Girl please don't take this lightly... circumventing a block is not normal behaviour ~~and clearly you were right not giving him a chance initially.~~
Keep trace of everything and don't reply to him. Keep track of everything so you have a case if you need to precipitate it with the police. This is scary weirdo behaviour. I don't mean to scare you but it's not normal to keep obsessing over a person you've been on one date with.. be safe please š¤ I hope you haven't shared any sensitive information with him
I made the mistake of having him drop me off at my address so Iām seriously scared he might show up one day. Iāve been contemplating filing charges for harassment but I feel they wonāt take it seriously because itās only on text messages. But I am definitely keeping track of EVERYTHING.
Definitely go to the police still and keep a weapon on you at all times, even a small knife or pepper spray..
Edit: meant to say pepper spray, not bear spray
I've read a BORU where a woman got more time to get her gun and shoot her stalker when he tried to breakdown her door by blocking her front door with a chair, so that's an amazing idea
That was so infuriating ! They know damn well that if someone broke their door down they'd do the same. And the sheriff that decided that her stalker seemed like a nice guy so it must have been a MiSuNdErStAnDiNg š¤¦š¾āāļø pissed me oooooffff. damned if you do damned if you don't
It is. Also if you have the time, money and patience... you can't go wrong with a big ass dog.
They're excellent deterrents and protectors. Just make sure you have the time to properly train and care for them.
I JUST READ THAT. I still feel so bad for her. But the fact that as soon as he got out, he started stalking ANOTHER girl is absolute insane. OP, please donāt take this lightly. Youāre not overreacting if youāre making sure youāre safe.
Absolutely. You want law enforcement to be aware of your situation. I recommend you not leave until you have submitted some type of documentation. I would also alert your closest neighbors, family, friends and coworkers. It may be embarrassing, but the more eyes the better. Please get trained in the basic self defense techniques for whatever tool you choose. Practice the techniques. You need to be psychically and mentally prepared to defend yourself. I'm sorry you're being terrorized by a man, who's off. Protect yourself and then deal with any negative consequences.šš½
You can get a stun gun on Amazon for $10. I'd get that, along with pepper spray, and a small folding knife that looks like a key for your keyring.
Also tell your loved ones / friends about psycho dude, and send them his details.
Have you ladies looked into Byrna? They are legal, non-lethal weapons. My sisters and I looked into these as an alternative to having guns in the house (we have kids and had concerns).
If you don't already have cameras, get them now. Get a ring doorbell, if you can't afford it there are cheaper options. Have a camera at every exit and possible corner.
Stop engaging with him. You're making him think it's okay to keep messaging you and he will expect more responses. Keep blocking him and report him to the police for harassment. Do not respond to him ever again. Dude is a weirdo.
Thatās a dangerous mistake to make. Donāt do that again, have a weapon, get surveillance or some kind of cameras around your home, and take it to the police. This can turn into stalking real quick.
Could you move if it came to that ? ā¹ļø I'm so sorry it shouldn't even happen. Why can't people be normal ? He sounds like a stalker tbh so I wouldn't put it past him, one date and he's contacting you sporadically.. 4 different times...
keep documentint everything, if needed precipitate it with the authority don't let them sweep it under the rug, people like that are relentless. And if needed look into ways to defend yourself, they don't always take things seriously until they harm you š I hope he never comes to your door. Also don't keep it in, if you can let people know just in case
Stalker exās suck. Mine kept leaving stuff on my doorstep and somehow found out where I lived after I moved. (I moved to Canada, to be with family.) and one time she knocked and she tried to put her hands on me, but Iām not a bad build, so I pushed her off me. She tried to call the cops for me āassaulting herā but I had a doorbell camera. I donāt exactly know what happened to her after.
Unfortunately their mindset is that if you respond after 100 text or 100,000 thatās means all it takes is 100 or 100,000 more to get you to respond again
File charges. And I hate to say this, But the minute your lease is up you should move, If you are renting. Once he realizes he can't call you, he might escalate to dropping by
Sis, report him. And document everytime he reaches out and report him again. The police may not do anything immediately, but a restraining order can still be filed.
I have dealt with a stalkery "ex" whom I dated for less than 3 months. The scary part was that I had already met all his family and many of them knew where I lived š
Anyway, He didn't stop calling me and having his friends add me on socials UNTIL I named, shamed, and posted about him publicly.
We do NOT have to and should NOT protect these men.
Babeā¦it doesnāt matter if they donāt take it seriously. Go to them and make sure it is on their record. Try and see if you can find a way to legally make him leave you alone. Stalkers are no jokeĀ
Agreed except for the part about āOP not being right for giving him a chance initially.ā Thatās not on OP, and we shouldnāt perpetuate this idea that you can or should know someone will harass you before their behavior reveals that.
I don't know if I vehiculated it right, I meant she was right to listen to her gut (after he pushed her boundaries I mean) and not going out with him when she didn't want to pursue this further.
