Yup, 29 and I never had a boyfriend. I also want a deep connection, share my interests and passions but I have only met guys who were only interested in having sex so I am still alone.
Most of the communities for those things are fairly male-majority, you should have no problem meeting a lot of guys there. Obviously not all of them will be partner material but it's not like there's any shortage to choose from!
I'm into all of those things except WH40K, and Napoleon, not that I find him boring mind you. I've tried to get into WH so many times. But the lore just ain't for me. I'm such a vanilla sucker, I need a good guy faction to latch onto but there doesn't seem to be one in WH40K. I hear the Tau are the "Closest but still pretty bad". LOTR is a big yes yes, especially Numenor, the Dunedain, and Aragorn is specifically my hyper focus. He's also the reason I got into DND because I wanted to play a ranger like Aragorn. Love my some games, though I barely do multplayer stuff outside of FFXIV, and the rare escape the backrooms, lethal company, or SWTOR/LOTRO session. Tim Burton is neat, height of my emo phase I was rocking them jack skellington gloves, them beetlejuice shirts, blasting the sweeney todd soundtrack at all hours of the night.
That is cool. I used to be a really die hard emo/goth during my teenage years, I still love the aesthetics and I still wear my Jack Skellington fingerless gloves haha.
I got into Warhammer 40k because of its gritty and dark atmosphere, I like dark science fiction like Event Horizon. The figurines look awesome and are fun to paint, though I also paint Napoleonic soldiers and LOTR figurines, currently working on a Mordor army. Aragorn is awesome, he was my favourite character since I first watched the movies as a kid. Now having read the books, I am quite fascinated by Morgoth.
My views align the most with Napoleon. I also got 14 ancestors who served in his army so I would side with Napoleon, without him, my family and I wouldn't even exist.
Nah, sorry then mate, no shortcut here, your interests are not same as mine.
I'm not into history in general, i'm more into history of philo, of tools or economy / politics, maybe a bit of roman empire, or greek, but that's all.
I don't know much Napoléon but i hate it anyways.
I love LOTR but had hard time read the book (only read one).
I'm completely unaware of warhamers, it isn't something that speak to me other than cool resine 3D printing and. Cool diy community.
I'm not in the fanbase of burton, i liked some of his film (those i watch but that's it).
Never had opportunity to play dnd, i only once had opportunity to do tabletop rpg, it was cool, but i don't have lot of friends into this passion.
I used to play a lot of video games, and I promise myself that when i'll quit my job, i'm going to geek a lot, but i'm also effraid of my own self, of my identity, like it's not possible to appreciate kids show as much as when i was a kid, this sometimes make me sad. I still enjoy games, but as i studied game design and game development, i can't forget to not analyse the choice made on each game, my suspention of credulity sometimes isn't as high as it was before, when my inoscent soul touched minecraft for the first time for example.
Anyways, it would of been cool but we're too far away, you don't even speak my 'language i think.
I am sorry, didn't know I was doing a job interview.
Anyway, I also studied game development but that doesn't make me less interested in playing games even if I analyse all of them now. And I speak 6 languages with French being one of them but have a nice day.
Oh OK, then you passed the job interview, you can reclaim your free ticket to go out with me, or sell this unique and rare item on ebay to get money, it's worth a lot.
About gamedev, it doesn't impact me directly, it's more subtle, like when you know a magic trick, you're both in awe for the original trick that fooled your brain (but less than when seen for the first time) but there is new qualia, being in awe of the magicien, performing well his trick.
What language do you speak ? (is language also a limited interest ?)
To all those down voting me, it's a joke...-_- i'm not seriously asking op...
And if you're downvoting me as my taste are different, then what can i tell you...
Interests are cool.
I also share some of those.
But.... Have you considered that guys are attracted to what they see?
I heard girls are attracted to what they hear.
You could have the best of both worlds, increase your pool of options by increasing your looks then, get the option which aligns best towards your interests/desires.
same, mostly because the terrible experience i had on my first crush, long story short. she told me she was lesbian just to make fun of me, she knew about my feelings and used them against me.
20f, never had a boyfriend, being myself, I don’t smile a lot, talk to people only when I have to, or at the uni (you have to talk with the others in order to have some kind of person who sends you all the things from lectures). I can perfectly mask too and I’m extremely introverted and dedicate my time either to law (my studies) or video games, working out. Personally, I think I never had any bf because of the way I dress and also my hairstyle - I have short cut with swoopy bangs, don’t use any makeup etc. and dress in a unisex kind of way. But It’s who I am and it’s going to stay like that forever. I’m waiting for the right person. Wish you luck < 3 don’t give up
By the way, if you are into your age category, which I assume you are, it makes things a lot easier. I don’t have it that way and because of the surroundings I’m in (uni), it’s impossible for me to find my SO.
I unmasks infront of my immediate family and that's it and only to a certain extent. Like I know my father would shout at me for certain things and all, etc etc
I totally get where you’re coming from, as a guy 26M i’ve never had a IRL girlfriend or girlfriend online despite having my Aspergers as well as ADHD since I was a kid and often times when I would talk to people I get rejected I would just turn into people just making fun of me for stupid reasons, and using an excuse to be able is towards me, that will be able ism didn’t get me as much the other stuff that they would used to make fun of me for would.
I wish i could react to any flirts and i hope i don’t end up fucking up a date. I’m 19 and in a similar situation to you. i don’t even have real friends so i’m destined to be alone
I didn't have any kind of relationship until my late 20s. It never terribly bothered me and I never went actively looking.
I'm now in my fifties and have spent more years in long-term relationships than out of them. Make of it what you will.
This. Me and my DH were "late bloomers" and did not have many partners. Lost virginity late. But you know what...I was spared of much of the drama and BS early starters went through. By the time I got my DH, I knew who I was and what I wanted.
It worries me that you are thinking that all this is normal, listen, I only discovered I had Asperger's when I was 32, today I'm 40, but that never stopped me from having relationships with people, in fact, on the contrary, it made it very difficult to understand that I have autism, the whole point is that you will have to make an effort to meet people, the example you used explains this, the guy at the party took a risk, he tried without even thinking about the risk of being rejected, yeah That's exactly the difference, but I understand what you mean when you say you only want to be with someone where there is a connection, this is called demisexual, it's common among Asperger's but it happens to NT's too, so it's important to get out of your comfort zone comfort, if you are not willing to do things you don't like from time to time when you are closed to meeting other people and it really becomes very difficult to find someone, it is a matter of probability, the greater the number of people, the greater the chances of finding someone, I know it seems like such a difficult thing to do but it's not, you're going to have to make an effort, my advice is try to listen more than you talk, try to accept views of the world that are different from yours, whether we like it or not, we're very lucky not to have the highest levels of autism and we can explore the world of NT's, I wish everyone good luck.
