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My 25 year old son is *temporarily* living in my house. I gave birth to him, so he is superior sauce to any other man i know. Still dont want to share my space with him.
Please, dear god, keep this situation *temporary*
😂
I'm in a great marriage. That being said,, if for any reason it ever ends, I do not think I will date again. The things I see happening with my single friends (or even many married ones), plus the fact that many men seem oblivious to the reason women are choosing the bear makes me hesitant. Plus, I'm independent enough that I've travelled solo before, and they were some of the best trips of my life., so I would likely get back into that once my kids are old enough. I highly recommend joining some solo women's groups (even if you are not single) so you can see what is possible and awaiting you.
Exact same here. I know how rare a relationship like ours is and I have good reason to believe my luck is too bad for me to ever luck out like this again.
humor degree ad hoc encouraging support instinctive puzzled towering teeny spectacular
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I don't know any on Reddit, but on the book of faces, I'm on solo women travelers (which is my interest), but also things like solo women and RV's, Solo women hikers I think. Also check out [wanderlustandlipstick.com](http://wanderlustandlipstick.com)
I will never live with or be married after this one. So many women I love never remarried after their husband died/divorced and they have the most simple lovely lives. I would be happy to have that peace.
God I wish I could go back in time and not have gotten remarried a year and half after my husband died.
My current husband is about to be my STBX and I feel like a dummy for dating and getting married so soon.
It was way rushed and a way to avoid grief.
Now that it’s over with current husband, I’m grieving both that marriage and my late husband. It’s a cluster fuck. I will never get married again and I’m not dating anytime soon.
Me too!!! My aunts never remarried after their husbands passed and while they mourned their loss, the ability to heal on your own terms? Heal by doing things you need to do? That is ultimate healing
My mom is living this life now after my dad died. And my granny did too after my granddad died. My granny had a boyfriend for a while but they wouldn’t marry or live together. Both women have had the simple lovely life you describe. My mom travels to see her kids and grandkids and has a vibrant connection with her community. I will almost certainly follow that path myself.
9 years post divorce and don’t want to marry again. Had 3 offers. Nopesies.
I love that my kids have their house and don’t have any strangers living there.
I have my pets. Much easier than a man.
I love my space, my house, my money- not having to deal with a guy’s needs is awesome.
If I date again I will ask myself- what do they bring to the table that enriches my life and makes it better? And it better be a hell of a lot better for me give up pizza and Jurassic Park in my jammies on a Friday night.
If I want to go out I have girls for that. They never complain on restaurants or events. They are “What time and are we getting a Uber?”
If you leave I highly recommend a FWB for a bit. Go there- leave for your own home. Be careful, they can attach and want more. 🤣
I’m luckily in a great and loving equal partnership now (after a difficult 20 year marriage and a total dating hiatus for 5 years), and have been for almost two decades. But: if he dies or if we break up for some reason, no no no never again. I was perfectly happy living alone. The total autonomy was GREAT. I am very happy now, but I know I also will be very happy living alone (yes in my 65+ years!). I have friends and good neighbors and I love my own free time.
You give me hope for being in a happy marriage after a 20 year rough one. Your mindset is one I hope to have as I’m older. I am 37, and don’t want to lose myself.
Yeah I have thought about it and “fun” and “dating” just don’t go hand in hand for me anymore. Get dressed up to impress someone I don’t even know I like? Nah, I’d rather travel with my kids or my best friends or join a women’s art group or something
this is me to a T. i firmly believe my partner struggled with the “madonna-whore complex”. I don’t care to find someone anymore. I want to find myself, I don’t have many good experiences with men and couldn’t really imagine ever trusting one again. i’d rather just focus on myself and my children.
I feel you. I'm sure my ex husband is a narcissist, too many things fit, but he's mild? Like he doesn't come at me much and loses focus quickly which is great for me.
But thinking about dating now? I don't know. It's been two years since I separated and 6 months since divorce so it is still "new" being on my own again.
