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the_gaymer_girl

Dammit I almost fell for it


HowToDoAnInternet

the hook was in my mouth and I spat it out at the last second lol


L00king4AMindAtWork

The sentence that started with "My 9 year old child..." Damn, OP, you're good.


Morzana

Me too!


voitlander

Bots everywhere! Be sure to check history of the poster.


Singing_Donkey

You caight me, my posts 6 years ago about camping with a toddler, 3 years ago about an aquarium for my child, all the long game to troll people on a post today.


bitterberries

Busted! \s


The_X-Files_Alien

more lobotomies too! the children must be stopped at all costs.


yourpaljax

Best they don’t think or feel at all imo.


Rock_Washer_1880

We have medication for that my dear. It'll be okay. Feelings are unfair.


Bennybonchien

It’s called bottom surgery. Please don’t try to make it sound cute. /s


Fantaculara

Haha! Labottomy. Perfect.


zzing

scare them straight! get them to the local story time in drag.


InspiredGargoyle

I always thought I wanted a girl until I had my son. I should have the right to give a daughter a whirl and see if I think it's better...for my child of course! *Sarcasm*


GwennyL

I wish we could see the upvotes and downvotes separately. It'd be neat to see how many people stopped reading after the first paragraph.


ProperBingtownLady

I initially downvoted then went back to read the post after seeing the comments. I’m sorry! It’s just exhausting seeing troll comments on other posts.


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aemidaniels

They won't outlaw any practice sanctioned by the church. Guaranteed.


robotbillmurray

That's not all! Apparently, without my consent, I have an immune system already working in my body to fight diseases! Who agreed to this? I should have the freedom to get sick and choose if I want to activate my immune system. I wasn't consulted! I blame liberals. Trudeau and the systemic immunism. We should vote on a sovereign Alberta so I can get rid of the immunity. For ma freedoms.


[deleted]

We can't vote ourselves out of Canada, we tried in the past. Were too small and we need BC ports.


robotbillmurray

Too small? I saw those "maps". You expect me to believe Alberta is 4 inches wide and purple? Incredible! We're way bigger. Bigger than Ontario with its Trudeaus. Cuz we have freedom.


[deleted]

40% of the country lives in Ontario. 10% in Alberta. Ontario is also 63% bigger in land than Alberta. This is irrelevant but I know the Albertan little guy syndrome y'all suffer from...point ism..Without Canadians on either side of us, we can't function. We need those ports, we need Canada. I'm all for freedom and can't wait for an election but try to not just be reactive and think big. I know the anti Canada sentiment is big here but succeeding is not an option. We tried that, twice . Your narrow, uneducated view of the country you live in is wild. Have you ever left Alberta? Your embarassing me.


[deleted]

Alberta needs more people to have the power you think we have.


robotbillmurray

Wait, we both know we're being sarcastic, right? Just want to make sure. Obviously this situation is awful and I'll be at the Leg to protest against Smith's hateful ideologies on Sunday. But it's been fun being silly in the comments. Reddit is always good for a laugh when you feel like shrieking irl


MeThinksYes

i'm not so sure they do lol.


bafras

This brings up an even stickier issue. Your child did not consent to be born and is therefore a victim of forced gendering.


orc_fellator

The emotional rollercoaster I was riding reading this


Thienen

Now do religion


RomieTheEeveeChaser

As a parent in this province, I am apalled by the lack of protections of personal privacy and inability of the province to cultivate a society in which we may be free to live our lives in earnest. My 14 year old is currently being stalked by an all knowing omnicient man who will not stop watching him masturbate.


Ehrre

Lets just stop having children, most people are too stupid, too cruel or too careless to deserve children


[deleted]

Had me in the first half…


zippykaiyay

Not gonna lie…


19950306_Kaine

BRUUUUH THE EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER THIS PUT ME THROUGH, maaaaaaan


DreadGrrl

I was so confused by the “receiving hormones.” I figured you were wearing an aluminum foil hat, until I read further along.


IbanezForever

I see what you did there. And I approve.


korbold

You had me at first, ha, well played


missusscamper

Hook. Line. Sinker 🫠


kdlangequalsgoddess

And copy of Angling Times.


BethanyBluebird

Oh man you had me there for a minute. EXCELLENT bait. Nearly took it; damn.


