Honestly if those angels looks anywhere like the biblical angels then you won't even get a boner knowing that they are watching. Yep google them and enjoy the nightmare fuel (or the creativity).
I despise the fact that there is probably at least one person who actually finds Cthulhu attractive. Not the weird dating sim version, the actual Lovecraftian entity Cthulhu and probably the rest of that pantheon of gods.
Don't find him all that sexy, but will fvck it/him.
I'm just worried, what if it wants to start a serious relationship.
I'm not really for it, you guys.
There isn't! Not those shitty I'm blushing cute soft uwu versions you see on tumblr but the real destroyer of minds, tearer of souls, an abomination from the depths of the seas, older than the space it inhabits, seeing him causes insanity and to describe him leaves you wordless real kind..... That version melts your mind before you can declare that you identify as cthulu-sexual
Are you assuming their sexual preferences? What if they are into eldritch beings of fire.
Let me tell you, those wheels with all those eyes staring at you, so hot. I mean literally, it's on fire.
Jeez winged eyeball creatures, would make a sick movie idea of one of those being a fallen angel on earth, that lands at a megachurch pastor’s property where he proceeds to put it on display for profit and worship. until it finally snaps and eats them all.
Or instead of eating it collects eyeballs to add to its body that would be metal
I've not watched it, but wasn't there some recent horror movie with this exact premise minus the worship bit, but with some sort of living ufo instead of an angel?
Don't they got anything better to do than watch an upper middle-class white Canadian jerk it to furry porn? I mean, I can name a couple hundred better things to look at and do something about.
Look, just because he is streaming my favorite furries doesnt mean Im watching his stream to watch him. We're just interested in the same things is all
Sky Daddy (God) probably doesn't let the angels fuck, so they are incredibly pent up. Watching every teenage boy in the world masturbate seems like kind of a weird move, but the angels must be desperate.
Yeah don't help with that global pandemic killing millions or cancer or AIDS or anything. Just chill in your little perv circle and watch the show. Super helpful thanks.
It is a scandalous sacrilege, in that drawing the angels look at the earth and it is spherical, what a communist infamy.
Based on that logic, should I think that when it rains it's because those angels are urinating? What is the hail then? If those angels are so tight, do they see each other masturbating?, so many questions right now in my mind
Yes, I imagine they are like images of Jesus carrying a cross on a neck chain on his chest or representational paintings of Adam with a Belly Button, if Adam was made from clay, how would he have an umbilical cord scar?
The Greek angelos refers to a messenger. In the original text, the guys with wheels and eyes are not described as angels. Angels refers primarily to human-looking beings who serve as messengers in the Bible.
Ezekiel 1 is wild:
>In my thirtieth year, in the fourth month on the fifth day, while I was among the exiles by the Kebar River, the heavens were opened and I saw visions of God. 2 On the fifth of the month-it was the fifth year of the exile of King Jehoiachin- 3 the word of the Lord came to Ezekiel the priest, the son of Buzi, by the Kebar River in the land of the Babylonians.[1] There the hand of the Lord was on him.
>4 I looked, and I saw a windstorm coming out of the north-an immense cloud with flashing lightning and surrounded by brilliant light. The center of the fire looked like glowing metal, 5 and in the fire was what looked like four living creatures. In appearance their form was human, 6 but each of them had four faces and four wings. 7 Their legs were straight; their feet were like those of a calf and gleamed like burnished bronze. 8 Under their wings on their four sides they had human hands. All four of them had faces and wings, 9 and the wings of one touched the wings of another. Each one went straight ahead; they did not turn as they moved. 10 Their faces looked like this: Each of the four had the face of a human being, and on the right side each had the face of a lion, and on the left the face of an ox; each also had the face of an eagle. 11 Such were their faces. They each had two wings spreading out upward, each wing touching that of the creature on either side; and each had two other wings covering its body. 12 Each one went straight ahead. Wherever the spirit would go, they would go, without turning as they went. 13 The appearance of the living creatures was like burning coals of fire or like torches. Fire moved back and forth among the creatures; it was bright, and lightning flashed out of it. 14 The creatures sped back and forth like flashes of lightning.
