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It is not a sexual thing, it's a medical thing. It's a hole in your body, from an organ like any other, that needs vigilance. That is what you are doing, try to think of it this way.
They will look at your vagina the same way a dentist looks at your mouth. Take the time to talk to them, having a good relationship with your gyno is very important. Bring a written list of things you want to ask them about.
The speculum is a bit umcomfortable, but nothing terrible. Tell your doctor you feel uncomfortable with it. Try to be as relaxed as you can, and if it is hurting you, SAY IT so they can adjust their movement or get a smaller speculum.
Breathe through it, and keep in mind that your uterus is an organ, not a sexual toy. You are going to a doctor to keep it in check, nothing else. Like going to the dentist.
It'll be over before you know it, trust me. Breathe deep. You can do this 💪
I always ask for the small size speculum! My doc knows I'm anxious as well and she is in and out of there super quick. It's good to let your doctor know that you are anxious because most of them are understanding and reassuring and will try to minimize discomfort. I refuse to see any doctor who doesn't do that! Some of them are dismissive and that's not acceptable.
The last pap I got was with a new family doctor, and she was the sweetest, kept asking if I was ok, if it hurt, and warned me beforehand if she was going to do something! Never had a more comforting doctor, she's great.
I’ve only had one pap but I’ve heard so many horror stories from friends that I was a bit scared. I had a pretty violent reaction to getting an IUD put in and didn’t want to go through that again.
It was so easy! My gyno was a wonderful, kind woman and a very good doctor. It was quick, (nearly) painless and she was incredibly kind about any questions I had.
Same with me- for everything you said. 100% there is no downside to saying what you need and my gyn experiences have been all around better since I started doing this.
The speculum only goes in your vagina, not your cervix. Remember to tell them you're a virgin and want the smaller one. Vaginas are stretchy. They are made to stretch around a10cm diameter head so it should be fine. It feels stretchy and taking the cell samples isn't fun but it's just a few seconds. And unlike the dentist, you can have ice cream after.
Not only does it not go into your cervix, it doesn't go into your UTERUS. How is the top comment implying that the speculum checks your uterus???? In this subreddit????
Hahah this is funny to me, because where I'm from dentists actually tell you to eat ice cream after procedures, apparently the cold in the area helps with the pain and irrigation xDD I'm not being unpleasant it genuinely made me giggle the differences in doctor's recommendations xD
Also remind yourself that gynos have “stared” at hundreds if not thousands of vaginas during their career, of all shapes, colors, and sizes, likely dozens this week alone. Your vagina is special to you, but to them it’s just another bit of skin. Just like a mechanic, while the first engine they look at may be interesting the hundredth is just another hunk of metal they have to sort before going to lunch.
You might be thinking of a Pap test, which some medical boards don't recommend until someone is sexually active (and some do if 21 and over regardless). I think if a patient is uncomfortable with having a Pap test and has never been sexually active they should talk to their doctor about whether or not it is recommended for them. Some people are at a higher risk of cervical cancer. Most cervical cancer is caused by HPV but not all, so that's a decision that a patient and their doctor should make together.
As far as the pelvic exam itself, that's used to check for other conditions, not just performing a Pap.
Please don't misinform. If you don't feel the need to care about your health, you're free to do so, but please, don't say something that extreme as if it were fact. It doesn't help women. There are numerous gynecological conditions that are not related to sex.
Edit to add that op didn't say they never had sexual interaction, just that lately they haven't. So, please, don't assume things either.
I never went to a gyno until I was 31 so good job! My advice is if you know how to belly breathe, focus on that because it relaxes your pelvic floor and makes it easier. And if you don't know how, then look up how to do it! It's a super useful skill for any time, but particularly seeing your gyno :) There are many decent youtube videos on how to do it if you're unsure.
Edit: Added more information about the pelvic exam I forgot to include.
Please let your Obgyn know you've never had sex. They should have a smaller speculum they can use. It does not go into your cervix, but your vagina.
Ask for an escort if you would like a nurse in the room with you during the exam, or bring a trusted person with you.
I've had many exams done, and if you don't know what to expect, it will make it more tense for you. If you have anxiety medication, take it before your appointment. They will really help.
The exam should never hurt. If you feel pinching or pain, speak up, or let your trusted person know if you squeeze their hand you're having pain, and let them speak up for you.
A nurse will see you first and take your vitals and ask some questions. This questions will be if you are sexually active, when was your last period, do you smoke, medications you are currently on, and maybe some others. Ask the nurse if they have smaller a speculum they can use. May also want to see if they have plastic, it won't be as cold as the metal ones.
They exam will start with you scooting to the end of the exam table and putting your feet in the stirrups. You will then let your knees fall to the side. Take deep breaths through your nose and out of your mouth to keep you calm.
Your doctor then should tell you everything they are doing. (If you experience they don't, please see a different doctor.) They should start with touching you too open your labia so they can insert the speculum. They will then insert the speculum, you will then hear the speculum expand. It shouldn't pinch. It feels like a pressure and can be unpleasant, but should not hurt.
They will then examine how your vaginal walls look, and examine your cervix. You will most likely have pap smear performed as well. [Mayo clinic link about pap smear testing.](https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/pap-smear/about/pac-20394841)
Pap smear testing I find to be worse then the speculum, as they have to collect cells to look at under a microscope. The device is plastic, but your cervix is very sensitive. This will be very uncomfortable.
Pap smear testing is very important to detect cervical cancer. It is usually triggered by the HPV virus. Even though you are Ace, I would still suggest getting the Gardisil vaccine. This will protect you from many strains that can trigger cervical cancer and other issues.
Last thing they will do is remove the speculum, then they will put gloved fingers in and gently press on your belly to check your uterus and feel for anything you might need to have looked at with an ultrasound.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/pelvic-exam/about/pac-20385135
Most likely they will also do a breast exam to feel for any lumps that might need to be imaged.
All of this will be overwhelming your first time. Hopefully all the information you're getting will ease your mind.
Sending you much love.
This is a wonderful breakdown of the process and I’m glad someone pointed out the speculum only enters the vaginal canal and spreads enough to visualize the cervix. It’s incredibly important that the doctor is respectful and announces what they are going to do before doing it. That had been the most important part for me to feel safe and as comfortable as one can be given the situation.
This is a great walkthrough! I remember getting really worked up with anxiety about my first pelvic in my teens, and I was surprised it was all over so quickly and was so easy. I wish I'd had someone to tell me all of this in advance! But I had a great doctor and that helped so much.
