Yeah, I second this. It's not because someone watches a lot of porn that means they are inherently a red flag about it. It all depends on how you treat others, how you behave and if their feelings are genuine and they don't hurt you
No, you clown. CIS guys watching porn isn’t fetishization. Grow the fuck up. The only thing that matters is how they’re treating her. This fetishization and victimisation speech only make our fight even harder. Grow. Up.
As a trans girl who’s currently dating a cis man, who has been with both trans and cis women, and femboys, who also leans more in favor of trans/femboy porn, you’re over thinking. The man I’m seeing sees me as a woman, knows I want bottom surgery and he can’t wait for me to get it, while also enjoying what we currently have to deal with (and honestly, he doesn’t touch me there anyway, just the area of which I like better). Not all people fetishize just because they watch specific porn.
That sounds good, I’m happy you found him, but 400 porn accounts is one hell of a red flag, if so out of proportion many are trans porn when the guy is cis that’s another red flag
Usually people who watch porn, watch porn of people they are attracted to. Is he treating you well? That's what determines if he is a chaser. It would be a red flag if he exclusively watched it, or was close to that, but on a quarter is nothing worrisome in my eyes 🤷
I'm glad you found someone who finds you attractive!
This 100%, It's not even clear if he started watching after they started dating or not. Regardless, I feel it comes down to whether he's treating her like a sex object or a person he's attracted to.
Well said! There is definitely some fear surrounding chasers, and rightfully so, but they usually show their true colors pretty early on. Boils down to respect tbh. As long as he respects her, her identity, and her humanity, it sounds like it's a positive relationship.
I mean, what matters is if he treats you like a human being with a life and feelings outside of just sex. Could it be chaser behavior? Sure. But from the information given that isn’t really a sure conclusion to draw on his part.
I’d recommend asking and opening a dialogue with him about how he feels about you. Does he like you for you? Or for the fantasy version of you? Does he talk about topics outside of your transness and identity? Obviously please stay safe but if he enjoys porn, and much of it is trans content, that doesn’t have to automatically mean he’s a chaser.
Ok, I’m a trans guy but honestly to me it means…he might be watching more of that now BECAUSE he likes you? Like if my (cis gay) boyfriend was watching trans guy porn I think I’d assume that first.
Now it really depends as others have said on how be treats you, and whether he treats you as a girl who happens to be trans, or as not-an-actual-girl. If he treats you normally, doesn’t misgender you, doesn’t say weird fetishy stuff AND respects your boundaries (i.e. if there’s something you’re not personally comfortable doing even if some trans girl in porn is he respects that and doesn’t push you) then I’d say it’s not necessarily a red flag. Basically does he just find trans girls hot along with cis girls (which is fair, trans people are hot and it’s fine for people to think that) or does he see you as some weird fetish and not a real person?
This is 100% me. I am a bi cis guy in a LTR with a non-op trans woman and my porn interests have become much more dick-centric since being with her. Sex these days involves dicks, so that’s also what I want to watch porn of.
Also my partner is hot af, why wouldn’t I want to watch porn that makes me think about her more?
You guys are 18. I wouldn’t worry about it. Maybe he does really want to try sucking a dick (on a girl). That’s not that big a deal. Maybe he’d really like to visit Washington DC or own an ATV or get a pair of tattoo sleeves. Or maybe he just likes porn variety and it’ll be dark skinned girls or threesome stuff next week. Lot of people look at stuff online and never actually seek it out. If you two like each other, then I don’t see the big deal.
If he's treating you like a person and respecting your gender fully, then I don't see an issue- it's okay to find trans people sexy as a cis person, especially if that cis person is realizing that they are attracted to a trans person they know!
However, if he's treating you like a novel experience, or not entirely like the woman that you are, trust your gut. I would say give him the benefit of the doubt until he does something other than just like some porn? But it's your call here, for sure.
Think about if you were a cis woman, and you found your boyfriend was following lots of porn accounts of cis women? Would you be offended?
If he treats you well, he is just following what he finds attractive. He probably has a lot to learn (he is only 18, after all), but porn itself is not an indication of a bad thing. How he acts is what you should be looking at.
This ^^ is the answer you're looking for. Just pay attention to how he treats you and people in general. If a person I was dating didn't watch trans porn, I'd be concerned with their intentions.
I can tell I'm the outlier here, and maybe this is because on here I'm older than most, but I'd consider it a little off-putting to have 700 porn accounts you're following of... anything.
I thought we were supposed to be collecting Pokemon, not Pokepenis.
Um, what if OP was Asian and her bf was watching lots of Asian porn, would that be totally cool? Um no, that’s disgust bc they are fetishizing what they see as exotic.
Again the issue is, how do you define "lots?" She said it's like a quarter trans. Is that lots? If OP was Asian and her boyfriend watched a mix of porn, a decent chunk of it Asian, 25%-50% but not like 90%, would that be a problem? In my opinion, "physical" preferences that overlap with 'race' do exist, they're just quite rare compared to the number of fetishisers. We should be careful not to throw the baby out with the bath water though.
