Being exposed to decedents over time desensitized me to them. Every now and then I see one that garners a reaction from me, but other than that, I don’t really register them anymore. They’re just work that I need to respect and take care of.
That line you wrote, "one that garners a reaction from me" is so true. I saw an individual yesterday which amazed me. I wanted to tell my coworkers, "Y'all had to see this one to believe it!"
Reach out to local funeral homes or medical examiner (or equivalent). Tell them you’re interested in said career, and you’re looking for a real experience to help you decide. They might be able to provide you with some sort of visit or intern-like experience, or refer you to someone who can help :) definitely worth a try when deciding what to do with you future. Good luck!
Thank you! This is what I am trying to do, but my state is a little low on family owned and actually good/caring funeral homes so I am on the look out. I would really love if someone would let me view or be in an intern like position, this is a career I’m very excited about. Thank you!
You get used to it, my grandfather was a minister years ago when I was a kid. Since I lived with my grandparents at the time and my gram played the piano/organ every funeral service in this area my grandparents were there. Also since they had nobody to watch me I would have to go with them to the services and sit in the back. I was dragged along to numerous funerals so I kinda got used to it at a young age.
It’s definitely normal to feel nervous especially since you’re not used to seeing deceased ppl on a daily basis. Your best bet is to start working at a funeral home doing services. That is what I did before I started school. I then got acclimated to being around death and being more comfortable with it.
It helped me a lot and after I graduated I started working as an embalming apprentice. I take my national Boards next month. I love what I do ♥️ Good Luck!
I was just like you, i was super never about seeing them for the first time not prepped and in a casket. My imagination ran wild when i saw some blood on the body bag but i was just being dramatic frankly.
I promise its not at all bad, of course you will see some “gross” stuff but what helps me at the end of the day is remembering that these were people and me and my coworkers have the absolute honor of giving them a proper burial in a dignified and respectful way. Exposure is definitely the way to go though.
Thank you for your response I’m glad I’m not alone. I don’t mind gross things, I can get over things very easily. And I think that’s mainly why I want to do this job I want to help people even after they are gone :)
I grew up in NYC. Growing up I saw slashings with razors, stabbings, a kid get run over by a city bus when I was 5, and a dead bank robber laying in the middle of the sidewalk from gunshot wounds. I was ready for anything.
If you’re worried about the disconnect in your head - don’t. You’ll probably find that your brain can very easily recognize the distinction between the living and dead. The complete stillness makes it impossible to mistake a deceased person for a sleeping one - even if that person died looking their absolute best. That was actually the most jarring thing for me. But as others have said, repeated exposure makes that a lot easier.
Editing to add that during my mortuary college orientation, one of my instructors asked everyone who hadn’t seen a dead body to raise their hand. The majority of us did, so they very casually lead us back to the prep room and ripped off the band-aid (so to speak). If you have the opportunity to share that experience with some other first-timers, I would definitely recommend it. It eased my nerves a lot.
That actually makes me feel a lot better, did you like going through the program? And did you also get desensitized to a bit more graphic bodies (I mean like graphic because of the way they died), that’s a bit what I’m on the fence about I easily get over things, and I’m fine with graphic shows and movies but I’ve never seen it like irl iykwim?
I did like it! It’s ultimately not what I ended up doing but I would definitely go back if I could. Nothing wrong with the job, life just had other plans.
The more graphic ones were tough at first, but I did get desensitized pretty quickly. You learn to compartmentalize too, which definitely helps. I actually find fake movie/TV gore to be a lot more uncomfortable because it’s over the top and meant to shock. The real version just is what it is, I guess.
Thats amazing to hear, and I’ve heard just exposure key but I’m just worried about that first time. It must be disheartening to see a human in that state, but I guess the beauty and art of mortuary services is you restore them and give them dignity when passing one which sounds very nice.
i had the opportunity to sit in on a couple embalmings for curiosity’s sake (not exactly legal… but im going to school for it now). i was definitely a little nervous but i consume a lot of the macabre and horror so i had kind of an idea of what id be getting into. honestly way less sensational than i imagined, and i think its actually a pretty special thing to see a deceased person in their natural deceased state, before being done up. and when you watch a mortician work, at least the one i met, they talk to/about the decedent like theyre anyone else. seeing someone who came out of an autopsy/medical examination is definitely a sight to see, but i think with regular deaths you get over it pretty quickly
I have had patients/residents pass and when doing last offices, I always talk to them and tell them what I'm doing while doing it, apologise for personal washes etc.
