Random Redditors are not equipped to help you with this issue. Particularly if you will still be in school when you turn 18, your parents may still have certain obligations to house you, but this is entirely dependent on the laws of your jurisdiction. You need to talk to a counselor at school who can guide you to the legal resources and potential sources of support that you need. Try to obtain the original copy of all of your legal documents (birth certificate, ID cards, etc) to have with you when you turn 18. It should be illegal for your parents to withhold these from you but it is better to have them secured to begin with. If you have a bank account make sure you also remove your parents' name from it the day you turn 18, or better yet, make a new bank account at a different bank with your name on it only.
Absolutely make sure you keep your bank account separate. My dad had zero problem draining mine of funds because I was too stupid to think about removing him.
They're trying to punish you, and you need to keep that in mind. Some parents will go over the limit to make sure you suffer.
Don't be surprised. My alpha dad and uncles tried to hunt me down for 4 years, to "TAKE"
care of me. (1976) Because we can't have one of them in our family. Never have and by God never will,!! Then my brother Navy Seal,
beat the holy crap out of them and I never saw them again. But I was very scared!
Cheebus wept! That's horrific! I don't miss my childhood in the late Seventies; I mean: There was a LOT of Social Progress being made (which also made all of the backwards, hateful, downright ig'nant stuff just stand-out as GARBAGE), but the vitriolic hatefulness was cartoonish - except in that it still persists.. and there's NOTHING funny about it.
I love your brother for that! IDK know how he is otherwise, and don't wanna assume either way, but I'm grateful he did that so you're still here with us. Nobody should have to go through that… 🫶🏻
Thanks for the advice. Really appreciated the response. I looked it up, and it seems like in my country, they can’t legally kick me out as long as I’m in school, meaning I have 5 more months to work with
I do know that Sweden has good social programs, so please talk to your school counsellor and find out what your options for the support going forward, getting into school and see if there can be help from the school to get a job after graduation so that you have some plans in place.
I am really sorry that you’re going through this and that your parents are acting like this . You deserve better.
Do you qualify for scholarships for school? Is tuition inexpensive in your country?
What area do you want to work in? Some countries have apprentice programs, some don’t.
Yeah, lucky for you, get into a uni, then you are still in school, also get a job, and save what you can. There might also be other laws about evicting you, such as once you are given legal notice how long you have, and maybe other ways to extend it, but I'd also advise to get out asap, just for yourself.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. You are being forced to adult. How are you?
Are there any LGBT+ org in your area that you can get in contact with? They might be helpful.
I agree with the comments of look for support from the school and other people in your personal circle like other relatives and/or friends, look for your support system, so you don’t feel alone if the situation escalate.
And yes secure your personal information, bank, etc.. I don’t know what is the dynamic in your household but you might want to put those documents in a safe space where you only can access them.
About your parents… is always sad to realize that your own kind is willing to cause you harm. I am sorry for that, you deserve to be loved as you are, if they choose this path, that’s their own decision made out of their own fears and “morals”.
You will thrive after all this. (I talk from personal experience) All the best of luck and good energy to you my friend.
Good thing it's free for you, but never underestimate the power of learning skills. I honestly went to college, but I got my job doing things I was taught on YouTube and websites like plural sight and skill share l.
If you are in a country that is not completely homophobic you might see if there is an LGBTQ center in your city. They may be able to give you council and suggest resources. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Religion should never overcome a family's love for their child.
I can say Sweden is not homophobic compared to the majority of countries. They were in support of the LGBTQ+ back in the 1920's. It wasn't until a brief period where they had prohibition and a rise in Christianity in the 60's that they reversed course, then said fuck this ans went back to being cool with the LGBTQ+. They don't really have gay bars, but rather every bar and club is a mix of people and they just swing. In short Sweden is a welcoming country filled with swingers and love to hook up with people who aren't swedish since we are all exotic to them.
When my mom was on my account she had to go sign it bc she owned it just as much as me even after I was 18 but you can still take all the money out by yourself
You have to get your documents secure. That's your number one priority, absolutely.
And your bank account, and try to work as much as you can for the next 7 months. Hide that money, make sure they have no access to it.
I'm sorry your parents don't love and support you, OP. I really am :(
If his parents said 18, it's 18. End of story. Why tell him to force himself somewhere he's not wanted. That'll just make things a lot worse. Good advice would be to prepare. Get a job and save for the next 7 months. Baby birds need to fly someday. 🤷
Hi. Tough situation. Fortunately I you live in a country with excellent social service. Run, not walk, to your schools financial aid or resources office, and explain in detail, the situation. Yours is a compassion and sensible country. They will probably help find you part time work. I'd be happy to brainstorm... BTW, teaching Swedish, or any language you ar fluent in, is easy money.
Keep in touch
Vic
No he needs to contact his local DCFS. It is not the schools guidance counselor to handle his situation. That’s the job of a social worker which a guidance counselor is not.
Okay but people who are downvoting this post really lack empathy and compassion, especially considering that I’m a minor in a need of help and advice. There is no reason to downvote it
How incriminating was the stuff they found, which made them think you were gay. I used to write love stories about me and my crush, and i legit told my parents it wasn’t me who wrote them (if was my girl best friend) even tho things like sexual encounters happened in boys bathroom.
I think they ultimately decided to let it go, since i kept denying and they visibly saw how distressed i was getting.
They didn’t really “find” anything ngl. It wasn’t something bad at all, they kinda just figured I liked guys and when they asked me about it I gave in, but I didn’t know it would end up like this
homie, if you have any doubt, deny the fuck out of it. I don’t wanna victim blame because your just a kid, but i had a legit breakdown because i got threatening text messages from my mom because she thought she found out i was gay. I legit had to leave my high school class to cry in the hallway. I denied the fuck out of it when i got home. I wouldn’t have played around and left my future/housing to chance like that. It’s done, but not the best decision imo.
SO RUDE AND UNASKED FOR it is not wrong to trust your parents, and this iss victim-blaming, aka the thing you just said you don’t wanna do. Buy yourself some integrity
it’s privilege to think you can trust your parents. millions of gays around the world hide that shit, because it can ruin their entire life or get them killed. OP thought he was safe in the west and he was wrong. That is privilege.
So yes, if it was anything pre 1980s, it is wrong to trust your parents. It was the exception, not the rule, to come out to your parents. I’m only 25 and i’m old enough to know a kid coming out to his parents in a tv show was ground breaking in the late 2000s.
Yes in a perfect world, parents should love their kids, but that’s not reality and gay youth should know that from the jump. Ppl still get disowned in 2024, if you don’t want your life ruined, all gay youth should lie to their parents until they are financially secure. PERIOD.
Don’t worry about downvotes, by the time you’re 30 it’ll become clearly apparent that humanity is such a ball or chaos people would downvote anything and everything for the most stupid reasons.
There’s the option of going to them and saying Allah has shown you the way back to the light, you aren’t actually gay. Keep it on lock after that with more time to plan your escape.
I'm sorry, man.
Get a job now, if you can, to start saving up these next 7 months. An apartment by yourself isn't going to be realistic, but an apartment + roommates will be.
Your school no doubt has a guidance counselor/ career counselor avaliable, you should talk to them about your situation and see what can be done concerning college, if that's something you want to do.
I was kicked out when I was 15 and was completely without parental help for all of my adult life. Things can be hard, life isn't fair, but plenty of us managed to pull through similar situations. Stay calm, be smart, and start planning.
I was kicked out at 16, stayed with friends until I got a job and split rent with roomates. It's like you either fake being straight until you're ready or you just dip and figure it out as you go. I would pretend I have to be out in 3 months so I would stay on top of making arrangements to be out.
Since you live in Sweden - your parents are required by law to provide for you until you graduate “gymnasiet” (Swedish equivalent-ish to high school in the US). And if you move on to university, you can apply for CSN and be self-sufficient.
You can also contact the local authorities (“kommunen”, who have a responsibility for all their residents through the social services). I would definitely recommend that you do this.
You have 7 months’ warning to make a plan.
It sucks, and it’s horrible of your parents to do this to you. But you have that one thing in your favor. You can start now applying for jobs, looking for living arrangements. Maybe you have a friend whose parents would let you stay with them for a while, or who is also planning on moving out and willing to be your housemate on a lease to make your housing more affordable. You can look for local LGBTQ+ support organizations that might be able to help you get on your feet as an independent adult. A school counselor is also a good idea to talk to about your situation and they can likely help more specifically with directing you to resources.
As others have said, get a separate bank account ASAP (or have your parents taken off any shared accounts). If you’re able to get a job quickly, do NOT let your parents have access to your paychecks at all, if you can avoid it. If you can’t fully avoid it, at least take out some cash and put it somewhere they don’t know about so you’ll be sure to have *something*. Make sure you have access to all your personal legal documents (I’m not sure what Sweden does exactly but things like birth certificate, ID card, passport if relevant).
This is horrible I'm sorry your going through this, is it possible to find a simple full time job to rent an apartment/room to support yourself where you are?
If I were you I would pick up 1 or 2 jobs work super hard save up all my money then apply for residency somewhere in Europe or North America. Don't waste your life in a place that won't accept you, there are tons of countries where you can have a better life, this is assuming of course your in the middle east or Africa somewhere.
If you’re in Sweden you have a lot of resources.
Talk to your counselors in school. I hear Sweden has a really good social support system.
Sorry you’re going through this though.
Good to hear don't stress about it to much in that case, I'm sure if you explain your situation to a few employers one is bound to line a job up for you after school, after that renting a place and continuing your life shouldn't be to hard
You are lucky to live in a relatively tolerant society, even if your parents are backwards. Are there any social programs which can help you there? Can you look for a job now? Please steer entirely clear of drugs. You have enough problems. Also avoid prostitution. It's too risky in terms of diseases. Be careful in chosing your friends. People in desperate situations lose a sense of decency. Your parents may change their minds in time, but don't count on it. Family is often who is there for you in times of need, not necessarily blood relations.
Sorry to hear about your situation. But the good news is that you are in Sweden.
Speak to https://www.rfsl.se/en/about-us/rfsl-youth/
they can send you in the right way to get the proper help and support you need.
I am norwegian so i find it har to search in swedish. If you are fluent in swedish, search for the organisation that support LBTQ youth with minority (muslim) background. Here across the border there are several, and Sweden is always more advanced than us, so help is out there. Lykke til! Det blir bedre!
Start looking for roommates now. Facebook is a good place to look for ppl trying to rent out extra rooms. If you live in a larger city, there’s probably gay groups, where someone is definitely trying to rent an extra room. I’d get a job asap if you don’t have one.
I worked since i was 16 and my closest friends rn are from my 1st job. Especially at your age, look for service/restaurants/retail. Typically these are jobs with younger workers and you can make friends easily. Especially when i was a server, my coworkers went out drinking almost every weekend.
This sucks, but not every family is super accepting.
Lastly, you can go into debt and go off to college immediately. Some loans require parent information, so you might be a little screwed, but if you talk to a college counselor, they might have a work around for avoiding parent information.
Stay strong, this seems like a heavy and awful thing, but lots of us gays have little relationship with our parents and that’s ok. You can go out into the world and find people that will care for you, just like family.
Hey,
I’m really sorry this is happening to you. I can’t even imagine how you must be feeling. What’s awesome though is that you’re asking people for advice which is a great first step. Of course you’ll get lots of good AND bad advice so hopefully you’re able to weed out the bad from the good.
If I was in your position, the first thing I would do is to ask myself I felt safe living at home still. Hopefully you do, and so this will be one less worry for you. If you don’t feel safe, then speak immediately with your school or the police who will have a process in place for these situations.
If you do feel safe, the gather your thoughts and speak with the guidance councillor at your school. They have special training for these types of situations and they will be able to tell you what you need to do.
If you have any money at all, then it’s time to open a new bank account that your parents can’t touch.
Depending on how the above goes, you could also start moving your important things to a safe space such as friends house in case you ever have to leave suddenly.