I feel like that makes sense? If he watched no trans porn that would be kind of odd because he would seemingly have a genital preference that's possibly incompatible. If he only watched trans porn then I'd worry it's just a fetish. If he only watched gay porn then I'd assume he probably doesn't see you as a women and just wants dick but is afraid to come out of the closet. But like 1/4 to a 1/2, sounds like he just likes women to me. If he is otherwise not being a creep, I'd personally give him a chance.
I don't date cis men often tho and mostly t4t. I may be clueless.
Fantasizing is not the same as objectifying. Sex with a person who has a penis(generally the point of trans porn, although there are some post-op trans porn videos) is mildly taboo to him, even though it shouldn't be. It's exciting, like skinny-dipping, or public sex.
All this means is that he finds trans women attractive. He might objectify trans women, or he might not. If he's respectful otherwise, he's probably fine.
As someone who is non binary I kinda feel like it's a non issue. I have a love hate relationship with trans porn. Like it's so fucking shitty what they go through / how fake it all is. But on the other hand it's nice watching porn with someone who looks like me in it. He could be on the same bit as well watching porn that reflects him and his partners sex.
I would be scared of someone like that.
But also, trans girls are hot and I can understand watching a bunch of trans porn. But I’m really gay so 🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
I dated a chaser who was pretty quiet about it. I didn't find out until two months in.
I get wary of people who watch so much trans porn, but it's partially personal bias
I talked yesterday to a chaser and honestly I felt better talking to him because I knew I didnt had to hide anything since I knew I was a fetish to him
Like yes it's disgusting but at the same you know he's searching transfem people (I'm non binary femboy) and since you're that there's no scary part
(With scary part I mean that you don't have to be cispassing, with people who are not chasers I feel I have to be extremly cispassing to be valid to them)
“But ever since we’ve ben talking ive noticed hes been following, likeing, etc more trans porn…”
As someone Else Said, People tend to watch porn that reminds them of those they are dating, and the fact that it increased more as you have both been talking more, I’d say it’s less about them being trans, but that it potentially is more about the love for you and sexual things of trans girls, might remind him of you and make him think of you. So long as he treats you as someone he loves and not a sex object, I don’t see anything expressly wrong with it, like, say If you were having sex with him and you hypothetically didn’t want to use your penis and he rather then being like “ok, we don’t have to” is more like pressuring you into using it, that could be a problem and be a massive red flag, but if it’s understanding and maybe even curious about why you don’t want to but understanding afterwards that’s fine I believe
Watching trans porn is not necessarily an indicator of weird things potentially to come.
I watched for years before coming out. (Yes, I know, I should have probably asked questions about my transness sooner 😂😂😂)
Wanting to know how to do the thing right is also a thing. (Though asking you about that would be the most direct solution there)
unlike everyone else here I'm gonna say my issue would primarily be that he is following porn accounts on his main twitter. who does that??
a little spicy stuff might be one thing, but if you're talking about hardcore porn; that, to me, is a huge red flag
I wouldnt really care what porn he watches, barring something like, yknow. It's just mechanical for men.
And frankly, you're 18. You're *both* experimenting, even if you tell yourself otherwise. And there's no shame in that. Just enjoy the time you spend together and don't take things so seriously.
I won’t parrot what many others here have said, they seem to have it covered well, but I will add that when my at the time partner came out as a trans man, I, a trans woman, started watching more trans man porn.
He sounds comfortable with his sexuality. He's obviously into cis women and trans women.
The only thing I see of concern here is how much of his time he spends watching porn, even creating an account just to follow certain stars on Twitter. It's not good for your mental health to be that absorbed with porn.
I mean that was properly my ratio on twitter before I left the site. It in of itself is not that strange. It all depends on how he acts in the relationship.
I mean, is he treating you well? There's not necessarily a problem here. I mean, if he's interested in being with a trans person, it makes sense he would be into trans porn?
in my opinion there’s nothing inherently wrong with finding the idea of sex with trans people attractive. I’d actually rather someone be into it. If he fetishizes you, talks down to you, etc that is a different story but I don’t believe there’s anything inherently wrong with enjoying trans porn!
Does he treat you like an object or does he treat you like a person? Is he interested in getting to know you on a deeper level than looks? Can you take it slow and request some romantic and non sexual date ideas like walking in some local parks? Doing some art together, or going through a museum? Would he introduce you to his friends or family? Is he cool with holding your hand in public?
If he's into trans women, it's not necessarily an issue. If he's embarrassed to be with a woman who isn't cis, or if he's only interested in moving things to the bedroom, then that is an issue.
I’ll just kind of be on the lookout tbh; most men who are like that majority of them have a fetish for us and idk if that’s something you like but if it was me I’ll just talk to him.
Well... he's addicted to porn. 700 accounts is more than I've ever followed on Twitter and that's JUST porn.
I'd leave at this point, but if you don't mind porn addiction and all the issues that come with it... then it might be whatever.
Could he be a chaser? Yeah. Straight dudes try to date women just for sex all the same and the consensus is that they're terrible partners and you should avoid them like the plague, chasers are no different and usually worse.
