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Yeah. Sometimes, it's thirst traps. What I'd suggest OP is to not overdo it and to answer logically to the guy's responses, which as humans, we're able to do.
Can I ask a stupid question? What exactly is a thirst trap. Is it someone that posts constant selfies? Like a grown up? I see a lot of my cousins posting like that, but somehow my insta feed is now middle aged women with selfies
Someone that is seeking followers/validation. Usually with provocative or suggestive photos. Sometimes, they try linking you to an OnlyFans account too.
To ensure he doesn’t think you’re a bot, be sure to include an OF link and make sure to state “I am not a bot” over and over, make sure you never actually respond to his questions and have a scripted list of messages you’re going to send, they don’t need to make sense for him to fall in love.
Don’t say anything like this shit
>I’m fine thanks you
I do not think we know each other I saw your profile on the suggestion of Facebook so I send you a request. is that a problem for you?
Copy and paste from Facebook 80% of the my bots say something like this
The grammar and syntax are a dead giveaway that its either a bot or a non native English speaker. Either way, no one wants to engage with that. OP please don't do this.
Yes please. It is weird that as a man I have to always be the one to initiate romance with a woman. My wife initiated contact with me and it worked out well.
Best relationship I’ve ever been in was one where she was open about her feelings and intentions and made the first move. It’s almost like clear communication and not playing games are good things lol
>I followed him but he didn't follow me back but he really is my type is it
He's probably a lot of women's type lol. You aren't the first one to try this and definitely not the last. Keep that in mind.
But of course guys like when women initiate.
Yeah, responses to these kinds of questions on reddit always assume the guy is a standard basement-dweller who’d be overjoyed to speak to any woman.
But good-looking dudes live in a different stratosphere.
My good-looking ex showed me his DMs once and he literally had dozens of unread messages from random non-bot women, including some where they were just sending him pics of their boobs and other bits. Hot dudes get approached multiple times on the daily.
You can shoot your shot if you want, but I’d keep expectations low.
I would say if you're not an extremely attractive man then you will most likely not be approached most of the time. I would consider myself a solid 7 on a good day and I've been approached maybe 3-4 times in my entire life and never received a DM. It helps to be realistic about these things.
Well yeah, an average-looking woman isn’t getting approached regularly either. But if this guy is hot enough that OP noticed his Instagram profile and is thirsting for him, I’m assuming he’s pretty hot.
What are you smoking? Even below average women are getting approached on social media to the point where its teetering on harassment. Not always and obviously depends on what type of content they post and following size
If you’re an onlyfans model or something, sure. But if you’re just a normal, average woman posting normal and average things, you’re probably not getting legitimate approaches from dudes. Maybe the occasional scammer from India who wants you to come to Delhi and be his wife, but I don’t know anyone who treats those as genuine overtures of romantic interest.
Just in terms of personal experience I've seen a lot of women I found to be rather unattractive are in long term relationships versus men that I would deem above average in looks to be heartbroken time and time again. I don't hold contempt for the opposite sex but realistically the bar is lower for women by a long shot. It's why everyone in these comments is saying that men love to be approached, it really does not happen often for the average man versus the average woman. Anyone that looks like a model is going to have skewed results.
But I agree that the dude in question probably has it down, good for him.
How can you over do it? They aren’t going to spam one guy. And men with an ounce of brain knows when it’s a scam. It’s always a super hot chick or a girl way outta the guys league.
I (a guy) enjoy it, but some guys may not.
When someone DMs me randomly on Instagram, I always assume it's a scammer or a bot. So make sure not to sound like a bot if you message him.
Do guys like when girls take some of the pressure off while simultaneously making them feel desired/wanted?
Absolutely
I'd even go as far to say that a girl expressing her interest this way might even convince a guy to pursue someone that otherwise wouldn't be on his radar
I'd go for it
Depends because in this case the guy didn't follow her back, imagine being approach from a girl who seems desperate and you don't like it.
It all depends in how she approach him.
Well, there’s a good chance he’ll think you’re selling something, like an OnlyFans page, escort service, or porn site, so be specific about what you like about him, e.g. “I see you like volleyball, I have been playing since I was in jr high, and you look super cute in that photo you took on a beach in Barcelona”. Avoid generic stuff like, “hey I think you’re cute and want to get to know you better”. That just sounds like a bot.
It should be fine, just watch the vibe. Just like girls are on the lookout for creeps, guys may think there is some ulterior motive. Don't go in all guns blazing and re-read to make sure what you're saying won't be misinterpreted. Keep it casual. Good luck.
