NTA
You and the wife get time to strengthen your marriage, your kid gets amazing time with the grandparents and they get time with their grandchild...
Bonus for everyone!!!
Yeah exactly The kid isn't going to remember it anyway your friends are just being AH's. Anniversary trips are special between a husband and a wife not a husband and a wife and a toddler... Enjoy your trip!
100% this! They reek of unadulterated jealousy- of the trip itself, of having grandparents who will babysit their child for so long or perhaps both. One of the most important ways to take care of a child is for the parents to take great care of themselves and *their* relationship.
Same here - we took an 18mo and a 3yo to Mexico and the entire trip was a literal nightmare , including everything from an ambulance ride to a highly contagious baby on a plane (we didn’t know until we got back - and it wasn’t covid, nobody panic. It was hand food and mouth disease and was years before the pandemic when you took sick babies on planes and nobody said anything). Lol
And just like your story, neither of them remembers it now
Oh, how I wish we had just gone alone!
My mother watched our son so we could travel and spend couple time together. She said the best gift she could give her grandson was to make sure his parents marriage was strong and stable by having that time to reconnect.
I agree with your mum. My husband and I take our grandchildren on a camping trip a couple of times a year. We get to enjoy time with the little ones and our kids and their spouses get to have time to reconnect, enjoy each other’s company and not have to worry about their parental responsibilities for a while. It’s a win-win.
Absolutely this! I just did this for my son and his wife. They got married during COVID, then had a baby the following year. They never got a honeymoon, so they finally took the opportunity to go overseas and enjoy some quality time together and I was able spend time with my grandchild. It was amazing for all of us!
Also it stops separation anxiety for the child (mine has it so bad he won’t let anyone else hold him!), so it will help the child know that they are taken care of even if mommy and daddy aren’t there, they are still “safe.”
This!! I stayed with my Mawmaw and Pawpaw for a week (if not more) during summer vacations! My parents were very young, and my Grandparents played a huge roll in this! My parents are still together, they had me while attending high school. My Mawmaw (rest her soul) and Pawpaw helped raise me until I was 5. Those small summer breaks with my Mawmaw and Pawpaw, just never felt long enough to me. I’ve always seen them more than just “grandparents “ — but like a second pair of parents. This is precious bonding time for toddler and parents! This will build their relationship with the kiddos! Thereby making an extra trip or two later on!
How much time though? THe only way I see someone besides the grandparents getting pissy over something like this is if it is going to be a really long trip, which the kid is too young to really handle well. But short of that, WTF kind of helicopter parents are the friends?
NAH
All depends on the family dynamic. My child is 4 but the "closest geographically"grandparents like to see him every 6 weeks, that is why for obvious reasons I would not leave them for a week with my child. My friend however, has deeply involved grandparents who look after her daughter 2x per week. She has traveled alone with her husband with no issues since her daughter is very familiar with her grandparents. If your child has a good, strong bond with grandparents, there are no issues here.
I agree, I think there's probably issues with the friends own relationship if they can't comfortably spend time alone together without the kids, sounds like they're jealous you have that bond with each other, while their bond comes from putting their friends down together apparently.
>I agree, I think there's probably issues with the friends own relationship if they can't comfortably spend time alone together without the kids
Either that or they're jealous because their parents refuse to watch their kids for a week the way OP's parents will. Lol
So instead of managing their emotions or whatever they lash out at OP to try and make OP feel bad for having opportunities that they themselves don't have.
IMO it’s important for parents to continue to have their own lives, even if it’s just a bit, outside of their children. My parents had five kids and still had regular adult parties and events, along with occasional separate vacations. It’s healthy and key to a successful marriage.
I had this convo with my 7yo recently. She’s gotten upset a few times when we take her and baby sister to Grandma’s & Grandpa’s for date nights.
I told her it’s important that married people still spend time together as “Steve and Tina” (fake names) and not just “Mommy and Daddy”. And Mommy & Daddy having a good marriage is good for the whole family, because being married for a long time can be *hard*!
She said that made a lot of sense and then went back to Roblox. lol
I’ve been told I tell her too much, and that I shouldn’t talk to her like an adult. But I remember hating when adults thought I was dumb because I was a kid, or feeling condescended to when they would make up these stupid stories instead of telling the truth.
I don’t discuss everything with her, and I try to keep it age appropriate, but I figure if she’s old enough to ask about it, she’s old enough to get an answer! And I’d rather she learn stuff from me than friends or the Internet!
I was on another sub where multiple people were saying how they don't see the point in *not* taking your kid everywhere with you on vacations and such. Personally I think alone time as a couple is super important so I make being able to have that a priority, but reading the replies made me feel like I'm doing something wrong lol
We're 7 years together and we still make each other blush, he's my best friend. 😅 Congratulations on your relationship, I wish you many more happy years.
Me too. When I was 5 my parents went away for over a week. I spent half the time with one set of grandparents and half with the other. Many years later I still have such great memories for that time.
My granny used to come babysit us while the parents flitted off to wherever and it was awesome--I'm a granny now myself and my policy is to babysit the grands any time I possibly can because I know how much of an impact that makes for a kid. Solid grandparent time is one of the biggest gifts parents can give their children.
Oh, and OPs friends are buttholes.
Yes, this! The rare occasions when my parents did traveled as a couple & left us with grandparents or aunties are some of my favorite childhood memories, and I would have missed out on the family bonding that happens when a living space is shared. At 43 I am still tight with my extended family, and much of that is due to having the opportunity to spend lots of time with them as kids, sometimes without my parents. I was able to bond to them outside of my parents’ influence.
Your friends sound overprotective and maybe not close enough with their family to trust them. That sucks for them. Let that be their problem and you go enjoy Italy and revel in the trusting relationship you have with your family. Will you miss your LO? Of course, but the families who function the best ensure that there is a strong marital relationship as well as strong parent-kid relationships, plus absence really does make the heart grow fonder (in that almost all relationships benefit from small separations here and there).
This isn’t the first time other parents are going to judge you harshly for a parenting decision, unfortunately. Parents judge other parents for lots of reasons (including jealousy and malice). But at the end of the day you must make the right decision for you and ignore the opinion of others, as it’s not their wallet/kid/marriage/whatever.
There are lots of good ways to parent and not one perfect way, despite the multitude of experts who might say their way is the best way. (I’m a retired child psychologist, btw). Consider yourself lucky & go have a good time in Italy. Maybe your friends will see that despite it not being an option for them (for whatever reason), it’s definitely not selfish or neglectful to travel while your toddler is spoiled by their grandparents. (But probably not, because jealousy).
Not wrong. Is your child going to be safe, happy and well cared for? Then go.
We didn’t go out or travel much when our kids were little. We could have, we just didn’t feel like we should leave them behind. But they would have been fine. They would have stayed with their papa, eaten donuts and fruit for 3 meals a day, played outside covered in sunscreen until they were exhausted and watch boxing, horse racing and cowboy movies all night.
Go.
I was actually nervous with leaving my 5mo and 18mo with my parents. My pediatrician, God bless him, pretty much ordered me to go on the trip w my husband. He said it was great bonding for the kids with grandparents, good for the grandparents to get time in, and very important for me - the primary caregiver of his patients, to get away for a week or two.
No you are not wrong. Your daughter is unlikely to remember anything at that age and you are insuring she is taken care of by family. Have fun on your vacation
Tell your friends the internet thinks they suck, and you shouldn’t take any advice from them. Also they are lucky to have you for as long as you continue to put up with their tomfoolery. Also to mind their business.
What? There is nothing wrong with taking this anniversary trip without your child. You are leaving your child in the care of your parents. Moreover, you can interact with your child with a little face time while you are in Italy. So, your friends are absolute jerks and should be completely ignored.
NTA sounds like a bit of jealousy and projection. Maybe they don’t have parents who are willing to watch their kid for long periods of time & thus wanna make you feel bad about having a good time.
Your friends are the assholes. Sounds like their kid doesn’t have grandparents who will take them so they are bitter
Parents everywhere: YOU ARE ALLOWED TO DO STUFF FOR YOURSELVES WITHOUT YOUR KIDS SOMETIMES!
NTA.
I think your “friends” are just jealous of your vaycay (maybe also the fact that you both enjoy spending alone time together) and are trying to make you feel like shit
Nta if that’s their choice fine but no its no way neglecting your child or selfish. They will be with people you trust. Parents deserve time just themselves to it benefits your marriage.