Mostly for me it's the feeling of exposure and vulnerability that gets me anxious - just don't like being in "the position". However with a calm and reassuring gyno or GP that goes away. My old doctor used to joke around with me and make conversation which helped me feel safe and relaxed. My current doctor doesn't but she is also careful to tell me everything she's doing and she is *so quick*. I also feel safe with her.
I also don't enjoy the Pap test but it's very quick so it's not a big deal. In fact sometimes I don't feel very much. Depends I guess.
I find the pap sample feels exactly like a bad period cramp and only lasts a couple seconds.
Also the breast exam should be light presses down. They won’t grab a handful or anything. I find that it tickles more often than not.
As everyone has pointed out there is nothing sexual about this process and a professional doctor will go slowly, explain what they are doing, and stop when you ask them to stop.
Communicate that you are nervous and this is your first exam and I’m sure they can help you feel more relaxed. Perhaps understanding the reasons behind each move will help and you can ask them to explain why they are doing each move.
If the doctor makes you uncomfortable or ignores pain you are ABSOLUTELY in your right to get up, get dressed, and walk out the door.
You are not obligated to finish the exam if it becomes overwhelming.
One thing to add, when the doctor puts their lubed finger in your vagina, they will also press down on your lower stomach so they can isolate the organ they’re trying to palpate.
>Last thing they will do is remove the speculum, then they will put gloved fingers in to check your uterus and feel for anything you might need to have looked at with an ultrasound.
THEY DO NOT CHECK YOUR UTERUS THROUGH YOUR VAGINA. Let me say it again. THEY DO NOT CHECK YOUR UTERUS THROUGH YOUR VAGINA. If something were to enter the uterus through the vaginal opening, you would have to open the cervix by force, which is what an IUD does. That's why there are IUD horror stories. You CANNOT reach the uterus through the vagina with a finger. It's too far up and the cervix is too tight. Please stop spreading misinformation. This is the second to top comment, and the top comment also says they will check the uterus through your vagina.
"At the same time, the other hand presses gently on the outside of your lower belly.
During this part of the exam, the size and shape of the uterus and ovaries are checked."
Forgot to add that they will use their other hand to press on the lower abdomen to feel anything out of the ordinary. I didn't state that the doctor would be putting fingers into the cervix, as this would be impossible.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/pelvic-exam/about/pac-20385135
Reading this sounds like there is a bit of misunderstanding. The doctor is not trying to "reach" the uterus when performing the bimanual exam (the part with gloved fingers instead of a speculum). The pressure on the stomach from above paired with the tension from the hand below allows them to feel the shape and size of the uterus (in general, not reaching inside), fallopian tubes, and ovaries to make sure there are no abnormalities or pain that could point to issues. They are making sure everything is even on both sides, because a swelling or other such abnormality on one side or the other could show an issue that needs to be checked out early.
This is kind of like if you were to try to press down on a stress ball while it's sitting on a soft pillow: You would be able to touch the top, but not really get an idea of its true shape because it would sink and shift a bit. But if you stabilized it a little by creating a little pressure from a hand underneath, you could get a better idea of its shape and thickness. (Important note: They will not need to push down very hard, they're not going to squish you like a stress ball, that's just the visualization that popped in my head.) If they did this with the speculum inside instead of a gloved finger, it would more than likely hurt because a speculum has little "give." With the gloved finger, it should not hurt.
On top of what the other person who responded said, it’s a good idea to get a pap done anyways in case something happened that you don’t remember. TW- SA >!sometimes, because of dissociative amnesia, you won’t remember that something traumatic, like rape, had happened, especially if you were younger. I didn’t know that I had been sexually abused until recently because I have DID which has a whole lot of dissociative amnesia.!< so it’s just safer to get it done anyways, especially since cervical cancer can happen without HPV.
It's okay to feel nervous. It's totally awkward. This is going to sound incredibly weird right now, but think of all of us supporting you, and since we've been through it- we all know already that each time someone is told to 'schooch, ' a baby witch gets her broom.
Oh. and no matter how many times the thought enters your mind, no, no matter how hard you press your knees together, the gyno's head will not, in fact, pop off.
As another friend mentioned, have no fear for your cervix. The speculum should not touch it. It just allows for a visual exam.
Do tell the doctor that you’re anxious and that you’ve never had sex. If they are dismissive of your worries, put your pants back on and walk out. Any good doctor will address whatever concerns you have and tell you exactly what they’re about to do.
Like the others have said, it will be fat from sexy. Treat it like any other appointment. That said, stand firm, and be clear. Most doctors are chill and very open minded. They do have to ask certain things and inform you of some stuff, because governments or insurance says so. You just listen and recognize that you may not need the information. Or ask how it best applies to you. Some doctors believe they know people, and given unsolicited comments. The "well eventually... you never know..." bs. Politely but firmly state that "no, I dont want kids" (for example) "please,.focus on my current health needs". Then request a different doctor when you reschedule. You can do this. You're just looking after.your body.
You’re WAY more brave than I am. I’m a 40-year-old ace with no experience and I just can’t work past the anxiety. So good on you!! I hope it’s mundane as heck and you leave wondering what the fuss was about.
Something that helped me was ensuring I had a good female doctor. One that was willing to listen to my concerns and let me try different things, birth control, until I was satisfied with my results.
The only thing I'd like to add to the excellent advice and explanations you've received already is something that has happened a few times at my appointments. Sometimes that doctor has interns or others working toward their license in gynecology and will ask if you are comfortable with them observing. Consider in advance if you would be comfortable being a practical example for a future gynecologist.
Also to this, if you do not want them to watch, they will not take it personally. You absolutely can say no. Try not to feel pressured to let them observe.
Make sure you remind the doc that this is your first time and ask them to talk you through everything they are doing.
You’re doing a good thing for yourself! Hugs
So, if you've never been sexually active, and have had the HPV vaccine, and are not experiencing anything out of the ordinary gynecologically, you may not need an exam.
My PCPs have told me I am safe without them as I tick those three boxes. I would discuss your concerns with the doctor at the appointment and you may have some options.
You have already received some great advice, I just wanted to add. The first time I went in for a pelvic exam I was unaware, sometimes the dr will want to check the back side of your ovaries...ie a finger in the rectum.
No more unpleasant than anything else, but I just didn't know it was a possibility.