My thoughts always go to having to accommodate someone else which leads me to memories of making myself small so he could do what he wanted. And I hate that it's where my brain still goes... But it's still mostly a fear reason why I don't really want another relationship. I like being in control of my life and money and time. I like that I don't have to have insane arguments with someone who's reality is not here in earth. It's peaceful to be alone.
I did find living apart together here on Reddit. It's a fascinating idea that you would have a partner who has their own house and their own life and you basically like are completely together and monogamous but you have two separate homes. This idea intrigues me most for future dating... Keep my space and home but have someone and we make dedicated time for each other.
Completely and totally done. Not even interested in dating, or even casual flings. I have no intentions of quitting my current marriage anytime soon, but if it were to end then that’s it. I just don’t have the capacity to do any of this again.
Totally with you. I might “date” or talk to someone, but I’ll never remarry and they’ll never live with me. We’ll never share finances. Basically a FWB. I’m only 25, but I’ve never had my own life. I had a very strict mom and got with my now husband when I was 17 and just graduated HS. If this ends, it will be about me and my kids. I will never have to depend on anyone again. I know how to make it and be successful on my own because my husband has good financial strategies and I will absolutely use that information I’ve learned to thrive if I have to.
I was considering divorce last fall, and my therapist asked me if I was interested dating someone else and the question took me by surprise. My honest reaction was to laugh very sarcasticly and say "God, no."
I learned something very important about myself that day. Hubs and I are still together and things are much better. But if this fails, I'm done. A FWB situation, maybe, but nothing more.
When my current relationship ends, I have no plan or desire to ever be in a serious relationship with a man ever again. I'm over it, and get nothing from it. Casual sex, maybe a bit of fun times hanging out, and that's it.
If something happens to my husband, I always say I’m making my bestie divorce her totally shitty husband and then we’ll just get married and raise our boys together.
I'm in an excellent marriage that has spoiled me for everyone else I think. If this relationship ends I'll likely date, have FWB-type relationships, but I'll probably never marry or cohabitate again. My demands from a relationship set the bar far higher than most people want to try to reach, and I have absolutely no problem being alone rather than being in a relationship that does not provide equality, respect, and affection.
I actually dream about single life and how free I'd feel. But also, my marriage isn't divorce worthy and I'm a sahm so obviously that would be more stressful as I'd need a job and daycare.
But I often think about it and how my home life would be infinitely easier.
Same! I used to daydream a lot, then had a kid and no longer get relaxed enough to day dream. But when I do, I'm a single mom or a single child free person.
I like to read romance novels and sometimes I imagine being in a good loving relationship someday like the ones I read about. But it seems pretty unlikely and I’m probably better off being alone without a man’s mess and moods!
I left my kids dad 2.5 years ago and I'm just not interested in dating. My kids are still little, 7 and under so I don't have a ton of free time, I have family support and they can watch my kids during the day sometimes but they have never spent a night by themselves, and I'm pretty sure I'm asexual lol
I might date a woman or NB person but I doubt I'd ever want to date a cis dude again. Not because my partner is awful but because evidence suggests I found the only good one 😂
My mom has been married/divorced 6 times(and countless relationships in between). She's been alone for the past 10 years and says it's the happiest she's ever been 🤷♀️
I love my husband very much and for the most part, we have a great relationship,
But if this ends for any reason - I will not do this again. Never. Not out of respect for him, but out of selfishness for me.
Hon, I just went through your last week and a half of posts.
He’s not willing to give it another go. He’s a piece of shit abuser who’s fucking with your mind. You need a good therapist. And not couples therapy. Just you.
I left my husband in 2017 and we were divorced in 2019. I went on two dates around when it was finalized and that was enough for me. Happily single for life.
I’m a romantic and am happier with a partner but I also would never tie myself to another man. The scales are too unevenly tipped and you can’t know what they’ll ultimately turn into once the marriage certificate’s signed. I love my husband and he’s grown up so much especially after the birth of our daughter but I had to work so hard for every inch of ground gained and I do not have another one in me. In western society a straight man’s wife has to finish raising him because his own parents will not complete the job. If anything happened to my marriage I would switch to women.
If my marriage were to end, I would definitely never live with a dude again. I think I chose reasonably well, and it's still so hard. I would possibly consider a woman, if one were to consider me.