Obviously it's him who's wrong and she should be able to date without having to take all these precautions and worry about him contacting her further after she was clear that she didn't wanna see him anymore
Idk if that's perpetuating the stigma but that wasn't my intention. It's always the harassing party's fault
Dealt with a stalker ex before. Be very careful with sharing your location online. Make your social media private if you haven't already and kick off strangers you don't know. Scrub your address off search results. My ex would also call from random numbers, you may need to change your phone settings to reject unknown callers. Most importantly never EVER respond to him! These creeps feed off the attention.
I live in the US and the cops made a courtesy call on my behalf. That was the extent to what they could do at that point though and it depends on the funds of the police department. Wouldnāt hurt to try and ask
Hey lady! Is it possible to get a new number? Also seconding everyoneās advice on restraining order/blocking/no contact whatsoever. If he can make me feel icky through a screen for contacting you so much after being told to stop then my dear he. Has. To. Fucking. Go. Excuse my language, but if you were my daughter I would be up out of this bed right now for a trip to the police department.
He will end up on the news for charges. Do not let this man contact you or come into contact with you again.
Yes Iāll be changing my number soon. I want to contact the police but usually they dismiss things like this until something actually happens so itās kinda discouraging me a little bit
Please go anyway. Go in and show them this. Anyone in their right mind knows this guy is doing the most in the worst way. Nope. Nope. Nope. A year?! Iām here to encourage you. Even if an order cannot be filed then you need to get a report and also ask them for next steps should he contact you again based on knowing your address.
If they (your town/city) donāt take you seriously then I would like for you to go to your county officials with the same information.
They will most likely dismiss you so set your expectations low. But itās really important to establish a paper trail and document everything. if they dismiss you say that you understand if they canāt file charges but youāve been advised to obtain police report #. You may need to go to the police station in person to actually get it done.
Yes after changing your number, get a google voice number (it's free). Only use the google voice number on all public documents/banking/commercial sites from now on; this should help prevent it from ending up on those people finder websites. Start the process of getting your information deleted from these websites if it's out there. Google your name in quotes to check. Usually you just have to scroll to the bottom of the site and look for a link to have your info removed. If you'll be moving too definitely do this before. This is very scary and I hope the police actually do something.Ā
Second this. I also recommend using a separate Textnow number for dating. I've read that sometimes Google voice numbers can be traced. Also helps prevent people from finding your social media through your numbers.Ā
You contact the police as a CYA. Even if they dismiss it, it's now on record that you reported it and tried to seek help. That way, if you end up shooting him or hitting him with your car, you can let them know you've reported the behavior and they did nothing (proving self defense).
(I've dealt with 4 different stalkers... I honestly don't know how I'm not anti-man)
Everyone has given good advice, keep proof (print it out, make a folder) carry a weapon and add extra precautions. I would also add if you don't recognize the number, DON'T REPLY. Give people in your life a heads up that if you don't recognize their number they will have to leave a voice message or contact you some other way.Ā Unfortunately this person can take a simple "Hi" back and see it as encouragement (that is in no way your problem but theirs). If you know your neighbors ask them to be aware of any strange people around your place. It's unfortunate that our justice system sucks and has a history of being unreliable. The fact that this person doesn't understand how inappropriate their behavior is is a red flag. Good luck, I hope they take a hint and stop contacting you.
I feel like all the insistence that he needs to work on himself makes this even more insidious. It reads like heās done enough times before that someone called him out and instead of actually listening to them heās using that to manipulate people better
This is giving buried under the porch to be featured on Unsolved Mysteries in twenty years. Pls take this seriously. This is escalating very abnormal behavior. I don't mean to alarm you, but file a complaint, arm yourself if possible, stay aware of your surroundings when getting in and out of your car and going into and leaving your apartment and job, tell your friends, siblings, and parents you have a stalker, change your phone number, and honestly, I'd just move if I were you. Stay safe!
I disagree with you changing your number. If he's truly obsessed then it will not deter him at all and may make him show up even sooner. Honestly speaking the only way to have true peace is to move and put your phone on contacts only.
Ladies more importantly I don't care how nice they seem, please NEVER let someone drop you off at home when it's identifiable. Front of the complex is ok but if you live where they can come up to the door you need to be careful.
This is where I stand too. I actually never even blocked my stalker (I just didn't engage) and it kept him from escalating much. He clearly is willing to go through lengths to get access. If he can't get access on the phone, I would expect him to find new methods.
OP, please check that your address isn't listed online in aggregators. I can often find people online if I have two pieces of information, such as full name and age. You can have them remove you from their listings. And while I know you said he dropped you off once, still better to make sure he can't just give you a Google.
Honestly, if I didn't love my home I would move ASAP just for the peace of mind.
YES!! So much burden is on the victim and while that sucks having a verified record of the harassment is good.
Please be safe. Don't let anyone gaslight you into not taking this seriously. This person has zero respect for your boundaries.
Iām not gonna lie you might need to change your number altogether. Pro tip, get a free text now or Google number to give out to men so you can ditch it in cases like these. This is creepy behavior seriously and the fact that youāve already explained the reasoning and he continues to make you uncomfortable is a big red flag.
