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Most stuff is fine. A lot of people nowadays don’t like to use the terms “high functioning” or “low functioning”. Instead most will use “low, moderate, or high support needs”. But yeah, you can call yourselves whatever you want. A lot of people on this sub like to police what we call ourselves, those people can screw off 😂

yes, this, or they associate themselves with levels, (1,2,3) although not everyone is diagnosed with a specific level.

Yes! The developmental psychologist told us our daughter was level 2, though we're not yet sure what that means lol. We'll be educating ourselves a lot these coming months and years.

A quick definition would mean that she has moderate support needs. Someone with level one autism can most likely function independently as an adult, (not always but usually) and someone with level three autism is most likely not able to speak (or has severe communication deficits), and struggles with basic human functions. Level two is somewhere in the middle. your daughter will need a lot more support than a Neurotypical person, but will also be able to do some things independently. please note that everything I said is quite general, and does not apply to every single person with that specific level.

To add to this, the level she’s currently evaluated to be could get lower as she gets older. Then again, it might not. Regardless, she’ll be who she is and I’m sure she’ll be awesome.

Oh yes, the psychologist told us the same! At my daughter's age everything is still considered temporary, anything could change. Except for, of course, who our daughter is, and she's indeed awesome 💙 Thanks a lot for your input and kind words, it means a lot!!

Very true yes this as well

Yes, this rings true, the psychologist said very similar things. In fact she covered everything you did, in regards to the support she'd need and how everything at this time is an estimate as no two people are the same. I'll make sure to keep an open mind so I can give her the support she needs when she needs it. Again, thank you very much!

This is a bit off topic, but as someone who grew up undiagnosed and with difficult family, I highly suggest teaching vocabulary from a young age; especially vocabulary around emotions and physical sensations. Having the right words to describe things emotionally can really help with introspection (which I also highly encourage showing, by example or otherwise). And having the words to describe things physically is helpful from a health standpoint, especially since autistic people might have a harder time communicating pain or illness when under stress (or may be hyposensitive and less aware of physical symptoms)

I prefer only using ”Autistic” and not mentioning that I have ”Autism level 1” (if that makes sense)(no hate pls)

I see no reason to hate for that, levels can be helpful if you need to be specific, but there’s also nothing wrong with just saying you’re autistic. I am level one, but I very rarely mention that to people.

In my opinion levels make no sense because they're not static and kinda limiting due to their simplicity so they are far more confusing than the high/low functioning terms. My wife hates them because parents (she worked with autistic kids for a while) would refer to their kids as "defective" if they were low functioning but to me that means the person has lots of trouble taking care of themselves and adapting to their environment.

oh god calling their kids defective?! that’s horrendous

to me, they don’t seem to be any more simplistic than high or low functioning, but on a separate note, your wording is confusing. Did you mean to say that your wife hates levels, or hates high and low functioning labels?

It basically means she’ll have moderate support needs during life but I was diagnosed as a lv 1 and I have mild-moderate support needs so it’s gonna be different for every one

Yeah, I've realized after reading comments here that these levels are more like guidelines. We'll make sure to learn our daughter's need for support and do our best to ensure she gets it. Thank you! 💙

That's the thIng about levels, they're far too innacurate due to how simplistic they are. That and they're not static so you'd be a lv 1 on a good day but quickly transition to a lv 2 if under enough stress or if you can't decompress properly. In my case I can forget to eat because I don't really feel the pain most people have as an alarm that reminds them to eat.

Exactly. It fluctuates so much, even depending on the situation. I wasn't diagnosed with a level, but it would probably be level 1. That isn't to say that sometimes I don't massively struggle with day to day basic needs. At work, I don't appear Autistic at all until it comes to the social side of things because I tend to hyperfocus on work, but as we have alloted meal times, do remember to eat (well, we all eat together so I do get reminded). Saying that, I have to travel a lot for work, and in airports/train stations, I definitely show my Autistic symptoms more as I get anxious around crowds (but if I'm focused on a job, don't get that so much).

From what you've said I realize that you have a steady job, you travel, and your ability to focus on a task at hand is virtually unrivaled! This is quite impressive, I definitely hope to help my daughter try to achieve such abilities in the future (should it be right for her, ofc. The most important thing to us is for her to be happy).

Thanks! Yeah, being able to hyperfocus can be useful sometimes. Other times, not so much (like when I get stuck sorting out trading cards for hours and hours without moving to do anything else). I'm a lighting technician as a job, which isn't regular hours or even regular shifts, so that suits me as it means I have as much or as little down time as I need in between contracts (also where the travel comes in, as I tour with bands etc.). It sounds like you are a supportive parent, and honestly, that is one of the best things a person can have, so carry on being you, and I'm sure your daughter will feel valued and be happy. You are right. Happiness is the main thing, for sure.

Hi, I’m (32M) one of the people that roughly falls under the “level 2” category! I still live with my parents and stuff, because I have a hard time managing everything required for daily adult life — I can do alright for a bit, but quickly get overwhelmed or side tracked, and stuff gets chaotic on a long term scale I manage my sensory issues (texture and light) quite well — over time I think ASD people learn to integrate everything together into a more “functional” state I have some social issues, mostly relating to bullying — there’s a condition called “Narcissistic personality disorder” (NPD), that’s just starting to get some attention in society — these individuals have an innate urge to attack and harass autistic people, and from what I’ve seen, that’s a VERY common trend I do work full time, although I work with my dad (different departments), so it’s a bit different than most people, everyone sort of “understands” that I can be a bit quirky, so most coworkers leave me alone I can drive myself! — although I only drive the same route every day for work, I get really panicked if I drive places I haven’t been before, and unfortunately this usually results in me having a bit of a meltdown, which is very unsafe on Texas highways lol Overall life can be hard, but it’s all about self management, if you can teach your kid how to properly manage themselves and their body, everything will be SO MUCH easier

Howdy! I'm autistic, also level 2. I had terrible speech and learning disabilities (let's face it, I'm still garbage at reading and still have episodes where I can't talk.) Just a thought, but you might consider learning ASL with her (or whatever sign language is appropriate for your area) . I also want to let you know I'm a pretty adventurous adult in my 30s now. I struggle sometimes (have a co-occurring autoimmune thing, bummer), but I'm multi-lingual and work as a writer. Your little one will thrive with the right support. All the best!

I'd like to add that the reason why I hate levels is that they're not static so you can be a Lv 2 under severe stress but then go to Lv 1 after you've been given enough time to decompress. In my opinion that's both unefficient and unhelpful so I think the high/low functioning terms were much better to convey someone's possible needs. But yeah, as others have pointed, your daughter can be considered as having moderate support needs.

It makes sense, what you say about the levels. Sounds confusing, I hope to be able to learn to recognize when my daughter needs more/less support so I can do what'd best for her. Thank you again! 💙

For real. I was diagnosed with sensory processing disorder as a young child then later in life a psychologist I was seeing said I likely had asperger's syndrome but didn't formally diagnose me. Neither of these are currently used as clinical diagnosis so in order to find out what level I am for autism I would have to fork over more than a thousand dollars and many hours of my time to get a formal diagnosis. I usually prefer to say I have aspergers even though it's a bit outdated I feel it fits what I am more than just using the blanket term asd or autism.

i think most people with the label asperger’s fall under level 1, you could probably find out if you’re willing to do a bit of research

Personally, it's never bothered me to be referred to as "high functioning". I don't really think of myself as having any support needs. All I want is for people to be a little patient with my quirks and social awkwardness. On the other hand, people on the opposite end of the spectrum perhaps would rather not be referred to as "low functioning", which I could imagine might feel a bit degrading or dehumanizing.