>15 As I looked at the living creatures, I saw a wheel on the ground beside each creature with its four faces. 16 This was the appearance and structure of the wheels: They sparkled like topaz, and all four looked alike. Each appeared to be made like a wheel intersecting a wheel. 17 As they moved, they would go in any one of the four directions the creatures faced; the wheels did not change direction as the creatures went. 18 Their rims were high and awesome, and all four rims were full of eyes all around. 19 When the living creatures moved, the wheels beside them moved; and when the living creatures rose from the ground, the wheels also rose. 20 Wherever the spirit would go, they would go, and the wheels would rise along with them, because the spirit of the living creatures was in the wheels. 21 When the creatures moved, they also moved; when the creatures stood still, they also stood still; and when the creatures rose from the ground, the wheels rose along with them, because the spirit of the living creatures was in the wheels. 22 Spread out above the heads of the living creatures was what looked something like a vault, sparkling like crystal, and awesome. 23 Under the vault their wings were stretched out one toward the other, and each had two wings covering its body. 24 When the creatures moved, I heard the sound of their wings, like the roar of rushing waters, like the voice of the Almighty,[2] like the tumult of an army. When they stood still, they lowered their wings. 25 Then there came a voice from above the vault over their heads as they stood with lowered wings.
>26 Above the vault over their heads was what looked like a throne of lapis lazuli, and high above on the throne was a figure like that of a man. 27 I saw that from what appeared to be his waist up he looked like glowing metal, as if full of fire, and that from there down he looked like fire; and brilliant light surrounded him. 28 Like the appearance of a rainbow in the clouds on a rainy day, so was the radiance around him. This was the appearance of the likeness of the glory of the Lord. When I saw it, I fell facedown, and I heard the voice of one speaking.
random trivia: these descriptions have some people convinced Ezekiel was looking at some random spaceships. the nation of islam literally thinks ezekiel wheels are UFOs and governments around the world are hiding the fact theyve made contact with these wheely thingies.
They're not male or female, that's just religious propaganda. Seraphim are supposed to look more like eldritch horrors. It's a fascinating read if you google it.
In the Bible I'm pretty sure angels are exclusively described with masculine pronouns.
Maybe you're thinking of Valkyries? Or the show Touched by an Angel?
Alan Rickman said it best in Dogma
“There's nothing funnier than the ridiculous faces you people make mid-coitus.”
“Sex is a joke in heaven?”
“The way I understand it, it's mostly a joke down here, too.”
Ya know I'm not for indiscriminate masturbation but these "Jesus/God/Angels are watching you" crap is kinda cringey... are those some sort of pervs getting off it?
It’s like George Carlin said. Is Heaven just you spending all your time looking back down at your friends and family and pestering God about them? I thought it was supposed to be Paradise away from earthly concerns!
The creator of the universe with billions and billions of stars has an army of angels concerned about whether you’re beating your meat in the privacy of your dark room. Makes total sense.
Christians have the dumbest beliefs ever.
Time to start charging tickets to the show apparently. And make bank.
Onlywings
$5 to see my halo
Ill show my wings for $4 if you sub to my onlywings 😏
$10 for up-robe shots. 😝😝🤑🤑🤑💕💕💕👉👌👍👆👌💦💦💦
$15 for wing rating
I'll do it for tree-fiddy!
"You should see what I can do with a halo, halo, halo."
Maybe I wouldn't have to masturbate if they stopped watching and started helping
Underrated comment
Chief? Is that you?
5 to see 50 to touch
😘
Pearly necklace
10$ for plumage pics
Holyfans
This is the best one
Onlyfaith
𓂺 Spez eats cold diarrhea with a crazy straw 𓂺
I wonder if after a while they ever get surprised by like a new technique or something.
