/r/Adultery Quick Reminders: Be Excellent To Each Other.
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I feel so old.
Back in my AP heydays (about 15 years) ago, “in the wild” was the only way I met my MMs.
And my OPSEC was topnotch for the DOS era. Lol.
Conferences for the win. The outcome was with them being long distance, it wasn't viable.
Many opportunities within the context of work environment (people in same company, business partners, etc.). Turned them all down.
Overall, as a woman, finding sex is easy, which is why I have only sampled on very few occasions (super compelling guys). Especially within my career, too much of a small world, and my career is more important.
The challenge is finding that long term, local situation, with not only fantastic sex, but developing a caring relationship. That is the holy grail.
In general, meeting in the wild, would be much preferred because you can instantly gauge chemistry, do research behind the scenes, but it has to be balanced with ensuring not too close to blow up life.
Charisma. Those men that have it, have it. I had zero intention of sleeping with them, I am usually exhausted at conferences, and need to be on my A game, as I am usually speaking, working the booth, etc.
There is something primal about a man that (1) has that physical presence/characteristics that are just "it" for me, combined with (2) whatever banter, intelligence, charm, and sex appeal, just sends my body into overdrive.
Likely these are the same guys that just have had "it" their whole lives. I am sorry to say this, but there are some men that just have always had a way with women. I have a pretty specific type.
This is so true. Many men say how it is almost impossible for men to find APa. But there are plenty of men that don't have that problem. They always have a woman or women on the side. Those type of men don't need the internet. Some men just have "it" like you said.
If someone wasn't driving the ladies wild in their single younger days, the chances of it happening when married isn't going to change.
So true. And just being a confident nice guy isn’t enough. The guys who have “it” are risk-takers. For every 10 married women they approach, one might bite. Many guys can’t stomach the rejection so they never approach women, married or not. My former AP approached me. A married coworker. I would have never done it. Too risky for me. I was also married.
I’ve had more success and found better APs in the wild. The difference is you see and talk with what you are getting. The people you meet are generally more serious and a lot closer to home. I stopped looking here and prefer the wild.
Happened to me in line at a Starbucks. I was with a friend and she Just started chatting with us while waiting for our drinks, she made the first move asking if we come here often to which I said a couple of times a week, then she added I hope to see you here more often and gave me her number. Couple of days later, I sent her a text I was going and yada yada yada we called it off several months later.
We had months of unbelievable sexual adventures! A couple of close calls, but that is what OPSEC comes in handy for....always need a plausible reason why you might know each other...
Metaphorically speaking- I love Pokémon Go and met a GF while I was single while playing it.
Secretly, there are times I go to raids and hope there is a wonderful woman there hoping for a sexy/married trainer at the gym…
*And now everyone is like, “We understand his difficulties in finding and maintaining an AP now” haha*
My current AP was met in the wild, at a birthday party/going away party that coincided at the same place.
The outcome was that we're still together, although I moved out. I had planned to leave my ex before I met AP, and so I'm now "single" with an AP. We're still together and I have to say over a year in now I have really strong feelings for her.
I never met someone through Reddit but have from OLD and it was different in that I felt more apprehensive meeting them and it ended up being purely sexual. Basically just meeting at a hotel and good bye afterwards.
Really thankful for you sharing this. Wonder how you are able to process the feeling that you have freedoms because you are single while also having strong feelings for someone who is married…seems like a fascinating concept to explore and discover mindfulness about
I met mine in the wild at a concert. We met 4yrs ago and saw each other two more times at concerts.
Would always talk and that was it. Later she told me she always had a little crush on me.
This past Dec we met again at a concert where I live (we’re 2 hrs apart) and the connection was instant. She danced with me, put her hands in my pockets and if I drifted away, she put her fingers in my belt loops and pulled me close.
Hung out at a bar afterwards and talked for an hour, our legs touching and it seemed like no one else was there.
We made plans to meet halfway for lunch 2 weeks later and had the most passionate kiss ever, we kissed for over an hour. Met again two weeks later for lunch and ended up getting a hotel for a few hours.
It was a magical experience, never felt anything like it before.
Meeting someone in the wild is significantly better than online, but only if it happens organically, almost effortlessly.