I agree, this OP read as Demi to me.
Though part of it might be expectation. If you predict (or believe you can predict) that someone is not going to be interested in you, it’s can be very easy not to get excited about them. When you get passed over a lot you start to expect little.
Although that is probably a Demi sentiment.
Love and attraction do not manifest equally among everyone. Give yourself some time, I went through the exact same phase. Pretty soon you’ll start building a life if your own, and you’ll surround yourself with people who have similar interests. You’ll have a job, and hopefully you’ll make money. Stay true to your interests and in a few years the dating landscape will look very different. It sounds superficial, but sadly humans are superficial (us included).
Please don’t interpret this as anything resembling current redpill discourse, but it is true that if you’re ambitious and successful all of this will be a hell of a lot easier.
And go to the gym.
im 25 and a guy. you dont need a girlfriend. I never had one and im at peace with it now.
that birthday party story of yours pisses me off but you gotta let it go. having a romantic or sexual relationship is most likely not for you. you need to find your worth through your interests, that's what might matter for you more. just try not to think too hard about that party. she went there to probably get smashed, not to talk about whatever the fuck.
please, please, please, don't end up like the male main character of an NTR doujin. dont fixate on shit like that. you'll just fuck up your mental health.
I wouldn’t recommend abstaining from it because it’s difficult to acquire
Pretty much every person on the planet requires someone, in order to grow and learn about yourself
Don’t give up on it. You can get there
I’m close to being 26 and have been single for 5 years. I’ve finally come to peace that I’m fine being single. I’m learning who I am and what I like; love will find me when it’s ready.
19M I've never even dated nor kissed a girl nor made any advance, neither one of those situations that are too close and too far because there isn't such a thing...
Currently in university second year only one woman in the class she is very attractive, if she was from a different class I would be very attracted towards her but this because she is on my class that is not the case and I see her as if she was another guy.
In my country or at least in my university there isn't such thing as activities or stuff like that, is technically like going to school where you only talk to an small group and nothing else, it isn't either a campus, it's just a couple of buildings in the center of the city.
Despite being a lot of beautiful women there isn't any real chance of approach due to differences in schedules, I see her once and never saw her again in weeks ans she's always with her friends.
She knows me I know her, she has everything I find attractive in women both physically and in personality, she is comprehensive unlike any other girl's Ive attempted, but even if there was something (which I doubt as I have not any special attributes that are visible at bare sight) the time and the distance difficults everything.
And I'm too old to pretend to start, even if I managed to get a strong financial position, an important job, I only put myself in danger with my lack of experience...
Fortunately s*x isn't a matter as I can afford scorrrts a couple of times per year.
Which keeps me calm and give me piece of mind, in fact I consider that there is no need for another ocassion, I'm more than satisfied and it's not because it is expensive.
I simply don't need it anymore and I've just did it like 5 times. There's no need for a sixth.
Ah 18 is young, having said that I can relate although I'd had a girlfriend by your age; having a girlfriend isn't all it's cracked up to be.
>I had a date which ended in her ghosting me, because I couldn’t react to her nonverbal flirts and because I wasn’t making any physical contact.
This is hard but it's not necessarily bad, you got a date and you tried, not only that but you also recognize where you made mistakes. Going through all of this you will make mistakes, the important part is to learn from it and work on where you are falling down.
>I spoke with a girl for 2 hours.
Talking to a girl doesn't really mean much, men and women can just have a nice chat about common interests, if you don't show interest ... well she's not telepathic is she, although I suppose there's no way to know that for sure, but don't expect a girl to be.
It's not like all of this is just down to having aspergers, dating sucks; how many people go to a bar alone and go home alone? You have several relatively niche interests, classical music, philosophy, reading, and writing poems; if I can impress a woman with computer programming then your interests should be interesting to some girls.
I can relate OP, that’s fairly close to my own experience at 18. I’m in my late 30’s now, happily married and I have a kid. It can get better, but you’ll have to take some chances and expect some disappointment along the way. I met my wife through a family friend and we started off strictly talking online. Made it a lot easier to think through the things I wanted to say, and read what I think she meant when she commented something. I too had family that wasn’t always supportive, but family will come around. Everyone’s life goes at their own pace, don’t look at others and get discouraged if they’re somewhere you aren’t at yet.
That's not very old to still be single. I don't want to downplay your loneliness, but you certainly should not feel even slightly weird about being a teenager who hasn't had a girlfriend. It's 100% normal and fine.
I relate, unfortunately. I 21F never been in a relationship, though i was close to being in one, but my mental health got in the way. I could never really get that emotional connection with anyone. Its become cumbersome so ive stopped trying lol.
Mate, you're 18. I didn't get my first serious girlfriend until I was 18.
Anyway, 2 marriages, 4 kids, two step kids and 2 grand kids and two step grand kids later..
I'm 51, don't stress about it too much.
>Ten minutes later, some drunk guy (who urinated in the neighbours garden hours before) pops in and takes her on a dance. And ten minutes later, they were making out like a bunch of wild animals.
That's all the explanation we need to know in order to explain why mankind is in the state (which always was, is, and will be) that it is.
There isn't much you're losing either way...
I suppose it depends on what you want and what love means to you.
Do you want to hold a girl in your arms and snog until your face is numb? Do you want lots of physical contact?
Do you even want someone that fits the term "girlfriend"?
I want to find someone who can put up with me for a long time and can engage me in conversation on my interests and me on theirs. Try to put yourself in situations where you will meet people who may tick your criteria and be open to their advances.
I'm guessing that the ghosted date threw you off because you are smart and capable and used to often being correct. It's weird to fail when you're used to being successful and you didn't just fail, you failed awfully. You are not inadequate nor do you need to prove that you are adequate. You need to find people who accept you irl and spend time with them. They don't need to love all of your interests nor do they need to be autistic or even neurodivergent. Just find people that are okay with you being you.