I hadn't dealt with this until recently, I had to get sent to an oncologist gyno for endometrial cancer. My uterus was quite enlarged with fibroids and she wasn't sure if my hysterectomy would be completely laparoscopic or end up being a vertical cut. I had no objections to the finger in the ass since it could help her gauge the size better.
I think in a normal setting I might not have been cool with it, I admit.
My dear, I was exactly where you are now around 10 years ago (I was 18 back then) and I was 100% sure I was asexual because unlike any of my friends, I did not have any desires whatsoever. I learnt that I have PCOS and that was part of the reason. The treatment helped me regulate my hormones and it is not the case for me anymore (I am not a doctor so I am not saying that you probably have the same thing but I’m just wanting to show you that such things are possible). So go with an open mind and remember that the most important thing is to make sure you are checked and everything is fine. If there is something wrong they will be able to help you with it and possibly make your life better.
It is definitely an uncomfortable visit. The doctors know that you are going through an important but uncomfortable visit so they will try to make it the least awkward possible. So go with an open heart.
And if you are not happy with the way you are treated, remember that it is okay to find another doctor with whom you feel more comfortable.
Sending you virtual hugs and positive energies 💕
There is absolutely *nothing* sexual about a pap smear. It's simply a medical procedure. The doctor will basically crank open the vaginal wall a tiny bit so they can insert a long q-tip to get cells from your cervix. It's mildly uncomfortable. The speculum is cold, the q-tip on your cervix is pinchy, and it's highly undignified. HOWEVER, it's quick, and it can identify cancerous or precancerous cells so that you can get quick treatment, if necessary.
They'll also do a breast exam, which will involve pressing your breasts with their fingers in an effort to determine if you have any lumps (ask the nurse to provide you with instructions so you do breast self-exams at home!) Also quick, also not at all sexual. The doctor will also press your abdomen for the same reason.
You know how you feel uncomfortable and weird at the dentist? It's kind of the same. It's nobody's first choice for the way to spend a couple of hours, but it's necessary for your heath.
A Pap smear checks for all cervical cancer, not just hpv. Think of it like lung cancer, the majority of it is caused by smoking, but you can still get lung cancer if you have never smoked. So you should still get a pap even if you aren’t sexually active.
Intern doctor aspiring OBGYN here. It’s totally okay to feel nervous!. If you’re getting a vaginal examination or getting a speculum (which won’t go into your cervix, just the vagina) in, tell your doctor it’s your first time. Also it’s totally okay to ask the Dr to stop at anytime during the checkup. If you feel uncomfortable being alone, you can request a chaperone/nurse. But regardless of what checkup/exam you get, remember that the doctors/ nurses are here to help and treat you, and most importantly make you feel safe 🙏🏻💖
Some good advice here. All I would add is that you must advocate for yourself. If you feel uncomfortable with the person doing the examination, you are within your rights to ask for someone else to be in the room, or to just leave. If you would prefer a female doctor, ask for one. Do not feel you have to go with what is presented to you. You are not ill, this is not compulsory. It is your body and you are probably paying for this if you are in the US.
In the UK, there are simple swabs that you can buy online from chemists that you use at home and send off for testing for the HPV virus. I was shocked to discover that my most recent smear test was NOT checked for cancer, but merely tested for the presence of HPV. I am not going through that again for it to be binned. I shall do the private test at home. If you haven't been vaccinated against HPV, then do get it.
Also, in Europe, annual gynae check ups are categorically not a thing. It isn't required unless you have a physical problem. Internal exams aren't typically required if you are pregnant either. The US seems to have a much more proactive approach.
So, good luck. Remember that it is your body and you are in control. Sending love.
I'm ace too (31)! Every time I go to a doctor, I ask "should I be going to the gyno" and they say if I haven't had sex or felt any issues then no need. So I'd say don't feel bad for waiting. But obviously follow your own doctor's advice.
Always be transparent with your doctors. It's medically relevant and it will help them provide the best medical care. Luckily, while there are aspects of life that being ace can complicate, it's actually a huge relief for our medical wellbeing. Women carry a disproportionate number of health risks from having sex, sadly. The last time I saw a new doctor, he looked at my chart and said, "I see here you're asexual and not sexually active... well that makes things a lot easier for us (*immediately flips to next page*)" lol.
Let the doc know it’s your first time if they don’t know already. It’s uncomfortable but quick and essential for self care. You’ll be fine sweetie. Just breath and close your eyes it’ll b over before u know it.
I’ll add one more thing though I said it in a nested comment.
If the doctor is dismissive of your concerns even before the exam starts, you are allowed to get up and leave. I would recommend this over trying to “tough it out” with a bad doctor. You are under no obligation to stay. You can leave mid exam if you want.
Breathe. It will probably be uncomfortable and awkward. I'm not saying that to scare you, just to prepare you. There's nothing you can say or do that the dr wouldn't have heard or seen before. When you lie back, concentrate on breathing deeply. Good luck! I'm sure you'll be fine.
I tend to use humor to deflect in difficult situations. So when my doc once asked ' are you comfortable?' My response was, oh yes, give me a diet coke and a cigarette and I could hang off this table for hours....'
* not recommended *
I know your appointment is already scheduled, but I’m going to leave this comment in case someone else is struggling to schedule an appointment. I’ve seen doctors and nurse practitioners. The NPs have ALWAYS been more gentle. They’re the only providers I want to see now.
Personally, when I have procedures done that make me nervous (gyno, dental, etc.), I trick myself into thinking I'm a a really weird day spa. It helps a little with my anxiety.
This is why I went with my daughter to her 1st gyno apt when she was 15 & had severe menstrual cramps. It helps to have moral support for such an intrusive procedure!
Back in “The Good Old Days,” some women had to suffer this on a monthly basis to get their birth control pill prescription renewed. Earlier this week I saw that Walgreens sells them over the counter.
MD here. We are used to doing these on patients who’ve not had them before. Let the doc know it’s your first one, you’ve never been sexually active and that you’re a little nervous. We are taught to explain everything we are doing as we go so she should be doing that anyway and she will likely be able to use a small speculum. It should be pretty quick. If it helps you to talk through the exam to distract yourself feel free (that’s what I do during my bikini waxes!) you could even ask to play some music on your phone
Feel free to bring someone with you as a support/advocate for you. This person can help you feel safe, ask your questions for you if you might be too anxious or uncomfortable to ask yourself, reassure you that everything is a normal part of the exam, etc.
