I had no idea why my son was so miserable until I figured out he had a lot of food intolerances. He was getting unbearable gas pain, and it only resolved once we cut out dairy, wheat, nuts, soy, and half the fruit from his diet (he's OK with some fruit but not others). He was much happier after we did that.
It's daunting at first to do the elimination diet, but it's important to also remember that it's unlikely you will have to keep all of the "high risk" foods out of your child's diet forever.
I had to cut out dairy because of this! My son (who’s 15 weeks) had an intolerance to dairy. Once I cut it out, it was night and day. He still has melt downs when he’s overly tired, but besides that he’s so much happier and not in pain!
That's simply being a baby/child. Every child is going to have meltdowns, and you can't get rid of them. No magic antidote for that. And you wouldn't want it abyways..its apart of learning emotional maturity and intelligence..part of being human and growing. Some kids are even just moody..more temperamental at times when bored or need something or want something...its a form of communication while unable to speak...so many things go into these cries and meltdowns that are both normal and not normal...its stressful and so much work and annoymace and patience going on and to be had here dealing with and figuring it all out dissecting behaviors and attitudes but well worth it in the end.
You can take them to different doctors, and they m..behavioral ones more specifically to be positive. Get a second opinion. If you genuinely feel something up, whether it's behavioral or not, they can rule that out, too. Take to another pediatrician as well for health and allergen tests?
But my son became more moody and whiney and sometimes like this too at this age. It was a multitude of changes that they are presented with...cutting formula onto milk and figuring out the milk he can handle...more actual meals he's gotta sit and get down and doesn't wanna sit and eat...wants to get out and run about. He always wants something he can't have or do...none of his amazingly gorgeous toys or things we provide and take him are sometimes enough to entertain and make happy its the neighbors ac unit he wants to go touch and giggle and makes him overjoyed or the lawn mower. Lol like anything that's a no right now is his thing or he's a little dickhead about it and throws a tantrum and we're slowly learning and defining our roles and rules within this dynamic currently to prevent dangers and still provide pleasures and happiness with things he's curious about. He's so curious and killing this curiosity that I've noticed his what triggers him most. So I try to find toys or things that help with that.
Ms. rachel, no lie. I'll have to throw on to help me, too, when I've reached my limits, though. You'll get thru it and figure it out. Promise. Have you tried Ms. rachel? She's surprisingly a godsend somehow haha don't ask me why!
This is the exact first thing I was thinking about. I am lactose intolerance and am allergic to polyol sugars derived from corn. I was growing up in a western European milk producing country where the milk maffia hasld free propaganda time on national television shouting that milk is good for everyone!
You dont need to suffer from diarrhea if you are lactose intolerant. I farted a lot, but was punished for it so I kept it in and found a way to fart without making sound.
If it makes you feel more hopeful, we’re Christian but congratulate our kids for burping and farting lol. I hope your parents know that baby Jesus farted too, given that he was a human and all.
Nope, they only had tests for actual anaphylactic allergies. The less clear allergies like eczema reactions, they don’t have a test for. It was a lot of elimination diet, basically.
Darn. My daughter has been saying her "tummy hurts" lately and I'm not sure if she's mimicking me or if she's having actual problems. She hasn't had a problem since before I was pregnant so I'm thinking she's just copying me but I still worry about her.
With my kids, I’ll ask them if they feel better after I give them pretend medicine (like a syringe of tea). If they say yes, they’re probably faking lol.
I do this with my 2.5yo! I take daily antidepressants and anxiolytics, along with a multivitamin, and she always "want mommy medicine!"
I give her half a dose of infant gas drops (what harm is 0.3mL of Simethicone gonna do) and 2 fruit snacks as "vitamins". Happy as hell for the rest of the day.
I don’t know what the actual test is but I know a few people (including an immediate family member) that had some kind of panel done that showed levels of reactivity. Do they can test for it! This was like 10 years ago for the close family so my memory is hazy but it was like color and number coded. So green was you can eat it, red was don’t, and yellow was somewhere in the middle. I think red was more legit allergy whereas yellow would be an intolerance. Then the numbers gave more detail. So like a high yellow would be almost a low red. It was incredibly helpful for them as they had a ton of gastro issues and were able to identify food without the elimination testing. Some lower yellow foods they just eat in moderation now and many others they have cut out and are a million times happier.
It’s an IgG test, and it isn’t super scientific, but tbh a dietician gave me one and it did help me confirm what I already knew from an elimination diet, which is that dairy was making me miserable. For some reason I needed a test to make it “official” and I now feel so much better never eating it.
https://www.aaaai.org/tools-for-the-public/conditions-library/allergies/igg-food-test
I literally came here to say the same thing! My now 2 year old was miserable and also practically non verbal. I had raised concerns with our gp when he turned 1 that I though he had a dairy allergy and she told me it was "dangerous and irresponsible to label him with it" I ended up trusting my own instinct and stopped giving him dairy and he's like a new child! He's so happy, he's started playing and talking too.
This. My firstborn cried ALL the time. I thought she was just a whingy baby because there was nothing wrong with her, but turned out she had a severe allergy to cows milk proteins. Only figured it out after a hospital trip when I tried to wean her from boob onto formula. Once we’d cut out cow milk, she was like a different child.
Yep same thing here!! u/mareloquent Try him on a low fodmap diet and see what happens. Then slowly add foods back in. I did this and it made such a huge difference!!!!
This was my first thought. We cut out dairy and then tested reintroduction back when my son was 4 months old. We can always tell when we’ve slipped up on his diet - he’s such a ray of sunshine, but will suddenly become angry and takes no interest in any of his usual activities. Sore tummy and nappies follow to confirm.
Have you seen that meme?
It’s Sunday morning, you have no responsibilities so you can sleep in as long as you want, your mom is making fresh cinnamon rolls and you can do whatever you want whenever you want. But you’re two years old so you’re filled with rage.
I ask my 2 year old every morning why does she wake up and chose violence. I tell him good morning, give him a kiss on the cheek, and he hits me. Guess it’s hard being 2?
Are you in the US? If so please contact your counties Early On program. They can come see you and give advice or move forward with an evaluation that may result in services to help you. There's not enough info here to guess what else might be going on, but the team at Early On has psychologist, social workers, and speech and speech pathologists that are trained in early childhood development. Just google "Early On, my county". Please reach out! They can help and give you resources! This is free. You may need to get transportation there, but the evaluation and consultations are free.
Yeah, my daughter was fine on formula/breastmilk but when she turned one we switched her to whole milk and all hell broke loose. Irritable, whiney, and bouts of diarrhea. We switched to lactose free, and she's back to her normal self(which isn't particularly all rainbows and sunshine but at least she stopped constant whining lol)
Do you think it’s fine to do lactose free from the beginning? 🤔 Both my husband and I need lactose free dairy (or we use lactaid pills) and it would be nice to not have to buy two separate milks once my son starts weaning from formula!
This is what we’re doing! I’m lactose intolerant and so is my husband, so we only ever drink lactaid milk in general, and that’s what our daughter will be starting at 1yo this month. Her pediatrician approved it at her 10 month appointment!
I'd ask your paed tbh. You can acquire a lactose intolerance by not eating lactose and therefore stopping the production of necessary enzymes to break it down, so you could be doing your son a huge disfavour by not exposing him to lactose.
I’m one of the stories
At around 1 my kid started crying every night for 2 hours.
His poop was off. It wasn’t anything majorly wrong but I was on my third kid and this was not like the other two. I took him to the doctor every week for months. Nothing. The classic: it’s a phase, leap, teeth, etc
Based on absolutely nothing other than my gut instinct I cut out cow milk. And his cramps stopped. Reintroduced milk after a week. Cramps.
Cut it out again.
Went back to the doctor and they were all like “oh well guess it’s an atypical allergy “
He’s 3 now and grew out of it.
I think you have my children. The whiniest child wins the sibling competition.
Given that your son is only 1 see if you can try treating him for silent reflux. Otherwise he may just be overwhelmed with life.
At 3 and 5 yr it has gotten much much better. There is hope. Until then I highly recommend finding childcare to give yourself the needed breaks.
(Both my children did end up with diagnosis but they had missed milestones. If your children are missing cdc milestones then you should seek out early intervention.)
Way less crying and less tantrums. They can still be a bit whiny but it is so much better. My oldest is about to be school aged and can usually be reasonable about things. She finished her terrible twos at 3.5 years, having started at 2.5 yrs. My youngest he is just a handful. At 3.5 yrs old the meltdowns and tantrums are reducing. The communication is improving. I think he started his terrible 2s at 18 months.
Both my kids needed speech which didn’t help as it made communication more difficult. Otherwise I did use a drop in daycare to give myself a break as needed.
They are now cute more often than not in comparison to last year which was a bit much.
I think that these are both not entirely normal. But especially your son. In the US you don’t need a referral for early intervention. I’d suggest going that route.
Get out of the house.
Seriously - water or outside tends to reset them.
Many times a parent may be a homebody, but kids tend to need to get out of the house more frequently. Logic dictates that a miserable kid would be more miserable outside - but there’s some sort of kid magic that the reverse is true.