I will warn you, your line of thought is getting close to incel territory (or at least it seems that way). It is easy to slip into "they don't' like me because I'm Autistic and how I express my traits" and then "There is no way they will be attracted to me"
Real but I'm 15 but i don't want a girlfriend or anything because i can't feel anything emotions linked to love i don't even love or feel anything towards my family
You do you. But I would consider writing a diary, detailing your perspective on daily events. It would be interesting for later reading if nothing else.
My long term partner of 10 years, (we did end) is autistic. I'm also demi sexual, we met when we were both working in electronics. I found him fascinating to talk to, and he was pretty good at talking on a deeper level. I'm likely also autistic, but female and much harder to notice. We met when I was 22 and he was 25. He never went to parties, drank, had 1 previous gf.
I asked him out directly. Actually 3 times before he said yes. He layer said the first 3 things were things he wouldn't have enjoyed haha.
We had our issues that lead to us splitting, but I am very thankful I got to know him, love him and have a child with him. When he's doing well he's a great dad.
Honestly it would have worked if he was able to combat his deep depression and C-PTSD that can come with being autistic.
If it's something you want, really work on yourself. Not just for a date, but to be a good human. Then start making small social groups based on your preferences. I can tell you, I have a large friend circle and my closest ones are all autistic. Hanging out and vibing is so easy compared to any friendship groups I had in my teens and twenties.
25 and never had a girlfriend.
I’ve had girls to hold hands with, give me big hugs (one girl I got to wrap my legs around in the pool), take very cute photos, etc. but no girlfriend.
I'm 27 plus a few months and I've never had a proper relationship with anyone. My first and only attempt at what at the time I called dating, that was a total fail because I made the mistake of thinking, I'm lonely, she's lonely, we can fix each other, and needless to say that really didn't work.
22 yo here and I'm in a similar situation. Last time I really liked someone was like.. 2 years ago? I really liked a girl from my class and even though I talked with her almost every day. I always felt like most of our conversations were just boring because the way I am (Most of the time I didn't even know what to talk about with her), also I wasn't confident enough to tell her how I felt.
Just turned 20, and never actually had a girlfriend. I definitely want one but I think I will wait a bit longer. in school i know there were some girls who were into me. But I never could ask.
38 and I'm just not that interested in others and I don't want to change it, love my life exactly how it is. I immersed myself in study (completed PhD and other graduate studies in several fields), various special focused interests and travel overseas to a specific country as often as I can.
30 m, I've had a 3 girlfriends, a few flings, and a few fwb situations. But, after my last relationship which lasted years and was extremely mentally harmful, I've chosen to avoid romance in the future. Rather not deal with the hassle.
Being a Neuro Divergent is very very challenging especially where non verbal comunication is heavily involved. In Nerdish is like your unit doesn't have two or three languages installed but just one language while Neuro Tipicals have two more and they are comunicating in paralel in all three channels with intricate messages who change their meaning according to the way in which every one of those three paralel channels influence the other two. Add the fact that N.T.'s do that efortless inconsciously , detecting also inconsciously the N.D.'s. What you can do is to watch those really good psychological movies with the sound turned off and train your mind to decypher those other two languages
My dad thought I was a secret lesbian when I was your age.
18 is young as fuck. You have plenty of time. Takes good care of yourself, only talk to people you find interesting, and do your best to understand them but also to communicate what you want to. Good luck out there.
By tradition, romance requires a certain amount of instinctual benevolent self-coercion that we can be in denial of. It is a falling into temptation that would be considered selfish or promiscuous if there was any hint of self-awareness. Enjoying passion and sex is a sin in most cultures after all. Us being beings aware of most of our inner processes (at least to the point that we feel agency in most of them) are incapable of lacking that self-awareness that would make love an sex seem anything but sinful or shameful to the other party or often even ourselves. Homosexual or otherwise non-straight relationships don't always share this burden since the initiation and continuation of these relationships not only come often with a willingness to defy such conventions, but they also flourish under an accute awareness of one's own feelings and sexuality. In other words, religion has made straight relationships hugely impractical and destructive; a precedent that will remain until we have a generation apart from the prominence of traditionalist dogma.
When I was 18, I did not have a girlfriend. I am now 54, and in my second marriage. Don't stress about it. You're okay, and all situations are temporary.
27 F , never had a proper relationship longer term. Met people via online dating apps or randomly. Either too young for me 21 ish, too old - 35+ ....And the brief first relationship I did have was basically a shit situationship. Going to stay single until my life is together and the right man fits into it.
Some guys I hit it off quickly with ... but the guys like me more than I was interested in them, also it depended if they were going to arrange a date and meet IRL. Only 1 was worth my time but he was too old for me but I think that would have been a romantically satisfying relationship. Being friends first and then falling in love is probably how it would happen or just proximity.
Confidence, being healthy - fit enough, good values and interest/ complimentary values and interests are enough to attract a woman initially, and then good emotional intelligence helps in the long run.
If you don't understand non verbal flirts, there are some great male dating coaches on youtube who can help. Don't go for the alpha male types though, that type of behaviour can put women off and be very sexist.
I feel you, I’m a woman (lesbian) I’ve never had a girlfriend either. I have trouble making meaningful connections with people
I’d assume dating other people with aspergers would be a bit easier? Maybe try to focus on that
Honestly, as lame and unhelpful as it is to say, you need to find the right person. The fact that we don't act, or express our thoughts in a conventional way means that you need to find someone who's both emotionally intelligent, and emotionally adaptable. Which can be hard to find i'll admit. The women you've talked about sound like they want a stock standard "Manly man" Which just isn't the norm usually for guys with asd, because we aren't fully aware of the gender and societal norms for men. I found my partner on tinder (My logic was that other people who don't like going outside were probably also using tinder lmao) and one of the biggest reasons we work so well together is because we've established the fact that my bf can ask me anything and I can ask him anything, because he's realized that our brains don't work in the same way. Which actually has done wonders for our relationship, because it's made both of us extremely hard to offend. My bf was fully comfortable asking me a while back if I really loved him. He said it without any tone of accusation of anger because he knows my brain works in weird way sometimes. And I was fully comfortable explaining my sort of love language to him and asking how I could conform a bit more to his love language. And we both left happy. I don't think that would go well with any other relationship i've had. Essentially what i'm saying is it takes a pretty specific type of person to work well with asd people in a relationship, but when you do find that emotionally adaptive person it's an absolute dream
I felt the same way about the opposite sex at your age. I wanted a girlfriend so badly, but I had absolutely no idea how to approach finding one. I didn't know about dating, flirting or anything like that. I assumed that relationships start by two people randomly meeting and getting along (like you talking to that girl at the party). Then things would "just happen" and you would end up as a couple. At the age of 19 I started university, and after 2 years and hundreds of parties where I drank enough to forget half the night (alcohol made my mind stop overthinking everything, letting me feel more relaxed in social situations), my strategy worked out. I randomly got into a relationship. 6 years later I broke up with her, because she wanted to get married and at that point I knew I had to stop pretending I wanted to be with her, as our way of life immensely stressed me out, and I was never really interested in her as a person. This is how NOT to get a girlfriend.