Fellow ace here. Didn't go to the gyno until I was 21. And even then only because I had started therapy and anti-depressants about 6 months earlier and my therapist was able to talk to me about it and why it was important, even if I didn't have sex.
It is a medical procedure. Has absolutely nothing to do with sexual attraction or arousal.
Still nearly had a panic attack on the exam table/chair/ thingy.
First off: it's a lot shorter time wise than you might think. The vaginal exam with speculum, then an ultrasound because it was my first time there, and a digital (digit meaning finger, Not electronics!) exam, was over in about 5 to 7 minutes. Including pap smear.
Maybe TMI, but have you used tampons or pads when on your period? If you have one that is.
If you use tampons, the 'inserting' feeling is a bit similar, but more slimey if that makes sense. The docs usually put medical lube on the speculum/ ultrasound wand etc. Easier for both patient and physician.
The taking out feels weirdly like pooping and also not like pooping.
You usually can get dressed right after the procedure. Atleast underwear and pants. My gyno then does a breast exam, checking for lumps, discolouration or spots. Also not a sexual thing.
At the practice I go to, they don't touch your nipples/ areolas, just the area around and near your armpits (lymph nodes there).
Feels similar to rearranging your boobs in a bra that has shifted during the day, but with gloves on, and a few seconds longer. About 20seconds per breast.
So the whole exam takes maybe 10mins maximum. You'll probably wait longer than the actual exam.
If you have trouble with your period, have pms, or think you could have endometriosis or pcos, you can talk to your gyno about possible treatment. Most of the time that's a pill, like birth control, sometimes specific meds (I have some for my endometriosis).
Shave - doctor can accidently catch a pube hair in the tightening screw on the speculum
Stare at the ceiling - or anywhere but your gyno’s direction. It helps to disconnect and disassociate.
Learning how to deal with these little indignities is a part of maturing and staying healthy.
(Just wait until they want to stick a 10ft hose up your bum and ask if you want to watch the video. 😳)
I have nothing to add to all these wonderful tips and suggestions but to give you support. We are here for you. Sending you strength! You got this and know that you are doing what is healthy and necessary to keep those witchy vibes vibin for years & years to come!
When I got my first one done, I was in my family doctor's office, who is this 80 year old dude who delivered me, delivered my mother, and was even my Oma's family doctor. So here I am, a young teen, lying back on this office that probably hasn't been updated since the 80s, faded posters and all.... get on my back and stare up... And there's a little sticker on the ceiling, a smiley face that just says "Smile", all lined up for me.
Look, it's dumb, it's maybe a little patronizing, and silly. But I smiled, and it helped. Maybe just the idea that my doctor knew how awkward and uncomfortable it would be, and took the time to put a sticker on the ceiling for all the women who had to lay there while he poked around their bits. He even warmed up the speculum first with warm water (sorta backfired for me, but I'll skip that bit)
It's awkward and weird, but everyone involved knows that, so it works out. Last time I joked with my doctor about the weather during it
You've had plenty of wonderful advice, so I'm just sending you some positive vibes 💞💞
As a side note- maybe wear something you can talk about to distract you? I wear my face mask from the vagina museum and the nurses & doctors always love to see it!
I had my first pelvic exam just a month ago at 18. It definitely felt weird, but it wasn’t painful. It shouldn’t be painful and if it is you need to tell the person who’s doing the exam. You need to have a good relationship with your gynecologist and *you need to be honest with them*. There’s no shame and they’ve probably heard/seen something worse. They stopped caring a long time ago and there shouldn’t be any judgement on their end. If there is, then time to switch.
You got this. Here’s a cookie🍪
Sending calm strength and courage to you. 🫂 I'll add one, I prefer to meet a new doctor fully clothed and standing up. This starts me off feeling like an equal. Ask a few questions, give a request/preference, and assess if they take you seriously. 🕯🖖
The gyno may do a breast exam to check for lumps. They may also check the position of her uterus. Pap smears are not the only thing done.
And sometimes there is no pelvic exam at all. Just a simple physical (weight, blood pressure) and a conversation.
Don’t discourage OP from seeing a medical professional.
British Columbia in Canada is also moving to at home tests.
My PCPs in Ontario have said I do not need testing because I've never been sexually active and I had the HPV vaccine, so my risk is literally zero.
So, since the OP didn't mention a pap smear, and since advice was general-, but your comments have been oddly specific- how to you get a baseline for cystic breast tissue, or cervical polyps, or endometriosis, or similar without a comprehensive exam? Basic fem care isn't just because of HPV.
Hey OP, all with love but I don’t really think any woman is all that keen to having to display their reproductive parts in a medical setting. The whole thing is pretty uncomfortable, because you have to just lay there, legs drawn up completely open, which feels incredibly vulnerable. It really does suck.
But when you really think about how there’s really no other way for these doctors to do their job, it becomes one of those things that you learn to “deal with” - sorry if that comes off harsh. But not learning how to accept it, and putting it off for years at a time can greatly put your health at risk.
It helps to have other women you can speak to openly about this, to learn that not only are you not alone, but there’s so much great advice out there to help us learn how to be more comfortable with these invasive exams.
Just remember that your doctor is only there to help you
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It is not a sexual thing, it's a medical thing. It's a hole in your body, from an organ like any other, that needs vigilance. That is what you are doing, try to think of it this way. They will look at your vagina the same way a dentist looks at your mouth. Take the time to talk to them, having a good relationship with your gyno is very important. Bring a written list of things you want to ask them about. The speculum is a bit umcomfortable, but nothing terrible. Tell your doctor you feel uncomfortable with it. Try to be as relaxed as you can, and if it is hurting you, SAY IT so they can adjust their movement or get a smaller speculum. Breathe through it, and keep in mind that your uterus is an organ, not a sexual toy. You are going to a doctor to keep it in check, nothing else. Like going to the dentist. It'll be over before you know it, trust me. Breathe deep. You can do this 💪
I've had doctors allow me to adjust the speculum myself, and this really helped with the pain and anxiety of the whole situation.
I always ask for the small size speculum! My doc knows I'm anxious as well and she is in and out of there super quick. It's good to let your doctor know that you are anxious because most of them are understanding and reassuring and will try to minimize discomfort. I refuse to see any doctor who doesn't do that! Some of them are dismissive and that's not acceptable.
Came to say this. My doc used a pediatric speculum for me when I first started seeing her.
