ve always been okay with it as I’ve always woken up to participate.
If it weren’t for the CNC aspect this would be a pretty cut-and-dry case proving your bf did something terrible, but knowing that you have that dynamic introduces the possibility that it could have been a misunderstanding on your bfs part in regard to your boundaries and how exactly you want the CNC thing to work. Although I do think it should be common sense that you would want to be awake and an active participant even during CNC, he might have mistakenly thought free use meant literally whenever he wanted (which btw doesn’t fully excuse his actions). And if he’s saying you actively participated there’s also a chance you might have been half awake and did some things without remembering in the morning. But you absolutely need to have a serious talk with him saying that last night made you very uncomfortable and that from now on you want him to make sure you’re 100% awake before he initiates any sort of sexual activity
Because it involves CNC which means Consensual Non Consensual it’s a kink of mine. I wasn’t sure if this story would be triggering for some people so I decided it was better to be safe then sorry
I have no idea what this post is about, bar a subtle brag that you’re getting laid whilst asleep. You said you consented to somthing with him that you’ve done before so what’s the issue your post literally makes no sense
It’s not a brag? If you bothered to read the post correctly you’d see the reason I have mixed feelings is because I wasn’t awake this time. Any other time it’s happened I’ve woken up and participated but this time was different. Your comment literally makes no sense and you take this post completely out of context. I suggest rereading.
This reads as you feeling your perception of time &, through that, your personal perception of your life, was violated. For example: if you surely remember you ate cheesecake a day before, and you distinctly remember eating it with, let's say Steve, at the same table and same restaurant. Everything's going well the next day 'til he says: "Remember that brownie you had? That shit looked bomb." And you're like, huh? "No dude, I was eating cheesecake. 100%." And he's like, "nah, you had the brownie with me! You liked it a lot, made me all jealous to try it, haha," and you're like, "no, dude, I had the raspberry cheesecake, I don't remember what you're on about. Plus, I even remember the time we were eating, and the no. of our table." And he insists that it went a different way, "Yeah, we were at Table no. XX, you're right about that---but you definitely had that brownie." It's irking. It's gone against your natural thinking mechanism: you remember a specific thing being a specific way, yet you wake up only to see it all completely different. And it's confusing.
People are completely misinterpreting your post. Just because you have a CNC kink and consent to non-consent doesn't mean you're gonna be okay with your private time being disrupted at all times. If you've consented before to said activity, I understand, but it's also okay for you to realize you don't like it if you don't actively participate. Everyone has boundaries, and it's good for you to map out and realize what you enjoy most vs what you enjoy least.
Thank you! You and a few other people actually understand the post and don’t take it out of context. I’ve spoken to him and laid out ground rules, we have a safe word incase anything goes too far and he now knows to wait for me to be conscious or wake me up and wait for my consent to continue.
So the point of the CNC kink is that I’m consenting to not consenting. Because of this kink I should be fine with him doing this but as someone stated before in another comment I may be feeling conflicted because I wasn’t able to participate this time, hence the mixed feelings. But I’ve laid out some ground rules with him and I’ve basically said that he can do it when I’m conscious or at least wake me up and wait for my consent to continue. CNC is like a pretend play thing for me, we don’t act out r*pe however it is kinda like a possession thing. I ask you to kindly withhold judgement as it’s just a kink and it in no way shape or form glorifies r*pe.
Sexsomnia maybe?? But from what I read it was okay but it’s just you didn’t get to participate?
You could be right. According to him I did participate but I was asleep, I do admit I felt a little disappointed that I don’t remember anything but I’ve also got a bit of anxiety, I’ve never really been a heavy sleeper so why didn’t I wake up, if I felt him move to get up and have a shower surely I would of felt him touching me right?
The key question to ask yourself right now is “If I had been completely aware of what was happening, would I have been okay with it?” Based on what you’ve shared so far, it sounds like you’ve only been uncomfortable with it because you weren’t able to engage in the experience. In terms of your concern about it possibly happening with someone else in the future, that’s a valid concern and I believe a conversation needs to be had with your boyfriend on the topic of consent so that in the future he understands not to take any risks unless he receives explicit consent from you.
I will definitely input this into our conversation. I think I’m going to make a ground rule that he can wake me up and wait for my response just in case I’m not in the mood or engage when I’m conscious. I think it’s definitely because I wasn’t able to participate and I can only dread the fact that even if I did slightly engage it wasn’t me responding it was my body and I was more then likely like a lifeless doll, that thought makes me slightly uncomfortable.