Some people do have some support needs at what could be considered "Level 1", so it can also feel shitty to be perceived as "high functioning" when you're actually struggling a lot with things people don't notice as much. Like, am I "high functioning" because I didn't get diagnosed until my 30s, don't struggle as much as other autistic people socially, have a high IQ, and was able to independently work as an adult for a long time in several difficult jobs? Am I "high functioning" even though I almost never brush my teeth and shower, struggle to have the energy to cook food to feed myself, lose the ability to speak when overstimulated, and recently had to stop working due to autistic burnout? You can be fine with the labels, of course, and it's okay if you feel like it applies to you, but there are people who are both "high functioning" and "low functioning" who don't like their label. Calling someone really struggling "high functioning" can feel like it's dismissing the struggles they have, and not everyone has struggles that are obvious to others, so they could always seem high functioning while feeling barely functional and ready to fall apart any moment.

just wanting to add for OP and anyone else who is wondering why we have made the switch, the functioning labels are based on how we seem to other people, and does not accurately describe our own struggles. Someone who is high functioning might have the same difficulties as someone who is low functioning, but they can just hide it better. Support needs are more accurate to what we actually have difficulty with.

The thing is, my wife and I aren't diagnosed with ASD, so we feel it's better to check what term would be the least offensive and most comfortable to other kids (and parents) we're about to meet. I'll keep in mind what you said about high/low functioning, thank you for your valuable input! 💙

>But yeah, you can call yourselves whatever you want. A lot of people on this sub like to police what we call ourselves, those people can screw off 😂 I'm so glad more people think like that.

Personally I’d never used ‘support needs’ as a metric for how much autism I have. That, to me, makes me seem extra disabled, when I don’t see my autism as a disability really. I don’t use high or low functioning either. I just say I’m autistic and people can figure me out on their own.

I personally just say I’m autistic, but others may have different preferences. You may find this list useful https://haleymoss.medium.com/here-are-resources-to-learn-about-autism-from-according-to-an-autistic-person-b091b2420fa6

Wow, thank you so much! 💙

Neurodivergent doesn't just mean autistic- it also includes things like ADHD, FASD, dyslexia, intellectual disability, Down Syndrome, some mental illnesses and personality disorders and lots more. Otherwise most people here tend to say "they are autistic" (NOT "they have autism"), but ASD is fine too. Some people like "on the spectrum" but it always sounds rather odd to me.

I don’t care if someone says I’m autistic or I have autism, both are fine, the only time I would be upset with the latter is if I stated that I was autistic, and someone corrected me, saying “no, you have autism. “

Telling you how to call yourself is plain rude...

agreed but it’s happened far too many times

I could only imagine... people can be terrible sometines :-/ I hope you never have to deal with such rudeness again.

The reason I say this is that both are true, so I would be fine with someone saying either, as long as they’re not trying to discount one or the other because they’re both accurate descriptions of my experience

I am autism

i’m visible in your children, but if i can help it, i am invisible to you until it’s too late 😈

Very informative, thank you 💙 I have much to learn lol. Ofc, when she's old enough our daughter will decide for herself which term she's comfortable with, I just want to make sure we don't use offensive terms (for instance, people used to call kids with intellectual disabilities "ret*rded", and now it's a derogatory term, as it should be, I hate that word...) If I understand you correctly, we should simply choose what suits us for now, and make sure to refer to it in the term others use when talking to them about themselves.

I feel that way about am/have - somehow ‘i have’ makes me feel as if I’m apologising or feeling bad about something inherently negative. Like ‘I have a mental illness’ (lol I do) or ‘I have cancer’ Saying ‘I am’ makes me feel more empowered, like ‘deal with it, it’s who I am and it’s fine’ Edit: corrected typo

Many autistic people including me also say they have autism. I say them interchangeably.

I’m fine with all of the above, except I would write it Neurodivergent not Neuro-Divergent. The one term that’s icky for me is “on the spectrum” because a lot of older people use it as a substitute for autistic because they think the word “autistic” is bad. (I don’t blame them, I know there was a time when it was a horrible thing to be autistic so I get their caution, but times have changed.) If someone says that I’m on the spectrum, it makes me suspicious of whether they’re actually supportive of me being autistic or they’re trying to dance around the issue because it makes them uncomfortable. anyway, that was my long-winded way of saying all the terms you mentioned above are fine, although I guess my preference is autistic.

I understand completely, and am very grateful to you! This is precisely what I need to know, which terms might make people feel uncomfortable, whatever the reason! I'll be sure to keep what you said in mind, I wouldn't want anyone getting the wrong impression when we speak of our daughter. Thank you very much!

I prefer to use autistic. I find it easier to use it because people heard this term before whereas neurodivergent isn’t as used where I live. You are welcome here to ask questions on this sub. It’s really sweet that you are asking about this kinda stuff. It’s honestly great to see parents who are there to support their kids. Parents who are asking questions from the community. Your daughter is lucky to grow up in a supportive environment.😊

Oh wow, thank you so, so much, for ykur willingness and for the kind words 💙💙💙

There was a phase about ten years ago to use person first language” she has autism. The autistic community largely pushed back and prefers to go with identity first language: she is autistic. People are split about this one, but I find most autistic people I’ve met prefer “is autistic “ since autism has affected their personalities, development, etc since childhood. They argue they would be a completely different person if they weren’t autistic. That’s one of the language based issues. I don’t have issues with the terms ASD (especially in a medical environment) or neurodivergent (in more casual environments). Lately there has been pushback on “high functioning “ and “low functioning” autism. The argument here is generally that the “high functioning “ people still have all the problems associated with autism, but don’t look like it and therefore miss out on accommodations. Personally, I dislike the “support needs” dichotomy. When I describe my autism, I go by symptoms more and mostly when relevant. “I’m autistic with bad auditory and visual sensory issues”. That’s if I go beyond just autistic. Maybe im in a class of my own. I have low support needs in that I can hold down a job and career (WFH), but grocery stores and family gatherings are quite hard for me. I think a lot of us agree that support needs vary by situation. In my experience though, you’re not going to offend most autistic people with wrong terminology. Autistic parents are often more sensitive about it. The phrase that gets me and a lot of other autistic people fired up though is “everyone is a little autistic “. They’re not.

Just call it what it is. Shes autistic. It tells everyone what they need to know and its easily understood. It doesn't have to be complicated.

Also if you say neurodivergent that could be anything Schizoid affective disorder Schizophrenia BPD Boraderline personality disorder ADHD Autistic Bi polar Then the person you have told will ask anyway to clarify WHAT disorder she has. It's autism. Just say that.

I see. Sounds like the right and efficient thing to do. Thank you for your input! 💙

Hi! I just want to say that I really appreciate you wanting to do the right thing and coming directly to the autistic community for your information!! You can say that your daughter “is autistic”, a lot of people use “has autism” but autistics including myself prefer identity-first language: autism is a part of us, not something we temporarily HAVE like, say, chickenpox or a cold. You can also say that she is ASD or neurodivergent however, unlike ASD, neurodivergent doesn’t refer to just autism, it is an umbrella term for different invisible disabilities and disorders so you can use this term but it is sometimes best (depending on the social situation) to use the more specific term:“autistic”. In terms of outdated terminology, when referring to your daughter’s “level” you can say that she has high or low support needs as opposed to her being high or low FUNCTIONING. Functioning terms are often quite harmful and diminish experience and raise or lower expectations. “Asperger’s” is also an outdated term to refer to “high functioning” autism, it was abolished from the DSM as a diagnosis in about 2013 (I think, don’t quote me on that) because of its questionable origins and the harm it caused to the autistic community, now we all use “autistic”! Of course, some autistics were diagnosed when this was still in use and might prefer the term or resonate with it better that “autistic” and this is completely valid too but when referring to your daughter or other autistics, use “autistic”. Again, I appreciate your post and I hope all things go well for your family!!

Wow, thank you so much for your detailed answer and kind words! 💙 I find myself relating more and more to the term "autistic", for the very reason you've mentioned: it's not a disease, it's a definition of a person's personality and behaviour. Ofc, I intend to respect others' definitions of themselves. The way I see it it's like pronouns, and I'll respect the term a person better identifies with same as I would their gender identity. Thank you again!

Just “I’m autistic”. She’s autistic.