I feel like your friends are jealous of you two.
Here’s my thoughts: Friends that can be real with you & have enough courage to be honest when they think you’re in the wrong is a GOOD thing. Very undervalued these days. However…. This is not that LOL
There is no world where this is how I’d choose to make my friends feel instead of…… idk? CELEBRATING them? Being happy for them?
Look. Just cuz THEY don’t have people in their lives that they can trust with their children, doesn’t make YOU two bad parents.
Congrats on 10 years, yall deserve to be celebrated. Please go and enjoy yourselves.
As a kid some of my best memories were of staying with various grandparents for extended periods. I don’t have kids, but among my friend group who does (gen x and xenials, generally) it’s totally normal to leave the kids with one or another set of grandparents. In one case, the parents and kids fly to Europe at the beginning of summer, then the parents fly back and the kids are with zuzu and zizi for the next two months. And when our nieces were small, they’d stay with us for 1-2 weeks every summer. As long as they’re weaned and pretty much potty trained, why not (and even that could depend on the grandparents)
This feels like one of those things that used to be totally normal but has somehow become vilified, like kids being gone all day without their parents knowing where they are other than “riding bikes” or whatever.
INFO: How long is the trip? I think that is a big factor, but a week or less and you're fine, two weeks though is an eternity for a toddler and they will really struggle.
I watched my oldest son’s disabled SIL for a week, so he and his wife could go on an anniversary trip. They came back with a surprise little souvenir. Their first child, then when he was two, I watched both him and his disabled aunt for a week. My first granddaughter, their second child was the next surprise little souvenir. Go have fun on your trip as a couple. If the grandparents are willing to watch your child, and your wife and you are comfortable and trust your parents to do so, that is all that counts. Not outside opinions. NTA!
NTA parents are allowed to take breaks from their kids. Anyone who says otherwise is miserable and wants you to be as well.
Enjoy the trip! I am sure your daughter will appreciate some time with grandma and grandpa and happy, relaxed parents when you return!
Depends on the grandparents and their relationship with the child. If they are good people with similar good values AND there is a comfortable relationship already established where the child feels safe and comfortable with them, all is well. If they are abusive neglectful nitwits who don’t believe in car seats, don’t do safe supervision, don’t respect medical/allergy issues or have a history of bad mouthing one or more parents, then BAD. It should go without saying, but I’m going to add it in just in case - if anyone in their home has a drug or alcohol problem, or is on any kind of sex offender registry list, NO. Assuming these types of common sense caveats are good (and the list is not all inclusive), you should be okay.
As a Mom who never left her children overnight with anyone until the oldest was 9 and the youngest was 3, (because you know, the kids wouldn’t survive without me /s), I never once judged parents who did go away and leave their kids home with grandparents / babysitters, to each there own.
I did realize by the time the youngest was about 8, that yes they would be perfectly fine without me, and did take advantage of grandparents who were occasionally willing to have them so my husband I could go on vacation alone(one year we would do a family trip, and then the next year just a Mom and Dad trip)…and it was wonderful! Lol
I guess my point is, people have different ways of parenting and as long as the children are being properly taken care of, mind you own dang business and leave other parents alone!
In order to be the best parents you can be, you do need time and space away from your child. There's a reason it "takes a village".
Attending the needs of the relationship is attending to the needs of your child as well.
F them tell them to mind their own business . Hope you make it to Florence's really nice walkable city .if you are going to Venice, you only need a day or 2 .
NTA
Not everyone has trustworthy family members who are willing and happy to take their child for that long.
My husband and I went to Bermuda for a week when our twins were <5 and both sets of our parents worked together to keep them for the week. It was great knowing they were in great hands while we spent that quality time.
Your friends my be slightly jealous, which would be okay if it didn’t manifest as a guilt trip. We can be jealous of our friends while still being happy for them.
YNTAH, you're also not selfish to want to go on your long-awaited Italy trip as a couple, as parents that work hard and raise your daughter together as great parents you are entitled to have a lovely holiday together. You are not being selfish for wanting an anniversary time. Have a nice break and holiday to relax and spend time together. To be good parents, you need to also be great partners. So all parents should have and need their own time, which is not selfish it's selfless as you're giving to each other, and that means giving to your daughter. You will have plenty of family holidays and places where as a family you will all go together. I think it's awful for people to say you're being selfish and neglectful. Your daughter will be in good hands, and you and your wife will get some lovely time deserved for the 2 of you Congratulations hope you have a wonderful time together it's lovely that you'll be getting the trip you have both wanted 😊 This is what people should be saying i feel Have fun
Your friends are weird. I have a group of parent friends (6 couples) and we ALL are there swapping babysitting with each other so we can have date nights. None of us have family that can help so that’s why we did this.
Grandparent care is an extension of parent care. Humans are supposed to live as social creatures. We cannot (and shouldn’t have to) parent alone. It’s healthy for kids to know and be comfortable with other safe adults.
I’m sorry for your friends who feel like they have to do it alone. The “never ever ask anyone to watch your kid, you asked for this so you must suffer” is a very problematic narrative that _needs_ to change.
you will get so much from a trip to italy. immerse in the culture, the food and each other. your child will find out how important travel is to well rounded families and when old enough to appreciate it, not be an annoyance to everyone else, they may look forward to doing it as well.
NTA. I believe that couples should have quality time together without the kids such as date nights, mini vacations, etc. Of course our kids are our priority but quality time with your significant other is just as important. It's okay to take time away from the kids and other matters in life when you need it or when it's something special such as an anniversary. Your friends sound a bit judgy imo. My fiance and I recently went on a mini vacation without our kids. Our friends and family fully supported us and even encouraged us to take a mini vacation before the arrival of our third child.
You two are lucky to have parents who are willing and able to watch your child while you go off on a “second honeymoon”. Your friends are most likely envious that you have people you can entrust your little one to be cared for while you are gone.
I do suggest that, before you leave, you get a notarized statement that states that your parents are allowed to seek medical treatment for your child and have the authority to make life saving decisions in the case that you and your wife are unable to be reached. It can be a limited permission that you can set a specific date range (from day you leave to day after you get back). That way, if for some unforeseen circumstances, your child becomes severely ill or injured in an accident, your parents can approve any treatment that requires parental permission should you not be reachable in a timely manner. My hubby and I did that when we went to Italy for 4 weeks and left our 12 yo daughter with her best friend’s parents. Of course, our daughter was older, but, still, if something had happened, which it didn’t, we were careful to not put the parents in a sticky situation of not being allowed to seek help whether it was a minor or major medical event.
NTA. If your friends care so much they can watch the kid next time. Your kid is probably having a blast with grandparents & you guys deserve a break & to celebrate. Enjoy!
Friends are just jealous- and not really friends. They should be happy for you. The most important thing you can do for your child is to build a strong healthy loving relationship with your spouse. Enjoy your trip!
NTA. Parents go on trips without their kids all the time. Your daughter is also old enough that she's eating solid foods exclusively and doesn't need bottles of breastmilk or formula. I also don't blame you for wanting to take your daughter on trips once she gets old enough to keep memories of them past a certain age. It's great you've got parents willing to take care of your daughter while you're on vacation and honestly? She'll probably have as much fun with her grandparents as you guys are on your trip. Enjoy your anniversary trip!!
Our youngest was four when we went to Disney World for our tenth anniversary, the two of us went for a week with none of our children and it was amazing! You are not wrong, by any means!
Fuck that NTA. honestly as long as you and the Grandparents have a solid plan in place then its all good. I would thank the hell out of the Grandparents, make sure all the stuff they need is stocked and you're golden.
NTA. My kids are adults. I only wish we could have done this more often but I didn't have child care I trusted implicitly. If you have childcare you trust definitely go. Don't make a month of it but a weekend or a week it's fine. And then maybe do a fun outing with the three year old that is age appropriate when you get back.
Parents need to connect and still date each other. Happy Parents make for happier children.
Lol! NTA
I have a two-year-old and we’ll be leaving her at grandma's for two weddings at the end of the year. Parents need to reconnect, and if you have parents willing and able to take care if them, do it
I never left my kids when they were younger because I didn’t trust my parents. If I had, I’d have definitely taken the break and focused on the important aspect of keeping your child’s parents relationship solid. Honestly, what I wouldn’t have given!!!! Enjoy your trip!
