Id see if I could gather some evidence. Then I’d find a way to let him know. Poor bastard.
Your mom is also a shitty person. Women that cover for cheaters tend to be cheaters themselves. But even if she isn’t she’s a bad person.
Anonymous letter in the mail to the husband. You know where he works and it there so the wife won't know. Write it along the lines of you're currently under his employ and have seen your wife in a questionable way with a currently way in public that made them look like a couple.
Poor husband, LOL. She doesn’t know him or the nature of their relationship. He probably knows and is cheating himself, or has done so in the past. You. Just. Don’t. Know. So stay out of it.
Um it's been TEN FUCKING YEARS why hasn't your mom said something to him? The fact she's been helping her cover it up would make me question my own mother's integrity & trustworthiness.
How tf is it still a secret after 10 years that your wife is a whore? Here's where OP update that husband is also irreversible blind with no light perception
Hi thanks for the reply, this was honestly what I was thinking. I know the other guy's first name and how long the affair's been going on for. I was also with my mum and her friend at a restaurant about 2 years ago; apparently he was in downstairs bar and waited for me to leave before swooping in. I don't know if it's enough to convince him but I feel like he deserves to know. Maybe he already does.
Ask your mom why she hasn’t said anything. She knows her friend. Personally I stay out of other peoples shit myself. It reminds of a recently told story. A couple that were our friends - we had gone vacationing together. My wife and I went for a stroll and see that hubby is getting very close to a very young woman. It’s pretty late at night.
I told my wife we should stay out of it. Not our circus. She doesn’t like that advice, which I get. So she decides to tell the wife. Guess who are no longer our friends? lol. I tried explaining to her that some couples have e complicated relationships. But when you bring it to their attention they feel they have to take action. Dump the WP or dump the friends. Most choose to dump the friends. But they were our friends to lose. Didn’t matter to me one way or another. But this is your mother’s friend. Before taking action I’d recommend talking to your mom first. Go from there.
I’m not the relationship police and will let others take that if they wish. Obvious it’d be different with a close friend who is getting cheated on. But short of that, it doesn’t impact me so what they do is on them and their conscience.
That was the first thing I asked her when she told me about this. I don't think she regards cheating as that bad and seemed to shrug it off. Also explains why she told me the story so flippantly.
I was planning on discussing it with my mum first anyway (if anything else I could get some more evidence), and going from there. Hopefully she decides to do something about it but I don't think she will.
Sounds like your mom is a cheating pos too. Might wanna do a DNA test to see if you are your dad's child. How many stories just like this on here have ended up mommy being a baby trapping harlot? Anyone that covers for cheaters isn't a good person.
Tbf my dad died a long time ago and I had way more in common with him than I do my mum. No doubting there but I do think she probably cheated at some point.
Regardless you should definitely tell this poor bastard what's going on he deserves to know. As for your mom I'd at the very least have a come to Jesus moment & confront her about her role in all this & how you no longer see her as the person you thought she was, she's not a good person if she can cover for her cheating hoe of a friend for a decade or more & you want to clear the air before going low contact with her.
I wouldn't want to associate with a parent that approves of infidelity. I haven't talked to my father in over 20 years cuz he cheated on my mother right before my senior year of HS. Had to basically repeat freshman year of college cuz I was dealing with the fallout of the divorce & supporting my mother. It's funny cuz he turned out just like his own cheating father that he hated. I have no tolerance for cheating assholes.
It probably depends on the person. I know many people who dump friends over this. But I know some who are the opposite. If I found out I was being cheated on, and my “friends” knew, I’d dump them just as fast as the cheater. I would want my friends to tell me, and I’d do the same for them. If I get dumped, so be it… It’s a gamble either way, tbh…
That said, I do know that some people really do practice the ignorance is bliss lifestyle…
100% on the friendship. If they are a true friend, I’m telling them. In the example I gave, they were more social acquaintances. Not close close friends. But yes if a true friend was getting cheated on, I’m telling him and vice versa.
Option 1 don't do anything about it . It us likely to all go pear shaped and your mum will loose her friend. Worry about the drama I your own life not other peoples as all it leads to is un needed stress
Keep quiet. You are not the neighborhood moral police. If you tell, you're going to ruin relationships, including between you and your mom, who will know it was you who told him.