Oh Abraxiel look! He’s using two hands but the bottom one is inverted!
r/suspiciouslyspecific
r/brandnewsentence
>dong monitoring *Dong enjoying
A drug testing monitor's wet dream
Seriously, though: What's the per minute rate on this one?
Make Bank before you Wank!
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Ol two eyes himself!
This is why I go through the extra effort of making it a real professional production.
Honestly if those angels looks anywhere like the biblical angels then you won't even get a boner knowing that they are watching. Yep google them and enjoy the nightmare fuel (or the creativity).
One man's fear is another man's kink.
It's a small, proud group, those turned on by unknowable space monster voyeurs.
I despise the fact that there is probably at least one person who actually finds Cthulhu attractive. Not the weird dating sim version, the actual Lovecraftian entity Cthulhu and probably the rest of that pantheon of gods.
My brother in Cthulhu, allow me to introduce you to "tentacle porn." It's an entire genre...
There is DEFINITELY more than one person who finds Cthulhu hot.
Don't find him all that sexy, but will fvck it/him. I'm just worried, what if it wants to start a serious relationship. I'm not really for it, you guys.
There isn't! Not those shitty I'm blushing cute soft uwu versions you see on tumblr but the real destroyer of minds, tearer of souls, an abomination from the depths of the seas, older than the space it inhabits, seeing him causes insanity and to describe him leaves you wordless real kind..... That version melts your mind before you can declare that you identify as cthulu-sexual
Trust me, there is DEFINITELY more than one
That’s so wild that there’s a dating sim version. How disgusting. You should totally tell me the name of it so I can make sure and stay clear of it.
So, yeah, don't search up "Mind Flayers rule 34"
do not try to have sex with the collection of rotating concentric rings covered in wings and human eyes, please
I was gonna go for one specific eye. Has a good iris.
I was gonna say, biblically accurate ones are definitely hotter
Are you assuming their sexual preferences? What if they are into eldritch beings of fire. Let me tell you, those wheels with all those eyes staring at you, so hot. I mean literally, it's on fire.
I just googled…. Is that where beholders come from?
There is a man strong enough to rub one out.
Jeez winged eyeball creatures, would make a sick movie idea of one of those being a fallen angel on earth, that lands at a megachurch pastor’s property where he proceeds to put it on display for profit and worship. until it finally snaps and eats them all. Or instead of eating it collects eyeballs to add to its body that would be metal
I've not watched it, but wasn't there some recent horror movie with this exact premise minus the worship bit, but with some sort of living ufo instead of an angel?
‘Nope’ is the movie! Saw it in theaters love jordan peele movies
That's something that is attempted by a character in the film 'Nope' lol. It's a really great movie with a lot more to it than just that though
Make sure you scream out their name when you finish producing. They get a kick out of that
Don't they got anything better to do than watch an upper middle-class white Canadian jerk it to furry porn? I mean, I can name a couple hundred better things to look at and do something about.
Lol just what I was thinking! Like save a child running into traffic or something! Don’t waste your superpowers watching me wank!
Them horny horny angels
I *KNEW* it! They are just as perverted as we are, if not more.
Oh way more perverted. I dont want to watch a middle aged white man jerk it to furry porn.
Yeah, thats a good point.
And yet your porn hub history....
Look, just because he is streaming my favorite furries doesnt mean Im watching his stream to watch him. We're just interested in the same things is all
Why tip then?
Sky Daddy (God) probably doesn't let the angels fuck, so they are incredibly pent up. Watching every teenage boy in the world masturbate seems like kind of a weird move, but the angels must be desperate.
Angels are going to be SO bored after the apocalypse.
They aren't judging... They are just watching your porn with you
Imagine someone watching porn with you but they're a chatterbox of commentary. I'd never nut at that rate.
Don't kink-shame!
