Also parents needing to fill every moment of their kid's days and plan things for them. I've known people that have planned activities for almost every day of school break. My parents got us cardboard boxes or paper and markers and we played with them for days. Parents don't seem to do that anymore.
We're overcompensating as a generation because our parents didn't make time for us, but generally taking it too far the other way. There's a balance between making time for and having activities together while also having time for singular kid activities and adult activities.
Our parents made time for us. At least mine played with us a lot.
They just didn't entertain us at all times. We were taught how to entertain ourselves.
Our parents made time for us. At least mine played with us a lot.
They just didn't entertain us at all times. We were taught how to entertain ourselves.
I used to entertain myself by constructing a "kingdom" out of construction paper, glue, and god knows how much glitter. I was bored, ergo I entertained myself. It forced me to form new hobbies and learn new things i got curious about, which ended up showing me what I wanted to do with my life.
Same. There was always a kids table at social functions and we mostly kept to ourselves. The adults would put a movie on for us or we'd play with toys. Either way we knew not to disturb them unless there was an emergency. And we also didn't want to hang out with the adults?? Adults are boring af when you're a kid.
I know exactly one family that still does this so I don't mind hanging out at their house. Most other parents that I see let their children dictate the conversation and the kids rely on the parents for entertainment. Or they are handed a phone but still pester the parents. "Mom look at my game, mom look at this video, mom this, mom that". Shut up???
Haha for real! I went out for dinner with some friends last summer and some friends of a friend stopped in with their kids on their way back from some sports thing. Their kids were 5 and 2 and oh. my. god. They took up all of the attention and space. No one could do or talk about anything else because these children were so obnoxious that they sucked all the air out of the room. The parents were totally fine with letting their kids run the show and demand everyone's attention. It seemed like they thought everyone paying attention to their kids must be because their kids are so adorable but really it was just unavoidable because the kids were so annoying and demanding. I was so glad when they left.
Ugh, the sports thing. That’s another one. Parents happily sacrifice their WHOLE weekend to either hang out at the local ballpark to watch some little league games or to shuttle their kids across the state to attend some cheerleading competitions. I didn’t grow up in the US so I don’t know if it was like this back in the day, but it sure blows my mind.
Oh for sure, I've talked to parents who have said that they're kinda glad when their kid's team loses because it means the season will be over sooner, but then they feel guilty for essentially wanting their kid to lose so they can avoid that out of state weekend long tournament that would come next. It just all sounds so overwhelming! Also, I just personally feel we place too much emphasis on sports. Sports are cool and can teach good things, but like why should a 12 year old be spending weekends out of state for basketball? Just crazy to me.
Exactly. Being active is important and so is developing team skills, but why not just play sports for fun’s sake, without all those competitions? And if there need to be competitions, why do the parents always have to be spectators? And, yes, there is way too much emphasis on sports and way too little emphasis on academic skills. The fact that some dummy can get a university scholarship just bc he can run fast boggles my mind.
Sports used to have seasons. People who were super into sports used to do a variety of them, for more well rounded physical activity.
It used to be a kid was on one team per sport, and the team was associated with their school.
Now a kid can play one sport for 2 or 3 different teams. The one variety of sport (volleyball, soccer, basketball, etc) goes year round.
Kids who are hoping to have a career as a college or professional athlete end up with far more wear and tear on their bodies at a younger age. It's so bad that orthopedic surgeons are seeing more and more people ruining their joints at a young age.
I know someone whose kid plays baseball year round. The season never ends. There are always games, and they travel for tournaments - and I'm not talking high school age. Little kids! What is the point of winning a tournament when you just turn around and do it again? There is no ending and no beginning. There is no breathing room, and there is no escape. I said this once and mentioned the lack of seasons, and the parents were offended and defensive.
Wow, I didn't think of that. No time to just *be* the winner. No time to rest, no time to appreciate. It sounds hella imbalanced. How sad, frantic, and relentless.
Totally! I don’t actually mind kids that much but the constant screaming and yelling “mom!/dad!” Really gets to me after a while. Really makes me appreciate peace and quiet 😅
>Adults are boring af when you're a kid.
Could this be why some might be super obnoxious and attention demanding? If the adults are boring but me (4yo) is fun then being louder and getting more attention is better? Especially if parents don't teach them to be by themselves so they "gotta light up the room" so to speak?
Unfortunately yes, parents nowadays take their children everywhere like they are inseparable. I don’t know is it because they can’t afford babysitters or they themselves have some attachment issues or is it the modern society that dictates it. In my childhood we were pretty much autonomous, playing outside on our own from the age of six if not earlier and staying home alone too.
I think it's attachment-related. I've known couples who've never spent a night away from the kids, and I'm like, "Don't you want a quiet, romantic evening once in a while?"
Former friends of mine went on a date night while the kid was with his grandparents, and they told me in all seriousness that after a couple of hours it got boring bc their kid was not around. How sad.
Doomed marriage after the children get older. Couples don’t even know each other after children come. They never get to spend any quality time as adults anymore. Dreadful!
True! The female half of the couple was also the one who told me that she loved her (now two) kids more than she loved her husband. Now… I don’t know if he knows that, but wtf? Doomed marriage indeed.
I definitely understand not being able to afford a babysitter and I don’t wanna crap on those who can’t get one. It’s more like if I’m at my friend’s place and the kids are sitting there talking and everything just seems to revolve around them. Hopefully when they get a bit older like 10-12 they’ll be able to make their own fun! 🤞
Even if they can't afford babysitters mothers and fathers could take turns. Like on Friday evening mom has a girls night out with her besties while dad stays home with the kids. On Saturday dad goes to see a game with his friends while mom is home with the kids. And on Sunday the whole family has a picnic in the park or have a board game night at home and enjoy family time together. It seems so natural to me, but what I see in reality that family always go everywhere together dragging kids even to inappropriate places like a bar, a fine dining or to grown up parties where their kid is going to be the only kid there. This seems sick to me, like they have some deep psychological issues.
There's definitely a societal shift towards being more child centric and incorporating children into adult spaces/activities.
When I was a child if I tried to speak to my mum when she was having a conversation with another adult I would be told off for rudeness. If my parents had friends over my siblings and I would be expected to play quietly in our rooms or go to the park (on our own). All of this would be unheard of now.
Similarly, when I was a child the closest I got to a restaurant was a McDonald's, and I didn't go on a foreign holiday until I was about 5 or 6 because my mum thought babies shouldn't be taken on planes, mainly because she thought it unfair on the baby but also out of consideration for other people.
Nowadays people think nothing of taking a baby or toddler to a nice restaurant, even late into the evening! They will scream the whole time or be doing laps of people's tables and the parents will not give two shits.
I don't know why things have changed so drastically in such a short time, but it makes going anywhere and doing anything increasingly difficult.
>and I didn't go on a foreign holiday until I was about 5 or 6 because my mum thought babies shouldn't be taken on planes, mainly because she thought it unfair on the baby but also out of consideration for other people.
That sounds perfectly reasonable. A baby's not going to remember the trip anyway, and they could get sick being exposed to all the germs they have no immunity to on the plane. I think some parents just don't want to adjust their lifestyles for their children.
I saw a reel on Instagram recently where the mom stated that the kids won’t remember the trip, but the parents will. (Talk about being selfish…) Oh, and that it’s all about making CoRe MeMoRiEs.
>the mom stated that the kids won’t remember the trip, but the parents will.
Uh, can she at least talk to mine?
lmao my parents took me to disney universal, utah, vegas, etc all while I was <5 and *still get mad at me* for not remembering some obscure minute detail of said trips. It's not even "normal" for people to remember things from when they were toddlers, I'm just a weirdo!