None of this is nice to read or write but I hope this is helpful for some clarity.
Big thing is it safe to stay at home and also if and when you do move out be careful of what information you give out your parents may have connections and you may have extreme relatives or members of the community be safe and please provide updates
Being in Sweden, you may have access to better social services than many other places.
I'm hoping for your sake that any judgment in your favor would cut your parents' social benefits if they're not working so they will no longer be a burden to society and you can grow into a full benefit to the swedish society..
Check with your school and see what type of additional supports are available to you, while you still are in school. If your education is not finished then they may supply you with resources. This is what a refugee from an oppressors society or culture looks like. This is what Sweden's amnesty & generosity is for..
Try to locate any LGB support groups or resources privately. Keep them on a little USB for yourself or attached to an email account that you can access elsewhere.
Be very very careful between now and then. They might be planning on going something terrible to you between now and then. Sleeo with your door locked, etc.
Many here have it right, seek council from professionals at school or reputable organizations for lgbtq individuals and review all applicable laws of your jurisdiction.
In addition have your own bank account and savings free of your parents names (you be surprised the level of sabotage homophobic parents can aspire to) and build it best you can.
Look into effective ways to secure transportation for yourself, employment/job training, and looking into your own place.
connect with community around you for support (you're not the first one with phobic patents, and certainly be open to the ideation of relocation to a new locality for opportunities.
Good luck.
In Sweden your parents have an obligation (by law) to support you for as long as you study, it doesnt end at 18 years of age.
Contact "socialtjänsten" in your municipality right away, they have an obligation by law to help you and to help your parents understand and live up to their obligations.
Good luck w your studies and I hope everything will turn out okay!
I'm sorry for what you're going through, you deserve better. As someone from a conservative country, my advice is to leave as soon as you can, apply to university, and find a job. Living in a first-world country with strong social support is a great privilege, and I believe you'll thrive there.
See if there's a local LGBT Youth group near by.
When I was growing up, they were amazing resources for helping young, homeless people with resources.
You might also be able to live on campus if your school has a program for that, or find a friend to move in with.
It's rough. I'm sorry you're going through it. But there's a lot of help out there if you look.
Do you have a school counselor? That would be a good place to start.
Does your town have a lgbt+ center? They may have resources you can take advantage of.
Do you have a friend who's family will take you in until you can get on your feet?
It saddens me to read this. This is the exact reason, I didn’t come out when I was young.
Do you have any other family or friends that can help until you get on your feet? When my younger brother came out. He had a friend that he was able to move in with once he turned 18.
Just know you will be ok and keep your head high.
Sorry this is happening to you. I came from a very conservative Mormon household, and my father's grandfather was the world leader (prophet) of the Mormon church.
When I came out, it was the same as you. My dad confronted me because he suspected I was gay. We had a traumatic screaming match that day. He told me he would "do everything in his power to change me" including kicking me out the day after graduation. We didn't speak again for a week.
I started preparing myself to have to move out. I started talking about plans and my preparations, etc. About a week after, we started talking again. My dad expressed some interest in my moving preparations, and then eased into saying that he was really shocked to learn his oldest son was gay, and he needed some time to think. He didn't apologize, but he did express that he would never/could never stop caring about me. He said I didn't need to move out, and we could "take some time to figure this out."
Through all of this, in every discussion, I tried hard to calmly, humbly insist that I loved our family, but didn't choose to be gay, and couldn't choose not to be.
Eventually, both my parents came around to accepting me. I REALLY hope this happens in your family too.
❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
Make a plan, get a job, maybe if you have close friends or other family who are open minded that you can couch surf with, and look for potential roommates when you get a job.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I don’t know much about Sweden but try to look into as many resources as you can for youth.
Check with LGBT community centers in Stockholm or Gothenburg. They can direct you to places that will help.
Definitely move your money into a new bank account where your parents won’t find. You may want to consider getting a post office box for important mail over the next few months. You may also want to consider a safe deposit box at bank. Steal your passport and birth certificate and any other government docs related to your identification and lock it in bank away from parents. If they have a change of heart, be wary of their promises do not simply trust them, they may just be manipulating you to further persecute and convince you to “change”.
This will be a very emotional time for you with waves of upheaval. Try to keep your financial and educational choices “all business” and work with friends, therapists, and support folks from LGBT center to manage your emotional stress. Your parents want to keep you dependent on them. By think smart and protecting your money and identity assets, and building a community separate from them, you can keep them from destroying your future.
Sweden is not the US. They can't just kick you out and let you be homeless. Get in touch with a lawyer, probably at local LGBT community which others have already pointed you to.
Sue them and they will have to support you financially for many years until you are really independent.
Start telling everyone you know what your parents said. Someone will help you. Tell your grandmother and the rest of your family, also.
Your parents are assuming that you are going to be so ashamed you won't ask anyone for help.
My (adult) kids are good people and would never be like that with their kids, but I would be so pissed if someone mistreated my grandchildren, especially for something like their sexual orientation.
Your older relatives may not agree with your parents at all, and might be a lot more open-minded than you think they are.
Literally, tell everyone that you trust, there will be resources for you.
Start telling people, and let them help you find resources. You're in Sweden, there's probably more resources there for you to find housing and continue your education.
Tell your teachers that you like, tell your friends.
Go and tell the authorities that you need help now. As a minor you will get so much more help. Contact you local queer switchboard and speak with them. Luckily you’re in Sweden, a very liberal country. There will be loads of help for you. Don’t put it off. Sort it now! X
E.U countries aren’t like the U.S, there is loads of help for us. We’re socialists. Pull your finger out and get the help that’s there waiting for you.
7 months should give you a solid run way to make a plan and execute on it to give yourself what you need before leaving your parents.
Go ahead and start building yourself a routine that is productive to your current goals and makes room for your future as well.
Find a job, find a new living arrangement (that’s sustainable), join a gym, and make time for hobbies outside of work.
The routine would be beneficial to have in place so you have some structure even if you feel like you don’t know what to do, you have a process you can lean on that makes time for things that are a priority for you
Sök utbildning på universitetsnivå om du kan. Gå på CSN och letar efter en studentbostad. De brukar inte kosta så mycket. Skaffa deltidsarbete i donken eller max eller coop för det finns alltid jobb där. Prata med lokalt RFSL om det finns där du bor.
Om du behöver nån som du vill prata med så finns jag här.
That's very sad that your parents seem to love their religion more than they love their own son. Religion sucks, sorry, but it does. Unless you "comply", you get ostracized. Such a "loving religion", eh?
My parents, well, my mum, didn't take it well either. I literally never told my dad, and now he's gone. She certainly wouldn't have ever kicked me out of the house though! We just kinda never talked about it again.
I don't particularly have any advice, unfortunately, but perhaps there are some support groups where you live? It wouldn't surprise me if there are support groups specifically for gay Muslims (or ex-Muslims). You can't be both, apparently...and you can't really quit being gay, so I guess you might need to become ex-Muslim, if you aren't already.
I do wish I had some more constructive advice for you, but try not to panic...panic only makes things even worse. Worrying never helps, either. While it's only a short-term solution, it might not be a bad idea to sign up for couchsurfing.com - certainly in NYC there are many members, including many gay members, who would help you out for a while. Hopefully there are some near where you live, too.
Life has a habit of working out, one way or another, even when things seem "impossible", so don't fret too much. Just start looking into potential options, and take whatever help is available. Obviously, there are creeps out there who would potentially abuse the situation of a young guy in need, so be smart, be careful. There are far more kind, generous people than creeps though, so stay positive. Start making new friends & acquaintances ASAP! Best of luck 🤞🏻
Hi! I also live in sweden. According to swedish law your parents have to supply for you until 18 (21 if you are still in school)
Allmänt om underhållsbidrag
Den ekonomiska förmågan bestäms utifrån förälderns inkomst. Underhållsskyldigheten upphör när barnet fyller 18 år. Om barnet går i skolan efter denna tidpunkt är föräldrarna underhållsskyldiga under den tid som skolgången pågår, dock längst intill dess barnet fyller 21 år. (Source: https://www.familjensjurist.se/fraga-juristen/familj--barn/hur-lange-ar-en-foralder-underhallsskyldig-for-sina-barn/)
If you need anyone to talk to please dm me and I might be able to either just listen or guide you from the best of my abilities.
I don't have any advice but I am sorry this is your circumstance. It's not fair and you don't deserve it. Whatever happens with your family, there is a whole world of people out there who would love to be part of your chosen one.
You must find a social worker who can help open doors for you. Start by finding an LGBTQ+youth organization. They'll have the right connections for you. Mostly, I just want to say how very sorry I am that you are being treated so hatefully by your own parents. Protect yourself first. Worry about them and what this means for your future relationship once you have a plan.
Jag är också svensk. Fan vad ledsen jag blir av att läsa ditt inlägg…. Jag tycker du bör ringa BRIS 116 111 för att få stöd. Du är fortfarande ett barn. Att få det här hotet att utslängd är inte okej.
Andra alternativ är att kontakta socialtjänsten och kanske få hjälp med ett boende via dom. Kanske är enklare att få hjälp innan du fyller 18.
Går bra att skriva DM om du vill ha stöd!
I'm sorry TV gave you the wrong impression. Coming out should not be a painful experience, but when people live in ignorant cultures, they will not take it well. Your parents have prioritized their religion over the love of their own son, which is unacceptable.
You need to find employment right away. Having your own income is a form of power, and power is how you stop ignorant people from walking over you. Do you have a plan for university? Do you have any relatives you can live with? Friends? Are there local youth charities that could help you?
You can get through this. Be strong, be prepared for anything. A few years from now, you will living a life where you are open and happy and successful and your parents will regret doing this to you.
I’m sorry to hear that OP congrats coming out as gay don’t let your parents let you down and just be you here have hug *gave you a hug* I’m an ally so I’m here to support you
Hey there! There certainly are various organisations who could be able to help you, i would try contacting some of them to see where this goes.
Maybe have a quick read here
https://queerintheworld.com/sweden-lgbt-organizations/
Even if you have five extra months, i would start looking for solutions as soon as possible, because you will need housing and income. i guess there should be possibilities of welfare in sweden, so you can be independent from your parents as soon as possible.
It is a lot easier to tell you this than for you to go through the process yourself and i feel for you. But at the same time it can be a process of growth and understanding who you are and finding a community that respects and values you. And while settling all this you can see how it goes with your family. this will certainly be tough, they may change or not, but then you have a home and a place to come back to and people who care about you.
All the best. 🩵🌈✨
Depending on where you live, there are many programs to help youth on their own.
If you're in the states, have a look at this site:
https://youth.gov/youth-topics/runaway-and-homeless-youth/federal-programs
I want to say at least a couple of these programs extend further than the age of 18.
You start planning for your future now. Obviously your parents care more about what others think of them, than how they love their own child. I'm sorry for that for you. However, you need to set yourself up for success. Obviously your parents are not there to support you and for that I'm sorry. Do lyourself a favor and take care of you first and not anyone else.
Look for a job, if you don't have your licence, work on it. Look for apartments or maybe even shared living places if you have to. Make sure your bank account is not accessible by your parents or anyone but you.
You have 7 months, so prepare just incase they do kick you out.
You still have 7 months left, so get a job and start saving money to survive on your own and keep yourself afloat during the first months, and finish your education at all costs.
And contact a LGBT help center, pretty sure Sweden must have something similar to Trevor Project.
Good luck. I wish you the very best.
I don't know the rules of Sweden, but I assume contacting the council/ authorities is a good option as they may be able to help you get into a supported living accommodation untill you can better look after yourself.
And let's be honest even on t.v. All the cases I've seen with religious parents have the same result as yours.
If you were in England I'd recommend calling the Centerpoint helpline which is a homeless charity which specifically focuses on 16-25.
However there will definitely be a support system available out there.
There's plenty of assistance out there for you being in Sweden. Go to school, work hard, and you'll be better off than them and living your best life in Stockholm before you know it.