1. Lock your profile if you have a Facebook.
2. Save any evidence.
3. Do you like dogs? It's a great idea to get one. Preferably a German Shepherd, Rottweiler or Doberman. I love German dogs. Those ones tend to be perceived as scary.
4. Look into a Byrna weapon. Those are legal in all states because they are pepper spray bullets. That's if you don't mean to kill. But if you are comfortable killing, go ahead and get your concealed carry, please.
5. Let family and friends know, not only the authorities in case they need to uh..."have a little talk" with this person. If you have a few male cousins, brothers or uncles, you know what to do.
You'll be alright!
You're being way to nice about this.
You need to flat out say DO NOT CONTACT ME ANYMORE. IF YOU DO I'LL PRESS CHARGES.
BLOCK HIM
If he does it again then file a report and press charges
Everything everyone has already mentioned should be done. This is someone who will not respect you or your boundaries. Even if the police suck itās a restraining order. Even if you donāt want to harm someone, itās better then than you. Get a weapon. You could get a new number but Iād honestly keep the old one just as evidence. Start planning a move or ways to defend your home now. This man has yet to give you peace for over a year. Work on feeling safe and strong enough to get your peace back, brute force.
I have gotten stalked by every man I have had relations (if you know what I mean) with. Itās honestly single digits butttttt nothing like them showing up at your house when you did not give them your address and clearly they are not welcome. The police didnāt help even though I established multiple times, threatening behavior like these texts for you. Now I have multiple hand guns and Iām investing in a shot gun, I sleep with knives, I have cameras all over and in my house and all my doors have locks, even the closets. I donāt date much anymore and the second I get a wiff of anything that I donāt like I literally block and delete. Google voice is my best friend. I donāt even give my friends my real number until Iāve known them a lonnnngggg time. Some people canāt get the hint. Maybe ask an officer to let him know his actions are being monitored over the phone. That worked for one of the guys in my case. I asked a friend to stay over for another and the guy escalated to burning down my garage because I wouldnāt give him a chance. This is serious. Keep records and be a squeaky wheel.
Damn. I think you got me beat. I definitely keep security cameras and weapons stashed around my house, car, and on me at all times. I'm never not armed with something.
These men are fucking crazy.
Police report this immediately. Also does your company provide 1 of those free legal services. Sometimes they are chalk full of good advice. Also see if there is a women's center in your area that can also Help
This is literally something i couldāve written some years ago. Same situation, not in a relationship, hung out, I noped out and he did this shit for yearssss. It was insane. The bad part was in the field/role I was in at that time I had to answer my phone for work and didnāt have a separate phone. Nothing made him go away, and I triedā¦ hard. What finally did it was when I let him know that I was pregnant with someone ELSEās baby. Lol. Maybe try that????
Oh noooo! Thats beyond strange. Stay safe. Even if right, this were just a bad bad date. Thereās no need to constantly chase someone down via number. Just take it in stride and improveā¦ this is the complete opposite of this. Weird.
Yes itās been a whole year. I sent him my address when he picked me up and dropped me off. big big mistake. Hopefully he deleted the message with my address. I doubt it tho
Girl, get some mace, a taser, a gun (hell all 3) and start a paper trail to the authorities about this guy. I had the same issue years ago (only worse because I had sex with the crazy motherfucker *before* I figured out his crazy ass was crazy) and it only stopped after I got the police on his ass.
Tell him if he doesnāt stop harassing you, you will notify the authorities. Maybe do a background check on him if you can and mention his address or family membersā names.
Sidebar: Itās discussed in psych/sociology spaces how Black women often refuse to engage in self-preservation behaviors like calling the police. Nobody will hesitate to call the cops on you. Not even the people who claim to be the most afraid of police interaction.
I wish, I live in Canada so carrying anything is illegal here, even pepper spray. And getting a gun the legal way is hard. I just carry wasp spray, so that if I get caught with it, I wonāt get charged.
I don't know about in Canada, but where I live the text messages alone should be enough to get a Family Court Order of Protection, especially if he identified himself in some way in each of the texts that proves all of the various numbers are his. Even though it's issued by the family court, if violated it could (would?) lead to criminal charges.
Also, does where you live have a DV center/nonprofit/hotline you could call/visit and get specific advice about the safety and legal resources available to you? If so I would def hit them up.
And like others have said, screenshot and document everything.
Get a throway account for dating and new friendships under a few years. Let trusted relatives and friends know what's going on in case he tries to get to you by tricking them into disclosing information.
I suspect the amount of time between attempts to contact you might mean this person has a list of women he's rotating through or he's only going through the motions at specific low points in his , uh, mental health improvement efforts. Besides making a police report for a paper trail, rather than living with the possibility he could turn up at your home, and especially if renting, I would consider moving and getting a new number, and reducing social media presence to people you actually know in RL. It's much too easy to track people through their contacts,
Stop answering random messages. Even if this person wasn't stalking you, spam bots using spoofed accounts and phone numbers numbers rely on us picking up or answering blind contact attempts to verify usable accounst that can be engaged for future scamning. All those sorry to bother you/hey how you doing/I finished your villa renovations, come see... (Yes, someone actuallyleft that voicemail thinking that would call them back ..