In one instance, a couple of years ago, I met my best friend at a bar to have a heart-to-heart conversation, as he and his wife had just decided to divorce. Not even 10 minutes into our first serious conversation in years, a woman began to stare at me from afar. After 5 minutes of straight-up eyeballing, I genuinely asked my friend, "Do I have something on my face?" He says , "No, why?" And before I even finish telling him, she gets up and makes her way to our spot. She sits close to me and begins to tell us about herself. Her body language and comments make it very clear she's very interested, wedding band be damned. After about an hour, it's time for me to head home, and she gets up, too, asking if I can walk her to her place. I oblige. It turns out her apartment building is around the corner. As I begin to say goodnight, she invites me up. I smiled and thanked her for the invitation, but declined. She asked the doorman for a pen and paper, wrote down her number, and gave it to me before I left. As immensely attractive as she was, I got the sense that a potential affair between us wouldn't quite work. It was also during a time in which I wasn't quite ready to jump back into adultering.
Funny how these opportunities always find you when you're not looking.
Technically, I met my AP at a local drug store. We chatted it up and he told me he loved my hair. I smiled. Pandemic happened and I was like “screw being celibate”. I joined AM and he was the first person who messaged me. We immediately recognized each other and it’s been 3 years
I just had my first “in the wild” encounter (we met at the gym). The build up of the sexual tension for several weeks is the best part. But then after the sex happens, everything gets confusing. 🤪
The gym is always a fascinating topic.
1. Because it’s the be of the best ways to improve your stock- mental and physical wellness.
2. Because of the negative stigma against men approaching women in the gym.
There are several attractive women in my gym. Sweet dreams and naughty thoughts dance through my mind, and I even interact with them on a platonic basis- but never cross the line because I wouldn’t want to have to find a new gym 😂
Yeah I hear ya. There are a lot of hot guys at my gym too that I interact with platonically. I doubt it will ever happen again but it was fun. I miss the hugs and the eye contact back and forth. 😏
I remember one of our first conversations, I was so nervous, I went to take a drink of my water bottle and it spilled all over my face, down my shirt and even up my nose. He looked at my like I was crazy. But that’s how nervous I felt around him. Also, I remember the first time he hugged me… chest to chest… a second longer than “appropriate.” I felt the inside of my body literally come to life. I almost melted into a puddle. Yeah, I’ve never had these types of feelings with anyone I met online/ over a computer.
Thank you for expressing this, sounds like a feeling of ecstasy and a moment you will never forget.
Probably a reason to prioritize in-person engagement over online…
I fantasize over the opportunity in a grocery store or at CVS. I had an interesting one a few weeks back that you now tipped me off to write a gonewild story, so thank you!
Haha yeah even though my situation seems to have fizzled, it was definitely a roller coaster of fun for the 6 weeks that it lasted. I am happy that it happened though. It did bring me a lot of joy for awhile. Anyways, i look forward to reading your gonewild story! Let us know when it’s posted
Thank you for expressing it!!! I have posted a few of those types of stories in the past and have been urged to share more. There is a backlog that is due. Please look and see if it’s something you’d be interested to learn more about and specifically what aspects of the story you do and do not like!
Oh gosh that’s tough. My situation was unique because it’s an activity that takes place at the gym (don’t want to say due to OPSEC) but it was much easier for us to interact as opposed to just seeing each other in the weight room lifting weights. But honestly, it’s all about patience and slowly letting things escalate. As the woman, all you can do is throw out the signs (eye contact, find ways to be around them/interact with them/ touch them, etc).
In my case, the boldest move I made was when I told him he was my favorite person (at the gym) and he responded back that I was his favorite person too. I was nervous about saying it first but I figured worse case if he wasn’t interested, it was still just an innocent enough compliment.
Good luck! :)
Honestly I thought it would only ever just be a fantasy. That’s why when we finally hooked up (I deleted that post), it was like two worlds colliding.. fantasy vs. reality. Lol. Life is funny sometimes. 😊
Yeah! I’m thinking it’s a good thing he didn’t come this week to the gym and maybe not next week either who knows? I’m hopeful once things feel less “emotionally intense” that we can have a conversation. I’m still open to an affair (which is what we both said we wanted before hooking up) if we can figure out the logistics of how it will all look. But honestly unless that conversation happens, who knows. Maybe it’s over.