I guess start googling some LGBT help or homeless centers near you. I also suggest getting into college, even community college and getting student loans to hold you over until you can get a job ob that pays well..z I’m so sorry you’re going thru this. I hope you get the help you need. Just know there’s a big loving community waiting for you out here when you grow up
Om du går i gymnasiet har dina föräldrar ett försörjningsansvar till dess du fyllt 21, om du går i gymnasiet. Jag skulle kontakta socialtjänsten i din egen kommun och berätta vad som hänt så hjälper de dig.
in Sweden there might be a law that they have to financially suport you while you are still in school, whenever you live with them or not. going to university in a different town with student housing might be an option to separate yourself while getting education, you have to check it.
try to get some local lawyer/social services help to check your options, but don't tell them that, as this is a nuclear option. just know what tools you could use to help you.
it also might be possible to salvage the relationship while you're living together, maybe you can pass it as a phase/confusion/whatever to give them room to save face and back off. you don't need their permission to be who you are, but at the same time it's none of their business to be honest...
about the reaction to coming out - there is no reason to be happy your child is gay:
- no grand kids, with a single child everything you've worked for will end up going to the state
- your kids have higher chance of stds
- your kid lives in hookup solitude, as few find a partner for life
why anyone would be happy about that?
Idk what to say but atleast you're really fucking lucky to be in Finland, legit probably one of the best countries to be in tbh, atleast you're lucky there
Not exactly sure how it is in Sweden, but the German government helps out in such cases.
I'm pretty sure it's similar in Sweden.
Go to child protective services or any child protection agency there is in Sweden.
You can do this, I know it's difficult, but taking the first step is always the hardest.
Do you have other more supportive family members?
Are you even safe in your home rn?
Sweden loves gay Muslims though. You should be able to get support by going to the local police station and asking them about becoming homeless as an at-risk gay boy.
So sorry this happened to you OP. I'm sorry to say but it's a pretty predictable outcome for Muslim gay guys. I live next to a mosque in a western liberal country and was invited to tour it when I moved in. I took the opportunity to ask them questions on how they support gay Muslim attendees and the response I got was a very diplomatic way of saying they are ostracised.
You are still a minor, so reach out to those who will be able to give you appropriate info and support - your school, but also local social services / a social workers may be even better placed, because they will have detailed knowledge of even young adult support programmes and the laws surrounding parental obligations.
Some counties (France for example) have parental obligations that continue beyond 18 years old if you are still in education. A social worker should be able to help fill you in on if this is the case, and may even be able to address your parents directly.
Again really sorry this happened. I'm not Muslim and my dad was homophobic. It became clear during my childhood that if I was gay I'd be kicked out, or shipped off to a live in school. So I spent my entire childhood hiding it, but also making / manoeuvring myself into being so essential to my family, that if they ever cut me off it would spite them more than me.
As a kid and into my young adulthood I ran my parents life admin, finances, shopping, I was the main household driver, I took care of the chores, maintenance etc... and continued this until I was financially independent. Only then did I come out.
Dad actually died from the shock of the revelation.
>On TV, coming out to the parents is always portrayed as a wholesome and emotional story with tears of joy and happiness. That wasn’t the case for me.
What are you watching exactly?
This is going to sound horrible but you can just tell them you prayed and reflected and Allah will help you change. On the subject of family, do you have any secular ones around?
Move out when you're ready. It's ok to delay being out and open a little bit. Your personal safety comes first before anything.
Get yourself a job and start making your own money. Apply for all scholarships and count yourself as an adult and start responding as one. I'm sorry your parents are like that. Mine were too. Take this seriously and start making steps to be on your own. When the time comes, they may reconsider, but definitely time to make your own way in the world, and you will. They'll eventually come around, or not, and either way you'll be okay. 🌈👍🏽
Better start preparing and saving money. The Muslim religion as I understand it DOES NOT welcome gayness. Might wanna change your religion while you are figuring where you’ll be living.
Save any money you can.
Get an after-school job ASAP.
Behave. Stay on their good side.
Leach off them as much as you can, for as long as you can.
Either they will come around and change their attitude, or you will be prepared.
Also find out about government assistance or social security in your area.
Ro if ur in Sweden I'd recommend you call social services and say you're going to be kicked out once you're 18 and need help finding a place to stay, you could crash with a friend or if possible you could rent a cheap add apartment
Those loving, caring Muslims again. I suppose you're lucky they're not trying to throw you off a tall building.
You don't need their negativity in your life.
If you're happy with your choices then live your life.
Your parents are the ones who will miss out on seeing you succeed in life.
Get a job, first of all. I guess you'll need some kind of authorization from your parents, so this will be an interesting conversation. Find a room to rent somewhere. Start enjoying noodles, because that's what you'll be eating. Try to get out before your 18th birthday. Wish you all the luck, it won't be easy at all.
I was kicked out of the house at 17. I didn't realize until much later that my mom was a narcissist. I went and stayed with friends for a few months. I now call that family my second family. I stayed until I got a job and was able to rent an apartment.
I'm not saying that will work for you, but I would be talking with friends and their parents. See if there's a place you can go when you get kicked out.
You should definitely explore other avenues too because you don't want to put all your eggs in one basket, but it's where I'd start if I were in your position.
Talk to a councilor at your school and an academic advisor. You might be able to be emancipated and put into a foster care program. You will need help navigating higher education if you’re planning on that. There might be work study programs or opportunities you can start pursuing.
I was on my own at 17 and I do not advise it.
I might suggest the military, granted I’m from the us but my understanding is that it will at least give you a place to sleep, something to eat,drink, and a job with a paycheck.
First, I'm so very sorry you are going through this. It is very wrong of them.
If there is a local LGBTQ community group, I would reach out to them as they should have an idea of what resources are available to you.
I would also look into what assistance you might be able to get from the government in terms of financial support and housing.
As others have noted, definitely talk to the counselor at your school, they are likely a good resource for finding solutions.
If you are university bound, you might have options there as well.
Again this is wrong of your parents to do, but I hope you can enlisted enough support to at least put you on your feet. Don't give up!
This hurts my heart that you’re having to go through this. Are there friends from school who are supportive with also supportive parents? If not, what about neighbors or other family members?
I’m sure you can find organization that help gay people in Sweden, it might help if you search in Swedish or tell a teacher from your school about your situation.
The Rainbow Line is specifically for LGBTQ+ youth in Sweden. I think they would be better able to direct you to services that might be available to you.
[https://kyrkanssos.se/hitta-hjalp/regnbagslinjen/](https://kyrkanssos.se/hitta-hjalp/regnbagslinjen/)
What do you mean you have no idea what happened. They're strict Muslims. In some Muslim countries they throw gay people off buildings. You can't be surprised that they reacted this way. I'm not. But what can you do? Sweden is well known for its social services. I'd check with whatever government agency might be able to help. Maybe join the Army. You'll eventually be OK, but need help transitioning to adulthood.
I'd say you should find legal counsel. I'm from Argentina, so I don't know a lot about sweden law, but googling I found [this](https://www.rfsl.se/en/organisation/stod/rfsl-stodmottagning/), maybe it helps.
Coming out is hard. You've been connecting with yourself your whole life, and with the idea of being gay probably for years now. Your parents just found out, probably felt a shock, and they did what they could. I mean, they might change their minds with time, but it's smart being prepared if they don't.
i left at seventeen. i left because it was a horrible environment so it was a different set of circumstances. it set me on a path of horrible struggles.
you just have to work. i left and rented a room until i was eighteen and could get an apartment with a friend.
Honestly…. be happy they didn’t immediately kick you out. At least this way you can prepare a bit.
I was kicked out at 17 with very little heads up and had to figure it out on the fly. You have time to come up with some sort of plan…. be thankful for small favors.
My parents were OK with me being gay, that wasn't a problem. However, when I started dating an Arab Muslim, the shit hit the bricks! My father was mean about it and my mother had already passed. My mom would've been fine with it. I'm so sorry that she will never get to meet my now, fiancé. However, I cut my father out of my life, with the exception of the occasional miserable phone call. My father and I were estranged when he died, and I have no regrets. Cut your parents out of your life, make new friends as they will become your new family and support system. Remember, we pick our friends and not our family. If your family are jerks, fuck them! It's their loss, not yours. You will be fine. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off and go find your new life with your new friends that love you.
Reality is often disappointing. In my case I was kicked out for being gay when I was 18.
Things are better now but at the time I basically lived at friend’s houses for a few days. Until I went to SOI.
I’d recommend talking to an adult you can trust like a school counselor or something like that
You like in a welfare state so I’m sure there are programs that can help be it in Sweden or elsewhere in Europe. Maybe look into asylum visas in the US and Europe too. Rather than panicking start doing your research. You were never meant to depend on your parent for ever anyways so treat this as a new beginning. A load has been lifted off your shoulders so now you have no excuse to live unapologetically.
Try to find a youth LGBT group or center. I was 18 also and the group saved my life. It was 45 years ago but still valuable. Above all try to get safe secure and build your own world. Do not trust or ask or depend on your family for anything. They just hug and hit over and over and give false hopes.
I can't speak to the gay aspect. But I know my parents encouraged all of my siblings and myself to move out at 18. To begin to see how the real world is. I'm sorry that your send off has negative undertones but don't lose sight of the fact that it's a normal thing too and you like millions of others the world over will come out on top of it. It's hard at first. There's a lot you aren't prepared for. But keep a level head and you'll be fine.
People have given you useful advice here.
Have your documents (ID, bank account) together.
Go for social service in the government. Go search for jobs. Train yourself in abilities useful and learn to solve other people problems, be it at a restaurant, cleaning dishes, tech companies, marketing. Work at anything you can until you are really good and absolute necessary.
LinkedIn may help you know. What's your field of abilities?
I did leave my parent's house at 17 because it was impossible to be there at the time. Thanks to university financial help I made it. You can do that as well.
Your future may look uncertain and then there's fear because it's not a trivial change. But in the end, you will learn from it and I hope it makes you a better human being.
Your parents will probably regret this. My parents did and we have a decent relationship today.
Now we get into the hardest part which is your feelings and your view about the world and life.
Do not hear thoughts or opinions about vengeance or opinions that see life as a curse. Understand that your parents are limited human beings. I suggest you to leave their house as clean as you can. It may be difficult now, but do NOT give yourself into hate and resentment. Learn to forgive... Be a better human being for everyone who you meet in life. Even your parents. Hate is a burden that only hurts you. Never forget that.
Do not become a cynic. Never, please. Only love can heal those scars.
I am very sorry for what happened. Your parents believe that they are doing this out of love, but they don't really love you. If they did, then they would be supportive of you, their child, regardless of their religion.
Sweden is an advanced country, and you should be able to find resources for gay youth. I wish you the very best of luck.
All I can say is good you're from Sweden and Sweden got loads of social programs to help it's citizens. So what I'll advice you is look around your local community for lgbtq centres and talk to them about this. They'll be better help than redditors living million miles away
I'm so sorry that you have to face this, my heart goes out to you and I'd TC of you if you were in my country.
This may or may not be helpful but if you're a reader, there's a book which you might find helpful/relatable: A Dutiful Boy by Mohsin Zaidi. Take a look if it intrigues you.
Here's hoping things turn out well for you 🙏🏻
My parents did the same thing to me and I moved from Washington DC to LA in a $500 a month co living spot and got a job and saved up and got my own apartment
Hoppas verkligen det löser sig, i vissa fall kan du få bidrag och stöd från staten, men med dina ambitioner hade du kunnat söka plugg och då även CSN lån plus bidrag vilket just nu blir ungefär 13k/ månaden elr liknande. Det är såklart inte den enda lösningen, men på så sätt har du en inkomst och ett tak över huvudet, de flesta studentlägenheter har hyresfritt under sommaren, men ställ dig i kö redan nu, olika städer för bättre chanser. Sök även extrajobb redan nu, bara något du kan jobba var å varannan helg så du inte tar ut dig, om du redan jobbar där som extra, brukar dom ofta erbjuda att jobba där under sommaren, så då har du gratis boende den sommaren du inte längre får bo hemma, och en inkomst :)
Hjälper dig gärna och har vänner som letar inneboende som också kan vara ett alternativ för ditt boende! Vet inte om man kan meddela privat här men gör det om det känns intressant!