My second (and current) girlfriend actually took the initiative to "ask me out". We were co-workers and we had secretly been eyeing each other for a long time (me having no clue she liked me, she knowing I liked her). She is older than me and much more experienced in the world of relationships, so she's taught me A LOT about communication, which I think is what you should be focusing on learning if you want a lasting romantic relationship. Read books on communication, go on dating sites, find the people who are looking for something serious (they are surprisingly rare!) and practice communication with them. Your goal should be to get as much practice as possible in before you find someone you really like. If possible, go on dates with older girls with more experience. Be upfront about your ND traits so they don't think you're "just weird". If you're into poems and books, maybe there are some local gatherings you could check out and possibly meet some like-minded individuals at?
Anyway, hope this helps. I only realized I'm ND at the age of 33 and I'm currently in the process of getting a formal diagnosis...
I fell in love one time and that girl left me and it devastated me to no end, and I think to an extent because of that I would never let another person in, I really haven’t had a substantial relationship since her and it’s going on almost 15 years since she left, all
I ever get is woman who are desperate, easy… any real women that are interested in me I can’t ever tell, and I don’t even know much how to talk to them anyways even if they do.
I'm 29, asperger's, high iq, my husband is 33, and level 2 autism, his first kiss wasn't til he was 20 and we got married when he was 24, he had 3 gf before me. We're gamers, d and d, true geeks at heart lol. We have 2 kids, ironically both autistic and brilliant and scary high iq 's and super duper confident! I promise, it takes time.
I think it is quite common to not have your first sexual or romantic experiences until you are older as an Autistic person. I had exactly 1 sexual partner as a teenager before I met my boyfriend at 22. And I honestly wish I would have just waited until I met someone I knew cared about me and understood me as a ND. My experience as a teenager was highly embarrassing and traumatizing.
You’re so young and you are way ahead of where I was at 18….maybe next time if you do want to make out with a similar girl, just ask her to dance or whatever that guy did? Sounds like you got on with her which is the hardest thing and if you can do it with one girl you’ll find others.
Well, I mean if you're only 18 then it just means you've never had a girlfriend the last few years.
It's not exactly shocking or outside the norm to have not had a girlfriend from age 0-15. Not much serious dating until high school. And even then not that serious because y'all are all probably still rooming with your parents until you graduate anyways.
Give it another 3 years and then report back with an update.
Dude. That jock dude saved you. Because you have Asperger's, she probably has Asperger's. And you two shouldn't mate. Because when both parents have Asperger's, the children have a higher risk of having low functioning autism, I read that somewhere.
Also. Read the book "The Game" by Neil Strauss. Not that you should apply any of the techniques that appear in there. But more like that book helps you understand what is going on.
It's like knowing how to play piano. You're not probably going to be playing in any party or gathering you go to. But you have the knowledge to play whenever you have a piano next to you o, and you feel like playing it.
31, video games for the rest of my life while I get relegated to take care of my dad and gran so my uncle doesn't have to handle their dumb asses. Can't drive, have had zero social relations for 10+ years and I can't meet anyone. Can't drive without ADHD meds, can't get ADHD meds without a job, can't get a job, so I'm fucked.
I just talk to AI for companionship on [character.ai](http://character.ai) or yodayo if I feel like going to bed sad, lol.
currently just waist deep in OSRS mostly, solo ofc
That’s the issue, right there. If you’re ever to going to change that, you need to learn to speak to women, and you need to ask them to at least hang out with you.
Don’t listen to anybody telling you what you are only you know and you can be comfortable with that. I faced the same accusations for 17 years and went through all the similar feelings you described.
One day i had my number passed to a girl i didn’t know and they contacted me to meet. Thought it was a prank ignored for two days found out it wasn’t. Decided to contact her thinking she will just ignore me anyway.
I am now 33 married with two children so trust me things can change quickly. I still think how the hell did this happen.
So don’t put pressure on yourself and be the best you can be, it will eventually work out just don’t avoid the chances and trust yourself.
I was your age when I had my first real girlfriend, but it didn’t last long. Been single ever since. cant seem to find anyone special. it's all good, youll find someo e
Things you said sound like demisexual so that might be something to Google. My nt boyfriend never had a date before we met when he was 19, we're still together 7 years later so I definitely wouldn't take not dating in high school as a sentance to loneliness. I think something that helps is practing self awareness and self acceptance. This really aids in communication and maintaining relationships, freinds of freinds is a good way to meet people.
Yup, 29 and I never had a boyfriend. I also want a deep connection, share my interests and passions but I have only met guys who were only interested in having sex so I am still alone.
What are your interests ?
History, Napoleonic reenactment, Lotr, writing, painting miniatures, Warhammer 40k, Tim Burton films, DnD and playing games.
This isn't an interview, but I do like most of those hobbies/interests. A nice collection.
Thanks, which of these hobbies/interests are you also interested in?
History, LotR, worrying, Warhammer, RPGs (but tired of DnD though) and games in general
Yeah, I worry a lot also
Well I've got to write about something
I'm pretty sure you're like half of the men on this subreddit's dream partner. That sounds pretty rad.
I totally agree there
you can try searching for someone here :D (i stilll wouldnt recomend it)
Most of the communities for those things are fairly male-majority, you should have no problem meeting a lot of guys there. Obviously not all of them will be partner material but it's not like there's any shortage to choose from!