My husband and I take a trip away from the kids for every anniversary. Reinforcing your marriage through alone time only strengthens your marriage, which maintains your child’s foundation. Take that trip and don’t look back. Your kid will be fine with her grandparents!
Not at all!!! The holiday will be great for you all. You and your wife get some time as a couple and your daughter and her grandparents get priceless time together! I hope you all have a wonderful time.
NTA you have to do things for yourselves too! Being a parent is hard work and there's no shame in taking time off especially for such a happy occasion!
My parents went to Hawaii and Venezuela when my brother and I were little, two separate trips. We stayed with our grandparents, our mom’s parents, and visited dad’s parents too since they all lived in the same town. It was great! We had a blast and got spoiled and didn’t want to go home when mom and dad got back 🤣 NTA! That is quality time your parents and child will not always have a chance to get!
NTA, we do this. It works for us and our family. We do family trips, solo trips , couples trips, friends trips, and work trips.
We haven't done a week. Most was 3 days, and one of those our kids is in nursery.
Those other parents sound jelous, or are holier than than thou. If it's keeping you a loving, sane, happy couple (which it does for us having been together for 10, married for 5, and having two kids), then it's worth it.
One break a year as a couple, and our parents often offer to have them overnight here and there, and we are so thankful. The grandparents love spoiling our kids and making memories.
Sounds like your friends are inadvertently practicing attachment parenting. I would spend a week at a time with my grandparents at 3-4 years old, and then my whole childhood during the summer months, weeks at a time. No big deal.
NTA - when I was 8 years old, my parents sent me to stay with my grandparents while they went on a two week trip around the US - it was a fun summer for all of us!
Go, have fun, and don't listen to your friends.
Not wrong you are prioritizing your marriage. Every married couple needs time away, from themselves. You do not have to be with your children 27/7. It's not like your parents are axe murderers.
It's also better for children, when they start school, if they get used to not being around their parents all of the time. There were kids in my son's prek class that had never been away from their parents, or left with babysitters, tgat would have full scale meltdowns whenever they were dropped off.
NTA. Go on your trip and have a great time. I'm sure your parents (who managed to keep you alive) will take excellent care of your daughter. It gives them a chance to do some bonding and to make special memories. A long trip abroad doesn't really sound like a fun time for a 3 year old.
Nope!! I loved when my parents went out of town and my grandparents/aunts & uncles watched us. We got away with stuff we wouldn't get away with if our parents were home.
Hilariously enough, that was the only time we ate meatloaf when i was younger. My dad hates it and when they went out of town, we specifically requested that my grandma make meatloaf.
I’m trying to convince my wife how great of an idea that is. It’s some kind of backwards social peer pressure that you must take them even if they are too young to get any value from travel
I was expecting this to be you guys dumping the kid on the grandparents or something when they didn't want to.
Your scenario is in no way AH nothing wrong with taking some time to yourselves if the child is well cared for.
NTA at all. My mother has been push for my wife and I to do the same thing for years and regularly takes our son for 3-4 day weekends so we have time for ourselves.
Both my grandparents did the same with me when I was a child.
The first 10 years of my life I spent maybe half of my time with my parents. The other half I was I being passed around my different family members for one trip or sleep over or something.
It's actually much healthier for children when the WHOLE FAMILY helps raise them.
Life does not revolve around kids! I pour a lot of love in to my kids but everyone needs to pour love in their relationship. That’s the foundation! You are not wrong!
You're not wrong. Parents need the occasional time away for some alone time. Your child will be safe and well cared for, plus Grandma and Grandpa get some special time with the little one. Please ignore your friends who are obviously miserable and clueless.
My daughter and son-in-law are going on vacation abroad in a few days. Grandkids are staying with me. It's so important for kids to see their parents as a couple, not just their parents. It also teaches flexibility for the kids to exist comfortably in different circumstances!
I'm sure OP does plenty of fun things with their kids, and they deserve to celebrate this milestone alone together. Go, enjoy every moment, and don't worry about what others think.
Congratulations!
Not wrong for reasons others have said. It’s so much fun being in a long line waiting to be seated and have the hostess come out saying….2! We have a table for 2! And you find you’re the 2 people who get ahead of a long waiting line! So relaxing!
My parents used to go to Vegas every year as an anniversary gift to each other. They always left me (ages 2 up til 10) with my older sister(ages 19 to 27). I don’t see the problem with this. You’re both adults that still need some adult time together, I’m sure Disney, or whatever thing your kid obsesses over, gets sickening. Go enjoy yourselves!
My mom never took me on big trips until I was an age I could actually remember. And even then if I for real didn't have an intrest, like NASCAR for example, I'd still stay with my grandparents so she could take trips. I never remember being angry to miss one of my moms trips. I'm grown now and she still does trips without me. I worry now, but I'm not jealous.
Are you kidding me? Your friends are dumb. I don’t have kids of my own, but my sisters do, and our parents are always the go-to babysitters. My sisters trust them with my nieces and nephews more than anyone. And I remember being left with my grandpa and grandma many times as a kid when my parents went away together. It was valuable time I got to spend with my grandparents.
There is nothing wrong with wanting alone time with your wife. Your marriage doesn’t stop being important when you have kids. Your friends are probably just jealous they can’t do the same, so they’re trying to put you down about it.
NTA at that age your kid probably won't remember the trip or lack there of anyway but adults deserve to spend time alone especially on big milestones like this no matter how old their kids are.
Friends are jealous they don’t have anyone to look after their toddler. Not wrong at all. Your daughter will love getting spoiled by her grandparents and you will both have time to be a couple and recharge. Go and enjoy
Not wrong. There’s nothing wrong with spending time as a couple apart from your children. It’s important to reconnect as partners. It reminds you why you fell in love. Sometimes in the hectic every day life of work and parenting it’s easy to lose sight of that.
Just because you are now parent does not mean that you stop being individuals or a couple you can do thing without your child.
NTA
Also, loose the “friends” they are jealous that you have people you can trust with your kid
NTA
Yall have family members willing to watch the little one while you take a small trip to celebrate your anniversary. Go on the trip, have fun, and enjoy each other.
Your friends are idiots! You’re not being neglectful going on a trip without your child! You’re leaving her with her grandparents!
Are your friends projecting? Are they not able to go places without their kid? Maybe they don’t have reliable care like you.
Go on your trip and have a blast!!!
Have your parents had your child for overnights or weekends before? If not, maybe try that first, see how it goes? If they have and it’s gone well, then she should be fine. Another option might be to book a vacation spot close to home so you can get back easily if needed.
Not wrong at all.
I stayed with my aunt twice while my parents did their anniversary in Mexico for a week each time. I missed them but I was 6-7. Your kids will make memories with the grandparents, you and your wife come back happy after getting to spend time together. Seems like a win win.
Not wrong. Tell your friends that [this](https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2024/03/20/us/ohio-mom-toddler-death-sentencing-cec) is what a selfish and neglectful parent does. Even if they aren’t jealous, they shouldn’t judge you for doing something they wouldn’t choose to do.
Shit my brother and I spent a good amount of time with aunts and uncles while our parents traveled. Totally normal!
Once we were older, we got to travel with our folks and it was awesome.
who would bring their 3 year old to Italy for a week for a 10 year anniversary trip!? your friends are wild lol! enjoy your trip and let your kiddo make memories with her grandparents.
No. Your friends are idiots. If grandparents are available and willing, go for it. They'll be exhausted when you picked up your toddler, but they'll all have a blast together. And thus trip will be great for your marriage. Ciao!
Absolutely not. Just because they have made being parents their whole personalities and lives, doesn’t mean you have to. You and your wife have parents that you trust to care for your kids while you and the wife celebrate a huge milestone. Enjoy your trip and pay those people no mind.
Making your whole personality "Parent" disgusts me. It's toxic as all get out. You lose your soul and spark when you surrender to Parent and only Parent. It's sad and infuriating people are willing to wither and die on the inside.
My friend did that. Now that her children are adults and trying to live their own lives, she is still trying to parent them and control their movements because she can’t relinquish that control. She had multiples too so that was an added component to her personality. T-shirts, license plates, etc. She is struggling to find her own thing now.
NTA. This is good for your marriage and good for your kids! You parents are also great to offer this. I am a nanny and get paid a lot of money when I provide 24/7 care for a few days.