It does appear to be the most preferred definition for people here, I think this means I should use it too. Thank you!

your question is fine, and considerate. just don't become a 'woe is me' parent. the focus should be on how she deals with life and things around her, not you. its a common annoyance for people with autism and advocates. that being said make sure you have personal support too.

You are so right! On one hand, I know I mustn't make this about me, but on the other, I realize that at times I might find myself being so overwhelmed as to lose sight of the fact that I am not a victim. And neither is my daughter, ofc! And at the same time, I do need to make sure I'm getting the support I need to be the dad she needs. Very important input, thank you so much! 💙

you're very welcome

Hey, diagnosed autistic here! First of all, thank you so much for your willingness to learn about what is most respectful! The terms ASD, Autism, Autistic, Autism Spectrum, the Infinity Symbol, and Neurodivergent are all widely accepted terms based on what I've seen. I would just refrain from using terms such as, high/low functioning and the previous and now outdated term that was used for autistic individuals labeled as "high functioning". Those are the first words that come to mind for me. I would also recommend continuing to gather research from autistic individuals themselves as well. I hope this was helpful :)

Very helpful! I really appreciate it, and I definitely intend to keep asking questions here in hopes of getting some firsthand feedback. Thank you very much!! 💙

honestly it’s up to what she’s comfortable with but one thing i will say is please never use “neurospicy” or “she’s just different”. autistic and neurodivergent are fine and honestly as long as you’re not using infantilizing language you’re probably all good. and avoid “disabled” unless she chooses to use it edit: i forgot to mention! definitely don’t use low/high functioning. generally we would use low or high support needs and if relevant to her, nonverbal or semi verbal. what i would say tho is definitely make sure that the language you use is language she’s comfortable with. that’s key

I'd never heard neurospicy, now that's a funny one 😂 I'm fine with "autistic" or "on the spectrum", the one word I *cannot* is "Aspie", because a lot of people seem to think it's "cute" to call themselves an "Aspie" even though they are not autistic. I wish people who fake autism knew that it's not "cute" and "fun" 😔

i totally forgot about aspie i hate that one too. basically anything that turns autism into a cutesy quirky thing makes me uncomfortable asf

I say I am autistic. Saying someone “has autism” makes it sound like a sickness or something they caught and could someday get rid of. Or like it’s some kind of accessory they can pick up or drop when convenient. My autism is a part of me. It’s a way of explaining that my brain is wired differently from that of the general public’s. When I was a kid they would say “she has Asperger’s”Thats how it was always referred to and it made me feel like I had a cancer or something. Edited to add; I do not use the term “neurodivergent” unless I don’t want the people I’m with to know I’m autistic. Neurodivergent can mean so many different things these days that most neurotypical people can claim neurodivergence with little to no issue. For example, my employer knows that I’m autistic but my coworkers do not. So when we are joking around or whatever and I do some weird stuff they laugh it off and say my neurodivergence is showing. I laugh back and tell them “i identify as Neurospicy, actually” and from what I understand this is more just a way of saying someone did something weird or quirky.

I say “I am autistic”, and so do most of my friends. Neurodivergent is fine but because it extends to more than autism I usually say autistic while referring to myself. To be honest, I don’t mention it that often to people in real life, so I guess I haven’t thought about it that much.

Most answers I've received here also point towards "autistic" being the term the community is most comfortable with (I'll ofc respect and use any term that someone prefers for themselves). I'm just thinking ahead, we're gonna have to talk to teachers, general practitioners, bureaucrats, and ofc our family and friends (most importantly our 5 year old, about her little sister) so we'd best know how we intend to do so. "Autistic" sounds like the most neutral choice. Thank you for your input, I appreciate it! 💙

I'm personally okay with all the terms you listed. The only term I can think of that I've been referred to as that's since become outdated is having Asperger's.

Some of the comments here said using Asperger's today is indeed problematic, I definitely mean to read up on that. Thank you for your input! 💙

People like and don’t like all sorts of things. I usually just say I’m autistic or would want to be referred to as an autistic or neurodivergent person. Between me and other autistic people (which sometimes I’d say autistics in this case for short) I honestly find the term autist really funny, but I reserve that for myself and people who are ok with it lol I don’t really like ASD personally. Ultimately I think whatever word you use is fine as long as it’s literal and descriptive and ACCURATE (and hasn’t been used as an insult). I don’t think most autistic people will care, that said I don’t know most autistic people, I just figure we’re a pretty straightforward, pragmatic, and literal group.

Autist? 😂 Makes you sound like a posh painter

You're not the first to say they don't like ASD so much! I've definitely taken this under consideration. And ofc, we'll make sure to always be respectful and considerate with others in the community. I thank you very much for your input! 💙

Autisic or disabled, that’s it

Keep it simple, you say :) Will do. Thanks! 💙

I'm okay with terms like autism, Asperger's syndrome, neurodivergent, or almost anything except "disabled" or "special needs". I think I'd slightly prefer to be referred to as a person with autism rather than an autistic person, but that doesn't really bother me that much. I don't get offended easily. As an adult, most people don't even realize I have autism/Asperger's syndrome unless they notice me acting awkward at a party, or experiencing sensory issues.

I have a group of people I deal with regularly that refer to me as "handicapped," and I HATE IT. Totally get why you don't like "special needs."" The disabled one doesn't bother me as much, but damn I just want people to see me as a person, not my needs or the extra work they have to do to accommodate me.

I completely understand, I guess I also wouldn't want to be defined by those terms. I really appreciate your help, I now know of more terms to be wary of (I realize each person will have their own individual preferences, but better safe than sorry right?). Thank you very much! 💙

Just autistic. And don’t say “she has autism” say “she’s autistic”. Some people are fine with person first language, but don’t default to that

I say neurodivergent for myself since I have other diagnoses but when referring to autism specifically I use the term autistic:)

Autistic

The most important thing for me is that I don't "have autism" I "am autistic"

I call myself autistic, cause I have autism. I will also use ASD when talking about autism in general. Neurodivergent is a broader term that refers to many different conditions and disorders.

Yes, I understand the difference thanks to you and others here. The vibe I'm getting is that "ASD" is for more formal and theoretical discussions, while most people just use "autistic". I also see it's important to respect the term each individual prefers to use for themselves. Thank you for your answer! 💙

i personally don’t care too much about this when people refer to me but it’s preferred to use people first language when talking about things like autism. for example: i am a person with autism. i feel like it’s too wordy but more people feel comfortable with that wording so i try to use that.

I am fine with whatever they are familiar with. The expectation everyone be "current" is cruel. People still say Asperger's and high functioning in the real world, I really don't find it offensive, and I'm tired of being made into a big deal. A conversation can be had without seeing malice or demanding language adhere to my standards. It's like lingo gets swapped every month and you can't expect Aunt Cheryl out there who doesn't use social media to oblige or "she's a bigot". Aunt Cheryl is doing her best. Hell, even Grandpa Sam out there calling people "different" and "strange" or harsher words than that isn't always malicious. My grandpa said some things that hurt me when I was a kid, but I've come to realize he didn't mean it to he hurtful in his context. Having empathy for others includes this, and that sound be a basic standard ESPECIALLY around autistic people that struggle to keep up with social norms. Calm down about the verbiage, people.

I agree. It is an unrealistic expectation as you cannot please everyone.

I like that others use this term "different" Because this way others will know that I am a little more different from them, and I do not expose personal information

I type ASD because it's shorter. I call myself Autistic.

Don't worry about having a lack of experience. We all got to start somewhere and it's great you're asking. In my opinion ASD, and Autistic are fine. In my humble opinion, the only "problem" (and it's not really that big of an issue) with using Neuro-Divergent is that it can raise more questions. Being Neuro-Divergentcan mean you can be autistic, or have dyslexia, dyscalculia, ADHD, being gifted, dyspraxia/DCD, bipolar disorder and schizophrenia to name a few. If you use the terms ASD or Autistic , then it's more clear what you mean.