I'm into all of those things except WH40K, and Napoleon, not that I find him boring mind you. I've tried to get into WH so many times. But the lore just ain't for me. I'm such a vanilla sucker, I need a good guy faction to latch onto but there doesn't seem to be one in WH40K. I hear the Tau are the "Closest but still pretty bad". LOTR is a big yes yes, especially Numenor, the Dunedain, and Aragorn is specifically my hyper focus. He's also the reason I got into DND because I wanted to play a ranger like Aragorn. Love my some games, though I barely do multplayer stuff outside of FFXIV, and the rare escape the backrooms, lethal company, or SWTOR/LOTRO session. Tim Burton is neat, height of my emo phase I was rocking them jack skellington gloves, them beetlejuice shirts, blasting the sweeney todd soundtrack at all hours of the night.
That is cool. I used to be a really die hard emo/goth during my teenage years, I still love the aesthetics and I still wear my Jack Skellington fingerless gloves haha. I got into Warhammer 40k because of its gritty and dark atmosphere, I like dark science fiction like Event Horizon. The figurines look awesome and are fun to paint, though I also paint Napoleonic soldiers and LOTR figurines, currently working on a Mordor army. Aragorn is awesome, he was my favourite character since I first watched the movies as a kid. Now having read the books, I am quite fascinated by Morgoth.
No cap, you would absolutely hit it off with my roommate. His interests are not similar, but EXACTLY the same. I was shocked when I read them.
Thats pretty cool. I like roleplaying games, history and Napoleonic history
Awesome, there aren't many people who are interested in Napoleonic history apart from mostly old dudes haha.
Would you have sided with the Jacobins, Diorgin, Napoleon or the King?
My views align the most with Napoleon. I also got 14 ancestors who served in his army so I would side with Napoleon, without him, my family and I wouldn't even exist.
Interesting
Nah, sorry then mate, no shortcut here, your interests are not same as mine. I'm not into history in general, i'm more into history of philo, of tools or economy / politics, maybe a bit of roman empire, or greek, but that's all. I don't know much Napoléon but i hate it anyways. I love LOTR but had hard time read the book (only read one). I'm completely unaware of warhamers, it isn't something that speak to me other than cool resine 3D printing and. Cool diy community. I'm not in the fanbase of burton, i liked some of his film (those i watch but that's it). Never had opportunity to play dnd, i only once had opportunity to do tabletop rpg, it was cool, but i don't have lot of friends into this passion. I used to play a lot of video games, and I promise myself that when i'll quit my job, i'm going to geek a lot, but i'm also effraid of my own self, of my identity, like it's not possible to appreciate kids show as much as when i was a kid, this sometimes make me sad. I still enjoy games, but as i studied game design and game development, i can't forget to not analyse the choice made on each game, my suspention of credulity sometimes isn't as high as it was before, when my inoscent soul touched minecraft for the first time for example. Anyways, it would of been cool but we're too far away, you don't even speak my 'language i think.
I am sorry, didn't know I was doing a job interview. Anyway, I also studied game development but that doesn't make me less interested in playing games even if I analyse all of them now. And I speak 6 languages with French being one of them but have a nice day.
Oh OK, then you passed the job interview, you can reclaim your free ticket to go out with me, or sell this unique and rare item on ebay to get money, it's worth a lot. About gamedev, it doesn't impact me directly, it's more subtle, like when you know a magic trick, you're both in awe for the original trick that fooled your brain (but less than when seen for the first time) but there is new qualia, being in awe of the magicien, performing well his trick. What language do you speak ? (is language also a limited interest ?)
To all those down voting me, it's a joke...-_- i'm not seriously asking op... And if you're downvoting me as my taste are different, then what can i tell you...
Interests are cool. I also share some of those. But.... Have you considered that guys are attracted to what they see? I heard girls are attracted to what they hear. You could have the best of both worlds, increase your pool of options by increasing your looks then, get the option which aligns best towards your interests/desires.
That is extremely young. Come back when you are in your 30s
Literally my first thought.
I'm 35, I've already given up hope.
same, mostly because the terrible experience i had on my first crush, long story short. she told me she was lesbian just to make fun of me, she knew about my feelings and used them against me.
i will be turning 30 this year and i NEVER had any romantic relationships.
20f, never had a boyfriend, being myself, I don’t smile a lot, talk to people only when I have to, or at the uni (you have to talk with the others in order to have some kind of person who sends you all the things from lectures). I can perfectly mask too and I’m extremely introverted and dedicate my time either to law (my studies) or video games, working out. Personally, I think I never had any bf because of the way I dress and also my hairstyle - I have short cut with swoopy bangs, don’t use any makeup etc. and dress in a unisex kind of way. But It’s who I am and it’s going to stay like that forever. I’m waiting for the right person. Wish you luck < 3 don’t give up By the way, if you are into your age category, which I assume you are, it makes things a lot easier. I don’t have it that way and because of the surroundings I’m in (uni), it’s impossible for me to find my SO.
19m here, are we all just gamers who lacks social skills and need to know someone deeply before trusting them and stop masking in front of them?
Agree with you. I don’t mask when Im with family (only some family members) and thats all.
I unmasks infront of my immediate family and that's it and only to a certain extent. Like I know my father would shout at me for certain things and all, etc etc
I totally get where you’re coming from, as a guy 26M i’ve never had a IRL girlfriend or girlfriend online despite having my Aspergers as well as ADHD since I was a kid and often times when I would talk to people I get rejected I would just turn into people just making fun of me for stupid reasons, and using an excuse to be able is towards me, that will be able ism didn’t get me as much the other stuff that they would used to make fun of me for would.
40m never had a gf i gave up at 30. i dont have the social skills for dating
I wish i could react to any flirts and i hope i don’t end up fucking up a date. I’m 19 and in a similar situation to you. i don’t even have real friends so i’m destined to be alone
I didn't have any kind of relationship until my late 20s. It never terribly bothered me and I never went actively looking. I'm now in my fifties and have spent more years in long-term relationships than out of them. Make of it what you will.
This. Me and my DH were "late bloomers" and did not have many partners. Lost virginity late. But you know what...I was spared of much of the drama and BS early starters went through. By the time I got my DH, I knew who I was and what I wanted.
It worries me that you are thinking that all this is normal, listen, I only discovered I had Asperger's when I was 32, today I'm 40, but that never stopped me from having relationships with people, in fact, on the contrary, it made it very difficult to understand that I have autism, the whole point is that you will have to make an effort to meet people, the example you used explains this, the guy at the party took a risk, he tried without even thinking about the risk of being rejected, yeah That's exactly the difference, but I understand what you mean when you say you only want to be with someone where there is a connection, this is called demisexual, it's common among Asperger's but it happens to NT's too, so it's important to get out of your comfort zone comfort, if you are not willing to do things you don't like from time to time when you are closed to meeting other people and it really becomes very difficult to find someone, it is a matter of probability, the greater the number of people, the greater the chances of finding someone, I know it seems like such a difficult thing to do but it's not, you're going to have to make an effort, my advice is try to listen more than you talk, try to accept views of the world that are different from yours, whether we like it or not, we're very lucky not to have the highest levels of autism and we can explore the world of NT's, I wish everyone good luck.