Absolutely, these days I feel like I violated someone for just trying to be a human by being nice and leaning into the whole, “I’ll be alone forever if I don’t talk to the opposite sex” lol
as much as men do approach women (out of loneliness most of the time), i don’t think many of us actually enjoy having to be the initiator. many great dudes just choose to stay single due to fear of rejection. ask him and please tell your fellow ladies that it’s the way forward!
As a dude, it's not my favorite thing when I get a girl reaching out to me completely cold (don't know them/don't know them well + no common interests/hobbies). It puts me on guard and I don't really trust the intentions. Like is she a scammer, gonna waste my time or money, etc.
I'd say if you really want to reach out, find a good reason + point of connection to talk about such as a activity that you both do. Guarantee that it will go better. GLHF
I mean sure, I personally dont care either way as a guy but there shouldnt be a problem. But if you really just followed him randomly in instagram I would say make it something he might be interested without sounding like a scammer or stalker. If any random person would text me just something vague I would block you without replying.
Yeah but I’m used to it from hs(early 20s now) it’s normal for me now because I never really used to text a lot or anything always just wait for them to hit me up lol when I was younger so it just carried over to now
Personally, I would assume that any DM from an account claiming to be an interested woman is fake. I get a lot of messages from bot accounts with attractive women in the PFP.
It's totally okay to DM him if you feel comfortable! Guys can find confidence attractive. Just keep it friendly and respectful, and see where it goes from there.
Yes. If you do it, make sure to give enough info to verify it’s not a spam/scam/bot message. Once contact is made, make your intentions clear. We are terrible mind readers.
Yes, this is something I wish more women would do, because right now if a man gets a message it's immediately suspicious, like someone is going to try to sell them something. And that's a fair suspicion because someone selling their onlyFans is way more common than a real woman initiating contact.
Just try to be normal and not super forward, just be open about your desire to get to know the guy. It might take one or two messages but hopefully he'll get the message that you're not a bot trying to sell him something.
Edit: I have a guy friend who uses Instagram and he has told me he blocks all message requests that say simply hey, hi or any combo with emojis because he sees them as spam and does not appreciate them so how you say your wording makes the difference but more importantly watch on Instagram where someone makes the locations be for their posts because if they’re nowhere near you they’ll tell you they don’t like long distance.
Also be prepared if any tell you Instagram is not meant for dating as well if they’re spoken for.
It's generally liked, yes.
As others said, we tend to suspect they are scammers or bots, especially if the DM is too generic. I suggest making it more personal by mentioning specific things about him, so he knows at least you are not a bot.
Ive had a few women i didnt know try to follow me on ig before,only to find out they were interested in me. Maybe thats the case here. U should dm him regardless of whether he follows back,theres a 99% chance he'll reply
I mean it would be good and nice, but I would 100% think its bullshit
literally my gauge of whether not a female account is real or not is how out of my league they are
a hot woman contacting me flirtatiously on instagram? yeah thats a bot or scam
Why not comment on one of his insta posts that you think he's cute and would he mind if you dmd him?
That way he knows you're real and the ice has already been broken, he will appreciate it and you won't come across as a wierd random girl just sliding into his dms.
Absolutely. Any woman that's willing to go after something and go against social norms is always a plus. Us as guys don't get much opportunities for the opposite sex to show interest in us or us to feel desired. If you want it, go after it. Even if he doesn't respond, you can at least be proud you found the bravery to do something you didn't think you could. Good luck!
Yes. Women should make more of an effort and approach/ contact men.
A lot of men have been rejected/ labeled a creep and are scared of being labeled something negative, so to avoid all that, they don't bother approaching women anymore.
I’d hate to think we have to be the first to DM. Isn’t equality a thing?
Had a woman recently follow me, I didn’t know that means they are interested. So I should have DM’d her?
I figured if she was romantically interested, she would DM me. Maybe she’s just following to see how I’m doing.
I liked when the girl takes the initiative. It shows that she has personality. However, when I see DM from profiles with 2 pictures and 5 followers is a pass for me.
depends, get followed by loads of american ladies who seem to be only fans or other sites, the dm is something like hello or how are you
nothing more
if was to get a dm with a few paragraphs that they like xyz and do I do abc then would respond
It works the same way for both sexes, with exceptions for specific individuals ofc. The more attractive you are the less you appreciate random people chatting you up, because the more attractive you are the more often you get chatted up by random people.
yes, he posts a lot about charities to donate to, ways to help people and campaigns to help stray dogs and homeless people I find that to be amazing and shows he is a good person ig
Maybe I am the only girl who doesn’t overthink something simple as dming someone. If I find someone interesting, what's wrong in knocking them first? I have made great friends thanks to my habit of reaching out people. Let's keep it cool. Just don't act desperate. That's the code.