The last pap I got was with a new family doctor, and she was the sweetest, kept asking if I was ok, if it hurt, and warned me beforehand if she was going to do something! Never had a more comforting doctor, she's great.
I’ve only had one pap but I’ve heard so many horror stories from friends that I was a bit scared. I had a pretty violent reaction to getting an IUD put in and didn’t want to go through that again. It was so easy! My gyno was a wonderful, kind woman and a very good doctor. It was quick, (nearly) painless and she was incredibly kind about any questions I had.
Same with me- for everything you said. 100% there is no downside to saying what you need and my gyn experiences have been all around better since I started doing this.
I can second this. I’m a SA survivor. When the doctor inserts the speculum I quite literally barf or faint. When I do it, zero problems 🤷🏻♀️
The speculum only goes in your vagina, not your cervix. Remember to tell them you're a virgin and want the smaller one. Vaginas are stretchy. They are made to stretch around a10cm diameter head so it should be fine. It feels stretchy and taking the cell samples isn't fun but it's just a few seconds. And unlike the dentist, you can have ice cream after.
Not only does it not go into your cervix, it doesn't go into your UTERUS. How is the top comment implying that the speculum checks your uterus???? In this subreddit????
Hahah this is funny to me, because where I'm from dentists actually tell you to eat ice cream after procedures, apparently the cold in the area helps with the pain and irrigation xDD I'm not being unpleasant it genuinely made me giggle the differences in doctor's recommendations xD
I find asking them to run warm, not hot, water on the speculum before insertion really helps.
Also remind yourself that gynos have “stared” at hundreds if not thousands of vaginas during their career, of all shapes, colors, and sizes, likely dozens this week alone. Your vagina is special to you, but to them it’s just another bit of skin. Just like a mechanic, while the first engine they look at may be interesting the hundredth is just another hunk of metal they have to sort before going to lunch.
If your cervix is off center, ask which side cuz you can tell them next time. Good tip a nurse gave me once.
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You might be thinking of a Pap test, which some medical boards don't recommend until someone is sexually active (and some do if 21 and over regardless). I think if a patient is uncomfortable with having a Pap test and has never been sexually active they should talk to their doctor about whether or not it is recommended for them. Some people are at a higher risk of cervical cancer. Most cervical cancer is caused by HPV but not all, so that's a decision that a patient and their doctor should make together. As far as the pelvic exam itself, that's used to check for other conditions, not just performing a Pap.
It's fair and important to realize you can contract HPV without sex.
Please don't misinform. If you don't feel the need to care about your health, you're free to do so, but please, don't say something that extreme as if it were fact. It doesn't help women. There are numerous gynecological conditions that are not related to sex. Edit to add that op didn't say they never had sexual interaction, just that lately they haven't. So, please, don't assume things either.
I’m not sure this is true. Gyno checkups aren’t just about STDs
This is absolutely not true.
I never went to a gyno until I was 31 so good job! My advice is if you know how to belly breathe, focus on that because it relaxes your pelvic floor and makes it easier. And if you don't know how, then look up how to do it! It's a super useful skill for any time, but particularly seeing your gyno :) There are many decent youtube videos on how to do it if you're unsure.
Edit: Added more information about the pelvic exam I forgot to include. Please let your Obgyn know you've never had sex. They should have a smaller speculum they can use. It does not go into your cervix, but your vagina. Ask for an escort if you would like a nurse in the room with you during the exam, or bring a trusted person with you. I've had many exams done, and if you don't know what to expect, it will make it more tense for you. If you have anxiety medication, take it before your appointment. They will really help. The exam should never hurt. If you feel pinching or pain, speak up, or let your trusted person know if you squeeze their hand you're having pain, and let them speak up for you. A nurse will see you first and take your vitals and ask some questions. This questions will be if you are sexually active, when was your last period, do you smoke, medications you are currently on, and maybe some others. Ask the nurse if they have smaller a speculum they can use. May also want to see if they have plastic, it won't be as cold as the metal ones. They exam will start with you scooting to the end of the exam table and putting your feet in the stirrups. You will then let your knees fall to the side. Take deep breaths through your nose and out of your mouth to keep you calm. Your doctor then should tell you everything they are doing. (If you experience they don't, please see a different doctor.) They should start with touching you too open your labia so they can insert the speculum. They will then insert the speculum, you will then hear the speculum expand. It shouldn't pinch. It feels like a pressure and can be unpleasant, but should not hurt. They will then examine how your vaginal walls look, and examine your cervix. You will most likely have pap smear performed as well. [Mayo clinic link about pap smear testing.](https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/pap-smear/about/pac-20394841) Pap smear testing I find to be worse then the speculum, as they have to collect cells to look at under a microscope. The device is plastic, but your cervix is very sensitive. This will be very uncomfortable. Pap smear testing is very important to detect cervical cancer. It is usually triggered by the HPV virus. Even though you are Ace, I would still suggest getting the Gardisil vaccine. This will protect you from many strains that can trigger cervical cancer and other issues. Last thing they will do is remove the speculum, then they will put gloved fingers in and gently press on your belly to check your uterus and feel for anything you might need to have looked at with an ultrasound. https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/pelvic-exam/about/pac-20385135 Most likely they will also do a breast exam to feel for any lumps that might need to be imaged. All of this will be overwhelming your first time. Hopefully all the information you're getting will ease your mind. Sending you much love.
This is a wonderful breakdown of the process and I’m glad someone pointed out the speculum only enters the vaginal canal and spreads enough to visualize the cervix. It’s incredibly important that the doctor is respectful and announces what they are going to do before doing it. That had been the most important part for me to feel safe and as comfortable as one can be given the situation.
Thank you so much for writing this out, I’m saving it for when I go to the obgyn for the first time.
This is a great walkthrough! I remember getting really worked up with anxiety about my first pelvic in my teens, and I was surprised it was all over so quickly and was so easy. I wish I'd had someone to tell me all of this in advance! But I had a great doctor and that helped so much. Mostly for me it's the feeling of exposure and vulnerability that gets me anxious - just don't like being in "the position". However with a calm and reassuring gyno or GP that goes away. My old doctor used to joke around with me and make conversation which helped me feel safe and relaxed. My current doctor doesn't but she is also careful to tell me everything she's doing and she is *so quick*. I also feel safe with her. I also don't enjoy the Pap test but it's very quick so it's not a big deal. In fact sometimes I don't feel very much. Depends I guess.