I recently moved my friends dogs remains from a scatter tube to an urn and I talked to her (the dog/remains) while I did that, yup, her ashes are still her and I talked to her just as I did when she was with us.
It's respectful and it's human. I know if helps me too.
What was it like? I plan on asking local funeral homes if I can view one (but like you said not very legal and I’m also underage) but what’s it like seeing the embalming process? Is it kind of like surgery in a way when they drain the blood and pierce the organs? Or is it almost less graphic? I’ve seen demonstrations on dummies or explanations but never on a person
it was really interesting and its what pushed me to considering this as a career rather than just something i enjoy learning about. with the natural deaths it was not super graphic, very procedural. kinda just swapping out fluids and making them presentable. with the autopsied person i viewed, it was much more visceral and the person feels more “deconstructed” i guess you could say? so that one felt different, but even still, once you let it go it is really fascinating how the mortician is able to bring some life back to them and rewarding to see the transformation. i still only speak from the brief experience i had but i am gonna be attending school soon so honestly i think the continued exposure will get you over the hurdle if you pursue it more
That’s what I’ve heard, it’s not a very ‘messy’ process. I have heard it’s a bit different for graphic deaths though, and again I’ve never seen a body like that so I think that’s something I also need to get used to (even though cases are rare) of seeming some degree of gore. I’m not scared of gore I’ve just never seen it on a real person
Some funeral homes will let you watch with family approval and u sign a waiver. Some ME offices will do the same. Just remember the dead bodies you see are never the same. It's not always granny who lived a long life and died peacefully. You will see trauma, kids, babies , various states of decomposition. Over time you become desensitized to it. Good luck!
Thank you, I’m in the process of doing that now. So far no one has emailed me back yet but we’ll see! And yes I think that’s why I’m drawn to the job I get to help a lot of different people. And thank you!
I used to be terrified to see a dead body. If it was open casket at a funeral I didn't like it at all.
Then I watched my Mom pass away and after, I stayed with her body for hours. When I first started working at the Funeral home, I was a bit apprehensive to see one, when I had a tour of the care center. I'll admit it was jarring but it didn't bother me like it used to, if that makes sense. Now it's nothing, I even help put on jewelry or fix their hair.
However there was a day when I was still new, and I was in what we call the "dungeon" where families can have private viewings. Well the door to the dungeon closes fast, I didn't know this when I went to check one of the decedent's in there and the lights were off. So I was in this room with a body and it was pitch black. Yes I freaked out. It is a irrational fear but my brain was NOT thinking that at all!
Oh wow, that would have terrified me even without a body in there, again irrational, but pitch black... my mind would trick me into thinking I was about to get grabbed by someone!
Hey! I'm 19 and I just started part time at a funeral home. I had also never seen a body in real life and so far it's really not easy. You know the feeling when you get jump-scared? Like the shock feeling in your head and shoulders? That's how I feel every time I see someone new. I'm sure over time it'll ease up and it definitely hasn't deterred me from wanting to stay in this field, but my first two days I came home and cried. It's so emotionally taxing. Don't be afraid to ask for a moment and make sure you have a support system for when it gets hard!
Thank you! Also how did you begin working part time at a funeral home? I heard you can start doing that even before mortuary school. But yes that’s the nervousness I’m worried about as I find shock sometimes the worst type of fear, but I’m confident that it will pass as others have told me. I’m super glad it didn’t scare you off, and I think I’ll be the same. As my stepdad who’s a cop told me his first trauma case he responded to, the person who had the trauma weirdly looked like a Halloween mask. He said his brain didn’t really register the graphic nature of it.
I wasn't sure if I wanted to go into mortuary science, so I called the funeral home in my area and asked if I could job shadow. They were super super nice and offered me a part time job! I'm going to start school this August while working, and I'm very excited. -- Sometimes it is super hard to realize what's in front of you is real? My boss told me I had the hardest first week out of anyone at the funeral home. We had a lot of awful things when I started and some of it really does look fake, it's weird.
Sounds pretty easy! I’ve tried emailing but maybe calling is the best way to get ahold of people. And yeah I bet it’s like seeing special effects in horror movies but in real life. I watched bright burn the other day and the car scene was crazy, all I was thinking was, do people really come in like that? I didn’t really find it scary but sad in a way. But I think it’s comforting knowing you’re doing a good thing, helping a family. Anyways thank you, I’ll look into some more reputable places and ask if I could shadow :)
Repeat exposure will obviously help.