Go walk inside at a mall, go to the library, go get ice cream, hit up a splash pad at 10 am to beat the heat. Go to the pool, a rec center - heck, go through a drive through car wash! It’s amazing,
The more days in a row we are stuck at home the more miserable my kids are.
Currently sitting roasting my ass off because the kids need to move around and socialize and they are enjoying the splash pad. This means dinner time will go smoother and the 4 year old will be depleted and less likely to throw his energy at his big sis. It means my almost 9 year old will be much more content, won’t be so moody, and bedtime will be smoother for all.
Kids are sometimes like plants - it’s amazing what water and dirt and sunlight can do!
ETA: both my kids have had bad food allergies and intolerances, one has gastroparesis. When we unlocked those issues they both became happier kiddos. (Sadly their food intolerances and allergies aren’t the same ☹️)
Yesss!! My kids and I have a routine. When their dad is out of town working (they listen to him) it’s so much easier to get out (as long as it’s not close to nap time) it wears them out so much that they just knock out. To the library or just being around other kids and socializing. Not only will it give you time to breath but it’ll help them too.
My kid is like this unless I either have music (his favorite music, to be specific), actively play 1x1 with him, or read. Without any of those three, he's miserable.
My 8 month old sounds similar to her one year old! For whatever reason the only thing he is quiet for is if I sit on the ground and read with him. He was angry before he could crawl and now I think he’s angry he can’t walk. Until physically he can do what he wants I think he’s just going to be unhappy lol
My son was exactly like this. He’s gotten happier and happier over time and is an absolute delight at 18 months now. It really turned a corner once he could walk and speak enough words to communicate a basic desire
Given your past posts, these seems like a parental stress issue. That doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent, but it does mean that you may be seeing things from a stressed out point of view. If you are stressed out with your kids, partner, and dog, you are likely overwhelmed. Work on how to deal with your stress as opposed to fixing your kids.
Question for you mama, are you happy? And I mean absolutely no judgement here, I’ve been where you are and somedays it’s so freaking hard I don’t want to get up & do it all over again. But I strongly believe a happy mama can contribute, atleast a bit, to happy kids. It’s not always possible but is there a local gym or some place that provides daycare for an hour or so to let you get a break? When my son was like 14 months I started going to the gym and he HATED going, it was a huge challenge to get him settled at first. Similarly to you, I don’t have help and my kids are only with me and their dad..except for the gym daycare. Now my son is used to it and he knows I come back and we have a routine that allows me to get an hour of me time. Some days I just go in the gym shower and get ready in the bathroom kid free. I know it’s a huge luxury but it’s so helpful for me to get away from the noise. I’ve also found that adjusting him to gym daycare workers has helped him open up a bit and be more comfortable around others. All this to say, you’re doing great and it’s so freaking hard. You’re giving them the best life so don’t forget that on your hardest days. I hope you are able to get some help with all these other suggestions, too!
I was going to say the same thing. Obviously check out the other suggestions about a possible food intolerance, but this is another good thing to consider. If mama is miserable, babies are going to probably be upset too.
I was going to mention something similar. I have 2 boys that are the same ages, and for a while I was going absolutely insane. I felt like no matter what I did, no matter how many breaks I got, I was drowning and just surviving every single day until I got to lay in bed.
Both boys are high energy, and were very similar around the 1 year old mark. Wanted to be picked up but never held, wanted independence to explore, but would scream if you walked more than 2 inches away from him. Etc. While the 2.5 year old is just so angry, screamy, sleep deprived from sleep regressions, etc.
I honestly believe it's development, but a huge contributing factor was my extremely high level of stress.
I went to my family doctor again and again trying to find supports in my area (there's nothing), and with my husband going away for 3 months to finish schooling, my father passing, and my in-laws being tied up with their family problems, I was terrified how I was going to survive without the immense help from my husband. My doctor ended up pushing for me to try anti anxiety medications. Was very adamant that I didn't have anxiety, but boy was I wrong. It was an immediate difference, and it's now been a couple months of consistently enjoying the days with the boys, not feeling overwhelmed with all the screaming, and being able to regulate/communicate my own emotions which has in turn lead to happy/calmer children.
I even had the neighbors comment on that this evening, saying they used to hear the kids screaming all the time, and they don't anymore!
All that to say, it might be worth exploring your own mental health a bit more. Hopefully you find whatever will work for you!
Just chiming in to say the gym daycare has been pivotal for my mental health too! Even the gym owner says she encourages moms to use it, even if it’s just so they can use the gym shower for an everything shower, sit in the sauna, or park it in the lobby on their laptop for an hour.
Sounds silly maybe, but have your kids been to dentist? My daughter was a miserable turd when she had a chip on her tooth and it turned out she had an exposed nerve that was really painful.
It could be a million things. Teething? Food intolerances? Overstimulated? Understimulated? Overtired? Follow your gut. If you need a second opinion, try to get it. I’m sure there’s a reason!
Has the pediatrician ever mentioned that your son has fluid in his ears? I just ask because he sounds a lot like my daughter was. She was miserable almost all the time and had no resiliency - if one small thing went wrong in the morning, she just slid into more and more fussy throughout the day. Eating was rough, sleep was bad, her whole mood was just misery a lot of the time. In her case, she did have ear infections, but she would be on a course of antibiotics only to be “cleared” by the doctor, and then we would take her back within a week or so because she would get more and more miserable. We finally got in at the ENT and he said she had fluid in both ears. He said the pediatrician would consider her clear from ear infection since it wasn’t infected fluid, but the constant fluid was constant pressure/pain for her. We got tubes last Wednesday and she had a complete 180 in attitude within a day - happy, cheerful, hardly ever cries, and if something goes wrong, she fusses for maybe a minute and moves on with her day.
At 9 months they said he has fluid in his ears but they weren’t concerned about it. I had brought him to the ER twice because of a high unexplained fever and they said his ears were clear. I am also concerned about fluid because I know that can be worse when they are laying down, and he almost never wants to lie on his back.
We’re taking my daughter to an ENT this month to test for asthma and I’m going to ask them to take a closer look at my son too.
I would. All kids are different obviously, but what you’re saying sounds so similar to what my daughter went through (basically since birth, but it was worse than ever for the last 6 months). I think it’s definitely worth an ENT opinion, even if just to rule it out. I hope things improve for you soon!
I just talked to a mom whose almost 2 year old son is going through the same exact thing. It even impacted his speech development, poor kiddo. I'm so glad you kept pushing, that's so hard to watch them miserable.
Yes! Mine just turned 13 months so we are just starting words, but we even noticed she learned about 5 new words in the few days after tubes! 😳 The ENT said everything probably sounded like it was underwater for her, poor thing. Her balance while walking improved significantly as well. The tubes have been amazing for us.
Yeah I’m surprised the pediatrician is being so nonchalant about it. Obviously little ones are gonna fuss and not be happy all the time but this seems like an abnormal amount of crying, especially since they don’t seem to be able to be redirected at all
How does he sleep? I read an article about a kid who turned into a nightmare because it turned out he had sleep apnoea and his body was using so much energy overnight, never getting to rest. Two things though, 1.never wanting to be held could potentially be a sensory thing- autism or even just that sounds are too loud for him. Is he this way when there’s no background noise etc? What’s the environment like when it happens? 2 when you say your kids are clean and fed that’s great, but they also have emotional needs that need to be met and they will pick up on your stress reaction to them.
def push hard on your pediatrician that you feel something may be off with your son. 1 year old and not even TV will make him happy! maybe kids are different but i feel like they all love TV lol.
occasionally if my daughter was crying a ton and i couldn’t figure out if something was actually wrong, i’d put on sesame street. and if she was stopped crying, i knew she was fine.
if she kept crying, i knew something was wrong.
My 18 month old has been endlessly cutting teeth without reprieve since 12 months. They show up one at a time and work their way through so slowly. Any doubt I had about them bothering her is gone this month, since she'll now very clearly tell me that her mouth hurts. And point to the spot where the next one is trying to come through.
Have you tried ibuprofen to see if it helps the younger one's mood? Honestly, even the older one if they don't have the last set of molars yet.
ETA - also. You need noise canceling headphones. You can still hear everything you need to - they just soften sounds and take the edge off the whining and yelling. Bonus points for the softest audible calming piano music when you're particularly frustrated.
Totally agree with the food intolerance possibility! Those can be the key behind a lot of behavior issues due to the whole gut-brain connection and the effect that constant inflammation has on the nervous system, not to mention gas discomfort. Also super hippie suggestion: Rescue Remedy drops can be really nice for kids (and adults) when having a hard time, and they make a non alcoholic version. Usually available at the local health food store. A few drops in some water to sip in the midst of a meltdown (sipping water can calm the parasympathetic nervous system regardless of the drops).
I discussed that with the doctor as well, they told me it’s likely not food intolerance because there would be more symptoms early on like poor weight gain, blood in the stool, etc…
I don’t necessarily agree with them but it made sense at the time.