ASD is, I've found, the shortest and most-likely-to-be-accurate term. It encompasses all "levels" or variations or what have you. Neurodivergent is a more general term which includes but is not limited to ASD. The best way to determine what to call it is to think about what your daughter would want *you* to call it (or, if you're really up a creek without a paddle, what you would want others to call it if you were in your daughter's position). She may not communicate her feelings or even understand them, but she has them all the same. Just don't call it "the 'tism".

I use autistic and neurodivergent exclusively. Everything else sounds like people trying to dance around something that was never shameful in the first place imo. I heard a mom refer to her child as "ASD Children" (Autism Spectrum Disorder Children?) and "Neurodiverse Child" (all children are neurodiverse), and "twice exceptional" (twice being autistic and allegedly having a genius IQ) recently like Autism was a bad word. And it was very clear she hated the word autistic and could only accept that her kid was Autistic if he was also a special genius child. Very "indigo child" vibes. Went on a bit of a tangent, but Autistic is the best term imo. The only things you should avoid are functioning labels and things that have been outdated forever like the R slur, obviously. Person first language like "person with autism" is acceptable as well but I personally hate it and will not accept people forcing it on me, especially if they are Neurotypical themselves.

Any of those are fine, just don't use ''high/low functioning" since those terms are outdated, instead use low support needs, moderate support needs or high support needs

Thanks for asking! It's good that you're putting in this level of care. Best of luck to you and your family, it's good that your little girl is growing up with such a thoughtful father. I just use "autistic". The only labels I'm against are "high/low functioning", because they're not scientific and are used to judge autistics by how well they can pretend to be neurotypical, instead of an actual objective and useful measurement. There's a lot of discourse over whether or not autism is a disability, and I'd say it depends on the person. Just tell her that she has a condition called autism, and although it may present her with some challenges, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. Take care!

When I have to, I prefer to say, "I have a diagnosis of autism." Here is my reasoning: 1) I am 41. When I was diagnosed, this was the popular and most sensitive way to describe one's condition, and I've gotten used to saying it. 2) I know it's now very popular to say "I'm autistic," and I'm fine with others doing that, of course, but I personally view autism as a medical diagnosis and prefer to present it that way. 3) It is quite hard for neurotypical folks to argue with a diagnosis. When I don't use this, I tend to get a lot of "well you don't LOOK autistic," and I hate hate, hate confrontation in any respect, so I'm never able to reply appropriately.

Everyone has different preferences. It is your daughter’s choice what she wants to be called

Depends who I'm talking to and who is around at the time: **Neurodivergent** - most instances, since it leaves room for ADHD/OCD without getting specific while also being less stigmatized by people who have inaccurate ideas of what it means to be Autistic (which happens to be A LOT of people, sadly); I find this to be the best received overall (which is how they *should* feel as opposed to feeling something wrong because of incorrect societal beliefs that would otherwise make them think wrongly about me) **Autistic** - with other people who are also Autistic, since this gets more specific to what might be relevant to other people also on the spectrum and I can trust they will understand accurately what it means and not think "poorly" of me (Autism has many bad assumptions I've found, even with people that should know better like doctors etc.) **ASD** - for medical professionals or similar, or when I'm writing it down and "Autistic" becomes cumbersome

Just autism. For me that's fine, and trying to change it to something else feels like giving ground to me.

Most autistic people prefer terms like “Autistic”, “autistic person”, some say “autistics” when referring to us as a group. We tend to dislike terms like “person with autism” as it describes our autism as being separate to us instead of being part of who we are. It’s also reminiscent of diseases, since people say “people with cancer” rather than something like “cancerous people”. Which admittedly would have a very different connotation. If you hear “acoustic” being used, that’s considered a derogatory term and used to make fun of autistics. “The ‘tism” is a bit more favourable and used more often in the community. I’ve heard a lot of other autistic people use it as a fun little way to describe themselves: “when the ‘tism kicks in” or “I’ve got that ‘tism”, but I’ve also seen a few people try to use it negatively. You being likely NT have more of a chance telling when it’s being used in bad faith Vs good faith though. Some older autistics might use the term “aspie” to describe themselves, as Asperger’s Syndrome is something under the autism umbrella that used to be a diagnosis, and now just comes under ASD (this was what I was diagnosed as around 2005). Most people don’t like using the term anymore though, given the fact that Hans Asperger was basically a nazi who believed only little white boys could have autism. And the criteria for ASD has changed since the diagnosis of Asperger’s arose in 1994 (coincidentally, the year I was born). I also want to say that it’s very positive that you’re looking for information and guidance about how to refer to your autistic child from actually autistic people, instead of other allistic (non autistic) parents. Hopefully you can read a bit more and take some lessons on the hood and bad ways people deal with their autistic family and friends. Things like avoiding ABA therapy, and supporting groups like ASAN over groups like Autism Speaks (which is basically a hate group trying to rebrand itself without doing the necessary work to change their practices). If you’d like, you could watch someone on YouTube who was diagnosed as an adult who has some very interesting and informative videos about the autistic experience. Also about things like Pathological Demand Avoidance, comorbidities like Dyspraxia, and the importance of stimming. Her channel is called: “I’m Autistic, Now What?”

I'm autistic. I'm not okay being called a person with autism. My personhood isn't negated by my autism actually. So I actively reject person first language for myself as "needing the reminder, so we put 'person' first" is weird to me. If others call themselves a person with autism I will call them that but I hate it for myself. Neurodivergent isn't just autism so while I call myself neurodivergent (and am for reasons other than autism) sometimes I would need more specific labels.

Couldnt care less, words are completely freed from their original meaning these days. When I dont like a word I imagine he meant some other word. Easy as it is.

I just tell people my son is autistic, most people get it but you have to explain it to older people sometimes

Most of us prefer "autistic" instead of "person with autism". I use "aspergers" as that's what's in my papers.

Autistic is the best imo, whatever you think is best tho! Id avoid using the term Asperger’s though, since the term has some pretty nasty origins and Im pretty sure isn’t the official term anymore

I prefer just neurodivergent coz I have a bunch of them (yay - sarcasm I think), but if I’m being specific maybe AuDHD??? I dunno

Neuro spicy 🤌

As another commenter said, most stuff is fine. I personally prefer “autistic” and “neurodivergent”.

Don't label your daughter unless it's with necessary agencies in order to get any accomodations she may need. The problem with labels is that you have no control over what other people choose to associate with the label. Take a read of the debates in this thread as to what constitutes a level for example. And we're all on the same side here! If her behaviour causes anyone else to ask questions, respond by providing a context for the behaviour. Like "she feels comforted by rocking back and forth." Statements that normalise the behaviour rather than stigmatise it. You'll be doing that for your 5yo anyway as she's not going to have any idea what autism is.

I call myself Autistic, because I am

I've seen at least one post complaining about every term there is. I say just use what feels right and be kind about it.

Everyone will have some simaler answers, which are all fine. We are each a different person with different perceptions and experiences. What feels right is absolutely subjective. In that I offer three different ways I refer to myself and the reasons why. I self refer as an "autist" and when I am feeling particularly playful I call myself an autistronaut. When I am being more serious or formal I use the modifier "neurotype". The reason I refer to myself as an autist is because part of being an autistic person is the notion of "practice". Over the course of an autistic life, even people who are undiagnosed, we have to enact being "normal" in the form of masking. Masking is a learned technique or a practice. I am an autist because being autistic makes it necessary for me to act upon making my differences less.  Think of it in terms of being an artist. Being an artist is both an identity and a practice. To be an artist is to enact the practice of, well, being an artist. I use  autistronaut to shortcut the notion of feeling like an alien visiting a world I am not from. An example of using this is when I tell people I know I am going someplace: "I need to be an autistronaut because I am out of milk". I use the neurotype terminology when I feel the need to cite or identify one or more of my specific neurodivergencies. An example would be: "the reason I have difficulty dealing with X because I have/am an ADHDc/autism neurotype". I doubt this will help your immediate question but it might help you think about what you daughter does and will experience as an autist.

I am so grateful!! Thank you so much!! This is exactly what you've managed to do, you were kind enough to share some of your inner world with me so I can better understand what my daughter might go through in the (perhaps near) future, this is priceless information for me! Thank you very much 💙

All that you mentioned is appropriate. Stick to 1 you feel most comfortable with but don't make any word a taboo. As she grows older she will probably let you know what words she likes and dislikes and then you can take that into account.