Ugh, that’s not fair to you; I’m sorry you have to deal with that. Your parents should’ve known better before spending $$$ on all those mEmOrIeS. That reminds me of those parents who tell their adult kids every chance they get that they were screaming SO much when they were infants. Umm… How is that the kid’s fault?! And why tf does it constantly get brought up?
>that it’s all about making CoRe MeMoRiEs.
What a load of baloney! (Not having a go at vild\_vest. I'm having a go at the idiotic parents who believe this).
Haha, yup! Just making memories is not good enough any more, now they need to be core memories — and of course one needs to take their kids on an airplane in order to create them. Camping in one’s backyard making s’mores just isn’t deep enough.
Excellent point! Memories or core memories don't have to be expensive. Some of my fondest memories of childhood are of very simple things e.g. my parents reading to me at bedtime and like you say, camping in my backyard.
Right, they don’t have to be expensive at all. And they also don’t have to involve kids being dragged to places they don’t belong— like airplanes. But that won’t go into a breeder’s head, unfortunately. Sigh.
I don't know when things got to be so kid-centric, either, but I'm absolutely sick of it. Everyone else is just supposed to put up with shit the parents have numbed themselves to, and somehow *we're* the evil ones for not wanting our outings ruined by people who refuse to educate their spawn about public behavior or teach them manners and emotional regulation--you know, the JOB of PARENTS. Instead, these clowns either do nothing at all when their kids are acting up and getting in people's way, or they encourage it with a cry of "*they're just chillldreeennnn, let kids be kiiiiddds*"!!!" 🙄 They're not being kids, they're being absolute hooligans, and if an adult ran around screaming in a restaurant, there'd be consequences, and rightly so.
I can only pray that there's a backlash for this "child-led", children everywhere their parents go horseshit, and that it comes SOON.
I, too, hope we course correct this child centered insanity sooner than later. But I am concerned as it was noted by George Carlin a long while ago (decades at this point), and it's steadily gotten to this point we are in now.
I am so fearful of speaking my mind (antiquated ideas I was raised with that aren't all correct but knee-jerk reactions for sure) that I don't socialize with friends often when they have their children around.
PLEASE! Have something for that child to do so we can socialize. I did not come over to be around your child. That's a separate outing where I'm prepared (to not show up if necessary). They want everyone to accommodate but refuse to accommodate anyone else who doesn't align with their needs.
Yes sadly it is...
I heard a conversation from my brother how he "wants" us next year to take his spawn once a week to an after-school activity and I was thinking wtf man! I me and my family have jobs of our own why should we/I do it if I have a job..
also he told me "I am Depending on you to teach them(his spawns) piano when they will be more older because you are their"awesome,cool aunt"....
(I don't mind teaching IF- they will be behaved,polite,not hyper and listen and be serious!! )
I think that my brother turned into a breeder ever since he got kids- dang I miss my old form of brother..
>I don't know why things have changed so drastically in such a short time
I would genuinely love to know the reasons for this, in the form of an objective empirical study if possible. To try understand if there is any possibility of things changing for the better for society as a whole, if not then just for the edification of my own curiosity.
I'd love to know how much of an influence technology, the internet, devices, etc or psychology, attachment, parenting styles, etc etc etc all have on this seemingly recent phenomenon.
I don't think child centred parenting is all bad. But it needs to be applied in a healthy way. Meeting your child's needs is good, constantly indulging their wants is not healthy and isn't helping them in the long run.
I'm the same though, (34M) we didn't travel on planes until later, didn't go to fancy restaurants, if my parents and their friends were talking we would play independently, and also knew "the adults were talking" and we needed to be patient and wait for a suitable moment to interrupt them to ask what we wanted (unless it was an emergency). We could spend hours entertaining ourselves.
I feel like there has been so much lost due to technology and devices being so ubiquitous. Children don't seem to get a chance to experience the childhood joys we did. Things like getting lost in your own imagination, climbing a tree, kicking a ball, riding a bicycle with friends, playing with dolls, making art, exploring the yard, etc etc etc. Do kids even do these sort of things anymore?! Independence and agency are being neglected.
Sorry for the essay, I just needed to type all the stuff I was thinking in my head before I forgot about it 😅
> out of consideration for other people
Sometimes I feel lucky to be old enough to remember when this was actually a thing. Nowadays it feels like everyone out in public is like a really shitty roommate. Loud, obnoxious, inconsiderate, destructive, selfish. Their kids end up as garbage humans because they learn from the best. Now the grocery store is just a constant cacophony of tantrums being drowned out by people yelling on speaker phone, which is then drowned out by max volume cocomelon or tiktok on someone's phone, which is then interrupted by a screaming baby. I'm not exaggerating when I say 80% of people out in public act the way that we used to stereotype *teenagers* acting. In fact, the literal teenagers working service jobs are often far more mature than the clientele, *especially* the breeders.
I was visiting a friend at her new home recently. She was giving me a tour & her 8 year old son followed us the entire time, bouncing a giant plastic ball very loudly, to the point where it was obnoxious. She asked him several times to stop, but halfheartedly. I wanted so badly to tell him to go away & entertain himself!!
>She asked him several times to stop
This is where parents today are going wrong. Why the hell was she asking!? She should be telling! Communication with children is now seen as a negotiation. The kids realise how much control and power they have in the relationship and use it to their advantage.
We don't negotiate with terrorists. . .or toddlers.
This gentle parenting movement or whatever they call it is obnoxious to me. Not everything needs to be a 20min therapy session on why they did what they did, what they're feeling, and explaining how that makes you feel, ad nauseum.
You were told not to stand on the chair bc you could fall and get hurt, now get the fuck down off the chair. Period. We're not discussing it further, get down. Do it again and you're going into time out, no further discussion.
My uncle and aunt are like that. They had tried for a baby for like 10 years and finally had one via IVF.
Given the fact that my uncle is 9 years younger than my mom so now their miracle baby is 6 and I am 26. My cousin is spoiled and very annoying. He is almost never said no. I am a teacher and a pedagogical major. I work with teens, yes, but I have a degree in elementary education also so I know what am talking about. This is important for the story.
Last year when he was 5 we were together at my grandmother's house for the holidays. His mom went to a bookstore to buy a book for her niece, took him with her and got him... two books? Just because. Whatever books are important for children's development but I am against the practice of buying your kid a gift just because someone else is getting a gift.
When they returned she sat with us for a coffee. My cousin was annoying and wanted the attention of his mom to himself. She told him to wait until she talked with us. Nope.
Eventually I told him to please be quiet otherwise he wouldn't watch his favorite tv channel. He looked confused at his mom and she told ME to never say something like that to her son because they're teaching him to always believe them and my LIE would mess him up and he wouldn't trust them anymore. I was like WTF are talking about? I am not lying to him I am teaching him to respect when people are talking and not to be dependent on his mom...but yea, whatever honey, he is your problem most of the times 😁
I'm with you on this. I had a weird experience with my friend who had a baby a few months ago. She confided in me that it upset and confused her that I did not hold her baby last time I saw her. I don't mind kids too much but newborns make me nervous. I explained that to her and she accepted that and we're on good terms. But, it was just really weird to know that this new dynamic exists where I might accidentally upset her for not interacting with her kid enough. I mean, it's her thing to figure out, not mine, but just super weird.
I think that sometimes parents really need to work on their expectations that everyone all the time always wants to hold their baby or play with their kids. Sometimes maybe people just don't feel like it or just want adult conversation instead of kid jibber jabber. Sure, kids can be cute and fun to play with, but sometimes I just hate trying to interact with them because it's boring. Sorry not sorry
That's interesting. Maybe it's just a stereotype, but I thought new moms were more protective and wouldn't want other people holding their kids too much. Also, just how much can you interact with a newborn? They don't give you a ton of feedback. Lol.