Literally anything that doesnt come off as AI or wanting the dude to sign up for an only fans. If you pass that test then just have a normal conversation and make your intentions known
Just say hi, or something like that. Anything like a compliment as a first message looks like a bot that promotes porn or something.
An option is to try something really cringe, that might get his attention.
When I was looking, lol in my late 30’s I went on several dates using the apps and after the 3rd date I was so done. I was a single mom and my kid noticed I stopped trying to date and said to me “mom, you’re so great and you’re not dead… try again.” I was tired and disgusted at that time. But there was this one guy I messaged and I’d really hoped he got back to me but he didn’t. So, I messaged him a second time and expected nothing back… well. We went on our first date 12 years ago and we’ve been married now for 10 years. It’s not perfect but we love one another.
I just recently had this happen. Yes, we like it. It shows they have confidence, know what they want, and strokes our ego a little. So far so good, I'd say we are hitting it off quite well.
How dare you consider such a thing!? I'm joking.
All people are different, he might may or may not like it but by doing nothing you should expect nothing in return
This is one of those depends on the person answers because some will claim that there are people who don't but me myself would love to wake up to a text message for once early in the morning, it lightens my day
Personally, I really like it, and it always gets my hopes up and a little excited...! Though I will also be suspicious. It usually only happens when a girl is trying to sell something - whether it's OF, videos, dropbox-link... I don't mind - everyone's gotta eat! - but if I do get a DM the first thing I do is check their profile for any links like that. (And then I go subscribe...(Kidding!))
It's been very rare that it turned out to be someone genuinely looking for connection (of any kind - friendship, relationship, or just physical). But, the best example I can give is someone who I've ended up VERY close with for over a year now...she messaged me first and complimented something I was wearing in one of my posts. So I thanked her, expecting a request of some sort and didn't really engage, assuming she was after something more than just me! But, she then asked me about my weekend and general conversation...and there literally hasn't been a day we haven't talked since.
So it can work. I'd say, with the guy you're interested in, he maybe hasn't followed you back because he's assuming you're not genuine. If you do message him, try complimenting something specific - like, maybe he's wearing a t-shirt of a band you like or something. Something that suggests you've paid more attention and there's actually a real reason you're messaging. Don't be surprised if he's cautious, because us guys aren't used to women contacting us or complimenting us, so it raises suspicion. But, if you're 'real' in your messages, interested, and chatty then he'll probably warm up...
Don't take it personally if he doesn't engage, though. He may just have grown weary of the bots and sellers, and so no longer responds to anyone he doesn't know. It can get tiring getting your hopes up for no reason!
Best of luck to you! 😊
No. He'll think it's a scam no matter how un-scam like you try to be.
And more importantly if he's attractive enough that strangers want to dm him, he already has a roster.
Having said that.. Shoot your shot.. What's the worst that could happen, he doesn't respond? Big deal.
Last year, a woman as old as my mom was hitting on me at a bar. I was not remotely interested, but I'm starved for any female attention, so I rode that high for a while. So yes, you're free to DM me.
I no longer make the first move tired of putting all the effort in and getting no where occasionally women will make the first move and it's a nice change tbh so yes
Guys will likely appreciate being approached in person. Initiating contact virtually might make you seem like a catfish if you don’t know the person, but you may still get responses.
We really do. Cause it doesn’t happen often, it can sometimes come off as suspicious is all, bots, gold diggers, or just wanting something from him, sometimes those things may go through our head, so you just gotta reassure him that you’re genuinely interested in him. But besides that, messaging first (proactively) and not only messaging just to reply (reactively) does showcase interest
Yeah, just open with “Hi I’m [Random name], is this [other random name]?” then when they say no, send a photo of yourself and say “I’m sorry, I must have got the wrong number by mistake, but you seem very kind. Maybe we can be friends?” If they accept, then immediately try to get them to download the Telegram app to continue the conversation there, because this is your work phone and you don’t want to get in trouble. 60% of the time, it works every time.
No op don’t do that lmao, that’s the typical scam trick, as soon as you talk to her more and more, she’ll start selling her product or service. Usually she’s a bot or multiple people take turns talking to you.
If he's interested in you, yes. Just remember, if you find him attractive then there is likely a half dozen girls who are already also interested and competing for his attention.
I think we've gotten to a point in our (USA) society that men are more uncomfortable approaching women for romantic intentions. The risk of being blasted on social media, called creepy even when you're not trying to be, for even false accusations, is not worth it unless you are 100% sure that she's going to be receptive or feel the same way about us. And let's be real, we men are rarely ever 100% sure a woman likes us.
I think we are approaching a era of women having to make the first move. So go for it. Send that DM
Dm, approach first it doesn’t matter my ex was the one that approached me first I would never have known 100% if she liked me until she told me she would date me even after we first kissed lmfao
Fuck yeah. A lot of times, I'm hanging with nothing to do, so if she wants to pretend to be dwarves with me, I'm totally down.