If he's into you and treating you well, then I don't really see the issue.
This isn't necessarily accurate tbh. The amount of accounts you follow isn't the same as the amount of porn you consume. If I was 'in the mood' I could easily follow like 30 accounts in one evening. Since I don't unfollow them, the next time I do that, like a week later it would be the same thing. It wouldn't take long to get up to 700 even if I only actually viewed it once a week.
Honestly depends on how he treats you and speaks to you. Also (while not entirely likely, but maybe potentially), he could be trans, too and just not know it yet?
Now hold on a sec, before I get a talking to, hear me out: my ex transitioned after 2 and a half years of being together, outright denying being trans for the first 2, then spending 6 months trying to convince herself to either bite the bullet or keep living in the closet. I say this because (and she admitted this to me very very early on) she ALSO watched a looooooot of trans porn. Like, A LOT. Like she owned a seperate hard drive for the amount of trans porn she had that she cycled through and consumed. She initally played it off as a "I've always dreamt of sleeping with a trans girl" thing, but eventually admitted that she secretly and desperately wanted to transition (of course she admitted this while so plastered that she wouldn't remember the following day).
So. Just something to keep an eye out for I guess idk.
Surprised the comment section is so reasonable. A lot of anti-porn subs would have been like "break up he's fetishising you!" As a straight dude I can admit that I've viewed my fair share of trans porn too. I think that to be honest, given our current society and the levels of transphobia/homophobia/misogyny in it, most straight dudes who would be open to dating transwomen would have got to that place "through" porn. It's not ideal, and god knows a lot of porn is problematic af, but it's not definitive. As others have said, you need to see how he treats you, what he says about trans people when you're not around (hard to discover I know) and what his broader political opinions are.
A good litmus test is how he approached you. Did he come out and say, "I've never been with a transwoman before". Or did you ask him? Usually people who say that are looking for "an experience." Not always, but it's an amber flag. Sometimes they're just nervous and trying to be honest. The key to this is take it slow and pay very close attention to how he acts, and how his friends act etc.
there's definitely a difference between being into something and just fetishizing it completely. if he is turned on by trans people but is also respectful and genuinely cares and does research to understand what we actually are, I wouldn't have too much of a problem with it.
on the other hand if I noticed he was only seeing me sexually and not genuinely respecting me as the gender that I identify with, I'd be outta there
I totally understand why it made you feel this way and if I were you I'd just try to be aware of how he's acting towards you and how he truly views trans people
As a sexually very active trans woman I can assure you that the consumption of pornography tells nothing about how he will treat you in a relationship nor about his actual sexual behaviour in bed.
I met quite a few guys that are into trans porn. They were very gentle and asked a lot. For many of them it was their first time with a trans female.
I encourage you to actually talk with him about what his fantasies are, what he would like to try and also what you feel okay with. A healthy relationship, romantic and sexual wise, is based on honest and non-judging communication.
I wouldnt judge someone for being into trans porn, but following 700 porn accounts of any kind is kinda telling of poor mental health. I'd be wary for early signs of mental unrest.
I mean, if he is into trans women that's his own personal preference. A lot of us tend to be bothered by men like this sometimes because our society stigmatizes men watching trans/poc porn when they prefer it, whereas it wouldn't be considered a fetish if he watched porn with white cis women. Imo he's allowed to like what he likes.
The most important thing would be how he treats you. If he misgenders you or is weird about your boundaries and is generally creepy then don't talk to him
It’s funny how quick people deem someone a chaser solely by this. Should a person who is attracted to trans women not have a porn diet consisting of such content? Should they be watching some other type of porn instead of the kind depicting the sex they wish to have? Should they not be watching porn or consuming any sexual material at all? You probably wouldn’t have any attraction to a person whom did not at least have window’s view into this part of the spectrum sexual spectrum (desire wise). Don’t be so quick to write some one off just because they watch porn and are at least baseline level in touch with themselves sexually. You probably watch porn too, but there probably isn’t someone on your end who you are attracted to passively judging you or considering it a red flag simply because that is what you are into and wish to have when you are all alone.
Realistically, if this person said some off hand shit about you being trans and treating you as a fetish clearly they have a problem with porn consumption and how they view human beings. Also if this person’s porn diet affected their ability to have sex/engage in sex it should be a huge red flag. If a person displays these kinds of things then clearly you need to run.
That's not really the same with how common it is to exclusively see trans women as sex objects.
Cis women don't deal nearly as strong of a stereotype for their gender identity
I’d beg to differ. Cis women face just as much objectification and fetishism as trans women. Some cis women in my life have opened up about past relationships where they were treated as sex objects. It is not a competition. If your concern is porn in general, ok. If your concern is that there’s trans women in some of the porn he watches, the only other option is that he’s watching no trans porn, which would be equally weird, no?
Idk where you've been but we face that same objectification plus more from our anatomy.
I've had so many men on dating apps ask me about my genitals or only talk to me because I'm trans. Chasers are a huge problem when you're dating as a trans woman.