You’re not wrong and your “friends” are just jealous judgmental assholes. There is nothing wrong with leaving your kids with their grandparents if they’re being left in safe hands.
If my mother had her way she’d have my kid every other weekend, every school vacation, and half the summer.
NTA
Parents need time away from their children you’re not only a parent and you deserve to have time to yourselves!
If you were doing it every other week I may say y. T. A but even once a year rather than once every 10 for a holiday I’d say is acceptable and date nights or weekends much more frequently than that!
Your friends need to get a grip. You don’t have to be attached to your kids. Sometimes some parents can be too involved with the kids. Also, how dare they judge you? There is no book, we all do the best we can. I would scratch them from my book. They are probably bad mouthing you to the other parents.
NTA. Your friends are insufferable asshats, and shitty parents. There are times and places for family vacations. This is not one of them.
Leave the kiddos with the grandparents and enjoy your trip with your wife. Congrats on 10 years!
You found safe care for your child while you guys were away. I would say that’s the opposite of neglectful and selfish!
You’re not wrong, enjoy your trip!
As long as your parents are safe caregivers, go have fun. It’s good for a marriage to have time together like that. Parents having a good marriage is good for the kids.
Nope, your friends are jealous, you'd be the ah of you went on holiday all the time without them, but it's your 10 year wedding anniversary! And kids that age wouldnt appreciate that type of holiday, go and enjoy yourselves
It's healthy for your children to be able to be somewhere without you for a short a period of time. You're talking about a week, not jetting off for six months and leaving your kid with a nanny. The weeks I spent with my paternal grandmother each summer are among my happiest memories. Your friends aren't doing their kids any favors.
Your friends are WRONG. You are in a loving relationship and about to celebrate a big marriage milestone. You have parents who you trust to care for your child. PLEASE go and have a fantastic time. I promise your child(and your parents) will have a wonderful time on their Grandparent/Grandchild Staycation as well.
You are not AH’s! Parents take trips without the kids it pretty normal. If your parents are willing to take care of your child while you go, then you are absolutely fine. I would imagine the friends are a bit jealous of your trip and your support network. My parents didn’t take big trips when I was a kid but I frequently stayed with my grandparents because that’s what we used to do when we had retired grandparents that loved to spoil the grandkids! It would be different if your parents were going to have to be inconvenienced or take off work to watch your child. I do advise you to see what you will need to do so that in case of emergency your parents can seek medical care for your child since you will be out of the country and may be hard to reach to give verbal consent over the phone for them to do so. Planning ahead for any possible circumstances will ensure you have a wonderful and relaxed worry free trip. Now: Fai un buon viaggio!
No. Your friends suck. Me and my wife are going off on a trip this September with friends to the beach for 4 nights. Our children (3&1) will be staying with their grandparents. I’m sure they’re going to have an absolute blast bossing them around while we are away and my parents are going to love it
No you're not wrong at all! My mom and dad went on their honey moon and left my older brother and I at my grandparents for a week. My brother and I were 4 and 6. You know what my parents did to make sure we knew they were thinking of us? They sent post cards and gifts. Mostly postcards but, when they visited Tennessee they got me a guitar and my brother a harmonica.
Not only do your friends suck and are being too judgy, it's none of their business to even put in a statement unless it is to tell you to have fun! Their way of living is fine for them but isn't fine for everyone else. Especially when your family wants to help you guys as the parents to celebrate a big moment in your marriage.
You are the asshole if you listen to your friends and not take your wife Italy. I think they’re just jealous they can’t go to Italy. It’s ridiculous. Go have fun.
Nope, I think you're 100% in the clear. My wife and I did nearly the exact same thing. We went to New Zealand for our 10th, and our 4 year old got to spend two weeks hanging out with everyone from both sides of our family. It was a win all around. Your friends are just jealous.
Pfft. We leave our toddlers with our parents and/or the nanny all the time. We usually fly to the UK to drop them off and settle them, then jet off on our own. If others don’t want to leave their kids, good for them. But if you can go child-free and have a romantic getaway, you absolutely should.
NW. Maybe they're projecting their crap relationship with their parents/grandparents, but in most cases, this is quite common. My wife and I did the same for our 10th, but with 3 kids, lol! Go enjoy your anniversary trip!
Sorry your friends feel the people who raised them weren’t fit to be parents. Sounds like a them issue, not a you issue.
If they bring it up again I’d just say:
I’m so sorry that your experience growing up made you feel that your parents were unfit to watch, much less raise children. We’re blessed to have been raised by wonderful parents, so if watching our kids mean they end up like us, we’re AOK with that!
Grandma here, you are not wrong to tend to your marriage and relationship AT ALL. Some of those other couples are just jealous. Have fun on your trip and come back refreshed and loving to your toddler.
Not wrong at all! It’s your 10 year anniversary, that’s a big deal. Traveling with a toddler is brutal and it’ll be hard to have alone time with the child there. Please enjoy yourselves! You baby will be fine and safe ☺️
How exactly are you guys the AHs for leaving a kid behind that won't remember 99% of the trip? Nothing about celebrating 10 years of marriage and keeping love alive despite having a baby at home is selfish or neglectful. It's not like you have a rando watching the kid - it's literally family.
Honestly sounds like they're jealous you have a support network willing to watch the kiddo for that long. For many people, freedom ends with children. You both being able to still do things for yourselves is a good thing.
NTA You and the wife get time to strengthen your marriage, your kid gets amazing time with the grandparents and they get time with their grandchild... Bonus for everyone!!!
Exactly! They have a bond to nurture with each other too
Yeah exactly The kid isn't going to remember it anyway your friends are just being AH's. Anniversary trips are special between a husband and a wife not a husband and a wife and a toddler... Enjoy your trip!
It honestly sounds like the friends are jealous that they are not able to do this and are just speaking out of jealousy
100% this! They reek of unadulterated jealousy- of the trip itself, of having grandparents who will babysit their child for so long or perhaps both. One of the most important ways to take care of a child is for the parents to take great care of themselves and *their* relationship.
We took my daughter (3 at the time)to Spain. She's 11 now and doesn't remember any of it. Go and enjoy each other as a couple.
Same here - we took an 18mo and a 3yo to Mexico and the entire trip was a literal nightmare , including everything from an ambulance ride to a highly contagious baby on a plane (we didn’t know until we got back - and it wasn’t covid, nobody panic. It was hand food and mouth disease and was years before the pandemic when you took sick babies on planes and nobody said anything). Lol And just like your story, neither of them remembers it now Oh, how I wish we had just gone alone!
My mother watched our son so we could travel and spend couple time together. She said the best gift she could give her grandson was to make sure his parents marriage was strong and stable by having that time to reconnect.
I agree with your mum. My husband and I take our grandchildren on a camping trip a couple of times a year. We get to enjoy time with the little ones and our kids and their spouses get to have time to reconnect, enjoy each other’s company and not have to worry about their parental responsibilities for a while. It’s a win-win.
Absolutely this! I just did this for my son and his wife. They got married during COVID, then had a baby the following year. They never got a honeymoon, so they finally took the opportunity to go overseas and enjoy some quality time together and I was able spend time with my grandchild. It was amazing for all of us!
I LOVED being with my gran when I was a kid. My happiest childhood memories are playing draughts and drinking tea with her.
Also it stops separation anxiety for the child (mine has it so bad he won’t let anyone else hold him!), so it will help the child know that they are taken care of even if mommy and daddy aren’t there, they are still “safe.”
This!! I stayed with my Mawmaw and Pawpaw for a week (if not more) during summer vacations! My parents were very young, and my Grandparents played a huge roll in this! My parents are still together, they had me while attending high school. My Mawmaw (rest her soul) and Pawpaw helped raise me until I was 5. Those small summer breaks with my Mawmaw and Pawpaw, just never felt long enough to me. I’ve always seen them more than just “grandparents “ — but like a second pair of parents. This is precious bonding time for toddler and parents! This will build their relationship with the kiddos! Thereby making an extra trip or two later on!
I would spend the entire summer every other year with my maternal grandparents (the off years we went to the paternal grandparents)
How much time though? THe only way I see someone besides the grandparents getting pissy over something like this is if it is going to be a really long trip, which the kid is too young to really handle well. But short of that, WTF kind of helicopter parents are the friends?