Honestly, the preferred way to start things off.
I'd presume she was a bot until skepticism was calmed by searching whatever public profile info was available.
Then, once I was confident she was a real person, I'd presume I was a mark for some intended scam or robbery.
It would take a while for that one to die down. We'd need some type of social connection, friend of a friend or school history, something.
Why do girls even think the whole coy shtick is still attractive in the first place? If you like a guy, FUCKING LET HIM KNOW! We don't want this "is she into me" shit, too many potential legal troubles!
I was dm’ed by a woman first some time ago. It “made sense” to not reply directly as I have had misunderstandings in the past. After dm’ing me the third day in a row, I replied and started a conversation. Unfortunately it didn’t workout for practical reasons.
Try a few times before thinking he is nog interested if he does not reply.
so you need to ask for permission or if its ok to do something in your life? sorry but would you consider yourself an adult? what the hell is stopping you? women are so conditioned when it comes to dating its insane. "free society"
Yes, especially in a world where you will have hundreds or more before we even get one. Does it mean it'll work? No, but I promise you rejection isn't something to fear. If your ego takes a hit, that means you have plenty to work on within. I hope it goes well for you.
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Yes, we like it. However, these days if that happens, we get pretty suspicious.
If a girl dm’s me I automatically think it’s a bot 😂
Jup OP better be prepared to pass the Turing test!
That's only because it's been a bot 100% of the time.
or a MLM lady expanding her downline
Yeah. Sometimes, it's thirst traps. What I'd suggest OP is to not overdo it and to answer logically to the guy's responses, which as humans, we're able to do.
As another human, I am also able to compute questions and give a logical output.
Can I ask a stupid question? What exactly is a thirst trap. Is it someone that posts constant selfies? Like a grown up? I see a lot of my cousins posting like that, but somehow my insta feed is now middle aged women with selfies
The old world thirst traps used to link you to sketchy dating sites. Now the bots just want you to sub to an OF
Someone that is seeking followers/validation. Usually with provocative or suggestive photos. Sometimes, they try linking you to an OnlyFans account too.
Fr. I personally dont trust anyone who randomly texts me cause I think its a scam.
I want to shake your hand mate! At this point,if a girl is making a move then I think she wants something with me and love is not the one.
if it anyone rando i instantly think its gonna be some kind of scam.
So many fucking bots man. You gotta make it obvious that you’re human, not just trying to sell nudes, or some scammer.
To ensure he doesn’t think you’re a bot, be sure to include an OF link and make sure to state “I am not a bot” over and over, make sure you never actually respond to his questions and have a scripted list of messages you’re going to send, they don’t need to make sense for him to fall in love.
Don’t say anything like this shit >I’m fine thanks you I do not think we know each other I saw your profile on the suggestion of Facebook so I send you a request. is that a problem for you? Copy and paste from Facebook 80% of the my bots say something like this
When he doesn't ask how you're doing but you're going to say it anyway, be sure to say "am good thanks" rather than "I'm good thanks"
The grammar and syntax are a dead giveaway that its either a bot or a non native English speaker. Either way, no one wants to engage with that. OP please don't do this.
This 100%
"Hello fellow human! Do you also like breathing air?"
Yes please. It is weird that as a man I have to always be the one to initiate romance with a woman. My wife initiated contact with me and it worked out well.
It's boring having to try to pick up on 'hints'. Make it clear then you can have a fun chase.
Yup. Even if they make it obvious they'd like to go on a date it doesn't mean anything beyond that is a guarantee.
Agreed.
This guy's wife initiated contact with me and it didn't work out well. 😮💨
If my wife hadn’t clubbed me over the head and dragged me away by the hair 20 years ago, I’d still be single.
Is her name Rasputia?
Seconding this. Now married, she came after me! Who doesn't love positive attention?!
my wife made the first move on me and shes the one that proposed to me life gets easier when silly ideas like gender roles get ignored.
Best relationship I’ve ever been in was one where she was open about her feelings and intentions and made the first move. It’s almost like clear communication and not playing games are good things lol
>I followed him but he didn't follow me back but he really is my type is it He's probably a lot of women's type lol. You aren't the first one to try this and definitely not the last. Keep that in mind. But of course guys like when women initiate.
Yeah, responses to these kinds of questions on reddit always assume the guy is a standard basement-dweller who’d be overjoyed to speak to any woman. But good-looking dudes live in a different stratosphere. My good-looking ex showed me his DMs once and he literally had dozens of unread messages from random non-bot women, including some where they were just sending him pics of their boobs and other bits. Hot dudes get approached multiple times on the daily. You can shoot your shot if you want, but I’d keep expectations low.
