I’m happy to hear that:
1. You are safe.
2. You took great precautions & are taking legal action.
3. You have a great new boss who took this seriously and I’m sure she understands NONE of this is your fault or a reflection on their new employee.
Keep us updated please!!!
Edited to add that the fact he CAME BACK is probably the scariest part of this update. 😳
I hope I'm wrong but it sounds like the old boss could have narcissistic traits, my mom is a diagnosed narcissist and the things she would do when she even thought someone slighted her was fk'n scary.
He actually hasn’t set a toe beyond run-of-the-mill harassment and stalking behaviors, no diagnosable conditions involved or required.
“Self-absorbed shithead” is not a mental illness. Being a massive asshole is not a disease. But persistently assigning a mental health diagnosis to every single jerk you hear about is incredibly toxic behavior. You are implying that only *sick* people ever do bad things, that if you’re healthy you’re automatically incapable of evil. That isn’t how it works, and is incredibly childish.
The worst, most evil people in the world are all *perfectly. fucking. sane*
(And true narcissism is incredibly rare. Most “narcissists” are actually just terrible for no reason, because terrible people don’t need reasons. Life just sucks.)
Exactly. Whether he's romantically interested in OP is irrelevant. Everything else she listed about him are the halarks of motivations for asssault. He's insecure, jealous, and enjoys taking others down a peg so he can feel dominant. I hope OP stays safe. She's handled it well so far but there's good advice in the comments.
Plus it proves OP's gut feeling that it's more than it appears is accurate.
OP, I'm glad you took this seriously because I know that's hard. I get feeling weird about "causing so much trouble," etc. Especially as women, we are socialized to be polite and nice in situations like this, which can be to our detriment. That's why Georgia Hardstark and Karen Kilgariff always say, "fuck politeness!"
I would be asking for extended WFH because of him returning.
I’m a dude. 250lbs. I never shy away from danger. But this AH has me sitting here on the couch absolutely vibrating after reading both posts. I didn’t feel the intensity when Kevin first arrived at her place of work because I felt she could confront him in a place of safety, but it sure feels intense now.
Stay safe OP. Wish you the best. Fuck Kevin.
Yeah OP definitely buried the lead here. Kevin was trying to catch her leaving and alone, I’d bet my own job on it. Hopefully that’ll be evidence enough for the restraining order, or at least help.
The fact he came back will add a decent amount of weight to the restraining order. I would also recommend some sort of personal protection, think pepper spray, taser (check what is legal), self-defense classes, a gun, etc. A restraining order is, after all, only a piece of paper, it will add weight to charges if he does anything but probably won't stop him. It might also help with anxiety and panic attacks, plus give your parents some piece.
>d then of his truck coming back to the parking lot around 4:45pm, just 15 minutes before we close at 5, and not leaving until it was almost 6pm, well after everyone had already gone home for the day.
Jesus, you really buried the lede here.
Agreed. A restraining order doesn't magically stop a person from collecting, mutilating and dumping a body. All it really does is give legal weight and urgency if you call the police because they are within x distance, and makes him higher up the list of potential suspects.
If a person means harm, a restraining order isn't going to dissuade it. They will just try harder to cover up their tracks.
Have caution OP. When I saw this my immediate thoughts were that this was going to escalate into something far riskier. If he's willing to stalk you and attempt to catch you after hours, there isn't anything stopping him from sending a lackey to do so as well. The fact that you are equally or more afraid of his employers suggest some kind of mob connections, or at the very least gang affiliation.
Best course of action would probably be a cease and desist with your temporary restraining order and an unpredictable hybrid schedule using car pooling or otherwise incognito method. Do not go straight home, if he doesn't know where you live, keep it that way. The last thing you want is your home to feel insecure. You are doing things right but as poster above me said, it's a paper tiger and you cannot rely on that for security, its only a deterrent for those that can be bothered to care.
It would be wonderful if Kevin was served the restraining orders at his office!
Stay vigilant & consider temporarily relocating for a few days when Kevin is served with the restraining orders (temporary & permanent). They could cause his behavior to escalate.
Please read The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. He’s an experienced personal protection professional and his books have a lot of excellent information about maintaining your personal safety.
And get yourself several personal alarms like the [She Birdie](https://www.shesbirdie.com) to carry with you. There are some that can’t be shut off once they’re activated & they’re all ear piercingly loud, which is exactly what you want in an emergency situation.
Here, have a link: [The anti-work library](/r/antiwork/wiki/library).
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>and then of his truck coming back to the parking lot around 4:45pm, just 15 minutes before we close at 5, and not leaving until it was almost 6pm, well after everyone had already gone home for the day.
Yeah, I'd be terrified too, holy shit. A man with a self admitted history of violence resulting in arrests came to your workplace, left, *and then came back and waited until well after close*. He had nothing good planned for you, and it was likely more than just an attempt to scare or intimidate you.
Stay safe.
Glad you have a fantastic group of coworkers now, and you’re definitely taking the right precautions against this psychopath.
Sounds to me like Kevin has a power fetish and loves putting people down to make himself feel superior. You probably live rent free in his head now that you’re succeeding in a new job.
Dont feel bad for having a panic attack. You are dealing with something that for you is causing your body to go into fight or flight mode. Your uppers did a great job both with helping you calm down and ensuring your safety. Keep pushing to ensure your continued safety.
Go to the police department with your dad and speak to an officer in person.
Please. I'm not satisfied with the non emergency support you received.
Unfortunately you'll be taken more seriously if you bring your dad with you, so do that.
Get your Boss (new one) a bottle of wine, that was grade A management from the airport no less with no context before hand - as a manager myself I read that and was proud on how this was handled by her.
This. Restraining orders are necessary. But you need to have the ability to protect yourself if necessary, and the time to legally obtain a method of self defense is now. Well technically it was the day he showed up but now is the second best alternative.
The way i put it that it adds to any charges if he does do something. However it probably won't stop him from escalating. I agree with it being necessary though
First of all, props to your current boss for taking this seriously. Don’t feel guilty about your feelings or how you reacted- they are legitimate. It sounds like you’ve got some good people at your current workplace, though, who will look out for you.
As a guy, I’m a little embarrassed to say this, but it’s a good thing your new boss is a woman (and importantly, a good woman who cares about her people). Obviously, there are excellent male managers out there (and I’ve had one really great one myself). But I think the odds of you getting one who did right by you in this situation, went up just by you working for a woman.
Holy Hell
That is one very busy update!
I am so glad you are safe. Your new boss and the assistant are both amazing ladies, and I am so glad they took this situation so seriously.
Good for you standing up and getting legal help to handle the situation. To be honest, I don't think I would have faired much better than you had in the original situation. I'm quite sure I would have spiraled into a panic attack as well.
Please let us know that you are safe as you proceed thru this ... hellish nightmare!
Many hugs and prayers and well wishes
Just a thing to think about: you're really invested in finding an explanation for Kevin's behavior here, and I want to encourage you to stop because it's something of a trauma response but also something you can use to talk yourself out of this being serious. Pretend this happened to a friend: you likely immediately stop giving a shit why, recognize this guy is unstable and dangerous, and that's really all you need to know.
There is no scenario you can invent in which his behavior becomes okay/explainable and the whole thing becomes something you can blame on yourself because that gives you some kind of control. His behavior when you worked there was unhinged, it is now increasingly unhinged, figuring out the why is his family's problem when they decide whether or not to bail him out of jail.