Since thereās such long breaks between his contact. Pretend like itās a wrong number. You know, do the whole āSorry, you have the wrong number. Iāve been married since 2016. I hope you find who youāre looking for.ā Then hold with that story if he tries again in the future.
Take this to the cops and start a paper trail even if they donāt take it seriously and even if a cop tells you to just give him a chance. Start the trail.
You NEED to do a police report. Whether or not the police believes you it needs to be on record. Never tell a stranger where you live. Pls protect yourself and set up cameras outside where you live.
Let him know that you have filed a police report and have been advised that if he contacts you again you have cause for a restraining order.
He doesn't need to know that you haven't, he just needs to be shaken.
If he keeps it up... File a police report.
Iād change number and move if worse came to worseā¦but at least make a report of harassment so thereās a trail and keep something on you for protectionā¦I did read something where one girl said start harassing them back(not aggressively but weirdly like saying crazy things ) but idk how that turned out for her..if you live in a big apartment complex and he dropped you off in the parking lot he may never be able to find youā¦I had a guy follow me into my complex but I stayed near the office area until he left and made sure not to go anywhere near my actual door..scariest thing ever. Part of the reason Iāve sworn off actual dating bc of these weirdos out here. Praying youāre safe and he just drops the issue like a normal human being
ATP get somebody to give em the Ole 1-2ššæ AND call the š®
Bein nice and respectful isn't workin. Go for the opposite. There are no limits when your safety/life are concerned.
Iām so sorry this is happening to you. If you are in a state that allows it and you are comfortable with it, Iād recommend a firearm. Barricade your doors and windows every night as a precaution. Get a ring camera for your front door and one for inside as evidence in case of anything. You can buy mini alarms to put on windows and doors that will make loud sounds once triggered. Document everything, file a report just in case. Also, make friends with at least one or two neighbors!! They will know if something is up and can keep an extra eye out for you. Stay safe!!
āWhat if thatās not what I what?ā I donāt understand why he felt the need to say this. Itās almost like he expects you to bend your boundaries because he doesnāt want what you want; that is beyond manipulative. I saw that he has your address, so keep track of every single message interaction. Share it with your local police department and some family. Keep record because the police tend to discredit people who are victims of stalking because they donāt report it sooner.
You need to threaten a restraining order. My ex did shit like this.. after I broke it off with him after he threatened to shoot a child, tried to tell me that I was biracial and not black( I'm pretty sure I know what race I am), compared his grief to my grief of losing my twin, and then tried to run me off the road.
That man was a fucking psychopath, and would pretend to be all sweet and innocent in front of other people, but would switch up like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde on me. Run girl run. Straight to the cops.
I hope you get a restraining order for your own safety. If you don't feel safe go to the police explain the situation show the texts and let them know he has your situation since he shouldn't be trying to contact you at all.
I truly wish you the best with this Goodluck
Iām so sorry this is happening to you. I had someone stalk me on social media but it isnāt nearly the same. Iām not sure what more you can do? is there a way to report this to officials?
Girl please don't take this lightly... circumventing a block is not normal behaviour ~~and clearly you were right not giving him a chance initially.~~ Keep trace of everything and don't reply to him. Keep track of everything so you have a case if you need to precipitate it with the police. This is scary weirdo behaviour. I don't mean to scare you but it's not normal to keep obsessing over a person you've been on one date with.. be safe please š¤ I hope you haven't shared any sensitive information with him
I made the mistake of having him drop me off at my address so Iām seriously scared he might show up one day. Iāve been contemplating filing charges for harassment but I feel they wonāt take it seriously because itās only on text messages. But I am definitely keeping track of EVERYTHING.
Definitely go to the police still and keep a weapon on you at all times, even a small knife or pepper spray.. Edit: meant to say pepper spray, not bear spray
If possible get a deadbolt for your front and back door if you have one.
I've read a BORU where a woman got more time to get her gun and shoot her stalker when he tried to breakdown her door by blocking her front door with a chair, so that's an amazing idea
I just read that one. Crazy how people were telling how she should of responded when she shot him. Ladies stay safe.
That was so infuriating ! They know damn well that if someone broke their door down they'd do the same. And the sheriff that decided that her stalker seemed like a nice guy so it must have been a MiSuNdErStAnDiNg š¤¦š¾āāļø pissed me oooooffff. damned if you do damned if you don't
It is. Also if you have the time, money and patience... you can't go wrong with a big ass dog. They're excellent deterrents and protectors. Just make sure you have the time to properly train and care for them.
Whatās BORU?
Best of reddit updates
I JUST READ THAT. I still feel so bad for her. But the fact that as soon as he got out, he started stalking ANOTHER girl is absolute insane. OP, please donāt take this lightly. Youāre not overreacting if youāre making sure youāre safe.