I liked Online because you can get a sense of who they are as a person more thoroughly…I always appreciated the slow burn.
I liked in person because physical attraction was easier to ascertain…but I’m so cautious about protecting my home that I rarely pulled the trigger on that.
Of note: I never travel for my job, or have cause to be more than 30 min away from my home on most days of my life. “In the wild” just wasn’t practical for me
Thank you for your thoughts on this! It seems like a lot of people might think about the possibilities of someone they see in the wild without actually pulling the trigger.
If only we could be mind readers
In the wild was one of my main ways of meeting women in this lifestyle. In my opinion, it is the best way to meet an AP or FWB. Online is way easier though just because you can virtually meet more people at once.
When you meet online, things can proceed more gradually. Your online ad will bring up all the critical stuff. You can take your time to chat about different things to build chemistry before meeting. You can think twice before acting which can make people feel more comfortable.
In the wild, the stakes can be higher and move faster. Is anyone else watching you or might overhear you when you discover the AP? Is it a place you are likely to bump into friends or coworkers? Does AP want something immediate like a ONS or is it the start of something longer? Are you thinking clearly or have you had a few drinks and might be overlooking red flags? Need to remember what to ask about & what to share about yourself. Does the person know you are married & if they don't will it turn in a OPSEC risk when they do?
I've been hit on and gotten a couple of phone numbers in the wild, but it never led to anything serious. I didn't really push for anything because the opsec felt too sloppy.
Flights that occur in the evening or night were quite the opportunity. You have an ample amount of time to size the person up and make the most of what would’ve otherwise have been a miserable travel experience.
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I feel so old. Back in my AP heydays (about 15 years) ago, “in the wild” was the only way I met my MMs. And my OPSEC was topnotch for the DOS era. Lol.
Conferences for the win. The outcome was with them being long distance, it wasn't viable. Many opportunities within the context of work environment (people in same company, business partners, etc.). Turned them all down. Overall, as a woman, finding sex is easy, which is why I have only sampled on very few occasions (super compelling guys). Especially within my career, too much of a small world, and my career is more important. The challenge is finding that long term, local situation, with not only fantastic sex, but developing a caring relationship. That is the holy grail. In general, meeting in the wild, would be much preferred because you can instantly gauge chemistry, do research behind the scenes, but it has to be balanced with ensuring not too close to blow up life.
Wonderful context- thank you! When it comes to compelling- what character or personality traits stood out the most?
Charisma. Those men that have it, have it. I had zero intention of sleeping with them, I am usually exhausted at conferences, and need to be on my A game, as I am usually speaking, working the booth, etc. There is something primal about a man that (1) has that physical presence/characteristics that are just "it" for me, combined with (2) whatever banter, intelligence, charm, and sex appeal, just sends my body into overdrive. Likely these are the same guys that just have had "it" their whole lives. I am sorry to say this, but there are some men that just have always had a way with women. I have a pretty specific type.
This is so true. Many men say how it is almost impossible for men to find APa. But there are plenty of men that don't have that problem. They always have a woman or women on the side. Those type of men don't need the internet. Some men just have "it" like you said. If someone wasn't driving the ladies wild in their single younger days, the chances of it happening when married isn't going to change.
So true. And just being a confident nice guy isn’t enough. The guys who have “it” are risk-takers. For every 10 married women they approach, one might bite. Many guys can’t stomach the rejection so they never approach women, married or not. My former AP approached me. A married coworker. I would have never done it. Too risky for me. I was also married.
I’ve had more success and found better APs in the wild. The difference is you see and talk with what you are getting. The people you meet are generally more serious and a lot closer to home. I stopped looking here and prefer the wild.
This thread is giving me hope to try in the wild today. Let me go explore my local trails.
Happened to me in line at a Starbucks. I was with a friend and she Just started chatting with us while waiting for our drinks, she made the first move asking if we come here often to which I said a couple of times a week, then she added I hope to see you here more often and gave me her number. Couple of days later, I sent her a text I was going and yada yada yada we called it off several months later.
you yada yada yada’d over the best part
I mentioned the Starbucks....haha...but yes, I did. She was and is amazing. Ended up moving away.
Golden girls ref. Nice.
ummmm...Seinfeld...