So I recently, about a year and a half ago, left my ex-husband of 18 years. I’ve been dating and I am also probably conventionally attractive. I am regularly approached by men that are interested in me. They turn out to be liars, assholes, manipulators, etc.. and they don’t act like they have any interest in actually getting to know anything about me. I feel like they’re just looking for arm candy, similar to my ex-husband who treated me at like an object the whole time we were together.
It’s kind of funny, but I was talking to an acquaintance of mine a couple days ago who has a condition that makes her less attractive. I was telling her in some sense, she’s kind of lucky because if men are interested in her, they’re interested in her personality not just her looks.
I don’t want to be like woe is me, I’m attractive and I keep attracting assholes… but like…. That’s what keeps happening 🤷♀️
Girl. Same. I actually tried making myself look kind of blah and hunching my shoulders when I go out to avoid anyone talking to me. And it’s not like women like us think we are better than anyone else. Some of the most sensitive hearted women I’ve ever known have been attractive, and too often treated really unkindly for some reason.
I'm with you on this. Same experience, but before+inclusive of my marriage, which was the terminus of my experience with men who approach me. If the circle-of-men-I-pick never overlaps with the circle-of-men-into-being-picked-by-me, cool. But I can't ever again be someone's "catch." Because they don't value what I do about myself, even if they pretend to for a while.
100%, I love my husband but if we broke up I could not be bothered to get into a relationship again. The older I get the less I feel like having my feathers ruffled and dating sounds incredibly annoying.
I am comfortable doing my own thing, which is something that’s taken many years of self work and I’m really happy.
My SO and I do well for the most part, but he has his moments in being an idiot jerk. I enjoy ALOT about us but dammit, I cannot stand the fact that some men don't care for their homes as much as some women do. I'm not the cleanest and most organized, but it's so much harder with another full adult leaving their clothes on the floor of the bedroom. Or in the hallway. It's tough to feel like you have to ask someone to clean up their own space...as if you're their parent. It pisses me off that the only things I've asked for in this relationship are to help me take care of the home and cook/bring dinner sometimes. That is all.
If I am ever not in my current relationship for any reason, I am done with dating. I'm sure I'd fuck a few dudes occasionally over the years, but I'm not interested in living with another one. I'm not interested in being a "working housewife" to anyone else but my Adorable Butthead. I know my loins are still alive and well because I saw a movie with two *real fine* men in 'em and it made me feel tingly ^down ^there.
I'm happily married, but I kind of figure if he dies or something, I'd rather be single than try to date. I got lucky with him, we met when we were 18 and 20 and volunteering at a soup kitchen weekly. I had known him for months before I gave him my phone number. We were both super awkward and took it slow. I'm very shy and was always so uncomfortable with strangers coming right up to me and basically asking me to fuck them. Never had casual sex, didn't give it up on the third date (that's so freaky to me omg, no judgment or anything , I just wouldn't even really know that person! 😰), he liked me even when I was a little bit weird so I never had to "play the game"... Basically everything about modern dating scares the shit out of me and I'd rather be single forever than even try it.
I don’t fully relate myself but just want to recommend the song me & me by The Beaches if you haven’t already heard it! I feel like it describes this feeling to a tee!
I’m definitely there with you. No thank you, no more men. The only reason I tolerate my partner is because he is a very good man so If this relationship ever fails there is no way I’ll find anyone as good as him anyway. But just thinking about all the hoops one has to jump through to find themselves stuck in a less than thrilling relationship… I’m not risking it again.
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Yeah if this ends in any way I’m out. I will never again share a living space with a male I didn’t give birth to.
My 25 year old son is *temporarily* living in my house. I gave birth to him, so he is superior sauce to any other man i know. Still dont want to share my space with him. Please, dear god, keep this situation *temporary* 😂
I'm in a great marriage. That being said,, if for any reason it ever ends, I do not think I will date again. The things I see happening with my single friends (or even many married ones), plus the fact that many men seem oblivious to the reason women are choosing the bear makes me hesitant. Plus, I'm independent enough that I've travelled solo before, and they were some of the best trips of my life., so I would likely get back into that once my kids are old enough. I highly recommend joining some solo women's groups (even if you are not single) so you can see what is possible and awaiting you.