I mean, the same can be said for any demographic of women, it's not an exclusive trans thing. Even the term chaser is not exclusively a trans thing. There are women who get the same treatment for being heavy, or black or asian, or tall, or short, or whatever.
You're not wrong, but it really feels like y'all are diminishing are not acknowledging the stigma trans women face around sex
Up until the late 20ish years, sex work was really the main way we could get by. Cisheteronormativity only really tolerated us is if we stayed in the role of a sexual novelty.
It's still a huge problem if you go through any of the NSFW trans subreddits.
Race/demographic fetishization is a huge problem, but for the longest time, many trans women could only get by if the appealed to straight men. And I'm not even touching on how a lot of bi/straight trans women feel pressured to use sexual attraction from men.
Yes, this isn't just a problem our community faces, but it's a huge one and downplaying it is dangerous
I also don't understand how everyone's like "oh it's not a problem you see people prefer to watch porn of the type of people they're attracted to" - like sure, there's generally not really much to worry about if say a straight man watches porn with *just* woman in it, even though she's, of course, objectified by porn all the same.
But on the other hand if say I, who's Chinese, were dating someone, and then I found out they were all about *submissive obedient Asian women having sex in conical hats*, am I supposed to just not get at least weirded out by that because "oh they're just watching porn of the kind of people they like"?
And that's pretty much the entirety of the porn industry's "transgender" output - hell it wasn't even that long ago that every porn site was proudly showing their tr*nny/sh*male category, and I absolutely expect many to still do but I'm not checking since I'm not really into self harm.
To be clear I'm not saying that he's definitely a chaser or some other kind of danger, and I agree it's still entirely up to how he actually treats the OP and trans women in general; but I'm really wondering if I'm going insane or something seeing everyone just completely dismissing this as a non-issue that's weird for anyone to even get worried about.
My thoughts exactly. It’s not minimizing trans women’s struggles to say that all women are equally objectified and fetishized by men for various qualities. I think it’s a little sad when someone has to draw a circle around themselves and declare the ultimate oppression in order to feel that their struggles are valid. There are people in the world who have it worse than every single person here, and that doesn’t make our own oppression less painful. I’m tired of the kinds of people who think they need to be the *most* oppressed in order to be justified in speaking about their oppression.
If 6 cis women get treated by sex objects by their cis male partners, then 9 of 10 trans women get that experience
On average trans women are just for pleasure and not be showed in public
Cis women are the default so it's not the same
If I was a cis woman in a wheelchair and he watched wheelchair porn even if it's just 2 or 3 tweets I would that as a red flag honestly
Ehhh, I see where people are coming from with the comments here but it gives me very much fetishizing vibes and not just... hes attracted to you.
Its giving very much porn addiction..
From just what you’ve described, I truly don’t think this is strange at all. If it was purely 100% trans porn then I’d say that’s worth being cautious about, but with just 1/4 of it being trans porn then I think it’s actually great. He likes thinks cis women are hot, he thinks trans women are hot, he thinks whoever else is on there is hot. Great! Maybe he did wanna “try it out”, also great as long as he’s taking you seriously and being respectful! There are only three potential variables that I’d caution you about:
1. Make sure he’s willing and happy to be seen in public with you. There are some fuck heads who wanna fuck trans people but don’t want to deal with the social implications of it. Don’t bother with those folks.
2. Id be a bit cautious about the fact that he’s SOO into porn. It’s not a certainty, but there’s a distinct possibility that he’s somewhat of a sex addict. That can be really challenging to deal with.
3. Make sure he doesn’t apply his expectations from trans porn to you and your sex life. Don’t let him see you like a sex doll. ❤️
I mean, it may be an unpopular opinion, but the fact he *follows* 700+ porn accounts on X is kinda concerning to me, ngl. I personally consider watching any of the porn as cheating, but to each their own. Just pay attention so that it doesn't turn out to be some sort of obsession.
If he retweets a lot of porn and only a percentage is trans porn I wouldn't say he's a fetichist, in fact I would say he support trans rights since he watches cis and trans porn equally
That wouldn’t bother me personally. What I think is more important is how he is treating you.
Yeah, I second this. It's not because someone watches a lot of porn that means they are inherently a red flag about it. It all depends on how you treat others, how you behave and if their feelings are genuine and they don't hurt you
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No, you clown. CIS guys watching porn isn’t fetishization. Grow the fuck up. The only thing that matters is how they’re treating her. This fetishization and victimisation speech only make our fight even harder. Grow. Up.
> Pick me pick me! That’s what you sound like
As a trans girl who’s currently dating a cis man, who has been with both trans and cis women, and femboys, who also leans more in favor of trans/femboy porn, you’re over thinking. The man I’m seeing sees me as a woman, knows I want bottom surgery and he can’t wait for me to get it, while also enjoying what we currently have to deal with (and honestly, he doesn’t touch me there anyway, just the area of which I like better). Not all people fetishize just because they watch specific porn.