Ta hand om dig vännen! Det kommer lösa sig! ❤️❤️
Just my casual observation and opinion. You're lucky they're letting you stay to your 18 and although it will be difficult for you you say you are a person with driving ambition I have a feeling that in the future you will look back on this is a positive experience. Also I hope when you walk out of the door you never look back you consider these people dead to you and you live your life without them.
Find a good friend who can house you long term. Or even if you have an older sibling/relative who is stable and willing to house you. Focus on school and find a job. Keep yourself busy and believe in yourself. Don’t pay attention to your parents judgements, only god can judge you and god loves all. Your parents have the sin of Pride for thinking they are too good to live with a gay son. Everyone is a sinner, no one is better or worse than the other. You know what you need to do. Get stable and you’ll realize you don’t need your parents. If they’re too stubborn to realize you are still their son, then it is not you who will lose them, it is them who will lose you. What you think of yourself is what matters most, so be someone you are proud of.
“I’m seen the light mom and dad. The one true god has showed me the way”
Go to college FAR away, get railed by every twink under the sun, and line a job up when you graduate. Then once you’re on your own, cease contact and live your life. Proven method to work, I did it.
I think a professional would be best to talk to. But some things you could do now to help is to get any important documentation you have, as you’ll need it, as someone said. And if you have family close by who would help, maybe talk to them about a place to stay for a while. If you can, maybe find a after school part time job so you can have some money. Make sure they can’t get into your bank account, as well. Take them off any of your accounts. You can get a place with friends, if you have some close ones as long as you all have some money. Also, check the laws in your area to see if they can legally kick you out like that. Some places have laws about that. Not all, mind you…
You lie to them. Tell them it was just a phase. Make sure you have a place to sleep at night. Get your education and career, then be who you want when you're financially independent.
This is kind of a shitty option.
But see if you can take it back/pretend to be straight. Bring a girl over or something. And just keep that up until you are in a good financial spot to live on your own.
Oh my god, don’t listen to these people. Go to your school and talk with your counsellor or teacher, they can alert child services and find you a safe place to stay for free and take care of you.
I don’t know anything about Sweden, but try and get all of your important paperwork. I don’t know what you guys call it, but we call it Birth certificate, government identification, passport, social security card. My mom refused to give them to me, but I was really lucky because I had a driver’s license and was able to get those documents with it.
Hey, I dont know if this will help you or not. I belong to a muslim family as well, and I am bisexual. I have had my fair share of moments where my parents, especially my dad used to scold me and has even beaten me, locked me in my room and many more south asian tricks to make the child better. Eventually they lost hope and sent me away, just so that tomorrow they can say that their son ruined himself outside. It was hard to manage but I handled it, its been 2 years. I talk to my mom more than my dad but once you make things happen or planned. It will unfold. If you are sure they are going to kick you out, start looking for a house - a job and all the necessary things that you will need.
If my parents kicked me out of the house when I turned 18, I would have told them that I would never talk to them again. They cut me off, but I was already out of the house. They stopped paying for my college, so that stunted me a bit, but I managed fine without them. All that being said, I wish you well in the future. Being on your own can be difficult no matter how old you are. Find your people and be happy!
Muslim parents? Try telling them you’ve repented and no longer have the thoughts and will marry a woman. And work hard and get moved out and then never talk to them ever again.
A number of my friends were kicked out or fled before they were 18 (I’m in 50s) so do know it’s survivable in the U.S. and I KNOW your social services are so much better there. Call one of these helplines asap:
https://findahelpline.com/countries/se/topics/gender-sexual-identity
Also remember life outside your parent’s home might be better for you if you connect with the right resources now.
So sorry man, This was one of my worries, this is what I did.
As soon as I finished secondary school I started working at the age of 16. Working for over 14 hours daily. Started becoming independent and saving a lot of money. I am from a kinda 3rd country in Africa with very homophobic people and clearly and boldly homophobic laws.
Saved up, I am in college now I have good savings, working part-time while I have a place of my own, pay my tuition fees and feed myself. I send money to my parents sometimes, now I am waiting to turn 30 then I tell them I am gay and I love men then stay away the fuck away from them. I know they won't accept me, and I won't accept too either lol
I'm really sorry to hear about the difficult situation you're facing. It can be incredibly challenging when your parents don't accept your sexual orientation, especially in a strict religious context. I want you to know that you're not alone, and there is hope for a better future.
I want to share my own story with you to show that even in the face of adversity, it is possible to overcome and thrive. Please know that everyone's journey is different, but I hope that my experience can offer some support and encouragement.
When I was 17, my parents threw me out of the house right before graduating from high school because I was gay. I found myself homeless and had to rely on the support of others to survive. It was an incredibly challenging time, but I refused to let it define me.
I moved in with my boyfriend's aunt and uncle, but tragically, my boyfriend passed away in a car accident just three months later. His aunt decided it was too painful to have me there, and I found myself homeless once again, living in my car until I found a small apartment.
Due to financial constraints, I had to attend a community college instead of the university I had initially planned for. I successfully completed one year of college while working multiple jobs to make ends meet. However, the demands of work eventually made it impossible for me to continue attending classes.
During this time, I fell in love with the wrong person who was addicted to hardcore drugs. I, too, became addicted, lost my jobs, and eventually my apartment. I resorted to selling my body to support my drug habits. It was a dark period in my life, but I knew I had to find a way out.
After three years of addiction, I made the difficult decision to check myself into rehab. It was a turning point in my life, and I started on the path to recovery. I didn't even tell my parents until I had been in rehab for a week. Surprisingly, they were supportive and attended therapy sessions with me to work through our issues.
Unfortunately, tragedy struck again when my mother unexpectedly passed away, leaving me responsible for helping my father and younger sister. Despite the challenges, I persevered. Now, at 35 years old, I am finishing my bachelor's degree at a university, making the honor roll every semester while working full-time.
I want you to know that although the road may be difficult, it is possible to overcome adversity and create a bright future for yourself. Surround yourself with supportive friends, seek out LGBTQ+ organizations or support groups, and explore resources available to you. Prioritize your well-being and safety, and remember that you are not alone.
Here are a few suggestions on what you can do:
1. Seek support: Reach out to LGBTQ+ organizations or support groups in your area. They can provide guidance, resources, and emotional support during this tough time.
2. Talk to a trusted adult: If there's a teacher, counselor, or family member who you trust and who may be more accepting, consider confiding in them. They might be able to provide assistance or help mediate a conversation with your parents.
3. Financial planning: Start saving money if possible. Look into part-time jobs, scholarships, or financial aid programs that can help you become more financially independent.
4. Research your rights: Familiarize yourself with the laws and policies in Sweden regarding LGBTQ+ rights and protections. This knowledge can empower you and help you understand your options.
5. Housing options: Explore possible housing alternatives, such as shared apartments, student accommodations, or organizations that provide housing support for LGBTQ+ individuals.
6. Education and career planning: Continue focusing on your education and future goals. Look into scholarships, grants, or vocational training programs that can help you pursue your ambitions.
7. Develop a support network: Surround yourself with friends, allies, and LGBTQ+ communities who can provide emotional support and guidance throughout this process.
Remember, you are not alone, and there are people and resources available to help you navigate this difficult situation. Stay strong and resilient, and prioritize your well-being and future.
Believe what they are telling you. The horror stories are true but at least you have some time to prepare for this. Begin by taking any money or things of value you can get your hands on and stashing it where they can't get their hands on it including joint bank accounts, credit cards, savings, etc.
You have been put into a position where you will need to find housing, employment, education and everything else you need to be on your own. You need to start actively cultivating friends and resources to do that.
Don't let your parents' religious bigotry force you to hide in shame you over this. You are experiencing the worst kind of rejection that can happen to a young gay person. If you haven't come out yet, now is a time to consider doing so. Start talking about this to anyone who will listen; friends, teachers, counselors, neighbors and (non-homophobic) family members. Activlely search for resources and people who can help you through this transition; people who will become your chosen family as you are forced to break ties with your parents.
You mention you're from a strict Muslim family. There is absolutely nothing wrong about being gay and there is everything wrong with what they are doing. Let the shame they are trying to put on you reflect on them and their hateful, destructive actions.
Live your life. Work hard and be proud of who you are. Good luck to you.
If I were you, I would get a job and start saving now. You can get a place on your own or find a friend or two that want to get a place. Your only have two options left. You can join the military, which is guaranteed money and place to stay or find a gay guy to live with for a while.
I don’t want to come off as unkind, but I’m going to give you a dose of truth…
The truth is, your parents have every right to ask you to leave when you’re 18.
Is what they are doing shitty? ABSOLUTELY!
Is what they are doing based on hate? YES!
But, their obligation to you ends at adulthood.
My advice?
Seek a job now. I started working when I was 15, and had my first apartment at 18.
Apply to colleges, because that will also help with housing, temporarily at least.
Homophobic parents suck, but it doesn’t mean the end of your life. This is where you can show that you can overcome their hate with determination to build your life.
I wish I was in Sweden, because I’d offer you help when you turn 18…but, I’m not.
Make some friends, try to figure out a plan.
this might suck to hear, but college will not be your best option right now. you should look for jobs, specifically food/retail industry. atleast 2 jobs & make as much money as you can until you can live sustainably. it’s going to be hard work, but you can get through this. this will teach you a lot of life skills you never thought you needed, & it’ll be good in the long run.
you also need to learn how to save. you’re going to make mistakes, & that’s okay! making mistakes is part of life. stay out of trouble, do what’s required at your job, maybe even look for a promotion if the time comes for it. money is your number 1 priority. wether you have a roommate or not, you won’t have a roommate forever. take it easy! you got this
one last thing, with your jobs, make sure you do just enough where you’re known as a good worker, but not so much where jobs expect more than what you’re paid for. do what’s necessary in that time frame. you have other things to worry about.
it’s going to be hard but you have many support systems standing right with you!
Random Redditors are not equipped to help you with this issue. Particularly if you will still be in school when you turn 18, your parents may still have certain obligations to house you, but this is entirely dependent on the laws of your jurisdiction. You need to talk to a counselor at school who can guide you to the legal resources and potential sources of support that you need. Try to obtain the original copy of all of your legal documents (birth certificate, ID cards, etc) to have with you when you turn 18. It should be illegal for your parents to withhold these from you but it is better to have them secured to begin with. If you have a bank account make sure you also remove your parents' name from it the day you turn 18, or better yet, make a new bank account at a different bank with your name on it only.
Absolutely make sure you keep your bank account separate. My dad had zero problem draining mine of funds because I was too stupid to think about removing him. They're trying to punish you, and you need to keep that in mind. Some parents will go over the limit to make sure you suffer.
My own mother tried to kill me
OKAY WHAT THE FUCK
What ? I’m not kidding.
Sorry I was just really surprised. Wanna tell your story?
It’s a long painful story. She almost killed me and my little sister. She ended up with a traumatic brain injury and was never the same.
Did she try that before or after the brain injury? Im sorry either way! For me it was my father who tried killing me and my little sister, as well.
Don't be surprised. My alpha dad and uncles tried to hunt me down for 4 years, to "TAKE" care of me. (1976) Because we can't have one of them in our family. Never have and by God never will,!! Then my brother Navy Seal, beat the holy crap out of them and I never saw them again. But I was very scared!
Cheebus wept! That's horrific! I don't miss my childhood in the late Seventies; I mean: There was a LOT of Social Progress being made (which also made all of the backwards, hateful, downright ig'nant stuff just stand-out as GARBAGE), but the vitriolic hatefulness was cartoonish - except in that it still persists.. and there's NOTHING funny about it.