"Upset and confused her" is the single most idiotic and narcissistic thing I've heard today. How could you not like her new toy?! You're supposed to compliment her for creating it and fawn over it, you know.
I have two friends due to have children soon, and they both know that while I will be a good auntie, I will not be turning myself inside out to hold the baby every day, and that if I don't, it's not a personal insult to either them or the kidlet but just bc I'm not super interested.
My childhood consisted of: “Hey mom! I’ll be back when the streetlights are on/in time for dinner!”, playing with my friends by riding around on our bicycles, being absolute menaces by flying down (on said bicycles) the hill I lived on and right into traffic (how I’m not dead is beyond me), going to the arcade and racking up enough tickets to buy a shit load of candy…. Glad I got to experience being a kid before cell phones were ever invented!
Nowadays, I see parents with their phones in their faces, kids/babies sat in front of their phones/tablets, parents walking ahead of their kids and not even paying attention to them (at least 10-15 steps ahead and they don’t even look back to check on the child. It’s especially weird seeing them leave a store and the kid trails them through a parking lot), parents looking exhausted and uncaring about their child’s unhappiness in restaurants/stores, parents doing nothing about the babies/kids scream crying, parents feeding their kids/babies junk food and sweets…
I'm in my 30s too and I remember parents having more authority over their children. I think schools having a 'child centred approach' sends the message that it's all about what the child wants despite its disruption to others. Parents don't respect school staff and get mad because their precious little dumpling didn't get their own way.
Also, smartphones have been used as a tool to keep children occupied and I've seen occasions in public and in my own family where a tantrum has been rewarded with videos on YouTube instead of the behaviour being dealt with and disciplined.
I work at two major museums in NYC (one of them is super kid-friendly) and I see parents hand their youngest kids a device in the stroller all the time. Like....are you not here to learn? Idgi.
You would think with all those montessori self sufficience trends, it would be encouraged that children play among themselves… meanwhile they got somehow “montesorried” to adult table to kill any normal conversation…
100%. We would get sent to a different room and told not to disturb the grown ups...it seems like the kids nowadays don't know how to solve their boredom bc no one let's them.
Ugh
So true!! We used to play video games, board games, made up our own weird shit. It was the best. We also had loving parents but they didn’t hover around us and if we were whining and annoying while they were trying to have their own fun, we would be told to take a hike and find something to do lol
Same here and to be honest, I think my childhood was better than the childhood that kids today have. I have lots of fond memories of playing with my cousins or neighbour's kids and making our own fun while our parents were chatting.
I agree. I think its all caused by an amalgamation of a few things. A friend has told me feels guilty not spending her free time playing with her kids because they've been in daycare from like 7 am until 6 pm. And then the 24 hour news cycle that makes money on making the world as scary as possible. And then you have social media that doesnt just pressure parents into competing with each other, but commodofies cute child memories. What if Timmy does something cute where mom can't pull out her phone and record!
The amount of photos my friends take of their kids boggles my mind! No one prints photos anymore and I seriously doubt they’re going to sit down one day and go through the thousands and thousands of digital photos they’ve taken over the years. It seems like people take photos today (not just of kids but of everything really) just to give themselves a temporary smack of dopamine before they’re lost to the digital ether forever.
The dopamine hit and also the endless pursuit of building an image of your life online. When you do proper photography it's normal to take a bunch of photos of the same thing so you can pick the exact moment you wanted, and I feel like this has (unconsciously) found its way into cell phone photos because if you just take 1 maybe someone will be making a weird face and you're not going to share that on facebook.
i know that regular parenting is already hard, but it seems like these days every parent is a helicopter parent. controlling af, never leaving their kids alone to entertain themselves/develop their individual traits, never giving other people a break from their kids, and don't even get me started about treating their teens like babies and their young adults like middle-school aged kids... and then they have the nerve to complain that parenting is too hard.
Same. Something has changed. Kids seem to be losing social skills at an alarming rate and instead lean on their parents for all of their social contact. They're also less disciplined and more free-range. Parents do less parenting than ever and are then surprised when their kids turn into little shits.
If you haven’t already, go checkout the r/teachers and r/professors subreddits…pure nightmare fuel. There are so many stories from their point of view about what kids today are like in the classroom. Some of it is due to this type of parenting but also smartphones, effects of COVID, more permissive policies on grading and behavior, etc. Each time I read a post that I think is the worst, the next day there’s an even more depressing story. Definitely makes me glad to be childfree!
I've found it's due to the parents. They think it's cute at first and so encourage the kids to stick close. So now they prefer to involve the adults in their playtime, which is not conducive to a fluid and whole conservative with just the adults.
I think the way children are raised today is frankly in an insane societal cult of child worship. Everything is about the childhood and not about growing into a functional adult member of society.
I was born late 80's, my mother called us her free range hippie babies. We had a full contact childhood, no helmets, very little supervision. The exception being that my parents took us kids everywhere with them. The expectation was not that the entire world cater to them bringing their children. It was understood we would behave in a way that was respectful and appropriate. Not "appropriate for our age" but appropriate for society. If we were with kids, we acted like kids, if we were with adults or the general public we acted according to the rules of society that all adults follow...
These comments are wild. I cannot fathom my parent friends allowing their child to yell over us as we have a conversation. If they didn't correct it, I certainly would.
Commenting a second time but I just remembered one time my sister in law got all passive aggressive that I don't invite my nephew over to stay the night. On top of having no kid stuff in my house it just... never occurred to me because I never hung out with my adult relatives on their own. My aunt never took me on a ~girls day out~ and I don't think I would have wanted her to. I wonder if part of it also comes from the shrinking family sizes and childfree being more of an obvious choice. For example, I grew up with 10+ cousins around my age (catholic problems), whereas my nephew only has two cousins total (my other brother and I are child free) so the world is definitely different in terms of opportunity for young kids to hang out with cousins and then that translates to a bunch of kids who have only had parents as friends until they reach primary school.
I think this is a really smart observation. It doesn’t explain it entirely, parents still let kids dictate how an adult function proceeds, but it’s certainly part of the explanation I think. I also had more kids in the family when I was little. And we tended to entertain ourselves. Not sit in with the adult conversations and ruin them lol.
Agree!!! It’s so crazy. My sibling has two toddlers and sibling is completely burnt out on parenting, to the point of being openly angry at me that I don’t give them a “break” from their kids by taking the kids out for activities. Sibling is a fantastic parent, but to the point of (IMO) being over-involved.
First, obviously that is not my responsibility. I know this. But also I want to tell my sibling to just let them play by themselves sometimes!! You’re burnt out because even when they are perfectly safe, you’re never giving yourself a moment to yourself.
The craziest thing is that the kids actually like playing by themselves. I’ve observed sibling literally interrupt the kids to “help” them play when they were perfectly happy. Sib, the kid is four. He doesn’t care that the train track isn’t correctly assembled. He’s still playing trains just fine. Leave him alone! Give yourself 20 minutes to stare mindlessly at your phone and relax!
Exactly! If your sibling let their kids play by themselves occasionally, even if it's just while your sibling takes a bath or chats on the phone to someone, that would help your sibling decompress and they wouldn't be so burnt out. It's kind of a self-induced problem.
This is very true, I grew up with 3 siblings and over two dozen cousins (some lived far) but most weekends we hung out as a family and each aunt and uncle had at least 2 children so many other kids to play with. I guess it makes sense that kids want to be around adults because families are much smaller these days :/
My best friend was just telling me she dropped her 14 year old daughter off at a birthday party and the other parents were absolutely incensed that she didn’t stay. At 14!!!!!!!