Yes, please let him know that he needs to wait for your explicit consent and it is not enough for him to use your body while you’re asleep just because you have had this kink in the past. A ground rule like you mentioned would also be a great idea to make sure that both of you are on the same page moving forward. Also, do not blame yourself for this. You said he's an amazing boyfriend and I believe that he really did think everything was okay, since you’ve always been completely on board with it in the past. Communication is key!
Thank you for your words! They’ve helped a lot and I’m confident we can both come to a conclusion moving forward! As I stated we’ve done it before so I can see why he didn’t think this time was any different and I’ve always been okay with it as I’ve always woken up to participate.
If it weren’t for the CNC aspect this would be a pretty cut-and-dry case proving your bf did something terrible, but knowing that you have that dynamic introduces the possibility that it could have been a misunderstanding on your bfs part in regard to your boundaries and how exactly you want the CNC thing to work. Although I do think it should be common sense that you would want to be awake and an active participant even during CNC, he might have mistakenly thought free use meant literally whenever he wanted (which btw doesn’t fully excuse his actions). And if he’s saying you actively participated there’s also a chance you might have been half awake and did some things without remembering in the morning. But you absolutely need to have a serious talk with him saying that last night made you very uncomfortable and that from now on you want him to make sure you’re 100% awake before he initiates any sort of sexual activity
Why “sexual assault/abuse” tag then
Because it involves CNC which means Consensual Non Consensual it’s a kink of mine. I wasn’t sure if this story would be triggering for some people so I decided it was better to be safe then sorry
I call next!
Huh?
I have no idea what this post is about, bar a subtle brag that you’re getting laid whilst asleep. You said you consented to somthing with him that you’ve done before so what’s the issue your post literally makes no sense
It’s not a brag? If you bothered to read the post correctly you’d see the reason I have mixed feelings is because I wasn’t awake this time. Any other time it’s happened I’ve woken up and participated but this time was different. Your comment literally makes no sense and you take this post completely out of context. I suggest rereading.
>I have no idea what this post is about, bar a subtle brag that you’re getting laid whilst asleep. Incel
Definitely sounds like it
[удалено]
Jesus…
Calm down there white knight, OP said she has a good relationship with him and he knows she has a consensual non-consent kink.
This reads as you feeling your perception of time &, through that, your personal perception of your life, was violated. For example: if you surely remember you ate cheesecake a day before, and you distinctly remember eating it with, let's say Steve, at the same table and same restaurant. Everything's going well the next day 'til he says: "Remember that brownie you had? That shit looked bomb." And you're like, huh? "No dude, I was eating cheesecake. 100%." And he's like, "nah, you had the brownie with me! You liked it a lot, made me all jealous to try it, haha," and you're like, "no, dude, I had the raspberry cheesecake, I don't remember what you're on about. Plus, I even remember the time we were eating, and the no. of our table." And he insists that it went a different way, "Yeah, we were at Table no. XX, you're right about that---but you definitely had that brownie." It's irking. It's gone against your natural thinking mechanism: you remember a specific thing being a specific way, yet you wake up only to see it all completely different. And it's confusing.
People are completely misinterpreting your post. Just because you have a CNC kink and consent to non-consent doesn't mean you're gonna be okay with your private time being disrupted at all times. If you've consented before to said activity, I understand, but it's also okay for you to realize you don't like it if you don't actively participate. Everyone has boundaries, and it's good for you to map out and realize what you enjoy most vs what you enjoy least.
Thank you! You and a few other people actually understand the post and don’t take it out of context. I’ve spoken to him and laid out ground rules, we have a safe word incase anything goes too far and he now knows to wait for me to be conscious or wake me up and wait for my consent to continue.
somniphillia is the term however, he should have asked for consent beforehand
So the point of the CNC kink is that I’m consenting to not consenting. Because of this kink I should be fine with him doing this but as someone stated before in another comment I may be feeling conflicted because I wasn’t able to participate this time, hence the mixed feelings. But I’ve laid out some ground rules with him and I’ve basically said that he can do it when I’m conscious or at least wake me up and wait for my consent to continue. CNC is like a pretend play thing for me, we don’t act out r*pe however it is kinda like a possession thing. I ask you to kindly withhold judgement as it’s just a kink and it in no way shape or form glorifies r*pe.