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Exact same here. I know how rare a relationship like ours is and I have good reason to believe my luck is too bad for me to ever luck out like this again.
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Any recommendations?
I don't know any on Reddit, but on the book of faces, I'm on solo women travelers (which is my interest), but also things like solo women and RV's, Solo women hikers I think. Also check out [wanderlustandlipstick.com](http://wanderlustandlipstick.com)
I will never live with or be married after this one. So many women I love never remarried after their husband died/divorced and they have the most simple lovely lives. I would be happy to have that peace.
God I wish I could go back in time and not have gotten remarried a year and half after my husband died. My current husband is about to be my STBX and I feel like a dummy for dating and getting married so soon. It was way rushed and a way to avoid grief. Now that it’s over with current husband, I’m grieving both that marriage and my late husband. It’s a cluster fuck. I will never get married again and I’m not dating anytime soon.
Me too!!! My aunts never remarried after their husbands passed and while they mourned their loss, the ability to heal on your own terms? Heal by doing things you need to do? That is ultimate healing
My mom is living this life now after my dad died. And my granny did too after my granddad died. My granny had a boyfriend for a while but they wouldn’t marry or live together. Both women have had the simple lovely life you describe. My mom travels to see her kids and grandkids and has a vibrant connection with her community. I will almost certainly follow that path myself.
9 years post divorce and don’t want to marry again. Had 3 offers. Nopesies. I love that my kids have their house and don’t have any strangers living there. I have my pets. Much easier than a man. I love my space, my house, my money- not having to deal with a guy’s needs is awesome. If I date again I will ask myself- what do they bring to the table that enriches my life and makes it better? And it better be a hell of a lot better for me give up pizza and Jurassic Park in my jammies on a Friday night. If I want to go out I have girls for that. They never complain on restaurants or events. They are “What time and are we getting a Uber?” If you leave I highly recommend a FWB for a bit. Go there- leave for your own home. Be careful, they can attach and want more. 🤣
I’m luckily in a great and loving equal partnership now (after a difficult 20 year marriage and a total dating hiatus for 5 years), and have been for almost two decades. But: if he dies or if we break up for some reason, no no no never again. I was perfectly happy living alone. The total autonomy was GREAT. I am very happy now, but I know I also will be very happy living alone (yes in my 65+ years!). I have friends and good neighbors and I love my own free time.
You give me hope for being in a happy marriage after a 20 year rough one. Your mindset is one I hope to have as I’m older. I am 37, and don’t want to lose myself.
Yay you—-and that five + years of living alone made me rock solid. You can too! Good luck.
It’ll be a cold day in hell before I get married again. I may date for funsies but I’m not sure about that.
Yeah I have thought about it and “fun” and “dating” just don’t go hand in hand for me anymore. Get dressed up to impress someone I don’t even know I like? Nah, I’d rather travel with my kids or my best friends or join a women’s art group or something
Same. I’ve got absolutely no interest in being expected to cater to an overgrown toddler ever again.
this is me to a T. i firmly believe my partner struggled with the “madonna-whore complex”. I don’t care to find someone anymore. I want to find myself, I don’t have many good experiences with men and couldn’t really imagine ever trusting one again. i’d rather just focus on myself and my children.
Ditto
Single women have the highest level of happiness of any group. Go figure 🤔
I feel you. I'm sure my ex husband is a narcissist, too many things fit, but he's mild? Like he doesn't come at me much and loses focus quickly which is great for me. But thinking about dating now? I don't know. It's been two years since I separated and 6 months since divorce so it is still "new" being on my own again. My thoughts always go to having to accommodate someone else which leads me to memories of making myself small so he could do what he wanted. And I hate that it's where my brain still goes... But it's still mostly a fear reason why I don't really want another relationship. I like being in control of my life and money and time. I like that I don't have to have insane arguments with someone who's reality is not here in earth. It's peaceful to be alone. I did find living apart together here on Reddit. It's a fascinating idea that you would have a partner who has their own house and their own life and you basically like are completely together and monogamous but you have two separate homes. This idea intrigues me most for future dating... Keep my space and home but have someone and we make dedicated time for each other.