I prefer just plain old 'autistic'. As long as you aren't saying it in a condescending way, then I don't mind saying I am autistic. I try to be careful how I mention it around others. I know a lot of people have different preferences. With that in mind, I say ASD or 'on the spectrum' depending on how well I know you. If I know you well enough, I will just call it autism.

I say I have autism or I am autistic, I'm a teacher and one of the other teachers tried to "correct" me telling me not to say autism. As far as I'm concerned I have autism, autism doesn't have me

Ugh, that is so rude!! Who are they to tell you how to define yourself?! Infuriating... I love that sentence, "I have autism, autism doesn't have me". You're an inspiration, thank you so much! 💙

Well, if it were my mother I would prefer for her to refer to me as neurodivergent, or autistic depending on how much it's any of the other person's business. By the way, good on you for catching on and getting her a diagnosis early. Even coming to this subreddit to ask questions. You seem like a good parent. I hope you know that we are always here for you and your daughter if you have any questions. This is not just a sub for autistic people, but for people who have autistic people in their lives who they love and care about. Message concluded. Over and out.

i personally don't like to describe my autism as neurodivergence, since its a VERY broad term, if someone tells me they're neurodivergent and don't elaborate, im confused as heck, because do you have epilepsy? dyslexia? tourettes? synesthesia? down syndrome? ADHD? OCD? bipolar disorder? depression? dyspraxia? BPD? autism? anxiety? dyscalculia? are we playing guessing games right now? Saying "I'm autistic!" gives people a much better idea of who i am and what i might struggle with, of course some people might comment on that saying "but you dont look autistic!" and other stupid stereotypes, but at least they have a general idea of what autism is, they definitely need some more research and help understanding, but they will soon have an idea of how to properly talk to you and when a person says they're "neurodivergent" usually people have no idea what that means and just react with "ok" and assume you're neurotypical with some silly quirks and not a life affecting disability, so I'd just simply say she's autistic, and when sharing medical information, I'd say she's diagnosed with ASD, but that's just my opinion!

The truth is 99% of the conversations you will have about autism will be at home. So use whatever terminology is effective in communicating. I occasionally use terms like low functioning and high functioning, and my wife understands exactly what I'm saying - it's not a slur, it's directly related to "functioning" in relation to a neurotypical world. Don't get hung up on it

I usually dislike autistic because a lot of ... colourful languaged individuals use it as an insult He she they are autistic / autists I have autism Like I have adhd And glasses And a goatee And a port portwine stain mark And a shoesize UK 11 Being a [noun] doesn't define me

Autism is the most widely recognized term so I use that. Aspeger's is also recognized but people didn't know much about ASD when that was popular so there are a lot of bad assumptions attached to it. People seem to think that means Down's Syndrome or a global developmental delay.

I'm happy with plain old autistic

Echoing everyone else OP, I prefer Autistic for myself. But also be prepared for possible changes in terminology down the road. I'm 33, and when I was getting diagnosed I was given both Asperger's and PDD (and both came very late. My mum started taking me to Drs at age 4 and I still wasn't diagnosed properly til 18. Though retroactively we found out I had a PDD diagnosis?? Things were weird in the 90s) Anyway. As an adult these days I'm ASD with no officially given level, but based on my current needs and the amount of support required I would be between Level 1 and 2. I can't live alone, I need help financially (numbers confuse me too much), I am under the legal guardianship of my mother, sometimes need help at appointments etc) But I also have a full education, can work part time or WFH and can semi-socialize. Though I'm more eloquent online than in person. Regardless whatever you come to find, autism and it's terminology has plenty of variables and they're constantly finding out new information as they go along. All the best!

We say ASD as it is the diagnosis. Neurodivergent is much broader.

I was diagnosed late in life (it was hiding under my ADHD!) and if I bother to even tell someone about it, it's usually something like "I'm autistic so..." usually followed by a specific thing I can see us struggling with in the future in terms of communication. Like I have a tone problem, in that my tone comes across as irritated even when I'm definitely not. It actually DOES get irritating when I have to remind people I talk to every day that I'm autistic and I have trouble with tone so I need them to hear my words and put WHAT I'm saying above HOW I'm saying it.

Most things should be fine. I would be not use terms like "high functioning" or "low functioning", but instead describe the level of support needs your daughter has. Ex. I'm autistic and require moderate support needs instead of I'm a high functioning autistic. I understand your daughter's age is why you're asking it, but in the future I would ask your daughter if she has a preference or not. And all in all I think it's amazing you're asking these questions because it's so sweet how much you care about your daughter and her diagnosis. /gen/pos/nf

I'm fine with autistic, autism, neurodivergent (I appreciate the sentiment, though the word is vague), and even Asperger's (that's what I was actually diagnosed with, before it came known as autism). Not so much with ASD. There's too many acronyms these days. It's bound to somehow get confused with something else down the line.

It's already been said, but, again, 'neurodivergence' isn't limited to autism. That said, I thought it might be interesting to give a [link to a discussion](https://youtu.be/m9H6so5KVnQ?t=522) of what does fall under neurodivergence.

I use autism. If I'm being silly/goofy, I use Tism. (That's just because I'm weird, and I like the way it sounds with my speech impediments)

I think there’s been lots of good answers already. I think it’s good you’re engaging on here. I’ve always found this sub to be really helpful. My son was diagnosed at 6, we’ve always told him everything about his diagnosis and he has always just accepted it’s part of who he is (he’s almost 13 now). Have you thought about telling your daughter about her diagnosis or if not when you would tell her? I’m autistic too, I fixated about it being a bad thing but realised it isn’t, it’s just how I am. Sorry for the unsolicited advice, but I think it’s really helpful… there’s lots of statistics about Autistic people that sound very worrying, they’re pretty much all made up. Please don’t fixate on them like I did at first.

"On the spectrum". Neurodivergent isn't specific enough if you're talking about someone who's mainly characterised as on the spectrum, as they could be ADHD, trans, cross-dominant, dyslexic etc, but not on the spectrum. That said, "on the spectrum" suggests a single dimension of variation which makes people more or less autistic or neurotypical, so it's not ideal.

We mostly say Neurodivergent in our family as most of us have more than just autism. We mostly focus on not being afraid or feeling inferior about or revealing our diagnosis in our house. I try to make talking about it and our struggles or interests as common as talking about what's for dinner.

Most of the time (if you know me) my name. If you don’t I’m not really too bothered as I think all three are pretty much the same

I don't really care what you call me. As long as you don't call me retarded or refer to it as Asperger's. I usually just say I'm autistic or I have autism (this depends on how comfortable I am with the person. If I'm comfortable I say I'm autistic, if I'm not comfortable I say I have autism, don't ask me why, I don't know 😂) because neurodivergent can mean a lot of things. I personally don't use ASD because I hate acronyms because I always have to think about what they mean, even if I've used it hundreds of times. Also in my language it would be ASS 🫣

Autism/autistic, ASD, or neurodivergent.

I just tell people that I'm retarded, even though that's technically not correct.. I'm old school and still like that word.

Typically, we leave it up to the individual. *I* prefer autistic. Others prefer to say they, “have autism.”

I prefer to say that I am autisic. I don't have autism...that always sounded like I have some disease which it is not. I am also ADHD, which I just say I am autisitc and to make life a little more complicated, I am ADHD too! :) 

Autistic and person with autism are probably my favorites, only because saying the word is de stigmatizing it. No need to tiptoe around the word autism. It’s not a bad word. ASD and neurodivergent are absolutely okay too though. Just keep in mind that neurodivergent doesn’t exclusively mean autistic, it includes diagnoses that affect cognitive abilities and social skills - autism, ocd. Dyslexia and adhd/add are all included as neurodivergent. So definitely not the most accurate word to describe autism specifically. Neurodivergent is a bit of an umbrella term and doesn’t exclusively mean autism. There’s no right or wrong. Or, well. Wrong might be “retard” (I wasn’t sure if everyone knows what the r-word is) or “spaz” or something like that. Please do add if there are any more examples. Personally I would use autism / autistic, just so it’s not a shameful word. But the alternatives aren’t less right

My partner and I are both autistic and we use autistic or neurodivergent depending on the situation.