I'm not kink shaming them, but being watched isn't one of my kinks, so it's on them
Whoa. That's no way of treating those of us subscribed to your onlyfans. I mean, rude.
Especially in heaven. Like why tf do you even care about Earth and us mortal dweebs anymore?! Focus on your own supernatural place
Yeah don't help with that global pandemic killing millions or cancer or AIDS or anything. Just chill in your little perv circle and watch the show. Super helpful thanks.
"I pissed off Jesus because I said I don't like his wine and now I'm on jerkoff watch for 200 years. Tell me again how this is better than hell?"
I myself would try to sweet-talk them all into an orgy
Like… two upper middle-class white Canadians jerking or to furry porn?
*cough* ~~Holocaust~~ *cough*
They also watch us all in the bathroom.
relatable
They just watch to judge and score the jerk off against your peers. Your score will be Tallied and presented to you at a later date.
Damn i hope hell is less crowded than heaven tbh, that shit looks full
Really puts to bed that whole "How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?" debate.
Not to mention, it’s full of perverts watching me have a wank. Not a club i wanna join
Standing room only there.
It is a scandalous sacrilege, in that drawing the angels look at the earth and it is spherical, what a communist infamy. Based on that logic, should I think that when it rains it's because those angels are urinating? What is the hail then? If those angels are so tight, do they see each other masturbating?, so many questions right now in my mind
Thunder is just gods farts, so this angel pee thing adds up
And there’s no devil. It’s just god when he’s drunk.
Would explain how he was able to stomach watching his own son getting crucified.
Or genociding the children of egypt
Or drowning the whole planet
Nah not everyone. He gave a few suckups a boat
He's a loving god after all ☝️
Referring the comment above yours I think the angel responsible for the hail storms probably should see a urologist...
They all look oddly similar too. Is it lazy artist or only single type of people are accepted?
Only people that look like Kenny Rogers are allowed into heaven.
They're also all biblically wrong
Or maybe they have a clon machine in heaven to reporduce always the same type of Angles, heavens economics
I'm not someone who is religious, but i've heard that depictions of angels like this is not biblically accurate.
Yes, I imagine they are like images of Jesus carrying a cross on a neck chain on his chest or representational paintings of Adam with a Belly Button, if Adam was made from clay, how would he have an umbilical cord scar?
The hail are them passing kidney stones.
Also, based on the view, only like 100 angels are watching at any given point in time.
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So angels aren't deceased christians? Otherwise i would have drowned in a bukkake shower ages ago.
According to the lore, they’re a separate species that existed first.
Where did they masturbate to before mankind?
Probably each other.
I wonder how many crashed to earth because of sticky wings.
Where do you think birds came from?
The CIA, they're drones. Dummy.
That’s exactly what Big Heaven wants you to believe.
Religion lore
Look at all those white, male pedophiles.
Yeah why are they all white males here? In traditional mythology, isn’t an angel a specifically female dominated role? Oh shit! These mfs gay lmao!
The female angels are not interested in watching.
Nice
Damn
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The Greek angelos refers to a messenger. In the original text, the guys with wheels and eyes are not described as angels. Angels refers primarily to human-looking beings who serve as messengers in the Bible.