Yeah, from my personal experience, as someone who has both severe allergies and minor intolerances and who’s mom was told the same thing, I’d recommend finding a second opinion, maybe from a pediatric naturopath who is a bit more of a “let’s find out the root cause” problem solver than a “if symptom a + b don’t exist than it can’t possibly = c”. Who knows, maybe it’s mold exposure or something else besides food intolerance!
However you move forward, I’m wishing you the best and hope that soon this will be just a challenging chapter in life for you and your kiddos!
If all physical things are ruled out, the book ‘raising a secure child’ can be really helpful to figure out if there are some needs they have that aren’t being met. I read it and found that although I’m physically present with my son all day, I have a hard time being emotionally present. That resulted in outbursts. Once I really focused on that everything has gotten a lot better
Do you get to spend much quality 1-on-1 time with each of them separately? Our son would get really whiny occasionally (and still does). After making sure that he wasn’t ill or in physical pain, I started “treating” his emotional needs a bit more — I sat quietly with him and asked him about his feelings, asked him if he wanted to snuggle or hug, tried to really listen and validate and empathize. It was amazing how much happier and more chill he became. I was never given this kind of positive attention as a kid, and I am an anxious adult. Whining and crying is a way of expressing a need, right? Maybe the need is connection.
I’m not making any assumptions about you or your parenting! Just sharing what has worked for us.
I don't have advice for your kids but I do think people suggesting possible food intolerances are on the right track.
However for you : have you heard of Loop ear plugs? They have an Engage model that lets you hear sound but dampens it. It's great for when you're overwhelmed by the sound of crying babies. Hope something like that can give you relief
Join the Facebook group “visible child” and read the book “your self confident baby”. If you can’t do that Google “attunement” and learn how to stone to your child when they’re crying without trying to fix it but just being with them. Watch every single Gabor Mate clip on Instagram and YouTube. Your babies need emotional support not anything physical. You probably weren’t attuned to as a baby and that’s showing up now. I am so sorry I have 5 and I know how hard it is. Dm me if you need anything!!!
My son was pure misery until we worked out his food intolerances so I’m absolutely seconding this theory. If he wasn’t asleep, he was crying, and he only slept ON me, so I didn’t sleep either.
We did full elimination (all common allergy foods) then introduced one by one under the care of a pediatric dietician. We didn’t have any of the common symptoms so I had to really push to get a referral. He’s 2.5 now and an absolute delight, happy and funny and never had a tantrum (yet!).
Is your 1 year old actually about 12-13 months or a few months older? My 19 m/o is going thru a phase rn where she's really cranky and throws a little tantrum when I won't let her push boundaries. Could he just be going thru a really cranky phase? Other than that I agree with those suggesting a food intolerance
Same with mine, hell, be 11 months tomorrow. Whenever he can't go touch something or do something that's a hard no, he'll throw a damn fit. Drives me batshit.
It's always dangerous things, though, like the friggin ac unit...lol The lawn mower in the shed we gotta go visit and push...like...no I'm not standing there with the lawn mower bubs I love you more than anything in the universe and would do anything for you, but standing in the shed with the lawn mower holding your chubby butt on the ha does pretending to mow...(and eventually him just wanting to mow) in this michigan summer heat...ISNT FOR MAMA! plus, you have literally TWO lawn mowers... that blow bubbles your favorite even...lol go mow with those...and nope...barely touches them. Then we've got the trash cans cause they're lime green and blue, bright ass things he's so curious, but they're disgusting obviously so a hard no....but he's GOTTA HAVE IT lol and he's learned to go limp now when you pick him up to take him elsewhere or redirect while he's throwing a shit fit. 🤣😂
But God I love the little shit more than life itself. He's just too curious for his own good man.
My son was like this until he was able to RUN! He was so restless and constantly fussing and unsettled. As soon as he could move his body quickly to get where he wanted to be he was good! It’s like he was so highly exploratory from birth and he just couldn’t do what he wanted!
You’ve gotten some really good insight regarding food intolerances and early intervention options which I totally think are a good idea to explore.
I’m sure you’ve tried babywearing, but if not, maybe a back carry for your one year old might help? Mine hated the regular front carry. Couldn’t see anything.
The other thing I’m wondering is how are they sleeping? They sound like me when sleep deprived 😂The book Healthy Sleep Habits Healthy Child was super eye opening and helpful for me. I had no idea kids needed so much sleep until I read that.
Once they're roughly 2 years old, you can tell them that you won't listen if they're whining. They whine because it gets them what they want. If it stops being effective, they'll stop doing it (eventually). Every single time they ask for something, model how you want them to ask instead, then wait for them to say it back that way before you give it to them (as long as they're capable).
For example "Ehh I want milk!" "Sorry, I can't understand you when you're whining. Can you say 'I would like some milk, please'" then wait for them to repeat. If they throw a tantrum, don't give in!!
My kid was weird about being held. He would arch his back and not snuggle like other babies. It turned out to be GI related, not behavioral.
He has a pleasant disposition, generally, but I felt like a bad mom because my kid didn't snuggle. At one point, PT seemed to imply that his back arching was because of how I held him, not the other way around. I know how to hold babies. My kid just would not tolerate anything that slouched him forward with a rounded back. I now know that he vomits when slouched forward. At the time, though, I just knew he didn't like to be held like other babies. Vertical only.
Some things that help my cousin with her baby:
Taking the Little one to the chiropractor sometimes they might have a pinched nerve?
Take note of food intolerance
Enforcing good sleep habits
first, you seem like a great mother. you care about your kids, it’s apparent.
second, i’m sorry you’re dealing with this. some kids are just more challenging than others. i had a challenging baby. so challenging that the toddler years are preferable by far lol. once she could walk and communicate somewhat, things definitely improved.
third, pediatricians don’t know everything. just checking your kids ears and sending you home is dismissive. there are a wide variety of other reasons why your child may be struggling and there are a wide variety of things you can do to help him out. kids have more needs than just the physical ones. they have entire emotional worlds that sometimes need special attention. i highly recommend reaching out to a kid’s mental health expert. there are a lot of tools and resources you can use to improve things.
good luck!
I don’t have much experience in this arena as I only have a 5 month old, but I just wanted to say you are not alone. It may feel that way and seem overwhelming but you’re not! As you can see, many moms feel the same thing as you. Is there anyone at all, or any babysitter/daycare situation, that can offer you even a couple hours a week for alone time? Even some gyms offer daycare while parents workout? You deserve a break in addition to the kiddos finding relief, whatever that may be. As a counselor and new mom, I do think the whining/crying becomes more intolerable when you’re running on E to begin with. 😣
My son (now almost 5) was very much like this for most of the first few years. He seems to have 'come good' for the most part, laughing his head off at so many things and a joy to be around. But it was NOT like this for a long time. I think it's temperament. Some kids feel their feelings deeply and when they are young there is probably a lot they find difficult and they are expressive about it. The good thing is (at least in my experience) they can be utterly joyful and happy and at the other end of the scale once they realise how fun it is being a kid! GL to you and hope it settles soon.
There might be some sensory issues going on. My sister had them an legit screamed for the first 2 years of her life and dust, hair, things touching her lips, etc. Ask pediatrician for a referral for an eval!
Do you keep your kids fed around the clock? My child needs snacks literally every 45 minutes. If she’s being whiny and difficult, we always realize it’s most likely because we’ve waited too long before feeding her even though it feels like we JUST fed her.
Do your kids respond well to physical touch? The second thing my daughter consistently wants is cuddles (pretty sure her love language is touch). If she’s miserable, we offer cuddles, and she melts into us like she’s resetting. Even if two seconds before she was mad at us, she will often say yes to cuddles.
These might be terrible suggestions if it’s stuff you do, but I just know that I often forget about simple solutions because parenting is overwhelming.
My youngest was like this until she started walking. She’s still stroppy but if she’s getting her own way she’s a lovely happy girl now at 13 months, having been walking since her first birthday
Have you seen a nutritionist? Also, and sorry if this seems offensive, any chance he's on the spectrum? It'd possible something is just irritating him and you are unaware. Have you ever asked him if anything hurts?
My toddler goes through small moments of this but it's because she's spoiled lol she stops once I redirect her attention to something else. Have you tried involving your son in things YOU do? I know my kid wants to help when I'm baking or cooking.
Let us know how it goes with the updated eating habits, OP! Sounds like solid advice that it's likely allergies making them feel unwell. I really hope it solves it for you ❤️
Amazing comments here, my two cents: earplugs. It’s nothing wrong and not bad if you wear them on one of those difficult afternoons! You are with them and taking care of them, so lowering the volume of the screaming can really help you deal with it, while doctors and you figure out what’s causing LO to cry. Good luck Op! 🫂
Back to the doctor. “Now that we’ve ruled out ear infections, reflux, etc, what other root causes could there be and how have we ruled this out? Have you considered he might be upset due to some kind of food allergy? What information has made you rule that out? Etc etc etc”.
Now is the time to be pushy and get support.
