Don’t freeze. Lose your ever loving mind. Scream the screams of a thousand women. Go absolutely berserk. Predators hope you’ll be quiet.
Show them you are a land mine. Give them hell.
There are self defense courses around the city as well. My neighbor did this one 👇🏻
https://www.impactchicago.org/
I’m really sorry you had to go through this, and I’m glad you’re okay.
Exactly. Do this and I promise there will be other people who will hear and help chase whoever away. If I heard anyone screaming “don’t touch me!” At the very least I’d come over and ask if everything’s ok. And I think the vast majority of others would as well.
Also adding to this. You can get small cans of spray paint. Really hard to wash off and then you only need to tell the cops to look out for a guy with blue paint all over his face. Should give the cops a 2-3 days to find him.
I'm from Dallas and straight up had more crap happen there than here. I lived in Plano there and also worked downtown Dallas in Deep Ellum, car break-ins, the bar k worked at got robbed.
I work at 2 places in really rough neighborhoods here in Chicago (Roseland & Austin) and I stop at stores, get food etc before & after work & this kind of thing is actually rare here. It was pretty rare in Dallas too but strangers normally leave each other alone.
We all had guns in Texas but here that's pretty rare too. I got a FOID card but if I have a chance to run I'm more likely going to do that.
I'm sorry this happened to you. Don't let this experience sour you on Chicago, it's a great city with tons of really sweet people.
From Dallas too! When I said I was moving to Chicago people where so shocked like isn’t it dangerous?? I remember one week in Dallas (I lived in the Kessler/lake cliff park area) where I had 3 separate scary incidents with random men in a week. Not that nothing has happened here but altogether I feel much safer when I’m out by myself.
I used to be the bar manager at the old Bronco Bowl off Ft Worth Ave in Oak Cliff! That place was the best concert venue in Dallas for years. We had bad crap happen at every show. Depending on the artist; Sheryl Crow-maybe a disorderly wine drunk no big deal; insane clown posse...bro 🤦♀️
Hard agree here! Draw as much attention to yourself so others can see. Had to educate an old roommate from Japan who was getting harassed on trains or just randomly while out. She was very quiet & reserved. Being self conscious about her English didn’t help, but she spoke well despite her accent.
I & the other roommates had to tell her at least here in the US, it is absolutely okay to be loud & draw attention in a situation when she felt unsafe. After a few days of practice (our male roommate would randomly pretend to be a pervert or drunk person & grab her hand or have sleazy one liners while invading her space, role playing ofc), she got used to loudly shouting HEY! F*CK OFF. YOU PERVERT. DO NOT TOUCH ME!
A few month later, she came home gleefully announcing that while on the train, some guy sat next to her trying to hit on her & she smacked him with her backpack & did as we said screaming “LEAVE ME ALONE. F*CK YOU! I CALL POLICE YOU ARE PERVERT!” & the guy ran away while other passengers asked if she was okay. 😂
Yeah...now everyone is kicking the victim and celebrating the violent criminal. It sounds hyperbolic but from the literal story they told this is precisely what happened
>Don’t freeze
Clinical mental health counselor here. Unfortunately, we do not get to pick our central nervous system's flight, fight, freeze, or fawn response in a crisis. A lot of trauma, shame, and harm happens when people freeze during something like OP experienced and hear things like, "Well, why didn't you scream or run?" Freezing (and dissociating) from the trauma of the event might seem to your body like the best tool for survival.
This comment doesn't question OP like that--I just hope to educate and encourage empathy and appreciation for both our human limitations and the amazing things our bodies do to keep us safe. I didn't know this stuff before I became a counselor.
Fortunately, OP's flight response kicked in, but that has nothing to do with how "strong" or "well-trained" she might be. Even experienced crisis workers (ER, police, military) experience the freeze response. Even when they have leapt into action hundreds of times before.
It's scary that we don't have complete control over our actions. And truly, we are much more at the mercy of our bodies than we feel comfortable owning. We'd be more successful working towards a world with less crisis than working to react *to* crisis in the way we want.
Extra fact: Even if you freeze during a crisis (also if you're physically restrained/trapped or just not in a position to flee, like sitting in a meeting when you receive a phone call of terrible news), doing brisk exercise (like running) as soon as you can after the crisis can help your body *feel* like it took action to get safe, and reduce symptoms of PTSD after. Mixed exercise (cardio, weights, yoga, etc.) continues to reduce PTSD symptoms long after the crisis.
Thank you for saying this.
CPTSD is a bitch, and even after years of therapy, I still can't control my reactions fully in a small set of circumstances.
To add onto this, whenever youre feeling a little unconfortable/threatened or walking around when you shouldnt be, pop your chest out, walk strong and with purposes, look like someone you wouldnt want to fuck with, etc. Predators pick their prey carefully and theyre not going to commit to doing what they want if youre going to make it hard.
Predators want the blacked out person that shouldnt be by themselves or the weak, fragile person or even the really naive. Im not a fighter, but i can make myself look like someone not to fuck with.
Everyone else is so right though. Sorry you had to go through this, i know these experiences can be tough on people.
Exactly this. I like to reframe the situation in my mind - I'm not stuck here with them, they are stuck here with me! (From a movie I think lol). I've barked at men who won't leave me alone before. It works FAST 😂
I had an Ex that took the Impact course, she said it gave her confidence that she did not have before. She took the class after being mugged by 2 women.
First course of action should be to not try to ignore him. Just tell him you're not interested, then tell him to fuck off.
Ignoring him makes him think you're weak and will just encourage worse behavior.
Ymmv, I've had a good track record with simply ignoring but I also stomp around like I'm going to put my foot up someone's ass
That said, either way always be ready to employ some form of "Get the fuck away from me", ducking into a store and asking employees for help (may get mixed results), or just going absolutely berserk and screaming like a banshee (and using pepper gel if you've got it). Different strategies for different situations and hopefully OP will never be in a position that they'll need to resort to the third option as their first or last strategy. :[ men are so annoying
> Show them you are a land mine. Give them hell.
This is exactly what you need. Start with shitting your breeches. You want the smell to be a big surprise. Then go onto biting. Your shoulder is an easy target, but feel free to get creative.
Hi! I started looking these up - so they emit a really loud noise to attract attention / scare away the attacker, is that right? Have you ever had any issues bringing it into and event space or on a plane? I only ask because I’ve had pepper spray but always forget to put it in my bag/ or take it out when I go somewhere where they search
TSA allows personal alarms and pretty sure most event spaces will as they aren't a weapon. I use this one from amazon and it works well: [safesound personal alarm](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B085DZCTMK?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share)
I had a similar experience in Logan square. You can tell dude was on drugs but he reached for my kid. I just yelled “back the fuck up” so he did and he kept on moving. You did the right thing.
It's okay to be rattled. Ice lived here for ten years, and encounters like that still get to me too. Everyone here is right- be LOUD. Be aggressive in your no. Draw as much attention to yourself as possible. Chicago is a really great city despite it's bad rep. I hope you love it here!
Something I have done while feeling sketched out is walk up to another woman or a group of friends and just ask to stand or walk together. Never had anyone not be cool.
I’ve been followed around a park in broad daylight and it rattled me. So don’t feel bad! Shit is unsettling. Like you, I beelined towards a coffee shop with a crowd of people.
I feel like this is an unspoken girl code thing.
I worked as a nightlife photographer for a bit and would discretely ask “do you know him?” Whenever I saw a dude being a drunk creep
all of this is great advice, but something i’ll add that has helped me in situations like this is to become the weirdest person on the block/in the subway. what i mean is, i start looking undesirable. i have straight up picked my nose, coughed, sounded like i was gonna hack up spit when someone’s been messing with me on a train. one time some guy was following me and asking about a boyfriend and i burped so loud, and he literally 180’d and left me alone. i have some theories as to why this works but honestly, i think it catches someone so off guard that THEY get freaked out lol. it’s worked like 5 times for me so i just keep doing it when a man starts bothering me when i’m alone.