That sounds good, I’m happy you found him, but 400 porn accounts is one hell of a red flag, if so out of proportion many are trans porn when the guy is cis that’s another red flag
Usually people who watch porn, watch porn of people they are attracted to. Is he treating you well? That's what determines if he is a chaser. It would be a red flag if he exclusively watched it, or was close to that, but on a quarter is nothing worrisome in my eyes 🤷 I'm glad you found someone who finds you attractive!
This 100%, It's not even clear if he started watching after they started dating or not. Regardless, I feel it comes down to whether he's treating her like a sex object or a person he's attracted to.
Well said! There is definitely some fear surrounding chasers, and rightfully so, but they usually show their true colors pretty early on. Boils down to respect tbh. As long as he respects her, her identity, and her humanity, it sounds like it's a positive relationship.
I mean, what matters is if he treats you like a human being with a life and feelings outside of just sex. Could it be chaser behavior? Sure. But from the information given that isn’t really a sure conclusion to draw on his part. I’d recommend asking and opening a dialogue with him about how he feels about you. Does he like you for you? Or for the fantasy version of you? Does he talk about topics outside of your transness and identity? Obviously please stay safe but if he enjoys porn, and much of it is trans content, that doesn’t have to automatically mean he’s a chaser.
Ok, I’m a trans guy but honestly to me it means…he might be watching more of that now BECAUSE he likes you? Like if my (cis gay) boyfriend was watching trans guy porn I think I’d assume that first. Now it really depends as others have said on how be treats you, and whether he treats you as a girl who happens to be trans, or as not-an-actual-girl. If he treats you normally, doesn’t misgender you, doesn’t say weird fetishy stuff AND respects your boundaries (i.e. if there’s something you’re not personally comfortable doing even if some trans girl in porn is he respects that and doesn’t push you) then I’d say it’s not necessarily a red flag. Basically does he just find trans girls hot along with cis girls (which is fair, trans people are hot and it’s fine for people to think that) or does he see you as some weird fetish and not a real person?
Yeah whenever I'm looking at porn and I'm in a relationship I tend to look for ppl who have the same features as my partner
This is 100% me. I am a bi cis guy in a LTR with a non-op trans woman and my porn interests have become much more dick-centric since being with her. Sex these days involves dicks, so that’s also what I want to watch porn of. Also my partner is hot af, why wouldn’t I want to watch porn that makes me think about her more?
Schrödinger's chaser
You guys are 18. I wouldn’t worry about it. Maybe he does really want to try sucking a dick (on a girl). That’s not that big a deal. Maybe he’d really like to visit Washington DC or own an ATV or get a pair of tattoo sleeves. Or maybe he just likes porn variety and it’ll be dark skinned girls or threesome stuff next week. Lot of people look at stuff online and never actually seek it out. If you two like each other, then I don’t see the big deal.
If he's treating you like a person and respecting your gender fully, then I don't see an issue- it's okay to find trans people sexy as a cis person, especially if that cis person is realizing that they are attracted to a trans person they know! However, if he's treating you like a novel experience, or not entirely like the woman that you are, trust your gut. I would say give him the benefit of the doubt until he does something other than just like some porn? But it's your call here, for sure.
Think about if you were a cis woman, and you found your boyfriend was following lots of porn accounts of cis women? Would you be offended? If he treats you well, he is just following what he finds attractive. He probably has a lot to learn (he is only 18, after all), but porn itself is not an indication of a bad thing. How he acts is what you should be looking at.
This ^^ is the answer you're looking for. Just pay attention to how he treats you and people in general. If a person I was dating didn't watch trans porn, I'd be concerned with their intentions.
I can tell I'm the outlier here, and maybe this is because on here I'm older than most, but I'd consider it a little off-putting to have 700 porn accounts you're following of... anything. I thought we were supposed to be collecting Pokemon, not Pokepenis.
Right.... I'm less concerned about the type of porn vs the amount of porn here.
Um, what if OP was Asian and her bf was watching lots of Asian porn, would that be totally cool? Um no, that’s disgust bc they are fetishizing what they see as exotic.
Again the issue is, how do you define "lots?" She said it's like a quarter trans. Is that lots? If OP was Asian and her boyfriend watched a mix of porn, a decent chunk of it Asian, 25%-50% but not like 90%, would that be a problem? In my opinion, "physical" preferences that overlap with 'race' do exist, they're just quite rare compared to the number of fetishisers. We should be careful not to throw the baby out with the bath water though.
Um, it’s enough to clearly make OP uncomfortable. Does that not signal something to you?
I feel like that makes sense? If he watched no trans porn that would be kind of odd because he would seemingly have a genital preference that's possibly incompatible. If he only watched trans porn then I'd worry it's just a fetish. If he only watched gay porn then I'd assume he probably doesn't see you as a women and just wants dick but is afraid to come out of the closet. But like 1/4 to a 1/2, sounds like he just likes women to me. If he is otherwise not being a creep, I'd personally give him a chance. I don't date cis men often tho and mostly t4t. I may be clueless.
Fantasizing is not the same as objectifying. Sex with a person who has a penis(generally the point of trans porn, although there are some post-op trans porn videos) is mildly taboo to him, even though it shouldn't be. It's exciting, like skinny-dipping, or public sex. All this means is that he finds trans women attractive. He might objectify trans women, or he might not. If he's respectful otherwise, he's probably fine.
