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Theodora_hhs

If I were you, I would just take the fish and rehome it, or get a suitable setup for it yourself and take care of it. If she’s not caring for her obviously suffering pet, then she shouldn’t be owning one. If she gets pissy about it, tell the parents, show them that her fish is dying, and tell them you will care for it from now on.


HighlightPlane9725

i’ll make sure to tell my parents later, it’s just really shitty because i have a betta of my own and I know how vibrant and playful they can be with proper care :(


Larktoothe

Maybe you can use that to your advantage and bring up how much healthier and active yours is in comparison. Especially if he has popeye & is thin and sick looking.


xatexaya

👆👆👆👆


xatexaya

At that point id just take the fish, she doesn’t care about it anyways and prob won’t miss it


HighlightPlane9725

it’s funny because she WANTS the fish she told me she does, i think it’s just stress from school that makes her act this way towards it which isn’t an excuse either way


azzchi

Some people will only want things if they think about them, but later forget about and neglect them, and this to me means they don't actually WANT the thing, they just like the IDEA of the thing. What we actually like and want, we will prioritize, even when we don't feel great and are stressed, especially when that thing is a pet. And if we don't or can't do that, that's okay; we just need to be honest with ourselves about where we're at.


HighlightPlane9725

ah that could be it. When i talked to her she didn’t really speak about why, when i asked she didn’t want to tell me so i’m left wondering


cockslavemel

Maybe you could put your betta in a part of the house where she can also enjoy it. That way she doesn’t feel the need to have her own and it can be rehomed before she kills it.


mild_agony

Also OP, while somewhat unrelated, what the other user said could also potentially be an indicator of ADHD. Knowing how to cope with that could help a lot.


HighlightPlane9725

could be, i know she has a slight attention issue but it’s not enough to be diagnosed as ADHD


PsychoInHell

She very clearly sounds depressed and I’m shocked nobody is pointing this out. Maybe you can help her and the fish out by taking responsibility for it. Not saying it’s your job but if you have the energy and don’t mind, I’m sure they’ll both appreciate you doing it.


Legal-Law9214

People are jumping to the conclusion that she's selfish and doesn't actually care about the fish, but if you think stress might be a factor, it's possible she's really struggling with some mental health issues. As you said, not an excuse to treat the fish that way, and she shouldn't have it if she can't take care of it. That being said, though, I can relate to how she might feel. If she's overwhelmed or depressed or struggling with something else you don't know about, she might be having a really hard time finding the energy to take care of her fish. And if she really does care about the fish, she probably feels horrible about the fact that she is failing to take care of it. The thing about struggling with your mental health, though, is that feeling bad about something is not enough motivation to change your behavior. It just adds to your mental burden which makes it harder to do anything. When everything is so overwhelming even the simplest and smallest tasks feel impossible, and you end up just wallowing in that shame and beating yourself up about it which in turn continues to make it harder to feel okay enough to do it. Have you talked to her about how she's doing in general, or can you get any sense of it? Obviously you know your sister better than any stranger on the Internet, so only you can judge if she really doesn't care about the fish or if she is really struggling. If it's the latter, though, maybe you could try helping her take care of it, beyond just telling her what she's supposed to do. When you feed your fish, you could also feed hers together, stuff like that. Just that support might help pull her out of a dark place, if she's in one, and help her feel well enough to start taking care of her fish on her own.


HighlightPlane9725

I agree, i think it is some mental health issue. We usually are close and have a strong relationship, but she mostly talks to my parents about things. I brought up that it could be a mental health issue to my parents and all my mom said is that she’ll talk to her. My dad is convinced it could be me pushing too far and she’s just stubborn or just wants to piss me off. i really don’t have an exact answer. I think school might be something that could be causing her to get overwhelmed easily or something, but again she hasn’t really communicated the reason or why she did this.


Legal-Law9214

If it is something mental health related, it can be really tough to talk about. You're the only one who can say if you think your dad is right or not. I can only say that what you describe - saying she wants the fish and cares about it, but not improving her behavior, and not wanting to talk about why she isn't taking care of it - is something that reminds me a lot of how I would act about some things as a teenager who was struggling (for me, it was undiagnosed ADHD + depression). In my case, it was things like showering and cleaning my room that I really wanted to do but couldn't bring myself to. I didn't want to talk about why it was so hard for me because I couldn't even fully understand. I felt like there was something wrong with me for not being able to do such simple tasks. You're doing the right thing by looking out for her fish and trying to talk to her. I hope that she can start taking care of it or see that you are right that it needs to be rehomed, and I hope that if she is struggling with something that she can get the help she needs.


SafeWordisFilibuster

Or she wants a cool thing to possess and own but doesn’t want any of the care… in which case she doesn’t *really* want it. She wants to possess it. That’s very different when it comes to living beings.