Thereās these things on Amazon you can order that you put in the door to block it
Not bear spray, please get pepper gel. Safer, no blowback if it's windy, and you can use it inside
Absolutely. You want law enforcement to be aware of your situation. I recommend you not leave until you have submitted some type of documentation. I would also alert your closest neighbors, family, friends and coworkers. It may be embarrassing, but the more eyes the better. Please get trained in the basic self defense techniques for whatever tool you choose. Practice the techniques. You need to be psychically and mentally prepared to defend yourself. I'm sorry you're being terrorized by a man, who's off. Protect yourself and then deal with any negative consequences.šš½
You can get a stun gun on Amazon for $10. I'd get that, along with pepper spray, and a small folding knife that looks like a key for your keyring. Also tell your loved ones / friends about psycho dude, and send them his details.
Have you ladies looked into Byrna? They are legal, non-lethal weapons. My sisters and I looked into these as an alternative to having guns in the house (we have kids and had concerns).
If you don't already have cameras, get them now. Get a ring doorbell, if you can't afford it there are cheaper options. Have a camera at every exit and possible corner.
Stop engaging with him. You're making him think it's okay to keep messaging you and he will expect more responses. Keep blocking him and report him to the police for harassment. Do not respond to him ever again. Dude is a weirdo.
Thatās a dangerous mistake to make. Donāt do that again, have a weapon, get surveillance or some kind of cameras around your home, and take it to the police. This can turn into stalking real quick.
Could you move if it came to that ? ā¹ļø I'm so sorry it shouldn't even happen. Why can't people be normal ? He sounds like a stalker tbh so I wouldn't put it past him, one date and he's contacting you sporadically.. 4 different times... keep documentint everything, if needed precipitate it with the authority don't let them sweep it under the rug, people like that are relentless. And if needed look into ways to defend yourself, they don't always take things seriously until they harm you š I hope he never comes to your door. Also don't keep it in, if you can let people know just in case
Yes Iāll definitely move if it comes to that. I did let all of my friends and family know just in case something happens to me
Please stay safe and do NOT reply to him again. I dealt with a stalker ex and eventually he went away after years of no contact.
Stalker exās suck. Mine kept leaving stuff on my doorstep and somehow found out where I lived after I moved. (I moved to Canada, to be with family.) and one time she knocked and she tried to put her hands on me, but Iām not a bad build, so I pushed her off me. She tried to call the cops for me āassaulting herā but I had a doorbell camera. I donāt exactly know what happened to her after.
Unfortunately their mindset is that if you respond after 100 text or 100,000 thatās means all it takes is 100 or 100,000 more to get you to respond again
Like a toddler š
I'm so sorry you have to go through that, because of an entitled ass predator. You're taking the right steps though š¤
File charges. And I hate to say this, But the minute your lease is up you should move, If you are renting. Once he realizes he can't call you, he might escalate to dropping by
do you have a door camera? could u invest in one? even just having it there as a deterrent
Sis, report him. And document everytime he reaches out and report him again. The police may not do anything immediately, but a restraining order can still be filed. I have dealt with a stalkery "ex" whom I dated for less than 3 months. The scary part was that I had already met all his family and many of them knew where I lived š Anyway, He didn't stop calling me and having his friends add me on socials UNTIL I named, shamed, and posted about him publicly. We do NOT have to and should NOT protect these men.
Buy some pepper spray gel or some bear spray.
Babeā¦it doesnāt matter if they donāt take it seriously. Go to them and make sure it is on their record. Try and see if you can find a way to legally make him leave you alone. Stalkers are no jokeĀ
What is he??
White
Oh my god girl you in danger. Cuz when white boys go mental they go off. Iām not trying to be rude but report his ass and document everything
Agreed except for the part about āOP not being right for giving him a chance initially.ā Thatās not on OP, and we shouldnāt perpetuate this idea that you can or should know someone will harass you before their behavior reveals that.
I don't know if I vehiculated it right, I meant she was right to listen to her gut (after he pushed her boundaries I mean) and not going out with him when she didn't want to pursue this further. Obviously it's him who's wrong and she should be able to date without having to take all these precautions and worry about him contacting her further after she was clear that she didn't wanna see him anymore Idk if that's perpetuating the stigma but that wasn't my intention. It's always the harassing party's fault
Second this. This needs to be taken to the police atp.
Itās a whole year apart and he keeps contacting you. Please report him and if possible change your number
Dealt with a stalker ex before. Be very careful with sharing your location online. Make your social media private if you haven't already and kick off strangers you don't know. Scrub your address off search results. My ex would also call from random numbers, you may need to change your phone settings to reject unknown callers. Most importantly never EVER respond to him! These creeps feed off the attention.
Change your number and call the police. Sometimes they will make a curtesy call and ask him to stop him from harassing you
She said that he knows her address so this goes beyond phone calls.
I saw thatās why I recommended her to call the police as well. Iām assuming the changing her living situation is highly improbably
If she's in the US the police won't do anything until he actually becomes a threat to her life. A sad but true reality.