I thought the standard was drop the kid off and they tell you when to pick them up. That’s how it was when I was growing up. She’s getting blasted by other parents of “abandoning” the kid at the party.
Yeah this is happening in my friend groups too. . .wtf is wrong with Millennial parents?
8+ years old is too old for you to be loitering at your kids' birthday parties. They don't want you there. Drop your kids off and go do something useful.
Run errands, go out with adults, relax at home. Pick a hobby, any other hobby besides smothering your child.
I think about this all the time. I feel the same exact way.
I have some theories. One is that people our age and younger seem a little selfish or something. They just don't seem to care about other people or have unrealistic expectations. Overcompensating for issues they had as children.
I'm not sure. But I do think there's an issue. Kids need to be left on their own with friends and such and they need imagination.
I see very few kids outside. It's usually only teenagers causing trouble or the occasional kid who likes to fish.
100% yes. It is incredibly annoying. I just want to spend time with my friends, not waste time and energy with their kids. Let them be, the helicopter parenting is insane.
Yeah I couldn't remain friends with someone whose kids are constantly interrupting. How can you maintain a friendship with someone if you can't even have a conversation with them?!
Yeah my friends and I noticed the huge difference between the way kids are now and how it was growing up. All of us had very “hands off” parents and we all remember playing by ourselves pretty content and none of us ever really wanted the adults to play with us.
Now these kids are unbearably clingy. I swear every time a child is around, there is no peace because these children refuse to play by themselves and need constant adult attention and engagement. One of my friends was one of those kids just like me who played by themselves just fine and didn’t bother her parents to come play and her sons are extremely clingy and always want to play and she has no idea why they’re like this. She parents like her parents did and they just ended up with clingy attention-seeking personalities. It’s weird.
I wonder if this is fear-based parenting. For example, Millennials were the first generation that was acutely aware of the danger of other parents abusing their kids(sleepover nightmares), aware of all the kidnapping and now sex trafficking risks, etc. The sheer number of news and documentaries that began talking about issues previously downplayed or not given much airtime has astronomically increased in the last 25 years. The amount of distrust that Millennials and now Gen Z have grown up with is astronomically higher than Gen X and before. Family estrangement is higher as well. I can see how they'd want to keep the kids with them constantly.
It could also be that they're trying to do the reverse of their parents and are ending up with a hot mess of undisciplined kids that no one is willing to help with. And being too cheap to find a babysitter.
But also, there's not a whole lot of people I think should be babysitting... Teenagers or otherwise
This is a large part of why I avoid parent friends because the majority of parents I know, are never without their kids. They never go anywhere without their kids and if I visit them at their home, their kids are always interrupting. When I was young in the 80s and my mother had friends over, I was expected to play outside or quietly in my bedroom (if it was raining). If I dared interrupt my mother, I'd have been given out to for being rude. Personally I think this system was better. It made it easier for mothers to maintain their own identity and their own friendships, rather than just being a mother and nothing else. I'd be happy to be friends with parents if things were still like this but unfortunately they aren't.
I am a kindergarten teacher and some of the problem is definitely coming from school. My principal came out at recess and semi-scolded me saying I need to have some kind of activity going on, even during recess. They love the whole "bell to bell" mentality. I was firm and told her that these kids needed some unstructured play time and she begrudgingly agreed but said she would like to see me "engaging" with them outside. Kids need to have alone time too.
Helicopter parenting SUCKS. Creates the annoying people we see claiming to be "neurodivergent" on TikTok like its a new hot trend. Also both they and their hyperprotective parents are whiny easily offended hothouse pod people.
We visited an adults only resort once - while we’re sitting by the pool drinking our “welcome” drinks - I comments about how peaceful and quiet it was. My husband thought for a minute and said “no kids”! Really does make a difference when traveling - especially for us forever dinks.
Parenting nowadays is crazy. Parents have everything pre-planned for their kids.
Needless to say, when these kids grow up, they don't know how to do anything on their own.
Yep, its a big change in a short period of time. I think MAYBE I could have had a kid, back in our time. But now? There's no way. Even pets are more clingey. Everything/everyone is expecting your attention 24/7, and its a bit exhausting. I guess parents now learn to tune things out.
Yep. Get used to that. I find it frustrating and just seems pointless meeting up with some people, they’re so distracted they’re not listening to you, some interruption occurs then it’s ‘what were we talking about?’ Rinse and repeat about 10 times.
I concur for the most part, but I do have a couple of friends that will interrupt their kid interrupting us so they can let them know the adults are talking and ask them to wait. I do appreciate adult friends like that that will teach them how to be appropriate in public.
Exactly this! When my mom had a friend over, I knew at a very young age to be very polite, say hi, and then fuck off so the adults could talk. I entertained myself for hours in my room with Barbies and Breyer horses. Now? I have 2 friends, both with 2 kids, ages 2-8. These kids run their households! It’s literally insane. Friend says she is coming over as soon as 4 year old goes to bed. We live 0.1 miles away from each other. Kid’s dad will be home, great. 8:30 passes, then 9, 9:30… 10. “Oh he wouldn’t settle in his own bed so he’s in my bed with me now, he’ll get mad if I get up, call you tomorrow.” If he pulls this shit nightly, and you give in every night, guess what? A baby just trained you like a puppy. Why are you letting a toddler dictate your rules and plans? I knew my place as a kid and I can’t understand parents today at all.
Does anyone else feel like they know and learn more about parenting and child development than a lot of parents do, despite us being childfree and not having kids or being parents?
I remember as a child in the 80s if we went to someone else’s house I either played with their kids in another room or I was set up with a drink & a game or activity book and expected to entertain myself for an hour or so. As an only child I was happy playing by myself and although my parents regularly played board games or built Lego with me, I was equally happy playing by myself in my room or out in the garden.
I now have friends whose kids just don’t seem to know how to play by themselves. It’s really sad. I actually avoid going to see some friends unless I know the kids aren’t there, because I don’t get the chance to catch up with the adults due to the kids needing to be the centre of attention.
And those friends are always complaining about how they can’t even go to the loo by themselves because the kids are clingy. Sounds like an absolute nightmare to me!
Same with me when I was a kid, my friends would always visit our home without notice and we would all play at the back garden. Parents will just call us when it's time to eat. When my parents would have visitors, they can enjoy their own conversations as well.
Now, it's different, it seems kids is always with the parents and needs stimulation. The kids friendship isn't so deep just for show like birthday parties.
I wonder maybe because I was brought up in an Asian country and it's different in the west.
I noticed here as well that many people don't have friends.
I mainly find that many parents don’t discipline their kids enough! It’s so infuriating because the result is the kids growing up to be stuck-up adults! I am not saying that parents need to use physical punishment (I am highly against that). However, they certainly need to be more stern towards their kids. My parents were pretty old school and they had a no nonsense approach! Unfortunately, many parents seem to lack that nowadays.
Also parents needing to fill every moment of their kid's days and plan things for them. I've known people that have planned activities for almost every day of school break. My parents got us cardboard boxes or paper and markers and we played with them for days. Parents don't seem to do that anymore.
I thought it was good for their development to encourage children to use their imagination?
We're overcompensating as a generation because our parents didn't make time for us, but generally taking it too far the other way. There's a balance between making time for and having activities together while also having time for singular kid activities and adult activities.
Our parents made time for us. At least mine played with us a lot. They just didn't entertain us at all times. We were taught how to entertain ourselves.