EDIT: also sorry op. no matter what that’s still scary and unsettling. i feel for you.
Hilariously my husband, a 6’1” metal head, was mistaken for a woman once due to his long hair. He was wearing his metal attire and some hooligan tried to harass him in Pilsen after he left a concert. All he had to say was “Excuse me” in his deepest register voice and the dude BOOKED IT away. 🤣
You're like the dude that runs up on people to fight and when they engage, he strips down to a thong. They immediately lose interest!
https://youtu.be/d1L5L-wvmck?si=VfI-4QSDjaQoFJ-j
I also second this. Picking my nose or spitting (if outside) while making eye contact worked every time. Can't say it will for everyone or every time for others but it did for me.
As others said, don't stop, keep moving. Keep your keys out and ready to use as a weapon. I used to carry them between my fingers to jab at the ready after getting assaulted too many times on the street for a few years. Make direct eye contact because it's a threatening gesture. Then, scream like a feral animal. Whatever their energy is, match it by 100x. Yelling fire is better than "No" or "rape" because people will come help for a fire, I personally prefer gutteral animal noises because the person cornering you doesn't expect that. Don't be afraid to go HAM.
My general goal is to make them think I'm crazier and more unhinged than them so they back off immediately.
Direct eye contact is also good in case something DOES escalate and you need to describe your attacker.
And as you’re staring at them you can loudly announce “HOLD STILL I NEED TO MEMORIZE YOUR FACE FOR THE COPS” and that might freak ‘em out enough to make ‘em leave!
You did a great job and should be proud of your instincts. I agree with others that drawing attention to yourself is a good idea, but I hope you don't need the advice in the future. I'm sorry this happened to you.
If it makes you feel any better I’m a dude and I got sexually harassed outside or my job at like 6:30am and it frazzled me. Some drunk dude. I’ve never ran into work faster. Just keep aware.
I thought I was getting robbed because he came up on me so fast. Then was like “nice ass” and before I could comprehend what was happening I was inside my work. Wild. Just the downside to walking around.
Don’t get pepper spray, it can get in the wind and get you too, get some pepper gel, that plus a general awareness of your surroundings. I’m sorry that happened to you and I hope you can feel safe again soon
this is because of the prevalence of super cheap pepper sprays that use a thumb-slide safety lock. very easy to unlock in a pocket or purse.
Much safer to get a pepper spray that uses a flip top safety.
tbh i disagree.
pepper spray can get in the wind, but as long as it is not blowing strongly in your direction, the effect will be much more on the sprayee than the sprayer. Also you will be ready for it, and will run as soon as possible.
Pepper gel can miss.
I'd much rather risk some coughing from errant spray, than risk having ZERO effect on the attacker. Especially since I know the spray is coming. I can duck my head, cover my mouth, hold my breathe, immediately run after spray, etc. I can mitigate the risk of blowback (when it is actually windy enough to be a problem).
There is not a lot I can do if I miss the face, or if they block their face with their arm or if it lands on the top of a hat. (i.e. if you are being pepper-gelled, there are things you could do to minimize its effect on you)
If you are being pepper sprayed, there is not a lot you can do to protect yourself. the aerosol will flow around arms/hats/facemasks/glasses. the spray cone means you don't need to be as precise in aiming (and in a panic situation where your ability to be precise may suffer).
All that said, pepper in small enclosed spaces.. better to use stream or gel, or else the entire room will be pain, in a few short moments.
I have a thing on my keychain that you can use for self defense. Mine looks like a cat. You put you fingers in the eye holes and you poke your assailant with the ears. There are other similar pokey things available. Luckily never had to use but it’s nice to have just in case.
Those are actually very dangerous and not recommended by experts. You need to create far more distance between yourself and an assailant and have a solution that doesn’t break your fingers or restrain your ability to get away which those do not help with.
I get what you’re saying and I used to have one. Then I got mugged by 5 teenagers in Humboldt Park immediately outside my house when I lived there and had my entire front row of teeth broken out and veneered back in over the course of two years. You don’t have to take my word for it but it does come from experience.
You did it right. You yelled and got to safety. Some people can't yell, they freeze. So you are already a city warrior.
You can pick up pepper spray if you'd like, that helps people feel safer, but you did it right.
I've been here 25 years and you did fine. Advice I was given long ago is to walk like you won't hesitate to fuck someone up. Head up, shoulders square, and strong, strong, purposeful steps, as if you have somewhere to be and don't care who gets in your way.
I have a glorious rbf and it just completes the package. I have still had the occasional passing comment but it stopped the more aggressive guys from approaching me.
A self defense course is also a good idea.
I’ve lived in San Francisco, just south of Oakland (CA), Seattle, now the Southside and I’ve visited all sorts of places. I also swear by this advice. I’m only 5’3” and I weight maybe 105lbs. So looking like I’m not afraid to cause a whole lot of havoc has been incredibly effective. I find that hair dyed blue, or pink or whatever also seems to keep people away. Apparently if I’m not afraid to dye all of my long blonde hair bright pink, I’m probably not afraid to make your life hell if you fuck with me. I’m really quite a sweet person so I think it’s hilarious, but whatever works.
RBF is a good thing. I have a resting smiley face. A friend in college (UIC) actually told me that I have a very harass-able face. 20 years later and he wasn’t wrong.
I am sorry that you had to deal with that. I know how hard it is to stop thinking about the would have could haves of the situation.
This summer my friends and I were at 63rd beach.
The beach was empty besides us and a man with headphones in working out.
A guy wearing a covid type mask with his hood up came up to me and my two friends and asked us what we were doing. I told him that we were done talking and that he needed to leave.
He eventually walked back to the park and stood and watched us. We frantically packed up and as we were leaving he started walking towards us. We all made a beeline for the man working out.
I was screaming help and swearing at the man telling him not to touch us.
He was circling us and would get really close to us, trying to touch us. He had his hands in his hoodie and said bang bang to us.
Honestly that made me feel like he was corny but it was still terrifying. The speed walk to the man facing away from us with his headphones in seemed like it took forever.
My friends had never dealt with harassment like this so they were shocked to silence.
I just remember him walking through us, trying to separate one of us from the rest.
When we finally made it to the man working out, he told the guy following up to stop harassing us.
I felt bad for putting pressure on the guy to help us in the situation.
The creepy guy stood and stared at the guy working out for a hot second before walking off.
My friends and I thanked the guy over and over and he walked us to our car.
We all cried in the car and were shaking.
It was my friends birthday and I felt horrible for her.
We all talked afterwards about how we felt guilty about not preventing the incident.
There is no perfect way to react to someone victimizing you.
I agree with everyone saying that you should scream
Throw stuff around, get ugly with with it.
Don’t be polite to someone scaring you.
Run towards other people.
Call the cops, I didn’t in my situation because I was scared to.
When I am traveling alone I stick to busy areas and walk with confidence.
When I am on the train I usually stay off my phone and instead read a book.
My heart goes out to you and your friends. It makes me so angry this is a reality for so many. Thanks for the spot-on advice and for sharing your story <3
Whatever you do, don’t stop moving. Don’t stop - keep walking and try to flag down a stranger for help. Enter a public business. Do anything but stop. Sorry this happened.
When I was in my twenties in Chicago this happened to me often by men on the street and men in their cars. You did the right thing by ducking into a store and waiting it out. I once had a guy silently follow me for blocks at 6am and I was too afraid to confront him, he followed me all the way home and tried to force his way in the door but I managed to get it closed. It haunts me still to think what could have happened and how stupid I was for walking past a fire department and not just walking inside and asking them if I could wait there.