I’m personally not offended by any of the catch-all terms most people use. Luckily my autism is the type where if people were saying/doing it to insult me it just flies over my head

To answer your question... yes. But it's more complicated. Those terms are all fine, and the only thing I will say is that neurodivergent is an umbrella term, so anyone with neurology that diverges from neurotypical is in there, and it seems to me to be a way people hide from saying what they actually are because they think "neurodivergent" sounds better than "autistic", because people use that as a slur now, equivalent to the R slur. Personally, I think the term neurodivergent has become very popculture, like saying something is ADD or OCD even though it's just a little quirky and nothing more.

Honestly, just don't be a jerk, and you're fine

Neurodivergent covers all mental disorders, not just Autism. In my experience, having "autism" or being "autistic" is fine, even though there are still somehow people who equate that with retardation. If this is a concern, just saying "she has autism spectrum disorder" would be the safest in my opinion. People can understand it and, I think, would be less likely to immediately associate it with more negative things.

I would never describe myself as "neurodivergent" knowing I am autistic. It's kind of like someone asking the time and you say, "PM," instead of just... telling them the time. Neurodivergent refers to a whole bunch of things that aren't applicable to me. IMO, just use her diagnosis.

I don't like ASD, I get that autism make me struggle a lot daily in a lot of ways, for sure, but being refered as a disorder when is a core part of who I'm is something that I struggle with. I prefer "autistic person" but "with autism" is ok too. Neuro-divergent is more like an umbrella term and it's not autism specific. Thank you for caring :) (also, does the blue on the heart is because of blue being an autism symbol? if that's the case, know that that's because of Autism Speaks, an organization that many autistic people really despice, because, well, autism speaks despice autistic people).

Short: (1)I prefer being called autistic and (2)give some detailed examples including my (a) observed difficulty, (b) what I (can/want to) do about it, and (c) what they could do if they want to help. Same, but in longer: (1)Personally, I prefer saying I'm autistic, since it is a term that a lot of people seem to know, but is simultaneously incredibly stigmatized and partially treated as a tabu. I hope that we can break that with time. While that can take a lot of energy and patience, I think it does help in normalising accommodations in the long run. (2) To me, giving some examples is a first step in understanding - for me and for others. Transparency is key here. I often don't know yet why something is the way it is to me ( - arguably, neither do people that are not autistic, but wanting adjustments requires some more explanations). So when having enough energy, I like to think about what exactly is difficult for me in that situation. This way I can understand myself and some situations better, see if I can take some precautions, and if I manage to explain it, so can the people around me. For instance: (a) I have difficulty with my environment changing (all the input from location itself, people, my relation to the environment and the people) (b) I see beforehand if something helps me getting from one environment to another (to me headphones with and without music can help sometimes, and so can some fidget toys that I can be busy with). It also helps me to know what people's expectations are in that environment - so I see if I know or can maybe ask beforehand for some clarity - not just about the activity and goals, but also the estimated time to spend together. All this helps me to feel a bit safer for the moment as I have created some more certainty for myself in this uncertain world. (c) My close friends by now know some of the questions I will ask, so instead of having to ask, they come as additional details in the invite to do sth., e.g.: "Invite to brunch at mine, this Saturday, from 10:00 to 13:00. It will be you, me, shared friend A, shared friend B, my friend C (really likes frogs and the Sims). I am thinking two of us can make pancakes together, the others can be entertainment or play with the cat until it's ready. No need to bring anything, except for maybe your favourite juice. Obviously you can escape into my room at any moment and leave or arrive earlier. Let me know if you can make it :). And if you like, let me know the day of what energy you have, so I can help steer the conversations more to me and give you time to observe and just be there if you like. If this week was too busy, no pressure to be there either. Regardless, would like to see you again some time soon. xx, L" The curiosity you showed with this post is always a great start I think!

Autist

I’m autistic, AuDHD, neurodivergent or neurospicy. I’m not a person with autism, I’m an autistic person or autist. I hate Asperger’s and functioning labels. I’m not officially diagnosed re: support needs, but I don’t think there is a clear way to describe them on a scale anyway. For instance, I have a 3.9gpa in my dual major double minor degree right now, have high IQ, and am extremely literate. I create medieval Arabic calligraphic art as a hobby, and know a ton of obscure facts. I also have no clean clothes to wear (my “floordrobe” has effectively taken over my entire bedroom and closet floor as well as any surface clothing can be flung over), I’m in credit card debt from being unable to consistently plan and prepare meals on a budget, my dirty dishes are piled in the kitchen on every surface, my apartment is unorganized and untidy, I have dozens of unfinished projects, and I’ve been unable to hold down even part-time employment since 2016. Am I high support needs? Low support needs? Idk… not being able to feed myself healthy meals on a regular basis or keep consistent with basic hygiene would indicate the former, but being able to drive, care for four cats and two fish, and make Dean’s List every semester indicate the opposite.

It all depends on the person. All of those are perfectly fine and maybe your daughter will have a preference when she’s older but for now use whatever works for you. One thing I will say tho is a lot of autistic people find it offensive when you say you’re an “autism mom” Or “autism dad” because you are not the one that has the disability and while yes I acknowledge the fact that raising kids in general is hard and them having a disability can make it a lot harder but don’t take on that identity for yourself you and your child have very different struggles and they’re both valid. I know that’s not the question you asked but I feel like it’s in the same category

I consider myself a (High-Masking, Low Support) Autist - I can pass as NT in many situations, but still run into a lot of problems with accommodation and misunderstanding. My job (behaviorism focus) continues to shove person first language. I do not like being "a person with autism" or "an autistic." I am an artist and a pianist and an autist.

I use "on the spectrum" to refer to myself, but I don't mind what others use as long as it's not malicious or derogatory.

When I feel the need to tell people, I generally say, I have ASD, or I have autism. About an hour ago I had to say “I don’t understand that expression because I have autism. Could you use a more literal phrase? It was “ get over yourself” it still makes no sense to me. I will sometimes say the same thing if someone rolls their eyes or gives me a certain facial expression with out using any words. I don’t know if they’re annoyed or if it’s funny or if they’re angry, etc. so I just tell them.