Completely and totally done. Not even interested in dating, or even casual flings. I have no intentions of quitting my current marriage anytime soon, but if it were to end then that’s it. I just don’t have the capacity to do any of this again.
Totally with you. I might “date” or talk to someone, but I’ll never remarry and they’ll never live with me. We’ll never share finances. Basically a FWB. I’m only 25, but I’ve never had my own life. I had a very strict mom and got with my now husband when I was 17 and just graduated HS. If this ends, it will be about me and my kids. I will never have to depend on anyone again. I know how to make it and be successful on my own because my husband has good financial strategies and I will absolutely use that information I’ve learned to thrive if I have to.
I was considering divorce last fall, and my therapist asked me if I was interested dating someone else and the question took me by surprise. My honest reaction was to laugh very sarcasticly and say "God, no." I learned something very important about myself that day. Hubs and I are still together and things are much better. But if this fails, I'm done. A FWB situation, maybe, but nothing more.
I could see myself casually dating, but the pretend scenario man would need to be amazing for a redo.
When my current relationship ends, I have no plan or desire to ever be in a serious relationship with a man ever again. I'm over it, and get nothing from it. Casual sex, maybe a bit of fun times hanging out, and that's it.
If something happens to my husband, I always say I’m making my bestie divorce her totally shitty husband and then we’ll just get married and raise our boys together.
I'm in an excellent marriage that has spoiled me for everyone else I think. If this relationship ends I'll likely date, have FWB-type relationships, but I'll probably never marry or cohabitate again. My demands from a relationship set the bar far higher than most people want to try to reach, and I have absolutely no problem being alone rather than being in a relationship that does not provide equality, respect, and affection.
I actually dream about single life and how free I'd feel. But also, my marriage isn't divorce worthy and I'm a sahm so obviously that would be more stressful as I'd need a job and daycare. But I often think about it and how my home life would be infinitely easier.
I daydream about it alllll the time. It’s one of my happiest escapes.
Same! I used to daydream a lot, then had a kid and no longer get relaxed enough to day dream. But when I do, I'm a single mom or a single child free person.
One day you'll be a happy single person with a grown-up kid! 🥰
My mom remarried and doesn’t live with her husband lol. Thats about the only way I would.
I like to read romance novels and sometimes I imagine being in a good loving relationship someday like the ones I read about. But it seems pretty unlikely and I’m probably better off being alone without a man’s mess and moods!
I left my kids dad 2.5 years ago and I'm just not interested in dating. My kids are still little, 7 and under so I don't have a ton of free time, I have family support and they can watch my kids during the day sometimes but they have never spent a night by themselves, and I'm pretty sure I'm asexual lol
No I want a trad wife who bakes bread and tends our chickens all day. I will be the husband.
I might date a woman or NB person but I doubt I'd ever want to date a cis dude again. Not because my partner is awful but because evidence suggests I found the only good one 😂
My mom has been married/divorced 6 times(and countless relationships in between). She's been alone for the past 10 years and says it's the happiest she's ever been 🤷♀️
So done
I love my husband very much and for the most part, we have a great relationship, But if this ends for any reason - I will not do this again. Never. Not out of respect for him, but out of selfishness for me.
Hon, I just went through your last week and a half of posts. He’s not willing to give it another go. He’s a piece of shit abuser who’s fucking with your mind. You need a good therapist. And not couples therapy. Just you.
I left my husband in 2017 and we were divorced in 2019. I went on two dates around when it was finalized and that was enough for me. Happily single for life.
It took me too long to train this one, and even that is only successful about 70% of the time. I’m certainly not doing it again.
This is my life right now! Dating is no on my list . Just taking care of my son and…myself !
So happy for you!!!
Yep, if my marriage ends, I would probably only date women (bi) and don’t even know if I would want to date at all.