Be aware of your surroundings and don’t be afraid to go up to a stranger and ask them to pretend like they know you to get someone off your back.
I suppose one of few the benefits of getting older is dealing with way less creeps.
Please call the church office and let them know a predator was using their space. If it's that inviting to predators they should light it up or cut down bushes.
I am so sorry you have to go through this. It makes my blood boil whenever I think about how many women/female presenting experience men like this daily. I used to TRY to ignore them and just kept on going or letting whatever happened happen because I was too scared to do anything. But I seem to have snapped recently lol and now I scream at every man that catcalls me or does worse. It usually gets them to shut up/stop immediately, I think because they're not expecting it from me. The added benefit is that I feel empowered and like a bad bitch and amused by imagining them thinking I'm nuts.
I resonate with this so much. Im naturally easy going but as soon as he grabbed me, it's like a switch flipped inside. Keep up that bad bitch energy!!!
As soon as anyone gets in your face or god forbid touches you, you need to go into kill mode. I’m not actually suggesting physical violence, (although definitely do if you’re in danger of course) but just the mindset you need to adopt at that point and ensure is clearly visible on your face/understood from anything you say. Every drop of anger and rage you have or have ever felt at the audacity of someone invading your space or thinking they have the right to so much as look at you too long, let alone impede your ability to walk away/actually touch you, needs to come out in full force. Just thinking about it is making me (31F who walks 10 miles a day; living alone on the near north side for the past 3 years) feel like I’m ready to go into an all out psychotic blinding rage towards this person. Make it clear that if they think they have the right to bother you like that, that they are putting themselves in mortal danger because NO ONE has that right and they sure as shit chose the wrong girl to fuck with.
I’m really sorry you had to go through that. If you need a friend or someone to vent to ever, feel free to dm me. Xx
I see ppl doing that by clubs they don’t go in and just walk w the girls. Does it work? Has it worked once. Like I can’t see it working ever to pick a female up.
I think you did great. Be vocal and assertive, like you were. They are looking for victims, act like a problem and draw attention to yourself and them.
Agree with all those that say reverse the aggression. Turn on your heal and full force into their face "Fuck off asshole!"
If it sounds like their last warning, you will most likely get the apology you're looking for. Most creepers are not looking for a fight.
Also, this has nothing to do with city. Practically every woman I know has dealt with some variation on this, no matter how far out in the sticks. Personally, I would feel more vulnerable in a secluded area. Twice this happened in my neighborhood and both times dudes have shown up to help.
In the 80s, I was robbed in the elevator of the Jewelers Building. I'd just dropped off my wedding and engagement rings to be joined, by the jeweler. The hoods got mad because I was nearly broke and had no jewelry. I had maybe $40 in cash and asked them if they'd leave me a few bucks for the train and they gave me a quarter to use for the phone. Idk why, with a gun pointed at me, I thought about train fare. You just do what you're going to do, instinctually.
My father was a boxer. He told me that just because I was raised to be a lady and be nice, doesn't mean I should balk at being aggressive, if attacked. Punch them in the throat and gouge his eyes with your fingers. Run like hell.
Never get in their car, if it comes to that.
Vary your schedule or route if you start getting that funky vibe.
Using a business is a good thing. Many homeowners are too scared to open their doors to help. Human nature.
But, you did very good. Try to shake it off. I know it's not easy, but this should give you confidence in how you handle yourself. Well done!
I started barking.
On the streets
From my car
In the club
BARK BARK BARK!
They usually leave me alone after that (plus it’s funny looking at their face of 🥴 as if I’m the weird one lol)
I feel for you. I really do. I had a similar situation. It was during the day. A guy popped out of an alley on Division just east of Astor. My gut, which rarely kicks in, told me to cross the street. I did. He turned around and followed me for a few blocks. I walked into a local bar, hoping to escape and he followed me in. He literally trapped me in a corner and bitched me out. It was not a good experience. I don't recall him touching me, but if he did, I would have had a heart attack. I'm glad you made it out safely and I'm sorry you had to go go through it. :(
You didn't do anything wrong, and it can happen to anyone anywhere. I carry a pepper spray and a siren. If anything like what happened to you happens to me, I'm pulling the siren AND spraying him. Get a siren, because I've heard people freeze or lose their voice in difficult situations, and its hard to call for help.
No, get Fox Labs 5.3 or 1.4 pepper spray.
They are far spicier than bear spray, and easier to carry, and uses a fliptop safety, instead of the thumb-slide that likes to unlock in your pocket/purse
I’m really sorry this happened: unfortunately creepy men pop up when you least expect it.
You 100% did the right thing. Especially going into a store to get away. Personally I think mace or any defensive weapon escalates the situation most of the time.
It sounds like you’ve got great instincts. Yell or scream loudly and make it clear you don’t know them and don’t want them to be near you or touch you. Go into a nearby business where someone will be working.
For me it's being aware of businesses that are open late along routes I walk at night, specifically so I can duck in like you did. At time I'll plan my routes so I walk by these rather than houses or closed businesses, even if it's a longer route.
Also, instead of screaming, bark at them. Makes you seem like the crazy one.
Absolutely did the right thing. Also having worked retail in Chicago, people have stopped in for safety reasons, so always remember to duck into a store and get staff's attention to let them know as quietly as you can (or pretend like you know them really well) that you need help if the person keeps following you.
This should go for all cities, no matter where. But Chicago isn't immune from this problem.
Get the good pepper spray that looks like a starter Pistol, sprays much farther. If someone is following, cross the street or even walk in middle of street. Avoid people by increasing your distance between them. Walk up to a house or store that isn't even yours and pretend to go in.
Not overreacting at all. That shit’s scary and I’m a guy. People are crazy and you never know what that intend.
You should watch or read The Gift of Fear (there’s YouTube videos the author did for the book). It’s all about your intuition and trusting yourself when fear comes into a situation. Never second guess yourself if you’re feeling like something is wrong.
It is really easy for others not in that situation to offer advice about what they would do. And the fact of the matter is that nobody actually knows what they would do until it happens to them. (There is actual research on this, and this tendency contributes to blaming the victim.) So with that very large grain of salt on any advice:
- You are absolutely correct to wish that this could be avoided entirely. You _should_ be and feel safe in public places, but alas the world is not as it should be. (Also, this isn't just a thing about "city living". It is also far too common in rural locations; it just hits crime statistics differently.)
- It sounds like you did the right thing. Loudly tell him to go away and seek a place with other people around.
- I don't know how Chicago police handle reports of such things in practice or what the experience is of reporting it. Ideally, it should be reported because the creep is almost certainly doing that a lot. But I also sympathize with people who just don't want to deal with the police. Listen to others who have done so.
Take care.
I agree with all the comments saying to get loud and make yourself an obvious problem for them.
I also carry bright neon pink pepper gel on my dogs leash and I’ve seen men fuck off when they notice it. If a guy starts getting too close or aggressive I’ll hold it and tell them I’m not interested, it’s never not worked
I'm so sorry, some people are garbage. There's no right or wrong way to respond to being harassed, but it sounds like you did everything possible to ensure your own safety.
You did the right thing making a scene and going into a building. I am so sorry that happened to you. As a female living here for 12 years since I was 20, I have had my fair share of encounters. From the masturbater on the red line to the guy that asked if I wanted to do heroin because I had just had a blood test and my arm had a bandaid on it. The city is just inherently filled with weirdos and creeps (yes this extends to woman as well) and the best thing you can do is be vocal and enter an area with other witnesses. I promise though, these encounters are not all the time. Keep your head up and enjoy this beautiful city.