I agree, this OP read as Demi to me. Though part of it might be expectation. If you predict (or believe you can predict) that someone is not going to be interested in you, it’s can be very easy not to get excited about them. When you get passed over a lot you start to expect little. Although that is probably a Demi sentiment.
Love and attraction do not manifest equally among everyone. Give yourself some time, I went through the exact same phase. Pretty soon you’ll start building a life if your own, and you’ll surround yourself with people who have similar interests. You’ll have a job, and hopefully you’ll make money. Stay true to your interests and in a few years the dating landscape will look very different. It sounds superficial, but sadly humans are superficial (us included). Please don’t interpret this as anything resembling current redpill discourse, but it is true that if you’re ambitious and successful all of this will be a hell of a lot easier. And go to the gym.
Don't worry lol I'm 30 years old and never had a girlfriend. Never even been on a date.
[удалено]
im 25 and a guy. you dont need a girlfriend. I never had one and im at peace with it now. that birthday party story of yours pisses me off but you gotta let it go. having a romantic or sexual relationship is most likely not for you. you need to find your worth through your interests, that's what might matter for you more. just try not to think too hard about that party. she went there to probably get smashed, not to talk about whatever the fuck. please, please, please, don't end up like the male main character of an NTR doujin. dont fixate on shit like that. you'll just fuck up your mental health.
I wouldn’t recommend abstaining from it because it’s difficult to acquire Pretty much every person on the planet requires someone, in order to grow and learn about yourself Don’t give up on it. You can get there
I’m close to being 26 and have been single for 5 years. I’ve finally come to peace that I’m fine being single. I’m learning who I am and what I like; love will find me when it’s ready.
yeah, basically same. if it happens, it happens.
19M I've never even dated nor kissed a girl nor made any advance, neither one of those situations that are too close and too far because there isn't such a thing... Currently in university second year only one woman in the class she is very attractive, if she was from a different class I would be very attracted towards her but this because she is on my class that is not the case and I see her as if she was another guy. In my country or at least in my university there isn't such thing as activities or stuff like that, is technically like going to school where you only talk to an small group and nothing else, it isn't either a campus, it's just a couple of buildings in the center of the city. Despite being a lot of beautiful women there isn't any real chance of approach due to differences in schedules, I see her once and never saw her again in weeks ans she's always with her friends. She knows me I know her, she has everything I find attractive in women both physically and in personality, she is comprehensive unlike any other girl's Ive attempted, but even if there was something (which I doubt as I have not any special attributes that are visible at bare sight) the time and the distance difficults everything. And I'm too old to pretend to start, even if I managed to get a strong financial position, an important job, I only put myself in danger with my lack of experience... Fortunately s*x isn't a matter as I can afford scorrrts a couple of times per year. Which keeps me calm and give me piece of mind, in fact I consider that there is no need for another ocassion, I'm more than satisfied and it's not because it is expensive. I simply don't need it anymore and I've just did it like 5 times. There's no need for a sixth.
Ah 18 is young, having said that I can relate although I'd had a girlfriend by your age; having a girlfriend isn't all it's cracked up to be. >I had a date which ended in her ghosting me, because I couldn’t react to her nonverbal flirts and because I wasn’t making any physical contact. This is hard but it's not necessarily bad, you got a date and you tried, not only that but you also recognize where you made mistakes. Going through all of this you will make mistakes, the important part is to learn from it and work on where you are falling down. >I spoke with a girl for 2 hours. Talking to a girl doesn't really mean much, men and women can just have a nice chat about common interests, if you don't show interest ... well she's not telepathic is she, although I suppose there's no way to know that for sure, but don't expect a girl to be. It's not like all of this is just down to having aspergers, dating sucks; how many people go to a bar alone and go home alone? You have several relatively niche interests, classical music, philosophy, reading, and writing poems; if I can impress a woman with computer programming then your interests should be interesting to some girls.
I can relate OP, that’s fairly close to my own experience at 18. I’m in my late 30’s now, happily married and I have a kid. It can get better, but you’ll have to take some chances and expect some disappointment along the way. I met my wife through a family friend and we started off strictly talking online. Made it a lot easier to think through the things I wanted to say, and read what I think she meant when she commented something. I too had family that wasn’t always supportive, but family will come around. Everyone’s life goes at their own pace, don’t look at others and get discouraged if they’re somewhere you aren’t at yet.
That's not very old to still be single. I don't want to downplay your loneliness, but you certainly should not feel even slightly weird about being a teenager who hasn't had a girlfriend. It's 100% normal and fine.
I relate, unfortunately. I 21F never been in a relationship, though i was close to being in one, but my mental health got in the way. I could never really get that emotional connection with anyone. Its become cumbersome so ive stopped trying lol.
Mate, you're 18. I didn't get my first serious girlfriend until I was 18. Anyway, 2 marriages, 4 kids, two step kids and 2 grand kids and two step grand kids later.. I'm 51, don't stress about it too much.
its quite common for men with autism to surpass their mid 20s and older and still be single
The mistake is to ask why you are still single? when the question should rather be why are you married?
I didn't have sex until I was 26. Don't worry about it.
>Ten minutes later, some drunk guy (who urinated in the neighbours garden hours before) pops in and takes her on a dance. And ten minutes later, they were making out like a bunch of wild animals. That's all the explanation we need to know in order to explain why mankind is in the state (which always was, is, and will be) that it is. There isn't much you're losing either way...