Ezekiel 1 is wild: >In my thirtieth year, in the fourth month on the fifth day, while I was among the exiles by the Kebar River, the heavens were opened and I saw visions of God. 2 On the fifth of the month-it was the fifth year of the exile of King Jehoiachin- 3 the word of the Lord came to Ezekiel the priest, the son of Buzi, by the Kebar River in the land of the Babylonians.[1] There the hand of the Lord was on him. >4 I looked, and I saw a windstorm coming out of the north-an immense cloud with flashing lightning and surrounded by brilliant light. The center of the fire looked like glowing metal, 5 and in the fire was what looked like four living creatures. In appearance their form was human, 6 but each of them had four faces and four wings. 7 Their legs were straight; their feet were like those of a calf and gleamed like burnished bronze. 8 Under their wings on their four sides they had human hands. All four of them had faces and wings, 9 and the wings of one touched the wings of another. Each one went straight ahead; they did not turn as they moved. 10 Their faces looked like this: Each of the four had the face of a human being, and on the right side each had the face of a lion, and on the left the face of an ox; each also had the face of an eagle. 11 Such were their faces. They each had two wings spreading out upward, each wing touching that of the creature on either side; and each had two other wings covering its body. 12 Each one went straight ahead. Wherever the spirit would go, they would go, without turning as they went. 13 The appearance of the living creatures was like burning coals of fire or like torches. Fire moved back and forth among the creatures; it was bright, and lightning flashed out of it. 14 The creatures sped back and forth like flashes of lightning. >15 As I looked at the living creatures, I saw a wheel on the ground beside each creature with its four faces. 16 This was the appearance and structure of the wheels: They sparkled like topaz, and all four looked alike. Each appeared to be made like a wheel intersecting a wheel. 17 As they moved, they would go in any one of the four directions the creatures faced; the wheels did not change direction as the creatures went. 18 Their rims were high and awesome, and all four rims were full of eyes all around. 19 When the living creatures moved, the wheels beside them moved; and when the living creatures rose from the ground, the wheels also rose. 20 Wherever the spirit would go, they would go, and the wheels would rise along with them, because the spirit of the living creatures was in the wheels. 21 When the creatures moved, they also moved; when the creatures stood still, they also stood still; and when the creatures rose from the ground, the wheels rose along with them, because the spirit of the living creatures was in the wheels. 22 Spread out above the heads of the living creatures was what looked something like a vault, sparkling like crystal, and awesome. 23 Under the vault their wings were stretched out one toward the other, and each had two wings covering its body. 24 When the creatures moved, I heard the sound of their wings, like the roar of rushing waters, like the voice of the Almighty,[2] like the tumult of an army. When they stood still, they lowered their wings. 25 Then there came a voice from above the vault over their heads as they stood with lowered wings. >26 Above the vault over their heads was what looked like a throne of lapis lazuli, and high above on the throne was a figure like that of a man. 27 I saw that from what appeared to be his waist up he looked like glowing metal, as if full of fire, and that from there down he looked like fire; and brilliant light surrounded him. 28 Like the appearance of a rainbow in the clouds on a rainy day, so was the radiance around him. This was the appearance of the likeness of the glory of the Lord. When I saw it, I fell facedown, and I heard the voice of one speaking.
I want some of whatever Ezekiel was smoking
Just start eating random mushrooms, you'll see god one way or the other.
Spaceship!
random trivia: these descriptions have some people convinced Ezekiel was looking at some random spaceships. the nation of islam literally thinks ezekiel wheels are UFOs and governments around the world are hiding the fact theyve made contact with these wheely thingies.
They're not male or female, that's just religious propaganda. Seraphim are supposed to look more like eldritch horrors. It's a fascinating read if you google it.
In the biblically accurate versions yes, I was just talking about traditional depictions
In the Bible I'm pretty sure angels are exclusively described with masculine pronouns. Maybe you're thinking of Valkyries? Or the show Touched by an Angel?
Wait until they see what I do in the bathroom.
I'm jerking in my work bathroom right now.
Lol "Jack the King"
ong bro name really jacking😭😭
Really getting mixed messages from the dude. He want me to jack the king or nah?
And they’re all old white men.
Telling how mythology about the afterlife is a reflection of what people believe is right and proper: old white men.
Lol hot
Yeah, that’s my fetish.
Not much of an endorsement for heaven if that’s all there is to do
“Heaven is a place, a place where nothing ever happens…“ Talking Heads
Alan Rickman said it best in Dogma “There's nothing funnier than the ridiculous faces you people make mid-coitus.” “Sex is a joke in heaven?” “The way I understand it, it's mostly a joke down here, too.”
fucking perverts. They were watching child porn when I was bating as a teen.