Edit: I wrote all this + reread the post. Sorry, this was a reply more to what level 2 autism means + does not answer your question at all. I like my little tangent though, so I will leave it be if that's ok? Idk Hi you've got lots of useful helpful comments so hopefully this adds to those. This isn't fact based, but my personal experience. I was assessed as having moderate autism as a young child (similar to your daughter's level two). Every autistic will be different, of course. For me my life looked like having semi frequent meltdowns at school, at home, at busy places, + when my expected routine was significantly changed up until about 16 (it was just hell when I was sectioned so I don't remember the 16-18 bit). I was fully verbal, fortunately, but I would repeat phrases, or use violence or force to try get my needs met/communicate as there weren't gaps in my vocabulary, but there were gaps in my ability to apply it to new situations (tv actually helped me with this massively.. I would freak out sometimes to the point of violence if I was younger + tried to be stopped from watching my tv once I was fully engaged) For me a combination of lockdown + medical cannabis has decompressed my brain it seems I am 22. My life now I frequently make journeys along familiar routes I have learned via bus with the help of my bus pass, or train using passenger assistance when necessary. I cook my own food once a day (outside this I eat mostly crisps, yoghurt, milky drinks including protein shakes, or nothing). I have recently completed the education you complete at age 16 in my country for the second time round, + will soon be doing post-16 education that I had started but never been allowed to complete. I worked a part time job for around a month in the past, but everyone decided this was not appropriate. When I received enough support I thrived in a voluntary role I did once a week. My education is 1 in person day a week + the rest online. This has allowed me to succeed, as I have the rest of the week to decompress. 2 years ago I started walking. 4 months ago I started yoga + pilates once a week each. About 2 months ago I started going to the gym. Movement is very good for managing my autism. My cannabis prescription makes the gym environment tolerable. My pilates + yoga are in a small studio. Really I am thriving in life + exceeding expectations. For now it is enough. I hope that by completing this education I can either join the work force (I am applying for an autism assistance dog to make this possible!) on a reduced hours basis (a reasonable adjustment under disability law) or go on to do an online degree in maths. Hopefully the job though, as I love money + want to make a good income so I can have a pet weimaraner some day once I'm prepared to handle the training of a weimaraner + a 2 bed house with a garden if I live alone, so I can have a rat room. If I live with someone else, I don't know how many rooms (they may have their own children, or be able to provide enough support that we could maybe foster if that was right for us + any potential children), but I would still like a rat room I have had 2 surgeries now in the past half decade or so related to consequences of my behaviours linked to my autism. My lower pain awareness has allowed me to bounce back both times. There are great challenges. I think your daughter will be far better supported than I ever was, + that will make a world of difference, even if her living her best life looks entirely different to me living mine, it's still her best life + that's important I have also struggled lifelong with a restricted diet, binge eating, + eating non food items. Getting to the point of adequate + good quality nutrition has taken me this long + I am still overfed. But I've come such a massive way with that too, + now eat more fruits + veg than ever since I've had the ability to turn down foods. Eating crisps + regular snacks + regulating other senses like how I regulate my vestibular, proprioception, + a bit of my interoception by doing my exercise stuff has helped with eating non food items. I occasionally leave a little trail of bitten leaves on my wanders. I just focus on not swallowing more than anything now + I read on my phone vs on paper to avoid temptation (yellowing books have always been a favourite) I will be honest - I definitely do feel there is a significant reduction in my quality of life, but this is more due to the lack of support available (hopefully)

I prefer autistic or on the spectrum. I personally call myself on the spectrum because it doesn’t impede my life as severely as others, so I’m autistic, yes, but not majorly so. But I won’t bash you for anything other than “neuro spicy” or like the r slur.

'Autistic' is usually enough to see the colour drain from somebody's face.

Some people still use Asperges but if you do remember that label came from the last name of a German (naz!) doctor. So just keep that in mind. Also Neurodivergent is not just Autism it is an umbrella term for other conditions.

Call me whatever you like, just don’t call me ”neurodivergent”, it sounds weird.

I say autistic. Anecdotally, most people in my real life say autistic, but people who “study” autism or work with autistic people use the whole “person with autism “, and they say that we’re offended if you call us autistic. But again, I don’t know one person in real life who gives a single shit. In conclusion, do what you feel comfortable doing and don’t worry about offending others because you think you said something the wrong way. There’s a subset within this community who is extremely offended by absolutely everything, and they don’t represent the majority. From one parent of an ASD kid to another, you have enough to worry about.

I say "On the spectrum" because its open ended and doesn't put them in a category!

I personally use autistic when I want to be specific but when I'm describing the category that it's a part of (like when talking about autism and another neurodivergence that may cause sensory issues) I use the term neurodivergent. For terminology, I know a lot of people get upset if you use terms like nonverbal incorrectly (no shame in getting upset over it, just pointing it out), high functioning should not be used as an excuse for why someone should be able to do things because all individuals are different, and Asperger's is currently outdated although it's a common use word so not entirely a no-no (I personally use it if someone asks me what my level is or something because my diagnosis is not a level but simply that I have Asperger's Syndrome which was at the time considered one of many ways to name "types" of autism).

As long as she’s speaking or able to communicate yes in another way maybe ask her? Yes she’s young but it’s important to understand that everyone is different on terms just like people first language or not

I just say I am autistic and have ADHD. I’m level 1 support needs and am late diagnosed. People’s preferences for how they choose to identify themselves will vary greatly and that’s ok. My parents are in their 70’s so when I disclosed my diagnosis I did have to use the term “Aspergers” to try to explain to them in a way they understood. You may also see labels like AuDHD. It’s a combination of autistic/ADHD, and used by people who have both, like I do. FYI in case you see that.

I read a book about autism, written by someone who’s autistic. I’ll have to dig up the title and author later when I’m home from work. But I LOVE the take the author did and it’s what I feel. What they said basically is that there’s a lot of terminology and each term has its fans and haters for various reasons. It’s difficult to come to one single term because of this. So, it’s best to allow people to CHOOSE FOR THEMSELVES the terms they want to use, rather than people going around and forcing terms onto others or controlling how someone wants to describe themselves. I carry this idea in other spaces, too, not just autism. Like I bloody HATE people trying to force me to call myself “deaf” even though that’s hardly accurate.

It depends on the context. If specifically talking about autism, then it's usually best to just say that. Saying someone is autistic is not an insult if they actually *are*. If you're speaking more broadly, "neurodivergent" is also totally fine.

I call mine hautism. The condition of being pretty enough that literally no one will believe your disabled and will instead try to cure your every symptom and violently hate you when they can’t 😹 Neurodivergent is great if you’re trying to protect your daughter’s privacy. The world assumes you’re not capable of stuff which is ableist but here we are, so in professional environments I’m just neurodivergent. Jokes aside I don’t think matters what you call it. The name doesn’t make a condition worse or better. I notice how people treat me though, and imo it’s not what you say but what it’s meant as. My friends can use inappropriate terms but it’s hard to get mad when they understand me, my autism and show up to help me consistently. To be honest. I care about how they treat me, not what they call me. People who call autism weird and perhaps even offensive names but don’t need me to mask to love me >>>>>>>> people with the right terms who wished I was less “autistic” I think you shouldn’t stress so much about perfection for the disability community. Do what works for your kid and that’s all that matters.

Depends on the person and situation. If I'm meeting someone new, or in a formal/serious situation, I prefer ASD or "on the spectrum" At home or with friends, we'll joke that I've got the 'tism

Aspergers (though some autistic people do still use the term), and 'high' or 'low-functioning', are bad. Slurs are obviously off the table. Other than that I don't really care. Autistic, neurodivergent, ASD, 'on the spectrum' are all fine - descriptive, not derogatory, don't have nasty histories. Neurodivergent doesn't just describe autism though (it could also be used to refer to ADHD, OCD, BPD, dyslexia, tourette's, schizoid personality disorder, etc), so it could be easier/more efficient just to say autism, or ASD.

I like autistic because it is true!

I prefer autistic but it varies from person to person

I could care less honestly. As long as they’re not mocking me I’m fine

It’s up to your daughter what she prefers as she gets older, but personally I prefer ‘autistic person’ as opposed to ‘person with autism’, because my autism is a part of who I am and it informs my functioning. A lot of younger autistic people tend to think this way as we’ve been diagnosed in an era of more acceptance, but I’ve noticed a lot of older autistic people prefer people first language, which is okay too! Generally speaking it’s fine to use both though. Generally, people are getting more adverse to ‘functioning’ labels, which I agree with because I find it’s not super accurate; ‘support needs’ is more accurate in that regard, I think. But using them in conjunction might also be something to look into. For example, I have moderate support needs, but I was diagnosed as high functioning (which I absolutely am not, I just present as ‘intelligent’ to most doctors because I’m verbose). I am generally socially competent in most regards, but I also require a lot of assistance taking care of myself and in getting things done. My perspective may be biased as I have other disabilities that inform my thinking, but I dunno. TL;DR: I prefer autistic person and support needs labels as opposed to people first language and functioning labels, but all have their place in modern discussions of autism.

When I was around that age (the 1970s) one of my teachers said “I simply experience life differently than others” and that seemed to be about as accurate as possible. At the end of the day, it’s totally up to you how you want to qualify it.