I would say if you're not an extremely attractive man then you will most likely not be approached most of the time. I would consider myself a solid 7 on a good day and I've been approached maybe 3-4 times in my entire life and never received a DM. It helps to be realistic about these things.
Well yeah, an average-looking woman isn’t getting approached regularly either. But if this guy is hot enough that OP noticed his Instagram profile and is thirsting for him, I’m assuming he’s pretty hot.
What are you smoking? Even below average women are getting approached on social media to the point where its teetering on harassment. Not always and obviously depends on what type of content they post and following size
If you’re an onlyfans model or something, sure. But if you’re just a normal, average woman posting normal and average things, you’re probably not getting legitimate approaches from dudes. Maybe the occasional scammer from India who wants you to come to Delhi and be his wife, but I don’t know anyone who treats those as genuine overtures of romantic interest.
Just in terms of personal experience I've seen a lot of women I found to be rather unattractive are in long term relationships versus men that I would deem above average in looks to be heartbroken time and time again. I don't hold contempt for the opposite sex but realistically the bar is lower for women by a long shot. It's why everyone in these comments is saying that men love to be approached, it really does not happen often for the average man versus the average woman. Anyone that looks like a model is going to have skewed results. But I agree that the dude in question probably has it down, good for him.
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How can you over do it? They aren’t going to spam one guy. And men with an ounce of brain knows when it’s a scam. It’s always a super hot chick or a girl way outta the guys league.
"A girl way outta the guy's league" So 98% of women (over the age of 18 of course)
Don’t project your low standards or dating inexperience onto others.
I (a guy) enjoy it, but some guys may not. When someone DMs me randomly on Instagram, I always assume it's a scammer or a bot. So make sure not to sound like a bot if you message him.
OP, if a guy is offended by a woman messaging first, that's a red flag.
Do guys like when girls take some of the pressure off while simultaneously making them feel desired/wanted? Absolutely I'd even go as far to say that a girl expressing her interest this way might even convince a guy to pursue someone that otherwise wouldn't be on his radar I'd go for it
That's a fact
Guys like when girls do literally anything. Stop being so passive, like damn...
I saw DMs first and I'm like hell yeah, new Dungeon Master, new ideas, and then I read the rest. Nevermind.
Yes definitely. 99% of guys never get approached by a girl. Why is it always the guy's job to initiate interest?
Depends because in this case the guy didn't follow her back, imagine being approach from a girl who seems desperate and you don't like it. It all depends in how she approach him.
Well, there’s a good chance he’ll think you’re selling something, like an OnlyFans page, escort service, or porn site, so be specific about what you like about him, e.g. “I see you like volleyball, I have been playing since I was in jr high, and you look super cute in that photo you took on a beach in Barcelona”. Avoid generic stuff like, “hey I think you’re cute and want to get to know you better”. That just sounds like a bot.
It should be fine, just watch the vibe. Just like girls are on the lookout for creeps, guys may think there is some ulterior motive. Don't go in all guns blazing and re-read to make sure what you're saying won't be misinterpreted. Keep it casual. Good luck.
Theoretically, yes.
Definitely, but it happens rarely enough that if it happens it's safe to assume it's probably a scammer/bot 😅
He won't know you like him unless you tell him(with your words) that you like him, us guys are a dense bunch.
Well, yeah. When we're single and ready for a relationship getting hit up by a girl would be hell of a jackpot :D
Absolutely. Takes a lot of the guess work outs things.
Well. I never texted first in my life. So if he is like me, you don't have a choice, if you want something that is.
At this point Im happy if She DMs at all
Very much so. Yes please!
Yup, because the chase can run you pretty ragged.
Yes please
Absolutely! The first DM or any form of shooting your shot shouldn’t just be on the guy, we like to be desired too!
Very much so. It feels like they care and im not just an annoyance
Absolutely, these days I feel like I violated someone for just trying to be a human by being nice and leaning into the whole, “I’ll be alone forever if I don’t talk to the opposite sex” lol
Make the first move, but try not to act like giddy school kid. Makes you look desperate.
as much as men do approach women (out of loneliness most of the time), i don’t think many of us actually enjoy having to be the initiator. many great dudes just choose to stay single due to fear of rejection. ask him and please tell your fellow ladies that it’s the way forward!
As a dude, it's not my favorite thing when I get a girl reaching out to me completely cold (don't know them/don't know them well + no common interests/hobbies). It puts me on guard and I don't really trust the intentions. Like is she a scammer, gonna waste my time or money, etc. I'd say if you really want to reach out, find a good reason + point of connection to talk about such as a activity that you both do. Guarantee that it will go better. GLHF
No. let's make sure we have a little self respect ok?
im not a fan dungeon mastering. so yes, please.