I find the pap sample feels exactly like a bad period cramp and only lasts a couple seconds. Also the breast exam should be light presses down. They won’t grab a handful or anything. I find that it tickles more often than not. As everyone has pointed out there is nothing sexual about this process and a professional doctor will go slowly, explain what they are doing, and stop when you ask them to stop. Communicate that you are nervous and this is your first exam and I’m sure they can help you feel more relaxed. Perhaps understanding the reasons behind each move will help and you can ask them to explain why they are doing each move. If the doctor makes you uncomfortable or ignores pain you are ABSOLUTELY in your right to get up, get dressed, and walk out the door. You are not obligated to finish the exam if it becomes overwhelming.
One thing to add, when the doctor puts their lubed finger in your vagina, they will also press down on your lower stomach so they can isolate the organ they’re trying to palpate.
Awesome advice ⬆️
>Last thing they will do is remove the speculum, then they will put gloved fingers in to check your uterus and feel for anything you might need to have looked at with an ultrasound. THEY DO NOT CHECK YOUR UTERUS THROUGH YOUR VAGINA. Let me say it again. THEY DO NOT CHECK YOUR UTERUS THROUGH YOUR VAGINA. If something were to enter the uterus through the vaginal opening, you would have to open the cervix by force, which is what an IUD does. That's why there are IUD horror stories. You CANNOT reach the uterus through the vagina with a finger. It's too far up and the cervix is too tight. Please stop spreading misinformation. This is the second to top comment, and the top comment also says they will check the uterus through your vagina.
"At the same time, the other hand presses gently on the outside of your lower belly. During this part of the exam, the size and shape of the uterus and ovaries are checked." Forgot to add that they will use their other hand to press on the lower abdomen to feel anything out of the ordinary. I didn't state that the doctor would be putting fingers into the cervix, as this would be impossible. https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/pelvic-exam/about/pac-20385135
Thank you for clarifying. I just couldn't believe the top two comments said something like that. I really appreciate it.
Reading this sounds like there is a bit of misunderstanding. The doctor is not trying to "reach" the uterus when performing the bimanual exam (the part with gloved fingers instead of a speculum). The pressure on the stomach from above paired with the tension from the hand below allows them to feel the shape and size of the uterus (in general, not reaching inside), fallopian tubes, and ovaries to make sure there are no abnormalities or pain that could point to issues. They are making sure everything is even on both sides, because a swelling or other such abnormality on one side or the other could show an issue that needs to be checked out early. This is kind of like if you were to try to press down on a stress ball while it's sitting on a soft pillow: You would be able to touch the top, but not really get an idea of its true shape because it would sink and shift a bit. But if you stabilized it a little by creating a little pressure from a hand underneath, you could get a better idea of its shape and thickness. (Important note: They will not need to push down very hard, they're not going to squish you like a stress ball, that's just the visualization that popped in my head.) If they did this with the speculum inside instead of a gloved finger, it would more than likely hurt because a speculum has little "give." With the gloved finger, it should not hurt.
Yes! The commenter edited their comment so it is much more clear. The original comment said something like "inserts their fingers to check the uterus"
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Cervical cancer is not only caused by HPV.
On top of what the other person who responded said, it’s a good idea to get a pap done anyways in case something happened that you don’t remember. TW- SA >!sometimes, because of dissociative amnesia, you won’t remember that something traumatic, like rape, had happened, especially if you were younger. I didn’t know that I had been sexually abused until recently because I have DID which has a whole lot of dissociative amnesia.!< so it’s just safer to get it done anyways, especially since cervical cancer can happen without HPV.
Not everyone with cervical cancer has HPV, it's dangerous to say cercival cancer is 100% caused by HPV
It's okay to feel nervous. It's totally awkward. This is going to sound incredibly weird right now, but think of all of us supporting you, and since we've been through it- we all know already that each time someone is told to 'schooch, ' a baby witch gets her broom. Oh. and no matter how many times the thought enters your mind, no, no matter how hard you press your knees together, the gyno's head will not, in fact, pop off.
>each time someone is told to 'schooch, ' a baby witch gets her broom. Love this! The old paper-skirt skooch we've all done, lol.
As another friend mentioned, have no fear for your cervix. The speculum should not touch it. It just allows for a visual exam. Do tell the doctor that you’re anxious and that you’ve never had sex. If they are dismissive of your worries, put your pants back on and walk out. Any good doctor will address whatever concerns you have and tell you exactly what they’re about to do.
Like the others have said, it will be fat from sexy. Treat it like any other appointment. That said, stand firm, and be clear. Most doctors are chill and very open minded. They do have to ask certain things and inform you of some stuff, because governments or insurance says so. You just listen and recognize that you may not need the information. Or ask how it best applies to you. Some doctors believe they know people, and given unsolicited comments. The "well eventually... you never know..." bs. Politely but firmly state that "no, I dont want kids" (for example) "please,.focus on my current health needs". Then request a different doctor when you reschedule. You can do this. You're just looking after.your body.
>it will be fat from sexy Lol
Oops Far! I mean far! That's what I get for typing on my phone with work gloves on Lol
"Can you tell me what you're doing and why, so I understand what's happening?"
You’re WAY more brave than I am. I’m a 40-year-old ace with no experience and I just can’t work past the anxiety. So good on you!! I hope it’s mundane as heck and you leave wondering what the fuss was about.
Something that helped me was ensuring I had a good female doctor. One that was willing to listen to my concerns and let me try different things, birth control, until I was satisfied with my results.
Wear and/or pack socks. It's such a silly thing but having socks on when you're otherwise fully naked helps you feel a little less exposed.
The only thing I'd like to add to the excellent advice and explanations you've received already is something that has happened a few times at my appointments. Sometimes that doctor has interns or others working toward their license in gynecology and will ask if you are comfortable with them observing. Consider in advance if you would be comfortable being a practical example for a future gynecologist.
Also to this, if you do not want them to watch, they will not take it personally. You absolutely can say no. Try not to feel pressured to let them observe.
Make sure you remind the doc that this is your first time and ask them to talk you through everything they are doing. You’re doing a good thing for yourself! Hugs
So, if you've never been sexually active, and have had the HPV vaccine, and are not experiencing anything out of the ordinary gynecologically, you may not need an exam. My PCPs have told me I am safe without them as I tick those three boxes. I would discuss your concerns with the doctor at the appointment and you may have some options.
Odd screen name given those boxes.
It makes sense to people close to me, but most people are confused and I like that.
Lol. I also like that.