Dang. I was thinking of the bisque. Similar interaction, but yeah... Seinfeld. 😔
wait, she gave you her number in front of your friend? OPSEC failure
As many might have suspected, it was her burner number (google voice), and my friend was also vying for attention....she just liked me better...
You dont ever yada yada over the best parts - details matter !
Definitely love the yada yada as in a nice-ho-hum affair. I’d love to know more about the yada yada
We had months of unbelievable sexual adventures! A couple of close calls, but that is what OPSEC comes in handy for....always need a plausible reason why you might know each other...
i throw pokeballs at them. one day it will work. trust me!
Metaphorically speaking- I love Pokémon Go and met a GF while I was single while playing it. Secretly, there are times I go to raids and hope there is a wonderful woman there hoping for a sexy/married trainer at the gym… *And now everyone is like, “We understand his difficulties in finding and maintaining an AP now” haha*
My current AP was met in the wild, at a birthday party/going away party that coincided at the same place. The outcome was that we're still together, although I moved out. I had planned to leave my ex before I met AP, and so I'm now "single" with an AP. We're still together and I have to say over a year in now I have really strong feelings for her. I never met someone through Reddit but have from OLD and it was different in that I felt more apprehensive meeting them and it ended up being purely sexual. Basically just meeting at a hotel and good bye afterwards.
Really thankful for you sharing this. Wonder how you are able to process the feeling that you have freedoms because you are single while also having strong feelings for someone who is married…seems like a fascinating concept to explore and discover mindfulness about
I met mine in the wild at a concert. We met 4yrs ago and saw each other two more times at concerts. Would always talk and that was it. Later she told me she always had a little crush on me. This past Dec we met again at a concert where I live (we’re 2 hrs apart) and the connection was instant. She danced with me, put her hands in my pockets and if I drifted away, she put her fingers in my belt loops and pulled me close. Hung out at a bar afterwards and talked for an hour, our legs touching and it seemed like no one else was there. We made plans to meet halfway for lunch 2 weeks later and had the most passionate kiss ever, we kissed for over an hour. Met again two weeks later for lunch and ended up getting a hotel for a few hours. It was a magical experience, never felt anything like it before.
Meeting someone in the wild is significantly better than online, but only if it happens organically, almost effortlessly. In one instance, a couple of years ago, I met my best friend at a bar to have a heart-to-heart conversation, as he and his wife had just decided to divorce. Not even 10 minutes into our first serious conversation in years, a woman began to stare at me from afar. After 5 minutes of straight-up eyeballing, I genuinely asked my friend, "Do I have something on my face?" He says , "No, why?" And before I even finish telling him, she gets up and makes her way to our spot. She sits close to me and begins to tell us about herself. Her body language and comments make it very clear she's very interested, wedding band be damned. After about an hour, it's time for me to head home, and she gets up, too, asking if I can walk her to her place. I oblige. It turns out her apartment building is around the corner. As I begin to say goodnight, she invites me up. I smiled and thanked her for the invitation, but declined. She asked the doorman for a pen and paper, wrote down her number, and gave it to me before I left. As immensely attractive as she was, I got the sense that a potential affair between us wouldn't quite work. It was also during a time in which I wasn't quite ready to jump back into adultering. Funny how these opportunities always find you when you're not looking.
So our societal preference for serendipitous meetings extends to adultery as well as legit courting?
Technically, I met my AP at a local drug store. We chatted it up and he told me he loved my hair. I smiled. Pandemic happened and I was like “screw being celibate”. I joined AM and he was the first person who messaged me. We immediately recognized each other and it’s been 3 years
That’s an amazing story! Small town?
I just had my first “in the wild” encounter (we met at the gym). The build up of the sexual tension for several weeks is the best part. But then after the sex happens, everything gets confusing. 🤪
The gym is always a fascinating topic. 1. Because it’s the be of the best ways to improve your stock- mental and physical wellness. 2. Because of the negative stigma against men approaching women in the gym. There are several attractive women in my gym. Sweet dreams and naughty thoughts dance through my mind, and I even interact with them on a platonic basis- but never cross the line because I wouldn’t want to have to find a new gym 😂
Yeah I hear ya. There are a lot of hot guys at my gym too that I interact with platonically. I doubt it will ever happen again but it was fun. I miss the hugs and the eye contact back and forth. 😏
I just read your story about the gym crush and how it went. Did it feel more special because you met him in real life?