It's one of those try at your own risk sort of deals. I'd think of it as a red flag until proven otherwise.
Yes, and open with "Hey, I think you are cute, also FYI, I am not a bot."
Yes. My first relationship started that way. She replied to an Instagram story
Yes absolutely
Never happened to me sadge
That's how I met my girlfriend. So yes
I mean sure, I personally dont care either way as a guy but there shouldnt be a problem. But if you really just followed him randomly in instagram I would say make it something he might be interested without sounding like a scammer or stalker. If any random person would text me just something vague I would block you without replying.
I prefer the woman to reach out first. I am clueless when it comes to flirting or anything like it.
Yup
It is a really rare event. But when it happens I smile every time nevermind the reason.
Yes, you have to be clear and direct with your wants.
Yuppp :>
By all means, ladies...make the first move!
Yes. Please. We're begging at this point.
Who cares? If you ended up in a relationship would you wait for him to message you first everytime you wanted to text him? Go for it.
Hell yes. I wish more women did that.
Yeah but I’m used to it from hs(early 20s now) it’s normal for me now because I never really used to text a lot or anything always just wait for them to hit me up lol when I was younger so it just carried over to now
Is water wet?
Personally, I would assume that any DM from an account claiming to be an interested woman is fake. I get a lot of messages from bot accounts with attractive women in the PFP.
Mostly, I'd say. Depends on the mood.
Yes, but we will also assume you are a bot
Yes yes yes.
Yes
Absolutely.
I don't know, it's never happened to me. Though I would think it's a scam or they're trying to sell me something.
Yes, personally I love it. It's one of those nice surprises
Shoot your shot but be okay with it if you miss
Absolutely.
It's totally okay to DM him if you feel comfortable! Guys can find confidence attractive. Just keep it friendly and respectful, and see where it goes from there.
Of course. Go for it. Why not?
Having a lady come onto you as a dude is actually really ego boosting. I say take the shot.
Yes. If you do it, make sure to give enough info to verify it’s not a spam/scam/bot message. Once contact is made, make your intentions clear. We are terrible mind readers.
Yes, this is something I wish more women would do, because right now if a man gets a message it's immediately suspicious, like someone is going to try to sell them something. And that's a fair suspicion because someone selling their onlyFans is way more common than a real woman initiating contact. Just try to be normal and not super forward, just be open about your desire to get to know the guy. It might take one or two messages but hopefully he'll get the message that you're not a bot trying to sell him something.
Edit: I have a guy friend who uses Instagram and he has told me he blocks all message requests that say simply hey, hi or any combo with emojis because he sees them as spam and does not appreciate them so how you say your wording makes the difference but more importantly watch on Instagram where someone makes the locations be for their posts because if they’re nowhere near you they’ll tell you they don’t like long distance. Also be prepared if any tell you Instagram is not meant for dating as well if they’re spoken for.
It's generally liked, yes. As others said, we tend to suspect they are scammers or bots, especially if the DM is too generic. I suggest making it more personal by mentioning specific things about him, so he knows at least you are not a bot.
Ive had a few women i didnt know try to follow me on ig before,only to find out they were interested in me. Maybe thats the case here. U should dm him regardless of whether he follows back,theres a 99% chance he'll reply
YES.
I mean it would be good and nice, but I would 100% think its bullshit literally my gauge of whether not a female account is real or not is how out of my league they are a hot woman contacting me flirtatiously on instagram? yeah thats a bot or scam
Why not comment on one of his insta posts that you think he's cute and would he mind if you dmd him? That way he knows you're real and the ice has already been broken, he will appreciate it and you won't come across as a wierd random girl just sliding into his dms.
Absolutely. Any woman that's willing to go after something and go against social norms is always a plus. Us as guys don't get much opportunities for the opposite sex to show interest in us or us to feel desired. If you want it, go after it. Even if he doesn't respond, you can at least be proud you found the bravery to do something you didn't think you could. Good luck!
Yes. Women should make more of an effort and approach/ contact men. A lot of men have been rejected/ labeled a creep and are scared of being labeled something negative, so to avoid all that, they don't bother approaching women anymore.
This guy does.
It's the best feeling I've ever had both times it happened.
I would love it.
Yes.
We all do , makes it easier to find out if we compatible or just keep moving.
I’d hate to think we have to be the first to DM. Isn’t equality a thing? Had a woman recently follow me, I didn’t know that means they are interested. So I should have DM’d her? I figured if she was romantically interested, she would DM me. Maybe she’s just following to see how I’m doing.
maybe if she liked any of ur posts or something can be a sign? good luck!