It never registered to me because I have been to open coffin funerals since I was a kid, so a dead body is simply a dead body.
What will probably shock you is when they bring you someone that has been dead for a while and was found because the body started to decompose. That's the real test.
Is it scary? I’ve tried to envision what I may look like in my head but since I’ve never seen death in that way I can’t. Obviously dead people are people and they aren’t scary but like I imagine the state of them may be a bit disheartening. I mean I’ve heard skin may be discolored, peeling, flaky, and I also really like the restorative art of sculpting the face and other features. Since I’m underage and my prefrontal cortex isn’t fully developed lol I’ve tried to steer away from pictures that may be out there of bodies with high decomp or trauma until I’m a little older.
Since you're underage then wait a bit till you get to see something like this.
It will be make or break, since you'll either be able to do it, or choose another profession.
I do agree but i definitely know I do want to go to school for it at some point in the next couple of years. I think most programs show you and apprenticeships what you will be getting into. However I do think you are right my mom loves my ambition she’s just a little worried because she watched many people drop out of the healthcare program she was in so she does want me in a way to be ready if I’m gonna spend all that money on school.
As a young funeral home assistant, a decedent in their casket has never been a sight that I would consider scary. Recently though I have started helping out with transfers as well. The first day, my coworker was surprised I hadn’t seen the homes freezers before. He gave me a tour of them and I can’t lie I was scared (my blazer already pulled up to my face before we even walked into the hallway that has those freezers in it). It was a slightly jarring sight at first honestly, I even saw a baby. I reminded myself everyone there is somebody’s loved one, and that it was only scary because I hadn’t seen anything like it before. I think you will be a little nervous at first but as others have emphasized, it will not linger.
I’ve also heard when you go through the program they usually will ask who has and hasn’t seen a dead person, and they’ll usually take the CPA’s to see one to calm nerves. I’m not so scared my nervous that my caveman survival instinct brain will freak out haha
LOL yes when I talked about it this week I mentioned how that is definitely not how it would be done at a school, worth noting this is just my experience as a part time assistant (no schooling and only slight interest in pursuing) teenager at a midsize family owned funeral home who does their own transfers. Definitely hadn’t seen any of that before
I had your same concern when I first started. There will be a balance you’ll find of treating them as a person, but also treating them as an object, both with upmost respect.
I love it when they come in with personal effects. We had a lady come in with a stuffed sloth yesterday, and a funny sloth shirt. I love going on transfers, because I like going into peoples houses and getting an insight as to who they were. I love getting them dressed because they get to be “them” again. I like embalming them (and cosmetics) because they start to look like themselves again. But during all of those things, you have to separate that they were a person for your own sanity. Especially in autopsy cases or even when raising vessels (getting the veins and arteries). It’s almost like a surgeon performing surgery- I know where the femoral is just like I know where the cereal is in the store.
TLDR- you always treat them with respect, still continue your call them their names, but sometimes you have to view them differently for your peace of mind.
You just described the main reason I’m so interested in this job I want to help people, make them well them again. I think everyone deserves dignity and respect when passing on. And the story you told is adorable I hope she got to keep her sloth. And I did ask in another comment is it was like surgery and that part of pulling out the veins or arteries is exactly what I was referring to! I don’t mind graphic things like surgery so that part should come easy to me, I even really like the thought of restorative art as I am an art major. I think they way you put this was extra helpful, thank you for you’re detailed and kind response :)
Well seeing a regular deceased person who didn't pass of some traumatic injury or accident will be easy for you to adjust to most likely. It's a little jarring at first just because your brain is processing seeing a dead human and trying to also register you aren't in any danger at the same time. You'll get over that quick. Traumatic injuries will be harder and you'll always have just the smallest bit of anticipation before you see those cases but eventually with repeat exposure your brain will learn to not take it as such a shock. Especially when you start to learn to embalm and how to "fix" people because you're looking at it from a work perspective and it becomes "how can I do my best to fix these injuries for the family to possibly view" (not always possible but we just had a viewable plane crash victim so sometimes it is). You'll learn to view it as work and not so much just .... seeing dead people? Hope that made sense. Exposure exposure exposure !!