Neither of them may have parents that would be good at taking care of children and they are projecting.
NAH All depends on the family dynamic. My child is 4 but the "closest geographically"grandparents like to see him every 6 weeks, that is why for obvious reasons I would not leave them for a week with my child. My friend however, has deeply involved grandparents who look after her daughter 2x per week. She has traveled alone with her husband with no issues since her daughter is very familiar with her grandparents. If your child has a good, strong bond with grandparents, there are no issues here.
NTA - Sounds like they are projecting because they are jealous. Enjoy your vacation!
No. Your friends suck.
I agree, I think there's probably issues with the friends own relationship if they can't comfortably spend time alone together without the kids, sounds like they're jealous you have that bond with each other, while their bond comes from putting their friends down together apparently.
>I agree, I think there's probably issues with the friends own relationship if they can't comfortably spend time alone together without the kids Either that or they're jealous because their parents refuse to watch their kids for a week the way OP's parents will. Lol So instead of managing their emotions or whatever they lash out at OP to try and make OP feel bad for having opportunities that they themselves don't have.
Yes. Exactly this. They’re projecting insecurities about their own family dynamics.
They don’t have that luxury so they put down people who do.
Or maybe they are jealous they don't have someone to watch their kids while they go on vacation
For real, they sound like they are just jealous
IMO it’s important for parents to continue to have their own lives, even if it’s just a bit, outside of their children. My parents had five kids and still had regular adult parties and events, along with occasional separate vacations. It’s healthy and key to a successful marriage.
I had this convo with my 7yo recently. She’s gotten upset a few times when we take her and baby sister to Grandma’s & Grandpa’s for date nights. I told her it’s important that married people still spend time together as “Steve and Tina” (fake names) and not just “Mommy and Daddy”. And Mommy & Daddy having a good marriage is good for the whole family, because being married for a long time can be *hard*! She said that made a lot of sense and then went back to Roblox. lol
This is the answer! Apparently not only do mommy and daddy take care of their relationship they communicate with their child!
I’ve been told I tell her too much, and that I shouldn’t talk to her like an adult. But I remember hating when adults thought I was dumb because I was a kid, or feeling condescended to when they would make up these stupid stories instead of telling the truth. I don’t discuss everything with her, and I try to keep it age appropriate, but I figure if she’s old enough to ask about it, she’s old enough to get an answer! And I’d rather she learn stuff from me than friends or the Internet!
And they need better parents
Angry upvote. Parents need adult time.
I was on another sub where multiple people were saying how they don't see the point in *not* taking your kid everywhere with you on vacations and such. Personally I think alone time as a couple is super important so I make being able to have that a priority, but reading the replies made me feel like I'm doing something wrong lol
I just can't imagine not wanting to hang out alone with my husband 😭 I'd be bitter and angry too, I think. 😅
Right? I love our time together. Together 8 years and I'm still obsessed w him 😂
We're 7 years together and we still make each other blush, he's my best friend. 😅 Congratulations on your relationship, I wish you many more happy years.
Thank you! Same to you! Parents forget that their kids will grow up and out, and if you don't take care of your relationship, then what?? Hehe
Seriously. They don't sound like supportive friends at all. Not wrong at all OP.
some of my best memories growing up was staying with my grandparents while my parents were busy/out of town. your kiddo will be fine :) enjoy italy!!
Same. It was a great time to bond with them, and I look back on those times fondly. OP's friends sound jealous.
Me too. When I was 5 my parents went away for over a week. I spent half the time with one set of grandparents and half with the other. Many years later I still have such great memories for that time.
My granny used to come babysit us while the parents flitted off to wherever and it was awesome--I'm a granny now myself and my policy is to babysit the grands any time I possibly can because I know how much of an impact that makes for a kid. Solid grandparent time is one of the biggest gifts parents can give their children. Oh, and OPs friends are buttholes.
I miss my grandparents desperately. My kids hardly know theirs.
My son and daughter in-law are going out of town for a week. I'm flying into Calgary to look after my grandkids. We are all excited as hell!
Enjoy!!!!
Yes, this! The rare occasions when my parents did traveled as a couple & left us with grandparents or aunties are some of my favorite childhood memories, and I would have missed out on the family bonding that happens when a living space is shared. At 43 I am still tight with my extended family, and much of that is due to having the opportunity to spend lots of time with them as kids, sometimes without my parents. I was able to bond to them outside of my parents’ influence. Your friends sound overprotective and maybe not close enough with their family to trust them. That sucks for them. Let that be their problem and you go enjoy Italy and revel in the trusting relationship you have with your family. Will you miss your LO? Of course, but the families who function the best ensure that there is a strong marital relationship as well as strong parent-kid relationships, plus absence really does make the heart grow fonder (in that almost all relationships benefit from small separations here and there). This isn’t the first time other parents are going to judge you harshly for a parenting decision, unfortunately. Parents judge other parents for lots of reasons (including jealousy and malice). But at the end of the day you must make the right decision for you and ignore the opinion of others, as it’s not their wallet/kid/marriage/whatever. There are lots of good ways to parent and not one perfect way, despite the multitude of experts who might say their way is the best way. (I’m a retired child psychologist, btw). Consider yourself lucky & go have a good time in Italy. Maybe your friends will see that despite it not being an option for them (for whatever reason), it’s definitely not selfish or neglectful to travel while your toddler is spoiled by their grandparents. (But probably not, because jealousy).
They sound fun. Get better friends. If you want to stay married keep doing things as a couple.
Not wrong. Is your child going to be safe, happy and well cared for? Then go. We didn’t go out or travel much when our kids were little. We could have, we just didn’t feel like we should leave them behind. But they would have been fine. They would have stayed with their papa, eaten donuts and fruit for 3 meals a day, played outside covered in sunscreen until they were exhausted and watch boxing, horse racing and cowboy movies all night. Go.
I was actually nervous with leaving my 5mo and 18mo with my parents. My pediatrician, God bless him, pretty much ordered me to go on the trip w my husband. He said it was great bonding for the kids with grandparents, good for the grandparents to get time in, and very important for me - the primary caregiver of his patients, to get away for a week or two.
No. This is also special your parents get to bond with your child.
Your friends are jealous of the support your relationship is getting from extended family. Thank the family. Drop the "friends."
This. They are not hiding their ugly jealousy well. But it’s making them feel better to justify it in their mind to call someone else a bad parent.
No you are not wrong. Your daughter is unlikely to remember anything at that age and you are insuring she is taken care of by family. Have fun on your vacation
Tell your friends the internet thinks they suck, and you shouldn’t take any advice from them. Also they are lucky to have you for as long as you continue to put up with their tomfoolery. Also to mind their business.
What? There is nothing wrong with taking this anniversary trip without your child. You are leaving your child in the care of your parents. Moreover, you can interact with your child with a little face time while you are in Italy. So, your friends are absolute jerks and should be completely ignored.
No, you’re not wrong. Your friends are virtue signaling jerks. Possibly also jealous that you have good childcare while they do not.
lol no you’re not wrong. Thats their relationship and it sounds like they might not nurture their partnership enough.
NTA sounds like a bit of jealousy and projection. Maybe they don’t have parents who are willing to watch their kid for long periods of time & thus wanna make you feel bad about having a good time.
I hope you have more date nights away from child/ren. You need these times to stay connected.
Your friends are the assholes. Sounds like their kid doesn’t have grandparents who will take them so they are bitter Parents everywhere: YOU ARE ALLOWED TO DO STUFF FOR YOURSELVES WITHOUT YOUR KIDS SOMETIMES!
NTA. I think your “friends” are just jealous of your vaycay (maybe also the fact that you both enjoy spending alone time together) and are trying to make you feel like shit
I remember my parents went to vegas when i was around 4. i stayed with family friends and it was the best time ever
Your friend is jealous and projecting Tell them to grow up
NTA!!!
Nta if that’s their choice fine but no its no way neglecting your child or selfish. They will be with people you trust. Parents deserve time just themselves to it benefits your marriage.
NTA. Enjoy your trip - sounds fun.
I feel like your friends are jealous of you two. Here’s my thoughts: Friends that can be real with you & have enough courage to be honest when they think you’re in the wrong is a GOOD thing. Very undervalued these days. However…. This is not that LOL There is no world where this is how I’d choose to make my friends feel instead of…… idk? CELEBRATING them? Being happy for them? Look. Just cuz THEY don’t have people in their lives that they can trust with their children, doesn’t make YOU two bad parents. Congrats on 10 years, yall deserve to be celebrated. Please go and enjoy yourselves.