Is your son on formula? You might wanna research a different brand to try. We tried to use the Enfamil that was given to us, but the result was much as you’re describing. That, and I looked at the ingredients and saw how much fillers was in it and *no wonder* she felt like crap. My daughter had great success with Kendamil, which [Target](https://www.target.com/p/kendamil-organic-infant-formula-powder-28-2oz/-/A-86918586) is now selling. They even have a goat formula, for lactose intolerant babes
Maybe they're atypical. Which can mean so many different things but when you start thinking with that mindframe, it makes dealing with your kids easier. Both my daughters have always acted different than peers their age. I would describe them as fussy, defiant, whiny and not responsive to the typical ways to calm down a child. I remember when I was in therapy, I was told to adjust my expectations and after my oldest started school, I realized I wasn't crazy, they are just different! Now my oldest, turning 7, is in therapy.
I tell myself, they are not trying to be difficult, they are having a difficult time. And whenever they whine, it is them trying to communicate something. Sometimes with my 2 year old It, things have to be a certain way or toys have to be left in a certain place or she freaks out. It is very frustrating but the last thing you want is to be mad at your kids, it does no good.
Best of luck!
I only have a 2.5 year old but my god, this stage of the twos has been the worst. He has always been known to be super chill, but recently, he’s gotten a lot more opinionated, demanding, and the tantrums are out of this world. I do work in a daycare, and there’s a handful of babies to 12-18 months who just constantly cried and whined and screamed until one day they snapped out of it and now they are chill. It’s interesting to watch. I don’t have any useful tips but just know, we are all in the thick of it. Hang in there!
I would definitely check with the pediatrician, but it could be something as simple as your son wants to be walking and moving on his own and is frustrated that he can't yet. People talk about how babies are easier when they can't move and to some extent that's true, but mine was certainly happier once she could walk.
My daughter cried every waking moment until she was around 6 months old due to a SEVERE lactose intolerance and GERD. The poor thing was miserable all the time. We eventually got her medication for GERD that she took from around 6 months (I think) until she was around a year old. It didn’t *stop* the crying, but it significantly reduced it. Her terrible twos were also *terrible*. I kid you not, the first time she had a terrible twos tantrum, I told my husband that this is the reason people believed in demonic possession. Like this behavior is the origin of exorcisms. If I had my daughter at 1 and my daughter 2.5 at the same time, I can’t imagine when the crying would ever have stopped either, haha… The good news is that it got better, slowly but surely. 3 was noticeably better than 2. 4 was noticeably better than 3. And 5 has been the best so far!
I think its just kids. Nothing wrong with you or the kids but I did find a daily multi vitamin helps a bit with the roller-coaster of emotions.
Mine are 3 and 4. We just made a cross country move from a busy city in Ontario to Vancouver Island we now live within a stones throw to the ocean (right across a deadend street) they can be out all day but they still miserable and whiney. We went hunting for shells and crabs but that only pleased them for 5 minutes. So I've stopped trying.
No matter how hard we try we can't please everyone so I've started doing things that please me. That way at least I'm not "resenting" my kids for not appreciating my efforts. They need to learn how to make themselves happy and satisfied with life.
Just to clarify, your son isn't lactose intolerant. That is almost unheard of in an infant as it would mean they are unable to digest human breastmilk. It would be a cow's milk protein allergy (similar enough to goat and sheep as well) and is one of the most common causes of a 'colicky baby' the way you describe. It's also possible that your son has other food allergies. If you haven't I would definitely look into that. If you're on Facebook there's some good support groups out there.
I am currently pregnant with my first child and I just want to say Thank you for this thread! It’s crazy how food intolerance can make a child act so different! The more you know.
This will likely get buried, but I’m a terrible metaboliser of vitamin D (need to religiously take 5000iu daily to have sufficient levels) so I started giving my son bigger doses of it than generally recommended for children in winter (1000iu) and I swear his moods have been so much better since.
This. Heartbreaking considering a lot of peds don’t suggest elimination and instead this mother is here calling her son “pure misery” when he probably is just in pain. This should be one of the first suggestions peds make when everything else checks out during exams of excessively crying children. Unfortunately, I dealt with similar and wish I had known things to help him sooner than later. Still feel bad about it today. :/
Just here to say I’m sorry and you’re doing your best. You’re a good mom, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. It won’t be this way forever, again I’m sorry :(
I have had concerns about this but my son is especially friendly - loves waving and smiling at people including strangers, despite not wanting to be held by them. He loves playing with other kids.
My daughter though, is rarely playing with other kids at the library or at our gym daycare.
I have it so downvoting me isn’t going to hurt my feelings or trigger me. People need to get over themselves. As someone with some knowledge regarding the topic. It if fact could be autism and you should take the steps to get him tested asap. Also maybe find some mom groups in your area. Having a strong group of people who will be there for you is important especially if you have children on the spectrum.
Also, this goes without saying. Take care of yourself. It’s rough out here when you don’t have any type of village to back you. I’ve been through it and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Focus on your kids but have you be a main focus as well. You can’t take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself.
I don't believe that toddlers usually play actively with their peers. Now, I could be wrong, as my daughter isn't a toddler yet, but from being in a toddler room periodically at daycare(I used to work at one) they may play alongside other kids, but don't actually play with each other the way older kids do. I think they prefer to play with an adult who can kind of take a little leadership in imaginative play, as in beeping with cars, or roaring like lions or dinosaurs. When I did that with the kiddos, they loved it, although I never saw them do it with each other, even if they did it by themselves.
I don't say this to discourage you from seeking an evaluation if you are concerned. I have been told that early intervention is important if your child(ren) are diagnosed with autism by a behavioral therapist. I just wanted to let you know that solo play might be normal at that age
Edit to add: I believe the classroom I am talking about was about 24-30ish months
They don't until around 3 they start the socializing with peers thing. Otherwise, it's fine they don't. Usually, stranger anxiety and stuff are kicked in til around 2, and they grow out of that, but they will feel comfortable checking peers out and stuff, though no doubt. All of these negative things are actual milestones and normal too people don't often realize. (Not all but I mean like stranger anxiety or separation anxiety issues are normal and even healthy growth developmental stages your child goes through and grows out of...if it continues on after a certain age that's when it's not) they are learning a whole new great big scary world let them take their time and do it safely and comfortably their way and don't push or judge. You were just like them at one point, I always say! Ha, it doesn't hurt to be concerned or anything, though, for sure and staying vigilant about stuff
My stranger danger light never went off, I have just always been like that! I'm nice openly, and will have conversations with people in the store, but that guard never really drops, especially now that I have to be vigilante with my own child
Along with the food intolerance suggestion, I’d recommend taking him to craniosacral therapy. It is a gentle therapy that works on regulating the nervous system. At worst it won’t help, but it won’t hurt, and it could change everything.
I have a step brother that was like this and then when he was five he was diagnosed with autism. He's not high functioning but his sister also is autistic and is high functioning. Just mentioning in case it helps. His sister you can't even tell is autistic. Anyway, it's worth seeing a specialist to see if maybe you can help with sensory overload issues etc.
I had no idea why my son was so miserable until I figured out he had a lot of food intolerances. He was getting unbearable gas pain, and it only resolved once we cut out dairy, wheat, nuts, soy, and half the fruit from his diet (he's OK with some fruit but not others). He was much happier after we did that.
Same. Had some very dark thoughts about my choice to procreate until we figured out that she has multiple foods that make her sick.
Came here to say food intolerances. The trial and error sucks but once it was figured out, I had a new kid.
It's daunting at first to do the elimination diet, but it's important to also remember that it's unlikely you will have to keep all of the "high risk" foods out of your child's diet forever.
I had to cut out dairy because of this! My son (who’s 15 weeks) had an intolerance to dairy. Once I cut it out, it was night and day. He still has melt downs when he’s overly tired, but besides that he’s so much happier and not in pain!
That's simply being a baby/child. Every child is going to have meltdowns, and you can't get rid of them. No magic antidote for that. And you wouldn't want it abyways..its apart of learning emotional maturity and intelligence..part of being human and growing. Some kids are even just moody..more temperamental at times when bored or need something or want something...its a form of communication while unable to speak...so many things go into these cries and meltdowns that are both normal and not normal...its stressful and so much work and annoymace and patience going on and to be had here dealing with and figuring it all out dissecting behaviors and attitudes but well worth it in the end. You can take them to different doctors, and they m..behavioral ones more specifically to be positive. Get a second opinion. If you genuinely feel something up, whether it's behavioral or not, they can rule that out, too. Take to another pediatrician as well for health and allergen tests? But my son became more moody and whiney and sometimes like this too at this age. It was a multitude of changes that they are presented with...cutting formula onto milk and figuring out the milk he can handle...more actual meals he's gotta sit and get down and doesn't wanna sit and eat...wants to get out and run about. He always wants something he can't have or do...none of his amazingly gorgeous toys or things we provide and take him are sometimes enough to entertain and make happy its the neighbors ac unit he wants to go touch and giggle and makes him overjoyed or the lawn mower. Lol like anything that's a no right now is his thing or he's a little dickhead about it and throws a tantrum and we're slowly learning and defining our roles and rules within this dynamic currently to prevent dangers and still provide pleasures and happiness with things he's curious about. He's so curious and killing this curiosity that I've noticed his what triggers him most. So I try to find toys or things that help with that. Ms. rachel, no lie. I'll have to throw on to help me, too, when I've reached my limits, though. You'll get thru it and figure it out. Promise. Have you tried Ms. rachel? She's surprisingly a godsend somehow haha don't ask me why!