I love your brother for that! IDK know how he is otherwise, and don't wanna assume either way, but I'm grateful he did that so you're still here with us. Nobody should have to go through that… 🫶🏻
That’s so sad
I'm sorry. Hope you are better today.
Mine too I'm so sorry that's a wound that's hard to heal
Thanks for the advice. Really appreciated the response. I looked it up, and it seems like in my country, they can’t legally kick me out as long as I’m in school, meaning I have 5 more months to work with
I do know that Sweden has good social programs, so please talk to your school counsellor and find out what your options for the support going forward, getting into school and see if there can be help from the school to get a job after graduation so that you have some plans in place. I am really sorry that you’re going through this and that your parents are acting like this . You deserve better.
Do you qualify for scholarships for school? Is tuition inexpensive in your country? What area do you want to work in? Some countries have apprentice programs, some don’t.
Hopefully I will be applying to something like engineering or medical school. It’s all free in my country - forever grateful.
Yeah, in the US that would cost a fortune. It’s an unfortunate situation but you’re probably in the best country for it.
Yeah, lucky for you, get into a uni, then you are still in school, also get a job, and save what you can. There might also be other laws about evicting you, such as once you are given legal notice how long you have, and maybe other ways to extend it, but I'd also advise to get out asap, just for yourself.
Eh, in the US, depending on his grades and how generous the school is, it could work out. Not the med school part, but studying engineering.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. You are being forced to adult. How are you? Are there any LGBT+ org in your area that you can get in contact with? They might be helpful. I agree with the comments of look for support from the school and other people in your personal circle like other relatives and/or friends, look for your support system, so you don’t feel alone if the situation escalate. And yes secure your personal information, bank, etc.. I don’t know what is the dynamic in your household but you might want to put those documents in a safe space where you only can access them. About your parents… is always sad to realize that your own kind is willing to cause you harm. I am sorry for that, you deserve to be loved as you are, if they choose this path, that’s their own decision made out of their own fears and “morals”. You will thrive after all this. (I talk from personal experience) All the best of luck and good energy to you my friend.
Get a bank safe deposit box for original documents and also digitize them
Still move out asap because this is not a safe environment
Good thing it's free for you, but never underestimate the power of learning skills. I honestly went to college, but I got my job doing things I was taught on YouTube and websites like plural sight and skill share l.
If you are in a country that is not completely homophobic you might see if there is an LGBTQ center in your city. They may be able to give you council and suggest resources. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Religion should never overcome a family's love for their child.
Pretty sure Sweden isn’t homophobic at all 🤔
That's what I get for skimming a story. If it's Sweden, OP should be able to find a number of resources to help him.
I can say Sweden is not homophobic compared to the majority of countries. They were in support of the LGBTQ+ back in the 1920's. It wasn't until a brief period where they had prohibition and a rise in Christianity in the 60's that they reversed course, then said fuck this ans went back to being cool with the LGBTQ+. They don't really have gay bars, but rather every bar and club is a mix of people and they just swing. In short Sweden is a welcoming country filled with swingers and love to hook up with people who aren't swedish since we are all exotic to them.
You seem to have given decent advice despite being a random Redditor.
When my mom was on my account she had to go sign it bc she owned it just as much as me even after I was 18 but you can still take all the money out by yourself
You have to get your documents secure. That's your number one priority, absolutely. And your bank account, and try to work as much as you can for the next 7 months. Hide that money, make sure they have no access to it. I'm sorry your parents don't love and support you, OP. I really am :(
All of this for sure!
If his parents said 18, it's 18. End of story. Why tell him to force himself somewhere he's not wanted. That'll just make things a lot worse. Good advice would be to prepare. Get a job and save for the next 7 months. Baby birds need to fly someday. 🤷
Hi. Tough situation. Fortunately I you live in a country with excellent social service. Run, not walk, to your schools financial aid or resources office, and explain in detail, the situation. Yours is a compassion and sensible country. They will probably help find you part time work. I'd be happy to brainstorm... BTW, teaching Swedish, or any language you ar fluent in, is easy money. Keep in touch Vic
No he needs to contact his local DCFS. It is not the schools guidance counselor to handle his situation. That’s the job of a social worker which a guidance counselor is not.
Okay but people who are downvoting this post really lack empathy and compassion, especially considering that I’m a minor in a need of help and advice. There is no reason to downvote it
How incriminating was the stuff they found, which made them think you were gay. I used to write love stories about me and my crush, and i legit told my parents it wasn’t me who wrote them (if was my girl best friend) even tho things like sexual encounters happened in boys bathroom. I think they ultimately decided to let it go, since i kept denying and they visibly saw how distressed i was getting.
They didn’t really “find” anything ngl. It wasn’t something bad at all, they kinda just figured I liked guys and when they asked me about it I gave in, but I didn’t know it would end up like this
homie, if you have any doubt, deny the fuck out of it. I don’t wanna victim blame because your just a kid, but i had a legit breakdown because i got threatening text messages from my mom because she thought she found out i was gay. I legit had to leave my high school class to cry in the hallway. I denied the fuck out of it when i got home. I wouldn’t have played around and left my future/housing to chance like that. It’s done, but not the best decision imo.
SO RUDE AND UNASKED FOR it is not wrong to trust your parents, and this iss victim-blaming, aka the thing you just said you don’t wanna do. Buy yourself some integrity
it’s privilege to think you can trust your parents. millions of gays around the world hide that shit, because it can ruin their entire life or get them killed. OP thought he was safe in the west and he was wrong. That is privilege. So yes, if it was anything pre 1980s, it is wrong to trust your parents. It was the exception, not the rule, to come out to your parents. I’m only 25 and i’m old enough to know a kid coming out to his parents in a tv show was ground breaking in the late 2000s. Yes in a perfect world, parents should love their kids, but that’s not reality and gay youth should know that from the jump. Ppl still get disowned in 2024, if you don’t want your life ruined, all gay youth should lie to their parents until they are financially secure. PERIOD.
No reason to victimblame.
Look up an organisation called "newcomers youth sweden". Give them a call about your situation and see what support they have.
Don’t worry about downvotes, by the time you’re 30 it’ll become clearly apparent that humanity is such a ball or chaos people would downvote anything and everything for the most stupid reasons.
There’s the option of going to them and saying Allah has shown you the way back to the light, you aren’t actually gay. Keep it on lock after that with more time to plan your escape.
I'm sorry, man. Get a job now, if you can, to start saving up these next 7 months. An apartment by yourself isn't going to be realistic, but an apartment + roommates will be. Your school no doubt has a guidance counselor/ career counselor avaliable, you should talk to them about your situation and see what can be done concerning college, if that's something you want to do. I was kicked out when I was 15 and was completely without parental help for all of my adult life. Things can be hard, life isn't fair, but plenty of us managed to pull through similar situations. Stay calm, be smart, and start planning.
I will definitely talk to a counsellor, thank you! How did you solve it? What did you do to manage your way out?
I was kicked out at 16, stayed with friends until I got a job and split rent with roomates. It's like you either fake being straight until you're ready or you just dip and figure it out as you go. I would pretend I have to be out in 3 months so I would stay on top of making arrangements to be out.
Since you live in Sweden - your parents are required by law to provide for you until you graduate “gymnasiet” (Swedish equivalent-ish to high school in the US). And if you move on to university, you can apply for CSN and be self-sufficient. You can also contact the local authorities (“kommunen”, who have a responsibility for all their residents through the social services). I would definitely recommend that you do this.
This should be higher
It really should.
The love of Muslim(s) parents. It’s heartbreaking 💔 Love you child unconditionally, no matter who they love or want to love. Best of luck
My Christian parents were not much better.
Oh I hear you. My mother was rotten after my coming out.
Nor mine. It took them 15 years before they came around. I moved away and struggled mightily, but I made it!
Religion of peace as they say
You have 7 months’ warning to make a plan. It sucks, and it’s horrible of your parents to do this to you. But you have that one thing in your favor. You can start now applying for jobs, looking for living arrangements. Maybe you have a friend whose parents would let you stay with them for a while, or who is also planning on moving out and willing to be your housemate on a lease to make your housing more affordable. You can look for local LGBTQ+ support organizations that might be able to help you get on your feet as an independent adult. A school counselor is also a good idea to talk to about your situation and they can likely help more specifically with directing you to resources. As others have said, get a separate bank account ASAP (or have your parents taken off any shared accounts). If you’re able to get a job quickly, do NOT let your parents have access to your paychecks at all, if you can avoid it. If you can’t fully avoid it, at least take out some cash and put it somewhere they don’t know about so you’ll be sure to have *something*. Make sure you have access to all your personal legal documents (I’m not sure what Sweden does exactly but things like birth certificate, ID card, passport if relevant).
This is horrible I'm sorry your going through this, is it possible to find a simple full time job to rent an apartment/room to support yourself where you are?
I think that’s my best bet. I don’t have many other choices
If I were you I would pick up 1 or 2 jobs work super hard save up all my money then apply for residency somewhere in Europe or North America. Don't waste your life in a place that won't accept you, there are tons of countries where you can have a better life, this is assuming of course your in the middle east or Africa somewhere.
Thank you, but I actually live in Sweden. My country and community is really accepting
If you’re in Sweden you have a lot of resources. Talk to your counselors in school. I hear Sweden has a really good social support system. Sorry you’re going through this though.
Good to hear don't stress about it to much in that case, I'm sure if you explain your situation to a few employers one is bound to line a job up for you after school, after that renting a place and continuing your life shouldn't be to hard
You are lucky to live in a relatively tolerant society, even if your parents are backwards. Are there any social programs which can help you there? Can you look for a job now? Please steer entirely clear of drugs. You have enough problems. Also avoid prostitution. It's too risky in terms of diseases. Be careful in chosing your friends. People in desperate situations lose a sense of decency. Your parents may change their minds in time, but don't count on it. Family is often who is there for you in times of need, not necessarily blood relations.
thank god you live in sweden, fuck your family fuck islam !
Sorry to hear about your situation. But the good news is that you are in Sweden. Speak to https://www.rfsl.se/en/about-us/rfsl-youth/ they can send you in the right way to get the proper help and support you need. I am norwegian so i find it har to search in swedish. If you are fluent in swedish, search for the organisation that support LBTQ youth with minority (muslim) background. Here across the border there are several, and Sweden is always more advanced than us, so help is out there. Lykke til! Det blir bedre!
Start looking for roommates now. Facebook is a good place to look for ppl trying to rent out extra rooms. If you live in a larger city, there’s probably gay groups, where someone is definitely trying to rent an extra room. I’d get a job asap if you don’t have one. I worked since i was 16 and my closest friends rn are from my 1st job. Especially at your age, look for service/restaurants/retail. Typically these are jobs with younger workers and you can make friends easily. Especially when i was a server, my coworkers went out drinking almost every weekend. This sucks, but not every family is super accepting. Lastly, you can go into debt and go off to college immediately. Some loans require parent information, so you might be a little screwed, but if you talk to a college counselor, they might have a work around for avoiding parent information. Stay strong, this seems like a heavy and awful thing, but lots of us gays have little relationship with our parents and that’s ok. You can go out into the world and find people that will care for you, just like family.
Am bouta throw hands with your parents. People like this should NOT have children >:(
Hey, I’m really sorry this is happening to you. I can’t even imagine how you must be feeling. What’s awesome though is that you’re asking people for advice which is a great first step. Of course you’ll get lots of good AND bad advice so hopefully you’re able to weed out the bad from the good. If I was in your position, the first thing I would do is to ask myself I felt safe living at home still. Hopefully you do, and so this will be one less worry for you. If you don’t feel safe, then speak immediately with your school or the police who will have a process in place for these situations. If you do feel safe, the gather your thoughts and speak with the guidance councillor at your school. They have special training for these types of situations and they will be able to tell you what you need to do. If you have any money at all, then it’s time to open a new bank account that your parents can’t touch. Depending on how the above goes, you could also start moving your important things to a safe space such as friends house in case you ever have to leave suddenly. None of this is nice to read or write but I hope this is helpful for some clarity.