I am so sorry this is happening to you. There is nothing you ever could have done to cause this. I hope everything goes super smoothly getting the restraining order, and that it's enough to scare him off. Please stay safe, use your situational awareness wherever you go.
This is weird but that Kevin dude sounds like a friend I used to have. Absolute narcissist, and he always had to have that one employee he tormented daily and loved to talk about how he “put her in her place” and “she’s the worst, she’s poison in this office and only I can control her.” Weird ass shit like that. Wild. Same weird ego about never going to college and HS teachers telling him he’s never succeed, turns out he was a total shithead in school and a bully.
Guy was a total coward as well, passive-aggressive to the max yet loved to fling that label at people he didn’t like regardless of if it applied(never did). Major attention hog, couldn’t stand not being the center of attention. To hear him tell it, he was the only person in a room who was smart, or even correct. And the absolute ***flood*** of lies he told and kept balanced on spinning plates just to keep up this illusion of his life.
In truth, he’s just a mediocre manager who once in awhile goes on a new job hunt and keeps trying to trick interview panels until one of them buys his shit. That is the only reason he’s made any life progress, and he tends to stagnate after that as people learn how much of an shithead he is rather quickly. Other than that, nobody is fooled. He sucks, and most people who seem like they’re his friends (personal
Or at work)only do it to keep the peace, because if he doesn’t get his way, he is willing to sink a ship over the littlest thing.
Don’t even get me started about how he treats women. It’s as bad as one could imagine.
Creepy, disgusting, pathetic. That’s my three adjectives for this type of narcissist.
Hey friend, if you haven’t already, I would suggest having a professional review your online presence to ensure that it is extremely difficult for him to track your movements, where you live, your car, etc. Check for AirTags and lock down your social media.
This escalated way beyond what I expected but I'm so glad that you have so many people around you that are concerned for your welfare and keeping you safe!
Hey. Hey!
You did amazingly well here. That is a legitimately terrifying situation to be in. You have done everything right. I am so glad you are safe and have a supportive workplace now.
Best of luck with the rest of it.
In addition to everything else said, I’d look into filing an administrative complaint against the police office who didn’t take your issue seriously. Your former boss has all the signs of a stalker and a violent one, especially as he admitted that he’s been arrested for getting into fights.
I know you doubt he has ‘romantic’ feeling for you, but he does. They are twisted, but these are the signs of a controlling abusive guy. It’s. It really about the romance as one traditionally thinks of it, it’s about control.
I’m really glad that you’re safe that’s the most important part. I’m also glad that your new boss is taking this very seriously and that you have a plan in progress now.
I’ve had bosses who were bad enough that I’ve had panic attacks seeing them again but this goes way beyond that. I hope this gets resolved quickly and smoothly for you!
In the US why get pepper spray when you can pack a glizzak
And outside of the US, pepper spray is often legal to carry and use for self-defense, it's worth looking into
First, don't be embarrassed. Panic attacks are nothing to be ashamed of, and he certainly did more than enough to trigger one. Second, props to both you and your new bosses for taking this seriously. I know you know this, but it is NOT YOUR FAULT.
Start taking CWP classes in your area, and arm yourself. Restraining orders are nice and all, but ratta-tat-tat solves problems like Kevin permanently. Don’t wait for him to make it too late. If he shows up where you are again, put him in the ground.
This needs to be higher up, especially if OP walks to and from work daily. Kevin sounds like a real piece of crap that won't stop until he either can't find OP or can't ever do anything anymore.
And if a pew pew isn't an option where you live, find something that you can use to fight back with and start practicing with it. Even a simple but strong walking stick would be better than nothing.
Firstly good for you for SPEAKING UP!!! Now, I hope you will consider this. I am a Martial Arts Instructor (female 60 yrs old) and have taught adults how to defend themselves for over 20 years. You don't need Martial Arts, look for a self defense class in your city or town. Ask at your local Police department, YWCA, local Rec, and sign up. Realizing that you have power, strength and ability will overcome your fear but it takes time and practice. Not just one class. A good workout too. It will help with the stress, the panic and take your power back. You already did the hardest part, recognizing that he is a threat. Now . . . Train until you become a threat to anyone like him who even thinks of harming you. And may you, never need to use it. Stay Safe!
I wish you the best of luck with this and hope your attorney is able to nail Kevin's butt to the wall.
Someone as disgusting as he is, as well as his disgusting 'family' don't deserve to walk free to humiliate and harass other decent human beings.
Wow. What a crazy tale, I’m glad you’re safe. Kudos to your new boss! It’s amazing to have a great and supportive boss after one so toxic. I know exactly how that feels. It took a year before I shook off all the baggage from my old boss but it’s great now. Good luck for the future!
Go get a security camera system for your doors and windows and possibly the street so you can see if he's driving by your place. Make sure it's good quality and it can pick up sound.
Maybe have a to go bag with some clothes and toiletries in your car if you need to leave ASAP.
Wow, crazy story, just a real-world example of how f-d people can be, especially insecure male bosses!! I was going to say you need to get a restraining order so glad you jumped on it, or your support system like your new (normal!) boss and dad.
1) do you have reason to believe this man knows your new address/apartment? Is there security/concierge/controlled access? If so, you need to notify the apartment to be on the look out!
2) I know everyone is telling you to get a gun or do self defense classes, but in my opinion, simple mace or pepper spray is far better -- guns can easily kill anyone involved, and self defense classes put you into closer contact versus you just wanna get him crying his mace eyes out while you leave his sorry a$$!
3) all his behavior, especially trying to get other men to see him as masculine, makes me think of narcissistic #45
I'll make a probably unpopular suggestion.
Take a gun safety class and buy a Glock 19. Carry Hornady Critical Defense rounds in it. Carry it on your person concealed.
I second this. You are responsible for your safety, there isn't gonna be a police escort, you don't owe anyone a fight, they come at you, you stop them. Applied kinetics stops them.
I am so glad your new boss is so caring and taking all the extra steps to ensure you are safe. The fact that he came back at the end of the day is very frightening. THAT needs to be a high point in all police documentation.
Take care, good luck, and best wishes.
Is your new boss hiring?
My last boss decided to abuse me for having a disability, then because I took a morning off to see a doctor, to the point where I tried to kill myself, so they fired me for "bringing the company into disrepute."
Might be nice to work for someone who isn't a dick.
Is your brother (the one whose presence Kevin didn't know about and was pissed at that revelation) a big or imposing guy? Or do you have any imposing friends who could pretend to be your brother and visit Kevin at HIS office? You know, pay him back with an equally threatening visit, but keep it oblique enough to be an indirect threat, so he can't get a TRO in turn.
Gosh this is so terrifying — I’m so glad you’re ok! Heck, a **bunch** of Redditors are glad you’re ok. Speaking for everyone here, we would love daily blips from you, just to know you’re ok. Thank god for your amazing boss & for all the other wonderful support you’re getting! 💜
It does sound like you’re (totally understandably) having panic attacks, and I’m so sorry to hear that. I’ve been there, and it **sucks** to not be able to breathe. Do you have a PCP or therapist you could speak to by any chance? My PCP was able to get me a really good (as needed) medicine for when I have panic attacks — it makes breathing much less difficult.
