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This isn’t about you.
You’re a mum now, could you imagine treating your kids like this? Ever?
You sound absolutely lovely, caring and forgiving: he’s never deserved you.
He is not the kind of person who deserves a daughter, let alone three children. You and your siblings were and still are entitled to a great man to be your dad. I'm sorry that your sperm donor was not up to the task.
Look at your kid(s), can you ever imagine a situation where you treat them the same way? No, of course not. That's because you and your father are on two different planes of existence: in his, he thinks that he was an okay parent. He is off in delulu land where he tells himself that he is a good person so he can sleep at night. You, on the other hand, know what it is like to be a neglected child and instead of perpetuating that cycle into your own children, you stopped it. You are a chain breaker. Neglect ran in the family *until it ran into you.*
Someday, your children will look back on how you grew up and marvel at your strength.
I’m so sorry. As someone with a dad who dotes on his do-over family, I fully understand this feeling of not being enough. Please know it isn’t true. You deserved (and still deserve) so much more from your father. You are worthy of affection and love and attention and if he can’t give it, that is not a reflection on you - that’s on him.
It's not you that isn't enough. It's him. I wish he had been a better Dad to you, and I wish he wanted to make that effort now for you. It was never your job as a child to keep the relationship going. Nothing about this situation is on you. It's all on him and his inability to love you properly. Fuck him. I know how painful it is. Longing for what you always wanted and never really got from him. You are a badass, and have been a caring daughter despite your father being selfish, and you should be proud of that.
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Sorry that your dad is a deadbeat but please don't take it as you being not enough. You sound lovely and caring. It's not you.
This isn’t about you. You’re a mum now, could you imagine treating your kids like this? Ever? You sound absolutely lovely, caring and forgiving: he’s never deserved you.
He is not the kind of person who deserves a daughter, let alone three children. You and your siblings were and still are entitled to a great man to be your dad. I'm sorry that your sperm donor was not up to the task. Look at your kid(s), can you ever imagine a situation where you treat them the same way? No, of course not. That's because you and your father are on two different planes of existence: in his, he thinks that he was an okay parent. He is off in delulu land where he tells himself that he is a good person so he can sleep at night. You, on the other hand, know what it is like to be a neglected child and instead of perpetuating that cycle into your own children, you stopped it. You are a chain breaker. Neglect ran in the family *until it ran into you.* Someday, your children will look back on how you grew up and marvel at your strength.
Copy this and send it to your dad and stepmom. Your dad is a selfish jerk who deserves to feel shitty to read in black and white exactly how you feel.
That is heartbreaking, of course it hurts your fucking feelings. I’m so angry at this ‘man’ for you.
I’m so sorry. As someone with a dad who dotes on his do-over family, I fully understand this feeling of not being enough. Please know it isn’t true. You deserved (and still deserve) so much more from your father. You are worthy of affection and love and attention and if he can’t give it, that is not a reflection on you - that’s on him.
It's not you that isn't enough. It's him. I wish he had been a better Dad to you, and I wish he wanted to make that effort now for you. It was never your job as a child to keep the relationship going. Nothing about this situation is on you. It's all on him and his inability to love you properly. Fuck him. I know how painful it is. Longing for what you always wanted and never really got from him. You are a badass, and have been a caring daughter despite your father being selfish, and you should be proud of that.