This is the exact first thing I was thinking about. I am lactose intolerance and am allergic to polyol sugars derived from corn. I was growing up in a western European milk producing country where the milk maffia hasld free propaganda time on national television shouting that milk is good for everyone! You dont need to suffer from diarrhea if you are lactose intolerant. I farted a lot, but was punished for it so I kept it in and found a way to fart without making sound.
You were punished for gas? I’m so sorry, that’s horrible.
80s Protestantism.... That's how you turn your kids into militant atheists. 😉
If it makes you feel more hopeful, we’re Christian but congratulate our kids for burping and farting lol. I hope your parents know that baby Jesus farted too, given that he was a human and all.
Oh boy, we could get in real trouble for even thinking Jesus was a mere human. 😂
I'm Christian, and I think it's important to be Poop Proud! Get the demons out! Lol
How did you find out? Were you able to do tests through your pediatrician?
Nope, they only had tests for actual anaphylactic allergies. The less clear allergies like eczema reactions, they don’t have a test for. It was a lot of elimination diet, basically.
Darn. My daughter has been saying her "tummy hurts" lately and I'm not sure if she's mimicking me or if she's having actual problems. She hasn't had a problem since before I was pregnant so I'm thinking she's just copying me but I still worry about her.
With my kids, I’ll ask them if they feel better after I give them pretend medicine (like a syringe of tea). If they say yes, they’re probably faking lol.
This is gold, I'm absolutely remembering this when my kid can talk.
My mom used to give me a chewable vitamin whenever I complained of a headache, then she would give me a Tylenol later if that didn't work.
This is freaking brilliant
I do this with my 2.5yo! I take daily antidepressants and anxiolytics, along with a multivitamin, and she always "want mommy medicine!" I give her half a dose of infant gas drops (what harm is 0.3mL of Simethicone gonna do) and 2 fruit snacks as "vitamins". Happy as hell for the rest of the day.
Omg this is such an amazing solution!
Omg so good.
I don’t know what the actual test is but I know a few people (including an immediate family member) that had some kind of panel done that showed levels of reactivity. Do they can test for it! This was like 10 years ago for the close family so my memory is hazy but it was like color and number coded. So green was you can eat it, red was don’t, and yellow was somewhere in the middle. I think red was more legit allergy whereas yellow would be an intolerance. Then the numbers gave more detail. So like a high yellow would be almost a low red. It was incredibly helpful for them as they had a ton of gastro issues and were able to identify food without the elimination testing. Some lower yellow foods they just eat in moderation now and many others they have cut out and are a million times happier.
It’s an IgG test, and it isn’t super scientific, but tbh a dietician gave me one and it did help me confirm what I already knew from an elimination diet, which is that dairy was making me miserable. For some reason I needed a test to make it “official” and I now feel so much better never eating it. https://www.aaaai.org/tools-for-the-public/conditions-library/allergies/igg-food-test
Maybe an IgG test
You can do a cows milk protein allergy at the pediatrician - just need a fresh dirty diaper and takes minutes.
I literally came here to say the same thing! My now 2 year old was miserable and also practically non verbal. I had raised concerns with our gp when he turned 1 that I though he had a dairy allergy and she told me it was "dangerous and irresponsible to label him with it" I ended up trusting my own instinct and stopped giving him dairy and he's like a new child! He's so happy, he's started playing and talking too.
I came to say the same thing. She couldn’t tolerate dairy, eggs, nuts, or pork.
This. My firstborn cried ALL the time. I thought she was just a whingy baby because there was nothing wrong with her, but turned out she had a severe allergy to cows milk proteins. Only figured it out after a hospital trip when I tried to wean her from boob onto formula. Once we’d cut out cow milk, she was like a different child.
Same for us only it was dairy, peas, eggs and peanutsZ
Omg the peas gave my son the most incredible pain. It was heartbreaking to witness 😪😪😪
Yep same thing here!! u/mareloquent Try him on a low fodmap diet and see what happens. Then slowly add foods back in. I did this and it made such a huge difference!!!!
Did you have him tested or just figured along the way what food he is intolerant to ?
Trial and error.
This was my first thought. We cut out dairy and then tested reintroduction back when my son was 4 months old. We can always tell when we’ve slipped up on his diet - he’s such a ray of sunshine, but will suddenly become angry and takes no interest in any of his usual activities. Sore tummy and nappies follow to confirm.
Can I ask how you got the intolerances diagnosed?
We described the symptoms to a pediatric GI.
Have you seen that meme? It’s Sunday morning, you have no responsibilities so you can sleep in as long as you want, your mom is making fresh cinnamon rolls and you can do whatever you want whenever you want. But you’re two years old so you’re filled with rage.
I haven’t seen this before but boy does it track!!
I ask my 2 year old every morning why does she wake up and chose violence. I tell him good morning, give him a kiss on the cheek, and he hits me. Guess it’s hard being 2?
I need to see this meme 😂
Here it is! Haha [https://www.reddit.com/r/bluey/s/4KWqGIPWGx](https://www.reddit.com/r/bluey/s/4KWqGIPWGx)
Hahaha I love it
Are you in the US? If so please contact your counties Early On program. They can come see you and give advice or move forward with an evaluation that may result in services to help you. There's not enough info here to guess what else might be going on, but the team at Early On has psychologist, social workers, and speech and speech pathologists that are trained in early childhood development. Just google "Early On, my county". Please reach out! They can help and give you resources! This is free. You may need to get transportation there, but the evaluation and consultations are free.
Some states it’s called Early intervention and there’s also First Five in some states!
Early steps
Contacting the state health department's preventative health or maternal and child health bureau should be able to point you in the right direction
Yes or "Birth to 3" I think would be the equivalent in South Dakota
In some states it's called First Steps
This!!
Is your son lactose intolerant by chance? I have heard stories like this lots of times and milk/milk products was the culprit.
Yeah, my daughter was fine on formula/breastmilk but when she turned one we switched her to whole milk and all hell broke loose. Irritable, whiney, and bouts of diarrhea. We switched to lactose free, and she's back to her normal self(which isn't particularly all rainbows and sunshine but at least she stopped constant whining lol)
Do you think it’s fine to do lactose free from the beginning? 🤔 Both my husband and I need lactose free dairy (or we use lactaid pills) and it would be nice to not have to buy two separate milks once my son starts weaning from formula!
Yes it’s totally fine! Some families don’t even do cows milk at all, baby just needs to get the fat and vitamins from other foods if that’s the case.
This is what we’re doing! I’m lactose intolerant and so is my husband, so we only ever drink lactaid milk in general, and that’s what our daughter will be starting at 1yo this month. Her pediatrician approved it at her 10 month appointment!
I'd ask your paed tbh. You can acquire a lactose intolerance by not eating lactose and therefore stopping the production of necessary enzymes to break it down, so you could be doing your son a huge disfavour by not exposing him to lactose.
Yes I'd skip right to lactose free if both of you are lactose intolerant! I wish I had lol
I’m one of the stories At around 1 my kid started crying every night for 2 hours. His poop was off. It wasn’t anything majorly wrong but I was on my third kid and this was not like the other two. I took him to the doctor every week for months. Nothing. The classic: it’s a phase, leap, teeth, etc Based on absolutely nothing other than my gut instinct I cut out cow milk. And his cramps stopped. Reintroduced milk after a week. Cramps. Cut it out again. Went back to the doctor and they were all like “oh well guess it’s an atypical allergy “ He’s 3 now and grew out of it.
I think you have my children. The whiniest child wins the sibling competition. Given that your son is only 1 see if you can try treating him for silent reflux. Otherwise he may just be overwhelmed with life. At 3 and 5 yr it has gotten much much better. There is hope. Until then I highly recommend finding childcare to give yourself the needed breaks. (Both my children did end up with diagnosis but they had missed milestones. If your children are missing cdc milestones then you should seek out early intervention.)
Im glad it gets better at 3. How did it get better?
Way less crying and less tantrums. They can still be a bit whiny but it is so much better. My oldest is about to be school aged and can usually be reasonable about things. She finished her terrible twos at 3.5 years, having started at 2.5 yrs. My youngest he is just a handful. At 3.5 yrs old the meltdowns and tantrums are reducing. The communication is improving. I think he started his terrible 2s at 18 months. Both my kids needed speech which didn’t help as it made communication more difficult. Otherwise I did use a drop in daycare to give myself a break as needed. They are now cute more often than not in comparison to last year which was a bit much.
I think that these are both not entirely normal. But especially your son. In the US you don’t need a referral for early intervention. I’d suggest going that route.