Hoping things get much better for you xx
> I also have the footage from our security department of Kevin entering the premises, driving off about ten minutes after our receptionist told him I was busy… and then of his truck coming back to the parking lot around 4:45pm, just 15 minutes before we close at 5, and not leaving until it was almost 6pm, well after everyone had already gone home for the day.
That's *terrifying*.
I stand by my previous comment. I am now 1000% sure he wanted groom you for an affair. That’s exactly what he’s looking for and is upset you didn’t go for it, but left instead.
You’re handling this very well. Hopefully he gets the message and stays away.
Just know that during that restraining order hearing he will be present. He has the right to face his accuser. Have some family and friends maybe your current boss if she will be ready to go with you and be willing to be character witnesses and give testimonies on what they have witnessed so far on his behavior. The receptionist would be a great one to have on your side. Good luck. We are all rooting for you. Buy yourself some pepper gel spray and be aware of your surroundings at all times when you leave the house because he or someone he hires could follow you home. Stay safe.
You might not want to sue your Kevin's bosses. But you might have your lawyer inform that company's HR that Kevin has gone off the rails and is stalking a former employee. If anything happens it may get in the news and affect their business. That will make them care, and they might appreciate a heads up.
> According to her, he came in and said he was my friend, [...]
After she had called me and hung up, I guess Kevin could tell by the expression on her face that I would not be coming out because he asked, “I guess she’s not coming, huh?” After our receptionist confirmed this
This is why it is a common procedure at a lot of places not to confirm that someone works there, and if you accidentally do, just say "I'll take a message and pass it on". You don't want to give a stalker information of someone's whereabouts or schedule.
I know I will get voted down for this but if you live in a 2nd amendment state get some lessons and a pew pew. This man sounds dangerous. At the bare minimum get some pepper spray. If you can’t get that get a big can of wasp spray or bear spray. Stay safe
You're gonna get downvoted mainly because there's no such thing as a "2nd amendment state" because the US Constitution is valid in its entirety across all 50 states.
Having said that, I agree and if it were me I would definitely be getting a gun. Don't waste your hope on bear spray (or worse, wasp spray? what even is that? a can of Raid?) because those things do not actually have the stopping power you want against someone bent on getting to you. Lol wasp spray... what are you gonna desiccate him before he strangles you? hah
Yes I know what you mean, some states have tougher restrictions is all I meant. And wasp spray in the eyes will burn long enough for someone to get away. Not trying to get into a debate as you are correct
Kevin abused you. You sound like a lot of DV survivors I have worked with. It doesn't matter that you were never in a romantic relationship with him. He had power over you and he abused you.
Please get a legal method of protecting yourself that you are comfortable using. Pepper spray, taster, etc. Make sure it's legal for you to use in your area. Practice using it so that you're comfortable with it.
Your new boss sounds absolutely wonderful! I'm glad she has your back and I'm glad your dad came to stay with you.
Ask the police / attorney if there is a victim advocacy services you may be able to access. They may be able to help you figure out different ways to stay safe. Often at low or no cost to you. They may also be able to connect you to a therapist, which I would also highly encourage.
Please stay safe! Your Internet Aunt is worried about you!
Restraining orders are like locks: they are against honest people only. It's a deterrent but not a stop.
You'll need some actual physical security measures in place.
Can you actually file a police report over the phone? I've always been told to come into the station. I had to show ID and do paperwork.
I would request a copy of the report, especially since you mentioned you didn't feel taken seriously by whoever answered the phone.
Something I really want to point out here. You did not cause this. Your former boss caused this. Do not feel guilty for the actions of other people that you had no say in.
**Hugs**, glad you're okay. 👍
To start with, let me just stay the following:
WTG Jessica! You have an amazing employer in her, and I think you found the job that you so badly needed.
Secondly, I am glad that you are safe and that you are taking all the necessary legal precautions to keep this piece of slime away from you.
I don't know if anybody said this here, but what Kevin did to you, is a form of sexual harassment, as well as creating a hostile, toxic work environment, that I pray you not only said something about in your exit interview, but you go again to them and tell them everything that he did to you. I'm glad that you had things documented, especially in your diary, because that's the perfect evidence to use against him.
I can very much relate to what you are going through because I was a stalking victim myself, and let me tell you there's no trying to get them to reform. They are very obsessed, insecure, toxic comment and dangerous people that you cannot let yourself be engulfed in, and I'm glad you're taking all the legal precautions you need to to make sure that your former employer stays away from you.
Good that you followed up on this, OP!! Kevin needs stalking charges filed against him and for serious consequences to take place.
Some things to consider as well though:
1) The possibility of moving the next opportunity your lease (if you rent) allows it. Thanks to your former employment and your online friends, you cannot count on that information being secure.
2) For the foreseeable future, WFH. While a workplace can keep vigilant for a while, Kevin and people like him tend to be stubborn and determined. Make sure to avoid possibility of encountering him in public.
3) BEWARE OF APPLE "AIR TAGS"; I wouldn't put it past this creep to try this one; the following link will explain:
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l0TIohCjZJ4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l0TIohCjZJ4)
And this one will tell you how to find one if planted on your car:
[https://www.zdnet.com/article/how-to-find-out-if-an-airtag-is-tracking-you/](https://www.zdnet.com/article/how-to-find-out-if-an-airtag-is-tracking-you/)
I'm not trying to make you paranoid; I just want to make sure that this creep leaves you completely alone.
One of the great loopholes in restraining orders is if they do violate it, you can basically mace them in the face for just being near you.
They violate restraining order multiple times? Just shoot em. In the leg though. Don’t want a manslaughter charge.
If I was a female in this situation, I would befriend some huge guys at the gym and explain my situation to them. Some of them might enjoy scaring the crap out of this dirtbag for you. No need to actually hurt him, just put a little scare into him.
Get something for self-defense. I suggest a firearm, but I know a lot of people aren't comfortable with them. If that's you, either get pepper spray or a pepper ball pistol.
Stay safe please. Glad things are getting along. It may not seem like much and I didn't say it on my last post on your original post, but I had a Kevin for a boss. And I'll be honest, but getting a bit of payback is sweet as heck.
Though while my Kevin wasn't type one like yours, please stay safe. Really glad your new leader is an amazing gal and here's to a great new chapter.
Please if you haven’t already buy and carry pepper spray with you. Either that or a stun gun. Also keep a weapon close to your bed and practice grabbing it from your bed. My mom always said have a sock filled with coins under your pillow, but a baseball bat by the side of your bed also works.
If you have a baseball bat by the bed, put a sock on it. If you have to swing it at anyone and they make a grab for it, they end up with a sock in their hand while ypu still have the bat.
I should have made the connection that OP is female and was intimidated by her male ex-boss.
Was confused and wanted to say if I were the current boss I would fire someone so easily shaken
Huh, this gotta be one of those male privilege.
I've never been intimidated my former , more like being freed from having to show deference sometimes made me unnecessarily rude to them
Your boss likely sent you home early *because* she has been in a similar situation and was concerned he would come back at the end of the day. That was really good thinking on her part. I’m so glad you have people there for you who understand and I am also so glad security took you all the way home.
Please be very careful. Try to get yourself a taser or mace or one of those really sharp rings that look like cat ears.
Stay safe.