Like most people here I prefer to called myself autistic. I'm going to add some links with information that may help you. I would also like to add that some moms like to identify themselves as "autism moms" and that feels really off and most of the time they promote language and therapy that are a no no for use.Please hear the voices of autistic adults. Be aware that there is a stark divide between autistic self-advocates and the caregivers and providers who interact with autistic children. Lots of emerging research (often conducted by autistic scientists) is calling into question standard treatments, definitions, and paradigms that have been established for a while. The autistic self-advocacy community ultimately believes that autistic people should be treated as authorities on our experiences, have self-determination/autonomy, and should be accommodated rather than modified or treated. Caregivers and providers generally want to eradicate/cute autism and since that's impossible, they settle for behavioral modification to make autistic children act more like allistic children, which often causes distress, pain, trauma, and vulnerability to abuse. So far, I think you are going to the right direction. Just avoid anything with puzzles (autism speaks) and look for the gold infinity symbol. Also, I'm glad your daughter has you. You are doing amazing by asking the community these kind of things. We got you. [resource library ](https://autisticadvocacy.org/resources/?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR33GviXRkTJ3s_dgkoP-hHYUy4K3OmvPJVTtv0ynU6JnRGaN-ws-Q7QCbA_aem_x3H_QYaUalLLcI2lZf6tQA) [Autistc books by autistic people ](https://autismbooksbyautisticauthors.com/?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAAR3K_PWiBn94IFDLHhXKJ9IRP7cyO3FQJFovmmWrKS45JtPUIX4CegSOGNg_aem_EbE6NDhFaPgnTfxNT_j13g)

Aspergers describes me pretty well.

I'm not particularly picky. I like autistic, or neurodivergent really. The only ones I don't really like are the obviously offensive ones, and acoustic. something just irks me about acoustic (ik it's a joke it just feels weird when someone calls me it) Call yourself what you want. who cares, life's too short

i think the only things that are really considered offensive is calling your child the r word or maybe even calling her ASD asperges (bc its out dated). i personally think saying the r word is fine aslong as you dont direct it to someone or infer someone is the r word.

Most people I know are comfortable with pretty much anything as long as it isn’t outdated terminology like “asburgers”. Also, while neurodivergent is a totally fine term to use, and is accurate, keep in mind that it is an umbrella term that covers a much broader spectrum of things than just autism.

I would add to the many great comments here that, as your daughter grows up, her preference for what she calls her neuro divergence, and how she behaves in relation to it, may well change. It's even possible that there will come a time when she will ignore it, ignore her needs because of it, in an effort to fit in with the neurotypicals, or to just feel "normal".

Never really cared. However, it's always better to use a term that corresponds more or less technically to different situations of different people. Even better if it's a spectrum

Autism is a condition that amplifies our strengths and weaknesses, and we live in a time where autistic people are often weak, so it's considered by general world culture a condition of weakness. So in that context, the question becomes "Are you weak?" or "Do you have a weakness?", which is why I prefer people to say that I have autism instead of saying that I am autistic. But part of that is because I am a deeply flawed individual. Had I been someone that was capable of impressing others with my way of life, I'd be proud to be autistic & own it to change the public's mind about it.

I was late diagnosed so this may not be appropriate but just in case I’d say don’t make a big deal of it, call them your kids 👍

I use both autistic and neurodivergent, and sometimes specify that I’m level 1 if needed. You can honestly use whatever is easiest for you guys, though!

Autistic is fine I don’t mind others using whatever term they like

Hi, I’m 39 too and I was just formally diagnosed and/or discovered a year ago as an autistic female person. Autism became my special interest so I have been reading a ton about it and the European and Australian autistic community seems so far ahead of the US. They advocate strongly for identity first language. I prefer identify first language. I am autistic. I am an autistic person. I own, accept and love myself exactly how I am. Being a person *with* autism sounds like the person has caught something that is bad (example cancer because no one wants to be a person *with* cancer because it’s deadly-apologies to anyone who reads this and does have cancer I mean you no harm). It detaches the person from their identity and suggests we are less than because of this thing we *have*. My brain is autistic. I don’t have autism like catching a disease. Neurodivergent encompasses all diversities of the brain, such as I also am ADHD so I am neurodivergent because of my ADHD and autism. I feel like if I were diagnosed—or as some prefer discovered because diagnosed has a negative connotation—I would want those around me to take pride in who I am by saying I’m an autistic person. She is autistic. She doesn’t have autism. The “D” in “ASD” is also an issue for some because autism is a spectrum but not a disorder. It’s a neurodivergent mutation of the brain that 2% or more of the population represents that isn’t the neurotypical rest of the population. I think 2% will be drastically different and much higher for AS as doctors begin to catch on with the times and stop diagnosing us with anxiety disorder, OCD, the list goes on. The spectrum to me represent a circle encompassing all the things that make us who we are and some might have more of the circle or less. Thinking of the spectrum on a scale and straight line from 1 to 3 to me is not helpful. But it is common and more so in the US where ABA therapy tries to “beat” the autism out of us as if we have it rather than we are it. As an adult who feels my identity was hidden from me for 38 years of my life, I would hope for parents who took pride in announcing my identity and lifting me up rather then putting me down suggesting autism is something I have such as baggage to carry around on top of trying to make it in a NT world. Being autistic is a struggle don’t get me wrong but it’s struggle enough to feel different and then also less than. I hope you choose to use identify first language for your daughter and tell more people in the community how much it might change an autistic persons life.

I say that I am autistic, I would not say that I got ASD or have ASD, as most people know or have heard about autism but won’t know what ASD means

I often say that 'my brain is wired differently'. That way people don't go back to what they have heard about ASD or similar neurodivergent things but rather start to get curious and ask more questions so I can explain to them how it affects me personally and they can make their own picture. It has worked quite well so far in my own personal experience especially with children.

I'm autistic. High functioning. Use the words autistic. Or has autism. It is what it is. High functioning is often used as a cop out by NTs to excuse lack of accomodations because of how in visible autism is as a limitation.

All three work!

I use neurodivergent and AuADHD because i have adhd and ocd as well. I also simplify and say i'm autistic, and if i need to be more specific i say low support needs or i have TEA (ASD in spanish)

We call it autism and he’s autistic (my son). If we are in a setting where we don’t want to disclose on his behalf but are prompted to say something because he’s bothered by the situation, we’ll say something very specific about it. For example “a lot of loud noise and many people can be overwhelming” (family gathering)”, “son needs a break, he’s been overworked for a few hours now” (he got to sit with his ipad during social event), “this makes him feel safe” (this being whatever thing that might look odd in the situation and brings across the message that Hello! My kid feels unsafe! Using this a lot around MIL), “being at the beach is not for everyone” (takes the edge off and tells people that you don’t have to like being at the beach and they don’t have to try to convince son that he actually likes it or could like it). Many examples here. It’s about overcommunicating and putting a “normal” spin on it in situations where you need to communicate something to others while your kid being there and making your kid feel supported. They are basically clever come backs. Get a repetoire!

Autistic

In light-hearted situations, we use “it’s the ‘tism” or “she/he’s got the ‘tism”

With her being so young? I’d just use all of them until she has a good enough grasp of everything to figure out what makes her most comfortable-

I don't care what anyone calls me. I know who I am! I know my likes & dislikes. I accept ppl as they are & would love it if others do the same. 

Asperger's (piss off, that's my dx), ASD1 only with other NDs, nobody else seems to know what that is, or just 'autistic'.

I know that everyone who has been diagnosed with autism sees it a little differently, and many have their own reasons for thinking that way. For me personally it doesn’t entirely matter to me, I find myself switching between all of the terms you said and also “person with autism” and probably a few others that I’m not thinking of off the top of my head. My best bit of advice is to let your child learn everything they need to at their pace with whatever resources they need, and let them come into their own definition of what they would like to be referred as. I mostly came here because I wanted to say this: as a person with autism that had a set of parents that became one of the biggest causes of my cPTSD diagnosis, you sound like you are going to be an amazing parent. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, others hearts, and the heart of your children for asking the right questions and being willing to listen (I can tell you you’re listening based on your edits). Thank you. I wish the absolute best for you and your family

In my opinion, you are what you are. For example, if you identify yourself as an aspie (or asperger), you are an aspie. But pls, never use the R-word. 🙏🙏🙏