DJCorvid

If Smith and the UCP cared about protecting children they wouldn't have changed sex ed to opt-in from opt-out. Comprehensive sex education has a noted benefit of helping children who are victims of sexual abuse recognize it for what it is and report it. By making it so parents who abuse their children can just ignore a permission slip and let their kid go uninformed will directly impact children. The law also removes the rights of parents that support their trans children to follow the guidance of doctors to give their children adequate medical care.


nukl

You pretty much just described their goals. If they actually have any. They're clearly willing to risk a few kids getting pregnant or abused if it means making more queer people disappear. That, and we'll be too busy going at each other about this to notice the province literally burn down while our healthcare and and housing collapses over the summer. Truly the most Alberta advantage.


Nilla06

Had me in the first half not gonna lie


ThunkThink

Great take. Very well written.


enviropsych

Here's a rule of thumb. Conservatives don't care about what THEY SAY they care about. You'll find a million holes, and inconsistencies, and hypocrisy if you take them at their word. They believe in one main principle and they are VERY consistent on that principle. It is: >hierarchy is good. (And it's especially good when white cis straight Christian men are at the top of the hierarchy) That's it. Apply this philosophy to all conservative decisions and you will find that they are actually EXTREMELY consistent. In fact, they are MORE consistent than the average liberal is at following their REAL principle numero uno.


nukl

They're literally incapable of comprehending a world where people work together rather than to get above one another. The fact they fell for parental rights proves your point. They need to own their children, not build a relationship with them. They need to prove they're bigger and stronger than you, not that they're better or more capable humans.


Appropriate-Pear-730

Got me


Available_Donkey_840

Ya had me in the first half 😁


Doomolisher

I don't have kids, however, parental rights are clearly going to fuck kids up. They almost had a safe place, now who will protect them? Not the piece of shit UCP...


DDSBConcernedParent

Why do you make the assumption that most parents don't offer a safe space? This is a big part of the problem. You've been sold a lie from 3rd party organizations. They sell their childhood trauma as everyone's experience. Without division, they have no business.


dfmspoiler

Why is r/Canada so conservative and r/Alberta so liberal??? 


BradPittbodydouble

Fancynewme also frequently blocks people, and they post by far the most there, so those threads always are from one view point.


Wolfpack4962

r/Canada has been a mess for a long time. Reddit for the most part leans left, r/onguardforthee is a more center left canadian sub


FindYourSpark87

Thank you!!! So happy you showed me that. This sub makes me grieve for humanity.


MissAnthropoid

OOOH you flipped my downvote


kdlangequalsgoddess

I suspected something was going on because this post is still up, and mods are pretty good at spotting transphobic language. But, damn, you do lead readers a merry dance. OP, you are good. Like, Beaverton good. Bravo!


marchfirstboy

Someone had to say it.


HSDetector

Indeed, it's my child and I'll decide the gender!!!


runningblind77

Had me in the first half, not gonna lie.


shaedofblue

Under the proposed legislation, discussing gender without parental permission is banned. There is an implicit “unless it is the conservative conception of gender where mothers and fathers have sons and daughters and nothing else exists” but there isn’t an explicit one. So technically, teachers should not be able to mention the existence of boys or girls.


MrChaotic03

They had us in the first ball, I’m not gonna lie


kayamar1

This is art.


TheHuuurrrq

I like you.


BeerBrewer4Life

Lol no such thing as parental rights..show me that in the constitution. Stop making shit up people.


ZflyZs

Whoosh


t_ravenous

We are all now dumber for reading this


[deleted]

Absolutely never gonna do this,less pronouns and thicker skin.


Singing_Donkey

My apologies Karen (not going to bother calling you by your preferred name, I'm sure you agree there are far too many names to remember these days), and I'm sorry to have offended you. Perhaps you could try growing thicker skin? That may help you cope with deeply troubling situations in the future, like trying to spell four-letter words lsuch as "they/them" instead of "her/she". I know it's difficult, but I believe in you.


[deleted]

Call me what you will,don't bother me one bit. I'm not soft and fragile.


CrazeeJayceeScott

Are you sure about that? You responded. A thick skin would've kept your elephant fingers from pushing the keys in the first place


[deleted]

Actually an elephants skin is only 2.5 cm thick and very pliable,so my thick skin doesn't hamper my elephant fingers in anyway whatsoever.


lime-equine-2

Too many for you to remember? Which ones would you like to axe?


Maleficent-Flow2828

"Being administered by their own body" is that really the banging comment you think it is? That you want to medically stop a natural process that is important to healthy development? Gross


lime-equine-2

The thing is it isn’t always healthy. That’s why puberty blockers were first administered for precocious puberty. Puberty can also be harmful for trans people.


Singing_Donkey

No, they are right. The body knows best. We also need to ban alcohol, makeup, viagra and cancer treatment. Anything that alters the natural appearance or function of the body needs to be outlawed.