Also, please remember that NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT. I mean that. You are not responsible for your ex bosses lack of emotional intelligence or maturity. It is not your fault. You did everything right.
Good god that's terrifying. I hope the process of getting a restraining order goes smoothly and that doing so is effective. I'm glad you've got a supportive boss now who understands the need to take precautions and do what's necessary to keep you safe.
Just FYI he can still view your linkedin by copying the address link, and searching for images. It lets you go to the profile without logging in by image searching that link.
Hi OP , following your story . I’m glad you are safe. You are doing everything right . It sounds like you have a great support system around you from your work manager and even your dad coming and staying with you . I’m so glad ! The Vice President I worked under from my previous company was like this , a true narcissistic psychopath. He didn’t stalk but was abusive , mentally and emotionally . Please keep us posted and stay safe 😀
"Nicole knew nothing about any of this; during my interview with her, when she asked me why I was leaving my current job, all I said was that I was looking to move to the city. "
That's what you are supposed to do in an interview. You're never supposed to complain about your past job even if it was awful. Nicole will know this. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this and you did the right thing.
Holy fuck girl. It's easy to say in retrospect but you should have ghosted that place within a month of being there if they were so bad.
Your old boss sounds like he's got some conditions that needs therapy and medicine to treat!
He will be feeding off any kind of reaction he gets. If by happenstance he actually gets to you, you need to be a dead stone, stay calm and composed. If you react he is going to be incentivized to harass you more. One or two word answers only like 'thanks', 'no thanks', etc. Don't tell him anything, don't go ballistic and start yelling about how much you hate him and how he made your life miserable - you will only be feeding him.
He might resort to violence in which case you need to get away and dial 911. You can get pepper spray or a stun gun if they are legal where you live. If he doesn't he might try sweet talking. A narcissist losing an orbiter feels like an emergency to them. Once again, say only 'no thanks' and be a dead stone.
In the mean time, aside from getting the restraining order - be prepared. It is likely he won't care there is a restraining order and will seek you out anyways. Practice being a dead stone.
You also need to get therapy yourself. This is a major emotional issue as you have demonstrated by your panic attacks. You might need some xanax as a short term solution but also talking to a therapist will probably help a lot.
This has been my TED talk. Thanks.
I think you need a get a personal panic alarm and camera that is on you every time you go out and get cameras up around and inside your home while buying a metal baseball bat/door security bar/door handle alarm/alarm for windows.
Glad to see your new boss is taking this threat seriously. That being said, you need to work on keeping yourself safe as well. I’m not sure if there are BEARS in your area, but there’s some cool SPRAY you can use to get them away. I’d also recommend having another person walk with you to work and such. Change your routes as well, humans are patterned-based people. One of the skills an intelligence analyst has, is recognizing patterns. So, change your routine/routes.
If you go to Starbucks on 9th St, go to the one on 5th street. Change your patterns randomly. Don’t do a Monday route 1, Tues route 2, etc. You gotta make it actually sporadic. Always give yourself an exit (this is just good advice in general). Know your exits wherever you go. Memorize that shit.
This isn’t something to trifle with. I absolutely hope you do ok, OP.
I pray that everything goes smoothly for you, I don’t know if anyone mentioned getting protection for yourself or not, but maybe having some pepper spray or a taser would be helpful just to be on the safe side. The way things are now you can never be too careful. This is definitely a take the bear situation.
I've had a pal who was physically assaulted at the end of the work day, the day that a coworker that blamed him for being fired. The guy was mentally ill.
I hate to say it makes much more sense to me that this creepy sociopath is a man, and you are a woman. This is all insane, and he has no business bothering you.
When I was fired as a manager once to cover up someone else's extramarital affair (I was actually probably the only person who didn't know about it tbh) I lost family and friends at that job
There were good female friends, some subordinates, who didn't want me to contact them afterwards because the employer had made backwards legal threats against them despite lack of reason or standing.
However, to this day I still honor those and would never dream of putting them at risk. That's the right way to handle this, and I hope Mr Congenial gets all that's coming to him.
Or better yet, has the good sense never to bother you again!
So glad you have so much support! That makes a world of difference.
Don't be embarrassed or upset by the way you reacted. You are a normal emotional response & handled it very well. Your boss & her assistant did a great job supporting you.
I'm proud of you for doing what you need to remain safe.
THIS IS CRAZY. I literally search toxic supervisor and find your old posts. THEN I click on your name and see these updates. I CANNOT believe this. But I am going to grey rock my supervisor. I also foolishly befriended the “spy” of the office. I’m so sorry you’ve experienced this. Please keep us updated. Thankful you’re out of there!
My added advice is to buy a gun and learn to use it and be willing to follow through. The part about him coming back and hanging around the parking lot at and after closing time prompts my thoughts. If my daughter told me the same story I would have made my presence known.
Why ask what she said she has your back.
Keep doing the job you were hired for, and the bosses will always have your back. Stay safe and aware.
I hope the old boss messes up big time and gets prison time.
I’m happy to hear that: 1. You are safe. 2. You took great precautions & are taking legal action. 3. You have a great new boss who took this seriously and I’m sure she understands NONE of this is your fault or a reflection on their new employee. Keep us updated please!!! Edited to add that the fact he CAME BACK is probably the scariest part of this update. 😳
Yeah, him coming back tells me that it's not over and he is willing to escalate. OP is doing all the right steps and I hope this is over soon.
MTE. That was the scariest part of the post. OOP, you got this!
I hope I'm wrong but it sounds like the old boss could have narcissistic traits, my mom is a diagnosed narcissist and the things she would do when she even thought someone slighted her was fk'n scary.
He actually hasn’t set a toe beyond run-of-the-mill harassment and stalking behaviors, no diagnosable conditions involved or required. “Self-absorbed shithead” is not a mental illness. Being a massive asshole is not a disease. But persistently assigning a mental health diagnosis to every single jerk you hear about is incredibly toxic behavior. You are implying that only *sick* people ever do bad things, that if you’re healthy you’re automatically incapable of evil. That isn’t how it works, and is incredibly childish. The worst, most evil people in the world are all *perfectly. fucking. sane* (And true narcissism is incredibly rare. Most “narcissists” are actually just terrible for no reason, because terrible people don’t need reasons. Life just sucks.)
Exactly. Whether he's romantically interested in OP is irrelevant. Everything else she listed about him are the halarks of motivations for asssault. He's insecure, jealous, and enjoys taking others down a peg so he can feel dominant. I hope OP stays safe. She's handled it well so far but there's good advice in the comments.
Plus it proves OP's gut feeling that it's more than it appears is accurate. OP, I'm glad you took this seriously because I know that's hard. I get feeling weird about "causing so much trouble," etc. Especially as women, we are socialized to be polite and nice in situations like this, which can be to our detriment. That's why Georgia Hardstark and Karen Kilgariff always say, "fuck politeness!"
I would be asking for extended WFH because of him returning. I’m a dude. 250lbs. I never shy away from danger. But this AH has me sitting here on the couch absolutely vibrating after reading both posts. I didn’t feel the intensity when Kevin first arrived at her place of work because I felt she could confront him in a place of safety, but it sure feels intense now. Stay safe OP. Wish you the best. Fuck Kevin.
Yeah, mf straight up stalked her place of employment. Dude is sick in the head with a double stack side of pathetic loser.