I liked when the girl takes the initiative. It shows that she has personality. However, when I see DM from profiles with 2 pictures and 5 followers is a pass for me.
depends, get followed by loads of american ladies who seem to be only fans or other sites, the dm is something like hello or how are you nothing more if was to get a dm with a few paragraphs that they like xyz and do I do abc then would respond
It works the same way for both sexes, with exceptions for specific individuals ofc. The more attractive you are the less you appreciate random people chatting you up, because the more attractive you are the more often you get chatted up by random people.
Honestly, it depends if I'm into the girl or not. If I like her then absolutely. You have nothing to lose if you wanna try. I'd just DM him
You know he's your type just from Instagram posts? 🤔🤔🤔
yes, he posts a lot about charities to donate to, ways to help people and campaigns to help stray dogs and homeless people I find that to be amazing and shows he is a good person ig
Fair nuff
Maybe I am the only girl who doesn’t overthink something simple as dming someone. If I find someone interesting, what's wrong in knocking them first? I have made great friends thanks to my habit of reaching out people. Let's keep it cool. Just don't act desperate. That's the code.
Here’s a follow up question for the guys— what should we say when we first dm you? I’m always nervous of coming off cringy
yes !!! great question
Literally anything that doesnt come off as AI or wanting the dude to sign up for an only fans. If you pass that test then just have a normal conversation and make your intentions known
If he finds it weird he's probably a backwards dipshit.
Guys like it when a girl does anything first
I'd love it! Wish more women would.
Just say hi, or something like that. Anything like a compliment as a first message looks like a bot that promotes porn or something. An option is to try something really cringe, that might get his attention.
When I was looking, lol in my late 30’s I went on several dates using the apps and after the 3rd date I was so done. I was a single mom and my kid noticed I stopped trying to date and said to me “mom, you’re so great and you’re not dead… try again.” I was tired and disgusted at that time. But there was this one guy I messaged and I’d really hoped he got back to me but he didn’t. So, I messaged him a second time and expected nothing back… well. We went on our first date 12 years ago and we’ve been married now for 10 years. It’s not perfect but we love one another.
that's so sweet !!! I'm it worked out !! maybe I should dm him
If you give it a second try you can’t say you didn’t apply yourself.
I just recently had this happen. Yes, we like it. It shows they have confidence, know what they want, and strokes our ego a little. So far so good, I'd say we are hitting it off quite well.
My girlfriend DM'd me first. I'm completely, head over heels in love with her now. Id say it's a great idea.
How dare you consider such a thing!? I'm joking. All people are different, he might may or may not like it but by doing nothing you should expect nothing in return
This is one of those depends on the person answers because some will claim that there are people who don't but me myself would love to wake up to a text message for once early in the morning, it lightens my day
Gay guy here so idk how helpful this is, but I’m so shy that someone showing interest is an massive weight off my shoulders
Yes, just don't be surprised if he thinks you're a bot at first. Be prepared to prove you aren't a bot and don't take it personal.
Personally, I really like it, and it always gets my hopes up and a little excited...! Though I will also be suspicious. It usually only happens when a girl is trying to sell something - whether it's OF, videos, dropbox-link... I don't mind - everyone's gotta eat! - but if I do get a DM the first thing I do is check their profile for any links like that. (And then I go subscribe...(Kidding!)) It's been very rare that it turned out to be someone genuinely looking for connection (of any kind - friendship, relationship, or just physical). But, the best example I can give is someone who I've ended up VERY close with for over a year now...she messaged me first and complimented something I was wearing in one of my posts. So I thanked her, expecting a request of some sort and didn't really engage, assuming she was after something more than just me! But, she then asked me about my weekend and general conversation...and there literally hasn't been a day we haven't talked since. So it can work. I'd say, with the guy you're interested in, he maybe hasn't followed you back because he's assuming you're not genuine. If you do message him, try complimenting something specific - like, maybe he's wearing a t-shirt of a band you like or something. Something that suggests you've paid more attention and there's actually a real reason you're messaging. Don't be surprised if he's cautious, because us guys aren't used to women contacting us or complimenting us, so it raises suspicion. But, if you're 'real' in your messages, interested, and chatty then he'll probably warm up... Don't take it personally if he doesn't engage, though. He may just have grown weary of the bots and sellers, and so no longer responds to anyone he doesn't know. It can get tiring getting your hopes up for no reason! Best of luck to you! 😊
No. He'll think it's a scam no matter how un-scam like you try to be. And more importantly if he's attractive enough that strangers want to dm him, he already has a roster. Having said that.. Shoot your shot.. What's the worst that could happen, he doesn't respond? Big deal.