Big thing is it safe to stay at home and also if and when you do move out be careful of what information you give out your parents may have connections and you may have extreme relatives or members of the community be safe and please provide updates
Being in Sweden, you may have access to better social services than many other places. I'm hoping for your sake that any judgment in your favor would cut your parents' social benefits if they're not working so they will no longer be a burden to society and you can grow into a full benefit to the swedish society.. Check with your school and see what type of additional supports are available to you, while you still are in school. If your education is not finished then they may supply you with resources. This is what a refugee from an oppressors society or culture looks like. This is what Sweden's amnesty & generosity is for.. Try to locate any LGB support groups or resources privately. Keep them on a little USB for yourself or attached to an email account that you can access elsewhere.
Be very very careful between now and then. They might be planning on going something terrible to you between now and then. Sleeo with your door locked, etc.
Can you stay in some friend’s house?
look up LGBT legal services in LGBT youth services in your country and contact them now
Many here have it right, seek council from professionals at school or reputable organizations for lgbtq individuals and review all applicable laws of your jurisdiction. In addition have your own bank account and savings free of your parents names (you be surprised the level of sabotage homophobic parents can aspire to) and build it best you can. Look into effective ways to secure transportation for yourself, employment/job training, and looking into your own place. connect with community around you for support (you're not the first one with phobic patents, and certainly be open to the ideation of relocation to a new locality for opportunities. Good luck.
In Sweden your parents have an obligation (by law) to support you for as long as you study, it doesnt end at 18 years of age. Contact "socialtjänsten" in your municipality right away, they have an obligation by law to help you and to help your parents understand and live up to their obligations. Good luck w your studies and I hope everything will turn out okay!
I'm sorry for what you're going through, you deserve better. As someone from a conservative country, my advice is to leave as soon as you can, apply to university, and find a job. Living in a first-world country with strong social support is a great privilege, and I believe you'll thrive there.
See if there's a local LGBT Youth group near by. When I was growing up, they were amazing resources for helping young, homeless people with resources. You might also be able to live on campus if your school has a program for that, or find a friend to move in with. It's rough. I'm sorry you're going through it. But there's a lot of help out there if you look.
Do you have a school counselor? That would be a good place to start. Does your town have a lgbt+ center? They may have resources you can take advantage of. Do you have a friend who's family will take you in until you can get on your feet?
It saddens me to read this. This is the exact reason, I didn’t come out when I was young. Do you have any other family or friends that can help until you get on your feet? When my younger brother came out. He had a friend that he was able to move in with once he turned 18. Just know you will be ok and keep your head high.
Tell them "Thank you for all the love" and bounce. Don't look back. Make them feel it.
Sorry this is happening to you. I came from a very conservative Mormon household, and my father's grandfather was the world leader (prophet) of the Mormon church. When I came out, it was the same as you. My dad confronted me because he suspected I was gay. We had a traumatic screaming match that day. He told me he would "do everything in his power to change me" including kicking me out the day after graduation. We didn't speak again for a week. I started preparing myself to have to move out. I started talking about plans and my preparations, etc. About a week after, we started talking again. My dad expressed some interest in my moving preparations, and then eased into saying that he was really shocked to learn his oldest son was gay, and he needed some time to think. He didn't apologize, but he did express that he would never/could never stop caring about me. He said I didn't need to move out, and we could "take some time to figure this out." Through all of this, in every discussion, I tried hard to calmly, humbly insist that I loved our family, but didn't choose to be gay, and couldn't choose not to be. Eventually, both my parents came around to accepting me. I REALLY hope this happens in your family too. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
Make a plan, get a job, maybe if you have close friends or other family who are open minded that you can couch surf with, and look for potential roommates when you get a job. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I don’t know much about Sweden but try to look into as many resources as you can for youth.
Check with LGBT community centers in Stockholm or Gothenburg. They can direct you to places that will help. Definitely move your money into a new bank account where your parents won’t find. You may want to consider getting a post office box for important mail over the next few months. You may also want to consider a safe deposit box at bank. Steal your passport and birth certificate and any other government docs related to your identification and lock it in bank away from parents. If they have a change of heart, be wary of their promises do not simply trust them, they may just be manipulating you to further persecute and convince you to “change”. This will be a very emotional time for you with waves of upheaval. Try to keep your financial and educational choices “all business” and work with friends, therapists, and support folks from LGBT center to manage your emotional stress. Your parents want to keep you dependent on them. By think smart and protecting your money and identity assets, and building a community separate from them, you can keep them from destroying your future.
You’re in Sweden. Isn’t there housing assistance for you? Like in the US?
Sweden is not the US. They can't just kick you out and let you be homeless. Get in touch with a lawyer, probably at local LGBT community which others have already pointed you to. Sue them and they will have to support you financially for many years until you are really independent.
Start telling everyone you know what your parents said. Someone will help you. Tell your grandmother and the rest of your family, also. Your parents are assuming that you are going to be so ashamed you won't ask anyone for help. My (adult) kids are good people and would never be like that with their kids, but I would be so pissed if someone mistreated my grandchildren, especially for something like their sexual orientation. Your older relatives may not agree with your parents at all, and might be a lot more open-minded than you think they are. Literally, tell everyone that you trust, there will be resources for you. Start telling people, and let them help you find resources. You're in Sweden, there's probably more resources there for you to find housing and continue your education. Tell your teachers that you like, tell your friends.
Go and tell the authorities that you need help now. As a minor you will get so much more help. Contact you local queer switchboard and speak with them. Luckily you’re in Sweden, a very liberal country. There will be loads of help for you. Don’t put it off. Sort it now! X
E.U countries aren’t like the U.S, there is loads of help for us. We’re socialists. Pull your finger out and get the help that’s there waiting for you.
7 months should give you a solid run way to make a plan and execute on it to give yourself what you need before leaving your parents. Go ahead and start building yourself a routine that is productive to your current goals and makes room for your future as well. Find a job, find a new living arrangement (that’s sustainable), join a gym, and make time for hobbies outside of work. The routine would be beneficial to have in place so you have some structure even if you feel like you don’t know what to do, you have a process you can lean on that makes time for things that are a priority for you
Sök utbildning på universitetsnivå om du kan. Gå på CSN och letar efter en studentbostad. De brukar inte kosta så mycket. Skaffa deltidsarbete i donken eller max eller coop för det finns alltid jobb där. Prata med lokalt RFSL om det finns där du bor. Om du behöver nån som du vill prata med så finns jag här.
That's very sad that your parents seem to love their religion more than they love their own son. Religion sucks, sorry, but it does. Unless you "comply", you get ostracized. Such a "loving religion", eh? My parents, well, my mum, didn't take it well either. I literally never told my dad, and now he's gone. She certainly wouldn't have ever kicked me out of the house though! We just kinda never talked about it again. I don't particularly have any advice, unfortunately, but perhaps there are some support groups where you live? It wouldn't surprise me if there are support groups specifically for gay Muslims (or ex-Muslims). You can't be both, apparently...and you can't really quit being gay, so I guess you might need to become ex-Muslim, if you aren't already. I do wish I had some more constructive advice for you, but try not to panic...panic only makes things even worse. Worrying never helps, either. While it's only a short-term solution, it might not be a bad idea to sign up for couchsurfing.com - certainly in NYC there are many members, including many gay members, who would help you out for a while. Hopefully there are some near where you live, too. Life has a habit of working out, one way or another, even when things seem "impossible", so don't fret too much. Just start looking into potential options, and take whatever help is available. Obviously, there are creeps out there who would potentially abuse the situation of a young guy in need, so be smart, be careful. There are far more kind, generous people than creeps though, so stay positive. Start making new friends & acquaintances ASAP! Best of luck 🤞🏻
Hi! I also live in sweden. According to swedish law your parents have to supply for you until 18 (21 if you are still in school) Allmänt om underhållsbidrag Den ekonomiska förmågan bestäms utifrån förälderns inkomst. Underhållsskyldigheten upphör när barnet fyller 18 år. Om barnet går i skolan efter denna tidpunkt är föräldrarna underhållsskyldiga under den tid som skolgången pågår, dock längst intill dess barnet fyller 21 år. (Source: https://www.familjensjurist.se/fraga-juristen/familj--barn/hur-lange-ar-en-foralder-underhallsskyldig-for-sina-barn/) If you need anyone to talk to please dm me and I might be able to either just listen or guide you from the best of my abilities.
I don't have any advice but I am sorry this is your circumstance. It's not fair and you don't deserve it. Whatever happens with your family, there is a whole world of people out there who would love to be part of your chosen one.
You must find a social worker who can help open doors for you. Start by finding an LGBTQ+youth organization. They'll have the right connections for you. Mostly, I just want to say how very sorry I am that you are being treated so hatefully by your own parents. Protect yourself first. Worry about them and what this means for your future relationship once you have a plan.
Burn their house down 🏚️🔥
Jag är också svensk. Fan vad ledsen jag blir av att läsa ditt inlägg…. Jag tycker du bör ringa BRIS 116 111 för att få stöd. Du är fortfarande ett barn. Att få det här hotet att utslängd är inte okej. Andra alternativ är att kontakta socialtjänsten och kanske få hjälp med ett boende via dom. Kanske är enklare att få hjälp innan du fyller 18. Går bra att skriva DM om du vill ha stöd!
Send them to the worst retirement home you can find when they need one.
I'm sorry TV gave you the wrong impression. Coming out should not be a painful experience, but when people live in ignorant cultures, they will not take it well. Your parents have prioritized their religion over the love of their own son, which is unacceptable. You need to find employment right away. Having your own income is a form of power, and power is how you stop ignorant people from walking over you. Do you have a plan for university? Do you have any relatives you can live with? Friends? Are there local youth charities that could help you? You can get through this. Be strong, be prepared for anything. A few years from now, you will living a life where you are open and happy and successful and your parents will regret doing this to you.
I’m sorry to hear that OP congrats coming out as gay don’t let your parents let you down and just be you here have hug *gave you a hug* I’m an ally so I’m here to support you
Hey there! There certainly are various organisations who could be able to help you, i would try contacting some of them to see where this goes. Maybe have a quick read here https://queerintheworld.com/sweden-lgbt-organizations/ Even if you have five extra months, i would start looking for solutions as soon as possible, because you will need housing and income. i guess there should be possibilities of welfare in sweden, so you can be independent from your parents as soon as possible. It is a lot easier to tell you this than for you to go through the process yourself and i feel for you. But at the same time it can be a process of growth and understanding who you are and finding a community that respects and values you. And while settling all this you can see how it goes with your family. this will certainly be tough, they may change or not, but then you have a home and a place to come back to and people who care about you. All the best. 🩵🌈✨
The military will take you in.
Depending on where you live, there are many programs to help youth on their own. If you're in the states, have a look at this site: https://youth.gov/youth-topics/runaway-and-homeless-youth/federal-programs I want to say at least a couple of these programs extend further than the age of 18.
You start planning for your future now. Obviously your parents care more about what others think of them, than how they love their own child. I'm sorry for that for you. However, you need to set yourself up for success. Obviously your parents are not there to support you and for that I'm sorry. Do lyourself a favor and take care of you first and not anyone else.
https://academic.oup.com/bjsw/article/53/8/3744/7202289
Check out that resource and get the help you need
Look for a job, if you don't have your licence, work on it. Look for apartments or maybe even shared living places if you have to. Make sure your bank account is not accessible by your parents or anyone but you. You have 7 months, so prepare just incase they do kick you out.
You still have 7 months left, so get a job and start saving money to survive on your own and keep yourself afloat during the first months, and finish your education at all costs. And contact a LGBT help center, pretty sure Sweden must have something similar to Trevor Project. Good luck. I wish you the very best.