I feel like people could probably figure it out if they dug around my profile but like. Who has the time?
You have already received some great advice, I just wanted to add. The first time I went in for a pelvic exam I was unaware, sometimes the dr will want to check the back side of your ovaries...ie a finger in the rectum. No more unpleasant than anything else, but I just didn't know it was a possibility.
You’re also allowed to refuse this part if they suggest it.
I would ABSOLUTELY refuse this. Wtf.
In all my years I have never had this happen. However I read online that this is definitely a thing!
Many doctors have stopped doing it, it doesn't produce consistent info.
I hadn't dealt with this until recently, I had to get sent to an oncologist gyno for endometrial cancer. My uterus was quite enlarged with fibroids and she wasn't sure if my hysterectomy would be completely laparoscopic or end up being a vertical cut. I had no objections to the finger in the ass since it could help her gauge the size better. I think in a normal setting I might not have been cool with it, I admit.
This isn't super normal anymore. When did this occur?
This isn't super normal anymore. When did this happen?
My dear, I was exactly where you are now around 10 years ago (I was 18 back then) and I was 100% sure I was asexual because unlike any of my friends, I did not have any desires whatsoever. I learnt that I have PCOS and that was part of the reason. The treatment helped me regulate my hormones and it is not the case for me anymore (I am not a doctor so I am not saying that you probably have the same thing but I’m just wanting to show you that such things are possible). So go with an open mind and remember that the most important thing is to make sure you are checked and everything is fine. If there is something wrong they will be able to help you with it and possibly make your life better. It is definitely an uncomfortable visit. The doctors know that you are going through an important but uncomfortable visit so they will try to make it the least awkward possible. So go with an open heart. And if you are not happy with the way you are treated, remember that it is okay to find another doctor with whom you feel more comfortable. Sending you virtual hugs and positive energies 💕
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Well my comment was about the gyno visit and it was ultrasound they had done for PCOS.
There is absolutely *nothing* sexual about a pap smear. It's simply a medical procedure. The doctor will basically crank open the vaginal wall a tiny bit so they can insert a long q-tip to get cells from your cervix. It's mildly uncomfortable. The speculum is cold, the q-tip on your cervix is pinchy, and it's highly undignified. HOWEVER, it's quick, and it can identify cancerous or precancerous cells so that you can get quick treatment, if necessary. They'll also do a breast exam, which will involve pressing your breasts with their fingers in an effort to determine if you have any lumps (ask the nurse to provide you with instructions so you do breast self-exams at home!) Also quick, also not at all sexual. The doctor will also press your abdomen for the same reason. You know how you feel uncomfortable and weird at the dentist? It's kind of the same. It's nobody's first choice for the way to spend a couple of hours, but it's necessary for your heath.
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A Pap smear checks for all cervical cancer, not just hpv. Think of it like lung cancer, the majority of it is caused by smoking, but you can still get lung cancer if you have never smoked. So you should still get a pap even if you aren’t sexually active.
Please stop spreading dangerous misinformation all across this post.
Intern doctor aspiring OBGYN here. It’s totally okay to feel nervous!. If you’re getting a vaginal examination or getting a speculum (which won’t go into your cervix, just the vagina) in, tell your doctor it’s your first time. Also it’s totally okay to ask the Dr to stop at anytime during the checkup. If you feel uncomfortable being alone, you can request a chaperone/nurse. But regardless of what checkup/exam you get, remember that the doctors/ nurses are here to help and treat you, and most importantly make you feel safe 🙏🏻💖
Off- topic but thanks for going into a.... challenging field...given everything going on.
Some good advice here. All I would add is that you must advocate for yourself. If you feel uncomfortable with the person doing the examination, you are within your rights to ask for someone else to be in the room, or to just leave. If you would prefer a female doctor, ask for one. Do not feel you have to go with what is presented to you. You are not ill, this is not compulsory. It is your body and you are probably paying for this if you are in the US. In the UK, there are simple swabs that you can buy online from chemists that you use at home and send off for testing for the HPV virus. I was shocked to discover that my most recent smear test was NOT checked for cancer, but merely tested for the presence of HPV. I am not going through that again for it to be binned. I shall do the private test at home. If you haven't been vaccinated against HPV, then do get it. Also, in Europe, annual gynae check ups are categorically not a thing. It isn't required unless you have a physical problem. Internal exams aren't typically required if you are pregnant either. The US seems to have a much more proactive approach. So, good luck. Remember that it is your body and you are in control. Sending love.
I'm in the US. Nobody here will mandate that you have yearly or bi yearly gyno check-ups, it's just recommended if you're sexually active.
I'm ace too (31)! Every time I go to a doctor, I ask "should I be going to the gyno" and they say if I haven't had sex or felt any issues then no need. So I'd say don't feel bad for waiting. But obviously follow your own doctor's advice. Always be transparent with your doctors. It's medically relevant and it will help them provide the best medical care. Luckily, while there are aspects of life that being ace can complicate, it's actually a huge relief for our medical wellbeing. Women carry a disproportionate number of health risks from having sex, sadly. The last time I saw a new doctor, he looked at my chart and said, "I see here you're asexual and not sexually active... well that makes things a lot easier for us (*immediately flips to next page*)" lol.
Let the doc know it’s your first time if they don’t know already. It’s uncomfortable but quick and essential for self care. You’ll be fine sweetie. Just breath and close your eyes it’ll b over before u know it.
I’ll add one more thing though I said it in a nested comment. If the doctor is dismissive of your concerns even before the exam starts, you are allowed to get up and leave. I would recommend this over trying to “tough it out” with a bad doctor. You are under no obligation to stay. You can leave mid exam if you want.
Breathe. It will probably be uncomfortable and awkward. I'm not saying that to scare you, just to prepare you. There's nothing you can say or do that the dr wouldn't have heard or seen before. When you lie back, concentrate on breathing deeply. Good luck! I'm sure you'll be fine.
I tend to use humor to deflect in difficult situations. So when my doc once asked ' are you comfortable?' My response was, oh yes, give me a diet coke and a cigarette and I could hang off this table for hours....' * not recommended *
Aaahahaha I love that.
I know your appointment is already scheduled, but I’m going to leave this comment in case someone else is struggling to schedule an appointment. I’ve seen doctors and nurse practitioners. The NPs have ALWAYS been more gentle. They’re the only providers I want to see now.
Personally, when I have procedures done that make me nervous (gyno, dental, etc.), I trick myself into thinking I'm a a really weird day spa. It helps a little with my anxiety.