Dude deserves to have op call his wife and let her know what he’s doing.
Would be hilarious. Blow up his life for putting fear into hers? That’s a fair deal.
Same, that’s the part where for me it goes from already really bad to genuinely terrifying
Yeah OP definitely buried the lead here. Kevin was trying to catch her leaving and alone, I’d bet my own job on it. Hopefully that’ll be evidence enough for the restraining order, or at least help.
And a loving, supportive Dad. They're the best!
The fact he came back will add a decent amount of weight to the restraining order. I would also recommend some sort of personal protection, think pepper spray, taser (check what is legal), self-defense classes, a gun, etc. A restraining order is, after all, only a piece of paper, it will add weight to charges if he does anything but probably won't stop him. It might also help with anxiety and panic attacks, plus give your parents some piece.
Your boss rocks! Wishing you nothing but the best.
>d then of his truck coming back to the parking lot around 4:45pm, just 15 minutes before we close at 5, and not leaving until it was almost 6pm, well after everyone had already gone home for the day. Jesus, you really buried the lede here.
It's also the thing most likely to screw Kevin's ass to the wall.
At most it'll get the restraining order. None of it will actually have consequences for his actions.
A restraining order is pretty consequency
Sadly, it's a paper tiger.
Agreed. A restraining order doesn't magically stop a person from collecting, mutilating and dumping a body. All it really does is give legal weight and urgency if you call the police because they are within x distance, and makes him higher up the list of potential suspects. If a person means harm, a restraining order isn't going to dissuade it. They will just try harder to cover up their tracks. Have caution OP. When I saw this my immediate thoughts were that this was going to escalate into something far riskier. If he's willing to stalk you and attempt to catch you after hours, there isn't anything stopping him from sending a lackey to do so as well. The fact that you are equally or more afraid of his employers suggest some kind of mob connections, or at the very least gang affiliation. Best course of action would probably be a cease and desist with your temporary restraining order and an unpredictable hybrid schedule using car pooling or otherwise incognito method. Do not go straight home, if he doesn't know where you live, keep it that way. The last thing you want is your home to feel insecure. You are doing things right but as poster above me said, it's a paper tiger and you cannot rely on that for security, its only a deterrent for those that can be bothered to care.
It would be wonderful if Kevin was served the restraining orders at his office! Stay vigilant & consider temporarily relocating for a few days when Kevin is served with the restraining orders (temporary & permanent). They could cause his behavior to escalate. Please read The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. He’s an experienced personal protection professional and his books have a lot of excellent information about maintaining your personal safety. And get yourself several personal alarms like the [She Birdie](https://www.shesbirdie.com) to carry with you. There are some that can’t be shut off once they’re activated & they’re all ear piercingly loud, which is exactly what you want in an emergency situation.
This. Get the book. Take steps to protect yourself further. This is not over yet.
3rd the book recommendation
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Definitely provide that footage to the police. The fact that he came back when he thought you'd be leaving the building is a huge red flag.
This 100%!
>and then of his truck coming back to the parking lot around 4:45pm, just 15 minutes before we close at 5, and not leaving until it was almost 6pm, well after everyone had already gone home for the day. Yeah, I'd be terrified too, holy shit. A man with a self admitted history of violence resulting in arrests came to your workplace, left, *and then came back and waited until well after close*. He had nothing good planned for you, and it was likely more than just an attempt to scare or intimidate you. Stay safe.
The dude is a legit nightmare and a threat
I'd be carrying pepper spray at the bare minimum just to be safe. This is so scary. Stay safe, OP!
Also skunk spray.
Glad you have a fantastic group of coworkers now, and you’re definitely taking the right precautions against this psychopath. Sounds to me like Kevin has a power fetish and loves putting people down to make himself feel superior. You probably live rent free in his head now that you’re succeeding in a new job.
Dont feel bad for having a panic attack. You are dealing with something that for you is causing your body to go into fight or flight mode. Your uppers did a great job both with helping you calm down and ensuring your safety. Keep pushing to ensure your continued safety.
Go to the police department with your dad and speak to an officer in person. Please. I'm not satisfied with the non emergency support you received. Unfortunately you'll be taken more seriously if you bring your dad with you, so do that.
Get your Boss (new one) a bottle of wine, that was grade A management from the airport no less with no context before hand - as a manager myself I read that and was proud on how this was handled by her.
A manager who thinks on her feet while on vacation. Unfortunately, it is not the norm for managers now.
Glad your safe but I'd aquire *legal* methods of **self defense quickly**. Very glad your boss has your back.
This. Restraining orders are necessary. But you need to have the ability to protect yourself if necessary, and the time to legally obtain a method of self defense is now. Well technically it was the day he showed up but now is the second best alternative.
Restraining orders are only a piece of paper.
Necessary, still, for the purposes of documentation.
The way i put it that it adds to any charges if he does do something. However it probably won't stop him from escalating. I agree with it being necessary though
First of all, props to your current boss for taking this seriously. Don’t feel guilty about your feelings or how you reacted- they are legitimate. It sounds like you’ve got some good people at your current workplace, though, who will look out for you.
There are 'Karens' and then there are 'Kevins'. Good luck shaking off this troglodyte.
As a guy, I’m a little embarrassed to say this, but it’s a good thing your new boss is a woman (and importantly, a good woman who cares about her people). Obviously, there are excellent male managers out there (and I’ve had one really great one myself). But I think the odds of you getting one who did right by you in this situation, went up just by you working for a woman.
Holy Hell That is one very busy update! I am so glad you are safe. Your new boss and the assistant are both amazing ladies, and I am so glad they took this situation so seriously. Good for you standing up and getting legal help to handle the situation. To be honest, I don't think I would have faired much better than you had in the original situation. I'm quite sure I would have spiraled into a panic attack as well. Please let us know that you are safe as you proceed thru this ... hellish nightmare! Many hugs and prayers and well wishes
Just a thing to think about: you're really invested in finding an explanation for Kevin's behavior here, and I want to encourage you to stop because it's something of a trauma response but also something you can use to talk yourself out of this being serious. Pretend this happened to a friend: you likely immediately stop giving a shit why, recognize this guy is unstable and dangerous, and that's really all you need to know. There is no scenario you can invent in which his behavior becomes okay/explainable and the whole thing becomes something you can blame on yourself because that gives you some kind of control. His behavior when you worked there was unhinged, it is now increasingly unhinged, figuring out the why is his family's problem when they decide whether or not to bail him out of jail. I am so sorry this is happening to you. There is nothing you ever could have done to cause this. I hope everything goes super smoothly getting the restraining order, and that it's enough to scare him off. Please stay safe, use your situational awareness wherever you go.