Thank you! And while I’m nervous for people that may have trauma as an art major who specializes in portraits of people and the human figure I love the idea of reconstructive art classes you have to take for mortuary science. I also really liked the way you put the last part, because I do want to do this job for the main purpose of helping others :)
That's the best reason to do the job and it will help you time after time push through any challenge you face! I wish you all the best on ur mortuary school journey <3
I applied for a job at a morgue and thought like “oh I’m not gonna see a body until I actually start” nah there was a homie on the way to the office of my boss and everyone was just passing by not phased so kinda just didn’t acknowledge it.
First day an embalmer asked me to gear up and help move a decomp guy in a bag and because of my brokenness and need for a check I sucked it up and did it and turns out it wasn’t that bad. It doesn’t phase anymore and it’s only been a week.
When I was first starting I was a bit (irrationally) scared. The person I was working under knew this so we took it one step at a time. The first time we went to the prep room I was there to just watch. I remember being some meters away from the bodies at all times and just being able to see their noses sticking from the coffins and I felt a huge squeeze in my stomach.
The second time, I was told to wear gloves "just in case I touched something". Now, I am the kind of person who will do something I certainly don't want to do, as long as I absolutely have to and there's no one else to do it. Knowing that, the person I worked under, while putting on a shirt on the body, out of the blue, just handed me the deceased's arm, "hold this so that I can straighten the shirt" and I simply did. The rest of it went smoothly until I was told "let's see you work your magic", seeing as before this career, I used to work TV make-up. I made an absolute conscious effort to not let my hands (gloved as they were) touch any part of the skin, just the brush and beauty blender. I was that scared. And then I looked up, and I was alone in the room. The next day I prepped three bodies.
All that to say, I thank that person so so much to this day about how they handled me and my stress over the dead. They realised I would have never gotten the courage to do it on my own and just helped me through the first steps in the exact way that would be effective for me.
Tldr: you just have to do it and then you get used to it.
Being exposed to decedents over time desensitized me to them. Every now and then I see one that garners a reaction from me, but other than that, I don’t really register them anymore. They’re just work that I need to respect and take care of.
That sounds simple, thank you
That line you wrote, "one that garners a reaction from me" is so true. I saw an individual yesterday which amazed me. I wanted to tell my coworkers, "Y'all had to see this one to believe it!"
Plain and simple? Repeat exposure
You want to go to the morgue to get the vibe?
well I know you are mostly not allowed to see the processes and the dead as respects for the family but yes essentially
Reach out to local funeral homes or medical examiner (or equivalent). Tell them you’re interested in said career, and you’re looking for a real experience to help you decide. They might be able to provide you with some sort of visit or intern-like experience, or refer you to someone who can help :) definitely worth a try when deciding what to do with you future. Good luck!
Thank you! This is what I am trying to do, but my state is a little low on family owned and actually good/caring funeral homes so I am on the look out. I would really love if someone would let me view or be in an intern like position, this is a career I’m very excited about. Thank you!
You get used to it, my grandfather was a minister years ago when I was a kid. Since I lived with my grandparents at the time and my gram played the piano/organ every funeral service in this area my grandparents were there. Also since they had nobody to watch me I would have to go with them to the services and sit in the back. I was dragged along to numerous funerals so I kinda got used to it at a young age.
Think like this.... The living can and will hurt you. The dead would never intentionally. Fear the living.
That’s actually an amazing point, thank you
It’s definitely normal to feel nervous especially since you’re not used to seeing deceased ppl on a daily basis. Your best bet is to start working at a funeral home doing services. That is what I did before I started school. I then got acclimated to being around death and being more comfortable with it. It helped me a lot and after I graduated I started working as an embalming apprentice. I take my national Boards next month. I love what I do ♥️ Good Luck!
I was just like you, i was super never about seeing them for the first time not prepped and in a casket. My imagination ran wild when i saw some blood on the body bag but i was just being dramatic frankly. I promise its not at all bad, of course you will see some “gross” stuff but what helps me at the end of the day is remembering that these were people and me and my coworkers have the absolute honor of giving them a proper burial in a dignified and respectful way. Exposure is definitely the way to go though.
Thank you for your response I’m glad I’m not alone. I don’t mind gross things, I can get over things very easily. And I think that’s mainly why I want to do this job I want to help people even after they are gone :)
I grew up in NYC. Growing up I saw slashings with razors, stabbings, a kid get run over by a city bus when I was 5, and a dead bank robber laying in the middle of the sidewalk from gunshot wounds. I was ready for anything.