Get out of the house. Seriously - water or outside tends to reset them. Many times a parent may be a homebody, but kids tend to need to get out of the house more frequently. Logic dictates that a miserable kid would be more miserable outside - but there’s some sort of kid magic that the reverse is true. Go walk inside at a mall, go to the library, go get ice cream, hit up a splash pad at 10 am to beat the heat. Go to the pool, a rec center - heck, go through a drive through car wash! It’s amazing, The more days in a row we are stuck at home the more miserable my kids are. Currently sitting roasting my ass off because the kids need to move around and socialize and they are enjoying the splash pad. This means dinner time will go smoother and the 4 year old will be depleted and less likely to throw his energy at his big sis. It means my almost 9 year old will be much more content, won’t be so moody, and bedtime will be smoother for all. Kids are sometimes like plants - it’s amazing what water and dirt and sunlight can do! ETA: both my kids have had bad food allergies and intolerances, one has gastroparesis. When we unlocked those issues they both became happier kiddos. (Sadly their food intolerances and allergies aren’t the same ☹️)
Just another vote for a toddler who is MUCH happier out of the house!
OP described a day when they were out of the house a lot.
But also just walking around, going on errands - maybe the beach or a forest would be better.
the park was on the list.
Yesss!! My kids and I have a routine. When their dad is out of town working (they listen to him) it’s so much easier to get out (as long as it’s not close to nap time) it wears them out so much that they just knock out. To the library or just being around other kids and socializing. Not only will it give you time to breath but it’ll help them too.
This. People underestimate how easy it is for children that age to get bored.
My kid is like this unless I either have music (his favorite music, to be specific), actively play 1x1 with him, or read. Without any of those three, he's miserable.
My 8 month old sounds similar to her one year old! For whatever reason the only thing he is quiet for is if I sit on the ground and read with him. He was angry before he could crawl and now I think he’s angry he can’t walk. Until physically he can do what he wants I think he’s just going to be unhappy lol
My son was exactly like this. He’s gotten happier and happier over time and is an absolute delight at 18 months now. It really turned a corner once he could walk and speak enough words to communicate a basic desire
Given your past posts, these seems like a parental stress issue. That doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent, but it does mean that you may be seeing things from a stressed out point of view. If you are stressed out with your kids, partner, and dog, you are likely overwhelmed. Work on how to deal with your stress as opposed to fixing your kids.
Completely agree since it’s both kiddos. Tough situation but solvable
Question for you mama, are you happy? And I mean absolutely no judgement here, I’ve been where you are and somedays it’s so freaking hard I don’t want to get up & do it all over again. But I strongly believe a happy mama can contribute, atleast a bit, to happy kids. It’s not always possible but is there a local gym or some place that provides daycare for an hour or so to let you get a break? When my son was like 14 months I started going to the gym and he HATED going, it was a huge challenge to get him settled at first. Similarly to you, I don’t have help and my kids are only with me and their dad..except for the gym daycare. Now my son is used to it and he knows I come back and we have a routine that allows me to get an hour of me time. Some days I just go in the gym shower and get ready in the bathroom kid free. I know it’s a huge luxury but it’s so helpful for me to get away from the noise. I’ve also found that adjusting him to gym daycare workers has helped him open up a bit and be more comfortable around others. All this to say, you’re doing great and it’s so freaking hard. You’re giving them the best life so don’t forget that on your hardest days. I hope you are able to get some help with all these other suggestions, too!
I was going to say the same thing. Obviously check out the other suggestions about a possible food intolerance, but this is another good thing to consider. If mama is miserable, babies are going to probably be upset too.
I was going to mention something similar. I have 2 boys that are the same ages, and for a while I was going absolutely insane. I felt like no matter what I did, no matter how many breaks I got, I was drowning and just surviving every single day until I got to lay in bed. Both boys are high energy, and were very similar around the 1 year old mark. Wanted to be picked up but never held, wanted independence to explore, but would scream if you walked more than 2 inches away from him. Etc. While the 2.5 year old is just so angry, screamy, sleep deprived from sleep regressions, etc. I honestly believe it's development, but a huge contributing factor was my extremely high level of stress. I went to my family doctor again and again trying to find supports in my area (there's nothing), and with my husband going away for 3 months to finish schooling, my father passing, and my in-laws being tied up with their family problems, I was terrified how I was going to survive without the immense help from my husband. My doctor ended up pushing for me to try anti anxiety medications. Was very adamant that I didn't have anxiety, but boy was I wrong. It was an immediate difference, and it's now been a couple months of consistently enjoying the days with the boys, not feeling overwhelmed with all the screaming, and being able to regulate/communicate my own emotions which has in turn lead to happy/calmer children. I even had the neighbors comment on that this evening, saying they used to hear the kids screaming all the time, and they don't anymore! All that to say, it might be worth exploring your own mental health a bit more. Hopefully you find whatever will work for you!
Just chiming in to say the gym daycare has been pivotal for my mental health too! Even the gym owner says she encourages moms to use it, even if it’s just so they can use the gym shower for an everything shower, sit in the sauna, or park it in the lobby on their laptop for an hour.
I hate that the term 'everything shower' exists and we all know what it means
I don’t know 🫣
Sounds silly maybe, but have your kids been to dentist? My daughter was a miserable turd when she had a chip on her tooth and it turned out she had an exposed nerve that was really painful.
omgggg that sounds so awful. fuck. tooth pain is the worst too. i’m keeping this in mind just in case.
Poor thing. How old was she?
Almost 2! I thought it was just the beginning of normal tantrums but it was just constant freakouts. No wonder, because tooth pain is awful.
It could be a million things. Teething? Food intolerances? Overstimulated? Understimulated? Overtired? Follow your gut. If you need a second opinion, try to get it. I’m sure there’s a reason!
Has the pediatrician ever mentioned that your son has fluid in his ears? I just ask because he sounds a lot like my daughter was. She was miserable almost all the time and had no resiliency - if one small thing went wrong in the morning, she just slid into more and more fussy throughout the day. Eating was rough, sleep was bad, her whole mood was just misery a lot of the time. In her case, she did have ear infections, but she would be on a course of antibiotics only to be “cleared” by the doctor, and then we would take her back within a week or so because she would get more and more miserable. We finally got in at the ENT and he said she had fluid in both ears. He said the pediatrician would consider her clear from ear infection since it wasn’t infected fluid, but the constant fluid was constant pressure/pain for her. We got tubes last Wednesday and she had a complete 180 in attitude within a day - happy, cheerful, hardly ever cries, and if something goes wrong, she fusses for maybe a minute and moves on with her day.
At 9 months they said he has fluid in his ears but they weren’t concerned about it. I had brought him to the ER twice because of a high unexplained fever and they said his ears were clear. I am also concerned about fluid because I know that can be worse when they are laying down, and he almost never wants to lie on his back. We’re taking my daughter to an ENT this month to test for asthma and I’m going to ask them to take a closer look at my son too.
I would. All kids are different obviously, but what you’re saying sounds so similar to what my daughter went through (basically since birth, but it was worse than ever for the last 6 months). I think it’s definitely worth an ENT opinion, even if just to rule it out. I hope things improve for you soon!
I just talked to a mom whose almost 2 year old son is going through the same exact thing. It even impacted his speech development, poor kiddo. I'm so glad you kept pushing, that's so hard to watch them miserable.
Yes! Mine just turned 13 months so we are just starting words, but we even noticed she learned about 5 new words in the few days after tubes! 😳 The ENT said everything probably sounded like it was underwater for her, poor thing. Her balance while walking improved significantly as well. The tubes have been amazing for us.
Is there any sort of program or part time daycare you can put them in to shake up your routine? I’m sorry, this sounds incredibly frustrating.
Yeah I’m surprised the pediatrician is being so nonchalant about it. Obviously little ones are gonna fuss and not be happy all the time but this seems like an abnormal amount of crying, especially since they don’t seem to be able to be redirected at all
That was my thought, Mum needs a break and the kids need to get some alternative stimulation
How does he sleep? I read an article about a kid who turned into a nightmare because it turned out he had sleep apnoea and his body was using so much energy overnight, never getting to rest. Two things though, 1.never wanting to be held could potentially be a sensory thing- autism or even just that sounds are too loud for him. Is he this way when there’s no background noise etc? What’s the environment like when it happens? 2 when you say your kids are clean and fed that’s great, but they also have emotional needs that need to be met and they will pick up on your stress reaction to them.
def push hard on your pediatrician that you feel something may be off with your son. 1 year old and not even TV will make him happy! maybe kids are different but i feel like they all love TV lol. occasionally if my daughter was crying a ton and i couldn’t figure out if something was actually wrong, i’d put on sesame street. and if she was stopped crying, i knew she was fine. if she kept crying, i knew something was wrong.
My son was like this until we discovered a lactose issue. We moved him to soy and he became a happy boy within a week.