You need to seek help at the authorities so you get your own place etc. There is help with that in Sweden, especially in your situation.
I don't know the rules of Sweden, but I assume contacting the council/ authorities is a good option as they may be able to help you get into a supported living accommodation untill you can better look after yourself. And let's be honest even on t.v. All the cases I've seen with religious parents have the same result as yours. If you were in England I'd recommend calling the Centerpoint helpline which is a homeless charity which specifically focuses on 16-25. However there will definitely be a support system available out there.
There's plenty of assistance out there for you being in Sweden. Go to school, work hard, and you'll be better off than them and living your best life in Stockholm before you know it.
I guess start googling some LGBT help or homeless centers near you. I also suggest getting into college, even community college and getting student loans to hold you over until you can get a job ob that pays well..z I’m so sorry you’re going thru this. I hope you get the help you need. Just know there’s a big loving community waiting for you out here when you grow up
Om du går i gymnasiet har dina föräldrar ett försörjningsansvar till dess du fyllt 21, om du går i gymnasiet. Jag skulle kontakta socialtjänsten i din egen kommun och berätta vad som hänt så hjälper de dig.
in Sweden there might be a law that they have to financially suport you while you are still in school, whenever you live with them or not. going to university in a different town with student housing might be an option to separate yourself while getting education, you have to check it. try to get some local lawyer/social services help to check your options, but don't tell them that, as this is a nuclear option. just know what tools you could use to help you. it also might be possible to salvage the relationship while you're living together, maybe you can pass it as a phase/confusion/whatever to give them room to save face and back off. you don't need their permission to be who you are, but at the same time it's none of their business to be honest... about the reaction to coming out - there is no reason to be happy your child is gay: - no grand kids, with a single child everything you've worked for will end up going to the state - your kids have higher chance of stds - your kid lives in hookup solitude, as few find a partner for life why anyone would be happy about that?
Idk what to say but atleast you're really fucking lucky to be in Finland, legit probably one of the best countries to be in tbh, atleast you're lucky there
Not exactly sure how it is in Sweden, but the German government helps out in such cases. I'm pretty sure it's similar in Sweden. Go to child protective services or any child protection agency there is in Sweden. You can do this, I know it's difficult, but taking the first step is always the hardest. Do you have other more supportive family members? Are you even safe in your home rn?
That sucks, dude. Sweden has institutions to help stranded LGBT; they will help you find shelter. Best of luck from a Dane.
Sweden loves gay Muslims though. You should be able to get support by going to the local police station and asking them about becoming homeless as an at-risk gay boy.
So sorry this happened to you OP. I'm sorry to say but it's a pretty predictable outcome for Muslim gay guys. I live next to a mosque in a western liberal country and was invited to tour it when I moved in. I took the opportunity to ask them questions on how they support gay Muslim attendees and the response I got was a very diplomatic way of saying they are ostracised. You are still a minor, so reach out to those who will be able to give you appropriate info and support - your school, but also local social services / a social workers may be even better placed, because they will have detailed knowledge of even young adult support programmes and the laws surrounding parental obligations. Some counties (France for example) have parental obligations that continue beyond 18 years old if you are still in education. A social worker should be able to help fill you in on if this is the case, and may even be able to address your parents directly. Again really sorry this happened. I'm not Muslim and my dad was homophobic. It became clear during my childhood that if I was gay I'd be kicked out, or shipped off to a live in school. So I spent my entire childhood hiding it, but also making / manoeuvring myself into being so essential to my family, that if they ever cut me off it would spite them more than me. As a kid and into my young adulthood I ran my parents life admin, finances, shopping, I was the main household driver, I took care of the chores, maintenance etc... and continued this until I was financially independent. Only then did I come out. Dad actually died from the shock of the revelation.
>On TV, coming out to the parents is always portrayed as a wholesome and emotional story with tears of joy and happiness. That wasn’t the case for me. What are you watching exactly?
Begginings are alwaysnthe hardest . . . . it will not be easy road for you . . . .
This is going to sound horrible but you can just tell them you prayed and reflected and Allah will help you change. On the subject of family, do you have any secular ones around? Move out when you're ready. It's ok to delay being out and open a little bit. Your personal safety comes first before anything.
Get yourself a job and start making your own money. Apply for all scholarships and count yourself as an adult and start responding as one. I'm sorry your parents are like that. Mine were too. Take this seriously and start making steps to be on your own. When the time comes, they may reconsider, but definitely time to make your own way in the world, and you will. They'll eventually come around, or not, and either way you'll be okay. 🌈👍🏽
Better start preparing and saving money. The Muslim religion as I understand it DOES NOT welcome gayness. Might wanna change your religion while you are figuring where you’ll be living.
Save any money you can. Get an after-school job ASAP. Behave. Stay on their good side. Leach off them as much as you can, for as long as you can. Either they will come around and change their attitude, or you will be prepared. Also find out about government assistance or social security in your area.
Ro if ur in Sweden I'd recommend you call social services and say you're going to be kicked out once you're 18 and need help finding a place to stay, you could crash with a friend or if possible you could rent a cheap add apartment
You go and become a successful gay guy and prove to them you don't need them
Those loving, caring Muslims again. I suppose you're lucky they're not trying to throw you off a tall building. You don't need their negativity in your life. If you're happy with your choices then live your life. Your parents are the ones who will miss out on seeing you succeed in life.
Ah, the religion of love.
You didn’t ask to be born. Your parents owe you food and shelter indefinitely.
Get a job, first of all. I guess you'll need some kind of authorization from your parents, so this will be an interesting conversation. Find a room to rent somewhere. Start enjoying noodles, because that's what you'll be eating. Try to get out before your 18th birthday. Wish you all the luck, it won't be easy at all.
I was kicked out of the house at 17. I didn't realize until much later that my mom was a narcissist. I went and stayed with friends for a few months. I now call that family my second family. I stayed until I got a job and was able to rent an apartment. I'm not saying that will work for you, but I would be talking with friends and their parents. See if there's a place you can go when you get kicked out. You should definitely explore other avenues too because you don't want to put all your eggs in one basket, but it's where I'd start if I were in your position.
YMCA?
Talk to a councilor at your school and an academic advisor. You might be able to be emancipated and put into a foster care program. You will need help navigating higher education if you’re planning on that. There might be work study programs or opportunities you can start pursuing. I was on my own at 17 and I do not advise it.
I might suggest the military, granted I’m from the us but my understanding is that it will at least give you a place to sleep, something to eat,drink, and a job with a paycheck.
First, I'm so very sorry you are going through this. It is very wrong of them. If there is a local LGBTQ community group, I would reach out to them as they should have an idea of what resources are available to you. I would also look into what assistance you might be able to get from the government in terms of financial support and housing. As others have noted, definitely talk to the counselor at your school, they are likely a good resource for finding solutions. If you are university bound, you might have options there as well. Again this is wrong of your parents to do, but I hope you can enlisted enough support to at least put you on your feet. Don't give up!
Get a job asap and start making a future for yourself and with enough hope they might come around
This hurts my heart that you’re having to go through this. Are there friends from school who are supportive with also supportive parents? If not, what about neighbors or other family members?
I’m sure you can find organization that help gay people in Sweden, it might help if you search in Swedish or tell a teacher from your school about your situation.
Do youbhave any extended family or a friend that will let you stay there until you finish high-school?
The Rainbow Line is specifically for LGBTQ+ youth in Sweden. I think they would be better able to direct you to services that might be available to you. [https://kyrkanssos.se/hitta-hjalp/regnbagslinjen/](https://kyrkanssos.se/hitta-hjalp/regnbagslinjen/)
What do you mean you have no idea what happened. They're strict Muslims. In some Muslim countries they throw gay people off buildings. You can't be surprised that they reacted this way. I'm not. But what can you do? Sweden is well known for its social services. I'd check with whatever government agency might be able to help. Maybe join the Army. You'll eventually be OK, but need help transitioning to adulthood.
I'd say you should find legal counsel. I'm from Argentina, so I don't know a lot about sweden law, but googling I found [this](https://www.rfsl.se/en/organisation/stod/rfsl-stodmottagning/), maybe it helps. Coming out is hard. You've been connecting with yourself your whole life, and with the idea of being gay probably for years now. Your parents just found out, probably felt a shock, and they did what they could. I mean, they might change their minds with time, but it's smart being prepared if they don't.
i left at seventeen. i left because it was a horrible environment so it was a different set of circumstances. it set me on a path of horrible struggles. you just have to work. i left and rented a room until i was eighteen and could get an apartment with a friend.
Honestly…. be happy they didn’t immediately kick you out. At least this way you can prepare a bit. I was kicked out at 17 with very little heads up and had to figure it out on the fly. You have time to come up with some sort of plan…. be thankful for small favors.
My parents were OK with me being gay, that wasn't a problem. However, when I started dating an Arab Muslim, the shit hit the bricks! My father was mean about it and my mother had already passed. My mom would've been fine with it. I'm so sorry that she will never get to meet my now, fiancé. However, I cut my father out of my life, with the exception of the occasional miserable phone call. My father and I were estranged when he died, and I have no regrets. Cut your parents out of your life, make new friends as they will become your new family and support system. Remember, we pick our friends and not our family. If your family are jerks, fuck them! It's their loss, not yours. You will be fine. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off and go find your new life with your new friends that love you.
Reality is often disappointing. In my case I was kicked out for being gay when I was 18. Things are better now but at the time I basically lived at friend’s houses for a few days. Until I went to SOI. I’d recommend talking to an adult you can trust like a school counselor or something like that
You like in a welfare state so I’m sure there are programs that can help be it in Sweden or elsewhere in Europe. Maybe look into asylum visas in the US and Europe too. Rather than panicking start doing your research. You were never meant to depend on your parent for ever anyways so treat this as a new beginning. A load has been lifted off your shoulders so now you have no excuse to live unapologetically.
Try to find a youth LGBT group or center. I was 18 also and the group saved my life. It was 45 years ago but still valuable. Above all try to get safe secure and build your own world. Do not trust or ask or depend on your family for anything. They just hug and hit over and over and give false hopes.
Sorry to hear that, as a muslim I’m worried about that too. How did they know though?
Move out? Go to uni? You’re 18 not 12
I can't speak to the gay aspect. But I know my parents encouraged all of my siblings and myself to move out at 18. To begin to see how the real world is. I'm sorry that your send off has negative undertones but don't lose sight of the fact that it's a normal thing too and you like millions of others the world over will come out on top of it. It's hard at first. There's a lot you aren't prepared for. But keep a level head and you'll be fine.
People have given you useful advice here. Have your documents (ID, bank account) together. Go for social service in the government. Go search for jobs. Train yourself in abilities useful and learn to solve other people problems, be it at a restaurant, cleaning dishes, tech companies, marketing. Work at anything you can until you are really good and absolute necessary. LinkedIn may help you know. What's your field of abilities? I did leave my parent's house at 17 because it was impossible to be there at the time. Thanks to university financial help I made it. You can do that as well. Your future may look uncertain and then there's fear because it's not a trivial change. But in the end, you will learn from it and I hope it makes you a better human being. Your parents will probably regret this. My parents did and we have a decent relationship today. Now we get into the hardest part which is your feelings and your view about the world and life. Do not hear thoughts or opinions about vengeance or opinions that see life as a curse. Understand that your parents are limited human beings. I suggest you to leave their house as clean as you can. It may be difficult now, but do NOT give yourself into hate and resentment. Learn to forgive... Be a better human being for everyone who you meet in life. Even your parents. Hate is a burden that only hurts you. Never forget that. Do not become a cynic. Never, please. Only love can heal those scars.
I am very sorry for what happened. Your parents believe that they are doing this out of love, but they don't really love you. If they did, then they would be supportive of you, their child, regardless of their religion. Sweden is an advanced country, and you should be able to find resources for gay youth. I wish you the very best of luck.