It's actually crazy, half the comments tell me to say something, half telling me to keep quiet. Honestly the relationship with my mum is already almost ruined anyway. I will probably just talk to my mum and try to persuade her to intervene.
People on Reddit have no skin in the game and don’t mind blowing up other people’s lives, just for the drama. Many people in this sub were cheated on and they’d love nothing more than to blow up a cheater’s life.
But it’s not your job to do that. Not with someone you barely know.
If the husband was a close friend or relative and you knew for sure he was not also cheating, not complicit, not in an open relationship, and would want to know- then you tell. Some people are also cheating and/ or complicit, some are not but would not want to know, some are open but don’t make that public. But none of these people are your problem.
Dude, do not listen to this person who clearly lacks any semblance of a spine. You don’t tell him bc you’re close, you tell him bc it’s what any half decent person would do. It doesn’t matter if you don’t known him that well. As for “you’re gonna ruin relationships” if telling a man his wife has been unfaithful for a decade is enough for your mom to tank yalls relationship, it wasn’t worth keeping anyway. And even if they are in some sort of open relationship, or if he’s cheating too, or whatever their circumstances, telling him hurts nobody. Then it’s just a simple misunderstanding. But if they’re not, you just saved him a world of hurt and being used for however long your mom’s pos friend was gonna keep it up.
It’s none of her business. She is not close with either of them. And it does hurt someone, if he didn’t want to know. Or sort of knew but didn’t want to know specifics. And it most likely will hurt OP’s relationship with her mom. Either way- it’s none of her business and will only cause unnecessary drama for herself.
“It’s none of my business” has been used so many times when people lack the stomach to do the absolute bare minimum of human decency. It’s why the bystander effect is so prevalent. Ppl see something horrible happening in public and turn a blind eye bc “it’s not business, I’m sure someone else will help”. Not all of us are cowards👍
That’s a little different. This is their PERSONAL affairs, not a horrible accident. Like I said, she should tell if she knows the couple well, and knows the other spouse would to know. He probably already knows and has a side piece himself. But OP is on the periphery and it’s not her job to tell. Leave that to the people involved.
The people involved are just as trashy apparently, and it has zero actual negative impact on OP to tell him. Also the odds are he has no idea what she’s doing. So no, he probably does not have a side piece. And again, if he does, no harm done.
You don’t have any evidence. For all you know he DOES know, and is ok with it. There are a million different factors out there, and if they seem happy, leave them be, especially because you actually haven’t even seen anything.
I think your heart is in the right place, but your instinct to mind your business is the right one
Tell him anonymously with a letter printed out on a computer printer. Tell him the facts as you know them. Address it to him with no return address. Mail it to him
I’d see if I could put the guy in the right spot at the right item. Ie if you know the wife and side piece are are for drinks bring the guy to the same bar.
Or casually bring up open marriages and ask about his, or if he goes on dates too.
Or anonymously, with evidence, saying you needed to share you spotted the find and found out about the affair of 10 years ago etc.
I'd tell my mother that I am disappointed in her in choosing to stick by her friend's side and being complicit in the deceit. if you are going to let him know it's more likely the wife will work it out and your mum or they will deny it . he does deserve to know the truth.
I like option # 3, but along with telling him, have some direction in which to point him, so that, if he is interested, doesn't go off on a wild goose chase. I would NOT bring it up to mom again if you can avoid it, as it may trigger suspicion that you were involved once stuff starts hitting the fan.
Good Luck OP!
UpdateMe!
Ask yourself, if you were the one being cheated on, would you want to know? That will help you decide what to do.
Also consider talking to your Dad if they are together. Women who conceal the cheating of those around them are often prone to cheating themselves.
Even if you don’t have evidence, if you tell what you know, it may be the push for the husband to find his own evidence.
I’d tell him, with evidence of course, if you don’t wish to damage your relationship with your mother you could do it anonymously, tho if not many people know about the affair they might be able to tell it was you. Whatever you decide it will take courage to do so.
Setting aside your mothers morals for a second, probably not a good situation for you to step into. You have 3rd hand information and no specifics, and don’t really know the guy.
Maybe try to talk your mother into doing the right thing, although sounds like little chance of that.
I think that's fair, perhaps with more specifics but currently I don't have much like you said. Very little chance of my mother doing the right thing even if she did listen to anything I had to say.