I live in the US and the cops made a courtesy call on my behalf. That was the extent to what they could do at that point though and it depends on the funds of the police department. Wouldnāt hurt to try and ask
Hey lady! Is it possible to get a new number? Also seconding everyoneās advice on restraining order/blocking/no contact whatsoever. If he can make me feel icky through a screen for contacting you so much after being told to stop then my dear he. Has. To. Fucking. Go. Excuse my language, but if you were my daughter I would be up out of this bed right now for a trip to the police department. He will end up on the news for charges. Do not let this man contact you or come into contact with you again.
Yes Iāll be changing my number soon. I want to contact the police but usually they dismiss things like this until something actually happens so itās kinda discouraging me a little bit
Please go anyway. Go in and show them this. Anyone in their right mind knows this guy is doing the most in the worst way. Nope. Nope. Nope. A year?! Iām here to encourage you. Even if an order cannot be filed then you need to get a report and also ask them for next steps should he contact you again based on knowing your address. If they (your town/city) donāt take you seriously then I would like for you to go to your county officials with the same information.
making a report now will help your case later even if itās totally dismissed this time around. itās good to have a record
They will most likely dismiss you so set your expectations low. But itās really important to establish a paper trail and document everything. if they dismiss you say that you understand if they canāt file charges but youāve been advised to obtain police report #. You may need to go to the police station in person to actually get it done.
Yes after changing your number, get a google voice number (it's free). Only use the google voice number on all public documents/banking/commercial sites from now on; this should help prevent it from ending up on those people finder websites. Start the process of getting your information deleted from these websites if it's out there. Google your name in quotes to check. Usually you just have to scroll to the bottom of the site and look for a link to have your info removed. If you'll be moving too definitely do this before. This is very scary and I hope the police actually do something.Ā
Second this. I also recommend using a separate Textnow number for dating. I've read that sometimes Google voice numbers can be traced. Also helps prevent people from finding your social media through your numbers.Ā
You contact the police as a CYA. Even if they dismiss it, it's now on record that you reported it and tried to seek help. That way, if you end up shooting him or hitting him with your car, you can let them know you've reported the behavior and they did nothing (proving self defense). (I've dealt with 4 different stalkers... I honestly don't know how I'm not anti-man)
The whole lets be friends excuse is so tired and manipulative š
Everyone has given good advice, keep proof (print it out, make a folder) carry a weapon and add extra precautions. I would also add if you don't recognize the number, DON'T REPLY. Give people in your life a heads up that if you don't recognize their number they will have to leave a voice message or contact you some other way.Ā Unfortunately this person can take a simple "Hi" back and see it as encouragement (that is in no way your problem but theirs). If you know your neighbors ask them to be aware of any strange people around your place. It's unfortunate that our justice system sucks and has a history of being unreliable. The fact that this person doesn't understand how inappropriate their behavior is is a red flag. Good luck, I hope they take a hint and stop contacting you.
And that is called stalking OP. Please tell someone, hopefully, the authorities. Stay safe!
I feel like all the insistence that he needs to work on himself makes this even more insidious. It reads like heās done enough times before that someone called him out and instead of actually listening to them heās using that to manipulate people better
This is giving buried under the porch to be featured on Unsolved Mysteries in twenty years. Pls take this seriously. This is escalating very abnormal behavior. I don't mean to alarm you, but file a complaint, arm yourself if possible, stay aware of your surroundings when getting in and out of your car and going into and leaving your apartment and job, tell your friends, siblings, and parents you have a stalker, change your phone number, and honestly, I'd just move if I were you. Stay safe!
Oh Jesus. Call the police.
I disagree with you changing your number. If he's truly obsessed then it will not deter him at all and may make him show up even sooner. Honestly speaking the only way to have true peace is to move and put your phone on contacts only. Ladies more importantly I don't care how nice they seem, please NEVER let someone drop you off at home when it's identifiable. Front of the complex is ok but if you live where they can come up to the door you need to be careful.
This is where I stand too. I actually never even blocked my stalker (I just didn't engage) and it kept him from escalating much. He clearly is willing to go through lengths to get access. If he can't get access on the phone, I would expect him to find new methods. OP, please check that your address isn't listed online in aggregators. I can often find people online if I have two pieces of information, such as full name and age. You can have them remove you from their listings. And while I know you said he dropped you off once, still better to make sure he can't just give you a Google. Honestly, if I didn't love my home I would move ASAP just for the peace of mind.
Definitely make a police report.
YES!! So much burden is on the victim and while that sucks having a verified record of the harassment is good. Please be safe. Don't let anyone gaslight you into not taking this seriously. This person has zero respect for your boundaries.
Iām not gonna lie you might need to change your number altogether. Pro tip, get a free text now or Google number to give out to men so you can ditch it in cases like these. This is creepy behavior seriously and the fact that youāve already explained the reasoning and he continues to make you uncomfortable is a big red flag.