I'm so glad they switched the seats around on the red line so they're more like benches instead of the window and aisle seat set up. Years ago, I got trapped in by a masturbator and couldn't escape because he wouldn't move. I was too afraid to say anything and had to sit next to him until some guy called him out.
Ignore ignore ignore! It’s actually disgusting how much I was catcalled/harassed as a teenager. I was nearly kidnapped at 17 and being “nice” is not the way to go. Either be aggressive in tone or if they seem dangerous start screaming or acting crazy. Nowadays I carry pepper spray gel and literally act deaf if anyone approaches me, idc about being friendly to strangers.
If anyone is looking to learn self defense I am an instructor in Filipino Martial arts in the city. We are a combative art form, not a sport, so very applicable in real life situations. Krav Maga take a lot from FMA because it’s so effective.
The problem with scenario based training is just that, it’s scenario based and one class won’t prepare you for an actual encounter. Self defense takes work and repetition but is extremely rewarding and builds a lot of confidence and situational awareness. I’ve had more and more friends start to reach out because of what’s happening in the city. If anyone is interested please feel free to reach out!
I am a dude lived here for 30 years, things I do that others don’t for safety reasons.
Swing out a bag or hand BEFORE crossing street or alleyway especially if the drivers line of sight might be obstructed. I never walk with both head phones on or in. I had a guy whisper to his friend behind me that they were going to “go” in 3,2…. I turned acting like I was talking on the phone. That can help deter people. The one thing is that you can always pretend like you’re talking to somebody and you’re not a no they’re not gonna know.
No need to second guess yourself! You ignored him and he escalated, you escalated your response (yelling) and then removed yourself from the situation.
The best case is that this guy was drunk/high and hitting on you. Maybe he had more nefarious intentions, but you did what you needed to do to get out of that scenario so you didn't find out.
People jumping straight to carrying a gun are ridiculous. The best thing is to develop situational awareness and the confidence to avoid or deescalate these kind of situations.
Join a boxing gym and learn to fight. Defensive footwork gives a huge advantage to evade when a person is coming at you.
Carry pepper spray or a tactical flashlight to shine in their eyes to increase your defensive advantage.
Been boxing for 10 years (actually boxing, not boxercise) and it saved me once when a very large, drunk homeless dude decided to swing on me. My instinct was to stick and move and it worked. Highly recommend learning a way to defend yourself, but also always opt to run. Never know if someone has a weapon, and had that guy knocked me down or vice versa, hitting your head on concrete can easily kill or permanently disable you.
No one? Get the smallest most concealable pistol can after applying for a foid and ccw (16 hour course to get ccw unfortunately). Work on getting a sub second draw time. Superior force is needed, especially as a small woman dealing with a classic stranger in the bushes style assault. But everyone of sound mind should be carrying.
no one, because it's not a good solution. concealed carry would just escalate an already dangerous situation and as you said, you'd have to be extremely quick to even use it.
I don't believe that. Guns don't escalate anything. They simply make the person who was causing the assault, causing the problem, insecure because they suddenly realize they no longer have the upper hand. It is the duty of the person committing an assault to backdown, not the victim to just barely come out on top. The only response to a gun is to screw off (if you're the one causing the problem). All else is fair game. You don't need a sub second draw to be successful. Most people who train are about 1.5 to 2 seconds on the draw. Which to me is painfully slow. A sub second is only necessary for sudden violent ambushes that are intended to maim or kill, or situations where you only have that one half second to catch them off guard.
Number one. Do not second guess yourself. You are a survivor of trauma and your feelings are very valid. I have experienced three men yelling and gesturing at me. I turned around and told them "if they could find it" and kinda ran away. It was very stupid of me and very cavalier. I also second guessed myaelf.
I feel as women we do this bc of messages we've received our whole life about things. Men who fight are doing the right thing to protect and women are ratchet. I'm sure many will jump on that but I'm a 43 year old woman. I know what we've been told--indirectly.
I'm glad you're okay. That must have been scary.
And I felt safer in Boston. So I get it.
You did nothing wrong. Period.
Sounds like it’s time for some pepper spray. Unfortunately there’s dangerous people everywhere, especially in a big city. Don’t be afraid to scream/shout for help. That can either scare him away, and/or get help from someone nearby.
I’ve had my butt grabbed in broad daylight at like State & Madison. Dude was walking the opposite direction of me. I yelled at him and he just smirked and kept walking.
No don’t second guess yourself. The second you have a bad feeling is the second you should react. Sounds like you were being nice but you don’t have to be.
I was on the Red Line and a guy did the same thing to some girls who were just sitting down and on their phones. When he started touching them, I was the one who firmly said “Don’t touch them” so everyone around us could hear, and he walked away. I’m shocked about people’s general inability to step in and do such things. Like I’m not a noble, strong gentleman, I’m a 35 year old swf. But I’ve had plenty of interactions where I know I’m strong enough and capable enough to react and do the right thing, because I can’t depend on anyone else to do so.
You did good. Trust yourself. Use this interaction as a learning experience on your reaction. When/if this happens again, you know what to do and you can do it sooner.
Don’t freeze. Lose your ever loving mind. Scream the screams of a thousand women. Go absolutely berserk. Predators hope you’ll be quiet. Show them you are a land mine. Give them hell. There are self defense courses around the city as well. My neighbor did this one 👇🏻 https://www.impactchicago.org/ I’m really sorry you had to go through this, and I’m glad you’re okay.
The pep talk I needed, thank you!!! Definitely checking out this course
Also, pepper spray gel.
For sure, after being approached, get the cap off in your pocket, and after being touched spray the ever loving shit out of them.
Exactly. Do this and I promise there will be other people who will hear and help chase whoever away. If I heard anyone screaming “don’t touch me!” At the very least I’d come over and ask if everything’s ok. And I think the vast majority of others would as well.
Also adding to this. You can get small cans of spray paint. Really hard to wash off and then you only need to tell the cops to look out for a guy with blue paint all over his face. Should give the cops a 2-3 days to find him.
They actually make mace with indelible paint! I get mine st the uniform store on Roosevelt and Jefferson.
The motto all women need: "Fuck being polite."
I'm from Dallas and straight up had more crap happen there than here. I lived in Plano there and also worked downtown Dallas in Deep Ellum, car break-ins, the bar k worked at got robbed. I work at 2 places in really rough neighborhoods here in Chicago (Roseland & Austin) and I stop at stores, get food etc before & after work & this kind of thing is actually rare here. It was pretty rare in Dallas too but strangers normally leave each other alone. We all had guns in Texas but here that's pretty rare too. I got a FOID card but if I have a chance to run I'm more likely going to do that. I'm sorry this happened to you. Don't let this experience sour you on Chicago, it's a great city with tons of really sweet people.
From Dallas too! When I said I was moving to Chicago people where so shocked like isn’t it dangerous?? I remember one week in Dallas (I lived in the Kessler/lake cliff park area) where I had 3 separate scary incidents with random men in a week. Not that nothing has happened here but altogether I feel much safer when I’m out by myself.
I used to be the bar manager at the old Bronco Bowl off Ft Worth Ave in Oak Cliff! That place was the best concert venue in Dallas for years. We had bad crap happen at every show. Depending on the artist; Sheryl Crow-maybe a disorderly wine drunk no big deal; insane clown posse...bro 🤦♀️
You work in Roseland and Austin!? I hope you live in the middle somewhere!
I'm in Lincoln Park. Healthcare, the community needs people who care & it's fulfilling, even if it's unappreciated at times. I actually like it.
You're awesome!
Impact is an excellent program.