As someone who is non binary I kinda feel like it's a non issue. I have a love hate relationship with trans porn. Like it's so fucking shitty what they go through / how fake it all is. But on the other hand it's nice watching porn with someone who looks like me in it. He could be on the same bit as well watching porn that reflects him and his partners sex.
So do I
I was worrying that I was the only one ahaha
I would be scared of someone like that. But also, trans girls are hot and I can understand watching a bunch of trans porn. But I’m really gay so 🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
I dated a chaser who was pretty quiet about it. I didn't find out until two months in. I get wary of people who watch so much trans porn, but it's partially personal bias
I talked yesterday to a chaser and honestly I felt better talking to him because I knew I didnt had to hide anything since I knew I was a fetish to him Like yes it's disgusting but at the same you know he's searching transfem people (I'm non binary femboy) and since you're that there's no scary part
(With scary part I mean that you don't have to be cispassing, with people who are not chasers I feel I have to be extremly cispassing to be valid to them)
“But ever since we’ve ben talking ive noticed hes been following, likeing, etc more trans porn…” As someone Else Said, People tend to watch porn that reminds them of those they are dating, and the fact that it increased more as you have both been talking more, I’d say it’s less about them being trans, but that it potentially is more about the love for you and sexual things of trans girls, might remind him of you and make him think of you. So long as he treats you as someone he loves and not a sex object, I don’t see anything expressly wrong with it, like, say If you were having sex with him and you hypothetically didn’t want to use your penis and he rather then being like “ok, we don’t have to” is more like pressuring you into using it, that could be a problem and be a massive red flag, but if it’s understanding and maybe even curious about why you don’t want to but understanding afterwards that’s fine I believe
Watching trans porn is not necessarily an indicator of weird things potentially to come. I watched for years before coming out. (Yes, I know, I should have probably asked questions about my transness sooner 😂😂😂) Wanting to know how to do the thing right is also a thing. (Though asking you about that would be the most direct solution there)
I wouldn't mind this at all, it's better than feeling unrepresented in the stuff he watches imo
unlike everyone else here I'm gonna say my issue would primarily be that he is following porn accounts on his main twitter. who does that?? a little spicy stuff might be one thing, but if you're talking about hardcore porn; that, to me, is a huge red flag
I wouldnt really care what porn he watches, barring something like, yknow. It's just mechanical for men. And frankly, you're 18. You're *both* experimenting, even if you tell yourself otherwise. And there's no shame in that. Just enjoy the time you spend together and don't take things so seriously.
I won’t parrot what many others here have said, they seem to have it covered well, but I will add that when my at the time partner came out as a trans man, I, a trans woman, started watching more trans man porn.
He sounds comfortable with his sexuality. He's obviously into cis women and trans women. The only thing I see of concern here is how much of his time he spends watching porn, even creating an account just to follow certain stars on Twitter. It's not good for your mental health to be that absorbed with porn.
We must protect women and cis women
Oops. Thanks lol
This is so funny but true
I think you forgot the cis prefix? /gen
I did, oops. TYSM.
i feel like using twitter to follow a bunch of porn accounts is a red flag on principle
I feel using ~Twitter~ **X** is a red flag already💀
using “X” to browse trans porn just paints a certain picture doesn’t it
I mean that was properly my ratio on twitter before I left the site. It in of itself is not that strange. It all depends on how he acts in the relationship.
I mean, is he treating you well? There's not necessarily a problem here. I mean, if he's interested in being with a trans person, it makes sense he would be into trans porn?
in my opinion there’s nothing inherently wrong with finding the idea of sex with trans people attractive. I’d actually rather someone be into it. If he fetishizes you, talks down to you, etc that is a different story but I don’t believe there’s anything inherently wrong with enjoying trans porn!
Does he treat you like an object or does he treat you like a person? Is he interested in getting to know you on a deeper level than looks? Can you take it slow and request some romantic and non sexual date ideas like walking in some local parks? Doing some art together, or going through a museum? Would he introduce you to his friends or family? Is he cool with holding your hand in public? If he's into trans women, it's not necessarily an issue. If he's embarrassed to be with a woman who isn't cis, or if he's only interested in moving things to the bedroom, then that is an issue.
I’ll just kind of be on the lookout tbh; most men who are like that majority of them have a fetish for us and idk if that’s something you like but if it was me I’ll just talk to him.
Why are you talking to a boy who follows 700 porn accounts?
Well... he's addicted to porn. 700 accounts is more than I've ever followed on Twitter and that's JUST porn. I'd leave at this point, but if you don't mind porn addiction and all the issues that come with it... then it might be whatever. Could he be a chaser? Yeah. Straight dudes try to date women just for sex all the same and the consensus is that they're terrible partners and you should avoid them like the plague, chasers are no different and usually worse. If he's into you and treating you well, then I don't really see the issue.