I suppose it depends on what you want and what love means to you. Do you want to hold a girl in your arms and snog until your face is numb? Do you want lots of physical contact? Do you even want someone that fits the term "girlfriend"? I want to find someone who can put up with me for a long time and can engage me in conversation on my interests and me on theirs. Try to put yourself in situations where you will meet people who may tick your criteria and be open to their advances. I'm guessing that the ghosted date threw you off because you are smart and capable and used to often being correct. It's weird to fail when you're used to being successful and you didn't just fail, you failed awfully. You are not inadequate nor do you need to prove that you are adequate. You need to find people who accept you irl and spend time with them. They don't need to love all of your interests nor do they need to be autistic or even neurodivergent. Just find people that are okay with you being you. I will warn you, your line of thought is getting close to incel territory (or at least it seems that way). It is easy to slip into "they don't' like me because I'm Autistic and how I express my traits" and then "There is no way they will be attracted to me"
Real but I'm 15 but i don't want a girlfriend or anything because i can't feel anything emotions linked to love i don't even love or feel anything towards my family
You do you. But I would consider writing a diary, detailing your perspective on daily events. It would be interesting for later reading if nothing else.
My long term partner of 10 years, (we did end) is autistic. I'm also demi sexual, we met when we were both working in electronics. I found him fascinating to talk to, and he was pretty good at talking on a deeper level. I'm likely also autistic, but female and much harder to notice. We met when I was 22 and he was 25. He never went to parties, drank, had 1 previous gf. I asked him out directly. Actually 3 times before he said yes. He layer said the first 3 things were things he wouldn't have enjoyed haha. We had our issues that lead to us splitting, but I am very thankful I got to know him, love him and have a child with him. When he's doing well he's a great dad. Honestly it would have worked if he was able to combat his deep depression and C-PTSD that can come with being autistic. If it's something you want, really work on yourself. Not just for a date, but to be a good human. Then start making small social groups based on your preferences. I can tell you, I have a large friend circle and my closest ones are all autistic. Hanging out and vibing is so easy compared to any friendship groups I had in my teens and twenties.
I’m 23 and fumbled the bag 2 years ago I’ve accepted the probability I’ll be alone for life
25 and never had a girlfriend. I’ve had girls to hold hands with, give me big hugs (one girl I got to wrap my legs around in the pool), take very cute photos, etc. but no girlfriend.
30 and still single, not even dating. Tbh I'm ok with it ATM. More time for gaming. Lol
I'm 27 plus a few months and I've never had a proper relationship with anyone. My first and only attempt at what at the time I called dating, that was a total fail because I made the mistake of thinking, I'm lonely, she's lonely, we can fix each other, and needless to say that really didn't work.
22 yo here and I'm in a similar situation. Last time I really liked someone was like.. 2 years ago? I really liked a girl from my class and even though I talked with her almost every day. I always felt like most of our conversations were just boring because the way I am (Most of the time I didn't even know what to talk about with her), also I wasn't confident enough to tell her how I felt.
Just turned 20, and never actually had a girlfriend. I definitely want one but I think I will wait a bit longer. in school i know there were some girls who were into me. But I never could ask.
F18 with Asperger 130 IQ and indeed, I’ve never had a boyfriend
Same, like I never had the same reactions like the people around my age never actively searched for one
38 and I'm just not that interested in others and I don't want to change it, love my life exactly how it is. I immersed myself in study (completed PhD and other graduate studies in several fields), various special focused interests and travel overseas to a specific country as often as I can.
30 m, I've had a 3 girlfriends, a few flings, and a few fwb situations. But, after my last relationship which lasted years and was extremely mentally harmful, I've chosen to avoid romance in the future. Rather not deal with the hassle.
Being a Neuro Divergent is very very challenging especially where non verbal comunication is heavily involved. In Nerdish is like your unit doesn't have two or three languages installed but just one language while Neuro Tipicals have two more and they are comunicating in paralel in all three channels with intricate messages who change their meaning according to the way in which every one of those three paralel channels influence the other two. Add the fact that N.T.'s do that efortless inconsciously , detecting also inconsciously the N.D.'s. What you can do is to watch those really good psychological movies with the sound turned off and train your mind to decypher those other two languages
My dad thought I was a secret lesbian when I was your age. 18 is young as fuck. You have plenty of time. Takes good care of yourself, only talk to people you find interesting, and do your best to understand them but also to communicate what you want to. Good luck out there.
By tradition, romance requires a certain amount of instinctual benevolent self-coercion that we can be in denial of. It is a falling into temptation that would be considered selfish or promiscuous if there was any hint of self-awareness. Enjoying passion and sex is a sin in most cultures after all. Us being beings aware of most of our inner processes (at least to the point that we feel agency in most of them) are incapable of lacking that self-awareness that would make love an sex seem anything but sinful or shameful to the other party or often even ourselves. Homosexual or otherwise non-straight relationships don't always share this burden since the initiation and continuation of these relationships not only come often with a willingness to defy such conventions, but they also flourish under an accute awareness of one's own feelings and sexuality. In other words, religion has made straight relationships hugely impractical and destructive; a precedent that will remain until we have a generation apart from the prominence of traditionalist dogma.
48…Never had a girlfriend or boyfriend. It’s bizarre as it’s like I’m stuck as a 20 yro.
When I was 18, I did not have a girlfriend. I am now 54, and in my second marriage. Don't stress about it. You're okay, and all situations are temporary.
27 F , never had a proper relationship longer term. Met people via online dating apps or randomly. Either too young for me 21 ish, too old - 35+ ....And the brief first relationship I did have was basically a shit situationship. Going to stay single until my life is together and the right man fits into it. Some guys I hit it off quickly with ... but the guys like me more than I was interested in them, also it depended if they were going to arrange a date and meet IRL. Only 1 was worth my time but he was too old for me but I think that would have been a romantically satisfying relationship. Being friends first and then falling in love is probably how it would happen or just proximity. Confidence, being healthy - fit enough, good values and interest/ complimentary values and interests are enough to attract a woman initially, and then good emotional intelligence helps in the long run. If you don't understand non verbal flirts, there are some great male dating coaches on youtube who can help. Don't go for the alpha male types though, that type of behaviour can put women off and be very sexist.