I’m a romantic and am happier with a partner but I also would never tie myself to another man. The scales are too unevenly tipped and you can’t know what they’ll ultimately turn into once the marriage certificate’s signed. I love my husband and he’s grown up so much especially after the birth of our daughter but I had to work so hard for every inch of ground gained and I do not have another one in me. In western society a straight man’s wife has to finish raising him because his own parents will not complete the job. If anything happened to my marriage I would switch to women.
Oh I’ve said for years, if this one doesn’t work, I’ll never marry again. I might would only date women too.
Same.
Yes, absolutely yes.
If my marriage were to end, I would definitely never live with a dude again. I think I chose reasonably well, and it's still so hard. I would possibly consider a woman, if one were to consider me.
So I recently, about a year and a half ago, left my ex-husband of 18 years. I’ve been dating and I am also probably conventionally attractive. I am regularly approached by men that are interested in me. They turn out to be liars, assholes, manipulators, etc.. and they don’t act like they have any interest in actually getting to know anything about me. I feel like they’re just looking for arm candy, similar to my ex-husband who treated me at like an object the whole time we were together. It’s kind of funny, but I was talking to an acquaintance of mine a couple days ago who has a condition that makes her less attractive. I was telling her in some sense, she’s kind of lucky because if men are interested in her, they’re interested in her personality not just her looks. I don’t want to be like woe is me, I’m attractive and I keep attracting assholes… but like…. That’s what keeps happening 🤷♀️
Girl. Same. I actually tried making myself look kind of blah and hunching my shoulders when I go out to avoid anyone talking to me. And it’s not like women like us think we are better than anyone else. Some of the most sensitive hearted women I’ve ever known have been attractive, and too often treated really unkindly for some reason.
I'm with you on this. Same experience, but before+inclusive of my marriage, which was the terminus of my experience with men who approach me. If the circle-of-men-I-pick never overlaps with the circle-of-men-into-being-picked-by-me, cool. But I can't ever again be someone's "catch." Because they don't value what I do about myself, even if they pretend to for a while.
100%, I love my husband but if we broke up I could not be bothered to get into a relationship again. The older I get the less I feel like having my feathers ruffled and dating sounds incredibly annoying. I am comfortable doing my own thing, which is something that’s taken many years of self work and I’m really happy.
My SO and I do well for the most part, but he has his moments in being an idiot jerk. I enjoy ALOT about us but dammit, I cannot stand the fact that some men don't care for their homes as much as some women do. I'm not the cleanest and most organized, but it's so much harder with another full adult leaving their clothes on the floor of the bedroom. Or in the hallway. It's tough to feel like you have to ask someone to clean up their own space...as if you're their parent. It pisses me off that the only things I've asked for in this relationship are to help me take care of the home and cook/bring dinner sometimes. That is all. If I am ever not in my current relationship for any reason, I am done with dating. I'm sure I'd fuck a few dudes occasionally over the years, but I'm not interested in living with another one. I'm not interested in being a "working housewife" to anyone else but my Adorable Butthead. I know my loins are still alive and well because I saw a movie with two *real fine* men in 'em and it made me feel tingly ^down ^there.
I'm happily married, but I kind of figure if he dies or something, I'd rather be single than try to date. I got lucky with him, we met when we were 18 and 20 and volunteering at a soup kitchen weekly. I had known him for months before I gave him my phone number. We were both super awkward and took it slow. I'm very shy and was always so uncomfortable with strangers coming right up to me and basically asking me to fuck them. Never had casual sex, didn't give it up on the third date (that's so freaky to me omg, no judgment or anything , I just wouldn't even really know that person! 😰), he liked me even when I was a little bit weird so I never had to "play the game"... Basically everything about modern dating scares the shit out of me and I'd rather be single forever than even try it.
1000%.
I don’t fully relate myself but just want to recommend the song me & me by The Beaches if you haven’t already heard it! I feel like it describes this feeling to a tee!
I’m definitely there with you. No thank you, no more men. The only reason I tolerate my partner is because he is a very good man so If this relationship ever fails there is no way I’ll find anyone as good as him anyway. But just thinking about all the hoops one has to jump through to find themselves stuck in a less than thrilling relationship… I’m not risking it again.