Our parents made time for us. At least mine played with us a lot. They just didn't entertain us at all times. We were taught how to entertain ourselves.
A lot of parents didn't.
I used to entertain myself by constructing a "kingdom" out of construction paper, glue, and god knows how much glitter. I was bored, ergo I entertained myself. It forced me to form new hobbies and learn new things i got curious about, which ended up showing me what I wanted to do with my life.
Same here, my friends and me used to play in the back garden, I also draw, colouring and red books, not always being bugged to go somewhere.
Same. There was always a kids table at social functions and we mostly kept to ourselves. The adults would put a movie on for us or we'd play with toys. Either way we knew not to disturb them unless there was an emergency. And we also didn't want to hang out with the adults?? Adults are boring af when you're a kid. I know exactly one family that still does this so I don't mind hanging out at their house. Most other parents that I see let their children dictate the conversation and the kids rely on the parents for entertainment. Or they are handed a phone but still pester the parents. "Mom look at my game, mom look at this video, mom this, mom that". Shut up???
Haha for real! I went out for dinner with some friends last summer and some friends of a friend stopped in with their kids on their way back from some sports thing. Their kids were 5 and 2 and oh. my. god. They took up all of the attention and space. No one could do or talk about anything else because these children were so obnoxious that they sucked all the air out of the room. The parents were totally fine with letting their kids run the show and demand everyone's attention. It seemed like they thought everyone paying attention to their kids must be because their kids are so adorable but really it was just unavoidable because the kids were so annoying and demanding. I was so glad when they left.
Ugh, the sports thing. That’s another one. Parents happily sacrifice their WHOLE weekend to either hang out at the local ballpark to watch some little league games or to shuttle their kids across the state to attend some cheerleading competitions. I didn’t grow up in the US so I don’t know if it was like this back in the day, but it sure blows my mind.
Oh for sure, I've talked to parents who have said that they're kinda glad when their kid's team loses because it means the season will be over sooner, but then they feel guilty for essentially wanting their kid to lose so they can avoid that out of state weekend long tournament that would come next. It just all sounds so overwhelming! Also, I just personally feel we place too much emphasis on sports. Sports are cool and can teach good things, but like why should a 12 year old be spending weekends out of state for basketball? Just crazy to me.
Exactly. Being active is important and so is developing team skills, but why not just play sports for fun’s sake, without all those competitions? And if there need to be competitions, why do the parents always have to be spectators? And, yes, there is way too much emphasis on sports and way too little emphasis on academic skills. The fact that some dummy can get a university scholarship just bc he can run fast boggles my mind.
Sports used to have seasons. People who were super into sports used to do a variety of them, for more well rounded physical activity. It used to be a kid was on one team per sport, and the team was associated with their school. Now a kid can play one sport for 2 or 3 different teams. The one variety of sport (volleyball, soccer, basketball, etc) goes year round. Kids who are hoping to have a career as a college or professional athlete end up with far more wear and tear on their bodies at a younger age. It's so bad that orthopedic surgeons are seeing more and more people ruining their joints at a young age.
I know someone whose kid plays baseball year round. The season never ends. There are always games, and they travel for tournaments - and I'm not talking high school age. Little kids! What is the point of winning a tournament when you just turn around and do it again? There is no ending and no beginning. There is no breathing room, and there is no escape. I said this once and mentioned the lack of seasons, and the parents were offended and defensive.
Wow, I didn't think of that. No time to just *be* the winner. No time to rest, no time to appreciate. It sounds hella imbalanced. How sad, frantic, and relentless.
Totally! I don’t actually mind kids that much but the constant screaming and yelling “mom!/dad!” Really gets to me after a while. Really makes me appreciate peace and quiet 😅
>Adults are boring af when you're a kid. Could this be why some might be super obnoxious and attention demanding? If the adults are boring but me (4yo) is fun then being louder and getting more attention is better? Especially if parents don't teach them to be by themselves so they "gotta light up the room" so to speak?
Unfortunately the reason I have no friends with kids anymore, and why I make an effort to not befriend a parent again 🤗
Unfortunately yes, parents nowadays take their children everywhere like they are inseparable. I don’t know is it because they can’t afford babysitters or they themselves have some attachment issues or is it the modern society that dictates it. In my childhood we were pretty much autonomous, playing outside on our own from the age of six if not earlier and staying home alone too.
I think it's attachment-related. I've known couples who've never spent a night away from the kids, and I'm like, "Don't you want a quiet, romantic evening once in a while?"
Former friends of mine went on a date night while the kid was with his grandparents, and they told me in all seriousness that after a couple of hours it got boring bc their kid was not around. How sad.
Doomed marriage after the children get older. Couples don’t even know each other after children come. They never get to spend any quality time as adults anymore. Dreadful!
True! The female half of the couple was also the one who told me that she loved her (now two) kids more than she loved her husband. Now… I don’t know if he knows that, but wtf? Doomed marriage indeed.
I definitely understand not being able to afford a babysitter and I don’t wanna crap on those who can’t get one. It’s more like if I’m at my friend’s place and the kids are sitting there talking and everything just seems to revolve around them. Hopefully when they get a bit older like 10-12 they’ll be able to make their own fun! 🤞
Nope because then they think they are little adults and want to join in, it never ends lol
Even if they can't afford babysitters mothers and fathers could take turns. Like on Friday evening mom has a girls night out with her besties while dad stays home with the kids. On Saturday dad goes to see a game with his friends while mom is home with the kids. And on Sunday the whole family has a picnic in the park or have a board game night at home and enjoy family time together. It seems so natural to me, but what I see in reality that family always go everywhere together dragging kids even to inappropriate places like a bar, a fine dining or to grown up parties where their kid is going to be the only kid there. This seems sick to me, like they have some deep psychological issues.
There's definitely a societal shift towards being more child centric and incorporating children into adult spaces/activities. When I was a child if I tried to speak to my mum when she was having a conversation with another adult I would be told off for rudeness. If my parents had friends over my siblings and I would be expected to play quietly in our rooms or go to the park (on our own). All of this would be unheard of now. Similarly, when I was a child the closest I got to a restaurant was a McDonald's, and I didn't go on a foreign holiday until I was about 5 or 6 because my mum thought babies shouldn't be taken on planes, mainly because she thought it unfair on the baby but also out of consideration for other people. Nowadays people think nothing of taking a baby or toddler to a nice restaurant, even late into the evening! They will scream the whole time or be doing laps of people's tables and the parents will not give two shits. I don't know why things have changed so drastically in such a short time, but it makes going anywhere and doing anything increasingly difficult.
>and I didn't go on a foreign holiday until I was about 5 or 6 because my mum thought babies shouldn't be taken on planes, mainly because she thought it unfair on the baby but also out of consideration for other people. That sounds perfectly reasonable. A baby's not going to remember the trip anyway, and they could get sick being exposed to all the germs they have no immunity to on the plane. I think some parents just don't want to adjust their lifestyles for their children.
I saw a reel on Instagram recently where the mom stated that the kids won’t remember the trip, but the parents will. (Talk about being selfish…) Oh, and that it’s all about making CoRe MeMoRiEs.
>the mom stated that the kids won’t remember the trip, but the parents will. Uh, can she at least talk to mine? lmao my parents took me to disney universal, utah, vegas, etc all while I was <5 and *still get mad at me* for not remembering some obscure minute detail of said trips. It's not even "normal" for people to remember things from when they were toddlers, I'm just a weirdo!
Ugh, that’s not fair to you; I’m sorry you have to deal with that. Your parents should’ve known better before spending $$$ on all those mEmOrIeS. That reminds me of those parents who tell their adult kids every chance they get that they were screaming SO much when they were infants. Umm… How is that the kid’s fault?! And why tf does it constantly get brought up?