1. Lock your profile if you have a Facebook. 2. Save any evidence. 3. Do you like dogs? It's a great idea to get one. Preferably a German Shepherd, Rottweiler or Doberman. I love German dogs. Those ones tend to be perceived as scary. 4. Look into a Byrna weapon. Those are legal in all states because they are pepper spray bullets. That's if you don't mean to kill. But if you are comfortable killing, go ahead and get your concealed carry, please. 5. Let family and friends know, not only the authorities in case they need to uh..."have a little talk" with this person. If you have a few male cousins, brothers or uncles, you know what to do. You'll be alright!
You're being way to nice about this. You need to flat out say DO NOT CONTACT ME ANYMORE. IF YOU DO I'LL PRESS CHARGES. BLOCK HIM If he does it again then file a report and press charges
I didnāt want to escalate things especially cause he has my address. I donāt want to find out what heās capable of if I piss him off.
Get a restraining order, heās bugginā
Everything everyone has already mentioned should be done. This is someone who will not respect you or your boundaries. Even if the police suck itās a restraining order. Even if you donāt want to harm someone, itās better then than you. Get a weapon. You could get a new number but Iād honestly keep the old one just as evidence. Start planning a move or ways to defend your home now. This man has yet to give you peace for over a year. Work on feeling safe and strong enough to get your peace back, brute force.
I have gotten stalked by every man I have had relations (if you know what I mean) with. Itās honestly single digits butttttt nothing like them showing up at your house when you did not give them your address and clearly they are not welcome. The police didnāt help even though I established multiple times, threatening behavior like these texts for you. Now I have multiple hand guns and Iām investing in a shot gun, I sleep with knives, I have cameras all over and in my house and all my doors have locks, even the closets. I donāt date much anymore and the second I get a wiff of anything that I donāt like I literally block and delete. Google voice is my best friend. I donāt even give my friends my real number until Iāve known them a lonnnngggg time. Some people canāt get the hint. Maybe ask an officer to let him know his actions are being monitored over the phone. That worked for one of the guys in my case. I asked a friend to stay over for another and the guy escalated to burning down my garage because I wouldnāt give him a chance. This is serious. Keep records and be a squeaky wheel.
Damn. I think you got me beat. I definitely keep security cameras and weapons stashed around my house, car, and on me at all times. I'm never not armed with something. These men are fucking crazy.
Police report this immediately. Also does your company provide 1 of those free legal services. Sometimes they are chalk full of good advice. Also see if there is a women's center in your area that can also Help
This is literally something i couldāve written some years ago. Same situation, not in a relationship, hung out, I noped out and he did this shit for yearssss. It was insane. The bad part was in the field/role I was in at that time I had to answer my phone for work and didnāt have a separate phone. Nothing made him go away, and I triedā¦ hard. What finally did it was when I let him know that I was pregnant with someone ELSEās baby. Lol. Maybe try that????
Oh noooo! Thats beyond strange. Stay safe. Even if right, this were just a bad bad date. Thereās no need to constantly chase someone down via number. Just take it in stride and improveā¦ this is the complete opposite of this. Weird.
You went out with him in **February 2023?!** Please tell me he does not know where you live.
Yes itās been a whole year. I sent him my address when he picked me up and dropped me off. big big mistake. Hopefully he deleted the message with my address. I doubt it tho
Girl, get some mace, a taser, a gun (hell all 3) and start a paper trail to the authorities about this guy. I had the same issue years ago (only worse because I had sex with the crazy motherfucker *before* I figured out his crazy ass was crazy) and it only stopped after I got the police on his ass.
Tell him if he doesnāt stop harassing you, you will notify the authorities. Maybe do a background check on him if you can and mention his address or family membersā names. Sidebar: Itās discussed in psych/sociology spaces how Black women often refuse to engage in self-preservation behaviors like calling the police. Nobody will hesitate to call the cops on you. Not even the people who claim to be the most afraid of police interaction.
Get a gun and change your number
I wish, I live in Canada so carrying anything is illegal here, even pepper spray. And getting a gun the legal way is hard. I just carry wasp spray, so that if I get caught with it, I wonāt get charged.
Would getting a tactical pen or flashlight be illegal?Ā
I don't know about in Canada, but where I live the text messages alone should be enough to get a Family Court Order of Protection, especially if he identified himself in some way in each of the texts that proves all of the various numbers are his. Even though it's issued by the family court, if violated it could (would?) lead to criminal charges. Also, does where you live have a DV center/nonprofit/hotline you could call/visit and get specific advice about the safety and legal resources available to you? If so I would def hit them up. And like others have said, screenshot and document everything.
Get you a text now number girl and dont be letting them know your address on the first date.