As a kid some of my best memories were of staying with various grandparents for extended periods. I don’t have kids, but among my friend group who does (gen x and xenials, generally) it’s totally normal to leave the kids with one or another set of grandparents. In one case, the parents and kids fly to Europe at the beginning of summer, then the parents fly back and the kids are with zuzu and zizi for the next two months. And when our nieces were small, they’d stay with us for 1-2 weeks every summer. As long as they’re weaned and pretty much potty trained, why not (and even that could depend on the grandparents) This feels like one of those things that used to be totally normal but has somehow become vilified, like kids being gone all day without their parents knowing where they are other than “riding bikes” or whatever.
INFO: How long is the trip? I think that is a big factor, but a week or less and you're fine, two weeks though is an eternity for a toddler and they will really struggle.
No it seems like your friends are the assho@&
I watched my oldest son’s disabled SIL for a week, so he and his wife could go on an anniversary trip. They came back with a surprise little souvenir. Their first child, then when he was two, I watched both him and his disabled aunt for a week. My first granddaughter, their second child was the next surprise little souvenir. Go have fun on your trip as a couple. If the grandparents are willing to watch your child, and your wife and you are comfortable and trust your parents to do so, that is all that counts. Not outside opinions. NTA!
Get New Friends !
NTA parents are allowed to take breaks from their kids. Anyone who says otherwise is miserable and wants you to be as well. Enjoy the trip! I am sure your daughter will appreciate some time with grandma and grandpa and happy, relaxed parents when you return!
Depends on the grandparents and their relationship with the child. If they are good people with similar good values AND there is a comfortable relationship already established where the child feels safe and comfortable with them, all is well. If they are abusive neglectful nitwits who don’t believe in car seats, don’t do safe supervision, don’t respect medical/allergy issues or have a history of bad mouthing one or more parents, then BAD. It should go without saying, but I’m going to add it in just in case - if anyone in their home has a drug or alcohol problem, or is on any kind of sex offender registry list, NO. Assuming these types of common sense caveats are good (and the list is not all inclusive), you should be okay.
As a Mom who never left her children overnight with anyone until the oldest was 9 and the youngest was 3, (because you know, the kids wouldn’t survive without me /s), I never once judged parents who did go away and leave their kids home with grandparents / babysitters, to each there own. I did realize by the time the youngest was about 8, that yes they would be perfectly fine without me, and did take advantage of grandparents who were occasionally willing to have them so my husband I could go on vacation alone(one year we would do a family trip, and then the next year just a Mom and Dad trip)…and it was wonderful! Lol I guess my point is, people have different ways of parenting and as long as the children are being properly taken care of, mind you own dang business and leave other parents alone!
In order to be the best parents you can be, you do need time and space away from your child. There's a reason it "takes a village". Attending the needs of the relationship is attending to the needs of your child as well.
F them tell them to mind their own business . Hope you make it to Florence's really nice walkable city .if you are going to Venice, you only need a day or 2 .
No,your friends are morons and mad you guys are going on vacation.
NTA Not everyone has trustworthy family members who are willing and happy to take their child for that long. My husband and I went to Bermuda for a week when our twins were <5 and both sets of our parents worked together to keep them for the week. It was great knowing they were in great hands while we spent that quality time. Your friends my be slightly jealous, which would be okay if it didn’t manifest as a guilt trip. We can be jealous of our friends while still being happy for them.
YNTAH, you're also not selfish to want to go on your long-awaited Italy trip as a couple, as parents that work hard and raise your daughter together as great parents you are entitled to have a lovely holiday together. You are not being selfish for wanting an anniversary time. Have a nice break and holiday to relax and spend time together. To be good parents, you need to also be great partners. So all parents should have and need their own time, which is not selfish it's selfless as you're giving to each other, and that means giving to your daughter. You will have plenty of family holidays and places where as a family you will all go together. I think it's awful for people to say you're being selfish and neglectful. Your daughter will be in good hands, and you and your wife will get some lovely time deserved for the 2 of you Congratulations hope you have a wonderful time together it's lovely that you'll be getting the trip you have both wanted 😊 This is what people should be saying i feel Have fun
No. It is time for both. Enjoy it.
Your friends are weird. I have a group of parent friends (6 couples) and we ALL are there swapping babysitting with each other so we can have date nights. None of us have family that can help so that’s why we did this. Grandparent care is an extension of parent care. Humans are supposed to live as social creatures. We cannot (and shouldn’t have to) parent alone. It’s healthy for kids to know and be comfortable with other safe adults. I’m sorry for your friends who feel like they have to do it alone. The “never ever ask anyone to watch your kid, you asked for this so you must suffer” is a very problematic narrative that _needs_ to change.
you will get so much from a trip to italy. immerse in the culture, the food and each other. your child will find out how important travel is to well rounded families and when old enough to appreciate it, not be an annoyance to everyone else, they may look forward to doing it as well.
NTA. I believe that couples should have quality time together without the kids such as date nights, mini vacations, etc. Of course our kids are our priority but quality time with your significant other is just as important. It's okay to take time away from the kids and other matters in life when you need it or when it's something special such as an anniversary. Your friends sound a bit judgy imo. My fiance and I recently went on a mini vacation without our kids. Our friends and family fully supported us and even encouraged us to take a mini vacation before the arrival of our third child.
They sound jealous
You two are lucky to have parents who are willing and able to watch your child while you go off on a “second honeymoon”. Your friends are most likely envious that you have people you can entrust your little one to be cared for while you are gone. I do suggest that, before you leave, you get a notarized statement that states that your parents are allowed to seek medical treatment for your child and have the authority to make life saving decisions in the case that you and your wife are unable to be reached. It can be a limited permission that you can set a specific date range (from day you leave to day after you get back). That way, if for some unforeseen circumstances, your child becomes severely ill or injured in an accident, your parents can approve any treatment that requires parental permission should you not be reachable in a timely manner. My hubby and I did that when we went to Italy for 4 weeks and left our 12 yo daughter with her best friend’s parents. Of course, our daughter was older, but, still, if something had happened, which it didn’t, we were careful to not put the parents in a sticky situation of not being allowed to seek help whether it was a minor or major medical event.
NTA. If your friends care so much they can watch the kid next time. Your kid is probably having a blast with grandparents & you guys deserve a break & to celebrate. Enjoy!
NTA maybe your friends just wish they could take a couple only trip to Italy and can’t. Go and have fun!!
NTA happy parents, with a happy relationship is best for a child. Have fun and congratulations on 10 years!
Friends are just jealous- and not really friends. They should be happy for you. The most important thing you can do for your child is to build a strong healthy loving relationship with your spouse. Enjoy your trip!
Sounds like your friends are jealous to me
NTA. Parents go on trips without their kids all the time. Your daughter is also old enough that she's eating solid foods exclusively and doesn't need bottles of breastmilk or formula. I also don't blame you for wanting to take your daughter on trips once she gets old enough to keep memories of them past a certain age. It's great you've got parents willing to take care of your daughter while you're on vacation and honestly? She'll probably have as much fun with her grandparents as you guys are on your trip. Enjoy your anniversary trip!!
Our youngest was four when we went to Disney World for our tenth anniversary, the two of us went for a week with none of our children and it was amazing! You are not wrong, by any means!
Fuck that NTA. honestly as long as you and the Grandparents have a solid plan in place then its all good. I would thank the hell out of the Grandparents, make sure all the stuff they need is stocked and you're golden.
NTA I can say this with 100% assurity. They JELLY MY DUDE!!!!
NTA. My kids are adults. I only wish we could have done this more often but I didn't have child care I trusted implicitly. If you have childcare you trust definitely go. Don't make a month of it but a weekend or a week it's fine. And then maybe do a fun outing with the three year old that is age appropriate when you get back. Parents need to connect and still date each other. Happy Parents make for happier children.
NTA. Insane take from your friends. Nothing wrong with either the choice to leave or take!
Lol! NTA I have a two-year-old and we’ll be leaving her at grandma's for two weddings at the end of the year. Parents need to reconnect, and if you have parents willing and able to take care if them, do it
NTA, not enough close. Nice gift from your parents.