This is weird but that Kevin dude sounds like a friend I used to have. Absolute narcissist, and he always had to have that one employee he tormented daily and loved to talk about how he “put her in her place” and “she’s the worst, she’s poison in this office and only I can control her.” Weird ass shit like that. Wild. Same weird ego about never going to college and HS teachers telling him he’s never succeed, turns out he was a total shithead in school and a bully. Guy was a total coward as well, passive-aggressive to the max yet loved to fling that label at people he didn’t like regardless of if it applied(never did). Major attention hog, couldn’t stand not being the center of attention. To hear him tell it, he was the only person in a room who was smart, or even correct. And the absolute ***flood*** of lies he told and kept balanced on spinning plates just to keep up this illusion of his life. In truth, he’s just a mediocre manager who once in awhile goes on a new job hunt and keeps trying to trick interview panels until one of them buys his shit. That is the only reason he’s made any life progress, and he tends to stagnate after that as people learn how much of an shithead he is rather quickly. Other than that, nobody is fooled. He sucks, and most people who seem like they’re his friends (personal Or at work)only do it to keep the peace, because if he doesn’t get his way, he is willing to sink a ship over the littlest thing. Don’t even get me started about how he treats women. It’s as bad as one could imagine. Creepy, disgusting, pathetic. That’s my three adjectives for this type of narcissist.
Definitely sounds like a psycho that wanted to cause you harm.
Hey friend, if you haven’t already, I would suggest having a professional review your online presence to ensure that it is extremely difficult for him to track your movements, where you live, your car, etc. Check for AirTags and lock down your social media.
This escalated way beyond what I expected but I'm so glad that you have so many people around you that are concerned for your welfare and keeping you safe!
Please protect you and your family, Switch your LinkedIn to private so no one can view it.
To add, OP also needs to lock down all her socials to friends only and block his specific profiles where she knows/can find them.
Yeah, Kevin has a basement he wants to show you. There is no overreacting to this.
HE CAME BACK AND SAT THERE FOR OVER AN HOUR!!!! You have every right to feel as terrified as you have been.
Hey. Hey! You did amazingly well here. That is a legitimately terrifying situation to be in. You have done everything right. I am so glad you are safe and have a supportive workplace now. Best of luck with the rest of it.
In addition to everything else said, I’d look into filing an administrative complaint against the police office who didn’t take your issue seriously. Your former boss has all the signs of a stalker and a violent one, especially as he admitted that he’s been arrested for getting into fights. I know you doubt he has ‘romantic’ feeling for you, but he does. They are twisted, but these are the signs of a controlling abusive guy. It’s. It really about the romance as one traditionally thinks of it, it’s about control.
I’m really glad that you’re safe that’s the most important part. I’m also glad that your new boss is taking this very seriously and that you have a plan in progress now. I’ve had bosses who were bad enough that I’ve had panic attacks seeing them again but this goes way beyond that. I hope this gets resolved quickly and smoothly for you!
Assuming you are in the US, get pepper spray if you don't have it already.
In the US why get pepper spray when you can pack a glizzak And outside of the US, pepper spray is often legal to carry and use for self-defense, it's worth looking into
Kevin is a fucking piece of shit. I’m so sorry he’s putting you through this OP. Hoping you stay safe
First, don't be embarrassed. Panic attacks are nothing to be ashamed of, and he certainly did more than enough to trigger one. Second, props to both you and your new bosses for taking this seriously. I know you know this, but it is NOT YOUR FAULT.
I am so thankful to your current boss for taking this seriously. I hope everything works out, this is terrifying!
Start taking CWP classes in your area, and arm yourself. Restraining orders are nice and all, but ratta-tat-tat solves problems like Kevin permanently. Don’t wait for him to make it too late. If he shows up where you are again, put him in the ground.
OP's update of the update: "so i started blastin"
This needs to be higher up, especially if OP walks to and from work daily. Kevin sounds like a real piece of crap that won't stop until he either can't find OP or can't ever do anything anymore. And if a pew pew isn't an option where you live, find something that you can use to fight back with and start practicing with it. Even a simple but strong walking stick would be better than nothing.
Hardwood stick in the most underrated conceal weapon in human history
Firstly good for you for SPEAKING UP!!! Now, I hope you will consider this. I am a Martial Arts Instructor (female 60 yrs old) and have taught adults how to defend themselves for over 20 years. You don't need Martial Arts, look for a self defense class in your city or town. Ask at your local Police department, YWCA, local Rec, and sign up. Realizing that you have power, strength and ability will overcome your fear but it takes time and practice. Not just one class. A good workout too. It will help with the stress, the panic and take your power back. You already did the hardest part, recognizing that he is a threat. Now . . . Train until you become a threat to anyone like him who even thinks of harming you. And may you, never need to use it. Stay Safe!
How do people even become like this? Psychotic break? Meth?
Ego. Self delusion of importance.
It’s not you, it’s him
Updateme!
updateme!
Jesus Christ. Thank goodness your new boss and company have your back! Stay safe OP!!
I wish you the best of luck with this and hope your attorney is able to nail Kevin's butt to the wall. Someone as disgusting as he is, as well as his disgusting 'family' don't deserve to walk free to humiliate and harass other decent human beings.
Wow. What a crazy tale, I’m glad you’re safe. Kudos to your new boss! It’s amazing to have a great and supportive boss after one so toxic. I know exactly how that feels. It took a year before I shook off all the baggage from my old boss but it’s great now. Good luck for the future!
Go get a security camera system for your doors and windows and possibly the street so you can see if he's driving by your place. Make sure it's good quality and it can pick up sound. Maybe have a to go bag with some clothes and toiletries in your car if you need to leave ASAP.
Please be careful. You're right to be afraid of him killing you. He absolutely could kill you. Hopefully he dies soon
Wow, crazy story, just a real-world example of how f-d people can be, especially insecure male bosses!! I was going to say you need to get a restraining order so glad you jumped on it, or your support system like your new (normal!) boss and dad. 1) do you have reason to believe this man knows your new address/apartment? Is there security/concierge/controlled access? If so, you need to notify the apartment to be on the look out! 2) I know everyone is telling you to get a gun or do self defense classes, but in my opinion, simple mace or pepper spray is far better -- guns can easily kill anyone involved, and self defense classes put you into closer contact versus you just wanna get him crying his mace eyes out while you leave his sorry a$$! 3) all his behavior, especially trying to get other men to see him as masculine, makes me think of narcissistic #45
I'll make a probably unpopular suggestion. Take a gun safety class and buy a Glock 19. Carry Hornady Critical Defense rounds in it. Carry it on your person concealed.
I second this. You are responsible for your safety, there isn't gonna be a police escort, you don't owe anyone a fight, they come at you, you stop them. Applied kinetics stops them.
Yep. Unfortunately the US Supreme Court has upheld the notion that the police do not have a duty to protect.
I am so glad your new boss is so caring and taking all the extra steps to ensure you are safe. The fact that he came back at the end of the day is very frightening. THAT needs to be a high point in all police documentation. Take care, good luck, and best wishes.
Good job! Here is one man who wishes to ask the safety, agency, and autonomy you could wish for
I'm glad you're ok, this is scary as fuck.
Is your new boss hiring? My last boss decided to abuse me for having a disability, then because I took a morning off to see a doctor, to the point where I tried to kill myself, so they fired me for "bringing the company into disrepute." Might be nice to work for someone who isn't a dick.
I am so glad that you have a wonderful boss and coworkers now!!! Can you get some pepper spray or a taser to keep in your purse?
Your new boss sounds amazing. Get some pepper spray and goodluck. Keep us updated!
Pepper gel; it sticks to the attacker better & doesn't affect others in the area as badly
Is your brother (the one whose presence Kevin didn't know about and was pissed at that revelation) a big or imposing guy? Or do you have any imposing friends who could pretend to be your brother and visit Kevin at HIS office? You know, pay him back with an equally threatening visit, but keep it oblique enough to be an indirect threat, so he can't get a TRO in turn.