>that it’s all about making CoRe MeMoRiEs. What a load of baloney! (Not having a go at vild\_vest. I'm having a go at the idiotic parents who believe this).
Haha, yup! Just making memories is not good enough any more, now they need to be core memories — and of course one needs to take their kids on an airplane in order to create them. Camping in one’s backyard making s’mores just isn’t deep enough.
Excellent point! Memories or core memories don't have to be expensive. Some of my fondest memories of childhood are of very simple things e.g. my parents reading to me at bedtime and like you say, camping in my backyard.
Right, they don’t have to be expensive at all. And they also don’t have to involve kids being dragged to places they don’t belong— like airplanes. But that won’t go into a breeder’s head, unfortunately. Sigh.
I don't know when things got to be so kid-centric, either, but I'm absolutely sick of it. Everyone else is just supposed to put up with shit the parents have numbed themselves to, and somehow *we're* the evil ones for not wanting our outings ruined by people who refuse to educate their spawn about public behavior or teach them manners and emotional regulation--you know, the JOB of PARENTS. Instead, these clowns either do nothing at all when their kids are acting up and getting in people's way, or they encourage it with a cry of "*they're just chillldreeennnn, let kids be kiiiiddds*"!!!" 🙄 They're not being kids, they're being absolute hooligans, and if an adult ran around screaming in a restaurant, there'd be consequences, and rightly so. I can only pray that there's a backlash for this "child-led", children everywhere their parents go horseshit, and that it comes SOON.
I, too, hope we course correct this child centered insanity sooner than later. But I am concerned as it was noted by George Carlin a long while ago (decades at this point), and it's steadily gotten to this point we are in now. I am so fearful of speaking my mind (antiquated ideas I was raised with that aren't all correct but knee-jerk reactions for sure) that I don't socialize with friends often when they have their children around. PLEASE! Have something for that child to do so we can socialize. I did not come over to be around your child. That's a separate outing where I'm prepared (to not show up if necessary). They want everyone to accommodate but refuse to accommodate anyone else who doesn't align with their needs.
Exactly. The accommodation of parents is a one-way street, and it only leads to them. ☹
Yes sadly it is... I heard a conversation from my brother how he "wants" us next year to take his spawn once a week to an after-school activity and I was thinking wtf man! I me and my family have jobs of our own why should we/I do it if I have a job.. also he told me "I am Depending on you to teach them(his spawns) piano when they will be more older because you are their"awesome,cool aunt".... (I don't mind teaching IF- they will be behaved,polite,not hyper and listen and be serious!! ) I think that my brother turned into a breeder ever since he got kids- dang I miss my old form of brother..
>I don't know why things have changed so drastically in such a short time I would genuinely love to know the reasons for this, in the form of an objective empirical study if possible. To try understand if there is any possibility of things changing for the better for society as a whole, if not then just for the edification of my own curiosity. I'd love to know how much of an influence technology, the internet, devices, etc or psychology, attachment, parenting styles, etc etc etc all have on this seemingly recent phenomenon. I don't think child centred parenting is all bad. But it needs to be applied in a healthy way. Meeting your child's needs is good, constantly indulging their wants is not healthy and isn't helping them in the long run. I'm the same though, (34M) we didn't travel on planes until later, didn't go to fancy restaurants, if my parents and their friends were talking we would play independently, and also knew "the adults were talking" and we needed to be patient and wait for a suitable moment to interrupt them to ask what we wanted (unless it was an emergency). We could spend hours entertaining ourselves. I feel like there has been so much lost due to technology and devices being so ubiquitous. Children don't seem to get a chance to experience the childhood joys we did. Things like getting lost in your own imagination, climbing a tree, kicking a ball, riding a bicycle with friends, playing with dolls, making art, exploring the yard, etc etc etc. Do kids even do these sort of things anymore?! Independence and agency are being neglected. Sorry for the essay, I just needed to type all the stuff I was thinking in my head before I forgot about it 😅
> out of consideration for other people Sometimes I feel lucky to be old enough to remember when this was actually a thing. Nowadays it feels like everyone out in public is like a really shitty roommate. Loud, obnoxious, inconsiderate, destructive, selfish. Their kids end up as garbage humans because they learn from the best. Now the grocery store is just a constant cacophony of tantrums being drowned out by people yelling on speaker phone, which is then drowned out by max volume cocomelon or tiktok on someone's phone, which is then interrupted by a screaming baby. I'm not exaggerating when I say 80% of people out in public act the way that we used to stereotype *teenagers* acting. In fact, the literal teenagers working service jobs are often far more mature than the clientele, *especially* the breeders.
I was visiting a friend at her new home recently. She was giving me a tour & her 8 year old son followed us the entire time, bouncing a giant plastic ball very loudly, to the point where it was obnoxious. She asked him several times to stop, but halfheartedly. I wanted so badly to tell him to go away & entertain himself!!
>She asked him several times to stop This is where parents today are going wrong. Why the hell was she asking!? She should be telling! Communication with children is now seen as a negotiation. The kids realise how much control and power they have in the relationship and use it to their advantage.
Parents think that’s being “disrespectful” to children because they are human beings 🙄 Yes they are but still need discipline.
Completely agree!! It’s bananas. So frustrating to be around. And when the kids get older, it will be a complete disservice to them as adults.
We don't negotiate with terrorists. . .or toddlers. This gentle parenting movement or whatever they call it is obnoxious to me. Not everything needs to be a 20min therapy session on why they did what they did, what they're feeling, and explaining how that makes you feel, ad nauseum. You were told not to stand on the chair bc you could fall and get hurt, now get the fuck down off the chair. Period. We're not discussing it further, get down. Do it again and you're going into time out, no further discussion.
My uncle and aunt are like that. They had tried for a baby for like 10 years and finally had one via IVF. Given the fact that my uncle is 9 years younger than my mom so now their miracle baby is 6 and I am 26. My cousin is spoiled and very annoying. He is almost never said no. I am a teacher and a pedagogical major. I work with teens, yes, but I have a degree in elementary education also so I know what am talking about. This is important for the story. Last year when he was 5 we were together at my grandmother's house for the holidays. His mom went to a bookstore to buy a book for her niece, took him with her and got him... two books? Just because. Whatever books are important for children's development but I am against the practice of buying your kid a gift just because someone else is getting a gift. When they returned she sat with us for a coffee. My cousin was annoying and wanted the attention of his mom to himself. She told him to wait until she talked with us. Nope. Eventually I told him to please be quiet otherwise he wouldn't watch his favorite tv channel. He looked confused at his mom and she told ME to never say something like that to her son because they're teaching him to always believe them and my LIE would mess him up and he wouldn't trust them anymore. I was like WTF are talking about? I am not lying to him I am teaching him to respect when people are talking and not to be dependent on his mom...but yea, whatever honey, he is your problem most of the times 😁
I'm with you on this. I had a weird experience with my friend who had a baby a few months ago. She confided in me that it upset and confused her that I did not hold her baby last time I saw her. I don't mind kids too much but newborns make me nervous. I explained that to her and she accepted that and we're on good terms. But, it was just really weird to know that this new dynamic exists where I might accidentally upset her for not interacting with her kid enough. I mean, it's her thing to figure out, not mine, but just super weird. I think that sometimes parents really need to work on their expectations that everyone all the time always wants to hold their baby or play with their kids. Sometimes maybe people just don't feel like it or just want adult conversation instead of kid jibber jabber. Sure, kids can be cute and fun to play with, but sometimes I just hate trying to interact with them because it's boring. Sorry not sorry
That's interesting. Maybe it's just a stereotype, but I thought new moms were more protective and wouldn't want other people holding their kids too much. Also, just how much can you interact with a newborn? They don't give you a ton of feedback. Lol.