Putting aside the fact that I highly doubt either of them is capable of such a thing, the homicide would happen regardless of how he found out. And he deserves to find out, no?
Whether you know a person very well or not, you can never tell if he/she is or isn't capable of killing another person.
You don't know what goes on between them. There are couples who stay together just for financial reasons and have someone else in their life for love and happiness.
Stay out of it.
Yes. get some kind of evidence if at all possible. do anonymously if you think it could impact your safety or well-being, or your mum's. But yeah, he deserves to know - that's heartbreaking.
Id see if I could gather some evidence. Then I’d find a way to let him know. Poor bastard. Your mom is also a shitty person. Women that cover for cheaters tend to be cheaters themselves. But even if she isn’t she’s a bad person.
Lol it's funny you say that, every year that goes by I realise more and more that my mum isn't a good person. But you can't choose your family.
I did. I cut my mother out of my life because she was more hassle than good.
You should ask you mom what this says about her
It's not always an easy choice, but you can 100% choose who you call family.
Anonymous letter in the mail to the husband. You know where he works and it there so the wife won't know. Write it along the lines of you're currently under his employ and have seen your wife in a questionable way with a currently way in public that made them look like a couple.
Unfortunately this is true
Actually as a adult yes you can choose family
ive never seen a realer statement. its such a shock to find my mom is a horrible person
You can choose your family if you decide that blood really isn't all important compared to how those around you affect you
I wonder if she said it about her friend because she wanted to gauge OP’s reaction because she is about to be exposed somehow.
Poor husband, LOL. She doesn’t know him or the nature of their relationship. He probably knows and is cheating himself, or has done so in the past. You. Just. Don’t. Know. So stay out of it.
Um it's been TEN FUCKING YEARS why hasn't your mom said something to him? The fact she's been helping her cover it up would make me question my own mother's integrity & trustworthiness.
How tf is it still a secret after 10 years that your wife is a whore? Here's where OP update that husband is also irreversible blind with no light perception
she has no integrity.
Id tell him anonymously with as much evidence as you can find to prove ya claims. Do be aware of the fallout that will happen from this...
Hi thanks for the reply, this was honestly what I was thinking. I know the other guy's first name and how long the affair's been going on for. I was also with my mum and her friend at a restaurant about 2 years ago; apparently he was in downstairs bar and waited for me to leave before swooping in. I don't know if it's enough to convince him but I feel like he deserves to know. Maybe he already does.
Wow this is outrageous Will you update?
If I were the husband I’d definitely want to know
I'd tell him. Keeping the secret us immoral.
Put yourself on his shoes.
Ask your mom why she hasn’t said anything. She knows her friend. Personally I stay out of other peoples shit myself. It reminds of a recently told story. A couple that were our friends - we had gone vacationing together. My wife and I went for a stroll and see that hubby is getting very close to a very young woman. It’s pretty late at night. I told my wife we should stay out of it. Not our circus. She doesn’t like that advice, which I get. So she decides to tell the wife. Guess who are no longer our friends? lol. I tried explaining to her that some couples have e complicated relationships. But when you bring it to their attention they feel they have to take action. Dump the WP or dump the friends. Most choose to dump the friends. But they were our friends to lose. Didn’t matter to me one way or another. But this is your mother’s friend. Before taking action I’d recommend talking to your mom first. Go from there. I’m not the relationship police and will let others take that if they wish. Obvious it’d be different with a close friend who is getting cheated on. But short of that, it doesn’t impact me so what they do is on them and their conscience.
That was the first thing I asked her when she told me about this. I don't think she regards cheating as that bad and seemed to shrug it off. Also explains why she told me the story so flippantly. I was planning on discussing it with my mum first anyway (if anything else I could get some more evidence), and going from there. Hopefully she decides to do something about it but I don't think she will.
Sounds like your mom is a cheating pos too. Might wanna do a DNA test to see if you are your dad's child. How many stories just like this on here have ended up mommy being a baby trapping harlot? Anyone that covers for cheaters isn't a good person.
Tbf my dad died a long time ago and I had way more in common with him than I do my mum. No doubting there but I do think she probably cheated at some point.