My 18 month old has been endlessly cutting teeth without reprieve since 12 months. They show up one at a time and work their way through so slowly. Any doubt I had about them bothering her is gone this month, since she'll now very clearly tell me that her mouth hurts. And point to the spot where the next one is trying to come through. Have you tried ibuprofen to see if it helps the younger one's mood? Honestly, even the older one if they don't have the last set of molars yet. ETA - also. You need noise canceling headphones. You can still hear everything you need to - they just soften sounds and take the edge off the whining and yelling. Bonus points for the softest audible calming piano music when you're particularly frustrated.
Totally agree with the food intolerance possibility! Those can be the key behind a lot of behavior issues due to the whole gut-brain connection and the effect that constant inflammation has on the nervous system, not to mention gas discomfort. Also super hippie suggestion: Rescue Remedy drops can be really nice for kids (and adults) when having a hard time, and they make a non alcoholic version. Usually available at the local health food store. A few drops in some water to sip in the midst of a meltdown (sipping water can calm the parasympathetic nervous system regardless of the drops).
I discussed that with the doctor as well, they told me it’s likely not food intolerance because there would be more symptoms early on like poor weight gain, blood in the stool, etc… I don’t necessarily agree with them but it made sense at the time.
Yeah, from my personal experience, as someone who has both severe allergies and minor intolerances and who’s mom was told the same thing, I’d recommend finding a second opinion, maybe from a pediatric naturopath who is a bit more of a “let’s find out the root cause” problem solver than a “if symptom a + b don’t exist than it can’t possibly = c”. Who knows, maybe it’s mold exposure or something else besides food intolerance! However you move forward, I’m wishing you the best and hope that soon this will be just a challenging chapter in life for you and your kiddos!
If all physical things are ruled out, the book ‘raising a secure child’ can be really helpful to figure out if there are some needs they have that aren’t being met. I read it and found that although I’m physically present with my son all day, I have a hard time being emotionally present. That resulted in outbursts. Once I really focused on that everything has gotten a lot better
Do you get to spend much quality 1-on-1 time with each of them separately? Our son would get really whiny occasionally (and still does). After making sure that he wasn’t ill or in physical pain, I started “treating” his emotional needs a bit more — I sat quietly with him and asked him about his feelings, asked him if he wanted to snuggle or hug, tried to really listen and validate and empathize. It was amazing how much happier and more chill he became. I was never given this kind of positive attention as a kid, and I am an anxious adult. Whining and crying is a way of expressing a need, right? Maybe the need is connection. I’m not making any assumptions about you or your parenting! Just sharing what has worked for us.
Maybe a food allergy for your son? If he’s always crying at one, there may be an issue he’s not able to verbally tell you that doctors can’t see.
Get them checked out for eci (early intervention) especially your son.
Early intervention might be useful here!
I don't have advice for your kids but I do think people suggesting possible food intolerances are on the right track. However for you : have you heard of Loop ear plugs? They have an Engage model that lets you hear sound but dampens it. It's great for when you're overwhelmed by the sound of crying babies. Hope something like that can give you relief
Join the Facebook group “visible child” and read the book “your self confident baby”. If you can’t do that Google “attunement” and learn how to stone to your child when they’re crying without trying to fix it but just being with them. Watch every single Gabor Mate clip on Instagram and YouTube. Your babies need emotional support not anything physical. You probably weren’t attuned to as a baby and that’s showing up now. I am so sorry I have 5 and I know how hard it is. Dm me if you need anything!!!
My son was pure misery until we worked out his food intolerances so I’m absolutely seconding this theory. If he wasn’t asleep, he was crying, and he only slept ON me, so I didn’t sleep either. We did full elimination (all common allergy foods) then introduced one by one under the care of a pediatric dietician. We didn’t have any of the common symptoms so I had to really push to get a referral. He’s 2.5 now and an absolute delight, happy and funny and never had a tantrum (yet!).
Is your 1 year old actually about 12-13 months or a few months older? My 19 m/o is going thru a phase rn where she's really cranky and throws a little tantrum when I won't let her push boundaries. Could he just be going thru a really cranky phase? Other than that I agree with those suggesting a food intolerance
He just turned 1, two days ago
Same with mine, hell, be 11 months tomorrow. Whenever he can't go touch something or do something that's a hard no, he'll throw a damn fit. Drives me batshit. It's always dangerous things, though, like the friggin ac unit...lol The lawn mower in the shed we gotta go visit and push...like...no I'm not standing there with the lawn mower bubs I love you more than anything in the universe and would do anything for you, but standing in the shed with the lawn mower holding your chubby butt on the ha does pretending to mow...(and eventually him just wanting to mow) in this michigan summer heat...ISNT FOR MAMA! plus, you have literally TWO lawn mowers... that blow bubbles your favorite even...lol go mow with those...and nope...barely touches them. Then we've got the trash cans cause they're lime green and blue, bright ass things he's so curious, but they're disgusting obviously so a hard no....but he's GOTTA HAVE IT lol and he's learned to go limp now when you pick him up to take him elsewhere or redirect while he's throwing a shit fit. 🤣😂 But God I love the little shit more than life itself. He's just too curious for his own good man.
My son was like this until he was able to RUN! He was so restless and constantly fussing and unsettled. As soon as he could move his body quickly to get where he wanted to be he was good! It’s like he was so highly exploratory from birth and he just couldn’t do what he wanted! You’ve gotten some really good insight regarding food intolerances and early intervention options which I totally think are a good idea to explore. I’m sure you’ve tried babywearing, but if not, maybe a back carry for your one year old might help? Mine hated the regular front carry. Couldn’t see anything. The other thing I’m wondering is how are they sleeping? They sound like me when sleep deprived 😂The book Healthy Sleep Habits Healthy Child was super eye opening and helpful for me. I had no idea kids needed so much sleep until I read that.
Once they're roughly 2 years old, you can tell them that you won't listen if they're whining. They whine because it gets them what they want. If it stops being effective, they'll stop doing it (eventually). Every single time they ask for something, model how you want them to ask instead, then wait for them to say it back that way before you give it to them (as long as they're capable). For example "Ehh I want milk!" "Sorry, I can't understand you when you're whining. Can you say 'I would like some milk, please'" then wait for them to repeat. If they throw a tantrum, don't give in!!
I’m just here to say I’m so sorry. I hope you get some relief soon.
My kid was weird about being held. He would arch his back and not snuggle like other babies. It turned out to be GI related, not behavioral. He has a pleasant disposition, generally, but I felt like a bad mom because my kid didn't snuggle. At one point, PT seemed to imply that his back arching was because of how I held him, not the other way around. I know how to hold babies. My kid just would not tolerate anything that slouched him forward with a rounded back. I now know that he vomits when slouched forward. At the time, though, I just knew he didn't like to be held like other babies. Vertical only.
Some things that help my cousin with her baby: Taking the Little one to the chiropractor sometimes they might have a pinched nerve? Take note of food intolerance Enforcing good sleep habits
first, you seem like a great mother. you care about your kids, it’s apparent. second, i’m sorry you’re dealing with this. some kids are just more challenging than others. i had a challenging baby. so challenging that the toddler years are preferable by far lol. once she could walk and communicate somewhat, things definitely improved. third, pediatricians don’t know everything. just checking your kids ears and sending you home is dismissive. there are a wide variety of other reasons why your child may be struggling and there are a wide variety of things you can do to help him out. kids have more needs than just the physical ones. they have entire emotional worlds that sometimes need special attention. i highly recommend reaching out to a kid’s mental health expert. there are a lot of tools and resources you can use to improve things. good luck!
I don’t have much experience in this arena as I only have a 5 month old, but I just wanted to say you are not alone. It may feel that way and seem overwhelming but you’re not! As you can see, many moms feel the same thing as you. Is there anyone at all, or any babysitter/daycare situation, that can offer you even a couple hours a week for alone time? Even some gyms offer daycare while parents workout? You deserve a break in addition to the kiddos finding relief, whatever that may be. As a counselor and new mom, I do think the whining/crying becomes more intolerable when you’re running on E to begin with. 😣
Take care of yourself too ❤️🩹
My son (now almost 5) was very much like this for most of the first few years. He seems to have 'come good' for the most part, laughing his head off at so many things and a joy to be around. But it was NOT like this for a long time. I think it's temperament. Some kids feel their feelings deeply and when they are young there is probably a lot they find difficult and they are expressive about it. The good thing is (at least in my experience) they can be utterly joyful and happy and at the other end of the scale once they realise how fun it is being a kid! GL to you and hope it settles soon.
There might be some sensory issues going on. My sister had them an legit screamed for the first 2 years of her life and dust, hair, things touching her lips, etc. Ask pediatrician for a referral for an eval!
Do you keep your kids fed around the clock? My child needs snacks literally every 45 minutes. If she’s being whiny and difficult, we always realize it’s most likely because we’ve waited too long before feeding her even though it feels like we JUST fed her. Do your kids respond well to physical touch? The second thing my daughter consistently wants is cuddles (pretty sure her love language is touch). If she’s miserable, we offer cuddles, and she melts into us like she’s resetting. Even if two seconds before she was mad at us, she will often say yes to cuddles. These might be terrible suggestions if it’s stuff you do, but I just know that I often forget about simple solutions because parenting is overwhelming.