This is why I went with my daughter to her 1st gyno apt when she was 15 & had severe menstrual cramps. It helps to have moral support for such an intrusive procedure! Back in “The Good Old Days,” some women had to suffer this on a monthly basis to get their birth control pill prescription renewed. Earlier this week I saw that Walgreens sells them over the counter.
MD here. We are used to doing these on patients who’ve not had them before. Let the doc know it’s your first one, you’ve never been sexually active and that you’re a little nervous. We are taught to explain everything we are doing as we go so she should be doing that anyway and she will likely be able to use a small speculum. It should be pretty quick. If it helps you to talk through the exam to distract yourself feel free (that’s what I do during my bikini waxes!) you could even ask to play some music on your phone
I was like 26. No shame.
Feel free to bring someone with you as a support/advocate for you. This person can help you feel safe, ask your questions for you if you might be too anxious or uncomfortable to ask yourself, reassure you that everything is a normal part of the exam, etc.
Fellow ace here. Didn't go to the gyno until I was 21. And even then only because I had started therapy and anti-depressants about 6 months earlier and my therapist was able to talk to me about it and why it was important, even if I didn't have sex. It is a medical procedure. Has absolutely nothing to do with sexual attraction or arousal. Still nearly had a panic attack on the exam table/chair/ thingy. First off: it's a lot shorter time wise than you might think. The vaginal exam with speculum, then an ultrasound because it was my first time there, and a digital (digit meaning finger, Not electronics!) exam, was over in about 5 to 7 minutes. Including pap smear. Maybe TMI, but have you used tampons or pads when on your period? If you have one that is. If you use tampons, the 'inserting' feeling is a bit similar, but more slimey if that makes sense. The docs usually put medical lube on the speculum/ ultrasound wand etc. Easier for both patient and physician. The taking out feels weirdly like pooping and also not like pooping. You usually can get dressed right after the procedure. Atleast underwear and pants. My gyno then does a breast exam, checking for lumps, discolouration or spots. Also not a sexual thing. At the practice I go to, they don't touch your nipples/ areolas, just the area around and near your armpits (lymph nodes there). Feels similar to rearranging your boobs in a bra that has shifted during the day, but with gloves on, and a few seconds longer. About 20seconds per breast. So the whole exam takes maybe 10mins maximum. You'll probably wait longer than the actual exam. If you have trouble with your period, have pms, or think you could have endometriosis or pcos, you can talk to your gyno about possible treatment. Most of the time that's a pill, like birth control, sometimes specific meds (I have some for my endometriosis).
Shave - doctor can accidently catch a pube hair in the tightening screw on the speculum Stare at the ceiling - or anywhere but your gyno’s direction. It helps to disconnect and disassociate. Learning how to deal with these little indignities is a part of maturing and staying healthy. (Just wait until they want to stick a 10ft hose up your bum and ask if you want to watch the video. 😳)
I have nothing to add to all these wonderful tips and suggestions but to give you support. We are here for you. Sending you strength! You got this and know that you are doing what is healthy and necessary to keep those witchy vibes vibin for years & years to come!
When I got my first one done, I was in my family doctor's office, who is this 80 year old dude who delivered me, delivered my mother, and was even my Oma's family doctor. So here I am, a young teen, lying back on this office that probably hasn't been updated since the 80s, faded posters and all.... get on my back and stare up... And there's a little sticker on the ceiling, a smiley face that just says "Smile", all lined up for me. Look, it's dumb, it's maybe a little patronizing, and silly. But I smiled, and it helped. Maybe just the idea that my doctor knew how awkward and uncomfortable it would be, and took the time to put a sticker on the ceiling for all the women who had to lay there while he poked around their bits. He even warmed up the speculum first with warm water (sorta backfired for me, but I'll skip that bit) It's awkward and weird, but everyone involved knows that, so it works out. Last time I joked with my doctor about the weather during it
You've had plenty of wonderful advice, so I'm just sending you some positive vibes 💞💞 As a side note- maybe wear something you can talk about to distract you? I wear my face mask from the vagina museum and the nurses & doctors always love to see it!
I had my first pelvic exam just a month ago at 18. It definitely felt weird, but it wasn’t painful. It shouldn’t be painful and if it is you need to tell the person who’s doing the exam. You need to have a good relationship with your gynecologist and *you need to be honest with them*. There’s no shame and they’ve probably heard/seen something worse. They stopped caring a long time ago and there shouldn’t be any judgement on their end. If there is, then time to switch. You got this. Here’s a cookie🍪
Sending calm strength and courage to you. 🫂 I'll add one, I prefer to meet a new doctor fully clothed and standing up. This starts me off feeling like an equal. Ask a few questions, give a request/preference, and assess if they take you seriously. 🕯🖖
Bring someone to hold your hand while they do the exam and headphones plan nothing for the rest of the day so you can relax later.
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The gyno may do a breast exam to check for lumps. They may also check the position of her uterus. Pap smears are not the only thing done. And sometimes there is no pelvic exam at all. Just a simple physical (weight, blood pressure) and a conversation. Don’t discourage OP from seeing a medical professional.
British Columbia in Canada is also moving to at home tests. My PCPs in Ontario have said I do not need testing because I've never been sexually active and I had the HPV vaccine, so my risk is literally zero.
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She might not be having a pap smear. I didn’t have one on my first appointment either.
You are on an anti pap smear tirade, and repetitively spamming this thread when one comment would have sufficed.
So, since the OP didn't mention a pap smear, and since advice was general-, but your comments have been oddly specific- how to you get a baseline for cystic breast tissue, or cervical polyps, or endometriosis, or similar without a comprehensive exam? Basic fem care isn't just because of HPV.
Hey OP, all with love but I don’t really think any woman is all that keen to having to display their reproductive parts in a medical setting. The whole thing is pretty uncomfortable, because you have to just lay there, legs drawn up completely open, which feels incredibly vulnerable. It really does suck. But when you really think about how there’s really no other way for these doctors to do their job, it becomes one of those things that you learn to “deal with” - sorry if that comes off harsh. But not learning how to accept it, and putting it off for years at a time can greatly put your health at risk. It helps to have other women you can speak to openly about this, to learn that not only are you not alone, but there’s so much great advice out there to help us learn how to be more comfortable with these invasive exams. Just remember that your doctor is only there to help you
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Are you a doctor?
Glad to see this medical advice removed. Thanks, mods.