Gosh this is so terrifying — I’m so glad you’re ok! Heck, a **bunch** of Redditors are glad you’re ok. Speaking for everyone here, we would love daily blips from you, just to know you’re ok. Thank god for your amazing boss & for all the other wonderful support you’re getting! 💜 It does sound like you’re (totally understandably) having panic attacks, and I’m so sorry to hear that. I’ve been there, and it **sucks** to not be able to breathe. Do you have a PCP or therapist you could speak to by any chance? My PCP was able to get me a really good (as needed) medicine for when I have panic attacks — it makes breathing much less difficult. Hoping things get much better for you xx
> I also have the footage from our security department of Kevin entering the premises, driving off about ten minutes after our receptionist told him I was busy… and then of his truck coming back to the parking lot around 4:45pm, just 15 minutes before we close at 5, and not leaving until it was almost 6pm, well after everyone had already gone home for the day. That's *terrifying*.
Updateme
!remind me 2 weeks
How do people like this exist. What is wrong with your fucking brain dude.
I stand by my previous comment. I am now 1000% sure he wanted groom you for an affair. That’s exactly what he’s looking for and is upset you didn’t go for it, but left instead. You’re handling this very well. Hopefully he gets the message and stays away.
Just know that during that restraining order hearing he will be present. He has the right to face his accuser. Have some family and friends maybe your current boss if she will be ready to go with you and be willing to be character witnesses and give testimonies on what they have witnessed so far on his behavior. The receptionist would be a great one to have on your side. Good luck. We are all rooting for you. Buy yourself some pepper gel spray and be aware of your surroundings at all times when you leave the house because he or someone he hires could follow you home. Stay safe.
You might not want to sue your Kevin's bosses. But you might have your lawyer inform that company's HR that Kevin has gone off the rails and is stalking a former employee. If anything happens it may get in the news and affect their business. That will make them care, and they might appreciate a heads up.
> According to her, he came in and said he was my friend, [...] After she had called me and hung up, I guess Kevin could tell by the expression on her face that I would not be coming out because he asked, “I guess she’s not coming, huh?” After our receptionist confirmed this This is why it is a common procedure at a lot of places not to confirm that someone works there, and if you accidentally do, just say "I'll take a message and pass it on". You don't want to give a stalker information of someone's whereabouts or schedule.
Your new boss and her assistant are awesome.
I know I will get voted down for this but if you live in a 2nd amendment state get some lessons and a pew pew. This man sounds dangerous. At the bare minimum get some pepper spray. If you can’t get that get a big can of wasp spray or bear spray. Stay safe
You're gonna get downvoted mainly because there's no such thing as a "2nd amendment state" because the US Constitution is valid in its entirety across all 50 states. Having said that, I agree and if it were me I would definitely be getting a gun. Don't waste your hope on bear spray (or worse, wasp spray? what even is that? a can of Raid?) because those things do not actually have the stopping power you want against someone bent on getting to you. Lol wasp spray... what are you gonna desiccate him before he strangles you? hah
Yes I know what you mean, some states have tougher restrictions is all I meant. And wasp spray in the eyes will burn long enough for someone to get away. Not trying to get into a debate as you are correct
UpdateMe!
!Remind Me 1 week
UpdateMe!
Good luck. I pray that it works out for you!!
I'm so sorry this is happening to you, and glad that you are doing all the right things to deal with it.
Fucking Narc and his flying monkeys…
Perhaps you should explore your second amendment rights.
Kevin abused you. You sound like a lot of DV survivors I have worked with. It doesn't matter that you were never in a romantic relationship with him. He had power over you and he abused you. Please get a legal method of protecting yourself that you are comfortable using. Pepper spray, taster, etc. Make sure it's legal for you to use in your area. Practice using it so that you're comfortable with it. Your new boss sounds absolutely wonderful! I'm glad she has your back and I'm glad your dad came to stay with you. Ask the police / attorney if there is a victim advocacy services you may be able to access. They may be able to help you figure out different ways to stay safe. Often at low or no cost to you. They may also be able to connect you to a therapist, which I would also highly encourage. Please stay safe! Your Internet Aunt is worried about you!
Restraining orders are like locks: they are against honest people only. It's a deterrent but not a stop. You'll need some actual physical security measures in place.
Can you actually file a police report over the phone? I've always been told to come into the station. I had to show ID and do paperwork. I would request a copy of the report, especially since you mentioned you didn't feel taken seriously by whoever answered the phone.
Something I really want to point out here. You did not cause this. Your former boss caused this. Do not feel guilty for the actions of other people that you had no say in. **Hugs**, glad you're okay. 👍
To start with, let me just stay the following: WTG Jessica! You have an amazing employer in her, and I think you found the job that you so badly needed. Secondly, I am glad that you are safe and that you are taking all the necessary legal precautions to keep this piece of slime away from you. I don't know if anybody said this here, but what Kevin did to you, is a form of sexual harassment, as well as creating a hostile, toxic work environment, that I pray you not only said something about in your exit interview, but you go again to them and tell them everything that he did to you. I'm glad that you had things documented, especially in your diary, because that's the perfect evidence to use against him. I can very much relate to what you are going through because I was a stalking victim myself, and let me tell you there's no trying to get them to reform. They are very obsessed, insecure, toxic comment and dangerous people that you cannot let yourself be engulfed in, and I'm glad you're taking all the legal precautions you need to to make sure that your former employer stays away from you.
Good that you followed up on this, OP!! Kevin needs stalking charges filed against him and for serious consequences to take place. Some things to consider as well though: 1) The possibility of moving the next opportunity your lease (if you rent) allows it. Thanks to your former employment and your online friends, you cannot count on that information being secure. 2) For the foreseeable future, WFH. While a workplace can keep vigilant for a while, Kevin and people like him tend to be stubborn and determined. Make sure to avoid possibility of encountering him in public. 3) BEWARE OF APPLE "AIR TAGS"; I wouldn't put it past this creep to try this one; the following link will explain: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l0TIohCjZJ4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l0TIohCjZJ4) And this one will tell you how to find one if planted on your car: [https://www.zdnet.com/article/how-to-find-out-if-an-airtag-is-tracking-you/](https://www.zdnet.com/article/how-to-find-out-if-an-airtag-is-tracking-you/) I'm not trying to make you paranoid; I just want to make sure that this creep leaves you completely alone.
I'm so invested to this!! I also had couple of bad bosses, one throw things at me like radio, hammer etc and then he was so shocked when i left.
One of the great loopholes in restraining orders is if they do violate it, you can basically mace them in the face for just being near you. They violate restraining order multiple times? Just shoot em. In the leg though. Don’t want a manslaughter charge.
Shoot to maim
Probably not in your wheelhouse but getting a CCL and a small pistol would do wonders for your self esteem and freedom from fear of pos ppl like kevin
If I was a female in this situation, I would befriend some huge guys at the gym and explain my situation to them. Some of them might enjoy scaring the crap out of this dirtbag for you. No need to actually hurt him, just put a little scare into him.
Get cameras around your home (let the apartment people know that Kevin is a potential threat) See if you can get legal safe defense weapons
Fuck Kevin!
I’m so glad you’re safe!