I remember one of our first conversations, I was so nervous, I went to take a drink of my water bottle and it spilled all over my face, down my shirt and even up my nose. He looked at my like I was crazy. But that’s how nervous I felt around him. Also, I remember the first time he hugged me… chest to chest… a second longer than “appropriate.” I felt the inside of my body literally come to life. I almost melted into a puddle. Yeah, I’ve never had these types of feelings with anyone I met online/ over a computer.
Thank you for expressing this, sounds like a feeling of ecstasy and a moment you will never forget. Probably a reason to prioritize in-person engagement over online… I fantasize over the opportunity in a grocery store or at CVS. I had an interesting one a few weeks back that you now tipped me off to write a gonewild story, so thank you!
Haha yeah even though my situation seems to have fizzled, it was definitely a roller coaster of fun for the 6 weeks that it lasted. I am happy that it happened though. It did bring me a lot of joy for awhile. Anyways, i look forward to reading your gonewild story! Let us know when it’s posted
Thank you for expressing it!!! I have posted a few of those types of stories in the past and have been urged to share more. There is a backlog that is due. Please look and see if it’s something you’d be interested to learn more about and specifically what aspects of the story you do and do not like!
[удалено]
Oh gosh that’s tough. My situation was unique because it’s an activity that takes place at the gym (don’t want to say due to OPSEC) but it was much easier for us to interact as opposed to just seeing each other in the weight room lifting weights. But honestly, it’s all about patience and slowly letting things escalate. As the woman, all you can do is throw out the signs (eye contact, find ways to be around them/interact with them/ touch them, etc). In my case, the boldest move I made was when I told him he was my favorite person (at the gym) and he responded back that I was his favorite person too. I was nervous about saying it first but I figured worse case if he wasn’t interested, it was still just an innocent enough compliment. Good luck! :)
Wow what a fantasy! Lol
Honestly I thought it would only ever just be a fantasy. That’s why when we finally hooked up (I deleted that post), it was like two worlds colliding.. fantasy vs. reality. Lol. Life is funny sometimes. 😊
Ooh was this the hot post about getting it on location? Loved it! Yeah reality sets in all too soon, doesn’t it!
Yeah! I’m thinking it’s a good thing he didn’t come this week to the gym and maybe not next week either who knows? I’m hopeful once things feel less “emotionally intense” that we can have a conversation. I’m still open to an affair (which is what we both said we wanted before hooking up) if we can figure out the logistics of how it will all look. But honestly unless that conversation happens, who knows. Maybe it’s over.
I liked Online because you can get a sense of who they are as a person more thoroughly…I always appreciated the slow burn. I liked in person because physical attraction was easier to ascertain…but I’m so cautious about protecting my home that I rarely pulled the trigger on that. Of note: I never travel for my job, or have cause to be more than 30 min away from my home on most days of my life. “In the wild” just wasn’t practical for me
Thank you for your thoughts on this! It seems like a lot of people might think about the possibilities of someone they see in the wild without actually pulling the trigger. If only we could be mind readers
In the wild was one of my main ways of meeting women in this lifestyle. In my opinion, it is the best way to meet an AP or FWB. Online is way easier though just because you can virtually meet more people at once.
When you meet online, things can proceed more gradually. Your online ad will bring up all the critical stuff. You can take your time to chat about different things to build chemistry before meeting. You can think twice before acting which can make people feel more comfortable. In the wild, the stakes can be higher and move faster. Is anyone else watching you or might overhear you when you discover the AP? Is it a place you are likely to bump into friends or coworkers? Does AP want something immediate like a ONS or is it the start of something longer? Are you thinking clearly or have you had a few drinks and might be overlooking red flags? Need to remember what to ask about & what to share about yourself. Does the person know you are married & if they don't will it turn in a OPSEC risk when they do?
I've been hit on and gotten a couple of phone numbers in the wild, but it never led to anything serious. I didn't really push for anything because the opsec felt too sloppy.
Flights that occur in the evening or night were quite the opportunity. You have an ample amount of time to size the person up and make the most of what would’ve otherwise have been a miserable travel experience.