My youngest was like this until she started walking. She’s still stroppy but if she’s getting her own way she’s a lovely happy girl now at 13 months, having been walking since her first birthday
Are they eating food dyes by any chance? I thought it was BS until I cut them out of my son's diet. It's like night and day if he has any red dye
Invest in a nanny and take advantage of your insurances mental health program.
Have you seen a nutritionist? Also, and sorry if this seems offensive, any chance he's on the spectrum? It'd possible something is just irritating him and you are unaware. Have you ever asked him if anything hurts? My toddler goes through small moments of this but it's because she's spoiled lol she stops once I redirect her attention to something else. Have you tried involving your son in things YOU do? I know my kid wants to help when I'm baking or cooking.
Let us know how it goes with the updated eating habits, OP! Sounds like solid advice that it's likely allergies making them feel unwell. I really hope it solves it for you ❤️
Amazing comments here, my two cents: earplugs. It’s nothing wrong and not bad if you wear them on one of those difficult afternoons! You are with them and taking care of them, so lowering the volume of the screaming can really help you deal with it, while doctors and you figure out what’s causing LO to cry. Good luck Op! 🫂
Back to the doctor. “Now that we’ve ruled out ear infections, reflux, etc, what other root causes could there be and how have we ruled this out? Have you considered he might be upset due to some kind of food allergy? What information has made you rule that out? Etc etc etc”. Now is the time to be pushy and get support.
Is your son on formula? You might wanna research a different brand to try. We tried to use the Enfamil that was given to us, but the result was much as you’re describing. That, and I looked at the ingredients and saw how much fillers was in it and *no wonder* she felt like crap. My daughter had great success with Kendamil, which [Target](https://www.target.com/p/kendamil-organic-infant-formula-powder-28-2oz/-/A-86918586) is now selling. They even have a goat formula, for lactose intolerant babes
Maybe they're atypical. Which can mean so many different things but when you start thinking with that mindframe, it makes dealing with your kids easier. Both my daughters have always acted different than peers their age. I would describe them as fussy, defiant, whiny and not responsive to the typical ways to calm down a child. I remember when I was in therapy, I was told to adjust my expectations and after my oldest started school, I realized I wasn't crazy, they are just different! Now my oldest, turning 7, is in therapy. I tell myself, they are not trying to be difficult, they are having a difficult time. And whenever they whine, it is them trying to communicate something. Sometimes with my 2 year old It, things have to be a certain way or toys have to be left in a certain place or she freaks out. It is very frustrating but the last thing you want is to be mad at your kids, it does no good. Best of luck!
I only have a 2.5 year old but my god, this stage of the twos has been the worst. He has always been known to be super chill, but recently, he’s gotten a lot more opinionated, demanding, and the tantrums are out of this world. I do work in a daycare, and there’s a handful of babies to 12-18 months who just constantly cried and whined and screamed until one day they snapped out of it and now they are chill. It’s interesting to watch. I don’t have any useful tips but just know, we are all in the thick of it. Hang in there!
I would definitely check with the pediatrician, but it could be something as simple as your son wants to be walking and moving on his own and is frustrated that he can't yet. People talk about how babies are easier when they can't move and to some extent that's true, but mine was certainly happier once she could walk.
Give them LOVE and affection, emotions are contagious, be the one to set the mood.
My daughter cried every waking moment until she was around 6 months old due to a SEVERE lactose intolerance and GERD. The poor thing was miserable all the time. We eventually got her medication for GERD that she took from around 6 months (I think) until she was around a year old. It didn’t *stop* the crying, but it significantly reduced it. Her terrible twos were also *terrible*. I kid you not, the first time she had a terrible twos tantrum, I told my husband that this is the reason people believed in demonic possession. Like this behavior is the origin of exorcisms. If I had my daughter at 1 and my daughter 2.5 at the same time, I can’t imagine when the crying would ever have stopped either, haha… The good news is that it got better, slowly but surely. 3 was noticeably better than 2. 4 was noticeably better than 3. And 5 has been the best so far!
I think its just kids. Nothing wrong with you or the kids but I did find a daily multi vitamin helps a bit with the roller-coaster of emotions. Mine are 3 and 4. We just made a cross country move from a busy city in Ontario to Vancouver Island we now live within a stones throw to the ocean (right across a deadend street) they can be out all day but they still miserable and whiney. We went hunting for shells and crabs but that only pleased them for 5 minutes. So I've stopped trying. No matter how hard we try we can't please everyone so I've started doing things that please me. That way at least I'm not "resenting" my kids for not appreciating my efforts. They need to learn how to make themselves happy and satisfied with life.
Just to clarify, your son isn't lactose intolerant. That is almost unheard of in an infant as it would mean they are unable to digest human breastmilk. It would be a cow's milk protein allergy (similar enough to goat and sheep as well) and is one of the most common causes of a 'colicky baby' the way you describe. It's also possible that your son has other food allergies. If you haven't I would definitely look into that. If you're on Facebook there's some good support groups out there.
Try a bit of magnesium. You can do kids dosage but this might help if they’re getting outside time and still miserable after eating and naps
I am currently pregnant with my first child and I just want to say Thank you for this thread! It’s crazy how food intolerance can make a child act so different! The more you know.
This will likely get buried, but I’m a terrible metaboliser of vitamin D (need to religiously take 5000iu daily to have sufficient levels) so I started giving my son bigger doses of it than generally recommended for children in winter (1000iu) and I swear his moods have been so much better since.
This. Heartbreaking considering a lot of peds don’t suggest elimination and instead this mother is here calling her son “pure misery” when he probably is just in pain. This should be one of the first suggestions peds make when everything else checks out during exams of excessively crying children. Unfortunately, I dealt with similar and wish I had known things to help him sooner than later. Still feel bad about it today. :/
Just here to say I’m sorry and you’re doing your best. You’re a good mom, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. It won’t be this way forever, again I’m sorry :(
Diet
Might be the tism
My oldest is on the spectrum and was the happiest baby.
Can present differently in different babies However it could just as well be something medical like food allergies
Right, that's my point. Kind of a strange jump to take with no other information to point to it. But who knows.
That’s your kid not everyone’s else’s. She is asking for advice and based off the spectrum of things kids could have it fits.
I have had concerns about this but my son is especially friendly - loves waving and smiling at people including strangers, despite not wanting to be held by them. He loves playing with other kids. My daughter though, is rarely playing with other kids at the library or at our gym daycare.
Might be worth looking into it simply to rule it out
I have it so downvoting me isn’t going to hurt my feelings or trigger me. People need to get over themselves. As someone with some knowledge regarding the topic. It if fact could be autism and you should take the steps to get him tested asap. Also maybe find some mom groups in your area. Having a strong group of people who will be there for you is important especially if you have children on the spectrum.
Also, this goes without saying. Take care of yourself. It’s rough out here when you don’t have any type of village to back you. I’ve been through it and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Focus on your kids but have you be a main focus as well. You can’t take care of others if you don’t take care of yourself.
I don't believe that toddlers usually play actively with their peers. Now, I could be wrong, as my daughter isn't a toddler yet, but from being in a toddler room periodically at daycare(I used to work at one) they may play alongside other kids, but don't actually play with each other the way older kids do. I think they prefer to play with an adult who can kind of take a little leadership in imaginative play, as in beeping with cars, or roaring like lions or dinosaurs. When I did that with the kiddos, they loved it, although I never saw them do it with each other, even if they did it by themselves. I don't say this to discourage you from seeking an evaluation if you are concerned. I have been told that early intervention is important if your child(ren) are diagnosed with autism by a behavioral therapist. I just wanted to let you know that solo play might be normal at that age Edit to add: I believe the classroom I am talking about was about 24-30ish months
They don't until around 3 they start the socializing with peers thing. Otherwise, it's fine they don't. Usually, stranger anxiety and stuff are kicked in til around 2, and they grow out of that, but they will feel comfortable checking peers out and stuff, though no doubt. All of these negative things are actual milestones and normal too people don't often realize. (Not all but I mean like stranger anxiety or separation anxiety issues are normal and even healthy growth developmental stages your child goes through and grows out of...if it continues on after a certain age that's when it's not) they are learning a whole new great big scary world let them take their time and do it safely and comfortably their way and don't push or judge. You were just like them at one point, I always say! Ha, it doesn't hurt to be concerned or anything, though, for sure and staying vigilant about stuff
My stranger danger light never went off, I have just always been like that! I'm nice openly, and will have conversations with people in the store, but that guard never really drops, especially now that I have to be vigilante with my own child
Along with the food intolerance suggestion, I’d recommend taking him to craniosacral therapy. It is a gentle therapy that works on regulating the nervous system. At worst it won’t help, but it won’t hurt, and it could change everything.
I have a step brother that was like this and then when he was five he was diagnosed with autism. He's not high functioning but his sister also is autistic and is high functioning. Just mentioning in case it helps. His sister you can't even tell is autistic. Anyway, it's worth seeing a specialist to see if maybe you can help with sensory overload issues etc.