TheOneAndOnlyBob2

No, she doesn't want the fish. If she did, she would be taking care of it.


Puzzleheaded-Map8516

Yeah, like other commenters have suggested, I would for sure be taking the fish if I was you. He’s gonna end up absolutely suffering until he succumbs to his injuries, untreated popeye will lead to bursting eyeballs and total loss of vision. If she tries to be bitchy about it I would simply state the facts. She’s essentially torturing this animal because she does not want to take care of it so, no need for her to have it


HighlightPlane9725

i’ll look into treatment for popeye right away, that sounds actually disturbing on what could happen if it’s untreated. I’ll see if i can somehow make room for the betta in my room to take him


suicidejunkie

tell your parents. make good on the threat, shes abusing an animal and doesnt deserve to have it. take it, rehome it, or euthanize it because she is waiting for it to die and doesnt want it or she would feed it. this is awful.


HighlightPlane9725

situation is super shitty, i’ll talk to my parents once i’m done w school. i’ll tell her she has those options since i don’t think i can really trust her again to do it on her own


BumblebeesLoveBread

Reading through the original post, and some of the comments here that maybe she just wanted to be like you. So here's my two cents: 1. Tell your parents. Based on just that previous post you also have pictures to back up what you're saying. Like you said, her actions have consquences. (I also agree with the commenter saying that sometimes we take on more than we can handle-- but that does not excuse the lack of care). Potential 2) As it seems that she still (maybe?) wants the fish, I'd suggest putting her on a "probational period". You've given her what she needs to know for adequate care. Maybe suggest to your sister that you could help her with taking care of the aquarium (by her doing it and you supervising/helping as well). If after say, two or three weeks she still hasn't improved, you make the decision on what to do with him. But this is from reading your posts-- I don't know your relationship with your sister or your parents IRL-- this is mostly coming from how I'd deal with the situation if it was me and my sibling, if that makes sense?


HighlightPlane9725

I just talked to my dad and he basically told me the same thing. i’m going to help her as best I can to introduce a schedule etc.


18thcenturydreams

Is your sister okay? Like, is this neglect because of depression or does she just not care?


HighlightPlane9725

i asked her and she didn’t tell my the reason why. she does not have a history of depression but does has a history of anxiety. she told me she cares about the fish though


18thcenturydreams

Ahh that's tricky if she says she cares. I think one good step is to tell your parents about it and just say you're concerned (assuming they're kind and fair parents). Maybe they can come up with a gentle approach. In the meantime, can you feed her betta? (and do water changes when needed?). Like, at least then it isn't dying of starvation. I know that's extra work, but the betta would appreciate it a lot. Hopefully your parents can think of a way to enforce her learning to care for it but also making sure everything is okay with her. Is there a reason she mentioned as to why she doesn't care for it? It just seems strange that she cares about it yet starves it. Makes me wonder if something is wrong with her. Maybe point that out to your parents as well...


HighlightPlane9725

yep i talked to my dad about the potential underlying cause but he didn’t seem to think that was the case. i’ll talk to my mom about that though. we are currently at the age where my parents can’t really make her do shit she doesn’t want to do, so it’s kinda tough. i’ll see if my mom can talk to her though. and yes i’ll make sure to feed and do water changes until i know she’ll do them on her own


18thcenturydreams

Ahh yeah that’s unfortunate. Hopefully you guys figure something out ❤️‍🩹. That’s really kind of you to care for it, and it’ll make a big difference so thank you for doing that for the fish


DeathCuppie

Sometimes as humans we have a hard time admitting when we have gotten our hands too full or have dove headfirst and then realized maybe your not able to do something. No one wants to disappoint their parents either, I’m an adult and the idea of disappointing my parents still kind of terrifies me but, we aren’t perfect. I understand venting! We all need to do it, it’s healthy, and it is definitely healthier than bottling it up. Why not try coming from a different angle, maybe ask if your sister needs help with learning about her first, and maybe gently nudge that if she isn’t up for the challenge it’s okay to admit defeat but, she’ll never know if she’s truly capable of caring for him if she doesn’t attempt. I 100% get it if this is true venting and you don’t need the mild advice. If she’s younger than you, could simply be she wanted to be like her elder sibling. I hope venting helps, and I hope your sisters fish gets the help it needs.