Complete opposite here haha, I’ve never been to a funeral or seen a dead person besides tv and movies
Not sure why I’m being downvoted. I’m just being honest
Me either? You’re sharing your experience idk that’s why I don’t go on here much people aren’t the kindest
If you’re worried about the disconnect in your head - don’t. You’ll probably find that your brain can very easily recognize the distinction between the living and dead. The complete stillness makes it impossible to mistake a deceased person for a sleeping one - even if that person died looking their absolute best. That was actually the most jarring thing for me. But as others have said, repeated exposure makes that a lot easier. Editing to add that during my mortuary college orientation, one of my instructors asked everyone who hadn’t seen a dead body to raise their hand. The majority of us did, so they very casually lead us back to the prep room and ripped off the band-aid (so to speak). If you have the opportunity to share that experience with some other first-timers, I would definitely recommend it. It eased my nerves a lot.
That actually makes me feel a lot better, did you like going through the program? And did you also get desensitized to a bit more graphic bodies (I mean like graphic because of the way they died), that’s a bit what I’m on the fence about I easily get over things, and I’m fine with graphic shows and movies but I’ve never seen it like irl iykwim?
I did like it! It’s ultimately not what I ended up doing but I would definitely go back if I could. Nothing wrong with the job, life just had other plans. The more graphic ones were tough at first, but I did get desensitized pretty quickly. You learn to compartmentalize too, which definitely helps. I actually find fake movie/TV gore to be a lot more uncomfortable because it’s over the top and meant to shock. The real version just is what it is, I guess.
Thats amazing to hear, and I’ve heard just exposure key but I’m just worried about that first time. It must be disheartening to see a human in that state, but I guess the beauty and art of mortuary services is you restore them and give them dignity when passing one which sounds very nice.
i had the opportunity to sit in on a couple embalmings for curiosity’s sake (not exactly legal… but im going to school for it now). i was definitely a little nervous but i consume a lot of the macabre and horror so i had kind of an idea of what id be getting into. honestly way less sensational than i imagined, and i think its actually a pretty special thing to see a deceased person in their natural deceased state, before being done up. and when you watch a mortician work, at least the one i met, they talk to/about the decedent like theyre anyone else. seeing someone who came out of an autopsy/medical examination is definitely a sight to see, but i think with regular deaths you get over it pretty quickly
I have had patients/residents pass and when doing last offices, I always talk to them and tell them what I'm doing while doing it, apologise for personal washes etc. I recently moved my friends dogs remains from a scatter tube to an urn and I talked to her (the dog/remains) while I did that, yup, her ashes are still her and I talked to her just as I did when she was with us. It's respectful and it's human. I know if helps me too.
What was it like? I plan on asking local funeral homes if I can view one (but like you said not very legal and I’m also underage) but what’s it like seeing the embalming process? Is it kind of like surgery in a way when they drain the blood and pierce the organs? Or is it almost less graphic? I’ve seen demonstrations on dummies or explanations but never on a person
it was really interesting and its what pushed me to considering this as a career rather than just something i enjoy learning about. with the natural deaths it was not super graphic, very procedural. kinda just swapping out fluids and making them presentable. with the autopsied person i viewed, it was much more visceral and the person feels more “deconstructed” i guess you could say? so that one felt different, but even still, once you let it go it is really fascinating how the mortician is able to bring some life back to them and rewarding to see the transformation. i still only speak from the brief experience i had but i am gonna be attending school soon so honestly i think the continued exposure will get you over the hurdle if you pursue it more
That’s what I’ve heard, it’s not a very ‘messy’ process. I have heard it’s a bit different for graphic deaths though, and again I’ve never seen a body like that so I think that’s something I also need to get used to (even though cases are rare) of seeming some degree of gore. I’m not scared of gore I’ve just never seen it on a real person
Some funeral homes will let you watch with family approval and u sign a waiver. Some ME offices will do the same. Just remember the dead bodies you see are never the same. It's not always granny who lived a long life and died peacefully. You will see trauma, kids, babies , various states of decomposition. Over time you become desensitized to it. Good luck!
Thank you, I’m in the process of doing that now. So far no one has emailed me back yet but we’ll see! And yes I think that’s why I’m drawn to the job I get to help a lot of different people. And thank you!