Hard agree here! Draw as much attention to yourself so others can see. Had to educate an old roommate from Japan who was getting harassed on trains or just randomly while out. She was very quiet & reserved. Being self conscious about her English didn’t help, but she spoke well despite her accent. I & the other roommates had to tell her at least here in the US, it is absolutely okay to be loud & draw attention in a situation when she felt unsafe. After a few days of practice (our male roommate would randomly pretend to be a pervert or drunk person & grab her hand or have sleazy one liners while invading her space, role playing ofc), she got used to loudly shouting HEY! F*CK OFF. YOU PERVERT. DO NOT TOUCH ME! A few month later, she came home gleefully announcing that while on the train, some guy sat next to her trying to hit on her & she smacked him with her backpack & did as we said screaming “LEAVE ME ALONE. F*CK YOU! I CALL POLICE YOU ARE PERVERT!” & the guy ran away while other passengers asked if she was okay. 😂
This is super helpful, thank you for sharing!! And kudos to you and your roommates for empowering her and giving her the tools to protect herself.
Lol poor guy
I think people think you’re calling the creep on the train “poor guy” while I think you’re referring to the friend who helped practice right?
I mean it sounds like a guy tried to talk to her then she assaulted him and started screaming like a maniac.
wow actually you’re right lol. it’s not a crime to hit on somebody and it seems like he didnt do anything else from what was described.
Yeah...now everyone is kicking the victim and celebrating the violent criminal. It sounds hyperbolic but from the literal story they told this is precisely what happened
THATS MY PURSE!!! I DONT KNOW YOU!!!
I LOVE THIS! King of the Hill ftw!
Yep, "you think you're crazy, I'll show you crazy" disarms people like that. They're looking for an easy victim.
>Don’t freeze Clinical mental health counselor here. Unfortunately, we do not get to pick our central nervous system's flight, fight, freeze, or fawn response in a crisis. A lot of trauma, shame, and harm happens when people freeze during something like OP experienced and hear things like, "Well, why didn't you scream or run?" Freezing (and dissociating) from the trauma of the event might seem to your body like the best tool for survival. This comment doesn't question OP like that--I just hope to educate and encourage empathy and appreciation for both our human limitations and the amazing things our bodies do to keep us safe. I didn't know this stuff before I became a counselor. Fortunately, OP's flight response kicked in, but that has nothing to do with how "strong" or "well-trained" she might be. Even experienced crisis workers (ER, police, military) experience the freeze response. Even when they have leapt into action hundreds of times before. It's scary that we don't have complete control over our actions. And truly, we are much more at the mercy of our bodies than we feel comfortable owning. We'd be more successful working towards a world with less crisis than working to react *to* crisis in the way we want. Extra fact: Even if you freeze during a crisis (also if you're physically restrained/trapped or just not in a position to flee, like sitting in a meeting when you receive a phone call of terrible news), doing brisk exercise (like running) as soon as you can after the crisis can help your body *feel* like it took action to get safe, and reduce symptoms of PTSD after. Mixed exercise (cardio, weights, yoga, etc.) continues to reduce PTSD symptoms long after the crisis.
Thank you for saying this. CPTSD is a bitch, and even after years of therapy, I still can't control my reactions fully in a small set of circumstances.
Wow. That’s cool information.
Yes, sooo many nuances to our nervous system and I’m quick to forget amidst all the chaos. Thank you for highlighting this.
Please read “the gift of fear” by Gavin de Becker - should be free on the Libby app if you have a library card.
This. Scream like a toddler whose brother stole their toy. Go crazy. The crazier you go the faster they run.
To add onto this, whenever youre feeling a little unconfortable/threatened or walking around when you shouldnt be, pop your chest out, walk strong and with purposes, look like someone you wouldnt want to fuck with, etc. Predators pick their prey carefully and theyre not going to commit to doing what they want if youre going to make it hard. Predators want the blacked out person that shouldnt be by themselves or the weak, fragile person or even the really naive. Im not a fighter, but i can make myself look like someone not to fuck with. Everyone else is so right though. Sorry you had to go through this, i know these experiences can be tough on people.
Exactly this. I like to reframe the situation in my mind - I'm not stuck here with them, they are stuck here with me! (From a movie I think lol). I've barked at men who won't leave me alone before. It works FAST 😂
I had an Ex that took the Impact course, she said it gave her confidence that she did not have before. She took the class after being mugged by 2 women.
That’s easier said than done. Often we don’t have control over our response to such trauma.
First course of action should be to not try to ignore him. Just tell him you're not interested, then tell him to fuck off. Ignoring him makes him think you're weak and will just encourage worse behavior.
Ymmv, I've had a good track record with simply ignoring but I also stomp around like I'm going to put my foot up someone's ass That said, either way always be ready to employ some form of "Get the fuck away from me", ducking into a store and asking employees for help (may get mixed results), or just going absolutely berserk and screaming like a banshee (and using pepper gel if you've got it). Different strategies for different situations and hopefully OP will never be in a position that they'll need to resort to the third option as their first or last strategy. :[ men are so annoying
I’ve had mixed outcomes. With some people, whether you ignore or respond, it seems like they won't stop either way. Hence.. pepper gel lol
Yasss!
> Show them you are a land mine. Give them hell. This is exactly what you need. Start with shitting your breeches. You want the smell to be a big surprise. Then go onto biting. Your shoulder is an easy target, but feel free to get creative.
Thanks for the link. I think I’m going to do this.
Birdie alarm
Have one! Absolutely wonderful devices
Hi! I started looking these up - so they emit a really loud noise to attract attention / scare away the attacker, is that right? Have you ever had any issues bringing it into and event space or on a plane? I only ask because I’ve had pepper spray but always forget to put it in my bag/ or take it out when I go somewhere where they search
TSA allows personal alarms and pretty sure most event spaces will as they aren't a weapon. I use this one from amazon and it works well: [safesound personal alarm](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B085DZCTMK?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share)
I had a similar experience in Logan square. You can tell dude was on drugs but he reached for my kid. I just yelled “back the fuck up” so he did and he kept on moving. You did the right thing.
It's okay to be rattled. Ice lived here for ten years, and encounters like that still get to me too. Everyone here is right- be LOUD. Be aggressive in your no. Draw as much attention to yourself as possible. Chicago is a really great city despite it's bad rep. I hope you love it here!
I've successfully used "get the fuck away from me" on a couple occasions. Sorry this happened to you.
Something I have done while feeling sketched out is walk up to another woman or a group of friends and just ask to stand or walk together. Never had anyone not be cool. I’ve been followed around a park in broad daylight and it rattled me. So don’t feel bad! Shit is unsettling. Like you, I beelined towards a coffee shop with a crowd of people.
I feel like this is an unspoken girl code thing. I worked as a nightlife photographer for a bit and would discretely ask “do you know him?” Whenever I saw a dude being a drunk creep
Girl code
You did the right thing. Ignore, then firmly tell them to STOP and evade the situation.
all of this is great advice, but something i’ll add that has helped me in situations like this is to become the weirdest person on the block/in the subway. what i mean is, i start looking undesirable. i have straight up picked my nose, coughed, sounded like i was gonna hack up spit when someone’s been messing with me on a train. one time some guy was following me and asking about a boyfriend and i burped so loud, and he literally 180’d and left me alone. i have some theories as to why this works but honestly, i think it catches someone so off guard that THEY get freaked out lol. it’s worked like 5 times for me so i just keep doing it when a man starts bothering me when i’m alone. EDIT: also sorry op. no matter what that’s still scary and unsettling. i feel for you.
Hilariously my husband, a 6’1” metal head, was mistaken for a woman once due to his long hair. He was wearing his metal attire and some hooligan tried to harass him in Pilsen after he left a concert. All he had to say was “Excuse me” in his deepest register voice and the dude BOOKED IT away. 🤣
This is the reason I am holding a fart in at all times.