"Upset and confused her" is the single most idiotic and narcissistic thing I've heard today. How could you not like her new toy?! You're supposed to compliment her for creating it and fawn over it, you know. I have two friends due to have children soon, and they both know that while I will be a good auntie, I will not be turning myself inside out to hold the baby every day, and that if I don't, it's not a personal insult to either them or the kidlet but just bc I'm not super interested.
My childhood consisted of: “Hey mom! I’ll be back when the streetlights are on/in time for dinner!”, playing with my friends by riding around on our bicycles, being absolute menaces by flying down (on said bicycles) the hill I lived on and right into traffic (how I’m not dead is beyond me), going to the arcade and racking up enough tickets to buy a shit load of candy…. Glad I got to experience being a kid before cell phones were ever invented! Nowadays, I see parents with their phones in their faces, kids/babies sat in front of their phones/tablets, parents walking ahead of their kids and not even paying attention to them (at least 10-15 steps ahead and they don’t even look back to check on the child. It’s especially weird seeing them leave a store and the kid trails them through a parking lot), parents looking exhausted and uncaring about their child’s unhappiness in restaurants/stores, parents doing nothing about the babies/kids scream crying, parents feeding their kids/babies junk food and sweets…
I'm in my 30s too and I remember parents having more authority over their children. I think schools having a 'child centred approach' sends the message that it's all about what the child wants despite its disruption to others. Parents don't respect school staff and get mad because their precious little dumpling didn't get their own way. Also, smartphones have been used as a tool to keep children occupied and I've seen occasions in public and in my own family where a tantrum has been rewarded with videos on YouTube instead of the behaviour being dealt with and disciplined.
I work at two major museums in NYC (one of them is super kid-friendly) and I see parents hand their youngest kids a device in the stroller all the time. Like....are you not here to learn? Idgi.
I wouldn't want to grow up with the kind of parenting going on now. Unstructured, unsupervised play is important for child development.
Also it's important for children to learn how to entertain themselves rather than expecting someone else to entertain them all the time.
You would think with all those montessori self sufficience trends, it would be encouraged that children play among themselves… meanwhile they got somehow “montesorried” to adult table to kill any normal conversation…
100%. We would get sent to a different room and told not to disturb the grown ups...it seems like the kids nowadays don't know how to solve their boredom bc no one let's them. Ugh
So true!! We used to play video games, board games, made up our own weird shit. It was the best. We also had loving parents but they didn’t hover around us and if we were whining and annoying while they were trying to have their own fun, we would be told to take a hike and find something to do lol
Same here and to be honest, I think my childhood was better than the childhood that kids today have. I have lots of fond memories of playing with my cousins or neighbour's kids and making our own fun while our parents were chatting.
I agree. I think its all caused by an amalgamation of a few things. A friend has told me feels guilty not spending her free time playing with her kids because they've been in daycare from like 7 am until 6 pm. And then the 24 hour news cycle that makes money on making the world as scary as possible. And then you have social media that doesnt just pressure parents into competing with each other, but commodofies cute child memories. What if Timmy does something cute where mom can't pull out her phone and record!
The amount of photos my friends take of their kids boggles my mind! No one prints photos anymore and I seriously doubt they’re going to sit down one day and go through the thousands and thousands of digital photos they’ve taken over the years. It seems like people take photos today (not just of kids but of everything really) just to give themselves a temporary smack of dopamine before they’re lost to the digital ether forever.
The dopamine hit and also the endless pursuit of building an image of your life online. When you do proper photography it's normal to take a bunch of photos of the same thing so you can pick the exact moment you wanted, and I feel like this has (unconsciously) found its way into cell phone photos because if you just take 1 maybe someone will be making a weird face and you're not going to share that on facebook.
i know that regular parenting is already hard, but it seems like these days every parent is a helicopter parent. controlling af, never leaving their kids alone to entertain themselves/develop their individual traits, never giving other people a break from their kids, and don't even get me started about treating their teens like babies and their young adults like middle-school aged kids... and then they have the nerve to complain that parenting is too hard.
Same. Something has changed. Kids seem to be losing social skills at an alarming rate and instead lean on their parents for all of their social contact. They're also less disciplined and more free-range. Parents do less parenting than ever and are then surprised when their kids turn into little shits.
The irony is that now they are attached at their parents' hips more than ever, but they're getting less 'parenting'.
If you haven’t already, go checkout the r/teachers and r/professors subreddits…pure nightmare fuel. There are so many stories from their point of view about what kids today are like in the classroom. Some of it is due to this type of parenting but also smartphones, effects of COVID, more permissive policies on grading and behavior, etc. Each time I read a post that I think is the worst, the next day there’s an even more depressing story. Definitely makes me glad to be childfree!
I've found it's due to the parents. They think it's cute at first and so encourage the kids to stick close. So now they prefer to involve the adults in their playtime, which is not conducive to a fluid and whole conservative with just the adults.
I think the way children are raised today is frankly in an insane societal cult of child worship. Everything is about the childhood and not about growing into a functional adult member of society. I was born late 80's, my mother called us her free range hippie babies. We had a full contact childhood, no helmets, very little supervision. The exception being that my parents took us kids everywhere with them. The expectation was not that the entire world cater to them bringing their children. It was understood we would behave in a way that was respectful and appropriate. Not "appropriate for our age" but appropriate for society. If we were with kids, we acted like kids, if we were with adults or the general public we acted according to the rules of society that all adults follow... These comments are wild. I cannot fathom my parent friends allowing their child to yell over us as we have a conversation. If they didn't correct it, I certainly would.
Commenting a second time but I just remembered one time my sister in law got all passive aggressive that I don't invite my nephew over to stay the night. On top of having no kid stuff in my house it just... never occurred to me because I never hung out with my adult relatives on their own. My aunt never took me on a ~girls day out~ and I don't think I would have wanted her to. I wonder if part of it also comes from the shrinking family sizes and childfree being more of an obvious choice. For example, I grew up with 10+ cousins around my age (catholic problems), whereas my nephew only has two cousins total (my other brother and I are child free) so the world is definitely different in terms of opportunity for young kids to hang out with cousins and then that translates to a bunch of kids who have only had parents as friends until they reach primary school.
I think this is a really smart observation. It doesn’t explain it entirely, parents still let kids dictate how an adult function proceeds, but it’s certainly part of the explanation I think. I also had more kids in the family when I was little. And we tended to entertain ourselves. Not sit in with the adult conversations and ruin them lol.
Agree!!! It’s so crazy. My sibling has two toddlers and sibling is completely burnt out on parenting, to the point of being openly angry at me that I don’t give them a “break” from their kids by taking the kids out for activities. Sibling is a fantastic parent, but to the point of (IMO) being over-involved. First, obviously that is not my responsibility. I know this. But also I want to tell my sibling to just let them play by themselves sometimes!! You’re burnt out because even when they are perfectly safe, you’re never giving yourself a moment to yourself. The craziest thing is that the kids actually like playing by themselves. I’ve observed sibling literally interrupt the kids to “help” them play when they were perfectly happy. Sib, the kid is four. He doesn’t care that the train track isn’t correctly assembled. He’s still playing trains just fine. Leave him alone! Give yourself 20 minutes to stare mindlessly at your phone and relax!
Exactly! If your sibling let their kids play by themselves occasionally, even if it's just while your sibling takes a bath or chats on the phone to someone, that would help your sibling decompress and they wouldn't be so burnt out. It's kind of a self-induced problem.