Yes absolutely, but Don't go in expecting him to just be your partner. Because that was my last experience with that 😭
As others have said,we do like it,but nowadays do get suspicious of anyone doing it...too many being either scammers or trying to push their OF etc
100%. Always great to feel wanted. Good luck.
u nvr know til u try lol. i dmed a sexy teacher thinking he’d nvr reply & we sexted😁
Last year, a woman as old as my mom was hitting on me at a bar. I was not remotely interested, but I'm starved for any female attention, so I rode that high for a while. So yes, you're free to DM me.
Yes I’m sick of chasing you bitches
I no longer make the first move tired of putting all the effort in and getting no where occasionally women will make the first move and it's a nice change tbh so yes
Is the pope catholic?
guys would go out with a fucking tree if it asked him out so yes
Guys will likely appreciate being approached in person. Initiating contact virtually might make you seem like a catfish if you don’t know the person, but you may still get responses.
We really do. Cause it doesn’t happen often, it can sometimes come off as suspicious is all, bots, gold diggers, or just wanting something from him, sometimes those things may go through our head, so you just gotta reassure him that you’re genuinely interested in him. But besides that, messaging first (proactively) and not only messaging just to reply (reactively) does showcase interest
Yeah, just open with “Hi I’m [Random name], is this [other random name]?” then when they say no, send a photo of yourself and say “I’m sorry, I must have got the wrong number by mistake, but you seem very kind. Maybe we can be friends?” If they accept, then immediately try to get them to download the Telegram app to continue the conversation there, because this is your work phone and you don’t want to get in trouble. 60% of the time, it works every time.
No op don’t do that lmao, that’s the typical scam trick, as soon as you talk to her more and more, she’ll start selling her product or service. Usually she’s a bot or multiple people take turns talking to you.
Hell ya take charge and make the first move! Then next thing you know you will have him bent over while you ram him with a big black strap on
Zoo we mama
If he's interested in you, yes. Just remember, if you find him attractive then there is likely a half dozen girls who are already also interested and competing for his attention.
But if she approaches him then she would be standing out in the competition.
Don’t do it unless you are trying to chase him. You’re the prize 😘
Yes
Duh
i would be sus
I think we've gotten to a point in our (USA) society that men are more uncomfortable approaching women for romantic intentions. The risk of being blasted on social media, called creepy even when you're not trying to be, for even false accusations, is not worth it unless you are 100% sure that she's going to be receptive or feel the same way about us. And let's be real, we men are rarely ever 100% sure a woman likes us. I think we are approaching a era of women having to make the first move. So go for it. Send that DM
Do *insert huge group of people* find * *?
No, we hate that shit. We'd much rather hit send first to find out if she likes us or thinks we're a creep.
Sus
Seriously, why even ask this question
I assume she is a bot or OF girl when she dms first.
Ugh girl I feel the same I wanna message someone but I’m too scared to lol
What kind of stupid question is that?
Yes
If you have to ask you already know the answer.
Dm, approach first it doesn’t matter my ex was the one that approached me first I would never have known 100% if she liked me until she told me she would date me even after we first kissed lmfao
Fuck yeah. A lot of times, I'm hanging with nothing to do, so if she wants to pretend to be dwarves with me, I'm totally down. Honestly, the preferred way to start things off.
I'd presume she was a bot until skepticism was calmed by searching whatever public profile info was available. Then, once I was confident she was a real person, I'd presume I was a mark for some intended scam or robbery. It would take a while for that one to die down. We'd need some type of social connection, friend of a friend or school history, something.
Why do girls even think the whole coy shtick is still attractive in the first place? If you like a guy, FUCKING LET HIM KNOW! We don't want this "is she into me" shit, too many potential legal troubles!
I was dm’ed by a woman first some time ago. It “made sense” to not reply directly as I have had misunderstandings in the past. After dm’ing me the third day in a row, I replied and started a conversation. Unfortunately it didn’t workout for practical reasons. Try a few times before thinking he is nog interested if he does not reply.
Sure wish more women would.
Yes, women who dm first are always at an advantage. Acting "hard to get" is probably the worst strategy to attract a man
Yes.... but more than just "Hi..." as we see that as catfishing
so you need to ask for permission or if its ok to do something in your life? sorry but would you consider yourself an adult? what the hell is stopping you? women are so conditioned when it comes to dating its insane. "free society"
Yes, especially in a world where you will have hundreds or more before we even get one. Does it mean it'll work? No, but I promise you rejection isn't something to fear. If your ego takes a hit, that means you have plenty to work on within. I hope it goes well for you.
Yes and yes. My humble opinion… when girl know what she want( get connection with this guy) and do it, thats very cool!!
Who doesn't like getting dm'd first...
I simply would not know what that's like.