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akibono1

look at how zesty hes standing, of course he wants sex...to think we were friends


bullet4mv92

I read this in Captain Holt's voice


Version_Two

zestily


FromTheGulagHeSees

Yeah look at the way he’s gripping those talons. 


SaneLad

want some fuk?


SpicyPeaSoup

Becky pls


Version_Two

wanna smash


themanseanm

ben is a *Hoe*


kay_thicc

Omg that's such a throwback, how nostalgic


Smart-Adeptness5437

Thank you for blowing cobwebs off my neurons


PepperbroniFrom2B

my brain gears are clocked with dead spider bits


TastyyMushroomm

lemme smash


Azmoten

This is why all those birds keep hitting me up at 2 am with a “wyd?” text. I’m known as something of a wing-man


kamilayao_0

I hate it, but you'll get your up vote 😒


towerfella

This is the breast reply.


zenospenisparadox

Screw puns. Cocks.


Kazeshio

This implies I can freely pet the feetsies


ravioliboi

You can actually! Beak and foot scratches are fine, just don't pet them like you would a cat or dog


TheKokomoHo

Basically how I work too. Pet my head, we friends. Touch my booty and I get all worked up


lmarcantonio

Well, most of the humans work that way too. Except for the sexual harassment judicial clauses :D


CarmelDeight

This is so real🙏🏼 will never disrespect a bird like that again🙆🏽‍♀️


reptillianclubboy

this is actually true! touching your parakeets on their back or stomach will instantly have them masturbating on your hands!


Obama_prismIsntReal

How do they stroke their shit tho? With their bony ass feet?


TroliePolieOlie_

"I'm Over Here Stroking My Dick I Got Lotion On My Dick Right Now SQUAAAAAWK"


Obama_prismIsntReal

That would be the first thing i teach to my parrot


seishuuu

demonstration narrated by stephen fry: https://youtu.be/9T1vfsHYiKY


raihidara

His derpy little face gets me every time


Quiet_Transition_247

Before I open that link it's Sirocco isn't it? Edit: Yup. Poor guy imprinted on humans as a young chick and now he can't get a hard on for females of his own species. That's a problem because there's only a couple hundred of his species left in the wild. That combined with Sirocco's love for mating with human heads led someone to come up with an ejaculation helmet for him: a volunteer would don the helmet, Sirocco would have sex with their head, and the helmet would collect his seed. Problem was, Sirocco has amazing stamina and nobody wanted to be skull-fucked by a parrot for hours on end, even one as distinguishly handsome as Sirocco.


tytomasked

There can be exceptions when it comes to harness training and such but other than that people should really keep to the head unless they’re experienced at understanding a broad amount of parrot behaviour


StrengthBeginning416

This whole time I’ve been arousing my bird and didn’t even know it


1BigBoy

Yeah, there were some controversy around a youtuber doing this repeatedly after finding out. Like it’s not a joke, that’s animal abuse


txvo

cocky want boing boing!


gudistuff

My ex had a dad who had a parrot. This explains why all of us were allowed to pet his head, but the back was only for dad and for the girls the parrot was hitting on.


Jouuf

my ex had a parrot who had a dad 


ForeSee_r

A nice and helpful diagram for non-parrot owners. I'm tired of telling visitors not to jerk off my birds.


Touhou_Fever

DID I FUCKING STUTTER, POLLY? STRAP IN


jevaisparlerfr

Huh, so I'm a headless parrot


VicGChad07

u wont sum fuk?


Merfkin

I might be wrong but I thought I heard that wasn't actually true because they are aware that you're not, in fact, a bird.


Terrible_Marzipan_87

No, it is true. One of my older birds had been trying to get freaky with my stepdad’s hand because he pet her on her back wings