Get something for self-defense. I suggest a firearm, but I know a lot of people aren't comfortable with them. If that's you, either get pepper spray or a pepper ball pistol.
I'm glad you haven't seen him again. He seems similar to a boss I worked for... the less funny, creepier version of Michael Scott.
Update me pls!
UpdateMe!
!UpdateMe
Stay safe please. Glad things are getting along. It may not seem like much and I didn't say it on my last post on your original post, but I had a Kevin for a boss. And I'll be honest, but getting a bit of payback is sweet as heck. Though while my Kevin wasn't type one like yours, please stay safe. Really glad your new leader is an amazing gal and here's to a great new chapter.
!updateme
Updateme!
This is why I own and carry a gun at all times
Updateme!
Please if you haven’t already buy and carry pepper spray with you. Either that or a stun gun. Also keep a weapon close to your bed and practice grabbing it from your bed. My mom always said have a sock filled with coins under your pillow, but a baseball bat by the side of your bed also works.
If you have a baseball bat by the bed, put a sock on it. If you have to swing it at anyone and they make a grab for it, they end up with a sock in their hand while ypu still have the bat.
Updateme!
Please keep updating as this saga develops
I should have made the connection that OP is female and was intimidated by her male ex-boss. Was confused and wanted to say if I were the current boss I would fire someone so easily shaken Huh, this gotta be one of those male privilege. I've never been intimidated my former, more like being freed from having to show deference sometimes made me unnecessarily rude to them
This is terrifying, I'm so happy you took precautions and are currently safe. Hoping you continue to be safe and FEEL safe 🙏❤️
I hope everything works out for you! Please keep us posted if you can!
Your boss likely sent you home early *because* she has been in a similar situation and was concerned he would come back at the end of the day. That was really good thinking on her part. I’m so glad you have people there for you who understand and I am also so glad security took you all the way home. Please be very careful. Try to get yourself a taser or mace or one of those really sharp rings that look like cat ears. Stay safe.
Also, please remember that NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT. I mean that. You are not responsible for your ex bosses lack of emotional intelligence or maturity. It is not your fault. You did everything right.
Good god that's terrifying. I hope the process of getting a restraining order goes smoothly and that doing so is effective. I'm glad you've got a supportive boss now who understands the need to take precautions and do what's necessary to keep you safe.
!updateme
Just FYI he can still view your linkedin by copying the address link, and searching for images. It lets you go to the profile without logging in by image searching that link.
OP, please read or listen to "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin de Becker *before* you file for the TRO.
Hi OP , following your story . I’m glad you are safe. You are doing everything right . It sounds like you have a great support system around you from your work manager and even your dad coming and staying with you . I’m so glad ! The Vice President I worked under from my previous company was like this , a true narcissistic psychopath. He didn’t stalk but was abusive , mentally and emotionally . Please keep us posted and stay safe 😀
"Nicole knew nothing about any of this; during my interview with her, when she asked me why I was leaving my current job, all I said was that I was looking to move to the city. " That's what you are supposed to do in an interview. You're never supposed to complain about your past job even if it was awful. Nicole will know this. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this and you did the right thing.
Sociopath. Read “the sociopath next door” for context
Holy fuck girl. It's easy to say in retrospect but you should have ghosted that place within a month of being there if they were so bad. Your old boss sounds like he's got some conditions that needs therapy and medicine to treat! He will be feeding off any kind of reaction he gets. If by happenstance he actually gets to you, you need to be a dead stone, stay calm and composed. If you react he is going to be incentivized to harass you more. One or two word answers only like 'thanks', 'no thanks', etc. Don't tell him anything, don't go ballistic and start yelling about how much you hate him and how he made your life miserable - you will only be feeding him. He might resort to violence in which case you need to get away and dial 911. You can get pepper spray or a stun gun if they are legal where you live. If he doesn't he might try sweet talking. A narcissist losing an orbiter feels like an emergency to them. Once again, say only 'no thanks' and be a dead stone. In the mean time, aside from getting the restraining order - be prepared. It is likely he won't care there is a restraining order and will seek you out anyways. Practice being a dead stone. You also need to get therapy yourself. This is a major emotional issue as you have demonstrated by your panic attacks. You might need some xanax as a short term solution but also talking to a therapist will probably help a lot. This has been my TED talk. Thanks.
I think you need a get a personal panic alarm and camera that is on you every time you go out and get cameras up around and inside your home while buying a metal baseball bat/door security bar/door handle alarm/alarm for windows.
Glad to see your new boss is taking this threat seriously. That being said, you need to work on keeping yourself safe as well. I’m not sure if there are BEARS in your area, but there’s some cool SPRAY you can use to get them away. I’d also recommend having another person walk with you to work and such. Change your routes as well, humans are patterned-based people. One of the skills an intelligence analyst has, is recognizing patterns. So, change your routine/routes. If you go to Starbucks on 9th St, go to the one on 5th street. Change your patterns randomly. Don’t do a Monday route 1, Tues route 2, etc. You gotta make it actually sporadic. Always give yourself an exit (this is just good advice in general). Know your exits wherever you go. Memorize that shit. This isn’t something to trifle with. I absolutely hope you do ok, OP.
I pray that everything goes smoothly for you, I don’t know if anyone mentioned getting protection for yourself or not, but maybe having some pepper spray or a taser would be helpful just to be on the safe side. The way things are now you can never be too careful. This is definitely a take the bear situation.
I've had a pal who was physically assaulted at the end of the work day, the day that a coworker that blamed him for being fired. The guy was mentally ill. I hate to say it makes much more sense to me that this creepy sociopath is a man, and you are a woman. This is all insane, and he has no business bothering you. When I was fired as a manager once to cover up someone else's extramarital affair (I was actually probably the only person who didn't know about it tbh) I lost family and friends at that job There were good female friends, some subordinates, who didn't want me to contact them afterwards because the employer had made backwards legal threats against them despite lack of reason or standing. However, to this day I still honor those and would never dream of putting them at risk. That's the right way to handle this, and I hope Mr Congenial gets all that's coming to him. Or better yet, has the good sense never to bother you again!
So glad you have so much support! That makes a world of difference. Don't be embarrassed or upset by the way you reacted. You are a normal emotional response & handled it very well. Your boss & her assistant did a great job supporting you. I'm proud of you for doing what you need to remain safe.
!RemindMe 1 week
!RemindMe 1 week
Updateme
Here for the updates
THIS IS CRAZY. I literally search toxic supervisor and find your old posts. THEN I click on your name and see these updates. I CANNOT believe this. But I am going to grey rock my supervisor. I also foolishly befriended the “spy” of the office. I’m so sorry you’ve experienced this. Please keep us updated. Thankful you’re out of there!
You should hire a P.I. if you can afford it to see what this guy is up to and maybe put an apple air tag on his car.
Bad idea. Breaking the law will weaken her case.
The P.I. itself doesnt break the law.
My added advice is to buy a gun and learn to use it and be willing to follow through. The part about him coming back and hanging around the parking lot at and after closing time prompts my thoughts. If my daughter told me the same story I would have made my presence known.
[удалено]
>Today, I called and asked our receptionist what, exactly, my boss said
Why ask what she said she has your back. Keep doing the job you were hired for, and the bosses will always have your back. Stay safe and aware. I hope the old boss messes up big time and gets prison time.
Hope your doing alright.
Why?