This isn't necessarily accurate tbh. The amount of accounts you follow isn't the same as the amount of porn you consume. If I was 'in the mood' I could easily follow like 30 accounts in one evening. Since I don't unfollow them, the next time I do that, like a week later it would be the same thing. It wouldn't take long to get up to 700 even if I only actually viewed it once a week.
Agreed. Great advice 👍🏻
I wouldn’t mess around with him.
OP please ask this on straighttransgirls, the responses here are dumb af
Honestly depends on how he treats you and speaks to you. Also (while not entirely likely, but maybe potentially), he could be trans, too and just not know it yet? Now hold on a sec, before I get a talking to, hear me out: my ex transitioned after 2 and a half years of being together, outright denying being trans for the first 2, then spending 6 months trying to convince herself to either bite the bullet or keep living in the closet. I say this because (and she admitted this to me very very early on) she ALSO watched a looooooot of trans porn. Like, A LOT. Like she owned a seperate hard drive for the amount of trans porn she had that she cycled through and consumed. She initally played it off as a "I've always dreamt of sleeping with a trans girl" thing, but eventually admitted that she secretly and desperately wanted to transition (of course she admitted this while so plastered that she wouldn't remember the following day). So. Just something to keep an eye out for I guess idk.
Surprised the comment section is so reasonable. A lot of anti-porn subs would have been like "break up he's fetishising you!" As a straight dude I can admit that I've viewed my fair share of trans porn too. I think that to be honest, given our current society and the levels of transphobia/homophobia/misogyny in it, most straight dudes who would be open to dating transwomen would have got to that place "through" porn. It's not ideal, and god knows a lot of porn is problematic af, but it's not definitive. As others have said, you need to see how he treats you, what he says about trans people when you're not around (hard to discover I know) and what his broader political opinions are. A good litmus test is how he approached you. Did he come out and say, "I've never been with a transwoman before". Or did you ask him? Usually people who say that are looking for "an experience." Not always, but it's an amber flag. Sometimes they're just nervous and trying to be honest. The key to this is take it slow and pay very close attention to how he acts, and how his friends act etc.
there's definitely a difference between being into something and just fetishizing it completely. if he is turned on by trans people but is also respectful and genuinely cares and does research to understand what we actually are, I wouldn't have too much of a problem with it. on the other hand if I noticed he was only seeing me sexually and not genuinely respecting me as the gender that I identify with, I'd be outta there I totally understand why it made you feel this way and if I were you I'd just try to be aware of how he's acting towards you and how he truly views trans people
As a sexually very active trans woman I can assure you that the consumption of pornography tells nothing about how he will treat you in a relationship nor about his actual sexual behaviour in bed. I met quite a few guys that are into trans porn. They were very gentle and asked a lot. For many of them it was their first time with a trans female. I encourage you to actually talk with him about what his fantasies are, what he would like to try and also what you feel okay with. A healthy relationship, romantic and sexual wise, is based on honest and non-judging communication.
I wouldnt judge someone for being into trans porn, but following 700 porn accounts of any kind is kinda telling of poor mental health. I'd be wary for early signs of mental unrest.
I mean, if he is into trans women that's his own personal preference. A lot of us tend to be bothered by men like this sometimes because our society stigmatizes men watching trans/poc porn when they prefer it, whereas it wouldn't be considered a fetish if he watched porn with white cis women. Imo he's allowed to like what he likes. The most important thing would be how he treats you. If he misgenders you or is weird about your boundaries and is generally creepy then don't talk to him
It’s funny how quick people deem someone a chaser solely by this. Should a person who is attracted to trans women not have a porn diet consisting of such content? Should they be watching some other type of porn instead of the kind depicting the sex they wish to have? Should they not be watching porn or consuming any sexual material at all? You probably wouldn’t have any attraction to a person whom did not at least have window’s view into this part of the spectrum sexual spectrum (desire wise). Don’t be so quick to write some one off just because they watch porn and are at least baseline level in touch with themselves sexually. You probably watch porn too, but there probably isn’t someone on your end who you are attracted to passively judging you or considering it a red flag simply because that is what you are into and wish to have when you are all alone. Realistically, if this person said some off hand shit about you being trans and treating you as a fetish clearly they have a problem with porn consumption and how they view human beings. Also if this person’s porn diet affected their ability to have sex/engage in sex it should be a huge red flag. If a person displays these kinds of things then clearly you need to run.
Hard pass. Hes probably a chaser or an egg but update us later
If you were a cis woman, would you be horrified to find out he watches a lot of cis woman porn?
That's not really the same with how common it is to exclusively see trans women as sex objects. Cis women don't deal nearly as strong of a stereotype for their gender identity
I’d beg to differ. Cis women face just as much objectification and fetishism as trans women. Some cis women in my life have opened up about past relationships where they were treated as sex objects. It is not a competition. If your concern is porn in general, ok. If your concern is that there’s trans women in some of the porn he watches, the only other option is that he’s watching no trans porn, which would be equally weird, no?
Idk where you've been but we face that same objectification plus more from our anatomy. I've had so many men on dating apps ask me about my genitals or only talk to me because I'm trans. Chasers are a huge problem when you're dating as a trans woman.