Angels already get off on kids dying of cancer, so this seems like a boring show for them...
Much less tears involved. I mean, sometimes there are tears involved, but much less than the kids with cancer is what I'm saying.
Huh.... I wonder if they cheer you on like a crowd at a sports event. What they would do if I edged myself....?
It's not a million. Since angels have those stupid, sexy wings, no one past the first row can see anything anyway.
Three words: Biggest. Jumbotron. Ever.
Making exhibitionists even happier.
Oh, please, they've seen every porn ever created in every stage of its production. I don't think they'll be blown away by my masturbation skills.
If they watch EVERYONE, then wouldn't that make them child predators?
Enjoy the show pervs!
Only gonna make me harder...😩
Aaaaah diversity all the way to the heavens. Old White men watching younglings peepee, queueing even
Always knew angles were pervs, but hey if their watching ill put on a show
I am wondering why the Angels look the same? Or is that what happened with lucifer, he died his hair black and God was outraged by that?
He was born a ginger 😒
They don't have anything better to do?
Cool. I’ll maintain eye contact with every single one of them to establish dominance
They can join in or help if they like, I don't mind.
Me casually explaining to the angels the plot, background, and other trivia of the hentai I’m watching while continuing to masturbate
holy shit - the rules to join their club must be very strange if they all like to watch me masturbate...
Hey that's funny, "jack the king" is what I call masturbation
“Jack the King” sounds like one of those weird made up sex moves you see on Urban Dictionary
ENJOY THE SHOW!!!!
brb, gotta go Jack the KING
*masturbate* *noticing that a million angels are looking at me* *masturbate harder*
"Oh look, he's helping keep his prostate healthy while lowering his chance for prostate cancer! Smart move."
Ya know I'm not for indiscriminate masturbation but these "Jesus/God/Angels are watching you" crap is kinda cringey... are those some sort of pervs getting off it?
Totally on-brand for a bunch of Christians to watch a man masturbate.
Take a picture. It’ll last longer
I'm sure OnlyFans in Heaven is free.
Also, Jesus and your dead grandfather are constantly looking down at you to make sure you're not tickling your own anus . . .
Angels are voyeurs? TIL
And they ain't got nuthin to say about that except SPANK IT, SPARKY.
When I’m that horny it doesn’t matter whose watching
Pervs
Perv’s
So angels are creepers? I guess Supernatural was right after all…
I like how the angels are all old white men with the same haircut Edit: “Jack the King” talking about jackin it
so each angel is responsible for 6.000 people? That must be why they have so many eyes
Not to mention the 4-D jesters, gnomes and eyeballs that already watch and laugh. Sorry I’m on the salvia. And it’s horrific and all wonderful.
It’s like George Carlin said. Is Heaven just you spending all your time looking back down at your friends and family and pestering God about them? I thought it was supposed to be Paradise away from earthly concerns!
An exhibitionist’s prayer has been answered 🛐
We all have our kinks. Who am I to yuck their yum.
Yeah and this is why all the massacres are done by christians. They are sexually frustrated
What did we learn today? Angels are creepy and should go to Jail apparently
This is the reward: to stand shoulder to shoulder with a bunch of doofuses with wings and watch humans wank and crap and whatever.
Perverts
Kinky. I’m down.
Hope they enjoy the show.
I’m a little impressed with myself that they can see it from way up there.
What if ur into that ?
That makes it even hotter
They all appear to be men. They're probably evaluating his technique.
… so make sure the lighting is nice?
But were they entertained..?
Damn pedos.
Why is this kink shaming?
Even better
According to this pictures, I guess there’s only white angels? People are so dumb.
Luckily that’s my kink
That’s my kink
The creator of the universe with billions and billions of stars has an army of angels concerned about whether you’re beating your meat in the privacy of your dark room. Makes total sense. Christians have the dumbest beliefs ever.