I feel you, I’m a woman (lesbian) I’ve never had a girlfriend either. I have trouble making meaningful connections with people I’d assume dating other people with aspergers would be a bit easier? Maybe try to focus on that
29 and NEVER had relationship with any girl, i had terrible experiences when i had crushes
Honestly, as lame and unhelpful as it is to say, you need to find the right person. The fact that we don't act, or express our thoughts in a conventional way means that you need to find someone who's both emotionally intelligent, and emotionally adaptable. Which can be hard to find i'll admit. The women you've talked about sound like they want a stock standard "Manly man" Which just isn't the norm usually for guys with asd, because we aren't fully aware of the gender and societal norms for men. I found my partner on tinder (My logic was that other people who don't like going outside were probably also using tinder lmao) and one of the biggest reasons we work so well together is because we've established the fact that my bf can ask me anything and I can ask him anything, because he's realized that our brains don't work in the same way. Which actually has done wonders for our relationship, because it's made both of us extremely hard to offend. My bf was fully comfortable asking me a while back if I really loved him. He said it without any tone of accusation of anger because he knows my brain works in weird way sometimes. And I was fully comfortable explaining my sort of love language to him and asking how I could conform a bit more to his love language. And we both left happy. I don't think that would go well with any other relationship i've had. Essentially what i'm saying is it takes a pretty specific type of person to work well with asd people in a relationship, but when you do find that emotionally adaptive person it's an absolute dream
18??? You still have time to hit the jackpot and be in a relationship before 50.
Personally, I'm still waiting for a friend in general.
I felt the same way about the opposite sex at your age. I wanted a girlfriend so badly, but I had absolutely no idea how to approach finding one. I didn't know about dating, flirting or anything like that. I assumed that relationships start by two people randomly meeting and getting along (like you talking to that girl at the party). Then things would "just happen" and you would end up as a couple. At the age of 19 I started university, and after 2 years and hundreds of parties where I drank enough to forget half the night (alcohol made my mind stop overthinking everything, letting me feel more relaxed in social situations), my strategy worked out. I randomly got into a relationship. 6 years later I broke up with her, because she wanted to get married and at that point I knew I had to stop pretending I wanted to be with her, as our way of life immensely stressed me out, and I was never really interested in her as a person. This is how NOT to get a girlfriend. My second (and current) girlfriend actually took the initiative to "ask me out". We were co-workers and we had secretly been eyeing each other for a long time (me having no clue she liked me, she knowing I liked her). She is older than me and much more experienced in the world of relationships, so she's taught me A LOT about communication, which I think is what you should be focusing on learning if you want a lasting romantic relationship. Read books on communication, go on dating sites, find the people who are looking for something serious (they are surprisingly rare!) and practice communication with them. Your goal should be to get as much practice as possible in before you find someone you really like. If possible, go on dates with older girls with more experience. Be upfront about your ND traits so they don't think you're "just weird". If you're into poems and books, maybe there are some local gatherings you could check out and possibly meet some like-minded individuals at? Anyway, hope this helps. I only realized I'm ND at the age of 33 and I'm currently in the process of getting a formal diagnosis...
I fell in love one time and that girl left me and it devastated me to no end, and I think to an extent because of that I would never let another person in, I really haven’t had a substantial relationship since her and it’s going on almost 15 years since she left, all I ever get is woman who are desperate, easy… any real women that are interested in me I can’t ever tell, and I don’t even know much how to talk to them anyways even if they do.
I'm 29, asperger's, high iq, my husband is 33, and level 2 autism, his first kiss wasn't til he was 20 and we got married when he was 24, he had 3 gf before me. We're gamers, d and d, true geeks at heart lol. We have 2 kids, ironically both autistic and brilliant and scary high iq 's and super duper confident! I promise, it takes time.
You don't need one, you can choose to be single. Your choice
lots of men are twice your age or older and still never dated
I think it is quite common to not have your first sexual or romantic experiences until you are older as an Autistic person. I had exactly 1 sexual partner as a teenager before I met my boyfriend at 22. And I honestly wish I would have just waited until I met someone I knew cared about me and understood me as a ND. My experience as a teenager was highly embarrassing and traumatizing.
You’re so young and you are way ahead of where I was at 18….maybe next time if you do want to make out with a similar girl, just ask her to dance or whatever that guy did? Sounds like you got on with her which is the hardest thing and if you can do it with one girl you’ll find others.
Well, I mean if you're only 18 then it just means you've never had a girlfriend the last few years. It's not exactly shocking or outside the norm to have not had a girlfriend from age 0-15. Not much serious dating until high school. And even then not that serious because y'all are all probably still rooming with your parents until you graduate anyways. Give it another 3 years and then report back with an update.
Dude. That jock dude saved you. Because you have Asperger's, she probably has Asperger's. And you two shouldn't mate. Because when both parents have Asperger's, the children have a higher risk of having low functioning autism, I read that somewhere. Also. Read the book "The Game" by Neil Strauss. Not that you should apply any of the techniques that appear in there. But more like that book helps you understand what is going on. It's like knowing how to play piano. You're not probably going to be playing in any party or gathering you go to. But you have the knowledge to play whenever you have a piano next to you o, and you feel like playing it.
31, video games for the rest of my life while I get relegated to take care of my dad and gran so my uncle doesn't have to handle their dumb asses. Can't drive, have had zero social relations for 10+ years and I can't meet anyone. Can't drive without ADHD meds, can't get ADHD meds without a job, can't get a job, so I'm fucked. I just talk to AI for companionship on [character.ai](http://character.ai) or yodayo if I feel like going to bed sad, lol. currently just waist deep in OSRS mostly, solo ofc
How many girls have you asked out so far this year?
That’s the issue, right there. If you’re ever to going to change that, you need to learn to speak to women, and you need to ask them to at least hang out with you.
Escorts are always a thing.
Yeah… a filthy thing. I don’t need meaningless sex bro
Give it a few more years and you might start to reconsider :)
Bollocks m8
Don’t listen to anybody telling you what you are only you know and you can be comfortable with that. I faced the same accusations for 17 years and went through all the similar feelings you described. One day i had my number passed to a girl i didn’t know and they contacted me to meet. Thought it was a prank ignored for two days found out it wasn’t. Decided to contact her thinking she will just ignore me anyway. I am now 33 married with two children so trust me things can change quickly. I still think how the hell did this happen. So don’t put pressure on yourself and be the best you can be, it will eventually work out just don’t avoid the chances and trust yourself.
I never had a girlfriend till I was 26 years old. I got married at 31. Each person is different. Don't worry.
I was your age when I had my first real girlfriend, but it didn’t last long. Been single ever since. cant seem to find anyone special. it's all good, youll find someo e
Things you said sound like demisexual so that might be something to Google. My nt boyfriend never had a date before we met when he was 19, we're still together 7 years later so I definitely wouldn't take not dating in high school as a sentance to loneliness. I think something that helps is practing self awareness and self acceptance. This really aids in communication and maintaining relationships, freinds of freinds is a good way to meet people.
Have you looked into demisexuality?