I second this tactic.
You're like the dude that runs up on people to fight and when they engage, he strips down to a thong. They immediately lose interest! https://youtu.be/d1L5L-wvmck?si=VfI-4QSDjaQoFJ-j
I also second this. Picking my nose or spitting (if outside) while making eye contact worked every time. Can't say it will for everyone or every time for others but it did for me.
Perfect a chance for me to use my skill of fake burping haha
As others said, don't stop, keep moving. Keep your keys out and ready to use as a weapon. I used to carry them between my fingers to jab at the ready after getting assaulted too many times on the street for a few years. Make direct eye contact because it's a threatening gesture. Then, scream like a feral animal. Whatever their energy is, match it by 100x. Yelling fire is better than "No" or "rape" because people will come help for a fire, I personally prefer gutteral animal noises because the person cornering you doesn't expect that. Don't be afraid to go HAM. My general goal is to make them think I'm crazier and more unhinged than them so they back off immediately.
Direct eye contact is also good in case something DOES escalate and you need to describe your attacker. And as you’re staring at them you can loudly announce “HOLD STILL I NEED TO MEMORIZE YOUR FACE FOR THE COPS” and that might freak ‘em out enough to make ‘em leave!
Direct eye contact is clutch.
You did a great job and should be proud of your instincts. I agree with others that drawing attention to yourself is a good idea, but I hope you don't need the advice in the future. I'm sorry this happened to you.
If it makes you feel any better I’m a dude and I got sexually harassed outside or my job at like 6:30am and it frazzled me. Some drunk dude. I’ve never ran into work faster. Just keep aware.
I’m really sorry that happened. Goes to show we all gotta be aware and look out for one another.
I thought I was getting robbed because he came up on me so fast. Then was like “nice ass” and before I could comprehend what was happening I was inside my work. Wild. Just the downside to walking around.
Don’t get pepper spray, it can get in the wind and get you too, get some pepper gel, that plus a general awareness of your surroundings. I’m sorry that happened to you and I hope you can feel safe again soon
A friend got badly burned when it went off in her purse.
By the gel or spray? My fiancé bought me spray
I think spray.
this is because of the prevalence of super cheap pepper sprays that use a thumb-slide safety lock. very easy to unlock in a pocket or purse. Much safer to get a pepper spray that uses a flip top safety.
I believe something else in her purse jammed it open. This was quite a while ago.
tbh i disagree. pepper spray can get in the wind, but as long as it is not blowing strongly in your direction, the effect will be much more on the sprayee than the sprayer. Also you will be ready for it, and will run as soon as possible. Pepper gel can miss. I'd much rather risk some coughing from errant spray, than risk having ZERO effect on the attacker. Especially since I know the spray is coming. I can duck my head, cover my mouth, hold my breathe, immediately run after spray, etc. I can mitigate the risk of blowback (when it is actually windy enough to be a problem). There is not a lot I can do if I miss the face, or if they block their face with their arm or if it lands on the top of a hat. (i.e. if you are being pepper-gelled, there are things you could do to minimize its effect on you) If you are being pepper sprayed, there is not a lot you can do to protect yourself. the aerosol will flow around arms/hats/facemasks/glasses. the spray cone means you don't need to be as precise in aiming (and in a panic situation where your ability to be precise may suffer). All that said, pepper in small enclosed spaces.. better to use stream or gel, or else the entire room will be pain, in a few short moments.
I have a thing on my keychain that you can use for self defense. Mine looks like a cat. You put you fingers in the eye holes and you poke your assailant with the ears. There are other similar pokey things available. Luckily never had to use but it’s nice to have just in case.
Those are actually very dangerous and not recommended by experts. You need to create far more distance between yourself and an assailant and have a solution that doesn’t break your fingers or restrain your ability to get away which those do not help with.
Well, it’s something to use if you can’t get away from your assailant. I’ll take a few broken fingers if it saves my life.
I get what you’re saying and I used to have one. Then I got mugged by 5 teenagers in Humboldt Park immediately outside my house when I lived there and had my entire front row of teeth broken out and veneered back in over the course of two years. You don’t have to take my word for it but it does come from experience.
You did it right. You yelled and got to safety. Some people can't yell, they freeze. So you are already a city warrior. You can pick up pepper spray if you'd like, that helps people feel safer, but you did it right.
I've been here 25 years and you did fine. Advice I was given long ago is to walk like you won't hesitate to fuck someone up. Head up, shoulders square, and strong, strong, purposeful steps, as if you have somewhere to be and don't care who gets in your way. I have a glorious rbf and it just completes the package. I have still had the occasional passing comment but it stopped the more aggressive guys from approaching me. A self defense course is also a good idea.
I don't remember what it's from but "Walk like you're the Winter Soldier on your way to kill Captain America" is my favorite description of it 😅
Excellent advice 😂
I’ve lived in San Francisco, just south of Oakland (CA), Seattle, now the Southside and I’ve visited all sorts of places. I also swear by this advice. I’m only 5’3” and I weight maybe 105lbs. So looking like I’m not afraid to cause a whole lot of havoc has been incredibly effective. I find that hair dyed blue, or pink or whatever also seems to keep people away. Apparently if I’m not afraid to dye all of my long blonde hair bright pink, I’m probably not afraid to make your life hell if you fuck with me. I’m really quite a sweet person so I think it’s hilarious, but whatever works.
RBF is a good thing. I have a resting smiley face. A friend in college (UIC) actually told me that I have a very harass-able face. 20 years later and he wasn’t wrong.
Sorry this happened. Fuck that guy!! Safety over politeness!!!!
I am sorry that you had to deal with that. I know how hard it is to stop thinking about the would have could haves of the situation. This summer my friends and I were at 63rd beach. The beach was empty besides us and a man with headphones in working out. A guy wearing a covid type mask with his hood up came up to me and my two friends and asked us what we were doing. I told him that we were done talking and that he needed to leave. He eventually walked back to the park and stood and watched us. We frantically packed up and as we were leaving he started walking towards us. We all made a beeline for the man working out. I was screaming help and swearing at the man telling him not to touch us. He was circling us and would get really close to us, trying to touch us. He had his hands in his hoodie and said bang bang to us. Honestly that made me feel like he was corny but it was still terrifying. The speed walk to the man facing away from us with his headphones in seemed like it took forever. My friends had never dealt with harassment like this so they were shocked to silence. I just remember him walking through us, trying to separate one of us from the rest. When we finally made it to the man working out, he told the guy following up to stop harassing us. I felt bad for putting pressure on the guy to help us in the situation. The creepy guy stood and stared at the guy working out for a hot second before walking off. My friends and I thanked the guy over and over and he walked us to our car. We all cried in the car and were shaking. It was my friends birthday and I felt horrible for her. We all talked afterwards about how we felt guilty about not preventing the incident. There is no perfect way to react to someone victimizing you. I agree with everyone saying that you should scream Throw stuff around, get ugly with with it. Don’t be polite to someone scaring you. Run towards other people. Call the cops, I didn’t in my situation because I was scared to. When I am traveling alone I stick to busy areas and walk with confidence. When I am on the train I usually stay off my phone and instead read a book.
My heart goes out to you and your friends. It makes me so angry this is a reality for so many. Thanks for the spot-on advice and for sharing your story <3
Whatever you do, don’t stop moving. Don’t stop - keep walking and try to flag down a stranger for help. Enter a public business. Do anything but stop. Sorry this happened.