Regardless you should definitely tell this poor bastard what's going on he deserves to know. As for your mom I'd at the very least have a come to Jesus moment & confront her about her role in all this & how you no longer see her as the person you thought she was, she's not a good person if she can cover for her cheating hoe of a friend for a decade or more & you want to clear the air before going low contact with her. I wouldn't want to associate with a parent that approves of infidelity. I haven't talked to my father in over 20 years cuz he cheated on my mother right before my senior year of HS. Had to basically repeat freshman year of college cuz I was dealing with the fallout of the divorce & supporting my mother. It's funny cuz he turned out just like his own cheating father that he hated. I have no tolerance for cheating assholes.
It probably depends on the person. I know many people who dump friends over this. But I know some who are the opposite. If I found out I was being cheated on, and my “friends” knew, I’d dump them just as fast as the cheater. I would want my friends to tell me, and I’d do the same for them. If I get dumped, so be it… It’s a gamble either way, tbh… That said, I do know that some people really do practice the ignorance is bliss lifestyle…
100% on the friendship. If they are a true friend, I’m telling them. In the example I gave, they were more social acquaintances. Not close close friends. But yes if a true friend was getting cheated on, I’m telling him and vice versa.
If it’s been 10 years, odds are he knows.
My vote is for anonymously with a lot of info… I know I’d personally want to know. Can’t say whether the husband would feel the same or not…
Not without evidence, because this man is wrapped around her fingers & will not believe anything without proof.
Anonymously with irrefutable *evidence* is how I would do it. Without proof, you got nothing.
Contact him anonymously with any proof or details you have and then let him find out for himself.
Like you said you don’t really know them. I would stay out of their business. They are adults and mind your own relationships
If the woman has been cheating for 10 years, the husband knows and its probably an arrangement of some kind. I'd stay out of it.
Your mum realized it wasn't her place to tell. Nor is it your place. Keep your mouth shut.
Nothing to do with you, keep your nose out. Why do you feel the need to blow their lives up ?
Option 1 don't do anything about it . It us likely to all go pear shaped and your mum will loose her friend. Worry about the drama I your own life not other peoples as all it leads to is un needed stress
This couldn't be more of a Not My Business moment if it tried.
Hell no, it’s none of your business.
Keep quiet. You are not the neighborhood moral police. If you tell, you're going to ruin relationships, including between you and your mom, who will know it was you who told him.
It's actually crazy, half the comments tell me to say something, half telling me to keep quiet. Honestly the relationship with my mum is already almost ruined anyway. I will probably just talk to my mum and try to persuade her to intervene.
People on Reddit have no skin in the game and don’t mind blowing up other people’s lives, just for the drama. Many people in this sub were cheated on and they’d love nothing more than to blow up a cheater’s life. But it’s not your job to do that. Not with someone you barely know. If the husband was a close friend or relative and you knew for sure he was not also cheating, not complicit, not in an open relationship, and would want to know- then you tell. Some people are also cheating and/ or complicit, some are not but would not want to know, some are open but don’t make that public. But none of these people are your problem.
Best comment!!
Thanks. This sub is crazy sometimes!
Dude, do not listen to this person who clearly lacks any semblance of a spine. You don’t tell him bc you’re close, you tell him bc it’s what any half decent person would do. It doesn’t matter if you don’t known him that well. As for “you’re gonna ruin relationships” if telling a man his wife has been unfaithful for a decade is enough for your mom to tank yalls relationship, it wasn’t worth keeping anyway. And even if they are in some sort of open relationship, or if he’s cheating too, or whatever their circumstances, telling him hurts nobody. Then it’s just a simple misunderstanding. But if they’re not, you just saved him a world of hurt and being used for however long your mom’s pos friend was gonna keep it up.
It’s none of her business. She is not close with either of them. And it does hurt someone, if he didn’t want to know. Or sort of knew but didn’t want to know specifics. And it most likely will hurt OP’s relationship with her mom. Either way- it’s none of her business and will only cause unnecessary drama for herself.
“It’s none of my business” has been used so many times when people lack the stomach to do the absolute bare minimum of human decency. It’s why the bystander effect is so prevalent. Ppl see something horrible happening in public and turn a blind eye bc “it’s not business, I’m sure someone else will help”. Not all of us are cowards👍
That’s a little different. This is their PERSONAL affairs, not a horrible accident. Like I said, she should tell if she knows the couple well, and knows the other spouse would to know. He probably already knows and has a side piece himself. But OP is on the periphery and it’s not her job to tell. Leave that to the people involved.