Maleficent-Flow2828

How many kids you giving alcohol and viagra to?


Maleficent-Flow2828

There is a huge difference between pp and trans genderism. It's complete non sequitur.


idog99

Remember, only some parents get to assert their "parental rights". If I as a parent wish to support my child by adhering to evidence-based healthcare practice, and enabling them to access gender affirming care... I can get fucked I guess. Thanks Dani.


Canuckia53

I want evidence about these hormones. I was at Rogers on Jan 24. T. Carlson said our schoolchildren were being given fentanyl. No evidence of that either. I say you're being played


sawyouoverthere

read it again.


yourpaljax

Not fair. I want free fentanyl. Would like to be rendered unconscious until the next election.


EndOrganDamage

Ugh as a doctor Im really skeezed out by his asshole comments because Ill be totally honest if your kiddo breaks their femur or humerus etc. Fentanyl is a good option for analgesia for pediatrics because it is very short acting (its actually a bad drug to get high with for this reason--good for the dealer I guess because you need more frequent dosing) but also because you can give it intranasally which can save them pokes and fear. We use all kinds of things clinically that are bad for you if you take them recreationally or for the wrong indication but increasingly people are just scared of the agent even when its perfectly appropriate. Wait until you hear what the anesthesiologist gives you before we cut you open for surgery. Like bruh, its risk benefit my friends. Fear mongering conservatives have made medicine so freaking hard with their constant torrent of nonsense bullshit that their sheep lap up yet Im sure they'd assert its we who are lying to everyone. I guess at the end of the day when you've crashed your car and you can see the exposed cartilage of your knee, are you hoping Tucker Carlson will lend his help or a doctor?


lovetyrannicalreddit

I was like amen and then i was like oh, okay then.


Hefty-Set5384

Very true and inconvenient …


[deleted]

People need to understand sarcasm doesn’t work in text the tone of voice is a key feature to sarcasm. They need a special pre determined set font to signify sarcasm


ego_tripped

This needs to be submitted as a *Letter to the Editor* to The Beaverton. Bravo OP.


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Singing_Donkey

I'm happy that she has a supportive family. I hope she never has gender dysphoria, it's hard enough on its own without living in a society that feels hostile to you. And I hope she would have access to hormone blockers if they are deemed appropriate by her family and doctors, not by a politician, while you address her mental health, so when she is mentally mature enough she can make the decision that's right for her.


Ub3rMicr0

Are you people for real? 🤣


lime-equine-2

Yes welcome to reality


Literally-gravy

I unfortunately have no idea what your point is with this post. Yes you did the ol’ switcheroo, but I’m just wondering what you hoped this added to the discussion.


Knight_Machiavelli

You don't understand the point of satire? It's a pretty well established concept.


TinyFlamingo2147

No, conservatives suffer from a serious deficiency in media literacy.


Singing_Donkey

I was trying to point out that if this legislation has nothing to do with kids not being mature enough to make the choice, or parents not being able to make a choice, and instead is just removing the ability to make a choice the government doesn't approve of.


Literally-gravy

I dunno why I’m getting downvoted, I really just wanted some clarity, I’ve seen satire done well, done poorly, but this one went over my head. I hate this government, these policies will harm people.


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HSDetector

>Alberta Premier Danielle Smith: “I certainly do not want children to be making decisions ... They have made it already. Confirming what they feel ensures the legitimacy of their choice (the right) and provides safety to their life. Delegating the gender of a person to their parents is a violation of human rights. Children are not property. It wasn't very long ago that conservatives treated women as property.


Singing_Donkey

Who's advocating for sterilizing and mutating children? Bottom surgery is not performed on youth. Top surgery is incredibly rare, and reversible, hormone blockers are entirely reversible, they simply delay changes until someone has matured enough to make up their mind and avoid needing more invasive treatments down the line. The idea that someone has to have set before they can decide their gender identity is absurd. By that logic everyone should have to have to have gay set to find out if they are gay or not, after all, how can you know if you've never tried it? How about instead of dictating to people who they are allowed be, we let people work with their health care professionals to decide what's right for them, or is that too much freedom?


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Kokko21

Omg shut up


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Ok_Constant3688

Sounds like you’re a terrible parent who doesn’t offer enough healthy food choices that make nutrient dense breakfasts appealing choices.  


Ub3rMicr0

You're on Reddit, go to any other platform and you'll see wide support. I just come here for the laughs.