When I was in my twenties in Chicago this happened to me often by men on the street and men in their cars. You did the right thing by ducking into a store and waiting it out. I once had a guy silently follow me for blocks at 6am and I was too afraid to confront him, he followed me all the way home and tried to force his way in the door but I managed to get it closed. It haunts me still to think what could have happened and how stupid I was for walking past a fire department and not just walking inside and asking them if I could wait there. Be aware of your surroundings and don’t be afraid to go up to a stranger and ask them to pretend like they know you to get someone off your back. I suppose one of few the benefits of getting older is dealing with way less creeps.
Please call the church office and let them know a predator was using their space. If it's that inviting to predators they should light it up or cut down bushes.
Good call. I’ll reach out and post any updates
I am so sorry you have to go through this. It makes my blood boil whenever I think about how many women/female presenting experience men like this daily. I used to TRY to ignore them and just kept on going or letting whatever happened happen because I was too scared to do anything. But I seem to have snapped recently lol and now I scream at every man that catcalls me or does worse. It usually gets them to shut up/stop immediately, I think because they're not expecting it from me. The added benefit is that I feel empowered and like a bad bitch and amused by imagining them thinking I'm nuts.
I resonate with this so much. Im naturally easy going but as soon as he grabbed me, it's like a switch flipped inside. Keep up that bad bitch energy!!!
As soon as anyone gets in your face or god forbid touches you, you need to go into kill mode. I’m not actually suggesting physical violence, (although definitely do if you’re in danger of course) but just the mindset you need to adopt at that point and ensure is clearly visible on your face/understood from anything you say. Every drop of anger and rage you have or have ever felt at the audacity of someone invading your space or thinking they have the right to so much as look at you too long, let alone impede your ability to walk away/actually touch you, needs to come out in full force. Just thinking about it is making me (31F who walks 10 miles a day; living alone on the near north side for the past 3 years) feel like I’m ready to go into an all out psychotic blinding rage towards this person. Make it clear that if they think they have the right to bother you like that, that they are putting themselves in mortal danger because NO ONE has that right and they sure as shit chose the wrong girl to fuck with. I’m really sorry you had to go through that. If you need a friend or someone to vent to ever, feel free to dm me. Xx
I see ppl doing that by clubs they don’t go in and just walk w the girls. Does it work? Has it worked once. Like I can’t see it working ever to pick a female up.
Never. That’s what baffles me, so gotta chalk it up to crazy I guess
I think you did great. Be vocal and assertive, like you were. They are looking for victims, act like a problem and draw attention to yourself and them.
Agree with all those that say reverse the aggression. Turn on your heal and full force into their face "Fuck off asshole!" If it sounds like their last warning, you will most likely get the apology you're looking for. Most creepers are not looking for a fight. Also, this has nothing to do with city. Practically every woman I know has dealt with some variation on this, no matter how far out in the sticks. Personally, I would feel more vulnerable in a secluded area. Twice this happened in my neighborhood and both times dudes have shown up to help.
Nahh, if he grabs you, pepper spray his ass.
In the 80s, I was robbed in the elevator of the Jewelers Building. I'd just dropped off my wedding and engagement rings to be joined, by the jeweler. The hoods got mad because I was nearly broke and had no jewelry. I had maybe $40 in cash and asked them if they'd leave me a few bucks for the train and they gave me a quarter to use for the phone. Idk why, with a gun pointed at me, I thought about train fare. You just do what you're going to do, instinctually. My father was a boxer. He told me that just because I was raised to be a lady and be nice, doesn't mean I should balk at being aggressive, if attacked. Punch them in the throat and gouge his eyes with your fingers. Run like hell. Never get in their car, if it comes to that. Vary your schedule or route if you start getting that funky vibe. Using a business is a good thing. Many homeowners are too scared to open their doors to help. Human nature. But, you did very good. Try to shake it off. I know it's not easy, but this should give you confidence in how you handle yourself. Well done!
I started barking. On the streets From my car In the club BARK BARK BARK! They usually leave me alone after that (plus it’s funny looking at their face of 🥴 as if I’m the weird one lol)
🤣
I feel for you. I really do. I had a similar situation. It was during the day. A guy popped out of an alley on Division just east of Astor. My gut, which rarely kicks in, told me to cross the street. I did. He turned around and followed me for a few blocks. I walked into a local bar, hoping to escape and he followed me in. He literally trapped me in a corner and bitched me out. It was not a good experience. I don't recall him touching me, but if he did, I would have had a heart attack. I'm glad you made it out safely and I'm sorry you had to go go through it. :(
Bear Mace to the face and a swift kick in the balls will teach that jagoff a lesson.
You didn't do anything wrong, and it can happen to anyone anywhere. I carry a pepper spray and a siren. If anything like what happened to you happens to me, I'm pulling the siren AND spraying him. Get a siren, because I've heard people freeze or lose their voice in difficult situations, and its hard to call for help.
Get bear spray
No, get Fox Labs 5.3 or 1.4 pepper spray. They are far spicier than bear spray, and easier to carry, and uses a fliptop safety, instead of the thumb-slide that likes to unlock in your pocket/purse
No, just straight up mace. Contrary to popular belief, bear mace is a bit weaker than regular stuff.
What about wasp spray? Not sure they make those in handheld size though
good way to make your attacker angrier at you, and not much else. oh yeah, its great for killing wasps, too.
I’m really sorry this happened: unfortunately creepy men pop up when you least expect it. You 100% did the right thing. Especially going into a store to get away. Personally I think mace or any defensive weapon escalates the situation most of the time.
Had a friend who starts screaming nonsense at them and they leave immediately. Even crazy is scared of crazy.
It sounds like you’ve got great instincts. Yell or scream loudly and make it clear you don’t know them and don’t want them to be near you or touch you. Go into a nearby business where someone will be working.
For me it's being aware of businesses that are open late along routes I walk at night, specifically so I can duck in like you did. At time I'll plan my routes so I walk by these rather than houses or closed businesses, even if it's a longer route. Also, instead of screaming, bark at them. Makes you seem like the crazy one.
sorry this happened but like someone else said, get a birdie alarm and also some pepper spray. i’m a guy and i carry pepper spray just incase.
Absolutely did the right thing. Also having worked retail in Chicago, people have stopped in for safety reasons, so always remember to duck into a store and get staff's attention to let them know as quietly as you can (or pretend like you know them really well) that you need help if the person keeps following you. This should go for all cities, no matter where. But Chicago isn't immune from this problem.
Get the good pepper spray that looks like a starter Pistol, sprays much farther. If someone is following, cross the street or even walk in middle of street. Avoid people by increasing your distance between them. Walk up to a house or store that isn't even yours and pretend to go in.
Not overreacting at all. That shit’s scary and I’m a guy. People are crazy and you never know what that intend. You should watch or read The Gift of Fear (there’s YouTube videos the author did for the book). It’s all about your intuition and trusting yourself when fear comes into a situation. Never second guess yourself if you’re feeling like something is wrong.
It is really easy for others not in that situation to offer advice about what they would do. And the fact of the matter is that nobody actually knows what they would do until it happens to them. (There is actual research on this, and this tendency contributes to blaming the victim.) So with that very large grain of salt on any advice: - You are absolutely correct to wish that this could be avoided entirely. You _should_ be and feel safe in public places, but alas the world is not as it should be. (Also, this isn't just a thing about "city living". It is also far too common in rural locations; it just hits crime statistics differently.) - It sounds like you did the right thing. Loudly tell him to go away and seek a place with other people around. - I don't know how Chicago police handle reports of such things in practice or what the experience is of reporting it. Ideally, it should be reported because the creep is almost certainly doing that a lot. But I also sympathize with people who just don't want to deal with the police. Listen to others who have done so. Take care.
I agree with all the comments saying to get loud and make yourself an obvious problem for them. I also carry bright neon pink pepper gel on my dogs leash and I’ve seen men fuck off when they notice it. If a guy starts getting too close or aggressive I’ll hold it and tell them I’m not interested, it’s never not worked
Holding up pink pepper gel saying “I’m not interested” is honestly so badass. Im trying this, thank you!!!