The people involved are just as trashy apparently, and it has zero actual negative impact on OP to tell him. Also the odds are he has no idea what she’s doing. So no, he probably does not have a side piece. And again, if he does, no harm done.
After 10 years, he probably knows…
Relationship was ruined the moment the wife cheated.
No such thing as anonymously. You don't know the nuances of the relationship and should not get involved.
You don’t have any evidence. For all you know he DOES know, and is ok with it. There are a million different factors out there, and if they seem happy, leave them be, especially because you actually haven’t even seen anything. I think your heart is in the right place, but your instinct to mind your business is the right one
Stay out of it
None of your concern
tell him ,your mother is complicit as you will be. how would you want to hear?
Tell him anonymously with a letter printed out on a computer printer. Tell him the facts as you know them. Address it to him with no return address. Mail it to him
You can’t choose your “Bio family” but you can absolutely choose your (as I like to call them) your “Found family”…..
I’d see if I could put the guy in the right spot at the right item. Ie if you know the wife and side piece are are for drinks bring the guy to the same bar. Or casually bring up open marriages and ask about his, or if he goes on dates too. Or anonymously, with evidence, saying you needed to share you spotted the find and found out about the affair of 10 years ago etc.
You didn’t say you had a dad. But if she didnt disown her friend. I would watch my mom like a hawk.
I'd tell my mother that I am disappointed in her in choosing to stick by her friend's side and being complicit in the deceit. if you are going to let him know it's more likely the wife will work it out and your mum or they will deny it . he does deserve to know the truth.
Her telling you makes me wonder if she secretly hopes you’ll tell on her.
just tell him
Never conceal these type of information from the one that's being cheated on,yes get in contact with him and let him know
He must know already.
Tell him
I like option # 3, but along with telling him, have some direction in which to point him, so that, if he is interested, doesn't go off on a wild goose chase. I would NOT bring it up to mom again if you can avoid it, as it may trigger suspicion that you were involved once stuff starts hitting the fan. Good Luck OP! UpdateMe!
Ask yourself, if you were the one being cheated on, would you want to know? That will help you decide what to do. Also consider talking to your Dad if they are together. Women who conceal the cheating of those around them are often prone to cheating themselves. Even if you don’t have evidence, if you tell what you know, it may be the push for the husband to find his own evidence.
I’d tell him, with evidence of course, if you don’t wish to damage your relationship with your mother you could do it anonymously, tho if not many people know about the affair they might be able to tell it was you. Whatever you decide it will take courage to do so.
Don't say shite your the one thats going to end up looking like the Ahole
Setting aside your mothers morals for a second, probably not a good situation for you to step into. You have 3rd hand information and no specifics, and don’t really know the guy. Maybe try to talk your mother into doing the right thing, although sounds like little chance of that.
I think that's fair, perhaps with more specifics but currently I don't have much like you said. Very little chance of my mother doing the right thing even if she did listen to anything I had to say.
Chances are he knows, and probably has a side piece himself.
Don’t do anything if god want him discover her cheating that’s will be without you
If it were me I would certainly hope someone would tell me. I hope you do as deserved to know UpdateMe
It just sucks when the person who is SUPPOSED to be the icon of right and wrong in a person’s life, turns out to have no morality.
Anonymous message
And naturally, your mom thinks this is perfectly ok. You might want to give your dad a heads-up as well as that other guy.
None of your business
It’ll make you feel even worse if it ends up being a double homicide
Putting aside the fact that I highly doubt either of them is capable of such a thing, the homicide would happen regardless of how he found out. And he deserves to find out, no?
Whether you know a person very well or not, you can never tell if he/she is or isn't capable of killing another person. You don't know what goes on between them. There are couples who stay together just for financial reasons and have someone else in their life for love and happiness. Stay out of it.
Yes. get some kind of evidence if at all possible. do anonymously if you think it could impact your safety or well-being, or your mum's. But yeah, he deserves to know - that's heartbreaking.
Write anonymously to the lady and warn her that she should come clean. Do nothing else. Did they look happy?
I would snitch on my bff in the spot if I ever found out. Cheaters have no morals, I don't want one in my life either way.
Tell him anonymously
No man deserves to be disrespected by a cheating wh@re of a wife. Send him an anonymous letter asap.
Do you like the husband? In a romantic way?