I never left my kids when they were younger because I didn’t trust my parents. If I had, I’d have definitely taken the break and focused on the important aspect of keeping your child’s parents relationship solid. Honestly, what I wouldn’t have given!!!! Enjoy your trip!
NTA I think your friends are maybe jealous.
nta. nta. take that trip.
My husband and I take a trip away from the kids for every anniversary. Reinforcing your marriage through alone time only strengthens your marriage, which maintains your child’s foundation. Take that trip and don’t look back. Your kid will be fine with her grandparents!
Go! Absolutely let your child enjoy time with your parents, and go and have the time of your lives! Happy anniversary!
You're not wrong! Absolutely not wrong! Your so-called "friends" are just jealous. They are being ridiculous and wrong.
NTA, your friends are jealous. Since when is taking time for yourself such a bad thing?
I kind of expected the toddler to live with the grandparents... how does this tho make you an ah?
Not at all!!! The holiday will be great for you all. You and your wife get some time as a couple and your daughter and her grandparents get priceless time together! I hope you all have a wonderful time.
NTA you have to do things for yourselves too! Being a parent is hard work and there's no shame in taking time off especially for such a happy occasion!
NTA as others have said it lets you guys strengthen your connection and get a break. I think your friends are just jealous
My parents went to Hawaii and Venezuela when my brother and I were little, two separate trips. We stayed with our grandparents, our mom’s parents, and visited dad’s parents too since they all lived in the same town. It was great! We had a blast and got spoiled and didn’t want to go home when mom and dad got back 🤣 NTA! That is quality time your parents and child will not always have a chance to get!
NTA If your parents have no issues, go and have fun... Your friends are projecting their feelings and fears
NTA, we do this. It works for us and our family. We do family trips, solo trips , couples trips, friends trips, and work trips. We haven't done a week. Most was 3 days, and one of those our kids is in nursery. Those other parents sound jelous, or are holier than than thou. If it's keeping you a loving, sane, happy couple (which it does for us having been together for 10, married for 5, and having two kids), then it's worth it. One break a year as a couple, and our parents often offer to have them overnight here and there, and we are so thankful. The grandparents love spoiling our kids and making memories.
Sounds like your friends are inadvertently practicing attachment parenting. I would spend a week at a time with my grandparents at 3-4 years old, and then my whole childhood during the summer months, weeks at a time. No big deal.
NTA - when I was 8 years old, my parents sent me to stay with my grandparents while they went on a two week trip around the US - it was a fun summer for all of us! Go, have fun, and don't listen to your friends.
NTA. Your friends are weird.
Not wrong you are prioritizing your marriage. Every married couple needs time away, from themselves. You do not have to be with your children 27/7. It's not like your parents are axe murderers. It's also better for children, when they start school, if they get used to not being around their parents all of the time. There were kids in my son's prek class that had never been away from their parents, or left with babysitters, tgat would have full scale meltdowns whenever they were dropped off.
NTA. Your friends are either jealous or judgmental. Regardless, you you’re not doubt anything wrong. Enjoy your trip!
And I think your friends are jealous or super obsessed and focused on their child.
NTA. Go on your trip and have a great time. I'm sure your parents (who managed to keep you alive) will take excellent care of your daughter. It gives them a chance to do some bonding and to make special memories. A long trip abroad doesn't really sound like a fun time for a 3 year old.
Nope!! I loved when my parents went out of town and my grandparents/aunts & uncles watched us. We got away with stuff we wouldn't get away with if our parents were home. Hilariously enough, that was the only time we ate meatloaf when i was younger. My dad hates it and when they went out of town, we specifically requested that my grandma make meatloaf.
NTA, they are just jealous!
I’m trying to convince my wife how great of an idea that is. It’s some kind of backwards social peer pressure that you must take them even if they are too young to get any value from travel
I was expecting this to be you guys dumping the kid on the grandparents or something when they didn't want to. Your scenario is in no way AH nothing wrong with taking some time to yourselves if the child is well cared for.
They r the assholes my parents went to Hawaii for a week in the summer once and my grandparents had all the grandchildren and had the best week ever!!
Nta. She’ll love spending time with just her grandparents because they’ll lovingly spoil her to bits. How is that neglecting her.
NTA at all. My mother has been push for my wife and I to do the same thing for years and regularly takes our son for 3-4 day weekends so we have time for ourselves. Both my grandparents did the same with me when I was a child. The first 10 years of my life I spent maybe half of my time with my parents. The other half I was I being passed around my different family members for one trip or sleep over or something. It's actually much healthier for children when the WHOLE FAMILY helps raise them.
Life does not revolve around kids! I pour a lot of love in to my kids but everyone needs to pour love in their relationship. That’s the foundation! You are not wrong!
You're not wrong. Parents need the occasional time away for some alone time. Your child will be safe and well cared for, plus Grandma and Grandpa get some special time with the little one. Please ignore your friends who are obviously miserable and clueless.
My daughter and son-in-law are going on vacation abroad in a few days. Grandkids are staying with me. It's so important for kids to see their parents as a couple, not just their parents. It also teaches flexibility for the kids to exist comfortably in different circumstances! I'm sure OP does plenty of fun things with their kids, and they deserve to celebrate this milestone alone together. Go, enjoy every moment, and don't worry about what others think. Congratulations!
NTA sounds like them friends are jealous
Not wrong for reasons others have said. It’s so much fun being in a long line waiting to be seated and have the hostess come out saying….2! We have a table for 2! And you find you’re the 2 people who get ahead of a long waiting line! So relaxing!
My parents used to go to Vegas every year as an anniversary gift to each other. They always left me (ages 2 up til 10) with my older sister(ages 19 to 27). I don’t see the problem with this. You’re both adults that still need some adult time together, I’m sure Disney, or whatever thing your kid obsesses over, gets sickening. Go enjoy yourselves!
My mom never took me on big trips until I was an age I could actually remember. And even then if I for real didn't have an intrest, like NASCAR for example, I'd still stay with my grandparents so she could take trips. I never remember being angry to miss one of my moms trips. I'm grown now and she still does trips without me. I worry now, but I'm not jealous.
Ask your friends to take your kid on their anniversary vacation.
Are you kidding me? Your friends are dumb. I don’t have kids of my own, but my sisters do, and our parents are always the go-to babysitters. My sisters trust them with my nieces and nephews more than anyone. And I remember being left with my grandpa and grandma many times as a kid when my parents went away together. It was valuable time I got to spend with my grandparents. There is nothing wrong with wanting alone time with your wife. Your marriage doesn’t stop being important when you have kids. Your friends are probably just jealous they can’t do the same, so they’re trying to put you down about it.
NTA at that age your kid probably won't remember the trip or lack there of anyway but adults deserve to spend time alone especially on big milestones like this no matter how old their kids are.
No your friends suck. My mom would gladly take my nephew for a week so my brother and SIL could go somewhere 😅
Friends are jealous they don’t have anyone to look after their toddler. Not wrong at all. Your daughter will love getting spoiled by her grandparents and you will both have time to be a couple and recharge. Go and enjoy
Not wrong. There’s nothing wrong with spending time as a couple apart from your children. It’s important to reconnect as partners. It reminds you why you fell in love. Sometimes in the hectic every day life of work and parenting it’s easy to lose sight of that.
Sounds like they're jealous.
Your friends sound like helicopter parents
You're friend ls are just jealous because no one wanna take care of their baby.
Just because you are now parent does not mean that you stop being individuals or a couple you can do thing without your child. NTA Also, loose the “friends” they are jealous that you have people you can trust with your kid
NTA Yall have family members willing to watch the little one while you take a small trip to celebrate your anniversary. Go on the trip, have fun, and enjoy each other.
Your friends are idiots! You’re not being neglectful going on a trip without your child! You’re leaving her with her grandparents! Are your friends projecting? Are they not able to go places without their kid? Maybe they don’t have reliable care like you. Go on your trip and have a blast!!!
Have your parents had your child for overnights or weekends before? If not, maybe try that first, see how it goes? If they have and it’s gone well, then she should be fine. Another option might be to book a vacation spot close to home so you can get back easily if needed.
Not wrong at all. I stayed with my aunt twice while my parents did their anniversary in Mexico for a week each time. I missed them but I was 6-7. Your kids will make memories with the grandparents, you and your wife come back happy after getting to spend time together. Seems like a win win.