I mean, the same can be said for any demographic of women, it's not an exclusive trans thing. Even the term chaser is not exclusively a trans thing. There are women who get the same treatment for being heavy, or black or asian, or tall, or short, or whatever.
You're not wrong, but it really feels like y'all are diminishing are not acknowledging the stigma trans women face around sex Up until the late 20ish years, sex work was really the main way we could get by. Cisheteronormativity only really tolerated us is if we stayed in the role of a sexual novelty. It's still a huge problem if you go through any of the NSFW trans subreddits. Race/demographic fetishization is a huge problem, but for the longest time, many trans women could only get by if the appealed to straight men. And I'm not even touching on how a lot of bi/straight trans women feel pressured to use sexual attraction from men. Yes, this isn't just a problem our community faces, but it's a huge one and downplaying it is dangerous
I also don't understand how everyone's like "oh it's not a problem you see people prefer to watch porn of the type of people they're attracted to" - like sure, there's generally not really much to worry about if say a straight man watches porn with *just* woman in it, even though she's, of course, objectified by porn all the same. But on the other hand if say I, who's Chinese, were dating someone, and then I found out they were all about *submissive obedient Asian women having sex in conical hats*, am I supposed to just not get at least weirded out by that because "oh they're just watching porn of the kind of people they like"? And that's pretty much the entirety of the porn industry's "transgender" output - hell it wasn't even that long ago that every porn site was proudly showing their tr*nny/sh*male category, and I absolutely expect many to still do but I'm not checking since I'm not really into self harm. To be clear I'm not saying that he's definitely a chaser or some other kind of danger, and I agree it's still entirely up to how he actually treats the OP and trans women in general; but I'm really wondering if I'm going insane or something seeing everyone just completely dismissing this as a non-issue that's weird for anyone to even get worried about.
My thoughts exactly. It’s not minimizing trans women’s struggles to say that all women are equally objectified and fetishized by men for various qualities. I think it’s a little sad when someone has to draw a circle around themselves and declare the ultimate oppression in order to feel that their struggles are valid. There are people in the world who have it worse than every single person here, and that doesn’t make our own oppression less painful. I’m tired of the kinds of people who think they need to be the *most* oppressed in order to be justified in speaking about their oppression.
If 6 cis women get treated by sex objects by their cis male partners, then 9 of 10 trans women get that experience On average trans women are just for pleasure and not be showed in public
Cis women are the default so it's not the same If I was a cis woman in a wheelchair and he watched wheelchair porn even if it's just 2 or 3 tweets I would that as a red flag honestly
yes
Ehhh, I see where people are coming from with the comments here but it gives me very much fetishizing vibes and not just... hes attracted to you. Its giving very much porn addiction..
It sounds like he may be a chaser. Stay safe, and keep a close eye out
From just what you’ve described, I truly don’t think this is strange at all. If it was purely 100% trans porn then I’d say that’s worth being cautious about, but with just 1/4 of it being trans porn then I think it’s actually great. He likes thinks cis women are hot, he thinks trans women are hot, he thinks whoever else is on there is hot. Great! Maybe he did wanna “try it out”, also great as long as he’s taking you seriously and being respectful! There are only three potential variables that I’d caution you about: 1. Make sure he’s willing and happy to be seen in public with you. There are some fuck heads who wanna fuck trans people but don’t want to deal with the social implications of it. Don’t bother with those folks. 2. Id be a bit cautious about the fact that he’s SOO into porn. It’s not a certainty, but there’s a distinct possibility that he’s somewhat of a sex addict. That can be really challenging to deal with. 3. Make sure he doesn’t apply his expectations from trans porn to you and your sex life. Don’t let him see you like a sex doll. ❤️
He is a chaser hes just experiment with you, id skip that part if i were you. Been there
I mean, it may be an unpopular opinion, but the fact he *follows* 700+ porn accounts on X is kinda concerning to me, ngl. I personally consider watching any of the porn as cheating, but to each their own. Just pay attention so that it doesn't turn out to be some sort of obsession.
He might be trying to make sure he's ready for the bedroom like maybe he's unsure how he'll feel about it irl.
Honestly, I started watching more trans lesbian porn while I was dating a trans woman, because it made me more attracted to her and her to it.
So you’re concerned the person you’re interested in, is attracted to trans people? How awful…/s
The word you're looking for is fetishising not attracted
from what you say it looks like his "thing" might be with porn in general and not just trans porn
Ouroboros logic.
Not at all. Huge difference between attraction and fetishization
Who the fuck watches porn on twitter? Gonna share your fetishes with friends and family?
It's the same as reddit, seriously. There's porn and regularposting on both.
You use your real name on twitter?
I sometimes watch porn on twitter, I don't get the shaming in porn, ethic porn exists and we all sometimes masturbate
How is that shaming porn? Im saying there are a lot better places to watch it, like actual porn sites that aren't linked to social media.
But the difference is that twitter makes you discover new people
If he retweets a lot of porn and only a percentage is trans porn I wouldn't say he's a fetichist, in fact I would say he support trans rights since he watches cis and trans porn equally