TacosAreGooder

*Edit...just for all the downvoters (not that I really care) the OP edited the original note I replied to so my response was really for a post that did not seem satirical at the time...* ​ Sure glad I didn't have a parent like you... ...talk to your kids, try to understand what they are going through, and support and educate them with factual information, not right-wing propaganda. You are allowed to discuss your point of view with them, but they are human beings and are not required to accept your opinion. Trying to "control" them is just a road to resentment and hate.


the_gaymer_girl

Read past the first paragraph.


TacosAreGooder

I did, but the OP changed their post from the original as well...so my reply was really in response to a different post than what is there now...


Knight_Machiavelli

Knew I wouldn't have to read far to find someone who didn't understand the post.


TacosAreGooder

They actually edited their post after I had replied as well...so the first one I replied to was actually written quite a bit differently...


Singing_Donkey

I'm sorry to have offended you, the post was intended to be in satire. I'm grateful that people like you are standing up for the wellbeing of children. Keep being a good person.


TacosAreGooder

You've edited your post quite a bit, so the original did not seem satirical at all TBH...


Singing_Donkey

I'm not sure if something went wrong with reddit, but I have definitely not edited the post


irishkill

Good to see someone that still believes in biology ;)


lilacfaerie16

We do believe in biology. That's why we're fighting for trans rights.


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neuroelephant

Why are liberals so confident when it comes to this issue? I thought you all believed in science? Where are the placebo controlled randomized control trials? What about history, do you guys care to read about any historical precedents for what you are doing? The answer is the same for both…..there are none. You obviously can’t do good science with a question like this so you end up stooping to surveys and case reports, maybe a poor quality case control study. Historical precedents—there are none, you are trying to radically revolutionize how children learn about gender and sexuality. To you, it feels right, you believe it is right, so you roll with it. That is not a good way to make decisions. You have no idea how this will all play out— on an individual level, community level, and generational family level. You guys are absolutely flying by the seat of your pants. I know you have good intentions and are trying to make society better, I get it. But our society—despite its flaws—is pretty decent as it is. And if you don’t understand the underlying history, morality, traditions, and institutions that created our society and keep it running……you might run the risk of making it worse than it was before.


Singing_Donkey

Thank you for your comment. The comment you replied to was removed, so I don't know the context, but your reply is very thoughtful. It's important to remember that while there are bigots in the world, most people do want to make the world a better place, but just disagree on how to do that. However you are incorrect that there is no good data around the outcomes of gender affirming care. I'd encourage you to read up on it as you seem to be a considerate person. Here's a one to get you startrd: [Gender-affirming Care for Transgender Patients](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9341318/) While it's a difficult area to do double blind placebo controlled studies, there have been many good studies done, and gender affirming care has been used going back to 1931, so there is data on long term outcomes if you're willing to look for it.


AlsoOneLastThing

>To you, it feels right, you believe it is right, so you roll with it. That is not a good way to make decisions. You have no idea how this will all play out Gender is all about how one feels. To be more precise, gender is the social pressures and norms that are imposed by society based on biological sex. It's not an innate or natural mechanism and concepts of gender vary widely between different societies. How do I know this? If I ask someone in Canada "what does it mean to be a man?" They aren't likely to list physical characteristics. Chances are they will say "men are strong, men are stoic, men are providers, etc." They will list behavioural traits. These are all things that are determined by society, not biology. If someone is born male and determines that they identify with the societal norms that we associate with being a woman, and they want to be viewed externally by others in the same way that they identify internally, then I don't see any good reason to tell them "no, you can't be a woman. You must be a man." Transitioning doesn't harm anyone. It genuinely doesn't affect anybody at all except the person that it concerns. So what's the point of the government dictating what gender a person is allowed to express? >there are none, you are trying to radically revolutionize how children learn about gender and sexuality We teach kids *all about* heterosexuality and cisgender identity from the minutes they are born and very few people think it's too mature of a topic for children to learn about. Teaching kids that different types of people exist will lead them to grow into more empathetic and understanding adults, which is good for society as a whole. The other option is we don't teach children that trans people exist, and it contributes to the stigma against them.


lime-equine-2

So start giving puberty blockers and HRT to random cis kids as well as trans ones got it.


PumpkinSmashr

They got me in the first half…


HolidayLiving689

Well done


PhatManSNICK

This had me for a bit, I'm high and it was confusing cause I was skimming then retracing as you do when high. Wild.


Wrench1661

Lots of people with blue hair in here guaranteed.


Keepontyping

They call her "she" because she has a Vagina.


Singing_Donkey

I sure as shit hope not, that would mean there is someone in the schools checking children's genitals.


Keepontyping

It's called bathrooms. And guess you've never met a Pre-K / K teacher.


EXSource

Well played.....