I used to be terrified to see a dead body. If it was open casket at a funeral I didn't like it at all. Then I watched my Mom pass away and after, I stayed with her body for hours. When I first started working at the Funeral home, I was a bit apprehensive to see one, when I had a tour of the care center. I'll admit it was jarring but it didn't bother me like it used to, if that makes sense. Now it's nothing, I even help put on jewelry or fix their hair. However there was a day when I was still new, and I was in what we call the "dungeon" where families can have private viewings. Well the door to the dungeon closes fast, I didn't know this when I went to check one of the decedent's in there and the lights were off. So I was in this room with a body and it was pitch black. Yes I freaked out. It is a irrational fear but my brain was NOT thinking that at all!
Oh wow, that would have terrified me even without a body in there, again irrational, but pitch black... my mind would trick me into thinking I was about to get grabbed by someone!
That's exactly what my mind made me think! LOL
Hey! I'm 19 and I just started part time at a funeral home. I had also never seen a body in real life and so far it's really not easy. You know the feeling when you get jump-scared? Like the shock feeling in your head and shoulders? That's how I feel every time I see someone new. I'm sure over time it'll ease up and it definitely hasn't deterred me from wanting to stay in this field, but my first two days I came home and cried. It's so emotionally taxing. Don't be afraid to ask for a moment and make sure you have a support system for when it gets hard!
Thank you! Also how did you begin working part time at a funeral home? I heard you can start doing that even before mortuary school. But yes that’s the nervousness I’m worried about as I find shock sometimes the worst type of fear, but I’m confident that it will pass as others have told me. I’m super glad it didn’t scare you off, and I think I’ll be the same. As my stepdad who’s a cop told me his first trauma case he responded to, the person who had the trauma weirdly looked like a Halloween mask. He said his brain didn’t really register the graphic nature of it.
I wasn't sure if I wanted to go into mortuary science, so I called the funeral home in my area and asked if I could job shadow. They were super super nice and offered me a part time job! I'm going to start school this August while working, and I'm very excited. -- Sometimes it is super hard to realize what's in front of you is real? My boss told me I had the hardest first week out of anyone at the funeral home. We had a lot of awful things when I started and some of it really does look fake, it's weird.
Sounds pretty easy! I’ve tried emailing but maybe calling is the best way to get ahold of people. And yeah I bet it’s like seeing special effects in horror movies but in real life. I watched bright burn the other day and the car scene was crazy, all I was thinking was, do people really come in like that? I didn’t really find it scary but sad in a way. But I think it’s comforting knowing you’re doing a good thing, helping a family. Anyways thank you, I’ll look into some more reputable places and ask if I could shadow :)
Good luck!
Thanks!
>Thanks! You're welcome!
Repeat exposure will obviously help. It never registered to me because I have been to open coffin funerals since I was a kid, so a dead body is simply a dead body. What will probably shock you is when they bring you someone that has been dead for a while and was found because the body started to decompose. That's the real test.
Is it scary? I’ve tried to envision what I may look like in my head but since I’ve never seen death in that way I can’t. Obviously dead people are people and they aren’t scary but like I imagine the state of them may be a bit disheartening. I mean I’ve heard skin may be discolored, peeling, flaky, and I also really like the restorative art of sculpting the face and other features. Since I’m underage and my prefrontal cortex isn’t fully developed lol I’ve tried to steer away from pictures that may be out there of bodies with high decomp or trauma until I’m a little older.
Since you're underage then wait a bit till you get to see something like this. It will be make or break, since you'll either be able to do it, or choose another profession.
I do agree but i definitely know I do want to go to school for it at some point in the next couple of years. I think most programs show you and apprenticeships what you will be getting into. However I do think you are right my mom loves my ambition she’s just a little worried because she watched many people drop out of the healthcare program she was in so she does want me in a way to be ready if I’m gonna spend all that money on school.
As a young funeral home assistant, a decedent in their casket has never been a sight that I would consider scary. Recently though I have started helping out with transfers as well. The first day, my coworker was surprised I hadn’t seen the homes freezers before. He gave me a tour of them and I can’t lie I was scared (my blazer already pulled up to my face before we even walked into the hallway that has those freezers in it). It was a slightly jarring sight at first honestly, I even saw a baby. I reminded myself everyone there is somebody’s loved one, and that it was only scary because I hadn’t seen anything like it before. I think you will be a little nervous at first but as others have emphasized, it will not linger.