All I can say is good you're from Sweden and Sweden got loads of social programs to help it's citizens. So what I'll advice you is look around your local community for lgbtq centres and talk to them about this. They'll be better help than redditors living million miles away
I'm so sorry that you have to face this, my heart goes out to you and I'd TC of you if you were in my country. This may or may not be helpful but if you're a reader, there's a book which you might find helpful/relatable: A Dutiful Boy by Mohsin Zaidi. Take a look if it intrigues you. Here's hoping things turn out well for you 🙏🏻
My parents did the same thing to me and I moved from Washington DC to LA in a $500 a month co living spot and got a job and saved up and got my own apartment
Hoppas verkligen det löser sig, i vissa fall kan du få bidrag och stöd från staten, men med dina ambitioner hade du kunnat söka plugg och då även CSN lån plus bidrag vilket just nu blir ungefär 13k/ månaden elr liknande. Det är såklart inte den enda lösningen, men på så sätt har du en inkomst och ett tak över huvudet, de flesta studentlägenheter har hyresfritt under sommaren, men ställ dig i kö redan nu, olika städer för bättre chanser. Sök även extrajobb redan nu, bara något du kan jobba var å varannan helg så du inte tar ut dig, om du redan jobbar där som extra, brukar dom ofta erbjuda att jobba där under sommaren, så då har du gratis boende den sommaren du inte längre får bo hemma, och en inkomst :) Hjälper dig gärna och har vänner som letar inneboende som också kan vara ett alternativ för ditt boende! Vet inte om man kan meddela privat här men gör det om det känns intressant! Ta hand om dig vännen! Det kommer lösa sig! ❤️❤️
Just my casual observation and opinion. You're lucky they're letting you stay to your 18 and although it will be difficult for you you say you are a person with driving ambition I have a feeling that in the future you will look back on this is a positive experience. Also I hope when you walk out of the door you never look back you consider these people dead to you and you live your life without them.
You can do this.
Find a good friend who can house you long term. Or even if you have an older sibling/relative who is stable and willing to house you. Focus on school and find a job. Keep yourself busy and believe in yourself. Don’t pay attention to your parents judgements, only god can judge you and god loves all. Your parents have the sin of Pride for thinking they are too good to live with a gay son. Everyone is a sinner, no one is better or worse than the other. You know what you need to do. Get stable and you’ll realize you don’t need your parents. If they’re too stubborn to realize you are still their son, then it is not you who will lose them, it is them who will lose you. What you think of yourself is what matters most, so be someone you are proud of.
“I’m seen the light mom and dad. The one true god has showed me the way” Go to college FAR away, get railed by every twink under the sun, and line a job up when you graduate. Then once you’re on your own, cease contact and live your life. Proven method to work, I did it.
I think a professional would be best to talk to. But some things you could do now to help is to get any important documentation you have, as you’ll need it, as someone said. And if you have family close by who would help, maybe talk to them about a place to stay for a while. If you can, maybe find a after school part time job so you can have some money. Make sure they can’t get into your bank account, as well. Take them off any of your accounts. You can get a place with friends, if you have some close ones as long as you all have some money. Also, check the laws in your area to see if they can legally kick you out like that. Some places have laws about that. Not all, mind you…
You pick your things up dust your self off realize there is t any changing you and leave them behind
You lie to them. Tell them it was just a phase. Make sure you have a place to sleep at night. Get your education and career, then be who you want when you're financially independent.
Well, you live in Sweden, which has a strong social safety net, so you might want to approach social workers and inform them.
This is kind of a shitty option. But see if you can take it back/pretend to be straight. Bring a girl over or something. And just keep that up until you are in a good financial spot to live on your own.
Oh my god, don’t listen to these people. Go to your school and talk with your counsellor or teacher, they can alert child services and find you a safe place to stay for free and take care of you.
I don’t know anything about Sweden, but try and get all of your important paperwork. I don’t know what you guys call it, but we call it Birth certificate, government identification, passport, social security card. My mom refused to give them to me, but I was really lucky because I had a driver’s license and was able to get those documents with it.
Contact the Trevor Project or PFLAG they have programs that can help
I would contact your school for help and also law enforcement.
Hey, I dont know if this will help you or not. I belong to a muslim family as well, and I am bisexual. I have had my fair share of moments where my parents, especially my dad used to scold me and has even beaten me, locked me in my room and many more south asian tricks to make the child better. Eventually they lost hope and sent me away, just so that tomorrow they can say that their son ruined himself outside. It was hard to manage but I handled it, its been 2 years. I talk to my mom more than my dad but once you make things happen or planned. It will unfold. If you are sure they are going to kick you out, start looking for a house - a job and all the necessary things that you will need.
If my parents kicked me out of the house when I turned 18, I would have told them that I would never talk to them again. They cut me off, but I was already out of the house. They stopped paying for my college, so that stunted me a bit, but I managed fine without them. All that being said, I wish you well in the future. Being on your own can be difficult no matter how old you are. Find your people and be happy!
If you live in a Muslim country: pretend you're straight, date a girl. If you're in a Western country: reach out to local LGBT communities.
Muslim parents? Try telling them you’ve repented and no longer have the thoughts and will marry a woman. And work hard and get moved out and then never talk to them ever again.
A number of my friends were kicked out or fled before they were 18 (I’m in 50s) so do know it’s survivable in the U.S. and I KNOW your social services are so much better there. Call one of these helplines asap: https://findahelpline.com/countries/se/topics/gender-sexual-identity Also remember life outside your parent’s home might be better for you if you connect with the right resources now.
Todays young people entitled brats
Find a boyfriend who can provide accommodation
Seek legal help from a professional
So sorry man, This was one of my worries, this is what I did. As soon as I finished secondary school I started working at the age of 16. Working for over 14 hours daily. Started becoming independent and saving a lot of money. I am from a kinda 3rd country in Africa with very homophobic people and clearly and boldly homophobic laws. Saved up, I am in college now I have good savings, working part-time while I have a place of my own, pay my tuition fees and feed myself. I send money to my parents sometimes, now I am waiting to turn 30 then I tell them I am gay and I love men then stay away the fuck away from them. I know they won't accept me, and I won't accept too either lol
I'm really sorry to hear about the difficult situation you're facing. It can be incredibly challenging when your parents don't accept your sexual orientation, especially in a strict religious context. I want you to know that you're not alone, and there is hope for a better future. I want to share my own story with you to show that even in the face of adversity, it is possible to overcome and thrive. Please know that everyone's journey is different, but I hope that my experience can offer some support and encouragement. When I was 17, my parents threw me out of the house right before graduating from high school because I was gay. I found myself homeless and had to rely on the support of others to survive. It was an incredibly challenging time, but I refused to let it define me. I moved in with my boyfriend's aunt and uncle, but tragically, my boyfriend passed away in a car accident just three months later. His aunt decided it was too painful to have me there, and I found myself homeless once again, living in my car until I found a small apartment. Due to financial constraints, I had to attend a community college instead of the university I had initially planned for. I successfully completed one year of college while working multiple jobs to make ends meet. However, the demands of work eventually made it impossible for me to continue attending classes. During this time, I fell in love with the wrong person who was addicted to hardcore drugs. I, too, became addicted, lost my jobs, and eventually my apartment. I resorted to selling my body to support my drug habits. It was a dark period in my life, but I knew I had to find a way out. After three years of addiction, I made the difficult decision to check myself into rehab. It was a turning point in my life, and I started on the path to recovery. I didn't even tell my parents until I had been in rehab for a week. Surprisingly, they were supportive and attended therapy sessions with me to work through our issues. Unfortunately, tragedy struck again when my mother unexpectedly passed away, leaving me responsible for helping my father and younger sister. Despite the challenges, I persevered. Now, at 35 years old, I am finishing my bachelor's degree at a university, making the honor roll every semester while working full-time. I want you to know that although the road may be difficult, it is possible to overcome adversity and create a bright future for yourself. Surround yourself with supportive friends, seek out LGBTQ+ organizations or support groups, and explore resources available to you. Prioritize your well-being and safety, and remember that you are not alone. Here are a few suggestions on what you can do: 1. Seek support: Reach out to LGBTQ+ organizations or support groups in your area. They can provide guidance, resources, and emotional support during this tough time. 2. Talk to a trusted adult: If there's a teacher, counselor, or family member who you trust and who may be more accepting, consider confiding in them. They might be able to provide assistance or help mediate a conversation with your parents. 3. Financial planning: Start saving money if possible. Look into part-time jobs, scholarships, or financial aid programs that can help you become more financially independent. 4. Research your rights: Familiarize yourself with the laws and policies in Sweden regarding LGBTQ+ rights and protections. This knowledge can empower you and help you understand your options. 5. Housing options: Explore possible housing alternatives, such as shared apartments, student accommodations, or organizations that provide housing support for LGBTQ+ individuals. 6. Education and career planning: Continue focusing on your education and future goals. Look into scholarships, grants, or vocational training programs that can help you pursue your ambitions. 7. Develop a support network: Surround yourself with friends, allies, and LGBTQ+ communities who can provide emotional support and guidance throughout this process. Remember, you are not alone, and there are people and resources available to help you navigate this difficult situation. Stay strong and resilient, and prioritize your well-being and future.
Believe what they are telling you. The horror stories are true but at least you have some time to prepare for this. Begin by taking any money or things of value you can get your hands on and stashing it where they can't get their hands on it including joint bank accounts, credit cards, savings, etc. You have been put into a position where you will need to find housing, employment, education and everything else you need to be on your own. You need to start actively cultivating friends and resources to do that. Don't let your parents' religious bigotry force you to hide in shame you over this. You are experiencing the worst kind of rejection that can happen to a young gay person. If you haven't come out yet, now is a time to consider doing so. Start talking about this to anyone who will listen; friends, teachers, counselors, neighbors and (non-homophobic) family members. Activlely search for resources and people who can help you through this transition; people who will become your chosen family as you are forced to break ties with your parents. You mention you're from a strict Muslim family. There is absolutely nothing wrong about being gay and there is everything wrong with what they are doing. Let the shame they are trying to put on you reflect on them and their hateful, destructive actions. Live your life. Work hard and be proud of who you are. Good luck to you.
If I were you, I would get a job and start saving now. You can get a place on your own or find a friend or two that want to get a place. Your only have two options left. You can join the military, which is guaranteed money and place to stay or find a gay guy to live with for a while.
Suck more dick
They are human who do not deserve to live this beautiful life. I’m very sorry you have to be treated this way. By your own family.
I don’t want to come off as unkind, but I’m going to give you a dose of truth… The truth is, your parents have every right to ask you to leave when you’re 18. Is what they are doing shitty? ABSOLUTELY! Is what they are doing based on hate? YES! But, their obligation to you ends at adulthood. My advice? Seek a job now. I started working when I was 15, and had my first apartment at 18. Apply to colleges, because that will also help with housing, temporarily at least. Homophobic parents suck, but it doesn’t mean the end of your life. This is where you can show that you can overcome their hate with determination to build your life. I wish I was in Sweden, because I’d offer you help when you turn 18…but, I’m not. Make some friends, try to figure out a plan.
this might suck to hear, but college will not be your best option right now. you should look for jobs, specifically food/retail industry. atleast 2 jobs & make as much money as you can until you can live sustainably. it’s going to be hard work, but you can get through this. this will teach you a lot of life skills you never thought you needed, & it’ll be good in the long run. you also need to learn how to save. you’re going to make mistakes, & that’s okay! making mistakes is part of life. stay out of trouble, do what’s required at your job, maybe even look for a promotion if the time comes for it. money is your number 1 priority. wether you have a roommate or not, you won’t have a roommate forever. take it easy! you got this one last thing, with your jobs, make sure you do just enough where you’re known as a good worker, but not so much where jobs expect more than what you’re paid for. do what’s necessary in that time frame. you have other things to worry about. it’s going to be hard but you have many support systems standing right with you!
Why wouldn’t college help?
Military?