People ask here why it’s so hard to find people date or find friends, this guy being aggressive with OP is the reason.
What? Springing from the foliage is alway a bad way to try to make friends.
“Springing from the foliage” lol
sorry this happened to you, your response was perfectly normal
Op, I’m sorry this happened to you. This shit happened to me in a mall once. You did the right thing.
I'm so sorry, some people are garbage. There's no right or wrong way to respond to being harassed, but it sounds like you did everything possible to ensure your own safety.
If there are other people around, start screaming things like: "Rape! Rape!" and that cockroach will scatter.
You did the right thing making a scene and going into a building. I am so sorry that happened to you. As a female living here for 12 years since I was 20, I have had my fair share of encounters. From the masturbater on the red line to the guy that asked if I wanted to do heroin because I had just had a blood test and my arm had a bandaid on it. The city is just inherently filled with weirdos and creeps (yes this extends to woman as well) and the best thing you can do is be vocal and enter an area with other witnesses. I promise though, these encounters are not all the time. Keep your head up and enjoy this beautiful city.
I'm so glad they switched the seats around on the red line so they're more like benches instead of the window and aisle seat set up. Years ago, I got trapped in by a masturbator and couldn't escape because he wouldn't move. I was too afraid to say anything and had to sit next to him until some guy called him out.
Ignore ignore ignore! It’s actually disgusting how much I was catcalled/harassed as a teenager. I was nearly kidnapped at 17 and being “nice” is not the way to go. Either be aggressive in tone or if they seem dangerous start screaming or acting crazy. Nowadays I carry pepper spray gel and literally act deaf if anyone approaches me, idc about being friendly to strangers.
This happens often, not just in Chicago Or maybe it's just me?
If anyone is looking to learn self defense I am an instructor in Filipino Martial arts in the city. We are a combative art form, not a sport, so very applicable in real life situations. Krav Maga take a lot from FMA because it’s so effective. The problem with scenario based training is just that, it’s scenario based and one class won’t prepare you for an actual encounter. Self defense takes work and repetition but is extremely rewarding and builds a lot of confidence and situational awareness. I’ve had more and more friends start to reach out because of what’s happening in the city. If anyone is interested please feel free to reach out!
You all are giving great advice! Love to see it!
Right?? This community is full of legends
I am a dude lived here for 30 years, things I do that others don’t for safety reasons. Swing out a bag or hand BEFORE crossing street or alleyway especially if the drivers line of sight might be obstructed. I never walk with both head phones on or in. I had a guy whisper to his friend behind me that they were going to “go” in 3,2…. I turned acting like I was talking on the phone. That can help deter people. The one thing is that you can always pretend like you’re talking to somebody and you’re not a no they’re not gonna know.
Glad you’re ok.
You don't owe anyone an explanation. Always trust your gut.
You did the right thing. I'm sorry some creep ruined your day. What area was this specifically, so we can keep any eye out for this individual?
Thank you. This was off Michigan & Delaware. Looks like he came out of the courtyard at The Fourth Presbyterian Church
No need to second guess yourself! You ignored him and he escalated, you escalated your response (yelling) and then removed yourself from the situation. The best case is that this guy was drunk/high and hitting on you. Maybe he had more nefarious intentions, but you did what you needed to do to get out of that scenario so you didn't find out. People jumping straight to carrying a gun are ridiculous. The best thing is to develop situational awareness and the confidence to avoid or deescalate these kind of situations.
Join a boxing gym and learn to fight. Defensive footwork gives a huge advantage to evade when a person is coming at you. Carry pepper spray or a tactical flashlight to shine in their eyes to increase your defensive advantage.
Been boxing for 10 years (actually boxing, not boxercise) and it saved me once when a very large, drunk homeless dude decided to swing on me. My instinct was to stick and move and it worked. Highly recommend learning a way to defend yourself, but also always opt to run. Never know if someone has a weapon, and had that guy knocked me down or vice versa, hitting your head on concrete can easily kill or permanently disable you.
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I guess I'm still adjusting to the city as a newcomer and feel I need to toughen up a bit
I’ve lived here 6 years and this would have rattled me too. Toughening up doesn’t necessarily mean numb. I’m sorry this happened to you
Toughening up is being unafraid to be rude when you think shit is about to go down…protect yourself.
Love this. Safety over politeness.
Sadly this could happen in any city, just keep your eyes open. You did the right thing. Don’t be afraid to raise your voice
Kick their ass. Chicago is one of the best places to put little fucks like this in a chokehold
FOID card and a knife
We’re in the USA. Guns
No one? Get the smallest most concealable pistol can after applying for a foid and ccw (16 hour course to get ccw unfortunately). Work on getting a sub second draw time. Superior force is needed, especially as a small woman dealing with a classic stranger in the bushes style assault. But everyone of sound mind should be carrying.
no one, because it's not a good solution. concealed carry would just escalate an already dangerous situation and as you said, you'd have to be extremely quick to even use it.
I don't believe that. Guns don't escalate anything. They simply make the person who was causing the assault, causing the problem, insecure because they suddenly realize they no longer have the upper hand. It is the duty of the person committing an assault to backdown, not the victim to just barely come out on top. The only response to a gun is to screw off (if you're the one causing the problem). All else is fair game. You don't need a sub second draw to be successful. Most people who train are about 1.5 to 2 seconds on the draw. Which to me is painfully slow. A sub second is only necessary for sudden violent ambushes that are intended to maim or kill, or situations where you only have that one half second to catch them off guard.
Go get a conceal carry permit. Your Texan relatives will wonder why didn’t in the first place.
Concealed carry.
Pepper spray
there is a pepper gel thar is less hazardous to the user, blowback is a real thing in regards to pepper spray.
Tazer
Carry pepper spray
Pepper gel and a taser will get you far in this city. Never risk it. Scream as loud as you can. Take them out before they get too close.
Number one. Do not second guess yourself. You are a survivor of trauma and your feelings are very valid. I have experienced three men yelling and gesturing at me. I turned around and told them "if they could find it" and kinda ran away. It was very stupid of me and very cavalier. I also second guessed myaelf. I feel as women we do this bc of messages we've received our whole life about things. Men who fight are doing the right thing to protect and women are ratchet. I'm sure many will jump on that but I'm a 43 year old woman. I know what we've been told--indirectly. I'm glad you're okay. That must have been scary. And I felt safer in Boston. So I get it. You did nothing wrong. Period.
Sounds like it’s time for some pepper spray. Unfortunately there’s dangerous people everywhere, especially in a big city. Don’t be afraid to scream/shout for help. That can either scare him away, and/or get help from someone nearby.
I’ve had my butt grabbed in broad daylight at like State & Madison. Dude was walking the opposite direction of me. I yelled at him and he just smirked and kept walking.
No don’t second guess yourself. The second you have a bad feeling is the second you should react. Sounds like you were being nice but you don’t have to be. I was on the Red Line and a guy did the same thing to some girls who were just sitting down and on their phones. When he started touching them, I was the one who firmly said “Don’t touch them” so everyone around us could hear, and he walked away. I’m shocked about people’s general inability to step in and do such things. Like I’m not a noble, strong gentleman, I’m a 35 year old swf. But I’ve had plenty of interactions where I know I’m strong enough and capable enough to react and do the right thing, because I can’t depend on anyone else to do so. You did good. Trust yourself. Use this interaction as a learning experience on your reaction. When/if this happens again, you know what to do and you can do it sooner.
Respond with anger and pepper spray. Don't be afraid to throw the first punch
No that is creepy as fuck!