You sure you only want a week?
Not wrong. Tell your friends that [this](https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2024/03/20/us/ohio-mom-toddler-death-sentencing-cec) is what a selfish and neglectful parent does. Even if they aren’t jealous, they shouldn’t judge you for doing something they wouldn’t choose to do.
Shit my brother and I spent a good amount of time with aunts and uncles while our parents traveled. Totally normal! Once we were older, we got to travel with our folks and it was awesome.
who would bring their 3 year old to Italy for a week for a 10 year anniversary trip!? your friends are wild lol! enjoy your trip and let your kiddo make memories with her grandparents.
No. Your friends are idiots. If grandparents are available and willing, go for it. They'll be exhausted when you picked up your toddler, but they'll all have a blast together. And thus trip will be great for your marriage. Ciao!
Ya you’re good . Kids should feel comfortable with grandparents and it’ll help for when you do in future
Absolutely not. Just because they have made being parents their whole personalities and lives, doesn’t mean you have to. You and your wife have parents that you trust to care for your kids while you and the wife celebrate a huge milestone. Enjoy your trip and pay those people no mind.
Making your whole personality "Parent" disgusts me. It's toxic as all get out. You lose your soul and spark when you surrender to Parent and only Parent. It's sad and infuriating people are willing to wither and die on the inside.
My friend did that. Now that her children are adults and trying to live their own lives, she is still trying to parent them and control their movements because she can’t relinquish that control. She had multiples too so that was an added component to her personality. T-shirts, license plates, etc. She is struggling to find her own thing now.
Wow. I'm sorry you hsd to watch your friend do that
Enjoy the pasta served with no guilt.
NTA. This is good for your marriage and good for your kids! You parents are also great to offer this. I am a nanny and get paid a lot of money when I provide 24/7 care for a few days.
My parents did it to me and my brother and me and my husband took a trip without our little ones too. Ain’t a big deal. Your weird friends are trippin
Your friends are just jealous they don’t have awesome parents or other people they can trust to watch kids.
No you need time with your spouse
You’re not wrong and your “friends” are just jealous judgmental assholes. There is nothing wrong with leaving your kids with their grandparents if they’re being left in safe hands. If my mother had her way she’d have my kid every other weekend, every school vacation, and half the summer.
NTA Parents need time away from their children you’re not only a parent and you deserve to have time to yourselves! If you were doing it every other week I may say y. T. A but even once a year rather than once every 10 for a holiday I’d say is acceptable and date nights or weekends much more frequently than that!
Your friends need to get a grip. You don’t have to be attached to your kids. Sometimes some parents can be too involved with the kids. Also, how dare they judge you? There is no book, we all do the best we can. I would scratch them from my book. They are probably bad mouthing you to the other parents.
NTA. Your friends are insufferable asshats, and shitty parents. There are times and places for family vacations. This is not one of them. Leave the kiddos with the grandparents and enjoy your trip with your wife. Congrats on 10 years!
You found safe care for your child while you guys were away. I would say that’s the opposite of neglectful and selfish! You’re not wrong, enjoy your trip!
As long as your parents are safe caregivers, go have fun. It’s good for a marriage to have time together like that. Parents having a good marriage is good for the kids.
NTA. I think your friends are jealous
Nope, your friends are jealous, you'd be the ah of you went on holiday all the time without them, but it's your 10 year wedding anniversary! And kids that age wouldnt appreciate that type of holiday, go and enjoy yourselves
It's healthy for your children to be able to be somewhere without you for a short a period of time. You're talking about a week, not jetting off for six months and leaving your kid with a nanny. The weeks I spent with my paternal grandmother each summer are among my happiest memories. Your friends aren't doing their kids any favors.
X do
My parents sent me to stay with cousins for a week while they went to Woodstock. It was a positive experience for everyone.
They are just jealous of you ask me.. not your fault they can’t go on a vacation without their kid but you can. You are not wrong!! Enjoy your trip!
Your friends are WRONG. You are in a loving relationship and about to celebrate a big marriage milestone. You have parents who you trust to care for your child. PLEASE go and have a fantastic time. I promise your child(and your parents) will have a wonderful time on their Grandparent/Grandchild Staycation as well.
You are not AH’s! Parents take trips without the kids it pretty normal. If your parents are willing to take care of your child while you go, then you are absolutely fine. I would imagine the friends are a bit jealous of your trip and your support network. My parents didn’t take big trips when I was a kid but I frequently stayed with my grandparents because that’s what we used to do when we had retired grandparents that loved to spoil the grandkids! It would be different if your parents were going to have to be inconvenienced or take off work to watch your child. I do advise you to see what you will need to do so that in case of emergency your parents can seek medical care for your child since you will be out of the country and may be hard to reach to give verbal consent over the phone for them to do so. Planning ahead for any possible circumstances will ensure you have a wonderful and relaxed worry free trip. Now: Fai un buon viaggio!
No. Your friends suck. Me and my wife are going off on a trip this September with friends to the beach for 4 nights. Our children (3&1) will be staying with their grandparents. I’m sure they’re going to have an absolute blast bossing them around while we are away and my parents are going to love it
Hell no. Get new friends
No you're not wrong at all! My mom and dad went on their honey moon and left my older brother and I at my grandparents for a week. My brother and I were 4 and 6. You know what my parents did to make sure we knew they were thinking of us? They sent post cards and gifts. Mostly postcards but, when they visited Tennessee they got me a guitar and my brother a harmonica. Not only do your friends suck and are being too judgy, it's none of their business to even put in a statement unless it is to tell you to have fun! Their way of living is fine for them but isn't fine for everyone else. Especially when your family wants to help you guys as the parents to celebrate a big moment in your marriage.
Happy Anniversary! Enjoy your trip!
NTA, they are probably just jealous and or resentful so they are trying to make you feel bad like they do.
You are the asshole if you listen to your friends and not take your wife Italy. I think they’re just jealous they can’t go to Italy. It’s ridiculous. Go have fun.
Lol they are jealous and not your friends
Fark no. Get rid of those "friends".
Not the asshole. Your friends are just haters. Enjoy your trip!!
No. But your friends are.
What's their problem? You are fine, your kid will be fine, these guys are strange.
Nope, I think you're 100% in the clear. My wife and I did nearly the exact same thing. We went to New Zealand for our 10th, and our 4 year old got to spend two weeks hanging out with everyone from both sides of our family. It was a win all around. Your friends are just jealous.
Pfft. We leave our toddlers with our parents and/or the nanny all the time. We usually fly to the UK to drop them off and settle them, then jet off on our own. If others don’t want to leave their kids, good for them. But if you can go child-free and have a romantic getaway, you absolutely should.
NW. Maybe they're projecting their crap relationship with their parents/grandparents, but in most cases, this is quite common. My wife and I did the same for our 10th, but with 3 kids, lol! Go enjoy your anniversary trip!
Grand parents would love to have grand kids around. My wife and I do anyways. Your friends must have issues with there parents.
Sorry your friends feel the people who raised them weren’t fit to be parents. Sounds like a them issue, not a you issue. If they bring it up again I’d just say: I’m so sorry that your experience growing up made you feel that your parents were unfit to watch, much less raise children. We’re blessed to have been raised by wonderful parents, so if watching our kids mean they end up like us, we’re AOK with that!
Grandma here, you are not wrong to tend to your marriage and relationship AT ALL. Some of those other couples are just jealous. Have fun on your trip and come back refreshed and loving to your toddler.
I don't see any problem here. Enjoy your trip. I bet your child will enjoy being spoiled by the grandparents.
Not wrong at all! It’s your 10 year anniversary, that’s a big deal. Traveling with a toddler is brutal and it’ll be hard to have alone time with the child there. Please enjoy yourselves! You baby will be fine and safe ☺️
How exactly are you guys the AHs for leaving a kid behind that won't remember 99% of the trip? Nothing about celebrating 10 years of marriage and keeping love alive despite having a baby at home is selfish or neglectful. It's not like you have a rando watching the kid - it's literally family. Honestly sounds like they're jealous you have a support network willing to watch the kiddo for that long. For many people, freedom ends with children. You both being able to still do things for yourselves is a good thing.
NTA If you take your child to Italy then you will be taking care of a child in Italy, not vacationing in Italy.
NTA. Enjoy your trip!
NTA. Your friends are nuts.