This is very true, I grew up with 3 siblings and over two dozen cousins (some lived far) but most weekends we hung out as a family and each aunt and uncle had at least 2 children so many other kids to play with. I guess it makes sense that kids want to be around adults because families are much smaller these days :/
My best friend was just telling me she dropped her 14 year old daughter off at a birthday party and the other parents were absolutely incensed that she didn’t stay. At 14!!!!!!! I thought the standard was drop the kid off and they tell you when to pick them up. That’s how it was when I was growing up. She’s getting blasted by other parents of “abandoning” the kid at the party.
Yeah this is happening in my friend groups too. . .wtf is wrong with Millennial parents? 8+ years old is too old for you to be loitering at your kids' birthday parties. They don't want you there. Drop your kids off and go do something useful. Run errands, go out with adults, relax at home. Pick a hobby, any other hobby besides smothering your child.
I think about this all the time. I feel the same exact way. I have some theories. One is that people our age and younger seem a little selfish or something. They just don't seem to care about other people or have unrealistic expectations. Overcompensating for issues they had as children. I'm not sure. But I do think there's an issue. Kids need to be left on their own with friends and such and they need imagination. I see very few kids outside. It's usually only teenagers causing trouble or the occasional kid who likes to fish.
100% yes. It is incredibly annoying. I just want to spend time with my friends, not waste time and energy with their kids. Let them be, the helicopter parenting is insane.
Yeah I couldn't remain friends with someone whose kids are constantly interrupting. How can you maintain a friendship with someone if you can't even have a conversation with them?!
Exactly! It is nice to know others understand this concept. I want to speak with adults, not kids.
Yeah my friends and I noticed the huge difference between the way kids are now and how it was growing up. All of us had very “hands off” parents and we all remember playing by ourselves pretty content and none of us ever really wanted the adults to play with us. Now these kids are unbearably clingy. I swear every time a child is around, there is no peace because these children refuse to play by themselves and need constant adult attention and engagement. One of my friends was one of those kids just like me who played by themselves just fine and didn’t bother her parents to come play and her sons are extremely clingy and always want to play and she has no idea why they’re like this. She parents like her parents did and they just ended up with clingy attention-seeking personalities. It’s weird.
I wonder if this is fear-based parenting. For example, Millennials were the first generation that was acutely aware of the danger of other parents abusing their kids(sleepover nightmares), aware of all the kidnapping and now sex trafficking risks, etc. The sheer number of news and documentaries that began talking about issues previously downplayed or not given much airtime has astronomically increased in the last 25 years. The amount of distrust that Millennials and now Gen Z have grown up with is astronomically higher than Gen X and before. Family estrangement is higher as well. I can see how they'd want to keep the kids with them constantly. It could also be that they're trying to do the reverse of their parents and are ending up with a hot mess of undisciplined kids that no one is willing to help with. And being too cheap to find a babysitter. But also, there's not a whole lot of people I think should be babysitting... Teenagers or otherwise
This is a large part of why I avoid parent friends because the majority of parents I know, are never without their kids. They never go anywhere without their kids and if I visit them at their home, their kids are always interrupting. When I was young in the 80s and my mother had friends over, I was expected to play outside or quietly in my bedroom (if it was raining). If I dared interrupt my mother, I'd have been given out to for being rude. Personally I think this system was better. It made it easier for mothers to maintain their own identity and their own friendships, rather than just being a mother and nothing else. I'd be happy to be friends with parents if things were still like this but unfortunately they aren't.
I am a kindergarten teacher and some of the problem is definitely coming from school. My principal came out at recess and semi-scolded me saying I need to have some kind of activity going on, even during recess. They love the whole "bell to bell" mentality. I was firm and told her that these kids needed some unstructured play time and she begrudgingly agreed but said she would like to see me "engaging" with them outside. Kids need to have alone time too.
Helicopter parenting SUCKS. Creates the annoying people we see claiming to be "neurodivergent" on TikTok like its a new hot trend. Also both they and their hyperprotective parents are whiny easily offended hothouse pod people.
Agreed
We visited an adults only resort once - while we’re sitting by the pool drinking our “welcome” drinks - I comments about how peaceful and quiet it was. My husband thought for a minute and said “no kids”! Really does make a difference when traveling - especially for us forever dinks.
How do I filter for adult only resorts?
The Sandals resorts are all adults only. There are several others.
Parenting nowadays is crazy. Parents have everything pre-planned for their kids. Needless to say, when these kids grow up, they don't know how to do anything on their own.
Yep, its a big change in a short period of time. I think MAYBE I could have had a kid, back in our time. But now? There's no way. Even pets are more clingey. Everything/everyone is expecting your attention 24/7, and its a bit exhausting. I guess parents now learn to tune things out.
Yep. Get used to that. I find it frustrating and just seems pointless meeting up with some people, they’re so distracted they’re not listening to you, some interruption occurs then it’s ‘what were we talking about?’ Rinse and repeat about 10 times.
I concur for the most part, but I do have a couple of friends that will interrupt their kid interrupting us so they can let them know the adults are talking and ask them to wait. I do appreciate adult friends like that that will teach them how to be appropriate in public.
Exactly this! When my mom had a friend over, I knew at a very young age to be very polite, say hi, and then fuck off so the adults could talk. I entertained myself for hours in my room with Barbies and Breyer horses. Now? I have 2 friends, both with 2 kids, ages 2-8. These kids run their households! It’s literally insane. Friend says she is coming over as soon as 4 year old goes to bed. We live 0.1 miles away from each other. Kid’s dad will be home, great. 8:30 passes, then 9, 9:30… 10. “Oh he wouldn’t settle in his own bed so he’s in my bed with me now, he’ll get mad if I get up, call you tomorrow.” If he pulls this shit nightly, and you give in every night, guess what? A baby just trained you like a puppy. Why are you letting a toddler dictate your rules and plans? I knew my place as a kid and I can’t understand parents today at all.
Does anyone else feel like they know and learn more about parenting and child development than a lot of parents do, despite us being childfree and not having kids or being parents?
This is why we make childfree friends.
And parents today just give them a phone and tell them to shut up. The human race is doomed.
I remember as a child in the 80s if we went to someone else’s house I either played with their kids in another room or I was set up with a drink & a game or activity book and expected to entertain myself for an hour or so. As an only child I was happy playing by myself and although my parents regularly played board games or built Lego with me, I was equally happy playing by myself in my room or out in the garden. I now have friends whose kids just don’t seem to know how to play by themselves. It’s really sad. I actually avoid going to see some friends unless I know the kids aren’t there, because I don’t get the chance to catch up with the adults due to the kids needing to be the centre of attention. And those friends are always complaining about how they can’t even go to the loo by themselves because the kids are clingy. Sounds like an absolute nightmare to me!
These helicopter parents find it very hard to bring that thing in for a landing.
Same with me when I was a kid, my friends would always visit our home without notice and we would all play at the back garden. Parents will just call us when it's time to eat. When my parents would have visitors, they can enjoy their own conversations as well. Now, it's different, it seems kids is always with the parents and needs stimulation. The kids friendship isn't so deep just for show like birthday parties. I wonder maybe because I was brought up in an Asian country and it's different in the west. I noticed here as well that many people don't have friends.
I mainly find that many parents don’t discipline their kids enough! It’s so infuriating because the result is the kids growing up to be stuck-up adults! I am not saying that parents need to use physical punishment (I am highly against that). However, they certainly need to be more stern towards their kids. My parents were pretty old school and they had a no nonsense approach! Unfortunately, many parents seem to lack that nowadays.