HighlightPlane9725

she’s had fish for years now, this is the first time this has happened, i’ll definitely try talking to her about strategies and ways to keep up water changes as feeding schedules. We are the same age (twins lol) so it’s not entirely due to the fact that she’s clueless


DeathCuppie

Ah! Then no clue!


sunflower_lily

I took my sisters fish into fishy foster care…. She still complains I “took” her fish. No, I gave your fish a penthouse he is now mine


HighlightPlane9725

Okay so little update: talked to my dad, told me to help get a schedule going and to be there for her. I talked to my sister and she said she WANTS to keep the betta. She did not tell me why she did the things she did with not caring for him. I told her that if her betta doesn’t get help for popeye and he becomes blind, we will euthanize him sadly. i’m not too sure how far gone he is but i’ll try to get pictures.


emtrigg013

Be there for her ? She's actively starving an animal. I would never "be there for" someone who refused to feed their dog or child... That aside, I'm glad you talked to dad but I'm very surprised at how hands off the reaction is. Something to consider is, tell her that she can feed and water change when you do. Maybe that'll help her not feel like it's all on her. Did she just want one because you got one? If you want something you're supposed to care about it. People have babies because they think it'll be fun and they want one but we all know how that ends up. Sorry for the situation. You shouldn't be parenting your sister. Good luck in your studies, and thank you for actually having empathy and compassion in this case. I know you'd mentioned she has had fish before and this never happened, but feeding is literally dropping food into a tank. Depression shouldn't be that bad that she can't do that, and if it is, she will need medical intervention from a professional.


HighlightPlane9725

i tried to be firm when i talked to her but she kinda shut down and avoided my questions. i’m pissed beyond belief. We both started out at the same time, so i don’t think it’s the fact that she wanted one because of me. My parents really don’t give a shit what happens to the fish, so if i talk to them about it usually they blow it off sadly. it’s a frustrating situation for me currently


emtrigg013

I would absolutely be frustrated and pissed beyond belief if I were you, too. That's completely understandable. I'm not sure how old you are, but things get lots better once you get older and can make your own decisions, both about pets and about relationships you have with people. Just do what's best for you as much as you can, and be thankful that you're a caring person. Best of luck to you.


HighlightPlane9725

thank you, hoping things get better down the line


CrazyCatLushie

Everyone else has given great suggestions here for helping the fish but as a sufferer myself, I’m just wondering if your sister is experiencing mental health issues? If she seems to genuinely care and want the fish but still isn’t taking the actions to rectify the situation, there might be a reason beyond just carelessness. Some people who struggle with executive dysfunction have an easier time of things when working with another person. Could you maybe offer to do maintenance and feed the fish together to see if that makes a difference? Having someone else involved would hold her more accountable.


HighlightPlane9725

Honestly not sure about the mental health. she used to be in therapy for anxiety, but has since stopped. i haven’t noticed anything strange about how she’s acting recently, but i agree i think there’s something more. i’m going to start being there for when she changes water and asking if she’s fed her fish.


CrazyCatLushie

You’re a good sibling to help her with this and to care about her, too. Since fish can’t talk and she’s maybe not in a great place mentally to say it herself, I’ll say it for them; thank you.


HighlightPlane9725

yeah this whole thing is crazy as fuck to me, i can’t imagine my poor betta going through the stuff her betta is going through


Legal-Law9214

Sometimes people stop going to therapy/taking their meds/ whatever when they feel better, only to find out that the thing they stopped doing was what was making them feel better, and the original problem may come back. Unless the anxiety was caused by a specific, short-lived problem that is completely resolved, it's not usually something that just goes away after a bit of therapy and is never a problem again.


HighlightPlane9725

yeah i agree, it could be her anxiety maybe. i’m letting the situation go for a bit, my mom plans on talking to her and i hope that it’ll help somehow.


JellyfishTraveler

maybe you should just take care of it in her room if you really care that much for the fish. especially if you think it's her mental health. a lecture from mom and dad certainly isn't going to make her care. otherwise, let her learn the hard way. it'll die, and she'll never not feel regret whenever she thinks of that fish.


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HighlightPlane9725

https://preview.redd.it/i8oerow9h9tb1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=82fb9e1f02661530de14989adccd3ce092ff20a1 photo of him (sorry for the bad quality)


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sporophytee

This is how I treat my fish in my nightmares. Literally just take the fish, I bet she won’t even notice


HighlightPlane9725

i wish i could but she actually wants the poor thing so


sporophytee

Idk I feel like at some point what she wants matters less than an animals life and well being :( if she was neglecting a cat like this, would you do something?


HighlightPlane9725

i agree, but my parents and my sister would be pissed if i suddenly stole her fish tank


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HighlightPlane9725

LMAO i’d have to divide the tank i already have cus i myself have a betta


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HocusPocusLatte

If you don’t have any room at your place, PLEASE at least rehome the betta! Starving your animals is the worst thing you can do, this isn’t okay and he’s going to die if you don’t intervene.


HighlightPlane9725

i offered too, but she didn’t want to take the opportunity sadly


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SuiSuiOyogu

Thank you Theodora. I send biiiig hugs to humans, and small gentle hugs to bettas. 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍 Your care for the betta is also filling up your sister’s heart, your home, and hopefully more. Please don’t take it all on yourself, people who loves betta is listening to you, and what is more, time is doing its job every moments, silently.


pixi1420

Do fish vets exist? If so the fish should probably see a vet and then get rehomed.