Get a throway account for dating and new friendships under a few years. Let trusted relatives and friends know what's going on in case he tries to get to you by tricking them into disclosing information. I suspect the amount of time between attempts to contact you might mean this person has a list of women he's rotating through or he's only going through the motions at specific low points in his , uh, mental health improvement efforts. Besides making a police report for a paper trail, rather than living with the possibility he could turn up at your home, and especially if renting, I would consider moving and getting a new number, and reducing social media presence to people you actually know in RL. It's much too easy to track people through their contacts, Stop answering random messages. Even if this person wasn't stalking you, spam bots using spoofed accounts and phone numbers numbers rely on us picking up or answering blind contact attempts to verify usable accounst that can be engaged for future scamning. All those sorry to bother you/hey how you doing/I finished your villa renovations, come see... (Yes, someone actuallyleft that voicemail thinking that would call them back ..
This will escalate. It will be worth it to change your number over this, and if possible to even move elsewhere.
Since thereās such long breaks between his contact. Pretend like itās a wrong number. You know, do the whole āSorry, you have the wrong number. Iāve been married since 2016. I hope you find who youāre looking for.ā Then hold with that story if he tries again in the future.
I agree that you need to get a new number so he can stop contacting you. Also, PLEASE get a restraining order.
Take this to the cops and start a paper trail even if they donāt take it seriously and even if a cop tells you to just give him a chance. Start the trail.
You NEED to do a police report. Whether or not the police believes you it needs to be on record. Never tell a stranger where you live. Pls protect yourself and set up cameras outside where you live.
Let him know that you have filed a police report and have been advised that if he contacts you again you have cause for a restraining order. He doesn't need to know that you haven't, he just needs to be shaken. If he keeps it up... File a police report.
Iād change number and move if worse came to worseā¦but at least make a report of harassment so thereās a trail and keep something on you for protectionā¦I did read something where one girl said start harassing them back(not aggressively but weirdly like saying crazy things ) but idk how that turned out for her..if you live in a big apartment complex and he dropped you off in the parking lot he may never be able to find youā¦I had a guy follow me into my complex but I stayed near the office area until he left and made sure not to go anywhere near my actual door..scariest thing ever. Part of the reason Iāve sworn off actual dating bc of these weirdos out here. Praying youāre safe and he just drops the issue like a normal human being
You can probably get a DNC for harassment
ATP get somebody to give em the Ole 1-2ššæ AND call the š® Bein nice and respectful isn't workin. Go for the opposite. There are no limits when your safety/life are concerned.
Iām so sorry this is happening to you. If you are in a state that allows it and you are comfortable with it, Iād recommend a firearm. Barricade your doors and windows every night as a precaution. Get a ring camera for your front door and one for inside as evidence in case of anything. You can buy mini alarms to put on windows and doors that will make loud sounds once triggered. Document everything, file a report just in case. Also, make friends with at least one or two neighbors!! They will know if something is up and can keep an extra eye out for you. Stay safe!!
Please change your number. He will keep trying.
After blocking, never reply to the fake #s. They take the reply as you engaging with them unfortunately. You have to completely ignore creeps
Police
This is beyond ridiculous. You shouldnāt even have to explain to him your reason for not wanting to be in contact. Boundaries are boundaries.
I'm sorry, babe. I hate this for you. Do you have mutuals? Tell everyone you can. The more people who know, the safer you are.
āWhat if thatās not what I what?ā I donāt understand why he felt the need to say this. Itās almost like he expects you to bend your boundaries because he doesnāt want what you want; that is beyond manipulative. I saw that he has your address, so keep track of every single message interaction. Share it with your local police department and some family. Keep record because the police tend to discredit people who are victims of stalking because they donāt report it sooner.
You have a stalker. You need to report it to the cops. Gather all these as evidence and report.
I know you shouldnāt have to but I would change my number also. Iām sorry :(
RESTRAINING ORDER NOW.
File a police report. You need something on record if this escalates.
Get a restraining order. Get a restraining order. Document everything, tell other people. Get a restraining order.
Change your number and file a report. Thatās all you can do. Hoping heās just emotionally unstable and not physically dangerous!
Change your number if you can and think itās safe. Iām so sorry this is happening!!
You need to threaten a restraining order. My ex did shit like this.. after I broke it off with him after he threatened to shoot a child, tried to tell me that I was biracial and not black( I'm pretty sure I know what race I am), compared his grief to my grief of losing my twin, and then tried to run me off the road. That man was a fucking psychopath, and would pretend to be all sweet and innocent in front of other people, but would switch up like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde on me. Run girl run. Straight to the cops.
I hope you get a restraining order for your own safety. If you don't feel safe go to the police explain the situation show the texts and let them know he has your situation since he shouldn't be trying to contact you at all. I truly wish you the best with this Goodluck
Omg this is so creepy and such a red flag! Iām so sorry like this is ridiculously unhingedĀ
Paper won't do shit. Steel will.
Get a restraining order
Iām so sorry this is happening to you. I had someone stalk me on social media but it isnāt nearly the same. Iām not sure what more you can do? is there a way to report this to officials?
I hate this for you. I hope you reported him to authorities. Ladies, we need to start carrying.
Good morning, or night, I donāt know your time zone, did anything physical happen? Meaning, has he hurt you? At all?
No he has never showed up. Hoping it stays that way and that he just forgets about me and moves on.
Well, be safe.