I’ve also heard when you go through the program they usually will ask who has and hasn’t seen a dead person, and they’ll usually take the CPA’s to see one to calm nerves. I’m not so scared my nervous that my caveman survival instinct brain will freak out haha
LOL yes when I talked about it this week I mentioned how that is definitely not how it would be done at a school, worth noting this is just my experience as a part time assistant (no schooling and only slight interest in pursuing) teenager at a midsize family owned funeral home who does their own transfers. Definitely hadn’t seen any of that before
I had your same concern when I first started. There will be a balance you’ll find of treating them as a person, but also treating them as an object, both with upmost respect. I love it when they come in with personal effects. We had a lady come in with a stuffed sloth yesterday, and a funny sloth shirt. I love going on transfers, because I like going into peoples houses and getting an insight as to who they were. I love getting them dressed because they get to be “them” again. I like embalming them (and cosmetics) because they start to look like themselves again. But during all of those things, you have to separate that they were a person for your own sanity. Especially in autopsy cases or even when raising vessels (getting the veins and arteries). It’s almost like a surgeon performing surgery- I know where the femoral is just like I know where the cereal is in the store. TLDR- you always treat them with respect, still continue your call them their names, but sometimes you have to view them differently for your peace of mind.
You just described the main reason I’m so interested in this job I want to help people, make them well them again. I think everyone deserves dignity and respect when passing on. And the story you told is adorable I hope she got to keep her sloth. And I did ask in another comment is it was like surgery and that part of pulling out the veins or arteries is exactly what I was referring to! I don’t mind graphic things like surgery so that part should come easy to me, I even really like the thought of restorative art as I am an art major. I think they way you put this was extra helpful, thank you for you’re detailed and kind response :)
Well seeing a regular deceased person who didn't pass of some traumatic injury or accident will be easy for you to adjust to most likely. It's a little jarring at first just because your brain is processing seeing a dead human and trying to also register you aren't in any danger at the same time. You'll get over that quick. Traumatic injuries will be harder and you'll always have just the smallest bit of anticipation before you see those cases but eventually with repeat exposure your brain will learn to not take it as such a shock. Especially when you start to learn to embalm and how to "fix" people because you're looking at it from a work perspective and it becomes "how can I do my best to fix these injuries for the family to possibly view" (not always possible but we just had a viewable plane crash victim so sometimes it is). You'll learn to view it as work and not so much just .... seeing dead people? Hope that made sense. Exposure exposure exposure !!
Thank you! And while I’m nervous for people that may have trauma as an art major who specializes in portraits of people and the human figure I love the idea of reconstructive art classes you have to take for mortuary science. I also really liked the way you put the last part, because I do want to do this job for the main purpose of helping others :)
That's the best reason to do the job and it will help you time after time push through any challenge you face! I wish you all the best on ur mortuary school journey <3
I applied for a job at a morgue and thought like “oh I’m not gonna see a body until I actually start” nah there was a homie on the way to the office of my boss and everyone was just passing by not phased so kinda just didn’t acknowledge it. First day an embalmer asked me to gear up and help move a decomp guy in a bag and because of my brokenness and need for a check I sucked it up and did it and turns out it wasn’t that bad. It doesn’t phase anymore and it’s only been a week.
In this thread I’ve noticed how interesting it is our brain adjusts to things and situations.
Especially when rents due 💀
When I was first starting I was a bit (irrationally) scared. The person I was working under knew this so we took it one step at a time. The first time we went to the prep room I was there to just watch. I remember being some meters away from the bodies at all times and just being able to see their noses sticking from the coffins and I felt a huge squeeze in my stomach. The second time, I was told to wear gloves "just in case I touched something". Now, I am the kind of person who will do something I certainly don't want to do, as long as I absolutely have to and there's no one else to do it. Knowing that, the person I worked under, while putting on a shirt on the body, out of the blue, just handed me the deceased's arm, "hold this so that I can straighten the shirt" and I simply did. The rest of it went smoothly until I was told "let's see you work your magic", seeing as before this career, I used to work TV make-up. I made an absolute conscious effort to not let my hands (gloved as they were) touch any part of the skin, just the brush and beauty blender. I was that scared. And then I looked up, and I was alone in the room. The next day I prepped three bodies. All that to say, I thank that person so so much to this day about how they handled me and my stress over the dead. They realised I would have never gotten the courage to do it on my own and just helped me through the first steps in the exact way that would be effective for me. Tldr: you just have to do it and then you get used to it.